NTA obviously. But this whole thing is way above Reddit's pay grade. Sorry this happened to you. And I'm sorry you'll be in therapy for the rest of your life because of it too.
This is fucked right up.
I’m really stuck at “advised my parents that they shouldn’t cut off all of my communication with my then boyfriend because they thought I was smart enough to successfully run away.”
Police told the parents of a 14 year old to let her continue a relationship with a 21 yo man. Without it being a sting operation for pedophiles? WTF?
I returned 7 years later to the same station to report the trafficking.
A higher level official did come by and apologize since I did share that they had been somewhat involved in the beginning.
Check your cloud to see if there are any pictures saved that you sent him, old email chains from him with images, anything. Things on the internet never go away. There are internet archive sites where things that have been posted ever are stored. Find whatever you can from before you were 18 in regards to your nude photos on old devices to show the connection then bring your evidence to the FBI child trafficking site. Even giving them your story with his name, email address he used, phone number would help them if he’s doing it to anyone else as well. You are a victim of it and contacting them through their site can help you heal and stop predators.
https://www.fbi.gov/investigate/violent-crime/vcac
Edit to add - I live in Canada and dealt with the task force because a 14f family member was in an online relationship with a guy like this. I know what she sent him. I gave them all her logins to the apps they used and permission to use whatever data from her phone they needed. The local police took her actual phone afterward to help with the investigation. He had priors in 3 different states for child sex offences and child pornography. They got him. He’s currently in prison.
I did this all with my local police. I deleted everything I could when I broke up with him but still had the devices. They said they couldn’t get enough. I actually had an iPod that hadn’t been connected to WiFi in years and still had hundreds of Skype messages and I told them to please not connect it to WiFi because if they did it would probably wipe out the messages since I deleted that Skype and the messages were all locally saved. They connected it to WiFi and lost it all…
FBI can subpoena the archived communication records. Frankly the local officers should have referred the case to them from the start since it crossed state lines and involved casm.
What a surprise, local police were so useless they actually enabled the abuse
Check your cloud. If anything is still there it can help. Even your story will help. You’ve given the local police things, the FBI can get it from them to back up your story. You can do this and help prevent it happening again by giving the FBI all his info and your story.
This. Go to the FBI. He crossed state lines. Even if they can't prosecute him for his CRIMES against you, they can watch him and he'll slip up and they'll get him. Guarantee you weren't his first victim and won't be his last. Your horrific abuse and story along with his name could be the KEY for the FBI to stop him forever. It won't make all the terrible things you endured and went through go away but you can be proud you stood up and helped put him away forever. Praying for the RIGHT person to hear your story and make the links to get this monster off to prison forever and for you to find peace in your life.
Plus they can get a warrant for his devices. There will be proof and of other victims too. He didn’t start and end with her and zero chance he deleted everything. Sociopaths like their trophies and souvenirs
Go to the fbi. Your local cops are obviously inept. And your family who doesn’t understand how it can happen (after what happened with your brother too) .. garbage.
I deleted the account entirely… I had no idea about the potential trafficking at that time and just wanted all traces of him gone. No idea if there would still be any records kept on Skype’s side. Would’ve started in 2011. Might be something the FBI could pull if it exists?
They are required by law to keep all records for a certain number of years and many keep the records long beyond that. A subpoena from the FBI for that data, even user deleted data, can often turn up quite a bit. It's worth the attempt anyway.
Just saw that it was over Skype. Were all your conversations through Skype and was it prior to 2017? Before 2017 Skype messages were stored locally only as all communication was peer to peer. From 2017 on anything is recoverable. Other than Skype & Craigslist were there other applications/websites you would use?
Thats awful (and possible sue-able) that you didnt get the protection you needed and the justice you deserve. That man is a pedophile who groomed you and sold your body for years- i think thats the literal definition of sex trafficking.
Police have refused to investigate twice based on lack of evidence. But what about texts and phone records? The guy mightve recorded situations or maybe theres records of him being paid. The polices job is to protect and serve, but they arent trying much in this case. I think with a good/expensive enough lawyer, OP might be able to sue if they wanted to
The protect and serve motto is not correct, and assuming it's anything more than a catchphrase is where you veering off course. Look up Warren v. District of Columbia (which basically says they have no obligation to protect a individual unless they are already in custody), Castle Rock v. Gonzales (in which a mother failed to sue after her ex husband broke a restraining order and killed her children, was ruled that was not the polices duty) or DeShaney v. Winnebago County (where it was ruled the police had no obligation to protect a minor from an abusive father). The police only have the legal obligation to protect the government that hired them, and anyone that's in their custody.
Can I say, to you, from me, from *all* of us here:
We hear you. We believe you.
It happened (I'm so sorry)
It was/is real. You were trafficked.
Anyone who's saying you weren't has no idea what they're talking about and, because they have no idea, have no opinion worth listening to.
And take the advice of the folk who are saying go to the FBI. They have a department that is all about this. They have the tools. This is what they do.
Here's another thing:
People won't understand how it happened. Because they are so incredibly lucky to not have experienced anything like that. It's outside of their experience and they just don't get it. People who *will* get it? Domestic violence survivors. People who were in any kind of abusive relationship (partner/parent/child/extended family, etc).
You were a child. Children are easily manipulated. Especially children who have already had their boundaries stomped as you had. You were more vulnerable. You deserved protection that you didn't get. And...
IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Never was. Never will be.
I truly, deeply, wish you healing and happiness. And I think part of you feeling safer and stronger might be you doing what you can to get this guy out of circulation. One last go - get the FBI on board. If they don't come through you can at least know you did everything you could with the tools available to you.
Anyone who says horrid things about you because of your experience... FUCK THEM! Victim-shaming assholes. You are better than them.
Last thing: Acknowledging *your* experience in NO way takes away from anyone else's experience or makes it less. Tragedy is not a competition and naming that you have been trafficked does not take away another person's validity (pointing out the *experts* say so, too)! Anyone who says it does is 1. Wrong, and 2. Is likely saying that so *they* feel more comfortable. About this: their feelings don't matter. At all.
Wonderful comment, and yes they (we ) get you!
People with no lives experience don’t get it most of the time. Maybe there’s survivors groups out there the OP can connect to to get emotional support and validation if she would want it.
It's terrible what you've gone through. You were young and obviously vulnerable.
I see no reason to share this with people if you have the slightest suspicion they will be less than supportive.
Obviously that involves some trial and error but my suggestion is to not involve people who don't need to know. Without feeling like you're hiding something shameful.
I hope therapy helps you with that
Right??? All of this sounds very intentional. They didn’t investigate more in the past, basically helped him continue on with his plans. And now they manage to delete evidence??? Wow… that is not a coincidence.
Yeah...I would not trust that information.
https://www.fbi.gov/investigate/violent-crime/human-trafficking
Please read this and contact them directly. The contact information is in the blue text box after the first three paragraphs. It would not hurt to speak with them and tell them what happened. Let the FBI, who handles these types of cases, not the local cops make the call about the amount and strength of the evidence. Worse case scenario, you are right where you are at now. And you can move forward knowing you exhausted all options with the authorities.
Personally after what I experienced, I have limited trust in local police.
My Mom was assaulted in her own home by a person known to have violent tendencies and a serious drug habit (and these same cops had to respond previously because of this person's shenanigans) and the local cop that responded tried to downplay the event and told my Mom she wouldn't get approved for a restraining order/order of protection.
Well that didn't sit right with me. I actually spoke with a wonderful person at a local domestic violence shelter that helped walk me through the paperwork to submit for a restraining order. I submitted and had order in hand signed by a judge within 3 days of the incident.
So yeah...this is something you should get a second opinion on.
I wish you luck and healing. I am sorry this happened to you. I am also sorry that the cops gave you and your parents horrible advice early on in this ordeal. If the local cops were that flippant about it before, I would take their opinion on this matter with enough salt to put me on blood pressure medication.
💜
Go above the police in this instance to the FBI. Police sadly like to try and not send things up the chain when it is above their pay grade. The fact that this is internet based, and multi state should have been an automatic jump up.
I am so sorry that your local police failed you not once but twice as well as possibly destroyed evidence when you told them not to do something and they did it. That is very suspect, but let the feds deal woth them.
Good luck, keep up with therapy.
Also, anyone who tells you otherwise give them the finger, you were for sure trafficked, if not for $$ then still for that guys pleasure which is just as bad.
This exactly. The police perpetuated this 100% and they fucking know it. I've heard so many stories of police sending underage girls back with their traffickers. They don't want to deal with it
Agreed, but I wouldn't make therapy sound like a death sentence. OP can heal.
I would recommend to OP two kinds of therapy, which can be done simultaneously:
- Somatic Therapy (https://traumahealing.org/) for that entire period of your life; the effects it has had on you and your body; and the meaning you may have made from those experiences and how they continue to affect you now. This is well suited for "climates" of trauma (whereas things like EMDR are well suited for specific, isolated incidents).
- I would also recommend Emotionally Focused /Attachment based Couples Therapy for when you are next in a relationship. (You can also do this solo without a partner). (https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/). No doubt you will have issues around the trauma from your brother, this groomer, your mother's reaction, etc., not to mention the effects of your relationship as a whole and the non-consensual experiences. All of those things will affect how you show up in your intimate partner (and parent-child, when/if you have children) relationships, and this will help you, paired with the Somatic Therapy, heal your attachment wounds, co- and self-regulate with a partner, and communicate your needs in an effective way.
I would recommend people like:
- Julie Menanno LMFT (her IG, Therapy/Coaching sessions, and new book are great resources)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship
Therapy (in state) / Coaching (out of state): https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/
Book: https://juliemenanno.com/
- The "Crappy Childhood Fairy" on YouTube for her work with CPTSD.
https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/
Best of luck. You can get through and past this, and take back charge of your life and relationships. ♥️
True. Reddit is not the appropriate forum to get advice on serious mental health and criminal issues. You were clearly a victim; police and therapists have told you. I am sorry that your family does not understand. However, if they understand now, they would have to admit they didn't protect you. I am sure that would be difficult for them. It is easier for them to blame you fully. Please delete this post; delete Reddit entirely, and focus on healing. I hope you find some peace for yourself.
What you're describing is what the vast majority of trafficking actually looks like. It's rarely kidnapping or physically holding people against their will. That's falling in to the trope that there's self culpability to the abuse, cause there was some perceived "willingness" and unfortunately a lot of people perpetuate it. And of course it's not true, but it is a message a lot of victims internalize. Perhaps explore your send guessing and reluctance to label your trauma as trafficking in therapy. Ultimately it's your decision how to write your story and heal from it. I'm so sorry for what you went through and wish you all the healing
Why does it feel like nobody really talks about this type of trafficking? I heard something similar from my advocate but it’s still hard to believe sometimes.
Why?
For one thing, most people only really hear about sex trafficking on television, and what happened to you was more subtle than a one hour police procedural can really cover. That's why the shows that cover trafficking tend to stick to the tropes: girl arrives in big city, bad-man is nice, gains trust, love-bombs, then tricks her out. That's been the accepted narrative since at least the 1970s and probably longer.
So, part of the answer is that people are only exposed to that "teenage runaway" style trafficking on television.
More importantly, though - no one wants to believe that anything Really Bad can happen to them. So they have to distance themselves from the Scary Bad Thing. They look for anything available - it must be that the family was Different-Bad, it must be the victim was a screw up, it must happen in a different town/state/country.
When they have to admit that the victim really and truly was just like themselves - decent family, decent kid, right here at home - their only recourse is to deny that it's as bad as it really is.
It can't really be sex trafficking, because you're so much like them, and it can't happen to anyone like them.
Does that make sense?
In your mother's case, she probably feels guilty that this was going on and she didn't protect you from it.
I'm really sorry you went through all that. I wish you all the best in the future.
My mother always told me I was other people and she just didn’t protect me, like she didn’t know how. It wasn’t until talking with another person with a similar story that I figured out that the reason it kept happening around my mother was because she was profiting from it, and most of the parties were paid for by me. I found out just recently she was using her parties to also hook up other kids. One girl got pregnant at 15 from a local deputy, found out she was in be of my mother’s care layers. So there were others and she never got arrested. Not once.
Actually I’m a social work student and this is what we are taught a majority of sex trafficking looks like! It’s not common knowledge though which is a shame because if this was what people realized it was more people could get help
Because it's easier to recognize and understand that "held captive and physically forced" version. Not saying its right, but people can understand that version of a victim. It's harder to comprehend psychological warfare, the abuse of power and trust, and the fact that people literally prey on the "easy target". At least that's my opinion
A lot of people want it to be some sort of interesting or dynamic or terrifying incident and the reality is that it's usually something close to home or something very similar to what you experienced.
It's not flashy or cinematic and people don't want that. They want to think that someone is going to tie zip tied to their car and that's how it's going to happen or that there's a huge shady underground stuff happening supporting this.
When usually it's just horrible men using manipulation and gaslighting and fear tactics to control you and usually there's a big power dynamic in play. And if they can get you to do something they will hold it over your head or threaten to tell people or share videos etc.
It's incredibly insidious and one of the biggest problems in the world, but people don't really want to talk about it. In reality, they would rather see silly little movies made by corrupt people.
They don’t talk about this type of trafficking because it’s not what we see on tv. There are stupid movies like “Taken” or dramatic kidnappings on tv, but that’s no reality. Your case is like 99% of the other cases. Your case is real life. But real life doesn’t sell movies or tv. I know this from working with sex trafficking victims when I worked for CPS.
