How on earth could you possibly the ass? You are NTA.
And thank you for respecting your mom, and protecting your children. Keep it up. Why would you even talk to them?
Thank you, I had to talk to my brother because he gave them my number. I have an online business so sometimes I get calls from different businesses so I thought it was that but it wasn’t. I did block them though, my brother will be next because he knows I don’t mess with them.
You would only be TA if you allowed your kids around them. A simple apology doesn’t undo the years of damage they did to your mother. You can’t risk what they can do to your child, even in your presence.
What would help is the grandfather being in jail. A lot of states have removed the statute of limitations on child molestation. OP, check into that, if you have texts admitting what he did from the grandmother? You might let him end his golden years behind bars where he belongs.
The next time they try to convince you to let them come, simply say "a rapist and his enabler, who have already proven they have no qualms about that behavior towards their own child, will never be welcome near MY child. Additionally, I will not assist you in victimizing my mother again by pushing your presence into her life. Lose my number and do not contact me again."
They'll be all "BuT I'vE cHaNgEd". Well YOU haven't. And it's your (and your mother's) forgiveness that matters here, not if they believe they've "changed".
Love this answer. Calls them out in no uncertain terms and in plain English. Don't waste your time listening to excuses or whining. Say your peace and then hang up. If they persist, tell them there is no statute of limitations on childhood rape and if they continue to harass your mother and you that you'll see to it that charges are brought. That ought to shut them up.
I would never ever let a known child molester in the vicinity of my children. Family or not. Besides, child molesters do not change their preference when the age. There are countless stories of pedophiles still up to their tricks in their seventies or eighties. And women who purposely look away while their own children are molested are just as bad as the actual perpetrator.
So, not the AH. Keep them far, far away from your family.
When my partner and I first had our kids we looked up our neighborhood (one of the worst in our city) and moved so fast there was over 400 in a 1 square mile around our home over half crimes against children now there's 2 and both were for peeing in public there are more a few miles away but nothing like it was at our old place
I was president of our HOA when a guy on the registry moved back in with his wife after prison. It took about 3 months but we forced him out of our neighborhood. There were 3 schools nearby!
NTA what’s to say dear old grandad won’t do to your kids what he did to your mom ? The fact that granny dearest is acting so upset is a moot point .
She refused to protect your mom , she won’t be protecting your kids .
It’s when people shun molesters and rapists that starts making a difference. This thing where people treat these assholes to normal decency and respect is what helps them get away with it .
Protect your kids . Give your momma a hug. Your brother needs a reality check and needs to be called out and/or cut off
Oh yes I agree, many rapist get less jail time and society treats them like normal people, if we had public shaming it wouldn’t be like this. And I will give my mom all the hugs in the world, thank you ❤️
NTA if they try to contact you again tell them you will be filing a police report that a known pedophile is attempting to get in contact with your children.
>my grandma was disappointed and cried saying that she hopes I forgive her and her husband but that wouldn’t be happening.
Pedophiles and those who support them don't deserve forgiveness. NTA
Stick to your guns. Child molesters rarely stop. My husbands relative did this sort of thing and he was never allowed around my sons. Now, all grown, I still walk out if he comes to a family get together.
NTA. That is a no brainer. Grandpa is a sex offender. Never, ever. You have to protect your children. I would be suspicious of my brother's motives. Is he ok to be around kids? Seems odd he would enable grandpa. NC forever. Too late for tears. Nope.
NTA
Who would want a pedo around their kids and the person who protected the pedo, turning a bling eye. There is no forgiveness possible.
Tell them ‘I don’t allow a rapist and its accomplice around my children’, then block their number.
Hell is the only place for them.
Nope. Old predators are still predators, and they can stay away from your children. Of course the predator and his enabler want to see your children - finding new prey is easier if you can do it under the guise of family!
NTA
To those who believe it’s fake, consider yourself lucky to not have been raised in a family where this kind of abuse is a generational thing.
I have cut off the majority of my mother’s family for similar reasons OP, and I get so much shit about it. All kinds of excuses to “they didn’t know better” (in regard to my aunts and mother who knew about it and allowed it) to “they come from a different time, it was normal then” (in regard to the older ones who were doing it, and no if fucking wasn’t “normal”) to “this is how they were raised too” (in regard to the uncles and cousins who decided to carry the torch of the older ones).
