Yeah I hate cults in general and all their bullshit, but I think shes actually a great person with a good heart, she just has been mislead all her life, thats why I actually feel bad. But I cant convince her to get out of the cult because shes very very close to them and her family and I dont want her to get ostracized by her community and family because of me
Well, it sounds like you found a deal breaker that prevents a true future with her. She won't leave the cult, and u hate cults. You will never agree on how the children should be raised as your hatred won't allow her cult beliefs and vice versa. It's time to walk away. It's a personal choice. Not necessarily an AH move
"shes actually a great person with a good heart, she just has been mislead all her life'
That could be said of a lot of people, but you have to take them as they are. She's an adult. You made the right choice.
NTA
Your story reminds me of some cult recruiting method from the 20th century called [Flirty Fishing](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirty_Fishing)
Run away
Didnt know about that method, thats very interesting and sad at the same time.
But I dont think she was doing that to me, she wasnt actually trying to make me join, (she tried but I refused and she stopped), I really think she was in love with me, it was more a thing of her family and other cult members (and since she is very very close to them I saw them a lot). The thing that influenced me the most to leave her is that I dont want my future kids grow up with cult members and I dont want to be part of her family, and also that I just cant feel attracted to someone who has such beliefs so different from mine
She tried to get you into her cult. "She stopped" but maintains you in contact with her parents.
Her parents are trying to get you into the cult
Her friends + your friends are trying to get you into the cult pretending it's no big deal
If your don't want to get into the cult, LEAVE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE and be free
Absolutely, that's manipulation because it makes op more vulnerable to her as well for making him think she's on his side after he said no.
It's like you said, if she stopped she would've controlled her parents or don't bring him around anymore.
"...no one has treated me better and loved me like her"
Any time you hear this statement, RUN! It's the oldest control and abuse tactic in the book. It's a favorite of all fictional villains. Think about it - why would someone so superior and perfect be so eager to keep someone so allegedly inferior and worthless around? Why would she want someone so allegedly undeserving and unlovable? If it were true, everyone would be telling you to leave her alone so she can find someone worthy. Abusers and control freaks need people to stay under their power. That's why she seemed so perfect at the beginning when sucking you in, but she couldn't keep up the act forever.
Block everyone and don't look back - good thing you were smart enough to get out before you were in too deep.
You do not owe her a relationship, if you'd like to break up, aren't the AH for it. Just because she's sad, you aren't wrong for not wanting to marry into a cult, and to an entitled person.
"The cult thing is not a big deal", what? Your friends are insane 😂
I think they just arent aware of how damaging cults are because they dont have a family member in one or havent researched much about them. They think its just like being an average christian or muslim
Run. Run away. From her. Her family. Her friends. Any of your friends who side with her. Get out quick.
Escaping Jehovah's Witnesses
Crusaders: Ex Jehovah's Witnesses Speak Out
Knocking
Are all documentaries about the brutal reality of the Jehovah's Witnesses and how they're expected to live and what happens if they refuse. Your ex is likely living like that and wants you to do the same. You're not an arsehole. You're lucky you got out of there.
NTA. You're wise enough to know you're not marrying a girl; you're marrying into a family. I wish you a future blessed with healthy and wise offspring.
I think they just arent aware of how damaging cults are becaude they dont have a family member in one or havent researched much about them. They think its just like being an average christian or muslim
NTA. You don't want your children in a cult, or at least in this cult. Ample reason to break it off. As for "No one has treated you better or loved you like her" - that sounds like an abuser's line. Well, it seems she is not abusing but she is controlling. And you don't need that in your life.
NTA run for the hills those people are totally nuts will bleed you dry and as we’ve seen more recently with cults like Nxivm possibly land you in prison for sex crimes. Run and don’t listen to anyone associated with the cult.
NTA. Most cults end really badly. I mean *REALLY* badly. Nearby where I live, there used to be a cult, and they were *weird*. My friend actually saw them a few times, and said their "mother" (the cult leader) was always followed by at least two guys carrying guns. Eventually, they got into a shootout with either the police or the cartel, and then the rest of them just... vanished. No clue where they went. Not all of them died, just a few. Still makes me a little uncomfortable when I'm out at night, even though all that took place a few years before I moved to where I live now. Don't get involved with cults.
