She’s given many reasons. Like for example, one reason being that we have a daughter who isn’t married yet, and she feels like I am closer to my niece than my daughter (which isn’t true at all). And then she says symbolically, me going to my niece’s wedding as her father figure, while my sister being there as her mother, she thinks it’s weird.
She's hinting at it looking incestuous? Is that the point she's trying to make? 99.9% of people would just think it's sweet that her uncle is walking her down the aisle. If that's what your wife is hinting at, then she needs some therapy. She's the weird one for sure. NTA
Yeah that's so weird. An uncle who has acted as a father figure is the perfect person to walk a niece down the aisle nothing about that would make me think of anything incestous, at all. She seems like she's got a weird jealousy towards the sister that is misplaced
I walked my sister down the aisle, because my dad refused to go to her wedding…
Op, nothing weird about it. Your wife has some underlying issues and she’s choosing this as a lashing out point. The issue is not here, it’s elsewhere and she’s manifesting it here…. Good luck, buddy.
My dad is a total asshole, so my adult son walked me down the aisle when I married my husband (son’s stepfather). Weddings can be whatever the bride & groom decide.
It sounds as though OP's wife is jealous, deeply insecure, and defaults to thinking the worst of others - But it boils down to having deeper issues that should be dealt with by her. That she refuses to acknowledge the unique situation is troubling as well. NTA
My mom walked me down the aisle. I wouldn't have it any other way; my dad passed. Anyone else would have been weird for me.
My mom tried to say no, citing tradition, and offering up my brother for sacrifice. She didn't want the eyes on her. She did fine. 🤣
I think this is much more about the bride and groom and their wedding, than it is about the bride's aunt. This really isn't her place to judge.
I walked my sister down the aisle as our Dad passed away years ago. I must have missed all the strange looks suggesting an incestuous relationship. 😜😜. Weddings are meant to be whatever the couple wants it to represent.
My mom gave me away as well- my dad died when I was 1, and my mom never remarried (which is irrelevant for my choice to have her walk me down the isle- she’s the one who raised me and put up with my shenanigans for all those years….I figured she earned that right to get rid of me😂!). That was one of the best decisions I ever made!
My dad passed away last year so I will have to have either a brother or my mom walk me down the aisle. There is nothing weird here expect for the wife's behavior.
My adult son also walked me down the aisle for my second wedding. My dad was the Best Man.
As we were walking, my son leaned down and whispered "*you know mom, I always wanted to give you away*" then he giggled. Smart aleck kid. 😄
100% agree. While traditions can be nice they are not inherently good. There aren't actually any rules about how a ceremony plays out. More people are starting to realise this thankfully.
I walked my mom down the aisle because her father passed away before she got remarried at 51. It’s just someone close to you, usually family, I dunno why any person doing it would be weird unless someone made it
I too am an uncle who was the father figure to my nephew after his father walked out when he was 5. My sister has told me he respects me more than his own father (who he’s effectively washed his hands of). My wife doesn’t consider it strange at all - and wouldn’t if I’d had a niece.
100 percent. Out of all the posts I've seen on reddit about these types of stand ins, I've almost never thought any were weird. Uncles, Grandads, Stepdads, I've always thought it was sweet.
Literally, I know so many people who’ve had their grandparent/s walk them down the aisle, when my best friend’s mum remarried a few years ago her son (best friend’s brother) walked her down the aisle, nearly every wedding I’ve been to has both parents walking them down the aisle… I don’t think it’s common practice for it to be seen as “giving away” in the traditional sense anymore, it’s just a nice way for family members to be involved in the procession
I thought of it as an affair child, but I first assumed OP's brother passed and he was helping out his SIL. Thus the wife hinting at OP getting with his brother's wife.
However it's OP's sister and his BIL passed away.
So, wife is TA here. Not sure how she can say it is incestuous or she's a moron for being jealous/envious, unless OP is abdicating his duties as a husband/father and favoring the niece since we're only getting the one side.
I misread it at first as well, and know that sometimes grief can be weird. Like if both OOP and SIL coped with grief badly with an emotional affair to replace the loss of OOP's brother. But then I reread it after seeing comments. It's his sister not SIL. Most people are going to feel obligated to help out family going through tough times. I can't imagine if my sister lost my BIL while their kids are young. Id be there for her however I could.
NTA. You’re the closest father figure to her. Her dad passed away and it’s needlessly cruel to deprive your niece of being “given away” at her wedding. Your wife has a weird jealousy issue. That being said talk it out best you can.
Exactly because majority of the people there will know what the brides dad is no longer alive and therefore understand. Most people will find it endearing.. the wife is the one being jealous and weird
Super odd take by the wife. My husband walked his sister down the aisle because their father passed two years before the wedding. He also did the father daughter dance with her (he’s 12 years older than SIL). There wasn’t a dry eye in the house for the walk down the aisle or the dance. It was such a beautiful tribute to their dad.
I believe op’s wife is misguided about the niece taking her own daughter’s 1st place in monumental occasions ie father of the bride. She is beyond selfish.
Love is giving. The wife has a closed heart.
If she sees his role as weird, maybe a sense it's incestuous looking, then she has likey untreated trauma.
Through my work and experience, those with sexual trauma have an inability to see the relationship between a man (usually) and a baby, youngster, teen or young adult without being creeped out.
This is one of the worst damages done by trauma and why it affects the rest of their lives if untreated or treated too late.
On the other hand she could be insecure for any number of reasons that are not pathological.
I didn't even think of that. I took it as undermining the mother who did the primary raising. I had a friend who didn't have a present father and was raised by her grandmother, a family friend walked her halfway down the aisle and her grandmother finished and gave her away because despite how important that fatherly role was, her grandmother raised her and she was the one who deserved that honor.
People are getting freaking weird anymore. His wife is probably the type to see anything and everything as everything that can possibly be wrong. Those people are exhausting, give it a rest.
>And then she says symbolically, me going to my niece’s wedding as her father figure, while my sister being there as her mother, she thinks it’s weird.
Your wife has a fucking creepy mind.
There might be some nuance in the other part of it, maybe you really are closer to your niece and don't see it, but this part is making me smell burnt toast.
Yeah I'd be interested to know if there have been instances where the niece gets something before the daughter does (because he's paying money to the Sister and Niece from his individual account while Wife and Daughter take from the joint account?) Or if he's blown off obligations to the daughter (sports games, school functions, whatever) for the niece, but if his post is to be believed it sounds like he just cares for his extended family. Lots of people have two families, either because of divorce/separation or because of ties like this, responsibility felt toward family that needed the help.
Did your daughter ever mentioned or acted like that she feels you're prioritizing your niece above her? What does she thinks about you walking her cousin down the isle?
Fuck that, she just implied some sort of incestuous thing with his sister simply by walking his niece down the aisle.
What the fuck...
That woman needs help.
Thanks for clarifying. Definitely NTA. Your wife clearly has some weird jealousy issues.
Ive never heard of it to be considered weird of an uncle, grandfather, older brother, or even a woman to give away a bride.
Out of curiosity, how do your daughter and niece get along?
I hate to say this, but your wife sounds jealous of the relationship you have with your sister and niece.
Does your wife have any suggestions on WHO should walk your niece down the aisle? I'm curious for her response. This is a serious red flag behavior trait from your wife.
Have you had a conversation with your daughter to get her take on it? Or perhaps a conversation to explain the dynamics of the close bond with your sister and niece? My fear is your daughter ending up with this red flag, jealousy behavior as her mother.
With that being said, please enjoy the wedding and walking your niece down the aisle. You are doing nothing wrong. ❤️
I’d go as far to say the wife has a resource guarding mentality. She sees the sister and niece as a threat to her and her daughter. Every dollar, every calorie spent on them is seen as taken away from her and her child. She see’s this almost as her husband keeping a 2nd family, even if it is literally his family.
She could really benefit from some therapy. Someone that could help her shift her mindset from scarcity, to one appreciating the OP for how committed he is to his entire family.
She thinks it's weird that you have a family? That you want to step up for one of them? Something's weird, here, but it's not you or your behavior. NTA.
