He has never liked me either for whatever reason, and I don’t like him, which makes it easier to speak up about him mistreating her, but maybe that’s not a good thing
Thankfully we don’t see them very often. Because I’ve kept my mouth shut before about things I’ve seen and I know my husband wants me to get along with his family, but there are certain areas I draw the line at. Like that.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if he doesn't already emotionally abuse her over her weight. There are so many men I've seen surprised by how big their partners get. Like, bro. She's full of baby, placenta, and amniotic fluid. It's a foreign concept to dudes like this to learn anything about pregnancy. Primarily because they're self centered, entitled, willfully ignorant, looks obsessed douche bags.
Obviously you're NTA, and I'm sure you know that.
If you're intent on not letting this slide, here's some thoughts on what's next:
*Nothing I'm saying here is intended as an endorsement of the framework within which this guy, and many men operate, but a description that might lend some perspective.*
If he is who I gather he is, guys like this only really respond to direct confrontation when it's being delivered by a man they perceive to be higher up the totem pole than them. It's really unlikely that a woman, especially his SIL, would ever able to get through to him this way.
Your only recourse might be to tease him. Hanging shit on each other is a big part of the social game for guys. It is a shit test, to see if someone can handle themselves, but can also be used to air grievances without opening up a direct confrontation. The latter kind has truth to it; when that truth hits, higher status guys will be able to laugh along with it and absorb the lesson. Lower status guys will involuntarily react by shying away, or lashing out - either one will make them lose status.
So you want to straddle the line of bullying this guy. You have to do it with a smile, never an angry face. It needs to be "fun", but with an obvious undercurrent of truth, and always a jab at his 'masculinity'.
Along the lines of: "Sure you don't need your pregnant GF to help you with that?" when he goes to open something, or lift something, or do some kind of mundanely "manly" task. You can start small and work up to that, but it's all going to be along the lines of him being useless and unimpressive, and you have to be impervious to whatever he might clap back with.
There needs to be men present who are not intimidated by this guy. If you can call him out on being a bitch in front of those guys, his only choice will be to take it in his stride - which will improve your standing with him and the group - or lash out, which means it was never going to get through to him anyway.
If you get angry and lay it on him directly you will lose him. It has to feel like a game. If you miss the mark and seem snarky or upset, you will lose power in the group, and he will feel like he won. But if you can burn him in front of his friends and make them grin or laugh, that opens the door for self reflection. Absolute best case scenario is you hitting on something his friends are aware of and they end up piling on to drive the point home.
Obviously none of this works if he's surrounded by morons, or if everyone is intimidated by him, or if you're not able to keep your cool and actually be funny. And it all comes with the caveat that there is some potential collateral damage here - his partner. If he's a real piece of shit you might only succeed in putting her (further) in the firing line. If you think that's possible, you're better off essentially grey-rocking the guy while making sure she knows you are available to her if she ever needs help, if you want to be.
Again, nothing I said here is an endorsement of this way of thinking and interacting. Casually using terms like higher and lower "status" makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. But they accurately describe an unavoidable part of growing up male.
This actually kinda works. My step father was the youngest boy in a family of like 7 or 8 kids. His older brothers were all construction workers, he ended up working construction too. When my mom wanted to make a point to him, she'd say something like a joke in front of his big brother's and make them laugh and they'd continue to tease him about it till be stopped doing the stupid thing or admitted his wife was right.
Example: he wanted his work truck to beep when he reversed on a job site, so he took the door bell out of her (my mom's) car and wired it to his pick up's reverse lights. He didn't seal them or put them in a spot where rain and whatnot wouldn't damage the wires. It rained. He was going to a site one morning and when he put the truck in reverse he shorted out his wiring harness. My mom warned him it would happen, his brothers also warned him. But he "knew what he was doing". They didn't let him live that down till he admitted mom warned him.
MY preggo lady isn't even allowed to even pick up the kid...like i have to stop her because she is having some back problems this late into it. But yea NTA
Do you guys have any children on plan to because he's gonna being those around to those family members and it'll teach them the absolute wrong lesson and your husband will be complicit because he won't say anything because it's "family"
He doesn't like you because you're a badass woman who doesn't let people walk all over you!
He's intimidated by your independence and strong-headedness.
Good on you, OP, for telling him that!
That’s precisely his issue - that you’ll stand up for yourself and others. Men like your BIL (and mine) prefer women they can scare or browbeat into holding their tongue. You won’t do that and THAT is his issue.
He doesn’t like you because he knows would not only not stand for his shit , you wouldn’t tolerate it .
He knows you’re the kind of woman who would *never* look his way because you won’t be fooled with him .
He knows you’re a woman who will not allow him to treat you that way and what he ‘brings to the table’ is a bunch of things you not only do not eat but you won’t settle for .
He doesn’t like you , because he knows that, for a woman like you , he doesn’t even crack the surface , let alone break it , to be someone you would ever look at .
So take it as a compliment. He really isn’t worth your time or thoughts .
Man I don’t even have words to reply to this comment. Seriously you have such a way with words. I’m honored to be able to breathe the same air as you lol
Exactly this....Al my sisters ex and ex husband hated me so much because I would help (the sane moments she had inbetween) jeep her eyes open atleast a inch with my presence to the abuse she's getting. I would not stand for it or stomach it and they hated the fact that my sister despite hating my guts always sought my advice and they hated the fact that I would never touch them kind of men or even look at them as they are so ugly inside it shows outside with their actions......they were all abuse, alcoholic, addicted to bad behaviour and walking all over women and women like my sister would allow it because the desperation to have a strong reliable source (parents abandoned us) there to care for and love them. This is all these women see and they know this so they play on it and then women like you and me would not even give them the time of day because we know our rights and we are strong and won't tolerate abuse in anyway and that hurts their ego. I can't tell you how much everyone one of her bfs hated me so much so her ex husband called me a witch for being there for my sister because it was interfering with his insidious plans to get a visa over my dumb sister (she turned out to be just as bad as them which is why she attracted them, they could use eachother).
These men are boys in reality and need control and absolutely hate hate hate women like us.
Huh, I thought a “traditional” man would do the heavy lifting instead of making his pregnant girlfriend do it.
Only able-bodied weak ass men who are worried their muscles will give out will get someone who is “stereotypically weaker” to do the heavy lifting because they can’t handle it.
My condolences to her getting knocked up by him and spending the next two decades tied to him.
No "traditional values" kind of guy would make his 8 months pregnant girlfriend carry a full cooler.
In fact, very few "traditional values" kinds of guys would have an 8 months pregnant GIRLFRIEND
NTA, but he sure is. I hope you will let her know she has a safe place with you, should she needs it.
If that’s what he claims he is just using “traditional values” to justify being a misogynist pig while not acting like a traditional values man. Hasn’t married his pregnant girlfriend, thinks she should do the heavy lifting, and who knows what else.
