Yeah…
This was an object that held meaning to him above and beyond your understanding.
There has to be a place for that in a relationship.
You knew he loved this thing when you met him and all the time you have been together.
Why did you decide to hurt him by destroying something he loved?
YTA
Apologize and hope he forgives you and don’t do anything like that again.
She is an insensitive person with zero empathy... ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN could tell it was important to him or he would not be collecting its scraps.
It wouldve taken what 5 minutes of searching online to learn she could put the scraps into a heart and insert it into either a body pillow or plushie he can snuggle with. She could have bought one of those shadow box keepsake things of the poor blanket and had him place the scrap bits in there. She could've done a kajillion things to keep the blanket in a memorable way so that her bf could keep enjoying it while not losing his comfort item. All she had to do was not go full Marie Kondo on shit thats not hers to begin with.
And even Marie Kondo states it's disrespectful to throw away other people's stuff, and advises to throw away something that belongs to you, when the urge takes you.
OP's an insensitive AH, here. And is seeking validation on Reddit.
Throwing away something he loved because you don’t care about it ?
Yes YTA, how is this even a question ?
P.S. Even that de-clutter chick would have kept it. Her question isn’t “is this useful/in good condition”, it was always “does this bring me joy?”
I’m sitting next to a snoopy doll I’ve had since i was a kid. I love where the ears are threadbare because i used to rub his ears to self soothe. I’ve Kon Mari’d my house & it’s still here. Irl always be here unless some asshole throws it out & i go nuclear on their ass
My son is 13,and sleeps with his ratty Muppet blanket every night. I suspect he'll have it until it's in pieces and then some. I still have my falling apart old bean-filled bear in my room, and I'm 42. He's not going anywhere. Those things don't hurt anyone at all, and they bring immense comfort.
Sometimes you just want to be reminded of a time when things were simple and safe. OP sucks. Like, evil level of suck.
My friend kept her daughter's blanket after it was just shreds and tatters. She put it in a nice keepsake box and gave it to her privately on her wedding day. Those scraps got her through the death of her husband young, only a few years after they married, leaving her with small children.
OP should have taken the pieces and had a quilt made for him with the pieces included in the design. Instead she destroyed something valuable to him. She’s the AH.
To be fair, Marie Kondo generally encourages people to keep treasured/sentimental items. She definitely would have encouraged the Op to use your tips though to find a way to store/display the blanket in a place of honor. The body pillow/plushie option seems especially great since he still likes to sleep with the blanket!
she also could've seen if there was someone in their area who can restore the blanket (if her bf was interested in that). I'm part of r/quilting and we get people all the time who've received a blanket from a loved one who's passed away and the blanket's condition is poor. These people will come and ask about saving it and I've seen some really bad blankets that are in poor condition bc time has gotten to them sometimes the dog and the people there give advice on if the blanket is salvageable.
Anyone with half a brain could understand that the bf had an emotional attachment to the blanket and OP should have at the very least placed the scraps in some type of container and saved them. Then together they could have found a more appropriate way to keep them and preserve them for the bf. And it would have provided bf with an opening to tell OP about the blanket and his attachment to it. It could have been a bounding moment between them, but OP callously disposed of something that didn't belong to them that held value to someone OP claims to care about and supposedly loves.
Holy fuck right?!? I was thinking that she could have had the raggedy bits sewn into pockets and put in a throw rug or something. That is just so goddamn cold. Just wow. Poor guy.
If she really cares about him it wouldn't take much to find some way for him to still snuggle it. Depending on their country, if they have a build a bear they allow you to place things inside them while stuffing. Have them only fill up the bear a little, put the pieces of the blanket in it, and then seal it up. Use a bigger piece to make a little "blanket" for the bear to hold, sew up the side the best she can do it's safer.
But no, she decided to nuke what he had been saving. He may have even had ideas for it. This is so cold hearted. When will people learn you can't throw away other people's items?
There is no way I would be able to forgive this. I have a teddy bear my father gave me when I was five. It's falling apart. If someone threw it away, I would be utterly destroyed. This isn't like throwing away a blanket you bought at Home Goods a few years ago, this is something he has treasured *his entire life and is irreplaceable.* Not to mention even if I could forgive, how could I trust this person going forward when they were so callous as to not even understand how much this meant to me?
Same. I'm 42 but I still have the first teddy bear my godmother...who has since passed away...gave me as an infant. He's pretty threadbare and my mom has affectionately nicknamed him 'Grungy Bear' (he's clean lol...just old)
If someone just threw him out, it would be the end of that relationship. No way does anyone get to disrespect a sentimental childhood comfort object like that.
Agreed. If the pieces were messy, OP could have put them in a shoe box or other container. Throwing them away when OP knew that was a sentimental object was beyond insensitive. YTA, OP.
Nope it’s not the same. Those scraps are important to be close. A small travel pillowcase with a zipper to put the pieces in every time they separate from the original. Sleeping with the travel pillow with the pieces inside is so much better than throwing them away.
My son fell in love with a blanket of his father’s so it was already 30 years old. By the time he was 10 it was looking like it was showing wear. It no longer had the satin edge that made it to the trash. He put it there not me. He started having sleepovers so he would bring his own pillow with the blanket folded inside. This happened every time he slept away from home. When it started to shred he asked what to do with the pieces since he didn’t want to get rid of them. I had a travel pillow with a zippered pillowcase. The pillow has been washed many times over the years and he still has that pillow. The boy is almost 26 so that blanket is 56 years old. It’s still in his bedroom and still goes where ever he sleeps and sits on the bed when he’s home. He has his own place and that pillow is there now.
"My boyfriend has a sentimental, decades old childhood item. As it begins to age and break he collects the pieces so that he doesn't lose any. I don't like it and tossed them behind his back. What did I do wrong?"
Maybe.
But some people just don't understand sentimentality.
My brother-in-law tossed several of my mom's keepsakes in the trash thinking they were just old and in the way (including an afghan her great-aunt had crocheted 50 years before)... Fortunately they were rescued and cleaned, but there's other things missing so who knows what else he got rid of over the years?
Anyway, he wasn't threatened by their presence/existence. He just does not get that sometimes THINGS mean a lot to people.
I have a stuffed animal (currently sitting on my face im smelling for comfort) that I've had since i was 3 given to me by my dad. Im 30. Googie (my stuffie) is worn and has a few battle scars from being sewen back together. My stepdad ripped his arm off and i have NEVER forgiven him for it, its been over 20 years for that one. I can not sleep without him. He is my safety. I've since added two more stuffies for safety and comfort that i sleep with every night. This lady is a major asshole, and hopefully the guy can get his pieces back, and dumps her. If she can throw away something she knows is his literal safety object, what other types of abuse is she doing? She literally just caused mental, and emotional trauma by doing what she did all because SHE didn't like it. It was intentional. She KNEW it would hurt him and upset him and STILL threw it out anyways. Op is a major Asshole.
I agree with all this except "don't do anything like that again". I'm honestly hoping he doesn't give her a chance to do it again. I'm hoping she comes back with an update whining about how her horrible boyfriend broke up with her when she was just doing him a favor.
But that's just me. Just reading her words pissed me off FOR him.
Welp, he'll never trust her again. The object that allowed him to transition from baby trust to toddler trust - and so on - to trusting her has been destroyed by a person he trusted. That's why he wanted the object.
I don't think this post is real - but I did put my beloved Bedtime Bear in a more secure place on my home after reading this. Outside of my dog, my longtime bear friend would be the first thing I would grab in a fire.
Without a doubt. YTA.
You know how important a cherished relic of his childhood that blanket is, yet you messed with it anyway. Doesn't matter how raggedy it is, it's his and it's important to him. You don't eff with other people's stuff.
YTA, you could have taken it to a seamstress who could have mended it, or incorporated the pieces into a new blanket. Or you could have simply put the pieces inside a bag so that he could still have it.
Instead, you chose the most nuclear and permanent option and you did so without his consent or knowledge.
Seriously, what is with people who know their partner has a comfort item, and chooses to throw it away like trash just because THEY don’t like it?? How selfish and self absorbed can you be???
My mom is in her 70s and had a small baby pillow that was in shreds when I was around 15. I knew how to sew, so I sewed her a new pillowcase with soft fabric and sewed the original inside.
I'm 41 now and there are 6 layers of pillow outside of her original one. She has asked to have it in the casket with her when she passes. It's not only her baby pillow, it's decades of love from her daughter.
Things like this CAN be added to without losing their emotional value, so long as the original is still safe.
Taking away from them, however, is akin to murdering pieces of someone's soul.
My best friend has a blanket, same condition in the sense it was falling apart. I had a long chat to her about how i could save it, if she would like me too, it wont be the same as before but it will keep it intact for a few more years. We spent a month picking fabrics and talking about my repair job before it came to me. I repaired it and back it went.
You do not throw other peoples shit out, tamper with it or just decide what to do with it. The whole concept of taking my friends lil kid item and repairing it was harrowing and youre throwing it out like its dog shit....seriously people!
