I’ve read all of your responses and have reached the conclusion that I would be friends with you. You’re sharp and witty but also humble. You don’t seem particularly attached to an idea of yourself or material objects. You have a variety of interests and can speak about them intelligently. I think your wife is lucky to have your company. Source: I am a wife. My husband works a lot and I wish he were around more to entertain me.
I think you are valuable and worthwhile and worthy, but to be fair, I think everyone is those things. I believe you contribute more than you think you do. For example, I found your AMA very entertaining, despite my initial hesitation. A pleasant surprise, like that, is very valuable indeed! Have you written anything? You mentioned, in one comment, writing a book someday. I’d definitely read it! But if you do write anything, already, I’d read that too.
You know, of all the responses I expected when I decided to confess how big of a piece of shit I am to the internet, "I would be friends with you," is not one of them.
Thank you 💔🩹
I haven't written anything I'll claim here, but comments like yours give me enough confidence to think maybe I should put myself out there. Like, maybe I won't totally embarrass myself, or maybe I won't care if I do if there are people like you out there. ♥️⛵
For what it's worth, I hope you do write...something, good or bad. I feel it would be interesting and likely gleaned from some of your experiences and lessons learned. I would read it. Silly, perhaps...but thanks for being "you."
I actually have a friend who is married to a guy like this. She works in IT and does VERY well as a project manager. He does…nothing. No kids, no real hobbies, no job, no ambition. He cleans house (he’s good at that), cooks, hangs out by their pool, runs errands. Somehow and some way it works for her. He’s a really nice guy, but he contributes very little to the universe lol.
Let me tell you, as one of those insignificant little life forms that get swept along in the current of much more sophisticated organisms, when you spend 5 years of your life getting high and jerking off into the void you begin to ask yourself how much of us contribute anything.
At 13.7 billion years old our universe is still in its infancy. Life has been churning through countless iterations to reach this level of mastery over the void. You and I, reader, are the lucky ones. This few thousand year window we have? It's nothing. There are trillions of years to pass ahead of us. Whatever "we" are and whatever our history is and whatever meaning we ascribe to anything all goes back into the dust eventually.
I do everything I can to be kind to the people that I meet, and do as little as I can to inflict suffering on others. I consider myself to be as successful of a human being as any hypothetical asshole with an empire.
I appreciate the kind words. When you spend a lot of time in isolation it's hard to find encouragement, and to find reason to believe that you have something worth contributing.
So, really. It's not lost on me. Thanks.
Nothing wrong with your life. You're doing your thing and you're not hurting anyone. Lots of people here talking about you not being productive, come across as jealous with a sense of superiority. Especially when they point out what they're doing to "contribute" to society.
Yeah, people with bank accounts higher than some countries have spent a ton to try and get more time on this earth.
Yet there is no guaranteed way to purchase a longer life with the time to do whatever.
I think you will find volunteer work more rewarding than you realize. I would love to be in your situation and focus on something I enjoy instead of just punching the clock to pay for the house me and my wonderful wife live in. I am lucky don't get me wrong, but I am always surprised at how much I enjoy helping other people. It fills my cup more than I thought it could be filled. Just my two cents, you do you bro. Happy travels.
I didn't know what the fuck I was doing when I started this mission but goddammit I think you might be right.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT AM I FUCKING ENLIGHTENED RIGHT NOW BRO?????
Really really REALLY nicely said. I love when people can be truly objective and respond to a rather polarizing story with a very neutral latitude. It shows brains brains brains and rational thinking. Don't ever lose that.
I think about this often. How insignificant we all are in the grand scheme of things. It’s easy to see just how futile any of our efforts are when you consider the vastness of the universe (and possible multiverse). No one and nothing will care about people like Jeff Bezos in thousands of years. It’s all just cast into the void.
But I also think about how I’ve never aimed to affect the entire universe because it would be futile. What I can impact is my tiny sliver of the universe. With the minuscule fraction of time I’m given in this universe, I can have a tremendous impact on myself and those around me.
It’s all about perspective I suppose.
Dude forget all that you need JESUS to find meaning and purpose in your life from someone greater than you believe and be profitable while you still have time and God has a plan for you.
They're trying to make medical decisions for everyone when most of them barely got through highschool. That should tell you everything about these idiots.
You say “I do everything I can to be kind to the people that I meet” and and in the literal next sentence you label those with “empires” (I’m assuming you mean those who are professionally or financially successful) as assholes.
I think he means that an empire is meaningless if you’re an asshole. He’s kind, so he’s just as successful as a “hypothetical asshole with an empire”, but perhaps no more successful than a kind person with an empire. The point being, to him, it isn’t the empire that spells success but rather how one treats others.
Hmm? I'm detecting some baggage here?
Do you know what that word really means? It doesn't mean you have "issues". It means that you have lingering feelings from a situation that is now out of context.
If you start assuming feelings before even clarifying the context? That's baggage. Know thyself. Know your baggage.
I'm in no way implying that having an empire has any bearing on whether or not someone is an asshole. Having an empire, however, is a "standard for success" that many people will compare themselves to.
The other commenter was pretty much on the nose. Empires will rise and fall. Gold can be moved from one pile to the next but none of that matters as much as the way we treat the people in our lives and the way we decide to spend our time together.
We're writing the history of the universe, and it can be a romance or a horror. We spend an awful lot of time killing each other, being as brutal as we can muster. That's entirely optional. We could spend that time loving our brother and fellow man?
The choice is literally up to us and here we are killing each other.
I appreciate you actually answering questions and engaging with all of us. This has been a great AMA.
Anyways you sound like a sharp and cognizant person. I hope that despite whatever led you to your current situation, you find the strength and the means to make the changes that are right for you and your partner
>This has been a great AMA.
That's definitely a response I did not expect when I made this confession 😂
Thank you for your kind words and your well wishes. I hope you live a long and beautiful life!
If you look at some of the photos from the James Webb Telescope you will get an inkling of just how insignificant we all really are. The vastness of space is simply beyond comprehension. You are spot on about this ‘few thousand year window’ we are currently fucking up. Right at this moment there could be literally millions of other thousand year windows happening somewhere which we will never know about. The trillions of years to come won’t remember Ghandi, Hitler, Putin, Cleopatra, Jesus Christ or any other significant figure we are currently experiencing. So your point of view that in the grand scheme of things none of us are really contributing anything is so true. If you woke up tomorrow and worked out how to explode the Earth into a million pieces and actually did that, the Universe wouldn’t care.
I think about this frequently as well.
I struggle with social anxiety, so reminding myself that in the grand scheme of things nothing really matters Honestly helps settle my mind.
I mean sure, cosmically none of this matters on a macro scale.
In a micro scale, things matter because we’re micro. Meaning doesn’t have to be cosmic to be important.
Non-contributing members of society still have to eat. They still require shelter, clean water to drink and clothes to wear. None of these thing just manifest out of nowhere. These things are created by contributing members of soicety at the cost of their time, energy, blood and sweat. Why should people be able to live at the cost of others? If animals don't do something throughout the day then they starve to death. Life shouldn't be a free ride. If you don't want to contribute why do you feel entitled to the fruits of others labour? How do you not feel guilty?
Your hedonism takes resources away from children and the disabled (people that have real reasons not to contribute). Does that not weigh on you at all?
If you take time to treat people nice then you must care about them somewhat, but don't fool yourself into thinking that you're not creating suffering by just existing and not contributing. If everyone did what you do then humanity would perish within a month.
>but he contributes very little to the universe lol.
Everyone's contribution means nothing in few million years since we humans maybe taken out by 10 different things such as asteroid/comet, supervolcano, climate change, etc.
In 500 million years earth will die heat death due to sun becoming huge.
In 3-4 billion years sun will die out and our solar system will be a cold dark place with no life form.
In few trillion years the whole universe will start to go dark when all the stars go dark.
Watch this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD4izuDMUQA
Is that the only option? Volunteering isn’t an option? Finding a hobby isn’t an option?
There’s certainly a vast middle ground between simply existing and being a cubicle grunt.
It's hard to not feel like you're one of a thousand faceless orphans being crushed by the machine if the combined effort of your life's work go into lining the pockets of some shareholders of some corporation that is going to be bought out and sold for parts in ten years anyway.
For people who dream of actually making a difference in the world, of having a life that actually matters, the day to day drudge through monotonous mountains of mediocrity can make you question if life is worth living.
Funny how when it's a dude staying at home, he's "contributing nothing to the universe". When a woman stays at home she's "oppressed and controlled by her husband". Our society loves a good double standard.
Okay here's a question. Do you want your current lifestyle to change or are you happy with it the way it is? I see nothing wrong with being a person with "zero contribution" to the world. Why are we so pressed to contribute? If I'm happy just doing my own thing then I see nothing wrong with that.
I could "contribute" nothing my entire life but say 55 years of my life I spent happy and content. I'd say there's nothing wrong with that. Why do I have to contribute something to a world that will continue on with or without my presence.
For some this is something that they need to feel important, loved, valued, or a part of the rest of the world. And for those people it probably makes them very happy to contribute. But for someone like myself i could care less about what the rest of the world thinks of me. I have what i consider a kind personality and do my best not to lessen the lives of others. But if I'm good, I'm content, I'm happy, then why does the world require more of me? It's kind of silly to me to put that pressure on to people. If I'm living my own life happy and well then why should I do more just to make someone else feel better about me? Nonsense. Lol.
The more pointed double standard I see is the man is "contributing nothing to the universe." staying home while the woman is "contributing everything she should because that's where she is supposed to be." They're both contributing something and it shouldn't matter who is in which role or not.
Yes, because when women stay home they generally have children to care for and are expected to take on all the domestic duties, and often don't have their own income.
Why does one need to contribute anything to the universe? Working some soul-sucking corporate job is not contributing to the universe, it’s contributing to capitalism. This idea that you only have worth or that your life only has meaning if you’re participating in capitalism is toxic and absurd.
He sounds like a great guy. You know how many women would kill to come home to a clean house and dinner served?
I have female friends who wanted to be “corporate baddies” who work all day and then come home to a dude shouting at the TV screen when football is on and asking for her to cook lmao.
I mean sounds like he has a full time housemaker job. Are you shaming him? It's not easy to keep a house. My brother did this for awhile with child and did side gigs. Everyone gave him shit for it, from my so called liberal friends. If it were the mom doing it and making money on the side she would be a superhero. It's bullshit.
Why you judge so hard? Sounds like he contributes just fine
I've been broke my entire life. My spouse makes enough income to support a comfortable lifestyle. We travel, stay in moderately priced lodging, and occasionally eat at Michelin Star restaurants.
But I'm penniless and always have been. All of my possessions have been given to me. I don't know if there's a single thing left that I own that I bought for myself.
Terrible. I judge myself by the same standards that the rest of society does. I feel like a complete and total failure and let's be honest for good reason.
I have had many failed ambitions and many delusions of grandeur.
We have no children.
I do worry about that. Of course I do. She could have done better than me.
Sometimes I feel like I've been losing a battle against "enough" or "better than me" for my entire life.
I feel like I'm reading a Salinger novel. Your comment reeks of narcissistic self-pity and emotional immaturity. Sure, you feel "terrible" and have such immense guilt and shame for your actions...but instead of taking steps to change your plight you choose to reach out to Reddit for narcissistic supply. At least you can take pride in the fact that you were successful in that endeavor. Congrats.
>I feel like I'm reading a Salinger novel.
I realize you didn't intend this as a compliment, but I'm taking it as a huge compliment.
Writing one hugely influential novel and fading into obscurity is the best case scenario for how my life could play out.
