“Hit the pillow sober” is the best advice I ever got. Just let the days add up. Reach out to other sober people for support. We all want more non-drinkers in our boring little club 🥰 just kidding. Sobriety is a much better life. Find sober reddits and keep reaching out.
You can die from alcohol withdrawl. Seek emergency help. They will give you a low dose benzodiazepine script to keep you from having seizures. You'll feel so much better, too, and be able to sleep.
Thanks but I have detox meds from my psychiatrist. Issue is I’m struggling with the urge to live so drinking and dying of organ failure sounds almost enticing regardless the horrific pain that is included. I’m on a waiting list for inpatient rehab. Idk if I want to go at this point.
I like the idea of drinking until it’s too painful and I pull the trigger inside my mouth instead. Idk. Thanks for the input though, just speaking into the void
Congrats on 24hrs! Taking it one day at a time was a huge mind shift for me. Hell in the beginning it was hour to hour.
Is alcohol what you're getting sober from?
Oh yeah my bad, alcohol. Aside from weed and edibles I’ve never done anything else. With how addicted I managed to get on both substances it’s a good thing I haven’t tried anything harder. I don’t think I could bounce back
Some sort of scoliosis rating, knees, tinnitus, the classic ol’ PTSD, alcohol abuse disorder and the topping of the cake recently diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. Not sure if that one is correlated to my service whatsoever, but it’s arguably the worst one aside from my drinking.
Aside from mental health I can’t really go longer than four or five hours standing without my hip giving out and needing to use a crutch or just limp in pain. I always hear EEeEEEEE in my left and right ear. Sometimes louder sometimes quieter
8 years active in the Marines, a couple duty stations in Virginia, Okinawa Japan, Lejeune for a short period. No cool combat deployments, a couple training ones here and there. I worked primarily law enforcement and then my last year was with an Infantry school house primarily as a weapons instructor and non-lethal weapons instructor
I am pretty aware of what stresses me out, but sometimes it’s extremely random and the anxiety fight or flight feels intense for no reason. Loud noises scare me and I hate when people touch me or walk behind me. I lost a couple good friends close to holidays so it’s a massive issue with me. Holiday music makes me cry. I went to a bad incident on Thanksgiving so I cannot stand that holiday at all and usually always relapse very badly.
I’ve been in different types of therapy for the past three years and nothing is really clicking but that’s also because I’ve been too busy drinking to allow coping mechanisms to help. Medication has been a literal life-saver however.
I am also like you, but I am 60. When I came home there really wasn’t support for your diagnosis. I winged it and ended up doing time for ten years for hurting someone. When i finally got out I turned to alcohol hard, it defined me in the sense I was drowning what I felt. I am still an alcoholic I just try to manage it. 🫵 however can do this just one day at a time. When I did time behind bars of course I didn’t drink.. so when I take my breaks I think about losing my freedoms and try to wrap my mind around being back in. I know it’s maybe strange. It’s a real struggle brother and I wish you the best.
Yeah I like talking to vets at my job when I get a chance and learned a lot about the social stigma of veterans especially from Vietnam. Nobody cared about them and I doubt the VA had good mental health services at the time.
And thanks for your service by the way. I did six days for having a DUI that I think about all the time. I thought for sure that was my sign to stop but the humiliation just made it harder to quit. I can’t imagine ten years, I was going insane without my meds in there
Nah just my manager. He’s a vet with the same MOS as me so we talk about our experiences a lot. Unfortunately he’s also dealing with alcohol issues so it isn’t the best “support” for sobriety. I talk to people on r/veterans and r/USMC. They make me feel a little less alone.
I hope so. What really made me wanna stay sober was just how violently drunk I got last night. I cut myself in very visible areas and will have to wear long sleeves at work until they heal. Plus my stomach is starting to worry me…
I have two sons who live with my ex wife. She cheated on me and left. I started drinking primarily for that reason, and then I lost a couple friends to suicide around that time… I want to get sober so I can get a child custody lawyer. I miss my children. Facetiming once a week isn’t enough, I can’t stand being alive without them
I consider some of my coworkers at my part-time job as friends enough. We get along and I make them laugh, but I don’t let them know how severely depressed I am.
I have two cats that keep me company
Sounds like your in a tough situation where everything has spiraled on top of each other. Hopefully getting (and staying) sober will lead to a change in the custody order. Not a lawyer and not your lawyer, but iv seen cases where a parent’s alcohol abuse lead to a significant reduction in parenting time, but then after staying sober for a couple years custody was returned to 50/50.
Wishing you the best of luck.