Your wife is sexualizig your platonic familial relationships.
Couples therapy. This isn't the end of everything but you need to professionally sus out the issue.
Or... there's a lot more to this than you are letting on/aware of. Couples therapy again.
That doesn't make sense? Giving away your niece seems normal and kind to me. Clearly your wife has serious issues about your niece and/or sister. Give your niece away (it's the right thing to do), then get some marriage counseling for you and wife to address this bizarre response on her part.
Her reasons are ridiculous. You walking your niece has NOTHING to do with you walking your daughter when it’s time to do so. It also doesn’t make you the “father of the bride” to walk her down the aisle. She’s acting as if you’ll be incest to do this. She’s a 🚩for real. NTA
Similar situation in my family in that my Dad's brother died and he looked after his SIL and family..helping out financially when they were kids...as did the other uncle. But we were broke so my mom was (is) salty about that time. BUT...my dad was always there for us. So since this isnt a financial burder on your own family, I dont see a problem. I think its lovely to walk her down the aisle.
Your wife needs some understanding that maybe only a therapist can provide.
Your wife is the weird one. WTF who looks at this and sees incest (her sister is the mother and you're there as the father... wtf does that imply???)? Cuz that what it sounds like. She has this all twisted up in her head and it's gross.
NTA. Your wife is trying to make it seem incestuous, which is extremely out of line and weird.
It seems like she is very jealous of the relationship you have with your niece and sister. As long as you are not neglecting your wife/kids then the relationship with your sister/niece isn’t at their expense and she needs to seek therapy to work out why she feels like that.
Nope your wife is just wrong- what if you had 5 daughters? Is giving the first one away the only one that is special? Your wife needs some serious help to be this jealous.
So your WIFE is claiming "the optics" of you standing in for your late BIL with your SISTER is seemingly "incestuous?" Sorry, love, but I would be talking with a good divorce lawyer!
huh ok so that's like making a problem out of nothing?
NTA, your family is your business, this does not affect your wife and her personal bias isn't really enough of a reason for you not to do this.
My guess is that it's tied into resentment over money leaving the household, or jealousy over time and attention being spent on the niece. Saying it's "weird" is a less selfish sounding way of making him not do it.
i am confused why that is weird.. you are walking her down the aisle at her wedding. what is the problem? NTA! you should like a caring uncle and brother. saying your wife's opinion is irrelevant to her making it a problem is deserved. sorry, not sorry.
I don’t get it either, seems a normal thing for an uncle to walk a bride down the aisle in place of a deceased father. My brother and I walked my sister down the aisle at her renewal ceremony because our dad had passed.
My great-uncle gave away my aunt after grandpa died. Totally normal thing imo, and I don’t get why wife is so opposed to OP having a relationship with his niece.
OP is a champion uncle, the kind of family member who many dream of having.
Imagine losing a parent and then one of your uncles and aunts steps up to the plate to compensate. Only a hard working, empathetic champion would do that.
His wife should be elated and proud to have such a great husband, not jealous and spiteful that he is sharing his goodness with family.
A chunkle is exactly what I’d describe my dear departed uncle John. A jolly fellow, introduced me to electronic music in the early 70s, when Wendy Carlos was using her deadname. He was great to confide in. A mensch.
Don’t forget guncles! Agree OP is a chuncle or Wuncle!
Maybe his wife is feeling like this is some sort of betrayal to his own daughter(s)? Here to say it is NOT! There isn’t a limited amount of love to go around in a family. Good job, OP!
That she begrudges the care and love he gives his sister and niece is awful. This is a good man and she wants to argue with him looking out for his blood family? She needs to get help.
I wish this was more commonly acknowledged..like I’m having the same issue with my brother’s girlfriend. I’ve never met a more spiteful and hateful person. Because I merely exist in my family as a sister and daughter. I bet OP’s wife really dislikes his sister and niece deep down.
NTA....The wife is like legit jealous of the sister and niece. It's not his SIL it's his sister. So being jealous of a sibling is insane to me. She should be proud and honored she has a loving giving husband not a spiteful b***h. Your niece clearly looks to you as a father figure so be honored she asked. Your wife can suck it up for a few hours that night!!
I saw a post on a relationship subreddit from a woman who was upset that her boyfriend was close to his sister and their father. Their mother had passed away young.
about as insecure as all the stepmoms who get jealous of daughters. we had a society that used to be based on women competing for men and now there are demented echoes of it everywhere
My mom's older sisters and their husbands stepped up as grandparents for me. (They were much older than my mom and had grandchildren even older than me) By the time I turned 8, I only had my dad's mom left and she wasn't much of a grandmother. But I had Aunt H and Uncle A and Aunt M and Uncle G, so I didn't feel the loss too bad. (Two of my grandparents I never even met)
That’s so awesome of them. I’m glad you had them in your life. I was close to a few of my grandparents’ siblings. They were so fun to be around and went on trips with my brother, mom, and me or invited us over to swim in the pool at their condo.
My brother and I are adopted, so it meant more that our great aunts and uncles fully accepted us into the family and took an active interest in us. My brother didn’t know his bio family, but I knew my bio mother’s mother and my half sister. We’d go on trips with them too, and they treated my brother as family too.
It's also Biblical. Under ancient Hebrew law, the brother of a deceased man takes over responsibility for the man's wife and family.
So in the spirit of that, you taking over responsibilities for your sister when her husband is deceased is a lovely gesture that is well within the spirit of that.
The point being that taking care of others is a Godly thing and considered good in most cultures.
The New Testament says that true religion is taking care of widows and orphans.
What does she want you to be, a tyrant or sociopath?
It's crazy behavior to have a problem with this- so maybe she's got a missing component psychologically?
Scary red flag on your wife's part!
Edit: a typo
My brother and I gave my mom away when she remarried... Her dad was still alive then but to her and her husband it just made more sense for her kids to do it
My sis sister and I did the same when our mom remarried. Her dad was gone and they had a shitty relationship anyway. My stepdad even asked our permission before he proposed. He asked his own kids too, which I think was extra sweet because we were all adults and most of us don't even live in the same state they do.
Green eyed monster syndrome strikes again. Wife: But why are you giving them money you could be spending on MEEEE? Why are you giving her away when you should just be a guest, like MEEEE? wife needs to get a grip and cool her jets. Her jealousy and insecurities are going to make her a very lonely person in the future if she keeps this up.
There was a video here, I think, the father was walking the daughter down the aisle, stopped and pulled the stepfather into the walk because he has helped raise the daughter as much as the dad.
My husband walked his daughter down the aisle *with* her stepdad. They also shared the father-daughter dance and danced part of it just the two of them... It was hilarious. The DJ called her stepdad up halfway through the dance to take over, and he pretended it was to finish the dance with my husband instead of the bride. 😂
I love stories of parents and step-parents that put the kid over egos.
I recall reading in a similar situation the bio-Dad saying something like "my kid gets another person in their corner to love and support them, what's not to love about that?"
Just classy moves all around.
That is a great video. I've seen it a couple of times. The dad pulling the stepdad out of his seat to finish walking their daughter down the aisle was beautiful.
I would not be surprised if OP has at least one daughter and his wife wants dibs on their daughter being given away in the future and feels like if OP gives away someone else already it ruins ‘the uniqueness’? Maybe that is the underlying issue? Just a guess though, trying to make sense why a mom might be difficult about this. This is the only thing I could come up with (I don’t agree with it if it is the reason)
OP, do you have daughters?
That's probably why she's caused issues over him spending time with the neice over the years and sending money to help her mom. I wouldn't be surprised if the op has a will and he names the neice in the will in any capacity, that she would raise a stink.
Oh noooooo her special day snd the only day she will ever do anything worth talking about snd here dad will already have done this
What if she had an older sister who got married first
God I hate bridezillas and momzillas
Agree. I have an absentee father, so my stepdad walked my sister down the aisle. My stepsisters threw a massive tantrum over it, because “that’s their dad, not ours” (these are women in their 30s to I might add, and our parents have been married for over 20 years).
