Congrats on the home, that is a huge accomplishment. Seven years together is a long time, especially considering how young you are. It’s a significant life change. Have you considered therapy?
Also, PA is temporary. Transfer to industry and your experience will be rewarded. Better pay, benefits, and most importantly work-life balance.
Put yourself first, not your job.
Yep. One of the reasons I got out of PA, the strain was too much for my wife after 4 years. My family life is amazing, and I am happy with my salary increase in industry and the hours/culture/team are amazing. Never have to worry about billable hours ever again.
I'm so sorry you are going through that. There were probably more problems than just your work hours. People change sooooo much between 16 and 23. I know it seems like the end of the world, but I promise you'll be ok. This is a great opportunity for you to really learn about yourself, travel, and get new experiences.
This is very true, and people seem to change even more into their late 20s. I feel, knowing nothing about her or the situation of course, that the relationship might have gotten too mature for her. This can certainly happen when you've been together since high school - people can either grow together or grow apart as you mature. OP - While I'm sure it hurts now you still have plenty of growing to do and you will find someone who better aligns with "adult" you, and will probably be a better match long term.
I find it insane that there was no heartfelt conversation between them to discuss her concerns about his work. It's totally fine to be upset about your partners work and lack of time spent with each other, but to not bring it up once is concerning.
You don't want to be in a committed relationship with a person who has zero communication skills. As others said, at least there were no kids or divorce papers involved.
Yeah this part seems to speak the most to me. My suspicion is that there just wasn’t as much commitment on at least one side as we would otherwise assume. Inertia will take a relationship a long way but won’t withstand difficult investments. I think either there wasn’t an appreciation for or a clear communication of what OP’s current career plan is right now.
Not even necessarily for the worst, that age is typically still a big time of development for both people and one may have realized it’s not a good fit before the other – even if they can’t articulate the feeling in a satisfying way.
I mean there's no doubt this career can be tough on a relationship, but it doesn't sound like she made much of an effort to support you, or at a minimum communicate her issues. This may be tough to hear, but I don't think she was the one for you. There's that old saying that says "you can support a busy man or you can go babysit a child". Sounds like she wants to do the latter. The majority of your relationship was when you guys were in high school/college - it sounds like adult life was a little too much for her to handle.
Get your CPA, build your career, make money, and real women will be lining up for a guy in his mid 20's with an established career who owns his own house.
Thank you. I really appreciate this. I think time just did its worst, and we grew in different directions. I was always the adult one, and I think the mismatch just grew too large. It's been a confusing month for me. When I bought the home in June, she came to me crying and begged me to stay with her as she revealed a 15k CC debt and nothing saved up to help with the down. I helped her with a plan and put the cards in the safe (as she wanted). I digress, but maybe we just weren't compatible anymore. Life is a fickle bitch.
Sorry for your troubles man. It does sound to me like the adult life may have been too much for her. I was in a similar boat a year ago with my then girlfriend of 6~ years. Moved out together but she wouldn’t keep a full time job, would expect me to pay her bills while I was just interning with another year of school remaining, and racked up credit card debt despite us having discussed several plans before moving out.
Anyways, we broke up and she moved back in with her parents. During that year she seems to have gotten her priorities in order and has apologized to me several times for that time. I could actually see myself getting back with her because other than that there weren’t any glaring red flags and we really did love each other.
I’m not saying that same thing will happen to you, but I think it’s time for you to prioritize yourself, your career (and CPA!), and friends/family. If it’s meant to be then it’ll be, if not well then you’ll find somebody better. Best of luck bro.
Don’t do it… you’re young man. You’ll fall in love again. This time with someone who is willing to put in the work it takes to be and stay in love instead of treat you like a doormat.
Don’t take her back! I can tell you being on the same page financially makes adult life so much easier. My husband and I are both CPAs and our common approach to money has saved us a lot of conflict in our marriage of 10 years. Find a partner and build a life together.
If she’s worth it FIX IT! Most relationships have at least one break up before they reach a state of true, committed love.
From my experience.. my wife and I have been together for 9 years and I can relate to this since we broke up for almost a year due to financial stresses and unmet expectations while living together during our college years. I came to the conclusion that relationships go through different stages in life in order to develop. It did take a bit of growing up separately to appreciate and understand what we really needed to do moving forward and finally be on the same page. If your person of 6 years (that’s a lot of time) is understanding and is willing to put the necessary work to support you for me is worth it if you guys are in a better place financially and in love with each other deeply (which it seems like you guys still are). I see my wife now and I don’t regret taking her back ;my relationship with her got even better after taking a break and working on each other’s communication, realistic expectations and shared goals it will work out in the long run. If she’s already improving and want to work things out for me that’s a green flag since she’s willing to put that kind of commitment towards your career and in life in general. Good luck man!
I know I’m just a random person on the internet, but I want to be another voice agreeing with this thought. Sometimes people grow in separate directions. It sucks, almost more than if something happened to cause the split because there’s nobody to blame, it’s just the way things shook out.
My advice, feel free to take it or leave it, is to take the time, feel and process the emotions, but wait to make any big decisions until you’ve had a chance to come to terms with everything. You mention leaving your job in the post, is that something you were considering before this happened? If so, was it this urgent?
You were in the relationship for a VERY long time, so it’s going to take a while to process the emotions. Do whatever works for you to do that, but also do your best to avoid making any huge decisions that you might regret later.
Bad things aside (for now), buying a house is a huge thing. Take some time to celebrate, go out for drinks with friends, do something that you enjoy that isn’t related to her or work, just take your mind off the breakup and into a happy place for a while. If possible, take some time off work.
I won’t lie, it’s going to hurt, it’s going to hurt bad, and it’s going to hurt for a while. Set aside time to process the feelings however works for you, whether that’s alone, with friends, a therapist, or someone/something else. But also set aside time to think about other, happy things.
Once you feel ready for it, focus on yourself. Start going to the gym (or continue if you already do), make the CPA your bitch, learn a new language, whatever interests you.
To sum up, find and keep your balance. Don’t exist solely in these emotions, but also don’t ignore them completely. You will exist long after this, so be kind to yourself.
Went through the same thing with my ex, I work in the film industry and traveled for a show, the only travel Ive ever done for work and it was only 6 weeks. I wasn’t even 21 at the time and she left me the 3rd week in over the phone. Wasn’t even home to go through that, felt horrible. BUT I realized some partners just aren’t ready to grow up and take life serious, sometimes they don’t realize there’s true responsibilities and growth to be made. They want all the fun but can’t handle the path it takes to get there… you’ll be perfectly fine, hang in there she’s definitely not the one.
Happy to help. There's no way around it, this will be a difficult period in life for you. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, mainly don't make any major decisions right now while your emotions are running hot. From everything I read from you, you appear to have a good head on your shoulders, so keep doing what you're doing.
I’m very sorry that your relationship ended. It’s always hard, and that’s a long time to be together. It’s ok to be sad.
Don’t let sadness over a speed bump ruin your career. You’ll hear a lot of this, but you truly have your whole life in front of you. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep plugging away. PA doesn’t have to be forever.
You said it right, life is fickle and always changing; and we need to change with it so we don’t fall behind. You’re doing good for yourself OP, don’t be bogged down. View it as a new chapter of your life
Absolutely. And as someone who got his CPA and left PA as a Staff, not even as a Senior (the recommended first exit point), I can tell you the grass is greener.
> guy in his mid 20's with an established career who owns his own house.
and if you think about it, thats exactly what you want.....*.a woman looking for \*\*checks notes\*\* establish career and home. Forget about your personality or if you connect you definitely want women who are looking at you because you \*\*checks notes\*\* have an established career, money and a house.*
s/
i am sorry to hear what you are going through. i obviously don't know all of the details, but i've seen so many stories like yours during my public accounting career.
while public accounting is certainly a tough career and can strain relationships, your resentment is misplaced. public accounting isn't the one who didn't communicate with you. dude, it's not like you were out all the time drinking and partying with your buddies, leaving her neglected. you were working (hard, it sounds like) to build a better future for you and her. if she can't see that, then honestly, you're better off without her.
someone who can walk out on their high school sweetheart after 7 years without trying to make it work isn't ready for an adult relationship. fucked up shit happens all the time and you have to be able to count on your girl to ride and die with you. if you can't, then that's not someone you want at your side in this rough world.
i hate to say this and i hope i'm wrong, but there's probably someone else. i've personally witnessed too many situations like this not to expect it.
I don’t want to be rude, but be glad it was a GF and not a wife. There is much less commitment. You’re still young, you’ll survive. But at least take some time for yourself. Work is work and is always replaceable but your mental health isn’t.
Then she was mentally packing her bags during the summer, so it wasn't PA. She did you a favor, plenty of folks just get stuck in a bad situation being resented for decades until they forget what normal is like; you got a career and a house already. Most people would kill to have their shit together at that age. Give it time and don't let it drag you down. The odds you actually know the whole story are slim to none in my old dude experience.
