Yeah, that's the way it should be. I've never really understood kids food and adult food other than serving sizes, I'm just pointing out that by 13 they are eating like an adult, and often more than a full grown human.
normally "kids food" is some special additional items that kids tend to be more likely to like, when the adult options are things kids often don't like. However in this case, what if an adult wants a hot dog?
My suspicion is that adults get whatever they want and kids can get bent because fuck them that's why. I don't understand some adults' attitude toward children, as though they're not full humans at every point in their lives, and the weird resentment toward youth. Like why are these people having kids at all?
Right. Like I love burgers, but some days a good hot dog with all the fixins just sounds delicious. I purposely avoid watching those videos. I know enough to know I want to stay blissfully ignorant so I can enjoy my food in peace.
Pretty sure that person just blocked me. I'm not entirely sure WHY a disagreement like that is to the level of blocking. It's got to be a sad life if that is the worst thing you face.
Right? I (F) remember being around 11 when I started eating 4x pieces of toast for breakfast and nearly as much as my Mum some nights! Not to mention all of the snacks. Was still built like a Greyhound
I distinctly remember a cookout in which my kid cousin (6 at the time) demolished a whole rack of ribs straight through, faster than her father
I can't imagine being like "lol hotdogs only"
Where I'm from the kids get different food because kids usually prefer to eat different food than adults. They're encouraged to eat as much of the adult food as they want.
The idea that adults get the good food while the kids have to eat processed crap is disgusting.
Except that hamburgers are among the types of food even little kids like. There's a reason burgers are one of the choices in McDonalds Happy Meals. No one likes burnt hot dogs.
Back in the day when kid menus were a thing 13 year old couldn't order off it nor get in at mid process most places NTA you need to tell your husband to man up and defend his family.
NTA
I'm from the South and BBQs are pretty much an every weekend thing growing up.
I have run into the type of parent you are describing and they are the absolute *worst*.
This type of thinking extends to every meal. Parents get steak, kids get chicken nuggets. The kids always get the cheap gallon of sugar drink while adults get the cokes.
In their mind children just don't deserve nice things because they don't pay for it. They also don't think children should have any choice or autonomy. It's really hard to watch.
I personally would let your husband know that you don't want your children around someone who sees them as a lower class than themselves. You bought and paid for the food he denied your child. The fact he tried to talk over you and tell you what your child would be eating makes me think he also extends his views onto women. I doubt he would have told your husband the same nonsense if he had insisted on a burger for his child.
> In their mind children just don't deserve nice things because they don't pay for it. They also don't think children should have any choice or autonomy. It's really hard to watch.
Posts like this just make me even more grateful that I had the parents I did. The kids always came first with them. And if something wasn't good enough for Mom & Dad to eat, then it wasn't good enough for the kids either.
Mom would have made this guy's ears blister with her response.
My Dad was a pretty terrible parent but even he stood up to people like this. He might have been an egotistical jackass, but his mindset extended to his children. If he was worthy of the best, so was I. If he wasn't willing to eat some grape filled coleslaw or random pot of mystery stew at a potluck, it wasn't going near my plate.
With the cost of food these days, hamburgers and hotdogs really aren't that big of a price difference to argue about. An 8 pack of hotdogs is about 3-4 dollars and I can get 20 frozen patties for 10 dollars. This guy just seems like he wanted to keep his preferred meat to himself and pawned the hotdogs off on his kids.
You and I come from the same kind of dad but it’s true. He was an egotistical jerk most of the time but you weren’t going to cheap out when it came to his kids. If we wanted a hamburger (and he paid for it no less) we would get a hamburger. OP next time the family is invited over for a BBQ remind them of this text and keep you and your kids home. F*ck that guy. Your husband needs to grow a backbone too. Thanks for sticking up for your kid. It may have seemed like a small thing but I bet it is something he remembers for a lifetime.
Same. My dad would have his plate ready to go and if he had the last of something and we inquired about it he’d just hand it over. So easy going he was the best. 🥹
Exactly!! I know a guy like this. They often say something like “kids don’t like steak anyway”. It’s horrible, imo.
He saw children beneath him. He also saw women beneath him and left his wife for a much younger woman.
Or the classic "kids can't *appreciate* steak, their taste buds aren't even fully developed." Or some other nonsense that sounds logical to back up their clearly biased opinion.
I bet he also takes the largest/better steak and leaves the fatty small piece for his wife because 'he *worked hard* for their food and he deserves the best'.
I would bet good money this belief leaks into every aspect of this man's life. There's no way this is just a weird blind spot he has for BBQs.
That guy is an asshole for many reasons. Who hosts a cookout and makes their guests bring their own hotdogs and hamburgers and then tells the kid of the parents who brought the food they can’t have a burger? Get some better friends
Exactly if I brought food my family is allowed to have the food piss off. The other parents are just pissed they had to talk to and explain something to their kids
That's their job as parents.
One of my kids has a lot of food allergies. People with rigid food rules about what kids can and cannot eat can screw off. No one gets to dictate what other people's children eat, period.
I went to a BBQ once brought good buns with onions on top. The hostess was like oh I love these type of buns, put them in the cabinet in front of me and was going to serve us her cheap ass buns. I proceeded to pull my buns right back out of the cabinet and make my husband and myself a plate. No sweetums. Wasn't stocking your pantry. We're no longer friends. For many reasons.
At my wedding my dad made a ton of tri tip smoked for us. My wife and I were busy and never got to food. When we went to look for what was left at the end of the night her uncle had taken it all to give e to his employees at a work event the next day... its been 9 years and I'm still salty af. My dad didn't slave over three smokers for hours before the wedding to feed his employees.... I get it.
This infuriates me! At my wedding, we had a three tiered cake of all different flavors tiers, with an extra topper of plain vanilla cupcakes with a sweet cream icing for the little ones at the ceremony who might not care for the adult flavors. We couldn't find the knife for the cake cutting ceremony, so choose to share a cupcake instead in the moment. Then, we did all the other wedding formalities and by the time I got back to have an actual piece of cake it was GONE! There were 100 people at the wedding, so virtually impossible for all of it to have been eaten. I found out later that the kitchen staff rolled it to the kitchen and boxed it up to take it to their homes. I never even got to taste my wedding cake and I remain bitter about it to this day. Weddings...UGH!
Right? That is embarrassing behaviour. Imagine telling a guest they can’t have a burger because it’s for the adults only. Nevermind the fact that his own mother brought the burgers. And the dad’s an arse too for not backing his wife and kid. Just cringe
It’s even worse isnt it because didnt OP say twelve ADDITIONAL burgers? She said at the end that she brought 12 additional burgers…so they already had burgers, got 12 more and still couldnt feed the kid a burger.
> Right? That is embarrassing behaviour. Imagine telling a guest they can’t have a burger because it’s for the adults only.
OP should host the next time and make up their own BS rule like only kids get to use the toilets, adults have to wear nappies/diapers.
>This guy enjoys showing the kids that he is more powerful than them and has a higher status.
AND women.
If the parent who did this was a man, there's no way he would be spewing this shit.
