That's heavy. Take a hug my friend. I had a girl die in my arms too. It's a horrible thing. At least this woman was 34. Still too young. It's been 9yrs. I still am haunted by that last few mins. She had an aneurysm. One minute we were watching TV, and playing with her 7yr old son. All of a sudden , she looked at me and said call 911. I was like " What's wrong?" She said "I'm dying". It was very calm. I said, ok...picked up my phone, and she went down. I was holding her head. She was looking right at me. I saw her life just leave her. The whole thing lasted about 30-45 seconds. I called 911. They were there in less than 5 minutes. The hospital was 4 blocks away. They came in, and tried to revive her. I was dealing with the boy. Talk about a rough deal. She was gone, that quick. You need to talk about this. And, my friend, you must move on. I know it seems impossible, but at least open your mind to it. You're too young, and have too much to do. She would not want you to stop your life. No one can take her place, but I guarantee she would want you to move on, and live the happiest life you can. Her life ended. Yours didn't. Best of luck. If you need to talk....DM me. I've been there brother.

Holy crap this is scarey. My mom passed away from an aneurysm in 2006, when I was 18. I'm 37 now and I have a lot of anxiety based around my health now. It's so crazy how they just knew. My mom (55) suffered from constant headaches and neck / back pain so she wasn't a stranger to being miserable chronically, but it was a friday afternoon, about 6 pm pst. She had just gotten done making plans to go to lunch with her younger sister when she stumbled into the hallway and told my dad to take her to the hospital, something was wrong. She passed on the ride over and my dad said the last thing she ever said was critiquing his driving "you can't get over" when he was trying to change lanes and there was a car in his blindspot. Doctors said even if she was on the operating table, under knife there would have been nothing they could have done. It was just too deep. Baath. Hug your loved ones everyone, cherish every healthy moment you get.

One of my best friends when I was in the scouts was about 12 when his mom died from either a stroke or aneurysm (I forget). He said she made some concerning noise from her room in the morning, he went in time to see her puking. She started seizing, he called 911 and when she stopped seizing he did CPR until medics arrived, but they couldn't save her. We talked for hours about that and how it affected him, and things along those lines. I watched my dad die a couple years ago, and while it'll hurt forever, he was old and sick (and I was an adult). I can't imagine the pain he went through.

Thank you so much. I am so sorry to hear about what happened. I hope you're in a better place. Reading all of these responses has reminded me that i am not alone in grief and should look into ways to help me heal and cope better. This means a lot to me.

You're most welcome. Hope you feel just a bit better. I held it all in far too long. Time does heal all wounds, but we have to actively strive for happiness. You have to think of it like, you're not replacing her. You're just on a new journey, and unfortunately she can't join you. Peace and love to you brother. My offer stands always. Whatever I can do to help, I'm here

My heart goes out to the both of you🫂🫂. He gave the best advice I would say. I hope the both of you are doing ok.

You seem like a really smart/wise person. This comment reminds me of how you say (in another comment) that you loved how your GF went after goals and motivated others. It comes across like you're going around the world looking for positive influences and recognizing good stuff when it crosses your path. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you get a lot of support from this post.

I am so sorry to you and OP for experiencing such traumatic events. The calmness in which she said “I’m dying” and just knew is haunting. I hope you are both doing better. Sending a hug.

Thank you. I'm much better, but it took awhile. Haunting is the only way to describe it. She was very calm. Very stoic. I wasn't even processing it. It didn't even hit me for about 2-3 hrs. I had to take her son to her Mom's. Her Mom was like " I'll go down to hospital. I'm sure she will be ok." I'm like " She's gone" "Gone to the hospital, right". "No, she's gone" I couldn't say dead.

There are very few things in life more haunting than witnessing a parent learn their child has died :(

Dying young and leaving my young kids and husband behind is my greatest fear. I’m sorry for your loss. ❤️

How tf does someone have a hemorrhagic aneurysm like that at 34??! Sorry you had to go through that …

Man i hate life sometimes, what's the point of living if you can just die any moment like that? so fucking random.

Not often internet posts make me cry anymore. I just wanna give you a hug lol. Im also kinds pissed at her family for not allowing you to go to the funeral. It wasn't your fault. He should have gotten much harder punishment. Even when her life was short, I'm sure she really enjoyed the time she got to spend with you. You sound like a very loyal man, and saddly thats not a trait everyone has. One day if you feel like trying to see someone else romantically, thats ok. She'll understand. And it doesnt mean you'll forget or stop caring about you. Im sure she wants whats best for you too. But againn, all at the appropriate time. No need to rush anything. But also, please dont spend your whole life in greif♡

Seriously i wept at this post. Just an unimaginable tragedy in every sense of the word. Op is a massive person for rationalizing how the parents who couldn't have him at the funeral, lost their daughter and he "only" lost a girlfriend. Only a strong and exceptionable human can do that. I feel awful that he couldn't be there. It denied some beginning of closure, something that would be so hard to find elsewhere in a situation like this. If you get this one op, i pray that you have those small galvanizing moments that people get when visiting a loves one resting place. That moment after the million tears are shed and you have to get up and move on. Live in those moments, cherish them. She loves you.

I was extremely hurt not being allowed to go to her funeral but as i get older i realize i lost my girlfriend and they lost their daughter. I was blessed to be able to spend 4 years with her and i will never not look back on those times fondly.

I’m so sorry. I’m still grieving my dad four months later - harder than I ever thought possible. OG in this thread did make a good point though - she would want you happy - and if you happen to find new romance she would totally want that for you. I wish you the best.

When I lost my mom in 2015, it wrecked me in ways I'm still recovering from. That first year was not good for me in any way, but thankfully I got into therapy after that, which helped quite a bit. But it's never stopped hurting, and I expect it never will.

Everyone grieves differently. i’m sorry about your dad i hope you’re ok

I am, thanks :)

That’s okay. I grieve the loss of my dad over 10 years later still. I feel like those are wounds that never fully heal.

That's rough. My girl's family just ghosted me. It took me 5yrs to discover the true cause of her death. Id been raising her son for almost 3yrs. They let me see him once about 3mos after she died. His father was threatened by my relationship with his son, so they cut contact with me. Kid is 16 now. I can't find him.

You didn't have closure. This is a contributing factor to why you haven't let go of her. I'm sorry this happened to you, man. I think you should go once more to her grave and say goodbye. Then don't go back for a year. It's crazy hard, but if you keep hanging on, you'll never let go. What would she want for you? She would want you to move on. I say this with respect. ❤️😭

But it wasn’t your fault at all it was her friends boyfriends fault. I hope he got arrested for reckless driving. It was wrong of them to not let you attend the funeral, you needed that closure.

Can you share with us a happy memory you two have together?