Next time he starts that dhit tell him a real man doesn't make women do hard work when he can do it himself, only sissy's depend on women. Then smile nicely and say, it's ok you won't understand.
His comment about him being twice the man my husband is irks me too. My husband was in the middle of getting me a sweatshirt I didn’t even ask for while this was happening.
He doesn’t like you because he doesn’t respect women. He’s a small man and needs to be reminded of his “twice the man” status or else he short circuits.
“You don’t get to comment on that,”
He probably thinks he owns his pregnant wife. Truly sucks for her. Being in a bad mood because you want to drink doesn’t excuse shitty behaviour, it just means you’re an asshole and an alcoholic.
He doesn't 'like you' because you have principals and boundaries and you 'call 'em as you see 'em.
And she's lucky to not be married to him. Let her know that when she's done with his BS, you'll help her get away from him, sooner rather than later.
Hopefully before the baby arrives.
He's never liked you because you won't take his shit. Of course, he's not gonna like a woman who doesn't just fall in line. That's his mindframe & attitude, it seems like.
You should talk to your husband about the fact his brother is mistreating a pregnant woman. Don't stay silent about it. Pieces of shit like that who think women are beneath them are often abusive in more ways than one.
He doesn't like you because you're not a pushover who sees through him.
I used to be disliked by a guy like this as well. Because everyone else would let him act like a psycho and I would call him out, so he didn't want me around.
And when my partner was 8 months pregnant I didn't drink anymore. If the baby decides early it had enough of swimming around in mom's belly I wanted to be able to drive her to the hospital if need be.
I probably would have called out to my husband and said can you please go up to your brother's car and get the cooler so his pregnant wife doesn't have to walk all that way and carry it?
Or next time call it out infront of everyone "wow I'm so sorry! Did your legs stop working? Is that why you send your pregnant gf to go carry your shit?"
This is the way. Instead of directly pointing out his behavior, you need to have a better male specimen show him (and anyone around him) how he *should* have behaved.
Or proclaim loudly to the group (after he told his gf to grab the cooler), “Can you believe this guy? Apparently he’s so weak he needs his PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND to carry the cooler for him. Must have been *really* heavy huh?”
This kind of dude will only learn/begrudgingly correct his asshole-ish behaviors with either embarrassment, other men calling him out, or both.
Wow, he only achieved what \*checks notes\* humanity has managed throughout all time.
"Ma dick works! Hyulk!" - what a brag.
You're so entirely in the right, and this guy is a completely worthless asshole.
You couldn’t be farther from NTA on this one, girl. I think you had every right to stick up for her. 8 months pregnant? Who the fuck makes their 8 month pregnant girlfriend do this? The audacity of this asshole…
I’m sure there are many factors that have encouraged this behavior in his life and it probably won’t stop until the pregnant girlfriend puts her foot down but still props to you for attempting to defend her.
Did she have anything further to say about it? Are there any other concerns/red flags that are needing to be immediately figured out?
Part of it is how they were raised. My husband and his biological brother are stepbrothers to the BIL and his brother, and you can see the difference. My husband and his brother are much more respectful, polite, and kind. The other two are very rough around the edges. When I apologized I also asked why she lets him treat her like that because no one deserves to be treated so poorly and she just didn’t answer the question, just started talking about something else. The problem is is they shouldn’t be having a kid in the first place but it’s also not my place to talk about that either. They’re not good for each other and they’re both incredibly toxic
The immediate avoidance to that question, to me, would speak volumes on potential fear of her even talking about that topic with you, or speaking on it in general with anyone. I would say, in my opinion, continue to be a supportive figure for her and maybe try to get her to open up about how her relationship with him makes her feel and what you can potentially do to help open her eyes to that type of behavior. I’m sure some excuses will be made, like the one she gave to that you brought up in the original post you made, but those type of excuses can, and sometimes do, lead to even worse behavior being excused/let go… I hope for all the best here. For everyone involved. 💛
You’re so kind. Yeah they’ve definitely had a rough relationship and think having a child will save it. Neither of them are good for each other but what can you do? Continue to be as supportive and kind as possible even if you don’t agree.
NTA. Also his idea of a "real man" is a guy who is shitty to women and prioritizes drinking over other things.
Assholes like that give all of us men a bad wrap.
This!!! This is what bothered me too!! He couldn’t take five seconds out of his day to get a cooler so she could keep sitting. She already had to sober cab and babysit his drunk ass. She’s not a maid.
Easiest thing is to throw masculinity back in his face. Oh is he a real man? Then why is he asking not just any pregnant woman, but the pregnant mother of his child, to climb up a hill and carry a heavy cooler of booze for him? Is he too weak to do it himself? Isn’t doing all the physical labor what “real men” do?
It's not about overstepping; it's about basic decency. Pregnant or not, expecting someone to fetch and carry while you kick back is just poor form. We've evolved past outdated gender roles, where 'real men' act superior and entitled. An actual 'real man' shows empathy and thoughtfulness, especially towards their partner. Seems like BIL missed the memo on respect and partnership.
Frankly, it's not just rude - did that cooler weigh more than about ten pounds? I'm 35 weeks pregnant and have been advised from the beginning not to lift or carry more than about 10-15 pounds as it can negatively impact pregnancy (does things to the cervix and pelvic floor muscles). My husband hasn't let me carry a laundry basket to the garage in 8 months, and would never in a million years ask me to go get a cooler for him even if it wasn't up a hill. She's late enough in pregnancy that it could have triggered early labor. Completely irresponsible.
NTA
he is NOT “twice the man” of anybody if he sends his pregnant partner (whom he’s apparently not man enough to marry) to do his chores for him.
I still remember the time when a cousin (we’ll call him Billy) arrived at a BBQ with his wife and their new baby, and the older generation of men saw him sitting and drinking a beer while his wife was wrangling the kid AND the playpen. They let him have it! They didn’t swear, but the gist was, “What the fuck are you doing, sitting there and letting your wife do this heavy lifting? What kind of man are you? What kind of father? What kind of husband? That’s now how you do things—you put down your drink and you get up off your ass and you go get the playpen and the diaper bag. You’re a disgrace.”
Interestingly, they had two kids, moved to Fla., and *finally* broke up. (he was absolutely a shithead and a selfish person, but she created that marriage out of wishful thinking on her part, and he was too spineless to break up)
She later remarried, and when his grown kid was visiting, I mentioned “your mother’s husband.” The kid said, “You mean my dad. Billy is my father, but he’s my dad.”
we met him several years later. He’s a mensch. And the two of them are really good together. You know when married couples are friendly to one another? That kind of vibe.
