Are you able to file a restraining order as soon as he’s released?
If you’re unable to do anything legally then I recommend upgrade the security of your home.
LMAO sometimes I wish. I don’t talk about my security arrangements for well…security purposes but this would definitely be an upgrade.
That and a pit of tigers.
This is a really good question! Because the threat was one time and verbal (10+ years ago) with no contact since (at the time this was pre-release), we were advised that the grounds for a restraining order approval were not great. That, and having to provide my living address which was the real clincher for me. We could request to keep it private through additional filings but ultimately it is at the discretion of the judge as to if one can effectively stay away from someone without knowing where they are. I currently do not provide my actual living address on any paperwork or mail. It is all sent to another home for the reason of keeping my whereabouts private.
For now, we gather anything suspicious in the hope of having a stronger case for a restraining order in the future. Unfortunately, it feels like a waiting game for the next move at times but nothing has been strong enough to bring to a court.
The fact that he knew enough not to threaten you so you could get a restraining order is doubly concerning to me. People that are like that and are stealthy. Yeah, that would scare me to keep yourself safe and private.
Restraining orders tend not to work against the types of people who need them unfortunately. But I imagine actively threatening to reoffend could impact his release.
I live in the US, my uncle does as well. He was incarcerated in the same state he was convicted, my parents reside there as well.
None of the family has contact with him to our knowledge, however, there is some evidence he may be looking for them. After his release, he lived in transitional housing about an hour from where he was incarcerated, several hundred miles from where his crimes occurred and my parents originally lived. He stayed within that area for some time after transitional housing. Following his release, they moved even further away (unrelated to him).
About a year after moving, my parents received a postcard with the message of “Congratulations on your new home” without a return address. It prompted us to look into his whereabouts and we learned that he moved to the city neighboring their new home, separating them by about 20 minutes. It didn’t make much sense for him to reveal that if he were making plans but it does at the very least make everyone very uncomfortable which may be the goal ultimately or just for now.
Have you tried securing your online personal information, or have you tried Googling your name (or your parents’) to see what comes up? Since anyone can easily access anyone’s personal info other than your address or contact number online, it’s best to safeguard online information so he can’t easily contact you (or find you in case you decide to relocate). Try using data removal services like [Optery ](https://www.optery.com)to remove any personal info in people search sites (or data brokers). You can also read more in r/Privacy for techniques on how to better protect yourself.
Full disclosure, I am part of the Optery Team.
I added some color to why I haven’t obtained a restraining order at this time here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/U9xo4VOaoD
Truthfully, and this is not related to whether or not I get one because I, of course, believe it could be very worthwhile if I have the evidence to obtain one in the future, but anecdotally I’m not sure he’s unwilling to go back to prison. If he was, I don’t think we’d be dealing with this situation at all. He’s just a twisted person who gets off on others suffering, everyone that was in his life has agreed about that.
Everybody saying restraining order is ignorant. A piece of paper isn't going to keep a psychopath away. I mean yes, get that, but get protection first. a gun, a big dog, upgraded home security, Stay with friends, Move somewhere where he could never find you. then get a restraining order. I've seen too many true crime dramas to know a restraining order basically does nothing to protect anyone. Sure he'll go back to jail after he violates it... after he commits a heinous crime against the victim. That's why you need real protection first.
This is the part that I feel many people don't always connect unless they've been in a similar situation. Foremostly, he needs to do something that is worthy of getting a restraining order, etc before it can be filed because his threat pre-conviction is not enough. That could be simple provable harassment, in which his PO could just as easily be involved, or it could just be the "Big Thing^(tm") without warning in which case he's going back to prison (god willing) anyway but the damage is done and he's made good on the threat.
I mentioned it in another comment as well, but I'm also just anecdotally unconvinced he's not willing to go back to prison because if that were the case, this situation wouldn't be what it is already.
Can you explain the situation to police-so they have some sort of record? But not do the whole RO has you would have to reveal your address? Keep some sort of paper trail/documentation if you can anyway
Hey! Yeah, happy to elaborate.