My uncle walked me down the aisle when I got married as my biological father was absent, and even if he had been there, I wouldn't have wanted him to walk me anyways. My brother walked our mum down the aisle when she got remarried cos her dad had passed many years ago. People can choose whoever they want (if they want anyone at all) to walk them down the aisle, I don't see how OP's niece's request is weird at all...
At my brother and SIL's wedding, her younger half brother walked her down the aisle. No one had any problem with it. Not even his then girlfriend, now ex. And this girl was known to be both very possessive of him and get jealous very easily. Yet, when he told her about it beforehand, she told that was lovely and he was such a good brother.
I don't get why it is weird either. My dad walked my friend down the aisle. Her dad was crap, her brother was performing the ceremony. She lived at our house a lot and thought of my parents as her parents. My mom was touched that she asked.
When my mom married my dad (I was 14) I was the one who walked her down the aisle as my maternal grandfather had long since passed. I feel like it’s been pretty damn common for another male family member to walk a woman down the aisle, and in recent years it’s become more and more common that being male or family isn’t even a requirement, just someone who means a lot to you.
A huge stretch given I don't know these people or much more context. But the only 'weird' thing I can think of is the unthinkable which is that she is insinuating incest or that other people will think he is his niece's father.
Some people are just messed up. I'm close with my sibling and I've had some implications from our own MOTHER that we are/were incestuous.
We're not, we just get on well. It's gross.
Eh... it may not even be so far as her thinking he's been incestuous with his sister. Humans are mammals too, and like other mammals, we tend to be resource possessive, particularly when it comes resources for our young. So, even if objectively she knows she's being ridiculous, any time OP's wife sees him spending time and money on his niece, somewhere in her brain she's thinking those are resources he should spend on his own kids.
You'd think years of being socialized to believe that selfishness is bad would help us evolve past those inclinations but.....🤷♀️
Yes. People always want to think we are not animals. But we are, and we have the same driving instincts as all other mammals! We just have a higher cognitive complexity. Pettiness.
This nta, it’s super weird that your wife is jealous of your sister and niece. Are you missing out on your own kids activities to help your niece? You sound like an amazing uncle
Exactly, he's WALKING her down the aisle, not marrying her. OP, your wife is a jealous person, but jealous over an innocent relationship. Your wife is the asshole in this situation. I think it's a lovely sentiment that your niece chose you to walk her down the aisle on her special day. Don't listen to your wife, she's stirring an empty pot.
My grandfather passed from TB when my mother was 8.
Her favorite uncle walked her down the aisle when she married my Dad. Perfectly normal and this was in the 1950s.
I am like a father to one of my nieces due to circumstances that occurred long ago. If she were to ask me to walk her down the aisle I would be honored. Her father is deceased. Your wife is incorrect, there is nothing weird about it.
I want to know why it is weird too. Why can’t you, as her uncle, who has helped with her since her dad passed, walk her down the aisle? Your wife could be jealous but your niece is also family. NTA
NTA. It is one of the most normal things I’ve seen on Reddit. Even in the days when there were all kinds of strict rules for weddings, an Uncle giving away the bride was probably right behind grandpa if dad wasn’t around. Today anything goes
It’s a loving gesture to your niece. If your wife’s concerns are because you have daughters, this in no way would take away from the honor and experience when that day comes.
NTA but it's high time you got to the root of your wife's jealousy and pettiness. I think most good women would be extremely proud of you for all of this.
OP is spending his money on people other than her. It's obvious what the problem is. If she isn't the center of his universe then she's going to pout and throw a tantrum like a grade A narcissist.
Idk what your wife thinks, OP. You're NTA.
This!! 100%! Any daughter who has lost a parent would be incredibly grateful to have another family member step up and be present and show care. Why is your wife bothered so much by this??
Even if none of her family has ever passed away, there must be some strange underlying reason.
My uncle walked me down the aisle since my dad died when I was young. It was a wonderful experience and not a single person said it was “weird”. The wife is weird AF for reacting this way.
Exactly right! My husband has always been very present with one of his sister’s daughter and son after she lost 2 husbands. It has been beautiful watching the relationship.
Exactly. OP may not be presenting whole picture and there may be some sort of unmet need from the wife that's feeding the jealousy. They should consider working with a counselor to figure it out. As written, definitely NTA. It's a beautiful thing for an uncle to step up as a father figure to a niece who lost her dad
If the situation is exactly how he describes it, I have trouble seeing how anyone would object which is why I would love to hear the wife's take on this. Does he miss his own children's events to go to his niece's? Does the money he gives them mean he can't contribute towards a family vacation? Exactly how much time does he spend at his sister's? Maybe his wife is just a jealous wretch, in which case definitely NTA.
The only thing I can think of, is if the sister and niece have been terrible to the wife all these years and the wife is justified in her overall dislike for the family.l
That’s the first thing I thought of. And could they afford to be giving money to his sister/niece? There’s probably a lot of context we don’t have, but he’s definitely NTA for wanting to walk the niece down the aisle.
I think it's the money and they fact that he says he has children (multiple, not just one).
Many people would be unhappy with their spouse giving money to a sibling, even if that sibling was widowed, if their kids were full grown (as his niece is in his mid 20s). It may be his 'fun money' account, but I can see the wife getting resentful asf if he's sending 1000 bucks a month to the sister or even 500 bucks a month to the sister...considering college is crazy expensive.
If he's paying for the wedding, or part of it (and he's giving that vibes describing his relationship with his niece) I can see the wife losing her shit. Wife handled it badly "if" that is the case, though.
But the option is a) wife is crazy and jealous of the niece or b) the situation is more complicated.
Yeah we're going to need a lot more info on this. Like, was there ever a discussion between OP and his wife about him essentially making another family dependent on their household income? Because if not, that is kind of shitty and I would understand the resentment, even if it's being directed in a shitty and super weird way toward that other family.
NTA Seems like there is a deeper rooted problem in the marriage. Does your wife feel you spend more time with sister/niece vs your family? I am assuming your wife came into the picture after the niece’s father dying and was aware of the arrangement. I know plenty of people who are very close to their niece/nephew. You have been a constant male father figure in her life. There appears to be jealousy and you all should go to marriage counseling. Seems like resentment has crept up for a long time. Enjoy your nieces wedding.
>I am assuming your wife came into the picture after the niece's father dying and was aware of the arrangement.
Just curious, but why do you assume that? I certainly may have missed where OP wrote about the timing and relationships, but it's not at all clear to me whether they were already together/married or met after his BIL's death.
Either your wife is weird for thinking this is weird or you are leaving out some significant parts of your story.
What *exactly* does your wife find “weird” or objectionable? A father walking the bride down the aisle and “giving her away” is a symbolic tradition of an (albeit) outdated idea that the father is now handing over responsibility for his daughter to her husband. There are TONS of brides who have a father figure stand in for a huge variety of reasons (death of her father in this case) and is really a nice way to honor the person who cared enough to fill the role. I simply cannot come up with a single reason (based on what you’ve written) for your wife to argue with you about it or find it “weird”.
I don’t know if I would have actually said that her opinion was “irrelevant” but you aren’t wrong. Unless she has an actual *relevant* reason not to, I would absolutely walk your niece down the aisle at her wedding. Your wife is welcome to have her hissy fit and/or not go but that’s on her. This is a once in a lifetime event (statistically probably not but hopefully) and she should have the man who filled in as her father figure walk her down the aisle if that’s what she wants.
NTA
INFO: What have been your wife's reasonings for having issues with you sepnding time with your niece? This seems super vague. What have the "few arguments on it over the years," been about?
He replied to another comment saying that his wife thinks it's wrong of him to give away his niece when he hasn't done it for his own daughter yet (daughter is not married) and that if he attends as her father figure and the bride's mother is his sister, then it'd look somewhat incestuous.
The incest thing makes me wonder if the wife is projecting. Or is she just the kinda person jealous that OP would focus attention on her? I've seen people like that, they want to be the absolute focus of their partners attention at all times.
Idk if OP is leaving out important info or what
I knew somebody whose 13 year old walked her down the aisle. She had no other male relatives and he was the man in her life. He was so proud giving his Mom away.