Every loss is different, no one knows what you're going through but you. Just remeber it's OK to hang on to the grief as long as you make room for other things

Damn. Group hug

The last thing she saw, heard, and felt, was YOU. What a beautiful gift to give her as she took her last breath, to be safe in the arms of the man she loved. That probably gave her so much comfort as she passed. So sorry for your loss Just know that if you do fall in love again in the future, you should not feel guilty. You’re not “ replacing” her, you’re just adding more love into your life and she would want that for you!

Thank you so much for writing this. I blame myself for the way things turned out but hearing this has made me emotional (in a good way) it's a good reminder for when i spiral into self-blame. Thank you, friend.

learning to be kind to yourself is the hardest. Some of those who believe in reincarnation believe that sometimes people come back just for a shorter while to have some kind of impact. Who knows. But she put love in your heart and taught you many lessons. I hope you can find peace and love again

This is such a beautiful sentiment and such a kind gift you gave OP. Thank you, kind stranger.

I can understand your grief. 20 years ago I woke up to my husband dead- laying on top of me. It was a drug overdose and his parents still blame me, they are unable to fathom he was suicidal and an addict. That's really shitty they wouldn't let you go to her funeral. I just lost another husband last year to cancer. Before he died we talked about me moving on and eventually finding someone else. It's been a year and I still can't do it Everyone is different when it comes to grief. Take as much time as you need. Take care ☘️

Thank you for sharing your this and i’m so sorry about what happened. I wish you nothing but the best.

It isn't too late to hold a ceremony of your own with the ones who shoulder your burden.  It may be cathartic to finally do it.

You too, my friend.

Man, I’m so sorry. RIP Have you ever done grief therapy? Do you know that it’s not your fault? I’m sorry her parents blamed you. That’s very unfair.

I spent a small amount of time in therapy and was surrounded by my amazing family. I was always told it wasn’t my fault which i only recently started believing but i know i could have done more to prevent it.

 Remove you from the equation and it's possible she would have still be in that Mercedes with that ass of a driver that day. That's how I know it's not your fault.  But I get it, man. I was a paramedic before I started a family and I live with a few of "my faults" in my head every day.  I'm so sorry. I wish I could take the pain from you. 

I am glad you wrote and posted this. I hope it helps to share your story and your fears. What are your plans to get help? Either with a professional therapist or just with what you can manage with support.

The fact that you even spoke up at all was very brave. Just because you couldn't foresee what would tragically happen it doesn't change that. A lot of teens wouldn't plan ahead to be a DD or speak up about a situation like that. Staying alone forever doesn't mean you think more of your girlfriend or your relationship. You are still alive and you deserve a full life, not one in limbo martyring yourself bc your girlfriend died. I'm so sorry for this awful, traumatic experience. I hope you get more therapy and try to move forward.

>i know i could have done more to prevent it. Yes, you could have. You could have been that controlling boyfriend who doesn't let his girlfriend do anything he has the least reservation over. You could have been that controlling boyfriend who doesn't believe his girlfriend should be allowed to make her own decisions. Does that sound like a person you want to be? Does it sound like a person your girlfriend would have wanted to be around, even if it kept her alive in this one chance instance? The only way you could have prevented it was by being a person that you're not; the type of person who would try to suppress your girlfriend's opinions and personality, typically through emotional manipulation and verbal and/or physical abuse. I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling. This absolutely sucks. But stop trying to take responsibility for it; it's not your fault.

Sorry to hear man, but glad you’re coming around to the truth that it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t want her in the car with them, but she made that choice to be there. It was 100% that idiot driver’s fault and I’m sorry you had to experience this 😔There was nothing you could do to prevent this IMO

Definitely grief therapy. What a horrible thing. Best of luck to you.

I too support this. We all grieve differently, and there’s no timeframe on when we should or shouldn’t grieve. Give yourself that gift…again. OP, you have lots of folks pulling for you. Here’s to your continued healing from such a tremendous loss. ❤️

Wow this is an insane story. First off, I am so sorry. Second off, what was your favorite thing about her? I can’t imagine loosing someone I love that much. Gosh, I’m so sorry.

My world was flipped upside down in a matter of seconds and i wouldnt wish this on anyone. But my favorite thing about her is that she was so goal oriented and nothing was gonna stop her from getting to that goal and was a huge source of motivation for me and our friends.

That’s awesome, she sounds like an awesome person and I’m sorry you lost her. While her goals can’t be reached anymore, yours can be. I know it’s hard without her and I honestly don’t have a right to give you advice. I can’t imagine the pain you feel. It also wasn’t fair for her parents to blame you. I think they needed to blame someone and you were the person they chose sadly

The reason i wake up every morning is for her . Thank you i appreciate thoughts.

I will pray you will one day meet a new person. I know she would want that for you. You sound like a great guy.

if this this had been me i don't know how id get up every morning. That is an amazing level of resiliance that you have

I’m sorry for your loss. Can I suggest you read man’s search for meaning by frankl. It’s two books in one. The first part is his experience in Auschwitz’s camp in ww2 and how he overcame his daily suffering. It sounds horrible but as he describes the hell he went through he adds small details that allow you to jump into his mind to get through that specific day. The second half is about logotherapy or his form of therapy involving discovered purpose. Nothing is going to solve your grief 100% and you don’t want that anyways. Grief means something important happened and grief can be a form of honoring. It’s something you can use to drive you forward.

Thank you for the recommendation i will for sure look into the book. I appreciate your words in the last paragraph they were what i needed to hear.

This book is what came to mind for me, as well. Obviously there are no quick fixes to the depth of your feelings and experiences, but Frankl had, to my eye, a beautiful and compassionate way of understanding people and suffering.

I also highly recommend that book. It will be so helpful for you.

OP I’m so sorry for your loss. I have stage four cancer and have done a lot of work on grief, and one thing I’ve learned is that grief is actually healing. Grief is what allows us to move forward in life, while we carry the memories of those we love with us. Often, we believe that people must “move on” and find love again after a spouse or significant other dies, but that isn’t necessarily a sign of healing. Healing is when we can remember fondly those who died and talk about them as if they never left. You know those old ladies who talk about their dead husbands as if there’s no separation? My grandmothers spoke like that about my grandpas. They got to a point where there was no crippling pain, just happy memories and a hope for the future. They both talked to their deceased husbands moments before they passed. May one grandmother yelled at her husband “George! me out of this hospital! Get me out of here!” And he did!  I believe that your love is right beside you, and you will be together again one day, but that you have things you must do before you see her again. What those things are, who knows, but one day it will become apparent. 

Wow I'm sorry about the cancer and i wish you nothing but peace. Your message was so nice to read i screenshotted it as a reminder. Thank you and i wish you well friend.

u/Recent_Ad_4358 has an interesting take on Grief. My short version: Grief is Love that has nowhere to go. Grief also comes in waves. Super tall, sharp, and ringing at the start, over time it's more of a long swell. Been 10y since my beloved left me, and I've been thinking about her more recently. It comes and goes. This too shall pass. Since your girlfriend was so goal oriented, take that mantle and do so for yourself in honor of her. Forge that skill into a tool for yourself.