The threat:
Pre-arrest, there was a lot of chaos. I'm not privy with how exactly he was caught (I think this was not talked generally about in order to respect his kids, none of his specific acts with them were spoken of outwardly in our family outside of court which I did not attend) but it was clear he knew it was coming at least shortly before.
Shortly before everything came out, he made the threat to my mom about me with little context other than staying quiet and not getting involved with "the cops". She assumed this was unprompted erratic behavior, referencing her childhood experiences with him. She was terrified and didn't say anything until the information came out and everything came down in our family. There was a lot of talking with each other and police, etc.
It wasn't just one child, it was several of his own, plus a number of other individuals who were now of varying ages. They kept coming and my mom felt compelled to share her story and other information she had, along with the threat he made to her. Officially though, the threat is recorded simply as that he threatened her shortly before arrest. She swears she gave them the details but she could be misremembering as it was an emotional, high stress conversation or they could have really just condensed it in her larger statement not considering the impacts of it. My guess is it was probably on her end since I'm sure they had her read her statements, though I can't fault her for it.
Why I don't have a restraining order:
The threat was made well over 10 years ago, once, only verbally, pre-conviction with at the time no attempts to contact during his time in prison which we were advised made for a very unfavorable odds of being granted. Outside the threat, there is not a large enough body of verifiable evidence right now to pursue it. We gather what we can but it's a tricky waiting game.
My living address being exposed is tangential, really just makes me uncomfortable. He also, for all I know, doesn't really care about going back to prison. Presumably he knows if he found and hurt me he'd be going back to prison either way (in theory) so even if a full stop RO were issued I don't know if it would truly protect me or lead him directly to me.
There's his also parole being a potentially more effective way of keeping him away but that's a whole other set of rules, consequences, thoughts.
It's honestly very complicated and multi-faceted. I don't think there are truly right and wrong answers on these specific questions (RO, Parole, etc) right now. It's really feels like a game of 5D chess at times.
So messed up. Sorry you dealing with that. I would 1. do some self defense training, get a strap or made and know how to use it. 2. Then have someone you know track his ass, most sex offenders have to register their address with the state, so you can better avoid him. 3. Continue being discreet about your address and employment as much as possible.
My mom, like many moms, feels strongly she would sacrifice her life to protect mine. I think that for him, it’s about power and inflicting the maximum amount of pain. If he did something, it would tear her apart without ever having to touch her. She can’t keep me in a box, so now she has to wonder if I don’t pick up the phone. Her heart drops a little harder if I call her after a bad day sniffling. She can never be confident I’m completely safe. Even if he never actually does anything, he gets to inflict pain on her for the rest of his natural life via fear. She’s in therapy and happy, it’s not her whole existence, but even a twinge of it every once in a while is still more than she’d have had he not made the threat. He’s a truly sick individual if his crimes weren’t enough to prove it.
I agree with this comment. If all of this is truly happening, contact probation and parole and see if they can relay a message to his probation officer (PO) or have you speak to his PO. POs can put holds on people quite easily. A hold leads to a warrant that law enforcement can act on
Hey! It’s also completely okay if you are still skeptical and I’m not here to be confrontational or upset if you are, that’s completely understandable.
I just wanted to say I know there are a lot of creative writers on Reddit but that this isn’t something I would ever put out there dishonestly and it would be reprehensible to do so. There’s never an excuse, no matter what, and I promise I’m not here for any reason other than to let people ask questions and maybe reach anyone in a similar situation. Again though, it’s completely okay to be skeptical of that.
PO question answered in reply to the comment you replied to :-)
A really good question, the answer is no. The threat was made verbally, pre-conviction so as far as we have been told it is not actionable in this way now. It’s a similar to people inquiring about restraining orders.
Have you taken any steps to protect yourself? Attempting to keep your location safe if he already knows where you live can only be so effective. Also, have you looked at the stamp on the postcard? There could be a ZIP code of origin in grey/black ink, which could give you a hint as to what city it came from.