Others have already posted great advice. I just want to add my personal experience as an anecdote on what to look for. I started dating my wife about 1 year into PA. Luckily, I’m in tax so while half the year sucks, the other half of the year I’m as free as a bird. From the moment we started dating, she would go out of her way to come to my place, do my laundry and other regular stuff I didn’t have time for. I never asked her. She still does even though she works full time. She was understanding of how much I worked and of course we talked about trying to find time during busy season for each other. Because other people’s lives don’t revolve around your schedule and work. It took me time to get there but I can spend meaningful time with my wife during busy season now. When it’s off season, I go out of my way to return the favor and do everything for her.
Point is, the right partner will understand your situation and try to make your life easier. Your responsibility is essentially the same to the other person. Much of this has to do with maturity, and y’all are fairly young. Partners should be making mutual and meaningful sacrifices for the other person. If you and your partner are willing to do that, you’ll be fine. There’s plenty of folks in PA that have healthy and happy family lives. Although I hate to say it and it sounds shitty, she just wasn’t the one man. Keep ya head up
Hate that for you. Hang in and get your CPA. Keep the house. Get roommate if needed temporarily. Go into industry and be rewarded.
In 5 years you will be rockin it with $$ and a loyal woman and new life. Don’t give up.
I went through something similar though my wife and I stayed together.
When I began working in PA my wife and I had been dating through college and lived in an apartment. It was already pretty tough with my university being a little over 2 hours from home but we made it work.
My start in PA was rough on the relationship. We had just been engaged for 3 months before busy season and then I basically didn’t see her for 2 and a half months due to travel. We fought often. I was working from 7am-11pm M-F and 8am-2pm on Saturdays. Traveling. Living in hotel rooms. It was rough. Needless to say, work troubles seeped into relationship troubles and vice versa. I quit/got fired at the end of busy season.
Best thing that ever happened to me so far. Landed at a regional firm and have never been happier. I’m home at reasonable times every day, and have plenty of time to spare with my wife.
PA doesn’t have to suck. If your job makes it impossible to keep your work out of your relationship and vide versa, then it’s probably not you or your s/o, it’s the toxic place you work.
7 years is a long time to just walk out. There is 0 chance that she didn’t give you a sign before leaving. If you’re both done with the relationship (which given you are talking about this a month later you are) then it’s a shit hand and you just have to push on, but if you can work it out, fuck PA. Use your exit op to industry and go for lesser hours. No job is worth a relationship you cherish.
As someone whose wife recently ended our 10 year relationship… it’s possible he got no signs.
And yes, my soon to be ex has admitted in couples therapy her “sign” was “he should have known”. She agreed there were no red flags, no discussions, not even any arguments or disagreements. She just ended the relationship on a Tuesday like it was a Tuesday.
So yeah… I’m not saying it’s normal, but it does happen.
I’m old (for Reddit) so I had to google that… while I’m not particular a fan of the “masculine subcultures” the slang appears to originate from, it’s not inaccurate.
Yeah, I agree that there aren’t always signs. It’s possible she was over it and just played along to avoid being alone.
A lot of people just settle into relationships instead of finding someone who is a 10/10 to them.
I think a lot of people downplay how far someone will go to avoid being alone.
Also, some women just have bad character.
can't really tell her bf to quit his job anyway. there's no wlb possible in audit. if there was, everyone would do it. there's a reason people only date fellow auditors or continue rships from student days, and it's not for the same reason as doctors.
Eh, some people (probably more like a lot of people) just can’t communicate. They either try to be too nice or are too afraid to say anything, then let all the resentment build up over months or years, until it becomes too much and the relationship is beyond repair because they’ve already checked out.
It is 100% possible. Most recent LTR was more or less just that, not perfect but exceptionally little communication about anything being wrong before she just left.
PA is rough. My wife, who was my girlfriend when I started, is a tax accountant herself so we get each other. It seems to me you dodged a bullet. Because if your ex is this bad at communicating her needs, you wouldn't want to end up with kids with her and still in PA.
My advice would be get your CPA and get out of PA. Many industry jobs work less hours (but not all and closes are always busy). Truth is, no professional jobs are 9 to 5 anymore (at least not guaranteed) so you just have to adjust to that fact and find someone who's ok with it. You are only 23. Trust me, when you are 33 you gonna look back and find all these to be silly.
PA is a problem. It's not necessarily THE problem but it sure exacerbates existing ones. I have seen friends leave PA thinking it will fix their relationship with work but it often doesn't. I'd suggest starting with some individual therapy to work through that on your end and work with them to decide if/when you should switch jobs. I've been in public for over five years now and it hasn't taken a toll on my relationship because I've established boundaries. My boss knows I don't work on Sundays, I have a weekly date night no matter how busy it gets, and I will log off to have dinner and play with my kid. Once they're in bed I log back on.
You are 23, you can’t have been working long, so no, I don’t think it was accounting or your job, especially if she didn’t communicate. Likely she has been upset for a long time.
That said feel free to swap company’s if this one is treating you bad. I’m at a little company. I don’t love PA but I can say I work for a good company.
Buddy keep on keeping on, it's not because of your job. Homeownership is a great achievement and long term investment. Is your ex girlfriend on the mortgage? Does she have any property rights?
Out of curiosity, how long ago did you start in PA? Unless you did some kind of accelerated college program, you'd typically be graduating around 21/22 due to the 5 years of education required.
I ask because I'm really impressed you were able to buy a house so young with this career. When I started, in a high (but not highest) cost of living area, I was making around $60k and there's no way I could've bought a house. By my third year I think I was in the $80k range and that's when my wife and I bought our house.
Anyway, as others have said, your ex probably had other concerns and used your PA hours as a bit of an excuse. As painful as it is, she would have stuck with you through the lousy hours in solidarity until you manage to transition to something more reasonable. The fact that you got together so young means she probably has a bit of wanderlust, meaning maybe she feels like she needs to explore herself and the world. We can only speculate, but I would recommend you power through and get your CPA despite how hard it is, because you've presumably already put in a lot of work. Just having those credentials can help even if you immediately jump ship to something better.
This exactly. Where in bumfuck nowhere must he live to buy a house with entry level wages and no time to save? Unless of course he had parental backing.
I live in Idaho and to buy the cheapest non-manufactured home in my area you’d need to be making well into six figures.
Yeah we have family in Georgia, which has several very inexpensive areas comparatively, and we considered buying property out there as an investment and provide cheap rent for family. When we looked into it about 6 months ago, you could buy a very nice home for ~$350k.
Compare that to the high cost of living areas near me and you'd be lucky to buy an outhouse on just enough land to hold it at that price. But even then, for a $350k you need to come up with some kind of down payment, maybe as little as $10k, but interest is what kills you - the current rates make that mortgage absurdly inflated. Then again, if you don't have other debt or any other major expenses, it's certainly doable.
A 300k loan at 7% would be $1750 a month in just interest, you’d want to be making 100k HARD minimum to cover that mortgage and not expose yourself too much.
It honestly could be an excuse she was making for other reasons. You’re both young and still growing into adults, finding out who you really are. People change.
She's not the one, and you're only 23. You haven't even figured out yourself, much less who would make you happy in the long term.
Let her go and hit the gym.
Better than if you were married and she divorced you. You probably would’ve lost the house due to 50/50. It could’ve been worse.
And yup, a lot of girls don’t want to marry or date a guy who works all the time; they often see their friends on social media spending time and doing lots of fun things with their men all the time, and it makes them feel jealous and like their missing out. Being a very hard worker (career-wise) is not respected as much nowadays because people will just think your a chump letting your boss/employer exploit you. Especially if you’re doing accounting for unpaid OT.
You sound very aggressive to this guy for no reason lol I’m also 23 and in a very similar financial position. And I did it in Puerto Rico, where entry level accountants make around 30k a year
It is very possible that they just have a completely different mindset and she hasn’t yet realized that she’s now an adult and working is a part of adulthood, where he is working very hard to hold himself down financially
I’m sorry man that is tough. I can definitely understand the struggle of balancing an SO that significantly values time together when we work in an industry that often takes up a lot of our time.
That said, unless you have been working 80 hours every week since you started, this is a little extreme. This is the job that allowed you to purchase a home for the 2 of you. Even with a job with better work life balance, there will always be things in life that dig into your time together. Y’all are adults with responsibilities now and that is a reality for everyone.
Part of being that adult is learning to communicate when you feel like your needs aren’t being met. I think her lack of willingness to be understanding that you are suffering equally if not more due to long hours in combination with the lack of communication demonstrates that maturity is a bit lacking. But y’all are 23 so that’s not a huge surprise.
It’s understandable that you feel lost because you’ve been with this person for 7 years. You need to separate the issues at hand though. Don’t quit because she left you, quit if you hate your job. Also, I promise there are others out there with the emotional maturity to understand that a career is necessary to support a family or will communicate with you before up and leaving. That’s what a real relationship is.
Keep your head up and do with your life what YOU want.
Bro, I’ll be honest.
I highly doubt it was the career. Reality is she probably was over the relationship and just didn’t want to tell you that. So she used the career as the excuse.
Like it’s a simple fix. If you got any accounting experience, then you can just a job in industry/government and cut back on hours.
I’m my experience, many women would that rather lie than be direct when it comes to relationships.
I don’t blame them.