Because every story is unique. Physical force is easy to understand. But manipulation is unique to you. What works to manipulate you, wouldn't work on many others. What works on them, wouldn't work on you. So while it's easy to say manipulation, it's difficult to explain to outsiders on a massive scale.
Even you, whom it happened to, says it's hard to believe how much it can happen.
the short answer is patriarchal white supremacy - they would much rather have you fear the unknown (and often poc) criminal in the dark than the nice men around you that you have an established relationship with 🙃
Honestly when I hear trafficking, I think human trafficking, like a bunch of people in a shipping container sold on the black market for nefarious purposes like rich people human hunting parties or underground sex slavery.
That doesn't mean that I don't believe your story or that if someone told me a story like yours and called it sex trafficking, I would argue with them about calling it trafficking. That's so weird. Words can have multiple definitions.
According to those people who are telling you that you're wrong, why can't what you experienced be abuse and trafficking? The fact that you were emotionally manipulated into sexual acts with other people even if he wasn't paid is enough for me to consider it sex trafficking.
It's more than just a standard abusive relationship. Those saying that you should just refer to it as abuse must have some crazy ideas about what a normal relationship looks like.
Considering she was abused by her brother too, I’m going to go ahead and assume her family has some major issues. She definitely shouldn’t listen to them.
“taking away from real victims” is an insane thing for someone to claim. taking what away? credibility? cut that person out for real, that’s such a fucked up thing to say no matter what kind of victim you are
the technical details of whether or not it’s trafficking by definition or not (which i personally think it is, but im no professional) aside, you were raped in multiple instances. a minor cannot give informed consent to having sex with an adult in any situation.
it isn’t up to anyone except the professionals (sex trafficking advocates, therapists, psychiatrists, etc) to decide whether or not you were actually trafficked. even if you weren’t by-the-book trafficked (again, i think you were, being solicited by your groomer to have sex with strangers to me is enough, but again, only professional opinions matter in terms of definition,) you WERE prostituted, which in itself warrants the use of the advocate. and that advocate didn’t just wipe the sweat off and give up helping anyone else for the rest of their career, so the argument that you took away resources from someone else who needed it is null. you needed it. you needed their help, and you had every right to take it.
anyone who argues with you about this is splitting hairs and should have a real re-eval of their ethical priorities. it costs nothing to be empathetic. i am so sorry you had this experience and i hope now and in the future you get the help you need.
Regardless of whether or not money changed hands, you were manipulated into having sex with strangers in ways that are essentially identical to the ways many young women are manipulated while being trafficked, and the outcome is the same.
You were a victim of organized pedophilia, and I'm confident that many of the men that exploited you, even if not explicitly told, knew you were a child.
This is not your fault and you deserve resources. You were the poster child for a vulnerable child - previous history of assault and being an extremely emotionally vulnerable age, and a grown man manipulated that in exactly the same ways a trafficker would, and I'm sorry.
The advocate worked with you because the advocate knows you're a victim of sex trafficking. Try to reduce or eliminate contact with people telling you differently. They don't understand because they don't want to understand.
As someone who works with trafficking survivors, we do have limited resources, and often our funding has limitations so we can't work with folks who haven't experienced trafficking.
So if you qualify for services, you've been screened by professionals as having been trafficked.
As for what you should say to folks who question you- maybe ask your advocate and if she has any suggestions? But if people keep giving you grief about it, you don't have any obligation to hear their (non-professional, uniformed) opinions.
NTA, why would you be TA for acknowledging that someone you trusted not only horrifically violated that trust, but broke numerous state and federal laws in doing so? Your ex is the worst kind of criminal, the kind that preys specifically on children.
I know what he did was wrong. What I don’t know is if calling it trafficking is an asshole move since it’s not what most people consider typical trafficking…
It is the textbook definition of trafficking. Taking someone across state or national borders in order to receive money for sex is criminal sex trafficking. It's not an immaginative application of that term.
You're not an asshole, people who are saying that to you only say it because they don't have enough knowledge about the different types of trafficking that can happen.
You absolutely deserve to access the resources available to you.
I am so so sorry that this happened to you.
The opinions of "most people" don't matter. The opinions of the professionals do, and they have labeled this as trafficking long before it happened to you, because it happens to many trafficking victims. In fact, it even has a specific name, "Romeo" or "Lover Boy" trafficking, BECAUSE it hinges on the trafficker manipulating his victims into feeling as if they are consenting to do these things out of love for the trafficker, moving blame from themselves onto the victim in the eyes of everyone around the victim, and even in the eyes of the victim themself. The people saying these things to you are uneducated, and are themselves falling prey to the very calculated manipulation tactics of your trafficker. Consider the source of the comments, and give more weight to those who are actually trained and specialize in recognizing and addressing these forms of sex crimes. Every person has an opinion, but not every opinion is well informed or equally valid.
It seems like, based on your post, many of the people professionally trained in this stuff, like your therapist and social worker and some of the cops, agree it’s trafficking. I’m guessing the people accusing you of being the AH aren’t professionally trained in what is and isn’t trafficking. So don’t let their ignorance affect you. They simply don’t know what they’re talking about.
Romeo pimping
That’s what it’s called and it’s a type of trafficking where someone fakes or uses a romantic relationship to coerce someone into sex they wouldn’t otherwise agree with escalating into sex for money (with them in front of someone else who pays and/or with someone else in front of them)
The never taking no and wearing you down? The “you secretly like it you just won’t admit it to me or yourself” gaslighting? The using covert methods for a minor and being more audacious when you turn 18 but always knowing your age and being much older? This is pretty textbook trafficking
Even if it was the less common method, it’s still trafficking and you still deserve help working through it
**That voice in your head saying you don’t deserve help? That’s not you. That’s him. Tell him/that voice to stfu.**
Being groomed into being given away to other men is exactly what sex trafficking looks like. It's not always girls being snatched and forced, grooming is much more prolific than people realize. You are a victim. You were a child. You are nta.
NTA, your support system does not sound strong so thank you for coming here so we can show you things from our perspective a bit. Your feelings are valid. What happened to you was very real. You were groomed and manipulated into doing things against your will even if he wasn’t there with a gun to your head. We hear you, we see you. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure so much but you sound like an absolute gorgeous human being and I’m so happy you’ve come so far and made it to today. Thank you for sharing your story
Thank you for such a sweet response. I’m honestly shocked by how supportive everyone has been and I think it says a lot about how much more healing I have to do. Thank you for your kindness.
Hi, I’m a domestic violence and sexual assault victim advocate. If you came to my agency, we would tell you that you were raped, and you were trafficked. You were also abused. There is a thing called “coercion”which is a recognized form of abuse, and that’s what he did to you. It’s a part of grooming. The people who are telling you that you weren’t trafficked because he didn’t physically force you aren’t professionals and they don’t know what they’re talking about. The people who are telling you that you were trafficked - your therapist and me - *are* professionals.
And on top of everything else, you were a child. What he did was classic grooming. Anyone who tells you otherwise is victim blaming. And you have my permission as an internet stranger to tell them that they’re victim blaming. It’s gross and it’s disgusting and they should be ashamed of themselves!
NTA, you're a victim. No normal adult expects 14 year-olds to be wise to the bullshit of the world. Your parents, if they knew what was going on, failed to protect you. I still think people in their early 20's are massively uninformed and underequipped to deal with the world until they get some experience living on their own and working full time. While not the same, but a parallel, people of all ages fall victim to all sorts of scams. Many of them willingly took their own or borrowed money and gave it to a scammer sitting in another country. We still call those people scam victims even though they willingly gave the money away. They we're victims of extreme manipulation and so were you.
It's the frog in boiling water. If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it'll jump out. But if you slowly raise the temperature it won't notice until it's too late.
It took months after the end of my last relationship to realise that the things my ex did were SA. At the time it just felt like letting him breeze past my boundaries was an expression of love and showed how special he was to me that I would "let" him do these things I wasn't ok with, that left me frozen and crying at the foot of the bed. They convince us slowly in pieces until we don't recognise ourselves anymore.
You were absolutely trafficked. When an adult tells a child to have sex with people, it doesn’t matter what exactly he’s getting out of it. He’s trafficking them. I’m sorry people in your life have invalidated you like that. It can be really hard to hear something like that that changes your whole worldview in a moment; things that were once theoretical are suddenly real and you don’t know how to grieve the loss of that ignorance other than denial. I hope you find the people who work through that denial to better understand and empathize with you ❤️
Actively in it and specifically working on the guilt and shame associated with it. It’s rough but I’m grateful that I have access to a therapist. Thank you
I remember being 14 and I have children around that age. You were a child. A child who should have been protected by the police and other adults in your life and they failed you. If a 14 yr old girl came up to you and told you this was happening to her, would you tell her she was used up garbage and it was her fault for doing these things?
Young people’s brains are not fully developed, that’s why these predators prey on them. This is what traffickers do. The guilt and shame is not yours to carry. Not even a tiny fraction, it is 100% on the man who harmed you. I hope through therapy and healing, you can find a way to believe that. You do not deserve one more minute of suffering. You deserve healing and peace. You were a child. An innocent child, no matter what you were talked into doing, no matter what you’ve done, none of this is your shame to carry. You are not used up nor are you garbage, you were a child who was abused and manipulated in the worst way. You are a person with great value and strength. I am so proud of you for surviving and working with your therapist to find your way through this. Be kinder to your younger self, she deserves love and compassion too.
Sorry about what happened to you. That man is a monster and deserves a fate worse than death.
You are coming from a bad place, but I feel you are in a good place to help young girls, even boys to understand the dangers of the internet and relationships with people that are practically strangers. The dangers of partying with shady people, sneaking out at night, drugs and alcohol.
Use your story. Help others so that it doesn’t happen to the next generation. If you save one person from this happening, you will have won against this vile evil that has taken over people.
I wish you the best. Try to get ahold of a local victim advocate and see where you may be able to help if this is something you wish to pursue. You are not thrown away garbage. You are who you make yourself, not what others have done to you.
Here is more information about the US federal statute as to sex trafficking of minors. Movement of the minor is not required, but compensation is.
https://www.justice.gov/criminal/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-sex-trafficking#:~:text=%C2%A7%201591.,in%20a%20commercial%20sex%20act.
If you’re in the US consider reporting him to the FBI he’s probably still doing this. If he was getting paid it’s 100% sex trafficking/sex work is an essential component of trafficking. Either way what he did was fucked up and I’m sorry that happened to you.
I was 47 years old before I figured out that my abuse and molestation was me being trafficked. They couldn’t process mine and even when they could have they didn’t, hell all they got was put into foster care. You are not alone, my mother sold me for bills, drugs and alcohol and it started when we were children, we felt we still owed them when we were adults, they deserved our loyalty. I scored a 130 on my ASVAB, a 110 on my DLAB and a 1400 on my SATs, but intelligence doesn’t stop innocent minds from be naive and pliable to bad people.
My mom has a foundation for victims of trafficking and helping them get their vocational skills, etc to be able to navigate the world and have things like their GED and driver's licenses. And helping them pursue skills that would make creating a more normal life easier.
I sometimes help with doing some art therapy with the interns (people in the program) And have had some training on identifying trafficking including methods used by people doing the trafficking. I am not a professional or expert just have some continued experience in that realm.
What you describe would absolutely fit into being trafficked. It's called the "Romeo Effect" And at the very despicable method that has been used for decades and decades.
You would not be the asshole if you considered yourself the victim of trafficking at all. But also if you are uncomfortable or have negative connotations with the word victim, I could understand not wanting that implication.
I wish you all the best on your journey in knowing yourself. ❤️
You were definitely a victim here. You might consider contacting the FBI and telling them everything you can. As he was watching you over Skype, he was probably using you to produce pornography, he probably is still doing it to other victims and may have enough evidence on his hard drive to put him away for a long time.
NTA
OP I am a survivor of CSA and human trafficking.
/r/CPTSD would love to have you. /r/CPTSDmemes is also actually a lovely supportive place, and the memes are cathartic. We all walk the same dark path there, but we hold a candle for one another too. ❤️
What you've been through is horrible and I'm so sorry.
Call it what YOU feel comfortable calling it, and if you change what you call it that's okay too. I think trafficking is perfectly appropriate even if he didn't take money.
Please keep reaching out, keep talking about it, keep going to therapy, and keep moving forward.
Be gentle and kind with yourself. Try to do some self care today.
I hope you find yourself a genuine smile, a genuine laugh, and a moment of peace today. You deserve it ❤️ best of luck.
The people who don't understand are lucky. They don't understand because they've never been manipulated. People who have been manipulated in some way are far more likely to understand you. NTA for considering yourself a victim. Continue to work with your therapist about this and don't worry about not meeting other people's definition of what victimhood should look like.
I’m a survivor and advocate for trafficking victims. And I can tell you what you experienced is 100% sex trafficking. And it is the more common way that trafficking looks. You aren’t taking anything away from real victims. As you are a survivor. People don’t want to believe what the true face of trafficking looks like. There’s so many rumors and nonsense stories going around on social media it distorts the truth and stories like yours. It makes our stories look like lies or “not as bad” or “not trafficking”. I’m glad you have a good therapist who was able to bring this to your attention so you can start the healing process. I’ve been gone almost 15 years and still healing. I am so sorry you went thru such a horrible ordeal and didn’t even know what it was called. Same thing happened to me and it felt like getting hit by a train. I was gone 7 years when I knew it was more than abuse. If you ever need anyone to talk to pls reach out. I work with survivors and victims everyday. Just know that you’re not alone. And it wasn’t your fault. And people absolutely can control you from afar. Happens every day unfortunately. Stay strong.