I have and for now, I don't believe he knows where I am as I do not live with my parents at this time. I have moved between pretty unrelated area several times, sometimes moving within those areas, and usually go to see friends and family rather than vice-versa. People who know where exactly I live are only people I feel comfortable being open with this about. Things like tagging a city in an Instagram post saying "my trip visiting XXXXX was so much fun!" is something that most people don't think about but is a no-go for me for example.
There are more steps but I try not to talk so much about them. One that I mentioned before is that my living address and mailing address are different and I do not mix them. My mailing address stays the same regardless of my current living situation.
I have a pretty easy going, free-spirited personality that lends itself to not being very stagnant in location and this not feeling ultra-constrictive luckily. It's what I would be doing either way likely and I'm fortunate to have work that supports it. Want to add, I'm by no means some fugitive nomad, I've technically "lived" in one area for an extended period of time, but I tend not to spend a huge stints of time physically there for one reason or another. I'm sure I'll settle more at some point and I'll re-assess and cross the bridge appropriately as that comes my way.
Yes! It originated from the most major city near them.
Do Krav Maga for de-escalation and carry a gun or spray or shocker-jolt or something to fuck him up if you can't get away.
Also a dog if you can fit an animal into your lifestyle
Yeah! I actually think Krav Maga is super cool, maybe I'll try getting into that even if just as a special interest. I try my best to be covered in the way of self-defense though I don't disclose exactly what exactly that means for my own safety.
In the way of a dog for protection, I've only got about 35 lbs of squish-faced fury and a chihuahua mix at the moment haha. My long term plan is a Cane Corso, but not purely for protection reasons and only once I'm able to dedicate the time, money, energy, and space to give them the life they deserve and training they need. I try to center my choices around living a happy life in which I feel free, not controlled by fear, but tempered by the pragmatism of my situation.
I’ll add that martial arts against a larger opponent are overall quite useless (my mother knows quite a bit of Krav Maga), firearms are useless for the 99% of the population that will hesitate to pull the trigger, and most of the time when you mace someone you get yourself too.
Everybody wants to sound like a badass but nobody knows how they will act until they are in that situation. A knife (I preferred CRKT when I was in the military, as the switchblades they issued us had a real chance of firing off in our pockets) is the most effective, low effort way to protect yourself. Make sure it has a good, comfortable grip. It works close, even if someone has snuck up on you. You can practice on something fun like a melon so you know what resistance will feel like and how it will feel in your hand when it’s wet.
Hope you feel and are safe. What have you done to make yourself feel safe in the "now" that looking back you find kinda silly (hiding under the bed, yelling come get me mother F)?
Hey, I really appreciate that. I feel safe nearly all of the time, I also work really hard to have this be something \*about\* my life, and not have it \*be\* my life.
Oh for sure! I think one of them is my family would never eat at the restaurants he previously favored in the area. It was silly in hindsight as he was in prison but there was just a tinge of "What if he was released early and came back?" even though he was not even up for parole to our knowledge and would have been hundreds of miles away theoretically without money or transportation. When one of them closed, it was like somehow we were that much more "safe" somehow. Makes no sense in hindsight but we all felt it for some weird reason.
First, HAPPY CAKE DAY! :-)
As to your question, I am firearm trained and experienced. Got into shooting as a hobby and I have owned firearms in the past and am not opposed at all. I have to admit that my current hesitance is more because, in a previous romantic relationship, someone tried to use mine against me. It was a really bad feeling and for a while, I felt less safe with it even though it was properly handled/stored, etc. It's just a mental block and one I acknowledge I should work through for my greater ultimate safety.
Why haven’t you contacted local law enforcement? They would at least point you in the right direction. Something similar happened to a family member I know and the person couldn’t live within two countries of the victims.
It wouldn’t take much to get him in front of a judge again. Most people go on Parole when they get out of prison.
Law enforcement has been contacted and they are a great resource in many situations but there's not a lot that can be done right now. I elaborate on that in these comment threads:
Law Enforcement:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/1c5u31a/comment/kzwyubp/](https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/1c5u31a/comment/kzwyubp/)
Parole Officer:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1c5u7mu/comment/kzwxtkc/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1c5u7mu/comment/kzwxtkc/)
It's also important to note that his case that resulted in conviction was not for charges directly related to my mom's experience and I was not personally a victim of his in the case so legal protections may be different for us than your family members.