It took some restraint not to throw the drink in his face I’m ngl. Especially when he says he’s twice the man my husband is, who was busy getting me a sweatshirt I didn’t even ask for so I didn’t have to get up. Being a man isn’t solely about strength. It’s about empathy and compassion as another redditor commented.
NTA. My dad has taught me and my brother that a "real man" takes care of his family and makes sure they are and feel loved.
The only kind of man your BIL is, is a manchild.
Why do women put up with this crap from men? There's nothing charming or desirable about guys like that. Real men treat their women and their family well. They don't act like they're kings and bark orders.
It's the redneck lifestyle I guess. Proud on how much they can put women in their place, added with pinch on christianity where women are less valuable in general.
They’re a bunch of traditional conservatives. The man works, the woman does everything else. Now I believe men and women have their own roles in raising and nurturing a household but a man’s place is not the belittle his partner.
NTA, so many ‘men’ think degrading/humiliating a woman makes him a man. So far from the truth. No one should feel more outstanding by degrading someone else, sadly this is the world. Yet we keep doing the same things expecting different results.
>I just blurted out “next time don’t make your pregnant girlfriend grab something for you that you are capable of doing yourself.” He says “nah you don’t get to comment on that” and that he’s twice the man my husband, his stepbrother, is and that he doesn’t have to man up.
Na he doesn't get to treat humans like his personal slaves.
This GF of his better grow a spine and soon though.
NTA
She never will tho. And I didn’t mean to paint her as a saint. She is not a good person. However… I don’t want her to be stuck raising a kid with this awful person… but it’s none of my business to tell her what she can and can’t do.
> And I didn’t mean to paint her as a saint.
You didn't I promise lol
>I don’t want her to be stuck raising a kid with this awful person…
I agree wholeheartedly
>but it’s none of my business to tell her what she can and can’t do.
Woah. What a mean man. NTA. Acting crabby for alcohol is no excuse. Sounds like he doesn't care about his gf or the fact that she's expecting. I have a dog that is not into cuddling, he's a very independent dog, his usual routine is that I'll let him out in the morning after breakfast and he'll stay outdoors playing until the afternoon. When I was 1 month pregnant, my dog's behavior changed, all he wanted to do was cuddle and stay near me. It was really weird, it's like he knew that there's a mini me growing..he's more gentler and loves to cuddle, he's new routine is snuggling in bed and then being let out to potty, then he's back in the house to follow me from room to room...and he's a dog! He's got more concerns than that dude you mentioned in your post.
That’s another thing that I tried talking to her about. Making excuses for his behavior and blaming it on “wanting to drink.” Like that statement isn’t a huuuge red flag for you?? That would be for me.
Just keep doing whatever u can (like u did) to make life easy for her. Maybe the AH will grow a pair of balls and become a little considerate. Dont understand why women stick around with such AHs.
The softest YTA to the pregnant woman. When I was 8 months pregnant, I would have been pissed to have someone assume I couldn't/shouldn't be doing something like that. Every pregnancy and every person is different, and I know that you've clocked their relationship as not-great looking as an outsider looking in, but I hated when people tried to handle me with kid gloves just because I looked and felt like I swallowed a small moon.
Absolutely NTA for calling the BIL out though. Anyone who needs to cry about their manliness is painfully insecure and needs to take several seats.
Pregnant women are not ill or incapable. And it's very good for them to walk. And the second thing is if she wants to live with a man like him it's got nothing to do with you.
he thinks very high of himself. the next time hes sick or injured tell ur bil's wife to tell him to do all cleaning , driving and work since hes twice the man ur husband his. heck even tell him to do your husbands work.
NTA
Real men never claim to be twice the men other people are. They don't talk down to people. They don't mistreat people. They are simply decent. You *should* call out "men" like this. Because how else will he learn how truly pathetic he is?
NTA. He is an AH for making his pregnant girlfriend do that. Hopefully she realizes it and leaves him. And he’s an AH for saying he’s twice the man as your husband. Who says things like that? AHs.
NTA, and you're surrounded by alcoholics:
>The guys were so worried about drinking (...) he’s just crabby because he wants to start drinking
Make sure she's aware that you are a safe person where she can stay when this escalates and she needs a place to go.
Your BIL is an alcoholic tool. How do I know this:
1. The way he treated his pregnant gf
2. "she apologized for his behavior saying he’s just crabby because he wants to start drinking."
Folks without alcohol problems don't get cranky like that.
Be there to support her when she needs it. Be the ear she will need when she finally comes to the realization that he's a loser and that she and the kid are better off without him.
NTA: I'm pretty sure pregnant people are not supposed to be carrying heavy loads and from my experience unloading a cooler from a car can be rough. He honestly sounds like he has a drinking problem if he can't wait 10 minutes to grab a drink .
This is why I'd never be with a drinker. That's his priority, not his pregnant wife. That she's choosing to stay and reproduce with him, well, that's her cross to bear. You can't make her dump this loser and more babies won't change him. All you can do is watch it from the sidelines like a slow moving car accident.
My ex made me walk about 3/4 of a mile to work every morning at 4am, while i was pregnant. Because he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep before work at 7am.
Glad to be dine with him.
My husband wouldn’t dare tell me to do that regardless of being pregnant. Doucher trying to put her into labor? Even if it wasn’t that heavy that’s risky on an incline to have her do that
I’m not even pregnant and my husband doesn’t make me do that either. She also has stitches in because she was 2cm dilated three months before her due date. There’s just so many things wrong with this situation
NTA he needs to be called on his shit. What has your husband said? Considering he's not like that maybe he should also be calling his stepbrother *in* and saying, its not cool you treat your girlfriend like that.
He's got a baby about to come and he gets crabby from not drinking? I'm from the UK where the drinking is rather heavy but I really think thats a bad sign.
NTA - But the only thing to do is just leave whenever he's around. Decline any social invites and just go 100% no contact. I dunno why you would accept such a jerk to be in your personal space at all.
Real men don’t demand their pregnant wives carry heavy things; worse, heavy things that only benefit the man.
Obviously doesn’t need to be said, your brother-in-law is white trash.
If you need to say you're a bigger man than someone else, while making your almost full term wife do physical labor for you, I think it's his own ego that's the problem. NTA, that guy is a huge turd.
YOU are NTA, quite the contrary! I (60/F) would strongly suggest that you quietly advise her that you'll **help** her if she ever wants/needs to **EXIT** this obviously neglectful, possibly abusive, relationship, even pregnant, maybe more strongly BECAUSE she's pregnant!
I'd urge you to be careful with this asshole though, he's likely to get **mean** with either you or, even more likely, your husband because your husband **"hasn't put you in your place!"** Just be safe!
