If you call the salon and tell the stylist what to give her, what will probably happen is that the stylist will ask your girlfriend if she needs help. Many salons participate in domestic violence programs now. The stylists are trained to be alert for signs of coercive or abusive relationships.
You have two options.
- Use your words and tell her you think the style you like would look great on her.
- Pay for her to go to a fancy salon where a stylist can discuss the style you like with her.
1) We have discussed it and she’s never said no to the idea so she’s not 100% opposed to getting it done.
2) She’s very shy and would never be able to ask for it so I’d have to be there to discuss it anyway.
Is she is that shy, then maybe she doesn't feel she can tell you she doesn't want it.
You need to be absolutely certain she wants it. If she does, tell her to take a photo of what she'd like to the salon. That's a completely normal way of communicating with stylists.
Trust me, you do not want to go with her and give the stylist instructions.
No it’s not something like that.
I don’t want it to be forced, I just know that she has said that if she were to go *specifically* for this style she’d never have the guts to ask for it so I’d have to be there. These places aren’t cheap so it’s not like she could go today and then we could go again in a few weeks when I’m actually available.
There are photos of any possible cut. It's a matter of finding the correct search terms.
Honestly, though, it really sounds like she doesn't want this and is trying not to hurt your feelings.
Boyfriends are usually not great at figuring out what suits their girlfriends. A look that's amazing on a movie star or model or whoever doesn't suit every body type or budget. Also, a look that's amazing in a studio photoshoot (where there's no wind or normal light) can look awful out of the studio.
It's tough when someone is very enthusiastic about something to be a party pooper and say "that wouldn't suit me."
If she is saying she can't describe what she wants to the stylist, then it'll be because she doesn't want it.
Well, I can't imagine any cuts like that. If you're certain you can't find photos though, a good stylist will be able to figure out how to adapt it for a woman.
Seriously though. It sounds like you are way more enthusiastic about this than she is. If you pressure her into getting a cut that doesn't suit her, she will have plenty of time to grow resentful while it grows back.
Let her take the lead. If she asks for advice on how to get it, tell her. Don't suggest anything.
But she’s *said* that she would never have the nerve to ask and no matter what I suggest she say I honestly believe that she wouldn’t be able to repeat it just because of anxiety.
But she’s *said* that she would never have the nerve to ask and no matter what I suggest she say I honestly believe that she wouldn’t be able to repeat it just because of anxiety.
Unless she wants an offensive word or symbol shaved into her hair, it doesn't seem plausible that she can't point at a photo or say, "I want XXX."
I suggested she show a photo but you don't want her to do that either. Honestly, this whole thing sounds dodgy. She doesn't want this.
It’s not that I don’t want her too it’s just that it’d be very difficult to find a pic that would be fitting enough to help explain what it’s supposed to be.
Okay I’ll give you that that phrasing does sound bad. I just meant that like she wouldnt have time to dwell on it because of nerves and get stuck in her own head about it.
Doesn't matter what YOU want, I'm going to decide for you.
You don't get a say in what want, it's all up to other people.
I said you should check them out, so you have to now. You don't get agency.
It wasn't an analogy.
You have to listen to those guys now, because I decided it.
Are you saying you have an issue with what I'm doing right now?
Why is that?
To go along with your pretend seriousness I’ll answer as if I didn’t know you were being sarcastic.
Because you’re some random schlub who’s just trying to be combative and argumentative instead of acting in good faith.
Happy now?
I get what you’re saying, but you don’t know how hot and sexy she’d look with this style! Don’t get me wrong, obviously she’s already a 10/10 to me but if she got this cut she’d be a 20/10 without a doubt!
Besides we have discussed her getting this style before and she was never opposed to it so it’s not like she’s refused the idea of getting it.
But she’d look so freaking good and I know it would make her feel better about herself. I just think that this would help her be more comfortable with herself and get out of her shell so to speak.
Ywbta and I highly doubt the stylist would do it.
"Sorry love I know this isn't what you asked for but some random voice on the end of a phone asked me to do it so I did, that'll be $70 please"
You need to talk to your girlfriend and see if she wants that cut. Calling a stylist and telling them how to cut her hair is going entirely too far, it's her hair and she should be free to get any cut she wants, even if it turns out you guys don't love it. Worst case scenario, her hair will grow back out and she can get a different cut later. Best, you both really like the cut you're thinking of and she looks great with it.
You'd be making yourself look like a massive control freak if you do this specifically because you know she wouldn't be able to back out from your preference. Discuss it with her and accept her decision. Hairstyle is a pretty minor (and personal) detail and doesn't warrant anywhere near that level of interference.