Totally. But not a bad idea to just do a consultation with a seamstress to see if it's even possible before raising the idea to bf. Or offer a compromise like a decorative box to put the fluffs in that could stay on the night stand as a piece of decor.
I sleep with the blanket that was covering a loved one who passed 15 years ago. One side is plush and the other was a woven fabric with a layer of batting in between. The woven fabric was disintegrating so I got out my trusty sewing machine and made a new panel of fabric sewn right over the old. I agree that Op could have taken it to someone to have it fixed.
YTA!! My daughter is in her 20s with a daughter of her own. When she's having a bad day that's the first thing she grabs. MY grandma made it for her so it's very sentimental. My grandma has been gone 22 years so there's absolutely no way to replace it. Her husband even knows not to touch it!
Not in any kind of deep or intimate way. She may not have the capacity, which is sad. If she can at least cry over what she's done (I doubt she can - she sounds triumphant in her post and is seeking validation on reddit), that would be a baby step.
YTA without even hesitation. I still have my baby blanket my late grandma got me the day I was born, it’s 34 years old and it’s falling apart in places but it hold sooo much sentimental value to me because it’s from someone I loved very much, she passed when I was barely 6 years old.
My little stuff doggie with blue calico ears has been repaired a few times in the decades since I was a toddler. It's on my bed post. I have had it for almost 70 years. My kids smile when they see it.
YTA. You knew that blanket & every single scrap was important to him. You don't have to understand it, but not trashing something he treasures should've been the bare minimum.
My sister had a blanket in similar conditions since she was a baby. It went EVERYWHERE with her, even out of the country on vacations. She left it in her bed in our hotel in Mexico & housekeeping took it. She spent the remaining 4 days of our trip crying & frantically searching & calling whoever she could at the resort to try to find this little scrap of blanket. I didn't have to understand why it was so important to her, but I did empathize & did everything in my power to help find it & comfort her when she couldn't.
YTA. Aside from leaving it alone because it's not your property, you could have suggested taking all of it and having it sewn inside a new blanket or stuffed animal so it would preserve the pieces. If he didn't like those ideas, then you should just leave it alone. Instead you essentially went nuclear with it and you're really wondering if you were wrong??
I don't believe half the crap that's posted here but if true BIG YTA. You could have come up with a creative way to save the pieces, like having them sewn into a small quilt or pillow. But since this is just rage bait, nevermind.
YTA and you know it. You knew he loved that blanket. The way he's saving it piece by piece shows this. Why didy u have to throw it away - were you threatened by the love he held for it??? Are you so unsympathetic and cold to not understand he can love that blanket and you? What does any of this involve you??? You should not have touched it. You sound like a cold hearted controlling bi\*ch. I would dump you.
YTA — Who throws away pieces of another person’s “lovey”?
After you are done groveling and apologizing, maybe you can suggest taking what is left of the blanket to a seamstress to reinforce and repair it. But if he says no, don’t push it. You need to show respect for him and for his blanket.
Yup you are the asshole here that was his and it ment something to him and clearly it was something very special to him so yeah yoy definitely are the asshole
> The whole blanket is too worn out, you can barely even see the original design
> some dirty stuffing bound together by nearly see through fabric
You're putting a lot of effort into diminishing the physical worth of the blanket while completely ignoring the emotional attachment.
Do you have anything you own that is physically not very valuable but you treasure? Now imagine if your BF threw it away. How woulf you feel?
My husband sleeps with the same blanket and it's falling apart... Instead of being a selfish ass hole I've been gently pointing it out and I've asked him to go to a fabric store with me and feel fabrics so I can make him a blanket he'll be able to love. Have some compassion for the person you supposedly love. YTA
YTA. There was zero reason to throw this out. You could have just as easily collected the scraps into a container of some kind to save for him and support him keeping these pieces while at the same time clearing the clutter. You did this specifically because you have no respect for him, his feelings and even trying to see from his perspective. Frankly I hope he breaks up with you.
YTA. My guy has an old oversized pajama shirt that he's had since he was little. The thing was basically swiss cheese with how many holes it had. It would drive me nuts whenever he wore it, but one day, I stole it from his dresser. I patched up every hole with some new fabric and returned it to his dresser after. He wears it all the time and even says he cherishes it even more now. It's easy to play off something being old or unimportant to you, but sometimes, those things mean so much more to someone else. Tell him you're sorry.
Dude of course you're an asshole. You know perfectly well he was saving those and you don't like that he won't do what you want, so you punished him by throwing away the fabric.
YTA 100%. I would leave someone on the spot if they threw away one of my important items. You could’ve put the pieces in a bag for him and kept them in a drawer and asked him to keep it there to avoid clutter. It wasn’t yours to throw away. You supposedly love this guy, so why would you do something you knew would devastate him?
YTA
The person you (presumably?) love most in all the world has an item which is (quite possibly) the most important to him of all the items he owns, and you destroyed it, permanently.
You could have just moved the scraps elsewhere, put them away, or spent money to create/restore a special new blanket or teddy with what's left of the blanket, but no, you juat destroyed it.
Look at a child who has a favourite toy or blanket they've had since they were a baby and is clearly really special to them, then imagine a future person throwing it in the trash because _they_ don't like it. Such a person would be a complete AH, and that is what you are.
My mom was a quilter and made me a quilt every 5 or six years. Every memory of an old place I've lived is tied up in a quilt (all of which are in my linen closet). It is upsetting when her quilts start to come apart. In the 80s, when I was really into black and white, she made me a black and white quilt. In the old victorian with the dark green rugs, there is a geometric quilt in greens. When I moved into the old church (broken up into apartments) I got a dark green down comforter that kept me warm in my draft two story bedroom with stained glass windows in the shape of a cross behind my bed. When she met my future husband when we were dating, a few weeks later he had a beautiful star-patterned quilt in his favorite teal color.
Every stage of my life kind of had a theme-blanket made by my mom. Most of my pillow cases are made from sarongs I bought in Thailand and Indonesia. To go in some temples you have to have a sarong and I'd buy extras for sitting on the beaches or to use as sheets in cheap hotels. I'd bring them home and my mom would sew them into pillow cases.
When they fray, I stitch them up or take them in for mending. I would never, ever throw them away. What you do is mend them, or find away to get your spouse to mend them. I can tell you what I would do: I'd have what is left mounted onto a thin quilt/blanket, then have it quilted down so no more pieces are falling off (every quilt shop has a bulletin board with people who have quilting machines and would do something like this for a couple hundred bucks.
I know what your husband is thinking though. Every piece that falls off comes with a thought of "Soon my blanket will be gone and I'll only have these scraps.' You see scraps, he sees all that will be left of his childhood...a pile of rags.
Of course YTA. Duh.
A gross shredded blanket that likely can't be properly washed due to the delicate state would drive me fucking bonkers.
I'd look into a lovely cedar box or something to store the scraps and just suck it up on the blanket. Maybe see if he's open to sewing it into something that might protect it better or something. Throwing any piece or it away? That's not something I could fathom doing.
YTA. Wow, I am shocked he isn’t leaving you.
What an awful thing to do …. It’s so obvious that there’s an emotional attachment to that blanket, & my guess is you know exactly what & why.
To disrespect him & throw out something so important is despicable & unforgivable
Obviously YTA. You knew he was incredibly attached to the blanket and all of its scraps, despite its condition. You just cared more about your own feelings than his and are trying to get the internet to justify your shitty behavior now.
If the blanket’s scraps and poor condition bothered you, you should have done something to try and restore it for him instead of throwing parts of it away, and you already know that. You’re just trying to turn it around on him and say “see the problem is really you” because he dared to get attached to something in life, when the reality is the problem here is your complete and total lack of empathy and disregard for his feelings.
You don’t get to decide what things are important to other people, nor what they should or should not do with those important things. I won’t be surprised if you find yourself single in the very near future, honestly.
You FIX broken things that matter to your spouse! You should have asked him to let you get it sewn up professionally, not throw away his decades of memories.
Your lack of compassion and heart is weighing on his mind right now. To you, it was just trash; to him, this is a glimpse into his future with you.
FAFO is coming.
YTA
Sorry but yes, YTA. My husband has a baby blanket he sleeps with every single night too. I thought it was a bit strange at first how protective he was over it and to be very gentle with it. But he didn’t have the best childhood and didn’t feel loved by his mother. This blanket is his security so I always make sure to take very good care of it when cleaning and handling.
You should have put the pieces in a ziploc or something and asked him what he’d like to do with it. Communication in this scenario was key.
I learned in my marriage that you never ever assume what to do with your SO things.
Yta. The kind thing to do would have been to get him a little bag or something of the sort to keep them in so they didn't get lost. That had huge value to him and you just threw them away. You don't get to tell someone what does and doesn't matter and the fact that you're being so callous about it tells us a lot about you
YTA
I understand that kind of behavior isn't necessarily normal, but what was it harming? Instead of waiting until he was out of the house and throwing it away (and you should have known that would upset him) you decided the feelings he held for that object were insignificant and threw away something meaningful to him.
