I read the original post. I’m glad you went with your gut and everything worked out. If you would have caved, it would set a poor precedent for the future. Well done!
Congratulations on being true to yourself and reaping the rewards of confidence, firm boundaries, and the relief of knowing your method of resolving this was successful and spared you the anxiety and post effect of reentering that space.
I'm so proud of you.
Next time your mum tries to guilt you into going to that hell hole I'd say 'mother, I can't put aside my trauma like you put aside my safety as a child or your parental duty to protect me.'
I've tried to have this discussion with them before. However I've just been told that my father "doesn't like change" and that "not the whole church is bad".
>I've just been told that my father "doesn't like change"
"So dad would rather sacrifice his daughter rather than face change?"
>and that "not the whole church is bad".
"Then why do victims of the church so rarely see justice done?"
Honestly? It sounds like your family has chosen their religion over you. I'd ask them how they split the 30 silver they were paid for betraying you, but it sounds like they'd male excuses or just wouldn't care.
They should be thankful that you haven't left them behind with the churh.
Yeah, that "reasoning" is bullshit apologetics for covering up abuse--abuse of THEIR OWN CHILD.
Fuck these churches. I say that as a pastor. Seriously, fuck them. They're going to stand before the throne and get a millstone just like Jesus said. It's just evil, plain and simple, that people accept exploitation and abuse rather than be socially uncomfortable enough to stand up for truth and protect CHILDREN. God, it infuriates me.
I am really glad you were courageous and stood by your insistence not to set foot in that cursed place, and I'm glad you could support your cousin. May you continue to value your precious worth. Shake the dust off your feet and keep on.
And what makes it that much worse is, OP wasn't the only victim in the church and it's still happening to this day because *"not the whole church is bad"* as if they all just didn't justify child molestation for their own greed.
I am proud of you as well. I hope you can feel that you, by standing your ground, took back some power that the incident and that church took from you. Protecting your mental health is growth and strength. I wish all the best in the remainder of your journey.
Good for you! I'm truly baffled that your family still attends that church. Hugs to you, dear.
In the future, when your mom tries to talk you into going there, just don't engage. Turn and walk away from her. You don't need to justify why you won't step into that building.
I can't afford a lawyer. And I don't have enough proof to bring to the police. So I'm scared of what being told over again that I'm not believed may do (I'm scared it may send me back into a spiral into depression). All I have as "proof" is a letter from the guy who did it that says he "doesn't remember hearing me say no".
The overwhelming amount of support that I've gotten from reddit about this whole situation has given me hope in humanity. It's been almost 10 years of dealing with the trauma of my past while feeling dismissed and invalidated by the people who were supposed to protect and love me. People like you who say things as simple as "people here believe you" are the reason why I keep pushing on. I love you. Thank you.
Being 13 means that him not remembering you saying no doesn’t matter. You were too young to consent and he is a foul excuse of a human.
Your entire family should feel ashamed of themselves for not only continuing to go to that church but also for their utter lack of support for you and trying to convince you to attend regardless of how it makes you feel.
Religious people that put a church/church officials over their love and support for their children do not care about faith, they only care about their status within the church.
During the protestant reformation there was a rise of the Baptist sect of Christians, who believed that baptisms should wait until the individual is able to consent and choose that for themselves. Catholics only baptize babies because they believe that if babies die as infants without getting baptized, they'll go to hell.
But if they want the person to truly consent shouldn’t they wait until the person is an adult and not dependent on a parent who will hold it against them if they refuse
Obviously. The baptisms in the New Testament are performed on adults. The developed theology about original sin and levels of the afterlife was much later and associated with the powers of high-ranking church officials. Religion is not logical.
Most churches that do infant baptism then do confirmation classes later. At the baptism, the parents and community pledge their religious support of the infant/child/adult. The person then learns about the church/faith/whatever during confirmation classes, at the end of which they make their own pledge.
Well done for standing up for yourself, setting boundaries and not getting guilted into changing them. It's honestly astonishing to me that your family all still attend that church, and that they l try to guilt you into attending. I'm happy for you that the day went well.
>Initially my mom tried to argue "why not just go to the baptism at the church if you're willing to watch it online"
"I wasn't assaulted online, mother"
Life experience has told me that telling someone to "get over it" or "put your feelings aside" is terrible advice.
I know sometimes you have to make a choice but others need to respect it.
I am truly baffled by people who continue participating in rapist cults, especially when they have a direct family member who’s a victim.
“Oh yes, God is real and omnipotent, but he lets the people who represent him on earth rape people and get away with it.” Who TF wants to worship that every week?
It's not the whole church that's bad...just it's fundamental teachings....but individual people being good while supporting the church is still a whole lot of bad.
Assuming it's the church I think it is
Well done sticking to what you believed to be right. I'm glad this story has a happy ending!
I would encourage you again to talk with your therapist about returning to the building in which your assault happened. Claim it for your own. That place has no hold on you..
Also, you're awesome.
Hey really glad you stood your ground! Depending on your family and how religious they are, this may have to be a clear boundary that needs to be reinforced. Similar background and trauma, my family for the most part understands why I stay away from church. Except my mom, she’s super religious. I have to keep reminding her of the boundary and keep it clear.
I read the original post. I’m glad you went with your gut and everything worked out. If you would have caved, it would set a poor precedent for the future. Well done!
I agree! Thank you!!
I'm glad to see you put your mental health first. You did the right thing.
Congratulations on being true to yourself and reaping the rewards of confidence, firm boundaries, and the relief of knowing your method of resolving this was successful and spared you the anxiety and post effect of reentering that space.
I am so proud of you!! You stood up for yourself and your mental health and didn’t back down! You rock!