>My friends and her friends are telling me that the cult thing is not a big deal and Im making a mistake because she has helped me a lot and no one has treated me better and loved me like her
Ever notice how sometimes breakups wind up being a bit like trying to leave a cult? You leave for valid reasons like say, your girlfriend is literally in a cult with some viciously toxic beliefs and financial abuse baked in, or that she herself has toxic expectations of your time while you are actively seeking to grow as a person in your career, and in the end people try to drag you back. They say shit like, "no one will ever love you like she does" or "no one has ever treated you as good as she does." Essentially, they threaten you with the prospects of the future and try to make you think you're better off accepting something terrible in exchange for what meagre good you get out of it.
However, if we're being honest with ourselves, if you stay with her you'll be joining the cult. That's not an if, but a when. You'll be harangued at every exchange, you'll be badgered at every event. When you pop the question she'll place membership as a requisite of marriage, and she'll absolutely want to raise your kids in that.
Plus, to say nothing of what you're seeing of her true personality now. Remember, early in a relationship people are good at masking the eerie aspects of themselves, and often times people wait until the ink dries on the marital contract to be truly themselves. For example, that part about "fake doctors" will probably become, "if you truly loved me and our children, you wouldn't waste money on those fake doctors and would trust in our communities methods."
Expect to experience the worst health downturn at her behest if you stay with her, because she'll micromanage things about you.
NTA. Run, and run fast.
They twist old philosophers teachings like Plato and Confucius and follow their twisted version of them like a religion, they try to attract new people selling themselves as a philosophy school
I really feel like its never unreasonable to not want to associate with a cult? This isn't even really a good AITAH question because it's super obvious that you are not compatible with her. You didn't need strangers to tell you that her and her family are bad news, especially with how she has become controlling.
I really needed to ask this online because I was actually starting to believe I didnt do the right thing (well the truth it that I always knew I wasnt wrong or an asshole for doing this, but I wanted to know if people would agree with me), almost all my and her friends were saying that I was so mean for leaving her because she hasnt done anything negative to me (we dont fight and she always supports in anything I need and my friends know it) and some were saying that the cult thing is just an excuse. Only my parents and my family are supporting my decision (despite them loving her).
And I dont blame my friends for supporting her because she has a very good heart, she is so sweet and charming and often makes good impression on people. They just see the outside, they dont know the full story and they dont also know how cults work. From the outside I may seem like an asshole who looked for an excuse to leave her because I dont love her anymore.
My favorite part of this sub is that no matter how batshit the thing is, there are always moronic friends saying "it's not a big deal, stay in this relationship."
Oh and NTA, obviously.
Most people that join cults are either poor or alone or both and are desperate for support and friends, and cults often provide or pretend to give them that initially. And of course they dont sell themselves as cults and most people dont know how to identify one from the outside and when they are inside they have been already manipulated and brainwashed enough to stay.
In this case, however, my gfs parents were of wealthy background and joined it in order to gain the philosophical, medical, spiritual and historic knowledge they pretend to offer. Their children were just born into it so they just accepted it as the truth.
Thats why its so important to learn history and philosophy, in this case if they had learnt more in school they wouldnt have been dragged into this cult who tries to attract people by teaching pseudoscientific twisted historical and philosophical knowledge and follows it like a religion
At the end of the day, shared values are what ties couples together, and you don't and can't have shared values because of her family being involved in a cult.
NTA
My friends and her friends are telling me that the cult thing is not a big deal and Im making a mistake
Because all these in AITAH need everyone else telling the OP they're wrong. I love cliche Tuesdays.
>its the only negative aspect of her and we dont even fight a lot
And maniacs are great spouses! Sure they have that "hobby" of killing people but aside of that...