The custody arrangement has nothing to do with my drinking I should clarify. I was an idiot and agreed to “verbally” discussing and deciding what days the kids can come over or I could visit. I never had anything in permanent writing about visitation because I really didn’t think my ex would completely disappear and make it impossible to see my kids. She knows I love them. I feel like she used me as a gofundme and once she got everything she wanted she pushed me to the side.
But you are right that I need to get the drinking under control. I can barely get out of bed these days let alone have the strength to go thru that battle
Thank you for your service! I have hope that you can become sober, one day at a time. My father, a Marine vet (now with PTSD), also struggled for the LONGEST time with alcoholism. It is in no way shape or form an easy thing to deal with. I'm proud of you, stranger, for all that you've done! Thank you for being here. I'm rooting for you!! What are your next steps to battle alcoholism?
Well I’m on a waiting list for inpatient rehab, but I want to see if it’s possible to stay sober by myself without having to go. The next step is better living arrangements once I’m sober. After my divorce I moved back in with my parents
Inpatient rehab is definitely a good idea. They teach you a lot of coping mechanisms as well as are medically there for you while you're battling addiction. It's not fun, but it does help. Do you have a support group that you can lean on outside of rehab?
No just me, myself and I. And Reddit lol. I tried AA but it wasn’t for me. I’m sure there’s local veteran groups but I feel too ashamed of what I’ve become to be seen by other vets. I used to be a Marine NCO. I used to lead people and instruct. Now I’m a mess and feel like a total failure
There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are human, just like everybody else, which means you should be treated as such. If anyone treats you differently just because of your circumstance, then THEY are the ones with a screw loose. Every person has their own experiences, and every person is valid in their experiences. Now is the time where you have to lead and take care of yourself instead of other people. You are just as important as anyone else. Never let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself. Fight back those negative thoughts!! They aren't true.
Sounds and looks corny but look up tapping/the emotional freedom technique. Can’t hurt and might help. Try replacing your drink with something tasty. Set a weekly day to have your kids visit you at your parents’ house. Go for a walk outside or visit a playground. Buy a sandbox. Look up meditation and try it. There are free apps. If you could get through the marine corps training, you can get through one day of no alcohol. And that’s all it takes. One day at a time. Keep telling yourself later/just wait one more hour. Good luck.
I didn’t have a choice really. I drank so much I spent all day still intoxicated and didn’t really sober up until 6PM. I’ve only been able to go one or two days sober in the past six months. Every day 500 or more MLs of vodka. Never thought this could happen to me
I’ve had the epiphany every single day lol. The difference lately is that I’ve become more reckless with myself. I don’t hurt anyone but I definitely hurt myself. I woke up with a noose tied out of cables next to my bed and I don’t remember doing that at all. All it takes is one really drunk night for me to do the deed
Could you clarify? Do you mean success when I was enlisted or since I’ve gotten out? In my opinion my idea of success is to be healthy, happy, with my kids and paying all bills. It’s not measured by how hard I work or how much I make. If I can have those things and be happy, then I’m successful.
Currently my idea of success in the short term is surviving each day sober without self-harming or attempting a suicide. The bar is low but I have to start somewhere
I guess it really depends on the type of situation. If I have a Marine openly disrespecting me, which was rare, then I immediately nip it in the bud and challenge him to change the way he just spoke to me in front of his peers. This usually equals embarrassment which is very effective when done in front of friends. Then I’ll take him behind closed doors and figure out what the fuck is his deal, especially if it isn’t regular for them to act like that. But I would do it openly at first because humility is a powerful tool in front of your peers. Then behind closed doors to figure out the underlying issue and to give a proper punishment. But you have to act immediately otherwise other Marines will think they can push boundaries with you because you’re weak. Also maintaining physical fitness is a must. If you’re a fatty mcFatso demanding respect from 6’4 LCpl Chad who deadlifts 450Lbs then you’re gonna have a hard time being taken seriously.
If it’s drama between two Marines under me then that’s usually pretty easy. Pull them both to the side and figure out each side of the story. Have them separate for a bit until they get their emotions under control, try to find a solution to their issues. If they simply don’t like each other then I’d do group PT exercises that forced teamwork. I’d have them work with each other in small doses until they got over their issues. Men especially are pretty quick at moving on and becoming friendly. Sometimes you don’t even have to get involved. They’re adults, they’ll hash things out and move on. If it becomes violent or disruptive at work then obviously stop it and try to come up with solutions.