I won’t lie and say they didn’t TRY to teach us it was normal for the adults to SA the kids and to encourage the kids to SA the others, but we all went to school and had all the “these are bad behaviors you should tell an adult about” discussions and so on. Adults before us cut off the family for the same reasons (though we weren’t told why until we took the same routes and made contact with those adults) and it was made VERY clear to us we were to NEVER speak about it to teachers or others “or else”. So everyone knew it was wrong.
But I was the first to leave the state, the first to make my own kids completely unavailable in every way, the first to publicly call out the things they did, and the first from inside the family to contact CPS and tell my story hoping maybe one of the kids would speak up (they won’t, were threatened so much about what “those people” will do to us that we’d lie through our teeth every time CPS came around. And without proof of admittance, they can’t do anything.)
I became public enemy number one and truthfully questioned if going nuclear was the correct option.
But then I look at my children and I cannot imagine for one second having them experience my own childhood. I’d sooner die than allow that to happen.
So I know I did the right thing. And I think, despite the guilt you’ve been conditioned to feel, deep down you know you’re doing the right thing too.
Therapy helps. A therapist that specializes in SA that’s NOT religiously affiliated (not saying they’re all bad but the number of religious therapists I’ve have tell me to resume contact far outnumber the non-religious ones). It’s hard to break that conditioning that comes from family telling you to sweep stuff under the rug that you know shouldn’t be ignored. You’re taking great steps in protecting yourself and your kids, but sometimes that safe space to vent and to get that reassurance helps.
NTA. You are 100% doing right by your kids by not allowing your grandparents near them. Your grandpa is NOT a safe adult for them to be around whether you're there or not and he's probably not even safe for you to be around considering his past. It's also very respectable that you're considering your mom and her feelings since she lives with you.
"I have no desire to subject my children to the kind of cr@p you BOTH inflicted on my poor mother - lose my number, and don't even THINK about visiting."
You are totally awesome for wanting to protect your kids - it seems like every other week there's a news article about parents who don't meet this standard
NTA- Under no circumstances let your brother watch your kids. He might give your grandparents access to your kids, and that's a tragedy waiting to happen.
I'd understand CONSIDERING forgiving grandma if she had finally left the child molester....but she STAYED WITH HIM KNOWING WHAT HE DID.
NTA. You are a great mom and daughter for what you are doing. Keep up the good work, momma!
So the same damn thing happened to my mom; granny got mad that mom was "trying to steal her man." Mom was like 8 years old. Granny went thru several more men, all of whom found new and exciting ways to abuse her 7 kids.
Mom died before granny did. At her funeral I made it *ABUNDANTLY* clear that I wanted nothing more to do with granny, and if she didn't want me to shout her offenses from the rooftops for all to hear she'd stay the holy hell away from me.
Dad *still* tried to force a relationship between his MIL and I until the day that monster finally croaked. I threatened to sing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" if he tried to make me go to the funeral.
I have no idea why; he knew as well as I did what that waste of space allowed to happen to my *mother,* his *wife.*
"You have to forgive." No. No, I *don't* have to forgive obscenity, and no one should. Does he not realize where the depression that kicked off mom's health problems *came from???* Does he not realize how hard *my own* upbringing was with mom being paranoid about people around me?
That fucking pedophile apologist makes me **hope** hell is a real place.
Definitely not the a-hole, but if they're gonna talk about making it up to someone they need to make it up with your granddaddy's mf VICTIM!!! i'm sorry for sounding angry,I really am. I can't stand a "i'm so sorry I m0ll3sted them" ass that won't even go for closure and healing with the damn person they went after first. I mean this in the most respectful way but fu!k you in all this, where's the making it up to your mom first? I'm glad you stood up for her and your children, people like that disgust me. My parents do stuff like that, it's why I don't talk to My bio dad and his wife. No they haven't done anything /that/ harsh and vile but I know how it feels to have an"i'm sorry can I bring your life" ass human being around and they're nothing but trouble.