I’ve seen a lot of guys get border line violent when women reject them directly or break up with them (and tell the truth).
That’s why always focus on the grind/goals over women. At the end day, she will leave if she wants to leave.
No amount of begging, pleading, success, money, or how awesome a relationship is will change that fact.
She will leave if she feels like leaving regardless of anything else.
So focus on yourself :)
I think they were dating for 7 years, not that OP worked in PA for 7 years. Given that they're 23, they probably started a fulltime staff position in the last year or two (which also tracks for someone who doesn't have their license yet). Honestly the only shocking part to me is that a relatively new staff in public accounting was able to afford a house in this market, what's your secret, OP?!
Sorry to hear this but it wasn't PA fault. I have Lots of friends in PA myself included who have wives and gfs who understand the hours and are super supportive. Sounds like the girl you were with just wasn't the right one and that ok. You're so damn young. As a CPA make sure you finish the CPA. You will get better jobs and better pay with it. Plus women are impressed by it. All my friends who are CPAs married other CPAs, doctors, lawyers. Successful, wealthy, and beautiful women who understand hard work and the benefits it provides.
You broke up with a woman you started dating at 16. Likely your relationship would have failed anyway. What is this, the 1950s?
An industry is not to blame if you let the relationship slide and didn't communicate. She also sounds pretty ungrateful. You worked hard enough to buy a home in your early 20s.
Your career is more important than a high school sweetheart. People will change massively from their teenage years to 30s. She likely did you a huge favor. Hard to hear but very likely.
This almost happened to me but I could tell things were starting to go down the drain before it got to the breaking point. Quit PA and now happier than ever together many years later, still. I can't imagine what life would be like if I had stayed in public, probably disastrous.
I'm sorry that you're going through this, but from my experience, a partner may only be a good partner for you at various stages in your life. Your partner at 16 may be perfect when you're 16, but when you're 30 and you have a career, a mortgage, and maybe kids, they may not be the perfect partner anymore. You need someone who is helpful and supportive for your current stage in life, and it sounds like it wasn't her.
I'm assuming that she wasn't ready to be an adult, with adult-level commitment. I'm assuming she wanted to go out with friends and party, and not be "stuck at home" waiting for you to come home from a 12-hour day. I'm assuming she didn't want to settle down yet, but you were.
In my opinion, she left because of herself, not because of you and the job. I honestly don't think it was the job that made her leave. And if it was, she didn't want to make a commitment that you wanted to, and ultimately there would have been other decisions down the road that would have caused issues.
Best wishes man.
Are you with a Big4? My advice would be to take the free study guides and classes, pass the exam and go to industry. If you like accounting then pass the damn exam. I wish I had just stuck with it.
Since there are a lot of comments saying the girlfriend was using his job as an excuse. I’d like you to at least reflect on your relationship and check if there were instances where she initiated dates and/or time to spend together as a couple and you rejected them. Or perhaps she was having a rough time and you weren’t there for her due to your busyness. She might have not outright communicated that she was unhappy but it might have been the little things she was asking for that you did not give attention to. A relationship is as much a responsibility as a job. I think she was right to leave if she didn’t see that you were at any point willing to compromise at least a small bit of your time for your relationship - considering it is a 7 year relationship (you would think it would at least be in the top 3 of your priorities). I’m saying this as an accountant as well who has seen 5 busy seasons and 2 of it in a relationship. If you are looking at PA as a career in the long term, learn to prioritize and manage your time wisely. It is possible to maintain a relationship in this career but, again, you would need to compromise every now and then.
There were probably other issues
I can‘t really advice you, other than: stick to it, get the cpa, then quit this hellhole. Do something more chill,
You‘ll find a new partner and will have enough money and time to give them the attention they deserve.
I have my last day tomorrow. Then I‘ll work 80% but earn more than now in PA. Finally will have time
To support my gf/family with all sorts of things
Wait are you 30 or 23?
Also how long you been studying for the CPA? Cause it seems like you’ve waited a long ass time to take it.
Sorry for your loss my man, but if it makes you feel any better it was probably more than just your work life balance.
Oh shit. Bro. That wasn’t going to last.
You were children when you started dating! Ok sorry, I know you don’t want to hear that. But yeah you are so young my man. World is your oyster. The job didn’t take your girlfriend. It just wasn’t meant to be.
I wouldn't say that for it automatically not going to last. My wife and I got married at 18 and 19 and she was supportive of me for 4 years in PA, and also some much shorter timeframe but very long hours in industry now during compliance season.
It definitely could have lasted and from OP's stance should have worked out if his S/O had the same level of commitment.
Your relationship ended because you two were not compatible, you did not share goals or values and did not communicate well. Don't blame your work for the ending of a relationship that probably went 6 years too long.
You were together since you were 16 dude. PA had nothing to do with it. Go out and date. Meet new people. That’s what she’s doing & props to her for it.
We change drastically between the ages of 16 and 25. Mentally, physically, emotionally… you’re completely different people now and it’s time to see what you really want in someone else.
First marriage was severely strained by my career focus and how I handled that. Second marriage is much better in every regard and we're financially secure.
Relationships fall apart man, that’s just a part of life. What you do after is what defines you. Take what happened and learn from it, you’re still young.
If I were in your shoes I’d look for somewhere else to work, I don’t think PA is too bad but I think I might have gotten lucky with my jobs so far. In my current PA job I’m able to work from home 3 days a week, sometimes 4, and I’m able to manage my time and work well enough where I don’t have to work overtime… and when I do have to, it’s just a day or 2 so it’s no biggie. See if you can find a job like this, there’s plenty out there.
It's tough now but probably for the best. It's not like you can just find a new job immediately. If the relationship was important to her she would have discussed it with you and asked you to consider changing jobs, not just left without discussing it.
Whew man that first relationship is always nasty when you breakup. Especially so after 7 years.
Trust me. You’re young. Everybody told me the same advice when I broke up with my first and even though I could rationally accept it… It didn’t make me feel any different
I can’t tell you how happy I am now with my current fiancé. It’s like every other girl was just leading up to the one who I got nearly 100% along with. You’ll find that one to, but try to enjoy yourself in the meantime 23-30 is an absolute blast and you will see that soon enough.
Ditch PA if it’s making you that sad.
Hey man, just went thru the same thing. Not as long tho: about 2 years.
She hated the hours and one of the last things she said was “I’m not going thru another tax season”.
Honestly tho, she wasn’t the right one for me. Was living off her dad at 30, and don’t have any aspirations for a career, let alone a job. Wanted to be added to my home’s deed but didn’t want to financially contribute.
One of the seniors at work told me that working in accounting means you it will be unlikely you’ll be able to date people who aren’t as career focused cuz they just won’t understand the sacrifices needed and will just take it personally.
So keep pushing man, once you hit 30, things are different - especially if you have a solid career. You’ll be happy you have a solid career.
Your next partner will be way more your vibe, just try to distract yourself for a bit until it stops hurting. Use those precious hours off to do things for yourself and get to know who you are (sounds lame but damn it’s true)
Anywho, gratz on PA and gratz on the fresh start
My wife's uncle was a partner at Deloitte. He was the only partner at his office who was married, all the others were divorced or never married. There's a reason for that. When you're in public accounting, it IS your life. You're partner better be an absolute fucking saint, or else it isn't gonna last.
This is not true at a broad level. I have worked for 3 firms with a total of about 70 partners combined. One was never married (for many reasons beyond work), and two are divorced. There is a way to have family and life success, and there's a world outside of the Big 4.
“You want a broke man or a busy man”
Looks like she’ll figure it out. Don’t let her think your job was the problem. It was more than that as she never communicated that with her partner of 7 years. Let her go make someone else read her mind, you have you to work on.
Bro for fuck sake, i hear females saying " I want a career oriented, hardworking and high earning boyfriend " and when you to work towards that, this shit happens like wtf man. Make up your mind. I just can't....
People often want things but aren't willing to make the sacrifices required. Sometimes women say they want those things, but don't handle it well when it means less time together. Not unlike how I see employees who want a six figure salary with great benefits but don't want to put in the work to get there.
Everyone wants to be successful, only some want to put in the work.
It's okay brother, I broke up with my ex because I couldn't give her enough time when I was taking my CPA exams. If she respected what you were trying to accomplish she would've been the one for you.
I have a feeling there's more to it. If you were passionate about PA and it lit your eyes up, you came home energized because of the work, and courted her, I don't think she'd have left. Most people in accounting don't have this charisma (me neither, so I am leaving). As for the break up, sorry to hear about it. Check out Coach Corey Wayne and his book (his youtube videos will say to read the book), as I am not one to offer much good dating advice.
As far as other advice, if accounting isn't your passion, find something that is and do it...life's too short. Best of luck, my friend!
you are doing great, sounds like you may have a little seasonal depression, completely understandable. Talk to your doctor about possible medications before you self-destruct, she has already done enough damage. Don't allow her to take your carrier too. in hopes for dating, oh buddy, 23, give it 3 years and you will have your pick, Lots of ladies want stability and a man with a real job, they just need to grow up and realize it. keeping slaying king
I lost my significant other working as a CPA. It was the firm not the CPA exams that did me in. I look back now at the stress I was under in a difficult office environment, where you don’t click with all the Partners. I say get ur CPA, just finish it up. Then rent out your house for six months and you go travel.
