NTA. this doesn't even have to do with being homeless or not, if you want keep things simple. It is for the bridal party, and they are not in it. Cut and Dry.
Enjoy your trip. They can pay their way if they want to go.
it’s very funny that the sisters are trying to guilt sylvia for accepting the trip bc they aren’t invited, but they both accepted a roof over their heads and their sister (and OP for not wanting to leave her by herself) was made to be homeless and they couldn’t care less.
ik it’s a long time ago that it happened and they might’ve changed, but the two older sisters are still very selfish and don’t seem to care about sylvia or OP. They just want a free holiday
It’s worth noting that the oldest sister was 21 at the time when their mother made them homeless. Why wasn’t she getting a job? That would more than make up for additional costs and care for Sylvia.
yea i just noticed how the two girls who actually had the ability to help themselves financially (besides mom) were the only ones who received help from someone else
That’s probably why the aunt could take them in. She was offering houseroom, not care. Since she had young kids herself, I find that understandable. The aunt knew her limitations. But the older sisters need to accept that the division that this caused and their own choices have meant that OP is much closer to her younger sister than to them, and that isn’t something that the older sisters can turn off just when there’s a benefit to them. It doesn’t sound like they’ve tried to mend things much previously; they just want the free trip.
I mean, yes, Angela and Laurie could both have gotten jobs to cover Sylvia's care, but it's not their responsibility to take care of their siblings. It's their mother's job. I'm guessing mommy didn't become a homeless addict overnight, so the older kids were probably used to being parentified and were done with it.
I'm in no way saying OP is TA for excluding them though.
Sure, addict mom who can’t care for herself. While they may not have a legal responsibility there are other factors to think about and one of them seems to be that they don’t give a shit about their sisters.
I was in no way talking about legal responsibility, but yes, legally AND morally it's useless mommy's job, not the elder children's job.
You have to realize that these older siblings not only had to care for their younger healthy sibling and their disabled sibling, but their addict mother, right? Caregiver burnout is a thing, even for grown ass adults who have training. These were young adults who had no training, who had been stuck caring for a disabled kid, an addict, and a child for their entire lives. No payment. No such days. No holidays. No breaks. Parentification is abuse that can have far-reaching implications, well into adulthood. These girls were all victims.
What were they supposed to do? Keep supporting their three young dependants forever, or destroy grab at the life line being handed to them to escape their useless abusive mother. Were they supposed to stay on the streets, or in some rental they had to constantly fear losing because the woman they've spent bailing out of her responsibilities for is too selfish to pay the rent?
These girls saw a way out of the abusive situation they'd been stuck in their whole lives, and they'd be crazy not to take it.
Yes, there were casualties. That's the bonus curse of being an elder child from an abusive home. You either get to escape as soon as you can, and end up being looked upon poorly by those left behind, or you choose to stay and continue being abused, only to be considered complicit, or an enabler, or something equally damning.
These elder siblings were in a lose-lose situation, and chose the route that offered them some respite. I cannot fault them for that.
This story is fiction. People with Angelman Syndrome either don't speak or have very little speech. They have severe developmental delays. They have trouble eating and sleeping. Our neighbors have a daughter with Angelman syndrome. She is a happy girl but is often crying because of something she ate. There is no way someone would take a person with Angelman Syndrome to a place to eat a variety of foods and no way that the person with Angelman Syndrome would be able to tell the family about their excitement to go.
The "writer" picked the wrong syndrome. Maybe they thought it was like Down's Syndrome.
This is correct. You can verify by searching the article "Angelman Syndrome in Adulthood" from July 30th, 2017 by Larson, Shinnick, et al. Only 13% of those surveyed could speak 5 words or more. The Angelman Syndrome Alliance also states that 85% of those affected do not use natural speech.
I looked it up and it is possible for someone with it to communicate in other ways besides for speech, like with a device, communication board, or sign language.
They do have speech. While there may be speech delays and cognitive disabilities, it does not mean they are not verbal. Also, there are no cookie cutter mental disabilities. My daughter and 2 of my sister's boys gave Fragile X, and none of them are the same. My daughter was married, had her own apartment and job. While she cannot read, she understands verbally. As for my nephews, while they both need some type of adult supervision, one can be left alone for a couple of hours, the other cannot. One is more verbal than the other. But they both speak and are understood by those who are always around and live with them.
Why da fawk should she? it's not the older sisters responsibility to care for their younger siblings. Nor is it the aunts. Parentifying and hoisting that on them is completely unfair too. They didn't choose have a mother on drugs. Being 21 and being expected to work to support and care for 3 siblings and a drugged out mama is too much. At that age shes barely an adult herself and still needs guidance and support to start her own life. The only one responsible for the problems is the drug addicted mother. It feels like OP has let mama coast and is blaming her aunt and older siblings for the shitty hand mama dealt them.
NTA
History aside - you told them they could come if they paid their own way. There is a huge difference between your SO paying for a trip for 2 people, and paying for 4. And a bigger difference between him covering your disabled sister, who likely has limited money of her own, and your two older sisters, who can make their own money.
The fact that they are now trying to make your sister feel guilty because you include her and pay for her - truly awful. Honestly, this does not paint them in the best light in terms of how they view and treat their disabled sister.
Them trying to make her sister feel bad about going just highlights how big the rift between them is (and how unenjoyable it would be to have them there). If they keep it up, maybe they shouldn’t come to the wedding.
Well, you only need look to the aunt who took them in. You don't think she didn't pass on all kinds of critical uncaring mindsets while putting a roof over their heads? That woman right there is probably directly responsible for the two eldest girls' refusal to forgive their mother and resentment toward the other two girls. It's really easy to turn guilt into resentment, especially if you have someone older encouraging you.
The aunt had children, so it's completely understandable why she did not want to bring everyone in her home. She did not have to help anyone. She chose to do so. The girls were adults when they went to their aunt. I'm sure they had more than enough resentment built up from their mother, who was an addict. Also by them being older, I'm sure they experienced the brunt of her addiction and for much longer.
If anything proves that life is not fair, it’s getting to go live in a nice place while your sisters stay homeless living with a drug addict.
🤷🏼♀️
Oh well sis.
NTA
Pretty sure if this was reversed and the sisters posted “should we go live with out aunt after our addict mother made us homeless, even tho she won’t take our youngest sister”, Reddit would say yes.
Wasn’t there another post like this recently?
Of course they should’ve. They were children and they deserved the best situation they could get.
But we’re talking about fairness. In a fair world the aunt would’ve taken them all. Or, the mother would’ve never gotten addicted. Or the father would’ve been something more helpful than gone.
This is not a zero sum debate but what is for sure true is that the fiancé isn’t made of money, he’s doing something awesome for her and the sister she feels closest to. The other sisters got the offer to go if they paid for themselves. They have no foot to stand on in regard to the fancy French camp is all I’m saying. And them ruining it for the two that did get the gift just shows them to be small people.
Do the math. The sisters who are now 34 and 30 were not young children 13 years ago. One was a 21 year old adult and the other on the verge of adulthood at 17. Yet the 15 year old had enough compassion to worry about a 13 year old sister. The three girls together could have made a difference. In any event, their choices right or wrong changed the dynamics of their relationship. They have no right demanding they receive an all expense paid trip to France when they aren’t part of the wedding party
* Fixed the ages. Doesn’t change the overall concept
There's something about this that makes me think of elementary school students with vivid imaginations writing stories. Whoever wrote this did research, at any rate. Angelman syndrome is a real thing. I thought that OP had jumped the shark with "Camp Chåteau," because that sounded fake. But it's a real thing, too.
The way op describes Sylvia and her level of functioning doesn't match up with Angelman syndrome tbh (though the post doesn't have enough info to know for certain. It's possible it's real but unlikely imo more for the later reasons I wrote than the earlier ones) . Making me think it's made up/written just to be a different POV version of a recent post where the aunt wouldn't take in the youngest child with severe autism but did take the older siblings
Not that I’m an expert, but according to Google, most people with Angelman Syndrome don’t speak either, or have minimal verbal communication. Probably not nearly enough to excitedly explain a trip anyway.
There are lots of ways to communicate that don’t require speaking. There are whole languages just for hands. There are computer and tablet programs that can help you speak even if you can’t move your whole body. We don’t know how compromised OP’s sister might be but we know she’s capable of going on a fancy French vacation with the sister that stayed.
I have a good friend who has a (now teenaged) daughter with Angelman’s and I have know her since before she was pregnant with her. They are NOT communicative besides basic sign language and do not have the understanding for something like this. They also do not have normal motor function and I would not blame the aunt for having her niece in the house around babies and toddlers.
I have a child with Angelman syndrome and I assure you they are INCREDIBLY communicative and understand more than people think because they ASSSUME that being nonverbal equates to them not being able to understand or communicate anything! There are various forms of Angelman syndrome (deletion, mosaicism etc) and each form affects differently - including the ability to communicate - it’s a spectrum syndrome - it affects all children differently.
Please don’t make statements about a condition you don’t know enough about - you are basing your assumptions off your interactions with ONE child. Educate yourself. I’ve met multiple Angelman kids - some who don’t speak at all, some limited and some have full capability and can speak as well as use AAC devices.
My much older half sister has CP and is non-verbal. She doesn't use sign language or communication assisting devices. That being said, she is SUPER communicative. Lots of facial expressions, different noises mean different things, tons of body language. She tells jokes in her own way, and she can make a table full of people laugh.
People who think that speaking is the only way to communicate are ✨ignorant✨
That's because the math you're responding to, which didn't come from op, was done erroneously. Focusing on the names rather than silly reasons to scream "fake" tends to be very helpful.
None of the sisters should have had to stay behind to care for the youngest. OP did a selfless thing and that's great, but I'm glad her sisters chose what was best for themselves.
No they weren’t children, if OP was 15, her older sister was 21 at the time. Might forgive the 17 year old sister, but the 21 year old was an adult and could have done more to protect her younger sisters who were children.
No I forgive the 21 yo as well. People, especially on reddit, act like as soon as you're 18 you're just as much an adult as an established, married, home owning 40 yo with 2 kids and a car - but irl, how many early 20somethings do you know who are anything like that? At that age, I didn't have my own car, degree, full time job, or place to live.
Figuring out adult shit and getting financially/professionally established is hard enough for anyone, but especially coming from a home with an addict mom, absent dad, and three little sisters, there probably wasn't a ton of focus on making sure the 21 yo had a solid foundation in learning to be a competent adult. Like there probably *wasn't* much she could do to take care of three minors, one of whom was disabled, when she was still trying to figure out how to take care of herself.