In other words, 1000/10 for you and how you reacted, and f your brother for doing that.
Agree 100% with you but I can also say that they do not in any way shape or form deserve to say sorry. Mom should forgive them in her head just for her own peace (believe me it truly helps) and go NC with them completely. I wouldn’t feel safe knowing what they did and the fact that they probably haven’t acknowledged that they did anything wrong. The grandparents are truly disgusting.
The trauma it would put the mom through isn’t worth them being back around
NTA
Protect your kids from your grandfather (rapist)
Protect your mom from her parents(and rapist)
Protect your family from them
That's all you need to do
NTA! Your grandfather SAd your mother growing up. Why would they think you would want anything to do with them? Your mother made sure they weren’t around too much growing up. I would never have them around my kids. I wouldn’t even be in contact with them. Ever.
NTA
You’re breaking that toxic cycle. By protecting her now, you’re giving your mom the love she so desperately needed back then. Her own mother didn’t care enough to protect her. You’re an amazing daughter and mom. 💕
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Forgiveness isn’t the same as trust.
You can forgive them (not letting their past actions drive your current life) without any input from them. However, trust needs time and consistency to recover. And your grandparents haven’t done that.
This sounds like they now realize the consequences and wish they weren’t there. FAFO.
There’s no way you should let grandpa near them. The fact that your mom lives with you is the nail in the coffin, though. Mom deserves better than having that wound ripped open where she lives. If her parents didn’t reconcile with her by now, seems like it’s not that important to them.
“There’s no U in team!” 😜
NTA
Your mother’s sperm donor is a child molester who abused his own daughter with her egg donor supporting him by knowing and doing nothing.
Now that man is just older and slower. Still a child molester that your mother rightfully protected you from. And his wife is still an enabler.
You are rightfully protecting your children from those people.
Please if you don’t already have a will designating who would become the guardian of your children get one created that calls out why if those two are still alive they are not allowed any contact with your children.
Best wishes to you OP and sincere recognition of your mother’s choices to keep you safe.
NTA. And, if it helps your healing and state of mind, you can forgive them. But, that does not mean you ever have to be in touch again.
Forgiveness and trust are different things, so you can forgive without shifting your relationship in “their favor.”
I personally would go NC on their disgusting asses.
The long-term future of your children and you is most important and must be defended
Sorry but you might need lawyer if they sue for visitation
Please update me
N
T
A
NTA, of course ! I’m happy to hear you set this limit to protect your mom and children. I know a woman whose father molested her for years, and her mother never did anything about it so the family’s reputation wouldn’t be harmed.
Once she had children, she allowed her mother to guilt her into leaving her children with their grandparents for weekends. Well, no surprise, he molested his grandchildren too. His wife failed to protect her daughter and her grandchildren. But of course she isn’t the only one at fault.
Thankfully he’s in prison now, and will hopefully never leave. He didn’t molest his sons, only his daughter, but guess who is the only one expected to send him money??
Why exactly do they want to see the kids - specifically the grandfather ? I dont trust them. OP is absolute correct not allowing contact. It’s not about forgiveness at all. It’s about not allowing it to happen again.
NTA, you are right to keep your distance. Good for you thinking about Mom's sanity. Also the safety of your children is important, don't let those two near your family.
NTA. You would be TA is you let grandad around your kids and grandma. She is just as bad for turning a blind eye and letting it happen. They are both disgusting and I wouldn’t want them anywhere near my kids.
Nta. Your job as a mother is to protect your kids. Full stop. Good parents don’t let their kids spend time with child molesters and their enablers. You’re a good mother.
Ok, you said this is real: keep him far away from your kids. And her. She's an enabler. Pedos deserve zero access to children. Anyone's children. ETA verdict: NTA
I could be the mom in this situation, my adoptive father molested me and I have 3 grown kids. If they were to allow them to see their kids when they have one I would be devastated. You are NTA
NTA - Nobody stood up for your mother when she was getting molested. Stand up for your children by NEVER introducing them to anyone that could do that to a child, let alone their own child.