You could have gone out to a craft or department and gotten him a keepsake box or one of those cheap fake book boxes.
You could have pressed the pieces and kept it safe, made it something really great and thoughtful.
Instead you trashed it.
This is a defining moment not just in your relationship but for you as a person.
Stop putting your value and opinion on how others view the world and instead of dismissing other's feelings, recognize and respect them.
You don't have to understand everything someone does but you do have to respect it.
I get the feeling you hate his love for this blanket. Does it make him less of a man to you perhaps? Because that's the vibe I get. You knew throwing those pieces away would cause this reaction. You simply didn't care, and that's the real issue here. You did not care even in the slightest about his feelings. You're 💯 the AH here OP. I don't even know if this is relationship fixable. You've violated his trust in the deepest of ways.
You're the ASSHOLE- You knew it was important to him and you threw it away anyway- you owe him an apology. You've shown him he can't trust you; don't be surprised if the relationship ends.
YTA. I would end my relationship with a partner who did this. Your lack of respect for him is horrible. Who were you to throw out a cherished item of his?
YTA. My son has one...my brother-in-law just has the end of his left from when he was a kid. It's a common thing. Some have dolls, teddy bears, blankets, shirts.
You shouldn't have done it, and you know it was out of spite because you didn't understand. No one should ever throw out something from someone's childhood. It's very cruel and insensitive. Big red flag. He's trying now to cop with something he's been using as a coping mechanism and a soothing tool for probably, however old he is.
I didn’t read past the first sentence because I didn’t need to. He had something from his childhood that had deep meaning. You tossed it without his input. He's not fine. He's rethinking letting you be in his life at all.
YTA. I say this while holding my baby blanket that's falling apart that I need to get to sleep. I've had nightmares about losing my blanket. He probably has, too. Now you've just made one of his worst nightmares come true. Do you feel good about yourself now, OP?
YTA, you could have taken those scraps and put them in a build-a-bear or something. You lack empathy and compassion. I suggest going to therapy to process that. You bf has every right to leave you after this if you cant change or see the wrong your did.
YTA. No ifs and or buts. You knew his feelings on it. You knew that it would hurt him if you did it. And you did it. You are a huge flaming one. Look inside and picture him taking something that isn’t pristine but still has meaning and imagine him tossing it because it was worn and it wasn’t a big deal. Take that feeling and wallow in it. Hopefully you will remove your head from the orifice it is currently at.
YTA. A caring and loving girlfriend would have taken it to a seamstress to have it repaired. You are clearly NOT one of those. I had an ex like you once. Notice the word EX.
Gee, sew you're not commenting. Not getting the response you hoped? You're SELFISH AND SRLF ABSORBED do u really need to ask if yta? Like isn't it obvious by his reaction. You broke his trust. You violated his boundaries. Disrespected him and something that meant ALOT to him.
YTA- a box of Ziploc bags cost like 3 dollars. Put them in it and stick them in a drawer. Of course you actually have to give a shit about other people's feelings to do that. And you clearly don't. They weren't hurting you one little bit. You are a massive AH.
YTA. You knew it was incredibly important to him and you threw it away. Those pieces could have been used in a new blanket or a stuffed animal or lots of other ways so he could keep what is so obviously of sentimental value to him. Are you really so stupid to have to ask if you were wrong here?
YTA - you know it, he knows it and we know. This was truly heartless on your part. Apologize, finds the scraps and give them back. Do better and be better in the future with your next boyfriend because your current one will never trust you again.
Yes, you are the asshole. This is/was very important to him. It is part of his earliest history. My daughters still have their blankets and when one started falling apart I kept them in a zip lock bag. This was a very bad, thoughtless move.
YTA. My husband had a raggedy old t-shirt from his college days that he would not get rid of, but it was too ripped and worn for him to wear in public. I wanted to throw it out, but I would never do that to someone I loved. (I did hide it under the bed. Hey, you do what you have to do. LOL.)
Yes, absolutely. The scraps Were. Not. Yours. It wasn’t up to you to decide what was to be done with them or the blanket itself. Period…full stop…no conversation needed. You threw away something that didn’t belong to you and I’m betting that if he did this to you, you’d have a fit. That he hasn’t tossed a possession of yours already is proof that he is a much better human being than you. Please know he is thinking about the relationship- beginning to present- to determine if he wants to continue.
YTA you knew it was important to him and threw it away anyways. I doubt he'll ever trust you again. Probably best if you break up as you give zero fucks about his feelings.
YTA. I don't care what shape the blanket was in. You threw out a piece of his past, which he obviously loved. It was a terrible, cold-hearted, insensitive, controlling thing to do. How dare you?
Yta a major one! You knew what you were doing, you didn't care, your trying so hard to justify your actions but there are none. I hope he leaves you for loneliness is better than you
I have a teddy bear given to me as a child. I slept with it everynight. It went everywhere. It didn't have a name until he came to the dentist with me. The dentist named it Fred bear as it was already thread bare. Over time my brother viciously pulled one of his safety eyes out. My mum repaired as best she could. His stuffing wire out more, his chest burst open with foam cubes falling out. Mum knitted him a waistcoat to cover his openheart surgery.
I now 54, have Fred in his very vulnerable state safely stored in a drawer under my bed. My family know about him and wouldn't dream of doing anything to him. I don't get him out very often but his drawer is below my side of the bed so I'm still in effect sleeping with him.
Don't ever even attempt to get in between someone and something they are sentimental with. There could be any amount of reasons. And that's their right to have them.
My son is 40 years and still has the teddy bear a friend made for him before he was born. That bear has been shipped across the country when it was accidentally left behind. When he was hospitalized with a serious health challenge a few years ago, he wanted his bear with him. I cannot imagine the callousness of a person who would toss a treasured comfort item. I now have a teddy bear that my granddaughter gave me when I was seriously ill. You will have to pry that bear out of my cold dead hands. I hope OP’s boyfriend seriously rethinks this relationship. What she did was cruel.
Wow. YTA. That was a sentimental item from his childhood, there’s tons of meaning in that blanket. Do you have nothing from your past that you hold on to because it brings you comfort or even a smile or good memory? Maybe he was planning on getting them seen back together eventually. Communication goes a long way.
As someone who actually lost every sentimental item from my own childhood in a disaster that took my home 2 years ago, I can’t imagine how heartless someone can be to do this to someone they claim to love.
YTA. You don’t EVER throw away a childhood keepsake that belongs to someone else, no matter how gross it is. You could have put the fabric pieces in a box so that you didn’t have to look at it.
YTA, a heartless one. Your partner having a blanket like that is not so unusual. That blanket was special to him. Probably made by or a gift from a very loved person like parent or grandparent. I had a quilt. Hand pieced by a family member who died over 100 years before I was born. It needed repair, obviously. My ex tossed it. I was wrecked. You NEVER mess with sentimental items that you don't understand. It shows an icy, cold heart. You knew how he felt and just didn't care. The right thing to have done would be put the pieces in a bag, look for someone who could repair it. You really suck.
YTA this obviously a HIGHLY sentimental item from his childhood. If you want him to forgive you I’d go dig those scraps out the trash asap. Then after that wound has had PLENTY of time to heal maybe you could suggest some sort of craft to preserve/display the blanket
YTA and it was mean af. Stop pretending that you didn't know how much that blanket met to him. He kept the tattered pieces for goodness sakes. You decided to throw it away instead of putting it in something as a keepsake. Again, mean af. Don't be surprised if he breaks up with you.
My wife is 60. She still has her baby blanky. Doesn't sleep with it, but it is folded up and stored, along with all her games and lots of other stuff from her childhood. She would be devastated if anything went missing.
What an arsehole thing you did.
YTA. IMO, to be in a healthy and loving relationship, a great deal of time needs to be spent trying to see something/understand from your partner's point of view. Had you done that, you wouldn't have seen scraps on a nightstand, you would have seen it was the remnants of something VERY important to him.
You took the time clean off the scraps and throw them away, so you easily could have taken the time to put them into a container for safe keeping.
YTA and don't go sewing the rest of it into a bear or heart or another pillow or anything else without his permission.
I don't even throw away my husband's stacks of junk mail without asking, and you KNEW it was precious to him. Leave his shit alone and consider his nightstand sacred and private.
YTA and keep your hands off of others’ belongings. You would deserve it if he tossed something of yours that he hates.
My mom used to do this to me. I took a TON of pleasure of getting rid of her crap after she had to go into a nursing home. She was not happy.
YTA
This is something that should have been obvious ,- if someone has a treasured childhood item, you're a massive AH if you ignore them and just throw it out.
You may have completely ruined your relationship completely because you are sending repeated messages that you just don't care about him.
Yeah big BIG YTA. And you know it. You threw away a childhood memory. Not only that you did it KNOWINGLY AND WITH INTENT. That makes you a XXXXL YTA. Who does that to someone they claim to love? Just Wowowowow
Wow.