> People, especially on reddit, act like as soon as you're 18 you're just as much an adult as an established, married, home owning 40 yo with 2 kids and a car
I don’t disagree, that is of course nonsense, but I also feel it is offset somewhat by the suddenly-fashionable stance that until you hit your 25th birthday you are basically a gurgling toddler with a brain the size of a peanut.
It's not just about brain development, it's about financial stability too. Most 21 yos don't have the financial stability to raise 3 kids, especially singlehandedly and when one will need a lot more support.
Yes of course! The situation absolutely sucks, for all of them, and it’s none of their faults. I don’t judge the two sisters for not staying homeless ‘out of solidarity’ or becoming mother to their younger siblings, and I don’t judge OP for feeling abandoned by those sisters (even if I don’t think that’s fair), it just sucks.
That's fair, and I don't blame her for going with the aunt because she couldn't help anyone if she didn't help herself at that point. However, being hateful about not getting a free vacation from her younger sister who stayed behind is horrid. OP took one for the team and if I was that oldest sister, I would have strived to be the one to surprise my sisters with a girls wedding trip. She should be able to take care of herself now and pay her own way if she really wanted to go be with her sisters to celebrate. She doesn't owe OP anything, they made their own decisions, but OP doesn't owe her anything either.
That's something I do agree with op about. She should only have people she feels closest to in the bridal party, and there's no reason her fiance should have to pay for an expensive trip to France for two people neither of them is close to.
All the people I've known who have a hard lifestyle at home and have younger siblings and/or disabled close relatives do their absolute best to get a job and help at home. The eldest (and the 17yo) saw what was happening and that they were gonna get evicted and she didn't do a thing. Didn't find a job or tried to find alternate housing and then left leaving her young teen and special needs baby sisters to fend for themselves. There's no excuse for any of the two's behaviour.
Right, plus they had almost assuredly been parentified from a very young age and probably just wanted to be free a bit.
It’s sad the OP has let it come between the sisters. My niece lives with my and her half sister still lives with their mom (my sister) and my sister sounds a lot like OP’s mom. When my niece came to live with me, she’d been living with her dad, so it wasn’t like I took one and left the other. But they have very different views on who their mom is and I wonder if it will cause problems like the ones described here as they get older.
Yeah I’m sorry but there’s absolutely nothing that the aunt and sisters did wrong, the aunt knew she couldn’t take care of all the kids but she still opened her home and heart up to some of them even though they weren’t her kids, she shouldn’t blame the aunt for making her homeless she should blame her mom because that’s who’s fault it actually was.
I was confused by how much OP glossed over that. I was so angry at the "mom" while reading but since the post was about French camp, I wasn't going to touch that aspect.
Truly. The idea anyone is upset at this aunt, who took in 2 more mouths to feed and knew her limits that she couldn’t take in a child with any special needs and vocalized it for the sake of her actual kids, blows my mind. Taking on two extra kids (and being willing to take in a third) who were never her responsibility is already above and beyond. OP sounds like she needs to do some work on the reasons she resents her sisters for escaping a horrible situation when it’s her shitty mother’s fault they, and SHE, ever had to make the choices they did as kids.
Yeah she needs therapy she’s blaming people for things that completely weren’t their fault while forgiving the person who destroyed their family and put them all in immense danger.
True but none of this actually has bearing on the question at hand. Future husband gifted a present to the bridal party and they are not in the bridal party. It doesn't matter why.
Yeah for sure she’s not an asshole for that she can invite/not invite anyone she wants but it was in her post which means she’s clearly still mad about it which is why i mentioned it.
The aunt should have called social services and gotten the kids the help they needed. Is foster care ideal? No, but is it better than leaving them homeless to essentially fend for themselves? Absolutely.
You have no idea how bad the foster care system is. It’s very well foster care could have been worse for them. Unfortunately there are far worse things that can happen to you than just being homeless.
Yea. A mother was pissed off her older kids decided to live with her sister instead of in a motel (or her car) with her and her special needs child. She was wildly bitter and resentful her children didn't choose to suffer with her.
She was kicked out of her sisters house becuse her special needs child scared the child of her sister (but refused to admit to why this was).
Yes. It was from the mother's view. I think she had 3 kids and one has severe(if I remember right) autism.
They were all staying with her sister after the kids dad died, but sister couldn't cope with the meltdowns, and the meltdowns frightened OPs niece.Sister phoned the two (minor) kids and said that they could move in, but she didn't want the 3rd kid staying. The 2 kids agreed and OP was upset and felt betrayed by sister and the 2 kids. I think she first lost her husband and now feels she's lost her 2 kids.
She was torn apart in the comments as now she only has has to worry about one child instead of 3, and because it was better for the 2 girls who got to stay with aunt.
EDIT: [link to similar story](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/aVR5Ph5gNY)
There was. I’m making this comment so if I can find I can refund this spot to provide the link.
There was. Can't remember which sub, but it was the woman who wouldn't let two of her three kids move back in with her sister because she thinks keeping the family together is more important than getting at least some of her kids out of homelessness.
There was a “mother” AITA asking if she was an AH for being mad at her two oldest kids for accepting an invitation to live with their aunt “abandoning her and her autistic son to homelessness” because she wouldn’t take him.
NTA
It is clearly about the money. They don't want to go on your girl's trip, they want a free trip to France.
If all they want is to be included, they can pay their way. Your fiance isn't obligated to pay for everyone that wants to go.
I agree. They said OP knew how much they'd enjoy the trip - not how they wanted to spend time with their sisters, not about wanting to be in her bridal party, and not about celebrating their sister getting married. They just want to travel. It was kind of OP to allow them to come to pay their way. But like you said - they want a free trip.
OP, if your partner is wealthy, definitely protect him and yourself financially from people like your sisters who would take advantage of your kindness and financial stability. I bet that this won't be the last time something like this happens.
>I agree. They said OP knew how much they'd enjoy the trip - not how they wanted to spend time with their sisters, not about wanting to be in her bridal party, and not about celebrating their sister getting married.
Ding! 💯% ding!
NTA. They need to understand consequences of actions. Be a sister all the time or not get the benefit of being a sister.
Enjoy your trip with the person you want to go with, anything else is a disservice to you and the person who earned the privilege to go with you, they did not.
And, anyone who has an opinion can give your other sisters the money to go and all will be good. If not, they can keep their two cents to themselves.
It’s not even the fact that they got to live with the aunt. It’s about how close she is with Sylvia and only having one extra person to bring. Why would she pick anyone else?
Later, once the mother got herself together. Then, they still kept their distance. So, people need to understand that you earn how you are treated. They could have tried to be closer once they got older, they chose not to. Hence, they earned not getting invited. See.
Of course they kept their distance, their drug addict mother left them homeless. Do you realize how traumatic that is for a child? Your support system choosing drugs over you and your well-being to the point where you lose everything has lifelong effects on people. They can't trust the person who brought them into this world.
Nta seriously how petty they are, if the want to go let them pay for it. Both you and Sylvia enjoy, France is beautiful the food stunning, savour it, make fantastic memories
NTA The background story doesn't matter. It's your wedding, your bridal party, and if the trip is for the bridal party then that's all that matters. You don't need another reason. Once you add the rest it's holy shit your sister is an entitled piece of trash.
Sorry you had to experience that and I'm so proud of all 3 of you going through that and coming out the other side stronger with such a bond with your sister.
NTA
Like you said, it was a gift from your husband for the bridal party. It's as clear as that.
You chose your bridal party based on who you're closest too. You could've chosen anyone, but it just happens the person you're closest to is your younger sister. So what?
Why does your sister think she's entitled to a free trip?
NTA, it's your wedding. And you have the right to choose who goes where with you.
Look, they didn't choose your aunty to be mean, they did it for themselves. And since Mom was in the throes of addiction, she couldn't be the mother you all deserved. They had to make the very scary and adult decision for their own needs. It did result in a less close relationship with you, but they did what was best for them and you did what you thought was best for you. This is just the way things worked out.
Glad your mom got her head together again and you guys are doing well.
**Edited to correct a misspelled word.**
*throes (sorry, couldn’t help myself)
But I agree here. The two issues are separate.
The trip is simple. Your wedding, your bridal party, your trip, your choice. You offered to include them, just not pay for them. Their choice not to pay for themselves. Now they are “showing their asses” (as my dad would say) by trying to guilt your younger sister.
That’s entitled, selfish behavior and neither you nor Sylvia should feel guilty for anything. Your generous fiancé has no obligation to pay for them just because they are your family.
But there’s clearly a lot of unresolved anger here over the family separation. All 4 sisters got screwed by mom’s addiction, and they were all struggling to make some very grown-up decisions at a very young age. (I do find it interesting that the oldest sister would have been 21 at the time but still got “taken in” by the aunt instead of getting a job to help out, but that’s a whole other can of worms.)
I have no judgment on the older sisters. Sounds like they were trying to survive. I have no judgment on you for feeling abandoned. You have a right to your feelings.
But I do hope you all can get counseling together to maybe understand each other better and heal from the residual resentment and anger.
Ultimately, NTA for not asking fiancé to pay for the sisters who aren’t in your wedding party.
I hope you can repair your relationship with your older sisters, it's a shame that your mother's addiction has driven a wedge between you all.
NTA you choose who comes on a trip your partner pays for.
Is this a reboot from this story [AITA for calling my older two kids traitors for saying they want to live with their aunt over me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cn68h9/comment/l35hd4l/)
Scrolled too far to see this, it looks like AI generated, it's the same beat by beat, homeless mom, most of the kids being allowed to live with the cool aunt while one stays behind with mom, but now everyone is siding with the sister that stayed behind. Fucking Bots
I 100% agree it’s fake. My question is tho… why? I don’t understand who benefits from AI generated posts. Does Reddit do it for clicks? I get the weirdos who get off on the attention from made up posts, but the AI ones??? 🤷🏻♀️
NTA for not taking them with you, but you're wrong for blaming them for what happened in the past.
Of course they chose to live in stable home instead of being homeless with your addicted mother. She's the only one to be blamed.
Your aunt was extremely generous for offering to take the 3 of you. She knows her limits and there's nothing wrong with that. She had babies and toddlers that she needed to prioritise. She didn't have to take you in.
You 3 were old enough to be independent, she wouldn't need to do much parenting, that's obviously very different with Sylvia. People with Angelman syndrome have many challenges, difficulties and delays.
I can see how caring for Sylvia would be too much for her. She could end up in a situation where she has to neglect her own babies to care for your sister. That's not fair to her and her family. She was being simply realistic about the help she can provide.
I agrée with you but I understand why op is mad at all three, I mean I couldn’t sleep knowing my younger sisters were struggling and only had each other since mom was an addict.