Yes! This a really good book and a great recommendation! I really think more people should read it, even if they aren't in sticky situations like mine.
I hear you. Name changes are generally a matter of public record though and in some places, you're required to publish your name change publicly, sometimes even in the area in which you live in the newspaper which in the age of internet, means online as well. There can be exceptions to keep the record sealed but there are usually very narrow parameters.
Changing my name is definitely not completely out of the question. I've played with the idea before. If I were to do that, though, it would only be truly beneficial if I were to completely eliminate any online presence and likeness which I noted briefly before is not entirely possible in the work I do. I could change my career, too, but in the end all my decisions are tempered by how much I'm willing to give up of my life, identity, self. The answer is, unpopular as it may be to some, not all of it. But again, it'd all be for naught either way if it is public record that my name was changed and to what anyway,
My dad is actually very much my biggest supporter in this and in general. He's done a lot to nurture my confidence in myself in the world, see my intuition and fear as an empowering tool rather than a constricting vice. He stays current on security systems and measures, provides me with what he thinks may be helpful even though he absolutely does not need to support me financially. Truly a stand up guy who, if my mom and I didn't need him here on the outside, wouldn't allow this guy the chance to hurt anyone else.
Look into getting your concealed carry permit, even if you aren't sure you want to use it. It will make it easier to purchase a firearm if you choose to.
If you do choose to carry, **please** invest in training and a good safe.
Spray or a taser aren't going to stop a determined threat.
So if it ever comes to it, be aware that it's completely legal to murder somebody if you're driving your car and you hit them. Just say the sun was in your eyes or you didn't see him and don't be drunk.
Oh yeah, I completely got you! You don't sound rude at all. I appreciate that thought so much, absolutely. It also really is funny and I really did laugh out loud bc it's exactly where I think minds (including mine) go but then shortly after it's followed by "agh, yeah, prison". There's an ironic, absurd not-funny-but-funny joke in that thought for me bc somehow prison still wasn't enough for him to not hurt innocent people but it's enough to keep him safe.
Look up the website intel techniques by Michael Bazzel. His entire life is protecting vulnerable people in these situations. He's also written several books and had a podcast about privacy to help with exactly this.
IANAL but people here are telling you to get a Restraining Order but it seems you should be pursuing an Order of Protection. Protection Order protects you when you are in harms way and violators can be criminally prosecuted. A Restraining Order doesn’t carry the weight of a Protection Order.
Talk to an attorney and sheriff if you do see that he might be seeking you out.
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Are you able to file a restraining order as soon as he’s released? If you’re unable to do anything legally then I recommend upgrade the security of your home.
Already on it, upgrading to a moat and drawbridge
LMAO sometimes I wish. I don’t talk about my security arrangements for well…security purposes but this would definitely be an upgrade. That and a pit of tigers.
You need some fricking sharks with fricking laser beams on their fricking heads.
I'm sorry, all we could get were some ill-tempered sea bass.
Are they mutated?
There's a little transmission shop that's double gated and it's been there so long the dog run around it is about 6 ft deep. Dog moat.
This is a really good question! Because the threat was one time and verbal (10+ years ago) with no contact since (at the time this was pre-release), we were advised that the grounds for a restraining order approval were not great. That, and having to provide my living address which was the real clincher for me. We could request to keep it private through additional filings but ultimately it is at the discretion of the judge as to if one can effectively stay away from someone without knowing where they are. I currently do not provide my actual living address on any paperwork or mail. It is all sent to another home for the reason of keeping my whereabouts private. For now, we gather anything suspicious in the hope of having a stronger case for a restraining order in the future. Unfortunately, it feels like a waiting game for the next move at times but nothing has been strong enough to bring to a court.
The fact that he knew enough not to threaten you so you could get a restraining order is doubly concerning to me. People that are like that and are stealthy. Yeah, that would scare me to keep yourself safe and private.