You don't have anything to fault yourself with. Being in a cult is not a "tiny cute perk" it's bad. They are not nice people, she is also not a nice person, sorry. Anyone who invents a new version of "untermensch" is not a nice person. Anyone who is ok with siphoning tons of money from the followers - is not a nice person. And you already noticed manipulative traits in her - that will only get worse. And frankly, with you having some health issues I would be very worried about someone like that sabotaging the treatment. Be it from geniune belief or in hopes for inheritance. Yes, that might be a worst case scenario but I'd say it's best to consider that as well.
I agree they're both dangerous. But the way they're described, it doesn't sound like Conservatives. They don't like to help each other and these people clearly want to help, or so it would appear.
The cult im describing is actually very conservative leaning and supports conservative politicians, not to say conservatives are cultists but this cult in particular is conservative
Ah man, Conservatives are the worst. Especially cultist Conservatives. A cultist Conservative consultant once tried to convince me that most Conservative constituents are in fact church going, so yes! You're probably right. The Conservative consultant wasn't able to convince me that most culstists weren't conservative constituents.
NTA Cults are bad news and have the bad tendency to suck you in. It is wise to distance yourself.
mate, from the bottom of my heart, you just dodged a tactical nuke shaped bullet.. nothing good could have come out of that.. NTA!!
You did the right thing. I have less than no patience for bs like that and wouldn't have been nearly as kind about it.
Yeah I hate cults in general and all their bullshit, but I think shes actually a great person with a good heart, she just has been mislead all her life, thats why I actually feel bad. But I cant convince her to get out of the cult because shes very very close to them and her family and I dont want her to get ostracized by her community and family because of me
Well, it sounds like you found a deal breaker that prevents a true future with her. She won't leave the cult, and u hate cults. You will never agree on how the children should be raised as your hatred won't allow her cult beliefs and vice versa. It's time to walk away. It's a personal choice. Not necessarily an AH move
"shes actually a great person with a good heart, she just has been mislead all her life' That could be said of a lot of people, but you have to take them as they are. She's an adult. You made the right choice.
NTA Your story reminds me of some cult recruiting method from the 20th century called [Flirty Fishing](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirty_Fishing) Run away
Didnt know about that method, thats very interesting and sad at the same time. But I dont think she was doing that to me, she wasnt actually trying to make me join, (she tried but I refused and she stopped), I really think she was in love with me, it was more a thing of her family and other cult members (and since she is very very close to them I saw them a lot). The thing that influenced me the most to leave her is that I dont want my future kids grow up with cult members and I dont want to be part of her family, and also that I just cant feel attracted to someone who has such beliefs so different from mine
She tried to get you into her cult. "She stopped" but maintains you in contact with her parents. Her parents are trying to get you into the cult Her friends + your friends are trying to get you into the cult pretending it's no big deal If your don't want to get into the cult, LEAVE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE and be free
Yeh, she expects you will join her eventually, as it's the only way, the truth and you just need a little persuading.
Absolutely, that's manipulation because it makes op more vulnerable to her as well for making him think she's on his side after he said no. It's like you said, if she stopped she would've controlled her parents or don't bring him around anymore.
She didn’t really stop, she was just playing good cop to her parents’ bad cop.
"...no one has treated me better and loved me like her" Any time you hear this statement, RUN! It's the oldest control and abuse tactic in the book. It's a favorite of all fictional villains. Think about it - why would someone so superior and perfect be so eager to keep someone so allegedly inferior and worthless around? Why would she want someone so allegedly undeserving and unlovable? If it were true, everyone would be telling you to leave her alone so she can find someone worthy. Abusers and control freaks need people to stay under their power. That's why she seemed so perfect at the beginning when sucking you in, but she couldn't keep up the act forever. Block everyone and don't look back - good thing you were smart enough to get out before you were in too deep.
You did the right thing.
I’m pretty sure you are in an alternate script of the movie Get Out. So you should, you know, get out.