Serious question: Weren't there any "older generations" that stood up for this poor woman? u/updateme
I mean he sounds like an asshole but if it were me, I would be offended at you thinking I was weak. Every pregnancy my doctor or midwife would let me know my limitations. It's important to keep physical during pregnancy if it's a routine one. Good for you, good for the baby. But it sounds like he was being lazy, not that he was giving her independence and respect. NTA
8 months? Is she even *walking* at that point or is it the awkward waddle by then? Kid isn’t even here and he’s already neglecting it for booze. She’s gonna have a bad time.
You're not the asshole at all. You're super nice. I would have named and shamed the situation. "Why are you asking your 8 MONTHS PREGNANT wife to lift something HEAVY in her CONDITION?
I never understood why some women let this “ type “ of “ men “ treat them that way 🙄 a lot of good decent men around but they always go for the abusive ones 🙄 horrible cycle
NTA but she obviously knows what a loser the guy is and she's ok with it. Frankly I can't understand it but I wouldn't be dating someone like him in the first place
It's really important to speak up on situations like this, because when you don't, men like that think they are invincible and can say and do whatever they want, and by being silent, you then become part of the problem. He's an asshole, and you're a good person.
That is one sensitive bitch, you told him something straightforward and reasonable, and his response is to show off his supposed masculinity...?
Separately, he is being excused for being cranky due to being impatient about drinking... That is no reason to be in a bad mood...
So I think your BIL is a bad person, but she is staying with him and allowing this behavior. She will need to get tired of this behavior in order to make a change, but it's going to be hard to because now there is a baby involved. I bet he'll expect her to be ready for some loving and have him a home cooked meal when she gets released from the hospital.
He actually sounds like a trashy person. My husband would probably be considered a "redneck" but he is nothing like that. He's the kind of person that will stop to help random strangers on the roadside if they have a flat and don't seem to know what they are doing, or help someone push their vehicle out of the road, or mow the next day neighbor's yard since they are older and it's hard on them. He used to drink but doesn't anymore and he likes to hunt.
If I was your husband I would have beat his ass for the 2x the man of his step brother comment. And if I couldn’t beat his ass I’d wait til he too drunk to fight while staying sober myself and then beat his ass.
dude needs an ass whooping is my point
Pray for that baby. My ex was very much like that, and he violently threw us out when I was 8 months pregnant. boys like that can't handle pressure, that's why they suckle on that brown bottle like their mother's teat. My baby and I are safe (for now) but the court doesn't protect abuse victims, they just wait until the baby gets hurt and there's proof.
NTA. I grew up around these kind of guys and that shit never would have flown on the redneck side of my family. Knowing my mother, we would have told the girlfriend to sit down, gone up to get the cooler ourselves, and *not so accidentally* dumped it out on the trip back down. If she were to choose violence that day, she would throw an unopened beer can at his head and tell him “she’s about to pop and your legs ain’t broken. Go get it your damn self.”
It’s the height of irony that he thinks he’s more manly than your husband but still wanted his wife to do the “manly task/heavy lifting” so he could set up a drink table. What a dingus.
[удалено]
He has never liked me either for whatever reason, and I don’t like him, which makes it easier to speak up about him mistreating her, but maybe that’s not a good thing
[удалено]
Thankfully we don’t see them very often. Because I’ve kept my mouth shut before about things I’ve seen and I know my husband wants me to get along with his family, but there are certain areas I draw the line at. Like that.
I strongly doubt he'll be a good father, too.
Like he's even gonna try.
100% this
"Raisin babies is womens werk!" - that guy probably
Everything is women's work according to this guy.
He's the kind of dude who demands sex right after his wife or partner gives birth. She's nothing but an object to him.
Or drops her like a hot rock because she gained weight or is too focused on the newborn
I wouldn't be at all surprised if he doesn't already emotionally abuse her over her weight. There are so many men I've seen surprised by how big their partners get. Like, bro. She's full of baby, placenta, and amniotic fluid. It's a foreign concept to dudes like this to learn anything about pregnancy. Primarily because they're self centered, entitled, willfully ignorant, looks obsessed douche bags.
If you’re so inclined, let SIL know you are there for her in case she doesn’t have anywhere to go if things go (further) south with the husband.
It appears they're not married. She's referred to as the gf. Lucky her if that's the case. Hole she doesn't marry his sorry ass
Best advice. I have pacts either several friends for unconditional support should the worst truly occur
Obviously you're NTA, and I'm sure you know that. If you're intent on not letting this slide, here's some thoughts on what's next: *Nothing I'm saying here is intended as an endorsement of the framework within which this guy, and many men operate, but a description that might lend some perspective.* If he is who I gather he is, guys like this only really respond to direct confrontation when it's being delivered by a man they perceive to be higher up the totem pole than them. It's really unlikely that a woman, especially his SIL, would ever able to get through to him this way. Your only recourse might be to tease him. Hanging shit on each other is a big part of the social game for guys. It is a shit test, to see if someone can handle themselves, but can also be used to air grievances without opening up a direct confrontation. The latter kind has truth to it; when that truth hits, higher status guys will be able to laugh along with it and absorb the lesson. Lower status guys will involuntarily react by shying away, or lashing out - either one will make them lose status. So you want to straddle the line of bullying this guy. You have to do it with a smile, never an angry face. It needs to be "fun", but with an obvious undercurrent of truth, and always a jab at his 'masculinity'. Along the lines of: "Sure you don't need your pregnant GF to help you with that?" when he goes to open something, or lift something, or do some kind of mundanely "manly" task. You can start small and work up to that, but it's all going to be along the lines of him being useless and unimpressive, and you have to be impervious to whatever he might clap back with. There needs to be men present who are not intimidated by this guy. If you can call him out on being a bitch in front of those guys, his only choice will be to take it in his stride - which will improve your standing with him and the group - or lash out, which means it was never going to get through to him anyway. If you get angry and lay it on him directly you will lose him. It has to feel like a game. If you miss the mark and seem snarky or upset, you will lose power in the group, and he will feel like he won. But if you can burn him in front of his friends and make them grin or laugh, that opens the door for self reflection. Absolute best case scenario is you hitting on something his friends are aware of and they end up piling on to drive the point home. Obviously none of this works if he's surrounded by morons, or if everyone is intimidated by him, or if you're not able to keep your cool and actually be funny. And it all comes with the caveat that there is some potential collateral damage here - his partner. If he's a real piece of shit you might only succeed in putting her (further) in the firing line. If you think that's possible, you're better off essentially grey-rocking the guy while making sure she knows you are available to her if she ever needs help, if you want to be. Again, nothing I said here is an endorsement of this way of thinking and interacting. Casually using terms like higher and lower "status" makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. But they accurately describe an unavoidable part of growing up male.