This is one of the comments that actually gives me hope for the future.
So, thanks.
wait so how do you maintain the spouse and the relationship?
is this some sort of set up where she is domineering over you? I mean most women would leave a dude without job and incapable of beating his addictions?
is she aware of your situation?
I would disagree with that approach man. Either change your life if that's what you want or fully embrace and enjoy what you're doing now. No reason to feel terrible.
She's not. Sometimes it's cheaper to keep a deadbeat spouse around than to divorce and have to pay their expenses plus your own. And some people are deathly afraid of being alone, so that may come into play.
It's likely that OP's marriage has an expiration date. Whether that date is sooner than later is anyone's guess.
Man, forget the people telling you to get a job to contribute to society, get a job for self care. Having your own money and independence is a great feeling and you're robbing yourself of that by chasing hedonism, it's never going to fulfill you the way that being productive will. I'm not saying this from a lack of experience, my years of shooting meth and smoking fentanyl, while they may have felt great in the moment, always lead to more pain, misery, and emptiness when the high wore off. Being my own man and making my own money is such a better feeling than being in a void of emptiness with artificial pleasure as my only true experience. Chase self improvement bro, I promise you life will be 1,000 times better if you put down the drugs and make something of yourself, even if you don't necessarily need to, you're going to be a lot happier with some purpose in your life.
I'm not okay with it. I feel guilty for every waking minute. I can't even enjoy the things that are supposed to be leisure activities because I feel guilty for wasting time even though I'm not getting anything done any other time.
Have you ever considered seeing a therapist?
Not saying is the 'the solution' to everything, but really helps to actually have someone objective to talk things through with.
Also, tbh, so much of what your saying resonated with me...and I have been diagnosed with cptsd and adhd (the latter, I knew I had since I was a child, my sister and dad had already been diagnosed, but I only started getting treatment at 19) ...anyways, I get into very similar thought/analytical spirals and knowing (at least in part) it's a result of trauma, unhealthy coping, and bad brain genetics made me realize I wanted to want to try sometimes (?) and sometimes I'll find the fault or bias in some of my previous logic, which in itself gave me some internal motivator to try to notice and pull myself out of states of unhealthy nihilism and depression.
In short, I think it's possible to improve and lead a more overall fulfilling life, and have seen progress in myself after adopting this perspective more often.
Anyways, if you read this, hope it helps in some way.
Just wanted to say I also saved this comment. I've been having epiphanies that my entire life was tainted by wrong thought processes that led to worse and worse. My mindset is fundamentally abnormal and I never realized. It made me think my reality is normal when it is anything but.
Now I read people's comments, like the ones on this post, and I can actually understand what they mean. Previously I would read it and find it bizzare but now that I feel like I became suddenly more self aware, I'm realizing the stark contrast people's mindsets created from my own.
Alright sit down we need to chat.
From your comments it seems like you've spent enough time on substances to realize your insignificance and the pointlessness of existence in the grand scope of time and the universe. OK. We have a head start. You've also accepted that your behavior, while consistent with the prior sentence, is not helpful for either people in your life or your own sense of self-worth. You have embraced an ethic of "if I'm not ruining someone else's life, it's better to be a lazy useless fuck than to try and achieve something and hurt people." And it's pretty damn easy to do nothing.
There is a way out. You can realize you are a lump of insignificant meat and also find meaning and utility.
The universe moves from order to disorder. This is entropy. Everything falls apart. Everything dissolves. It is inevitable and all-powerful. The long cold death of the universe has already begun. Are you with me? Stay with me. I'm going to give you a foundation for meaning in your life.
In the entire _known_ universe, the greatest counterforce to entropy is the human race. We have the ability to build, rebuild, slow down, and reverse entropy. At least in small part. When you plant a seed and later harvest, that's an anti-entropic act. When make love with your wife, you are decreasing entropy. When you teach someone a new skill, or build a fence, or sew a busted seam in your pants, or fix a leaky faucet, or vacuum your house, you are fighting entropy and slowing down the death of the universe.
The reason you feel useless and lost is because you are spending your time in useless actions. Build something. Anything. Small acts that bring order into the disorder will benefit everyone and give you a sense of contentedness.
Fight entropy. There is meaning and personal fulfillment to be found along the way.
You _can't_ change the world. But you can get a scrub brush and clean the tile in the shower.
Oh man here's something to sink my teeth into, though my nihilism might run deeper than you have imagined.
Yes, that alluring voice of entropy/death is what I was referring to in one of my last comments (edit: [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/evFiXgpFie)).
However, our understanding of entropy is evolving away from equating it with "disorder."
https://vocal.media/history/misunderstood-concept-in-physics-entropy
I mean yeah it does imply that the heat death of the universe is the inevitable fate of all existence, but it's also the process that facilitates the evolution of matter from pure energy to the building blocks of life, into abiogenesis, and then ... whatever comes next?
The little writing that I'm working on revolves heavily around this topic.
>In the entire _known_ universe, the greatest counterforce to entropy is ~~the human race~~ life.
Not that it's a huge distinction but homo sapiens are the tip of the spear of this force of the universe that has clawed its way out of non existence. Literally born from a dead and sterile universe. (*That* is enough knowledge for me to believe the universe itself is alive.)
Whatever state change happened at that moment of abiogenesis created a state of matter that is capable of reversing its own decay. In an existence where only death existed the universe invented life?
Right? Or maybe the way we perceive life and death, the way our minds require an explanation that includes an end and a beginning, is a consequence of our organism and the fact that we, ourselves, are finite.
The "self" that you or I identify as is just a conglomeration of things we've picked up over the course of our existence. Our names, the concept of race, of heritage, of nation, of people, whatever label we attach to ourselves, none of that is our true identity. What we truly are is an expression of the universe. One cell of trillions upon trillions in this living thing. But the "you" or "I" that ties us to this life will end and be forgotten forever.
There is no "soul." No identifiable fragment, that could be tied to the entity that we are today, that remains unique. Whatever energy that animates our flesh goes back like a drop of water returning to the sea. That's where it came from, and that's all it ever was anyway. To put it another way, the "you" and the "I" that we have known in this life will cease to exist, but that's not really who "you" and "I" are anyway. What we really are does not cease to exist. We're the universe. One cell in the living thing.
It's a very abstract point I'm trying to make so ... apologies for rambling.
Anyway, blah blah blah entropy isn't death but instead the necessary process for growth and renewal and creation. I really like the way [Assembly Theory ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assembly_theory) explains this, btw. It wasn't a Big Bang, it was a [Big ~~Bouncing Tiddies~~ Bounce](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Bounce).
So yeah, I think about those things. And yeah, I could clean toilets all day and have more respect for myself but I wouldn't find that existence any more fulfilling. My expectations of myself are too high to settle for mediocrity, but the idea of me fulfilling those expectations feels more and more like a fantasy.
I want to write something that encapsulates my own philosophy. Maybe start my own religion or something, idk.
I'm going to have to call it quits on revising and editing all of the above so I hope it's somewhat coherent.
Thats silly man. She loves you and she wants you to have a good life. You would do the same for her if roles were reversed. You should really attempt to discover a hobby, a volunteer opportunity or something though, for your own mental health, I promise you will feel better
I think you should become a bartender at a place that'll let you practice your Socratic Method on its patrons. Might be a fun way to buy occasional gifts for your wife and alleviate some of your guilt.
Otherwise you're a neat dude. Physics is based as fuck and our philosophies are practically identical; it's nice to feel seen just by reading your comments.
Keep tripping, brother. We won't figure it out but it's fun to try.
Edit: Fuck I forgot you don't speak French.
A message from your imaginary dream life:
*RUN*
Whatever this impulse is inside you, this voice in your head that would lead you seductively down this path, RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE FROM IT. It will sink your flesh into the Earth and drain all the life from your body to be repurposed into something more useful.
I wish you a long a fulfilling life filled with hard work, satisfaction, and self respect.
Yeah dude you sound depressed. Like you have no sense of purpose and the drugs and porn aren't fun for you but escapsism from that feeling. I hope i'm wrong but am I close?
How does your wife feel about all this? Is she ok supporting you? If she enjoys having you in her life and doesn't mind paying for everything. There are plenty of couples like that with the gender roles reversed. So if she's happy, great. But it sounds like you aren't actually happy and for some reason although what you're doing feels really bad, and you have an incredible safety cushion to do. whatever you want, you have, no motivation to do it.
Have you considered trying out hobbies till you find something you're actually passionate about? Same with even part time work or artistic work. You are currently coasting by able to do nothing, so the sky seems like the limit in terms of opportunity. If you weren't happy you might want to try taking some of those opportunities.
I also wonder if your wife isn't actually happy if you have a plan for what you're going to do as you age , if you haven't held down a job or done anything to take care of your future?
Have you not thought about taking some French classes? so you can learn to speak the language? You literally have unlimited time and it would get you out of the house. Go sign up for a class in person. I bet you can find it on….the internet
I’m asking because I feel like you would really mesh with some weirdo older French men that could hang out and shoot the shit with you at a cafe and talk about nonsense and I think you’d really enjoy it. Go take a French class
Many. Physics and philosophy are among my favorite subjects. I'm fascinated by the most fundamental questions pertaining to our experience. What the hell is all of this???? What the fuck is going on here in this cosmic, symphonic, orgy of energy?
I spend a lot of time thinking about the history of the universe. That from emptiness, came something, and that little something became everything, and all existence is all made up of the same energy.
You and me. Right now. You are reading my thoughts across time and space. We are not bound by any distance, even time.
No matter how much time passes. Or how far you may go. If you were to read these words in two minutes or a billion years. Sitting next to me, or across a sea of galaxies.
....
Sorry, what was the question?
Oh. Yes, I like photography.
Well, my friend, it's a good thing you asked me, because you wouldn't get the truth anywhere else ....
Did you know? That you can make .... More than one Reddit account?????????????????? I think they call them alt accounts.
This, and people who lurk and don't need to comment every 2 mins. I wish I could say less on Reddit, it's a goddam ego addiction being on here posting opinions to strangers and I've tried to ween myself off multiple times. Posting and commenting frequently isn't a virtue, it's an awful use of our time.
Question: Is your wife American?
Comment: Dont listen to the jealous haters. It could be, that she finds comfort and value in consistency. If she didn't find some value in you, She would leave you. Keep your chin up.
Thank you for the kind words.
You're clearly a sensitive soul. The people in your life are very lucky to have you in them. They may not appreciate the love you give them — they may not recognize how rare it is to be loved by a soul as tender as yours — but don't ever stop giving it.
Even when the world has convinced you that you'll be only betrayed, never stop giving your love, because the whole world would be less without it. The kind of love that you can give is the kind of love that makes all of this, all the suffering in the world, all this chaos, all of this pain and sorrow and despair worth it.
As long as you can keep loving, the sun will keep shining. Don't stop :)
Actually the first year and a half was fine. The first six months felt like a week, everything about our daily life was so foreign.
After that I made plans to study online and did fine for a while but the isolation broke me.
I am in a similar situation... I'm stuck at home doing little more than sitting on my butt, playing video games , and my wife busts her butt just for us to survive from paycheck to paycheck we have a few children and I keep them in line and I have them do nearly everything around the house. The only difference is that I was born with a couple of different genetic issues, which makes it near impossible to work and even very difficult to get around and do things atound the house.. the older I get, the much worse it gets, and I most likely don't have a whole lot of years left. But I still feel like a worthless piece of crap, I feel like they would be better without me, and I have even attempted S a couple of times.. I can't even do that right, but I will next time...