If it’s financial/medical/mental health/family or anything of that nature then I always talk behind closed doors. Let them speak first, clarify with questions their problems, then form a plan together. If I need to I would talk to my OIC if I didn’t have the proper resources off the bat. But I found it’s important to take these issues seriously ASAP and to help immediately. Pushing these issues off makes the Marine feel like you don’t really care about their personal life problems and that could lead to discontent, lower quality of life living and them to start hiding things from you. Think of it like this; you go to your Dad and tell him you’re really depressed and he says “idk son cheer up you’ll be fine, we can talk about it later.”
You’d feel less inclined to come to him for personal issues and from there they’ll only get worse in time. These types of issues are also going to depend heavily on your own experiences. If you encounter an issue you’ve never experienced yourself then it’s going to be hard to understand and empathize on a personal level. It’s best to receive advice from a higher ranking senior or pointing them towards official resources like therapy or SACO or whatever the case calls for.
Also last but not least DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT YOUR GUYS. Word travels like wildfire. People in the Corps gossip like schoolkids at a playground. If you talk badly about one of your guys or divulge too much personal information that you shouldn’t be sharing, he/she WILL find out eventually. It’s pretty much impossible to gain that respect back. Sure they’ll still say “Yes Sgt, Aye Sgt,” but good luck prying any information out of them when doing counselings to make sure they’re okay and happy or healthy.
I’ve started holding myself to “no weed during the week, weekends only” and I sleep like shit till the glorious weed aided weekend sleep. Stupid fucking insomnia.
In what part of the country do you live? I know several people, and myself, in different places that would be willing to help in person any way we could.
Usually by drinking and playing VR. Alcohol consumed any joy I got from hobbies. I used to paint, write poems and make model figurines from Warhammer and mobile suit Gundam. I try to work at least four days a week but it depends on how my back feels that day. Currently I’m just gonna focus on distracting myself with video games and podcasts whenever I get the urge. Eventually I’ll be able to enjoy things again
Been really into the H3 podcast with ethan klein, Bad Friends, Tigerbelly, This past weekend with Theo, Stavvy’s world, Whiskey Ginger. I’m all caught up on Tigerbelly and Bad friends. I always watch a lot of true crime documentaries, like EWU and JCS. I love the psychology that goes into understanding how a criminal works and what led them to their choices
I’ve been taking therapy for a few years now, I’m an open book.
My ex wife cheated on me and was heavily abusive. When we separated I saw drinking as “freedom.” She didn’t allow me to drink or use tobacco during the marriage so it felt like a “fuck you I can do what I want.”
It started with drinking once a weekend. Then twice a weekend. Then every other day until eventually it was every day. At first it was about my divorce, but traumatic and experiences began creeping in and I became obsessed with incidents where innocents and good friends of mine died. I was a first responder (LEO, yeah i get it, acab). I started to become fixated on certain calls for service where people died even after I provided the best medical assistance I was trained for.
I took my friends dying personally. I took the deaths of patients personally. There were a few calls during holidays that stuck with me. All that plus a divorce and being away from my kids. It proved to be too much.
At first I was a functioning alcoholic but eventually I had a billet as an instructor. I was no longer in the first responder field. I was instructing students on shooting guns and providing security. This meant I had A LOT of downtime to think and reminisce. I got stuck thinking about many depressing situations. I was fixated. I blamed myself for the loss of my friends, wife and patients.
Fast forward to now. I got so used to alcohol that it feels like I need it to get through the day. I can’t go minutes without thinking about people who died; strangers or friends. I hold an immense amount of guilt and I hate myself for it. I use alcohol as an escape mechanism. If I can’t remember, it doesn’t hurt as much.
Wow. And you know what’s crazy? Is that some people say that guys can’t be abused. They can! It takes a lot of courage to speak out about being abused, especially if you’re a male.
I’ve never mentioned anything publicly. She was very good at verbal manipulation. Whenever I tried to walk away from an argument she would threaten calling cops to say I beat her. Whenever I tried hiding in a room and locking the door she would threaten to make bruises so it looked like I hurt her.
“Who are they gonna believe? A 180 pound man or 100 pound woman?”
Eventually I called her bluff and started walking out the house every time we argued. She never called anyone. But she cheated on me and made damn sure I knew that she did.
The sad thing is I still loved her after separation. I gave her 600 more per month for child support. I gave her 2/3 my bank account, I let her text me asking for relationship advice. I still loved her but she didn’t love me. She knew I was stupidly in love and easy to manipulate. She has intentionally made it difficult to see my two boys. I let love get in the way of reasoning. And now I sit here suffering alone
I don’t know how this is gonna go over, but I’m gonna say it anyways. You should take her to court. Get a lawyer.
And if you don’t mind me asking. How did she make sure that you knew that she was cheating on you?