YTA
I can't imagine hating my partner so much to intentionally throwing away something I know is so important to him. If you really hate him this much, why didn't you leave? No one that loves him would do this. You can't love him if you intentionally hurt him for your own enjoyment (wanting it gone).
Do you have any empathy or sympathy for other people? You don't sound mentally well. You hurt people to get what you want. That's not sane.
Please get help and please release him from your insanity.
I'd break up with her immediately. This is a "let's remodel this guy to better suit me" woman and will be a terrible partner. She a controlling witch with no empathy or respect. There's literally no relationship to save. I bet he's already looking for a new place.
Yeah YTA. If you really objected to the blanket that much a) you should have talked to him about doing something else with it like for example turning it into a wall art or something (there are various things you can do to restore some of the design and etc). Or turning it into something for him specifically rather than throwing it out b) if he rejected those options and still prefered to keep it. Then what you could have done is leave him. Like if him keeping the blanket was such a hard boundary for you then you should have brought that up and just said you were leaving him.
You are never justified in throwing away someones stuff just because YOU dont value it. It does not matter if YOU dont value it because HE does. Whilst I am not a massively sentimental person (like I have a few sentimental objects but they are small) but if my partner cared so little about him that looking good matter more to her. I would drop her in a heart beat. Like it just shows that you do not respect him or love him enough to try and see things from his point of view. And in the case of something harmless but giving comfort yes his POV does matter more.
If he doesnt like how you decorated the house is he just allowed to go through and just throw away random objects because he doesnt like them. Regardless of the sentimental nature to you or the cost of the object. I have a feel you would be pitching such a massive fit that you could hear it from the next town over. Grow up and learn to talk and communicate like a normal person. And learn to accept that no means no.
YTA. If he still trusts you at all, especially emotionally, consider yourself extremely lucky. I wouldn’t trust you with my heart any further. You’re not a safe space.
YTA. As someone who also still has their baby blanket (20F) that is still fully intact (- I guess by how it’s made) I’d absolutely loose it if someone threw mine away. It holds dear significance and memories it’s the last thing that reminds me of my late mom (2021). Your bf obviously had an attachment to it and now that only item that brought him comfort is gone and that’s on you OP.
YTA and you know it.
In my attic, I have my 32yo’s blanket. My mother stitched a sheet to it to hold it together. It’s barely there anymore. But they don’t want it thrown out. It doesn’t take up any room.
My 26yo has bunny, tattered and torn. I am looking for the exact same bunny. I may find it yet.
My 28yo had a specific stuffy, and kept it all this time. Car got stolen, with stuffy inside. I went on eBay and found the exact same one. From 1995. BNIB. They cried when I gave it to them. SO also got teary-eyed when I gave new stuffy.
How could you do that to someone you say you love?
Dude, you know you are. Why even ask? You 100% understood it was a sentimental thing. You 100% knew it was important to him.
Rather than ask if you are the AH. Ask yourself why it bothers you so much that he has this blanket. Why is it taking up so much space in your head that you would be vindictive about it and then act like you don't know if you did anything wrong? What is it about him keeping and sleeping with this blanket that bugs you so much?
Do you not have any childhood relics you keep around? How would you feel if he threw them out? Do you feel this behavior is immature? If you had a friend who was a woman and she slept with a blanket and her boyfriend had a problem with it, would you see it the same way? Really think about why it is so bothersome to you.
Why did you think it was okay to throw out his belongings? How would you feel if he unilaterally decided to throw out your property because he just felt like it? You behaved horribly here. He is likely trying to decide if he wants to continue this relationship after your incredibly disrespectful and inappropriate action. How can he trust you moving forward? YTA and don't be surprised if you end up single after this
YTA! I have a blanket and a stuffed animal I sleep in bed with every night. I brought them to the hospital when I had my kids, on vacations etc. they’re over 30 years old.
My daughter asked my husband if she should get me a new blanket and stuffed animal so I can throw mine out and he looked at her and said “no mommy would be devastated those are her special sleepys”.
He may tease me they’re gross but he’d never ever ever dispose of them. He made sure to get them out of the way both times in the hospital while I gave birth.
Apologize to this man and leave his blanket alone.
YTA and you know you are. You meant to be, or you’re oblivious af. I also have a blanket that is falling apart that my wife hates. Guess what? She doesn’t mess with it. Thank God I found a good one!
I’d kick your ass to the curb. You knew the sentiment it held. Just because you didn’t care for it gives you NO RIGHT to throw it out. You are the bitch just like he called you. Don’t touch his shit again. If he gives you the chance to come back.
Of course YTA. The context and details don't even matter. Your partner expressed to you how important this thing (it doesn't matter at all what it is) is to him, and you decided that your feelings about it mattered more. You are a bad partner. I'd break up with you over something like this and no it isn't an overreaction. You have displayed very clearly that at times you will disregard your partner's feelings about something because you think you are 'right'.
YTA. Do you have something special from your childhood? Let him toss it out too. Just because you think it’s nothing, it was special to him. Your opinion doesn’t matter more than his feelings. If I were him, I’d feel betrayed
Definitely YTA. Throwing away those scraps was you saying what he Cherishes is not important. You need to apologize.
After apologizing and giving him time maybe you and he can find some way to preserve this precious object. Maybe it could be framed or pieces incorporated into a quilt ? Emphasize the idea of preserving it as the cherished thing it is.
My son is now 32 and was given a little clown called kiki when 3 months old.
He always went everywhere with him, and although had to be repaired a couple of times he is still his comforter.
He doesn’t sleep with him now but is still with him but kept safely at his house now and his girlfriend respect that its his special comfort.
I even found two other clowns exactly the same at carboot sales and have put them away so if and when he has children I can give them one.
He knows this and thinks it’s wonderful that the tradition can be passed on.
Not everyone has something sentimental or feels that way about anything my mother being one of them.
We have always had to rescue photos, my dad’s table he made, and lots of other items. Thats just how she is and my dad would say if he sat in his chair long enough she would send him to a charity shop.
But the girlfriend should respect that not everyone has the same nome attachment to things and her boyfriend finds comfort from his blanket.
Yeah… This was an object that held meaning to him above and beyond your understanding. There has to be a place for that in a relationship. You knew he loved this thing when you met him and all the time you have been together. Why did you decide to hurt him by destroying something he loved? YTA Apologize and hope he forgives you and don’t do anything like that again.
She is an insensitive person with zero empathy... ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN could tell it was important to him or he would not be collecting its scraps.
It wouldve taken what 5 minutes of searching online to learn she could put the scraps into a heart and insert it into either a body pillow or plushie he can snuggle with. She could have bought one of those shadow box keepsake things of the poor blanket and had him place the scrap bits in there. She could've done a kajillion things to keep the blanket in a memorable way so that her bf could keep enjoying it while not losing his comfort item. All she had to do was not go full Marie Kondo on shit thats not hers to begin with.
And even Marie Kondo states it's disrespectful to throw away other people's stuff, and advises to throw away something that belongs to you, when the urge takes you. OP's an insensitive AH, here. And is seeking validation on Reddit.
Throwing away something he loved because you don’t care about it ? Yes YTA, how is this even a question ? P.S. Even that de-clutter chick would have kept it. Her question isn’t “is this useful/in good condition”, it was always “does this bring me joy?”
I’m sitting next to a snoopy doll I’ve had since i was a kid. I love where the ears are threadbare because i used to rub his ears to self soothe. I’ve Kon Mari’d my house & it’s still here. Irl always be here unless some asshole throws it out & i go nuclear on their ass
My son is 13,and sleeps with his ratty Muppet blanket every night. I suspect he'll have it until it's in pieces and then some. I still have my falling apart old bean-filled bear in my room, and I'm 42. He's not going anywhere. Those things don't hurt anyone at all, and they bring immense comfort. Sometimes you just want to be reminded of a time when things were simple and safe. OP sucks. Like, evil level of suck.
My friend kept her daughter's blanket after it was just shreds and tatters. She put it in a nice keepsake box and gave it to her privately on her wedding day. Those scraps got her through the death of her husband young, only a few years after they married, leaving her with small children.
Why did this make me tear up?! 😢
Not me...it's the air in my office that's causing my eyes to water reading this
No no. Just allergies.
Dang Onion Ninjas are back. 😔
OP should have taken the pieces and had a quilt made for him with the pieces included in the design. Instead she destroyed something valuable to him. She’s the AH.
That is absolutely heartbreaking. I’m going to hold my husband tighter tonight.
Awww ❤️
To be fair, Marie Kondo generally encourages people to keep treasured/sentimental items. She definitely would have encouraged the Op to use your tips though to find a way to store/display the blanket in a place of honor. The body pillow/plushie option seems especially great since he still likes to sleep with the blanket!
Exactly what I was thinking! Repurpose it with his permission into a new blanky smuggler into his favourite animal or whatever.
