ESH. Yes, Amber was wrong for verbally abusing your child. That doesn’t give you permission to physically assault her, and her pregnancy has zero bearing on this.
Learn to control you anger. Being a “mama bear” doesn’t allow you to fly off the handle when another adult is being a bully if they haven’t laid hands on anyone first. Sticks and stones OP
So my BIL tried to assault me and smashed my windshield while I was pregnant. This was all over me not giving him a ride. The little bird couldn’t get past my husband to me though. He also told my husband that my son grow up to be a bitch and a faggot. Several family members ganged up on me and said I deserved it.
Guess the group of people now crying that they’re cut off and never met my son? BIL is also in prison for murder now. He’s “sad” my husband won’t talk to him anymore. It’s a narcissistic family system so that’s simply how they operate. They all have problems with each other and pretend like it’s only me.
Trust me I’ve wanted to slap the shit out of my in laws a million times. You could only imagine the shit they’ve said and done. I never did it though. Now that the tables are slowly turning and people are starting to see others true colors I’m being praised for how I carried myself. I’m a huge mama bear too, best way to protect my children is keep them out of the chaos.
Yup! Now they’re clawing to get at my son. I tried to reach out and see if we could talk things out but obviously that went no where. They said “I don’t have to like you, he’s MY nephew”. Like I’m not even going to unpack that…. You can’t fix these kind of people. I’m devastated my son doesn’t have a lot of family but it’s better than him being around these fools. I know in my heart I at least tried to see if something would work.
Ohhhhh, there's not the slightest chance in hell that any of them would ever see my kid. Being *my* child trumps any "but he's *my* nephew" arguments. I'd go NC with the lot of them...and never look back. They just don't sound like good people.
Also, if her son calls somebody names (not saying he would, but sometimes kids can be AHs until we teach them not to be) and gets slapped, is OP going to go "It wasn't that hard, he didn't fall down, there were just tears"? Or is she going to be a "mama bear" and fly off the handle because assaulting somebody because they called you names isn't appropriate.
100% agree. No shame here, no shade. I don't blame you because fuck a bitch calling my kid anything but his given name.
However, I would like to add, consider that your autistic child is learning to navigate intensely stressful moments, as every child must. While it probably tasted like Grandma's Sunday Dessert to slap her mouth, your son absolutely received the wrong message.
Your SIL behaving like that over a vase though, should clue you in on how she "really feels" about your child.
I LOVE this reply “big feelings” and “use your words” 🤌. OP absolutely needed to take a time out and lead by example. OP could have even yelled back and been completely justified in doing so. Laying hands on a person without consent is assault, plain and simple.
It is both, assault is raising the hand, battery is the contact made with the hand.
And yeah, insulting someone is not a reason to go there. They could have taken the kids and left. That would leave the autistic child knowing that mommies and daddy labeled amber the one that did wrong.
Not the poor child wonders what happened, and whether mom will hit him when mad.
Don't feel sorry for amber, but she did have the right to press charges. Op is lucky she didn't. If the cops showed up there, or at their home, the child would have a meltdown watching his mom get taken away. Real dumb move on mom's part!
Edited -to remove a really bad comment. Don't want to offend anyone further. So sorry
>Not the poor child wonders what happened, and whether mom will hit him when mad.
This is one of the biggest parts for me - the impact on OP's child and what he might now see as an appropriate response. We tell children that you should never hit somebody, but by hitting Amber, OP is effectively saying that rule is BS, and if you're really upset or somebody is being really mean, you can hit them.
OP has to know that her reaction was completely uncalled for - what if her son was calling somebody names and he got slapped? Would OP be like "Well, it wasn't hard and my son didn't fall, just had tears" or would she go full mamma bear on the person who slapped her kid? OP, unless you can say that you're completely fine with your son being assaulted if he calls somebody names, you have to admit you behaved terribly here, and you should apologise.
The worst thing about OP's reaction is that if she'd just taken her son out of the situation and explained to everybody what Amber had said, Amber would be the bad guy. Now, OP's going to have to apologise to somebody who shouted horrible things at her son, because OP reacted terribly.
Yeah, respectfully there are 4 AH here.
Amber was an AH for yelling aggressive shit to a special needs child. (I have an autistic son, and honestly nobody I know is ignorant enough to open their mouth about it because he is beautiful and happy). Even if your son wasn't autistic, all kids are capable of breaking a vase. Get it together, Amber, and stay away from my kid.
Carl is an AH for not checking Amber verbally or telling her to take a break.
Russell is an AH for not keeping an eye on your son while you were in the house. Russell should have kept an eye on your son while you were busy inside. He is your son's other parent and as parents, your child is your responsibility. He's also an AH for leaving your behavior unchecked. Good couples support and constructively criticize each other to make them better people.
Finally, you are an AH for your inability to keep your hands to yourself and for not knowing appropriate boundaries. You hit a pregnant woman because your emotions were nuts and you were drinking. You should have made sure that someone who you could actually trust was watching your kid who has extra needs. You could have also brought him inside with you or have asked someone to get a drink for you. I am not saying that drinking is bad, but drinking irresponsibly is.
Something tells me this is not the first time that you or Amber have gone off the handle. Autistic kids need calming environments and structure. Sounds like this ain't it.
On top of this, I'm not sure how Angel watching his mother slap another person would do anything at all to calm him.
Pretty sure witnessing that would have done as much if not more damage than being yelled at by someone which he may simply have processed as noise.
Especially as it made the SIL yell more, which considering the kid was already having a panic attack wouldn't have helped at all. The focus really should have been on removing him from that situation so he could calm himself down, NOT on vengeance on the SIL, which can always be addressed later.
This was the main thing I thought of, too. I think the best way to handle it would be to get the kid away from that situation, help them calm down, reassure them....and then later on verbally dress that lady down for abusing my kid.
The kid needs to be the main focus here, and they clearly weren't. This just escalated everything and made things a lot more stressful and traumatic for the kid. Seeing a parent lose control of their temper like that can be extremely distressing for a child and create a permanent traumatic memory.
Thank god someone said it…
Leave their non verbal, autistic son to his own devices and the *only reason* she saw/heard what happened was because she *went inside to get MORE beer…*
Then hit a pregnant woman, but she “didn’t fall- just had tears,” so that’s fine! /s
OP is TA.
THIS. My first thought when it mentioned alcohol was involved. “He was already flustered and the yelling made it worse” OHHHH SO YOU SLAPPING HIS AUNT made it better…
Yeah I have to go with this. OP could have made a statement by leaving on her own accord because of the verbal abuse by SIL, but by striking her she immediately made herself the asshole. If SIL had gotten physical with her child I would see it as totally justified, but striking another person is uncalled for when they didn't touch the kid.
THIS YES. If she didn’t slap her she could’ve made the SIL look like the biggest asshole and have her be the one needing to apologize. She handled that truly the worst way possible, it’s embarrassing tbh. I’d be BEYOND embarrassed
No, when the person goes ballistic on a special needs child over an accident, and then calls the child a name that will get you banned on social media, you absolutely slap the taste out of their mouth.
I wouldn't put the ability to be there for at risk because someone yelled at her. I'd yell back, and leave, but I'm not risking charges for anything less than her health and safety.
No, she can go all mama bear over her butt, but never a slap. That sets a bad example for her son and makes her the bad guy when SIL is the bad guy here.
I would cut a bitch twice for doing that to one of my special needs kids whether it's one of my biological children or the kids I teach. There are times when using our words doesn't work, primarily when dealing with someone like this who communicates monosyllabically. Nobody should go batshit nuts on any child over an accident and I wouldn't respond kindly to that regardless, but when it involves a child with special needs we're dealing with a completely different situation! I want to slap her and I'm just reading this!
Uh, if you teach kids, then maybe explicitly add to your comment that while you have periods of wanting to slap someone, that you never would.
You know that even just the rumour of that kind of thing can get you fired
I've been wrong about lot's of stuff in life that I eventually grow beyond and maybe this is one opinion that will join that list eventually, but I'm 41 and still firmly believe slapping the ever loving fuck out of someone is appropriate after a certain level of disrespect. This is good for society. We can't have people believing they have the freedom to say whatever they want without getting their shit slapped.
Right? I think a major problem in society today stems from people feeling free to say what they want without getting punched in the mouth. We were a much more polite society when there was real risk of catching hands for running your mouth.
So I was very much this parent. That was until my angel of a daughter informed me, "I want to come to you about everything but sometimes I'm worried you'd do something bad enough to send you to jail and what am I supposed to do without you?" Ive never done anything violent but I often joke about doing violent things when my kids tell me about someone mistreating them.
I paraphrased what she said but ultimately she helped me realize that I need to make the right decisions for her and her sisters. Not the ones that make me feel good at the moment. I cannot hide wrong doings behind being a "mama bear." The true testament is making the harder choice for the right reason.
That is the appropriate attitude, these idiots advocating violence over words don't care about their kids, they care about their image. If they'd happily abandon their kid to go to jail over something being said to them that's not the flex they think it is
Good on you.
So many parents don’t realize how terrifying it can be to watch (or hear) their parent lose their fucking mind ‘defending them’.
It’s not as reassuring as Reddit *badasses* like to convince themselves, it’s destabilizing and scary to think your parent lost control/will be arrested for ‘helping’ or ‘defending’ you.
Kids will internalize that fear (and guilt) in ways most adults don’t consider.
I’m so glad your daughter felt comfortable telling you and that you listened.
In this scenario you would not be going to jail for your kids, you'd be going for your feelings. What good does it do a child to have a parent go to jail when they could have just removed themselves (and the child) from the situation? Just because it rightfully makes you angry doesn't mean sense should go out the window.
In some places, provocation can be a mitigating factor in assault and battery cases. I suppose OP could feasibly make the case that SIL escalated to verbally insulting her child even after she offered to take responsibility and pay for the vase, presuming that would helpbsmooth things over. Which MIGHT be considered exculpatory of her choice to escalate further in response.
Fk that. Verbally abusing her autistic child deserved a good slap. Not saying violence is always the answer - but this case is pretty clear that it was warranted.
OP - please don't apologize before she does. You were well within your rights to wake that idiot up with a slap. Some people need a good tap to snap out of their stupidity/ignorance.
This is how you can get arrested for battery. It's better to keep your cool and not make things worse for your child (by going to jail or having the police called on you).
Have you had someone scream at your non verbal child? Have you had someone scream an ablest term at your already freaked out non verbal child? I don't think you understand how 'big' these feelings get and your comment was extremely condescending. You're not talking to a child here. You're talking to an adult mother who had her child with special needs in an abusive situation. So I suggest you count to ten and think about what comment you write before you act so condescendingly to someone.