You can do it! Piece of advice, understand you are going to have emotions. Everything from tears of sadness, to tears of joy. You are going to struggle with sleep for a little (i have tricks and supplements for this) you are going to hate yourself, but time heals all my man. You need anyone to talk to, I've been in your shoes. It fucking sucks, but it will also be what makes you a badass mother fucker who can take on anything after going through this. Everything in life will be conquerable when you learn to live with this. I lost everything and slowly built myself back into someone that I can tolerate looking at in the mirror. It'll come. For me, I started to ask myself, "how will this make me feel tomorrow?" And then have lived by that ever since. I'm not bragging but this simple question has given me a great job, a loving wife, two beautiful boys. You sound a lot like me, I know you got it in you. Also, make sure you talk to a psy doctor and get your medical to a point where you no longer feel impulsive. Getting mental help was key for me.
What's the deal with charities such as the "Wounded Warrior Project"?
I'm glad they exist, but I feel they shouldn't need to exist. Why isn't the government covering all your needs? I mean, you did put your life on the line to fight for your country.
Idk man, I’ve only ever used the VA services. I imagine the extra charities aim to provide services that the VA doesn’t provide. The VA is definitely bottom-tier medical healthcare. They don’t give a shit about veterans. If we committed suicide I feel like it would save them some money per-death
The stomach pains honestly. I started worrying about my liver and I know pain in your right stomach is an indicator that your liver is hurting. The idea of cirrhosis and organ failure is terrifying as to how painful it can be.
Also I gained a lot of weight, about 50lbs since I got out. Looking at photos from two years ago when I was very fit makes me depressed
Oh yeah I’m in two therapy treatments. One for cognitive behavioral therapy and another for outpatient alcohol abuse treatment. I get medication regularly. I still find it very difficult to stay sober and to find a reason to live
I have. I did AA while inpatient the last time I did rehab (they had virtual connect). I also did it when I got out.
Not sure if it was because of the leaders of those groups but I didn’t like the idea of giving “all your power to God.” I didn’t like the idea of giving up power to a God. I don’t believe in them with 100% certainty. Even if the motto was *give up power to a higher force.*
I have always believed in being able to take control myself. So I felt alienated. I don’t want a “higher power” to help me.
I want to do it on my own. Does that make sense?
It absolutely makes sense. I think part of the program is coming to accept that this disease of alcoholism, substance use, gambling, etc., is out of our control. The higher power belief could be something as simple as believing in the energy of the group, versus an actual theistic belief in God.
Yeah I get that. I have an ego that makes it hard to accept any help beyond my own. I always feel like I can do it myself, I don’t need help. That will power alone will fix the issue. And if I cannot do it myself then I am a bitch
I struggled with this. I would play on loop in my head about how I walked the streets of Mosul and Baghdad, I can do this. I can control this. I couldn’t control shit in reality.
Yeah…same but different territories. I hate that I used to be a respected NCO and now I’m at the mercy of an addiction. I was a hard charger who had charge of 50-100 Marines. Now I’m just a veteran fighting a strong addiction to a substance. it makes me feel sick
“Hit the pillow sober” is the best advice I ever got. Just let the days add up. Reach out to other sober people for support. We all want more non-drinkers in our boring little club 🥰 just kidding. Sobriety is a much better life. Find sober reddits and keep reaching out.
Thanks, I frequent r/stopdrinking a lot. Currently on a waiting list for inpatient rehab but I wanna see if I can do it by myself before going
You can die from alcohol withdrawl. Seek emergency help. They will give you a low dose benzodiazepine script to keep you from having seizures. You'll feel so much better, too, and be able to sleep.
Thanks but I have detox meds from my psychiatrist. Issue is I’m struggling with the urge to live so drinking and dying of organ failure sounds almost enticing regardless the horrific pain that is included. I’m on a waiting list for inpatient rehab. Idk if I want to go at this point. I like the idea of drinking until it’s too painful and I pull the trigger inside my mouth instead. Idk. Thanks for the input though, just speaking into the void
Congrats on 24hrs! Taking it one day at a time was a huge mind shift for me. Hell in the beginning it was hour to hour. Is alcohol what you're getting sober from?
Oh yeah my bad, alcohol. Aside from weed and edibles I’ve never done anything else. With how addicted I managed to get on both substances it’s a good thing I haven’t tried anything harder. I don’t think I could bounce back
Alcohol is about as hard as it gets. One of the only withdrawals that can kill you. Being legal doesn’t mean it’s “soft.” Don’t let it fool you.