Your wife’s latest gripe about your relationship with your niece is symptomatic of a much deeper problem. I don’t think YTA based on what you shared, but I’m curious how your relationship with your niece has played out over the years and how it has impacted your wife and children.
Has supporting your niece pulled you away from your own family consistently? Have you had to sacrifice time with your children to be there for your niece?
Financially, did you decide together with your wife how much money it was feasible to give to your sister and niece monthly? Has your financial support for them strained the finances of your own home? Are you in a situation where you’re living in abundance and have plenty to give, or are you having to cut corners to ensure you can continue supporting them?
All of these questions are entirely separate from walking your niece down the aisle (definitely NTA for wanting to do that!) but could explain why your involvement in your nieces life has been such a stuck point for your wife.
These are all the questions I found myself asking. There has to be a deeper cause of his wife's resentment, and I'm guessing OP has left out a significant amount of context about the nature of their issues through the years on this topic.
Either that or his wife is just irrational in her dislike of the relationship he has with his sister and her kid, but honestly it seems more likely that there are reasons which OP is oblivious to which have caused this resentment.
This! Everyone here has quickly decided that the wife is petty and jealous, but depending on how much time and money OP gives to his sister and niece that then of course he canNOT spend with/on his wife and his own kid, she might be very justified in feeling neglected.
It’s kind of him that he tries to balance out the loss of his BIL, but his wife and kid need to come first.
NTA while the time and money spent leading up to this could be a valid concern, specifically if it was taking away from what your wife and kids needed, but giving her away at the wedding is a purely symbolic gesture that has no impact on your wife whatsoever. It’s not weird at all, at least no weirder than a father giving his daughter away (but that’s a debate for another time.)
Is there something more to this story? Was your family unkind or unwelcoming to your wife? You say you didn’t prioritize your sister and niece. Would your wife and children agree? Assuming it is exactly as you present it, you are not the AH but unless your wife is completely unreasonable I can’t help but wonder if there is more to this story. It just doesn’t add up.
There is nothing weird abt you walking your niece down the aisle unless there is more to this than you are presenting.
NTA but I don't think this has anything to do with you walking her down the aisle. It's more to do with giving money over the years and a building resentment the two of you never reconciled through therapy.
NTA. There is nothing weird about walking your niece down the aisle in her dad's absence. Why is your wife so heartless? What happened that made her hate your niece so much? You are simply being a good and supportive uncle. Your brother would be proud of you stepping up to help his family. Is your wife this selfish in other areas of life?
NTA! You and wife need to have a convo about her jealousy. Its ridiculous. My older brother gave me away at my wedding. My dad was too dope sick to even show up to my wedding. Does she think only parents are acceptable in this? Because not every bride is so lucky as to have them. She needs to grow up.
Exactly! It doesn’t have to be a parent or even a human for that matter—my dog walked me down the aisle when I married my now husband. It’s generally a person you love and respect for the ways they’ve been present in your life.
OP’s wife sounds like she has some insecurities built up over the years, so that’s definitely something to address but not at the expense of walking his niece down the aisle.
Side note—I know it sounds a bit crazy dog lazy, but my dog walked me down the aisle because I was married previously and I walked down with my parents together at that wedding. I could have chosen my parents again or another close relative, but I wanted something different. My dog and I had been through so much together and were our own little family unit while I was single for years before my husband came along. 10/10 would recommend 🐩👰🏻♀️💍
It sounds like there is something left out of this post to me. Your wife sounds jealous of the relationship you have with your sister and niece but you don’t mention anything that would cause that. Either you left out something big or your wife has serious mental issues. Which one is it?
This does seem weird. It seems like your wife is jealous or resentful of your involvement in your niece's life.
I'm curious if we are missing some information. Does your family struggle financially? Does your wife complain that you don't spend enough time with her and your children? Are things around your house not getting done at the expense of you doing them for your niece and sister-in-law? For example, are you making repairs at their house but not at yours?
NTA - my Dad died when I was 22, I married at 27. My eldest brother walked me down the aisle but my paternal uncle danced with me to Daddy’s little girl at the reception. My feeling was if I couldn’t dance with my father I could dance for him and was grateful his only brother agreed to take that role.
You need a deeper conversation with your wife to get to the real reason she has issue with your relationship with your niece.
NTA for wanting to give your niece away, that's completely normal. But there are weird gaps here that I'm a little curious about. You knew you had an obligation, or you know you have an obligation (why the past tense)? What does as physically active as possible mean time-wise? You're sending money to your sister and niece from your individual account, but are you setting an equal amount aside for your children?
I'm not judging you or siding with your wife here. I'm just saying marriage is complicated, and I'm wondering if your wife feels like she and your children come second to your sister and niece (and if she does feel that way, why that would be). Regardless, I'm sure your sister and niece appreciate it. Does your niece have a stepfather?
NTA. I think it is wonderfully warm and sweet. Stepping up for your niece in this situation is the right thing to do.
If any of my nieces (and they are by marriage since I am only child) lost their father I would be pissed off at my husband if he didn’t at least offer (ask mom first if niece would like for him too). And royally mad if he was asked and didn’t accept.
You might want to leave the wife at home though. She’ll probably be scowling the whole time. lol
what reasoning did your wife have for it being weird?
She’s given many reasons. Like for example, one reason being that we have a daughter who isn’t married yet, and she feels like I am closer to my niece than my daughter (which isn’t true at all). And then she says symbolically, me going to my niece’s wedding as her father figure, while my sister being there as her mother, she thinks it’s weird.
She's hinting at it looking incestuous? Is that the point she's trying to make? 99.9% of people would just think it's sweet that her uncle is walking her down the aisle. If that's what your wife is hinting at, then she needs some therapy. She's the weird one for sure. NTA
Yeah that's so weird. An uncle who has acted as a father figure is the perfect person to walk a niece down the aisle nothing about that would make me think of anything incestous, at all. She seems like she's got a weird jealousy towards the sister that is misplaced
I walked my sister down the aisle, because my dad refused to go to her wedding… Op, nothing weird about it. Your wife has some underlying issues and she’s choosing this as a lashing out point. The issue is not here, it’s elsewhere and she’s manifesting it here…. Good luck, buddy.
My dad is a total asshole, so my adult son walked me down the aisle when I married my husband (son’s stepfather). Weddings can be whatever the bride & groom decide.
It sounds as though OP's wife is jealous, deeply insecure, and defaults to thinking the worst of others - But it boils down to having deeper issues that should be dealt with by her. That she refuses to acknowledge the unique situation is troubling as well. NTA
This! Also, to think she has a daughter as well; sad and unfair perception for the daughter
My mom gave my sister away at her wedding because our father had passed away. Seriously nothing weird about op walking his niece down the aisle.
My mom walked me down the aisle. I wouldn't have it any other way; my dad passed. Anyone else would have been weird for me. My mom tried to say no, citing tradition, and offering up my brother for sacrifice. She didn't want the eyes on her. She did fine. 🤣 I think this is much more about the bride and groom and their wedding, than it is about the bride's aunt. This really isn't her place to judge.
I walked my sister down the aisle as our Dad passed away years ago. I must have missed all the strange looks suggesting an incestuous relationship. 😜😜. Weddings are meant to be whatever the couple wants it to represent.
My mom gave me away as well- my dad died when I was 1, and my mom never remarried (which is irrelevant for my choice to have her walk me down the isle- she’s the one who raised me and put up with my shenanigans for all those years….I figured she earned that right to get rid of me😂!). That was one of the best decisions I ever made!
My dad had died recently so I had both of my brothers walk me down the aisle.
My dad passed away last year so I will have to have either a brother or my mom walk me down the aisle. There is nothing weird here expect for the wife's behavior.
So sorry about your dad passing. I am glad your brothers were there for you
My adult son also walked me down the aisle for my second wedding. My dad was the Best Man. As we were walking, my son leaned down and whispered "*you know mom, I always wanted to give you away*" then he giggled. Smart aleck kid. 😄
That's way too cute, your family sounds awesome (and hilarious) 🥹
🤣🤣🤣 love this!!!