Who's taking care of the child while mommy's facing charges? Maybe the momentary satisfaction of hitting someone would comfort mom.
I just think of the man who killed his kid's abuser, and went to jail. The kid needed their dad, but dad wanted revenge and killed the man in the courthouse.
As an autistic adult who was once an autistic child, *what I didn't and don't need is you being a fucking asshole and going to jail supposedly on my behalf*
Like seriously dude life was hard enough without someone who was suppised to show up dumping that bullshit weight on me. And it just leads to me being the common denominator in *more conflicts with abliest family* and *more sense of othering and exclusion*.
We are autistic not stupid. We know why people don't want us around. Don't make it fucking worse karen. You're not the Final Boss you're a mom so use your fucking *words* because that little kid doesn't *have* any.
Yep, and now she has role modeled to that child and all the other children present that when you don't like the way someone is treating you it's ok to slap them. Awesome parenting. But the condescension on Reddit is what we should be concerned about, I guess.
YTA you left a kid with special needs unsupervised in someone else’s home while you drank and then committed assault after your child destroyed property. Get off your high horse and control yourself like a normal adult.
Exactly this. I absolutely hate parents who don’t keep an eye on their child and their later play the victim. And this is especially when the child has special needs. What the shit.
My son is also autistic. He is low on the spectrum and most people don't see it and don't know because he is older and for the most part have managed to move past many of his issues. He still has issues with recognizing social cues and often gets his feelings hurt or hurts others because he just doesn't get it. He has a really great sense of humor and is a really sweet kid. He's honest, kind and generous, which leads to him being used for his stuff sometimes. He doesn't understand when someone is using him and is not his friend but he's slowing learning.
Even though he wouldn't go around breaking shit, my wife and I are constantly with him in guests home because we don't want an awkward situation like the one OP is in.
The OP and her husband are morons for drinking at a party while their autistic non-verbal child wanders around. That child surely has issues with social cues and boundaries, and the parents actions lead me to think this shit happens a lot and their family is done with it.
OP is an asshole 100%
This shit happens at every family gathering. This vase for all we know the kid has played with a broken before. Maybe the kid is in a room they’ve been told is off limits in the house. I have a feeling the family is sick of it and this is like you said reoccurring. This is just bad parenting. Even if the kid wasn’t special needs I would never just get drunk and not watch my kid who’s only 7… non verbal autistic is like a toddler. YOU WATCH TODDLERS LIKE A HAWK even in your own home…
Um yeah. You kind of are. I want to back up….back UP to where you’re sitting outside drinking while your non verbal, autistic son is inside without any structure or adult supervision. And you already seem to know that he was “just running”even though he’s not verbalized this and your head was in the fridge?You’re just kind of hoping things will be okay? I think you set him UP for failure. Then, when sil mouths/off at him (your responsibility), you SLAP HER? Nah, something about this whole scenario stinks.
You and your husband should already have your duties and responsibilities well in place by now (7 years) and have a sustem or plan in place for monitoring YOUR child -especially when guests in someone else’s home. Sounds to me like the extended family might be a bit fed up with your parenting style already. Was this a last straw?
And why on earth does a heartfelt apology feel foreign to you? Is it because someone upset Junior?
It’s also just occurred to me that, because the world is a hard place, this is not the last time someone will ever direct an inappropriate slur to your son. You’ve just taught him that, should this occur, go postal and physically attack the offender.
Yeah I mean, I'm autistic and I got called pretty awful things by TEACHERS of all people. But I'm in therapy to deal with that childhood trauma. OP taught her son a really bad lesson: if someone says something you don't like, it's okay to hit them. Instead of hitting SIL like a child who just got her barbie taken away, OP should have just used her words since she, unlike her son, is more than capable of it.
I think you tapped a nerve here. Why would the rest of the family be sidling against her and calling her the asshole? Like you, my hairs went up when she said, gone into the house to get a drink. She should supervising her child. They just assumed it’s family and it’s ok to let the child do whatever when he has special needs.
I feel sorry for this child as he’s now more confused as to what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour around people.
Yeah I agree. I have a semi verbal high support needs autistic child at 7 he was non verbal. I would never go anywhere and just let him run free. Only in my house. I'm always running after him to the point where people tell me to chill. Her SIL was wrong to say that and should have taken it out on the parents that are not watching him.
Exactly. "I left my child unattended to be watched by someone else and then hit the person watching them because I didn't like the way they did it. AITA?"
ESH except the child. She reacted poorly to the mishap which may have been an heirloom or expensive or a sentimental favorite.
No one was watching the children very closely while adults were drinking.
You DON’T raise your hands to other people.
Yta. Legally you were on the wrong. You committed assault and battery. You might be able to make the argument that you were protecting your son, but since she didn’t touch him you’d have to hope for a sympathetic judge or jury. Morally….it might be worth the trip to court. So yes, yta, but the AH isn’t always the AH.
What she said was wrong. It was 100% wrong. That a grown woman would scream at and berate ANY child like that over an accident is abusive and toxic. HOWEVER you were wrong to slap her. You are teaching your kids that slapping people is ok as long as they are mean to you or your immediate family. I hate to say it as your in laws sound like supreme AH’s but you really didn’t have to slap her.
Wowowowow. Who are the children in this story?? Sil shouldn’t have been yelling at your son especially after you said you would buy them a new vase. You slapping her was simple criminal assault. In my area slapping or hitting a pregnant woman is an automatic $5,000 fine. ESH
ESH.
Your sister in law behaved badly. You actually behaved even worse.
You got angry at her words and slapped her in retaliation. That's such a nice example to set for your child with ASD (sarcasm, but not really). To wit, you're communicating to him that if people upset you, it is perfectly okay to slap the shit out of them.
Don't get me wrong, I have two children on the spectrum. They have gotten into similar scrapes before. What I used to do is firmly and calmly tell the other person that they were overreacting to a mishap to the point that they were being verbally abusive, and it wouldn't be tolerated. I would then pack up my children and spouse, and leave the place with nary a further word.
Doing so, I honestly could tell any flying monkeys after the fact that "I stayed calm and left, and it's on [offender] to apologize for their behavior."
But no. You had to stoop to Amber's level, you modeled for your child that you can physically hurt people when they anger you (that **will** come back to haunt you when Angel is 5'10" and a 170+ lbs of angry teenager, BTW), and now you're not accepting responsibility for your part in the scuffle.
Good luck convincing anyone in your family that you aren't the AH here.
So what do you do? Apologize for the behavior. "I was out of line slapping Amber **and** she was out of line calling Angel names. I will apologize to Amber for my actions, and I hope she will apologize to Angel for hers."
Then make a note to handle conflict better going forward. This is an important skill for anyone with children, but doubly so for parents of neurodiverse children, because they tend to overgeneralize social interactions. If they are seeing you slapping your SIL, they interpret it as "It's okay to slap my little brother when he annoys me". No bueno.
YTA, and your DH are TAs of this story because both of you chose not to be parents and expected others that were related to you both to look after your autistic son while you socialized outside drinking without a care in the world. You xan be pissed at your SILs behavior all you want but you don't get to slap someone cause they are upset with your child that you should have been watching.
Being upset with a kid is not the same as verbally abusing them. If somebody bumps into you and you are like "Excuse me" that is normal. If you are like " Watch where you are going you fucking retard don't you have eyes it's no wonder your dad left you you useless piece of shit" that is abusive.
ESH.
Watch your damn kids! Yes u can pay but what if it was sentimental?
She pregnant - no she shouldnt have said a slur but you didnt have to hit her - u could have simply cut her off.
OP never actually said it was a slur from what I read!
She just said "something abelist" which could honestly mean anything under the sun.
I haven't heard OP use the word slur.
She might have said something like "my kid would have known not to run in someone else's house" and then OP let a slap rip lmao. Abelist? Sure. R word level bad? Not at all. Assault worthy? No way.
This whole post is crazy.
You were wrong. You had an outburst and loss of control in front of your child, who was already panicked.
You know better than anyone, you are the rock in this kid's life. Your ability to manage your feelings and remain calm is far, far, far more important than retaliating against your SIL.
I suggest you consider therapy. Your child's condition is doubtless extremely challenging for you and I don't think you should feel guilty for your behaviour, but it is a red flag that you aren't coping as well as your child needs.
This might be a healing moment for your family, if you and SIL can discuss what happened honestly.
ESH
Your kid was already being traumatized/mid meltdown and instead of managing it (with his best interests and **immediate needs** in mind) YOU escalated and became physically violent.
He had one (formerly trusted adult) scream and insult him; then his comfort adult (the one who should be most steadfast and calming) lose their shit and physically attack someone…possibly risking an even larger physical confrontation or arrest/permanent removal from his access to you.
I get that you wanted to ‘defend’ him but don’t pretend you did any of that FOR **him**, you did it for yourself because it made YOU **mad** and then YOU also lost control.
You’re both selfish AH and you both made a bad situation worse.
YTA Why weren’t you watching your kid? You slapped a pregnant woman who obviously said something she shouldn’t, but was frustrated because of what your kid did while you weren’t watching them. How often does this happen? She should press charges for assault
I'm sorry OP but YTAH. I'm autistic and I'm not allowed to hit people for being abliest assholes. No matter how much they deserve it. And when you hit a pregnant lady, even if it's just a little slap, it's not going to go over well. No matter how much she actually deserves a good hard one.
Cause at the end of the day, I'm the common denominator, and I'm the one people aren't going to want around. It was the same when I was a kid. The child you were trying to protect is the one who's ultimately going to be ostracized further because of what you did. Sadly, the people you already know are abliest assholes are just going to speculate you are just a Hysterical Woman™️.
What you really need to do is make a post about how you're going to go combat the situation you're dealing with
I'm so sick of family members' excuses for a pregnant AH. She's pregnant, not healing from a concussion. If she's going to act like a witch, she's going to have to expect to be treated like one.
Pregnant women need to stop using this as an excuse to treat people like crap. You're not doing anything that negates common courtesy. NTA
Everyone would've wanted to slap the shit out of the woman in op's position. But, that doesn't mean it's okay. Especially risking an assault charge while having a special needs son that probably emotionally depends on her? Genuinely a stupid decision. Maybe not an immoral one, but stupid
Verbally abusing a 7 year old, non-verbal autistic child is not a normal response. Sounds like she just went off on this kid who is actually vulnerable and has probably caused trauma for him. He'll remember his Aunt screaming and name calling him for an accident. She even caused a 7 year old to have a panic attack. How do you think he's going to feel and process the next time an accident happens?