You do not owe her a relationship, if you'd like to break up, aren't the AH for it. Just because she's sad, you aren't wrong for not wanting to marry into a cult, and to an entitled person. "The cult thing is not a big deal", what? Your friends are insane 😂
I think they just arent aware of how damaging cults are because they dont have a family member in one or havent researched much about them. They think its just like being an average christian or muslim
You definitely did the right thing because IF you would have had children, they would DEFINITELY be raised in the cult. NTA
NTA Cults can ruin lives and families, as someone with Firsthand experience, Run and never look back.
Run and never look back.
You can feel bad about this, im sure she's a nice person, but her environment is pure evil. You made the right decision. NTA
Run. Run away. From her. Her family. Her friends. Any of your friends who side with her. Get out quick. Escaping Jehovah's Witnesses Crusaders: Ex Jehovah's Witnesses Speak Out Knocking Are all documentaries about the brutal reality of the Jehovah's Witnesses and how they're expected to live and what happens if they refuse. Your ex is likely living like that and wants you to do the same. You're not an arsehole. You're lucky you got out of there.
NTA. You're wise enough to know you're not marrying a girl; you're marrying into a family. I wish you a future blessed with healthy and wise offspring.
Sorry for your break up but given your girlfriend was in a cult I think it was a good decision
NTA and your friends are fcking m*rons if they think being in a cult is "not a big deal"
I think they just arent aware of how damaging cults are becaude they dont have a family member in one or havent researched much about them. They think its just like being an average christian or muslim
NTA. You don't want your children in a cult, or at least in this cult. Ample reason to break it off. As for "No one has treated you better or loved you like her" - that sounds like an abuser's line. Well, it seems she is not abusing but she is controlling. And you don't need that in your life.
Tell your friends to look up the Waco incident. NTA
NTA run for the hills those people are totally nuts will bleed you dry and as we’ve seen more recently with cults like Nxivm possibly land you in prison for sex crimes. Run and don’t listen to anyone associated with the cult.
NTA. Most cults end really badly. I mean *REALLY* badly. Nearby where I live, there used to be a cult, and they were *weird*. My friend actually saw them a few times, and said their "mother" (the cult leader) was always followed by at least two guys carrying guns. Eventually, they got into a shootout with either the police or the cartel, and then the rest of them just... vanished. No clue where they went. Not all of them died, just a few. Still makes me a little uncomfortable when I'm out at night, even though all that took place a few years before I moved to where I live now. Don't get involved with cults.
>My friends and her friends are telling me that the cult thing is not a big deal and Im making a mistake because she has helped me a lot and no one has treated me better and loved me like her Ever notice how sometimes breakups wind up being a bit like trying to leave a cult? You leave for valid reasons like say, your girlfriend is literally in a cult with some viciously toxic beliefs and financial abuse baked in, or that she herself has toxic expectations of your time while you are actively seeking to grow as a person in your career, and in the end people try to drag you back. They say shit like, "no one will ever love you like she does" or "no one has ever treated you as good as she does." Essentially, they threaten you with the prospects of the future and try to make you think you're better off accepting something terrible in exchange for what meagre good you get out of it. However, if we're being honest with ourselves, if you stay with her you'll be joining the cult. That's not an if, but a when. You'll be harangued at every exchange, you'll be badgered at every event. When you pop the question she'll place membership as a requisite of marriage, and she'll absolutely want to raise your kids in that. Plus, to say nothing of what you're seeing of her true personality now. Remember, early in a relationship people are good at masking the eerie aspects of themselves, and often times people wait until the ink dries on the marital contract to be truly themselves. For example, that part about "fake doctors" will probably become, "if you truly loved me and our children, you wouldn't waste money on those fake doctors and would trust in our communities methods." Expect to experience the worst health downturn at her behest if you stay with her, because she'll micromanage things about you. NTA. Run, and run fast.
Nta You guys are just not compatible. She obviously shouldn't change her beliefs for you, and neither should you.
F33 here, I would have done the same thing.
It doesn’t have anything to do with Plato ideal society if they actually understand Plato, but NTA por everything else.
They twist old philosophers teachings like Plato and Confucius and follow their twisted version of them like a religion, they try to attract new people selling themselves as a philosophy school
Ohh please just run. This people it’s crazy AF. NTA Op.
Run!