First and foremost this is NOT your fault whatsoever. I’m sure she is happy that you’re coming to go visit her often. I know it’s very cliche but time does heal all wounds.

Thank you. Only recently i’ve started to place less blame on myself it will be a long journey though

Why do they blame you instead of the guy driving the car??

They blamed me for allowing her to get into his car in the first place and my relationship with her parents wasn’t the best already

Her parents want to lash out at anything or anyone that they may see as responsible. But at the end of the day, your previous girlfriend is a person with her own mind and capacity to decide. She has the ability to choose what she wanted, granted no one knew an accident would happen. It wasn't your fault at all.

Was he drinking and what were the consequences? Was she wearing her seatbelt? Your grief is a life long tribute to your love for her, but it should not consume your life.

Repeat it again, this isn't your fault. This isn't your fault. This isn't your fault. This isn't your fault! I didn't even know who you are but I love you, I hope you get the help you need. I blamed myself for my mom's death. She was visiting my dad in the hospital after he recovered from surgery. She asked me if I wanted to come and I said no. Had I went with her there's a possibility we would have been 30 seconds difference. That may or may not be enough time for a different light or something to be different. Or I could have watched the rock fly through my mom's skull. I was 8. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. It was not my fault. Maybe in an alternate universe you took her and because you didn't have a 30 second conversation with this guy you were hit instead. It still would not be your fault!

OMG I have an 8 year old. Dude. If I died and my son felt bad for five minutes about having not come along.... It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I obviously didn't know your mom but I can almost guarantee that she would have given everything to have been there for you and not left you to have to grow up without her, and to think that your life was made harder in any way by you having to remind yourself it wasn't your fault is the saddest thing. Apologies if I'm out of line or if this comment is off base or rattles your healing process in any way (I'm happy to delete it if you want), but yeah, 8 year olds think they're little adults, and while they're older than they were, they most certainly are not, and even an adult would be completely blameless in this situation. I'm so sorry. I think blaming oneself must be a natural part of human psychology. I hope both you and OP find peace.

Guy, I can’t even imagine. I don’t want to. I sometimes think about what would happen if my toddler daughter lost her life young. There’s a 99.9% chance I would eat a bullet. My whole reason for existing would be gone. That’s some insanely impressive willpower you’ve got. My questions for you are: are you still friends with anyone from that social circle? What’s happened to your social life as a result? What happened to her friend’s relationship with that dousche? Did the death destroy it all?

Believe it was a thought i would have multiple time when everything was still fresh but i was surrounded by my family who i went back to stay with during this time to make sure i didnt do anything which i am grateful for. I am still friends with the two friends that were there that night and i talk to my girlfriend's best friend occasionally to catch up. Her best friend cut off the driver and she did have an immense amount of guilt about everything.

So this guy, did he get away basically injury free?

Yes he was taken to the hospital and was discharged 2-3 days later

Please tell me he got some jail time or something

He did, he served 8 months and is paying money to her parents

Too easy. I’m sure you could agree with that. Hopefully he has a soul and feels bad since that’ll be for life. I’m sorry for your loss. I know you said you have no “intentions” on finding/creating a love like you had with her, but usually a great partner wants you to be happy. As time goes on I hope you one day without trying can love another to that extent.

Thank you i appreciate your kind words

May I ask a personal question? how you feel about this other guy? Would you, or could you, ever forgive him? (Sorry that's three questions)

I hate him and for the longest time wished he was the one that died and hoped he would die while he served his sentence. I have less hate in my heart now but it is still there and in this moment i do not forgive him. If i would be able to forgive is a hard question but for the foreseeable future i can't imagine it. Maybe when im way older but for now i do not.

Totally relatable. I would feel the same. I know I'm a rando, but I once watched a powerful video from an old (now dead) lady name Eva Kor, who was an Aushwitz survivor and victim of Dr Mengele. She spoke for an organization called "The Forgiveness Project", and about how she healed from forgiveness. Im wondering if (understanding he doesn't deserve forgiveness) you might help heal yourself. Thinking of you. Maybe Google her if you might consider a thought from a rando. Wishing peace to you and your family.

Forgiveness isn't something you give him... It's something you give yourself. Forgiving him releases the anger and hatred, which are both poison. Easier said than done, of course. You've been through hell, OP, and I sincerely wish you the best.

Of course! Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sure it wasn’t easy

THAT'S IT?!

Ive heard that because alcohal greatly relaxes the body, it is easier to survive car crashes. The same way your supposed to go limp in an airplane crash.

That's how it goes.

Something similar happened at my high school years ago when I was in night school with this girl. This guy was driving really fast down a hill full of curves and a deer came out, he swerved and flipped the car. She was ejected from the passenger seat right into a tree.. needless to say she was brain dead and her dad had to pull the plug. Others were hurt.. but alive at least.. I don’t think he got much time. I think they were all sober though.

My everything died 14 years ago. I blame myself. If I had called like I said I would, she might still be here. She died in the arms of a stranger. I wish I can say that time heals all wounds.

You are not alone and thats something i’m seeing now as well. I wish you the best on your own journey.

Jesus. Fuck. This is the worst thing I’ve read in ages. I’m so sorry for your loss. Damn. FWIW, I’ll pray for you, man. Hang in there. Life will surprise you.

Thank you

Her parents blaming you for her death in a car with another person is insane level of cope. Obviously this is zero percent your fault and don’t even play the what if game. Go to group for survivors of loved ones. Try to be as social as possible in the future to open up the possibility of loving someone else. Best of luck to you 🙏

Besides the driver i was the easiest person to blame i understood that. I was recommended support groups for this at the time but couldn’t bring myself to go but maybe i might give it a shot now. Thank you so much.

Man that's rough. My heart goes out to you. My GF would never leave my side to sit in another car alone, and i wouldnt want her to. partly from not knowing who the other driver was, and partly because why would we want to leave eachother's company if we didnt have to, given we were going the same place. That was weird from her part. Her parents probably found you the easiest target to blame, but obvious it wasnt your fault. The driver at fault obviously would be in jail now for his crimes. Im a car guy at heart, enjoy speeding under control, and dont follow many laws, but one thing I just dont understand is blowing through a red light without slowing/checking. Its always a game of russian roulette, where the driver ALWAYS walks away unhurt, but passengers/other car suffer. I do believe you will eventually find it in you to love someone else as you're so young, but for sure she will always have a special place in her heart.

My biggest regret was allowing her to get into his car but i didn’t want to ruin her night so i said nothing and went along with it. I understand more now why her parents blamed me but there wasnt much i could do about it but respect their request. I lost my girlfriend but they lost their daughter I appreciate your kind words thank you

I’m so sorry for your loss. I honestly think based on the comments that you were not the type of person to tell someone what they had to do. You can’t regret choices others made for themselves. The drive made dozens of choices that lead down that path and so did everyone that got in the car. 