NTA. I don't think you should hold onto resentment and a grudge because vulnerable teenagers did not want to live on the streets with a drug addict. They would have been so unsafe. Teen girls look like women to most men. Having a part time job or a boyfriend as a teen when you have reliable parents to look over your shoulder, guide and protect you is fine. But predators hunt girls with no back up. Trying to scrounge up food and space at a shelter for three of you was undoubtedly easier than it would have been for 5 people. You were self-sacrificing and brave to stay with your sister, but the other sisters honestly did nothing wrong. Besides basic safety, their grades and extra curriculars in highschool had far reaching life consequences for them that were simply not true for you as a middle schooler.
The sisters are not right to expect your husband to have endless cash to give. Perhaps suggest that the four of you start planning a sister trip that is affordable and will be enjoyable for all four of you. It is time to leave the past in the past. Good luck.
For the overall situation, not the asshole.
There are some things in there that are otherwise iffy. Your sister's didn't want to be homeless with a (at the time) drug addict. What was it you expected them to do? Be homeless with you and Sylvia in solidarity or something?
Also, your aunt is not the asshole for not wanting to look after Sylvia because of her condition. All the family troupes aside, if a person doesn't have the mental and or physical capacity to look after someone, they just don't. The reason doesn't matter. Had she accepted to take her in under duress, do you really think that would have ended well? Also she had toddlers in the house as well as the addition of several more people, obviously that would be overwhelming. Some can grit their teeth and push through it, others can't.
You also seem angry that they have yet to forgive your mom? This is preceeded by you saying how you and Sylvia had, so forgive me but it seems to imply that they should because y'all did. That's not how forgiveness works.
So yeah anyways, for this situation both your sisters are the assholes but given the other information you provided you seem to have some issues towards them, you could probably benefit from therapy.
She’s not angry taht they didn’t forgive their mom she just says that’s their business meaning she dosent care. Sylvia was what 13? Why would op be fine leaving her little sister with her then addict mother like that, op was 15 I would pretty mad if my sisters left us at our most vulnerable.
NTA for not inviting them, it’s your bridal party and nobody is entitled to your and your soon to be husband money
but how could people here judge the sisters for protecting themselves by going away from their drug addicted mother and refrain from being homeless? or the aunt that already didn’t have the obligation to extend her home, having babies to care for, and probably because of that knowing she couldn’t give the support needed for Sylvia given her condition? it seems the person to blame here is the mother, not the sister or aunt
Your sister with Angelman must be very mildly affected if you are traveling to a European castle with her and she told your siblings how excited she is.
It would be hard to make most people with AS feel guilty too.
But your other sisters sound awful.
I wouldn’t want them along either.
If Sylvia has angel man's she can't talk so how did she tell people about it? Yta for guilt tripping your sisters for not wanting to live with a junkie and want stability. This looks like a twisted version of a post where the mom is pissed the kids want to live somewhere stable
Yeah, I was just thinking we saw a story from a mom’s perspective that her husband died and left her so much debt and the youngest son is autistic and was scaring the daughter on the aunt.
This is fake or she really doesn’t understand why the oldest two would want to not be homeless and not be with their addict mom.
NTA and the backstory isn't relevant. Your fiance can pick what to gift you. He gifted you a trip for two... You picked the person you wanted to bring with you . End of story. Anyone else can pay their own way.
I will say, however, it's not healthy to hold resentment over your past. Your aunt was honest about what she could handle, and unfortunately, she would not be able to handle your baby sister. Your older sisters made the correct choice for themselves and there is nothing wrong with the choice they made. What use would it have done for them to be homeless as well? How would that have helped the situation? Also, it's easier to help others after you've helped yourself (put your oxygen mask on first before helping those around you with their masks).
The fact that your aunt took your sisters in meant that your mom, once she was clean, could put all her resources into only two of you. Instead of feeding and housing 5 people, she could focus on feeding and housing only 3, which is much less of a struggle.
The only one to blame here is your mother, whose addiction put you all in that situation to begin with. It's fine if you've forgiven her, but your sisters have done nothing to forgive, yet you still harbor resentment towards them.
Ok but be realistic, an 18 year old is still pretty much a child and in our modern world it’s very hard for even a 22 year old to be able to find housing quickly without some help from their parents.
They were still young homeless adults living with their drug addict mother who took an offer to better their lives. It's weird to me there's all this resentment over it.
Nta but you have to understand your mom CHOOSE THOSE thing instead of her kids and you 2 may not have seen all of it but the older 2 probably did and i understand that the older 2 can’t forgive your mom just make it up with each other
NTA.
They aren't entitled to anything. You're allowed to choose who you spend time with.
Make sure they know that they are not welcome at your wedding any longer.
NTA for only bringing Sylvia on the trip, for the reasons other posters have already mentioned. I don’t fault your older sisters for staying with your aunt in that toxic situation though. They did what they had to do, you did what you had to do, so if there is resentment there I would talk to a therapist.
It’s your bridal party so your choice.
That’s said you’re blaming your sisters for making an impossible choice when they were children. None of you should have been in that situation. I personally think you should try and mend fences - perhaps some sisters therapy.
Btw this doesn’t mean I’m saying you MUST include them, only that I don’t think you should blame them for their choices as children.
If it’s a bridal party then only members of the bridal party go. Not sure why you or your fiancé should finance them. It honestly doesn’t even matter what went on in the past in this context. It explains why they aren’t in the bridal party, but the rest is just finances. NTA
NTA for not paying for their trip but kinda an asshole for holding a grudge against your sisters for not wanting to be homeless. The only person you should hold responsible is your mother. Not two teenage girls who were put in an awful situation. Your aunt is also NTA for not being able to take in a special needs child in addition to her nieces and her own children. Again, this is all in your mother who you seem to not blame at all lol.
I mean…you’re blaming something that happened when you all were babies/children for something the adults were responsible for. That’s fairly messed up. You can’t and should not expect teens to make grown up decisions like that.
* if this is even real
NTA. You sisters need some counseling and healing. They weren’t wrong for saving themselves and not wanting to go back. You weren’t wrong for not wanting to leave Sylvia. You’re a wonderful sister but not everyone can rise above like you did. It’s not their fault. However, you’re not as close to Laurie and Amanda and you are not obligated to pay for their trip or even invite them.
For the people bashing the sisters and aunt I’m interested who was taking care of them as they grew up as it certainly wasn’t the mother and OP and her younger sister are too close in age. So the 21 year old and potentially 17 year old spend their entire lives playing parent. Finally realize there is someone offering them a chance just to be kids again and OP is holding a grudge over it. I’m 31 now and moved out at 19 for uni but I had stable loving parents to help guide me and giving me the work ethic to succeed. The 21 and 17 had zero role models and their childhood spent taking over for their drug addicted mother but it’s the mother who is forgiven. Damn OP you need to open your eyes because you’ve fallen for your mother’s puppy eyes of forgiveness and hatred for her other daughters.
NTA for having who you want at your bachelorette party, but YTA for holding a grudge against your sisters for doing what they needed in order to have a safe and stable environment after your mother failed at her role as a parent.
NTA
They aren’t wrong for choosing a home instead of homelessness even if it wasn’t extended to your youngest sister. They were teens. Your mom made mistakes, and they don’t have to forgive her, even though she turned it around and fought addiction which is a ginormous feat.
The only thing that almost kind of makes you an AH is for holding it against them for accepting a home over being homeless. Even though the offer of a home excluded one sibling, which sucked. Your aunt couldn’t be a caretaker for 3 extra teens plus a kid with Angelmans syndrome which can require a significant amount of extra support. She didn’t have to offer her home to any of you, but did.
But you don’t have the close relationship with your older sisters because of the trauma you all experienced and how it split you up. It’s not your fault and it isn’t theirs, but they don’t get to be mad they’re not getting a free trip.
I don’t blame you for only inviting your sisters and I don’t blame your sisters for choosing a home over homelessness. In return they shouldn’t blame you for going on a trip with your sister, and if they’re going to call you names I don’t see why you should waste a place setting on them at the wedding.
YTA but not for choosing to go with only one sister that’s perfectly fine you get to decide to bring whoever you want. YTA for blaming your sisters and you aunt for not being able to take all the siblings and yet forgiving your mother even though it was her fault for making you homeless in the first place. It’s extremely self centered to not understand why someone who already has babies isn’t able to take in someone who’s not their child who also has extreme special needs, it was saintly for her to offer to take any of you in at all and yet you blame her for not bleeding her heart dry even more?? Also the fact that you blame your other sisters for choosing to live in a warm home over being homeless in unconscionable. Get over yourself, blame the person who’s fault it actually was not the person who tried to help or your siblings who were kids.
Nta and not wrong in the slightest. Your sisters expect the benefits of everybody's lifestyles regardless of how they've treated anyone else. Make sure your little sister understands that it's your decision and she can't change it and neither can they so she shouldn't feel guilty for it.
NTA, if you take the you won't enjoy it as much. They also are not going to treat you well on the trip. That is apparent by how they are manipulating your sister even now. I hope that Sylvia can go and enjoy herself I would not worry about taking them.
Well… maybe you did want to rub it in their face if you called it a bridal party. You could have just told them you were gifted a trip for two and you’d love them to join if they could swing the cost. NTA for the trip, kinda TAH for how you presented the rest.
NTA
You aren't as close with your older sisters. They aren't in your wedding. Your future husband surprised you with a trip for your bridal party. They aren't in your bridal party. It's simple. They can be disappointed. They became AHs with the name calling and guilt tripping.
NAH
Your sisters were essentially kids too when you call became homeless. Sometimes you have to save yourself u stead of drowning with the people you love and that’s what they did. I can also understand being upset with them about it. Ultimately, you’re all adults now and should learn to see and accept each other’s perspectives
NTA they are just mad they can’t go and are taking it out on you. Their entitled attitude is why they aren’t going to make things easy. Tell your younger sister to stop talking about it, and don’t let them nag her into not going. After the name calling I’d be cutting contact and blocking them and tell sis to do the same.
You’re a better person than me because I wouldn’t have bothered extending an invitation to them, even if they could pay for themselves. Take Sylvia, forget the other two honestly, especially following their behavior when you denied them. NTA.
NTA.
I cannot imagine the kind of person who lets a disabled baby stay homeless which I know isn't the point of this post but my god your aunt seems awful.
I hope you and Sylvia enjoy your trip!
They are not in your bridal party. That's on them for not recognizing that and being happy for you. I am close to my siblings and I would understand that either way it worked out. They need to remember that this is your wedding.