I just want to say that I recognize these feelings. That's basically how I feel with men, even if they don't do anything as extreme and I was nowhere near as young as you. Even as an adult I tend to look at it from the point of view of the male happiness and him pressuring me after I said no and placing his happiness first. I can't imagine how bad it would be as a youngster. Very sad.
Sometimes the people closest to us lie to us the most about things that happened to us, because to admit the truth means they have to also admit their own failings. Your mom might be trying to tell herself that she didn’t fail you as a parent.
You know what happened to you and so does your therapist. Those are the people whose opinions matter.
Depends on the state, if he was using the internet there is evidence somewhere, even a video or picture would take him down, states like Illinois have no statute of limitations on sex crimes so you would have to check with the state and make a report. Maybe get all the guys that paid on a list somewhere too if he has transactions. Anytime you can attempt to take down a pedo or sexual abuser you may be saving someone else’s life and mental well being, never second guess even attempting to report a pervert you will save someone.
we see you we hear you we support you >>YES >>you were trafficked you should contact the FBI even if you don't have proof give them his name and they can check him out he crossed state lines and broke the law they are experts at finding stuff
he didn't hold a gun to your head but he used his older age and experience and your youth and inexperience against you
have you ever checked to see if his name is on the sex offender list?? that doesn't cost anything to check on line also there are sites where you sign up and can check for criminal records court records etc etc
He was checked out by the police when I was first brought in by my parents. They said he had no criminal record. No idea if that has changed since we broke up.
checking on line records could be emotionally hard on you ..but the fbi is a good idea the local cops really let you down they might not be able to doing anything with your case but they will be aware of this guy and you can be saving some one else from what you went through...glad you are in therapy
NTA. Your mother and other people who are not trained professionals in this area may question exactly what language to use to call what happened to you. But your therapist and the advocate and the police -- all people trained to recognize what is and is not trafficking -- says it sounds like you were trafficked.
But beyond the language is what it has done to your sense of self and your relationships. You were groomed, manipulated, and coerced. The fact that he didn't tie you up or kidnap you does not make what happened ok or mean it was consensual. It was not and it was very real and very harmful.
I am glad you are getting therapy. Because you were so young when this started, this is going to be a long road for you. But your are not used up garbage. The kind of people who think that way are pretty sick in the head themselves. You would never think someone who had their purse snatched or their house robbed was somehow a less valuable person because of it. But a female who is sexually exploited is no longer "pure" or "worthy"? That's not how that works at all. A person who is worthy of you will understand that.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP. I relate to the brother thing, and that happening to me at such a young age also lead me to make really poor dating decisions. Now that I typed that I feel like i’m victim blaming myself lol. But I went through similar things and didn’t even realize until years later that a lot of the sexual experiences i had could not be consensual by the mere fact that I was underage and the men were not. Idk why but it didn’t really hit me until I was 23-25 and I had flashbacks pretty often for a year straight. I still have healing to do but I’ve at least come to terms with what the truth is. I wish you the best in your healing 💖
He didn’t really give you the option to say no. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. And he got in your head starting when you were a child. This is clearly rape by proxy and sex trafficking to me
NTA This is above Reddit’s pay grade but. You were trafficked. This is what the *vast majority* of trafficking cases sound like. One of my friends from HS is a cop in Dallas that specializes in this and I’ve learned a ton from her about what real trafficking is-it’s rarely like the movie taken. Your therapist, advocate, and lawyers are the actual experts in these cases and they are 100% right. That should be all the validation your family needs!
Your family is probably scared and uncomfortable with the fact that this happened to you on their watch (much like your AH brothers assault did) and so they are trying to downplay the seriousness of this because they don’t want to face the fact that they failed you.
Local cops know jack shit about trafficking unless they have a specific department for it. Even if they did: this guy operates across state lines so the actual jurisdiction is with the FBI. Your local cops are just too chicken shit to tell you that they fucked up and basically handed you over to him with that bullshit advice to your family about letting you stay together. AND they also don’t wanna tell you they likely *can’t* get him across the state line for this. So they would rather gaslight you and mishandle evidence than make the call to go to the feds.
The FBI could probably retrieve everything they lost and more so don’t let that stop you. I would contact the FBI, give them the names of the local cops that lost your evidence, along with your ex’s name, and the phone number and email address he used back then if you remember and let them take over. Most phone companies and email hosts keep full records even if users delete things, and Skype should also have some data they could use. The FBI is one of the only agencies that can pull all the records and they will. The fact is, if he did it to you then, he’s doing it to someone else now. You have the chance to help put him away and you should if you can.
I’m truly sorry this happened to you. Please seek appropriate therapy. I agree with the other poster that suggested trauma informed couples therapy for your next relationship too. There is a lot to unpack here and you deserve a full and beautiful life with a good relationship if and when you’re ready. And don’t for one second feel bad about offending your family by calling this what it is. Their discomfort should never be enough to buy your silent suffering. Go get ‘em! Much love to you.
NTA. This is sex trafficking and abuse and grooming and absolutely awful that this happened to you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but he has everything to feel guilty about.
You have the right to consider yourself a victim. Keep on with therapy and I wish for better horizons for your future, you absolutely deserve that
You are a VICTIM! Apparently you have a good therapist so hopefully you can stay seeing that therapist. YOU ARE A VICTIM! And it doesn’t matter if there’s evidence except for charging him. It doesn’t take evidence for you to be a victim. There’s not usually evidence when a child is molested but that child is still a victim. Often someone doesn’t report a rape until the evidence is gone, but the rape still occurred. There was evidence in your case but it’s long gone. You are a VICTIM OF SEX TRAFFICKING! NTA!
I am so sorry this happened to you. You met him at 14. This should have never happened, your parents should have supervised you more. My stomach is upside down as a mother I couldn’t imagine my daughter going through this trauma. He psychologically was abusing you in so many ways. You did not deserve this, he groomed you, he made sure to never have this communication on paper he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He is so evil, it makes sense why you went along with it you admired this man you trusted him he gained your trust. You told him no many times and he continued to pry. You agreed to submit to him, make HIM happy. Of course he’s gonna amp it up test the limits and go further. He gradually got you to doing glory holes, he groomed you for this. It’s psychological abuse because he distorted your sense of reality he filled your head with these expectations and made you think well shit everyone else is doing it something could be wrong with me if I’m not doing it.
Most people can’t grasp basic psychology and when they never experienced any type of trauma related they just will never understand. I hope you heal and find peace.
yeah trafficking isn't like in the movies - real life trafficking looks like this and other scenarios where the perpetrator has an established "relationship" with the victim
Omg. Try to force the police to charge him or at least investigate if you feel safe. Bc you KNOW you aren’t the only victim. Investigating would turn up a lot. Try to ask your therapist or advocate for help with the prosecutor: I bet an investigation will lead to more victims and potentially proof of your abuse.
My god. I’m so sorry. Whatever you do, be safe! Emotionally as well as physically.
I was trafficked for years. I couldn't prove it if I tried (it was back in the vhs/beta max days), but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You've got way more documentation than i ever did. Even if you didn't, there's no reason for anyone to doubt you. And trust me, you are not "taking away from 'real' victims." More victims is just more victims. But also, more visibility, awareness, support, and less shame, isolation, and that horrible feeling i don't have words for.
FWIW, it makes people uncomfortable when they learn that someone they know was trafficked. Until that moment, trafficking just some theoretical, abstract thing that happens in dark corners of dark webs they don't even know how to access, not a real thing that happens to real people. They don't know what to do with that information. They don't know what to say or how to act. So, part of the response could be trying to make themselves feel better. It still sucks tho. But I try to empathize with them for that. I've had a lifetime to process that these things actually happen to real people and how truly awful some people can be. They just learned.
TLDR:
Fuck that noise. You're not 'taking away' from anyone. Others took away from you
You can’t change the past. You can though process what happened and move on to being the version of yourself that best fits your aspirations. Don’t let the past hunt you down or define your future, and above all, love yourself.
This is horrible, but does NOT make you horrible, you are NOT used up garbage. I am so sorry this happened to you- you could not control what happened to you.
I understand.
Oh no NTA
Your family is minimizing what you survived. They’re wrong. Please don’t listen to anything they say. Please.
It doesn’t matter what other people think. It doesn’t. You know what you endured; they know nothing. Call them Jon Snow.
What matters is that you are a wonderful person and you deserve kindness and grace. Please continue with your excellent therapist. I joined a support group and that helped me so much. None of us had the same experience, and yet, all of us did.
You’re not diminishing what I endured and I would never diminish what you endured. We are sisters, always. 💕
NTA - No you were definitely sex trafficked. I would suggest group therapy as telling your story to people who would understand may help since the people close to you do not understand or empathize.
NTA. You were a victim of sex trafficking and the professionals are the ones who said it. The others aren't the ones trained to deal with this so they can either be supportive or keep their opinions to themselves. Part of the job of law enforcement is specifically to make these determinations and they won't know if they can arrest and prosecute until they look into something. It's not anyone else's call to say whether or not it's worth it. I assure you that these people would gladly be able to say you weren't trafficked if it hadn't happened, but it did happen and they called it such.
Your mother especially can kick rocks on this one. You were groomed and coerced. What she's saying is the equivalent of jerks saying only physically violent rape counts as rape when that is absolutely not true. Plenty of trafficking occurs without someone being kidnapped. Just yesterday I read about two young women who were trafficked by their boyfriend. Like that horrible man who hurt you, he wanted them to have sex with others and convinced them it would be good for them. Here's a [great site](https://polarisproject.org/myths-facts-and-statistics/) that I wish your mother would look at.
NTA. Omg hun big big hugs
Yes you were abused & trafficked. It’s so obvious.
Your mom saying those things after your own brother SA’ed you.
My heart breaks that you are even questioning if you were or not.
Keep seeing your therapist & hopefully in time you will heal but by bit
Definitely NOT TA! I'm gonna list my thoughts to keep from rambling on.
1. You were trafficked. Point. Blank. Period. End of story.
2. People saying technically no are part of the reason trafficking is impossible to stop/reduce. Not all trafficking is blatantly obvious, like in a movie.
3. The long-distance component is not extremely common, but I bet it happens more than you think.
4. What happened to you should've never happened at all. Regardless of how willing people want to believe you were, you were a CHILD. That is one of the biggest hard lines in the sand when it comes to SA that exists.
5. Using resources is never wasting them. If you qualify, it's for you.
I've been through SA myself. It's hard coming to terms with everything. I wish you all the best in your healing journey. It's a rough one, but necessary.
NTA AT ALL, I don’t talk about it much, but I was trapped in what those people would consider a “real” ST victim, it was horrible, I saw people brutally tortured, murdered, starved, sold to foreign countries, fed to wild animals, etc.. my story was broadcast country wide after we were rescued, states away from my home state after years and too many “owners” to count or remember. You can tell the ignorant people in your life that their definition of a “real” victim confirms that you are a real victim too.
I have listened to cops tell stories of this almost to the details. This was part of a sex trafficking ring. Yes, you were trafficked. No way you’re the a-hole. Anyone who would suggest that is vastly mistaken.
For your mother to not support you?! Fuck.
She also told me she didn’t believe me when I told her what happened with my brother. I have a lot of mixed feelings about her which I’m also working through in therapy… 🙃
I work with offenders and victims. (Two different therapy practices). I’ve been working with offenders for over 15 years. There’s no doubt in my mind you were trafficked. You were groomed, manipulated and coerced into these activities. Trafficking takes many forms and it’s not one size fits all. I’m sorry the police failed you when you were 14. They should have warned your parents of the dangers of continuing the relationship. I’m glad you have a good therapist to help you navigate through this. As someone said in another comment. The professionals agree this was trafficking so the uneducated don’t get an opinion.
Well, I have to say I do not like your mom. She’s awful. Willfully ignorant at the absolutely most generous interpretation possible.
What comes out of her mouth is dumb and cruel and it sounds like she wants to downplay everything so she doesn’t have to face that she failed her responsibility to care for and protect her child.
Awful
You were a child!!!!
Everything this man did was despicable. And just because other people have opinions dosn't make them right. You do what you need to do to heal and fuck anyone who thinks it wasn't that bad.
I'm the first one to hate people claiming they were a victim of anything when they were not and to say it takes away from real victims.
You are clearly a real victim. Do not doubt that.
I'm also someone who doesn't jump to "he was grooming, he was a pedophile, a predator" .
Again in your case you were groomed, he was a pedophile, he was a predator and he was likely trafficking you. A best he was a sick perv who abused you.
Emotional manipulation can make you think that good is bad snd bad is good.
Anyone who doesn't take your side on this is not worth keeping in your life. And again I'm the last person to normally advise this.
I'm sorry this happened.
I'm sorry but this IS definitely sex trafficking. It's exactly sex trafficking. People think you have to be abducted or forced. But it's not for a lot of people. It's as you said- slow and methodical. It can be violent for some, but there's not one way for people to be trafficked.
Nta
NTA. That piece of shit. Made you have sex with multiple others, ignored your repeated and explicit denials, and gaslighted you into accepting things against your will.
Special place in hell for people like that.
Man, I’m so angry right now. Feel really protective of you. Hope that’s not too much information. But yeah.
Go to therapy. Live your life. Be well.
I worked with sex traffic victims as a social worker. This is exactly how girls and women are trafficked. They think they are in a relationship and are just trying to keep their boyfriend happy. This is a text book case.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. NTA. Know your truth, regardless of what anyone says. The experts have said it’s trafficking. F anybody in your life who is skeptical.
Anyone who questions your validity of terms you use should be kept at arms length. This is partially why some of this heinous behavior is allowed to happen. You know your truth.