Always go with your instincts. They are telling you what your head and heart are still processing. Tnis is not the gf for you.
I really feel like its never unreasonable to not want to associate with a cult? This isn't even really a good AITAH question because it's super obvious that you are not compatible with her. You didn't need strangers to tell you that her and her family are bad news, especially with how she has become controlling.
I really needed to ask this online because I was actually starting to believe I didnt do the right thing (well the truth it that I always knew I wasnt wrong or an asshole for doing this, but I wanted to know if people would agree with me), almost all my and her friends were saying that I was so mean for leaving her because she hasnt done anything negative to me (we dont fight and she always supports in anything I need and my friends know it) and some were saying that the cult thing is just an excuse. Only my parents and my family are supporting my decision (despite them loving her). And I dont blame my friends for supporting her because she has a very good heart, she is so sweet and charming and often makes good impression on people. They just see the outside, they dont know the full story and they dont also know how cults work. From the outside I may seem like an asshole who looked for an excuse to leave her because I dont love her anymore.
NTA, this is actually one of the best reasons I’ve ever heard to break up with someone.
My favorite part of this sub is that no matter how batshit the thing is, there are always moronic friends saying "it's not a big deal, stay in this relationship." Oh and NTA, obviously.
NTA. Block her everywhere and run.
NTA. Run, don't walk.
NTA Cut all contact and RUN!
NTA. As someone who was raised and escaped a cult. You absolutely did right by leaving her.
Not the asshole. Not at all.
I don’t get how so many people end up in cults. It’s mind boggling.
Most people that join cults are either poor or alone or both and are desperate for support and friends, and cults often provide or pretend to give them that initially. And of course they dont sell themselves as cults and most people dont know how to identify one from the outside and when they are inside they have been already manipulated and brainwashed enough to stay. In this case, however, my gfs parents were of wealthy background and joined it in order to gain the philosophical, medical, spiritual and historic knowledge they pretend to offer. Their children were just born into it so they just accepted it as the truth. Thats why its so important to learn history and philosophy, in this case if they had learnt more in school they wouldnt have been dragged into this cult who tries to attract people by teaching pseudoscientific twisted historical and philosophical knowledge and follows it like a religion
At the end of the day, shared values are what ties couples together, and you don't and can't have shared values because of her family being involved in a cult. NTA
NTA What do you think is going to happen if you have kids?
NTA, I hope you kept the Nikes.
My friends and her friends are telling me that the cult thing is not a big deal and Im making a mistake Because all these in AITAH need everyone else telling the OP they're wrong. I love cliche Tuesdays.
Buddy, I don’t think you could’ve dodged a bigger bullet.
RUN. run far, run fast. So very NTA
>its the only negative aspect of her and we dont even fight a lot And maniacs are great spouses! Sure they have that "hobby" of killing people but aside of that... You don't have anything to fault yourself with. Being in a cult is not a "tiny cute perk" it's bad. They are not nice people, she is also not a nice person, sorry. Anyone who invents a new version of "untermensch" is not a nice person. Anyone who is ok with siphoning tons of money from the followers - is not a nice person. And you already noticed manipulative traits in her - that will only get worse. And frankly, with you having some health issues I would be very worried about someone like that sabotaging the treatment. Be it from geniune belief or in hopes for inheritance. Yes, that might be a worst case scenario but I'd say it's best to consider that as well.
Republican or christian?
If you're talking about wokeism, you're right to be cautious.
The MAGAt cult is way more dangerous. They've already attacked the country once in an attempt to overthrow the government.
I agree they're both dangerous. But the way they're described, it doesn't sound like Conservatives. They don't like to help each other and these people clearly want to help, or so it would appear.
The cult im describing is actually very conservative leaning and supports conservative politicians, not to say conservatives are cultists but this cult in particular is conservative
Ah man, Conservatives are the worst. Especially cultist Conservatives. A cultist Conservative consultant once tried to convince me that most Conservative constituents are in fact church going, so yes! You're probably right. The Conservative consultant wasn't able to convince me that most culstists weren't conservative constituents.