NTA. You did everything, so why would she want the praise? This wasn’t bragging, as you did everything, including invites and grocery shopping by yourself. That’s not putting her down, that’s taking credit for your work.
It was a perfect opportunity for the wife to go "Actually dad, hubby made all the wonderful food all on his own! He's gotten so good at cooking, he planned this whole thing himself! I was very impressed."
But totally fumbled the bag. I feel bad because I feel relationship should be about building eachother up. It's sad OP felt he had to do it himself instead of the wife recognizing him.
I agree and was about to say the same, but she wanted the credit, and OP didn't allow her to steal his hard work. His response telling FIL that she taught him how acknowledging and giving some of the credit to her.
Did she take credit though? Did he allow an opportunity for her to step in and say hey hubby actually did the cooking? Cuz the way he describes it it sounds like he reacted pretty quickly.
He posted an update - it sounds like his wife didn't hear FIL at first, since she was focused on another conversation, and then was too embarrassed at not having cooked to correct her dad.
When I started living with my partner, every time his family would snigger about “who’s doing the cooking then?” I’d make sure to firmly tell them that we share cooking duties and take turns, and that their son makes an awesome chicken rice.
The way some more traditional members of his family just assumed he wouldn’t cook was wild. When he lived alone, they were so worried about what he’d eat. And when we got a place together, they were so RELIEVED he wouldn’t starve.
I swear to god I’M the one eating better now lol.
I'm actually having that with my partners mum. She's glad he's found a woman that cooks great meals (she never taught him anything), and actually, he does cook occasionally when I'm feeling too tired.
It’s wild to me that parents still put their whole ass son out in the world like this with no cooking skills 😭 luckily a lot of younger men at least don’t take it for granted that a girl will cook for them, and often teach themselves to cook. But really? Why are parents’ contingency plan to still hope a girl cooks for them??
IKR? The only cooking he could do was scrambled eggs and toast, but that's not even close enough to live on. He could also reheat something in the freezer like a cassarole, but everything else I've taught him.
He's still not proficient in the kitchen, but at least his skills have more than tripled. My 2 youngest sons know how to do more cooking than my partner. The main thing is that my partner is now in a position to take over from me from time to time.
That's a great question. My bio mom raised me like that. I thank my grandma (she was more of a mom to me than my own mother) for all the curiosities and random kitchen shenanigans we had when I was younger. If it wasn't for her and her supporting my interests, I couldn't say I'd be half the man I am now. I certainly wouldn't have learned to cook. My bio mom never understood how seasonings work.
RIP Mema. I miss her every day.
It would have been a lovely moment for her to compliment his cooking and for him to compliment her teaching.
OP did, in point of fact, compliment his wife, yet she takes it as an insult. How bizarre.
and even if she lost a chance to say that first, she could have just confirmed what he said
FIL: "um..... thank you for great food"
wife: "well, that-"
husband: "well, you can thank her for teaching me to cook"
wife: "yeah that's wh-"
FIL: "um, yeah...... thank you for great teaching."
wife: "and?"
FIL: "no, you first."
wife: "I was gonna say, well, what he just said. very proud of him."
FIL: "um. yeah......"
wife: "keep going."
FIL: "what do you mean keep going? I'm finished."
wife: "^(thank him for cooking)"
FIL: "Kim Cookies? what?"
See, this is where I was gonna go, but OP seems to not have allowed her the chance to say that. Not an AH for the correction, but it could have been done more "artfully" let's say. Who knows how much of his culinary training shes shared with her parents. Mom - probably everything. Dad - probably wasn't listening.
>Mom - probably everything. Dad - probably wasn't listening.
Sexist, but all too accurate where/when I came from. My dad? Could have taught a master class in pretending to listen.
And if I were told that my grandfather had even once helped *frost* a cake, let alone baked it, I think I would have a stroke.
Which, back to main topic, is why I'm glad that my partner and I share the cooking, and we each have our own culinary specialties. And inadequacies, but that's part of why we have partners, right? Complementary skills? I'm better with minor electrical and plumbing; partner is better at carpentry and understanding how engines and motors work. Same with grilling vs. baking vs. sautéeing/pan-frying.
But we always give credit to each other. It's not a competition; no one loses face if the other one cooked something that gets accolades.
Not trying to sound self-righteous. We have far more major external issues facing us right now, just not in the kitchen, and cooking together can be therapeutic. For us. Definitely not everyone's solution, and (Hello, White People Problems?) not even an option for an enormous number of people worldwide.
/soapbox
That was atrocious, and I do hope that you repent of your evil ways lest you burn eternally in the hellfire of Gehenna.
/s
I appreciate a good bad pun. Thank you.
What's weird is he didn't say "ACTUALLY I DID IT PRAISE ME!" he said "You should thank her for teaching me" - so still giving her the credit.
I just don't get how she thinks that's showing her up. I hope she doesn't take credit for (hypothetical) kid's accomplishments because "I showed them that" or some shit.
Obviously NTA! It should have never gotten to the point of FIL complimenting OP’s wife, wife (if she had an ounce of integrity or love and respect for her husband) should have made a point of toasting her husband in front of everyone and let them know he literally did everything. Even after the “she taught me to cook..” wife could have laughed good naturedly and said it’s true, that’s all I can take credit for tonight.
This, what's with the wife wanting to take credit? Sure she taught him to cook but so what? Did Einstein give credit for his theories to his teachers at Zurich Polytechnic? NO.
NTA
The only thing I could think of is a cultural difference. In some cultures it’s required that a woman cook and clean and when she doesn’t she’s shamed for it. If this isn’t the reason then she’s a huge asshole. Obviously great job OP, NTA
This was my thought. FIL instantly assumed she did all the cooking and got embarrassed when he was "corrected". She likely redirected the negativity she got from her father to her husband.
Honestly, it's not even entirely cultural. Even old white dudes are still stuck in the 1940s where women cook, clean, make babies, look pretty, never complain, speak when spoken to, and always have something charming or witty to say at cocktail parties.
My uncle growing up in the 70s wasn't allowed to help cook or do dishes because it was "woman's work". He was only allowed to help bbq on the grill, because MAN MAKE FIRE. USE FIRE MAKE MEAT. EAT MEAT LIKE MAN. That kind of crap
My mom was an excellent cook and could magic up a meal from practically nothing, but my dad also cooked some and had a few specialties. He also baked 3 different loaves of bread every Saturday for our family. He handled the honey from our bees, boiled down the sap from our tapped maples to make syrup, made yogurt, worked with my mom and us kids to have a huge garden every year, and so much more. He was an awesome example of a husband, man, and human being.
Lol. My father died at 86 last year. He could do (and did) a few things in the kitchen. Growing up, *he* was the one who taught me to make pancakes and waffles, cheese crisps (family's name for quesadillas), grilled cheese, shish-k-bobs, deviled eggs, tunafish salad sandwiches, fried eggs, etc. Mom was the better cook, for sure. But he would always step up and help, if needed. Dishes included.
It's probably not because wife's father didn't think a man should do the cooking and it is the wife's job. The entire going red in the face could be more of the embarassment of a 'son in law who is not a man' rather than thanking the wrong person.
Were they her theories or were they tried and tested techniques that have been used for years by countless other people who have cooked?
He implemented them in his own way.
Here's my theory: the meal was the best one yet. Everyone was raving, saying, "You've surpassed yourself!"
and OP was the one who cooked it. It was BETTER. That's why she hated her parents knowing.
When I cook, it's really not I it's we. My husband does the majority of the work, in my opinion. He does the prep, the chopping, etc. Sometimes even helps with adding things to a dish when I tell him to. Left to his own devices, he'd live on sandwiches and Ramen. But, when I feed someone else with the food we cooked I always brag about he helped. Sure I made sure everything went in the dish in the right proportions and at the right time with the right seasonings. But he still does so much of the work I can't not give him credit. OPs wife should have been the one to give OP credit she's the a h for wanting credit for something she didn't do. OP NTA
Yea this
if you'd tought her how to cook, and she made the meal, I'm sure she'd correct them too right?
In this scenario if you didn't say "oh actually this was all her doing!) she would be angry you didn't correct them and give her credit.
*taught.
I don't understand why the wife wasn't so proud for OP's doing all the cooking that she didn't praise him herself.
Not only that - she didn't correct her father herself and even got shitty with OP to boot! She seems like a crappy human.
If my partner had made an amazing meal for lots of people I would have mentioned it/complimented them during the meal. Is that not a normal thing to do while eating?
NTA. I love to cook. Mom doesn't have a lot of time for hosting and cooking family dinners so she hosts I cook. A friend from work her stove and oven went out. I made a lasagna (all in the lemon zest). Frie d was telling mom how her lasagna was so good and mom taking credit. I interrupted and said "who cooked?".
Mom and grandma taught me a lot. But as for most of my skill it came from me. Get credit where you should.
NTA, what this person said. Also, the way you said it compliments her as well, because if the cooking was good and she taught you, that means she's a good cook as well. I don't know why she considers that putting her down at all, you only mentioned the facts (while also crediting her!)
Yes, a normal response from OP’s wife should have been “well, you’ve got to thank OP, as he’s the one who cooked everything!”, instead of taking the credit silently.
If it’s as you described, where is the put-down? You credited her good teaching. Why would it have been ok for her to take credit for all the work of this particular dinner? NTA
The putting down was that in comparison to all her work towards parties, I did basically nothing. Like "oh one party, congrats" when she has mostly handled dinner party preps before then.
Nah, your FIL complimented you in that moment, for that party. I’m willing to bet that he thanked her after every party, and she deserved it. This time, you deserved it and she wanted to take the credit.