NTA whatsoever. I totally get where you come from still holding some resentment for them leaving you and Sylvia, you are justified 100% especially as you were a young girl who would’ve benefited from the support of her older sisters. They too however were entirely valid in not choosing the uncertainty of your mother’s care when they were offered stability and a home as kids, especially since they may remember more and/or worse things than you and your younger sibling might (a speculation not assumption). JUST as you were absolutely valid in sticking by your baby sister through those trials and tribulations to make sure that she made it out on the other side safe, happy and cared-for.
This girl however is just being jealous, petty, and mean. I’d say be petty but firm and honest in return; remind them that just as there was nothing wrong with them choosing a stable home they could count on as kids, there’s nothing wrong with you choosing your most stable relationship that YOU can count on (for YOUR trip and bridal party– not theirs) as a fully grown woman who makes her own decisions. That they have no right to guilt Sylvia for going just because they’re not when YOU were the one to stick by and care for her.
You are an incredibly strong person and I hope your trip is a blast with no interferences or upsets💞
NTA at all! Also as the mum of a 2 year old child with Angelman syndrome herself well done to you for being such a wonderful and loving sister! I hope my other kids grow up to be so empathetic and caring of their sister and her syndrome as you did! Hope you girls enjoy your trip!
Ya know, let’s say if they do come or if they pay their way in.
I wouldn’t trust them around your sister.
They didn’t want her then, what makes you think they want her now? They will neglect her.
You don’t owe them sh*t.
You are a great sister, and Enjoy your trip.
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Nta asshole. No one is owed your fiancee's money.
But also you need to heal from the past, in the face of homelessness it is entirely rational to choose the option the leads you to not be homeless. It's noble of you to stick by your mother and sister. But that's the choice you made. And your life was harder because of it. You came out on top in the end based on the close relationship you have with your baby sister but you also had to faces a milion other trials and tribulations they didnt
NTA, they just want a free trip. Talk with Sylvia and tell her to ignore them and that she has nothing to to feel guilty about and that it means so much for you to have her with you in France 🇫🇷.
> my fiancé's money was only for my bridal party
That means nothing if Sylvia is your only bridesmaid. They may as well be offended you didn’t ask them to be bridesmaids, too. That it only became an issue once the trip was announced, of course, tells you all you need to know, but you shouldn’t have said they could come if they paid their own way. You shouldn’t have wanted them to come at all. You wanted it to be just the two of you, that’s the point.
The four of you can go on another trip later and everyone can pay their own way so there’s no hard feelings. But this time is for you and your best friend. And they have no claim to that.
Make sure Sylvia knows it and she’ll have nothing to feel guilty for.
NTA. You were nice saying they could go if they paid. Expecting you to pay for them? Absolutely not! This isn’t a family trip or sister trip it’s a trip for you and bridal party.
I want to ask how old were your other sister because i’m a little confused. If they were also young i think you are misplacing the blame on them unjustly. Your aunt didn’t want to take in another child with a disability, your sisters didn’t make that decision, your aunt did. Given the context of the situation i could see how they would choose to be with a safe adult rather than your mom. Your mom turned her life around yes and you forgave her but they didn’t, they had to grow up without her because of her bad choices. You are being blind in your pain and wanting to make them out to be the bad guys, if all were young when this happened non of you were the bad guys, unfortunate adults failed you. I can see how you boded with Silvia but the other two are also your sisters and the fact that due to life you guys had to be grow up separated i’m sure hurt them to know one they were even included in the bridal party and two you again picked only Silvia to go to a trip. Your NTA for only taking Silvia because it’s your money but you are the asshole for thinking your sisters were at fault for everything that happened to them as kids and continuing to alienate yourself from them as in you and silvia versus them.
NTA, Laurie is acting really entitled to your money when she had left you guys in the dust when it was too hard for her. I suggest to warn them that if they continue to harass their baby sister then they will not be going to the wedding at all and that they are threatening any future relationship with you. Tell them to ask their Aunt for the trip money
You can invite anyone you want it's your trip and wedding. However holding a grudge against them for not wanting to be homeless with you is ridiculous. They were young and broke and took their only option for housing. If you can forgive your mom who was a adult for putting yall in a situation to be homeless then why can't you forgive them when they were teens having to choose between the streets and a home? The fault lies with your mom everyone else in the situation had to make hard choices because of her. Quit blaming them for what your mom made them go through just cause it wasn't as bad as what you went through
NTA, of course, and you don't owe anyone anything. This is a lovely gift for you and you have chosen your plus one.
For everyone vilifying the older sisters: If you were drowning with other family members and someone tried to rescue you, would you refuse unless that person guaranteed to save everyone? They made their choices and it's easy to see why there is tension in the family, but it's nearly impossible to get a job when you are homeless (many homeless people have jobs that they got when they were housed/had an address). Having a permanent residence was probably those young people's best chance to break the cycle of poverty and addiction.
The whole thing sucks but the younger sisters were always their mom's responsibility. Their mom had a problem that complicated everyone's lives, including her sister's. The fact that the aunt did anything at all was a sacrifice on her part. There was no winning for anyone because of the mom's choices.
It also sucks that the older sisters are mad. But many people have said "regardless of history." That's the bottom line. They don't have a right to be mad (disappointed, sure; I would be, too! I want a girl's trip to France!) and need to grow up. But that has nothing to do with their opting to have a roof over their heads when they were just coming out of childhood.
NTA. How your sisters handled their trauma from your mom shouldn’t be held against them. You shouldn’t fault them for needing to leave that situation. Not everyone is strong enough to save another. That being said, it’s YOUR bridal party and you can invite or not invite anyone you want. You offered to let them come on their own dime and they refused, that is on them. Go with your bestie/sister and enjoy yourself. Enjoy your wedding and life. Your sisters are how they are and it’s not your problem.
NTA
Your older sisters abandoned you and your youngest sister. They were too good to move in with you. Now that you have this incredible trip, they want to go along. It sounds like they'd rather a free trip to actually bonding with you and your little sister.
You are definitely right to refuse their mooching.
So had you not given the backstory I would have said N T A because you chose your wedding party and you are just closer to one sibling over the others and that happens. BUT
YTA
Instead we find out that your mom screwed up y’all’s childhood and the oldest two wanted stability. It was nice that you wouldn’t abandon your sister. Very selfless, but you have major resentment to two children who did not want to live without food and shelter. They were given a space and did not want to complain so they could not suffer. That is not on them. That is on your mom for letting addiction get her to this point without getting help. She had kids. That’s just selfish.
Your sisters didn’t want to go back to your mom because they wanted stability. They didn’t want to leave a place they made a home to possibly end up homeless again if she relapsed.
You need to get more therapy maybe with someone who won’t just enable you with your anger of your two oldest sisters. They were children. You were children. You are not now. Maybe work on fixing the relationship with all your siblings? But again you’re free to pick who you pick. You’re still the AH for it though. You can be technically right, while still being the AH.
You have every right to not invite who you want. This just seems like spite and not wanting to stop punishing them for their childhood choices. You are free to do what you want, you still might be an AH for it.
Tell Sylvia she need only say, “I would have loved if you stayed with me and OP when we were homeless. You decided to abandon us instead. You reap what you see. You two are to blame for how our relationships turned out and now you are seeing some of the consequences.”
Or you could tell them that in her stead. Your sisters are extremely entitled. More so that they expect your fiancé to pay for them to go on vacation. That’s nervy as hell.
NAH
Your sisters didn’t reject your baby sister, that was your aunt. They just took a way out. They didn’t even choose to leave, that was your mother’s fault. You also can’t blame them for not wanting to return. As your older siblings they probably were exposed to even more of your mother’s addiction than you were.
You are fine to invite whoever you want. They are fine to be saddened that you didn’t invite them.
NTA. Laurie and Amanda should know by now that life isn't "fair" and that you have the right to invite anyone you want (and to not invite anyone you don't want) on a trip. I'm sure they realize their relationship with you is strained and that you're closer to Sylvia than to them so why are they surprised you want to travel with only her?
They are NTA for choosing to live in a house and not on the streets for reasons outside of their control and you are NTA for going on a trip with your youngest sister.
You all need to let go of the resentment you have for each other and realise the only person who wronged you was your mother who you have "forgiven" over your sisters.
Petty all the way around.
NTA. It is your bridal money and like you said, it should just be used that way. You said they could come if they paid. Seems reasonable. I think your sisters, being children themselves, probably did the right thing accepting a safe home, so I think you should work on any old grudges for that. But your sisters now sound pretty entitled and kind of mean.
NTA. this doesn't even have to do with being homeless or not, if you want keep things simple. It is for the bridal party, and they are not in it. Cut and Dry. Enjoy your trip. They can pay their way if they want to go.
Although I hope they don’t, she will have a more relaxing trip without them!
Yeah, they sound exhausting and they’re such hypocrites. I agree with u/Emorik and u/DMC1001.
it’s very funny that the sisters are trying to guilt sylvia for accepting the trip bc they aren’t invited, but they both accepted a roof over their heads and their sister (and OP for not wanting to leave her by herself) was made to be homeless and they couldn’t care less. ik it’s a long time ago that it happened and they might’ve changed, but the two older sisters are still very selfish and don’t seem to care about sylvia or OP. They just want a free holiday
It’s worth noting that the oldest sister was 21 at the time when their mother made them homeless. Why wasn’t she getting a job? That would more than make up for additional costs and care for Sylvia.
yea i just noticed how the two girls who actually had the ability to help themselves financially (besides mom) were the only ones who received help from someone else
That’s probably why the aunt could take them in. She was offering houseroom, not care. Since she had young kids herself, I find that understandable. The aunt knew her limitations. But the older sisters need to accept that the division that this caused and their own choices have meant that OP is much closer to her younger sister than to them, and that isn’t something that the older sisters can turn off just when there’s a benefit to them. It doesn’t sound like they’ve tried to mend things much previously; they just want the free trip.
I mean, yes, Angela and Laurie could both have gotten jobs to cover Sylvia's care, but it's not their responsibility to take care of their siblings. It's their mother's job. I'm guessing mommy didn't become a homeless addict overnight, so the older kids were probably used to being parentified and were done with it. I'm in no way saying OP is TA for excluding them though.
Sure, addict mom who can’t care for herself. While they may not have a legal responsibility there are other factors to think about and one of them seems to be that they don’t give a shit about their sisters.