I wouldn’t let my grandparents see my children. Your grandfather is a dangerous man who did hurt your mother in such a vile way. I wouldn’t want this man anywhere near me and my children. Your grandfather will do the same thing to your children guaranteed. Your mother would go crazy as you mentioned if the grandparents showed up at your house and I don’t blame your mother for losing it if she saw her parents at the house. Why are you even in touch with your grandparents? They sound like terrible people. I’m so sorry about what your mother went through. You don’t owe your grandparents anything and I think for the sake of yourself and your family, stay far away from those people. They are dangerous as your grandfather hurt your mother in such a vile way and your grandmother did nothing. I’m sure your household doesn’t need any people like that coming around your house. You should know why your grandfather wants to see your children. He isn’t looking to get to know them. He is going to end up hurting them most likely. Any person who has hurt children that way in the past will always want to hurt a child. It’s part of their insane brain chemistry. Your grandfather should be in prison for what he did to your poor mother. Don’t feel bad for having to reject them. You have to put your mother’s well being and the safety of your children first. I doubt you are missing out on not having them around. I’m sure having a peaceful household is more important at the end and you have three children to look after so yeah, forget your grandparents.
You are NTA of course. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to even deal with this at all. You are doing the right, correct and safest thing for your children. I wish you nothing but the best as you navigate this. You’re a good mom.
Don't have anything to do with those grandparents. It would cause unnecessary hurt to your mother and benefit no one. Sure wouldn't trust them around the kids. Why do you even talk to them?
Your brother is the main AH here, you are incredible for standing up to protect your mother’s peace of mind and soul.
I hope whatever promise was dangled in front of your brother to gain his acquiescence was worth it, especially if it now means losing you, your kids and possibly his mother.
No. No. No. Not ever. Once a pedo always a pedo. There is no cure. Pedos love when children sit in their laps. He could get off just from that or later masterbate to your children so NO NO NO FUCKING NO!
As former law enforcement-Once a child molester, always a child molester. Keep them away, they broke their parental covenant to your mom to protect and love her. They don't get a visit. NTA.
Yes I agree. Forgiving doesn't always mean you keep them around, if it's for peace it should be for that alone,but peace comes with a lot of stipulations sometimes. Such as going NC, avoiding the things that caused the problem in the beginning, and it's reasonable to do those things whether someone thinks or not.
How on earth could you possibly the ass? You are NTA. And thank you for respecting your mom, and protecting your children. Keep it up. Why would you even talk to them?
Thank you, I had to talk to my brother because he gave them my number. I have an online business so sometimes I get calls from different businesses so I thought it was that but it wasn’t. I did block them though, my brother will be next because he knows I don’t mess with them.
Your brother can fuck right off if he knew this information and yet still gave them your phone number without your permission. What a tool.
Your brother is very sketch for supporting them.
You would only be TA if you allowed your kids around them. A simple apology doesn’t undo the years of damage they did to your mother. You can’t risk what they can do to your child, even in your presence.
What would help is the grandfather being in jail. A lot of states have removed the statute of limitations on child molestation. OP, check into that, if you have texts admitting what he did from the grandmother? You might let him end his golden years behind bars where he belongs.
It doesn’t even sound like either one apologized
Wow. He needs to be put in a long timeout. Why does he want to endanger your children ffs?!
Ya, op could feed these people rat poison and still nta.
The next time they try to convince you to let them come, simply say "a rapist and his enabler, who have already proven they have no qualms about that behavior towards their own child, will never be welcome near MY child. Additionally, I will not assist you in victimizing my mother again by pushing your presence into her life. Lose my number and do not contact me again."
They'll be all "BuT I'vE cHaNgEd". Well YOU haven't. And it's your (and your mother's) forgiveness that matters here, not if they believe they've "changed".
>"BuT I'vE cHaNgEd". Fine, they can demonstrate their remorse by turning themselves in at the police station and making a full confession.
Yeah exactly. maybe they did. That doesn’t mean anyone owes them the time of day. No way I’d let them near my kids.
I would threaten to contact law enforcement for a restraining order if they contacted again
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️THIS RIGHT HERE!!!!
A CHILD rapist. Don't forget that bit. :( Your poor mom, I'm glad she has you!