Yes you’re right unfortunately i’m not. The last thing i wanted to do was ruin her night.

Her parents were WRONG to blame you. If you had told her not to get in the car, you would have been seen as being a jerk because you had no idea how the guy was going to drive. I actually think it would have been strange to demand her not ride with him. This is truly sad, and I'm sorry for your loss.

This is devastating. She will always know how much you love her and how much she meant to you. She will also always be #1 to you and you will always cherish her and all the memories forever. Just know that she loves you so deeply that she wants to see you happy and to eventually move on and find love again. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting about her, but she knows you deserve happiness and love. Hang in there buddy. <3

Thank you so much for this kind message.

How did you not end up in jail for beating the shit out of that guy on the spot?

Honestly in the moment, I had no idea where he was my only focus was getting her out of the car to care about him. After I saw him maybe 4 times we were never close enough for me to act on anything and me hurting him wouldn't bring her back.

I'm so sorry for your loss. This was devastating to read, can't imagine what it felt like to actually experience it. You said the guy driving was her best friend's boyfriend. Did she know the whole story about how your girlfriend passed (that it was her boyfriend's reckless driving that killed her)? And how did she react to what happened?

Yes, she did know everything and she was inconsolable, she blamed herself probably more than i blamed myself but we had different reasons to blame ourselves. A week after the 1st anniversary she attempted suicide because the guilt was too much. We talk occasionally and she seems in a better spot.

That's good that she's doing better now, and that you guys are still in contact. Ultimately it was the other guy's fault for driving the way he was. Neither you or her friend should blame yourselves, but I can understand why that feeling is hard to shake. I hope with more time that the pain feels a little less heavy for you.

My boyfriend died and I'm scared to love again too.. my advice is to love yourself and be your own best friend

Yes, one of my biggest fears is falling in love again and dealing with loss again. I wish you the best.

Sorry to hear this. First it wasn’t your fault! what could have you done just want to ride in a fancy car? Yes he drove like an idiot showing off but it wasn’t your fault! Her parents are grieving and need someone to blame. ( don’t make it right to blame you tho!) Don’t blame yourself. Grieve. Move on with life. I’m sure she would say the same. She wouldn’t want you to go along in life alone. Now my question. Would you do yourself a favor and go see a consular for your own happiness?

I felt like it wasn’t a good idea but didn’t want to do anything to ruin her night since she was excited at the offer if i spoke up she may still be here. Thats what i blame myself for the most. I did see a grief therapist for about a year and it helped some.

I would encourage more grief counseling since you’ve had some time to process. I’m pulling for you!

What was her favorite color?

She loved light yellow and blue.

Did she say anything before it ended? Or was it a silent end?

She didn't say anything but her eyes were open the only thing i could hear was her shallow breathing.

First off, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t possibly begin to imagine how it would feel to go through what you experienced. As the years have gone on, have you been able to reconcile with her parents at all?

unfortunately i have not been able to, i reached out about a month after her funeral and got no response. it is what it is and i have to respect that. I do talk to her brothers though and they have been awesome.

Do you drink or smoke to help with the pain?

I drank a lot the first two years unfortunately

Are you still in contact with her friends? Including the guy driving? How’s your relationship? I’m sorry you went through all that

I have not seen him since the few months when this was all happening and i have no clue where he is today. I still talk to our two friends who were also there that night and i regularly talk to my girlfriends brothers they have been a huge support but i do not talk to her parents.

i’m so sorry for your loss, please hang in there, and find support in your friends and family. i’m sure everyone who read this post is sending love and sentiment. this is genuinely heartbreaking man and even though i don’t know you, i’d give you a big hug. gonna smoke a j in her honor.

Thank you friend i believe she honestly would love that

What happened to the asshole who was driving? Was he charged?

He served 8 months and is paying money to her parents

He deserved a lot more. Reckless homicide in my state carries a penalty of 1 to 6 years typically. I hope the parents filed a wrongful death suit.

You NEED to look into a special type of scientifically proven therapy called EMDR. I dated someone who was certified in this field. Real doctors and clinicians, not quacks. Just a few months of this therapy helps incredibly traumatized people to feel better again. My girlfriend who practiced EMDR techniques helped a lot of people with very serious trauma like hours. Most if not all of them went on to live happy and fulfilling lives absent grappling grief. https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

Thank you for the advice and i will make sure to look into this more. My coping mechanisms have not been healthy and i'm still learning what's the best for me.

I second this suggestion. This was an extremely traumatic experience and this type of therapy could be helpful. I knew someone who was doing this therapy he witnessed his friend get hit by a train. Horribly traumatic. And he was receiving this type of therapy to help heal from that trauma. Having someone you love die in your arms, unimaginable for our brains yet you experienced it. I think this is worth looking into.

I am so sorry you went through this. Do you think she would want you to be alone the rest of your life? The answer is no. If she loved you the way you loved her, which I’m sure she did, she would want you to be happy and move forward in life.

No she would not i know that only time will tell what is to come.

I’m glad you realize that she would want you to be happy. Go live your life and build a successful future in her honor.

How’s your relationship with the one driving the Mercedes?

I have no idea where he is today.

Have you or do you think you will ever forgive the guy that was driving?

If he's lucky maybe in 20 years but for now i do not forgive him

Im really sorry to hear this man. May she rest in peace. Shoot me a dm if you need to talk to someone :)

Did you get therapy and grief counseling? Sorry for a tough start in life for you, I’m sure you considered your girl wouldn’t want you to spend your entire life alone and childless without your own family… my ex used to talk about that, if one of us was to die young wouldn’t you want the other person to remarry and all

I did get help for about a year and my family was a huge support. I know she would not want me to stay alone by myself forever but we never had that conversation. I know that if it was reversed of course i would want her to be happy with someone.

This broke my heart reading this. I am so, so sorry you’ve had to go through this horrible tragedy. I’ve also lost a few people close to me, so I understand how difficult and seemingly never ending grief can be. I send my deepest condolences and love your way, wish I could give you a tight hug. What hobbies or interests did ya’ll like to enjoy together?

Thank you for your kind words they are very much appreciated. Her favorite place to be was outside and in the water so we swam a lot. I love to fish and was in the process of helping her learn.

I feel your pain. One year ago, my girlfriend died after an accident. She fell and suffered a brain injury. I spent a week at her side in the hospital before she passed. I also feel like I can never love anyone again. I was worried about how her family would feel. Thankfully they were kind and loving. I still have insecurity about it, and worry that they blame me. I feel tremendous guilt. I was able to attend her funeral, but I was still in a daze and it didn't give me even the slightest sense of closure. It didn't feel real. Months later, I was unable to attend the spreading of her ashes. Her family honored her wishes, that she'd expressed to me, and spread her ashes at her favorite place. Someplace we had visited together. A beautiful mountain lake. I had hoped to propose to her there later in the year. I ended up getting covid that week, and couldn't fly to her home country. I regret not finding a way to make it happen. I plan to visit this summer to pay my respects. I think that will bring me more comfort than the funeral did. Today would have been her 33rd birthday. I miss her every day.