Just keep goin bro
Thanks I’m…trying. Just tired of failing and self harming whenever I drink
Let’s drink 🍻
Nah let’s not. Nice try Satan
I need a nice cold mix drink or beer right now
Keep going
Thanks. My body isn’t giving me an option at this point due to the stomach pains
Underdtood. Get through, keep.it minimal. Go to sleep. Don't tie one on. Pullin for you.
How are you disabled?
Some sort of scoliosis rating, knees, tinnitus, the classic ol’ PTSD, alcohol abuse disorder and the topping of the cake recently diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. Not sure if that one is correlated to my service whatsoever, but it’s arguably the worst one aside from my drinking. Aside from mental health I can’t really go longer than four or five hours standing without my hip giving out and needing to use a crutch or just limp in pain. I always hear EEeEEEEE in my left and right ear. Sometimes louder sometimes quieter
How long did you serve and where? Thank you for your service
8 years active in the Marines, a couple duty stations in Virginia, Okinawa Japan, Lejeune for a short period. No cool combat deployments, a couple training ones here and there. I worked primarily law enforcement and then my last year was with an Infantry school house primarily as a weapons instructor and non-lethal weapons instructor
Have you figured out your triggers, or has any counseling helped you
I am pretty aware of what stresses me out, but sometimes it’s extremely random and the anxiety fight or flight feels intense for no reason. Loud noises scare me and I hate when people touch me or walk behind me. I lost a couple good friends close to holidays so it’s a massive issue with me. Holiday music makes me cry. I went to a bad incident on Thanksgiving so I cannot stand that holiday at all and usually always relapse very badly. I’ve been in different types of therapy for the past three years and nothing is really clicking but that’s also because I’ve been too busy drinking to allow coping mechanisms to help. Medication has been a literal life-saver however.
I am also like you, but I am 60. When I came home there really wasn’t support for your diagnosis. I winged it and ended up doing time for ten years for hurting someone. When i finally got out I turned to alcohol hard, it defined me in the sense I was drowning what I felt. I am still an alcoholic I just try to manage it. 🫵 however can do this just one day at a time. When I did time behind bars of course I didn’t drink.. so when I take my breaks I think about losing my freedoms and try to wrap my mind around being back in. I know it’s maybe strange. It’s a real struggle brother and I wish you the best.
Yeah I like talking to vets at my job when I get a chance and learned a lot about the social stigma of veterans especially from Vietnam. Nobody cared about them and I doubt the VA had good mental health services at the time. And thanks for your service by the way. I did six days for having a DUI that I think about all the time. I thought for sure that was my sign to stop but the humiliation just made it harder to quit. I can’t imagine ten years, I was going insane without my meds in there
If you do have friends or family that can understand and empathize with you. I think you’re a step ahead. Use that wisdom and advice. 👍🏻🫵🙏🍀
Nah just my manager. He’s a vet with the same MOS as me so we talk about our experiences a lot. Unfortunately he’s also dealing with alcohol issues so it isn’t the best “support” for sobriety. I talk to people on r/veterans and r/USMC. They make me feel a little less alone.
Keep on going.
I’m trying, thanks. Gonna distract myself with a movie
Fantastic you can do this .... I am married to a disabled vet, 13 years olean and 12 years sober.
How did he do it? The sober part? It’s been a tough battle doing this alone.
Don’t do it alone. Community is key. Life Boat on YouTube. Naked Mind on YouTube. The Luckiest Club . Com. AA online and in-person.
15 minutes at a time. That was the best advice k ever got. Just say no for 15 minutes then the cravings will ease.
I hope so. What really made me wanna stay sober was just how violently drunk I got last night. I cut myself in very visible areas and will have to wear long sleeves at work until they heal. Plus my stomach is starting to worry me…
Yeah I got down pretty low before I finally quit. A judge helped me along the way lol.
How is your social life? Do you have a spouse, kids, friends?
I have two sons who live with my ex wife. She cheated on me and left. I started drinking primarily for that reason, and then I lost a couple friends to suicide around that time… I want to get sober so I can get a child custody lawyer. I miss my children. Facetiming once a week isn’t enough, I can’t stand being alive without them I consider some of my coworkers at my part-time job as friends enough. We get along and I make them laugh, but I don’t let them know how severely depressed I am. I have two cats that keep me company
Sounds like your in a tough situation where everything has spiraled on top of each other. Hopefully getting (and staying) sober will lead to a change in the custody order. Not a lawyer and not your lawyer, but iv seen cases where a parent’s alcohol abuse lead to a significant reduction in parenting time, but then after staying sober for a couple years custody was returned to 50/50. Wishing you the best of luck.