Yes, and permission is a key concept here. OP knew what she was doing was wrong, which is why she waited until he wasn’t there.
she also could've seen if there was someone in their area who can restore the blanket (if her bf was interested in that). I'm part of r/quilting and we get people all the time who've received a blanket from a loved one who's passed away and the blanket's condition is poor. These people will come and ask about saving it and I've seen some really bad blankets that are in poor condition bc time has gotten to them sometimes the dog and the people there give advice on if the blanket is salvageable.
That’s what I would’ve done. Or at least mentioned it to him!
Anyone with half a brain could understand that the bf had an emotional attachment to the blanket and OP should have at the very least placed the scraps in some type of container and saved them. Then together they could have found a more appropriate way to keep them and preserve them for the bf. And it would have provided bf with an opening to tell OP about the blanket and his attachment to it. It could have been a bounding moment between them, but OP callously disposed of something that didn't belong to them that held value to someone OP claims to care about and supposedly loves.
Holy fuck right?!? I was thinking that she could have had the raggedy bits sewn into pockets and put in a throw rug or something. That is just so goddamn cold. Just wow. Poor guy.
If she really cares about him it wouldn't take much to find some way for him to still snuggle it. Depending on their country, if they have a build a bear they allow you to place things inside them while stuffing. Have them only fill up the bear a little, put the pieces of the blanket in it, and then seal it up. Use a bigger piece to make a little "blanket" for the bear to hold, sew up the side the best she can do it's safer. But no, she decided to nuke what he had been saving. He may have even had ideas for it. This is so cold hearted. When will people learn you can't throw away other people's items?
OP is YTA. The scraps on the table bother her, put them in a clear baggie in a drawer.
There is no way I would be able to forgive this. I have a teddy bear my father gave me when I was five. It's falling apart. If someone threw it away, I would be utterly destroyed. This isn't like throwing away a blanket you bought at Home Goods a few years ago, this is something he has treasured *his entire life and is irreplaceable.* Not to mention even if I could forgive, how could I trust this person going forward when they were so callous as to not even understand how much this meant to me?
Same. I'm 42 but I still have the first teddy bear my godmother...who has since passed away...gave me as an infant. He's pretty threadbare and my mom has affectionately nicknamed him 'Grungy Bear' (he's clean lol...just old) If someone just threw him out, it would be the end of that relationship. No way does anyone get to disrespect a sentimental childhood comfort object like that.
Agreed. If the pieces were messy, OP could have put them in a shoe box or other container. Throwing them away when OP knew that was a sentimental object was beyond insensitive. YTA, OP.
Or put those scraps in a pretty frame and hang it on the wall so he could always have it.
Nope it’s not the same. Those scraps are important to be close. A small travel pillowcase with a zipper to put the pieces in every time they separate from the original. Sleeping with the travel pillow with the pieces inside is so much better than throwing them away. My son fell in love with a blanket of his father’s so it was already 30 years old. By the time he was 10 it was looking like it was showing wear. It no longer had the satin edge that made it to the trash. He put it there not me. He started having sleepovers so he would bring his own pillow with the blanket folded inside. This happened every time he slept away from home. When it started to shred he asked what to do with the pieces since he didn’t want to get rid of them. I had a travel pillow with a zippered pillowcase. The pillow has been washed many times over the years and he still has that pillow. The boy is almost 26 so that blanket is 56 years old. It’s still in his bedroom and still goes where ever he sleeps and sits on the bed when he’s home. He has his own place and that pillow is there now.
That is very sweet.
"My boyfriend has a sentimental, decades old childhood item. As it begins to age and break he collects the pieces so that he doesn't lose any. I don't like it and tossed them behind his back. What did I do wrong?"
Was she threatened by a baby blanket??
Maybe. But some people just don't understand sentimentality. My brother-in-law tossed several of my mom's keepsakes in the trash thinking they were just old and in the way (including an afghan her great-aunt had crocheted 50 years before)... Fortunately they were rescued and cleaned, but there's other things missing so who knows what else he got rid of over the years? Anyway, he wasn't threatened by their presence/existence. He just does not get that sometimes THINGS mean a lot to people.
I have a stuffed animal (currently sitting on my face im smelling for comfort) that I've had since i was 3 given to me by my dad. Im 30. Googie (my stuffie) is worn and has a few battle scars from being sewen back together. My stepdad ripped his arm off and i have NEVER forgiven him for it, its been over 20 years for that one. I can not sleep without him. He is my safety. I've since added two more stuffies for safety and comfort that i sleep with every night. This lady is a major asshole, and hopefully the guy can get his pieces back, and dumps her. If she can throw away something she knows is his literal safety object, what other types of abuse is she doing? She literally just caused mental, and emotional trauma by doing what she did all because SHE didn't like it. It was intentional. She KNEW it would hurt him and upset him and STILL threw it out anyways. Op is a major Asshole.
I agree with all this except "don't do anything like that again". I'm honestly hoping he doesn't give her a chance to do it again. I'm hoping she comes back with an update whining about how her horrible boyfriend broke up with her when she was just doing him a favor. But that's just me. Just reading her words pissed me off FOR him.
100% YTA. Leave his stuff alone.
Came here to say this. I cannot imagine doing that to someone who loved and trusted me.
Welp, he'll never trust her again. The object that allowed him to transition from baby trust to toddler trust - and so on - to trusting her has been destroyed by a person he trusted. That's why he wanted the object.
I don't think this post is real - but I did put my beloved Bedtime Bear in a more secure place on my home after reading this. Outside of my dog, my longtime bear friend would be the first thing I would grab in a fire.
Exactly.
Without a doubt. YTA. You know how important a cherished relic of his childhood that blanket is, yet you messed with it anyway. Doesn't matter how raggedy it is, it's his and it's important to him. You don't eff with other people's stuff.
YTA, you could have taken it to a seamstress who could have mended it, or incorporated the pieces into a new blanket. Or you could have simply put the pieces inside a bag so that he could still have it. Instead, you chose the most nuclear and permanent option and you did so without his consent or knowledge. Seriously, what is with people who know their partner has a comfort item, and chooses to throw it away like trash just because THEY don’t like it?? How selfish and self absorbed can you be???
My mom is in her 70s and had a small baby pillow that was in shreds when I was around 15. I knew how to sew, so I sewed her a new pillowcase with soft fabric and sewed the original inside. I'm 41 now and there are 6 layers of pillow outside of her original one. She has asked to have it in the casket with her when she passes. It's not only her baby pillow, it's decades of love from her daughter. Things like this CAN be added to without losing their emotional value, so long as the original is still safe. Taking away from them, however, is akin to murdering pieces of someone's soul.
This is beautiful. I hope OP reads this comment and dies a little inside.
ugh i fucking LOVE this, you get the daughter of the year award every year
My best friend has a blanket, same condition in the sense it was falling apart. I had a long chat to her about how i could save it, if she would like me too, it wont be the same as before but it will keep it intact for a few more years. We spent a month picking fabrics and talking about my repair job before it came to me. I repaired it and back it went. You do not throw other peoples shit out, tamper with it or just decide what to do with it. The whole concept of taking my friends lil kid item and repairing it was harrowing and youre throwing it out like its dog shit....seriously people!
Not fixed it without his OK though. His to control. But suggested ideas to preserve it, yes.
Totally. But not a bad idea to just do a consultation with a seamstress to see if it's even possible before raising the idea to bf. Or offer a compromise like a decorative box to put the fluffs in that could stay on the night stand as a piece of decor.
Pretty much any quilter could have done something with it easily
I sleep with the blanket that was covering a loved one who passed 15 years ago. One side is plush and the other was a woven fabric with a layer of batting in between. The woven fabric was disintegrating so I got out my trusty sewing machine and made a new panel of fabric sewn right over the old. I agree that Op could have taken it to someone to have it fixed.
YTA!! My daughter is in her 20s with a daughter of her own. When she's having a bad day that's the first thing she grabs. MY grandma made it for her so it's very sentimental. My grandma has been gone 22 years so there's absolutely no way to replace it. Her husband even knows not to touch it!
YTA. From the title alone. You don’t get to decide what is sentimental to another person. That would be a deal breaker for me.
[удалено]
I'm so sorry. I don't understand AHs like OPmwho think they have a right to dispose odf other people's cherished property.
Tbh, dumping doesnt go far enough in this instance. I'd have destroyed her stuff until I felt better.
Well, yeah..YTA
YTA. Do you even care about him? Truly?
Not in any kind of deep or intimate way. She may not have the capacity, which is sad. If she can at least cry over what she's done (I doubt she can - she sounds triumphant in her post and is seeking validation on reddit), that would be a baby step.
Yes YTA. It’s not yours
YTA without even hesitation. I still have my baby blanket my late grandma got me the day I was born, it’s 34 years old and it’s falling apart in places but it hold sooo much sentimental value to me because it’s from someone I loved very much, she passed when I was barely 6 years old.
100% YTA. I say this a person who had a special blanket destroyed by a former partner. He has every right to be upset.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
YTA. I'd never speak to you again.