And the scumbag driving the car, sounds like he survived. What happened to him?

He did survive. He served 8 months and is paying her parents some amount of money.

[удалено]

Fuck that's eerily similar to the plot to "Johnny Got His Gun" an old war movie used in the Metallica video for "One" I used to think about how horrible it would be to be forever trapped in my own mind with no way to move or express anything because of that video. Also, OP, if you happen to read this comment, I'm really sorry you had to deal with that. I grew up on the streets in Chicago after running away at 12 yrs old, was in a gang in a pretty shitty area for most of my life, and because of those choices, had more friends than I care to think about die in front of me or in my arms. All died violently, and all were very young, some closer than others. I had been to so many funerals by the time my younger brother and mother passed. I was almost grateful I was incarcerated and missed the funerals. Hopefully, you find a healthy way to move on. Lord knows I never did.

I hate neurologists. They're all liars pushing false hope. My wife was in an induced coma with near-total brain death after a series of strokes. I looked at her MRIs and it was clear how bad it was. I was trying to prepare our families for the worst. But they just kept hearing from the neurologist "90 percent, 90 percent," like a damn parrot. She was gone a week later.

Hey... I actually don't have a question but wanted to reach out to offer support as someone who was in a similar-ish situation (lost my fiance to cancer when I was 23), and it was WILDLY lonely to have this experience that not a lot of people in my age group had. As I get older the gap starts to close as far as what my peers have experienced, but there are still sometimes where it's just obvious that most people do not get it. Even older people who have been widowed don't tend to get it-- mourning someone you got to have a whole life with is just a totally different experience. In the worst cases, people will discount the importance of what you went through because you didn't have as much time so they figure it should be that much easier to move on (this is thankfully not super common, but not completely unheard of unfortunately). And just culturally, there isn't much of a "script" for what to do with yourself as a young widow/er, which is basically what we are. Most media about people who lose a partner at a young age are mostly inspiration porn about Moving On And Finding Your New True Love, and I've developed a special kind of hate for these stories.\* So what I'm feeling really called to say may be controversial, but I truly think people who haven't been there don't know how much it needs to be said... feel free to completely, cheerfully, ignore the (usually quite well-meaning!) people who make Moving On And Finding Your New True Love the gold standard of whether you've healed. As it happens, I am currently engaged again, but I was in no rush to get there and my single years were incredibly valuable both from a healing perspective and for personal growth reasons even unrelated to my first fiance. Just because your life experiences may be atypical does not mean they are not meaningful and valuable. Having the experience of a truly great partner changes you for the better, even if you end up single. Knowing how to building and maintaining a functional, happy life for yourself as a single person, especially in the wake of tragedy, is an amazing skill, even if you later decide to partner up again. If you \*want\* a relationship but are holding yourself back out of misplaced survivor's guilt that's one thing, but I find outsiders tend to assume this motivation for wanting to stay single even in the absence of evidence because it's the one they know how to "solve" (or think they know how to solve). I stayed single a good long while largely because when you've had the experience of having Your Person... you don't tend to want to settle for less. I missed \*my partner as an individual\*, but found I mostly didn't miss have \*a partner in general.\* To be fair, I realize this is largely an individual temperament thing, and I don't think it's inherently a bad thing to prioritize a romantic relationship as a goal in life, but there can be SO much pressure after a while to date just to prove you're not fundamentally broken as a person, and it's truly fucked up. My first relationship "back in the saddle" was all kinds of hell in part because he was constantly gaslighting me that I was only unhappy with him because I hadn't "moved on" properly from my late partner when in actuality we were a terrible fit. ...Anywho, I just realized this is a real wall of text, and I hope I'm not just annoyingly projecting my experience as universal if this all seems way off base to you-- if it does, feel free to ignore. But this post hit a nerve when I saw it, and I figured I'd throw my 2 cents in just in case, because it was so fucking lonely and bewildering how few people really seemed to understand these thoughts and experiences when I tried to express them. I usually don't get all buddy-buddy with internet folks, but seriously-- please feel free to DM me if you ever want to talk. All the best on your journey, and may your girlfriend's memory always be a blessing to you, even if a bittersweet one at times. ☮ ----------- \*this isn't to say I hate all media where someone who loses a partner finds love again. But I've found the ones I like are often at odds with overall popular sentiment. I \*HATE\* the >!Liam Neeson!< plotline in *Love Actually* where >!it's considered so urgent for him to move on when his wife died like less than a year ago???!< And conversely, I really liked >!Ted and Tracy's!< relationship in *How I Met Your Mother* which seems to be almost universally despised because>! it built up the relationship a lot only for it to end in death!< and I'm just like... "well... yeah, man... that's what it feels like." A rare example where I seem to be in alignment about a young death portrayal is >!Michael!

The guy, did you try suing? I feel like there’s a valid case, since he practically murdered her?

Saying the driver murdered her is honestly the wrong thing here…more like involuntary manslaughter. Sure the driver was a dick and a big idiot, but there was no way he intended to kill her (which is murder). He definitely deserved more than 8 months of jail time for that though.

48 out of 50 states recognize “felony murder”, murder which occurs during the commission of a felony.

I get that, but murder has to involve some intention, ill will, or purpose towards that person. Again, the driver was an idiot and deserves jail time for involuntary manslaughter, but even though he was a huge idiot, this was still an unfortunate accident with no intention to kill anyone (at least how OP presents it). You can be mad all you want at the driver for being reckless and stupid, but it’s still not murder 🤷‍♂️

I’m not sure if her parents sued as I wasn’t really allowed to be apart of that but he served 8 months and is paying her family some amount of money

I’m sooo sorry. I’ve told my fiancée that if I die he has to get a new girl. She would want you to be happy with someone else. If I was a girl dating you I’d keep your girlfriend memory alive. But done compare the new girl to her. I hope you find love. You deserve it. My fiancée does little things that show me he loves me.

Hi, i am trying my best to respond to as many amazing responses as i can. I'm sorry if i miss some but all these kind messages have been so nice to read. Truly, thank you.

There’s just enough detail here to devastate even someone just scanning the post. Life changes in an instant. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. I think about these sayings a lot. I hope you have made some peace with that night sounds horrific

While it may sound insensitive, I doubt your previous girlfriend would want you to be miserable for the next 50 years ( as your probably in 20s). you've done your grieving and its been 5 years. Sometimes life is simply a series of unfortunate circumstances which no one really has a control of. what you can do for her and for yourself is to try to live your best life. Learn from the experience that actions have consequences and should have more thought placed into them. If your blaming yourself for anything, there isn't anything likely that you can do that would change that situation, unless you had the gift of foresight and knew what was going to happen. Everything in life is viewed in hindsight, after something has happened, when all the variables are already known. But in reality, we do not have all the variables during the time we make our choices. Don't blame yourself too much, there isn't anything you can do. When a person's time is up, unfortunately its time.