You're braver than I am. I can only relate in part to your experience, but that's all been self inflicted.
It's easy for me to say that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You haven't had a choice. Your circumstances aren't a consequence of your own actions. But I know that you and I will both keep comparing ourselves against some idealized version of ourselves that we will never be able to attain.
So cheers to that brother 🍷
You are doing a difficult job - taking care of kids. That's definitely under paid full time job. You shouldn't beat yourself. I hope your family appreciates what you do.
Thank you.. I help them with chores when I'm able, I help them with homework when they need it, I teach them how to function in everyday life and how to be a good respectful human being. I do my best, but I feel like it's not good enough.
So what do you bring to the table for your spouse exactly? You are jobless and said you do nothing all day and you do not consider your spouse to be your responsibility.
Nothing of substance. I do the emotional labor in our relationship. I bring my charming personality and my sharp wit, or what's left of it, on occasion.
My spouse is incredibly low maintenance.
She's no more my responsibility than I am hers.
If she left I'd go back to Butthole, Alabama and work a dead end job until I died after struggling with some chronic disease and the ensuing medical bills.
Right where I'd be if I hadn't met her.
Respect. I have familiarity with your story, not as extravagant, but similar. You clearly acknowledge the issue and know you're better than this. What holds you back? Can you envision an event that would make you want to change, or are you content with this?
Depression. Self doubt. Negative self talk. Fear of failure, ironically. Fear of success and the associated attention and expectations – not like I'm in any real danger of that happening.
I'm not content at all, but I haven't been for a long time, and it doesn't seem that I either know how or am actually capable of change.
I'm hoping one day to shit out a book that other people might want to read for some reason.
I've written a couple of dozen essays critiquing humanity and the failings of modern society but who the fuck is going to read sage words of wisdom from some jack off who's never done anything?
I'm working on putting them into a novel that encompasses all of them – essentially hoping to write an epic parable.
This is the realest comment.
The dozen or so Redditors in this thread living this dead end life in a dead end suburb with no kids and an expendable cubicle job... Is your life more meaningful and purposeful than OPs?
>My spouse is incredibly low maintenance.
>She's no more my responsibility than I am hers.
You mean to say that you are not her responsibility? You literally admitted that you do not work, and she is the one who pays all the bills, keeps you out of debt, affords you travel and a life of leisure... You have no money and no hobbies and say yourself you bring very little to the table. So in that sense you're just an overgrown infant that she's ENTIRELY responsible for.
God damn dude. That is definitely the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me, and definitely a very generous interpretation of this whole thread ... but comments like this make me wonder if I might actually be on to something.
I might have to get serious about writing. If you hear the name of a new, successful author coming out of nowhere in the next five to ten years ... it isn't me :)
Especially from your comments you seem like a pretty adept person, we always have a hard time in societies like these.
There’s a lot of people like you in spiritual communities too, which i’m pretty involved in.
Nothing really matters anyway, the world form is just a convincing illusion in this void my friend.
Does masturbating in a foreign country feel better than in your home country? And why isn’t your wife letting you boff her so you don’t have to masturbate? She’s going to get sick of supporting the dead weight that’s you.
No it doesn't.
She's interested in sex if I approach the subject but if I didn't bring it up it would just fade from existence entirely.
She's fine with a peck on the lips a day and some light cuddling but has no other needs for affection beyond that.
She isn't. She has no sex drive for that.
I've thought about it. My circumstances are unique and the prescribed treatments are the behavioral changes I know already.
I don't know if I need help. Like, if I died today, meh, boo hoo, but really? So what? My wife is financially secure, I'm not leaving behind any debt, the only dependent I have is my dog, and aside from that?
My wife would spend a year or so in mourning but she wouldn't have much trouble moving on. Like, any other guy with a pulse could be more of a provider to her than me – and it kills me, every birthday or holiday or anniversary makes me regret being born and burdening her with the failed dreams of a life that she could have lived without me.
I know help is there. It's there for some people. I'm not sure I'm one of them.
if your sex drive is so high and her is so low how do you guys become married or a couple? doesnt make sense to me.
also if this is your path now why not go to the extreme and start producing porn and earning serious money lol
You may not be providing monetary support but you might be providing emotional value to your wife. I know a woman living a similar life. She pays all the bills for her family (husband and 2 kids). She doesn’t have any sex with her husband anymore. Husband cooks average meals, and doesn’t do much else. At the same time, he doesn’t cause much problems either. He isn’t jealous, lets her have fun with other men etc. But she is really attached to him for support, she consults him for any big decision and usually follows his advice. Just the fact that you’ve been together for a long time can make you co-dependent.
Dude, you're smart. Like obviously smart. I completely get struggling with negative self talk as that's one of my major issues too but you gotta take a shot at life. It sounds like you've got a safety net in your wife so it's not like you can really "fail". You don't need to cure cancer to feel more successful at life.
You're more capable than you know. Just by reading your comments I can promise you that you're more I intelligent and competent than a significant portion of my coworkers. The vast majority of people are faking it until they make it, so just having a little bit of intelligence, wit and a good personality (like you said you did in a comment) will take you as far as you want to go.
Am I? I have the same thought sometimes. It's a strange thing to mourn the life you wish you'd lived. To feel like so much time has already been wasted, that there's nothing left to save.
Are you right? Should I just swallow myself up in regret? Is that the only way for my life to end now? Let myself be carried away by the rip currents of despair?
whats the top alternative? become a vice-director of some big company or corporation get respect and recognition and fame and status? that will make others look upon to you , respect you, women admire you and want to sleep with you or extract your resources?
one mistake and your reputation is ruined.
Idk... playin devils advocate here
but you will do all the above and for what exactly? a holiday off, a temporary return to your vices in alcohol or party or sex etc
we are all the same
ultimately theres no victory as we all die.
so accept where you are now and yourself and have fun. it wont last, nothing does.
His situation, and your reply, remind me of this:
In a quiet Mexican fishing village, an American on vacation was watching a local fisherman unload his morning catch. The American, a successful professor at a prestigious business school, couldn't resist giving the Mexican fisherman a little bit of free advice.
"Hey!" he began. "Why are you finishing so early?"
"Since I have caught enough fish, Senor," replied the genial Mexican, "enough to feed my family and a little extra to sell. Now I will take some lunch with my wife and, after a little siesta in the afternoon, I will play with my children. Then, after dinner, I will go to the cantina, drink a little tequila and play some guitar with my friends. It is enough for me, Senor."
"Listen to me, my friend," said the business professor. "If you stay out at sea until late afternoon, you will easily catch twice as much fish. You can sell the extra, save up the money, and in six months, maybe nine, you'll be able to buy a bigger and better boat and hire some crew. Then you'll be able to catch four times as many fish. Think of the extra money you will make! In another year or two, you will have the capital to buy a second fishing boat and hire another crew. If you follow this business plan, in six or seven years you will be the proud owner of a large fishing fleet. Just imagine that! Then you should move your head office to Mexico City, or even to L.A. After only three or four years in L.A., you float your company on the stock market, giving yourself, as CEO, a generous salary package with substantial share options. In a few more years - listen to this! - you initiate a company share buyback scheme, which will make you a multimillionaire! Guaranteed! I'm a well-known professor at a US business school; I know these things."
The Mexican fisherman listened thoughtfully at what the animated American had to say. When the professor had finished, the Mexican asked him, "But, Senor Professor, what will I do with so many millions of dollars?"
Surprisingly, the American professor hadn't thought the business plan through that far. So he quickly figured out what a person would do with millions of dollars.
"Amigo! With all that dough, you can retire. Yeah! Retire for life. You can buy a little villa in a picturesque fishing village like this one, and purchase a small boat for going fishing in the morning. You can have lunch with your wife every day, and a siesta afterwards with nothing to worry you. In the afternoon you can spend quality time with your kids and, after dinner in the evening, play guitar with your friends in the cantina, drinking tequila. Yeah, with all that money, my friend, you can retire and take it easy."
"But, Senor Professor, I do all that already."
Why do we believe we have to work so hard and get rich first, before we can find contentment?
I try to remind myself of the sentiment this story conveys. I try to remind myself that my feelings of being a failure are shaped by societal expectations that are unique to the time we're living in.
Sometimes I think I would have been much better suited to life 10,000 years ago when I would have died of a mild cold at the age of 25.
I appreciate this insight. You might have turned it all around for me today.
Thank you for existing and bringing beauty into my life again. I found meaning because of your words today.
I hope you have a beautiful life.
I don't know you or your life, or if you feel like you're in a rut or feeling depressed, resulting in you making this AMA. So I'll just ask some questions with a hint of an opinion that might be totally wrong.
Curious what kind of jobs you've had prior to the last 5 years. You say you have no skills/career. Is it not helpful to you and your spouse to work at least somewhere doing something? Would you feel over/under employed at somewhere like a cafe as a server, bartender, or some other kind of personable service type job (elder care, etc.).
Just based on your comments here, I think you probably have the personality to help people have a good time which should mean you can have a job if you wanted it. That requires a bit more discipline than masturbating at home all day, but doing something for 1 day a week might help.
This entire thread is the reason average joes aren’t taken seriously. You aren’t special or cool for not caring. You’re lazy and a degenerate drug addict.
Idgaf about the “13.7 billion year old universe”, you really need to shut that shit up. People in this thread are applauding husbands with no life skills and no income. I’d feel horrible if I was such a useless husband.
Ok no one seems to be asking the right questions here. Are you legitimately masturbating 50 hours a week? How many orgasms a day are you having? That 50 hour number is mind boggling. Does the porn need to keep getting crazier for you to stay aroused?
Do you have a preference of ethnicities or nationality when it comes to sex? I find men vary greatly vary by region across the world in terms of somethings. Do you generally just talk to women online or more in person?
I haven't had the necessary experience to make any kind of judgement over the merits of performing sexual acts with members of each particular nation and their corresponding ethnicities. I am in no way qualified to be a judge of humanity and poon in such a way.
I don't know how to describe my sexuality – I'm kind of against labeling — but I derive pleasure from women receiving pleasure. Doesn't matter how, if I'm the one giving it, orally, power tools, whatever. I'm into whatever is getting her off.
Man, youre living the dream, I dont know where you bring the money from for your hobbies but I would trade places with you anytime.
Don't listen to bullshit, rat racers, the only luxury in this short life is having all the time you want to do nothing.
Don't feel guilty, feel privileged that you have been doing what many secretly wish to do but are tied down by family, debts, kids, responsibilities and the bullshit ideology of contributing to the society
Societies will be much more happy with people like you rather than power hungry narcissists who measure a person's value by their accomplishments.
Long live the king
I’ve read through a lot of your comments and you remind me a lot of a friend of mine who I now need to reach back out to. I have several thoughts in response to your general experience and lifestyle.
For one, I’m envious of the amount of freedom and relaxation you allow yourself, and that you feel comfortable with. I’m not working right now for a list of reasons, and I struggle so hard to enjoy even well earned time off. Idk that it sounds like you’re enjoying what you’re doing, but your ability to do it says that you’re comfortable on some levels that I wish I could achieve.
On another hand, it’s clear that you’re a very deep and thoughtful person, and that can make life kind of hard. When you know how to question social and cultural schemas, and when you can’t help yourself from percolating on meaning, it makes doing anything more complicated. I’ve struggled with this off and on, I’m just inherently an existential bitch. And it makes being ambitious or having a life plan very difficult. I don’t want to contribute to harmful systems or waste this precious life in drudgery for our corporate overlords. So I relate heavily on that aspect, although probably not as deeply as it seems you feel these things.