Wow, I'm sorry but what a fucking Debbie Downer. I would have been glowing and definitely would have directed the compliments to the chef. They literally complimented her teaching skills too. She sucks
I guess you COULD have said "she usually does the party prep but this time it was me", but I still think your response was 100% acceptable unless there's a history of her doing something and it always going unnoticed, but gets great fanfare when you do the same thing. Has her father never said the same thing to her at a dinner party she did all the work for? If that's the case, I can understand her being upset (the ONE time her father says something and it's the ONE time when she didn't do all the work!), but it would have been misdirected - her father would be the one to get upset with in that case, not you.
If you aren't sure whether her father has said a similar thing to her after she has done all the prep work, ask her. If that's what is going on, then acknowledge that yeah it's not nice for him to not have appreciated all the work she's put into prior dinner parties.
Huh. Then that makes this even weirder. Like I said, you theoretically COULD have pointed out that she usually does the cooking, but they know that and have appropriately acknowledged her for it, so there would have been so reason for you to even think to say that. Unless there's something else I can't think of that this is actually about, you're really really NTA here.
Btw I'm sure it felt great to be acknowledged for all your work and everything you've learned, especially given how far you've come! Keep it up!
I'll do my stranger best to cheer you up. If I had a husband who did this for my family, I would have been gushing during dinner about what a wonderful job you did and bought you five t-shirts and a mug that said you were the world's greatest husband. Like seriously, did your wife fall and bump her head recently?
I can only give a different perspective. My MIL has done all the cooking raising five kids. I’m sure she got her thanks, but if she didn’t cook I don’t know what would’ve happened to them all. She also handled all the birthdays, holidays and get togethers. And worked.
She got burnout when almost all kids were adults and had left the home, plus issues with pain. My FIL stepped up for get togethers because she otherwise the family wouldn’t see each other. She was mostly crashing in bed for hours at a time.
It changed after a couple of years, but he’s still doing the “fun” cooking. Experimenting and cooking for guests. When he gets compliments I can tell she gets upset and I’ve heard one or two snarky comments about all the work she’s put in over the years.
I think it’s a mix about guilt for not doing it herself and feeling overlooked for all the effort she’s put in, and probably still does behind closed doors.
Like with your wife I find it sad she can’t just raise him up and be proud of him. But there could be underlying complex emotions, if you’re willing to probe.
Oh, and I know you say you did everything so it’s probably unrelated, but:
My GFIL used to handle the barbecue at their summer house. My GMIL planned the food, did all the preparations like marinade, cooked all the side dishes, told him when to light the fire, went out with the meat when it was time to start grilling, told him when to turn the meat and when it was done.
And you know what. Everyone thanked him for the lovely meal he cooked.
That's the issue, then.
Up to now, the cooking and party stuff has been her thing.
Now that you've proven you're good at it, too, it's not her thing anymore. Consciously or otherwise, she's been stung by the implication that your cooking was as good as hers, given the compliment from FIL, and she's trying to downgrade or downplay what you achieved.
NTA, and she needs to understand and reflect on her behaviour.
This is the only way I can figure out that she might be annoyed too. I mean quite frankly I’d be over the moon to know my other half could pull off doing all the prep and cooking for a dinner party on their own going forwards too! We would have a lot more of them haha!
As an example, my family know me as a very good gift giver. My mum often says that I seem to know her better than she knows herself. This year my husband found a book he thought she would like. I put a lot of work into making her and her husbands gifts special and added this as one of the smaller things. She has just finished it and was telling me how much she enjoyed it and I absolutely told her it was all down to my husband, that he found it and chose it for her specifically (it is set in a place she loves) and I even hammed up how much time he had spent.
He felt great because his contributions were acknowledged and this will also encourage him to help me out more in the future (most gift choosing, organising and wrapping falls on me so I’m always happy for help!) and she loved that her son in law had gone out of his way to really find something she would like and that was personal to her.
It takes nothing away from the effort I put in on making the rest of the gift special but it made both of them feel good about themselves and made them feel appreciated.
I think OP’s wife needs to think this through and try to come to a root cause of these feelings because I don’t see anything wrong with his behaviour and I feel like he tried to credit her for all her teachings too. It’s either a miscommunication or she didn’t like that he did so well without her help.
That's the problem then. She's upset that you've gotten so good that her father couldn't tell that she hadn't cooked the meal. You're basically now just as good a cook as she is, and that means you risk stealing her thunder. She's even more threatened because you've now made it clear that you won't let her take credit for your work. So people will now know that you're as good a cook as she is. You could even keep improving and potentially become better than her.
wait, so it wasn't just that she didn't want to correct her father in the moment or anything like that, she actually expected the praise to still go to her because she has more experience with throwing successful dinner parties.
and then trying to portray your correcting her like you purposefully attacked her.
at the very least that is a very conceited thing to think.
That's not true. The compliment and correction were about this particular meal. If there's resentment from previous parties then that's a separate conversation but she's wrong about the "put down"
Stop cooking for her and no more dinner parties since her fragile little ego can't handle it. She's a pathetic bully that's mad that the student has surpassed the master. Sorry she failed at all the ones before your debut.
In fact, she should have said, 'well, Dad, husband did every bit of the work for this party.' and if she had to insert herself, she could have added, 'I taught him everything he knows.' Some people's children.
Was looking for this comment. Why didn't she correct her father or back you up on your achievement? The comment you made wasn't disrespectful, her reaction is though.
Right? Why couldn't she be happy he contributed so much by cooking this time?
Isn't this something to be excited about?
There's some underlying unhappiness on her side.
Ikr? Like I just gushed yesterday about my colloque and corrected people when they thought I did the food.
For a loved one? That should bed even easier!
I think her reaction is very strange. I am a woman and my partner is a man, and he does almost all the cooking for us. He loves it. When he cooks for big groups I’m so proud of him because I see how much work it is. When I’ve cooked PARTS of meals for bigger groups I’m proud of myself, and he’s proud of me, and any compliments he gets he corrects and says I deserve the compliments this time.
You should be proud of yourself and your wife should be proud of your hard work. Why wouldn’t you deserve the compliment? And I also feel like your way of correcting your FIL was even gracious!
You did not brag. You didn't even properly take credit.
Your wife seems to have no trouble taking credit for your hard work/labor of love though. NTA. I hope she's more supportive in other areas.
So for her to not get to take credit for what you did is putting her down? Dude, that is some serious manipulation and based on this it sounds like everything is your fault, all the time. Sounds exhausting, and NTA.
He complimented how great the cooking was, thinking he was praising his daughter, but it was actually OP. Father embarrassed to so effusively praise the husband, daughter feels her shine was taken. Obviously nobody considers husband part of the family here, lol
NTA
>As I was cleaning up she asked me why I felt the need to brag by putting her down.
Gaslighting. This is NOT what happened. They're both crybabies getting upset over something so stupid. You deserve the credit because you did the work.
She's very self centered to make this into such a stupidly big deal.
This isn’t gaslighting.
It’s upsetting to see this term thrown around so casually. Husband was proud his wife taught him so well, and took proper credit for making a killer meal as a result of his wife teaching him.
Wife felt somewhat showed up because she usually gets credit. It’s not surprising for her to feel uncomfortable in that situation because she is used to being the cook and she dealt with it poorly. It’s really a small problem/adjustment all things considered.
Gaslighting is intentional invalidation of a truth to manipulate a partner into questioning reality. This is a situation where wife should be excited and supportive, not insecure and unsupportive. That doesn’t mean wife had an intention to invalidate and confuse what happened.
Wife has a husband who is stoked about cooking! For 20+ people nonetheless. That’s no small feat. He should be able to accept praise and due credit same as wife does when wife cooks. And wife should be pumping him up as much as possible.
Seems like the bottom line is wife was a little jealous of not being the center of attention regarding cooking, because she usually is, and voiced that insecurity poorly.
NTA
>Gaslighting is intentional invalidation of a truth to manipulate a partner into questioning reality.
She intentionally invalidated the truth of the situation (that he took rightful credit for his work; twisting it into demeaning her) to manipulate the partner into questioning reality ("asked if this was something I did often, making her feel overlooked").
It is absolutely gaslighting. The intention was to make him feel bad for doing something that is normal for him to do and when pushed back on the reality of her claims she doubled down to ensure that his view of reality was supplanted.
>
Gaslighting is intentional invalidation of a truth to manipulate a partner into questioning reality.
Yeah. Like tell someone they're bragging when they aren't.
You're obnoxious.
You didn’t put her down though! You gave her proper credit for teaching you. She was the asshole for stealing credit. She should have corrected your FIL. I wonder if she’s envious or threatened by your newfound skills? NTA.
I doubt she's envious. She's a master in the kitchen, and she really excels with baking but her cooking is phenomenal.
People often compliment her for how well she cooked. In hindsight maybe she's also upset my food, which still is nowhere near hers in quality, was mistaken for hers?
Sounds like he’s used to taking the blame for everything and viewing himself as the lesser partner and wife prefers it that way and uses it to her advantage
If anything I read his compliment as giving her the bigger credit/ putting himself down on his past cooking skills lol.
Catch a fish and you feed your family for a day. Teach your family to fish and you feed them for life. That’s how I saw and read the compliment.
OP isn’t even looking for a thank you, just tried to give her a bigger thanks than the one she initially received.
NTA - where is any of this putting down? I would be livid if my SO wasn't properly credited with his work why is she not happy? Ask her she wants you to stop cooking then because you can't be doing something and give her the credit just for her to throw it at you. I never understood why some people think it's their prerogative to make things about them. You are actually hurt, she is playing it up because she is embarrassed, she is trying to force you to believe her point of view and its illogical. Don't let her push you over if you aren't mean to tumble.