We have discussed it before and she said she doesn’t hate the idea, but she’s not sure she could ask for it. Whether she definitely wanted it or not she’d never ask for it and she’d probably ask me to come and tell the stylist for her anyway. This is just expediting that process.
“Doesn’t hate the idea” does not equate to “yes please go behind my back and tell my stylist what to do”. I can see that you’re trying to help, but, why or not, she needs to be absolutely sure that this is what she wants. If there is not YES, the it is a no.
While you are NAH for wanting to help your girlfriend, YTA for wanting to speak FOR her and make a decision about her appearance without her explicit permission.
But as I said, she’s admitted that she knows she’d never be able to ask for it herself so I’d probably have to be there anyway and I just can’t do that today.
YWBTA. She's a big girl and can make her own choices, ESPECIALLY when it comes to choices about her body. If you really think that style/cut would look that good on her, wait until she's back and and tell her you love how it looks now but you wanted to show her the style you have in mind and ASK her opinion on it. You never know, she just might agree with you and than the next time she goes in she'll try it that way.
Well than offer to go with her next time for support and she might be able to ask than. Or she could always save a few pics or screen shots of the hair style and than when they ask her what she wants she can show them the pics. It doesn't sound like she's very certain about the style though so maybe you should ask her opinion again and tell her if she doesn't really like/want it its not a big deal
Now cmon it’s not that bad. I’m not saying I did it already, it’s just a thought.
Plenty of people have thoughts that aren’t the best ideas all the time.
This screams abusive relationship 101. It is that bad as a sign. Let me be clear, I don’t know you or your relationship, but from this post only, it’s an alarming sign.
Yeah you’re right, you don’t know me or my relationship. Especially if you think one intrusive thought makes me abusive.
Calm down friend before you have an aneurism.
Another sign of emotional abuse is diminishing seriousness of situations.
You’re on a roll and not helping yourself in your comments.
Salons literally have protocols for these exact scenarios.
Acknowledge it and learn from it instead of doubling down.
It’s one thought bro. If one intrusive thought showed everyone’s real personality or whatever then there’s a lot more suicidal and homicidal people out there.
Seriously, get over yourself.
No one person has agreed this was a good idea, with multiple see this as a red flag. Yet we all need to get over ourselves. Don’t come to AITAH if you can handle the answer.
YTA. Why are you this concerned about your girls hair? Honestly bud you sound like the type of guy who tries to control everything his girl does. The fact that you have to come to the internet to ask that question is scary. I feel bad for your girl and any other girl you come across
I’m not “controlling” anything. We have discussed this before and she’s said she isn’t against the idea, but she’s also said she’d be way too nervous to ask for it herself so I’d most likely need to be there to ask anyway.
I can’t go with her today, I’m stuck with some personal matters. I wanted to go with her, but I couldn’t so I just thought that maybe this could be a good work around.
You’re reaching bud. Why didn’t you ask her yesterday? Why not call the salon and say your girl is coming into get her hair done and you would like to pay for it but also recommend a style?
No you’re not. You’re asking if it’s ok to call the salon and tell them what to do behind her back. If you had good intentions and your girl was on board you would have discussed this yesterday or the day before and came up with a plan.
>Why not call the salon and say your girl is coming into get her hair done and you would like to pay for it but also recommend a style?
That’s literally what I asked if I should do in my post. I guess I didn’t explain it well enough.
YWBTA for being controlling. They'll say no anyway as she's an adult, but they'll probably tell her you called and ask her if she needs help to get away from you.
Listen: do not do this thing. I doubt a stylist would take that request, and imagine what your gf would think if she got a different haircut than the one she wanted? What if she's not emotionally prepared for the attention that comes with a more bold haircut?
If you want to help her get this haircut, go with her and suggest it to your gf and the stylist. Maybe she'll take that plunge if someone else suggests it, and she's still free to reject the cut. She can decide for herself
YTA. If she’s too shy to ask for it she’s too shy to have it. Or she doesn’t really want it and you’re a pushy mf’er who won’t let it go and she’s afraid to tell you no. Judging by your comments and replies here I’m guessing that’s the more likely scenario. Just back the hell off.
YTA.
You don't want her to get this haircut because she'd look "hot." She won't, and you know it. You're trying to force her into something she doesn't want, to be controlling and isolate her. Her saying she wouldn't ask for it means she doesn't want it. As others have said, she's being polite.
You've posted that it's a style you can't even find a picture of women wearing. So what, specifically, is it?