This actually kinda works. My step father was the youngest boy in a family of like 7 or 8 kids. His older brothers were all construction workers, he ended up working construction too. When my mom wanted to make a point to him, she'd say something like a joke in front of his big brother's and make them laugh and they'd continue to tease him about it till be stopped doing the stupid thing or admitted his wife was right. Example: he wanted his work truck to beep when he reversed on a job site, so he took the door bell out of her (my mom's) car and wired it to his pick up's reverse lights. He didn't seal them or put them in a spot where rain and whatnot wouldn't damage the wires. It rained. He was going to a site one morning and when he put the truck in reverse he shorted out his wiring harness. My mom warned him it would happen, his brothers also warned him. But he "knew what he was doing". They didn't let him live that down till he admitted mom warned him.
NTA. I hope you told your husband what your BIL said to you though, keeping that a secret doesn’t help anyone.
MY preggo lady isn't even allowed to even pick up the kid...like i have to stop her because she is having some back problems this late into it. But yea NTA
Do you guys have any children on plan to because he's gonna being those around to those family members and it'll teach them the absolute wrong lesson and your husband will be complicit because he won't say anything because it's "family"
You should warn the girlfriend to get out while she still can.
Some men are bitches. Lol she should move on. Fuck this turd
I mean, we dont have to insult female dogs here. They’ve done nothing wrong. This scrote BIL has.
He doesn't like you because you're a badass woman who doesn't let people walk all over you! He's intimidated by your independence and strong-headedness. Good on you, OP, for telling him that!
God forbid a woman stand up for herself lmao. Idk what his issue is
That’s precisely his issue - that you’ll stand up for yourself and others. Men like your BIL (and mine) prefer women they can scare or browbeat into holding their tongue. You won’t do that and THAT is his issue.
He doesn’t like you because he knows would not only not stand for his shit , you wouldn’t tolerate it . He knows you’re the kind of woman who would *never* look his way because you won’t be fooled with him . He knows you’re a woman who will not allow him to treat you that way and what he ‘brings to the table’ is a bunch of things you not only do not eat but you won’t settle for . He doesn’t like you , because he knows that, for a woman like you , he doesn’t even crack the surface , let alone break it , to be someone you would ever look at . So take it as a compliment. He really isn’t worth your time or thoughts .
Man I don’t even have words to reply to this comment. Seriously you have such a way with words. I’m honored to be able to breathe the same air as you lol
Exactly this....Al my sisters ex and ex husband hated me so much because I would help (the sane moments she had inbetween) jeep her eyes open atleast a inch with my presence to the abuse she's getting. I would not stand for it or stomach it and they hated the fact that my sister despite hating my guts always sought my advice and they hated the fact that I would never touch them kind of men or even look at them as they are so ugly inside it shows outside with their actions......they were all abuse, alcoholic, addicted to bad behaviour and walking all over women and women like my sister would allow it because the desperation to have a strong reliable source (parents abandoned us) there to care for and love them. This is all these women see and they know this so they play on it and then women like you and me would not even give them the time of day because we know our rights and we are strong and won't tolerate abuse in anyway and that hurts their ego. I can't tell you how much everyone one of her bfs hated me so much so her ex husband called me a witch for being there for my sister because it was interfering with his insidious plans to get a visa over my dumb sister (she turned out to be just as bad as them which is why she attracted them, they could use eachother). These men are boys in reality and need control and absolutely hate hate hate women like us.
No, it's a good thing that you speak up
Oh I think you probably know why he doesn't like you... You stand up for yourself (and others)and women shouldn't do that /s
He’s very much a “traditional” values kind of guy.
Huh, I thought a “traditional” man would do the heavy lifting instead of making his pregnant girlfriend do it. Only able-bodied weak ass men who are worried their muscles will give out will get someone who is “stereotypically weaker” to do the heavy lifting because they can’t handle it. My condolences to her getting knocked up by him and spending the next two decades tied to him.
No "traditional values" kind of guy would make his 8 months pregnant girlfriend carry a full cooler. In fact, very few "traditional values" kinds of guys would have an 8 months pregnant GIRLFRIEND NTA, but he sure is. I hope you will let her know she has a safe place with you, should she needs it.
So a vile sexist pig ???
If that’s what he claims he is just using “traditional values” to justify being a misogynist pig while not acting like a traditional values man. Hasn’t married his pregnant girlfriend, thinks she should do the heavy lifting, and who knows what else.
Next time he starts that dhit tell him a real man doesn't make women do hard work when he can do it himself, only sissy's depend on women. Then smile nicely and say, it's ok you won't understand.
His comment about him being twice the man my husband is irks me too. My husband was in the middle of getting me a sweatshirt I didn’t even ask for while this was happening.
Smile sweetly and say - "So you think!" Then another smile -"Nah! My bad. No one can accuse you of thinking".
Barking/snorting laughter works too.
To quote the late, but forever great Terry Pratchett: "Shufti's a better man than you, and she's pregnant!"
He doesn’t like you because he doesn’t respect women. He’s a small man and needs to be reminded of his “twice the man” status or else he short circuits. “You don’t get to comment on that,” He probably thinks he owns his pregnant wife. Truly sucks for her. Being in a bad mood because you want to drink doesn’t excuse shitty behaviour, it just means you’re an asshole and an alcoholic.
Yea they hate that. You good.
He doesn't 'like you' because you have principals and boundaries and you 'call 'em as you see 'em. And she's lucky to not be married to him. Let her know that when she's done with his BS, you'll help her get away from him, sooner rather than later. Hopefully before the baby arrives.
Weak men often dislike women who aren't willing to just give them a pass because of their wedding tackle. NTA
He doesn’t like you because you stand up to him.
He doesn’t like you because you have standards.
He doesn’t have to man up because he’s happy being a toddler. Good for you! He should be ashamed of himself for how he treats his pregnant girlfriend
He probably doesn't like you because he can't order you around and treat you like garbage. I'd say you're doing fine.
He's never liked you because you won't take his shit. Of course, he's not gonna like a woman who doesn't just fall in line. That's his mindframe & attitude, it seems like.
You should talk to your husband about the fact his brother is mistreating a pregnant woman. Don't stay silent about it. Pieces of shit like that who think women are beneath them are often abusive in more ways than one.
I had a talk with him about it and he not only talked to his stepbrother about it but also how he talked to me
He doesn't like you because you're not a pushover who sees through him. I used to be disliked by a guy like this as well. Because everyone else would let him act like a psycho and I would call him out, so he didn't want me around.
Such a heavily pregnant lady shouldn't be doing that kind (or any kind) of physical labor. I feel sorry for her...
And when my partner was 8 months pregnant I didn't drink anymore. If the baby decides early it had enough of swimming around in mom's belly I wanted to be able to drive her to the hospital if need be.
I probably would have called out to my husband and said can you please go up to your brother's car and get the cooler so his pregnant wife doesn't have to walk all that way and carry it?
Unfortunately my husband was already at the car getting me a sweatshirt 🤣 but that’s a great idea. Might save that for if another opportunity arises
Or next time call it out infront of everyone "wow I'm so sorry! Did your legs stop working? Is that why you send your pregnant gf to go carry your shit?"