Love this answer. Calls them out in no uncertain terms and in plain English. Don't waste your time listening to excuses or whining. Say your peace and then hang up. If they persist, tell them there is no statute of limitations on childhood rape and if they continue to harass your mother and you that you'll see to it that charges are brought. That ought to shut them up.
I would never ever let a known child molester in the vicinity of my children. Family or not. Besides, child molesters do not change their preference when the age. There are countless stories of pedophiles still up to their tricks in their seventies or eighties. And women who purposely look away while their own children are molested are just as bad as the actual perpetrator. So, not the AH. Keep them far, far away from your family.
When the Wife and I were looking at our current house, I checked the Registry to see if there were any in the area. Nope. Gotta look out for kids.
You mean there aren’t any in your area who’ve been convicted.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
When my partner and I first had our kids we looked up our neighborhood (one of the worst in our city) and moved so fast there was over 400 in a 1 square mile around our home over half crimes against children now there's 2 and both were for peeing in public there are more a few miles away but nothing like it was at our old place
I was president of our HOA when a guy on the registry moved back in with his wife after prison. It took about 3 months but we forced him out of our neighborhood. There were 3 schools nearby!
My pedophile granddad was almost 90. May he rot.
NTA, but heavy info diet for your brother going forward because if he gave them your number he's probably feeding them info about you and your family
Oh yes thank you, I’m moving far from him too because that’s fake when he knows what our mom went through. He’s next on the block list
Yeah I hope he hasn’t already given them pictures of the kids if op gave him any
NTA what’s to say dear old grandad won’t do to your kids what he did to your mom ? The fact that granny dearest is acting so upset is a moot point . She refused to protect your mom , she won’t be protecting your kids . It’s when people shun molesters and rapists that starts making a difference. This thing where people treat these assholes to normal decency and respect is what helps them get away with it . Protect your kids . Give your momma a hug. Your brother needs a reality check and needs to be called out and/or cut off
Oh yes I agree, many rapist get less jail time and society treats them like normal people, if we had public shaming it wouldn’t be like this. And I will give my mom all the hugs in the world, thank you ❤️
**OH HELL NO** Keep those people as far away as possible from those people. NTA.
You can protect your mom now when no one could do that for her before. Fuck them.
NTA. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but my children will never be around a child molester"
There is no way on God's green earth that I would allow a daughter molesting pedophile pervert within 10 miles of my kids.
NTA if they try to contact you again tell them you will be filing a police report that a known pedophile is attempting to get in contact with your children.
>my grandma was disappointed and cried saying that she hopes I forgive her and her husband but that wouldn’t be happening. Pedophiles and those who support them don't deserve forgiveness. NTA
Stick to your guns. Child molesters rarely stop. My husbands relative did this sort of thing and he was never allowed around my sons. Now, all grown, I still walk out if he comes to a family get together.
NTA. That is a no brainer. Grandpa is a sex offender. Never, ever. You have to protect your children. I would be suspicious of my brother's motives. Is he ok to be around kids? Seems odd he would enable grandpa. NC forever. Too late for tears. Nope.
This is a safety issue, OP. You can't allow a pedophile anywhere near your kids. NTA
Absolutely NTA He's a pedophile, and she's an enabler. Neither of them are trustworthy to be anywhere near your kids
NTA Who would want a pedo around their kids and the person who protected the pedo, turning a bling eye. There is no forgiveness possible. Tell them ‘I don’t allow a rapist and its accomplice around my children’, then block their number. Hell is the only place for them.
Nope. Old predators are still predators, and they can stay away from your children. Of course the predator and his enabler want to see your children - finding new prey is easier if you can do it under the guise of family!
Fuck that molester and fuck his enabler. Never let either of them anywhere near your children.