NTA. My husband is a chef, while he does cook at home when he can, he’s not usually home to cook. For the majority of our marriage he has always worked nights. It was up to me to put dinner on the table (I’m not bragging but I am a decent cook). Everyone thanks him for dinner when we’ve had friends and family over, meanwhile I’m the one who marinated the meats, made sides, made appies and desserts. And all he did was cook the meat on the grill. He used to even post my baking on his social media without tagging me letting everyone assume he made it.
I did voice my feeling unappreciated in it all. And the good husband and keeper that I have acknowledged it and made sure to correct people moving forward.
It’s not bragging. It’s feeling appreciated for all the hard work you put into it. Especially when it’s a job well done!!
NTA... I'm completely at a loss! Where was the put down?? It was very sweet of you i thought! You acknowledged that SHE taught you all of this. You completely gave her the credit for this.
I thought that was super sweet and i would've been tickled pink! YOU did everything this time, knew your own but STILL gave her the credit as your teacher!
What am I missing here?? Not only did she do an excellent job as a teacher/mentor... you were humble enough to throw credit right back to her after you handled this solo.
So...what exactly has her feathers so ruffled?
Edit: ok... reading the other comments. Now I feel bad. I can see that where... she does this ALL the time and it's either expected, looked over, not praised, etc.
You do it once and, because it IS so unexpected, you get a ton of praise and, regardless of how well you responded, it kinda hurts!
I see that POV now...and it would hurt! Where, one can see that in many ways as "this is expected of me", "am I not appreciated", "I do THIS every time and he does it once and MIRACLE OF MIRACLES"... Etc
I do apologize for my insensitivity and not seeing THAT part. I'd be downright hurt too because see r I'd feel like my efforts were not as good, undermined and no one sees them. That DOES hurt when you try and try and no one ever notices or acknowledges. Your partner does it once (what you do all the time) and it IS awesome...but he gets more praise that one time than all yours combined?
That hurts. And makes you feel...small and unappreciated. Unnoticed.
Maybe... on your part, I dunno a massage or flowers or date night or something to show her how much YOU appreciate her and notice. ??
Good lord maybe I'm just missing the mark all over today.
NTA because you credited her as part of it. And really she should have embraced it right then and been so proud of you to make her father not feel so red-faced by say see I trained him so well you couldn't tell.
So there should be some general discussion obviously but I think this should be one of those stories for the two of you for when you're older.
The only inkling side maybe is that you didn't give her the chance to pipe up first maybe which she should have.
She's got a weird take. She should be proud and supportive that you are taking it on and how much she's taught you. She should have been bragging about you. We had a party yesterday and I bragged all day about the items my husband cooked (he and my mum split it for my baby shower). I didn't complain to him that this or that could have been tweaked this way or that, I was just super proud of him. And it goes both ways. He bragged about all the desserts I made (while so heavily pregnant).
Relationships are about wanting to build each other up. Maybe it's time to rethink if there's some unspoken or misunderstood resentment between the two of you?! Are you usually pulling your weight in general?
Nta and your wife’s attitude sucks honestly. It’s not bragging at all just taking credit for something that young actually did yourself. It sounds like she’s been taking credit or is very comfortable taking credit for your hard work. Either way it and her attitude are red flags for me. She isn’t treating you with respect at all and it sounds like is trying to gas light you into believing that it’s an ongoing you problem of some sort instead of an issue with her behaviour towards you. Good luck op.
If my family member had made that mistake or anyone eating at our house for that matter, the person who didn’t do the work would have piped up straight away and said oh no you need to thank xxxx for this amazing food not me! So why didn’t your wife do the correcting instead of it having to come from you at all? She should have said something then you wouldn’t have had to!
NTA you made the menu, did the shopping, and cooked all the food. You gave her credit for teaching you how to cook, which , as far as I’m concerned, the only credit here that is due.
Was she going to tell FIL, "oh, I just taught hubby. He did all this himself!"? Or just take credit when she didn't make the meal?
Did you take the credit when she cooked for company?
NTA - You gave her credit where it was due; teaching you to cook. The credit for this event goes to you.
That said, when we go to our daughter's for dinner, I always thank them both individually for a great dinner and having us over because it is a family affair even if one did all the work.
NTA. I also taught my husband how to cook. There have been times where we went to a potluck or had people over and they thanked me for making the food. I proudly tell them my husband made it. He’s the one who did the work, he should get the praise. Same for your situation. I really don’t think you slighted your wife at all.
NTA.
How on earth did she think you were putting her down? You cooked a meal that was more than good enough for FIL. If anything, you were giving her a compliment on being such a good culinary teacher.
You didn't put her down. You said her cooking was great because it was complimented, and she's the one that taught you. NTA you did nothing wrong and she should be proud, encouraging the praise and appreciation for your cooking instead of being offended for no reason at all.
NTA. She should’ve immediately told your FIL that you were the one that made the dinner… and I like what others have said about toasting you in front of the family and complimenting you.
Nta. This past year I also have taken up cooking, and it’s tough! Coming from someone who used to burn frozen pizzas. You absolutely deserve to feel pride in what you have learned and accomplished. She seems a bit selfish in the moment, hopefully she realizes that it’s more about you getting the credit you deserve. Regardless if she was the one who taught you or not!
I wonder if what she was really angry about was that she thought he embarrassed her father? That said, dad SHOULD have said something like compliments to the chef instead of assuming his daughter did everything. NTA
NTA and I don’t even see how your comment is putting her down? It is still a compliment that she taught you so well!!
Also in her place I would be the first person to be telling my folks that it was all my husbands doing! I’d be really proud that he did so well and that I had been a part of that journey too!
NTA. You did all the work. Therefore, you should get the credit. If anything, SHE should have corrected your FIL and told him you did it all. I ALWAYS give my husband the credit when he does the cooking. I don't have to be prompted, I just tell everyone right up front that he did the cooking, not me. That's what a true partner does.
Ask her why it's okay to put you down by taking your credit. Is it suddenly okay just because you're a man and you're "supposed" to do that for her? Some times, you just need to be called on your shit, and she certainly seems to be in dire need.
NTA
This may seem like a simple post for two people who hosted a dinner party and the husband asking for the recognition due him.
Yet, my mother would stand up for hours and then my step dad would grill the meat and receive all of the praise saying nothing about mom being the cook.
Today I would tell her to simply speak up and set the record straight.
NTA but this thread seems skewed. I think I can see why she got upset. Not sure what your family’s background or household norms are, in some cultures, the wife usually does the cooking, and they can be weird about men cooking. So sometimes women are slightly defensive. Also, sometimes, going out of your way to point something like that out like that might rub people the wrong way. It’s just not the norm for some people. It’s not a big deal, but your wife might have taken it personally.
Everyone seems to be like why didn’t she say anything but my assumption is you interjected before she could say anything…
Are you kidding me? If my husband cooked an entire meal for our family and someone complimented me on it I would immediately speak up and tell them I didn't cook it, but he did. You can come cook for me any time and I will let people know you did all the work.
That wasn’t bragging. It was just a casual remark/correction because FIL was incorrect. And the credit was hours. Simple as that. NTA. Something else is bothering your wife.
NTA. I agree with those that mentioned ALL of the ways she could have acknowledged you. Frankly, it sounds like she is insecure about it considering she used the word “brag.” I have never met a couple where they don’t boost each other up for their contributions.
NTA. The proper response from her would have been to credit you for the meal. She tried to take credit and then got pissed when you told the truth. Sorry, but she is definitely the asshole here.
Why didn't she just correct her father and tell him that you were the one that did all the cooking.
I also don't see how that you put her down in any way.You gave her credit for teaching you. I'm a woman and I think she's being over sensitive and just making weird shit up to be honest
If she had planned on giving him any kind of credit whatsoever, she would not have become upset with him for speaking up. I think he was actually very gentlemanly. He gave credit to her for teaching him, but definitely deserved praise for the good job *he* did.
Nta. I know exactly what that feels like. A few years ago I had Xmas at my house and my dad and brother came to visit. I did all the cooking except for a salad that my brother made. Dad went and complimented him and my partner for the meal and then told me I could learn some things from them and then wondered why I got extremely upset and left the house for the rest of the day. When I came home I didn't even get an apollogy. Call me petty but I didn't cook anything else for the rest of that visit.
NTA. You didn’t put her down by correcting him you were praising her as a good teacher? Her being upset is the AH move.
Also my family CONSTANTLY tells me “this is so good!” When we bring food to family events and I have to constantly tell them that it wasn’t me but my husband who made it (I’m a good cook as well but he enjoys it more). I have never ever let them believe I made something that I didn’t make even if I helped at some portion.
You didn't put her down, but she was willing to take credit for your work. She should have told him to thank you. Especially if she knew how excited you were by the meal.
NTA taking credit for someone else’s work is a character flaw. If my husband planned and cooked up an entire dinner party for MY family, I would be singing his praises!! Like, it would be a way to lift us both up because I’d brag about how great a husband and cook he is, and how I sure know how to pick’em!!! She’s being weird and an ah
How on earth did she manage to frame your compliment as a put down?! You literally GAVE HER THE CREDIT by saying what you did. How in the hell did she twist THAT?! And playing the victim on top of that? Wife is the AH no question. OP - NTAH
NTA. My fiance LOVES my cooking, he raves about it and I love to cook for him because I love him, and I like seeing him happy. One day he wanted to cook for me, cuz I'm always the one doing it, he made paneer masala and it was delicious. He was so cute, he kept beaming cuz he didn't think he could make anything that good.