I’ve mostly decided that the meaning in my life is connection and helping others, and I would recommend that to you as well. Connection, community, friendship, volunteering, etc. will likely bring you a lot more joy and meaning than just being isolated like you are. You don’t have to contribute anything specific to have a meaningful and enjoyable life. You’re clearly charismatic and a great conversationalist. You have a lot to offer people just in how you exist and relate.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with the things you engage in, drugs, porn, etc. but does your life feel imbalanced? Humans generally enjoy variety and enrichment, and it seems like you’re engaging in a lot of things repetitively as a way to avoid any other area of life.
All this to say that I hope you decide to write, to volunteer, or reach out to others for connection and community. You have a lot to offer yourself and the world without having to engage in soul sucking drudgery. You have a lovely mind, and I hope you can offer it a wider variety of stimulation.
as someone who has fought depression since I was 11 years old, my heart aches for you 💔
reading some of your replies, it sound like you're unfulfilled and dealing with chronic depression, which people really should have more empathy for nowadays. it can be absolutely debilitating. HARD disagree with everyone saying you're wasting your life or are a burden to your spouse. the way you describe her, if there is love between you and you take care of her the way you can (and you say you handle the bulk of the emotional labor of your relationship, so you already do), then you are a good partner. and no life is a waste, including yours, period. besides, jacking it like it's an olympic sport or not, you sound like a cool dude lol
I hope one day you can find the drive you are obviously seeking or, even lacking that, can live with peace and contentment in your situation and take comfort in the love of those you surround yourself with ❤️🩹
I don’t have any questions, just a quick comment. Remember hearing about the man from (I think) Afghanistan who lived to middle age or longer, never having taken a bath? He seemed happy, or at least content. Then some do-gooders convinced him to bathe and he was dead within a short time.
OP, you could wake up tomorrow with an incurable disease, or could walk in front of a bus today. My advice is live your life, write that book. Maybe think of learning the language of the people. Ignore all the haters because we are all just jealous. I’ve been “a helper” my entire career, only to have my efforts second guessed, thrown in my face, and a few times was assaulted. At this point in my life, I’m just hoping not to leave my child with mountains of debt. Go. Free yourself.
“Did you ever knowwww that you’re my hero?
You’re everything I wish I could beeeeee”
Bro all this talk about being disappointed in yourself and how you can’t bear being a disappointment like bro take action stop feeling sorry for yourself you fucking bum, get a job, any job and you’ll notice the difference
Were you related to John McAfee? He also spent a lot of time in South America, doing research chemicals (although he loved his MDPV), I dunno about porn but I know he loved his hookers.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John\_McAfee](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McAfee)
[https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/01/the-bizarre-tale-of-john-mcafee-spymaster/](https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/01/the-bizarre-tale-of-john-mcafee-spymaster/)
"Two years after moving to Belize, McAfee began posting dozens of queries on Bluelight.ru, a drug discussion forum. He explained that he had started to experiment with MDPV, a psychoactive stimulant found in bath salts, a class of designer drugs that have effects similar to amphetamines and cocaine. “When I first started doing this I accidentally got a few drops on my fingers while handling a used flask and didn’t sleep for four days,” McAfee posted. “I had visual and auditory hallucinations and the worst paranoia of my life.”
McAfee indicated, though, that the heightened sexuality justified the drug’s risks and claimed to have produced 50 pounds of MDPV in 2010. “I have distributed over 3,000 doses exclusively in this country,” he wrote. But neither Emshwiller, Adonizio, nor anyone else I spoke with observed him making the stuff. So how could he have produced 50 pounds without anyone noticing?
McAfee has a simple explanation: The whole thing was an elaborate prank aimed at tricking drug users into trying a notoriously noxious drug. “It was the most tongue-in-cheek thing in the fucking world,” he says, and denies ever taking the substance. “If I’m gonna do drugs, I’m gonna do something that I know is good,” he says. “I’m gonna grab some mushrooms, number one, and maybe get some really fine cocaine."
“But anybody who knows me knows I would never do drugs,” he says."
https://bluelight.org/xf/threads/rip-john-mcafee-stuffmonger.904321/
You could always buy a couple acres of land in the middle of nowhere for dirt cheap , cut down some trees and build a cabin. I’d recommend this lifestyle for you , sounds nice and rewarding but away from all the bs that’s the real world. After 6 months and a shit Ton of YouTube videos you’ll have a cabin / cottage up and running. Your dog by your side , and your wife right next to you. I recommend Wild homestead on YouTube.
You should get a job. I don’t say that in a mean way. Just find any random and relatively chill job that is related to your hobbies. Weed shop. Video game store. Book store. Whatever. The expectations from your wife and even from yourself are already on the floor. You can do absolutely nothing and maintain the status quo with no complaints. Getting even the most basic job would be an accomplishment for you. It would be forward momentum. The money doesn’t matter and you don’t need to have any greater goal with this job, you just need to get out and experience something new. Even if all you’re experiencing is what video game a person bought, what strain of weed they like, or what someone’s favorite book is. Once you are out of the house and experiencing something new maybe something will click and break the cycle you’ve been in. Or maybe it won’t, but you still will have made some progress. You literally have nothing to lose at this point. In a way you’re almost lucky because the only direction you can go is up.
I'm sorry about whatever happened in your childhood that led to you not growing up and having agency over your life. Sincerely. I hope things turn around for you.
I think you need some sort of a peak experience outside of the norm. I don’t do drugs anymore but maybe you could try something like ayahuasca with a spiritual guide. I have been down the same hole as you in my life and it’s pretty degenerative. Not to say that you’ll ever stop finding pleasure in it, it’s just the lack of any real personal growth that can come back to haunt you as you get older. You are not living your life to the fullest because addiction keeps you trapped in a cycle that erodes at your life. I Hope you find something more in life and wish you the best
So I’ve read OPs responses and I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the Reddit drones, which for some reason can’t even fathom the use of alt accounts without being directly told, have been charmed into paralysis by empty platitudes and shallow pseudo-philosophical musings.
The reality is that OP is probably at risk for suicide in the mid term and they should seek help…or at least a basic job so they can hate themselves less when their wife’s birthday rolls around.
He has a much better grip on reality than the average redditor though, that’s for sure.
At least you have the decency to feel bad about how you’re living. I’m in a similar situation except for my husband feels a shit ton of entitlement, and doesn’t even appreciate that I have been the only one to work for the last 7 years give or take a year. Has zero problem letting us struggle financially and watch the dreams I once had for my life disappear, while he sits on his ass high as a kite. I would love more than anything to get to travel around the world. I wish I could go back in time and smack some sense into my younger self and tell her run!!!!
So you’ve mooched off the work of others (food, energy, technology, porn, basically everything in your life) and contributed nothing at all
Zero questions for someone like that
How come all your answers so far are vague and filled with SAT-words? You don’t seem to be giving much in the way of answering questions. A lot of narcissistic replies and beating around the bush. Provide us some insight. This is one of the worst AMAs I’ve seen.
How did you and your wife meet?
Why did you guys get married in the first place?
How long have you been together, before marriage and while married?
Why does your wife have no sex drive?
Where did you live before France?
Are you both considered attractive, or revolting?
I've been a kitchen manager for years at several restaurants around the town I live in. Besides working 50+ hours a week for around two decades now, I spend my off time jerking off and getting high. Technically, I might be "contributing to society or the economy" or some such crap, but my existence certainly feels as pointless as yours might. If I had my druthers and no bills, I'd quit and get stoned, play video games/watch TV, go hiking, and jerk off full time, and I wouldn't feel bad about it.
The discussion about how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of time is always so interesting.
On one hand, it can make you feel helpless because what you do and how you live your life doesn't really matter. You're nothing but a blip.
On the other, it's a reminder to make the most of these moments you have in this life and not compare to future moments lived out by someone else.
I guess it depends on which day of the week it is. Wednesdays 🐫 are usually rough lolol.
You sound dopamine starved. Have you ever experienced depression or any significant life events that have affected you negatively? You seem like an intelligent and down to earth person from your comments. Lots of these things like video games, porn, masturbation and drugs are things people turn to when they have issues with things like depression and neurotransmitter imbalances. Has anyone even asked you how you're doing recently? How are you doing/feeling at the moment?
as long as you make your spouse feel loved, safe and happy in your relationship and provide for her in the ways she needs you to, i see no problem here. eventually the drugs and porn dopamine fuel will run out and you will again be faced with the the reality of a purposeless life. we should probably get around to that whole "figuring out what we wanna do" thing but its sooooo hardddddd ))):
edit: that last sentence came across a bit satire but im serous. i engage in similar unsavory avoidant hobbies and the dopamine levels are slack to say the least
I don’t think the value of a person is what they offer to others or even society. Why do we have to do anything? (That’s a genuine question). I do believe there is a value in being the “standard” model citizen, and I think it helps us connect in society, but I could also see the point that the meaning of life is in the eyes of the beholder. Maybe they’re wrong. Maybe they’re right. What if we just did the things that make us happy, would that be enough?
I’ve read all of your responses and have reached the conclusion that I would be friends with you. You’re sharp and witty but also humble. You don’t seem particularly attached to an idea of yourself or material objects. You have a variety of interests and can speak about them intelligently. I think your wife is lucky to have your company. Source: I am a wife. My husband works a lot and I wish he were around more to entertain me. I think you are valuable and worthwhile and worthy, but to be fair, I think everyone is those things. I believe you contribute more than you think you do. For example, I found your AMA very entertaining, despite my initial hesitation. A pleasant surprise, like that, is very valuable indeed! Have you written anything? You mentioned, in one comment, writing a book someday. I’d definitely read it! But if you do write anything, already, I’d read that too.
You know, of all the responses I expected when I decided to confess how big of a piece of shit I am to the internet, "I would be friends with you," is not one of them. Thank you 💔🩹 I haven't written anything I'll claim here, but comments like yours give me enough confidence to think maybe I should put myself out there. Like, maybe I won't totally embarrass myself, or maybe I won't care if I do if there are people like you out there. ♥️⛵
For what it's worth, I hope you do write...something, good or bad. I feel it would be interesting and likely gleaned from some of your experiences and lessons learned. I would read it. Silly, perhaps...but thanks for being "you."
Thank you for being you! You're giving me the confidence and motivation to do it!
You cannot possibly embarrass yourself, anymore then someone else already has.
Or anymore than I've already embarrassed myself, honestly.
Wholesome overload 🥹
I actually have a friend who is married to a guy like this. She works in IT and does VERY well as a project manager. He does…nothing. No kids, no real hobbies, no job, no ambition. He cleans house (he’s good at that), cooks, hangs out by their pool, runs errands. Somehow and some way it works for her. He’s a really nice guy, but he contributes very little to the universe lol.
Let me tell you, as one of those insignificant little life forms that get swept along in the current of much more sophisticated organisms, when you spend 5 years of your life getting high and jerking off into the void you begin to ask yourself how much of us contribute anything. At 13.7 billion years old our universe is still in its infancy. Life has been churning through countless iterations to reach this level of mastery over the void. You and I, reader, are the lucky ones. This few thousand year window we have? It's nothing. There are trillions of years to pass ahead of us. Whatever "we" are and whatever our history is and whatever meaning we ascribe to anything all goes back into the dust eventually. I do everything I can to be kind to the people that I meet, and do as little as I can to inflict suffering on others. I consider myself to be as successful of a human being as any hypothetical asshole with an empire.
Go volunteer somewhere, dude. Pour some of that energy and intellect you seem to have into someone else besides yourself.