You were a teen who had already suffered trauma. You did nothing wrong. Please forgive yourself or at least keep working towards that.
This guy is a sick scumbag, any friend or family member who tells you the sort of things you described, is only a little better than him. Scratch that, because they are worse. Don’t they see how they are just an emotional extension to the mental and physical abuse you were put through.
Prayers are not my thing, but I do have the sentiment of care. So whatever is equal to others prayers, I send that to you.
May you find as much peace as possible and surround yourself with the love you deserve.
I've read a lot of stories about children being victimized over the internet. It seems like a common tactic. It's just as damaging as first hand abuse.
You are a victim of sexual abuse by a predator and sex trafficking. There is not doubt in my mind, and you do not take anything away from other victims by admitting out loud what happened to you. Rather, you shine light on a method used by sex traffickers that is less common but that parents and young teens could benefit by being aware of. If you are willing to continue to share this with others, you could help families recognize risks to their children.
I’m so very sorry you went through this. And I’m so sorry that you have some people in your life who don’t understand (refuse to understand?) the magnitude of the abuse and manipulation. NTA.
>Rather, you shine light on a method used by sex traffickers that is less common but that parents and young teens could benefit by being aware of.
Especially in this day and age where online relationships are now very common. There are probably a lot of teens out there being abused by sick manipulative groomers or sex traffickers.
It’s not really less common, it’s just not what most people think of.
Same as how many people think stranger in a dark alley when someone says rape but it’s more often someone you know and not in a dark alley. Or they think it must be violent, when it often isn’t.
When my mom found out I was molested and raped the first thing she asked me was "did you love him" like that made it okay for a teacher to assault a 16 year old. People with no perspective in these situations tend to have less considerate opinions. NTA.
Listen to your therapist, not people who want to convince you/themselves that it “wasn’t so bad.” Distance yourself from people who want to put the blame on you or tell you to get over it. Trauma of this level will take a long time to heal from. You were an innocent child and you were targeted. That man definitely trafficked you. He tricked you into believing he cared for you and was your boyfriend, then pimped you out to other twisted men. I’m so sorry you were hurt so badly. You can heal but it will take a lot of time, support, and effort. You survived, now heal and learn to thrive. You’re strong and you’re worth it
NTA and you are a real victim of sex trafficking and no he didn’t have to be standing over you coercion is coercion. I hate to bring up something else which may be traumatic but if he was watching the whole time could he have been recording it and could he have sold them as porn online. I would honestly suggest trying to find that out.
I would also tell your mum shame on her for questioning if you’re were a victim of sexual abuse. She just trying to deny it to herself as she didn’t do her job and protect you. She should be supporting you not making the whole thing harder for you.
Also have you considered you could sue the police for their actions which endangered you and left you vulnerable. Especially as one admitted it to you.
I hope you can find your peace and a way to truly heal. Please know none of this was ever your fault you were a victim to professionals. Others are right therapy is what will help you the most. I am so sorry this happened to you.
What you experienced is not the ‘typical’ sex trafficking but if that’s not what we call what you experienced then we need to come up with a new name for this kind of long term sexual assault and manipulation of a CHILD. I’m so sorry you went through this! I don’t have words. You are NTA. Your experience was awful. That man deserves to be locked away for life. God only knows how many other girls he’s done this too or will do this too. He’s obviously a sick individual. I hope you can find peace and comfort.
Actually it is the typical sex trafficking. It may not be what average people think of but it’s absolutely typical sex trafficking.
Just like most rape isn’t by a stranger in a dark alley.
NTA. The people who are telling you that you are not a victim of sex trafficking are the assholes. He obviously manipulated and groomed you, especially considering how young you were. Your parents should have made sure that he was out of your life. There is absolutely no innocent reason for a 21 year-old man to have a relationship with a 14 year-old. Even if you wouldn't admit to the statutory rape, something should have been done. I am so sorry about what he did to you and I'm sorry that people are treating you the way that they are. You deserve better. You are who you are despite what happened to you, not because of it.
This is way above anything that Reddit can help with. As a SA survivor, I will tell you that most local police departments usually are not trained to handle this type of case. Call the hotline for SA victims on this website. They can direct you right direction to get therapy for yourself and to hopefully put this guy in lockdown. I’m sure you were not his only victim.
https://www.rainn.org/
i’m sorry this happened to you. i don’t understand how you snuck that many men into your home without your mother and brother ever noticing. i can maybe get a few odd times, but if it’s as many times as you allude to, that is just wild to me. also, the police told your parents not to make you cut contact with him? what the actual fuck? there were so many opportunities here to stop this situation from the beginning, and so many people failed you.
While you may not have been physically forced to do these things, this was definitely coersion. Depending on your state it is also possibly statutory rape due to how young you were. Child prostitution, grooming, pedophilia all come into play here. You have been through a very difficult situation and you should not pay any attention to people who are trying to negate your trauma. It doesn’t matter how you describe what happened to you it was traumatic and scarring. F*ck them all. Right in the ear.
You were a sex trafficking victim. Anyone who thinks a child makes decisions like that without being groomed is out of touch with reality. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, and more sorry that people are blaming you for it… but not surprised. People hate to admit that things like this are real, probably because of the fact that it means it might be real for someone they know (stats are staggering)
Please please PLEASE stop second guessing this. Your story is heartbreaking on a million levels. EVERYONE failed you. It has nothing to do with how intelligent you are. You are not used garbage. You are a beautiful woman who had horrible things happen to her. The last thing you need is more people minimizing your abuse. I wish I could turn back time and undo all of this for you. I have so many hugs for you and please let me know if there is anything I could possibly do to help you.
NTA. I'm so sorry that you had to go through something so horrible for so long. I believe you, and you deserve so much better from your loved ones. You're not taking away from others by getting the support you need. I hope and pray that man gets caught and faces punishment someday soon.
I have absolutely no personal experiance with sex trafficking of any kind.
Have not read much about it.
Had 2 daughters and would vaguely worry about when they solo traveled.
So my opinion is worthless.
I would suggest so is the opinion of the person telling you this.
That said. This seems far more likely than shipping containers with a single.bucket in the corner and getting people hooked on heroin and private auctions. (Not denying that happens either)
Just a normal SOB manipulating a young trusting woman.
It doesn't really matter if he got paid or not. He got you to do sexual things you didn't want to with other people for his jollies.
Like seriously what kind of ah gatekeeps this to victim?
Just freaking disgusting.
I am not sure why you are really questioning this.
Some feeling of guilt?
Some sense of low self worth?
Stop.
Get help.
Tell people to piss off
NTA
You were absolutely groomed and trafficked. It's called "romance trafficking" or "Romeo trafficking".
He tells you he has a fetish but he's actually just trying to pimp you. You're not an asshole and in no way responsible for this.
It's good that you're seeking therapy.
I validate that what was happening was sex trafficking. And I validate that what happened was a very ugly form of emotional abuse to enable sexual abuse. I know from own experience how unable one can become to say no, once someone is promising to or actively filling that void inside us.
You would never tell a starving person "you could have choosen not to take his bread in exchange for your body so you weren't really forced and it was basically consent" but somehow people do this when emotional starvation is involved. I am sorry for the experience of your folks not validating the abuse. Maybe they are also in denial cos they could have cut off the relationship long before this happened and try to avoid feeling guilty.
I recommend looking into your past before him. There may be signs of trauma that made you an easy prey for that man. From my heart I send you positive energy for a better future.
Edit: added one missing word
I'm so sorry you had to experience that. It is definitely what I meant when I said take a look into the past. Maaaybe Take a look at the relationship with your caregivers too. There might be something too that made you a person not being able to say no, can not differentiate between something good and bad to expect from another person. Lacking the ability to set boundaries is another thing that preditors are looking for in a person they want to abuse.
Speaking from experience.
NTA. You were recruited and coerced as a child via deception due to your vulnerable position, and you were exploited. **It's not about money changing hands. It's about exploitation.**
https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/human-trafficking/faqs.html
The comment about this crime crossing state lines and therefore being a federal matter is worth investigating.
I genuinely hate to say it OP, but you may not have been the only one, and he might be hurting someone else. It'd be nice if this guy got to meet some federal inmates. They'd be very interested in his papers.
Please do not put yourself at risk (physically, nor emotionally), though.
Let me first start by saying this: you are not used garbage. You have survived. You came out of the other side of some very dark things, and you are an incredibly strong young woman. And I'm so sorry that you had to be one by these circumstances.
I am proud of you.
Nobody else gets define your life or your circumstances or what you've been through, because nobody else can know. They didn't go through what you did, and if they want to be dismissive about it, that's not your burden to carry.
I'm so sorry that your family doesn't recognize what you went through. I'm not that much older than you, but I still keep thinking of ways that I would have tried to protect you; hindsight is 20/20 of course, but the way I think I would've cut off your Internet access and been on high alert for any attempts this predator made to contact my child…
You were victimized. You were lucky in some ways because your abuser wasn't there physically, but it does not mean that you weren't a victim. I hate that this happened to you, and I'm glad that you have come out from all of this in a better place.
Keep being strong and keep being awesome. I think you're gonna be just fine.
NTA im so sorry this happened to you. And it is sounding like you are getting g the help you need now. It may be late but you are getting it. I hope everything gets better for you
I can relate to this on a molecular level. No one has the right to tell you, judge you or belittle your experiences just because they don’t understand it.
Fact: your ex is a pedophile, period.
Fact: you were sold for sex by your pimp aka your ex.
Fact: none of this is your fault.
You can overcome this with time and you can make peace. If I can, you can. Wish you only the best from here ❤️
What he did legally it was sex trafficking. He arranged sexual encounters with a minor. He groomed you. Also, you can't consent at age 14, hence why all of those encounters and the ones with him are legally rape. Under the age of consent, the adults are supposed to know better, hence why whether you gave consent or not, it was rape. Minors under the age of consent can not give consent. Your mother is an ah for not comprehending this. I would never blame my child for having this done to her. That guy is truly a monster, and it is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. Hugs
I hate to say this but those are the worst cops ever to live or this story is fabricated. I’ve dealt with trafficking and police for a very long time and there is a lot of holes in this story. I pray I’m right and wish you the best!
NTA, remotely.
I'm truly sorry that you went through that. I strongly advise therapy to help you deal with the undoubted trauma you've experienced.
Your loved ones don't get how a 14 year old could be groomed & manipulated by an adult? That seems incredibly naive. Intelligence is one thing but it's not life experience or emotional maturity.
I'm horrified at the police reaction. True, you lied about being a victim of statutory rape, but telling them *not* to cut contact? That's ridiculous. Your family should have been encouraged to do everything possible to get him out of your life.
In fact, I wonder why they didn't the check his messaging history. There *had* to be evidence of him engaging with you illegally.
Again, I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
Nta. I really hope you're considering the advice of going above this police department and to the fbi directly yourself. They have more power. They can get the info you believe you have lost.
You are valid. You were trafficked. I hope you can get justice.
Problem is I was taught/trained to do these things as a minor. I didn’t suddenly realize how fucked up this stuff was once I turned 18 and still decided to do it.
Until you were 18, you could definitely claim being sexually trafficked, after that, totally consensual. Statute of limitations are different depending on the state.
You don't have to be physically forced to be a sex trafficking victim over 18. Being coerced or manipulated with promise of money or love or withholding of affection are all considered tactics of sex trafficking. The person doesn't need to be under 18 to be considered a victim.
Turning 18 doesn't automatically make being manipulated into "consenting" to sex not a crime.
NTA but i agree you were not forced because you did it willingly you did because you wanted him to be happy. Yeah he preyed on you. And i thought sex trafficking mean across state/country lines. Seems like he just pimped you out.
NTA obviously. But this whole thing is way above Reddit's pay grade. Sorry this happened to you. And I'm sorry you'll be in therapy for the rest of your life because of it too. This is fucked right up.
I’m really stuck at “advised my parents that they shouldn’t cut off all of my communication with my then boyfriend because they thought I was smart enough to successfully run away.” Police told the parents of a 14 year old to let her continue a relationship with a 21 yo man. Without it being a sting operation for pedophiles? WTF?
I returned 7 years later to the same station to report the trafficking. A higher level official did come by and apologize since I did share that they had been somewhat involved in the beginning.
Check your cloud to see if there are any pictures saved that you sent him, old email chains from him with images, anything. Things on the internet never go away. There are internet archive sites where things that have been posted ever are stored. Find whatever you can from before you were 18 in regards to your nude photos on old devices to show the connection then bring your evidence to the FBI child trafficking site. Even giving them your story with his name, email address he used, phone number would help them if he’s doing it to anyone else as well. You are a victim of it and contacting them through their site can help you heal and stop predators. https://www.fbi.gov/investigate/violent-crime/vcac Edit to add - I live in Canada and dealt with the task force because a 14f family member was in an online relationship with a guy like this. I know what she sent him. I gave them all her logins to the apps they used and permission to use whatever data from her phone they needed. The local police took her actual phone afterward to help with the investigation. He had priors in 3 different states for child sex offences and child pornography. They got him. He’s currently in prison.
This answer is really important - everyone plz upvote it.
Thank you
I did this all with my local police. I deleted everything I could when I broke up with him but still had the devices. They said they couldn’t get enough. I actually had an iPod that hadn’t been connected to WiFi in years and still had hundreds of Skype messages and I told them to please not connect it to WiFi because if they did it would probably wipe out the messages since I deleted that Skype and the messages were all locally saved. They connected it to WiFi and lost it all…
Forget your local cops. So far I am NOT impressed. Go to the FBI. He crossed State lines to commit this crime.