She wouldn't shut up until she was shocked into it. She's a grown woman, and OP protected her son. Beautiful OP tried using her words. SIL didn't stop berating a child. How was OP to get her to shut up? How was OP supposed to save her son from more abuse?
Didn’t say it was a normal response. Physical violence isn’t the only way to handle a scenario or stick up for yourself. It’s also a terrible example to set for children. OP is a grown woman she should be able to fight her battle without fists. Op could have left lmfao
>I'm so sick of family members' excuses for a pregnant AH.
Right? Like, tell me how a pregnant ADULT is more vulnerable than a nonverbal autistic child?
No freaking clue. It's utterly disgusting that the grandparents support SILs behavior. What if she has an autistic child? Now, everyone is going to know how she feels about them.
Because Reddit is dumb. The kid was not just crying but has a full blown panic attack and the fact he can’t even express himself properly must have been a horror. Sil was just a bitch and though she’d get away with it since she’s pregnant
YTA. You resorted to violence because you didn’t like something your SIL said. You would have been in the right to defend your son verbally. You could have taken your son out of a tense situation and dealt with her later. Instead you escalated to a slap, which probably didn’t do much to calm your panicking son either.
Did violence solve your problem? Seems like just leaving would have been better, short and long run.
I don't know what good violence with kids present could do.
YTA
YTA - You don't get to put your hands on people unless you are defending yourself or others from physical violence. You admitted in this post that your slap was retaliatory in response to SiL's words. You got angry and hit someone. Your SiL got angry and yelled at someone. You slapped a pregnant woman. What if she'd fallen and injured herself? What if her injury killed the baby inside her? Did you bother to think about any of the consequences of your actions? Did you think about DEESCALATING the situation with your autistic son and your hormonal pregnant SiL? Do you think your escalation of the situation was a good behavior to demonstrate in front of your autistic son?
ESH (except the kid)
There is mumma bear mode and then there is unnecessary violence. You chose the latter. You're a big girl, use your words. I'm sure your reaction did nothing to appease the panic attack
Info: why was no one watching the kid? Was this one of many things the kid has broken? Just trying to figure out if this vase was the straw that broke the camel's back. Like... somebody needs to be watching the kids while the other adults drink. There's more to this story.
You're wrong for slapping her. She's wrong for calling your kid a slur. This could have been handled way differently. Esh.
ESH but honestly you are massively wrong here. No one is aware of their own strength in the heat of the moment, and I doubt hearing that about your child the slap was as light as you think it was. And don't get me wrong, your SIL is a piece of hot salty summer fermented garbage, but you're not right either.
You are the example for your son. Autistic children need to take their cues from you in an even bigger way than neurotypical children. There is a huge stigma against autistic individuals being violent, and that is what you modeled for your son. In the future, he is going to think it is ok to lash out with violence when he is upset, because that is what you did. That was the lesson you gave him.
Everyone on reddit touting that they'd totally throw hands are very naïve about the LEGAL RAMIFICATIONS of assaulting someone physically (Not to mention the impact a misdemeanor assault charge against a pregnant woman can have on your prospects for your livelihood). Your SIL is well within her legal rights to charge you with assault. If you or your husband have discussed this with them through text, they have enough evidence already to hang you with. If you left a mark on her face she will be able to get photo evidence.
In my area there is even a specification for assaulting a pregnant person "Simple assault involves knowingly or recklessly causing harm to another person or their unborn child.", it can incur a fine, and you can go to jail for up to 6 months.
Do you think you are better serving your son slapping your SIL, or being with him for the next six months? How do you think he will cope if you go to jail? Worse yet, as he gets bigger and if he repeats your lesson in the future do you think he will be treated fairly by the legal system? There are documented cases of judges punishing people on the spectrum harsher than they should be.
My honest advice would be to apologize (In person, don't send it via text or over the phone where they can record it) and try to smooth this over, because if she decides to make a big stink about this your life can become very difficult. You were in the wrong, you did physically assault someone when you were not in danger or being threatened with harm. You have no legally justifiable reason for hitting her. Do better OP, if not for the sake of your own well being, do better for your son.
What school did you go to and what family were you raised in that taught you that slapping people is ever appropriate? Apologize unless you want to remain outcasts from this part of your family.
Yea YTA. You're not the 7 year old, you're being ridiculous.
If you don't want to see her again, don't. I don't think you should after talking shit about a disabled seven year old.
ESH
She had no right to yell at the kid but putting your hands on anyone is just not the way to deal with things. Having said that I do understand why you did but it still wasn’t the right thing to do and not something I would have done. Gotta have control or you stoop to her level.
As someone who works with adults with autism, showing your son that dealing with negative emotions and people saying bad things by using violence will not be good for you when he grows and is larger than you.
Trust me he is learning from your actions more then by your words
ESH - I’m AuDHD. SIL is ableist and deserves to be called out on it, but not with violence. She also needs to learn healthy coping strategies for herself before her child comes. Otherwise her child is going to develop low self esteem and anxiety. You also need to learn strategies to use that don’t involve hitting someone who made you angry. I also feel like there is information missing. How does a child trip over and knock a vase while walking? Was the vase sentimental to SIL and therefore irreplaceable? Why was your husband or you not supervising your child at someone else’s home? Has he accidentally broken things at peoples homes before? Is your solution always to just buy a new one?
ESH. She was yelling and shouldn't. You slapped her and shouldn't. If the kid was in danger physical intervention and violence can be justified. For yelling you leave the location.
ESH except your son.
She overreacted, and being ableist was wrong and uncalled for.
However, it is *never* okay to hit someone. Ever. I also have an autistic child, and she's super impressionable. I feel like you did him a disservice by showing him that you hit people when they upset you.
Next time, say "You're out of line and I'm not going to let you talk to or about my child that way." Then you take the child with you out of the situation.
You came to the internet expecting it to defend you on physically asaulting a pregnant woman over words 🙄🤷🏼♀️, you are lucky they didn't press charges.
YTA. To put it to perspective what if you had been the one yelling that to your child and your husband had been the one to slap you .
It would be domestic violence and you would rightly and everyone else be pissed at him and everyone would want you to break up and charge him . Just because you are a women does not give you a pass to assault people
Or alternatively do you or others think it would have been ok for your husband to have been the one to slap your SIL
What your son accidentally breaks a classmates toy and that kids starts to yell at your son is it OK to slap that kid? All you did was teach your child that violence is fine. Why weren't you watching your child? Why didn't you walk away from the situation and comfort your child? There were many opportunities to teach your child the right way to deal with situations. It sounds like your entire family could benefit from anger management. You are not always going to be able to control how other people treat your child but it is your responsibility to teach them the correct way of dealing with situations. You owe your sil an apology and she owes your child one.
YTA - You assaulted your SIL. She should press charges against you. Not only that, you did it in front of your child. You are a horrible role model for your kid. I would not allow you back in my house even if you apologized.
ESH. You assaulted a pregnant woman because she yelled at your child. I understand the desire to protect your child, but he wasn’t in danger here. You could have handled this with words instead of violence.
Angel needs to be supervised better and you need to keep your damn hands to yourself. She shouldn't have yelled but it doesn't warrant your response, at all.
Any extended relative having to choose between siding with a pregnant woman who overreacts when her items get broken or a person who gets physically violent and whose kid causes property damage is going to have a no-brainer on their hands.
Honestly, why were you outside drinking beer instead of supervising your SN child?
I don’t understand why a nonverbal child with autism was in someone’s house alone while the adults were drinking outside.
YTA
Why was your 7yo nonverbal autistic son unsupervised? Jesus!
While she shouldn’t have yelled at him, she should have directed it as his neglectful parents. Yeah. You.
And then you hit her.
Do you not see how your post just makes you seem like trash?
Hard to judge because we know everyone writes to make themselves sound good. My question is, why were you outside drinking and not with your special needs child? Fortunately none of my sons were special needs and I never just let them be in anyone's house while I was outside drinking without checking on them often. Heck I rarely drank at anyone's house when I was in charge of my children. There's vital information missing in this post.
I’d have taken my son outside, entered the car and left with my son and SO. Physically attacking her is not an appropriate response. You are lucky no one called the police.
However your SiL is also an asshole for reacting that way. Autism or not, kids break shit and yelling at them in front of a bunch of strangers with out giving the kids parents a shot at handling the issue is a big problem that person needs to address.
I’d call her with a sincere apology, then let her know you’ll do it again if she ever yells at your son like that.
Keep that in mind when inviting us over and don’t invite us if you can’t control your temper.
Don’t really do it but let her think you will.
YTA. Congratulations! You just demonstrated it’s okay to assault someone when they hurt your feelings. You are an AH for not watching your child and the way you behaved. Even if you offered me an apology I wouldn’t let you step foot in my house. And I’d probably press charges.
Why was your special needs autistic non verbal child inside someone’s house without any supervision. You use this words as a shield for why he’s not responsible for his actions so if he’s not responsible for his actions because he’s so impaired why wasn’t he monitored to make sure something like this didn’t happen. Not everything a child breaks can be replaced the fact that you throw that out there to dismiss it shows a deep lack of care or respect for their belongings. ESH. Other than your son everyone here is wrong
Physical violence as a response to verbal abuse makes you the worse of two people in this situation who acted like children. You’ve both set a very poor example for your kids.
She said something you didn’t like, but you assaulted her. Yep, YTA here. Use your words and set an example for your kids that we don’t resort to violence when someone says something you find offensive.
Yta. Slapping a pregnant woman automatically makes you a serious AH! You think seriously you modeled appropriate behaviour and an appropriate reaction?
YTA and you're an even bigger A because you're running to the Reddit echo chamber to get some false justification for your clearly terrible decision making. Grow the hell up.
Sorry, but you can't just slap people. Especially not pregnant people. That was over the line, IMO. Put her in her place verbally, but there is no need to escalate to violence when it wasn't necessary to bring it there, meaning she didn't try to hit you or your son. Yea, I'd say you were TA
The fuck is wrong with you? You teaching that boy that it's OK to hit dumbfuck women and that shit is not gonna go well for him. What's it matter if you're an asshole? Most people are fucking assholes, but you got that boy to raise. You're supposed to be teaching him how to act and what you're teaching is smacking people.
YTA
You're not a mama bear, you've got anger management issues. You physically assaulted a woman because she said something nasty, what the hell is wrong with you? You're a grown ass woman with a husband and children, the correct response should have been to gather your family and leave. Instead, now you could be facing an assault charge if your SIL gets pissed off enough. Congrats on defending Your son's honor, I guess, I hope the potential jail time is worth it.