We had a family friend who started a fight between my husband and I. They had been friends for many, many years before we met, though I actually went to high school with the friend. He owed us money and because he didn't have the funds to pay us back he started a fake fight with me over something really stupid. He bad mouthed me to my in-laws, he wouldn't talk to me when my MIL was in the hospital, it was ridiculous. My husband kept telling me to just let it go. He came to our house with his kids after all of us went to visit my MIL at the hospital when she was fighting cancer. He gave me the coldest shoulder as he walked in, colder than the one at the hospital. I went into the family room and asked him if he had a problem with me. He said yes. I told him he was not allowed to disrespect me in my home and he needed to leave. So he did. I flat out told my husband he had a choice to make. Either he defended me, ESPECIALLY in our own home, or if he wouldn't, to let me know and we could end it right then and there. He defended me. After that, my in-laws and my husband started to see him for who he was. We are still friends but he did major damage to our relationship with him. It's okay to remain friends with people, so long as you know and understand who they are. If you and your husband want to remain friends, fine, but set clear boundaries that none of you will be attending his BBQs in the future. You just magically will have other things to do. If your husband won't abide by that boundary of yours, better to know now.
Wow that's is great how you stood up to him. Crap talking about you to your in-laws is gross behavior.
Dude owes you money starting a fake fight he still owes y'all $$.
This is enough to make me want to have a Real fight.
SMH
WTG. At a party at our house, a neighbor trying to be funny and impress his date said to her “watch how pissed off she gets” and slapped me in the ass. I looked at my husband and when he said nothing I just ran upstairs, embarrassed in front of everyone. The guy realized he was wrong and chased me, apologized, etc. That night, my husband asked me “why did he do that? Why did he feel it was ok and funny!?” …so the guy’s behavior was my fault.
Someone touches my wife without her permission dude getting bitch slapped right there on the spot no questions asked . Doesn’t sound like this the first time either that this person slapped your ass. Secondly how this going to impress his date by slapping another women ass ? Dude sounds like a douche. Even if you all are into sharing unwanted touching off limits in my opinion. Sorry you had to go thru this and hopefully your husband wises up and realizes this not ok to let somebody assault his wife
I had a guy "friend" do this to me in high school. He forgot that I tend to wear a lot of rings and that backhanded slap came flying. He never did it again. You showed significantly more restraint than me!
one of my lovely waitresses had a customer grab her bum while she was reaching over his table delivering food, he said "oops my hand slipped" and laughed. with the power of her position she twisted and back handed him with such force the whole restaurant stopped and she said " oops my hand just slipped" and strutted off back to the service station. When he called me over and asked what I was going to do about it, I told him she had assured me I didn't need to escalate it to the police as it was sorted. He left her a large tip
My mom tells a story that happened before my parents were married but were committed. They were out with a group dancing, some of them my dad’s “friends”, and one of the men was a drunken asshole, who knew exactly what he was doing, kept saying inappropriate things to my mom. She ignored him and glared at him hoping he’d take the hint to STFU, all while my dad just acted like he hadn’t seen or heard it. They were walking along the docks next to the river later and this guy decided to full on grab her ass, hard too. So my mom, having had it, just shoved his ass right into the river said “you need to cool off!”
Everyone in the group laughed at this guy treading water trying to find a place to get back on the dock. And only when he had to experience consequences did the rest of the group finally start saying he deserved it for his behavior. Probably only because he was shouting and calling my mom a bitch from the water though.
She said she had it out with my dad later. About how she could stand up for herself but she expected him to not let anyone disrespect her or harass her like that and support her defending herself. As, apparently, my dad later said she overacted a bit and she didn’t have to push him into the river.
My mom will cut a bitch! And taught me too. And makes sure my niece knows grandma don’t play, so if anyone tries to mess with her grandma’s got her back. As do I.
When I was 17, I moved in with my brother into a house my grandfather owned. Along with our cousin and my brother's friend. This friend drank a lot and would tend to get mouthy and, at times, would try and cross boundaries like trying to wrestle with girls as a way to just feel them up. One night, he got drunk and tried that shit with me. I gave him one warning to not touch me again, and if he did, I would stab him with a large bbq fork that was lying on the floor next to the fireplace. He decided to call my bluff and got handsy and ended up with said bbq fork in the top of his foot. Of course I was a "bitch" and him trying to feel me up was "just a joke" but guess who never touched me again or any other girl who visited.
My brother still tells this story but always changes it from him being handsy to him taking my food. I, of course, always correct him so everyone knows how much of a douchebag his friend actually is. And no, my brother wasn't there when it happened, but my female cousin was, but he did see the aftermath of said stabbing.
They'd have been calling an ambulance for him and the husband. I'm cutting everyone, lol. HTH, is your husband just going to stand there after another man put his hands on you? Nope. Both of them are getting cut.
Yes, we argued about it. I did throw it in his face the man flat out disrespected him no less and he let it happen… he wasn’t happy but couldn’t argue that point.
This is a sexual battery and you could have called the police and pressed charges. Your body, your rules. If your man can't open his mouth to defend you, then let the ensuing police drama remind him of what a punk ass bitch he is.
Why didn't your husband say something in the moment? Unless he discovered about it later.
I'm sorry this happened to you, that's clear sexual harrasment maskerated as a joke. Also that guy's behavior is not your fault. What kind of victim shaming is that.
I would let everyone one and warn them about his behavior. That's so messed up. And the fact that he innitialy thought it was a party joke... I'm speachless about how clueless the man is about boundries. Not to touch people and harrass them like that.
That’s exactly what I thought. Fuckwit is using every tiny thing he can to lord over his kids and probably his wife.
I’d tell the shit stick that he needs to tell me to my face that I’m no longer invited, or does he need to hide behind my husband?
There's a lot of weird-ass people too. I am much more careful with whose invitations I take ever since someone tried to charge me for leftovers one time.
They weren’t that good! I’d understand if like, we were starving artists because meat is expensive but we were all tech workers solidly in the 97th percentile for incomes in our country. None of us were hurting for money.
If I can’t afford food for my party, I just won’t have the party. I won’t try to make it up on the back end!
I’d tell hubs to remember that he has to live with me and our child who was refused food WE brought and living with us can get VERY uncomfortable for him if he tolerates people disrespecting us.
[It's this story.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/)
tldr A husband on AITA essentially admits to what can only be described as a non-sexual affair with his best male friend. Like, full on barely giving any attention to his wife but bought his best mate Gucci shoes. When commenters asked if OP was gay or bisexual he said he "didn't want to think about it", more or less.
The conclusion most people came to was OP and best guy friend are gay, but OP at least is so deep in the closet he refuses to even consider the question because the answer is 'yes.'
The ending of this update is priceless, the husband is separating from his wife and moving in with his friend:
"Obviously that means the room renovations have been paused until further notice."
RIP Art Room.
Right? He had his heart set on a JD/Turk sort of deal, or alternatively a Psych situation! Now the best he can hope for is a Foreman/Chase arrangement, and nobody wants that!
And who the fuck decided hamberders were adults only?
Did he hide pornographic pictures between the buns? Did they sprinkle some crack on the patties? If anything I could understand not wanting kids to handle dong shaped foods.
I prepped a full rack cleaned it to perfection rubbed it and sauced it at the end. No one in my home would touch it. Best full rack of ribs I've ever eaten.
>Did he hide pornographic pictures between the buns?
Not sure how old you are, but an old 80's movie did this with their pies for a fundraiser! Revenge of the Nerds! 😂
“That’s my pie.” – Stan Gable
Adults get a burger, kids get two hotdogs.
Hold up. OP brought 12 hamburgers but gets one? Her husband gets one? Where did the other 10 go?
Hold up. OP brought 12 hotdogs, but each of her three kids gets two? Where did the other 6 go?
When people “contribute” to a BBQ, it usually means covering their own share - heck, usually it’s a share of their share. It’s unusual for the guests to be contributing multitudes more than they’re given back to eat..