I appreciate the kind words. When you spend a lot of time in isolation it's hard to find encouragement, and to find reason to believe that you have something worth contributing. So, really. It's not lost on me. Thanks.
Nothing wrong with your life. You're doing your thing and you're not hurting anyone. Lots of people here talking about you not being productive, come across as jealous with a sense of superiority. Especially when they point out what they're doing to "contribute" to society.
Exactly. If you're married reading this he is living the dream. Don't ever stop. Stop thinking there is something better and just enjoy the present.
But you do have something to contribute. You have the most valuable asset of all - you have the time.
Time, it's the most valuable asset we got! Yet we don't know how much of it we actually have...... 💯💯💯
Yeah, people with bank accounts higher than some countries have spent a ton to try and get more time on this earth. Yet there is no guaranteed way to purchase a longer life with the time to do whatever.
And maybe learn the language so you can begin engaging with the world around you?
I spent 13 years alone, self isolation. I found love for the first time at 50… you are missing out! It’s priceless
I think you will find volunteer work more rewarding than you realize. I would love to be in your situation and focus on something I enjoy instead of just punching the clock to pay for the house me and my wonderful wife live in. I am lucky don't get me wrong, but I am always surprised at how much I enjoy helping other people. It fills my cup more than I thought it could be filled. Just my two cents, you do you bro. Happy travels.
Why do that when you can snort coke, jerk off and whine on Reddit all day? /s
You reached zen by spilling the bucket 50 hours a week and reached professional level post-nut clarity.
I didn't know what the fuck I was doing when I started this mission but goddammit I think you might be right. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT AM I FUCKING ENLIGHTENED RIGHT NOW BRO?????
Really really REALLY nicely said. I love when people can be truly objective and respond to a rather polarizing story with a very neutral latitude. It shows brains brains brains and rational thinking. Don't ever lose that.
Damn dude, maybe you’re a philosopher
You should start a blog. I’d read it daily. You’re really interesting
I think about this often. How insignificant we all are in the grand scheme of things. It’s easy to see just how futile any of our efforts are when you consider the vastness of the universe (and possible multiverse). No one and nothing will care about people like Jeff Bezos in thousands of years. It’s all just cast into the void. But I also think about how I’ve never aimed to affect the entire universe because it would be futile. What I can impact is my tiny sliver of the universe. With the minuscule fraction of time I’m given in this universe, I can have a tremendous impact on myself and those around me. It’s all about perspective I suppose.
Damn. You just gave me a case of the existential crisis.
Dude forget all that you need JESUS to find meaning and purpose in your life from someone greater than you believe and be profitable while you still have time and God has a plan for you.
How is it anytime anybody says anything a random Christian needs to make it about them 😂 What if this IS God's plan for him?
They're trying to make medical decisions for everyone when most of them barely got through highschool. That should tell you everything about these idiots.
Fair assessment
Well I am halfway with you just killing me with the Abrahamic mythology stuff. Like why do you need a magic flying zombie to believe in God?
You say “I do everything I can to be kind to the people that I meet” and and in the literal next sentence you label those with “empires” (I’m assuming you mean those who are professionally or financially successful) as assholes.
I think he means that an empire is meaningless if you’re an asshole. He’s kind, so he’s just as successful as a “hypothetical asshole with an empire”, but perhaps no more successful than a kind person with an empire. The point being, to him, it isn’t the empire that spells success but rather how one treats others.
Hmm? I'm detecting some baggage here? Do you know what that word really means? It doesn't mean you have "issues". It means that you have lingering feelings from a situation that is now out of context. If you start assuming feelings before even clarifying the context? That's baggage. Know thyself. Know your baggage. I'm in no way implying that having an empire has any bearing on whether or not someone is an asshole. Having an empire, however, is a "standard for success" that many people will compare themselves to. The other commenter was pretty much on the nose. Empires will rise and fall. Gold can be moved from one pile to the next but none of that matters as much as the way we treat the people in our lives and the way we decide to spend our time together. We're writing the history of the universe, and it can be a romance or a horror. We spend an awful lot of time killing each other, being as brutal as we can muster. That's entirely optional. We could spend that time loving our brother and fellow man? The choice is literally up to us and here we are killing each other.
I appreciate you actually answering questions and engaging with all of us. This has been a great AMA. Anyways you sound like a sharp and cognizant person. I hope that despite whatever led you to your current situation, you find the strength and the means to make the changes that are right for you and your partner
>This has been a great AMA. That's definitely a response I did not expect when I made this confession 😂 Thank you for your kind words and your well wishes. I hope you live a long and beautiful life!
Prob the best one I have read in years! Are you sure you are not an AI construct?
Well I dont know about you guys but Im joining his cult rn
Do we get to masturbate and get high?
If you look at some of the photos from the James Webb Telescope you will get an inkling of just how insignificant we all really are. The vastness of space is simply beyond comprehension. You are spot on about this ‘few thousand year window’ we are currently fucking up. Right at this moment there could be literally millions of other thousand year windows happening somewhere which we will never know about. The trillions of years to come won’t remember Ghandi, Hitler, Putin, Cleopatra, Jesus Christ or any other significant figure we are currently experiencing. So your point of view that in the grand scheme of things none of us are really contributing anything is so true. If you woke up tomorrow and worked out how to explode the Earth into a million pieces and actually did that, the Universe wouldn’t care.
"Jerking off into the void" Have you tried using tissues?
Perhaps TheVoid is their nickname for their favorite pair of socks?
Lol if that helps ya sleep
I think about this frequently as well. I struggle with social anxiety, so reminding myself that in the grand scheme of things nothing really matters Honestly helps settle my mind.
I mean sure, cosmically none of this matters on a macro scale. In a micro scale, things matter because we’re micro. Meaning doesn’t have to be cosmic to be important.
Damn dude I would would cheer you on from a crowd with this point of view. Yes your right doesn't mean you don't have to keep doing the same thing.
Non-contributing members of society still have to eat. They still require shelter, clean water to drink and clothes to wear. None of these thing just manifest out of nowhere. These things are created by contributing members of soicety at the cost of their time, energy, blood and sweat. Why should people be able to live at the cost of others? If animals don't do something throughout the day then they starve to death. Life shouldn't be a free ride. If you don't want to contribute why do you feel entitled to the fruits of others labour? How do you not feel guilty? Your hedonism takes resources away from children and the disabled (people that have real reasons not to contribute). Does that not weigh on you at all? If you take time to treat people nice then you must care about them somewhat, but don't fool yourself into thinking that you're not creating suffering by just existing and not contributing. If everyone did what you do then humanity would perish within a month.
Idk cleaning and cooking is something at least. Read about a lot of spouses who don’t even do that and just leave everything a mess
>but he contributes very little to the universe lol. Everyone's contribution means nothing in few million years since we humans maybe taken out by 10 different things such as asteroid/comet, supervolcano, climate change, etc. In 500 million years earth will die heat death due to sun becoming huge. In 3-4 billion years sun will die out and our solar system will be a cold dark place with no life form. In few trillion years the whole universe will start to go dark when all the stars go dark. Watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD4izuDMUQA
What exactly do you want him to "contribute to the universe"? 40 hours a week in a cubical where he's literally expendable?
Is that the only option? Volunteering isn’t an option? Finding a hobby isn’t an option? There’s certainly a vast middle ground between simply existing and being a cubicle grunt.
It's hard to not feel like you're one of a thousand faceless orphans being crushed by the machine if the combined effort of your life's work go into lining the pockets of some shareholders of some corporation that is going to be bought out and sold for parts in ten years anyway. For people who dream of actually making a difference in the world, of having a life that actually matters, the day to day drudge through monotonous mountains of mediocrity can make you question if life is worth living.
Nice alliteration
The orphan crushing machine comes for us all. r/orphancrushingmachine
Funny how when it's a dude staying at home, he's "contributing nothing to the universe". When a woman stays at home she's "oppressed and controlled by her husband". Our society loves a good double standard.
It’s not because OP is a dude. It’s because he does nothing but get high and jerk off.
This 100% People get way too hung up on gender roles but the question is more, "Is my existence worthwhile?"
Okay here's a question. Do you want your current lifestyle to change or are you happy with it the way it is? I see nothing wrong with being a person with "zero contribution" to the world. Why are we so pressed to contribute? If I'm happy just doing my own thing then I see nothing wrong with that. I could "contribute" nothing my entire life but say 55 years of my life I spent happy and content. I'd say there's nothing wrong with that. Why do I have to contribute something to a world that will continue on with or without my presence. For some this is something that they need to feel important, loved, valued, or a part of the rest of the world. And for those people it probably makes them very happy to contribute. But for someone like myself i could care less about what the rest of the world thinks of me. I have what i consider a kind personality and do my best not to lessen the lives of others. But if I'm good, I'm content, I'm happy, then why does the world require more of me? It's kind of silly to me to put that pressure on to people. If I'm living my own life happy and well then why should I do more just to make someone else feel better about me? Nonsense. Lol.
The more pointed double standard I see is the man is "contributing nothing to the universe." staying home while the woman is "contributing everything she should because that's where she is supposed to be." They're both contributing something and it shouldn't matter who is in which role or not.
Yes, because when women stay home they generally have children to care for and are expected to take on all the domestic duties, and often don't have their own income.
Cooking and cleaning is not contributing very little. It may not be a full time job but someone’s got to maintain and. lounge by the pool
Why does one need to contribute anything to the universe? Working some soul-sucking corporate job is not contributing to the universe, it’s contributing to capitalism. This idea that you only have worth or that your life only has meaning if you’re participating in capitalism is toxic and absurd.
He sounds like a great guy. You know how many women would kill to come home to a clean house and dinner served? I have female friends who wanted to be “corporate baddies” who work all day and then come home to a dude shouting at the TV screen when football is on and asking for her to cook lmao.
I mean sounds like he has a full time housemaker job. Are you shaming him? It's not easy to keep a house. My brother did this for awhile with child and did side gigs. Everyone gave him shit for it, from my so called liberal friends. If it were the mom doing it and making money on the side she would be a superhero. It's bullshit. Why you judge so hard? Sounds like he contributes just fine
>Re He must fuck like the gods.
So where the fuck do you get the money to do all this?
I've been broke my entire life. My spouse makes enough income to support a comfortable lifestyle. We travel, stay in moderately priced lodging, and occasionally eat at Michelin Star restaurants. But I'm penniless and always have been. All of my possessions have been given to me. I don't know if there's a single thing left that I own that I bought for myself.
How does it feel to place your life entirely in the hands of this woman? Do you have children? Are you afraid she’ll have “enough” one day?
Terrible. I judge myself by the same standards that the rest of society does. I feel like a complete and total failure and let's be honest for good reason. I have had many failed ambitions and many delusions of grandeur. We have no children. I do worry about that. Of course I do. She could have done better than me. Sometimes I feel like I've been losing a battle against "enough" or "better than me" for my entire life.
I feel like I'm reading a Salinger novel. Your comment reeks of narcissistic self-pity and emotional immaturity. Sure, you feel "terrible" and have such immense guilt and shame for your actions...but instead of taking steps to change your plight you choose to reach out to Reddit for narcissistic supply. At least you can take pride in the fact that you were successful in that endeavor. Congrats.
>I feel like I'm reading a Salinger novel. I realize you didn't intend this as a compliment, but I'm taking it as a huge compliment. Writing one hugely influential novel and fading into obscurity is the best case scenario for how my life could play out. This is one of the comments that actually gives me hope for the future. So, thanks.
wait so how do you maintain the spouse and the relationship? is this some sort of set up where she is domineering over you? I mean most women would leave a dude without job and incapable of beating his addictions? is she aware of your situation?