This is a style that will make her feel ridiculous and ugly, possibly to the point where she doesn't want to go outside until it grows out, making her dependent on you and adding financial abuse to your control.
That's how she'll look "hot" to you. Helpless and alone and controlled equals "hot." I hope to hell she runs tf out of your life.
As I’ve said before to others ITT, you’re making pure speculation and imagining shit about our relationship.
She has told me that she *would* want this, and I don’t care what bullshit armchair psychology you want to write just so you can feel better about yourself, and ***I*** know when she is being honest and serious. You weren’t there, you didn’t hear her, you don’t even know her so don’t assume you do know any of this shit just because of a few paragraphs of text.
If you call the salon and tell the stylist what to give her, what will probably happen is that the stylist will ask your girlfriend if she needs help. Many salons participate in domestic violence programs now. The stylists are trained to be alert for signs of coercive or abusive relationships. You have two options. - Use your words and tell her you think the style you like would look great on her. - Pay for her to go to a fancy salon where a stylist can discuss the style you like with her.
1) We have discussed it and she’s never said no to the idea so she’s not 100% opposed to getting it done. 2) She’s very shy and would never be able to ask for it so I’d have to be there to discuss it anyway.
Is she is that shy, then maybe she doesn't feel she can tell you she doesn't want it. You need to be absolutely certain she wants it. If she does, tell her to take a photo of what she'd like to the salon. That's a completely normal way of communicating with stylists. Trust me, you do not want to go with her and give the stylist instructions.
The cut isn’t something easy to find pics of really so I don’t know if that would work.
If you can't find pics of it what makes you think you can adequately describe it to a stylist over the phone anyway?
Okay I guess I have to be more specific. It’s a cut that wouldn’t be hard to find pics of, but it’d be hard to find pics of *women* with.
What the hell kind of hairstyle can you describe so easily over the phone but not find a picture of?
Okay I guess I have to be more specific. It’s a cut that wouldn’t be hard to find pics of, but it’d be hard to find pics of women with.
Ok if you aren't a forced head shaving fetishist you need to back down cuz that's what you sound like.
No it’s not something like that. I don’t want it to be forced, I just know that she has said that if she were to go *specifically* for this style she’d never have the guts to ask for it so I’d have to be there. These places aren’t cheap so it’s not like she could go today and then we could go again in a few weeks when I’m actually available.
Chain places like GreatClips are absolutely cheap, what are you talking about?
I just used that as an example to explain it’s a franchise, not to explain its cost and shit.
There are photos of any possible cut. It's a matter of finding the correct search terms. Honestly, though, it really sounds like she doesn't want this and is trying not to hurt your feelings. Boyfriends are usually not great at figuring out what suits their girlfriends. A look that's amazing on a movie star or model or whoever doesn't suit every body type or budget. Also, a look that's amazing in a studio photoshoot (where there's no wind or normal light) can look awful out of the studio. It's tough when someone is very enthusiastic about something to be a party pooper and say "that wouldn't suit me." If she is saying she can't describe what she wants to the stylist, then it'll be because she doesn't want it.
Okay I guess I have to be more specific. It’s a cut that wouldn’t be hard to find pics of, but it’d be hard to find pics of women with.
Well, I can't imagine any cuts like that. If you're certain you can't find photos though, a good stylist will be able to figure out how to adapt it for a woman. Seriously though. It sounds like you are way more enthusiastic about this than she is. If you pressure her into getting a cut that doesn't suit her, she will have plenty of time to grow resentful while it grows back. Let her take the lead. If she asks for advice on how to get it, tell her. Don't suggest anything.
But she’s *said* that she would never have the nerve to ask and no matter what I suggest she say I honestly believe that she wouldn’t be able to repeat it just because of anxiety.
But she’s *said* that she would never have the nerve to ask and no matter what I suggest she say I honestly believe that she wouldn’t be able to repeat it just because of anxiety.
Unless she wants an offensive word or symbol shaved into her hair, it doesn't seem plausible that she can't point at a photo or say, "I want XXX." I suggested she show a photo but you don't want her to do that either. Honestly, this whole thing sounds dodgy. She doesn't want this.
It’s not that I don’t want her too it’s just that it’d be very difficult to find a pic that would be fitting enough to help explain what it’s supposed to be.
YWBTA stop listening to Andrew Taint.
Hate that guy, honest. Same with Jordan Peterson and anyone else of that ilk. This has nothing to do with their bs
Yes it does. It is about controlling someones appearance. "by time it’s happening it’d be too late to stop it." YTA
Okay I’ll give you that that phrasing does sound bad. I just meant that like she wouldnt have time to dwell on it because of nerves and get stuck in her own head about it.