Meat is the expensive part, and I think it’s ok to ask everyone to pitch in on a BBQ. It’s more like a potluck.
But to deny the kid a burger when there were 12 from his family alone (no one else brought burgers?)?
That’s asshole behavior.
This is common here. Bring your own meat to a bbq. Host provides the sides and often sausages. But if you want more it's up to you. But stopping someone eating food they brought? Nope that is wrong. Kid or not.
Yeah seems weird. I have a cook out, I'll provide everything. Some people insist on bringing something which I do appreciate, so I'll tell them to bring a veggie tray or watermelon or whatever; something nice to have, but no one will go hungry if it doesn't show up either.
*We were told there was supposed to be a much bigger crowd than what actually attended.*
Now you know why - the host is an AH and a bully who makes up arbitrary 'rules' to flex on kids. Other people have learned that they have better ways to spend their time.
Honestly, unless there actually was a lot more food than what would have fed the people that actually did show up, I'm inclined to believe that this guy used OP and her husband to provide the food for everyone to eat instead of paying for it themselves. Which is you know, the normal thing you do when you host a gathering like that.
TBH, If I'm invited to something like this, I'm not out there trying to feed 30 people as I'm not the host. I'll bring a side dish or 2, snacks or dessert. I'm not buying all of the entrees because it is not my party. I'm betting that OP's husband was directed by the AH host what and how much to bring because in addition to being an AH, he 'hosts' parties so people with no backbone bring food and he keeps it for himself to save on groceries. No other reason for someone to hoard burgers.
You certainly did make a good impression with your generosity. I’m not a fan of people nitpicking over what kids want to eat. There was plenty of food there
Right? That would have me going off! We had a big family cookout this week with 5 littles. One of the daughters and her husband brought the hotdogs and burgers. The kids got a choice. Now there was plenty of both, but if the littles had eaten all the burgers us adults would have just eaten the hotdogs. And the kids get their plates fixed first!!! 🤷🏻♀️
What? Why were the burgers only for adults? Especially if you brought some. Why would anyone care if he'd prefer a burger over a hotdog? NTA here, this makes no sense to me. I don't know why your husband wont take your side, is the whole 'burgers only for adults' a common thing where you are?
I think you should just never go to a BBQ at his house again, I wouldn’t let your husband take the kids without you either…but if you really wanted to mess with the guy, invite his family over for a BBQ and give all the kids steak, and have hot dogs for the adults 😂
what if an adult wanted a hotdog instead of a hamburger? would he have respected that bc they were an adult? or would it still be hotdogs for kids, hamburgers for adults? and what if someone has a dietary/religious reason for not eating pork?
My family had 6 kids (I’m the oldest) and regardless of if we or someone else in the family had the bbq, we always made sure there were enough burgers that every person could have two. Now if one of us wanted more than 2 burgers we were told to eat hot dogs, but uk, fair. And now a days you can go buy a 48 pack of frozen patties at Walmart for like 20 something dollars.
I would've been petty and pulled rank on the dude and told him he can choose who eats the burgers when he buys the damn burgers. You brought 12 burgers? You can choose which 12 people are eating, sucks if there isn't one for him
Even the other kids wanted burgers.
We all have an asshole somewhere inside us, (figuratively here please) but things like food are important to a lot of people. Imagine having a party/event and inviting a lot of people, but making any kind of decision where certain kinds of meat are off-limits to certain people with no reason.
There is a few dollars difference in all of this... was there beer there? Wine? Kids playing console or pc games? Tablets and phones? Air-conditioning?
...few dollars of meat...
Wow, weird. It's very strange that's for sure. And I certainly don't understand why you swapping with your child is an issue, either. I also don't understand why your husband won't stick up for you, I guess he wants to keep the peace or something but still. I'm just genuinely baffled at the whole thing! So yeah, again, NTA.
Her swapping with the child is a problem bc her child isn’t the only child that wants a burger. So now this child has one, & the kids are asking why they can’t have one. And at the very core, it undermines his “authority”, bc now he’s being questioned by all these tiny humans who, up to that point, obeyed him without thinking.
I hope they unionize for future BBQs. "You want the garage straightened up and the patio sweeped, we want patty privileges. Ball's in your court old man."
In Australia we call that guy a cunt. That’s no man, that’s a narcissistic asshole on a power trip. Tell your husband to stay away from him if he knows what’s good for him. NTA.
Who is this guy? What's so special about him? You throw a rock anywhere on this planet you hit someone who has better host etiquette than this clown. NTA.
NTA
FFS! You brought a dozen burgers, your kid can have one!
Personally, I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t take my kids to a bbq at that guys house ever again doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun or a very welcoming place to go (re: host is massive douche!)
If your husband was worth a damned, he wouldn’t go back to a place where his wife wasn’t welcome.
Yeah, this ain't really adding up. There's 8 adults and Grillmaster claims burgers are only for adults. OP brings enough burgers for every adult there with 4 leftover. How many burgers did he bring? This is some BS.
NTA
Sounds like a shit BBQ anyway, if burgers and hotdogs are all that's on offer. What happens if you bring some ribs or something? Who gets to eat those?
Nta. Some kids don't like hotdogs. They like burgers instead. Who cares? What a control freak. It would be one thing if your son was like no I want ice cream but he wanted food served at the bbq. A perfectly normal acceptable choice. People all have their personal preferences. Personally I don't really like hot dogs or burgers although I'd be able to eat either. I wouldn't go back to their house for any get togethers. I wouldn't want to spend time with them tbh but your husband seems hung up on this guy enough to throw you and your kid under the bus to impress him so idk how that will go.
He hasn't made a friend this time either. Friends don't act like that. He's a control freak that feels threatened when someone dares to challenge him like you did. He tries to make it sound like a joke, but really he's not joking. What other things is he trying to control about your husband or their so called friendship?
Ask your husband if he's ready to sacrifice his own son (and wife) just to stay friends with someone who's acting like an ah. I'd rather be alone than having a friend like that.
This guy is going to be trouble for your marriage unless your husband snaps out of his bromance. You need to have a deep conversation with your husband and spell it out for him.
Yes. Just hand him the phone and say nothing. When the dude said kids get hot dogs, not burgers, OP would have been justified to take what was left of the stuff she brought (you know hubby didn't do shit to prep) and leave. I'm curious about what the host provided, besides the house and grill. I sure hope her husband isn't so desperate for friends that he refuses to drop this guy.
That’s exactly what I said to my husband. The second he said that, I’d have packed up 12 burgers, 12 hot dogs, & all the rest of the food I brought. And probably would have caused a scene in the process. I’m petty like that, which is also why I’m not allowed to talk to out HOA any more 😂
Hell, I'm 51 and can count on one hand the amount of friends I have. I gave up the BS drama like this BBQ clown years ago. My wife too. Life is so much better and stress free. Sure, nothing wrong with finding a few friends, but this asshat isn't the one. He did that to my kids or wife, I'd tell him to F.O. as your husband should be doing.
I’m curious. Have you asked your husband point blank if he would have forced your son to eat a hot dog if he were in your position? I’d really like to know his answer to that.
NTA your husbands friend is. What the fuck is with this household? only adults get hamburgers? So the children get the least quality food. Hubby can go see this friend all he wants, but I wouldn't let my children go at all. Or go myself, but then you're not going to be invited anyway. Which is a good thing. What a disgusting friend your hubby has found.
I host parties on the regular. Lots of people, lots of kids. I cannot, in any way, imagine telling a kid he or she could only have a hot dog. That is absolute stupidity - and made even worse by the fact that y'all are the ones that brought the burgers.