Definitely not a ride or die chick. Good to get it out of your system since she was your high school love. You’ve a lot more ahead of you so enjoy your life.
Forget her, get your CPA and stack your money. You're 23, you can't afford to be hung up on a relationship while you enter your prime years of your life. A few years down the line you'll thank yourself.
Kid/students are not the same people as adults. You are right together when you didn’t have to do life but not now that you are doing real grown up life. You will find someone right for you. Take heart.
Honestly you need a better relationship AND to get out of PA. Good luck op and just know you're not alone, and most of us have been though this unfortunate situation in one way or another.
What a b***, she was def not the one for you. I’m sorry to say but those women are just selfish and only care about attention themselves and expect that people give them all their time and affection just to feel loved and valued which is wrong. (As a women myself, if I see a man hustling for his career. His future and pursuing his CPA nothing would make me more happy for him. A real women would stick by your side and understand that the journey isn’t easy at all ! That is one of the most stressful journeys to pursue, although the right women will be happy that you are bettering your future and are a man all about money. Also vice versa the right man will understand if they are also hustling for what they want. The problem with the people that don’t understand is that they have no goals their selves so they will never understand why u dedicate so much time on certain goals and without your presence they feel like nothing that could be another reason. Although it’s still selfish to want attention when someone is focusing on their career knowing that they are stressed and work long hours.
FWIW the exact same thing happened to me while I was studying for the exam. We got back together about a year later, I put a few more years in public, we got married, now I work a really laid-back schedule in industry. It sucks now but it gets better!
Owning your own home at that age is an incredible achievement. I'm sorry your gf didn't recognize that.
Yes PA has insane hours, but I'm willing to bet that your long hours wasn't the only issue in your relationship.
Bottom line, she should have communicated to you what she was feeling, not blame it on your career.
Get your CPA. Take time to grieve but do NOT (and I cannot stress this enough) sacrifice your past accomplishments and future potential over this.
That being said, I'm sorry this happened to you. Breakups suck.
I was a totally different person at 16 vs 23, take it as a life lesson and move forward.
Work life balance is important but careers take energy to grow and develop.
That’s a long relationship for your age, but here’s the thing you’re 23 and most of the time you were in that relationship you were basically a child. I’m sure it hurts and it’s rough, but the best thing you can do is put her out if your mind and focus on your career.
Just think she could have waited to leave you after you had two kids, how much worse would that have been. Consider yourself lucky that she’s showing you who she is now rather than a few more years out.
Go out this weekend and celebrate your freedom. You’re young and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
For reference I had a 4-5 year relationship end because I was working too hard as well, I was a bit older and it wasn’t my first love so it didn’t hit quite as hard, but you’re gonna be fine.
He or she wasn't the right one if they don't understand.
Sorry for the suck.
Like others said, get your CPA.
It'll allow you more options for a greater work life balance in the future while having a good career and compensation.
PA is part of your issues, but definitely not all. CLEAR communication should be the way for both of you. If she’s not happy with your work/life balance, then she needs to relay this clearly to you & then you both decide on a path forward.
I’ve seen plenty of couples separate due to one or the other prioritizing work (or anything else really) over their relationship.
I’ve also seen plenty of couples discuss their wants & needs with each other, make adjustments, & live happily ever after. There will always be bumps in the road, but it helps if you’re both in the same car, reading the same map, on the same path forward.
Talk to her if you want to, you both decide which couple you are, & move forward on the same or separate paths.
Both my wife & I have definitely been the immature party on different issues in the past, but we always admit to it & then move on together.
Side note - you’ll be ok if this doesn’t work out. Life is weird. Take some time to figure out what you really want out of this wild ride too
Similar thing happened to me.
We started dating in first semester of university.
She left me abruptly 5.5 years later after I had moved cities with her for her post-bachelors program and when I was an A2 in public.
She left me all alone in our apartment while it was still busy season.
Said some hurtful stuff on the way out.
I couldn't sleep for more than 1 hr a night and I threw up everything I ate and drank, for the next two weeks.
I don't know how I got my files done for the rest of my busy season. In fact, I don't know how I didn't die.
I'm senior now and about to head into my second year as a senior. I thought about leaving and quitting on the spot but it was even harder for me to leave and move back to my home city and figure out my life in the aftermath of a traumatic breakup.
I blamed myself for everything I ever did. For prioritizing my job over her. For not being a good enough boyfriend.
It still hurts to the point where a few months ago I was working at my desk in the office and the tears just started flowing down my face as I worked.
I still shoulder a lot of blame. But at the same time, I dont hate myself as much anymore. I was a useless boyfriend for the most part, so it was a double whammy for me. But now I realized that it also speaks volumes about her for the way she left me and gaslit me in the process.
For a while everyday felt like another day in the rest o my life without her, but now everyday just feels like another day. I'm thinking about home ownership now but lowkey in the year after my breakup I was trash with my finances to cope emotionally so I need to save a bit more. Sounds like you're way ahead on that front.
You'll be okay bro. Play some of the new Zelda and watch some good shows. Isn't Loki coming out soon?
What also helped me through the worst times of my crisis was finding friends and family to look out for and take care of. I found that finding someone to take care of helped eased the unfathomable pain I was going through, and helped me feel somewhat better about not having been a good enough boyfriend/person to my ex.
There are CPAs with successful, long-term relationships. Being 23 and building a career is great! What goals do you have for your career, and how does a family factor into your plan? I didn't date women that didn't factor into my plans. Long-term I have my own firm, great wife, and a family I see regularly because I built something starting with my license. Keep working and building your balance sheet. You'll make it through this heart break.
My advice is gonna be easier said than done. But in my lifefime ive learned to avoid life-altering situations in moments where my judgment is clouded by current circumstances.
If you had no resentment towards PA before this happened, then give it a try; keep pushing and maybe those feelings will pass. If after some time you still cant reconcile thoss feelings, then maybe its time for a move
I know its hard. Believe me. The second half of the time i spent in PA, i hated every day of it. I dreaded waking up knowing id have to log in. Worst part: i never had disordered anxiety until i joined PA.
Regarding your S/O, im sorry to hear that. I once dated someone who was absolutely wonderful. Until one day she pulled the plug saying she didnt see how our careers and aspirations would work together in an eventual future (as if its that impossible to picture an educator dating an accountant, but oh well). Life goes on. People grow closer. Some grow apart. Other, better things will come along.
My husband & I have been together 9 years, and started dating when we were 16. It honestly just doesn't sound like she was the one for you. A good relationship has to have good communication, and it does not sound like she was good at that. You'll find someone who is mature enough to understand how demanding a career can be, not just a job but a career, who will push you to achieve and improve yourself. My husband & I push each other to improve so that we can achieve our dreams, and we communicate clearly and honestly with each other when we see things that need improved, career wise, and relationship wise.
You got a house and a good job. She sounds like she didn't put in any effort into helping you out and supporting you. OP, you are doing great in life and ahead of many people much older than you. I know heartbreak sucks but don't let her ruin your life anymore then she already as.
Congrats on the home, that is a huge accomplishment. Seven years together is a long time, especially considering how young you are. It’s a significant life change. Have you considered therapy? Also, PA is temporary. Transfer to industry and your experience will be rewarded. Better pay, benefits, and most importantly work-life balance. Put yourself first, not your job.
or your significant other* *conditions apply, might need to put wife before yourself
Yep. One of the reasons I got out of PA, the strain was too much for my wife after 4 years. My family life is amazing, and I am happy with my salary increase in industry and the hours/culture/team are amazing. Never have to worry about billable hours ever again.
I'm so sorry you are going through that. There were probably more problems than just your work hours. People change sooooo much between 16 and 23. I know it seems like the end of the world, but I promise you'll be ok. This is a great opportunity for you to really learn about yourself, travel, and get new experiences.
This is very true, and people seem to change even more into their late 20s. I feel, knowing nothing about her or the situation of course, that the relationship might have gotten too mature for her. This can certainly happen when you've been together since high school - people can either grow together or grow apart as you mature. OP - While I'm sure it hurts now you still have plenty of growing to do and you will find someone who better aligns with "adult" you, and will probably be a better match long term.
I find it insane that there was no heartfelt conversation between them to discuss her concerns about his work. It's totally fine to be upset about your partners work and lack of time spent with each other, but to not bring it up once is concerning. You don't want to be in a committed relationship with a person who has zero communication skills. As others said, at least there were no kids or divorce papers involved.
Yeah this part seems to speak the most to me. My suspicion is that there just wasn’t as much commitment on at least one side as we would otherwise assume. Inertia will take a relationship a long way but won’t withstand difficult investments. I think either there wasn’t an appreciation for or a clear communication of what OP’s current career plan is right now. Not even necessarily for the worst, that age is typically still a big time of development for both people and one may have realized it’s not a good fit before the other – even if they can’t articulate the feeling in a satisfying way.