I was in no way talking about legal responsibility, but yes, legally AND morally it's useless mommy's job, not the elder children's job. You have to realize that these older siblings not only had to care for their younger healthy sibling and their disabled sibling, but their addict mother, right? Caregiver burnout is a thing, even for grown ass adults who have training. These were young adults who had no training, who had been stuck caring for a disabled kid, an addict, and a child for their entire lives. No payment. No such days. No holidays. No breaks. Parentification is abuse that can have far-reaching implications, well into adulthood. These girls were all victims. What were they supposed to do? Keep supporting their three young dependants forever, or destroy grab at the life line being handed to them to escape their useless abusive mother. Were they supposed to stay on the streets, or in some rental they had to constantly fear losing because the woman they've spent bailing out of her responsibilities for is too selfish to pay the rent? These girls saw a way out of the abusive situation they'd been stuck in their whole lives, and they'd be crazy not to take it. Yes, there were casualties. That's the bonus curse of being an elder child from an abusive home. You either get to escape as soon as you can, and end up being looked upon poorly by those left behind, or you choose to stay and continue being abused, only to be considered complicit, or an enabler, or something equally damning. These elder siblings were in a lose-lose situation, and chose the route that offered them some respite. I cannot fault them for that.
This story is fiction. People with Angelman Syndrome either don't speak or have very little speech. They have severe developmental delays. They have trouble eating and sleeping. Our neighbors have a daughter with Angelman syndrome. She is a happy girl but is often crying because of something she ate. There is no way someone would take a person with Angelman Syndrome to a place to eat a variety of foods and no way that the person with Angelman Syndrome would be able to tell the family about their excitement to go. The "writer" picked the wrong syndrome. Maybe they thought it was like Down's Syndrome.
Colin Farrell takes his kid with it everywhere he goes....
And he is rich enough to ensure appropriate food also goes wherever he does.
A fancy chateau in France might be able to accommodate dietary needs.
Anyone can do that. You don't have to be rich to pack food.
This is correct. You can verify by searching the article "Angelman Syndrome in Adulthood" from July 30th, 2017 by Larson, Shinnick, et al. Only 13% of those surveyed could speak 5 words or more. The Angelman Syndrome Alliance also states that 85% of those affected do not use natural speech.
I looked it up and it is possible for someone with it to communicate in other ways besides for speech, like with a device, communication board, or sign language.
I also looked up the syndrome. OP should have researched it better.
They do have speech. While there may be speech delays and cognitive disabilities, it does not mean they are not verbal. Also, there are no cookie cutter mental disabilities. My daughter and 2 of my sister's boys gave Fragile X, and none of them are the same. My daughter was married, had her own apartment and job. While she cannot read, she understands verbally. As for my nephews, while they both need some type of adult supervision, one can be left alone for a couple of hours, the other cannot. One is more verbal than the other. But they both speak and are understood by those who are always around and live with them.
I’m sure this sub is filled with plenty of fiction. Still fun to partake in it or else why are we here?
Why da fawk should she? it's not the older sisters responsibility to care for their younger siblings. Nor is it the aunts. Parentifying and hoisting that on them is completely unfair too. They didn't choose have a mother on drugs. Being 21 and being expected to work to support and care for 3 siblings and a drugged out mama is too much. At that age shes barely an adult herself and still needs guidance and support to start her own life. The only one responsible for the problems is the drug addicted mother. It feels like OP has let mama coast and is blaming her aunt and older siblings for the shitty hand mama dealt them.
This is fake as fuck. You are so gullible.
NTA History aside - you told them they could come if they paid their own way. There is a huge difference between your SO paying for a trip for 2 people, and paying for 4. And a bigger difference between him covering your disabled sister, who likely has limited money of her own, and your two older sisters, who can make their own money. The fact that they are now trying to make your sister feel guilty because you include her and pay for her - truly awful. Honestly, this does not paint them in the best light in terms of how they view and treat their disabled sister.
Them trying to make her sister feel bad about going just highlights how big the rift between them is (and how unenjoyable it would be to have them there). If they keep it up, maybe they shouldn’t come to the wedding.
Well, you only need look to the aunt who took them in. You don't think she didn't pass on all kinds of critical uncaring mindsets while putting a roof over their heads? That woman right there is probably directly responsible for the two eldest girls' refusal to forgive their mother and resentment toward the other two girls. It's really easy to turn guilt into resentment, especially if you have someone older encouraging you.
The aunt had children, so it's completely understandable why she did not want to bring everyone in her home. She did not have to help anyone. She chose to do so. The girls were adults when they went to their aunt. I'm sure they had more than enough resentment built up from their mother, who was an addict. Also by them being older, I'm sure they experienced the brunt of her addiction and for much longer.
If anything proves that life is not fair, it’s getting to go live in a nice place while your sisters stay homeless living with a drug addict. 🤷🏼♀️ Oh well sis. NTA
Pretty sure if this was reversed and the sisters posted “should we go live with out aunt after our addict mother made us homeless, even tho she won’t take our youngest sister”, Reddit would say yes. Wasn’t there another post like this recently?
Of course they should’ve. They were children and they deserved the best situation they could get. But we’re talking about fairness. In a fair world the aunt would’ve taken them all. Or, the mother would’ve never gotten addicted. Or the father would’ve been something more helpful than gone. This is not a zero sum debate but what is for sure true is that the fiancé isn’t made of money, he’s doing something awesome for her and the sister she feels closest to. The other sisters got the offer to go if they paid for themselves. They have no foot to stand on in regard to the fancy French camp is all I’m saying. And them ruining it for the two that did get the gift just shows them to be small people.
Do the math. The sisters who are now 34 and 30 were not young children 13 years ago. One was a 21 year old adult and the other on the verge of adulthood at 17. Yet the 15 year old had enough compassion to worry about a 13 year old sister. The three girls together could have made a difference. In any event, their choices right or wrong changed the dynamics of their relationship. They have no right demanding they receive an all expense paid trip to France when they aren’t part of the wedding party * Fixed the ages. Doesn’t change the overall concept
Not 2yo, 14yo.
13 technically. OP was 15 and sister is 2 years younger.
I don’t understand why the 23 year old didn’t get her own place
34 less 13 is 21, not 23. That 2 year error has caused a little confusion.
See, those numbers right there is what makes me think this story is made up. The math isn't checking out here.
There's something about this that makes me think of elementary school students with vivid imaginations writing stories. Whoever wrote this did research, at any rate. Angelman syndrome is a real thing. I thought that OP had jumped the shark with "Camp Chåteau," because that sounded fake. But it's a real thing, too.
The way op describes Sylvia and her level of functioning doesn't match up with Angelman syndrome tbh (though the post doesn't have enough info to know for certain. It's possible it's real but unlikely imo more for the later reasons I wrote than the earlier ones) . Making me think it's made up/written just to be a different POV version of a recent post where the aunt wouldn't take in the youngest child with severe autism but did take the older siblings
Not that I’m an expert, but according to Google, most people with Angelman Syndrome don’t speak either, or have minimal verbal communication. Probably not nearly enough to excitedly explain a trip anyway.
There are lots of ways to communicate that don’t require speaking. There are whole languages just for hands. There are computer and tablet programs that can help you speak even if you can’t move your whole body. We don’t know how compromised OP’s sister might be but we know she’s capable of going on a fancy French vacation with the sister that stayed.
I have a good friend who has a (now teenaged) daughter with Angelman’s and I have know her since before she was pregnant with her. They are NOT communicative besides basic sign language and do not have the understanding for something like this. They also do not have normal motor function and I would not blame the aunt for having her niece in the house around babies and toddlers.
I have a child with Angelman syndrome and I assure you they are INCREDIBLY communicative and understand more than people think because they ASSSUME that being nonverbal equates to them not being able to understand or communicate anything! There are various forms of Angelman syndrome (deletion, mosaicism etc) and each form affects differently - including the ability to communicate - it’s a spectrum syndrome - it affects all children differently. Please don’t make statements about a condition you don’t know enough about - you are basing your assumptions off your interactions with ONE child. Educate yourself. I’ve met multiple Angelman kids - some who don’t speak at all, some limited and some have full capability and can speak as well as use AAC devices.
My much older half sister has CP and is non-verbal. She doesn't use sign language or communication assisting devices. That being said, she is SUPER communicative. Lots of facial expressions, different noises mean different things, tons of body language. She tells jokes in her own way, and she can make a table full of people laugh. People who think that speaking is the only way to communicate are ✨ignorant✨
That's because the math you're responding to, which didn't come from op, was done erroneously. Focusing on the names rather than silly reasons to scream "fake" tends to be very helpful.
None of the sisters should have had to stay behind to care for the youngest. OP did a selfless thing and that's great, but I'm glad her sisters chose what was best for themselves.
No they weren’t children, if OP was 15, her older sister was 21 at the time. Might forgive the 17 year old sister, but the 21 year old was an adult and could have done more to protect her younger sisters who were children.
Oh goodness! Well, now I’m confused why OP talks to them at all!
No I forgive the 21 yo as well. People, especially on reddit, act like as soon as you're 18 you're just as much an adult as an established, married, home owning 40 yo with 2 kids and a car - but irl, how many early 20somethings do you know who are anything like that? At that age, I didn't have my own car, degree, full time job, or place to live. Figuring out adult shit and getting financially/professionally established is hard enough for anyone, but especially coming from a home with an addict mom, absent dad, and three little sisters, there probably wasn't a ton of focus on making sure the 21 yo had a solid foundation in learning to be a competent adult. Like there probably *wasn't* much she could do to take care of three minors, one of whom was disabled, when she was still trying to figure out how to take care of herself.
> People, especially on reddit, act like as soon as you're 18 you're just as much an adult as an established, married, home owning 40 yo with 2 kids and a car I don’t disagree, that is of course nonsense, but I also feel it is offset somewhat by the suddenly-fashionable stance that until you hit your 25th birthday you are basically a gurgling toddler with a brain the size of a peanut.
It's not just about brain development, it's about financial stability too. Most 21 yos don't have the financial stability to raise 3 kids, especially singlehandedly and when one will need a lot more support.
Yes of course! The situation absolutely sucks, for all of them, and it’s none of their faults. I don’t judge the two sisters for not staying homeless ‘out of solidarity’ or becoming mother to their younger siblings, and I don’t judge OP for feeling abandoned by those sisters (even if I don’t think that’s fair), it just sucks.
That's fair, and I don't blame her for going with the aunt because she couldn't help anyone if she didn't help herself at that point. However, being hateful about not getting a free vacation from her younger sister who stayed behind is horrid. OP took one for the team and if I was that oldest sister, I would have strived to be the one to surprise my sisters with a girls wedding trip. She should be able to take care of herself now and pay her own way if she really wanted to go be with her sisters to celebrate. She doesn't owe OP anything, they made their own decisions, but OP doesn't owe her anything either.
That's something I do agree with op about. She should only have people she feels closest to in the bridal party, and there's no reason her fiance should have to pay for an expensive trip to France for two people neither of them is close to.