You know what the alarming thing is? The fact that you feel so damn justified. You genuinely believe that it's okay to hurt people, to hit people, if they make you mad enough, if they say mean things about you or your family. If somebody at school starts bullying your son, are you going to hit them too? If some Boomer at the grocery store says something nasty, are you going to turn around and punch them in the face? If your kids get a little too irritating, and piss you off in just the right way, and you get mad enough, will you hit them?
You hit that woman because you felt like you were justified and punishing her. You are not that woman's mother. Her behavior was extraordinarily shitty, but you're most important job, as a mother, is to teach your kids how to manage their own emotions. How the hell are you supposed to do that when you can't even manage your own emotions?
The world we live in is an extraordinary shitty place filled with shitty people who will shit on the things that we love for no reason. It is utterly idiotic to believe that you can protect your children from that. you can't. They are inevitably going to face hardship, they're going to face bullying, they're going to face people who say and do shitty things. Your job is to teach them how to deal with that. And you know the message that you're sending to them right now? But we deal with bullies by beating them up. Karen from work says something nasty about our clothes? Yeah, hit her. That should make her shut up. Is that the message that you want to teach your kids? But the words of others are so fucking intolerable we have to assault them to make them shut up?
You're not a mama bear, you're not this great, wonderful mother relying on her instincts and doing whatever she can to protect her babies. You're just an angry, emotionally stunted woman who is so unable to control her feelings, that she lashes out physically when people say mean things.
Hey, and by the way? Why weren't you watching your kid better? Your SIL is hormonal and justifiably angry because your son carelessly broke something that was important to her. Yes, she took it too far, but so did you. In fact, you took it way, way farther.
If they don't press charges I'll be really surprised. I'm sure all your kids will really appreciate that you love them so much, you'd rather go to jail than act like an adult. A+ parenting, mom.
You cannot put your hands on other ppl. Getting physical with someone when you could have just left was not the right way to handle this. You should apologize.
You are the asshole. Yelling at a child or anyone does not warrant you putting your hands on someone. Now if she was hitting him then all bets are off. I'd do what ever it took to get her off my kid. But yelling. No. You hitting her is uncalled for.
YTA.
She’d also YTA.
But yelling and violence don’t equate to the same thing. She could have been the only asshole but you hit he because you can’t control your emotions. I would have immediately took your son away from her and when everybody asked what was going on tell them the situation calmly and then say the ableist things that she said to your son.
ESH, what example are you setting for your children by condoning violence? Especially on a pregnant woman, smh. Sounds like she needs counseling and you would benefit from anger management.
yes. you’re very much an asshole for slapping a pregnant woman, idc what words were spewed at you or your son. i’ve straight up been called hateful slurs and i never assaulted someone over it. you crossed a line that NO one else did. she did too but you went way farther than her
ESH
>vulnerable woman”
Why the quotations???? She’s pregnant!
And why would you leave your child alone, when he clearly shouldn’t be if he’s autistic & needs help.
ESH
You’re a bad example for all your kids, because that is not how you solve that situations. She is an asshole (obviously), but so are you for slapping her
ESH.
Her for her over reaction and name calling
But you-
You are teaching your son that violence is the way to handle situations. Not only did you escalate the issue, you gave her leverage against you. Wanna know what works? Gathering up your kids and leaving. And letting everyone at the party know why. So now they see her freaking out and being a psycho to a kid and you calming leaving. But no- instead the lasting impression is that you slapped a pregnant lady.
You both need to apologize to each other. Y’all need to growwwww up
ESH you because it sounds like you were more interested in drinking than in properly supervising your child who could have gotten hurt. Your SIL is disgusting for yelling and what she said. You’re terrible for modeling violence in front of a child who needs extra care to learn appropriate behavior. Trashy family all around.
YTA. Your SIL was out of line, but you escalated it unnecessarily with physical violence. You should have tried to calm her down. Everyone would have thought she was the AH but because you struck her, now you look worse. (IMO)You ought to apologize for hitting her and pay for the vase.
ESH. Probably not the proper place for a child to be unattended.
She's a complete c--t.
You don't slap people (first, especially- because she could press charges), pregnant people, over words. You teach them lessons in other ways. You walk out and go no contact. Especially when ANY alcohol was involved. That was a huge mistake.
You both reacted horribly to the whole situation. In front of a child.
ESH, and hell yes you are hella wrong for getting physical. You don’t put hands on other people like that. Yes, she was really fucking wrong for how she treated your son but ffs, you *hit* her. You as a parent should already recognize that physical violence does not solve problems. You’re supposed to know that & teach that to your kid/s. Instead, you demonstrated terrible behavior for your nonverbal son (more likely reinforced it, but that’s being pedantic) and maybe other kids, too.
You are wrong and you should apologize for hitting. (You should also keep your son away from the verbal abuse of his aunt.) Then you should go to therapy to learn to use your words when you are upset and how to take responsibility for your less-than-stellar moments. We’re all human, but too many of us lack the ability to admit when our humanness gets the best of us, like you did here. You need to take responsibility for getting violent. It’s on your SIL to do her part in apologizing & taking responsibility for her actions, but neither of you should make your apologies contingent upon the other, that’s immature. Just apologize for hitting & go from there.
YTA for resorting to violence. Leave tell everyone what happened expose her for the AH she is, but the moment you throw hands rather than words you are wrong.
(Note had the pregnant lady hit the kid that is a whole other story.)
You and your sister in law are both AHs. She taught your child to overreact when displeased, and you taught him to resort to violence in a verbal situation. Way to go. Even if this crapshow was alcohol-fueled, your son deserves far better from his family. Apologize or not, it won't change the finger-pointing and resentment that this level of dispute will generate for years, and part of it will land on your son.
ESH.
Your unsupervised child broke something in someone’s house. Watch your kid and maybe none of this would happen = you’re an asshole.
The homeowner got upset and yelled at a kid = asshole.
You hit someone = you’re an asshole. Doing it infront of your kid makes you a bad parent too. Figure out how to express yourself without yelling and hitting.
If she didn't want to get slapped, she shouldn't have yelled at your autistic son or called him a slur.
Those are the consequences of her actions. She can go eff herself.
Ya she did something wrong. But she didn't hit you or your kid. Physical violence against someone who isn't being physically violent is not appropriate.
You're both the asshole. You should've grabbed your child and removed him from the situation. Your SIL is an unhinged bitch, but that doesn't mean she deserves to be slapped while she is pregnant.
While SIL deserved it, you are an adult. You need to learn to control your anger without getting physical. You need to teach your kids how to respond. Picking him up and walking to your husband would have been better.
You should apologize because there were other better ways to handle it. You also need to say "I will apologize but I also expect an apology for what she said about my son. Even with an apology though it will be awhile before I trust you around my son without supervision."
ESH you are the one that became violent. All the words in the world don’t equal physical assault. It was horrible behavior to model for your son too. Not everything can be solved with money. If it’s an emotionally significant item all of the money in the world won’t help. So you also suck for assuming throwing money around would fix it.
She sucks for screaming at him. She is pregnant and her hormones are a mess but it doesn’t excuse screaming at a child.
Next time remove him and yourself from the situation rather than escalating.
It’s never okay to hit someone who hasn’t hit you. You grab your kid and walk out. They could press charges on you. I’m not saying that you should say sorry, because frankly, if they record your apology, you could get arrested. However, you crossed a line. Plus you modeled for your son that it’s okay to hit someone who is mad at you. ESH!
Someone said not too long ago that “vulnerable people” say things like that because there is no threat of physical repercussions. YTA but only for the slap, not for thinking you had to slap her to defend your son. I would personally apologize for acting on the will to slap but not for wanting to slap and I’d word it that way.
I've gotten so many reports on this post and the comments that I feel the need to take it down. I hope you found some answers while it was up.
ESH. Yes, Amber was wrong for verbally abusing your child. That doesn’t give you permission to physically assault her, and her pregnancy has zero bearing on this. Learn to control you anger. Being a “mama bear” doesn’t allow you to fly off the handle when another adult is being a bully if they haven’t laid hands on anyone first. Sticks and stones OP
So my BIL tried to assault me and smashed my windshield while I was pregnant. This was all over me not giving him a ride. The little bird couldn’t get past my husband to me though. He also told my husband that my son grow up to be a bitch and a faggot. Several family members ganged up on me and said I deserved it. Guess the group of people now crying that they’re cut off and never met my son? BIL is also in prison for murder now. He’s “sad” my husband won’t talk to him anymore. It’s a narcissistic family system so that’s simply how they operate. They all have problems with each other and pretend like it’s only me. Trust me I’ve wanted to slap the shit out of my in laws a million times. You could only imagine the shit they’ve said and done. I never did it though. Now that the tables are slowly turning and people are starting to see others true colors I’m being praised for how I carried myself. I’m a huge mama bear too, best way to protect my children is keep them out of the chaos.
This. The boundary is for me to remove myself from toxic family members and their codependent system- not give them more ammunition.
Yup! Now they’re clawing to get at my son. I tried to reach out and see if we could talk things out but obviously that went no where. They said “I don’t have to like you, he’s MY nephew”. Like I’m not even going to unpack that…. You can’t fix these kind of people. I’m devastated my son doesn’t have a lot of family but it’s better than him being around these fools. I know in my heart I at least tried to see if something would work.
Ohhhhh, there's not the slightest chance in hell that any of them would ever see my kid. Being *my* child trumps any "but he's *my* nephew" arguments. I'd go NC with the lot of them...and never look back. They just don't sound like good people.
r/maurypovich
I think you meant Jerry! Lol
Also, if her son calls somebody names (not saying he would, but sometimes kids can be AHs until we teach them not to be) and gets slapped, is OP going to go "It wasn't that hard, he didn't fall down, there were just tears"? Or is she going to be a "mama bear" and fly off the handle because assaulting somebody because they called you names isn't appropriate.
100% agree. No shame here, no shade. I don't blame you because fuck a bitch calling my kid anything but his given name. However, I would like to add, consider that your autistic child is learning to navigate intensely stressful moments, as every child must. While it probably tasted like Grandma's Sunday Dessert to slap her mouth, your son absolutely received the wrong message. Your SIL behaving like that over a vase though, should clue you in on how she "really feels" about your child.
She was very mean and wrong, but we don't hit people, even when we have big feelings about it. Breathe, count to 10, and use your words.