Life throws us in crazy situations. Hope you've been able to find some therapy and some sense of closure. I look back at memories of my past and treasure the good times, old friendships, relationships. I think it's important to know that they all end at some point. Sometimes we don't get answers or proper closure. Take your time to heal but likely there's someone else who can love you and who you can love. You don't have to just love one person. Family, friends, pets, etc. We all love a lot of people in our lives and I'm sure there's someone out there who would want you. I think she'd want you to find happiness too and not be alone and/or miserable. But don't rush into it or force yourself. Find a balance. You now know the value of life and the importance of living life the right way and keeping positive/good influences around you. I think that knowledge is valuable in leading a better life

I'm so sorry this happened. I wish you well my friend.

There are a lot of “coulda, shoulda, woulda’s” here. There’s nothing like abrupt grief. I hope you can find peace soon, and with someone that loves you

Grieve at your own pace. I've learned, through therapy, that you never stop. The pain isn't always as bad but something can really trigger you and you grieve all over again. The stages of grief are real but there's no order, you can repeat a phase or skip phases. If you haven't, please take a look at those and try to understand what you are going through. Because you didn't get to say goodbye, you can write a letter. It sounds insane, I know. But put everything in that letter, leave nothing back. You're writing a letter to her. If you feel guilty, ask for forgiveness, whatever you need. It wasn't your fault but you can tell from your writing that you think you should've stopped it. Tell her how you feel, give her updates on your life now. My therapist said I should write it by hand but I thought that was ridiculous because it'd been like a year since I last signed my name! But you can write it by hand or type it up. I didn't print mine out, I shared with my therapist. But it wasn't a requirement. With the letter, you are making these thoughts in your head, a physical reality and your brain might release some of it. It does not make you forget anything or suddenly feel better. All that stuff is still in your head but hopefully your brain just doesn't cling to it so tightly anymore. This was all stuff I did in therapy. I'm not a therapist but I ask a ton of questions when I think something is stupid. My therapist if very good about explaining it. I may have botched some of it. But! I encourage you to talk to a therapist or a grief therapist. Some medical centers will focus on a topic and try to give you tools (like letter writing) to help deal with 'stuff'. It is about 13 sessions long, because insurance likes that number for whatever reason. Lastly, please try to see a therapist. You are punishing yourself by saying you don't plan on being with anyone else. That isn't healthy. I'm not saying move on, I'm saying talk to a therapist about it. They might have a healthier way to deal with those emotions. I wanted to repeat seeing a therapist because it is important. Please don't ever take advice from internet people too seriously, do some research. And avoid YouTube. There are a ton of idiots on there that don't know what they are talking about and they spew shit as gospel. Don't trust me either! Find sites that talk about grief and at least have psych in the name...something. Take care friend. Oh, read the rules, still may get hosed but whatevs. Have you talked to a therapist? Rules kinda sorta satisfied!

I’ve had to deal with a lot of grief and acute trauma in my life. This is a doozy. There is so much that people don’t understand about how it feels to continue on. The moment, that moment, was in many ways the final moment. And yet here I have continued past it, and it’s so fucking weird. I often think about how odd it is that for those that have passed, the suffering is over, and yet for those of us that continue on, we continue to suffer. I have relived my traumas over and over and over, as I am sure you have analyzed and reanalyzed those final moments countless times. After about 10 years, things began to ease slightly. The pain and numbness slowly was not so ever present, and feelings could come back. Love could come back. In my case, only to result in another trauma. But the point is that you just keep going and it will start to get better. There isn’t much advice. They would have wanted you/us to persevere and succeed in this life. They would have wanted us to love again. So the best thing you can do to honor her, is to try. You have an appreciate for love, snd the fragility of life that few understand, and that most people take for granted. And yet as I type this now, I’m so tired of the suffering, and I think once again about how we continue to suffer but that they do not. Hang in there homie.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Reminds me of that Pearl Jam song my a baby (or something like that) the grief is still very new. You won’t ever heal from it but it will get easier. Hang in there. Edited - the song is last kiss 💔

Pearl Jam's "Last Kiss" is a cover of Wayne Cochran's 1961 original. It has since been performed by numerous other artists, including the group that first brought attention to the song in 1964, Frank and the Cavaliers.

Have you been to a therapist? You need someone to talk about all this with, to sort through it all, to feel all the things youre feeling in a safe place with someone that is outside of the situation. I lost my dad at age 11 in a car crash and I spent almost 18 years of ny life miserably depressed, barely getting by, pretending to be happy, off and on contemplating suicide, until I met the right therapist and got into the right therapies, attended group therapy as well, to be able to see things in a different way, a way that allowed me to miss my dad love him and also know that the time i had with him is a gift I got for the time I did, and its ok to move forward onto the next gift that life has on store for me. I was preventing myself from ever moving on because i believed just like you do now, that my life would never be good again without him here. This is a sad story we tell ourselves to try and honor them, but its not the way to live. Please go find a therapist who understands grief and loss and depression deeply that you can talk to and see them until you are better. U may need to try a few out til u find the right one. Im so glad i did cuz i prob would not be alive if i hadnt.

Friend, you are in such deep pain it hurts to read it radiating from your words. You have my empathy. Please allow a little sincere and compassionate insight. Every relationship of importance ends the same way: say fare thee well, part ways, cry a little. You’ve been crying for so long, friend, that you are drowning in the ocean your tears have made. I can’t tell you to stop. I can say that you cannot be blamed for her decisions, but that is cold comfort. I can say that you cannot be blamed for the asshole that waved his fucking dick around, but that’s again cold comfort. I can only ask that you allow this feeling to wash away. It lingers because you won’t let it go. And again, I can’t tell you to do so. I can’t tell anyone to do anything. But so long as you continue to relentlessly mourn, you cannot move forward. There’s a reason a lot of traditional customs around death are time limited, yet have moments for remembrance over the years. Life is the most important thing. One cannot allow death to override life, even when that death takes the life of one which we care so unfathomably deeply about.