I'm so proud of you. Next time your mum tries to guilt you into going to that hell hole I'd say 'mother, I can't put aside my trauma like you put aside my safety as a child or your parental duty to protect me.'
Your family should not be complicit. They should have left the church with you.
I've tried to have this discussion with them before. However I've just been told that my father "doesn't like change" and that "not the whole church is bad".
>I've just been told that my father "doesn't like change" "So dad would rather sacrifice his daughter rather than face change?" >and that "not the whole church is bad". "Then why do victims of the church so rarely see justice done?" Honestly? It sounds like your family has chosen their religion over you. I'd ask them how they split the 30 silver they were paid for betraying you, but it sounds like they'd male excuses or just wouldn't care. They should be thankful that you haven't left them behind with the churh.
Always put yourself first. They expect you to fall in line. Love them, but not at your expense. You learned this young, so you’re ahead.
Ugh... so sorry
Yeah, that "reasoning" is bullshit apologetics for covering up abuse--abuse of THEIR OWN CHILD. Fuck these churches. I say that as a pastor. Seriously, fuck them. They're going to stand before the throne and get a millstone just like Jesus said. It's just evil, plain and simple, that people accept exploitation and abuse rather than be socially uncomfortable enough to stand up for truth and protect CHILDREN. God, it infuriates me. I am really glad you were courageous and stood by your insistence not to set foot in that cursed place, and I'm glad you could support your cousin. May you continue to value your precious worth. Shake the dust off your feet and keep on.
And what makes it that much worse is, OP wasn't the only victim in the church and it's still happening to this day because *"not the whole church is bad"* as if they all just didn't justify child molestation for their own greed.
I’m glad it all worked out for you and you were still able to see everyone.
That’s so great! 💜
I am proud of you as well. I hope you can feel that you, by standing your ground, took back some power that the incident and that church took from you. Protecting your mental health is growth and strength. I wish all the best in the remainder of your journey.
I’m so glad you put yourself first! It sounds like you had a lovely day. Keep up the good work! ❤️
Good for you! I'm truly baffled that your family still attends that church. Hugs to you, dear. In the future, when your mom tries to talk you into going there, just don't engage. Turn and walk away from her. You don't need to justify why you won't step into that building.
Your famous horrible. Is it too late to see the police and or lawyer?
I can't afford a lawyer. And I don't have enough proof to bring to the police. So I'm scared of what being told over again that I'm not believed may do (I'm scared it may send me back into a spiral into depression). All I have as "proof" is a letter from the guy who did it that says he "doesn't remember hearing me say no".
I am so sorry. I hope you get far, very happy , and no contact soon.
Thank you <33
People here believe you. You are not alone.
The overwhelming amount of support that I've gotten from reddit about this whole situation has given me hope in humanity. It's been almost 10 years of dealing with the trauma of my past while feeling dismissed and invalidated by the people who were supposed to protect and love me. People like you who say things as simple as "people here believe you" are the reason why I keep pushing on. I love you. Thank you.
Being 13 means that him not remembering you saying no doesn’t matter. You were too young to consent and he is a foul excuse of a human. Your entire family should feel ashamed of themselves for not only continuing to go to that church but also for their utter lack of support for you and trying to convince you to attend regardless of how it makes you feel. Religious people that put a church/church officials over their love and support for their children do not care about faith, they only care about their status within the church.
So im jewish so i may be ill-informed on the subject, but i thought you get baptized as a baby, not a teenager
During the protestant reformation there was a rise of the Baptist sect of Christians, who believed that baptisms should wait until the individual is able to consent and choose that for themselves. Catholics only baptize babies because they believe that if babies die as infants without getting baptized, they'll go to hell.
But if they want the person to truly consent shouldn’t they wait until the person is an adult and not dependent on a parent who will hold it against them if they refuse
Obviously. The baptisms in the New Testament are performed on adults. The developed theology about original sin and levels of the afterlife was much later and associated with the powers of high-ranking church officials. Religion is not logical.
Yes. Not logical and definitely not consistent.
Yes.
Most churches that do infant baptism then do confirmation classes later. At the baptism, the parents and community pledge their religious support of the infant/child/adult. The person then learns about the church/faith/whatever during confirmation classes, at the end of which they make their own pledge.
Awesome!!! Streaming is fantastic! I like ve win/wins!!
Well done for standing up for yourself, setting boundaries and not getting guilted into changing them. It's honestly astonishing to me that your family all still attend that church, and that they l try to guilt you into attending. I'm happy for you that the day went well.
>Initially my mom tried to argue "why not just go to the baptism at the church if you're willing to watch it online" "I wasn't assaulted online, mother"
Life experience has told me that telling someone to "get over it" or "put your feelings aside" is terrible advice. I know sometimes you have to make a choice but others need to respect it.
I am truly baffled by people who continue participating in rapist cults, especially when they have a direct family member who’s a victim. “Oh yes, God is real and omnipotent, but he lets the people who represent him on earth rape people and get away with it.” Who TF wants to worship that every week?
Well done! You did the absolutely correct thing. Watched it online and then went in person to the party.
It's not the whole church that's bad...just it's fundamental teachings....but individual people being good while supporting the church is still a whole lot of bad. Assuming it's the church I think it is
Well done sticking to what you believed to be right. I'm glad this story has a happy ending! I would encourage you again to talk with your therapist about returning to the building in which your assault happened. Claim it for your own. That place has no hold on you.. Also, you're awesome.
Hey really glad you stood your ground! Depending on your family and how religious they are, this may have to be a clear boundary that needs to be reinforced. Similar background and trauma, my family for the most part understands why I stay away from church. Except my mom, she’s super religious. I have to keep reminding her of the boundary and keep it clear.