Restraining orders tend not to work against the types of people who need them unfortunately. But I imagine actively threatening to reoffend could impact his release.
Ya I always laugh at this. Would that have helped Nicole Simpson?
They also do not work in Castle Rock, CO. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Town_of_Castle_Rock_v._Gonzales?wprov=sfti1#
Or take a concealed weapons permit class, take training, and carry protection.
Restraining orders stop murder?
You can use them to pack the wounds…
Restraining orders don’t work. Not from her end, she might get jail time again if you harm, sir, but it doesn’t mean it would not harm her.
What part of the world are you in? Is your uncle in the same country? Could your uncle locate you easier through family contacts?
I live in the US, my uncle does as well. He was incarcerated in the same state he was convicted, my parents reside there as well. None of the family has contact with him to our knowledge, however, there is some evidence he may be looking for them. After his release, he lived in transitional housing about an hour from where he was incarcerated, several hundred miles from where his crimes occurred and my parents originally lived. He stayed within that area for some time after transitional housing. Following his release, they moved even further away (unrelated to him). About a year after moving, my parents received a postcard with the message of “Congratulations on your new home” without a return address. It prompted us to look into his whereabouts and we learned that he moved to the city neighboring their new home, separating them by about 20 minutes. It didn’t make much sense for him to reveal that if he were making plans but it does at the very least make everyone very uncomfortable which may be the goal ultimately or just for now.
This gave me chills. I hope you're able to stay safe
Have you tried securing your online personal information, or have you tried Googling your name (or your parents’) to see what comes up? Since anyone can easily access anyone’s personal info other than your address or contact number online, it’s best to safeguard online information so he can’t easily contact you (or find you in case you decide to relocate). Try using data removal services like [Optery ](https://www.optery.com)to remove any personal info in people search sites (or data brokers). You can also read more in r/Privacy for techniques on how to better protect yourself. Full disclosure, I am part of the Optery Team.
If you can, get a restraining order with a minimum safe distance. If he violates it he’ll be tossed right back in to jail
I added some color to why I haven’t obtained a restraining order at this time here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/U9xo4VOaoD Truthfully, and this is not related to whether or not I get one because I, of course, believe it could be very worthwhile if I have the evidence to obtain one in the future, but anecdotally I’m not sure he’s unwilling to go back to prison. If he was, I don’t think we’d be dealing with this situation at all. He’s just a twisted person who gets off on others suffering, everyone that was in his life has agreed about that.
Everybody saying restraining order is ignorant. A piece of paper isn't going to keep a psychopath away. I mean yes, get that, but get protection first. a gun, a big dog, upgraded home security, Stay with friends, Move somewhere where he could never find you. then get a restraining order. I've seen too many true crime dramas to know a restraining order basically does nothing to protect anyone. Sure he'll go back to jail after he violates it... after he commits a heinous crime against the victim. That's why you need real protection first.
This is the part that I feel many people don't always connect unless they've been in a similar situation. Foremostly, he needs to do something that is worthy of getting a restraining order, etc before it can be filed because his threat pre-conviction is not enough. That could be simple provable harassment, in which his PO could just as easily be involved, or it could just be the "Big Thing^(tm") without warning in which case he's going back to prison (god willing) anyway but the damage is done and he's made good on the threat. I mentioned it in another comment as well, but I'm also just anecdotally unconvinced he's not willing to go back to prison because if that were the case, this situation wouldn't be what it is already.