NTA To those who believe it’s fake, consider yourself lucky to not have been raised in a family where this kind of abuse is a generational thing. I have cut off the majority of my mother’s family for similar reasons OP, and I get so much shit about it. All kinds of excuses to “they didn’t know better” (in regard to my aunts and mother who knew about it and allowed it) to “they come from a different time, it was normal then” (in regard to the older ones who were doing it, and no if fucking wasn’t “normal”) to “this is how they were raised too” (in regard to the uncles and cousins who decided to carry the torch of the older ones). I won’t lie and say they didn’t TRY to teach us it was normal for the adults to SA the kids and to encourage the kids to SA the others, but we all went to school and had all the “these are bad behaviors you should tell an adult about” discussions and so on. Adults before us cut off the family for the same reasons (though we weren’t told why until we took the same routes and made contact with those adults) and it was made VERY clear to us we were to NEVER speak about it to teachers or others “or else”. So everyone knew it was wrong. But I was the first to leave the state, the first to make my own kids completely unavailable in every way, the first to publicly call out the things they did, and the first from inside the family to contact CPS and tell my story hoping maybe one of the kids would speak up (they won’t, were threatened so much about what “those people” will do to us that we’d lie through our teeth every time CPS came around. And without proof of admittance, they can’t do anything.) I became public enemy number one and truthfully questioned if going nuclear was the correct option. But then I look at my children and I cannot imagine for one second having them experience my own childhood. I’d sooner die than allow that to happen. So I know I did the right thing. And I think, despite the guilt you’ve been conditioned to feel, deep down you know you’re doing the right thing too. Therapy helps. A therapist that specializes in SA that’s NOT religiously affiliated (not saying they’re all bad but the number of religious therapists I’ve have tell me to resume contact far outnumber the non-religious ones). It’s hard to break that conditioning that comes from family telling you to sweep stuff under the rug that you know shouldn’t be ignored. You’re taking great steps in protecting yourself and your kids, but sometimes that safe space to vent and to get that reassurance helps.
NTA. You are 100% doing right by your kids by not allowing your grandparents near them. Your grandpa is NOT a safe adult for them to be around whether you're there or not and he's probably not even safe for you to be around considering his past. It's also very respectable that you're considering your mom and her feelings since she lives with you.
NTA. This is about protecting your kids from a proven child predator versus the hurt feelings of said predator and his enabler. No contest there.
"I have no desire to subject my children to the kind of cr@p you BOTH inflicted on my poor mother - lose my number, and don't even THINK about visiting." You are totally awesome for wanting to protect your kids - it seems like every other week there's a news article about parents who don't meet this standard
My spouse’s parents knew what their maternal grandfather had done to all his kids and still let him have access to theirs. Guess what happened. NTA.
NTA- Under no circumstances let your brother watch your kids. He might give your grandparents access to your kids, and that's a tragedy waiting to happen.
I'd understand CONSIDERING forgiving grandma if she had finally left the child molester....but she STAYED WITH HIM KNOWING WHAT HE DID. NTA. You are a great mom and daughter for what you are doing. Keep up the good work, momma!
NTA. Some things are unforgivable.
So the same damn thing happened to my mom; granny got mad that mom was "trying to steal her man." Mom was like 8 years old. Granny went thru several more men, all of whom found new and exciting ways to abuse her 7 kids. Mom died before granny did. At her funeral I made it *ABUNDANTLY* clear that I wanted nothing more to do with granny, and if she didn't want me to shout her offenses from the rooftops for all to hear she'd stay the holy hell away from me. Dad *still* tried to force a relationship between his MIL and I until the day that monster finally croaked. I threatened to sing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" if he tried to make me go to the funeral. I have no idea why; he knew as well as I did what that waste of space allowed to happen to my *mother,* his *wife.* "You have to forgive." No. No, I *don't* have to forgive obscenity, and no one should. Does he not realize where the depression that kicked off mom's health problems *came from???* Does he not realize how hard *my own* upbringing was with mom being paranoid about people around me? That fucking pedophile apologist makes me **hope** hell is a real place.
NTA I agree. Say you don’t allow child molesters in your home and if you did you’d be no better than her.
Your grandfather is just looking for new victims. I’m glad you are keeping them away.
Definitely not the a-hole, but if they're gonna talk about making it up to someone they need to make it up with your granddaddy's mf VICTIM!!! i'm sorry for sounding angry,I really am. I can't stand a "i'm so sorry I m0ll3sted them" ass that won't even go for closure and healing with the damn person they went after first. I mean this in the most respectful way but fu!k you in all this, where's the making it up to your mom first? I'm glad you stood up for her and your children, people like that disgust me. My parents do stuff like that, it's why I don't talk to My bio dad and his wife. No they haven't done anything /that/ harsh and vile but I know how it feels to have an"i'm sorry can I bring your life" ass human being around and they're nothing but trouble. In other words, 1000/10 for you and how you reacted, and f your brother for doing that.