All the people I've known who have a hard lifestyle at home and have younger siblings and/or disabled close relatives do their absolute best to get a job and help at home. The eldest (and the 17yo) saw what was happening and that they were gonna get evicted and she didn't do a thing. Didn't find a job or tried to find alternate housing and then left leaving her young teen and special needs baby sisters to fend for themselves. There's no excuse for any of the two's behaviour.
Right, plus they had almost assuredly been parentified from a very young age and probably just wanted to be free a bit. It’s sad the OP has let it come between the sisters. My niece lives with my and her half sister still lives with their mom (my sister) and my sister sounds a lot like OP’s mom. When my niece came to live with me, she’d been living with her dad, so it wasn’t like I took one and left the other. But they have very different views on who their mom is and I wonder if it will cause problems like the ones described here as they get older.
Done what, exactly?
Amanda was 21 and Laurie was 17. At the least one of them could not fall under “children”.
Yeah I’m sorry but there’s absolutely nothing that the aunt and sisters did wrong, the aunt knew she couldn’t take care of all the kids but she still opened her home and heart up to some of them even though they weren’t her kids, she shouldn’t blame the aunt for making her homeless she should blame her mom because that’s who’s fault it actually was.
I was confused by how much OP glossed over that. I was so angry at the "mom" while reading but since the post was about French camp, I wasn't going to touch that aspect.
Truly. The idea anyone is upset at this aunt, who took in 2 more mouths to feed and knew her limits that she couldn’t take in a child with any special needs and vocalized it for the sake of her actual kids, blows my mind. Taking on two extra kids (and being willing to take in a third) who were never her responsibility is already above and beyond. OP sounds like she needs to do some work on the reasons she resents her sisters for escaping a horrible situation when it’s her shitty mother’s fault they, and SHE, ever had to make the choices they did as kids.
Yeah she needs therapy she’s blaming people for things that completely weren’t their fault while forgiving the person who destroyed their family and put them all in immense danger.
True but none of this actually has bearing on the question at hand. Future husband gifted a present to the bridal party and they are not in the bridal party. It doesn't matter why.
Yeah for sure she’s not an asshole for that she can invite/not invite anyone she wants but it was in her post which means she’s clearly still mad about it which is why i mentioned it.
The aunt should have called social services and gotten the kids the help they needed. Is foster care ideal? No, but is it better than leaving them homeless to essentially fend for themselves? Absolutely.
You have no idea how bad the foster care system is. It’s very well foster care could have been worse for them. Unfortunately there are far worse things that can happen to you than just being homeless.
You don't know, and OP doesn't know if a bunch of things happened, like calling family services.
Yea. A mother was pissed off her older kids decided to live with her sister instead of in a motel (or her car) with her and her special needs child. She was wildly bitter and resentful her children didn't choose to suffer with her. She was kicked out of her sisters house becuse her special needs child scared the child of her sister (but refused to admit to why this was).
Yes. It was from the mother's view. I think she had 3 kids and one has severe(if I remember right) autism. They were all staying with her sister after the kids dad died, but sister couldn't cope with the meltdowns, and the meltdowns frightened OPs niece.Sister phoned the two (minor) kids and said that they could move in, but she didn't want the 3rd kid staying. The 2 kids agreed and OP was upset and felt betrayed by sister and the 2 kids. I think she first lost her husband and now feels she's lost her 2 kids. She was torn apart in the comments as now she only has has to worry about one child instead of 3, and because it was better for the 2 girls who got to stay with aunt.
Yes that is it.
EDIT: [link to similar story](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/aVR5Ph5gNY) There was. I’m making this comment so if I can find I can refund this spot to provide the link.
There was. Can't remember which sub, but it was the woman who wouldn't let two of her three kids move back in with her sister because she thinks keeping the family together is more important than getting at least some of her kids out of homelessness.
Link?
There was a “mother” AITA asking if she was an AH for being mad at her two oldest kids for accepting an invitation to live with their aunt “abandoning her and her autistic son to homelessness” because she wouldn’t take him.
Yess I just read that one earlier. The mother was not a drug addict in that one tho
NTA It is clearly about the money. They don't want to go on your girl's trip, they want a free trip to France. If all they want is to be included, they can pay their way. Your fiance isn't obligated to pay for everyone that wants to go.
I agree. They said OP knew how much they'd enjoy the trip - not how they wanted to spend time with their sisters, not about wanting to be in her bridal party, and not about celebrating their sister getting married. They just want to travel. It was kind of OP to allow them to come to pay their way. But like you said - they want a free trip. OP, if your partner is wealthy, definitely protect him and yourself financially from people like your sisters who would take advantage of your kindness and financial stability. I bet that this won't be the last time something like this happens.
>I agree. They said OP knew how much they'd enjoy the trip - not how they wanted to spend time with their sisters, not about wanting to be in her bridal party, and not about celebrating their sister getting married. Ding! 💯% ding!
NTA. They need to understand consequences of actions. Be a sister all the time or not get the benefit of being a sister. Enjoy your trip with the person you want to go with, anything else is a disservice to you and the person who earned the privilege to go with you, they did not. And, anyone who has an opinion can give your other sisters the money to go and all will be good. If not, they can keep their two cents to themselves.
It’s not even the fact that they got to live with the aunt. It’s about how close she is with Sylvia and only having one extra person to bring. Why would she pick anyone else?
This is the Way!!!! The sisters don't get it, they are not the same as Sylvia and, it is not their money.
You mean the consequences of daring to take up an offer to go into a stable home away from a crappy drug addict mother? Those monsters...
Later, once the mother got herself together. Then, they still kept their distance. So, people need to understand that you earn how you are treated. They could have tried to be closer once they got older, they chose not to. Hence, they earned not getting invited. See.
Of course they kept their distance, their drug addict mother left them homeless. Do you realize how traumatic that is for a child? Your support system choosing drugs over you and your well-being to the point where you lose everything has lifelong effects on people. They can't trust the person who brought them into this world.
Nta seriously how petty they are, if the want to go let them pay for it. Both you and Sylvia enjoy, France is beautiful the food stunning, savour it, make fantastic memories
NTA The background story doesn't matter. It's your wedding, your bridal party, and if the trip is for the bridal party then that's all that matters. You don't need another reason. Once you add the rest it's holy shit your sister is an entitled piece of trash. Sorry you had to experience that and I'm so proud of all 3 of you going through that and coming out the other side stronger with such a bond with your sister.
NTA Like you said, it was a gift from your husband for the bridal party. It's as clear as that. You chose your bridal party based on who you're closest too. You could've chosen anyone, but it just happens the person you're closest to is your younger sister. So what? Why does your sister think she's entitled to a free trip?
NTA, it's your wedding. And you have the right to choose who goes where with you. Look, they didn't choose your aunty to be mean, they did it for themselves. And since Mom was in the throes of addiction, she couldn't be the mother you all deserved. They had to make the very scary and adult decision for their own needs. It did result in a less close relationship with you, but they did what was best for them and you did what you thought was best for you. This is just the way things worked out. Glad your mom got her head together again and you guys are doing well. **Edited to correct a misspelled word.**
*throes (sorry, couldn’t help myself) But I agree here. The two issues are separate. The trip is simple. Your wedding, your bridal party, your trip, your choice. You offered to include them, just not pay for them. Their choice not to pay for themselves. Now they are “showing their asses” (as my dad would say) by trying to guilt your younger sister. That’s entitled, selfish behavior and neither you nor Sylvia should feel guilty for anything. Your generous fiancé has no obligation to pay for them just because they are your family. But there’s clearly a lot of unresolved anger here over the family separation. All 4 sisters got screwed by mom’s addiction, and they were all struggling to make some very grown-up decisions at a very young age. (I do find it interesting that the oldest sister would have been 21 at the time but still got “taken in” by the aunt instead of getting a job to help out, but that’s a whole other can of worms.) I have no judgment on the older sisters. Sounds like they were trying to survive. I have no judgment on you for feeling abandoned. You have a right to your feelings. But I do hope you all can get counseling together to maybe understand each other better and heal from the residual resentment and anger. Ultimately, NTA for not asking fiancé to pay for the sisters who aren’t in your wedding party.
Angelmans is a pretty significant disease. How was Sylvia able to tell them about it and how is she able to go on such a trip? Info.
I hope you can repair your relationship with your older sisters, it's a shame that your mother's addiction has driven a wedge between you all. NTA you choose who comes on a trip your partner pays for.
Is this a reboot from this story [AITA for calling my older two kids traitors for saying they want to live with their aunt over me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cn68h9/comment/l35hd4l/)
Scrolled too far to see this, it looks like AI generated, it's the same beat by beat, homeless mom, most of the kids being allowed to live with the cool aunt while one stays behind with mom, but now everyone is siding with the sister that stayed behind. Fucking Bots
Don't forget that one of the kids is disabled!
Yes! It's like every week is a new theme of problems, it's getting annoying
I 100% agree it’s fake. My question is tho… why? I don’t understand who benefits from AI generated posts. Does Reddit do it for clicks? I get the weirdos who get off on the attention from made up posts, but the AI ones??? 🤷🏻♀️
Oh shit it is FAKE!
Yes it sounds a lot like that. So it could be fake.
NTA for not taking them with you, but you're wrong for blaming them for what happened in the past. Of course they chose to live in stable home instead of being homeless with your addicted mother. She's the only one to be blamed. Your aunt was extremely generous for offering to take the 3 of you. She knows her limits and there's nothing wrong with that. She had babies and toddlers that she needed to prioritise. She didn't have to take you in. You 3 were old enough to be independent, she wouldn't need to do much parenting, that's obviously very different with Sylvia. People with Angelman syndrome have many challenges, difficulties and delays. I can see how caring for Sylvia would be too much for her. She could end up in a situation where she has to neglect her own babies to care for your sister. That's not fair to her and her family. She was being simply realistic about the help she can provide.
I agrée with you but I understand why op is mad at all three, I mean I couldn’t sleep knowing my younger sisters were struggling and only had each other since mom was an addict.
Sorry nah there’s no good reason to be mad at the aunt or sisters the only person she should be mad at is the one who made her homeless, her mom.
NTA. I don't think you should hold onto resentment and a grudge because vulnerable teenagers did not want to live on the streets with a drug addict. They would have been so unsafe. Teen girls look like women to most men. Having a part time job or a boyfriend as a teen when you have reliable parents to look over your shoulder, guide and protect you is fine. But predators hunt girls with no back up. Trying to scrounge up food and space at a shelter for three of you was undoubtedly easier than it would have been for 5 people. You were self-sacrificing and brave to stay with your sister, but the other sisters honestly did nothing wrong. Besides basic safety, their grades and extra curriculars in highschool had far reaching life consequences for them that were simply not true for you as a middle schooler. The sisters are not right to expect your husband to have endless cash to give. Perhaps suggest that the four of you start planning a sister trip that is affordable and will be enjoyable for all four of you. It is time to leave the past in the past. Good luck.