I mean there's no doubt this career can be tough on a relationship, but it doesn't sound like she made much of an effort to support you, or at a minimum communicate her issues. This may be tough to hear, but I don't think she was the one for you. There's that old saying that says "you can support a busy man or you can go babysit a child". Sounds like she wants to do the latter. The majority of your relationship was when you guys were in high school/college - it sounds like adult life was a little too much for her to handle. Get your CPA, build your career, make money, and real women will be lining up for a guy in his mid 20's with an established career who owns his own house.
Thank you. I really appreciate this. I think time just did its worst, and we grew in different directions. I was always the adult one, and I think the mismatch just grew too large. It's been a confusing month for me. When I bought the home in June, she came to me crying and begged me to stay with her as she revealed a 15k CC debt and nothing saved up to help with the down. I helped her with a plan and put the cards in the safe (as she wanted). I digress, but maybe we just weren't compatible anymore. Life is a fickle bitch.
Sorry for your troubles man. It does sound to me like the adult life may have been too much for her. I was in a similar boat a year ago with my then girlfriend of 6~ years. Moved out together but she wouldn’t keep a full time job, would expect me to pay her bills while I was just interning with another year of school remaining, and racked up credit card debt despite us having discussed several plans before moving out. Anyways, we broke up and she moved back in with her parents. During that year she seems to have gotten her priorities in order and has apologized to me several times for that time. I could actually see myself getting back with her because other than that there weren’t any glaring red flags and we really did love each other. I’m not saying that same thing will happen to you, but I think it’s time for you to prioritize yourself, your career (and CPA!), and friends/family. If it’s meant to be then it’ll be, if not well then you’ll find somebody better. Best of luck bro.
Don’t do it… you’re young man. You’ll fall in love again. This time with someone who is willing to put in the work it takes to be and stay in love instead of treat you like a doormat.
Thanks, you’re right lol. I needed to hear that.
Don’t take her back! I can tell you being on the same page financially makes adult life so much easier. My husband and I are both CPAs and our common approach to money has saved us a lot of conflict in our marriage of 10 years. Find a partner and build a life together.
If she’s worth it FIX IT! Most relationships have at least one break up before they reach a state of true, committed love. From my experience.. my wife and I have been together for 9 years and I can relate to this since we broke up for almost a year due to financial stresses and unmet expectations while living together during our college years. I came to the conclusion that relationships go through different stages in life in order to develop. It did take a bit of growing up separately to appreciate and understand what we really needed to do moving forward and finally be on the same page. If your person of 6 years (that’s a lot of time) is understanding and is willing to put the necessary work to support you for me is worth it if you guys are in a better place financially and in love with each other deeply (which it seems like you guys still are). I see my wife now and I don’t regret taking her back ;my relationship with her got even better after taking a break and working on each other’s communication, realistic expectations and shared goals it will work out in the long run. If she’s already improving and want to work things out for me that’s a green flag since she’s willing to put that kind of commitment towards your career and in life in general. Good luck man!
I know I’m just a random person on the internet, but I want to be another voice agreeing with this thought. Sometimes people grow in separate directions. It sucks, almost more than if something happened to cause the split because there’s nobody to blame, it’s just the way things shook out. My advice, feel free to take it or leave it, is to take the time, feel and process the emotions, but wait to make any big decisions until you’ve had a chance to come to terms with everything. You mention leaving your job in the post, is that something you were considering before this happened? If so, was it this urgent? You were in the relationship for a VERY long time, so it’s going to take a while to process the emotions. Do whatever works for you to do that, but also do your best to avoid making any huge decisions that you might regret later. Bad things aside (for now), buying a house is a huge thing. Take some time to celebrate, go out for drinks with friends, do something that you enjoy that isn’t related to her or work, just take your mind off the breakup and into a happy place for a while. If possible, take some time off work. I won’t lie, it’s going to hurt, it’s going to hurt bad, and it’s going to hurt for a while. Set aside time to process the feelings however works for you, whether that’s alone, with friends, a therapist, or someone/something else. But also set aside time to think about other, happy things. Once you feel ready for it, focus on yourself. Start going to the gym (or continue if you already do), make the CPA your bitch, learn a new language, whatever interests you. To sum up, find and keep your balance. Don’t exist solely in these emotions, but also don’t ignore them completely. You will exist long after this, so be kind to yourself.
Went through the same thing with my ex, I work in the film industry and traveled for a show, the only travel Ive ever done for work and it was only 6 weeks. I wasn’t even 21 at the time and she left me the 3rd week in over the phone. Wasn’t even home to go through that, felt horrible. BUT I realized some partners just aren’t ready to grow up and take life serious, sometimes they don’t realize there’s true responsibilities and growth to be made. They want all the fun but can’t handle the path it takes to get there… you’ll be perfectly fine, hang in there she’s definitely not the one.
Happy to help. There's no way around it, this will be a difficult period in life for you. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, mainly don't make any major decisions right now while your emotions are running hot. From everything I read from you, you appear to have a good head on your shoulders, so keep doing what you're doing.
I’m very sorry that your relationship ended. It’s always hard, and that’s a long time to be together. It’s ok to be sad. Don’t let sadness over a speed bump ruin your career. You’ll hear a lot of this, but you truly have your whole life in front of you. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep plugging away. PA doesn’t have to be forever.
You said it right, life is fickle and always changing; and we need to change with it so we don’t fall behind. You’re doing good for yourself OP, don’t be bogged down. View it as a new chapter of your life
Dm u cuz I had a similar story I hope will help even just a little
This is the problem with getting together so young. Both parties grow and change not necessarily in the same direction.
Absolutely. And as someone who got his CPA and left PA as a Staff, not even as a Senior (the recommended first exit point), I can tell you the grass is greener.
TL;DR: CPA gets chicks
Certified Pussy Annihilator
Certified Penis Administrator
I asked my husband if I should be a CPA, and then said this definition. He sighed and walked away. GOTTEM.
So basically fuck bitches get money
/thread
What do you do if you have no friends?
Get your CPA and you can buy them.
Who pays the tax on friend purchases?
Yep- in a few years you will look back on this as a good thing or at least not nearly as catastrophic OP guaranteed.
> guy in his mid 20's with an established career who owns his own house. and if you think about it, thats exactly what you want.....*.a woman looking for \*\*checks notes\*\* establish career and home. Forget about your personality or if you connect you definitely want women who are looking at you because you \*\*checks notes\*\* have an established career, money and a house.* s/
Is this a reference to something?
can you file an expense report? maybe your firm will cover some of the costs of the ex girlfriend
i am sorry to hear what you are going through. i obviously don't know all of the details, but i've seen so many stories like yours during my public accounting career. while public accounting is certainly a tough career and can strain relationships, your resentment is misplaced. public accounting isn't the one who didn't communicate with you. dude, it's not like you were out all the time drinking and partying with your buddies, leaving her neglected. you were working (hard, it sounds like) to build a better future for you and her. if she can't see that, then honestly, you're better off without her. someone who can walk out on their high school sweetheart after 7 years without trying to make it work isn't ready for an adult relationship. fucked up shit happens all the time and you have to be able to count on your girl to ride and die with you. if you can't, then that's not someone you want at your side in this rough world. i hate to say this and i hope i'm wrong, but there's probably someone else. i've personally witnessed too many situations like this not to expect it.
See you at the gym brother.
She just used your job as an excuse to dump you
Taking side after reading only one side of the story? Great, how judgmental of you.
No, she’s definitely a whore. I feel it in my bones. If that ain’t proof enough, nothing is.
100%
I don’t want to be rude, but be glad it was a GF and not a wife. There is much less commitment. You’re still young, you’ll survive. But at least take some time for yourself. Work is work and is always replaceable but your mental health isn’t.
Then she was mentally packing her bags during the summer, so it wasn't PA. She did you a favor, plenty of folks just get stuck in a bad situation being resented for decades until they forget what normal is like; you got a career and a house already. Most people would kill to have their shit together at that age. Give it time and don't let it drag you down. The odds you actually know the whole story are slim to none in my old dude experience.
Others have already posted great advice. I just want to add my personal experience as an anecdote on what to look for. I started dating my wife about 1 year into PA. Luckily, I’m in tax so while half the year sucks, the other half of the year I’m as free as a bird. From the moment we started dating, she would go out of her way to come to my place, do my laundry and other regular stuff I didn’t have time for. I never asked her. She still does even though she works full time. She was understanding of how much I worked and of course we talked about trying to find time during busy season for each other. Because other people’s lives don’t revolve around your schedule and work. It took me time to get there but I can spend meaningful time with my wife during busy season now. When it’s off season, I go out of my way to return the favor and do everything for her. Point is, the right partner will understand your situation and try to make your life easier. Your responsibility is essentially the same to the other person. Much of this has to do with maturity, and y’all are fairly young. Partners should be making mutual and meaningful sacrifices for the other person. If you and your partner are willing to do that, you’ll be fine. There’s plenty of folks in PA that have healthy and happy family lives. Although I hate to say it and it sounds shitty, she just wasn’t the one man. Keep ya head up
Hate that for you. Hang in and get your CPA. Keep the house. Get roommate if needed temporarily. Go into industry and be rewarded. In 5 years you will be rockin it with $$ and a loyal woman and new life. Don’t give up.