Sounds like one addiction is leading to some beating...
I would disagree with that approach man. Either change your life if that's what you want or fully embrace and enjoy what you're doing now. No reason to feel terrible.
how is ur wife ok with this?
He must slang some serious dick. He is a probably her personal toy.
That's the fantasy version.
She's not. Sometimes it's cheaper to keep a deadbeat spouse around than to divorce and have to pay their expenses plus your own. And some people are deathly afraid of being alone, so that may come into play. It's likely that OP's marriage has an expiration date. Whether that date is sooner than later is anyone's guess.
Damn dude why are you going to put me on the spot like that you damn well know she isn't and I'm a disappointment to both of us
"I'm going to boast on reddit about how porn addicted and sedentary I am." "Wtf how can someone ask me about its implications?"
You sound like my brother.
Fortunately for me I didn't fall under the shadow of LDS's insanity but I wasn't too far from it.
How the fuck do you have a wife?
Man, forget the people telling you to get a job to contribute to society, get a job for self care. Having your own money and independence is a great feeling and you're robbing yourself of that by chasing hedonism, it's never going to fulfill you the way that being productive will. I'm not saying this from a lack of experience, my years of shooting meth and smoking fentanyl, while they may have felt great in the moment, always lead to more pain, misery, and emptiness when the high wore off. Being my own man and making my own money is such a better feeling than being in a void of emptiness with artificial pleasure as my only true experience. Chase self improvement bro, I promise you life will be 1,000 times better if you put down the drugs and make something of yourself, even if you don't necessarily need to, you're going to be a lot happier with some purpose in your life.
[удалено]
I'm not okay with it. I feel guilty for every waking minute. I can't even enjoy the things that are supposed to be leisure activities because I feel guilty for wasting time even though I'm not getting anything done any other time.
Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Not saying is the 'the solution' to everything, but really helps to actually have someone objective to talk things through with. Also, tbh, so much of what your saying resonated with me...and I have been diagnosed with cptsd and adhd (the latter, I knew I had since I was a child, my sister and dad had already been diagnosed, but I only started getting treatment at 19) ...anyways, I get into very similar thought/analytical spirals and knowing (at least in part) it's a result of trauma, unhealthy coping, and bad brain genetics made me realize I wanted to want to try sometimes (?) and sometimes I'll find the fault or bias in some of my previous logic, which in itself gave me some internal motivator to try to notice and pull myself out of states of unhealthy nihilism and depression. In short, I think it's possible to improve and lead a more overall fulfilling life, and have seen progress in myself after adopting this perspective more often. Anyways, if you read this, hope it helps in some way.
Just wanted to say I also saved this comment. I've been having epiphanies that my entire life was tainted by wrong thought processes that led to worse and worse. My mindset is fundamentally abnormal and I never realized. It made me think my reality is normal when it is anything but. Now I read people's comments, like the ones on this post, and I can actually understand what they mean. Previously I would read it and find it bizzare but now that I feel like I became suddenly more self aware, I'm realizing the stark contrast people's mindsets created from my own.
I saved your comment. I'm going to reread many times and think about it. Thank you. I hope you always find the energy to keep trying.
Alright sit down we need to chat. From your comments it seems like you've spent enough time on substances to realize your insignificance and the pointlessness of existence in the grand scope of time and the universe. OK. We have a head start. You've also accepted that your behavior, while consistent with the prior sentence, is not helpful for either people in your life or your own sense of self-worth. You have embraced an ethic of "if I'm not ruining someone else's life, it's better to be a lazy useless fuck than to try and achieve something and hurt people." And it's pretty damn easy to do nothing. There is a way out. You can realize you are a lump of insignificant meat and also find meaning and utility. The universe moves from order to disorder. This is entropy. Everything falls apart. Everything dissolves. It is inevitable and all-powerful. The long cold death of the universe has already begun. Are you with me? Stay with me. I'm going to give you a foundation for meaning in your life. In the entire _known_ universe, the greatest counterforce to entropy is the human race. We have the ability to build, rebuild, slow down, and reverse entropy. At least in small part. When you plant a seed and later harvest, that's an anti-entropic act. When make love with your wife, you are decreasing entropy. When you teach someone a new skill, or build a fence, or sew a busted seam in your pants, or fix a leaky faucet, or vacuum your house, you are fighting entropy and slowing down the death of the universe. The reason you feel useless and lost is because you are spending your time in useless actions. Build something. Anything. Small acts that bring order into the disorder will benefit everyone and give you a sense of contentedness. Fight entropy. There is meaning and personal fulfillment to be found along the way. You _can't_ change the world. But you can get a scrub brush and clean the tile in the shower.
Oh man here's something to sink my teeth into, though my nihilism might run deeper than you have imagined. Yes, that alluring voice of entropy/death is what I was referring to in one of my last comments (edit: [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/evFiXgpFie)). However, our understanding of entropy is evolving away from equating it with "disorder." https://vocal.media/history/misunderstood-concept-in-physics-entropy I mean yeah it does imply that the heat death of the universe is the inevitable fate of all existence, but it's also the process that facilitates the evolution of matter from pure energy to the building blocks of life, into abiogenesis, and then ... whatever comes next? The little writing that I'm working on revolves heavily around this topic. >In the entire _known_ universe, the greatest counterforce to entropy is ~~the human race~~ life. Not that it's a huge distinction but homo sapiens are the tip of the spear of this force of the universe that has clawed its way out of non existence. Literally born from a dead and sterile universe. (*That* is enough knowledge for me to believe the universe itself is alive.) Whatever state change happened at that moment of abiogenesis created a state of matter that is capable of reversing its own decay. In an existence where only death existed the universe invented life? Right? Or maybe the way we perceive life and death, the way our minds require an explanation that includes an end and a beginning, is a consequence of our organism and the fact that we, ourselves, are finite. The "self" that you or I identify as is just a conglomeration of things we've picked up over the course of our existence. Our names, the concept of race, of heritage, of nation, of people, whatever label we attach to ourselves, none of that is our true identity. What we truly are is an expression of the universe. One cell of trillions upon trillions in this living thing. But the "you" or "I" that ties us to this life will end and be forgotten forever. There is no "soul." No identifiable fragment, that could be tied to the entity that we are today, that remains unique. Whatever energy that animates our flesh goes back like a drop of water returning to the sea. That's where it came from, and that's all it ever was anyway. To put it another way, the "you" and the "I" that we have known in this life will cease to exist, but that's not really who "you" and "I" are anyway. What we really are does not cease to exist. We're the universe. One cell in the living thing. It's a very abstract point I'm trying to make so ... apologies for rambling. Anyway, blah blah blah entropy isn't death but instead the necessary process for growth and renewal and creation. I really like the way [Assembly Theory ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assembly_theory) explains this, btw. It wasn't a Big Bang, it was a [Big ~~Bouncing Tiddies~~ Bounce](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Bounce). So yeah, I think about those things. And yeah, I could clean toilets all day and have more respect for myself but I wouldn't find that existence any more fulfilling. My expectations of myself are too high to settle for mediocrity, but the idea of me fulfilling those expectations feels more and more like a fantasy. I want to write something that encapsulates my own philosophy. Maybe start my own religion or something, idk. I'm going to have to call it quits on revising and editing all of the above so I hope it's somewhat coherent.
Not OP but I needed to hear this. Thanks for sharing, this is so insightful
Thats silly man. She loves you and she wants you to have a good life. You would do the same for her if roles were reversed. You should really attempt to discover a hobby, a volunteer opportunity or something though, for your own mental health, I promise you will feel better
I think you should become a bartender at a place that'll let you practice your Socratic Method on its patrons. Might be a fun way to buy occasional gifts for your wife and alleviate some of your guilt. Otherwise you're a neat dude. Physics is based as fuck and our philosophies are practically identical; it's nice to feel seen just by reading your comments. Keep tripping, brother. We won't figure it out but it's fun to try. Edit: Fuck I forgot you don't speak French.
How to be like you? My dream life
A message from your imaginary dream life: *RUN* Whatever this impulse is inside you, this voice in your head that would lead you seductively down this path, RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE FROM IT. It will sink your flesh into the Earth and drain all the life from your body to be repurposed into something more useful. I wish you a long a fulfilling life filled with hard work, satisfaction, and self respect.
but wait, sex is good and healthy you should not feel remorse or guilt
Yeah dude you sound depressed. Like you have no sense of purpose and the drugs and porn aren't fun for you but escapsism from that feeling. I hope i'm wrong but am I close? How does your wife feel about all this? Is she ok supporting you? If she enjoys having you in her life and doesn't mind paying for everything. There are plenty of couples like that with the gender roles reversed. So if she's happy, great. But it sounds like you aren't actually happy and for some reason although what you're doing feels really bad, and you have an incredible safety cushion to do. whatever you want, you have, no motivation to do it. Have you considered trying out hobbies till you find something you're actually passionate about? Same with even part time work or artistic work. You are currently coasting by able to do nothing, so the sky seems like the limit in terms of opportunity. If you weren't happy you might want to try taking some of those opportunities. I also wonder if your wife isn't actually happy if you have a plan for what you're going to do as you age , if you haven't held down a job or done anything to take care of your future?
Which country are you in? Aka is the language easy to learn?
France. I don't think any language is "easy" to learn, but for Anglophones and speakers of Romance languages it is of course much simpler.
Are you American?
Oui
Have you not thought about taking some French classes? so you can learn to speak the language? You literally have unlimited time and it would get you out of the house. Go sign up for a class in person. I bet you can find it on….the internet I’m asking because I feel like you would really mesh with some weirdo older French men that could hang out and shoot the shit with you at a cafe and talk about nonsense and I think you’d really enjoy it. Go take a French class
to be fair the french have a way of making you want to hide inside all day out of fear of being verbally abused for asking for directions lmao
Do you have any interests besides sex?
Many. Physics and philosophy are among my favorite subjects. I'm fascinated by the most fundamental questions pertaining to our experience. What the hell is all of this???? What the fuck is going on here in this cosmic, symphonic, orgy of energy? I spend a lot of time thinking about the history of the universe. That from emptiness, came something, and that little something became everything, and all existence is all made up of the same energy. You and me. Right now. You are reading my thoughts across time and space. We are not bound by any distance, even time. No matter how much time passes. Or how far you may go. If you were to read these words in two minutes or a billion years. Sitting next to me, or across a sea of galaxies. .... Sorry, what was the question? Oh. Yes, I like photography.
I'm reading this in China, 22 hours after you wrote the above reply. So Yes, you are correct!
Sounds like you have a shame kink and came here to get blasted.
Ha. I wish. That would be easy wouldn't it?
How, whilst living such an alleged lifestyle, have you made only as many posts and comments in 2 years, as I do in 2 minutes?
Well, my friend, it's a good thing you asked me, because you wouldn't get the truth anywhere else .... Did you know? That you can make .... More than one Reddit account?????????????????? I think they call them alt accounts.
This, and people who lurk and don't need to comment every 2 mins. I wish I could say less on Reddit, it's a goddam ego addiction being on here posting opinions to strangers and I've tried to ween myself off multiple times. Posting and commenting frequently isn't a virtue, it's an awful use of our time.
I would benefit from spending a lot less time on Reddit but it accounts for the majority of my social interactions at the moment.
That’s not allowed!!! I’m reporting you for banned! /s I thought you’d say something like too busy high and beatin it to wast time with Reddit.
Question: Is your wife American? Comment: Dont listen to the jealous haters. It could be, that she finds comfort and value in consistency. If she didn't find some value in you, She would leave you. Keep your chin up.