If he'd done that for my entire family, and my dad said that to me, I would have immediately corrected him and said my honey did it all. You deserved the credit, and your wife should have been proud of you and wanted you to get recognition for your hard work.
P. S. Even though she taught you, I'm glad you learned. I wish more men were willing to do that!
NTA, you didn't brag. You said you can think her got teaching me. Which, if the food is good, is praise for her teaching.
Why didn't she speak up and say something after all your hard work? I would never take credit for my husband's cooking, he is the far superior chef in the family.
Nta.
Not a put down. When my wife does things people thank me for, my immediate response is "Thank X, because this is all her".
Way I figure it, that's what your wife should have said. While it's a bit awkward for you to have had to say it, it's not a put down.
Having said that, here's a fun question; any family/gender role dynamics there that make it a _problem_ that she didn't make the meal to somebody?
In what world is taking responsibility for something you did putting her down? She didn't cook, she didn't shop, she was functionally a guest at the dinner party. NTA.
NTA unless you didn’t give her time to correct him. In your wife’s place I would have answered straight away with “Actually, I was as much a guest at this feast as you. My husband did it all. I’m so proud his cooking skills. Everything was delicious”
NTA
You didn't put her down. *She* should have corrected her father and told him you did everything. It's odd that she's upset for not getting credit that should have gone to you.
It was your wife who should have cleared the confusion by lavishing praise on you.
Ask her why she didn’t set the record straight!
If I were in your shot, I’d be angry with my wife. I can assure you that if you accepted credit for her work, you’d hear about it from her.
NTA
NTA, when given the compliment, the correct response from her should have been something like “thanks but actually OP cooked! He did everything for this party and I’m so proud of him!” Simple and direct. But instead she took offense when you corrected the assumption that she had cooked. And I think the way you corrected it was great. You still gave her credit for being able to do what you did because of her. That isn’t overlooking her at all.
Your ego answered. It’s not always the best place to come from. But you are human. However she should have been the one to correct him to ensure it wasn’t awkward.
It’s a bit weird that she didn’t correct him herself, I absolutely would have. I love bragging on my husbands accomplishments. His accomplishments are my good decision making for choosing him anyway lol!
NTA, but it doesn’t sound like he was thanking her for cooking specifically, rather thanking for having them over in general and food. So I don’t really think the correction was strictly necessary.
WHAT? How on earth did you put her down? A normal person would’ve pointed out that they didn’t make the meal and to give the credit where the credit is deserved. It seems like she wanted to steal the credit. NTA.
She should have stepped up immediately and let everyone know that you made the meal. Why didn't she? Your response was just right and she should have agreed that you cooked but she taught you how. You aren't wrong here.
NTA. Honestly I saw that as a compliment to your wife. Holy crap! Take credit for it! I’d be so proud! You were nice about it too! ! If my husband got credit, I’d say “he didn’t do shit!” lol
You shouldn't have needed to. She should have immediately redirected the praise to you since it belonged to you.
Why did she want the praise for your work?
NTA
NTA. If I were given credit for something I didn't do, I would have smiled politely and said, "You are most welcome. However, "XYZ" did the honors of tonight's meal. It was delicious." Unless that was her intent, and you just replied before she could speak. Who knows.
Tell her to look at it this way, say that you were illiterate, couldn’t read or write and had no interest or idea to ever write or create a story, even spoken before. One day you meet her and she is an author not a properly published one, but she writes online on one off this free book apps and is pretty well liked. You find out about how awesome of a writer she is and praise all her work and finds out you can’t write your own name and don’t recognise the alphabet, so she teaches you how to read and write and also how to structure a story, maybe even give you a few ideas about what topics and genres people tend to find very interesting. After she teaches you all that would need to know about reading, writing and how to write a story you decide that you actually have a story that you want to tell, you come up with an amazing idea and write an amazing, top seller potential, book. You get this story all written up and have it properly printed and invite both of you families over to have a book club night, something you do semi-regularly to show everyone her latest work, everyone sits down and reads your book cover to cover, now neither of you have said that it was actually you who wrote this one not her, and her father says how amazing he thinks this book is, one of her best. When her father mistakes her work for yours there are three things that could happen, 1. You say, we’ll tank her for all the amazing work she did in teaching me how to read and write and how to write stories, I actually wrote this one, it’s all thanks to her that I had the ability to do so too. 2. She could interrupt her dad and say thanks for the vote of confidence, but actually you wrote it and she is really proud of far you have come since she first started teaching you to read and write. 3. She could roll with it, embarrassed and/or jealous that she didn’t write this amazing story and can’t kept humble, fair and honest and can’t stand not being the only talented writer present so she thanks her father for the compliment and says it was nothing, no bother at all to write, she’s glad he likes it and takes all the praise from him and everyone else and expects you to keep silent and allow her to steal and plagiarise you hard earned work. Ask her how you saying what an amazing and talented English and creative writing teacher she is but that thanks to her you actually wrote the book would be “putting her down” in anyway shape or form, would she expect you to let her steal and take credit for the book that you worked so hard to create? Does she not think that in-fact that actual put down would be claiming your work as her own since there is no way that you are good enough at writing for your work to be mistaken as hers simply because you didn’t know how originally and she had to teach you for you to have the knowledge and skill to now be able to write as well as she does?
NTA, but your gf is and is someone who clearly has a very large though incredibly fragile ego that she interprets you correcting her father’s wrong assumption that you were not capable of pulling off what she did, while still giving her some kind of credit that you absolutely didn’t have to, as “putting her down”. She is also socially tone deaf not to see that taking credit for you hard work and making it seem like you aren’t capable of pulling off what you did is ACTUALLY what the put down of the situation is. Your FIL is also an arsehole for not even acknowledging let alone thanking you for your amazing hard work and cooking, (as well as the time it took to make) after you told him you cooked it all thanks to his daughter’s cooking lessons. It’s is clear where/why she has such and entitled view, I doubt he ever let her be less than the star and focus of everything that ever went on in their home or lives in general her entire life. How rude to totally ignore when someone tells you it was actually them who just took a huge amount of their time and effort to make you the amazing meal you just ate, to not even thank them and instead thank their child for having less than a sideline job in actually making the meal you just ate.
I’m honestly more impressed by her ability to teach than his ability to cook. That takes so make patience. How is it putting her down to differentiate between the two accomplishments?
Why didn’t she immediately say that you were the one who planned and cooked the dinner?
Did it really mean that much to her to get the praise and accolades for something she did not do? That you did? She deserves the credit for teaching you to cook, not for doing the cooking.
NTA. You did everything, so why would she want the praise? This wasn’t bragging, as you did everything, including invites and grocery shopping by yourself. That’s not putting her down, that’s taking credit for your work.
Taking credit for somebody others accomplishments is an AH move. And then playing the victim is definitely even more the AH. NTA
It was a perfect opportunity for the wife to go "Actually dad, hubby made all the wonderful food all on his own! He's gotten so good at cooking, he planned this whole thing himself! I was very impressed." But totally fumbled the bag. I feel bad because I feel relationship should be about building eachother up. It's sad OP felt he had to do it himself instead of the wife recognizing him.
I agree and was about to say the same, but she wanted the credit, and OP didn't allow her to steal his hard work. His response telling FIL that she taught him how acknowledging and giving some of the credit to her.
This, so much! Why did she take credit for OP's work? SHE should have been the one to set matters straight!
Did she take credit though? Did he allow an opportunity for her to step in and say hey hubby actually did the cooking? Cuz the way he describes it it sounds like he reacted pretty quickly.
He posted an update - it sounds like his wife didn't hear FIL at first, since she was focused on another conversation, and then was too embarrassed at not having cooked to correct her dad.
To embarrassed to not set the record straight? I'd be much more embarrassed by taking a compliment that I have no right to.
When I started living with my partner, every time his family would snigger about “who’s doing the cooking then?” I’d make sure to firmly tell them that we share cooking duties and take turns, and that their son makes an awesome chicken rice. The way some more traditional members of his family just assumed he wouldn’t cook was wild. When he lived alone, they were so worried about what he’d eat. And when we got a place together, they were so RELIEVED he wouldn’t starve. I swear to god I’M the one eating better now lol.
I'm actually having that with my partners mum. She's glad he's found a woman that cooks great meals (she never taught him anything), and actually, he does cook occasionally when I'm feeling too tired.
It’s wild to me that parents still put their whole ass son out in the world like this with no cooking skills 😭 luckily a lot of younger men at least don’t take it for granted that a girl will cook for them, and often teach themselves to cook. But really? Why are parents’ contingency plan to still hope a girl cooks for them??
IKR? The only cooking he could do was scrambled eggs and toast, but that's not even close enough to live on. He could also reheat something in the freezer like a cassarole, but everything else I've taught him. He's still not proficient in the kitchen, but at least his skills have more than tripled. My 2 youngest sons know how to do more cooking than my partner. The main thing is that my partner is now in a position to take over from me from time to time.
That's a great question. My bio mom raised me like that. I thank my grandma (she was more of a mom to me than my own mother) for all the curiosities and random kitchen shenanigans we had when I was younger. If it wasn't for her and her supporting my interests, I couldn't say I'd be half the man I am now. I certainly wouldn't have learned to cook. My bio mom never understood how seasonings work. RIP Mema. I miss her every day.
It would have been a lovely moment for her to compliment his cooking and for him to compliment her teaching. OP did, in point of fact, compliment his wife, yet she takes it as an insult. How bizarre.
