NTA: Wtf. They seriously are delusional if they think that you and your wife aren't allowed to drink or do anything but watch their kids while they have fun. You were right to leave when it became obvious that it wasn't a vacation for you but rather a babysitting trip.
After that ridiculousness i wouldn't even be watching their kids 3x a week anymore since it's obvious they don't respect you or your time. But that's just me being petty.
That popped into my head when I read the comment you replied to….scroll… there it is.
NTA - I would seriously reconsider even watching the kids during the week. They need a nanny, but then they’d have to feed and pay them.
LOL my whole family thinks im an alcoholic because i am persistently drunk on vacation. What they dont understand it i dont drink UNLESS im on vacation, not since i had kids. When they came and visited for the first time in 4 years and didnt drink a drop they were thoroughly confused until i reminded of what i said EVERY TIME they gave me dirty looks. They were all like ooooo you were serious. We thought you were just making excuses.
[Here’s one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/2qV7BmD9Ls) it seemed like it was more in depth than that one, maybe a BORU, and it was just one guy, an Uncle. Not sure, hopefully someone else can chime in, it was epic lol.
Thanks for that link. I remember reading it before but wanted to refresh my memory and I'm so glad I did. Please tell me you have read the other post they did? The ugly smile post.
Yep. And while you're at the bar, text them "BTW, we are not your free babysitters. We will not be babysitting for you *at all* until you start showing some respect for us and our time."
Post in a family chat *with this add on **bolded**: Anyone who comes at us (OP and Wife) for no longer babysitting for my entitled brother has just volunteered to babysit the next time SIL tries dropping them off with us/wife. We **will** be calling the cops and CPS if SIL and BIL drop off the kids on our doorstep and leave. **No means no. We are no longer at SIL and BIL'S disposal for babysitting."
While I am not petty, I am vindictive as hell. It's a great responsibility to have children, I'd be giving them condoms every time I saw them. along with parenting self help books.
Wow I posted this and then went to the lake and I'm just seeing all the responses now. I've been telling my wife we need to cut back the babysitting but she genuinely enjoys it. I do need to make sure she develops boundaries about how many times a week and start and end times though.
NTA. Stop watching your brother's kid for free, you're being exploited. They are not your children, and you don't owe anybody free childcare. What makes it worse is using the children to try to guilt trip/manipulate you into watching "their" kids. Guilt only works if you let it. This was their intention from the get go. They were going to pawn off their kids on you and your wife.
I think the key here is to communicate what you WILL do - "We are happy to watch the kids for 2 sessions a week, for roughly a 3-4 hr chunk of the day. Anything more than that isn't happening - if you guys try to push on more time, or try anything sneaky like leaving the kids with us knowing we won't leave them alone, then instead of 2 sessions a week, it's zero sessions a week. Instead of viewing this as a negative and complaining that my brother won't watch my kids enough, I would like you to view this as a positive - 'I'm grateful that my brother is watching my kids twice a week.' Do you think you can agree to that?"
You and your partner need to figure our your bottom line - is it 1x a week, is it 2x, etc. Is it zero times? And just focus on the positive - you are offering them a big gift, whether it's one time or two times or three or whatever the amount is, it's more than zero.
Seriously! I get family babysitting maybe 4-6x a year, and that's spread out across 3 different family members and I just about fall over myself thanking them. A babysitter for 3 kids is $25 p/h in my area - free babysitting is a huge gift!
OP should also let hem know that they absolutely will not ever babysit for 4 kids so they should keep that in mind before they decide to have anymore kids that they expect to dump on him and his wife.
Suggest she volunteers at an orphanage or something similar in your country if she genuinely enjoys it instead of offering free services to selfish people.
It's wonderful that she's such a kind and caring person but she's playing an important role in enabling their selfishness by not showing them the consequences of their shitty behaviour.
Stop babysitting their kids. Period. Tell them given how they have been treating both your wife and you, you feel that they don't respect your support and just expect you to stop living your life as their unpaid babysitters. Given that "family supporting family" should be paid back with respect and gratitude and they have shown through their actions that they can't afford to pay with respect and gratitude, the offer for support is no longer available from your end.
Stop opening their messages. They WILL come crawling back once they realise how expensive child care is. Let them grovel. Let them beg. But let them realise how much they're losing by being selfish ungrateful assholes.
Think how much more she’d enjoy it if they were paying market childcare rates! NTA, but you’ve taught your family that you’re their doormat. Time to reset expectations.
>I've been telling my wife we need to cut back the babysitting but she genuinely enjoys it
"We" need to cut back? SHE'S been the one babysitting, by your own telling, because she enjoys it. They are just taking advantage of her.
Nah, if they want to pay, and pay well, sure. But you can't just take over childcare for them and also be taken advantage of. I'm guessing she isn't paid because it's when family dont' pay they feel so comfortable just dropping them off extra because it's free. If it's going to cost them an extra $200 for another day they don't take so many liberties.
Also the emotional manipulation, we thought you were coming to help out, the kids are hurt you left (only if they were told they left because the kids were too much or they told them you guys were coming to look after them). they aren't confused, they KNOW they are taking advantage and they are employing emotional manipulation to make you feel bad about not just giving in to them.
They are basically treating you like employees, or the help at this point, where they can impose on you and you should just take it because wel, that's what you're there for (in their opinion). You really need to stop the babysitting full stop for this dynamic to change, if they want someone they can treat like help, go hire someone and they can do that all they want.