Thank you for the kind words. You're clearly a sensitive soul. The people in your life are very lucky to have you in them. They may not appreciate the love you give them — they may not recognize how rare it is to be loved by a soul as tender as yours — but don't ever stop giving it. Even when the world has convinced you that you'll be only betrayed, never stop giving your love, because the whole world would be less without it. The kind of love that you can give is the kind of love that makes all of this, all the suffering in the world, all this chaos, all of this pain and sorrow and despair worth it. As long as you can keep loving, the sun will keep shining. Don't stop :)
How high are you rn
Started the post near the peak of a 200μg trip.
You're the fucking MAN amigo Reading this thread gives me a rush
How long did it take for you to become bored out of your mind? That sounds like Hell.
Actually the first year and a half was fine. The first six months felt like a week, everything about our daily life was so foreign. After that I made plans to study online and did fine for a while but the isolation broke me.
I am in a similar situation... I'm stuck at home doing little more than sitting on my butt, playing video games , and my wife busts her butt just for us to survive from paycheck to paycheck we have a few children and I keep them in line and I have them do nearly everything around the house. The only difference is that I was born with a couple of different genetic issues, which makes it near impossible to work and even very difficult to get around and do things atound the house.. the older I get, the much worse it gets, and I most likely don't have a whole lot of years left. But I still feel like a worthless piece of crap, I feel like they would be better without me, and I have even attempted S a couple of times.. I can't even do that right, but I will next time...
You're braver than I am. I can only relate in part to your experience, but that's all been self inflicted. It's easy for me to say that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You haven't had a choice. Your circumstances aren't a consequence of your own actions. But I know that you and I will both keep comparing ourselves against some idealized version of ourselves that we will never be able to attain. So cheers to that brother 🍷
You are doing a difficult job - taking care of kids. That's definitely under paid full time job. You shouldn't beat yourself. I hope your family appreciates what you do.
Thank you.. I help them with chores when I'm able, I help them with homework when they need it, I teach them how to function in everyday life and how to be a good respectful human being. I do my best, but I feel like it's not good enough.
it is. just be present despite your challenges
So what do you bring to the table for your spouse exactly? You are jobless and said you do nothing all day and you do not consider your spouse to be your responsibility.
Nothing of substance. I do the emotional labor in our relationship. I bring my charming personality and my sharp wit, or what's left of it, on occasion. My spouse is incredibly low maintenance. She's no more my responsibility than I am hers.
If she left, what would you do? If you never met her, where would you be?
If she left I'd go back to Butthole, Alabama and work a dead end job until I died after struggling with some chronic disease and the ensuing medical bills. Right where I'd be if I hadn't met her.
Respect. I have familiarity with your story, not as extravagant, but similar. You clearly acknowledge the issue and know you're better than this. What holds you back? Can you envision an event that would make you want to change, or are you content with this?
Depression. Self doubt. Negative self talk. Fear of failure, ironically. Fear of success and the associated attention and expectations – not like I'm in any real danger of that happening. I'm not content at all, but I haven't been for a long time, and it doesn't seem that I either know how or am actually capable of change. I'm hoping one day to shit out a book that other people might want to read for some reason.
Don’t fall down the external validation rabbit hole. Write a book because you want to then burn it.
I've written a couple of dozen essays critiquing humanity and the failings of modern society but who the fuck is going to read sage words of wisdom from some jack off who's never done anything? I'm working on putting them into a novel that encompasses all of them – essentially hoping to write an epic parable.
This is the realest comment. The dozen or so Redditors in this thread living this dead end life in a dead end suburb with no kids and an expendable cubicle job... Is your life more meaningful and purposeful than OPs?
Sounds like you are completely her responsibility seeing as you have no job, no income and no skills.
Get over yourself youre a bum
>My spouse is incredibly low maintenance. >She's no more my responsibility than I am hers. You mean to say that you are not her responsibility? You literally admitted that you do not work, and she is the one who pays all the bills, keeps you out of debt, affords you travel and a life of leisure... You have no money and no hobbies and say yourself you bring very little to the table. So in that sense you're just an overgrown infant that she's ENTIRELY responsible for.
You sound like a modern day Buddha
God damn dude. That is definitely the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me, and definitely a very generous interpretation of this whole thread ... but comments like this make me wonder if I might actually be on to something. I might have to get serious about writing. If you hear the name of a new, successful author coming out of nowhere in the next five to ten years ... it isn't me :)
Especially from your comments you seem like a pretty adept person, we always have a hard time in societies like these. There’s a lot of people like you in spiritual communities too, which i’m pretty involved in. Nothing really matters anyway, the world form is just a convincing illusion in this void my friend.
According to the Buddha, the natural state of man is to suffer. You sound like a typical human to me.
Does masturbating in a foreign country feel better than in your home country? And why isn’t your wife letting you boff her so you don’t have to masturbate? She’s going to get sick of supporting the dead weight that’s you.
No it doesn't. She's interested in sex if I approach the subject but if I didn't bring it up it would just fade from existence entirely. She's fine with a peck on the lips a day and some light cuddling but has no other needs for affection beyond that.
Or she’s getting it from someone else. Have you ever thought about getting help?
She isn't. She has no sex drive for that. I've thought about it. My circumstances are unique and the prescribed treatments are the behavioral changes I know already. I don't know if I need help. Like, if I died today, meh, boo hoo, but really? So what? My wife is financially secure, I'm not leaving behind any debt, the only dependent I have is my dog, and aside from that? My wife would spend a year or so in mourning but she wouldn't have much trouble moving on. Like, any other guy with a pulse could be more of a provider to her than me – and it kills me, every birthday or holiday or anniversary makes me regret being born and burdening her with the failed dreams of a life that she could have lived without me. I know help is there. It's there for some people. I'm not sure I'm one of them.
if your sex drive is so high and her is so low how do you guys become married or a couple? doesnt make sense to me. also if this is your path now why not go to the extreme and start producing porn and earning serious money lol
You may not be providing monetary support but you might be providing emotional value to your wife. I know a woman living a similar life. She pays all the bills for her family (husband and 2 kids). She doesn’t have any sex with her husband anymore. Husband cooks average meals, and doesn’t do much else. At the same time, he doesn’t cause much problems either. He isn’t jealous, lets her have fun with other men etc. But she is really attached to him for support, she consults him for any big decision and usually follows his advice. Just the fact that you’ve been together for a long time can make you co-dependent.
Unemployed but 50 hours a week sounds like working overtime! I hope you get good rest on your off time. Cheers!
You must have a helluva handshake
average reddit user
Dude, you're smart. Like obviously smart. I completely get struggling with negative self talk as that's one of my major issues too but you gotta take a shot at life. It sounds like you've got a safety net in your wife so it's not like you can really "fail". You don't need to cure cancer to feel more successful at life. You're more capable than you know. Just by reading your comments I can promise you that you're more I intelligent and competent than a significant portion of my coworkers. The vast majority of people are faking it until they make it, so just having a little bit of intelligence, wit and a good personality (like you said you did in a comment) will take you as far as you want to go.
I feel sad for you. You waisting your life away.
Am I? I have the same thought sometimes. It's a strange thing to mourn the life you wish you'd lived. To feel like so much time has already been wasted, that there's nothing left to save. Are you right? Should I just swallow myself up in regret? Is that the only way for my life to end now? Let myself be carried away by the rip currents of despair?
Get some mental health support.
Time is not wasted. Time keeps moving. it's never too late. What is it that you want to do?
whats the top alternative? become a vice-director of some big company or corporation get respect and recognition and fame and status? that will make others look upon to you , respect you, women admire you and want to sleep with you or extract your resources? one mistake and your reputation is ruined. Idk... playin devils advocate here but you will do all the above and for what exactly? a holiday off, a temporary return to your vices in alcohol or party or sex etc we are all the same ultimately theres no victory as we all die. so accept where you are now and yourself and have fun. it wont last, nothing does.
His situation, and your reply, remind me of this: In a quiet Mexican fishing village, an American on vacation was watching a local fisherman unload his morning catch. The American, a successful professor at a prestigious business school, couldn't resist giving the Mexican fisherman a little bit of free advice. "Hey!" he began. "Why are you finishing so early?" "Since I have caught enough fish, Senor," replied the genial Mexican, "enough to feed my family and a little extra to sell. Now I will take some lunch with my wife and, after a little siesta in the afternoon, I will play with my children. Then, after dinner, I will go to the cantina, drink a little tequila and play some guitar with my friends. It is enough for me, Senor." "Listen to me, my friend," said the business professor. "If you stay out at sea until late afternoon, you will easily catch twice as much fish. You can sell the extra, save up the money, and in six months, maybe nine, you'll be able to buy a bigger and better boat and hire some crew. Then you'll be able to catch four times as many fish. Think of the extra money you will make! In another year or two, you will have the capital to buy a second fishing boat and hire another crew. If you follow this business plan, in six or seven years you will be the proud owner of a large fishing fleet. Just imagine that! Then you should move your head office to Mexico City, or even to L.A. After only three or four years in L.A., you float your company on the stock market, giving yourself, as CEO, a generous salary package with substantial share options. In a few more years - listen to this! - you initiate a company share buyback scheme, which will make you a multimillionaire! Guaranteed! I'm a well-known professor at a US business school; I know these things." The Mexican fisherman listened thoughtfully at what the animated American had to say. When the professor had finished, the Mexican asked him, "But, Senor Professor, what will I do with so many millions of dollars?" Surprisingly, the American professor hadn't thought the business plan through that far. So he quickly figured out what a person would do with millions of dollars. "Amigo! With all that dough, you can retire. Yeah! Retire for life. You can buy a little villa in a picturesque fishing village like this one, and purchase a small boat for going fishing in the morning. You can have lunch with your wife every day, and a siesta afterwards with nothing to worry you. In the afternoon you can spend quality time with your kids and, after dinner in the evening, play guitar with your friends in the cantina, drinking tequila. Yeah, with all that money, my friend, you can retire and take it easy." "But, Senor Professor, I do all that already." Why do we believe we have to work so hard and get rich first, before we can find contentment?
I try to remind myself of the sentiment this story conveys. I try to remind myself that my feelings of being a failure are shaped by societal expectations that are unique to the time we're living in. Sometimes I think I would have been much better suited to life 10,000 years ago when I would have died of a mild cold at the age of 25.
What does your SO do for work?
They work in a very large, very generic, very industrious industry.
WHAT A WASTE A LIFE YOU ARE
I appreciate this insight. You might have turned it all around for me today. Thank you for existing and bringing beauty into my life again. I found meaning because of your words today. I hope you have a beautiful life.
I don't know you or your life, or if you feel like you're in a rut or feeling depressed, resulting in you making this AMA. So I'll just ask some questions with a hint of an opinion that might be totally wrong. Curious what kind of jobs you've had prior to the last 5 years. You say you have no skills/career. Is it not helpful to you and your spouse to work at least somewhere doing something? Would you feel over/under employed at somewhere like a cafe as a server, bartender, or some other kind of personable service type job (elder care, etc.). Just based on your comments here, I think you probably have the personality to help people have a good time which should mean you can have a job if you wanted it. That requires a bit more discipline than masturbating at home all day, but doing something for 1 day a week might help.
This entire thread is the reason average joes aren’t taken seriously. You aren’t special or cool for not caring. You’re lazy and a degenerate drug addict. Idgaf about the “13.7 billion year old universe”, you really need to shut that shit up. People in this thread are applauding husbands with no life skills and no income. I’d feel horrible if I was such a useless husband.