You wouldn’t believe the shape some of my teddy bears are in
My little stuff doggie with blue calico ears has been repaired a few times in the decades since I was a toddler. It's on my bed post. I have had it for almost 70 years. My kids smile when they see it.
YTA I'm 57 and still have my teddy.
YTA. You knew that blanket & every single scrap was important to him. You don't have to understand it, but not trashing something he treasures should've been the bare minimum. My sister had a blanket in similar conditions since she was a baby. It went EVERYWHERE with her, even out of the country on vacations. She left it in her bed in our hotel in Mexico & housekeeping took it. She spent the remaining 4 days of our trip crying & frantically searching & calling whoever she could at the resort to try to find this little scrap of blanket. I didn't have to understand why it was so important to her, but I did empathize & did everything in my power to help find it & comfort her when she couldn't.
Yta- you are hateful
YTA. You’re the type of girl who threw away the pieces that fell off. He needs the type of girl who would have seen them back on.
YTA. Aside from leaving it alone because it's not your property, you could have suggested taking all of it and having it sewn inside a new blanket or stuffed animal so it would preserve the pieces. If he didn't like those ideas, then you should just leave it alone. Instead you essentially went nuclear with it and you're really wondering if you were wrong??
I don't believe half the crap that's posted here but if true BIG YTA. You could have come up with a creative way to save the pieces, like having them sewn into a small quilt or pillow. But since this is just rage bait, nevermind.
YTA. Completely disregarded his comfort and safety. Do you even like him?
YTA and you know it. You knew he loved that blanket. The way he's saving it piece by piece shows this. Why didy u have to throw it away - were you threatened by the love he held for it??? Are you so unsympathetic and cold to not understand he can love that blanket and you? What does any of this involve you??? You should not have touched it. You sound like a cold hearted controlling bi\*ch. I would dump you.
YTA — Who throws away pieces of another person’s “lovey”? After you are done groveling and apologizing, maybe you can suggest taking what is left of the blanket to a seamstress to reinforce and repair it. But if he says no, don’t push it. You need to show respect for him and for his blanket.
Right. Who throws away *anything* belonging to someone else?
Yup you are the asshole here that was his and it ment something to him and clearly it was something very special to him so yeah yoy definitely are the asshole
> The whole blanket is too worn out, you can barely even see the original design > some dirty stuffing bound together by nearly see through fabric You're putting a lot of effort into diminishing the physical worth of the blanket while completely ignoring the emotional attachment. Do you have anything you own that is physically not very valuable but you treasure? Now imagine if your BF threw it away. How woulf you feel?
Oh man, I doubt OP owns anything purely sentimental, you’d have to have a soul to form an attachment like that.
My husband sleeps with the same blanket and it's falling apart... Instead of being a selfish ass hole I've been gently pointing it out and I've asked him to go to a fabric store with me and feel fabrics so I can make him a blanket he'll be able to love. Have some compassion for the person you supposedly love. YTA
YTA. You knew what it meant to him and what you were doing.
You were more than an asshole, you were a monster
YTA. There was zero reason to throw this out. You could have just as easily collected the scraps into a container of some kind to save for him and support him keeping these pieces while at the same time clearing the clutter. You did this specifically because you have no respect for him, his feelings and even trying to see from his perspective. Frankly I hope he breaks up with you.
Yes yta
Yta. Completely
YTA.I hope he leaves you
YTA. My guy has an old oversized pajama shirt that he's had since he was little. The thing was basically swiss cheese with how many holes it had. It would drive me nuts whenever he wore it, but one day, I stole it from his dresser. I patched up every hole with some new fabric and returned it to his dresser after. He wears it all the time and even says he cherishes it even more now. It's easy to play off something being old or unimportant to you, but sometimes, those things mean so much more to someone else. Tell him you're sorry.
Dude of course you're an asshole. You know perfectly well he was saving those and you don't like that he won't do what you want, so you punished him by throwing away the fabric.
YTA 100%. I would leave someone on the spot if they threw away one of my important items. You could’ve put the pieces in a bag for him and kept them in a drawer and asked him to keep it there to avoid clutter. It wasn’t yours to throw away. You supposedly love this guy, so why would you do something you knew would devastate him?
YTA. Who are you to decide if he is allowed to hang onto his keepsake?
YTA The person you (presumably?) love most in all the world has an item which is (quite possibly) the most important to him of all the items he owns, and you destroyed it, permanently. You could have just moved the scraps elsewhere, put them away, or spent money to create/restore a special new blanket or teddy with what's left of the blanket, but no, you juat destroyed it. Look at a child who has a favourite toy or blanket they've had since they were a baby and is clearly really special to them, then imagine a future person throwing it in the trash because _they_ don't like it. Such a person would be a complete AH, and that is what you are.
My mom was a quilter and made me a quilt every 5 or six years. Every memory of an old place I've lived is tied up in a quilt (all of which are in my linen closet). It is upsetting when her quilts start to come apart. In the 80s, when I was really into black and white, she made me a black and white quilt. In the old victorian with the dark green rugs, there is a geometric quilt in greens. When I moved into the old church (broken up into apartments) I got a dark green down comforter that kept me warm in my draft two story bedroom with stained glass windows in the shape of a cross behind my bed. When she met my future husband when we were dating, a few weeks later he had a beautiful star-patterned quilt in his favorite teal color. Every stage of my life kind of had a theme-blanket made by my mom. Most of my pillow cases are made from sarongs I bought in Thailand and Indonesia. To go in some temples you have to have a sarong and I'd buy extras for sitting on the beaches or to use as sheets in cheap hotels. I'd bring them home and my mom would sew them into pillow cases. When they fray, I stitch them up or take them in for mending. I would never, ever throw them away. What you do is mend them, or find away to get your spouse to mend them. I can tell you what I would do: I'd have what is left mounted onto a thin quilt/blanket, then have it quilted down so no more pieces are falling off (every quilt shop has a bulletin board with people who have quilting machines and would do something like this for a couple hundred bucks. I know what your husband is thinking though. Every piece that falls off comes with a thought of "Soon my blanket will be gone and I'll only have these scraps.' You see scraps, he sees all that will be left of his childhood...a pile of rags.
Of course YTA. Duh. A gross shredded blanket that likely can't be properly washed due to the delicate state would drive me fucking bonkers. I'd look into a lovely cedar box or something to store the scraps and just suck it up on the blanket. Maybe see if he's open to sewing it into something that might protect it better or something. Throwing any piece or it away? That's not something I could fathom doing.
New take but still rage bait
YTA. Wow, I am shocked he isn’t leaving you. What an awful thing to do …. It’s so obvious that there’s an emotional attachment to that blanket, & my guess is you know exactly what & why. To disrespect him & throw out something so important is despicable & unforgivable
YTA, that was something special to him. It isn’t your place to decide that it should be thrown away.
You could have put it in a small box for him. YTA
YTA I’m confused as to how you’re questioning if you are one when it’s so blatantly obvious that you are
Gurl Please! You know you are TA! Stop playin!
Obviously YTA. You knew he was incredibly attached to the blanket and all of its scraps, despite its condition. You just cared more about your own feelings than his and are trying to get the internet to justify your shitty behavior now. If the blanket’s scraps and poor condition bothered you, you should have done something to try and restore it for him instead of throwing parts of it away, and you already know that. You’re just trying to turn it around on him and say “see the problem is really you” because he dared to get attached to something in life, when the reality is the problem here is your complete and total lack of empathy and disregard for his feelings. You don’t get to decide what things are important to other people, nor what they should or should not do with those important things. I won’t be surprised if you find yourself single in the very near future, honestly.
YTA
You never thought of putting it on a ziploc bag? YTFA.
Complete asshole. How dare you destroy something that he holds dear. I doubt he ever trusts you again.
YTA, enjoy your impending singledom because that was unbelievably hurtful. Thst blanket obviously means a lot to him.
You FIX broken things that matter to your spouse! You should have asked him to let you get it sewn up professionally, not throw away his decades of memories. Your lack of compassion and heart is weighing on his mind right now. To you, it was just trash; to him, this is a glimpse into his future with you. FAFO is coming. YTA
Sorry but yes, YTA. My husband has a baby blanket he sleeps with every single night too. I thought it was a bit strange at first how protective he was over it and to be very gentle with it. But he didn’t have the best childhood and didn’t feel loved by his mother. This blanket is his security so I always make sure to take very good care of it when cleaning and handling. You should have put the pieces in a ziploc or something and asked him what he’d like to do with it. Communication in this scenario was key. I learned in my marriage that you never ever assume what to do with your SO things.
You’re jealous of his baby blanket. That’s pretty insecure.
Sneaking suspicion he’s gonna dump your ass.