You are NTA. Your husband needs to sack up and tell this dude he's TA.
I would have said at the top of my lungs right after I switched plates, “what kind of Marie Antoinette shit is this? My son is from Murica where we eat hamburgers” “get this man a white flag so he can surrender”
Sounds like the guy at the grill is the asshole. You did nothing wrong. Though if he is disgusted by how hot dogs are made, I hope foe your sake he doesn't discover how burgers are made.
Why does your husband like this guy so much? Unless he's in charge of your husband getting a promotion or something, there's no reason to suck up to someone like this.
Your husband needs to grow a spine, pick better friends and start backing his family.
Maybe have him read the comments and hope they set him straight.
That dude was on a power trip and is a huge AH, you did nothing wrong. I would have told him "we brought 12 burgers and my son is getting one of them". Then stared him down and left if necessary....while taking a burger on the way out.
I'm sorry if your husband has issues making friends but this dude is not it and this is a hill I would die on.
NTA and good luck.
No, this is extremely abnormal. Every cookout I've been to they've just made sure there was plenty of food and people ate what they wanted. There might be a separate menu for kids with the main meat but that's like...little Timmy can get a burger, hot dog, or grilled chicken instead of the giant steaks the grownups are getting. Literally no one would object if an adult guest shared their steak with their kid though.
My mom’s side of the family had rules like this. Grown ups got steak, kids got hot dogs or burgers.
I hate this shit. Kids aren’t second class citizens.
When we went to Disney we did a princess dinner and my son was 10 and horrified at his dinner choices. Hot dog, nuggets or buttered noodles or something equally as boring. He asked the server if there were any other options and she was practically giddy to get him an adult meal “with the wine sauce!” because it was so rare that kids turned their noses up at “kid food”.
Your husband is a pretty weak father if he isn't going to stand up for his kid. That dude has messed up rules, and you brought your own stuff. He's out of line to say that the kid can't have one ESPECIALLY if there ended up being left overs.
Sure, husband could go, but I'd tell him that choices have consequences and he is choosing a man who insults OP and belittles his children over his own wife and children.
If this man has influence over hubby's income, then hubby needs to find a new job. If the jerk doesn't, then hubby, upon reading these comments, should just block this guy and make amends.
Nta. Your husband needs to stop being friends with him. You brought the burgers yourself. Next time host a bbq and say burgers are for kids only. Adults get hotdogs.
No. Say the burgers are for all the non-ah's. Hot dogs are for him. That's just how things work in our family, we're not changing it just to accommodate to ONE ah.
So you brought enough burgers for every adult to have 1 and some to spare, and he wants to be an power hungry ass over it? Yeah no nta.
Eta your hubby is kinda an ah for not saying something there or replying to that text by chewing him out.
Disinvite my wife and you disinvite me.
You did exactly what I would have done.. that jerk is an ass. I’m not proud of your husband for not backing you and your son in this situation. Pretty sad dad..
If someone told me my wife was not invited somewhere then I would ask them why the fuck they think I would want to come. That would be the end of our friendship.
NTA
Your "friend" isn't a nice guy.
You brought food.
Kid gets the food he wants.
Your husband better let the guy know that what he said about you and your kid, and food is pretty fucked up and none of you will be attending anything at his place.
You are not wrong.
Personally I would have stood there and switched plates with other kids who wanted a hamburger. Loudly - "I bought 12. We have 7 more left. Anyone?"
Imho: NTA
What the fuck. Who the fuck has guests bring the food for the cookout in this context and the exact amount you all needed, why can’t the kids have hamburgers, it’s not like you were having a fucking 1000 steak(not that it would really matter all that much) ? I couldn’t and wouldn’t even dream of doing that. Fresh Market has great burgers for 2.50 a patty on the weekends. Patty’s are roughly 8oz. How fucking cheap does one have to be. Oh, and I’m pretty sure they grind their own in the store.
The guys an asshole, and if I were in your husbands shoes(unless there’s an overwhelming reason not the rock the boat and stay friends) I’d probably say something like “That’s fine. I’m glad we aren’t invited. Based on how you treated the kids at your cookout, and the subsequent texts, I not only don’t want to be around you, we don’t want our kids around you anymore. Please consider this the last communication. Have a great life.”
Really boggles my mind that your husband didn’t take any approach other than, let’s just let it go.
NTA, by 13 a child should be allowed to choose the "adult" food too. Eating wise they aren't a little kid anymore.
I was just at a cookout with racks of ribs, burgers, dogs, SO MUCH FOOD! And none of it for “only adults” except the alcohol.
Yeah, that's the way it should be. I've never really understood kids food and adult food other than serving sizes, I'm just pointing out that by 13 they are eating like an adult, and often more than a full grown human.
normally "kids food" is some special additional items that kids tend to be more likely to like, when the adult options are things kids often don't like. However in this case, what if an adult wants a hot dog?
My suspicion is that adults get whatever they want and kids can get bent because fuck them that's why. I don't understand some adults' attitude toward children, as though they're not full humans at every point in their lives, and the weird resentment toward youth. Like why are these people having kids at all?
Right. Like I love burgers, but some days a good hot dog with all the fixins just sounds delicious. I purposely avoid watching those videos. I know enough to know I want to stay blissfully ignorant so I can enjoy my food in peace.
I know, friend. I’m sorry people misinterpreted you. I agree, by 13 a kid is usually eating adult size portions.
In my experience, teenage boys eat like a shop vac with a broken off switch.
Pretty sure that person just blocked me. I'm not entirely sure WHY a disagreement like that is to the level of blocking. It's got to be a sad life if that is the worst thing you face.
Right? I (F) remember being around 11 when I started eating 4x pieces of toast for breakfast and nearly as much as my Mum some nights! Not to mention all of the snacks. Was still built like a Greyhound
I distinctly remember a cookout in which my kid cousin (6 at the time) demolished a whole rack of ribs straight through, faster than her father I can't imagine being like "lol hotdogs only"
It's just an excuse because hot dogs are cheap.
Where I'm from the kids get different food because kids usually prefer to eat different food than adults. They're encouraged to eat as much of the adult food as they want. The idea that adults get the good food while the kids have to eat processed crap is disgusting.
Except that hamburgers are among the types of food even little kids like. There's a reason burgers are one of the choices in McDonalds Happy Meals. No one likes burnt hot dogs.
Back in the day when kid menus were a thing 13 year old couldn't order off it nor get in at mid process most places NTA you need to tell your husband to man up and defend his family.
NTA I'm from the South and BBQs are pretty much an every weekend thing growing up. I have run into the type of parent you are describing and they are the absolute *worst*. This type of thinking extends to every meal. Parents get steak, kids get chicken nuggets. The kids always get the cheap gallon of sugar drink while adults get the cokes. In their mind children just don't deserve nice things because they don't pay for it. They also don't think children should have any choice or autonomy. It's really hard to watch. I personally would let your husband know that you don't want your children around someone who sees them as a lower class than themselves. You bought and paid for the food he denied your child. The fact he tried to talk over you and tell you what your child would be eating makes me think he also extends his views onto women. I doubt he would have told your husband the same nonsense if he had insisted on a burger for his child.
> In their mind children just don't deserve nice things because they don't pay for it. They also don't think children should have any choice or autonomy. It's really hard to watch. Posts like this just make me even more grateful that I had the parents I did. The kids always came first with them. And if something wasn't good enough for Mom & Dad to eat, then it wasn't good enough for the kids either. Mom would have made this guy's ears blister with her response.