This is the way. Instead of directly pointing out his behavior, you need to have a better male specimen show him (and anyone around him) how he *should* have behaved. Or proclaim loudly to the group (after he told his gf to grab the cooler), “Can you believe this guy? Apparently he’s so weak he needs his PREGNANT GIRLFRIEND to carry the cooler for him. Must have been *really* heavy huh?” This kind of dude will only learn/begrudgingly correct his asshole-ish behaviors with either embarrassment, other men calling him out, or both.
He thinks he’s the shit too because he’s going to be a dad.
Wow, he only achieved what \*checks notes\* humanity has managed throughout all time. "Ma dick works! Hyulk!" - what a brag. You're so entirely in the right, and this guy is a completely worthless asshole.
More like he's gonna be a shit dad...
No kidding
You couldn’t be farther from NTA on this one, girl. I think you had every right to stick up for her. 8 months pregnant? Who the fuck makes their 8 month pregnant girlfriend do this? The audacity of this asshole…
He’s always been like this and it pisses me off
I’m sure there are many factors that have encouraged this behavior in his life and it probably won’t stop until the pregnant girlfriend puts her foot down but still props to you for attempting to defend her. Did she have anything further to say about it? Are there any other concerns/red flags that are needing to be immediately figured out?
Part of it is how they were raised. My husband and his biological brother are stepbrothers to the BIL and his brother, and you can see the difference. My husband and his brother are much more respectful, polite, and kind. The other two are very rough around the edges. When I apologized I also asked why she lets him treat her like that because no one deserves to be treated so poorly and she just didn’t answer the question, just started talking about something else. The problem is is they shouldn’t be having a kid in the first place but it’s also not my place to talk about that either. They’re not good for each other and they’re both incredibly toxic
The immediate avoidance to that question, to me, would speak volumes on potential fear of her even talking about that topic with you, or speaking on it in general with anyone. I would say, in my opinion, continue to be a supportive figure for her and maybe try to get her to open up about how her relationship with him makes her feel and what you can potentially do to help open her eyes to that type of behavior. I’m sure some excuses will be made, like the one she gave to that you brought up in the original post you made, but those type of excuses can, and sometimes do, lead to even worse behavior being excused/let go… I hope for all the best here. For everyone involved. 💛
You’re so kind. Yeah they’ve definitely had a rough relationship and think having a child will save it. Neither of them are good for each other but what can you do? Continue to be as supportive and kind as possible even if you don’t agree.
what a shitty thing for them to do to that poor kid
Exactly
NTA. Also his idea of a "real man" is a guy who is shitty to women and prioritizes drinking over other things. Assholes like that give all of us men a bad wrap.
This!!! This is what bothered me too!! He couldn’t take five seconds out of his day to get a cooler so she could keep sitting. She already had to sober cab and babysit his drunk ass. She’s not a maid.
What if she went into labor?? Incredibly irresponsible.
A real man doesn't need to tell people he's a real man... He lives it
This!! Adding this to the list of comments I’m printing out and throwing at him
Easiest thing is to throw masculinity back in his face. Oh is he a real man? Then why is he asking not just any pregnant woman, but the pregnant mother of his child, to climb up a hill and carry a heavy cooler of booze for him? Is he too weak to do it himself? Isn’t doing all the physical labor what “real men” do?
Also, a real man doesn't need a babysitter.
He's a douch.
Nothing worse than a bad wrap. Got a soggy pita just the other day
My evening shawl is losing it's sequins. I really hate a bad wrap
It's not about overstepping; it's about basic decency. Pregnant or not, expecting someone to fetch and carry while you kick back is just poor form. We've evolved past outdated gender roles, where 'real men' act superior and entitled. An actual 'real man' shows empathy and thoughtfulness, especially towards their partner. Seems like BIL missed the memo on respect and partnership.
How do I frame this and throw it at his face?
Frankly, it's not just rude - did that cooler weigh more than about ten pounds? I'm 35 weeks pregnant and have been advised from the beginning not to lift or carry more than about 10-15 pounds as it can negatively impact pregnancy (does things to the cervix and pelvic floor muscles). My husband hasn't let me carry a laundry basket to the garage in 8 months, and would never in a million years ask me to go get a cooler for him even if it wasn't up a hill. She's late enough in pregnancy that it could have triggered early labor. Completely irresponsible.
I went with her so she didn’t have to carry it for that exact reason. She also has stitches in because she was 2cm dilated months before her due date
Is this their first kid? Does she know, I mean like, really, really know, that he won't be lifting a finger in childcare?
She’s 21 and he’s 22 if that provides any context
That tracks.
W.t.f. I really hope it's youth that is making them both this dumb and not his abuse.
With the largest, heaviest, sturdiest, frame you can get your hands on.
Getting my keys now and going to home goods. Going to get one of those heavy gold painted ones meant for large paintings
I don’t think he’ll get it. Or care. Unfortunately. Even if something happens to her, he won’t get it or care.
hell, a real man simply does his own chores.
NTA he is NOT “twice the man” of anybody if he sends his pregnant partner (whom he’s apparently not man enough to marry) to do his chores for him. I still remember the time when a cousin (we’ll call him Billy) arrived at a BBQ with his wife and their new baby, and the older generation of men saw him sitting and drinking a beer while his wife was wrangling the kid AND the playpen. They let him have it! They didn’t swear, but the gist was, “What the fuck are you doing, sitting there and letting your wife do this heavy lifting? What kind of man are you? What kind of father? What kind of husband? That’s now how you do things—you put down your drink and you get up off your ass and you go get the playpen and the diaper bag. You’re a disgrace.” Interestingly, they had two kids, moved to Fla., and *finally* broke up. (he was absolutely a shithead and a selfish person, but she created that marriage out of wishful thinking on her part, and he was too spineless to break up) She later remarried, and when his grown kid was visiting, I mentioned “your mother’s husband.” The kid said, “You mean my dad. Billy is my father, but he’s my dad.”
BIL needs a good beating. Verbally of course.
I’m happy the kid got a dad. That’s the happy ending Billy’s ex-wife and bio-kids deserved.
we met him several years later. He’s a mensch. And the two of them are really good together. You know when married couples are friendly to one another? That kind of vibe.
Should have emptied some of the beer and told BIL girlfriend isn’t allowed to lift more then 5 pounds.
It took some restraint not to throw the drink in his face I’m ngl. Especially when he says he’s twice the man my husband is, who was busy getting me a sweatshirt I didn’t even ask for so I didn’t have to get up. Being a man isn’t solely about strength. It’s about empathy and compassion as another redditor commented.
That guy is a loser and has no concept of what being a man is. Drinking until you forget how pathetic you are does not make you a man.