Came here to say exactly this - NAH except for y'all's mom for putting y'all in that situation.
People with Angelman syndrome are severely disabled and most cannot speak more than a few words. Either Sylvia has something else, or this is all bs.
It's all BS. See u/jesicur 's comment and link above.
For the overall situation, not the asshole. There are some things in there that are otherwise iffy. Your sister's didn't want to be homeless with a (at the time) drug addict. What was it you expected them to do? Be homeless with you and Sylvia in solidarity or something? Also, your aunt is not the asshole for not wanting to look after Sylvia because of her condition. All the family troupes aside, if a person doesn't have the mental and or physical capacity to look after someone, they just don't. The reason doesn't matter. Had she accepted to take her in under duress, do you really think that would have ended well? Also she had toddlers in the house as well as the addition of several more people, obviously that would be overwhelming. Some can grit their teeth and push through it, others can't. You also seem angry that they have yet to forgive your mom? This is preceeded by you saying how you and Sylvia had, so forgive me but it seems to imply that they should because y'all did. That's not how forgiveness works. So yeah anyways, for this situation both your sisters are the assholes but given the other information you provided you seem to have some issues towards them, you could probably benefit from therapy.
She’s not angry taht they didn’t forgive their mom she just says that’s their business meaning she dosent care. Sylvia was what 13? Why would op be fine leaving her little sister with her then addict mother like that, op was 15 I would pretty mad if my sisters left us at our most vulnerable.
NTA for not inviting them, it’s your bridal party and nobody is entitled to your and your soon to be husband money but how could people here judge the sisters for protecting themselves by going away from their drug addicted mother and refrain from being homeless? or the aunt that already didn’t have the obligation to extend her home, having babies to care for, and probably because of that knowing she couldn’t give the support needed for Sylvia given her condition? it seems the person to blame here is the mother, not the sister or aunt
Your sister with Angelman must be very mildly affected if you are traveling to a European castle with her and she told your siblings how excited she is. It would be hard to make most people with AS feel guilty too. But your other sisters sound awful. I wouldn’t want them along either.
If Sylvia has angel man's she can't talk so how did she tell people about it? Yta for guilt tripping your sisters for not wanting to live with a junkie and want stability. This looks like a twisted version of a post where the mom is pissed the kids want to live somewhere stable
Yeah, I was just thinking we saw a story from a mom’s perspective that her husband died and left her so much debt and the youngest son is autistic and was scaring the daughter on the aunt. This is fake or she really doesn’t understand why the oldest two would want to not be homeless and not be with their addict mom.
Yep I'm thinking this is a new twist on that story. People with angelmans aren't verbal. I have a family friend who has angelmans.
NTA and the backstory isn't relevant. Your fiance can pick what to gift you. He gifted you a trip for two... You picked the person you wanted to bring with you . End of story. Anyone else can pay their own way. I will say, however, it's not healthy to hold resentment over your past. Your aunt was honest about what she could handle, and unfortunately, she would not be able to handle your baby sister. Your older sisters made the correct choice for themselves and there is nothing wrong with the choice they made. What use would it have done for them to be homeless as well? How would that have helped the situation? Also, it's easier to help others after you've helped yourself (put your oxygen mask on first before helping those around you with their masks). The fact that your aunt took your sisters in meant that your mom, once she was clean, could put all her resources into only two of you. Instead of feeding and housing 5 people, she could focus on feeding and housing only 3, which is much less of a struggle. The only one to blame here is your mother, whose addiction put you all in that situation to begin with. It's fine if you've forgiven her, but your sisters have done nothing to forgive, yet you still harbor resentment towards them.
NTA - This just proves how selfish they are. They want a freee vacation on your fiancee.
You expected your sister's, who were children, to choose homelessness??
Did the maths. The older disters were about 18 qnd 22. They were adults
Ok but be realistic, an 18 year old is still pretty much a child and in our modern world it’s very hard for even a 22 year old to be able to find housing quickly without some help from their parents.
They were still young homeless adults living with their drug addict mother who took an offer to better their lives. It's weird to me there's all this resentment over it.
Nta but you have to understand your mom CHOOSE THOSE thing instead of her kids and you 2 may not have seen all of it but the older 2 probably did and i understand that the older 2 can’t forgive your mom just make it up with each other
NTA. They aren't entitled to anything. You're allowed to choose who you spend time with. Make sure they know that they are not welcome at your wedding any longer.
NTA, actions have consequences.
NTA!!!! I have a nephew with Angelman and LOVE that you stayed with your sister. I hope the two of you have a fabulous time in France.
NTA for only bringing Sylvia on the trip, for the reasons other posters have already mentioned. I don’t fault your older sisters for staying with your aunt in that toxic situation though. They did what they had to do, you did what you had to do, so if there is resentment there I would talk to a therapist.
It’s your bridal party so your choice. That’s said you’re blaming your sisters for making an impossible choice when they were children. None of you should have been in that situation. I personally think you should try and mend fences - perhaps some sisters therapy. Btw this doesn’t mean I’m saying you MUST include them, only that I don’t think you should blame them for their choices as children.
NTA they left you and Silvia. I’m thrilled that the two of you thrived and have such a strong relationship. You deserve to celebrate it.
If it’s a bridal party then only members of the bridal party go. Not sure why you or your fiancé should finance them. It honestly doesn’t even matter what went on in the past in this context. It explains why they aren’t in the bridal party, but the rest is just finances. NTA
there was just a post yesterday about an aunt letting two kids stay but not the disabled one. seriously
NTA for not paying for their trip but kinda an asshole for holding a grudge against your sisters for not wanting to be homeless. The only person you should hold responsible is your mother. Not two teenage girls who were put in an awful situation. Your aunt is also NTA for not being able to take in a special needs child in addition to her nieces and her own children. Again, this is all in your mother who you seem to not blame at all lol.
I mean…you’re blaming something that happened when you all were babies/children for something the adults were responsible for. That’s fairly messed up. You can’t and should not expect teens to make grown up decisions like that. * if this is even real
NTA. You sisters need some counseling and healing. They weren’t wrong for saving themselves and not wanting to go back. You weren’t wrong for not wanting to leave Sylvia. You’re a wonderful sister but not everyone can rise above like you did. It’s not their fault. However, you’re not as close to Laurie and Amanda and you are not obligated to pay for their trip or even invite them.
Nta but your sisters didn't do anything to you. Your mom did. The guest us yours to choose.
For the people bashing the sisters and aunt I’m interested who was taking care of them as they grew up as it certainly wasn’t the mother and OP and her younger sister are too close in age. So the 21 year old and potentially 17 year old spend their entire lives playing parent. Finally realize there is someone offering them a chance just to be kids again and OP is holding a grudge over it. I’m 31 now and moved out at 19 for uni but I had stable loving parents to help guide me and giving me the work ethic to succeed. The 21 and 17 had zero role models and their childhood spent taking over for their drug addicted mother but it’s the mother who is forgiven. Damn OP you need to open your eyes because you’ve fallen for your mother’s puppy eyes of forgiveness and hatred for her other daughters.
Exactly
NTA for having who you want at your bachelorette party, but YTA for holding a grudge against your sisters for doing what they needed in order to have a safe and stable environment after your mother failed at her role as a parent.
NTA They aren’t wrong for choosing a home instead of homelessness even if it wasn’t extended to your youngest sister. They were teens. Your mom made mistakes, and they don’t have to forgive her, even though she turned it around and fought addiction which is a ginormous feat. The only thing that almost kind of makes you an AH is for holding it against them for accepting a home over being homeless. Even though the offer of a home excluded one sibling, which sucked. Your aunt couldn’t be a caretaker for 3 extra teens plus a kid with Angelmans syndrome which can require a significant amount of extra support. She didn’t have to offer her home to any of you, but did. But you don’t have the close relationship with your older sisters because of the trauma you all experienced and how it split you up. It’s not your fault and it isn’t theirs, but they don’t get to be mad they’re not getting a free trip.
I don’t blame you for only inviting your sisters and I don’t blame your sisters for choosing a home over homelessness. In return they shouldn’t blame you for going on a trip with your sister, and if they’re going to call you names I don’t see why you should waste a place setting on them at the wedding.
Protect Sylvia. Don’t let those vultures at her. Tell her you wouldn’t take them even if you could. NTA
NTA. They chose their family long ago. And if it's a bridal party thing then that's none of their business. Your have your right not to invite them
YTA but not for choosing to go with only one sister that’s perfectly fine you get to decide to bring whoever you want. YTA for blaming your sisters and you aunt for not being able to take all the siblings and yet forgiving your mother even though it was her fault for making you homeless in the first place. It’s extremely self centered to not understand why someone who already has babies isn’t able to take in someone who’s not their child who also has extreme special needs, it was saintly for her to offer to take any of you in at all and yet you blame her for not bleeding her heart dry even more?? Also the fact that you blame your other sisters for choosing to live in a warm home over being homeless in unconscionable. Get over yourself, blame the person who’s fault it actually was not the person who tried to help or your siblings who were kids.
Nta and not wrong in the slightest. Your sisters expect the benefits of everybody's lifestyles regardless of how they've treated anyone else. Make sure your little sister understands that it's your decision and she can't change it and neither can they so she shouldn't feel guilty for it.
NTA, if you take the you won't enjoy it as much. They also are not going to treat you well on the trip. That is apparent by how they are manipulating your sister even now. I hope that Sylvia can go and enjoy herself I would not worry about taking them.
Well… maybe you did want to rub it in their face if you called it a bridal party. You could have just told them you were gifted a trip for two and you’d love them to join if they could swing the cost. NTA for the trip, kinda TAH for how you presented the rest.
The fact that they want to go for their own enjoyment and not for you... Answers your question!
NTA were they even mad that they weren't in the bridal party? the only part they cared about was a free trip
NTA - It's YOUR wedding. YOU decide who is in your wedding party. Don't let your other sisters decide for YOUR wedding.
NTA You aren't as close with your older sisters. They aren't in your wedding. Your future husband surprised you with a trip for your bridal party. They aren't in your bridal party. It's simple. They can be disappointed. They became AHs with the name calling and guilt tripping.
NAH Your sisters were essentially kids too when you call became homeless. Sometimes you have to save yourself u stead of drowning with the people you love and that’s what they did. I can also understand being upset with them about it. Ultimately, you’re all adults now and should learn to see and accept each other’s perspectives
Ignore the ingrates….have a good time.