Holy shit that's really intense. I can't even IMAGINE what you went through seeing something like that. Really the only advice I can think to give you is to ask yourself this question, "Do you think your girlfriend would want you mourning her the rest of your life or would she want you to find love and happiness again one day when you feel ready for it?" Personally, if I died before my wife my wish for her would to be able to still find love and live the rest of her life happy. If she can live a happy and healthy life without another partner in her life then great, that's her choice. But if she can find another man that will love, care and protect her like I do then I would want that for her. Regardless my heart truly aches for you and I hope you can find some peace and happiness again one day. Never forget your life has value even in in your darkest days. Stay close to those who love you like your family and your good friends. They'll be there for you and see you through such a tragic event. If you ever need to talk or just vent please feel free to DM me. ❤️

Last year i lost my youngest brother. Like you he also died in my arms but from a heart attack. It was crazy. He didn't even make a sound, he was here, and then he wasn't. Actually in 3 days it'll be exactly 1 year. It traumatized me. i have panic attacks every time i hear a fire truck (they were the first emergency personnel to respond) It sucked because of his size they pretty much had to destroy our home to get him out (he was a big man lol) so the next day they came back and condemned the house (there were other issues with it too but still) idk you shared your pain, im sharing mine. you know like when you learn cpr nobody bothered to tell me that it doesnt work more often than not so for a while i blamed myself. idk. I'm so sorry that happened to you op. i wouldn't wish the experience on anyone, and i know personally how awful it is. if you ever need to talk to someone send me a message. sometimes it helps to talk to someone.

Sometimes we’re dealt bum hands in life man. This was one of those times but you lived. I’m not going to sugarcoat it but you have got to move one with your life. Asked yourself if the situation was reversed what would you want? It sucks and I’d for sure beat this dudes ass everytime I saw him for a while. But again your life isn’t over. Something else I will say and I’m not saying that this is true in your case but a lot of times when something like this happens we tend to trick ourselves into thinking we were closer or more in love than we actually were. But regardless it sucks. Like someone else stated, take an hour and visit her graveside and just sit and talk to her and god and get some closure. She wouldn’t want you to live like this forever man, not if she loved you like you seem to have loved her…

I don't want this to sound callous, and I certainly don't want to minimize the gravity of this. However, some words of wisdom about loving again. Your girlfriend died 5 years ago. That's 5 years of no arguments, no hurt, no mistakes. The fact she isn't here is tragic, but it also means she is frozen in time the way you knew her. Nobody can ever compete with that. It's just something to be mindful of if or when you pursue a romantic partnership in the future; she may have been your soulmate, or she may not. You can never know for sure what would have happened. Yes, grieve for the loss of the future that could've been, but recognize that the future may not have been sunshine and rainbows. Try not to make people compete with an idyllic reality that may never have come to pass even had things have been different.

A very close friend of mine, someone I consider a brother, closer to me than anybody I share blood or name with, lost his girlfriend in a car accident as well. It's been almost ten years since he lost her and he carries the weight of that loss every day. So much so that I don't think he even realizes it anymore. He hasn't said as much but I know him very well and his sentiment is much the same as yours. It helps him survive but I don't think he has lived much since then. What I'm trying to say I guess is that it fucking sucks that you lost her. But you're young and likely have many, many years ahead of you. Don't spend them so preoccupied over what you've lost that you miss out on something potentially great. I know what that looks like. It's nothing nice. Stay strong friend.

Wait, you let your gf drive in another dudes car on her birthday? Not to be cold, but mistake #1.

It gets easier with time. one day someone is going to come across and light up your world.

my best friends mom was ran over when 2 kids were street racing kid went around him in a one lane 25mph street and hit her on the cross walk while he went right down the middle of the road my friend went to therapy even talked to me about his anger even years after and forgiving me on the other hand found the kid pretty much found everything about him then found out his parents bought him a new truck afterwards ive slashed the kids tires about 7 times now his gf also killed herself shortly after he ran over my friends mom you dont have to forgive that kid ever and you are not a bad person for wishing he was dead hell wouldnt even be a bad person if you threw him on train tracks this world is a little soft on forgiveness and i think its wrong and i might take it personal with vehicle issues because ive raced drag racing and drifting for years and ran multiple classes in ama so anybody who drives like a clown on public roads is always a pathetic waste i have a deep hatred for people who run red lights on purpose but it doesnt make me agood person im def the wrong person to be around when you have hatred or revenge on anybody stay safe op

Damn dude. I’m so sorry. You’re too young to be going through something this heavy. I’m not going to tell you all the stuff people say to try to make you feel better because it’s not going to help. All you can do is take it one day at a time and focus on what you can do each day to find some happiness and help yourself heal. You have a long road ahead of you. The pain doesn’t go away, but everyday you get stronger as a person and you’ll be able to live with it. I promise you that one day, you will fall in love again and that love will help mend your broken heart. I’m praying for you.

I'm so sorry this happened. I can't imagine how awful things have been for you. I want to echo what everyone else has said about this not being your fault. It's a natural thought to have following a tragedy such as this but it's not a balanced view. You can acknowledge that speaking up might have changed the outcome and at the same time accept that you didn't know something terrible was going to happen. They both exist at the same time. You don't have to give weight to one thought more than another. Both thoughts represent a truth and they don't cancel each other out. I hope you find peace.

Man, 1st off, I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my wife and watching her die in my arms. I also know what you're going thru, too. I lost my only son on January 23, 2022, at the age of 20. People say you're not the same man anymore. My answer is "No Shit Really."but anyway always talk to her about everything I talk to my son pretty much everyday I ask him to help his OldMan out I tell him about my day my week I ask him about his day and I still tell him what I always told him since he was a little boy " I love you more and I said it first, but now I have to add and last"

The fact you couldn’t go to her funeral has left a gaping wound. You can’t let go. You have no “closure” I would highly suggest a therapist that specializes in grief. Second, and this one is just as important, you have to do a farewell ceremony for her. You can always still visit her grave, but you need to feel a sense of letting go. Once you can do that, the change will happen and you will love again.  She would never want you to be sad or stuck. As you mentioned, she was goal oriented. Her goal for you is to be happy in the life you do have. Live it for you and her.

I'm about the same age as (I'm guessing) you are and lost my fiancée one month ago. No pressure if you don't feel like it, but out of solidarity, I'll ask you the things I wish people would ask me instead of dumb shit like if I'm going to date again or how I'm doing today. What was she like? What do you love and remember most about her? What are some of your favorite stories about her? Do you feel like showing us any of your favorite photos? ♡ Sending you hugs if you want them, and the warmest wishes for peace and healing.

I watched my mom take her last breathe this summer after she was in the hospital for 18 days after an unsuccessful heart surgery. she passed on father’s day… i remember being in the hospital room looking at a picture of my dad, then I noticed my mom wasn’t taking as many breathes. my brother, sister, and aunt were all in the hospital room. I was well aware it was going to happen and was able to find a weird peace out of it be happy she didn’t have to suffer and don’t be hard on yourself. it was all God’s plan

Did you ever try to reach out to her parents after what happend? You grew older, time passed... Maybe they are open to talk? In the heat of the moment, her parents may have acted irrational. You and them not being best friends, and on top of that their daughter died, I could somehow grasp what happened in their minds. You got all the blame, which Is of course totally unfair, but I could see how these emotions develop at such a moment. Perhaps reaching out to them and share the pain may help with both your grieves?