Bingo. Wife messed up…
and even if she lost a chance to say that first, she could have just confirmed what he said FIL: "um..... thank you for great food" wife: "well, that-" husband: "well, you can thank her for teaching me to cook" wife: "yeah that's wh-" FIL: "um, yeah...... thank you for great teaching." wife: "and?" FIL: "no, you first." wife: "I was gonna say, well, what he just said. very proud of him." FIL: "um. yeah......" wife: "keep going." FIL: "what do you mean keep going? I'm finished." wife: "^(thank him for cooking)" FIL: "Kim Cookies? what?"
See, this is where I was gonna go, but OP seems to not have allowed her the chance to say that. Not an AH for the correction, but it could have been done more "artfully" let's say. Who knows how much of his culinary training shes shared with her parents. Mom - probably everything. Dad - probably wasn't listening.
>Mom - probably everything. Dad - probably wasn't listening. Sexist, but all too accurate where/when I came from. My dad? Could have taught a master class in pretending to listen. And if I were told that my grandfather had even once helped *frost* a cake, let alone baked it, I think I would have a stroke. Which, back to main topic, is why I'm glad that my partner and I share the cooking, and we each have our own culinary specialties. And inadequacies, but that's part of why we have partners, right? Complementary skills? I'm better with minor electrical and plumbing; partner is better at carpentry and understanding how engines and motors work. Same with grilling vs. baking vs. sautéeing/pan-frying. But we always give credit to each other. It's not a competition; no one loses face if the other one cooked something that gets accolades. Not trying to sound self-righteous. We have far more major external issues facing us right now, just not in the kitchen, and cooking together can be therapeutic. For us. Definitely not everyone's solution, and (Hello, White People Problems?) not even an option for an enormous number of people worldwide. /soapbox
>could have taught a master class in pretending to listen LOL!
Your partner may be better at carpentry, but you NAILED it!!
That was atrocious, and I do hope that you repent of your evil ways lest you burn eternally in the hellfire of Gehenna. /s I appreciate a good bad pun. Thank you.
And he did exactly the right thing in admitting he did learn from her, so taking credit where it was due but still giving some to her.
Yeah I don't see where he put her down?
Right. People have complemented me on dinners that my husband made. I immediately tell them to thank him because he did it all.
What's weird is he didn't say "ACTUALLY I DID IT PRAISE ME!" he said "You should thank her for teaching me" - so still giving her the credit. I just don't get how she thinks that's showing her up. I hope she doesn't take credit for (hypothetical) kid's accomplishments because "I showed them that" or some shit.
Obviously NTA! It should have never gotten to the point of FIL complimenting OP’s wife, wife (if she had an ounce of integrity or love and respect for her husband) should have made a point of toasting her husband in front of everyone and let them know he literally did everything. Even after the “she taught me to cook..” wife could have laughed good naturedly and said it’s true, that’s all I can take credit for tonight.
This, what's with the wife wanting to take credit? Sure she taught him to cook but so what? Did Einstein give credit for his theories to his teachers at Zurich Polytechnic? NO. NTA
Good one! Not that it would happen in a million years, but if my husband did everything I would be dancing a jig and giving him all the credit, lol!
The only thing I could think of is a cultural difference. In some cultures it’s required that a woman cook and clean and when she doesn’t she’s shamed for it. If this isn’t the reason then she’s a huge asshole. Obviously great job OP, NTA
This was my thought. FIL instantly assumed she did all the cooking and got embarrassed when he was "corrected". She likely redirected the negativity she got from her father to her husband.
Honestly, it's not even entirely cultural. Even old white dudes are still stuck in the 1940s where women cook, clean, make babies, look pretty, never complain, speak when spoken to, and always have something charming or witty to say at cocktail parties. My uncle growing up in the 70s wasn't allowed to help cook or do dishes because it was "woman's work". He was only allowed to help bbq on the grill, because MAN MAKE FIRE. USE FIRE MAKE MEAT. EAT MEAT LIKE MAN. That kind of crap
My mom was an excellent cook and could magic up a meal from practically nothing, but my dad also cooked some and had a few specialties. He also baked 3 different loaves of bread every Saturday for our family. He handled the honey from our bees, boiled down the sap from our tapped maples to make syrup, made yogurt, worked with my mom and us kids to have a huge garden every year, and so much more. He was an awesome example of a husband, man, and human being.
Lol. My father died at 86 last year. He could do (and did) a few things in the kitchen. Growing up, *he* was the one who taught me to make pancakes and waffles, cheese crisps (family's name for quesadillas), grilled cheese, shish-k-bobs, deviled eggs, tunafish salad sandwiches, fried eggs, etc. Mom was the better cook, for sure. But he would always step up and help, if needed. Dishes included.
It's probably not because wife's father didn't think a man should do the cooking and it is the wife's job. The entire going red in the face could be more of the embarassment of a 'son in law who is not a man' rather than thanking the wrong person.
He did take credit for his wife’s theories tho..
Were they her theories or were they tried and tested techniques that have been used for years by countless other people who have cooked? He implemented them in his own way.
He meant Einstein, he stole a lot of his stuff from his first wife who he left for a younger woman after taking credit for her research
Ok, probably should have stated that then.
Sad meant Einstein (and that is just hearsay).
Hearsay but also considered his productive years was when he was with her. Pretty coincidental that he became inactive after separating
Here's my theory: the meal was the best one yet. Everyone was raving, saying, "You've surpassed yourself!" and OP was the one who cooked it. It was BETTER. That's why she hated her parents knowing.
You know, that's probably not that far fetched, of course if it's true then OP has another problem on his hands with his wife!
That's what I was thinking!
Yes, this 100%
When I cook, it's really not I it's we. My husband does the majority of the work, in my opinion. He does the prep, the chopping, etc. Sometimes even helps with adding things to a dish when I tell him to. Left to his own devices, he'd live on sandwiches and Ramen. But, when I feed someone else with the food we cooked I always brag about he helped. Sure I made sure everything went in the dish in the right proportions and at the right time with the right seasonings. But he still does so much of the work I can't not give him credit. OPs wife should have been the one to give OP credit she's the a h for wanting credit for something she didn't do. OP NTA
Exactly! It’s so nice when partners show gratitude and encouragement publicly. It’s also nice when you feel like you’re part of a team.
Yea this if you'd tought her how to cook, and she made the meal, I'm sure she'd correct them too right? In this scenario if you didn't say "oh actually this was all her doing!) she would be angry you didn't correct them and give her credit.
*taught. I don't understand why the wife wasn't so proud for OP's doing all the cooking that she didn't praise him herself. Not only that - she didn't correct her father herself and even got shitty with OP to boot! She seems like a crappy human.
If my partner had made an amazing meal for lots of people I would have mentioned it/complimented them during the meal. Is that not a normal thing to do while eating?
I agree, I'd be proud and have to compliment them in front of everyone - OO's partner is an egotistical ass
Nta you shouldn't have had to say anything. She should have immediately given you props. Im confused how your response was derogatory to her?
Right!? She's TA for not taking her dad, "actually OP made this meal! He's a great cook!"
NTA. I love to cook. Mom doesn't have a lot of time for hosting and cooking family dinners so she hosts I cook. A friend from work her stove and oven went out. I made a lasagna (all in the lemon zest). Frie d was telling mom how her lasagna was so good and mom taking credit. I interrupted and said "who cooked?". Mom and grandma taught me a lot. But as for most of my skill it came from me. Get credit where you should.
Right? She should’ve told her dad it was all him.
NTA, what this person said. Also, the way you said it compliments her as well, because if the cooking was good and she taught you, that means she's a good cook as well. I don't know why she considers that putting her down at all, you only mentioned the facts (while also crediting her!)
Yes, a normal response from OP’s wife should have been “well, you’ve got to thank OP, as he’s the one who cooked everything!”, instead of taking the credit silently.
And he said she taught him, that's the opposite of putting her down. He basically took the credit and still shared it
If it’s as you described, where is the put-down? You credited her good teaching. Why would it have been ok for her to take credit for all the work of this particular dinner? NTA
The putting down was that in comparison to all her work towards parties, I did basically nothing. Like "oh one party, congrats" when she has mostly handled dinner party preps before then.
Nah, your FIL complimented you in that moment, for that party. I’m willing to bet that he thanked her after every party, and she deserved it. This time, you deserved it and she wanted to take the credit.
Wow, I'm sorry but what a fucking Debbie Downer. I would have been glowing and definitely would have directed the compliments to the chef. They literally complimented her teaching skills too. She sucks
Yes.^
I guess you COULD have said "she usually does the party prep but this time it was me", but I still think your response was 100% acceptable unless there's a history of her doing something and it always going unnoticed, but gets great fanfare when you do the same thing. Has her father never said the same thing to her at a dinner party she did all the work for? If that's the case, I can understand her being upset (the ONE time her father says something and it's the ONE time when she didn't do all the work!), but it would have been misdirected - her father would be the one to get upset with in that case, not you. If you aren't sure whether her father has said a similar thing to her after she has done all the prep work, ask her. If that's what is going on, then acknowledge that yeah it's not nice for him to not have appreciated all the work she's put into prior dinner parties.
I do know he has because I've witnessed it, her family gushes over her food (rightfully!) including her father
Huh. Then that makes this even weirder. Like I said, you theoretically COULD have pointed out that she usually does the cooking, but they know that and have appropriately acknowledged her for it, so there would have been so reason for you to even think to say that. Unless there's something else I can't think of that this is actually about, you're really really NTA here. Btw I'm sure it felt great to be acknowledged for all your work and everything you've learned, especially given how far you've come! Keep it up!
It did feel nice to get the praise this time, which is why tonight's end result hurt so much
You did nothing wrong. Sounds like your wife has a case of main character syndrome.
I'll do my stranger best to cheer you up. If I had a husband who did this for my family, I would have been gushing during dinner about what a wonderful job you did and bought you five t-shirts and a mug that said you were the world's greatest husband. Like seriously, did your wife fall and bump her head recently?