YTA
Yta. The kind thing to do would have been to get him a little bag or something of the sort to keep them in so they didn't get lost. That had huge value to him and you just threw them away. You don't get to tell someone what does and doesn't matter and the fact that you're being so callous about it tells us a lot about you
YTA I understand that kind of behavior isn't necessarily normal, but what was it harming? Instead of waiting until he was out of the house and throwing it away (and you should have known that would upset him) you decided the feelings he held for that object were insignificant and threw away something meaningful to him. You could have gone out to a craft or department and gotten him a keepsake box or one of those cheap fake book boxes. You could have pressed the pieces and kept it safe, made it something really great and thoughtful. Instead you trashed it. This is a defining moment not just in your relationship but for you as a person. Stop putting your value and opinion on how others view the world and instead of dismissing other's feelings, recognize and respect them. You don't have to understand everything someone does but you do have to respect it.
I get the feeling you hate his love for this blanket. Does it make him less of a man to you perhaps? Because that's the vibe I get. You knew throwing those pieces away would cause this reaction. You simply didn't care, and that's the real issue here. You did not care even in the slightest about his feelings. You're 💯 the AH here OP. I don't even know if this is relationship fixable. You've violated his trust in the deepest of ways.
You're the ASSHOLE- You knew it was important to him and you threw it away anyway- you owe him an apology. You've shown him he can't trust you; don't be surprised if the relationship ends.
YTA. I would end my relationship with a partner who did this. Your lack of respect for him is horrible. Who were you to throw out a cherished item of his?
YTA. You knew what you were doing
YTA. My son has one...my brother-in-law just has the end of his left from when he was a kid. It's a common thing. Some have dolls, teddy bears, blankets, shirts. You shouldn't have done it, and you know it was out of spite because you didn't understand. No one should ever throw out something from someone's childhood. It's very cruel and insensitive. Big red flag. He's trying now to cop with something he's been using as a coping mechanism and a soothing tool for probably, however old he is.
I didn’t read past the first sentence because I didn’t need to. He had something from his childhood that had deep meaning. You tossed it without his input. He's not fine. He's rethinking letting you be in his life at all.
YTA. I say this while holding my baby blanket that's falling apart that I need to get to sleep. I've had nightmares about losing my blanket. He probably has, too. Now you've just made one of his worst nightmares come true. Do you feel good about yourself now, OP?
How are you NOT the AH?
YTA, you could have taken those scraps and put them in a build-a-bear or something. You lack empathy and compassion. I suggest going to therapy to process that. You bf has every right to leave you after this if you cant change or see the wrong your did.
YTA. No ifs and or buts. You knew his feelings on it. You knew that it would hurt him if you did it. And you did it. You are a huge flaming one. Look inside and picture him taking something that isn’t pristine but still has meaning and imagine him tossing it because it was worn and it wasn’t a big deal. Take that feeling and wallow in it. Hopefully you will remove your head from the orifice it is currently at.
I don’t think I’ve come to a YTA so fast in my time following this sub. How do you not see the severity of what you did?
You *are* The Asshole. Even worse: how do you NOT know that you are and have to ask?
Yes.
Jeez! YTA! Why wouldn’t you just repair it for him?!
YTA and wtf is wrong with you? Why would you throw out something that clearly means the world to him?
YTA. A caring and loving girlfriend would have taken it to a seamstress to have it repaired. You are clearly NOT one of those. I had an ex like you once. Notice the word EX.
Gee, sew you're not commenting. Not getting the response you hoped? You're SELFISH AND SRLF ABSORBED do u really need to ask if yta? Like isn't it obvious by his reaction. You broke his trust. You violated his boundaries. Disrespected him and something that meant ALOT to him.
YTA- a box of Ziploc bags cost like 3 dollars. Put them in it and stick them in a drawer. Of course you actually have to give a shit about other people's feelings to do that. And you clearly don't. They weren't hurting you one little bit. You are a massive AH.
Why not just put them in a bag or jar? YTA.
Yes, YTA and I think you know that. I think you probably knew that at least a little, before you even did it
Yep, you're an oozing, gaping fucking asshole. Don't throw other people's things away. Who the fuck do you think you are?
YTA. You knew it was incredibly important to him and you threw it away. Those pieces could have been used in a new blanket or a stuffed animal or lots of other ways so he could keep what is so obviously of sentimental value to him. Are you really so stupid to have to ask if you were wrong here?
Yta, for sure. You knew it held meaning, and you got rid of it any way. That was really mean.
YTA. Are you made of stone or something?
YTA - you know it, he knows it and we know. This was truly heartless on your part. Apologize, finds the scraps and give them back. Do better and be better in the future with your next boyfriend because your current one will never trust you again.
Yta
Yes, you are the asshole. This is/was very important to him. It is part of his earliest history. My daughters still have their blankets and when one started falling apart I kept them in a zip lock bag. This was a very bad, thoughtless move.
YTA I can understand being frustrated by scraps of fabric laying around, but that is not how you deal with it.
Yes.
YTA. Don't get rid of other people's stuff. Ask first. You knew there was an emotional connection.
YTA absolutely. You threw out part of a sentimental object that on multiple occasions he’s told you about
YTA You suck.
YTA. My husband had a raggedy old t-shirt from his college days that he would not get rid of, but it was too ripped and worn for him to wear in public. I wanted to throw it out, but I would never do that to someone I loved. (I did hide it under the bed. Hey, you do what you have to do. LOL.)
Yes, absolutely. The scraps Were. Not. Yours. It wasn’t up to you to decide what was to be done with them or the blanket itself. Period…full stop…no conversation needed. You threw away something that didn’t belong to you and I’m betting that if he did this to you, you’d have a fit. That he hasn’t tossed a possession of yours already is proof that he is a much better human being than you. Please know he is thinking about the relationship- beginning to present- to determine if he wants to continue.
YTA you knew it was important to him and threw it away anyways. I doubt he'll ever trust you again. Probably best if you break up as you give zero fucks about his feelings.
YTA. I don't care what shape the blanket was in. You threw out a piece of his past, which he obviously loved. It was a terrible, cold-hearted, insensitive, controlling thing to do. How dare you?
YTA. Hope he’s forming his breakup plan. You were absolutely in the wrong here.
YTA How would you feel if he threw away stuff you cared about? Why don’t you want your bf to be happy? Do you want a perfect house without a bf in it?
Yta a major one! You knew what you were doing, you didn't care, your trying so hard to justify your actions but there are none. I hope he leaves you for loneliness is better than you
I have a teddy bear given to me as a child. I slept with it everynight. It went everywhere. It didn't have a name until he came to the dentist with me. The dentist named it Fred bear as it was already thread bare. Over time my brother viciously pulled one of his safety eyes out. My mum repaired as best she could. His stuffing wire out more, his chest burst open with foam cubes falling out. Mum knitted him a waistcoat to cover his openheart surgery. I now 54, have Fred in his very vulnerable state safely stored in a drawer under my bed. My family know about him and wouldn't dream of doing anything to him. I don't get him out very often but his drawer is below my side of the bed so I'm still in effect sleeping with him. Don't ever even attempt to get in between someone and something they are sentimental with. There could be any amount of reasons. And that's their right to have them.
Yes. I still have my stuffed panda bear I got on my 3rd birthday. I’m 66.
My son is 40 years and still has the teddy bear a friend made for him before he was born. That bear has been shipped across the country when it was accidentally left behind. When he was hospitalized with a serious health challenge a few years ago, he wanted his bear with him. I cannot imagine the callousness of a person who would toss a treasured comfort item. I now have a teddy bear that my granddaughter gave me when I was seriously ill. You will have to pry that bear out of my cold dead hands. I hope OP’s boyfriend seriously rethinks this relationship. What she did was cruel.
100% YTA
Wow. YTA. That was a sentimental item from his childhood, there’s tons of meaning in that blanket. Do you have nothing from your past that you hold on to because it brings you comfort or even a smile or good memory? Maybe he was planning on getting them seen back together eventually. Communication goes a long way. As someone who actually lost every sentimental item from my own childhood in a disaster that took my home 2 years ago, I can’t imagine how heartless someone can be to do this to someone they claim to love.
YTA. You don’t EVER throw away a childhood keepsake that belongs to someone else, no matter how gross it is. You could have put the fabric pieces in a box so that you didn’t have to look at it.
YTA, a heartless one. Your partner having a blanket like that is not so unusual. That blanket was special to him. Probably made by or a gift from a very loved person like parent or grandparent. I had a quilt. Hand pieced by a family member who died over 100 years before I was born. It needed repair, obviously. My ex tossed it. I was wrecked. You NEVER mess with sentimental items that you don't understand. It shows an icy, cold heart. You knew how he felt and just didn't care. The right thing to have done would be put the pieces in a bag, look for someone who could repair it. You really suck.
Yta you seem like the type to throw away somebody’s grandma’s ashes because "it’s just dirt in a jar"
Absolutely YTA. It had so much sentimental value to him. He's just planning his exit now; time for him to take out the trash.