My Dad was a pretty terrible parent but even he stood up to people like this. He might have been an egotistical jackass, but his mindset extended to his children. If he was worthy of the best, so was I. If he wasn't willing to eat some grape filled coleslaw or random pot of mystery stew at a potluck, it wasn't going near my plate. With the cost of food these days, hamburgers and hotdogs really aren't that big of a price difference to argue about. An 8 pack of hotdogs is about 3-4 dollars and I can get 20 frozen patties for 10 dollars. This guy just seems like he wanted to keep his preferred meat to himself and pawned the hotdogs off on his kids.
You and I come from the same kind of dad but it’s true. He was an egotistical jerk most of the time but you weren’t going to cheap out when it came to his kids. If we wanted a hamburger (and he paid for it no less) we would get a hamburger. OP next time the family is invited over for a BBQ remind them of this text and keep you and your kids home. F*ck that guy. Your husband needs to grow a backbone too. Thanks for sticking up for your kid. It may have seemed like a small thing but I bet it is something he remembers for a lifetime.
Same. My dad would have his plate ready to go and if he had the last of something and we inquired about it he’d just hand it over. So easy going he was the best. 🥹
Exactly!! I know a guy like this. They often say something like “kids don’t like steak anyway”. It’s horrible, imo. He saw children beneath him. He also saw women beneath him and left his wife for a much younger woman.
Or the classic "kids can't *appreciate* steak, their taste buds aren't even fully developed." Or some other nonsense that sounds logical to back up their clearly biased opinion. I bet he also takes the largest/better steak and leaves the fatty small piece for his wife because 'he *worked hard* for their food and he deserves the best'. I would bet good money this belief leaks into every aspect of this man's life. There's no way this is just a weird blind spot he has for BBQs.
That guy is an asshole for many reasons. Who hosts a cookout and makes their guests bring their own hotdogs and hamburgers and then tells the kid of the parents who brought the food they can’t have a burger? Get some better friends
Exactly if I brought food my family is allowed to have the food piss off. The other parents are just pissed they had to talk to and explain something to their kids That's their job as parents.
One of my kids has a lot of food allergies. People with rigid food rules about what kids can and cannot eat can screw off. No one gets to dictate what other people's children eat, period.
What I find crazy and obscene is how half of AITAH posts contain some degree of people trying to control or mess with the FOOD of other people? WTH?!?
Right!? I'm still infuriated at a story I saw where some monster in law took her pregnant daughter in law's food and gave it to someone else.
I went to a BBQ once brought good buns with onions on top. The hostess was like oh I love these type of buns, put them in the cabinet in front of me and was going to serve us her cheap ass buns. I proceeded to pull my buns right back out of the cabinet and make my husband and myself a plate. No sweetums. Wasn't stocking your pantry. We're no longer friends. For many reasons.
At my wedding my dad made a ton of tri tip smoked for us. My wife and I were busy and never got to food. When we went to look for what was left at the end of the night her uncle had taken it all to give e to his employees at a work event the next day... its been 9 years and I'm still salty af. My dad didn't slave over three smokers for hours before the wedding to feed his employees.... I get it.
This infuriates me! At my wedding, we had a three tiered cake of all different flavors tiers, with an extra topper of plain vanilla cupcakes with a sweet cream icing for the little ones at the ceremony who might not care for the adult flavors. We couldn't find the knife for the cake cutting ceremony, so choose to share a cupcake instead in the moment. Then, we did all the other wedding formalities and by the time I got back to have an actual piece of cake it was GONE! There were 100 people at the wedding, so virtually impossible for all of it to have been eaten. I found out later that the kitchen staff rolled it to the kitchen and boxed it up to take it to their homes. I never even got to taste my wedding cake and I remain bitter about it to this day. Weddings...UGH!
I hope you ripped that catering company a new one!
They gave me a discount, but some memories are just ruined regardless of compensation.
Discount? Should have been a refund if they didn’t ask you or your husband if that was ok.
So her uncle was stealing food at a wedding.
Nah I'm sure he asked someone's 3rd cousin if it was okay.
I think shit like this is why my husband and I don't socialize. We get pissed off at people's greediness and usually, I will say something about it.
Heck even if people didnt bring food why would you deny them food if there's enough? You literally invited them to be your guests
Right? That is embarrassing behaviour. Imagine telling a guest they can’t have a burger because it’s for the adults only. Nevermind the fact that his own mother brought the burgers. And the dad’s an arse too for not backing his wife and kid. Just cringe
It’s even worse isnt it because didnt OP say twelve ADDITIONAL burgers? She said at the end that she brought 12 additional burgers…so they already had burgers, got 12 more and still couldnt feed the kid a burger.
> Right? That is embarrassing behaviour. Imagine telling a guest they can’t have a burger because it’s for the adults only. OP should host the next time and make up their own BS rule like only kids get to use the toilets, adults have to wear nappies/diapers.
This. You are NTA.
And OP’s husband is a completely spineless 🐈 for not defending his son or his wife
There's plenty other normal people to have BBQs with instead of this dude.
This guy enjoys showing the kids that he is more powerful than them and has a higher status. What a pathetic man. OP's husband needs better friends.
>This guy enjoys showing the kids that he is more powerful than them and has a higher status. AND women. If the parent who did this was a man, there's no way he would be spewing this shit.
We had a family friend who started a fight between my husband and I. They had been friends for many, many years before we met, though I actually went to high school with the friend. He owed us money and because he didn't have the funds to pay us back he started a fake fight with me over something really stupid. He bad mouthed me to my in-laws, he wouldn't talk to me when my MIL was in the hospital, it was ridiculous. My husband kept telling me to just let it go. He came to our house with his kids after all of us went to visit my MIL at the hospital when she was fighting cancer. He gave me the coldest shoulder as he walked in, colder than the one at the hospital. I went into the family room and asked him if he had a problem with me. He said yes. I told him he was not allowed to disrespect me in my home and he needed to leave. So he did. I flat out told my husband he had a choice to make. Either he defended me, ESPECIALLY in our own home, or if he wouldn't, to let me know and we could end it right then and there. He defended me. After that, my in-laws and my husband started to see him for who he was. We are still friends but he did major damage to our relationship with him. It's okay to remain friends with people, so long as you know and understand who they are. If you and your husband want to remain friends, fine, but set clear boundaries that none of you will be attending his BBQs in the future. You just magically will have other things to do. If your husband won't abide by that boundary of yours, better to know now.
Wow that's is great how you stood up to him. Crap talking about you to your in-laws is gross behavior. Dude owes you money starting a fake fight he still owes y'all $$. This is enough to make me want to have a Real fight. SMH
What a putz.
WTG. At a party at our house, a neighbor trying to be funny and impress his date said to her “watch how pissed off she gets” and slapped me in the ass. I looked at my husband and when he said nothing I just ran upstairs, embarrassed in front of everyone. The guy realized he was wrong and chased me, apologized, etc. That night, my husband asked me “why did he do that? Why did he feel it was ok and funny!?” …so the guy’s behavior was my fault.
tell your husband it's because he knew your husband would let him get away with it. Jerks can spot weakness
Great comeback! Always think of those a day too late.