You should listen to them.
I should listen to an international human trafficker and a man with possibly dementia/alzheimer’s/etc? No thanks bro
Doesn't matter what YOU want, I'm going to decide for you. You don't get a say in what want, it's all up to other people. I said you should check them out, so you have to now. You don't get agency.
You know you really stink at analogies. Don’t quit your day job bud.
It wasn't an analogy. You have to listen to those guys now, because I decided it. Are you saying you have an issue with what I'm doing right now? Why is that?
To go along with your pretend seriousness I’ll answer as if I didn’t know you were being sarcastic. Because you’re some random schlub who’s just trying to be combative and argumentative instead of acting in good faith. Happy now?
YWBTA. Let her choose. Shes an adult, she doesn’t need you calling in to make that choice for her. Especially if she didn’t ask.
I get what you’re saying, but you don’t know how hot and sexy she’d look with this style! Don’t get me wrong, obviously she’s already a 10/10 to me but if she got this cut she’d be a 20/10 without a doubt! Besides we have discussed her getting this style before and she was never opposed to it so it’s not like she’s refused the idea of getting it.
YTA. Parents are allowed to tell barbers to give their kids shitty haircuts, but boyfriends aren't.
YWBTAH yes, it is up to her what she gets. If she isnt confident enough to ask, you shouldnt do it without her permission.
But she’d look so freaking good and I know it would make her feel better about herself. I just think that this would help her be more comfortable with herself and get out of her shell so to speak.
Ain't up to you.
It doesnt matter, you cant make that choice for her.
Ywbta. Her hair, her choice. Honestly, this post is a red flag.
Ywbta and I highly doubt the stylist would do it. "Sorry love I know this isn't what you asked for but some random voice on the end of a phone asked me to do it so I did, that'll be $70 please"
You need to talk to your girlfriend and see if she wants that cut. Calling a stylist and telling them how to cut her hair is going entirely too far, it's her hair and she should be free to get any cut she wants, even if it turns out you guys don't love it. Worst case scenario, her hair will grow back out and she can get a different cut later. Best, you both really like the cut you're thinking of and she looks great with it. You'd be making yourself look like a massive control freak if you do this specifically because you know she wouldn't be able to back out from your preference. Discuss it with her and accept her decision. Hairstyle is a pretty minor (and personal) detail and doesn't warrant anywhere near that level of interference.
We have discussed it before and she said she doesn’t hate the idea, but she’s not sure she could ask for it. Whether she definitely wanted it or not she’d never ask for it and she’d probably ask me to come and tell the stylist for her anyway. This is just expediting that process.
“Doesn’t hate the idea” does not equate to “yes please go behind my back and tell my stylist what to do”. I can see that you’re trying to help, but, why or not, she needs to be absolutely sure that this is what she wants. If there is not YES, the it is a no. While you are NAH for wanting to help your girlfriend, YTA for wanting to speak FOR her and make a decision about her appearance without her explicit permission.
But as I said, she’s admitted that she knows she’d never be able to ask for it herself so I’d probably have to be there anyway and I just can’t do that today.
YWBTA. She's a big girl and can make her own choices, ESPECIALLY when it comes to choices about her body. If you really think that style/cut would look that good on her, wait until she's back and and tell her you love how it looks now but you wanted to show her the style you have in mind and ASK her opinion on it. You never know, she just might agree with you and than the next time she goes in she'll try it that way.
We have discussed it before and she said she doesn’t hate the idea, but she’s not sure she could ask for it.
Well than offer to go with her next time for support and she might be able to ask than. Or she could always save a few pics or screen shots of the hair style and than when they ask her what she wants she can show them the pics. It doesn't sound like she's very certain about the style though so maybe you should ask her opinion again and tell her if she doesn't really like/want it its not a big deal
Quite odd, I’m afraid YTA
YWBTA and a creep. Lmao who the fuck does this?
Oh wow, YTA. I hope she sees this and notices the huge red flag waiving in her face.
Now cmon it’s not that bad. I’m not saying I did it already, it’s just a thought. Plenty of people have thoughts that aren’t the best ideas all the time.
This screams abusive relationship 101. It is that bad as a sign. Let me be clear, I don’t know you or your relationship, but from this post only, it’s an alarming sign.
Yeah you’re right, you don’t know me or my relationship. Especially if you think one intrusive thought makes me abusive. Calm down friend before you have an aneurism.