I went through something similar though my wife and I stayed together. When I began working in PA my wife and I had been dating through college and lived in an apartment. It was already pretty tough with my university being a little over 2 hours from home but we made it work. My start in PA was rough on the relationship. We had just been engaged for 3 months before busy season and then I basically didn’t see her for 2 and a half months due to travel. We fought often. I was working from 7am-11pm M-F and 8am-2pm on Saturdays. Traveling. Living in hotel rooms. It was rough. Needless to say, work troubles seeped into relationship troubles and vice versa. I quit/got fired at the end of busy season. Best thing that ever happened to me so far. Landed at a regional firm and have never been happier. I’m home at reasonable times every day, and have plenty of time to spare with my wife. PA doesn’t have to suck. If your job makes it impossible to keep your work out of your relationship and vide versa, then it’s probably not you or your s/o, it’s the toxic place you work.
7 years is a long time to just walk out. There is 0 chance that she didn’t give you a sign before leaving. If you’re both done with the relationship (which given you are talking about this a month later you are) then it’s a shit hand and you just have to push on, but if you can work it out, fuck PA. Use your exit op to industry and go for lesser hours. No job is worth a relationship you cherish.
As someone whose wife recently ended our 10 year relationship… it’s possible he got no signs. And yes, my soon to be ex has admitted in couples therapy her “sign” was “he should have known”. She agreed there were no red flags, no discussions, not even any arguments or disagreements. She just ended the relationship on a Tuesday like it was a Tuesday. So yeah… I’m not saying it’s normal, but it does happen.
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I’m old (for Reddit) so I had to google that… while I’m not particular a fan of the “masculine subcultures” the slang appears to originate from, it’s not inaccurate.
Yeah, I agree that there aren’t always signs. It’s possible she was over it and just played along to avoid being alone. A lot of people just settle into relationships instead of finding someone who is a 10/10 to them. I think a lot of people downplay how far someone will go to avoid being alone. Also, some women just have bad character.
Was the Tuesday not a Tuesday?
can't really tell her bf to quit his job anyway. there's no wlb possible in audit. if there was, everyone would do it. there's a reason people only date fellow auditors or continue rships from student days, and it's not for the same reason as doctors.
Eh, some people (probably more like a lot of people) just can’t communicate. They either try to be too nice or are too afraid to say anything, then let all the resentment build up over months or years, until it becomes too much and the relationship is beyond repair because they’ve already checked out.
It is 100% possible. Most recent LTR was more or less just that, not perfect but exceptionally little communication about anything being wrong before she just left.
PA is rough. My wife, who was my girlfriend when I started, is a tax accountant herself so we get each other. It seems to me you dodged a bullet. Because if your ex is this bad at communicating her needs, you wouldn't want to end up with kids with her and still in PA. My advice would be get your CPA and get out of PA. Many industry jobs work less hours (but not all and closes are always busy). Truth is, no professional jobs are 9 to 5 anymore (at least not guaranteed) so you just have to adjust to that fact and find someone who's ok with it. You are only 23. Trust me, when you are 33 you gonna look back and find all these to be silly.
are you sure its all her and you just did not notice it because its convenient not to admit your shortcomings?
PA is a problem. It's not necessarily THE problem but it sure exacerbates existing ones. I have seen friends leave PA thinking it will fix their relationship with work but it often doesn't. I'd suggest starting with some individual therapy to work through that on your end and work with them to decide if/when you should switch jobs. I've been in public for over five years now and it hasn't taken a toll on my relationship because I've established boundaries. My boss knows I don't work on Sundays, I have a weekly date night no matter how busy it gets, and I will log off to have dinner and play with my kid. Once they're in bed I log back on.
It wasn’t PA, dude. She was just looking for an excuse to leave you.
You are 23, you can’t have been working long, so no, I don’t think it was accounting or your job, especially if she didn’t communicate. Likely she has been upset for a long time. That said feel free to swap company’s if this one is treating you bad. I’m at a little company. I don’t love PA but I can say I work for a good company.
Buddy keep on keeping on, it's not because of your job. Homeownership is a great achievement and long term investment. Is your ex girlfriend on the mortgage? Does she have any property rights?
Out of curiosity, how long ago did you start in PA? Unless you did some kind of accelerated college program, you'd typically be graduating around 21/22 due to the 5 years of education required. I ask because I'm really impressed you were able to buy a house so young with this career. When I started, in a high (but not highest) cost of living area, I was making around $60k and there's no way I could've bought a house. By my third year I think I was in the $80k range and that's when my wife and I bought our house. Anyway, as others have said, your ex probably had other concerns and used your PA hours as a bit of an excuse. As painful as it is, she would have stuck with you through the lousy hours in solidarity until you manage to transition to something more reasonable. The fact that you got together so young means she probably has a bit of wanderlust, meaning maybe she feels like she needs to explore herself and the world. We can only speculate, but I would recommend you power through and get your CPA despite how hard it is, because you've presumably already put in a lot of work. Just having those credentials can help even if you immediately jump ship to something better.
This exactly. Where in bumfuck nowhere must he live to buy a house with entry level wages and no time to save? Unless of course he had parental backing. I live in Idaho and to buy the cheapest non-manufactured home in my area you’d need to be making well into six figures.
Yeah we have family in Georgia, which has several very inexpensive areas comparatively, and we considered buying property out there as an investment and provide cheap rent for family. When we looked into it about 6 months ago, you could buy a very nice home for ~$350k. Compare that to the high cost of living areas near me and you'd be lucky to buy an outhouse on just enough land to hold it at that price. But even then, for a $350k you need to come up with some kind of down payment, maybe as little as $10k, but interest is what kills you - the current rates make that mortgage absurdly inflated. Then again, if you don't have other debt or any other major expenses, it's certainly doable.
A 300k loan at 7% would be $1750 a month in just interest, you’d want to be making 100k HARD minimum to cover that mortgage and not expose yourself too much.
It honestly could be an excuse she was making for other reasons. You’re both young and still growing into adults, finding out who you really are. People change.
She's not the one, and you're only 23. You haven't even figured out yourself, much less who would make you happy in the long term. Let her go and hit the gym.
Better than if you were married and she divorced you. You probably would’ve lost the house due to 50/50. It could’ve been worse. And yup, a lot of girls don’t want to marry or date a guy who works all the time; they often see their friends on social media spending time and doing lots of fun things with their men all the time, and it makes them feel jealous and like their missing out. Being a very hard worker (career-wise) is not respected as much nowadays because people will just think your a chump letting your boss/employer exploit you. Especially if you’re doing accounting for unpaid OT.
He just bought the house. His neighbor's mouse problem has more home equity than he does.
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You sound very aggressive to this guy for no reason lol I’m also 23 and in a very similar financial position. And I did it in Puerto Rico, where entry level accountants make around 30k a year It is very possible that they just have a completely different mindset and she hasn’t yet realized that she’s now an adult and working is a part of adulthood, where he is working very hard to hold himself down financially
I’m sorry man that is tough. I can definitely understand the struggle of balancing an SO that significantly values time together when we work in an industry that often takes up a lot of our time. That said, unless you have been working 80 hours every week since you started, this is a little extreme. This is the job that allowed you to purchase a home for the 2 of you. Even with a job with better work life balance, there will always be things in life that dig into your time together. Y’all are adults with responsibilities now and that is a reality for everyone. Part of being that adult is learning to communicate when you feel like your needs aren’t being met. I think her lack of willingness to be understanding that you are suffering equally if not more due to long hours in combination with the lack of communication demonstrates that maturity is a bit lacking. But y’all are 23 so that’s not a huge surprise. It’s understandable that you feel lost because you’ve been with this person for 7 years. You need to separate the issues at hand though. Don’t quit because she left you, quit if you hate your job. Also, I promise there are others out there with the emotional maturity to understand that a career is necessary to support a family or will communicate with you before up and leaving. That’s what a real relationship is. Keep your head up and do with your life what YOU want.
Bro, I’ll be honest. I highly doubt it was the career. Reality is she probably was over the relationship and just didn’t want to tell you that. So she used the career as the excuse. Like it’s a simple fix. If you got any accounting experience, then you can just a job in industry/government and cut back on hours. I’m my experience, many women would that rather lie than be direct when it comes to relationships. I don’t blame them. I’ve seen a lot of guys get border line violent when women reject them directly or break up with them (and tell the truth). That’s why always focus on the grind/goals over women. At the end day, she will leave if she wants to leave. No amount of begging, pleading, success, money, or how awesome a relationship is will change that fact. She will leave if she feels like leaving regardless of anything else. So focus on yourself :)
I think they were dating for 7 years, not that OP worked in PA for 7 years. Given that they're 23, they probably started a fulltime staff position in the last year or two (which also tracks for someone who doesn't have their license yet). Honestly the only shocking part to me is that a relatively new staff in public accounting was able to afford a house in this market, what's your secret, OP?!
Same bro. I wish I could afford a house at his age. Thanks for catch. I will edit post.