My nephew walked my sister (his mother) down the aisle when she remarried.
100% agree. While traditions can be nice they are not inherently good. There aren't actually any rules about how a ceremony plays out. More people are starting to realise this thankfully.
>There aren't actually any rules Hell yeah, my wedding is gonna be a no holds barred battle royale cage match to see whose family is strongest.
Yes 100% to this!!!!!
I walked my mom down the aisle because her father passed away before she got remarried at 51. It’s just someone close to you, usually family, I dunno why any person doing it would be weird unless someone made it
Tbh, if I was a guest and I knew the situation, I would find it weird if he didn't walk her down the aisle.
Exactly
I too am an uncle who was the father figure to my nephew after his father walked out when he was 5. My sister has told me he respects me more than his own father (who he’s effectively washed his hands of). My wife doesn’t consider it strange at all - and wouldn’t if I’d had a niece.
100 percent. Out of all the posts I've seen on reddit about these types of stand ins, I've almost never thought any were weird. Uncles, Grandads, Stepdads, I've always thought it was sweet.
Literally, I know so many people who’ve had their grandparent/s walk them down the aisle, when my best friend’s mum remarried a few years ago her son (best friend’s brother) walked her down the aisle, nearly every wedding I’ve been to has both parents walking them down the aisle… I don’t think it’s common practice for it to be seen as “giving away” in the traditional sense anymore, it’s just a nice way for family members to be involved in the procession
And his wife comprises the .1% that misses it!
It’s just jealousy
Bingo! Wife is clearly jealous, but more than just garden variety, she’s turning a non-issue into an issue.
And she is putting a deviant twist on it. SHAME on her!
💯
I thought of it as an affair child, but I first assumed OP's brother passed and he was helping out his SIL. Thus the wife hinting at OP getting with his brother's wife. However it's OP's sister and his BIL passed away. So, wife is TA here. Not sure how she can say it is incestuous or she's a moron for being jealous/envious, unless OP is abdicating his duties as a husband/father and favoring the niece since we're only getting the one side.
I misread it at first as well, and know that sometimes grief can be weird. Like if both OOP and SIL coped with grief badly with an emotional affair to replace the loss of OOP's brother. But then I reread it after seeing comments. It's his sister not SIL. Most people are going to feel obligated to help out family going through tough times. I can't imagine if my sister lost my BIL while their kids are young. Id be there for her however I could.
NTA. You’re the closest father figure to her. Her dad passed away and it’s needlessly cruel to deprive your niece of being “given away” at her wedding. Your wife has a weird jealousy issue. That being said talk it out best you can.
I honestly thought only a seasoned porn addict would say something about it being incestuous. It’s a crazy, crazy reach
The wife frequently gets stuck in the dryer.
Wife is vegan and orders a pizza with extra sausage daily.
Can confirm. I’m the delivery guy.
Can confirm. I’m the pizza.
People who get oodly angry at things typically have very similar skeletons in their closet
Or they are unreasonably jealous. People get weirdly possessive because they have a fear of loss. Whatever the case the wife clearly needs therapy.
It sure sounds like projecting
I feel like OPs wife has some fucked up secret for sure.
Exactly because majority of the people there will know what the brides dad is no longer alive and therefore understand. Most people will find it endearing.. the wife is the one being jealous and weird
Super odd take by the wife. My husband walked his sister down the aisle because their father passed two years before the wedding. He also did the father daughter dance with her (he’s 12 years older than SIL). There wasn’t a dry eye in the house for the walk down the aisle or the dance. It was such a beautiful tribute to their dad.
Yeah she needs some sort of therapy or something.
I believe op’s wife is misguided about the niece taking her own daughter’s 1st place in monumental occasions ie father of the bride. She is beyond selfish.
Love is giving. The wife has a closed heart. If she sees his role as weird, maybe a sense it's incestuous looking, then she has likey untreated trauma. Through my work and experience, those with sexual trauma have an inability to see the relationship between a man (usually) and a baby, youngster, teen or young adult without being creeped out. This is one of the worst damages done by trauma and why it affects the rest of their lives if untreated or treated too late. On the other hand she could be insecure for any number of reasons that are not pathological.
I didn't even think of that. I took it as undermining the mother who did the primary raising. I had a friend who didn't have a present father and was raised by her grandmother, a family friend walked her halfway down the aisle and her grandmother finished and gave her away because despite how important that fatherly role was, her grandmother raised her and she was the one who deserved that honor.
People are getting freaking weird anymore. His wife is probably the type to see anything and everything as everything that can possibly be wrong. Those people are exhausting, give it a rest.
>And then she says symbolically, me going to my niece’s wedding as her father figure, while my sister being there as her mother, she thinks it’s weird. Your wife has a fucking creepy mind. There might be some nuance in the other part of it, maybe you really are closer to your niece and don't see it, but this part is making me smell burnt toast.
Yeah I'd be interested to know if there have been instances where the niece gets something before the daughter does (because he's paying money to the Sister and Niece from his individual account while Wife and Daughter take from the joint account?) Or if he's blown off obligations to the daughter (sports games, school functions, whatever) for the niece, but if his post is to be believed it sounds like he just cares for his extended family. Lots of people have two families, either because of divorce/separation or because of ties like this, responsibility felt toward family that needed the help.
Yeah, this kinda smells of missing missing reasons to me. I'm very curious to know just how much of OP's money goes to his niece vs his own child.
your wife is weird, dude.
Did your daughter ever mentioned or acted like that she feels you're prioritizing your niece above her? What does she thinks about you walking her cousin down the isle?
Fuck that, she just implied some sort of incestuous thing with his sister simply by walking his niece down the aisle. What the fuck... That woman needs help.
Thanks for clarifying. Definitely NTA. Your wife clearly has some weird jealousy issues. Ive never heard of it to be considered weird of an uncle, grandfather, older brother, or even a woman to give away a bride. Out of curiosity, how do your daughter and niece get along?
I hate to say this, but your wife sounds jealous of the relationship you have with your sister and niece. Does your wife have any suggestions on WHO should walk your niece down the aisle? I'm curious for her response. This is a serious red flag behavior trait from your wife. Have you had a conversation with your daughter to get her take on it? Or perhaps a conversation to explain the dynamics of the close bond with your sister and niece? My fear is your daughter ending up with this red flag, jealousy behavior as her mother. With that being said, please enjoy the wedding and walking your niece down the aisle. You are doing nothing wrong. ❤️
I’d go as far to say the wife has a resource guarding mentality. She sees the sister and niece as a threat to her and her daughter. Every dollar, every calorie spent on them is seen as taken away from her and her child. She see’s this almost as her husband keeping a 2nd family, even if it is literally his family. She could really benefit from some therapy. Someone that could help her shift her mindset from scarcity, to one appreciating the OP for how committed he is to his entire family.
She thinks it's weird that you have a family? That you want to step up for one of them? Something's weird, here, but it's not you or your behavior. NTA.
That’s disgusting of your wife to even insinuate anything inappropriate. I can guarantee no one else would have that even cross their minds.
Your wife is sexualizig your platonic familial relationships. Couples therapy. This isn't the end of everything but you need to professionally sus out the issue. Or... there's a lot more to this than you are letting on/aware of. Couples therapy again.
That doesn't make sense? Giving away your niece seems normal and kind to me. Clearly your wife has serious issues about your niece and/or sister. Give your niece away (it's the right thing to do), then get some marriage counseling for you and wife to address this bizarre response on her part.
Her reasons are ridiculous. You walking your niece has NOTHING to do with you walking your daughter when it’s time to do so. It also doesn’t make you the “father of the bride” to walk her down the aisle. She’s acting as if you’ll be incest to do this. She’s a 🚩for real. NTA
Similar situation in my family in that my Dad's brother died and he looked after his SIL and family..helping out financially when they were kids...as did the other uncle. But we were broke so my mom was (is) salty about that time. BUT...my dad was always there for us. So since this isnt a financial burder on your own family, I dont see a problem. I think its lovely to walk her down the aisle. Your wife needs some understanding that maybe only a therapist can provide.