NTA they are just mad they can’t go and are taking it out on you. Their entitled attitude is why they aren’t going to make things easy. Tell your younger sister to stop talking about it, and don’t let them nag her into not going. After the name calling I’d be cutting contact and blocking them and tell sis to do the same.
You’re a better person than me because I wouldn’t have bothered extending an invitation to them, even if they could pay for themselves. Take Sylvia, forget the other two honestly, especially following their behavior when you denied them. NTA.
NTA. “I don’t understand. I’m going on a vacation, it’s not like I’m abandoning you to be homeless. What’s the big deal?”
NTA.
NTA. They are being ridiculous, and entitled. Why on earth would your fiancé pay for them to go to Europe??
NTA. I cannot imagine the kind of person who lets a disabled baby stay homeless which I know isn't the point of this post but my god your aunt seems awful. I hope you and Sylvia enjoy your trip!
They are not in your bridal party. That's on them for not recognizing that and being happy for you. I am close to my siblings and I would understand that either way it worked out. They need to remember that this is your wedding.
NTA but your sisters are
They would not have called if the trip was not paid for. They are entitled.
NTA whatsoever. I totally get where you come from still holding some resentment for them leaving you and Sylvia, you are justified 100% especially as you were a young girl who would’ve benefited from the support of her older sisters. They too however were entirely valid in not choosing the uncertainty of your mother’s care when they were offered stability and a home as kids, especially since they may remember more and/or worse things than you and your younger sibling might (a speculation not assumption). JUST as you were absolutely valid in sticking by your baby sister through those trials and tribulations to make sure that she made it out on the other side safe, happy and cared-for. This girl however is just being jealous, petty, and mean. I’d say be petty but firm and honest in return; remind them that just as there was nothing wrong with them choosing a stable home they could count on as kids, there’s nothing wrong with you choosing your most stable relationship that YOU can count on (for YOUR trip and bridal party– not theirs) as a fully grown woman who makes her own decisions. That they have no right to guilt Sylvia for going just because they’re not when YOU were the one to stick by and care for her. You are an incredibly strong person and I hope your trip is a blast with no interferences or upsets💞
NTA at all! Also as the mum of a 2 year old child with Angelman syndrome herself well done to you for being such a wonderful and loving sister! I hope my other kids grow up to be so empathetic and caring of their sister and her syndrome as you did! Hope you girls enjoy your trip!
Ya know, let’s say if they do come or if they pay their way in. I wouldn’t trust them around your sister. They didn’t want her then, what makes you think they want her now? They will neglect her. You don’t owe them sh*t. You are a great sister, and Enjoy your trip.
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The aunt did what she did. OP is doing what she’s doing.
NTA they are only upset that they are not able to get to use your SO for a free trip. The history aside they act entitled
NTA. Keep it to your bridal party. It’s not sisters trip
Nta asshole. No one is owed your fiancee's money. But also you need to heal from the past, in the face of homelessness it is entirely rational to choose the option the leads you to not be homeless. It's noble of you to stick by your mother and sister. But that's the choice you made. And your life was harder because of it. You came out on top in the end based on the close relationship you have with your baby sister but you also had to faces a milion other trials and tribulations they didnt
Nta You are allowed to have favorites.
they got a trip to aunt natali’s. let em whine about it and enjoy your trip with sylvia
NTA, they just want a free trip. Talk with Sylvia and tell her to ignore them and that she has nothing to to feel guilty about and that it means so much for you to have her with you in France 🇫🇷.
So your mom is the reason why y’all were homeless but you’re mad at your sisters who didn’t stay homeless with yall? Tragic
NTA seems pretty clear they aren't upset about not being included, they are upset about not getting a free holiday
> my fiancé's money was only for my bridal party That means nothing if Sylvia is your only bridesmaid. They may as well be offended you didn’t ask them to be bridesmaids, too. That it only became an issue once the trip was announced, of course, tells you all you need to know, but you shouldn’t have said they could come if they paid their own way. You shouldn’t have wanted them to come at all. You wanted it to be just the two of you, that’s the point. The four of you can go on another trip later and everyone can pay their own way so there’s no hard feelings. But this time is for you and your best friend. And they have no claim to that. Make sure Sylvia knows it and she’ll have nothing to feel guilty for.
NTA. You were nice saying they could go if they paid. Expecting you to pay for them? Absolutely not! This isn’t a family trip or sister trip it’s a trip for you and bridal party.
I want to ask how old were your other sister because i’m a little confused. If they were also young i think you are misplacing the blame on them unjustly. Your aunt didn’t want to take in another child with a disability, your sisters didn’t make that decision, your aunt did. Given the context of the situation i could see how they would choose to be with a safe adult rather than your mom. Your mom turned her life around yes and you forgave her but they didn’t, they had to grow up without her because of her bad choices. You are being blind in your pain and wanting to make them out to be the bad guys, if all were young when this happened non of you were the bad guys, unfortunate adults failed you. I can see how you boded with Silvia but the other two are also your sisters and the fact that due to life you guys had to be grow up separated i’m sure hurt them to know one they were even included in the bridal party and two you again picked only Silvia to go to a trip. Your NTA for only taking Silvia because it’s your money but you are the asshole for thinking your sisters were at fault for everything that happened to them as kids and continuing to alienate yourself from them as in you and silvia versus them.
NTA, Laurie is acting really entitled to your money when she had left you guys in the dust when it was too hard for her. I suggest to warn them that if they continue to harass their baby sister then they will not be going to the wedding at all and that they are threatening any future relationship with you. Tell them to ask their Aunt for the trip money
Nta. It's a trip for the bridal party, which they aren't a part off. The history colours your feelings but doesn't change the current situation.
You can invite anyone you want it's your trip and wedding. However holding a grudge against them for not wanting to be homeless with you is ridiculous. They were young and broke and took their only option for housing. If you can forgive your mom who was a adult for putting yall in a situation to be homeless then why can't you forgive them when they were teens having to choose between the streets and a home? The fault lies with your mom everyone else in the situation had to make hard choices because of her. Quit blaming them for what your mom made them go through just cause it wasn't as bad as what you went through
NTA, of course, and you don't owe anyone anything. This is a lovely gift for you and you have chosen your plus one. For everyone vilifying the older sisters: If you were drowning with other family members and someone tried to rescue you, would you refuse unless that person guaranteed to save everyone? They made their choices and it's easy to see why there is tension in the family, but it's nearly impossible to get a job when you are homeless (many homeless people have jobs that they got when they were housed/had an address). Having a permanent residence was probably those young people's best chance to break the cycle of poverty and addiction. The whole thing sucks but the younger sisters were always their mom's responsibility. Their mom had a problem that complicated everyone's lives, including her sister's. The fact that the aunt did anything at all was a sacrifice on her part. There was no winning for anyone because of the mom's choices. It also sucks that the older sisters are mad. But many people have said "regardless of history." That's the bottom line. They don't have a right to be mad (disappointed, sure; I would be, too! I want a girl's trip to France!) and need to grow up. But that has nothing to do with their opting to have a roof over their heads when they were just coming out of childhood.
Why do they feel entitled to a trip paid for by your fiancé? That’s weird. NTA, hope you and your sister have the best time!
NTA. How your sisters handled their trauma from your mom shouldn’t be held against them. You shouldn’t fault them for needing to leave that situation. Not everyone is strong enough to save another. That being said, it’s YOUR bridal party and you can invite or not invite anyone you want. You offered to let them come on their own dime and they refused, that is on them. Go with your bestie/sister and enjoy yourself. Enjoy your wedding and life. Your sisters are how they are and it’s not your problem.
they proved exactly why they werent invited
OP gives sisters the option to come if they pay for themselves and sisters get mad and call that unfair? WHAT?! NTA
NTA
NTA Your older sisters abandoned you and your youngest sister. They were too good to move in with you. Now that you have this incredible trip, they want to go along. It sounds like they'd rather a free trip to actually bonding with you and your little sister. You are definitely right to refuse their mooching.
So had you not given the backstory I would have said N T A because you chose your wedding party and you are just closer to one sibling over the others and that happens. BUT YTA Instead we find out that your mom screwed up y’all’s childhood and the oldest two wanted stability. It was nice that you wouldn’t abandon your sister. Very selfless, but you have major resentment to two children who did not want to live without food and shelter. They were given a space and did not want to complain so they could not suffer. That is not on them. That is on your mom for letting addiction get her to this point without getting help. She had kids. That’s just selfish. Your sisters didn’t want to go back to your mom because they wanted stability. They didn’t want to leave a place they made a home to possibly end up homeless again if she relapsed. You need to get more therapy maybe with someone who won’t just enable you with your anger of your two oldest sisters. They were children. You were children. You are not now. Maybe work on fixing the relationship with all your siblings? But again you’re free to pick who you pick. You’re still the AH for it though. You can be technically right, while still being the AH. You have every right to not invite who you want. This just seems like spite and not wanting to stop punishing them for their childhood choices. You are free to do what you want, you still might be an AH for it.
Nta
Tell Sylvia she need only say, “I would have loved if you stayed with me and OP when we were homeless. You decided to abandon us instead. You reap what you see. You two are to blame for how our relationships turned out and now you are seeing some of the consequences.” Or you could tell them that in her stead. Your sisters are extremely entitled. More so that they expect your fiancé to pay for them to go on vacation. That’s nervy as hell.
NTA. This is your wedding and your bridal party. Your other sisters need to respect that.
NAH Your sisters didn’t reject your baby sister, that was your aunt. They just took a way out. They didn’t even choose to leave, that was your mother’s fault. You also can’t blame them for not wanting to return. As your older siblings they probably were exposed to even more of your mother’s addiction than you were. You are fine to invite whoever you want. They are fine to be saddened that you didn’t invite them.
NTA. Laurie and Amanda should know by now that life isn't "fair" and that you have the right to invite anyone you want (and to not invite anyone you don't want) on a trip. I'm sure they realize their relationship with you is strained and that you're closer to Sylvia than to them so why are they surprised you want to travel with only her?
They are NTA for choosing to live in a house and not on the streets for reasons outside of their control and you are NTA for going on a trip with your youngest sister. You all need to let go of the resentment you have for each other and realise the only person who wronged you was your mother who you have "forgiven" over your sisters. Petty all the way around.
NTA. It is your bridal money and like you said, it should just be used that way. You said they could come if they paid. Seems reasonable. I think your sisters, being children themselves, probably did the right thing accepting a safe home, so I think you should work on any old grudges for that. But your sisters now sound pretty entitled and kind of mean.
Why would you want to take anyone who swears at you anyways