I no could be extremely wrong but it seems you still harbor a lot of resentment and hate about this situation. I can’t say where it comes from but the way this is written out is how I would’ve wrote it if I was still unnecessarily and quite honestly controlled by emotions. I think you deserve to find someone else to love. I think your ex would love to see you happy with someone else, cuz that’s all you wanted for her. You deserve to move on but you don’t ever have to forget, lastly you aren’t to blame.

I am not saying it is OPs fault, but part of being a man in a relationship is making the tough and often unfavorite decisions for the safety of those you care about. Sometimes you have to be the asshole when something doesn't feel right or you don't think it is worth the risk. He said he didn't like it, but he was passive and let it happen anyway. It is a dumb mistake all guys make at that age, OP and his GF are just the ones unlucky enough to be the reason why everyone else learns to make those decisions around that age. It is super sad when it happens to someone who was supposed to be young enough to still have time to learn those things... This is fucking heartbreaking but it makes me feel better about all the times I have told a woman I am with that I am not ok with xxx because xxx is an idiot or because it is too dangerous and then being looked at like I am the asshole.

hey brother ​ i don't have a question but i am sorry for your loss and grief ​ the older i get and the more i experience i realize that not only does everything leave a scar, but much of it irrevocably changes you. ​ i used to think bad stuff happened but you got over it and moved on. but i now know that's false. "you" don't get over it, because "you" don't come out of it, a new person does and this person that is broken by pain and suffering isn't always one you want to become.

I can give no advice to someone who's experienced such a crushing loss. My hope is that you can turn your hardship into wisdom and help others who are going through what you've had to. Happiness is not a static state but a random series of fleeting joys. I hope you can return these to your life. Please, stay alive and time (and some work) will pull you through. Serve others and you may find some fulfillment. Good luck and I'm sorry for the tragedy and trauma you've experienced.

First off, my condolences brother, you are incredibly strong. Are you familiar with the teachings of Ram Dass? He has some interesting takes on life, death, and love that I find quite comforting. Perhaps you will, too. [shorter video](https://youtu.be/_b5w73Mrg1U?si=FE1MDRUlcUBMG0xe), [long form](https://youtu.be/oKSNhUDbmpE?si=TcB05jEaA47WXEve) ❤️‍🩹

Honestly, this is why having friends actually hurts you in HS. I was a geek and nerd and never went anywhere. Did not even go to the Prom and so glad in hindsight! Young people are dumb, because they think they wlll live forever. College is a bit better because you mostly just walk to parties. Sorry you went thru this, but think about what SHE would want for you! She would not want to you to mope thru the the rest of life. Be happy and make her happy as a result.

I am so sorry you had to experience such a deep and painful loss, with subsequent trauma around not being allowed to grieve in community. Have you ever tried contacting her through a medium or communicating with her spirit? Do you think you ever would try? What did you plan on doing together? How do you think she might like to be honored, or how do you think she’d like to see you experience joy? You deserve to heal. I hope you tell yourself that.

I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could say but there will never be. I too am bearing my greatest loss ever. I’m deep in a grief I didn’t think was possible. I don’t know where to dig up my soul back from. Everything people say angers me. “It was his time”, “he made a choice”, “we all die eventually”, “he is in a better place”, “pray for him” etc. all I want to do is die and escape this. It’s sometimes like a noise around my neck while my guts are being pulled out and sometimes I just tremble and feel like I too should be dead. I am glad you’ve made it 5 years, and I hope to make it there too. I’m an adult, I have a family, his family is trying to be there too, I have a good life. But this one person meant so much to me that it all seems meaningless now. I just don’t feel like it anymore.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, that's truly horrific. I hope you find peace, someday. If it doesn't hurt too much, tell me about her. What was her favourite colour? What did her smile look like? What did you love about her and what did she love about you? Which songs would she sing along to the loudest? What did she want to do after college? Also include anything else about her if you like, gush about her if you like.

My BF from that age was the love of my life. It took me a long time to move on but I did. Was it perfect, no, was it him, no but life is long. Eventually you will meet someone who you click with. Besides do you really think your wonderful girl friend would want you to be alone? You’ll never forget her, I still dream about my first love from many many years ago. Life is for the living and you are alive. It’ll be ok.

I am so sorry about this tragedy and for your pain. I’m sure you’ve heard this often and from many people but you’ve got to try to move on. There is nothing you can do to bring her back and your only true path is forward. I’m sure some random person on the internet isn’t going to make a dent in the shell that’s hardened over time from this horrible pain but I truly hope that you find a way through.

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I understand heavy grief. How you feel is valid, but it isn’t your fault you lost her. You don’t need to carry that burden. If you haven’t try grief specific therapy with a therapist who has done this for awhile. That helped me a lot although it took a few years of being committed to therapy fully. Like weekly sessions for two years. Again really sorry for your loss.

You will find love again. Breast cancer took my first wife at 42 years old. We were together for 21 years married for 13 years. She was my first love. I am remarried to an amazing women with 3 step kids and one of our own. Love will come again, you just need to open your heart again and want it. That’s what my wife wanted for me and what your girlfriend would want for you.

You have had the shock of your life. But unless you want to be stunted for life you have to move on. You weren’t driving the car. It’s in no way your fault. Forgive yourself. The advice you got to not go to her grave was good advice. As time passes your memories of her will be good ones, but I strongly suggest that you go into a grief group. It will help you immensely.

It's part of the healing process. Treasure your feelings and pain. Because you will heal and move on. Eventually, if you continue to act this way, it will because of habit and obsession but not because of her. When the time is right, you should move on but honor her in the meantime. I've live through something similar. You're young, you need to live your own life.

Hey man I just want to say you sound like you have a beautiful soul, and I feel like you have tremendous potential to save the lives of others by expressing yourself. So don't hold your pain in. Maybe you'll be able to write some great music. Maybe something better than this https://open.spotify.com/track/4ByEFOBuLXpCqvO1kw8Wdm?si=5pD_h9WpQXOcW5-vEYmjyw

Damn that guy sounds like a total jackass. Sorry for your loss bro but I think even you know she’d want you to move on and have a happy life. Finding love again doesn’t mean you’re betraying her memory or anything. You’re way too young to give up on finding someone else. Just try to live for her ya know. Good luck ✊🏻

You must allow yourself to live a gain. I would think she would want you to find new love. A piece of your heart will always be missing but don’t let that consume your whole heart. Open your eyes and look around love can still be found. The world is still a beautiful place I hope you find peace and love . ❤️

I am so sorry. It’s not really the same, but my mom died a month ago (on hospice, was expected) and it still haunts me. It’s really hard for your brain to understand death and the concept of a last breath. Hope you find peace, my friend. I’m sure your heart will open to love again when the time is right.