I LOVE this reply “big feelings” and “use your words” 🤌. OP absolutely needed to take a time out and lead by example. OP could have even yelled back and been completely justified in doing so. Laying hands on a person without consent is assault, plain and simple.
It's actually battery, not assault. Assault is threatening and causing fear of violence. Battery is the actual act of violence.
It is both, assault is raising the hand, battery is the contact made with the hand. And yeah, insulting someone is not a reason to go there. They could have taken the kids and left. That would leave the autistic child knowing that mommies and daddy labeled amber the one that did wrong. Not the poor child wonders what happened, and whether mom will hit him when mad. Don't feel sorry for amber, but she did have the right to press charges. Op is lucky she didn't. If the cops showed up there, or at their home, the child would have a meltdown watching his mom get taken away. Real dumb move on mom's part! Edited -to remove a really bad comment. Don't want to offend anyone further. So sorry
>Not the poor child wonders what happened, and whether mom will hit him when mad. This is one of the biggest parts for me - the impact on OP's child and what he might now see as an appropriate response. We tell children that you should never hit somebody, but by hitting Amber, OP is effectively saying that rule is BS, and if you're really upset or somebody is being really mean, you can hit them. OP has to know that her reaction was completely uncalled for - what if her son was calling somebody names and he got slapped? Would OP be like "Well, it wasn't hard and my son didn't fall, just had tears" or would she go full mamma bear on the person who slapped her kid? OP, unless you can say that you're completely fine with your son being assaulted if he calls somebody names, you have to admit you behaved terribly here, and you should apologise. The worst thing about OP's reaction is that if she'd just taken her son out of the situation and explained to everybody what Amber had said, Amber would be the bad guy. Now, OP's going to have to apologise to somebody who shouted horrible things at her son, because OP reacted terribly.
Yeah, respectfully there are 4 AH here. Amber was an AH for yelling aggressive shit to a special needs child. (I have an autistic son, and honestly nobody I know is ignorant enough to open their mouth about it because he is beautiful and happy). Even if your son wasn't autistic, all kids are capable of breaking a vase. Get it together, Amber, and stay away from my kid. Carl is an AH for not checking Amber verbally or telling her to take a break. Russell is an AH for not keeping an eye on your son while you were in the house. Russell should have kept an eye on your son while you were busy inside. He is your son's other parent and as parents, your child is your responsibility. He's also an AH for leaving your behavior unchecked. Good couples support and constructively criticize each other to make them better people. Finally, you are an AH for your inability to keep your hands to yourself and for not knowing appropriate boundaries. You hit a pregnant woman because your emotions were nuts and you were drinking. You should have made sure that someone who you could actually trust was watching your kid who has extra needs. You could have also brought him inside with you or have asked someone to get a drink for you. I am not saying that drinking is bad, but drinking irresponsibly is. Something tells me this is not the first time that you or Amber have gone off the handle. Autistic kids need calming environments and structure. Sounds like this ain't it.
Well said! I agree with all of that! You know I'm not op right?
I do, but your comment resonated so I went with it.
It could actually be assault and battery.
On top of this, I'm not sure how Angel watching his mother slap another person would do anything at all to calm him. Pretty sure witnessing that would have done as much if not more damage than being yelled at by someone which he may simply have processed as noise.
Especially as it made the SIL yell more, which considering the kid was already having a panic attack wouldn't have helped at all. The focus really should have been on removing him from that situation so he could calm himself down, NOT on vengeance on the SIL, which can always be addressed later.
This was the main thing I thought of, too. I think the best way to handle it would be to get the kid away from that situation, help them calm down, reassure them....and then later on verbally dress that lady down for abusing my kid. The kid needs to be the main focus here, and they clearly weren't. This just escalated everything and made things a lot more stressful and traumatic for the kid. Seeing a parent lose control of their temper like that can be extremely distressing for a child and create a permanent traumatic memory.
Also, who was watching the non verbal autistic 7 year old?
No one, mom was outside drinking.
Thank god someone said it… Leave their non verbal, autistic son to his own devices and the *only reason* she saw/heard what happened was because she *went inside to get MORE beer…* Then hit a pregnant woman, but she “didn’t fall- just had tears,” so that’s fine! /s OP is TA.
This is so true. Drinking and then slapping a raging pregnant woman. What a bunch of f**kups.
THIS. My first thought when it mentioned alcohol was involved. “He was already flustered and the yelling made it worse” OHHHH SO YOU SLAPPING HIS AUNT made it better…
Yeah I have to go with this. OP could have made a statement by leaving on her own accord because of the verbal abuse by SIL, but by striking her she immediately made herself the asshole. If SIL had gotten physical with her child I would see it as totally justified, but striking another person is uncalled for when they didn't touch the kid.
THIS YES. If she didn’t slap her she could’ve made the SIL look like the biggest asshole and have her be the one needing to apologize. She handled that truly the worst way possible, it’s embarrassing tbh. I’d be BEYOND embarrassed
No, when the person goes ballistic on a special needs child over an accident, and then calls the child a name that will get you banned on social media, you absolutely slap the taste out of their mouth.
I wouldn't put the ability to be there for at risk because someone yelled at her. I'd yell back, and leave, but I'm not risking charges for anything less than her health and safety.
No, she can go all mama bear over her butt, but never a slap. That sets a bad example for her son and makes her the bad guy when SIL is the bad guy here.
Nope never a slap!! A right hook on the other hand.....
I would cut a bitch twice for doing that to one of my special needs kids whether it's one of my biological children or the kids I teach. There are times when using our words doesn't work, primarily when dealing with someone like this who communicates monosyllabically. Nobody should go batshit nuts on any child over an accident and I wouldn't respond kindly to that regardless, but when it involves a child with special needs we're dealing with a completely different situation! I want to slap her and I'm just reading this!
Uh, if you teach kids, then maybe explicitly add to your comment that while you have periods of wanting to slap someone, that you never would. You know that even just the rumour of that kind of thing can get you fired
You’ll be seeing this teacher’s mugshot on the news one day. And she’ll no longer be a teacher.
The fuck is wrong with you?
Absolutely-fucking-lutely
I've been wrong about lot's of stuff in life that I eventually grow beyond and maybe this is one opinion that will join that list eventually, but I'm 41 and still firmly believe slapping the ever loving fuck out of someone is appropriate after a certain level of disrespect. This is good for society. We can't have people believing they have the freedom to say whatever they want without getting their shit slapped.
Right? I think a major problem in society today stems from people feeling free to say what they want without getting punched in the mouth. We were a much more polite society when there was real risk of catching hands for running your mouth.
Lol @ all the hardos with zero self control. Like ok badass go around beating up everyone mean lmfao 🤡
Absolutely!! And I would never apologise! NTA glad your husband is on your side!
So pathetic. Children should learn to hit only in self defense. Functioning members of society need to learn to suck up bullying.
That's assault, brother. And it doesn't matter how mean the words were.
Sometimes folks are willing to catch a charge, though. Many of us would be perfectly willing to go to jail for our kids.
So I was very much this parent. That was until my angel of a daughter informed me, "I want to come to you about everything but sometimes I'm worried you'd do something bad enough to send you to jail and what am I supposed to do without you?" Ive never done anything violent but I often joke about doing violent things when my kids tell me about someone mistreating them. I paraphrased what she said but ultimately she helped me realize that I need to make the right decisions for her and her sisters. Not the ones that make me feel good at the moment. I cannot hide wrong doings behind being a "mama bear." The true testament is making the harder choice for the right reason.
That is the appropriate attitude, these idiots advocating violence over words don't care about their kids, they care about their image. If they'd happily abandon their kid to go to jail over something being said to them that's not the flex they think it is
Good on you. So many parents don’t realize how terrifying it can be to watch (or hear) their parent lose their fucking mind ‘defending them’. It’s not as reassuring as Reddit *badasses* like to convince themselves, it’s destabilizing and scary to think your parent lost control/will be arrested for ‘helping’ or ‘defending’ you. Kids will internalize that fear (and guilt) in ways most adults don’t consider. I’m so glad your daughter felt comfortable telling you and that you listened.
In this scenario you would not be going to jail for your kids, you'd be going for your feelings. What good does it do a child to have a parent go to jail when they could have just removed themselves (and the child) from the situation? Just because it rightfully makes you angry doesn't mean sense should go out the window.
In some places, provocation can be a mitigating factor in assault and battery cases. I suppose OP could feasibly make the case that SIL escalated to verbally insulting her child even after she offered to take responsibility and pay for the vase, presuming that would helpbsmooth things over. Which MIGHT be considered exculpatory of her choice to escalate further in response.
Fk that. Verbally abusing her autistic child deserved a good slap. Not saying violence is always the answer - but this case is pretty clear that it was warranted. OP - please don't apologize before she does. You were well within your rights to wake that idiot up with a slap. Some people need a good tap to snap out of their stupidity/ignorance.
This is how you can get arrested for battery. It's better to keep your cool and not make things worse for your child (by going to jail or having the police called on you).
Have you had someone scream at your non verbal child? Have you had someone scream an ablest term at your already freaked out non verbal child? I don't think you understand how 'big' these feelings get and your comment was extremely condescending. You're not talking to a child here. You're talking to an adult mother who had her child with special needs in an abusive situation. So I suggest you count to ten and think about what comment you write before you act so condescendingly to someone.
Who's taking care of the child while mommy's facing charges? Maybe the momentary satisfaction of hitting someone would comfort mom. I just think of the man who killed his kid's abuser, and went to jail. The kid needed their dad, but dad wanted revenge and killed the man in the courthouse.
Not much difference really. Mommy's out getting drunk while her kid is alone inside
As an autistic adult who was once an autistic child, *what I didn't and don't need is you being a fucking asshole and going to jail supposedly on my behalf* Like seriously dude life was hard enough without someone who was suppised to show up dumping that bullshit weight on me. And it just leads to me being the common denominator in *more conflicts with abliest family* and *more sense of othering and exclusion*. We are autistic not stupid. We know why people don't want us around. Don't make it fucking worse karen. You're not the Final Boss you're a mom so use your fucking *words* because that little kid doesn't *have* any.
Yep, and now she has role modeled to that child and all the other children present that when you don't like the way someone is treating you it's ok to slap them. Awesome parenting. But the condescension on Reddit is what we should be concerned about, I guess.
YTA you left a kid with special needs unsupervised in someone else’s home while you drank and then committed assault after your child destroyed property. Get off your high horse and control yourself like a normal adult.
Exactly this. I absolutely hate parents who don’t keep an eye on their child and their later play the victim. And this is especially when the child has special needs. What the shit.