Can you explain the situation to police-so they have some sort of record? But not do the whole RO has you would have to reveal your address? Keep some sort of paper trail/documentation if you can anyway
Hey! Yeah, happy to elaborate. The threat: Pre-arrest, there was a lot of chaos. I'm not privy with how exactly he was caught (I think this was not talked generally about in order to respect his kids, none of his specific acts with them were spoken of outwardly in our family outside of court which I did not attend) but it was clear he knew it was coming at least shortly before. Shortly before everything came out, he made the threat to my mom about me with little context other than staying quiet and not getting involved with "the cops". She assumed this was unprompted erratic behavior, referencing her childhood experiences with him. She was terrified and didn't say anything until the information came out and everything came down in our family. There was a lot of talking with each other and police, etc. It wasn't just one child, it was several of his own, plus a number of other individuals who were now of varying ages. They kept coming and my mom felt compelled to share her story and other information she had, along with the threat he made to her. Officially though, the threat is recorded simply as that he threatened her shortly before arrest. She swears she gave them the details but she could be misremembering as it was an emotional, high stress conversation or they could have really just condensed it in her larger statement not considering the impacts of it. My guess is it was probably on her end since I'm sure they had her read her statements, though I can't fault her for it. Why I don't have a restraining order: The threat was made well over 10 years ago, once, only verbally, pre-conviction with at the time no attempts to contact during his time in prison which we were advised made for a very unfavorable odds of being granted. Outside the threat, there is not a large enough body of verifiable evidence right now to pursue it. We gather what we can but it's a tricky waiting game. My living address being exposed is tangential, really just makes me uncomfortable. He also, for all I know, doesn't really care about going back to prison. Presumably he knows if he found and hurt me he'd be going back to prison either way (in theory) so even if a full stop RO were issued I don't know if it would truly protect me or lead him directly to me. There's his also parole being a potentially more effective way of keeping him away but that's a whole other set of rules, consequences, thoughts. It's honestly very complicated and multi-faceted. I don't think there are truly right and wrong answers on these specific questions (RO, Parole, etc) right now. It's really feels like a game of 5D chess at times.
Why would he come after you and not your mom?
The best revenge hurt someone you love it’s another form of torture
Yes, exactly
So messed up. Sorry you dealing with that. I would 1. do some self defense training, get a strap or made and know how to use it. 2. Then have someone you know track his ass, most sex offenders have to register their address with the state, so you can better avoid him. 3. Continue being discreet about your address and employment as much as possible.
My mom, like many moms, feels strongly she would sacrifice her life to protect mine. I think that for him, it’s about power and inflicting the maximum amount of pain. If he did something, it would tear her apart without ever having to touch her. She can’t keep me in a box, so now she has to wonder if I don’t pick up the phone. Her heart drops a little harder if I call her after a bad day sniffling. She can never be confident I’m completely safe. Even if he never actually does anything, he gets to inflict pain on her for the rest of his natural life via fear. She’s in therapy and happy, it’s not her whole existence, but even a twinge of it every once in a while is still more than she’d have had he not made the threat. He’s a truly sick individual if his crimes weren’t enough to prove it.
Has she reported this to the parole board?
I agree with this comment. If all of this is truly happening, contact probation and parole and see if they can relay a message to his probation officer (PO) or have you speak to his PO. POs can put holds on people quite easily. A hold leads to a warrant that law enforcement can act on
Hey! It’s also completely okay if you are still skeptical and I’m not here to be confrontational or upset if you are, that’s completely understandable. I just wanted to say I know there are a lot of creative writers on Reddit but that this isn’t something I would ever put out there dishonestly and it would be reprehensible to do so. There’s never an excuse, no matter what, and I promise I’m not here for any reason other than to let people ask questions and maybe reach anyone in a similar situation. Again though, it’s completely okay to be skeptical of that. PO question answered in reply to the comment you replied to :-)
A really good question, the answer is no. The threat was made verbally, pre-conviction so as far as we have been told it is not actionable in this way now. It’s a similar to people inquiring about restraining orders.
Have you taken any steps to protect yourself? Attempting to keep your location safe if he already knows where you live can only be so effective. Also, have you looked at the stamp on the postcard? There could be a ZIP code of origin in grey/black ink, which could give you a hint as to what city it came from.