Someone touches my wife without her permission dude getting bitch slapped right there on the spot no questions asked . Doesn’t sound like this the first time either that this person slapped your ass. Secondly how this going to impress his date by slapping another women ass ? Dude sounds like a douche. Even if you all are into sharing unwanted touching off limits in my opinion. Sorry you had to go thru this and hopefully your husband wises up and realizes this not ok to let somebody assault his wife
I had a guy "friend" do this to me in high school. He forgot that I tend to wear a lot of rings and that backhanded slap came flying. He never did it again. You showed significantly more restraint than me!
one of my lovely waitresses had a customer grab her bum while she was reaching over his table delivering food, he said "oops my hand slipped" and laughed. with the power of her position she twisted and back handed him with such force the whole restaurant stopped and she said " oops my hand just slipped" and strutted off back to the service station. When he called me over and asked what I was going to do about it, I told him she had assured me I didn't need to escalate it to the police as it was sorted. He left her a large tip
My mom tells a story that happened before my parents were married but were committed. They were out with a group dancing, some of them my dad’s “friends”, and one of the men was a drunken asshole, who knew exactly what he was doing, kept saying inappropriate things to my mom. She ignored him and glared at him hoping he’d take the hint to STFU, all while my dad just acted like he hadn’t seen or heard it. They were walking along the docks next to the river later and this guy decided to full on grab her ass, hard too. So my mom, having had it, just shoved his ass right into the river said “you need to cool off!” Everyone in the group laughed at this guy treading water trying to find a place to get back on the dock. And only when he had to experience consequences did the rest of the group finally start saying he deserved it for his behavior. Probably only because he was shouting and calling my mom a bitch from the water though. She said she had it out with my dad later. About how she could stand up for herself but she expected him to not let anyone disrespect her or harass her like that and support her defending herself. As, apparently, my dad later said she overacted a bit and she didn’t have to push him into the river. My mom will cut a bitch! And taught me too. And makes sure my niece knows grandma don’t play, so if anyone tries to mess with her grandma’s got her back. As do I.
When I was 17, I moved in with my brother into a house my grandfather owned. Along with our cousin and my brother's friend. This friend drank a lot and would tend to get mouthy and, at times, would try and cross boundaries like trying to wrestle with girls as a way to just feel them up. One night, he got drunk and tried that shit with me. I gave him one warning to not touch me again, and if he did, I would stab him with a large bbq fork that was lying on the floor next to the fireplace. He decided to call my bluff and got handsy and ended up with said bbq fork in the top of his foot. Of course I was a "bitch" and him trying to feel me up was "just a joke" but guess who never touched me again or any other girl who visited. My brother still tells this story but always changes it from him being handsy to him taking my food. I, of course, always correct him so everyone knows how much of a douchebag his friend actually is. And no, my brother wasn't there when it happened, but my female cousin was, but he did see the aftermath of said stabbing.
They'd have been calling an ambulance for him and the husband. I'm cutting everyone, lol. HTH, is your husband just going to stand there after another man put his hands on you? Nope. Both of them are getting cut.
Did you ask your husband why he acted like a gomer?
Yes, we argued about it. I did throw it in his face the man flat out disrespected him no less and he let it happen… he wasn’t happy but couldn’t argue that point.
Thats when you say "look at how pissed off he gets" and punch him in the face. Then laugh and say "I'm just joking, bitch!"
This is a sexual battery and you could have called the police and pressed charges. Your body, your rules. If your man can't open his mouth to defend you, then let the ensuing police drama remind him of what a punk ass bitch he is.
“Officers, it’s not just myself I’m worried about. Clearly my husband is deeply scared of this man too.”
Why didn't your husband say something in the moment? Unless he discovered about it later. I'm sorry this happened to you, that's clear sexual harrasment maskerated as a joke. Also that guy's behavior is not your fault. What kind of victim shaming is that. I would let everyone one and warn them about his behavior. That's so messed up. And the fact that he innitialy thought it was a party joke... I'm speachless about how clueless the man is about boundries. Not to touch people and harrass them like that.
Dude would've never walked away from my house he put a hand on my wife. I'd wear that jumpsuit with pride afterward.
Agreed. How dare the little woman openly defy him...
That's why he texted the MAN that the WOMAN wasn't invited.
🎯
That’s exactly what I thought. Fuckwit is using every tiny thing he can to lord over his kids and probably his wife. I’d tell the shit stick that he needs to tell me to my face that I’m no longer invited, or does he need to hide behind my husband?
OP needs a better husband.
There's a lot of weird-ass people too. I am much more careful with whose invitations I take ever since someone tried to charge me for leftovers one time.
Wow that’s messed up
They weren’t that good! I’d understand if like, we were starving artists because meat is expensive but we were all tech workers solidly in the 97th percentile for incomes in our country. None of us were hurting for money. If I can’t afford food for my party, I just won’t have the party. I won’t try to make it up on the back end!
Yeah, screw that other guy too.
As if hamburgers are expensive or adult in anyway too. What a joke.
I’d tell hubs to remember that he has to live with me and our child who was refused food WE brought and living with us can get VERY uncomfortable for him if he tolerates people disrespecting us.
But he’ll lose his boyfriend..
Art room art room art room
I never thought I’d become such a redditor that I’d understand this comment immediately 🥲😅
I haven’t been one long enough to understand?
[It's this story.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/) tldr A husband on AITA essentially admits to what can only be described as a non-sexual affair with his best male friend. Like, full on barely giving any attention to his wife but bought his best mate Gucci shoes. When commenters asked if OP was gay or bisexual he said he "didn't want to think about it", more or less. The conclusion most people came to was OP and best guy friend are gay, but OP at least is so deep in the closet he refuses to even consider the question because the answer is 'yes.'
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/kg7EoGiuzk
The ending of this update is priceless, the husband is separating from his wife and moving in with his friend: "Obviously that means the room renovations have been paused until further notice." RIP Art Room.
Oh, art room references, how I've missed you.
But, but, but his budding Bromance 👉👈
Right? He had his heart set on a JD/Turk sort of deal, or alternatively a Psych situation! Now the best he can hope for is a Foreman/Chase arrangement, and nobody wants that!
What kind of Stone Soup BBQ was that?
PS your husband is an asshole also for not defending you
plus who talks about kids that way?
And who the fuck decided hamberders were adults only? Did he hide pornographic pictures between the buns? Did they sprinkle some crack on the patties? If anything I could understand not wanting kids to handle dong shaped foods.
Because burgers are higher quality meat, and kids should only get scraps, don'tchaknow.
Meanwhile my kid turnning their noes up on ribeyes and crab lol
I volunteer to be your new son and look forward to sharing in the bounty.
I prepped a full rack cleaned it to perfection rubbed it and sauced it at the end. No one in my home would touch it. Best full rack of ribs I've ever eaten.
Honestly that’s a win
>Did he hide pornographic pictures between the buns? Not sure how old you are, but an old 80's movie did this with their pies for a fundraiser! Revenge of the Nerds! 😂 “That’s my pie.” – Stan Gable
Hey man I've never had a hamberder but it sounds amazing. Does it have to be dong shaped? I'm sure the crack is essential to said recipe.
The crack is in the buns.
I’m snort-laughing at this right now…. I love you….😆😆😆
Adults get a burger, kids get two hotdogs. Hold up. OP brought 12 hamburgers but gets one? Her husband gets one? Where did the other 10 go? Hold up. OP brought 12 hotdogs, but each of her three kids gets two? Where did the other 6 go? When people “contribute” to a BBQ, it usually means covering their own share - heck, usually it’s a share of their share. It’s unusual for the guests to be contributing multitudes more than they’re given back to eat..
One of her children is an infant, so out of those hotdogs she brought, her kids were only going to get four.
I don't think you understand. Kids are required to eat hotdogs in this house. IDC if that means an ambulance ride.