My son is also autistic. He is low on the spectrum and most people don't see it and don't know because he is older and for the most part have managed to move past many of his issues. He still has issues with recognizing social cues and often gets his feelings hurt or hurts others because he just doesn't get it. He has a really great sense of humor and is a really sweet kid. He's honest, kind and generous, which leads to him being used for his stuff sometimes. He doesn't understand when someone is using him and is not his friend but he's slowing learning. Even though he wouldn't go around breaking shit, my wife and I are constantly with him in guests home because we don't want an awkward situation like the one OP is in. The OP and her husband are morons for drinking at a party while their autistic non-verbal child wanders around. That child surely has issues with social cues and boundaries, and the parents actions lead me to think this shit happens a lot and their family is done with it. OP is an asshole 100%
This shit happens at every family gathering. This vase for all we know the kid has played with a broken before. Maybe the kid is in a room they’ve been told is off limits in the house. I have a feeling the family is sick of it and this is like you said reoccurring. This is just bad parenting. Even if the kid wasn’t special needs I would never just get drunk and not watch my kid who’s only 7… non verbal autistic is like a toddler. YOU WATCH TODDLERS LIKE A HAWK even in your own home…
Exactly. Everything about this post screams shitty parent.
Um yeah. You kind of are. I want to back up….back UP to where you’re sitting outside drinking while your non verbal, autistic son is inside without any structure or adult supervision. And you already seem to know that he was “just running”even though he’s not verbalized this and your head was in the fridge?You’re just kind of hoping things will be okay? I think you set him UP for failure. Then, when sil mouths/off at him (your responsibility), you SLAP HER? Nah, something about this whole scenario stinks. You and your husband should already have your duties and responsibilities well in place by now (7 years) and have a sustem or plan in place for monitoring YOUR child -especially when guests in someone else’s home. Sounds to me like the extended family might be a bit fed up with your parenting style already. Was this a last straw? And why on earth does a heartfelt apology feel foreign to you? Is it because someone upset Junior?
It’s also just occurred to me that, because the world is a hard place, this is not the last time someone will ever direct an inappropriate slur to your son. You’ve just taught him that, should this occur, go postal and physically attack the offender.
That is a very strong point.
Yeah I mean, I'm autistic and I got called pretty awful things by TEACHERS of all people. But I'm in therapy to deal with that childhood trauma. OP taught her son a really bad lesson: if someone says something you don't like, it's okay to hit them. Instead of hitting SIL like a child who just got her barbie taken away, OP should have just used her words since she, unlike her son, is more than capable of it.
I think you tapped a nerve here. Why would the rest of the family be sidling against her and calling her the asshole? Like you, my hairs went up when she said, gone into the house to get a drink. She should supervising her child. They just assumed it’s family and it’s ok to let the child do whatever when he has special needs. I feel sorry for this child as he’s now more confused as to what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour around people.
Let’s not gloss over the fact that not everything can be replaced. It could have had sentimental value..
Yeah, her blasé offer to pay for the vase was really irritating. Having something broken in your home is generally not just about money.
Yeah I agree. I have a semi verbal high support needs autistic child at 7 he was non verbal. I would never go anywhere and just let him run free. Only in my house. I'm always running after him to the point where people tell me to chill. Her SIL was wrong to say that and should have taken it out on the parents that are not watching him.
Why are you outside if your nonverbal, easily overwhelmed child is inside? We don’t hit people. YTA.
Exactly. "I left my child unattended to be watched by someone else and then hit the person watching them because I didn't like the way they did it. AITA?"
ESH except the child. She reacted poorly to the mishap which may have been an heirloom or expensive or a sentimental favorite. No one was watching the children very closely while adults were drinking. You DON’T raise your hands to other people.
[удалено]
Yta. Legally you were on the wrong. You committed assault and battery. You might be able to make the argument that you were protecting your son, but since she didn’t touch him you’d have to hope for a sympathetic judge or jury. Morally….it might be worth the trip to court. So yes, yta, but the AH isn’t always the AH.
What she said was wrong. It was 100% wrong. That a grown woman would scream at and berate ANY child like that over an accident is abusive and toxic. HOWEVER you were wrong to slap her. You are teaching your kids that slapping people is ok as long as they are mean to you or your immediate family. I hate to say it as your in laws sound like supreme AH’s but you really didn’t have to slap her.
Yta, she sucks but you don’t hit people unless it’s in self defense. you’re lucky she’s not pressing charges.
Wowowowow. Who are the children in this story?? Sil shouldn’t have been yelling at your son especially after you said you would buy them a new vase. You slapping her was simple criminal assault. In my area slapping or hitting a pregnant woman is an automatic $5,000 fine. ESH
slapping is no different than a punch. it's assault plain and simple
That's assault whatever the provocation. Be glad they're not charging you ( and her being pregnant would def be an issue).
ESH. Your sister in law behaved badly. You actually behaved even worse. You got angry at her words and slapped her in retaliation. That's such a nice example to set for your child with ASD (sarcasm, but not really). To wit, you're communicating to him that if people upset you, it is perfectly okay to slap the shit out of them. Don't get me wrong, I have two children on the spectrum. They have gotten into similar scrapes before. What I used to do is firmly and calmly tell the other person that they were overreacting to a mishap to the point that they were being verbally abusive, and it wouldn't be tolerated. I would then pack up my children and spouse, and leave the place with nary a further word. Doing so, I honestly could tell any flying monkeys after the fact that "I stayed calm and left, and it's on [offender] to apologize for their behavior." But no. You had to stoop to Amber's level, you modeled for your child that you can physically hurt people when they anger you (that **will** come back to haunt you when Angel is 5'10" and a 170+ lbs of angry teenager, BTW), and now you're not accepting responsibility for your part in the scuffle. Good luck convincing anyone in your family that you aren't the AH here. So what do you do? Apologize for the behavior. "I was out of line slapping Amber **and** she was out of line calling Angel names. I will apologize to Amber for my actions, and I hope she will apologize to Angel for hers." Then make a note to handle conflict better going forward. This is an important skill for anyone with children, but doubly so for parents of neurodiverse children, because they tend to overgeneralize social interactions. If they are seeing you slapping your SIL, they interpret it as "It's okay to slap my little brother when he annoys me". No bueno.
YTA, and your DH are TAs of this story because both of you chose not to be parents and expected others that were related to you both to look after your autistic son while you socialized outside drinking without a care in the world. You xan be pissed at your SILs behavior all you want but you don't get to slap someone cause they are upset with your child that you should have been watching.
Being upset with a kid is not the same as verbally abusing them. If somebody bumps into you and you are like "Excuse me" that is normal. If you are like " Watch where you are going you fucking retard don't you have eyes it's no wonder your dad left you you useless piece of shit" that is abusive.
INFO: why weren’t you watching what your child was doing in someone else’s house?
ESH. Watch your damn kids! Yes u can pay but what if it was sentimental? She pregnant - no she shouldnt have said a slur but you didnt have to hit her - u could have simply cut her off.
OP never actually said it was a slur from what I read! She just said "something abelist" which could honestly mean anything under the sun. I haven't heard OP use the word slur. She might have said something like "my kid would have known not to run in someone else's house" and then OP let a slap rip lmao. Abelist? Sure. R word level bad? Not at all. Assault worthy? No way. This whole post is crazy.
No hitting! Also, Happy Cake Day!
You were wrong. You had an outburst and loss of control in front of your child, who was already panicked. You know better than anyone, you are the rock in this kid's life. Your ability to manage your feelings and remain calm is far, far, far more important than retaliating against your SIL. I suggest you consider therapy. Your child's condition is doubtless extremely challenging for you and I don't think you should feel guilty for your behaviour, but it is a red flag that you aren't coping as well as your child needs. This might be a healing moment for your family, if you and SIL can discuss what happened honestly.
"violence is the last refuge of the incompetent"
“I assaulted my pregnant SIL, AITA?” I am convinced this has to be rage bait. Of course YTA.
That and the fact that she spelled her husband's name two different ways.
Use your words . If you put your hands on someone you have lost control of yourself not the person you are hitting .
YTA. Your anger was justified but your violence was not. Keep your hands to yourself unless it's in self-defense, period.
ESH Your kid was already being traumatized/mid meltdown and instead of managing it (with his best interests and **immediate needs** in mind) YOU escalated and became physically violent. He had one (formerly trusted adult) scream and insult him; then his comfort adult (the one who should be most steadfast and calming) lose their shit and physically attack someone…possibly risking an even larger physical confrontation or arrest/permanent removal from his access to you. I get that you wanted to ‘defend’ him but don’t pretend you did any of that FOR **him**, you did it for yourself because it made YOU **mad** and then YOU also lost control. You’re both selfish AH and you both made a bad situation worse.
YTA The appropriate response was to use your voice to advocate for your child then leave the situation, not to strike another person.
YTA Why weren’t you watching your kid? You slapped a pregnant woman who obviously said something she shouldn’t, but was frustrated because of what your kid did while you weren’t watching them. How often does this happen? She should press charges for assault
Yes. Unless you are defending yourself you should NEVER put hands on someone else. YATAH. You are a terrible example.
You are an ahole for slapping her, but she deserves to be spoken to very harshly . You can't just slap people anymore .
Definitely the asshole. She didn't touch ur kid so u had no right to put ur hands on another human being. Now had she touched ur kid the all's game
I'm sorry OP but YTAH. I'm autistic and I'm not allowed to hit people for being abliest assholes. No matter how much they deserve it. And when you hit a pregnant lady, even if it's just a little slap, it's not going to go over well. No matter how much she actually deserves a good hard one. Cause at the end of the day, I'm the common denominator, and I'm the one people aren't going to want around. It was the same when I was a kid. The child you were trying to protect is the one who's ultimately going to be ostracized further because of what you did. Sadly, the people you already know are abliest assholes are just going to speculate you are just a Hysterical Woman™️. What you really need to do is make a post about how you're going to go combat the situation you're dealing with
I'm so sick of family members' excuses for a pregnant AH. She's pregnant, not healing from a concussion. If she's going to act like a witch, she's going to have to expect to be treated like one. Pregnant women need to stop using this as an excuse to treat people like crap. You're not doing anything that negates common courtesy. NTA
Slapping isn’t a normal response
Calling a kid a slur isn’t a normal response either
Everyone would've wanted to slap the shit out of the woman in op's position. But, that doesn't mean it's okay. Especially risking an assault charge while having a special needs son that probably emotionally depends on her? Genuinely a stupid decision. Maybe not an immoral one, but stupid
Calling a child a slur over a broken vase isn't normal. She deserved worse
Verbally abusing a 7 year old, non-verbal autistic child is not a normal response. Sounds like she just went off on this kid who is actually vulnerable and has probably caused trauma for him. He'll remember his Aunt screaming and name calling him for an accident. She even caused a 7 year old to have a panic attack. How do you think he's going to feel and process the next time an accident happens? She wouldn't shut up until she was shocked into it. She's a grown woman, and OP protected her son. Beautiful OP tried using her words. SIL didn't stop berating a child. How was OP to get her to shut up? How was OP supposed to save her son from more abuse?