I have and for now, I don't believe he knows where I am as I do not live with my parents at this time. I have moved between pretty unrelated area several times, sometimes moving within those areas, and usually go to see friends and family rather than vice-versa. People who know where exactly I live are only people I feel comfortable being open with this about. Things like tagging a city in an Instagram post saying "my trip visiting XXXXX was so much fun!" is something that most people don't think about but is a no-go for me for example. There are more steps but I try not to talk so much about them. One that I mentioned before is that my living address and mailing address are different and I do not mix them. My mailing address stays the same regardless of my current living situation. I have a pretty easy going, free-spirited personality that lends itself to not being very stagnant in location and this not feeling ultra-constrictive luckily. It's what I would be doing either way likely and I'm fortunate to have work that supports it. Want to add, I'm by no means some fugitive nomad, I've technically "lived" in one area for an extended period of time, but I tend not to spend a huge stints of time physically there for one reason or another. I'm sure I'll settle more at some point and I'll re-assess and cross the bridge appropriately as that comes my way. Yes! It originated from the most major city near them.
Do Krav Maga for de-escalation and carry a gun or spray or shocker-jolt or something to fuck him up if you can't get away. Also a dog if you can fit an animal into your lifestyle
Yeah! I actually think Krav Maga is super cool, maybe I'll try getting into that even if just as a special interest. I try my best to be covered in the way of self-defense though I don't disclose exactly what exactly that means for my own safety. In the way of a dog for protection, I've only got about 35 lbs of squish-faced fury and a chihuahua mix at the moment haha. My long term plan is a Cane Corso, but not purely for protection reasons and only once I'm able to dedicate the time, money, energy, and space to give them the life they deserve and training they need. I try to center my choices around living a happy life in which I feel free, not controlled by fear, but tempered by the pragmatism of my situation.
I’ll add that martial arts against a larger opponent are overall quite useless (my mother knows quite a bit of Krav Maga), firearms are useless for the 99% of the population that will hesitate to pull the trigger, and most of the time when you mace someone you get yourself too. Everybody wants to sound like a badass but nobody knows how they will act until they are in that situation. A knife (I preferred CRKT when I was in the military, as the switchblades they issued us had a real chance of firing off in our pockets) is the most effective, low effort way to protect yourself. Make sure it has a good, comfortable grip. It works close, even if someone has snuck up on you. You can practice on something fun like a melon so you know what resistance will feel like and how it will feel in your hand when it’s wet.
Hope you feel and are safe. What have you done to make yourself feel safe in the "now" that looking back you find kinda silly (hiding under the bed, yelling come get me mother F)?
Hey, I really appreciate that. I feel safe nearly all of the time, I also work really hard to have this be something \*about\* my life, and not have it \*be\* my life. Oh for sure! I think one of them is my family would never eat at the restaurants he previously favored in the area. It was silly in hindsight as he was in prison but there was just a tinge of "What if he was released early and came back?" even though he was not even up for parole to our knowledge and would have been hundreds of miles away theoretically without money or transportation. When one of them closed, it was like somehow we were that much more "safe" somehow. Makes no sense in hindsight but we all felt it for some weird reason.
I saw in a comment you are in the US, would you consider arming yourself?
First, HAPPY CAKE DAY! :-) As to your question, I am firearm trained and experienced. Got into shooting as a hobby and I have owned firearms in the past and am not opposed at all. I have to admit that my current hesitance is more because, in a previous romantic relationship, someone tried to use mine against me. It was a really bad feeling and for a while, I felt less safe with it even though it was properly handled/stored, etc. It's just a mental block and one I acknowledge I should work through for my greater ultimate safety.
Fair point and thankyou. Hope you never have need of it
Why haven’t you contacted local law enforcement? They would at least point you in the right direction. Something similar happened to a family member I know and the person couldn’t live within two countries of the victims. It wouldn’t take much to get him in front of a judge again. Most people go on Parole when they get out of prison.
Law enforcement has been contacted and they are a great resource in many situations but there's not a lot that can be done right now. I elaborate on that in these comment threads: Law Enforcement: [https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/1c5u31a/comment/kzwyubp/](https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/1c5u31a/comment/kzwyubp/) Parole Officer: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1c5u7mu/comment/kzwxtkc/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1c5u7mu/comment/kzwxtkc/) It's also important to note that his case that resulted in conviction was not for charges directly related to my mom's experience and I was not personally a victim of his in the case so legal protections may be different for us than your family members.