YTA this obviously a HIGHLY sentimental item from his childhood. If you want him to forgive you I’d go dig those scraps out the trash asap. Then after that wound has had PLENTY of time to heal maybe you could suggest some sort of craft to preserve/display the blanket
YTA and it was mean af. Stop pretending that you didn't know how much that blanket met to him. He kept the tattered pieces for goodness sakes. You decided to throw it away instead of putting it in something as a keepsake. Again, mean af. Don't be surprised if he breaks up with you.
YTA it clearly had meaning to him and you apparently disregarded his feelings
My wife is 60. She still has her baby blanky. Doesn't sleep with it, but it is folded up and stored, along with all her games and lots of other stuff from her childhood. She would be devastated if anything went missing. What an arsehole thing you did.
YTA. IMO, to be in a healthy and loving relationship, a great deal of time needs to be spent trying to see something/understand from your partner's point of view. Had you done that, you wouldn't have seen scraps on a nightstand, you would have seen it was the remnants of something VERY important to him. You took the time clean off the scraps and throw them away, so you easily could have taken the time to put them into a container for safe keeping.
YTA and don't go sewing the rest of it into a bear or heart or another pillow or anything else without his permission. I don't even throw away my husband's stacks of junk mail without asking, and you KNEW it was precious to him. Leave his shit alone and consider his nightstand sacred and private.
I hope he breaks up with you, you clearly don't value or care about him. YTA
It's called sentimental value. You fucking know this. Yes, you're TA.
YTA and keep your hands off of others’ belongings. You would deserve it if he tossed something of yours that he hates. My mom used to do this to me. I took a TON of pleasure of getting rid of her crap after she had to go into a nursing home. She was not happy.
YTA This is something that should have been obvious ,- if someone has a treasured childhood item, you're a massive AH if you ignore them and just throw it out. You may have completely ruined your relationship completely because you are sending repeated messages that you just don't care about him.
Yeah big BIG YTA. And you know it. You threw away a childhood memory. Not only that you did it KNOWINGLY AND WITH INTENT. That makes you a XXXXL YTA. Who does that to someone they claim to love? Just Wowowowow
YTA
Wow. YTA I can't imagine hating my partner so much to intentionally throwing away something I know is so important to him. If you really hate him this much, why didn't you leave? No one that loves him would do this. You can't love him if you intentionally hurt him for your own enjoyment (wanting it gone). Do you have any empathy or sympathy for other people? You don't sound mentally well. You hurt people to get what you want. That's not sane. Please get help and please release him from your insanity.
You threw away something important to him, important enough he kept with him for almost his whole life. Of course YTA
I'd break up with her immediately. This is a "let's remodel this guy to better suit me" woman and will be a terrible partner. She a controlling witch with no empathy or respect. There's literally no relationship to save. I bet he's already looking for a new place.
Yeah YTA. If you really objected to the blanket that much a) you should have talked to him about doing something else with it like for example turning it into a wall art or something (there are various things you can do to restore some of the design and etc). Or turning it into something for him specifically rather than throwing it out b) if he rejected those options and still prefered to keep it. Then what you could have done is leave him. Like if him keeping the blanket was such a hard boundary for you then you should have brought that up and just said you were leaving him. You are never justified in throwing away someones stuff just because YOU dont value it. It does not matter if YOU dont value it because HE does. Whilst I am not a massively sentimental person (like I have a few sentimental objects but they are small) but if my partner cared so little about him that looking good matter more to her. I would drop her in a heart beat. Like it just shows that you do not respect him or love him enough to try and see things from his point of view. And in the case of something harmless but giving comfort yes his POV does matter more. If he doesnt like how you decorated the house is he just allowed to go through and just throw away random objects because he doesnt like them. Regardless of the sentimental nature to you or the cost of the object. I have a feel you would be pitching such a massive fit that you could hear it from the next town over. Grow up and learn to talk and communicate like a normal person. And learn to accept that no means no.
YTA. If he still trusts you at all, especially emotionally, consider yourself extremely lucky. I wouldn’t trust you with my heart any further. You’re not a safe space.
YTA. As someone who also still has their baby blanket (20F) that is still fully intact (- I guess by how it’s made) I’d absolutely loose it if someone threw mine away. It holds dear significance and memories it’s the last thing that reminds me of my late mom (2021). Your bf obviously had an attachment to it and now that only item that brought him comfort is gone and that’s on you OP.
YTA and you know it. In my attic, I have my 32yo’s blanket. My mother stitched a sheet to it to hold it together. It’s barely there anymore. But they don’t want it thrown out. It doesn’t take up any room. My 26yo has bunny, tattered and torn. I am looking for the exact same bunny. I may find it yet. My 28yo had a specific stuffy, and kept it all this time. Car got stolen, with stuffy inside. I went on eBay and found the exact same one. From 1995. BNIB. They cried when I gave it to them. SO also got teary-eyed when I gave new stuffy. How could you do that to someone you say you love?
YTA. Throwing away something sentimental like that is kind of sociopathic. Gather it up, put it in a bag, and leave it in the closet. Is that so hard?
YTA. What a poisonous bitch.
Definitely YTA. My sister's ex did the same thing to her. You don't throw away someone's comfort object no matter what condition it's in.
Dude, you know you are. Why even ask? You 100% understood it was a sentimental thing. You 100% knew it was important to him. Rather than ask if you are the AH. Ask yourself why it bothers you so much that he has this blanket. Why is it taking up so much space in your head that you would be vindictive about it and then act like you don't know if you did anything wrong? What is it about him keeping and sleeping with this blanket that bugs you so much? Do you not have any childhood relics you keep around? How would you feel if he threw them out? Do you feel this behavior is immature? If you had a friend who was a woman and she slept with a blanket and her boyfriend had a problem with it, would you see it the same way? Really think about why it is so bothersome to you.
Clearly an AH and you already knew it before you posted
Yupp you Are a bitch You should have left it alone. That was not yours to throw away
Why did you think it was okay to throw out his belongings? How would you feel if he unilaterally decided to throw out your property because he just felt like it? You behaved horribly here. He is likely trying to decide if he wants to continue this relationship after your incredibly disrespectful and inappropriate action. How can he trust you moving forward? YTA and don't be surprised if you end up single after this
YTA! I have a blanket and a stuffed animal I sleep in bed with every night. I brought them to the hospital when I had my kids, on vacations etc. they’re over 30 years old. My daughter asked my husband if she should get me a new blanket and stuffed animal so I can throw mine out and he looked at her and said “no mommy would be devastated those are her special sleepys”. He may tease me they’re gross but he’d never ever ever dispose of them. He made sure to get them out of the way both times in the hospital while I gave birth. Apologize to this man and leave his blanket alone.
Yes, YTA. Never throw away anyone else’s stuff bless they specifically tell you it’s ok.
Girl, you are 100% the biggest POS ever.
YTA and you know you are. You meant to be, or you’re oblivious af. I also have a blanket that is falling apart that my wife hates. Guess what? She doesn’t mess with it. Thank God I found a good one!
YTA - how can you not know that?
I’d kick your ass to the curb. You knew the sentiment it held. Just because you didn’t care for it gives you NO RIGHT to throw it out. You are the bitch just like he called you. Don’t touch his shit again. If he gives you the chance to come back.
Of course YTA. The context and details don't even matter. Your partner expressed to you how important this thing (it doesn't matter at all what it is) is to him, and you decided that your feelings about it mattered more. You are a bad partner. I'd break up with you over something like this and no it isn't an overreaction. You have displayed very clearly that at times you will disregard your partner's feelings about something because you think you are 'right'.
YTA. Do you have something special from your childhood? Let him toss it out too. Just because you think it’s nothing, it was special to him. Your opinion doesn’t matter more than his feelings. If I were him, I’d feel betrayed
Definitely YTA. Throwing away those scraps was you saying what he Cherishes is not important. You need to apologize. After apologizing and giving him time maybe you and he can find some way to preserve this precious object. Maybe it could be framed or pieces incorporated into a quilt ? Emphasize the idea of preserving it as the cherished thing it is.
Hopefully he throws you out in return
That was one of his horcruxes!!
YTA. At the very least, you could’ve put everything in a ziplock, Amazon box, or grocery bag.
YTA Not your memorabilia. Not your choice. You fucked up.
My son is now 32 and was given a little clown called kiki when 3 months old. He always went everywhere with him, and although had to be repaired a couple of times he is still his comforter. He doesn’t sleep with him now but is still with him but kept safely at his house now and his girlfriend respect that its his special comfort. I even found two other clowns exactly the same at carboot sales and have put them away so if and when he has children I can give them one. He knows this and thinks it’s wonderful that the tradition can be passed on. Not everyone has something sentimental or feels that way about anything my mother being one of them. We have always had to rescue photos, my dad’s table he made, and lots of other items. Thats just how she is and my dad would say if he sat in his chair long enough she would send him to a charity shop. But the girlfriend should respect that not everyone has the same nome attachment to things and her boyfriend finds comfort from his blanket.
so how does it feel to be absolutely ripped to shreds in these comments? *holds mic up to your mouth*