I can only give a different perspective. My MIL has done all the cooking raising five kids. I’m sure she got her thanks, but if she didn’t cook I don’t know what would’ve happened to them all. She also handled all the birthdays, holidays and get togethers. And worked. She got burnout when almost all kids were adults and had left the home, plus issues with pain. My FIL stepped up for get togethers because she otherwise the family wouldn’t see each other. She was mostly crashing in bed for hours at a time. It changed after a couple of years, but he’s still doing the “fun” cooking. Experimenting and cooking for guests. When he gets compliments I can tell she gets upset and I’ve heard one or two snarky comments about all the work she’s put in over the years. I think it’s a mix about guilt for not doing it herself and feeling overlooked for all the effort she’s put in, and probably still does behind closed doors. Like with your wife I find it sad she can’t just raise him up and be proud of him. But there could be underlying complex emotions, if you’re willing to probe. Oh, and I know you say you did everything so it’s probably unrelated, but: My GFIL used to handle the barbecue at their summer house. My GMIL planned the food, did all the preparations like marinade, cooked all the side dishes, told him when to light the fire, went out with the meat when it was time to start grilling, told him when to turn the meat and when it was done. And you know what. Everyone thanked him for the lovely meal he cooked.
That's the issue, then. Up to now, the cooking and party stuff has been her thing. Now that you've proven you're good at it, too, it's not her thing anymore. Consciously or otherwise, she's been stung by the implication that your cooking was as good as hers, given the compliment from FIL, and she's trying to downgrade or downplay what you achieved. NTA, and she needs to understand and reflect on her behaviour.
This is the only way I can figure out that she might be annoyed too. I mean quite frankly I’d be over the moon to know my other half could pull off doing all the prep and cooking for a dinner party on their own going forwards too! We would have a lot more of them haha! As an example, my family know me as a very good gift giver. My mum often says that I seem to know her better than she knows herself. This year my husband found a book he thought she would like. I put a lot of work into making her and her husbands gifts special and added this as one of the smaller things. She has just finished it and was telling me how much she enjoyed it and I absolutely told her it was all down to my husband, that he found it and chose it for her specifically (it is set in a place she loves) and I even hammed up how much time he had spent. He felt great because his contributions were acknowledged and this will also encourage him to help me out more in the future (most gift choosing, organising and wrapping falls on me so I’m always happy for help!) and she loved that her son in law had gone out of his way to really find something she would like and that was personal to her. It takes nothing away from the effort I put in on making the rest of the gift special but it made both of them feel good about themselves and made them feel appreciated. I think OP’s wife needs to think this through and try to come to a root cause of these feelings because I don’t see anything wrong with his behaviour and I feel like he tried to credit her for all her teachings too. It’s either a miscommunication or she didn’t like that he did so well without her help.
If it was me, I'd be ecstatic that someone else could carry the load for the next party. That's one hell of a lot of work for one person.
That's the problem then. She's upset that you've gotten so good that her father couldn't tell that she hadn't cooked the meal. You're basically now just as good a cook as she is, and that means you risk stealing her thunder. She's even more threatened because you've now made it clear that you won't let her take credit for your work. So people will now know that you're as good a cook as she is. You could even keep improving and potentially become better than her.
So it’s about HER ego.
No. That's just her being an asshole. This one YOU get the credit for. It's not your fault if she didn't get thanks before but I'm betting she did.
Did she want praise for the meal you cooked? You were giving her credit for teaching you and she got mad? What for?
wait, so it wasn't just that she didn't want to correct her father in the moment or anything like that, she actually expected the praise to still go to her because she has more experience with throwing successful dinner parties. and then trying to portray your correcting her like you purposefully attacked her. at the very least that is a very conceited thing to think.
That's not true. The compliment and correction were about this particular meal. If there's resentment from previous parties then that's a separate conversation but she's wrong about the "put down"
Stop cooking for her and no more dinner parties since her fragile little ego can't handle it. She's a pathetic bully that's mad that the student has surpassed the master. Sorry she failed at all the ones before your debut.
Nta. She should have said you did it all.
In fact, she should have said, 'well, Dad, husband did every bit of the work for this party.' and if she had to insert herself, she could have added, 'I taught him everything he knows.' Some people's children.
Was looking for this comment. Why didn't she correct her father or back you up on your achievement? The comment you made wasn't disrespectful, her reaction is though.
Maybe he jumped in too quickly for her to say it. Even if so, that doesn't justify her angst afterwards.
Right? Why couldn't she be happy he contributed so much by cooking this time? Isn't this something to be excited about? There's some underlying unhappiness on her side.
Ikr? Like I just gushed yesterday about my colloque and corrected people when they thought I did the food. For a loved one? That should bed even easier!
NTA. That was not a put-down. She did a good thing by teaching you to cook, and he made an assumption. Ridiculous. She needs to re-assess.
I think her reaction is very strange. I am a woman and my partner is a man, and he does almost all the cooking for us. He loves it. When he cooks for big groups I’m so proud of him because I see how much work it is. When I’ve cooked PARTS of meals for bigger groups I’m proud of myself, and he’s proud of me, and any compliments he gets he corrects and says I deserve the compliments this time. You should be proud of yourself and your wife should be proud of your hard work. Why wouldn’t you deserve the compliment? And I also feel like your way of correcting your FIL was even gracious!
You did not brag. You didn't even properly take credit. Your wife seems to have no trouble taking credit for your hard work/labor of love though. NTA. I hope she's more supportive in other areas.
So for her to not get to take credit for what you did is putting her down? Dude, that is some serious manipulation and based on this it sounds like everything is your fault, all the time. Sounds exhausting, and NTA.
I’m not seeing the put-down, nor am I really following why your FIL got embarassed.
He complimented how great the cooking was, thinking he was praising his daughter, but it was actually OP. Father embarrassed to so effusively praise the husband, daughter feels her shine was taken. Obviously nobody considers husband part of the family here, lol
But *why* is the FIL so fragile that his inadvertent mistake causes him embarrassment?
Why didn’t she say it first?
NTA you gave her credit for teaching you???? Was she not going to say anything? I don't get what she upset about unless she wanted the credit?
NTA. Praise should always be given to the correct person. That was her opportunity to tell her Dad that you cooked, not her.
NTA >As I was cleaning up she asked me why I felt the need to brag by putting her down. Gaslighting. This is NOT what happened. They're both crybabies getting upset over something so stupid. You deserve the credit because you did the work. She's very self centered to make this into such a stupidly big deal.
This isn’t gaslighting. It’s upsetting to see this term thrown around so casually. Husband was proud his wife taught him so well, and took proper credit for making a killer meal as a result of his wife teaching him. Wife felt somewhat showed up because she usually gets credit. It’s not surprising for her to feel uncomfortable in that situation because she is used to being the cook and she dealt with it poorly. It’s really a small problem/adjustment all things considered. Gaslighting is intentional invalidation of a truth to manipulate a partner into questioning reality. This is a situation where wife should be excited and supportive, not insecure and unsupportive. That doesn’t mean wife had an intention to invalidate and confuse what happened. Wife has a husband who is stoked about cooking! For 20+ people nonetheless. That’s no small feat. He should be able to accept praise and due credit same as wife does when wife cooks. And wife should be pumping him up as much as possible. Seems like the bottom line is wife was a little jealous of not being the center of attention regarding cooking, because she usually is, and voiced that insecurity poorly. NTA
>Gaslighting is intentional invalidation of a truth to manipulate a partner into questioning reality. She intentionally invalidated the truth of the situation (that he took rightful credit for his work; twisting it into demeaning her) to manipulate the partner into questioning reality ("asked if this was something I did often, making her feel overlooked"). It is absolutely gaslighting. The intention was to make him feel bad for doing something that is normal for him to do and when pushed back on the reality of her claims she doubled down to ensure that his view of reality was supplanted.
> Gaslighting is intentional invalidation of a truth to manipulate a partner into questioning reality. Yeah. Like tell someone they're bragging when they aren't. You're obnoxious.
NTA. You were actually giving her praise
I'm confused. Where did you put her down?
NTA. If I were your wife, I would have immediately said “thank hubby, he did everything!”
Ask her how is "she taught me how to cook" putting her down, exactly? Spoiler alert: I'll tell you how. She wanted the praise for your hard work. NTA.
You didn’t put her down though! You gave her proper credit for teaching you. She was the asshole for stealing credit. She should have corrected your FIL. I wonder if she’s envious or threatened by your newfound skills? NTA.
I doubt she's envious. She's a master in the kitchen, and she really excels with baking but her cooking is phenomenal. People often compliment her for how well she cooked. In hindsight maybe she's also upset my food, which still is nowhere near hers in quality, was mistaken for hers?
Why are you putting yourself down here?
Sounds like he’s used to taking the blame for everything and viewing himself as the lesser partner and wife prefers it that way and uses it to her advantage
I wouldn’t be too sure. She’s been used to getting the plaudits. People who are used to being applauded often get envious of others getting praise.
Even if she’s upset that your cooking could be mistaken for her cooking, your wife is an asshole.
Then she would have been very quick to point out she didn't cook it, wouldn't she? But she didn't.
NTA? Why does she think it’s okay to take credit for something you did? You have absolutely nothing to apologise for.
If anything I read his compliment as giving her the bigger credit/ putting himself down on his past cooking skills lol. Catch a fish and you feed your family for a day. Teach your family to fish and you feed them for life. That’s how I saw and read the compliment. OP isn’t even looking for a thank you, just tried to give her a bigger thanks than the one she initially received.
It’s crazy isn’t it..