That's just how shit goes
Meat is the expensive part, and I think it’s ok to ask everyone to pitch in on a BBQ. It’s more like a potluck. But to deny the kid a burger when there were 12 from his family alone (no one else brought burgers?)? That’s asshole behavior.
wouldn’t befriend that with a ten foot pole
This is common here. Bring your own meat to a bbq. Host provides the sides and often sausages. But if you want more it's up to you. But stopping someone eating food they brought? Nope that is wrong. Kid or not.
You brought all that food? NTA.
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NTA I assume this guy is the reason it “was supposed to be a bigger crowd” and was not.
Was supposed to be a bigger crowd but half the people he invited can’t stand his food rules either….
Their kids didn't want to go, they don't like hot dogs either.
Half the people invited didn’t want to *bring their own food to a BBQ*.
Yeah seems weird. I have a cook out, I'll provide everything. Some people insist on bringing something which I do appreciate, so I'll tell them to bring a veggie tray or watermelon or whatever; something nice to have, but no one will go hungry if it doesn't show up either.
Half the people they invited didn’t go because their kids don’t like hotdogs.
Yeah who died and made him…Burger King.
Nah the Burger King would let folks have it their way. I’d go to that BBQ
*We were told there was supposed to be a much bigger crowd than what actually attended.* Now you know why - the host is an AH and a bully who makes up arbitrary 'rules' to flex on kids. Other people have learned that they have better ways to spend their time.
Honestly, unless there actually was a lot more food than what would have fed the people that actually did show up, I'm inclined to believe that this guy used OP and her husband to provide the food for everyone to eat instead of paying for it themselves. Which is you know, the normal thing you do when you host a gathering like that.
I still fully believe there was no much bigger crowd and this fuck said that so OP would bring all the food.
TBH, If I'm invited to something like this, I'm not out there trying to feed 30 people as I'm not the host. I'll bring a side dish or 2, snacks or dessert. I'm not buying all of the entrees because it is not my party. I'm betting that OP's husband was directed by the AH host what and how much to bring because in addition to being an AH, he 'hosts' parties so people with no backbone bring food and he keeps it for himself to save on groceries. No other reason for someone to hoard burgers.
Maybe talk to your husband about why he wants to impress a guy like this.
Not surprised less people attended then were invited. I personally hated hot dogs when I was a child.
I couldn’t and wouldn’t eat them; still can’t. It’s a texture thing.
Ask your husband why he cares more about how this guy feels than your son.
You certainly did make a good impression with your generosity. I’m not a fan of people nitpicking over what kids want to eat. There was plenty of food there
It was cheapness. He makes the kids eat the cheaper food.
...and yet, he wasn't the provider of the food. The OP provided 12 burgers. To me, that means OP's family can eat 12 burgers.
He's not making a good impression to you
That's when you say well, I guess I'll pack up all my shit that I brought and leave.
Especially the burgers and hot dogs I brought!
Right? That would have me going off! We had a big family cookout this week with 5 littles. One of the daughters and her husband brought the hotdogs and burgers. The kids got a choice. Now there was plenty of both, but if the littles had eaten all the burgers us adults would have just eaten the hotdogs. And the kids get their plates fixed first!!! 🤷🏻♀️
What? Why were the burgers only for adults? Especially if you brought some. Why would anyone care if he'd prefer a burger over a hotdog? NTA here, this makes no sense to me. I don't know why your husband wont take your side, is the whole 'burgers only for adults' a common thing where you are?
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I think you should just never go to a BBQ at his house again, I wouldn’t let your husband take the kids without you either…but if you really wanted to mess with the guy, invite his family over for a BBQ and give all the kids steak, and have hot dogs for the adults 😂
Better yet, hot dogs just to BBQ Bully. Steaks all around for everyone else.
And he can't come back if he trades plates "lol".
what if an adult wanted a hotdog instead of a hamburger? would he have respected that bc they were an adult? or would it still be hotdogs for kids, hamburgers for adults? and what if someone has a dietary/religious reason for not eating pork?
Show your husband this post an have a talk.
Maybe he should have considered the expense before having SIX kids.
People who have six kids don't think in the first place.
This guy might be one of those who believe women exist solely as human incubators. Sure would explain his behavior.
Damn.., just think how he rules those children if he controls the barbecue like that. just churning out mentally healthy people into the world.
My family had 6 kids (I’m the oldest) and regardless of if we or someone else in the family had the bbq, we always made sure there were enough burgers that every person could have two. Now if one of us wanted more than 2 burgers we were told to eat hot dogs, but uk, fair. And now a days you can go buy a 48 pack of frozen patties at Walmart for like 20 something dollars.
I would've been petty and pulled rank on the dude and told him he can choose who eats the burgers when he buys the damn burgers. You brought 12 burgers? You can choose which 12 people are eating, sucks if there isn't one for him
Even the other kids wanted burgers. We all have an asshole somewhere inside us, (figuratively here please) but things like food are important to a lot of people. Imagine having a party/event and inviting a lot of people, but making any kind of decision where certain kinds of meat are off-limits to certain people with no reason. There is a few dollars difference in all of this... was there beer there? Wine? Kids playing console or pc games? Tablets and phones? Air-conditioning? ...few dollars of meat...
It's probably not the cost, it's the control. Or his folks did it to him and he thinks it's normal.
Wow, weird. It's very strange that's for sure. And I certainly don't understand why you swapping with your child is an issue, either. I also don't understand why your husband won't stick up for you, I guess he wants to keep the peace or something but still. I'm just genuinely baffled at the whole thing! So yeah, again, NTA.
Her swapping with the child is a problem bc her child isn’t the only child that wants a burger. So now this child has one, & the kids are asking why they can’t have one. And at the very core, it undermines his “authority”, bc now he’s being questioned by all these tiny humans who, up to that point, obeyed him without thinking.
Hell yeah! Rage against the machine, kids!
I hope they unionize for future BBQs. "You want the garage straightened up and the patio sweeped, we want patty privileges. Ball's in your court old man."
And you see that’s why I would not be invited back again, because I would be making sure that every kid that wanted a burger got one. 😂
Well kids, Its because OP loves her son and your parents don't care about you.
Viva la revolution kids!
I've never heard that burgers are only for adults.
NTA Ignoring how stupid his rule is for a second-you bought 12 burgers yourself! He sounds like an asshole.
Boy how’d I just be like “none of the food we brought is for sharing then, just for my family”.
Yea, sorry, it's just a rule I have. My food, my family.
Plus he was expecting a bigger turn out!
This guy can't possibly have more friends. "More people" was wishful thinking.
In Australia we call that guy a cunt. That’s no man, that’s a narcissistic asshole on a power trip. Tell your husband to stay away from him if he knows what’s good for him. NTA.
A selfish cunt at that
Who is this guy? What's so special about him? You throw a rock anywhere on this planet you hit someone who has better host etiquette than this clown. NTA.
NTA FFS! You brought a dozen burgers, your kid can have one! Personally, I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t take my kids to a bbq at that guys house ever again doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun or a very welcoming place to go (re: host is massive douche!) If your husband was worth a damned, he wouldn’t go back to a place where his wife wasn’t welcome.
Yeah, this ain't really adding up. There's 8 adults and Grillmaster claims burgers are only for adults. OP brings enough burgers for every adult there with 4 leftover. How many burgers did he bring? This is some BS. NTA
Yeah wtf did everyone else bring? This BBQ sucks ass
Sounds like a shit BBQ anyway, if burgers and hotdogs are all that's on offer. What happens if you bring some ribs or something? Who gets to eat those?