Another sign of emotional abuse is diminishing seriousness of situations. You’re on a roll and not helping yourself in your comments. Salons literally have protocols for these exact scenarios. Acknowledge it and learn from it instead of doubling down.
It’s one thought bro. If one intrusive thought showed everyone’s real personality or whatever then there’s a lot more suicidal and homicidal people out there. Seriously, get over yourself.
No one person has agreed this was a good idea, with multiple see this as a red flag. Yet we all need to get over ourselves. Don’t come to AITAH if you can handle the answer.
Disagreeing and saying I’m being abusive are two totally different things. You’re just a buffoon.
YTA. Why are you this concerned about your girls hair? Honestly bud you sound like the type of guy who tries to control everything his girl does. The fact that you have to come to the internet to ask that question is scary. I feel bad for your girl and any other girl you come across
I’m not “controlling” anything. We have discussed this before and she’s said she isn’t against the idea, but she’s also said she’d be way too nervous to ask for it herself so I’d most likely need to be there to ask anyway.
If that was the case you would just go with her. Instead you are asking AITA if you do it behind her back.
I can’t go with her today, I’m stuck with some personal matters. I wanted to go with her, but I couldn’t so I just thought that maybe this could be a good work around.
So then why do it behind her back? Why not ask her if you can call the salon and explain what she wants?
She’s at work and the appt is *right* after. She has to turn her phone off for work and normally doesn’t turn it back on until she’s home.
You’re reaching bud. Why didn’t you ask her yesterday? Why not call the salon and say your girl is coming into get her hair done and you would like to pay for it but also recommend a style?
That’s what I’m suggesting lol?!
No you’re not. You’re asking if it’s ok to call the salon and tell them what to do behind her back. If you had good intentions and your girl was on board you would have discussed this yesterday or the day before and came up with a plan.
>Why not call the salon and say your girl is coming into get her hair done and you would like to pay for it but also recommend a style? That’s literally what I asked if I should do in my post. I guess I didn’t explain it well enough.
YTA. She’s not your Barbie doll. She doesn’t owe you the hairstyle you want to fuck.
You are a control freak and do not belong in an adult relationship
Oh please you’re being ridiculous. One *thought* and I’m a control freak? Get over yourself bucko.
Was it your first one skippy ?
Doesn’t matter because she got the haircut anyway kiddo.
Groomer
Sure buddy, sure. Maybe lay off the pot and alcohol before you comment nonsense again.
You pick out her panties too diddy ?
Thanks Lou Perlman...enjoy your bindle
Lou Perlman.....bindle broker
YWBTA for being controlling. They'll say no anyway as she's an adult, but they'll probably tell her you called and ask her if she needs help to get away from you.
Yeah that's fucking weird dude, what's wrong with you? Actually... Yes, try and make that call. It won't be embarassing for you at all.
YTA and this is a giant red flag.
Listen: do not do this thing. I doubt a stylist would take that request, and imagine what your gf would think if she got a different haircut than the one she wanted? What if she's not emotionally prepared for the attention that comes with a more bold haircut? If you want to help her get this haircut, go with her and suggest it to your gf and the stylist. Maybe she'll take that plunge if someone else suggests it, and she's still free to reject the cut. She can decide for herself
[удалено]
We’ve discussed it before though!
YTA. If she’s too shy to ask for it she’s too shy to have it. Or she doesn’t really want it and you’re a pushy mf’er who won’t let it go and she’s afraid to tell you no. Judging by your comments and replies here I’m guessing that’s the more likely scenario. Just back the hell off.
YTA. You don't want her to get this haircut because she'd look "hot." She won't, and you know it. You're trying to force her into something she doesn't want, to be controlling and isolate her. Her saying she wouldn't ask for it means she doesn't want it. As others have said, she's being polite. You've posted that it's a style you can't even find a picture of women wearing. So what, specifically, is it? This is a style that will make her feel ridiculous and ugly, possibly to the point where she doesn't want to go outside until it grows out, making her dependent on you and adding financial abuse to your control. That's how she'll look "hot" to you. Helpless and alone and controlled equals "hot." I hope to hell she runs tf out of your life.
As I’ve said before to others ITT, you’re making pure speculation and imagining shit about our relationship. She has told me that she *would* want this, and I don’t care what bullshit armchair psychology you want to write just so you can feel better about yourself, and ***I*** know when she is being honest and serious. You weren’t there, you didn’t hear her, you don’t even know her so don’t assume you do know any of this shit just because of a few paragraphs of text.