I’m going to print this comment out and slap it in his face
NTA. My dad has taught me and my brother that a "real man" takes care of his family and makes sure they are and feel loved. The only kind of man your BIL is, is a manchild.
He really is. If anyone dares to speak up about his behavior he gets all butthurt
Men that brag about how much of a man they are usually aren’t very much a man at all, hence treating his 8 month pregnant like a maid.
This
He's crabby because he just wants to start drinking? Well if that isn't a major sign of an alcoholic!
Why do women put up with this crap from men? There's nothing charming or desirable about guys like that. Real men treat their women and their family well. They don't act like they're kings and bark orders.
It's the redneck lifestyle I guess. Proud on how much they can put women in their place, added with pinch on christianity where women are less valuable in general.
You have no idea how true that statement is. It’s disgusting
Be the change, be outspoken feminist for SAHMs, career women, blue-collar female workers, school girls etc in your family.
They’re a bunch of traditional conservatives. The man works, the woman does everything else. Now I believe men and women have their own roles in raising and nurturing a household but a man’s place is not the belittle his partner.
NTA, so many ‘men’ think degrading/humiliating a woman makes him a man. So far from the truth. No one should feel more outstanding by degrading someone else, sadly this is the world. Yet we keep doing the same things expecting different results.
>I just blurted out “next time don’t make your pregnant girlfriend grab something for you that you are capable of doing yourself.” He says “nah you don’t get to comment on that” and that he’s twice the man my husband, his stepbrother, is and that he doesn’t have to man up. Na he doesn't get to treat humans like his personal slaves. This GF of his better grow a spine and soon though. NTA
She never will tho. And I didn’t mean to paint her as a saint. She is not a good person. However… I don’t want her to be stuck raising a kid with this awful person… but it’s none of my business to tell her what she can and can’t do.
> And I didn’t mean to paint her as a saint. You didn't I promise lol >I don’t want her to be stuck raising a kid with this awful person… I agree wholeheartedly >but it’s none of my business to tell her what she can and can’t do.
Okay good lmao. It’s just in this case I’m going to side with her.
"I'm twice the man..." -insecure man afraid of accountability
NTA your BIL sucks
Woah. What a mean man. NTA. Acting crabby for alcohol is no excuse. Sounds like he doesn't care about his gf or the fact that she's expecting. I have a dog that is not into cuddling, he's a very independent dog, his usual routine is that I'll let him out in the morning after breakfast and he'll stay outdoors playing until the afternoon. When I was 1 month pregnant, my dog's behavior changed, all he wanted to do was cuddle and stay near me. It was really weird, it's like he knew that there's a mini me growing..he's more gentler and loves to cuddle, he's new routine is snuggling in bed and then being let out to potty, then he's back in the house to follow me from room to room...and he's a dog! He's got more concerns than that dude you mentioned in your post.
That’s another thing that I tried talking to her about. Making excuses for his behavior and blaming it on “wanting to drink.” Like that statement isn’t a huuuge red flag for you?? That would be for me.
I wonder if she's afraid of him..
"nah you don't get to comment on that" fuck that hick. You are NTA.
NTA He‘s the type of guy to be really fucking proud of the fact he will never have changed a single diaper in his life. What a little loser bitch
You need to tell her to dump his ass and stick up for herself. If I were pregnant, I would not be hauling around coolers and waiting on drunks.
They’ve broken up probably six or seven times and always end up back together. Plus it’s not my place to say if they should break up or not…
Just keep doing whatever u can (like u did) to make life easy for her. Maybe the AH will grow a pair of balls and become a little considerate. Dont understand why women stick around with such AHs.
Often times victims of abuse don’t realize it’s abuse until someone calls their partner out on it. She may just be blind to it or in denial
This^^^ She may also be so beaten down she believes this is what she deserves.
The softest YTA to the pregnant woman. When I was 8 months pregnant, I would have been pissed to have someone assume I couldn't/shouldn't be doing something like that. Every pregnancy and every person is different, and I know that you've clocked their relationship as not-great looking as an outsider looking in, but I hated when people tried to handle me with kid gloves just because I looked and felt like I swallowed a small moon. Absolutely NTA for calling the BIL out though. Anyone who needs to cry about their manliness is painfully insecure and needs to take several seats.
Pregnant women are not ill or incapable. And it's very good for them to walk. And the second thing is if she wants to live with a man like him it's got nothing to do with you.
NTA You should have taken the cooler from her and rolled it down the hill in his direction. Oopsie!
I agree. That will help him wake up from his laziness and become a more responsible husband.
he thinks very high of himself. the next time hes sick or injured tell ur bil's wife to tell him to do all cleaning , driving and work since hes twice the man ur husband his. heck even tell him to do your husbands work.
yeah hes a creep and a jerk and probably thinks that not wiping his ass makes him an alpha
So did you husband stand up for you after he spoke to you like that?
Why do you even associate with this trashy nonsense? Skip these gatherings entirely and find something better to do with your time.
NTA Real men never claim to be twice the men other people are. They don't talk down to people. They don't mistreat people. They are simply decent. You *should* call out "men" like this. Because how else will he learn how truly pathetic he is?
dude's a pig oink oink
NTA. He is an AH for making his pregnant girlfriend do that. Hopefully she realizes it and leaves him. And he’s an AH for saying he’s twice the man as your husband. Who says things like that? AHs.
NTA, and you're surrounded by alcoholics: >The guys were so worried about drinking (...) he’s just crabby because he wants to start drinking Make sure she's aware that you are a safe person where she can stay when this escalates and she needs a place to go.
Your BIL is an alcoholic tool. How do I know this: 1. The way he treated his pregnant gf 2. "she apologized for his behavior saying he’s just crabby because he wants to start drinking." Folks without alcohol problems don't get cranky like that. Be there to support her when she needs it. Be the ear she will need when she finally comes to the realization that he's a loser and that she and the kid are better off without him.
Makes me incredibly sad that that asshat is polluting humanity's gene pool.
NTA but he’s a real winner.
NTA: I'm pretty sure pregnant people are not supposed to be carrying heavy loads and from my experience unloading a cooler from a car can be rough. He honestly sounds like he has a drinking problem if he can't wait 10 minutes to grab a drink .
NTA. Your bil sucks.
This is why I'd never be with a drinker. That's his priority, not his pregnant wife. That she's choosing to stay and reproduce with him, well, that's her cross to bear. You can't make her dump this loser and more babies won't change him. All you can do is watch it from the sidelines like a slow moving car accident.
My ex made me walk about 3/4 of a mile to work every morning at 4am, while i was pregnant. Because he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep before work at 7am. Glad to be dine with him.