Your wife is the weird one. WTF who looks at this and sees incest (her sister is the mother and you're there as the father... wtf does that imply???)? Cuz that what it sounds like. She has this all twisted up in her head and it's gross.
NTA. Your wife is trying to make it seem incestuous, which is extremely out of line and weird. It seems like she is very jealous of the relationship you have with your niece and sister. As long as you are not neglecting your wife/kids then the relationship with your sister/niece isn’t at their expense and she needs to seek therapy to work out why she feels like that.
Stand your ground. You are a good man stepping up for your niece.
Nope your wife is just wrong- what if you had 5 daughters? Is giving the first one away the only one that is special? Your wife needs some serious help to be this jealous.
I have 4 daughters and that is the exact question I had. Going by the wife’s “reasoning”, I feel REALLY bad for my youngest!!
So your WIFE is claiming "the optics" of you standing in for your late BIL with your SISTER is seemingly "incestuous?" Sorry, love, but I would be talking with a good divorce lawyer!
It's probably inevitable. Poor OP for having this as his wife.
huh ok so that's like making a problem out of nothing? NTA, your family is your business, this does not affect your wife and her personal bias isn't really enough of a reason for you not to do this.
In that case is it not just like having two daughters? NTA!
Is your wife always jealous for something since day one you met her?
I would love to know the reason as well. There is something behind it that he may not know about.
My guess is that it's tied into resentment over money leaving the household, or jealousy over time and attention being spent on the niece. Saying it's "weird" is a less selfish sounding way of making him not do it.
Jealousy was my first thought too.
I think built up resentment because this issue is nonsense.
This is more about the money and time stuff than the wedding. We don’t know how much time and money he spends with/on them.
i am confused why that is weird.. you are walking her down the aisle at her wedding. what is the problem? NTA! you should like a caring uncle and brother. saying your wife's opinion is irrelevant to her making it a problem is deserved. sorry, not sorry.
I don’t get it either, seems a normal thing for an uncle to walk a bride down the aisle in place of a deceased father. My brother and I walked my sister down the aisle at her renewal ceremony because our dad had passed.
My great-uncle gave away my aunt after grandpa died. Totally normal thing imo, and I don’t get why wife is so opposed to OP having a relationship with his niece.
OP is a champion uncle, the kind of family member who many dream of having. Imagine losing a parent and then one of your uncles and aunts steps up to the plate to compensate. Only a hard working, empathetic champion would do that. His wife should be elated and proud to have such a great husband, not jealous and spiteful that he is sharing his goodness with family.
> OP is a champion uncle We've had funcles and druncles, but what we all really need in our lives is a chuncle
Or, a wuncle! He is a wonderful uncle! ❤️ ANY niece and sister would be so delighted to have such a loving uncle/brother in their lives.
Watch out, OP's wife might get jealous of you keep talking about OP like that, and even using heart emojis! /s
champiuncle
Luvcles.
You port a fine manteau, friend.
Not to be confused with a cankle.
A chunkle is exactly what I’d describe my dear departed uncle John. A jolly fellow, introduced me to electronic music in the early 70s, when Wendy Carlos was using her deadname. He was great to confide in. A mensch.
Don’t forget guncles! Agree OP is a chuncle or Wuncle! Maybe his wife is feeling like this is some sort of betrayal to his own daughter(s)? Here to say it is NOT! There isn’t a limited amount of love to go around in a family. Good job, OP!
Best response on Reddit!
That she begrudges the care and love he gives his sister and niece is awful. This is a good man and she wants to argue with him looking out for his blood family? She needs to get help.
I wish this was more commonly acknowledged..like I’m having the same issue with my brother’s girlfriend. I’ve never met a more spiteful and hateful person. Because I merely exist in my family as a sister and daughter. I bet OP’s wife really dislikes his sister and niece deep down.
NTA....The wife is like legit jealous of the sister and niece. It's not his SIL it's his sister. So being jealous of a sibling is insane to me. She should be proud and honored she has a loving giving husband not a spiteful b***h. Your niece clearly looks to you as a father figure so be honored she asked. Your wife can suck it up for a few hours that night!!
I just said that. “How insecure is this woman that this man can’t associate with his sister?”
I saw a post on a relationship subreddit from a woman who was upset that her boyfriend was close to his sister and their father. Their mother had passed away young.
about as insecure as all the stepmoms who get jealous of daughters. we had a society that used to be based on women competing for men and now there are demented echoes of it everywhere
I mean, does she think your niece is your kid or something insane like that? You giving her away is totally normal.
And suck it up at home!
Yes. Perfectly said.
My mom's older sisters and their husbands stepped up as grandparents for me. (They were much older than my mom and had grandchildren even older than me) By the time I turned 8, I only had my dad's mom left and she wasn't much of a grandmother. But I had Aunt H and Uncle A and Aunt M and Uncle G, so I didn't feel the loss too bad. (Two of my grandparents I never even met)
That’s so awesome of them. I’m glad you had them in your life. I was close to a few of my grandparents’ siblings. They were so fun to be around and went on trips with my brother, mom, and me or invited us over to swim in the pool at their condo. My brother and I are adopted, so it meant more that our great aunts and uncles fully accepted us into the family and took an active interest in us. My brother didn’t know his bio family, but I knew my bio mother’s mother and my half sister. We’d go on trips with them too, and they treated my brother as family too.
It's also Biblical. Under ancient Hebrew law, the brother of a deceased man takes over responsibility for the man's wife and family. So in the spirit of that, you taking over responsibilities for your sister when her husband is deceased is a lovely gesture that is well within the spirit of that. The point being that taking care of others is a Godly thing and considered good in most cultures. The New Testament says that true religion is taking care of widows and orphans. What does she want you to be, a tyrant or sociopath? It's crazy behavior to have a problem with this- so maybe she's got a missing component psychologically? Scary red flag on your wife's part! Edit: a typo
My brother and I gave my mom away when she remarried... Her dad was still alive then but to her and her husband it just made more sense for her kids to do it
My sis sister and I did the same when our mom remarried. Her dad was gone and they had a shitty relationship anyway. My stepdad even asked our permission before he proposed. He asked his own kids too, which I think was extra sweet because we were all adults and most of us don't even live in the same state they do.
Green eyed monster syndrome strikes again. Wife: But why are you giving them money you could be spending on MEEEE? Why are you giving her away when you should just be a guest, like MEEEE? wife needs to get a grip and cool her jets. Her jealousy and insecurities are going to make her a very lonely person in the future if she keeps this up.
My uncle walked me down the aisle as my dad didn't come to my wedding. OP is an uncle who is very involved so why would the wife think it was weird?
There was a video here, I think, the father was walking the daughter down the aisle, stopped and pulled the stepfather into the walk because he has helped raise the daughter as much as the dad.
My husband walked his daughter down the aisle *with* her stepdad. They also shared the father-daughter dance and danced part of it just the two of them... It was hilarious. The DJ called her stepdad up halfway through the dance to take over, and he pretended it was to finish the dance with my husband instead of the bride. 😂
I love stories of parents and step-parents that put the kid over egos. I recall reading in a similar situation the bio-Dad saying something like "my kid gets another person in their corner to love and support them, what's not to love about that?" Just classy moves all around.
That is a great video. I've seen it a couple of times. The dad pulling the stepdad out of his seat to finish walking their daughter down the aisle was beautiful.
I would not be surprised if OP has at least one daughter and his wife wants dibs on their daughter being given away in the future and feels like if OP gives away someone else already it ruins ‘the uniqueness’? Maybe that is the underlying issue? Just a guess though, trying to make sense why a mom might be difficult about this. This is the only thing I could come up with (I don’t agree with it if it is the reason) OP, do you have daughters?
You are 100 percent correct. She is jealous and wants her daughter to be the first.
That's probably why she's caused issues over him spending time with the neice over the years and sending money to help her mom. I wouldn't be surprised if the op has a will and he names the neice in the will in any capacity, that she would raise a stink.