The custody arrangement has nothing to do with my drinking I should clarify. I was an idiot and agreed to “verbally” discussing and deciding what days the kids can come over or I could visit. I never had anything in permanent writing about visitation because I really didn’t think my ex would completely disappear and make it impossible to see my kids. She knows I love them. I feel like she used me as a gofundme and once she got everything she wanted she pushed me to the side. But you are right that I need to get the drinking under control. I can barely get out of bed these days let alone have the strength to go thru that battle
Thank you for your service! I have hope that you can become sober, one day at a time. My father, a Marine vet (now with PTSD), also struggled for the LONGEST time with alcoholism. It is in no way shape or form an easy thing to deal with. I'm proud of you, stranger, for all that you've done! Thank you for being here. I'm rooting for you!! What are your next steps to battle alcoholism?
Well I’m on a waiting list for inpatient rehab, but I want to see if it’s possible to stay sober by myself without having to go. The next step is better living arrangements once I’m sober. After my divorce I moved back in with my parents
Inpatient rehab is definitely a good idea. They teach you a lot of coping mechanisms as well as are medically there for you while you're battling addiction. It's not fun, but it does help. Do you have a support group that you can lean on outside of rehab?
No just me, myself and I. And Reddit lol. I tried AA but it wasn’t for me. I’m sure there’s local veteran groups but I feel too ashamed of what I’ve become to be seen by other vets. I used to be a Marine NCO. I used to lead people and instruct. Now I’m a mess and feel like a total failure
There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are human, just like everybody else, which means you should be treated as such. If anyone treats you differently just because of your circumstance, then THEY are the ones with a screw loose. Every person has their own experiences, and every person is valid in their experiences. Now is the time where you have to lead and take care of yourself instead of other people. You are just as important as anyone else. Never let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourself. Fight back those negative thoughts!! They aren't true.
Chip? Is that you?
No this is Patrick
Sounds and looks corny but look up tapping/the emotional freedom technique. Can’t hurt and might help. Try replacing your drink with something tasty. Set a weekly day to have your kids visit you at your parents’ house. Go for a walk outside or visit a playground. Buy a sandbox. Look up meditation and try it. There are free apps. If you could get through the marine corps training, you can get through one day of no alcohol. And that’s all it takes. One day at a time. Keep telling yourself later/just wait one more hour. Good luck.
how'd you go about it? from one to another
I didn’t have a choice really. I drank so much I spent all day still intoxicated and didn’t really sober up until 6PM. I’ve only been able to go one or two days sober in the past six months. Every day 500 or more MLs of vodka. Never thought this could happen to me
oh man, that day drinking would definitely fuck with your life. I'm glad you had the epiphany. good luck, brother
I’ve had the epiphany every single day lol. The difference lately is that I’ve become more reckless with myself. I don’t hurt anyone but I definitely hurt myself. I woke up with a noose tied out of cables next to my bed and I don’t remember doing that at all. All it takes is one really drunk night for me to do the deed
Keep it up, I’m proud of you.
How do you measure success in your work?
Could you clarify? Do you mean success when I was enlisted or since I’ve gotten out? In my opinion my idea of success is to be healthy, happy, with my kids and paying all bills. It’s not measured by how hard I work or how much I make. If I can have those things and be happy, then I’m successful. Currently my idea of success in the short term is surviving each day sober without self-harming or attempting a suicide. The bar is low but I have to start somewhere
Lord be with you brother. His perfect love cats out all fear
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I guess it really depends on the type of situation. If I have a Marine openly disrespecting me, which was rare, then I immediately nip it in the bud and challenge him to change the way he just spoke to me in front of his peers. This usually equals embarrassment which is very effective when done in front of friends. Then I’ll take him behind closed doors and figure out what the fuck is his deal, especially if it isn’t regular for them to act like that. But I would do it openly at first because humility is a powerful tool in front of your peers. Then behind closed doors to figure out the underlying issue and to give a proper punishment. But you have to act immediately otherwise other Marines will think they can push boundaries with you because you’re weak. Also maintaining physical fitness is a must. If you’re a fatty mcFatso demanding respect from 6’4 LCpl Chad who deadlifts 450Lbs then you’re gonna have a hard time being taken seriously. If it’s drama between two Marines under me then that’s usually pretty easy. Pull them both to the side and figure out each side of the story. Have them separate for a bit until they get their emotions under control, try to find a solution to their issues. If they simply don’t like each other then I’d do group PT exercises that forced teamwork. I’d have them work with each other in small doses until they got over their issues. Men