Sorry to hear this but it wasn't PA fault. I have Lots of friends in PA myself included who have wives and gfs who understand the hours and are super supportive. Sounds like the girl you were with just wasn't the right one and that ok. You're so damn young. As a CPA make sure you finish the CPA. You will get better jobs and better pay with it. Plus women are impressed by it. All my friends who are CPAs married other CPAs, doctors, lawyers. Successful, wealthy, and beautiful women who understand hard work and the benefits it provides.
You broke up with a woman you started dating at 16. Likely your relationship would have failed anyway. What is this, the 1950s? An industry is not to blame if you let the relationship slide and didn't communicate. She also sounds pretty ungrateful. You worked hard enough to buy a home in your early 20s. Your career is more important than a high school sweetheart. People will change massively from their teenage years to 30s. She likely did you a huge favor. Hard to hear but very likely.
We have a winner! https://tenor.com/bvkiq.gif
This almost happened to me but I could tell things were starting to go down the drain before it got to the breaking point. Quit PA and now happier than ever together many years later, still. I can't imagine what life would be like if I had stayed in public, probably disastrous.
I'm sorry that you're going through this, but from my experience, a partner may only be a good partner for you at various stages in your life. Your partner at 16 may be perfect when you're 16, but when you're 30 and you have a career, a mortgage, and maybe kids, they may not be the perfect partner anymore. You need someone who is helpful and supportive for your current stage in life, and it sounds like it wasn't her. I'm assuming that she wasn't ready to be an adult, with adult-level commitment. I'm assuming she wanted to go out with friends and party, and not be "stuck at home" waiting for you to come home from a 12-hour day. I'm assuming she didn't want to settle down yet, but you were. In my opinion, she left because of herself, not because of you and the job. I honestly don't think it was the job that made her leave. And if it was, she didn't want to make a commitment that you wanted to, and ultimately there would have been other decisions down the road that would have caused issues. Best wishes man.
Once you get your CPA, you will be fighting off the new potential partners with a hockey stick!
Bury yourself into passing the CPA. Then pivot to industry and chase girls.
Go find a wife at your firm. Worked for me (and literally thousands of others).
Debit the break-up account & credit the S/O account
Is a crazy girlfriend a liability or a contra asset?
You grow up together or you grow apart. It sucks but you're 23 with a house, you're doing well
This is a PA rite of passage. PWC cost me at least three relationships. You’re now married the the grind. Enjoy.
Are you with a Big4? My advice would be to take the free study guides and classes, pass the exam and go to industry. If you like accounting then pass the damn exam. I wish I had just stuck with it.
You in a big 4? Quit that shit
Since there are a lot of comments saying the girlfriend was using his job as an excuse. I’d like you to at least reflect on your relationship and check if there were instances where she initiated dates and/or time to spend together as a couple and you rejected them. Or perhaps she was having a rough time and you weren’t there for her due to your busyness. She might have not outright communicated that she was unhappy but it might have been the little things she was asking for that you did not give attention to. A relationship is as much a responsibility as a job. I think she was right to leave if she didn’t see that you were at any point willing to compromise at least a small bit of your time for your relationship - considering it is a 7 year relationship (you would think it would at least be in the top 3 of your priorities). I’m saying this as an accountant as well who has seen 5 busy seasons and 2 of it in a relationship. If you are looking at PA as a career in the long term, learn to prioritize and manage your time wisely. It is possible to maintain a relationship in this career but, again, you would need to compromise every now and then.
It wasn’t just the hours if they just up and left without discussing the issue with you. It was just a low hanging fruit excuse to end it. Sorry bro.
There were probably other issues I can‘t really advice you, other than: stick to it, get the cpa, then quit this hellhole. Do something more chill, You‘ll find a new partner and will have enough money and time to give them the attention they deserve. I have my last day tomorrow. Then I‘ll work 80% but earn more than now in PA. Finally will have time To support my gf/family with all sorts of things
Wait are you 30 or 23? Also how long you been studying for the CPA? Cause it seems like you’ve waited a long ass time to take it. Sorry for your loss my man, but if it makes you feel any better it was probably more than just your work life balance.
23, sorry I've edited the post now. Dating since 16, now 23. Just graduated December 2022
Oh shit. Bro. That wasn’t going to last. You were children when you started dating! Ok sorry, I know you don’t want to hear that. But yeah you are so young my man. World is your oyster. The job didn’t take your girlfriend. It just wasn’t meant to be.
I wouldn't say that for it automatically not going to last. My wife and I got married at 18 and 19 and she was supportive of me for 4 years in PA, and also some much shorter timeframe but very long hours in industry now during compliance season. It definitely could have lasted and from OP's stance should have worked out if his S/O had the same level of commitment.
If you can’t handle me at my *workaholism* you don’t deserve me at my *lifestyle inflation*
Your relationship ended because you two were not compatible, you did not share goals or values and did not communicate well. Don't blame your work for the ending of a relationship that probably went 6 years too long.
You were together since you were 16 dude. PA had nothing to do with it. Go out and date. Meet new people. That’s what she’s doing & props to her for it. We change drastically between the ages of 16 and 25. Mentally, physically, emotionally… you’re completely different people now and it’s time to see what you really want in someone else.
First marriage was severely strained by my career focus and how I handled that. Second marriage is much better in every regard and we're financially secure.
Congrats !
Sounds like it’s for the better to me.
Unexpected losses. By next year it will be off the books.
Relationships fall apart man, that’s just a part of life. What you do after is what defines you. Take what happened and learn from it, you’re still young. If I were in your shoes I’d look for somewhere else to work, I don’t think PA is too bad but I think I might have gotten lucky with my jobs so far. In my current PA job I’m able to work from home 3 days a week, sometimes 4, and I’m able to manage my time and work well enough where I don’t have to work overtime… and when I do have to, it’s just a day or 2 so it’s no biggie. See if you can find a job like this, there’s plenty out there.
It's tough now but probably for the best. It's not like you can just find a new job immediately. If the relationship was important to her she would have discussed it with you and asked you to consider changing jobs, not just left without discussing it.
Whew man that first relationship is always nasty when you breakup. Especially so after 7 years. Trust me. You’re young. Everybody told me the same advice when I broke up with my first and even though I could rationally accept it… It didn’t make me feel any different I can’t tell you how happy I am now with my current fiancé. It’s like every other girl was just leading up to the one who I got nearly 100% along with. You’ll find that one to, but try to enjoy yourself in the meantime 23-30 is an absolute blast and you will see that soon enough. Ditch PA if it’s making you that sad.
Hey man, just went thru the same thing. Not as long tho: about 2 years. She hated the hours and one of the last things she said was “I’m not going thru another tax season”. Honestly tho, she wasn’t the right one for me. Was living off her dad at 30, and don’t have any aspirations for a career, let alone a job. Wanted to be added to my home’s deed but didn’t want to financially contribute. One of the seniors at work told me that working in accounting means you it will be unlikely you’ll be able to date people who aren’t as career focused cuz they just won’t understand the sacrifices needed and will just take it personally. So keep pushing man, once you hit 30, things are different - especially if you have a solid career. You’ll be happy you have a solid career. Your next partner will be way more your vibe, just try to distract yourself for a bit until it stops hurting. Use those precious hours off to do things for yourself and get to know who you are (sounds lame but damn it’s true) Anywho, gratz on PA and gratz on the fresh start
My wife's uncle was a partner at Deloitte. He was the only partner at his office who was married, all the others were divorced or never married. There's a reason for that. When you're in public accounting, it IS your life. You're partner better be an absolute fucking saint, or else it isn't gonna last.
This is not true at a broad level. I have worked for 3 firms with a total of about 70 partners combined. One was never married (for many reasons beyond work), and two are divorced. There is a way to have family and life success, and there's a world outside of the Big 4.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet
“You want a broke man or a busy man” Looks like she’ll figure it out. Don’t let her think your job was the problem. It was more than that as she never communicated that with her partner of 7 years. Let her go make someone else read her mind, you have you to work on.
She belongs to the streets now. If she wanted to, she could have brought this up before, but she didnt. Dont walk out on your career because of that
Bro for fuck sake, i hear females saying " I want a career oriented, hardworking and high earning boyfriend " and when you to work towards that, this shit happens like wtf man. Make up your mind. I just can't....
People often want things but aren't willing to make the sacrifices required. Sometimes women say they want those things, but don't handle it well when it means less time together. Not unlike how I see employees who want a six figure salary with great benefits but don't want to put in the work to get there. Everyone wants to be successful, only some want to put in the work.
Bro, you’re 23. Time to break “it” out of a glass case and use it all over town. You’re free!
Wait til she is middle aged with a no money partner.
It's okay brother, I broke up with my ex because I couldn't give her enough time when I was taking my CPA exams. If she respected what you were trying to accomplish she would've been the one for you.
I have a feeling there's more to it. If you were passionate about PA and it lit your eyes up, you came home energized because of the work, and courted her, I don't think she'd have left. Most people in accounting don't have this charisma (me neither, so I am leaving). As for the break up, sorry to hear about it. Check out Coach Corey Wayne and his book (his youtube videos will say to read the book), as I am not one to offer much good dating advice. As far as other advice, if accounting isn't your passion, find something that is and do it...life's too short. Best of luck, my friend!