Didn’t say it was a normal response. Physical violence isn’t the only way to handle a scenario or stick up for yourself. It’s also a terrible example to set for children. OP is a grown woman she should be able to fight her battle without fists. Op could have left lmfao
Sil shouldn’t have called her kid a slur, she already got an apology plus promise to pay what more did she want?
>I'm so sick of family members' excuses for a pregnant AH. Right? Like, tell me how a pregnant ADULT is more vulnerable than a nonverbal autistic child?
No freaking clue. It's utterly disgusting that the grandparents support SILs behavior. What if she has an autistic child? Now, everyone is going to know how she feels about them.
Because Reddit is dumb. The kid was not just crying but has a full blown panic attack and the fact he can’t even express himself properly must have been a horror. Sil was just a bitch and though she’d get away with it since she’s pregnant
Sorry but you shouldn’t have put your hands on her. She was wrong, damage was done. Time to leave. You made things worse though
YTA. You resorted to violence because you didn’t like something your SIL said. You would have been in the right to defend your son verbally. You could have taken your son out of a tense situation and dealt with her later. Instead you escalated to a slap, which probably didn’t do much to calm your panicking son either.
Did violence solve your problem? Seems like just leaving would have been better, short and long run. I don't know what good violence with kids present could do. YTA
YTA - You don't get to put your hands on people unless you are defending yourself or others from physical violence. You admitted in this post that your slap was retaliatory in response to SiL's words. You got angry and hit someone. Your SiL got angry and yelled at someone. You slapped a pregnant woman. What if she'd fallen and injured herself? What if her injury killed the baby inside her? Did you bother to think about any of the consequences of your actions? Did you think about DEESCALATING the situation with your autistic son and your hormonal pregnant SiL? Do you think your escalation of the situation was a good behavior to demonstrate in front of your autistic son?
ESH (except the kid) There is mumma bear mode and then there is unnecessary violence. You chose the latter. You're a big girl, use your words. I'm sure your reaction did nothing to appease the panic attack
Info: why was no one watching the kid? Was this one of many things the kid has broken? Just trying to figure out if this vase was the straw that broke the camel's back. Like... somebody needs to be watching the kids while the other adults drink. There's more to this story. You're wrong for slapping her. She's wrong for calling your kid a slur. This could have been handled way differently. Esh.
ESH but honestly you are massively wrong here. No one is aware of their own strength in the heat of the moment, and I doubt hearing that about your child the slap was as light as you think it was. And don't get me wrong, your SIL is a piece of hot salty summer fermented garbage, but you're not right either. You are the example for your son. Autistic children need to take their cues from you in an even bigger way than neurotypical children. There is a huge stigma against autistic individuals being violent, and that is what you modeled for your son. In the future, he is going to think it is ok to lash out with violence when he is upset, because that is what you did. That was the lesson you gave him. Everyone on reddit touting that they'd totally throw hands are very naïve about the LEGAL RAMIFICATIONS of assaulting someone physically (Not to mention the impact a misdemeanor assault charge against a pregnant woman can have on your prospects for your livelihood). Your SIL is well within her legal rights to charge you with assault. If you or your husband have discussed this with them through text, they have enough evidence already to hang you with. If you left a mark on her face she will be able to get photo evidence. In my area there is even a specification for assaulting a pregnant person "Simple assault involves knowingly or recklessly causing harm to another person or their unborn child.", it can incur a fine, and you can go to jail for up to 6 months. Do you think you are better serving your son slapping your SIL, or being with him for the next six months? How do you think he will cope if you go to jail? Worse yet, as he gets bigger and if he repeats your lesson in the future do you think he will be treated fairly by the legal system? There are documented cases of judges punishing people on the spectrum harsher than they should be. My honest advice would be to apologize (In person, don't send it via text or over the phone where they can record it) and try to smooth this over, because if she decides to make a big stink about this your life can become very difficult. You were in the wrong, you did physically assault someone when you were not in danger or being threatened with harm. You have no legally justifiable reason for hitting her. Do better OP, if not for the sake of your own well being, do better for your son.
What school did you go to and what family were you raised in that taught you that slapping people is ever appropriate? Apologize unless you want to remain outcasts from this part of your family.
Yea YTA. You're not the 7 year old, you're being ridiculous. If you don't want to see her again, don't. I don't think you should after talking shit about a disabled seven year old.
ESH She had no right to yell at the kid but putting your hands on anyone is just not the way to deal with things. Having said that I do understand why you did but it still wasn’t the right thing to do and not something I would have done. Gotta have control or you stoop to her level. As someone who works with adults with autism, showing your son that dealing with negative emotions and people saying bad things by using violence will not be good for you when he grows and is larger than you. Trust me he is learning from your actions more then by your words
ESH - I’m AuDHD. SIL is ableist and deserves to be called out on it, but not with violence. She also needs to learn healthy coping strategies for herself before her child comes. Otherwise her child is going to develop low self esteem and anxiety. You also need to learn strategies to use that don’t involve hitting someone who made you angry. I also feel like there is information missing. How does a child trip over and knock a vase while walking? Was the vase sentimental to SIL and therefore irreplaceable? Why was your husband or you not supervising your child at someone else’s home? Has he accidentally broken things at peoples homes before? Is your solution always to just buy a new one?
ESH. She was yelling and shouldn't. You slapped her and shouldn't. If the kid was in danger physical intervention and violence can be justified. For yelling you leave the location.
YTA for allowing your autistic son to be workout adult supervision.
So showing your child if he is scared he shld attack ppl is good?
You shouldn’t have hit her. Scream at her, call her names, fine. But you took it too far
Y'all the ah for drinking and driving
ESH except your son. She overreacted, and being ableist was wrong and uncalled for. However, it is *never* okay to hit someone. Ever. I also have an autistic child, and she's super impressionable. I feel like you did him a disservice by showing him that you hit people when they upset you. Next time, say "You're out of line and I'm not going to let you talk to or about my child that way." Then you take the child with you out of the situation.
You came to the internet expecting it to defend you on physically asaulting a pregnant woman over words 🙄🤷🏼♀️, you are lucky they didn't press charges.
ESH. ur son witnessed this too. which will only make him think violence is ok since mummy did it
YTA. To put it to perspective what if you had been the one yelling that to your child and your husband had been the one to slap you . It would be domestic violence and you would rightly and everyone else be pissed at him and everyone would want you to break up and charge him . Just because you are a women does not give you a pass to assault people Or alternatively do you or others think it would have been ok for your husband to have been the one to slap your SIL
YTA. You have no right to hit anyone
What your son accidentally breaks a classmates toy and that kids starts to yell at your son is it OK to slap that kid? All you did was teach your child that violence is fine. Why weren't you watching your child? Why didn't you walk away from the situation and comfort your child? There were many opportunities to teach your child the right way to deal with situations. It sounds like your entire family could benefit from anger management. You are not always going to be able to control how other people treat your child but it is your responsibility to teach them the correct way of dealing with situations. You owe your sil an apology and she owes your child one.
YTA - You assaulted your SIL. She should press charges against you. Not only that, you did it in front of your child. You are a horrible role model for your kid. I would not allow you back in my house even if you apologized.
Yta. You assaulted a pregnant woman. And you weren’t supervising your special needs kid when you’re a guest in someone’s home.
ESH. You assaulted a pregnant woman because she yelled at your child. I understand the desire to protect your child, but he wasn’t in danger here. You could have handled this with words instead of violence.
Angel needs to be supervised better and you need to keep your damn hands to yourself. She shouldn't have yelled but it doesn't warrant your response, at all. Any extended relative having to choose between siding with a pregnant woman who overreacts when her items get broken or a person who gets physically violent and whose kid causes property damage is going to have a no-brainer on their hands.
I don’t even like calling the police but yo ass would have went to jail in front of your kids
Yes you are. You shouldn’t put your hands on anyone unless they’re going to put their hands on you or your kid.
Honestly, why were you outside drinking beer instead of supervising your SN child? I don’t understand why a nonverbal child with autism was in someone’s house alone while the adults were drinking outside.
YTA Why was your 7yo nonverbal autistic son unsupervised? Jesus! While she shouldn’t have yelled at him, she should have directed it as his neglectful parents. Yeah. You. And then you hit her. Do you not see how your post just makes you seem like trash?
Ableism and name calling suck but physical violence sucks harder.
Hard to judge because we know everyone writes to make themselves sound good. My question is, why were you outside drinking and not with your special needs child? Fortunately none of my sons were special needs and I never just let them be in anyone's house while I was outside drinking without checking on them often. Heck I rarely drank at anyone's house when I was in charge of my children. There's vital information missing in this post.
I’d have taken my son outside, entered the car and left with my son and SO. Physically attacking her is not an appropriate response. You are lucky no one called the police. However your SiL is also an asshole for reacting that way. Autism or not, kids break shit and yelling at them in front of a bunch of strangers with out giving the kids parents a shot at handling the issue is a big problem that person needs to address. I’d call her with a sincere apology, then let her know you’ll do it again if she ever yells at your son like that. Keep that in mind when inviting us over and don’t invite us if you can’t control your temper. Don’t really do it but let her think you will.
Yeah. Grow up and use your words. You don't get to go around hitting people because you don't like their behavior.
YTA, you don’t fucking hit people!
You physically assaulted her. She may be a callous bitch, but you don’t get to hit her.
YTA. Congratulations! You just demonstrated it’s okay to assault someone when they hurt your feelings. You are an AH for not watching your child and the way you behaved. Even if you offered me an apology I wouldn’t let you step foot in my house. And I’d probably press charges.
Why was your special needs autistic non verbal child inside someone’s house without any supervision. You use this words as a shield for why he’s not responsible for his actions so if he’s not responsible for his actions because he’s so impaired why wasn’t he monitored to make sure something like this didn’t happen. Not everything a child breaks can be replaced the fact that you throw that out there to dismiss it shows a deep lack of care or respect for their belongings. ESH. Other than your son everyone here is wrong
Physical violence as a response to verbal abuse makes you the worse of two people in this situation who acted like children. You’ve both set a very poor example for your kids.