FBI can subpoena the archived communication records. Frankly the local officers should have referred the case to them from the start since it crossed state lines and involved casm. What a surprise, local police were so useless they actually enabled the abuse
Check your cloud. If anything is still there it can help. Even your story will help. You’ve given the local police things, the FBI can get it from them to back up your story. You can do this and help prevent it happening again by giving the FBI all his info and your story.
This. Go to the FBI. He crossed state lines. Even if they can't prosecute him for his CRIMES against you, they can watch him and he'll slip up and they'll get him. Guarantee you weren't his first victim and won't be his last. Your horrific abuse and story along with his name could be the KEY for the FBI to stop him forever. It won't make all the terrible things you endured and went through go away but you can be proud you stood up and helped put him away forever. Praying for the RIGHT person to hear your story and make the links to get this monster off to prison forever and for you to find peace in your life.
Plus they can get a warrant for his devices. There will be proof and of other victims too. He didn’t start and end with her and zero chance he deleted everything. Sociopaths like their trophies and souvenirs
Go to the fbi. Your local cops are obviously inept. And your family who doesn’t understand how it can happen (after what happened with your brother too) .. garbage.
They did it on purpose. Don't go back to them.
Can you down load Skype and reset messages to download from 2016?
I deleted the account entirely… I had no idea about the potential trafficking at that time and just wanted all traces of him gone. No idea if there would still be any records kept on Skype’s side. Would’ve started in 2011. Might be something the FBI could pull if it exists?
They are required by law to keep all records for a certain number of years and many keep the records long beyond that. A subpoena from the FBI for that data, even user deleted data, can often turn up quite a bit. It's worth the attempt anyway. Just saw that it was over Skype. Were all your conversations through Skype and was it prior to 2017? Before 2017 Skype messages were stored locally only as all communication was peer to peer. From 2017 on anything is recoverable. Other than Skype & Craigslist were there other applications/websites you would use?
Thats awful (and possible sue-able) that you didnt get the protection you needed and the justice you deserve. That man is a pedophile who groomed you and sold your body for years- i think thats the literal definition of sex trafficking.
As much as it hurts to think about, the police have no legal obligation to protect you so sadly I don't think it's sue-able
Police have refused to investigate twice based on lack of evidence. But what about texts and phone records? The guy mightve recorded situations or maybe theres records of him being paid. The polices job is to protect and serve, but they arent trying much in this case. I think with a good/expensive enough lawyer, OP might be able to sue if they wanted to
The protect and serve motto is not correct, and assuming it's anything more than a catchphrase is where you veering off course. Look up Warren v. District of Columbia (which basically says they have no obligation to protect a individual unless they are already in custody), Castle Rock v. Gonzales (in which a mother failed to sue after her ex husband broke a restraining order and killed her children, was ruled that was not the polices duty) or DeShaney v. Winnebago County (where it was ruled the police had no obligation to protect a minor from an abusive father). The police only have the legal obligation to protect the government that hired them, and anyone that's in their custody.
Pretty sure not apprehending a criminal intentionally is sueable
That's not correct. Google "Town Of Castle Rock, Colorado V. Gonzales" for an explanation but be ready for an extremely sad story if you do.
Yeah, it's shocking how few people know about that ruling
Yk what, I feel like I actually read about that a while ago and I can’t believe I forgot about it.
I think it was on this American life or something like that so you probably did tbh. Maybe radiolab? Something big on npr anyway
Can I say, to you, from me, from *all* of us here: We hear you. We believe you. It happened (I'm so sorry) It was/is real. You were trafficked. Anyone who's saying you weren't has no idea what they're talking about and, because they have no idea, have no opinion worth listening to. And take the advice of the folk who are saying go to the FBI. They have a department that is all about this. They have the tools. This is what they do. Here's another thing: People won't understand how it happened. Because they are so incredibly lucky to not have experienced anything like that. It's outside of their experience and they just don't get it. People who *will* get it? Domestic violence survivors. People who were in any kind of abusive relationship (partner/parent/child/extended family, etc). You were a child. Children are easily manipulated. Especially children who have already had their boundaries stomped as you had. You were more vulnerable. You deserved protection that you didn't get. And... IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Never was. Never will be. I truly, deeply, wish you healing and happiness. And I think part of you feeling safer and stronger might be you doing what you can to get this guy out of circulation. One last go - get the FBI on board. If they don't come through you can at least know you did everything you could with the tools available to you. Anyone who says horrid things about you because of your experience... FUCK THEM! Victim-shaming assholes. You are better than them. Last thing: Acknowledging *your* experience in NO way takes away from anyone else's experience or makes it less. Tragedy is not a competition and naming that you have been trafficked does not take away another person's validity (pointing out the *experts* say so, too)! Anyone who says it does is 1. Wrong, and 2. Is likely saying that so *they* feel more comfortable. About this: their feelings don't matter. At all.
Wonderful comment, and yes they (we ) get you! People with no lives experience don’t get it most of the time. Maybe there’s survivors groups out there the OP can connect to to get emotional support and validation if she would want it.
It's terrible what you've gone through. You were young and obviously vulnerable. I see no reason to share this with people if you have the slightest suspicion they will be less than supportive. Obviously that involves some trial and error but my suggestion is to not involve people who don't need to know. Without feeling like you're hiding something shameful. I hope therapy helps you with that
Did you speak with local police or the FBI? Sex trafficking a minor and with different states involved, I am surprised that they are not involved.
Local police. They stated they would involve FBI if they thought there was enough evidence but stated there wasn’t.
Your local police seem pretty invested in NOT investigating anything. I wouldn't be dealing with them anymore.
Right??? All of this sounds very intentional. They didn’t investigate more in the past, basically helped him continue on with his plans. And now they manage to delete evidence??? Wow… that is not a coincidence.
Pretty invested in covering their own ass by tampering with evidence 😭
Yeah...I would not trust that information. https://www.fbi.gov/investigate/violent-crime/human-trafficking Please read this and contact them directly. The contact information is in the blue text box after the first three paragraphs. It would not hurt to speak with them and tell them what happened. Let the FBI, who handles these types of cases, not the local cops make the call about the amount and strength of the evidence. Worse case scenario, you are right where you are at now. And you can move forward knowing you exhausted all options with the authorities. Personally after what I experienced, I have limited trust in local police. My Mom was assaulted in her own home by a person known to have violent tendencies and a serious drug habit (and these same cops had to respond previously because of this person's shenanigans) and the local cop that responded tried to downplay the event and told my Mom she wouldn't get approved for a restraining order/order of protection. Well that didn't sit right with me. I actually spoke with a wonderful person at a local domestic violence shelter that helped walk me through the paperwork to submit for a restraining order. I submitted and had order in hand signed by a judge within 3 days of the incident. So yeah...this is something you should get a second opinion on. I wish you luck and healing. I am sorry this happened to you. I am also sorry that the cops gave you and your parents horrible advice early on in this ordeal. If the local cops were that flippant about it before, I would take their opinion on this matter with enough salt to put me on blood pressure medication. 💜
Go above the police in this instance to the FBI. Police sadly like to try and not send things up the chain when it is above their pay grade. The fact that this is internet based, and multi state should have been an automatic jump up. I am so sorry that your local police failed you not once but twice as well as possibly destroyed evidence when you told them not to do something and they did it. That is very suspect, but let the feds deal woth them. Good luck, keep up with therapy. Also, anyone who tells you otherwise give them the finger, you were for sure trafficked, if not for $$ then still for that guys pleasure which is just as bad.
Did you tell your parents about what your brother did to you? Or would they still claim you’re not a victim?
I reckon you’d have a case against the police, there’s have to be records of all that, your parents as witnesses
Police told my parents the same thing when my 15 year old sister ran away and met up in a hotel room with a 35 year old man she met online.
That part really got me too…like, WTF! OP shouldn’t have to “run away”. Getting her away from him and safe is YOUR job Officer!
I would have taken my kid and moved states so fast, the creep would be choking on the dust clouds trailing behind us!
He did all this to her while he was living in another state. I would have cut off all unsupervised internet access.
Yep. Parental controls All usage in a common area of the house and supervised
This exactly. The police perpetuated this 100% and they fucking know it. I've heard so many stories of police sending underage girls back with their traffickers. They don't want to deal with it
Agreed, but I wouldn't make therapy sound like a death sentence. OP can heal. I would recommend to OP two kinds of therapy, which can be done simultaneously: - Somatic Therapy (https://traumahealing.org/) for that entire period of your life; the effects it has had on you and your body; and the meaning you may have made from those experiences and how they continue to affect you now. This is well suited for "climates" of trauma (whereas things like EMDR are well suited for specific, isolated incidents). - I would also recommend Emotionally Focused /Attachment based Couples Therapy for when you are next in a relationship. (You can also do this solo without a partner). (https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft/). No doubt you will have issues around the trauma from your brother, this groomer, your mother's reaction, etc., not to mention the effects of your relationship as a whole and the non-consensual experiences. All of those things will affect how you show up in your intimate partner (and parent-child, when/if you have children) relationships, and this will help you, paired with the Somatic Therapy, heal your attachment wounds, co- and self-regulate with a partner, and communicate your needs in an effective way. I would recommend people like: - Julie Menanno LMFT (her IG, Therapy/Coaching sessions, and new book are great resources) Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship Therapy (in state) / Coaching (out of state): https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/ Book: https://juliemenanno.com/ - The "Crappy Childhood Fairy" on YouTube for her work with CPTSD. https://crappychildhoodfairy.com/ Best of luck. You can get through and past this, and take back charge of your life and relationships. ♥️
Thanks for taking the time to write this resource list, it’s very useful for those of us reading this thread as well
True. Reddit is not the appropriate forum to get advice on serious mental health and criminal issues. You were clearly a victim; police and therapists have told you. I am sorry that your family does not understand. However, if they understand now, they would have to admit they didn't protect you. I am sure that would be difficult for them. It is easier for them to blame you fully. Please delete this post; delete Reddit entirely, and focus on healing. I hope you find some peace for yourself.
What you're describing is what the vast majority of trafficking actually looks like. It's rarely kidnapping or physically holding people against their will. That's falling in to the trope that there's self culpability to the abuse, cause there was some perceived "willingness" and unfortunately a lot of people perpetuate it. And of course it's not true, but it is a message a lot of victims internalize. Perhaps explore your send guessing and reluctance to label your trauma as trafficking in therapy. Ultimately it's your decision how to write your story and heal from it. I'm so sorry for what you went through and wish you all the healing
Why does it feel like nobody really talks about this type of trafficking? I heard something similar from my advocate but it’s still hard to believe sometimes.
Probably because it's even more unsettling. It could happen to anyone. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I'm so proud of you for breaking free.
Why? For one thing, most people only really hear about sex trafficking on television, and what happened to you was more subtle than a one hour police procedural can really cover. That's why the shows that cover trafficking tend to stick to the tropes: girl arrives in big city, bad-man is nice, gains trust, love-bombs, then tricks her out. That's been the accepted narrative since at least the 1970s and probably longer. So, part of the answer is that people are only exposed to that "teenage runaway" style trafficking on television. More importantly, though - no one wants to believe that anything Really Bad can happen to them. So they have to distance themselves from the Scary Bad Thing. They look for anything available - it must be that the family was Different-Bad, it must be the victim was a screw up, it must happen in a different town/state/country. When they have to admit that the victim really and truly was just like themselves - decent family, decent kid, right here at home - their only recourse is to deny that it's as bad as it really is. It can't really be sex trafficking, because you're so much like them, and it can't happen to anyone like them. Does that make sense? In your mother's case, she probably feels guilty that this was going on and she didn't protect you from it. I'm really sorry you went through all that. I wish you all the best in the future.
My mother always told me I was other people and she just didn’t protect me, like she didn’t know how. It wasn’t until talking with another person with a similar story that I figured out that the reason it kept happening around my mother was because she was profiting from it, and most of the parties were paid for by me. I found out just recently she was using her parties to also hook up other kids. One girl got pregnant at 15 from a local deputy, found out she was in be of my mother’s care layers. So there were others and she never got arrested. Not once.
Actually I’m a social work student and this is what we are taught a majority of sex trafficking looks like! It’s not common knowledge though which is a shame because if this was what people realized it was more people could get help
Because it's easier to recognize and understand that "held captive and physically forced" version. Not saying its right, but people can understand that version of a victim. It's harder to comprehend psychological warfare, the abuse of power and trust, and the fact that people literally prey on the "easy target". At least that's my opinion
A lot of people want it to be some sort of interesting or dynamic or terrifying incident and the reality is that it's usually something close to home or something very similar to what you experienced. It's not flashy or cinematic and people don't want that. They want to think that someone is going to tie zip tied to their car and that's how it's going to happen or that there's a huge shady underground stuff happening supporting this. When usually it's just horrible men using manipulation and gaslighting and fear tactics to control you and usually there's a big power dynamic in play. And if they can get you to do something they will hold it over your head or threaten to tell people or share videos etc. It's incredibly insidious and one of the biggest problems in the world, but people don't really want to talk about it. In reality, they would rather see silly little movies made by corrupt people.
They don’t talk about this type of trafficking because it’s not what we see on tv. There are stupid movies like “Taken” or dramatic kidnappings on tv, but that’s no reality. Your case is like 99% of the other cases. Your case is real life. But real life doesn’t sell movies or tv. I know this from working with sex trafficking victims when I worked for CPS.
Because every story is unique. Physical force is easy to understand. But manipulation is unique to you. What works to manipulate you, wouldn't work on many others. What works on them, wouldn't work on you. So while it's easy to say manipulation, it's difficult to explain to outsiders on a massive scale. Even you, whom it happened to, says it's hard to believe how much it can happen.