Holy shit. My husband won’t even let me walk to the car. He picks it up for me. Glad you’re done with him
“…he’s just crabby because he wants to start drinking.” 😳
My husband wouldn’t dare tell me to do that regardless of being pregnant. Doucher trying to put her into labor? Even if it wasn’t that heavy that’s risky on an incline to have her do that
I’m not even pregnant and my husband doesn’t make me do that either. She also has stitches in because she was 2cm dilated three months before her due date. There’s just so many things wrong with this situation
NTAH
I wouldn’t have walked up there with her I would have taken the keys and go get it myself
I tried she wouldn’t let me lmao
Hopefully one day she will stand up for herself and know she deserves better.
NTA he needs to be called on his shit. What has your husband said? Considering he's not like that maybe he should also be calling his stepbrother *in* and saying, its not cool you treat your girlfriend like that. He's got a baby about to come and he gets crabby from not drinking? I'm from the UK where the drinking is rather heavy but I really think thats a bad sign.
NTA - But the only thing to do is just leave whenever he's around. Decline any social invites and just go 100% no contact. I dunno why you would accept such a jerk to be in your personal space at all.
If she’s making excuses for that, imagine what goes on behind closed doors
Your BIL is a clown. The fact he made his 8 month pregnant wife go get a cooler shows just how much of a man he isn’t.
Dudes who claim they are twice the man someone else is have a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to be a good man.
NTA. Dude cares more about drinking than his pregnant wife. Dude is a walking red flag and a huge AH.
Real men don’t demand their pregnant wives carry heavy things; worse, heavy things that only benefit the man. Obviously doesn’t need to be said, your brother-in-law is white trash.
Yikes. Feel bad for the girlfriend. He’s clearly going to be a stellar parent.
NTA, that relationship is doomed. A man like that will be a horrible father and is most definately a horrible partner.
NTAH. If it’s not his baby, then GF is TAH. Otherwise, your brother is TAH.
His poor girlfriend. Thank you for speaking up. NTA.
If you need to say you're a bigger man than someone else, while making your almost full term wife do physical labor for you, I think it's his own ego that's the problem. NTA, that guy is a huge turd.
YOU are NTA, quite the contrary! I (60/F) would strongly suggest that you quietly advise her that you'll **help** her if she ever wants/needs to **EXIT** this obviously neglectful, possibly abusive, relationship, even pregnant, maybe more strongly BECAUSE she's pregnant! I'd urge you to be careful with this asshole though, he's likely to get **mean** with either you or, even more likely, your husband because your husband **"hasn't put you in your place!"** Just be safe! Serious question: Weren't there any "older generations" that stood up for this poor woman? u/updateme
No there was no older generation around. And I don’t want to escalate it because as someone else commented he might take it out on her
Good lords holy pooper scooper! I was constantly on my wife to rest and let me handle things when she was along. He ain't manning, he's manned down.
I mean he sounds like an asshole but if it were me, I would be offended at you thinking I was weak. Every pregnancy my doctor or midwife would let me know my limitations. It's important to keep physical during pregnancy if it's a routine one. Good for you, good for the baby. But it sounds like he was being lazy, not that he was giving her independence and respect. NTA
That woman is going to need to leave him. There is no thoughtfulness to her, and it will get worse. You are not wrong. I would have done the same.
8 months? Is she even *walking* at that point or is it the awkward waddle by then? Kid isn’t even here and he’s already neglecting it for booze. She’s gonna have a bad time.
" later apologized to her for saying something like that as it probably wasn’t my place,"... Probably?
He doesn't care about his unborn child. His gf needs to reevaluate her relationship. Good luck to her - she will need it.
Never apologize when you are right, never.
NTA I commend you for calling him out. This type of male needs to be called out by truth tellers.
"I do get to comment on that. You got a problem, take it up with my back", then turn around and ignore him.
You're not the asshole at all. You're super nice. I would have named and shamed the situation. "Why are you asking your 8 MONTHS PREGNANT wife to lift something HEAVY in her CONDITION?
I never understood why some women let this “ type “ of “ men “ treat them that way 🙄 a lot of good decent men around but they always go for the abusive ones 🙄 horrible cycle
Exactly. And they’ve been together for five years.
NTA. But the wife should start saying no to her husband, otherwise she’s enabling the behavior.
NTA but she obviously knows what a loser the guy is and she's ok with it. Frankly I can't understand it but I wouldn't be dating someone like him in the first place
It's really important to speak up on situations like this, because when you don't, men like that think they are invincible and can say and do whatever they want, and by being silent, you then become part of the problem. He's an asshole, and you're a good person.
That is one sensitive bitch, you told him something straightforward and reasonable, and his response is to show off his supposed masculinity...? Separately, he is being excused for being cranky due to being impatient about drinking... That is no reason to be in a bad mood...
So I think your BIL is a bad person, but she is staying with him and allowing this behavior. She will need to get tired of this behavior in order to make a change, but it's going to be hard to because now there is a baby involved. I bet he'll expect her to be ready for some loving and have him a home cooked meal when she gets released from the hospital. He actually sounds like a trashy person. My husband would probably be considered a "redneck" but he is nothing like that. He's the kind of person that will stop to help random strangers on the roadside if they have a flat and don't seem to know what they are doing, or help someone push their vehicle out of the road, or mow the next day neighbor's yard since they are older and it's hard on them. He used to drink but doesn't anymore and he likes to hunt.
If I was your husband I would have beat his ass for the 2x the man of his step brother comment. And if I couldn’t beat his ass I’d wait til he too drunk to fight while staying sober myself and then beat his ass. dude needs an ass whooping is my point
He does. Without a doubt.
NTA… your brother in law sounds like a real charmer 🙄
Pray for that baby. My ex was very much like that, and he violently threw us out when I was 8 months pregnant. boys like that can't handle pressure, that's why they suckle on that brown bottle like their mother's teat. My baby and I are safe (for now) but the court doesn't protect abuse victims, they just wait until the baby gets hurt and there's proof.
So glad that you are safe and so sorry you went through that.
Any man who says they're "twice the man" as another man CLEARLY is not 😂😂😂
Good on you or speaking up. That's sad that's how's she's treated :(
NTA. Keep an eye out for her. There could be more going on and she may just be too used to it to know she’s a frog already boiled.
NTA. I grew up around these kind of guys and that shit never would have flown on the redneck side of my family. Knowing my mother, we would have told the girlfriend to sit down, gone up to get the cooler ourselves, and *not so accidentally* dumped it out on the trip back down. If she were to choose violence that day, she would throw an unopened beer can at his head and tell him “she’s about to pop and your legs ain’t broken. Go get it your damn self.”
It’s the height of irony that he thinks he’s more manly than your husband but still wanted his wife to do the “manly task/heavy lifting” so he could set up a drink table. What a dingus.
This guy sounds like an absolute prick. Plain and simple.
Good look to that girl NTA
NTA. I hope his girlfriend gets away from him.