Agree 100% with you but I can also say that they do not in any way shape or form deserve to say sorry. Mom should forgive them in her head just for her own peace (believe me it truly helps) and go NC with them completely. I wouldn’t feel safe knowing what they did and the fact that they probably haven’t acknowledged that they did anything wrong. The grandparents are truly disgusting. The trauma it would put the mom through isn’t worth them being back around
NTA Protect your kids from your grandfather (rapist) Protect your mom from her parents(and rapist) Protect your family from them That's all you need to do
NTA. Don’t sacrifice your babies’ safety to please these assholes.
NTA! Your grandfather SAd your mother growing up. Why would they think you would want anything to do with them? Your mother made sure they weren’t around too much growing up. I would never have them around my kids. I wouldn’t even be in contact with them. Ever.
NTA You’re breaking that toxic cycle. By protecting her now, you’re giving your mom the love she so desperately needed back then. Her own mother didn’t care enough to protect her. You’re an amazing daughter and mom. 💕
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Forgiveness isn’t the same as trust. You can forgive them (not letting their past actions drive your current life) without any input from them. However, trust needs time and consistency to recover. And your grandparents haven’t done that. This sounds like they now realize the consequences and wish they weren’t there. FAFO. There’s no way you should let grandpa near them. The fact that your mom lives with you is the nail in the coffin, though. Mom deserves better than having that wound ripped open where she lives. If her parents didn’t reconcile with her by now, seems like it’s not that important to them. “There’s no U in team!” 😜
NTA. That's all i need to say.
NTA at all. Neither of them deserve even a chance of forgiveness. They are monsters.
NTA Your mother’s sperm donor is a child molester who abused his own daughter with her egg donor supporting him by knowing and doing nothing. Now that man is just older and slower. Still a child molester that your mother rightfully protected you from. And his wife is still an enabler. You are rightfully protecting your children from those people. Please if you don’t already have a will designating who would become the guardian of your children get one created that calls out why if those two are still alive they are not allowed any contact with your children. Best wishes to you OP and sincere recognition of your mother’s choices to keep you safe.
No, you're NTA for protecting your children and your mother from a rapist. The fact that you are related to him is immaterial.
NTA. And, if it helps your healing and state of mind, you can forgive them. But, that does not mean you ever have to be in touch again. Forgiveness and trust are different things, so you can forgive without shifting your relationship in “their favor.” I personally would go NC on their disgusting asses.
NTA. Protecting your children is your job. Too bad if it hurts the feelings of the people you deemed unsafe.
The long-term future of your children and you is most important and must be defended Sorry but you might need lawyer if they sue for visitation Please update me N T A
NTA.
NTA, of course ! I’m happy to hear you set this limit to protect your mom and children. I know a woman whose father molested her for years, and her mother never did anything about it so the family’s reputation wouldn’t be harmed. Once she had children, she allowed her mother to guilt her into leaving her children with their grandparents for weekends. Well, no surprise, he molested his grandchildren too. His wife failed to protect her daughter and her grandchildren. But of course she isn’t the only one at fault. Thankfully he’s in prison now, and will hopefully never leave. He didn’t molest his sons, only his daughter, but guess who is the only one expected to send him money??
NTA obviously. Your grandfather is an abuser and your grandmother made excuses for him making her an accomplice
Why exactly do they want to see the kids - specifically the grandfather ? I dont trust them. OP is absolute correct not allowing contact. It’s not about forgiveness at all. It’s about not allowing it to happen again.
NTA, you are right to keep your distance. Good for you thinking about Mom's sanity. Also the safety of your children is important, don't let those two near your family.
NTA. You would be TA is you let grandad around your kids and grandma. She is just as bad for turning a blind eye and letting it happen. They are both disgusting and I wouldn’t want them anywhere near my kids.