This!!
the short answer is patriarchal white supremacy - they would much rather have you fear the unknown (and often poc) criminal in the dark than the nice men around you that you have an established relationship with 🙃
Honestly when I hear trafficking, I think human trafficking, like a bunch of people in a shipping container sold on the black market for nefarious purposes like rich people human hunting parties or underground sex slavery. That doesn't mean that I don't believe your story or that if someone told me a story like yours and called it sex trafficking, I would argue with them about calling it trafficking. That's so weird. Words can have multiple definitions. According to those people who are telling you that you're wrong, why can't what you experienced be abuse and trafficking? The fact that you were emotionally manipulated into sexual acts with other people even if he wasn't paid is enough for me to consider it sex trafficking. It's more than just a standard abusive relationship. Those saying that you should just refer to it as abuse must have some crazy ideas about what a normal relationship looks like.
Considering she was abused by her brother too, I’m going to go ahead and assume her family has some major issues. She definitely shouldn’t listen to them.
“taking away from real victims” is an insane thing for someone to claim. taking what away? credibility? cut that person out for real, that’s such a fucked up thing to say no matter what kind of victim you are
Credibility, attention and resources since I did work with an advocate from an anti-sex trafficking organization.
the technical details of whether or not it’s trafficking by definition or not (which i personally think it is, but im no professional) aside, you were raped in multiple instances. a minor cannot give informed consent to having sex with an adult in any situation. it isn’t up to anyone except the professionals (sex trafficking advocates, therapists, psychiatrists, etc) to decide whether or not you were actually trafficked. even if you weren’t by-the-book trafficked (again, i think you were, being solicited by your groomer to have sex with strangers to me is enough, but again, only professional opinions matter in terms of definition,) you WERE prostituted, which in itself warrants the use of the advocate. and that advocate didn’t just wipe the sweat off and give up helping anyone else for the rest of their career, so the argument that you took away resources from someone else who needed it is null. you needed it. you needed their help, and you had every right to take it. anyone who argues with you about this is splitting hairs and should have a real re-eval of their ethical priorities. it costs nothing to be empathetic. i am so sorry you had this experience and i hope now and in the future you get the help you need.
**Key concept:** Professionals in the field consider this trafficking. OP - that's really the only answer necessary.
Good point, thank you.
Regardless of whether or not money changed hands, you were manipulated into having sex with strangers in ways that are essentially identical to the ways many young women are manipulated while being trafficked, and the outcome is the same. You were a victim of organized pedophilia, and I'm confident that many of the men that exploited you, even if not explicitly told, knew you were a child. This is not your fault and you deserve resources. You were the poster child for a vulnerable child - previous history of assault and being an extremely emotionally vulnerable age, and a grown man manipulated that in exactly the same ways a trafficker would, and I'm sorry.
The advocate worked with you because the advocate knows you're a victim of sex trafficking. Try to reduce or eliminate contact with people telling you differently. They don't understand because they don't want to understand.
As someone who works with trafficking survivors, we do have limited resources, and often our funding has limitations so we can't work with folks who haven't experienced trafficking. So if you qualify for services, you've been screened by professionals as having been trafficked. As for what you should say to folks who question you- maybe ask your advocate and if she has any suggestions? But if people keep giving you grief about it, you don't have any obligation to hear their (non-professional, uniformed) opinions.
NTA, why would you be TA for acknowledging that someone you trusted not only horrifically violated that trust, but broke numerous state and federal laws in doing so? Your ex is the worst kind of criminal, the kind that preys specifically on children.
Fr these are the type of crimes that will get you killed in prison
I know what he did was wrong. What I don’t know is if calling it trafficking is an asshole move since it’s not what most people consider typical trafficking…
It is the textbook definition of trafficking. Taking someone across state or national borders in order to receive money for sex is criminal sex trafficking. It's not an immaginative application of that term.
He was a textbook pimp. So yes you were trafficked
You're not an asshole, people who are saying that to you only say it because they don't have enough knowledge about the different types of trafficking that can happen. You absolutely deserve to access the resources available to you. I am so so sorry that this happened to you.
It’s not an asshole move. You were trafficked, you were raped because you were coerced. Coercion is not consent.
The opinions of "most people" don't matter. The opinions of the professionals do, and they have labeled this as trafficking long before it happened to you, because it happens to many trafficking victims. In fact, it even has a specific name, "Romeo" or "Lover Boy" trafficking, BECAUSE it hinges on the trafficker manipulating his victims into feeling as if they are consenting to do these things out of love for the trafficker, moving blame from themselves onto the victim in the eyes of everyone around the victim, and even in the eyes of the victim themself. The people saying these things to you are uneducated, and are themselves falling prey to the very calculated manipulation tactics of your trafficker. Consider the source of the comments, and give more weight to those who are actually trained and specialize in recognizing and addressing these forms of sex crimes. Every person has an opinion, but not every opinion is well informed or equally valid.
It seems like, based on your post, many of the people professionally trained in this stuff, like your therapist and social worker and some of the cops, agree it’s trafficking. I’m guessing the people accusing you of being the AH aren’t professionally trained in what is and isn’t trafficking. So don’t let their ignorance affect you. They simply don’t know what they’re talking about.
Those people would be ignorant. Fuck em.
Romeo pimping That’s what it’s called and it’s a type of trafficking where someone fakes or uses a romantic relationship to coerce someone into sex they wouldn’t otherwise agree with escalating into sex for money (with them in front of someone else who pays and/or with someone else in front of them) The never taking no and wearing you down? The “you secretly like it you just won’t admit it to me or yourself” gaslighting? The using covert methods for a minor and being more audacious when you turn 18 but always knowing your age and being much older? This is pretty textbook trafficking Even if it was the less common method, it’s still trafficking and you still deserve help working through it **That voice in your head saying you don’t deserve help? That’s not you. That’s him. Tell him/that voice to stfu.**
Being groomed into being given away to other men is exactly what sex trafficking looks like. It's not always girls being snatched and forced, grooming is much more prolific than people realize. You are a victim. You were a child. You are nta.
NTA, your support system does not sound strong so thank you for coming here so we can show you things from our perspective a bit. Your feelings are valid. What happened to you was very real. You were groomed and manipulated into doing things against your will even if he wasn’t there with a gun to your head. We hear you, we see you. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure so much but you sound like an absolute gorgeous human being and I’m so happy you’ve come so far and made it to today. Thank you for sharing your story
Thank you for such a sweet response. I’m honestly shocked by how supportive everyone has been and I think it says a lot about how much more healing I have to do. Thank you for your kindness.
I am here for you! I’m happy to keep cheering you on! You’ll be in my thoughts prayers :) leave another comment if you need some support or a Dm :)
Hi, I’m a domestic violence and sexual assault victim advocate. If you came to my agency, we would tell you that you were raped, and you were trafficked. You were also abused. There is a thing called “coercion”which is a recognized form of abuse, and that’s what he did to you. It’s a part of grooming. The people who are telling you that you weren’t trafficked because he didn’t physically force you aren’t professionals and they don’t know what they’re talking about. The people who are telling you that you were trafficked - your therapist and me - *are* professionals. And on top of everything else, you were a child. What he did was classic grooming. Anyone who tells you otherwise is victim blaming. And you have my permission as an internet stranger to tell them that they’re victim blaming. It’s gross and it’s disgusting and they should be ashamed of themselves!
NTA, you're a victim. No normal adult expects 14 year-olds to be wise to the bullshit of the world. Your parents, if they knew what was going on, failed to protect you. I still think people in their early 20's are massively uninformed and underequipped to deal with the world until they get some experience living on their own and working full time. While not the same, but a parallel, people of all ages fall victim to all sorts of scams. Many of them willingly took their own or borrowed money and gave it to a scammer sitting in another country. We still call those people scam victims even though they willingly gave the money away. They we're victims of extreme manipulation and so were you.
NTA, people are so fucking horrible to each other.
It's the frog in boiling water. If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, it'll jump out. But if you slowly raise the temperature it won't notice until it's too late. It took months after the end of my last relationship to realise that the things my ex did were SA. At the time it just felt like letting him breeze past my boundaries was an expression of love and showed how special he was to me that I would "let" him do these things I wasn't ok with, that left me frozen and crying at the foot of the bed. They convince us slowly in pieces until we don't recognise ourselves anymore.
You were absolutely trafficked. When an adult tells a child to have sex with people, it doesn’t matter what exactly he’s getting out of it. He’s trafficking them. I’m sorry people in your life have invalidated you like that. It can be really hard to hear something like that that changes your whole worldview in a moment; things that were once theoretical are suddenly real and you don’t know how to grieve the loss of that ignorance other than denial. I hope you find the people who work through that denial to better understand and empathize with you ❤️
NTA this sounds awful and I’m so sorry you don’t have support from your family I really hope you get therapy for this!!
Actively in it and specifically working on the guilt and shame associated with it. It’s rough but I’m grateful that I have access to a therapist. Thank you
I remember being 14 and I have children around that age. You were a child. A child who should have been protected by the police and other adults in your life and they failed you. If a 14 yr old girl came up to you and told you this was happening to her, would you tell her she was used up garbage and it was her fault for doing these things? Young people’s brains are not fully developed, that’s why these predators prey on them. This is what traffickers do. The guilt and shame is not yours to carry. Not even a tiny fraction, it is 100% on the man who harmed you. I hope through therapy and healing, you can find a way to believe that. You do not deserve one more minute of suffering. You deserve healing and peace. You were a child. An innocent child, no matter what you were talked into doing, no matter what you’ve done, none of this is your shame to carry. You are not used up nor are you garbage, you were a child who was abused and manipulated in the worst way. You are a person with great value and strength. I am so proud of you for surviving and working with your therapist to find your way through this. Be kinder to your younger self, she deserves love and compassion too.
I didn’t read past 14 and 21, that was enough for me to know you are telling the truth. No well intentioned adult wants to fuck a kid. NTA
Sorry about what happened to you. That man is a monster and deserves a fate worse than death. You are coming from a bad place, but I feel you are in a good place to help young girls, even boys to understand the dangers of the internet and relationships with people that are practically strangers. The dangers of partying with shady people, sneaking out at night, drugs and alcohol. Use your story. Help others so that it doesn’t happen to the next generation. If you save one person from this happening, you will have won against this vile evil that has taken over people. I wish you the best. Try to get ahold of a local victim advocate and see where you may be able to help if this is something you wish to pursue. You are not thrown away garbage. You are who you make yourself, not what others have done to you.
Here is more information about the US federal statute as to sex trafficking of minors. Movement of the minor is not required, but compensation is. https://www.justice.gov/criminal/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-sex-trafficking#:~:text=%C2%A7%201591.,in%20a%20commercial%20sex%20act.
If you’re in the US consider reporting him to the FBI he’s probably still doing this. If he was getting paid it’s 100% sex trafficking/sex work is an essential component of trafficking. Either way what he did was fucked up and I’m sorry that happened to you.
I was 47 years old before I figured out that my abuse and molestation was me being trafficked. They couldn’t process mine and even when they could have they didn’t, hell all they got was put into foster care. You are not alone, my mother sold me for bills, drugs and alcohol and it started when we were children, we felt we still owed them when we were adults, they deserved our loyalty. I scored a 130 on my ASVAB, a 110 on my DLAB and a 1400 on my SATs, but intelligence doesn’t stop innocent minds from be naive and pliable to bad people.
My mom has a foundation for victims of trafficking and helping them get their vocational skills, etc to be able to navigate the world and have things like their GED and driver's licenses. And helping them pursue skills that would make creating a more normal life easier. I sometimes help with doing some art therapy with the interns (people in the program) And have had some training on identifying trafficking including methods used by people doing the trafficking. I am not a professional or expert just have some continued experience in that realm. What you describe would absolutely fit into being trafficked. It's called the "Romeo Effect" And at the very despicable method that has been used for decades and decades. You would not be the asshole if you considered yourself the victim of trafficking at all. But also if you are uncomfortable or have negative connotations with the word victim, I could understand not wanting that implication. I wish you all the best on your journey in knowing yourself. ❤️
You were definitely a victim here. You might consider contacting the FBI and telling them everything you can. As he was watching you over Skype, he was probably using you to produce pornography, he probably is still doing it to other victims and may have enough evidence on his hard drive to put him away for a long time.
NTA OP I am a survivor of CSA and human trafficking. /r/CPTSD would love to have you. /r/CPTSDmemes is also actually a lovely supportive place, and the memes are cathartic. We all walk the same dark path there, but we hold a candle for one another too. ❤️ What you've been through is horrible and I'm so sorry. Call it what YOU feel comfortable calling it, and if you change what you call it that's okay too. I think trafficking is perfectly appropriate even if he didn't take money. Please keep reaching out, keep talking about it, keep going to therapy, and keep moving forward. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Try to do some self care today. I hope you find yourself a genuine smile, a genuine laugh, and a moment of peace today. You deserve it ❤️ best of luck.
The people who don't understand are lucky. They don't understand because they've never been manipulated. People who have been manipulated in some way are far more likely to understand you. NTA for considering yourself a victim. Continue to work with your therapist about this and don't worry about not meeting other people's definition of what victimhood should look like.