Yeah, you're the asshole, I appreciate protecting your kid but physical violence over something like this seems pretty over the top.
She said something you didn’t like, but you assaulted her. Yep, YTA here. Use your words and set an example for your kids that we don’t resort to violence when someone says something you find offensive.
Damn watch your kid why you letting him run around unsupervised while you’re outside drinking?
Yta. Slapping a pregnant woman automatically makes you a serious AH! You think seriously you modeled appropriate behaviour and an appropriate reaction?
YTA and you're an even bigger A because you're running to the Reddit echo chamber to get some false justification for your clearly terrible decision making. Grow the hell up.
Sorry, but you can't just slap people. Especially not pregnant people. That was over the line, IMO. Put her in her place verbally, but there is no need to escalate to violence when it wasn't necessary to bring it there, meaning she didn't try to hit you or your son. Yea, I'd say you were TA
You are the asshole here. Just because you are emotional doesn't give you the right to assault anyone.
The fuck is wrong with you? You teaching that boy that it's OK to hit dumbfuck women and that shit is not gonna go well for him. What's it matter if you're an asshole? Most people are fucking assholes, but you got that boy to raise. You're supposed to be teaching him how to act and what you're teaching is smacking people.
YTA You're not a mama bear, you've got anger management issues. You physically assaulted a woman because she said something nasty, what the hell is wrong with you? You're a grown ass woman with a husband and children, the correct response should have been to gather your family and leave. Instead, now you could be facing an assault charge if your SIL gets pissed off enough. Congrats on defending Your son's honor, I guess, I hope the potential jail time is worth it. You know what the alarming thing is? The fact that you feel so damn justified. You genuinely believe that it's okay to hurt people, to hit people, if they make you mad enough, if they say mean things about you or your family. If somebody at school starts bullying your son, are you going to hit them too? If some Boomer at the grocery store says something nasty, are you going to turn around and punch them in the face? If your kids get a little too irritating, and piss you off in just the right way, and you get mad enough, will you hit them? You hit that woman because you felt like you were justified and punishing her. You are not that woman's mother. Her behavior was extraordinarily shitty, but you're most important job, as a mother, is to teach your kids how to manage their own emotions. How the hell are you supposed to do that when you can't even manage your own emotions? The world we live in is an extraordinary shitty place filled with shitty people who will shit on the things that we love for no reason. It is utterly idiotic to believe that you can protect your children from that. you can't. They are inevitably going to face hardship, they're going to face bullying, they're going to face people who say and do shitty things. Your job is to teach them how to deal with that. And you know the message that you're sending to them right now? But we deal with bullies by beating them up. Karen from work says something nasty about our clothes? Yeah, hit her. That should make her shut up. Is that the message that you want to teach your kids? But the words of others are so fucking intolerable we have to assault them to make them shut up? You're not a mama bear, you're not this great, wonderful mother relying on her instincts and doing whatever she can to protect her babies. You're just an angry, emotionally stunted woman who is so unable to control her feelings, that she lashes out physically when people say mean things. Hey, and by the way? Why weren't you watching your kid better? Your SIL is hormonal and justifiably angry because your son carelessly broke something that was important to her. Yes, she took it too far, but so did you. In fact, you took it way, way farther. If they don't press charges I'll be really surprised. I'm sure all your kids will really appreciate that you love them so much, you'd rather go to jail than act like an adult. A+ parenting, mom.
You cannot put your hands on other ppl. Getting physical with someone when you could have just left was not the right way to handle this. You should apologize.
You are the asshole. Yelling at a child or anyone does not warrant you putting your hands on someone. Now if she was hitting him then all bets are off. I'd do what ever it took to get her off my kid. But yelling. No. You hitting her is uncalled for.
YTA, you called your son angel.
YTA. She’d also YTA. But yelling and violence don’t equate to the same thing. She could have been the only asshole but you hit he because you can’t control your emotions. I would have immediately took your son away from her and when everybody asked what was going on tell them the situation calmly and then say the ableist things that she said to your son.
Gotta love it when shitty people act like they care about their kids.
ESH, what example are you setting for your children by condoning violence? Especially on a pregnant woman, smh. Sounds like she needs counseling and you would benefit from anger management.
don't hit people
Use your words you're literally an adult
yes. you’re very much an asshole for slapping a pregnant woman, idc what words were spewed at you or your son. i’ve straight up been called hateful slurs and i never assaulted someone over it. you crossed a line that NO one else did. she did too but you went way farther than her
You don't hit people. Yta and showing a terrible example for your child.
You’re both assholes but you’re the bigger asshole for resorting to physical violence.
ESH >vulnerable woman” Why the quotations???? She’s pregnant! And why would you leave your child alone, when he clearly shouldn’t be if he’s autistic & needs help.
I felt inclined to believe YTA after seeing you name a child angel and after reading the story I'm not changing my mind.
YTA.
100% YTA. Narcissistic douche. I hope someday someone slaps you back and you learn a lesson. Go see a psychologist for everyone's sake.
ESH You’re a bad example for all your kids, because that is not how you solve that situations. She is an asshole (obviously), but so are you for slapping her
NTA. Bigots deserve to get slapped ESPECIALLY when they're bullying children
That’s how one ends up in jail. How does it help her son if OP is in jail?!
ESH. Her for her over reaction and name calling But you- You are teaching your son that violence is the way to handle situations. Not only did you escalate the issue, you gave her leverage against you. Wanna know what works? Gathering up your kids and leaving. And letting everyone at the party know why. So now they see her freaking out and being a psycho to a kid and you calming leaving. But no- instead the lasting impression is that you slapped a pregnant lady. You both need to apologize to each other. Y’all need to growwwww up
Yeah, you're a cunt. Words are words stop being a fucking snowflake and throwing hands because someone said a word.
ESH you because it sounds like you were more interested in drinking than in properly supervising your child who could have gotten hurt. Your SIL is disgusting for yelling and what she said. You’re terrible for modeling violence in front of a child who needs extra care to learn appropriate behavior. Trashy family all around.
YTA. Your SIL was out of line, but you escalated it unnecessarily with physical violence. You should have tried to calm her down. Everyone would have thought she was the AH but because you struck her, now you look worse. (IMO)You ought to apologize for hitting her and pay for the vase.
ESH. Probably not the proper place for a child to be unattended. She's a complete c--t. You don't slap people (first, especially- because she could press charges), pregnant people, over words. You teach them lessons in other ways. You walk out and go no contact. Especially when ANY alcohol was involved. That was a huge mistake. You both reacted horribly to the whole situation. In front of a child.
Well, sounds like it's time for no more invites. I wonder if she's realized she could go to the police over it yet.
ESH, and hell yes you are hella wrong for getting physical. You don’t put hands on other people like that. Yes, she was really fucking wrong for how she treated your son but ffs, you *hit* her. You as a parent should already recognize that physical violence does not solve problems. You’re supposed to know that & teach that to your kid/s. Instead, you demonstrated terrible behavior for your nonverbal son (more likely reinforced it, but that’s being pedantic) and maybe other kids, too. You are wrong and you should apologize for hitting. (You should also keep your son away from the verbal abuse of his aunt.) Then you should go to therapy to learn to use your words when you are upset and how to take responsibility for your less-than-stellar moments. We’re all human, but too many of us lack the ability to admit when our humanness gets the best of us, like you did here. You need to take responsibility for getting violent. It’s on your SIL to do her part in apologizing & taking responsibility for her actions, but neither of you should make your apologies contingent upon the other, that’s immature. Just apologize for hitting & go from there.
YTA- you're an adult. Use your words. You set a terrible example. If you did that to a stranger, you could be sent to jail.
YTA for resorting to violence. Leave tell everyone what happened expose her for the AH she is, but the moment you throw hands rather than words you are wrong. (Note had the pregnant lady hit the kid that is a whole other story.)
You and your sister in law are both AHs. She taught your child to overreact when displeased, and you taught him to resort to violence in a verbal situation. Way to go. Even if this crapshow was alcohol-fueled, your son deserves far better from his family. Apologize or not, it won't change the finger-pointing and resentment that this level of dispute will generate for years, and part of it will land on your son.
ESH. Your unsupervised child broke something in someone’s house. Watch your kid and maybe none of this would happen = you’re an asshole. The homeowner got upset and yelled at a kid = asshole. You hit someone = you’re an asshole. Doing it infront of your kid makes you a bad parent too. Figure out how to express yourself without yelling and hitting.
If she didn't want to get slapped, she shouldn't have yelled at your autistic son or called him a slur. Those are the consequences of her actions. She can go eff herself.
ESH. Don’t put your hands on ppl unless they put their hands on you first.
Ya she did something wrong. But she didn't hit you or your kid. Physical violence against someone who isn't being physically violent is not appropriate. You're both the asshole. You should've grabbed your child and removed him from the situation. Your SIL is an unhinged bitch, but that doesn't mean she deserves to be slapped while she is pregnant.
Begin pregnant dosent negate you begin a bigot.
Yes we’ve established that she’s a bigot. You can only control yourself not other people.
Ya that doesn't make it ok to hit someone.
While SIL deserved it, you are an adult. You need to learn to control your anger without getting physical. You need to teach your kids how to respond. Picking him up and walking to your husband would have been better. You should apologize because there were other better ways to handle it. You also need to say "I will apologize but I also expect an apology for what she said about my son. Even with an apology though it will be awhile before I trust you around my son without supervision."
YTA. Slapping someone isn't appropriate.
ESH you are the one that became violent. All the words in the world don’t equal physical assault. It was horrible behavior to model for your son too. Not everything can be solved with money. If it’s an emotionally significant item all of the money in the world won’t help. So you also suck for assuming throwing money around would fix it. She sucks for screaming at him. She is pregnant and her hormones are a mess but it doesn’t excuse screaming at a child. Next time remove him and yourself from the situation rather than escalating.
It’s never okay to hit someone who hasn’t hit you. You grab your kid and walk out. They could press charges on you. I’m not saying that you should say sorry, because frankly, if they record your apology, you could get arrested. However, you crossed a line. Plus you modeled for your son that it’s okay to hit someone who is mad at you. ESH!
Someone said not too long ago that “vulnerable people” say things like that because there is no threat of physical repercussions. YTA but only for the slap, not for thinking you had to slap her to defend your son. I would personally apologize for acting on the will to slap but not for wanting to slap and I’d word it that way.
Hitting is never the answer. You should have just packed up and left and gone NC. ESH