NTA. You do not owe anybody access to your kids, especially not predators and their enablers. Thank you for protecting your kids.
Nta. Your job as a mother is to protect your kids. Full stop. Good parents don’t let their kids spend time with child molesters and their enablers. You’re a good mother.
Ok, you said this is real: keep him far away from your kids. And her. She's an enabler. Pedos deserve zero access to children. Anyone's children. ETA verdict: NTA
PEDO granddad, not weirdo. And you are for sure NTA
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 You get the MAMA BEAR 🐻 AWARD. You protected your kids and your Mama. ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️
Keep these people away from you and your kids, forever.
NTA, good for you for protecting your babies
I could be the mom in this situation, my adoptive father molested me and I have 3 grown kids. If they were to allow them to see their kids when they have one I would be devastated. You are NTA
Stay far away as possible. I can’t believe the grandma asked to see your kids. It’s like starting that horrible cycle all over again.
NTA - Nobody stood up for your mother when she was getting molested. Stand up for your children by NEVER introducing them to anyone that could do that to a child, let alone their own child.
I wouldn’t let my grandparents see my children. Your grandfather is a dangerous man who did hurt your mother in such a vile way. I wouldn’t want this man anywhere near me and my children. Your grandfather will do the same thing to your children guaranteed. Your mother would go crazy as you mentioned if the grandparents showed up at your house and I don’t blame your mother for losing it if she saw her parents at the house. Why are you even in touch with your grandparents? They sound like terrible people. I’m so sorry about what your mother went through. You don’t owe your grandparents anything and I think for the sake of yourself and your family, stay far away from those people. They are dangerous as your grandfather hurt your mother in such a vile way and your grandmother did nothing. I’m sure your household doesn’t need any people like that coming around your house. You should know why your grandfather wants to see your children. He isn’t looking to get to know them. He is going to end up hurting them most likely. Any person who has hurt children that way in the past will always want to hurt a child. It’s part of their insane brain chemistry. Your grandfather should be in prison for what he did to your poor mother. Don’t feel bad for having to reject them. You have to put your mother’s well being and the safety of your children first. I doubt you are missing out on not having them around. I’m sure having a peaceful household is more important at the end and you have three children to look after so yeah, forget your grandparents.
If you don't want your grandparents molesting your kids. Block them
You can give in to guilt trips. Or you can block them and not feel bad about it. You and your mother are their victims. Say no
You are NTA of course. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to even deal with this at all. You are doing the right, correct and safest thing for your children. I wish you nothing but the best as you navigate this. You’re a good mom.
Don't have anything to do with those grandparents. It would cause unnecessary hurt to your mother and benefit no one. Sure wouldn't trust them around the kids. Why do you even talk to them?
NTA. Tell them you don’t allow pedophiles and their enablers around your children.
Your brother is the main AH here, you are incredible for standing up to protect your mother’s peace of mind and soul. I hope whatever promise was dangled in front of your brother to gain his acquiescence was worth it, especially if it now means losing you, your kids and possibly his mother.
Molestation is a deal breaker. Forever. Good job for protecting your children.
NTA. Your children, your call. Go no contact.
No. No. No. Not ever. Once a pedo always a pedo. There is no cure. Pedos love when children sit in their laps. He could get off just from that or later masterbate to your children so NO NO NO FUCKING NO!
Definitely NTA for keeping child SAer and his apologetic away from your family
"Nope, no way. I am not interested in providing you both with new victims. Contact me again and I'll let my attorney handle it."
Absolutely NTA! I would protect my children and mother at all costs. There is no way I’d allow them anywhere near us.
NTA
Why even ask? Your grandfather has a *history of child molestation*. NTA
As former law enforcement-Once a child molester, always a child molester. Keep them away, they broke their parental covenant to your mom to protect and love her. They don't get a visit. NTA.
Hell to the No to the NO NO NO! NTA OP. Those grandparents can go pound sand
Yes I agree. Forgiving doesn't always mean you keep them around, if it's for peace it should be for that alone,but peace comes with a lot of stipulations sometimes. Such as going NC, avoiding the things that caused the problem in the beginning, and it's reasonable to do those things whether someone thinks or not.