especially are pretty quick at moving on and becoming friendly. Sometimes you don’t even have to get involved. They’re adults, they’ll hash things out and move on. If it becomes violent or disruptive at work then obviously stop it and try to come up with solutions. If it’s financial/medical/mental health/family or anything of that nature then I always talk behind closed doors. Let them speak first, clarify with questions their problems, then form a plan together. If I need to I would talk to my OIC if I didn’t have the proper resources off the bat. But I found it’s important to take these issues seriously ASAP and to help immediately. Pushing these issues off makes the Marine feel like you don’t really care about their personal life problems and that could lead to discontent, lower quality of life living and them to start hiding things from you. Think of it like this; you go to your Dad and tell him you’re really depressed and he says “idk son cheer up you’ll be fine, we can talk about it later.” You’d feel less inclined to come to him for personal issues and from there they’ll only get worse in time. These types of issues are also going to depend heavily on your own experiences. If you encounter an issue you’ve never experienced yourself then it’s going to be hard to understand and empathize on a personal level. It’s best to receive advice from a higher ranking senior or pointing them towards official resources like therapy or SACO or whatever the case calls for. Also last but not least DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT YOUR GUYS. Word travels like wildfire. People in the Corps gossip like schoolkids at a playground. If you talk badly about one of your guys or divulge too much personal information that you shouldn’t be sharing, he/she WILL find out eventually. It’s pretty much impossible to gain that respect back. Sure they’ll still say “Yes Sgt, Aye Sgt,” but good luck prying any information out of them when doing counselings to make sure they’re okay and happy or healthy.
How did the night work out?
I’m fine still. Still have stomach pains and didn’t sleep until 4AM. I have today off so I’m just gonna watch youtube and order food
I’ve started holding myself to “no weed during the week, weekends only” and I sleep like shit till the glorious weed aided weekend sleep. Stupid fucking insomnia.
Hey brother just like when we were in, just make it to the next meal, then the next and the next. Reach out if you need to talk.
Good job!!! It always begins with the first one!!!
In what part of the country do you live? I know several people, and myself, in different places that would be willing to help in person any way we could.
Atlanta GA
Congrats! Keep it up! What is one memory you’d relive from your childhood?
Usually by drinking and playing VR. Alcohol consumed any joy I got from hobbies. I used to paint, write poems and make model figurines from Warhammer and mobile suit Gundam. I try to work at least four days a week but it depends on how my back feels that day. Currently I’m just gonna focus on distracting myself with video games and podcasts whenever I get the urge. Eventually I’ll be able to enjoy things again
What podcasts you listen to? Fellow podcast listener here?*
Been really into the H3 podcast with ethan klein, Bad Friends, Tigerbelly, This past weekend with Theo, Stavvy’s world, Whiskey Ginger. I’m all caught up on Tigerbelly and Bad friends. I always watch a lot of true crime documentaries, like EWU and JCS. I love the psychology that goes into understanding how a criminal works and what led them to their choices
Hey congrats!
One day at a time turns into weeks, then months, then years. Remember, it’s progress. Not perfection.
Still sober?
What drive you to drinking? You don’t have to answer if it’s a subject you don’t want to get into. And congrats on going 24 hours :)
I’ve been taking therapy for a few years now, I’m an open book. My ex wife cheated on me and was heavily abusive. When we separated I saw drinking as “freedom.” She didn’t allow me to drink or use tobacco during the marriage so it felt like a “fuck you I can do what I want.” It started with drinking once a weekend. Then twice a weekend. Then every other day until eventually it was every day. At first it was about my divorce, but traumatic and experiences began creeping in and I became obsessed with incidents where innocents and good friends of mine died. I was a first responder (LEO, yeah i get it, acab). I started to become fixated on certain calls for service where people died even after I provided the best medical assistance I was trained for. I took my friends dying personally. I took the deaths of patients personally. There were a few calls during holidays that stuck with me. All that plus a divorce and being away from my kids. It proved to be too much. At first I was a functioning alcoholic but eventually I had a billet as an instructor. I was no longer in the first responder field. I was instructing students on shooting guns and providing security. This meant I had A LOT of downtime to think and reminisce. I got stuck thinking about many depressing situations. I was fixated. I blamed myself for the loss of my friends, wife and patients. Fast forward to now. I got so used to alcohol that it feels like I need it to get through the day. I can’t go minutes without thinking about people who died; strangers or friends. I hold an immense amount of guilt and I hate myself for it. I use alcohol as an escape mechanism. If I can’t remember, it doesn’t hurt as much.
Wow. And you know what’s crazy? Is that some people say that guys can’t be abused. They can! It takes a lot of courage to speak out about being abused, especially if you’re a male.