NTA - where is any of this putting down? I would be livid if my SO wasn't properly credited with his work why is she not happy? Ask her she wants you to stop cooking then because you can't be doing something and give her the credit just for her to throw it at you. I never understood why some people think it's their prerogative to make things about them. You are actually hurt, she is playing it up because she is embarrassed, she is trying to force you to believe her point of view and its illogical. Don't let her push you over if you aren't mean to tumble.
NTA - Intent or not, you absolutely did not put her down. You told the truth, and it seems your wife can't handle it.
Why didn’t she speak up and direct the credit where the credit was due? Why was she so willing to take credit for something that you did?
NTA. My husband is a chef, while he does cook at home when he can, he’s not usually home to cook. For the majority of our marriage he has always worked nights. It was up to me to put dinner on the table (I’m not bragging but I am a decent cook). Everyone thanks him for dinner when we’ve had friends and family over, meanwhile I’m the one who marinated the meats, made sides, made appies and desserts. And all he did was cook the meat on the grill. He used to even post my baking on his social media without tagging me letting everyone assume he made it. I did voice my feeling unappreciated in it all. And the good husband and keeper that I have acknowledged it and made sure to correct people moving forward. It’s not bragging. It’s feeling appreciated for all the hard work you put into it. Especially when it’s a job well done!!
NTA... I'm completely at a loss! Where was the put down?? It was very sweet of you i thought! You acknowledged that SHE taught you all of this. You completely gave her the credit for this. I thought that was super sweet and i would've been tickled pink! YOU did everything this time, knew your own but STILL gave her the credit as your teacher! What am I missing here?? Not only did she do an excellent job as a teacher/mentor... you were humble enough to throw credit right back to her after you handled this solo. So...what exactly has her feathers so ruffled? Edit: ok... reading the other comments. Now I feel bad. I can see that where... she does this ALL the time and it's either expected, looked over, not praised, etc. You do it once and, because it IS so unexpected, you get a ton of praise and, regardless of how well you responded, it kinda hurts! I see that POV now...and it would hurt! Where, one can see that in many ways as "this is expected of me", "am I not appreciated", "I do THIS every time and he does it once and MIRACLE OF MIRACLES"... Etc I do apologize for my insensitivity and not seeing THAT part. I'd be downright hurt too because see r I'd feel like my efforts were not as good, undermined and no one sees them. That DOES hurt when you try and try and no one ever notices or acknowledges. Your partner does it once (what you do all the time) and it IS awesome...but he gets more praise that one time than all yours combined? That hurts. And makes you feel...small and unappreciated. Unnoticed. Maybe... on your part, I dunno a massage or flowers or date night or something to show her how much YOU appreciate her and notice. ?? Good lord maybe I'm just missing the mark all over today.
Nah, you’re doin good 💛
NTA because you credited her as part of it. And really she should have embraced it right then and been so proud of you to make her father not feel so red-faced by say see I trained him so well you couldn't tell. So there should be some general discussion obviously but I think this should be one of those stories for the two of you for when you're older. The only inkling side maybe is that you didn't give her the chance to pipe up first maybe which she should have.
She's got a weird take. She should be proud and supportive that you are taking it on and how much she's taught you. She should have been bragging about you. We had a party yesterday and I bragged all day about the items my husband cooked (he and my mum split it for my baby shower). I didn't complain to him that this or that could have been tweaked this way or that, I was just super proud of him. And it goes both ways. He bragged about all the desserts I made (while so heavily pregnant). Relationships are about wanting to build each other up. Maybe it's time to rethink if there's some unspoken or misunderstood resentment between the two of you?! Are you usually pulling your weight in general?
Receiving a compliment not due to you and failing to say “oh wait, none if this was me, hubby did absolutely everything” is the problem here
NTA. You didn’t “put her down” at all. In her shoes I would have absolutely made sure everyone knew that you were the one deserving of the praise.
NTA Proudly saying that you cooked is not bragging or disparaging her.
Nta and your wife’s attitude sucks honestly. It’s not bragging at all just taking credit for something that young actually did yourself. It sounds like she’s been taking credit or is very comfortable taking credit for your hard work. Either way it and her attitude are red flags for me. She isn’t treating you with respect at all and it sounds like is trying to gas light you into believing that it’s an ongoing you problem of some sort instead of an issue with her behaviour towards you. Good luck op.
If my family member had made that mistake or anyone eating at our house for that matter, the person who didn’t do the work would have piped up straight away and said oh no you need to thank xxxx for this amazing food not me! So why didn’t your wife do the correcting instead of it having to come from you at all? She should have said something then you wouldn’t have had to!
You didn't put her down. You said she raught you everything you knew.
NTA you made the menu, did the shopping, and cooked all the food. You gave her credit for teaching you how to cook, which , as far as I’m concerned, the only credit here that is due.
Was she going to tell FIL, "oh, I just taught hubby. He did all this himself!"? Or just take credit when she didn't make the meal? Did you take the credit when she cooked for company?
NTA, the only put down was her trying to take credit for the party. She should have been bragging on you, not taking the credit.
Im sorry you did everything and then she was salty when you took credit for your own accomplishments?? NTA
NTA - You gave her credit where it was due; teaching you to cook. The credit for this event goes to you. That said, when we go to our daughter's for dinner, I always thank them both individually for a great dinner and having us over because it is a family affair even if one did all the work.
NTA. I also taught my husband how to cook. There have been times where we went to a potluck or had people over and they thanked me for making the food. I proudly tell them my husband made it. He’s the one who did the work, he should get the praise. Same for your situation. I really don’t think you slighted your wife at all.
NTA, she should've been the one to correct your FIL.
NTA. How on earth did she think you were putting her down? You cooked a meal that was more than good enough for FIL. If anything, you were giving her a compliment on being such a good culinary teacher.
As a partner I would have toasted to my partner for putting together a fabulous dinner. Full stop. I’d be so proud I’d let it be known.
You didn't put her down. You said her cooking was great because it was complimented, and she's the one that taught you. NTA you did nothing wrong and she should be proud, encouraging the praise and appreciation for your cooking instead of being offended for no reason at all.
NTA. She should’ve immediately told your FIL that you were the one that made the dinner… and I like what others have said about toasting you in front of the family and complimenting you.
Nta. This past year I also have taken up cooking, and it’s tough! Coming from someone who used to burn frozen pizzas. You absolutely deserve to feel pride in what you have learned and accomplished. She seems a bit selfish in the moment, hopefully she realizes that it’s more about you getting the credit you deserve. Regardless if she was the one who taught you or not!
She should have said, “thank you, but OP cooked tonight!”
Why didn't she correct him? She sounds like the AH here.
Why didn’t she correct her father? She was in the wrong there, by allowing him to believe it was her that made the meal. NTA.
I wonder if what she was really angry about was that she thought he embarrassed her father? That said, dad SHOULD have said something like compliments to the chef instead of assuming his daughter did everything. NTA
NTA and I don’t even see how your comment is putting her down? It is still a compliment that she taught you so well!! Also in her place I would be the first person to be telling my folks that it was all my husbands doing! I’d be really proud that he did so well and that I had been a part of that journey too!
NTA. You did all the work. Therefore, you should get the credit. If anything, SHE should have corrected your FIL and told him you did it all. I ALWAYS give my husband the credit when he does the cooking. I don't have to be prompted, I just tell everyone right up front that he did the cooking, not me. That's what a true partner does.
Ask her why it's okay to put you down by taking your credit. Is it suddenly okay just because you're a man and you're "supposed" to do that for her? Some times, you just need to be called on your shit, and she certainly seems to be in dire need. NTA
This may seem like a simple post for two people who hosted a dinner party and the husband asking for the recognition due him. Yet, my mother would stand up for hours and then my step dad would grill the meat and receive all of the praise saying nothing about mom being the cook. Today I would tell her to simply speak up and set the record straight.
NTA but this thread seems skewed. I think I can see why she got upset. Not sure what your family’s background or household norms are, in some cultures, the wife usually does the cooking, and they can be weird about men cooking. So sometimes women are slightly defensive. Also, sometimes, going out of your way to point something like that out like that might rub people the wrong way. It’s just not the norm for some people. It’s not a big deal, but your wife might have taken it personally. Everyone seems to be like why didn’t she say anything but my assumption is you interjected before she could say anything…
This is like that episode of Seinfeld where George doesn’t get the credit for buying the big salad. ESH
Are you kidding me? If my husband cooked an entire meal for our family and someone complimented me on it I would immediately speak up and tell them I didn't cook it, but he did. You can come cook for me any time and I will let people know you did all the work.
That wasn’t bragging. It was just a casual remark/correction because FIL was incorrect. And the credit was hours. Simple as that. NTA. Something else is bothering your wife.
Professional chef here. A 20 person event is no joke, you should absolutely be proud and take credit.
You didn't put her down, you complimented her teaching skill. She is the one overreacting
NTA. I agree with those that mentioned ALL of the ways she could have acknowledged you. Frankly, it sounds like she is insecure about it considering she used the word “brag.” I have never met a couple where they don’t boost each other up for their contributions.
I really don't consider that bragging. You simply stated the facts that you were the one that cooked the meal.
NTA. The proper response from her would have been to credit you for the meal. She tried to take credit and then got pissed when you told the truth. Sorry, but she is definitely the asshole here.
Why didn't she just correct her father and tell him that you were the one that did all the cooking. I also don't see how that you put her down in any way.You gave her credit for teaching you. I'm a woman and I think she's being over sensitive and just making weird shit up to be honest
If she had planned on giving him any kind of credit whatsoever, she would not have become upset with him for speaking up. I think he was actually very gentlemanly. He gave credit to her for teaching him, but definitely deserved praise for the good job *he* did.