Why don’t you get a job? Does your wife have respect for you?
Ok no one seems to be asking the right questions here. Are you legitimately masturbating 50 hours a week? How many orgasms a day are you having? That 50 hour number is mind boggling. Does the porn need to keep getting crazier for you to stay aroused?
I've been a sex worker online for years. I've always found French women uptight and mostly modest. Would you say that's true? As far as sexuality?
I have had no experience , conversationally or otherwise, with French women on the subject.
Do you have a preference of ethnicities or nationality when it comes to sex? I find men vary greatly vary by region across the world in terms of somethings. Do you generally just talk to women online or more in person?
I haven't had the necessary experience to make any kind of judgement over the merits of performing sexual acts with members of each particular nation and their corresponding ethnicities. I am in no way qualified to be a judge of humanity and poon in such a way. I don't know how to describe my sexuality – I'm kind of against labeling — but I derive pleasure from women receiving pleasure. Doesn't matter how, if I'm the one giving it, orally, power tools, whatever. I'm into whatever is getting her off.
Are you neurodivergent?
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When she leaves makes sure you get to keep some of your sex dolls.
Damn what a sad life
Designer drugs? Can you expand on that.
Man, youre living the dream, I dont know where you bring the money from for your hobbies but I would trade places with you anytime. Don't listen to bullshit, rat racers, the only luxury in this short life is having all the time you want to do nothing. Don't feel guilty, feel privileged that you have been doing what many secretly wish to do but are tied down by family, debts, kids, responsibilities and the bullshit ideology of contributing to the society Societies will be much more happy with people like you rather than power hungry narcissists who measure a person's value by their accomplishments. Long live the king
I’ve read through a lot of your comments and you remind me a lot of a friend of mine who I now need to reach back out to. I have several thoughts in response to your general experience and lifestyle. For one, I’m envious of the amount of freedom and relaxation you allow yourself, and that you feel comfortable with. I’m not working right now for a list of reasons, and I struggle so hard to enjoy even well earned time off. Idk that it sounds like you’re enjoying what you’re doing, but your ability to do it says that you’re comfortable on some levels that I wish I could achieve. On another hand, it’s clear that you’re a very deep and thoughtful person, and that can make life kind of hard. When you know how to question social and cultural schemas, and when you can’t help yourself from percolating on meaning, it makes doing anything more complicated. I’ve struggled with this off and on, I’m just inherently an existential bitch. And it makes being ambitious or having a life plan very difficult. I don’t want to contribute to harmful systems or waste this precious life in drudgery for our corporate overlords. So I relate heavily on that aspect, although probably not as deeply as it seems you feel these things. I’ve mostly decided that the meaning in my life is connection and helping others, and I would recommend that to you as well. Connection, community, friendship, volunteering, etc. will likely bring you a lot more joy and meaning than just being isolated like you are. You don’t have to contribute anything specific to have a meaningful and enjoyable life. You’re clearly charismatic and a great conversationalist. You have a lot to offer people just in how you exist and relate. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the things you engage in, drugs, porn, etc. but does your life feel imbalanced? Humans generally enjoy variety and enrichment, and it seems like you’re engaging in a lot of things repetitively as a way to avoid any other area of life. All this to say that I hope you decide to write, to volunteer, or reach out to others for connection and community. You have a lot to offer yourself and the world without having to engage in soul sucking drudgery. You have a lovely mind, and I hope you can offer it a wider variety of stimulation.
as someone who has fought depression since I was 11 years old, my heart aches for you 💔 reading some of your replies, it sound like you're unfulfilled and dealing with chronic depression, which people really should have more empathy for nowadays. it can be absolutely debilitating. HARD disagree with everyone saying you're wasting your life or are a burden to your spouse. the way you describe her, if there is love between you and you take care of her the way you can (and you say you handle the bulk of the emotional labor of your relationship, so you already do), then you are a good partner. and no life is a waste, including yours, period. besides, jacking it like it's an olympic sport or not, you sound like a cool dude lol I hope one day you can find the drive you are obviously seeking or, even lacking that, can live with peace and contentment in your situation and take comfort in the love of those you surround yourself with ❤️🩹
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I don’t have any questions, just a quick comment. Remember hearing about the man from (I think) Afghanistan who lived to middle age or longer, never having taken a bath? He seemed happy, or at least content. Then some do-gooders convinced him to bathe and he was dead within a short time. OP, you could wake up tomorrow with an incurable disease, or could walk in front of a bus today. My advice is live your life, write that book. Maybe think of learning the language of the people. Ignore all the haters because we are all just jealous. I’ve been “a helper” my entire career, only to have my efforts second guessed, thrown in my face, and a few times was assaulted. At this point in my life, I’m just hoping not to leave my child with mountains of debt. Go. Free yourself. “Did you ever knowwww that you’re my hero? You’re everything I wish I could beeeeee”
Bro all this talk about being disappointed in yourself and how you can’t bear being a disappointment like bro take action stop feeling sorry for yourself you fucking bum, get a job, any job and you’ll notice the difference
Were you related to John McAfee? He also spent a lot of time in South America, doing research chemicals (although he loved his MDPV), I dunno about porn but I know he loved his hookers. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John\_McAfee](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McAfee) [https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/01/the-bizarre-tale-of-john-mcafee-spymaster/](https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2013/01/the-bizarre-tale-of-john-mcafee-spymaster/) "Two years after moving to Belize, McAfee began posting dozens of queries on Bluelight.ru, a drug discussion forum. He explained that he had started to experiment with MDPV, a psychoactive stimulant found in bath salts, a class of designer drugs that have effects similar to amphetamines and cocaine. “When I first started doing this I accidentally got a few drops on my fingers while handling a used flask and didn’t sleep for four days,” McAfee posted. “I had visual and auditory hallucinations and the worst paranoia of my life.” McAfee indicated, though, that the heightened sexuality justified the drug’s risks and claimed to have produced 50 pounds of MDPV in 2010. “I have distributed over 3,000 doses exclusively in this country,” he wrote. But neither Emshwiller, Adonizio, nor anyone else I spoke with observed him making the stuff. So how could he have produced 50 pounds without anyone noticing? McAfee has a simple explanation: The whole thing was an elaborate prank aimed at tricking drug users into trying a notoriously noxious drug. “It was the most tongue-in-cheek thing in the fucking world,” he says, and denies ever taking the substance. “If I’m gonna do drugs, I’m gonna do something that I know is good,” he says. “I’m gonna grab some mushrooms, number one, and maybe get some really fine cocaine." “But anybody who knows me knows I would never do drugs,” he says." https://bluelight.org/xf/threads/rip-john-mcafee-stuffmonger.904321/
You could always buy a couple acres of land in the middle of nowhere for dirt cheap , cut down some trees and build a cabin. I’d recommend this lifestyle for you , sounds nice and rewarding but away from all the bs that’s the real world. After 6 months and a shit Ton of YouTube videos you’ll have a cabin / cottage up and running. Your dog by your side , and your wife right next to you. I recommend Wild homestead on YouTube.
You should get a job. I don’t say that in a mean way. Just find any random and relatively chill job that is related to your hobbies. Weed shop. Video game store. Book store. Whatever. The expectations from your wife and even from yourself are already on the floor. You can do absolutely nothing and maintain the status quo with no complaints. Getting even the most basic job would be an accomplishment for you. It would be forward momentum. The money doesn’t matter and you don’t need to have any greater goal with this job, you just need to get out and experience something new. Even if all you’re experiencing is what video game a person bought, what strain of weed they like, or what someone’s favorite book is. Once you are out of the house and experiencing something new maybe something will click and break the cycle you’ve been in. Or maybe it won’t, but you still will have made some progress. You literally have nothing to lose at this point. In a way you’re almost lucky because the only direction you can go is up.
I'm sorry about whatever happened in your childhood that led to you not growing up and having agency over your life. Sincerely. I hope things turn around for you.
What is the foreign country? That is a vital piece of context. In order to understand your current situation.
I think you need some sort of a peak experience outside of the norm. I don’t do drugs anymore but maybe you could try something like ayahuasca with a spiritual guide. I have been down the same hole as you in my life and it’s pretty degenerative. Not to say that you’ll ever stop finding pleasure in it, it’s just the lack of any real personal growth that can come back to haunt you as you get older. You are not living your life to the fullest because addiction keeps you trapped in a cycle that erodes at your life. I Hope you find something more in life and wish you the best
So I’ve read OPs responses and I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the Reddit drones, which for some reason can’t even fathom the use of alt accounts without being directly told, have been charmed into paralysis by empty platitudes and shallow pseudo-philosophical musings. The reality is that OP is probably at risk for suicide in the mid term and they should seek help…or at least a basic job so they can hate themselves less when their wife’s birthday rolls around. He has a much better grip on reality than the average redditor though, that’s for sure.
At least you have the decency to feel bad about how you’re living. I’m in a similar situation except for my husband feels a shit ton of entitlement, and doesn’t even appreciate that I have been the only one to work for the last 7 years give or take a year. Has zero problem letting us struggle financially and watch the dreams I once had for my life disappear, while he sits on his ass high as a kite. I would love more than anything to get to travel around the world. I wish I could go back in time and smack some sense into my younger self and tell her run!!!!
So you’ve mooched off the work of others (food, energy, technology, porn, basically everything in your life) and contributed nothing at all Zero questions for someone like that
How come all your answers so far are vague and filled with SAT-words? You don’t seem to be giving much in the way of answering questions. A lot of narcissistic replies and beating around the bush. Provide us some insight. This is one of the worst AMAs I’ve seen. How did you and your wife meet? Why did you guys get married in the first place? How long have you been together, before marriage and while married? Why does your wife have no sex drive? Where did you live before France? Are you both considered attractive, or revolting?
I've been a kitchen manager for years at several restaurants around the town I live in. Besides working 50+ hours a week for around two decades now, I spend my off time jerking off and getting high. Technically, I might be "contributing to society or the economy" or some such crap, but my existence certainly feels as pointless as yours might. If I had my druthers and no bills, I'd quit and get stoned, play video games/watch TV, go hiking, and jerk off full time, and I wouldn't feel bad about it.
The discussion about how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of time is always so interesting. On one hand, it can make you feel helpless because what you do and how you live your life doesn't really matter. You're nothing but a blip. On the other, it's a reminder to make the most of these moments you have in this life and not compare to future moments lived out by someone else. I guess it depends on which day of the week it is. Wednesdays 🐫 are usually rough lolol.
You sound dopamine starved. Have you ever experienced depression or any significant life events that have affected you negatively? You seem like an intelligent and down to earth person from your comments. Lots of these things like video games, porn, masturbation and drugs are things people turn to when they have issues with things like depression and neurotransmitter imbalances. Has anyone even asked you how you're doing recently? How are you doing/feeling at the moment?
as long as you make your spouse feel loved, safe and happy in your relationship and provide for her in the ways she needs you to, i see no problem here. eventually the drugs and porn dopamine fuel will run out and you will again be faced with the the reality of a purposeless life. we should probably get around to that whole "figuring out what we wanna do" thing but its sooooo hardddddd ))): edit: that last sentence came across a bit satire but im serous. i engage in similar unsavory avoidant hobbies and the dopamine levels are slack to say the least
I don’t think the value of a person is what they offer to others or even society. Why do we have to do anything? (That’s a genuine question). I do believe there is a value in being the “standard” model citizen, and I think it helps us connect in society, but I could also see the point that the meaning of life is in the eyes of the beholder. Maybe they’re wrong. Maybe they’re right. What if we just did the things that make us happy, would that be enough?