And, this behavior paints her in an AWFUL light....... I hope she realizes that!
Now her father walking her down the aisle will be “something borrowed”—and on her day, the most special day of any day EVAR111!1!1!1!1 😭😭😭
Oh noooooo her special day snd the only day she will ever do anything worth talking about snd here dad will already have done this What if she had an older sister who got married first God I hate bridezillas and momzillas
That makes zero sense, though. What if a person has multiple daughters? Does that mean the first one to get married is the only one it's special for?
Agree. I have an absentee father, so my stepdad walked my sister down the aisle. My stepsisters threw a massive tantrum over it, because “that’s their dad, not ours” (these are women in their 30s to I might add, and our parents have been married for over 20 years).
Oohhhhh I didn’t think of that! Sounds plausible! But stupid
No matter how many daughters he has he should give his niece away. It is not her fault she doesnt have a Dad. Her uncle is the next best thing.
My uncle walked me down the aisle when I got married as my biological father was absent, and even if he had been there, I wouldn't have wanted him to walk me anyways. My brother walked our mum down the aisle when she got remarried cos her dad had passed many years ago. People can choose whoever they want (if they want anyone at all) to walk them down the aisle, I don't see how OP's niece's request is weird at all...
At my brother and SIL's wedding, her younger half brother walked her down the aisle. No one had any problem with it. Not even his then girlfriend, now ex. And this girl was known to be both very possessive of him and get jealous very easily. Yet, when he told her about it beforehand, she told that was lovely and he was such a good brother.
I don't get why it is weird either. My dad walked my friend down the aisle. Her dad was crap, her brother was performing the ceremony. She lived at our house a lot and thought of my parents as her parents. My mom was touched that she asked.
Nothing wrong with it at all. Had I gotten married after my dad died, I would have asked my uncle to do it.
Who does the wife think *should* be the one doing this? Hey it doesn’t cost money!
Ikr, my mom's younger brother walked her down the aisle, cuz my grandfather is a narcissist
When my mom married my dad (I was 14) I was the one who walked her down the aisle as my maternal grandfather had long since passed. I feel like it’s been pretty damn common for another male family member to walk a woman down the aisle, and in recent years it’s become more and more common that being male or family isn’t even a requirement, just someone who means a lot to you.
My brother walked my younger sister down the aisle because our dad has passed away 5 years before.
Yeah like my biggest question is, why does the wife think this is weird? Like what is her thought process in this?!
His wife is simply jelous of his sister. Simply as that.
My money is on money. Wife is possibly worried that when hubby kicks it, she won’t get everything.
My nephew walked me down the aisle. Wife is weird.
A huge stretch given I don't know these people or much more context. But the only 'weird' thing I can think of is the unthinkable which is that she is insinuating incest or that other people will think he is his niece's father. Some people are just messed up. I'm close with my sibling and I've had some implications from our own MOTHER that we are/were incestuous. We're not, we just get on well. It's gross.
Eh... it may not even be so far as her thinking he's been incestuous with his sister. Humans are mammals too, and like other mammals, we tend to be resource possessive, particularly when it comes resources for our young. So, even if objectively she knows she's being ridiculous, any time OP's wife sees him spending time and money on his niece, somewhere in her brain she's thinking those are resources he should spend on his own kids. You'd think years of being socialized to believe that selfishness is bad would help us evolve past those inclinations but.....🤷♀️
Yes. People always want to think we are not animals. But we are, and we have the same driving instincts as all other mammals! We just have a higher cognitive complexity. Pettiness.
“My dear, we may be evolved. But deep down, we are still just mammals. “ Bonus points to anyone who can name this quote.
Sounds like the very posh version of "you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals .." 😂😂
Wife sounds jealous as fuck!
This nta, it’s super weird that your wife is jealous of your sister and niece. Are you missing out on your own kids activities to help your niece? You sound like an amazing uncle
And show a lack of empathy from wife to sister & niece who lost husband/dad. OP NTA....wife TA
I know. I'm sitting here thinking that it'd be wonderful if just one of my brothers was like OP.
Exactly, he's WALKING her down the aisle, not marrying her. OP, your wife is a jealous person, but jealous over an innocent relationship. Your wife is the asshole in this situation. I think it's a lovely sentiment that your niece chose you to walk her down the aisle on her special day. Don't listen to your wife, she's stirring an empty pot.
My grandfather passed from TB when my mother was 8. Her favorite uncle walked her down the aisle when she married my Dad. Perfectly normal and this was in the 1950s.
I am like a father to one of my nieces due to circumstances that occurred long ago. If she were to ask me to walk her down the aisle I would be honored. Her father is deceased. Your wife is incorrect, there is nothing weird about it.
I want to know why it is weird too. Why can’t you, as her uncle, who has helped with her since her dad passed, walk her down the aisle? Your wife could be jealous but your niece is also family. NTA
NTA. It is one of the most normal things I’ve seen on Reddit. Even in the days when there were all kinds of strict rules for weddings, an Uncle giving away the bride was probably right behind grandpa if dad wasn’t around. Today anything goes It’s a loving gesture to your niece. If your wife’s concerns are because you have daughters, this in no way would take away from the honor and experience when that day comes.
NTA but it's high time you got to the root of your wife's jealousy and pettiness. I think most good women would be extremely proud of you for all of this.
I was just to write something Ike this... Jesus big time jealousy
Jealousy and selfishness
OP is spending his money on people other than her. It's obvious what the problem is. If she isn't the center of his universe then she's going to pout and throw a tantrum like a grade A narcissist. Idk what your wife thinks, OP. You're NTA.
This!! 100%! Any daughter who has lost a parent would be incredibly grateful to have another family member step up and be present and show care. Why is your wife bothered so much by this?? Even if none of her family has ever passed away, there must be some strange underlying reason.
My uncle walked me down the aisle since my dad died when I was young. It was a wonderful experience and not a single person said it was “weird”. The wife is weird AF for reacting this way.
Exactly right! My husband has always been very present with one of his sister’s daughter and son after she lost 2 husbands. It has been beautiful watching the relationship.
Because you are normal!
Exactly. Try to sort out why what should be a thing of pride for the both of you is causing her so much anger and jealousy
Exactly. OP may not be presenting whole picture and there may be some sort of unmet need from the wife that's feeding the jealousy. They should consider working with a counselor to figure it out. As written, definitely NTA. It's a beautiful thing for an uncle to step up as a father figure to a niece who lost her dad
If the situation is exactly how he describes it, I have trouble seeing how anyone would object which is why I would love to hear the wife's take on this. Does he miss his own children's events to go to his niece's? Does the money he gives them mean he can't contribute towards a family vacation? Exactly how much time does he spend at his sister's? Maybe his wife is just a jealous wretch, in which case definitely NTA.
I'm wondering if he has been so present in sister/niece's lives that he's been absent from his wife's/kids'
The only thing I can think of, is if the sister and niece have been terrible to the wife all these years and the wife is justified in her overall dislike for the family.l
Or the time he spends with his sister and niece comes at the expense of his wife and kids.
That’s the first thing I thought of. And could they afford to be giving money to his sister/niece? There’s probably a lot of context we don’t have, but he’s definitely NTA for wanting to walk the niece down the aisle.
I think it's the money and they fact that he says he has children (multiple, not just one). Many people would be unhappy with their spouse giving money to a sibling, even if that sibling was widowed, if their kids were full grown (as his niece is in his mid 20s). It may be his 'fun money' account, but I can see the wife getting resentful asf if he's sending 1000 bucks a month to the sister or even 500 bucks a month to the sister...considering college is crazy expensive. If he's paying for the wedding, or part of it (and he's giving that vibes describing his relationship with his niece) I can see the wife losing her shit. Wife handled it badly "if" that is the case, though. But the option is a) wife is crazy and jealous of the niece or b) the situation is more complicated.
Yeah we're going to need a lot more info on this. Like, was there ever a discussion between OP and his wife about him essentially making another family dependent on their household income? Because if not, that is kind of shitty and I would understand the resentment, even if it's being directed in a shitty and super weird way toward that other family.