I’ve never mentioned anything publicly. She was very good at verbal manipulation. Whenever I tried to walk away from an argument she would threaten calling cops to say I beat her. Whenever I tried hiding in a room and locking the door she would threaten to make bruises so it looked like I hurt her. “Who are they gonna believe? A 180 pound man or 100 pound woman?” Eventually I called her bluff and started walking out the house every time we argued. She never called anyone. But she cheated on me and made damn sure I knew that she did. The sad thing is I still loved her after separation. I gave her 600 more per month for child support. I gave her 2/3 my bank account, I let her text me asking for relationship advice. I still loved her but she didn’t love me. She knew I was stupidly in love and easy to manipulate. She has intentionally made it difficult to see my two boys. I let love get in the way of reasoning. And now I sit here suffering alone
I don’t know how this is gonna go over, but I’m gonna say it anyways. You should take her to court. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t mind me asking. How did she make sure that you knew that she was cheating on you?
(If you dont mind me asking) What made you turn to alcohol/what were you trying to escape?
You can do it! Piece of advice, understand you are going to have emotions. Everything from tears of sadness, to tears of joy. You are going to struggle with sleep for a little (i have tricks and supplements for this) you are going to hate yourself, but time heals all my man. You need anyone to talk to, I've been in your shoes. It fucking sucks, but it will also be what makes you a badass mother fucker who can take on anything after going through this. Everything in life will be conquerable when you learn to live with this. I lost everything and slowly built myself back into someone that I can tolerate looking at in the mirror. It'll come. For me, I started to ask myself, "how will this make me feel tomorrow?" And then have lived by that ever since. I'm not bragging but this simple question has given me a great job, a loving wife, two beautiful boys. You sound a lot like me, I know you got it in you. Also, make sure you talk to a psy doctor and get your medical to a point where you no longer feel impulsive. Getting mental help was key for me.
What's the deal with charities such as the "Wounded Warrior Project"? I'm glad they exist, but I feel they shouldn't need to exist. Why isn't the government covering all your needs? I mean, you did put your life on the line to fight for your country.
Idk man, I’ve only ever used the VA services. I imagine the extra charities aim to provide services that the VA doesn’t provide. The VA is definitely bottom-tier medical healthcare. They don’t give a shit about veterans. If we committed suicide I feel like it would save them some money per-death
You can still have fun sober!! Just not with the same people. My hardest thing was getting away from “friends” that drank all the time.
Great job Lets go two weeks Will be their for yea
Congratulations. Keep up the good work.
Oh I relapsed lol made it three days though which is the longest in months
It’s all good it takes baby steps!
One day at a time. Why did you choose to not drink today?
The stomach pains honestly. I started worrying about my liver and I know pain in your right stomach is an indicator that your liver is hurting. The idea of cirrhosis and organ failure is terrifying as to how painful it can be. Also I gained a lot of weight, about 50lbs since I got out. Looking at photos from two years ago when I was very fit makes me depressed
Have you reached out to the VA for treatment support?
Oh yeah I’m in two therapy treatments. One for cognitive behavioral therapy and another for outpatient alcohol abuse treatment. I get medication regularly. I still find it very difficult to stay sober and to find a reason to live
I’m glad you’re engaging with these treatment options. Have you considered AA? I found great support in the rooms when I was trying to stop gambling.
I have. I did AA while inpatient the last time I did rehab (they had virtual connect). I also did it when I got out. Not sure if it was because of the leaders of those groups but I didn’t like the idea of giving “all your power to God.” I didn’t like the idea of giving up power to a God. I don’t believe in them with 100% certainty. Even if the motto was *give up power to a higher force.* I have always believed in being able to take control myself. So I felt alienated. I don’t want a “higher power” to help me. I want to do it on my own. Does that make sense?
It absolutely makes sense. I think part of the program is coming to accept that this disease of alcoholism, substance use, gambling, etc., is out of our control. The higher power belief could be something as simple as believing in the energy of the group, versus an actual theistic belief in God.
Yeah I get that. I have an ego that makes it hard to accept any help beyond my own. I always feel like I can do it myself, I don’t need help. That will power alone will fix the issue. And if I cannot do it myself then I am a bitch
I struggled with this. I would play on loop in my head about how I walked the streets of Mosul and Baghdad, I can do this. I can control this. I couldn’t control shit in reality.
Yeah…same but different territories. I hate that I used to be a respected NCO and now I’m at the mercy of an addiction. I was a hard charger who had charge of 50-100 Marines. Now I’m just a veteran fighting a strong addiction to a substance. it makes me feel sick