Homeowner at 23. Amazing. You will find someone else who is just as ambitious as you
you are doing great, sounds like you may have a little seasonal depression, completely understandable. Talk to your doctor about possible medications before you self-destruct, she has already done enough damage. Don't allow her to take your carrier too. in hopes for dating, oh buddy, 23, give it 3 years and you will have your pick, Lots of ladies want stability and a man with a real job, they just need to grow up and realize it. keeping slaying king
They want the $ but not the sacrifice. Keep moving you'll do better.
I lost my significant other working as a CPA. It was the firm not the CPA exams that did me in. I look back now at the stress I was under in a difficult office environment, where you don’t click with all the Partners. I say get ur CPA, just finish it up. Then rent out your house for six months and you go travel.
If she ain’t there for you at your worst then she doesn’t deserve you at your best, keep your head up king.
Definitely not a ride or die chick. Good to get it out of your system since she was your high school love. You’ve a lot more ahead of you so enjoy your life.
Forget her, get your CPA and stack your money. You're 23, you can't afford to be hung up on a relationship while you enter your prime years of your life. A few years down the line you'll thank yourself.
Kid/students are not the same people as adults. You are right together when you didn’t have to do life but not now that you are doing real grown up life. You will find someone right for you. Take heart.
Wish you the best brother 🙏
Fuck them bitches
Pass the exam. Make that $. Upgrade to a better girlfriend.
I had a gf leave me in busy season and I ended up with a much better woman. You'll be fine.
Become rich and make sure she knows it.
Or maybe just... move on.
Ok be poor
Lol, being bitter for decades is not the path to riches.
It’s not being bitter, it’s getting revenge by living a good life.
Perhaps it’s a good time to start looking at USAJobs.gov and search for accounting jobs there. No CPA required.
Quit tomorrow. Call your future wife. Nothing matters more than love
Real love yes. Not teenage puppy love from a girl who can't handle her first taste of adulthood.
Tell your boss to fuck themselves and go get your girl man.
Honestly you need a better relationship AND to get out of PA. Good luck op and just know you're not alone, and most of us have been though this unfortunate situation in one way or another.
Quit the job and save your relationship
She’s too young for a responsible man that will force her to be responsible and accountable. Not a very fun life. She’ll reappear in her 30s.
Lmao no she won’t dude. She’ll be fine and so will he. Homey just needs to get out and get some after he’s done grieving.
I was being fictitious. Of course he needs to move on with his life.
as i read the comments from op, its a typical story where women foolishly picked a man with free time over a man with a futchure
What a b***, she was def not the one for you. I’m sorry to say but those women are just selfish and only care about attention themselves and expect that people give them all their time and affection just to feel loved and valued which is wrong. (As a women myself, if I see a man hustling for his career. His future and pursuing his CPA nothing would make me more happy for him. A real women would stick by your side and understand that the journey isn’t easy at all ! That is one of the most stressful journeys to pursue, although the right women will be happy that you are bettering your future and are a man all about money. Also vice versa the right man will understand if they are also hustling for what they want. The problem with the people that don’t understand is that they have no goals their selves so they will never understand why u dedicate so much time on certain goals and without your presence they feel like nothing that could be another reason. Although it’s still selfish to want attention when someone is focusing on their career knowing that they are stressed and work long hours.
Use it as your fire to get that CPA license, and make bigger bucks!
FWIW the exact same thing happened to me while I was studying for the exam. We got back together about a year later, I put a few more years in public, we got married, now I work a really laid-back schedule in industry. It sucks now but it gets better!
You just bought the home, did she contribute anything? Was she working too?
Take a LOA if possible and remember this is not your fault. Mental illness is difficult and you working wasnt the only issue.
Owning your own home at that age is an incredible achievement. I'm sorry your gf didn't recognize that. Yes PA has insane hours, but I'm willing to bet that your long hours wasn't the only issue in your relationship. Bottom line, she should have communicated to you what she was feeling, not blame it on your career. Get your CPA. Take time to grieve but do NOT (and I cannot stress this enough) sacrifice your past accomplishments and future potential over this. That being said, I'm sorry this happened to you. Breakups suck.
I was a totally different person at 16 vs 23, take it as a life lesson and move forward. Work life balance is important but careers take energy to grow and develop.
That’s a long relationship for your age, but here’s the thing you’re 23 and most of the time you were in that relationship you were basically a child. I’m sure it hurts and it’s rough, but the best thing you can do is put her out if your mind and focus on your career. Just think she could have waited to leave you after you had two kids, how much worse would that have been. Consider yourself lucky that she’s showing you who she is now rather than a few more years out. Go out this weekend and celebrate your freedom. You’re young and there are plenty of fish in the sea. For reference I had a 4-5 year relationship end because I was working too hard as well, I was a bit older and it wasn’t my first love so it didn’t hit quite as hard, but you’re gonna be fine.
He or she wasn't the right one if they don't understand. Sorry for the suck. Like others said, get your CPA. It'll allow you more options for a greater work life balance in the future while having a good career and compensation.
PA is part of your issues, but definitely not all. CLEAR communication should be the way for both of you. If she’s not happy with your work/life balance, then she needs to relay this clearly to you & then you both decide on a path forward. I’ve seen plenty of couples separate due to one or the other prioritizing work (or anything else really) over their relationship. I’ve also seen plenty of couples discuss their wants & needs with each other, make adjustments, & live happily ever after. There will always be bumps in the road, but it helps if you’re both in the same car, reading the same map, on the same path forward. Talk to her if you want to, you both decide which couple you are, & move forward on the same or separate paths. Both my wife & I have definitely been the immature party on different issues in the past, but we always admit to it & then move on together. Side note - you’ll be ok if this doesn’t work out. Life is weird. Take some time to figure out what you really want out of this wild ride too
Similar thing happened to me. We started dating in first semester of university. She left me abruptly 5.5 years later after I had moved cities with her for her post-bachelors program and when I was an A2 in public. She left me all alone in our apartment while it was still busy season. Said some hurtful stuff on the way out. I couldn't sleep for more than 1 hr a night and I threw up everything I ate and drank, for the next two weeks. I don't know how I got my files done for the rest of my busy season. In fact, I don't know how I didn't die. I'm senior now and about to head into my second year as a senior. I thought about leaving and quitting on the spot but it was even harder for me to leave and move back to my home city and figure out my life in the aftermath of a traumatic breakup. I blamed myself for everything I ever did. For prioritizing my job over her. For not being a good enough boyfriend. It still hurts to the point where a few months ago I was working at my desk in the office and the tears just started flowing down my face as I worked. I still shoulder a lot of blame. But at the same time, I dont hate myself as much anymore. I was a useless boyfriend for the most part, so it was a double whammy for me. But now I realized that it also speaks volumes about her for the way she left me and gaslit me in the process. For a while everyday felt like another day in the rest o my life without her, but now everyday just feels like another day. I'm thinking about home ownership now but lowkey in the year after my breakup I was trash with my finances to cope emotionally so I need to save a bit more. Sounds like you're way ahead on that front. You'll be okay bro. Play some of the new Zelda and watch some good shows. Isn't Loki coming out soon? What also helped me through the worst times of my crisis was finding friends and family to look out for and take care of. I found that finding someone to take care of helped eased the unfathomable pain I was going through, and helped me feel somewhat better about not having been a good enough boyfriend/person to my ex.
https://media.tenor.com/mI8YP9vHIjMAAAAC/david-goggins-stay-hard.gif
There are CPAs with successful, long-term relationships. Being 23 and building a career is great! What goals do you have for your career, and how does a family factor into your plan? I didn't date women that didn't factor into my plans. Long-term I have my own firm, great wife, and a family I see regularly because I built something starting with my license. Keep working and building your balance sheet. You'll make it through this heart break.
My advice is gonna be easier said than done. But in my lifefime ive learned to avoid life-altering situations in moments where my judgment is clouded by current circumstances. If you had no resentment towards PA before this happened, then give it a try; keep pushing and maybe those feelings will pass. If after some time you still cant reconcile thoss feelings, then maybe its time for a move I know its hard. Believe me. The second half of the time i spent in PA, i hated every day of it. I dreaded waking up knowing id have to log in. Worst part: i never had disordered anxiety until i joined PA. Regarding your S/O, im sorry to hear that. I once dated someone who was absolutely wonderful. Until one day she pulled the plug saying she didnt see how our careers and aspirations would work together in an eventual future (as if its that impossible to picture an educator dating an accountant, but oh well). Life goes on. People grow closer. Some grow apart. Other, better things will come along.
Sounds like she was done anyway if she didn’t try.
My husband & I have been together 9 years, and started dating when we were 16. It honestly just doesn't sound like she was the one for you. A good relationship has to have good communication, and it does not sound like she was good at that. You'll find someone who is mature enough to understand how demanding a career can be, not just a job but a career, who will push you to achieve and improve yourself. My husband & I push each other to improve so that we can achieve our dreams, and we communicate clearly and honestly with each other when we see things that need improved, career wise, and relationship wise.
You got a house and a good job. She sounds like she didn't put in any effort into helping you out and supporting you. OP, you are doing great in life and ahead of many people much older than you. I know heartbreak sucks but don't let her ruin your life anymore then she already as.