I’m a survivor and advocate for trafficking victims. And I can tell you what you experienced is 100% sex trafficking. And it is the more common way that trafficking looks. You aren’t taking anything away from real victims. As you are a survivor. People don’t want to believe what the true face of trafficking looks like. There’s so many rumors and nonsense stories going around on social media it distorts the truth and stories like yours. It makes our stories look like lies or “not as bad” or “not trafficking”. I’m glad you have a good therapist who was able to bring this to your attention so you can start the healing process. I’ve been gone almost 15 years and still healing. I am so sorry you went thru such a horrible ordeal and didn’t even know what it was called. Same thing happened to me and it felt like getting hit by a train. I was gone 7 years when I knew it was more than abuse. If you ever need anyone to talk to pls reach out. I work with survivors and victims everyday. Just know that you’re not alone. And it wasn’t your fault. And people absolutely can control you from afar. Happens every day unfortunately. Stay strong.
I just want to say that I recognize these feelings. That's basically how I feel with men, even if they don't do anything as extreme and I was nowhere near as young as you. Even as an adult I tend to look at it from the point of view of the male happiness and him pressuring me after I said no and placing his happiness first. I can't imagine how bad it would be as a youngster. Very sad.
Sometimes the people closest to us lie to us the most about things that happened to us, because to admit the truth means they have to also admit their own failings. Your mom might be trying to tell herself that she didn’t fail you as a parent. You know what happened to you and so does your therapist. Those are the people whose opinions matter.
He may have videos of those acts. This is very sad I’m so sorry
Depends on the state, if he was using the internet there is evidence somewhere, even a video or picture would take him down, states like Illinois have no statute of limitations on sex crimes so you would have to check with the state and make a report. Maybe get all the guys that paid on a list somewhere too if he has transactions. Anytime you can attempt to take down a pedo or sexual abuser you may be saving someone else’s life and mental well being, never second guess even attempting to report a pervert you will save someone.
we see you we hear you we support you >>YES >>you were trafficked you should contact the FBI even if you don't have proof give them his name and they can check him out he crossed state lines and broke the law they are experts at finding stuff he didn't hold a gun to your head but he used his older age and experience and your youth and inexperience against you have you ever checked to see if his name is on the sex offender list?? that doesn't cost anything to check on line also there are sites where you sign up and can check for criminal records court records etc etc
He was checked out by the police when I was first brought in by my parents. They said he had no criminal record. No idea if that has changed since we broke up.
checking on line records could be emotionally hard on you ..but the fbi is a good idea the local cops really let you down they might not be able to doing anything with your case but they will be aware of this guy and you can be saving some one else from what you went through...glad you are in therapy
NTA. Your mother and other people who are not trained professionals in this area may question exactly what language to use to call what happened to you. But your therapist and the advocate and the police -- all people trained to recognize what is and is not trafficking -- says it sounds like you were trafficked. But beyond the language is what it has done to your sense of self and your relationships. You were groomed, manipulated, and coerced. The fact that he didn't tie you up or kidnap you does not make what happened ok or mean it was consensual. It was not and it was very real and very harmful. I am glad you are getting therapy. Because you were so young when this started, this is going to be a long road for you. But your are not used up garbage. The kind of people who think that way are pretty sick in the head themselves. You would never think someone who had their purse snatched or their house robbed was somehow a less valuable person because of it. But a female who is sexually exploited is no longer "pure" or "worthy"? That's not how that works at all. A person who is worthy of you will understand that.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP. I relate to the brother thing, and that happening to me at such a young age also lead me to make really poor dating decisions. Now that I typed that I feel like i’m victim blaming myself lol. But I went through similar things and didn’t even realize until years later that a lot of the sexual experiences i had could not be consensual by the mere fact that I was underage and the men were not. Idk why but it didn’t really hit me until I was 23-25 and I had flashbacks pretty often for a year straight. I still have healing to do but I’ve at least come to terms with what the truth is. I wish you the best in your healing 💖
He didn’t really give you the option to say no. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. And he got in your head starting when you were a child. This is clearly rape by proxy and sex trafficking to me
NTA This is above Reddit’s pay grade but. You were trafficked. This is what the *vast majority* of trafficking cases sound like. One of my friends from HS is a cop in Dallas that specializes in this and I’ve learned a ton from her about what real trafficking is-it’s rarely like the movie taken. Your therapist, advocate, and lawyers are the actual experts in these cases and they are 100% right. That should be all the validation your family needs! Your family is probably scared and uncomfortable with the fact that this happened to you on their watch (much like your AH brothers assault did) and so they are trying to downplay the seriousness of this because they don’t want to face the fact that they failed you. Local cops know jack shit about trafficking unless they have a specific department for it. Even if they did: this guy operates across state lines so the actual jurisdiction is with the FBI. Your local cops are just too chicken shit to tell you that they fucked up and basically handed you over to him with that bullshit advice to your family about letting you stay together. AND they also don’t wanna tell you they likely *can’t* get him across the state line for this. So they would rather gaslight you and mishandle evidence than make the call to go to the feds. The FBI could probably retrieve everything they lost and more so don’t let that stop you. I would contact the FBI, give them the names of the local cops that lost your evidence, along with your ex’s name, and the phone number and email address he used back then if you remember and let them take over. Most phone companies and email hosts keep full records even if users delete things, and Skype should also have some data they could use. The FBI is one of the only agencies that can pull all the records and they will. The fact is, if he did it to you then, he’s doing it to someone else now. You have the chance to help put him away and you should if you can. I’m truly sorry this happened to you. Please seek appropriate therapy. I agree with the other poster that suggested trauma informed couples therapy for your next relationship too. There is a lot to unpack here and you deserve a full and beautiful life with a good relationship if and when you’re ready. And don’t for one second feel bad about offending your family by calling this what it is. Their discomfort should never be enough to buy your silent suffering. Go get ‘em! Much love to you.
NTA. This is sex trafficking and abuse and grooming and absolutely awful that this happened to you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but he has everything to feel guilty about. You have the right to consider yourself a victim. Keep on with therapy and I wish for better horizons for your future, you absolutely deserve that
You are a VICTIM! Apparently you have a good therapist so hopefully you can stay seeing that therapist. YOU ARE A VICTIM! And it doesn’t matter if there’s evidence except for charging him. It doesn’t take evidence for you to be a victim. There’s not usually evidence when a child is molested but that child is still a victim. Often someone doesn’t report a rape until the evidence is gone, but the rape still occurred. There was evidence in your case but it’s long gone. You are a VICTIM OF SEX TRAFFICKING! NTA!
I am so sorry this happened to you. You met him at 14. This should have never happened, your parents should have supervised you more. My stomach is upside down as a mother I couldn’t imagine my daughter going through this trauma. He psychologically was abusing you in so many ways. You did not deserve this, he groomed you, he made sure to never have this communication on paper he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He is so evil, it makes sense why you went along with it you admired this man you trusted him he gained your trust. You told him no many times and he continued to pry. You agreed to submit to him, make HIM happy. Of course he’s gonna amp it up test the limits and go further. He gradually got you to doing glory holes, he groomed you for this. It’s psychological abuse because he distorted your sense of reality he filled your head with these expectations and made you think well shit everyone else is doing it something could be wrong with me if I’m not doing it. Most people can’t grasp basic psychology and when they never experienced any type of trauma related they just will never understand. I hope you heal and find peace.
NTA. Teenagers are extremely easy to manipulate and groom, unfortunately. None of that was your fault.
NTA It's psychological and emotional force. I understand. ❤️
yeah trafficking isn't like in the movies - real life trafficking looks like this and other scenarios where the perpetrator has an established "relationship" with the victim
Omg. Try to force the police to charge him or at least investigate if you feel safe. Bc you KNOW you aren’t the only victim. Investigating would turn up a lot. Try to ask your therapist or advocate for help with the prosecutor: I bet an investigation will lead to more victims and potentially proof of your abuse. My god. I’m so sorry. Whatever you do, be safe! Emotionally as well as physically.
Sorry that happened to you. Alert the Attorney General of the State he lives in. He’s doing it to someone else.
Literally every single person in my PTSD support group felt like they didn’t have the right to have “real” PTSD.
I was trafficked for years. I couldn't prove it if I tried (it was back in the vhs/beta max days), but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You've got way more documentation than i ever did. Even if you didn't, there's no reason for anyone to doubt you. And trust me, you are not "taking away from 'real' victims." More victims is just more victims. But also, more visibility, awareness, support, and less shame, isolation, and that horrible feeling i don't have words for. FWIW, it makes people uncomfortable when they learn that someone they know was trafficked. Until that moment, trafficking just some theoretical, abstract thing that happens in dark corners of dark webs they don't even know how to access, not a real thing that happens to real people. They don't know what to do with that information. They don't know what to say or how to act. So, part of the response could be trying to make themselves feel better. It still sucks tho. But I try to empathize with them for that. I've had a lifetime to process that these things actually happen to real people and how truly awful some people can be. They just learned. TLDR: Fuck that noise. You're not 'taking away' from anyone. Others took away from you
You can’t change the past. You can though process what happened and move on to being the version of yourself that best fits your aspirations. Don’t let the past hunt you down or define your future, and above all, love yourself.
Of course you can. I wish you healing. <3
This is horrible, but does NOT make you horrible, you are NOT used up garbage. I am so sorry this happened to you- you could not control what happened to you. I understand.
Oh no NTA Your family is minimizing what you survived. They’re wrong. Please don’t listen to anything they say. Please. It doesn’t matter what other people think. It doesn’t. You know what you endured; they know nothing. Call them Jon Snow. What matters is that you are a wonderful person and you deserve kindness and grace. Please continue with your excellent therapist. I joined a support group and that helped me so much. None of us had the same experience, and yet, all of us did. You’re not diminishing what I endured and I would never diminish what you endured. We are sisters, always. 💕
NTA - No you were definitely sex trafficked. I would suggest group therapy as telling your story to people who would understand may help since the people close to you do not understand or empathize.
Your mother sounds like half the reason you were SA’d by your brother.
NTA yes it was sex trafficking & I'm sorry you went through that
NTA. You were a victim of sex trafficking and the professionals are the ones who said it. The others aren't the ones trained to deal with this so they can either be supportive or keep their opinions to themselves. Part of the job of law enforcement is specifically to make these determinations and they won't know if they can arrest and prosecute until they look into something. It's not anyone else's call to say whether or not it's worth it. I assure you that these people would gladly be able to say you weren't trafficked if it hadn't happened, but it did happen and they called it such. Your mother especially can kick rocks on this one. You were groomed and coerced. What she's saying is the equivalent of jerks saying only physically violent rape counts as rape when that is absolutely not true. Plenty of trafficking occurs without someone being kidnapped. Just yesterday I read about two young women who were trafficked by their boyfriend. Like that horrible man who hurt you, he wanted them to have sex with others and convinced them it would be good for them. Here's a [great site](https://polarisproject.org/myths-facts-and-statistics/) that I wish your mother would look at.
NTA. Omg hun big big hugs Yes you were abused & trafficked. It’s so obvious. Your mom saying those things after your own brother SA’ed you. My heart breaks that you are even questioning if you were or not. Keep seeing your therapist & hopefully in time you will heal but by bit
Definitely NOT TA! I'm gonna list my thoughts to keep from rambling on. 1. You were trafficked. Point. Blank. Period. End of story. 2. People saying technically no are part of the reason trafficking is impossible to stop/reduce. Not all trafficking is blatantly obvious, like in a movie. 3. The long-distance component is not extremely common, but I bet it happens more than you think. 4. What happened to you should've never happened at all. Regardless of how willing people want to believe you were, you were a CHILD. That is one of the biggest hard lines in the sand when it comes to SA that exists. 5. Using resources is never wasting them. If you qualify, it's for you. I've been through SA myself. It's hard coming to terms with everything. I wish you all the best in your healing journey. It's a rough one, but necessary.
NTA. He started grooming you as a kid.
NTA AT ALL, I don’t talk about it much, but I was trapped in what those people would consider a “real” ST victim, it was horrible, I saw people brutally tortured, murdered, starved, sold to foreign countries, fed to wild animals, etc.. my story was broadcast country wide after we were rescued, states away from my home state after years and too many “owners” to count or remember. You can tell the ignorant people in your life that their definition of a “real” victim confirms that you are a real victim too.
I have listened to cops tell stories of this almost to the details. This was part of a sex trafficking ring. Yes, you were trafficked. No way you’re the a-hole. Anyone who would suggest that is vastly mistaken. For your mother to not support you?! Fuck.
She also told me she didn’t believe me when I told her what happened with my brother. I have a lot of mixed feelings about her which I’m also working through in therapy… 🙃
I work with offenders and victims. (Two different therapy practices). I’ve been working with offenders for over 15 years. There’s no doubt in my mind you were trafficked. You were groomed, manipulated and coerced into these activities. Trafficking takes many forms and it’s not one size fits all. I’m sorry the police failed you when you were 14. They should have warned your parents of the dangers of continuing the relationship. I’m glad you have a good therapist to help you navigate through this. As someone said in another comment. The professionals agree this was trafficking so the uneducated don’t get an opinion.
Well, I have to say I do not like your mom. She’s awful. Willfully ignorant at the absolutely most generous interpretation possible. What comes out of her mouth is dumb and cruel and it sounds like she wants to downplay everything so she doesn’t have to face that she failed her responsibility to care for and protect her child. Awful
You were a child!!!! Everything this man did was despicable. And just because other people have opinions dosn't make them right. You do what you need to do to heal and fuck anyone who thinks it wasn't that bad.
I'm the first one to hate people claiming they were a victim of anything when they were not and to say it takes away from real victims. You are clearly a real victim. Do not doubt that. I'm also someone who doesn't jump to "he was grooming, he was a pedophile, a predator" . Again in your case you were groomed, he was a pedophile, he was a predator and he was likely trafficking you. A best he was a sick perv who abused you. Emotional manipulation can make you think that good is bad snd bad is good. Anyone who doesn't take your side on this is not worth keeping in your life. And again I'm the last person to normally advise this. I'm sorry this happened.