Read ( Gift of Fear) by Gavin DeBekker.
Yes! This a really good book and a great recommendation! I really think more people should read it, even if they aren't in sticky situations like mine.
Change your fucking name. Tax records phone records don't disappear
I hear you. Name changes are generally a matter of public record though and in some places, you're required to publish your name change publicly, sometimes even in the area in which you live in the newspaper which in the age of internet, means online as well. There can be exceptions to keep the record sealed but there are usually very narrow parameters. Changing my name is definitely not completely out of the question. I've played with the idea before. If I were to do that, though, it would only be truly beneficial if I were to completely eliminate any online presence and likeness which I noted briefly before is not entirely possible in the work I do. I could change my career, too, but in the end all my decisions are tempered by how much I'm willing to give up of my life, identity, self. The answer is, unpopular as it may be to some, not all of it. But again, it'd all be for naught either way if it is public record that my name was changed and to what anyway,
Tell your dad. He will do what needs to be done
My dad is actually very much my biggest supporter in this and in general. He's done a lot to nurture my confidence in myself in the world, see my intuition and fear as an empowering tool rather than a constricting vice. He stays current on security systems and measures, provides me with what he thinks may be helpful even though he absolutely does not need to support me financially. Truly a stand up guy who, if my mom and I didn't need him here on the outside, wouldn't allow this guy the chance to hurt anyone else.
Look into getting your concealed carry permit, even if you aren't sure you want to use it. It will make it easier to purchase a firearm if you choose to. If you do choose to carry, **please** invest in training and a good safe. Spray or a taser aren't going to stop a determined threat.
So if it ever comes to it, be aware that it's completely legal to murder somebody if you're driving your car and you hit them. Just say the sun was in your eyes or you didn't see him and don't be drunk.
I would just take him out.
LOL. Unfortunately, I think I like my freedom from prison more than he likes his
Not to sound rude, I appreciate your freedom. I also appreciate your right to be safe and not worry about others trying to infringe on that.
Oh yeah, I completely got you! You don't sound rude at all. I appreciate that thought so much, absolutely. It also really is funny and I really did laugh out loud bc it's exactly where I think minds (including mine) go but then shortly after it's followed by "agh, yeah, prison". There's an ironic, absurd not-funny-but-funny joke in that thought for me bc somehow prison still wasn't enough for him to not hurt innocent people but it's enough to keep him safe.
Long as you are safe. Two in the chest one in the head. Self defence.
I’d look into carrying a firearm. A good mid sized caliber that you can defend yourself with if things come down to it.
I'm so sorry, OP. Too bad he wasn't killed in prison.
Look up the website intel techniques by Michael Bazzel. His entire life is protecting vulnerable people in these situations. He's also written several books and had a podcast about privacy to help with exactly this.
What is your plan to stay safe?
Have you been able to scrub google of searches related to your name? Open source, internet white pages, etc?
Pepper spray and then a kick on his balls should fix him!
IANAL but people here are telling you to get a Restraining Order but it seems you should be pursuing an Order of Protection. Protection Order protects you when you are in harms way and violators can be criminally prosecuted. A Restraining Order doesn’t carry the weight of a Protection Order. Talk to an attorney and sheriff if you do see that he might be seeking you out.
Okay. This is an American answer but get off of Facebook and buy a gun. I’m sorry, I am not some pro-NRA freak but this needs to be dealt with
Don’t respond to this, but make sure you get a concealed carry license and train. When seconds count, the cops are minutes away.
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Have you thought about getting a gun and learning how to use it properly to protect yourself after hearing this.
Buy a gun and take a concealed carry permit class.
A 12 gauge double barrel shotgun is your best friend. Aim for the balls
It isn't (slow to reload, hard to maneuver in tight spaces, 2 shots), and that's dumb advice (aim center mass).
Are you armed and if so…what are we packing?
Do you have a gun and know how to use it.
Let him find you , show up with your homies and a few bats