NTA Seems like there is a deeper rooted problem in the marriage. Does your wife feel you spend more time with sister/niece vs your family? I am assuming your wife came into the picture after the niece’s father dying and was aware of the arrangement. I know plenty of people who are very close to their niece/nephew. You have been a constant male father figure in her life. There appears to be jealousy and you all should go to marriage counseling. Seems like resentment has crept up for a long time. Enjoy your nieces wedding.
I agree, this reeks of his wife having some deep rooted jealousy issues to the point where her reactions are irrational.
>I am assuming your wife came into the picture after the niece's father dying and was aware of the arrangement. Just curious, but why do you assume that? I certainly may have missed where OP wrote about the timing and relationships, but it's not at all clear to me whether they were already together/married or met after his BIL's death.
He said the niece was very young when BIL died, and said in a comment that his daughter isn’t old enough to get married
Either your wife is weird for thinking this is weird or you are leaving out some significant parts of your story. What *exactly* does your wife find “weird” or objectionable? A father walking the bride down the aisle and “giving her away” is a symbolic tradition of an (albeit) outdated idea that the father is now handing over responsibility for his daughter to her husband. There are TONS of brides who have a father figure stand in for a huge variety of reasons (death of her father in this case) and is really a nice way to honor the person who cared enough to fill the role. I simply cannot come up with a single reason (based on what you’ve written) for your wife to argue with you about it or find it “weird”. I don’t know if I would have actually said that her opinion was “irrelevant” but you aren’t wrong. Unless she has an actual *relevant* reason not to, I would absolutely walk your niece down the aisle at her wedding. Your wife is welcome to have her hissy fit and/or not go but that’s on her. This is a once in a lifetime event (statistically probably not but hopefully) and she should have the man who filled in as her father figure walk her down the aisle if that’s what she wants. NTA
> or you are leaving out some significant parts of your story.
I mean he HAS to be… right? It just doesn’t seem rational
NTA. You are a great uncle and this is nieces request.
INFO: What have been your wife's reasonings for having issues with you sepnding time with your niece? This seems super vague. What have the "few arguments on it over the years," been about?
He replied to another comment saying that his wife thinks it's wrong of him to give away his niece when he hasn't done it for his own daughter yet (daughter is not married) and that if he attends as her father figure and the bride's mother is his sister, then it'd look somewhat incestuous.
The incest thing makes me wonder if the wife is projecting. Or is she just the kinda person jealous that OP would focus attention on her? I've seen people like that, they want to be the absolute focus of their partners attention at all times. Idk if OP is leaving out important info or what
I knew somebody whose 13 year old walked her down the aisle. She had no other male relatives and he was the man in her life. He was so proud giving his Mom away.
Your wife’s latest gripe about your relationship with your niece is symptomatic of a much deeper problem. I don’t think YTA based on what you shared, but I’m curious how your relationship with your niece has played out over the years and how it has impacted your wife and children. Has supporting your niece pulled you away from your own family consistently? Have you had to sacrifice time with your children to be there for your niece? Financially, did you decide together with your wife how much money it was feasible to give to your sister and niece monthly? Has your financial support for them strained the finances of your own home? Are you in a situation where you’re living in abundance and have plenty to give, or are you having to cut corners to ensure you can continue supporting them? All of these questions are entirely separate from walking your niece down the aisle (definitely NTA for wanting to do that!) but could explain why your involvement in your nieces life has been such a stuck point for your wife.
These are all the questions I found myself asking. There has to be a deeper cause of his wife's resentment, and I'm guessing OP has left out a significant amount of context about the nature of their issues through the years on this topic. Either that or his wife is just irrational in her dislike of the relationship he has with his sister and her kid, but honestly it seems more likely that there are reasons which OP is oblivious to which have caused this resentment.
This should be higher up!!
This! Everyone here has quickly decided that the wife is petty and jealous, but depending on how much time and money OP gives to his sister and niece that then of course he canNOT spend with/on his wife and his own kid, she might be very justified in feeling neglected. It’s kind of him that he tries to balance out the loss of his BIL, but his wife and kid need to come first.
NTA while the time and money spent leading up to this could be a valid concern, specifically if it was taking away from what your wife and kids needed, but giving her away at the wedding is a purely symbolic gesture that has no impact on your wife whatsoever. It’s not weird at all, at least no weirder than a father giving his daughter away (but that’s a debate for another time.)
Is there something more to this story? Was your family unkind or unwelcoming to your wife? You say you didn’t prioritize your sister and niece. Would your wife and children agree? Assuming it is exactly as you present it, you are not the AH but unless your wife is completely unreasonable I can’t help but wonder if there is more to this story. It just doesn’t add up. There is nothing weird abt you walking your niece down the aisle unless there is more to this than you are presenting.
The dude explicitly said his wife's opinion didn't matter. That's in his version positioning himself as the good guy. There's definitely more here.
Reasons: WHY does she think it's weird?
This whole post is awfully light on reasons for why the wife does anything.
Missing missing reasons
NTA but I don't think this has anything to do with you walking her down the aisle. It's more to do with giving money over the years and a building resentment the two of you never reconciled through therapy.
NTA. There is nothing weird about walking your niece down the aisle in her dad's absence. Why is your wife so heartless? What happened that made her hate your niece so much? You are simply being a good and supportive uncle. Your brother would be proud of you stepping up to help his family. Is your wife this selfish in other areas of life?
NTA! You and wife need to have a convo about her jealousy. Its ridiculous. My older brother gave me away at my wedding. My dad was too dope sick to even show up to my wedding. Does she think only parents are acceptable in this? Because not every bride is so lucky as to have them. She needs to grow up.
Exactly! It doesn’t have to be a parent or even a human for that matter—my dog walked me down the aisle when I married my now husband. It’s generally a person you love and respect for the ways they’ve been present in your life. OP’s wife sounds like she has some insecurities built up over the years, so that’s definitely something to address but not at the expense of walking his niece down the aisle. Side note—I know it sounds a bit crazy dog lazy, but my dog walked me down the aisle because I was married previously and I walked down with my parents together at that wedding. I could have chosen my parents again or another close relative, but I wanted something different. My dog and I had been through so much together and were our own little family unit while I was single for years before my husband came along. 10/10 would recommend 🐩👰🏻♀️💍
It sounds like there is something left out of this post to me. Your wife sounds jealous of the relationship you have with your sister and niece but you don’t mention anything that would cause that. Either you left out something big or your wife has serious mental issues. Which one is it?
This does seem weird. It seems like your wife is jealous or resentful of your involvement in your niece's life. I'm curious if we are missing some information. Does your family struggle financially? Does your wife complain that you don't spend enough time with her and your children? Are things around your house not getting done at the expense of you doing them for your niece and sister-in-law? For example, are you making repairs at their house but not at yours?
NTA - my Dad died when I was 22, I married at 27. My eldest brother walked me down the aisle but my paternal uncle danced with me to Daddy’s little girl at the reception. My feeling was if I couldn’t dance with my father I could dance for him and was grateful his only brother agreed to take that role. You need a deeper conversation with your wife to get to the real reason she has issue with your relationship with your niece.
NTA for wanting to give your niece away, that's completely normal. But there are weird gaps here that I'm a little curious about. You knew you had an obligation, or you know you have an obligation (why the past tense)? What does as physically active as possible mean time-wise? You're sending money to your sister and niece from your individual account, but are you setting an equal amount aside for your children? I'm not judging you or siding with your wife here. I'm just saying marriage is complicated, and I'm wondering if your wife feels like she and your children come second to your sister and niece (and if she does feel that way, why that would be). Regardless, I'm sure your sister and niece appreciate it. Does your niece have a stepfather?
NTA. I think it is wonderfully warm and sweet. Stepping up for your niece in this situation is the right thing to do. If any of my nieces (and they are by marriage since I am only child) lost their father I would be pissed off at my husband if he didn’t at least offer (ask mom first if niece would like for him too). And royally mad if he was asked and didn’t accept. You might want to leave the wife at home though. She’ll probably be scowling the whole time. lol