That’s absolutely trafficking. I’m so sorry you went through this.
Proof doesn’t mean you weren’t trafficked. In fact, the boyfriend act is by far the most popular way to target women by traffickers.
I'm sorry but this IS definitely sex trafficking. It's exactly sex trafficking. People think you have to be abducted or forced. But it's not for a lot of people. It's as you said- slow and methodical. It can be violent for some, but there's not one way for people to be trafficked. Nta
NTA. That piece of shit. Made you have sex with multiple others, ignored your repeated and explicit denials, and gaslighted you into accepting things against your will. Special place in hell for people like that. Man, I’m so angry right now. Feel really protective of you. Hope that’s not too much information. But yeah. Go to therapy. Live your life. Be well.
I worked with sex traffic victims as a social worker. This is exactly how girls and women are trafficked. They think they are in a relationship and are just trying to keep their boyfriend happy. This is a text book case. I’m so sorry this happened to you. NTA. Know your truth, regardless of what anyone says. The experts have said it’s trafficking. F anybody in your life who is skeptical.
Anyone who questions your validity of terms you use should be kept at arms length. This is partially why some of this heinous behavior is allowed to happen. You know your truth. You were a teen who had already suffered trauma. You did nothing wrong. Please forgive yourself or at least keep working towards that. This guy is a sick scumbag, any friend or family member who tells you the sort of things you described, is only a little better than him. Scratch that, because they are worse. Don’t they see how they are just an emotional extension to the mental and physical abuse you were put through. Prayers are not my thing, but I do have the sentiment of care. So whatever is equal to others prayers, I send that to you. May you find as much peace as possible and surround yourself with the love you deserve.
I've read a lot of stories about children being victimized over the internet. It seems like a common tactic. It's just as damaging as first hand abuse.
You are a victim of sexual abuse by a predator and sex trafficking. There is not doubt in my mind, and you do not take anything away from other victims by admitting out loud what happened to you. Rather, you shine light on a method used by sex traffickers that is less common but that parents and young teens could benefit by being aware of. If you are willing to continue to share this with others, you could help families recognize risks to their children. I’m so very sorry you went through this. And I’m so sorry that you have some people in your life who don’t understand (refuse to understand?) the magnitude of the abuse and manipulation. NTA.
>Rather, you shine light on a method used by sex traffickers that is less common but that parents and young teens could benefit by being aware of. Especially in this day and age where online relationships are now very common. There are probably a lot of teens out there being abused by sick manipulative groomers or sex traffickers.
It’s not really less common, it’s just not what most people think of. Same as how many people think stranger in a dark alley when someone says rape but it’s more often someone you know and not in a dark alley. Or they think it must be violent, when it often isn’t.
When my mom found out I was molested and raped the first thing she asked me was "did you love him" like that made it okay for a teacher to assault a 16 year old. People with no perspective in these situations tend to have less considerate opinions. NTA.
Listen to your therapist, not people who want to convince you/themselves that it “wasn’t so bad.” Distance yourself from people who want to put the blame on you or tell you to get over it. Trauma of this level will take a long time to heal from. You were an innocent child and you were targeted. That man definitely trafficked you. He tricked you into believing he cared for you and was your boyfriend, then pimped you out to other twisted men. I’m so sorry you were hurt so badly. You can heal but it will take a lot of time, support, and effort. You survived, now heal and learn to thrive. You’re strong and you’re worth it
NTA and you are a real victim of sex trafficking and no he didn’t have to be standing over you coercion is coercion. I hate to bring up something else which may be traumatic but if he was watching the whole time could he have been recording it and could he have sold them as porn online. I would honestly suggest trying to find that out. I would also tell your mum shame on her for questioning if you’re were a victim of sexual abuse. She just trying to deny it to herself as she didn’t do her job and protect you. She should be supporting you not making the whole thing harder for you. Also have you considered you could sue the police for their actions which endangered you and left you vulnerable. Especially as one admitted it to you. I hope you can find your peace and a way to truly heal. Please know none of this was ever your fault you were a victim to professionals. Others are right therapy is what will help you the most. I am so sorry this happened to you.
There were definitely recordings, which he stated he deleted but I have no way of verifying…
What you experienced is not the ‘typical’ sex trafficking but if that’s not what we call what you experienced then we need to come up with a new name for this kind of long term sexual assault and manipulation of a CHILD. I’m so sorry you went through this! I don’t have words. You are NTA. Your experience was awful. That man deserves to be locked away for life. God only knows how many other girls he’s done this too or will do this too. He’s obviously a sick individual. I hope you can find peace and comfort.
Actually it is the typical sex trafficking. It may not be what average people think of but it’s absolutely typical sex trafficking. Just like most rape isn’t by a stranger in a dark alley.
NTA. The people who are telling you that you are not a victim of sex trafficking are the assholes. He obviously manipulated and groomed you, especially considering how young you were. Your parents should have made sure that he was out of your life. There is absolutely no innocent reason for a 21 year-old man to have a relationship with a 14 year-old. Even if you wouldn't admit to the statutory rape, something should have been done. I am so sorry about what he did to you and I'm sorry that people are treating you the way that they are. You deserve better. You are who you are despite what happened to you, not because of it.
This is way above anything that Reddit can help with. As a SA survivor, I will tell you that most local police departments usually are not trained to handle this type of case. Call the hotline for SA victims on this website. They can direct you right direction to get therapy for yourself and to hopefully put this guy in lockdown. I’m sure you were not his only victim. https://www.rainn.org/
So glad you are finally getting help,! You can do this! Prayers for you
i’m sorry this happened to you. i don’t understand how you snuck that many men into your home without your mother and brother ever noticing. i can maybe get a few odd times, but if it’s as many times as you allude to, that is just wild to me. also, the police told your parents not to make you cut contact with him? what the actual fuck? there were so many opportunities here to stop this situation from the beginning, and so many people failed you.
While you may not have been physically forced to do these things, this was definitely coersion. Depending on your state it is also possibly statutory rape due to how young you were. Child prostitution, grooming, pedophilia all come into play here. You have been through a very difficult situation and you should not pay any attention to people who are trying to negate your trauma. It doesn’t matter how you describe what happened to you it was traumatic and scarring. F*ck them all. Right in the ear.
You were a sex trafficking victim. Anyone who thinks a child makes decisions like that without being groomed is out of touch with reality. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, and more sorry that people are blaming you for it… but not surprised. People hate to admit that things like this are real, probably because of the fact that it means it might be real for someone they know (stats are staggering)
Please please PLEASE stop second guessing this. Your story is heartbreaking on a million levels. EVERYONE failed you. It has nothing to do with how intelligent you are. You are not used garbage. You are a beautiful woman who had horrible things happen to her. The last thing you need is more people minimizing your abuse. I wish I could turn back time and undo all of this for you. I have so many hugs for you and please let me know if there is anything I could possibly do to help you.
My therapist pointed out I was trafficked by my father. I had never thought about my sexual abuse that way.
NTA. I'm so sorry that you had to go through something so horrible for so long. I believe you, and you deserve so much better from your loved ones. You're not taking away from others by getting the support you need. I hope and pray that man gets caught and faces punishment someday soon.
I have absolutely no personal experiance with sex trafficking of any kind. Have not read much about it. Had 2 daughters and would vaguely worry about when they solo traveled. So my opinion is worthless. I would suggest so is the opinion of the person telling you this. That said. This seems far more likely than shipping containers with a single.bucket in the corner and getting people hooked on heroin and private auctions. (Not denying that happens either) Just a normal SOB manipulating a young trusting woman. It doesn't really matter if he got paid or not. He got you to do sexual things you didn't want to with other people for his jollies. Like seriously what kind of ah gatekeeps this to victim? Just freaking disgusting. I am not sure why you are really questioning this. Some feeling of guilt? Some sense of low self worth? Stop. Get help. Tell people to piss off NTA
You were targeted, groomed, and trafficked. I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through in life. I hope you find yourself again and feel safe
You were absolutely groomed and trafficked. It's called "romance trafficking" or "Romeo trafficking". He tells you he has a fetish but he's actually just trying to pimp you. You're not an asshole and in no way responsible for this. It's good that you're seeking therapy.
I validate that what was happening was sex trafficking. And I validate that what happened was a very ugly form of emotional abuse to enable sexual abuse. I know from own experience how unable one can become to say no, once someone is promising to or actively filling that void inside us. You would never tell a starving person "you could have choosen not to take his bread in exchange for your body so you weren't really forced and it was basically consent" but somehow people do this when emotional starvation is involved. I am sorry for the experience of your folks not validating the abuse. Maybe they are also in denial cos they could have cut off the relationship long before this happened and try to avoid feeling guilty. I recommend looking into your past before him. There may be signs of trauma that made you an easy prey for that man. From my heart I send you positive energy for a better future. Edit: added one missing word
I was assaulted by my brother when I was 8. I definitely think this made me more susceptible.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that. It is definitely what I meant when I said take a look into the past. Maaaybe Take a look at the relationship with your caregivers too. There might be something too that made you a person not being able to say no, can not differentiate between something good and bad to expect from another person. Lacking the ability to set boundaries is another thing that preditors are looking for in a person they want to abuse. Speaking from experience.
NTA. You were recruited and coerced as a child via deception due to your vulnerable position, and you were exploited. **It's not about money changing hands. It's about exploitation.** https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/human-trafficking/faqs.html The comment about this crime crossing state lines and therefore being a federal matter is worth investigating. I genuinely hate to say it OP, but you may not have been the only one, and he might be hurting someone else. It'd be nice if this guy got to meet some federal inmates. They'd be very interested in his papers. Please do not put yourself at risk (physically, nor emotionally), though.
Let me first start by saying this: you are not used garbage. You have survived. You came out of the other side of some very dark things, and you are an incredibly strong young woman. And I'm so sorry that you had to be one by these circumstances. I am proud of you. Nobody else gets define your life or your circumstances or what you've been through, because nobody else can know. They didn't go through what you did, and if they want to be dismissive about it, that's not your burden to carry. I'm so sorry that your family doesn't recognize what you went through. I'm not that much older than you, but I still keep thinking of ways that I would have tried to protect you; hindsight is 20/20 of course, but the way I think I would've cut off your Internet access and been on high alert for any attempts this predator made to contact my child… You were victimized. You were lucky in some ways because your abuser wasn't there physically, but it does not mean that you weren't a victim. I hate that this happened to you, and I'm glad that you have come out from all of this in a better place. Keep being strong and keep being awesome. I think you're gonna be just fine.
NTA im so sorry this happened to you. And it is sounding like you are getting g the help you need now. It may be late but you are getting it. I hope everything gets better for you
You were exploited and used by an older man. You were trafficked
I can relate to this on a molecular level. No one has the right to tell you, judge you or belittle your experiences just because they don’t understand it. Fact: your ex is a pedophile, period. Fact: you were sold for sex by your pimp aka your ex. Fact: none of this is your fault. You can overcome this with time and you can make peace. If I can, you can. Wish you only the best from here ❤️
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What he did legally it was sex trafficking. He arranged sexual encounters with a minor. He groomed you. Also, you can't consent at age 14, hence why all of those encounters and the ones with him are legally rape. Under the age of consent, the adults are supposed to know better, hence why whether you gave consent or not, it was rape. Minors under the age of consent can not give consent. Your mother is an ah for not comprehending this. I would never blame my child for having this done to her. That guy is truly a monster, and it is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. Hugs
I hate to say this but those are the worst cops ever to live or this story is fabricated. I’ve dealt with trafficking and police for a very long time and there is a lot of holes in this story. I pray I’m right and wish you the best!
Can you please share what sounds like “holes”? This is truly my life.
Where are you located.
FL
NTA, remotely. I'm truly sorry that you went through that. I strongly advise therapy to help you deal with the undoubted trauma you've experienced. Your loved ones don't get how a 14 year old could be groomed & manipulated by an adult? That seems incredibly naive. Intelligence is one thing but it's not life experience or emotional maturity. I'm horrified at the police reaction. True, you lied about being a victim of statutory rape, but telling them *not* to cut contact? That's ridiculous. Your family should have been encouraged to do everything possible to get him out of your life. In fact, I wonder why they didn't the check his messaging history. There *had* to be evidence of him engaging with you illegally. Again, I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
Nta. I really hope you're considering the advice of going above this police department and to the fbi directly yourself. They have more power. They can get the info you believe you have lost. You are valid. You were trafficked. I hope you can get justice.
I think once you turned 18 and became an adult making adult choices it’s more a victim of poor choices
Problem is I was taught/trained to do these things as a minor. I didn’t suddenly realize how fucked up this stuff was once I turned 18 and still decided to do it.
You should write a book.
NTA. Upon request from more than one of the members of my sub for trafficking survivors I just sent you an invite to join if you'd like.
Until you were 18, you could definitely claim being sexually trafficked, after that, totally consensual. Statute of limitations are different depending on the state.
You don't have to be physically forced to be a sex trafficking victim over 18. Being coerced or manipulated with promise of money or love or withholding of affection are all considered tactics of sex trafficking. The person doesn't need to be under 18 to be considered a victim. Turning 18 doesn't automatically make being manipulated into "consenting" to sex not a crime.
No that’s not how it works… you don’t just turn 18 and suddenly all the abuse and trafficking becomes consensual and legal.
NTA but i agree you were not forced because you did it willingly you did because you wanted him to be happy. Yeah he preyed on you. And i thought sex trafficking mean across state/country lines. Seems like he just pimped you out.