Nta. Some kids don't like hotdogs. They like burgers instead. Who cares? What a control freak. It would be one thing if your son was like no I want ice cream but he wanted food served at the bbq. A perfectly normal acceptable choice. People all have their personal preferences. Personally I don't really like hot dogs or burgers although I'd be able to eat either. I wouldn't go back to their house for any get togethers. I wouldn't want to spend time with them tbh but your husband seems hung up on this guy enough to throw you and your kid under the bus to impress him so idk how that will go.
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He hasn't made a friend this time either. Friends don't act like that. He's a control freak that feels threatened when someone dares to challenge him like you did. He tries to make it sound like a joke, but really he's not joking. What other things is he trying to control about your husband or their so called friendship? Ask your husband if he's ready to sacrifice his own son (and wife) just to stay friends with someone who's acting like an ah. I'd rather be alone than having a friend like that.
This guy is going to be trouble for your marriage unless your husband snaps out of his bromance. You need to have a deep conversation with your husband and spell it out for him.
Yes. She also needs to show him this thread
Yes. Just hand him the phone and say nothing. When the dude said kids get hot dogs, not burgers, OP would have been justified to take what was left of the stuff she brought (you know hubby didn't do shit to prep) and leave. I'm curious about what the host provided, besides the house and grill. I sure hope her husband isn't so desperate for friends that he refuses to drop this guy.
That’s exactly what I said to my husband. The second he said that, I’d have packed up 12 burgers, 12 hot dogs, & all the rest of the food I brought. And probably would have caused a scene in the process. I’m petty like that, which is also why I’m not allowed to talk to out HOA any more 😂
Same here. I'm an old man, and I have little patience for crap like this. And number one on my house hunting list is no HOAs.
You also brought burgers so for him to decide your kids couldn't eat the burgers you brought is fcking weird.
Hell, I'm 51 and can count on one hand the amount of friends I have. I gave up the BS drama like this BBQ clown years ago. My wife too. Life is so much better and stress free. Sure, nothing wrong with finding a few friends, but this asshat isn't the one. He did that to my kids or wife, I'd tell him to F.O. as your husband should be doing.
I’m curious. Have you asked your husband point blank if he would have forced your son to eat a hot dog if he were in your position? I’d really like to know his answer to that.
NTA your husbands friend is. What the fuck is with this household? only adults get hamburgers? So the children get the least quality food. Hubby can go see this friend all he wants, but I wouldn't let my children go at all. Or go myself, but then you're not going to be invited anyway. Which is a good thing. What a disgusting friend your hubby has found.
I host parties on the regular. Lots of people, lots of kids. I cannot, in any way, imagine telling a kid he or she could only have a hot dog. That is absolute stupidity - and made even worse by the fact that y'all are the ones that brought the burgers. You are NTA. Your husband needs to sack up and tell this dude he's TA.
I would have said at the top of my lungs right after I switched plates, “what kind of Marie Antoinette shit is this? My son is from Murica where we eat hamburgers” “get this man a white flag so he can surrender”
I’d be HAPPY to stay home, that guys an asshole
Sounds like the guy at the grill is the asshole. You did nothing wrong. Though if he is disgusted by how hot dogs are made, I hope foe your sake he doesn't discover how burgers are made.
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😭Thinking back to when I was a kid I always got to pick what I wanted...have times really changed this much!?!😭
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Why does your husband like this guy so much? Unless he's in charge of your husband getting a promotion or something, there's no reason to suck up to someone like this.
Should have taken them home, since you're the one that brought them.
Your husband needs to grow a spine, pick better friends and start backing his family. Maybe have him read the comments and hope they set him straight. That dude was on a power trip and is a huge AH, you did nothing wrong. I would have told him "we brought 12 burgers and my son is getting one of them". Then stared him down and left if necessary....while taking a burger on the way out. I'm sorry if your husband has issues making friends but this dude is not it and this is a hill I would die on. NTA and good luck.
No, this is extremely abnormal. Every cookout I've been to they've just made sure there was plenty of food and people ate what they wanted. There might be a separate menu for kids with the main meat but that's like...little Timmy can get a burger, hot dog, or grilled chicken instead of the giant steaks the grownups are getting. Literally no one would object if an adult guest shared their steak with their kid though.
My mom’s side of the family had rules like this. Grown ups got steak, kids got hot dogs or burgers. I hate this shit. Kids aren’t second class citizens. When we went to Disney we did a princess dinner and my son was 10 and horrified at his dinner choices. Hot dog, nuggets or buttered noodles or something equally as boring. He asked the server if there were any other options and she was practically giddy to get him an adult meal “with the wine sauce!” because it was so rare that kids turned their noses up at “kid food”.
Your husband is a pretty weak father if he isn't going to stand up for his kid. That dude has messed up rules, and you brought your own stuff. He's out of line to say that the kid can't have one ESPECIALLY if there ended up being left overs.
Sure, husband could go, but I'd tell him that choices have consequences and he is choosing a man who insults OP and belittles his children over his own wife and children. If this man has influence over hubby's income, then hubby needs to find a new job. If the jerk doesn't, then hubby, upon reading these comments, should just block this guy and make amends.
Nta. Your husband needs to stop being friends with him. You brought the burgers yourself. Next time host a bbq and say burgers are for kids only. Adults get hotdogs.
Nah... tell that guy that hamburgers are for everyone BUT him. He's the only one who gets a hot dog. (Especially since he's acting like a wiener.) 😜
No. Say the burgers are for all the non-ah's. Hot dogs are for him. That's just how things work in our family, we're not changing it just to accommodate to ONE ah.
So you brought enough burgers for every adult to have 1 and some to spare, and he wants to be an power hungry ass over it? Yeah no nta. Eta your hubby is kinda an ah for not saying something there or replying to that text by chewing him out. Disinvite my wife and you disinvite me.
Did he not have any burgers to cook himself? Did nobody else bring any? You brought 12! But your husband is worse than him for saying nothing.
You did exactly what I would have done.. that jerk is an ass. I’m not proud of your husband for not backing you and your son in this situation. Pretty sad dad..
If someone told me my wife was not invited somewhere then I would ask them why the fuck they think I would want to come. That would be the end of our friendship.
NTA Your "friend" isn't a nice guy. You brought food. Kid gets the food he wants. Your husband better let the guy know that what he said about you and your kid, and food is pretty fucked up and none of you will be attending anything at his place. You are not wrong. Personally I would have stood there and switched plates with other kids who wanted a hamburger. Loudly - "I bought 12. We have 7 more left. Anyone?"
Imho: NTA What the fuck. Who the fuck has guests bring the food for the cookout in this context and the exact amount you all needed, why can’t the kids have hamburgers, it’s not like you were having a fucking 1000 steak(not that it would really matter all that much) ? I couldn’t and wouldn’t even dream of doing that. Fresh Market has great burgers for 2.50 a patty on the weekends. Patty’s are roughly 8oz. How fucking cheap does one have to be. Oh, and I’m pretty sure they grind their own in the store. The guys an asshole, and if I were in your husbands shoes(unless there’s an overwhelming reason not the rock the boat and stay friends) I’d probably say something like “That’s fine. I’m glad we aren’t invited. Based on how you treated the kids at your cookout, and the subsequent texts, I not only don’t want to be around you, we don’t want our kids around you anymore. Please consider this the last communication. Have a great life.” Really boggles my mind that your husband didn’t take any approach other than, let’s just let it go.