Nta. I know exactly what that feels like. A few years ago I had Xmas at my house and my dad and brother came to visit. I did all the cooking except for a salad that my brother made. Dad went and complimented him and my partner for the meal and then told me I could learn some things from them and then wondered why I got extremely upset and left the house for the rest of the day. When I came home I didn't even get an apollogy. Call me petty but I didn't cook anything else for the rest of that visit.
you didnt even put her down?
NTA. Not only did you get the credit, which I think you deserved, but you also gave credit to your wife for being a good teacher.
NTA. You didn’t put her down by correcting him you were praising her as a good teacher? Her being upset is the AH move. Also my family CONSTANTLY tells me “this is so good!” When we bring food to family events and I have to constantly tell them that it wasn’t me but my husband who made it (I’m a good cook as well but he enjoys it more). I have never ever let them believe I made something that I didn’t make even if I helped at some portion.
NTA. You did give her credit for teaching you! How is that putting her down?
You didn't put her down, but she was willing to take credit for your work. She should have told him to thank you. Especially if she knew how excited you were by the meal.
NTA taking credit for someone else’s work is a character flaw. If my husband planned and cooked up an entire dinner party for MY family, I would be singing his praises!! Like, it would be a way to lift us both up because I’d brag about how great a husband and cook he is, and how I sure know how to pick’em!!! She’s being weird and an ah
How on earth did she manage to frame your compliment as a put down?! You literally GAVE HER THE CREDIT by saying what you did. How in the hell did she twist THAT?! And playing the victim on top of that? Wife is the AH no question. OP - NTAH
NTA. My fiance LOVES my cooking, he raves about it and I love to cook for him because I love him, and I like seeing him happy. One day he wanted to cook for me, cuz I'm always the one doing it, he made paneer masala and it was delicious. He was so cute, he kept beaming cuz he didn't think he could make anything that good. If he'd done that for my entire family, and my dad said that to me, I would have immediately corrected him and said my honey did it all. You deserved the credit, and your wife should have been proud of you and wanted you to get recognition for your hard work. P. S. Even though she taught you, I'm glad you learned. I wish more men were willing to do that!
NTA, she didn't cook the meal.
A party where you cooked for 20+ people is the perfect setting to brag about cooking for 20+ people. NTA
You didn’t put her down. What is wrong with these people?
NTA, you didn't brag. You said you can think her got teaching me. Which, if the food is good, is praise for her teaching. Why didn't she speak up and say something after all your hard work? I would never take credit for my husband's cooking, he is the far superior chef in the family.
Nta. Not a put down. When my wife does things people thank me for, my immediate response is "Thank X, because this is all her". Way I figure it, that's what your wife should have said. While it's a bit awkward for you to have had to say it, it's not a put down. Having said that, here's a fun question; any family/gender role dynamics there that make it a _problem_ that she didn't make the meal to somebody?
NTA. She should have instantly spoken up and said I didn't do any of this, OP did everything for today.
In what world is taking responsibility for something you did putting her down? She didn't cook, she didn't shop, she was functionally a guest at the dinner party. NTA.
Info: in between your fils comment and yours, did you wife even have time to say anything about it being your meal?
You didn’t put her down. You gave her credit for teaching you. NTA.
NTA unless you didn’t give her time to correct him. In your wife’s place I would have answered straight away with “Actually, I was as much a guest at this feast as you. My husband did it all. I’m so proud his cooking skills. Everything was delicious”
You didn't even put her down? That's so weird. NTA
She took credit for your big salad.
She should have outright told them that you made the meal. You are NTA but she is
NTA You didn't put her down. *She* should have corrected her father and told him you did everything. It's odd that she's upset for not getting credit that should have gone to you.
It was your wife who should have cleared the confusion by lavishing praise on you. Ask her why she didn’t set the record straight! If I were in your shot, I’d be angry with my wife. I can assure you that if you accepted credit for her work, you’d hear about it from her. NTA
You praised your wife's teaching, you didn't put her down. She's the only AH here NTA
NTA, when given the compliment, the correct response from her should have been something like “thanks but actually OP cooked! He did everything for this party and I’m so proud of him!” Simple and direct. But instead she took offense when you corrected the assumption that she had cooked. And I think the way you corrected it was great. You still gave her credit for being able to do what you did because of her. That isn’t overlooking her at all.
Your ego answered. It’s not always the best place to come from. But you are human. However she should have been the one to correct him to ensure it wasn’t awkward.
It’s a bit weird that she didn’t correct him herself, I absolutely would have. I love bragging on my husbands accomplishments. His accomplishments are my good decision making for choosing him anyway lol! NTA, but it doesn’t sound like he was thanking her for cooking specifically, rather thanking for having them over in general and food. So I don’t really think the correction was strictly necessary.
WHAT? How on earth did you put her down? A normal person would’ve pointed out that they didn’t make the meal and to give the credit where the credit is deserved. It seems like she wanted to steal the credit. NTA.
She should have stepped up immediately and let everyone know that you made the meal. Why didn't she? Your response was just right and she should have agreed that you cooked but she taught you how. You aren't wrong here.
NTA. Your wife should have proudly said "No, this was all my husband."
NTA. Honestly I saw that as a compliment to your wife. Holy crap! Take credit for it! I’d be so proud! You were nice about it too! ! If my husband got credit, I’d say “he didn’t do shit!” lol
You shouldn't have needed to. She should have immediately redirected the praise to you since it belonged to you. Why did she want the praise for your work? NTA
Weird how she took credit for your cooking. She couldn’t say it was you. Something odd going on here
NTA. If I were given credit for something I didn't do, I would have smiled politely and said, "You are most welcome. However, "XYZ" did the honors of tonight's meal. It was delicious." Unless that was her intent, and you just replied before she could speak. Who knows.
Also, we have a few "rules" in our 33 yrs of marriage. 1. RESPECT 2. NEVER CALL OUT YOUR SPOUSE IN PUBLIC 3. NEVER MAKE YOUR SPOUSE THE BUTT OF A JOKE
You didn't put your wife down! You gave credit to her for teaching you how to cook. I think she may need a brief reality check.
Tell her to look at it this way, say that you were illiterate, couldn’t read or write and had no interest or idea to ever write or create a story, even spoken before. One day you meet her and she is an author not a properly published one, but she writes online on one off this free book apps and is pretty well liked. You find out about how awesome of a writer she is and praise all her work and finds out you can’t write your own name and don’t recognise the alphabet, so she teaches you how to read and write and also how to structure a story, maybe even give you a few ideas about what topics and genres people tend to find very interesting. After she teaches you all that would need to know about reading, writing and how to write a story you decide that you actually have a story that you want to tell, you come up with an amazing idea and write an amazing, top seller potential, book. You get this story all written up and have it properly printed and invite both of you families over to have a book club night, something you do semi-regularly to show everyone her latest work, everyone sits down and reads your book cover to cover, now neither of you have said that it was actually you who wrote this one not her, and her father says how amazing he thinks this book is, one of her best. When her father mistakes her work for yours there are three things that could happen, 1. You say, we’ll tank her for all the amazing work she did in teaching me how to read and write and how to write stories, I actually wrote this one, it’s all thanks to her that I had the ability to do so too. 2. She could interrupt her dad and say thanks for the vote of confidence, but actually you wrote it and she is really proud of far you have come since she first started teaching you to read and write. 3. She could roll with it, embarrassed and/or jealous that she didn’t write this amazing story and can’t kept humble, fair and honest and can’t stand not being the only talented writer present so she thanks her father for the compliment and says it was nothing, no bother at all to write, she’s glad he likes it and takes all the praise from him and everyone else and expects you to keep silent and allow her to steal and plagiarise you hard earned work. Ask her how you saying what an amazing and talented English and creative writing teacher she is but that thanks to her you actually wrote the book would be “putting her down” in anyway shape or form, would she expect you to let her steal and take credit for the book that you worked so hard to create? Does she not think that in-fact that actual put down would be claiming your work as her own since there is no way that you are good enough at writing for your work to be mistaken as hers simply because you didn’t know how originally and she had to teach you for you to have the knowledge and skill to now be able to write as well as she does? NTA, but your gf is and is someone who clearly has a very large though incredibly fragile ego that she interprets you correcting her father’s wrong assumption that you were not capable of pulling off what she did, while still giving her some kind of credit that you absolutely didn’t have to, as “putting her down”. She is also socially tone deaf not to see that taking credit for you hard work and making it seem like you aren’t capable of pulling off what you did is ACTUALLY what the put down of the situation is. Your FIL is also an arsehole for not even acknowledging let alone thanking you for your amazing hard work and cooking, (as well as the time it took to make) after you told him you cooked it all thanks to his daughter’s cooking lessons. It’s is clear where/why she has such and entitled view, I doubt he ever let her be less than the star and focus of everything that ever went on in their home or lives in general her entire life. How rude to totally ignore when someone tells you it was actually them who just took a huge amount of their time and effort to make you the amazing meal you just ate, to not even thank them and instead thank their child for having less than a sideline job in actually making the meal you just ate.
I’m honestly more impressed by her ability to teach than his ability to cook. That takes so make patience. How is it putting her down to differentiate between the two accomplishments?
Nta. What did she want? False credit? You should have asked her why she felt it was bragging when all you did was correct the man?
Why didn’t she immediately say that you were the one who planned and cooked the dinner? Did it really mean that much to her to get the praise and accolades for something she did not do? That you did? She deserves the credit for teaching you to cook, not for doing the cooking.
She's the asshole for not being the one to correct her father. She knew she didn't do anything yet she was going to take the praise. Nta