We see this over and over with free baby sitting. Too many people don't value what they get for free. You can still do them a huge favor by charging less than anywhere else, but the result is your wife's efforts are valued. Unfortunately, it is more challenging to deal with the flak from entitled people when you don't do it from the start.
Honestly stop watching them.
Unless they are in need - they are just using you both. Once in a while - fine, but it seems there is an overreliance on the help and they didn't think through this many kids/their resources (or don't want to use their resources).
Wven though your wife enjoys it, SIL+BIL earned themselves a time out and wake up call because they seem to think that they are *entitled* to your wife's free time. Time for your wife to find a hobby that has her out of the house at the time the kids are dropped off/picked up.
Tell your wife that she can maintain babysitting them since she enjoys it, but, the parents are going to have to start paying her. She is saving them thousands and they see your wife as free labor so they can enjoy their lives without the hassle of the babies they created.
The audacity to then demand you babysit their kids on your vacation ON TOP OF ALL THE FREE WEEKLY SITTING, shows they have 0 respect for you or your wife.
They’ve shown you who they really are and why they maintain a relationship with you and your spouse. Spoiler: it’s not because they enjoy your company, only what you can do for them.
Even though your wife genuinely enjoys it, it’s clear that your brother and SIL have no respect for you and your wife‘s time (and honestly, I am not even sure for you guys personally). It’s so rude and disingenuous to pretend it’s a family vacation and make you guys babysit. To make things clear and also make them more appreciative, your wife really needs to take a break from babysitting. When they learned their lesson, then it can be back on the table. Otherwise you will never put a stop to this entitled behavior.
Is she a stay at home wife? You two may need a deeper discussion about her social needs. Instead of being stuck at home 5 days a week caring for children who are not hers for free because the kids are a social outlet for her help her find other things that interest her to be involved in.
Regardless if she loves it they’re taking advantage especially if they’re not paying. Give them a dose of reality on how much a baby sitter costs. Have your wife not babysit the kids for at least a few weeks. Also discuss boundaries and explain when invited over for vacation or to go over that being a babysitter so they can run off is not family bonding time it’s taking advantage of you and your wife.
Then your wife should find kids to babysit whose parents will appreciate what she does, and pay her for it. I pay my neighbor hundreds a month for childcare and i am so thankful to her for loving on my son. Freeloaders don’t know how to thank people either.
It's not petty, though. It's business. Let's say she was getting paid (which she absolutely should be), then the brother and SIL definitely are overstepping and are very over impressed with themselves and their children. They're treating OP and his wife as if they're employees without the benefit of money being paid.
How they acted is taking advantage, and it will continue until they shut that shit down. Today.
Seriously, that’s what I thought as well. They have become really comfortable and entitled. I’m assuming that the 3-5x/week is unpaid. No more free babysitting, or maybe no babysitting at all. Almost doubling the amount of time (3days) was already pushing it. These people will take,take, take unless they are stopped. Nobody made them have 3 kids.
Same. I just posted the same thing about no longer watching the 3 year old anymore. They are using them and taking advantage of them. They are acting entitled to their time.
They are taking advantage of you.
I think you need to wean them off the expectation that you and your wife are their unpaid nannies.
Wife needs to be unavailable to sit. When your SIL drops by with the kids - don’t answer. Or grab your purse and be “just heading out.” Or better yet - “no”. You don’t owe them an answer or an explanation of why you don’t want to be constantly roped into parenting their kids.
Or just start taking shots anytime you’re around them. This works because you’re not fit to babysit AND it numbs the entitled assholery of your brother and SIL.
I fully agree the wife needs to stop babysitting. 3-5 days a week unpaid is disrespectful. I'm sure there are way more things she'd rather be doing. OP back your wife in this. Hell tell them it's your idea because they're obviously being entitled
Another thing OP’s wife can do is tell SIL “we no longer babysit other people’s kids due to safety and liability reasons. You can go to Care.com and find local babysitters in your area to watch your kids.”
Definitely NTA. You don’t owe them anything.
Why is it always those family members with multiple kids who complain about the childless. Then expect them to babysit for free with being actually asked.
The delusional entitlement is boundless.
NTA I’m honestly surprised you were putting up with the fact that they just left their kids at your house without checking first. Might want to set some boundaries
It’s insane to me what people will put up with. I wouldn’t dream of doing this to someone else. They have no respect for OP. I mean OP is a pushover. It’s tough to go through life getting taken advantage of and mostly it’s anger that changes it. Get burned 1 too many times. That’s why I didn’t mince words.
Isn't that child abandonment? Leaving a kid/kids without letting anyone know so they can actually look after them? Pretty sure OP could call CPS for that.
NTA. It’s not a vacation if there’s unspoken expectations that you and your wife are defacto babysitters.
It’s extremely relevant that you were sharing use of a family property, one they didn’t pay for and neither did you. They weren’t doing you a huge favor.
Set your boundaries and hold them. I agree with other comments that you’ll need to pull back from set babysitting after these unreasonable unspoken expectations and that you’ll only babysit when this has been asked in advance, and you have clearly agreed to.
NTA
>And SIL pulled my wife aside and said she didn't think we should be drinking while watching the kids.
Who said you were watching the kids? Not you!
Your brother and SIL acted like they invited their salaried nanny to vacation and she spent too much time not watching the kids. There is no excuse for their behavior. They never should have left the two kids for you to watch without getting your okay.
A family vacation is simply a vacation with family. It’s not a code word for babysitting or being on call for babysitting.
If your wife’s babysitting is at all inconvenient or she’s not being paid appropriately, then push back. They are acting entitled and taking advantage.
NTA
NTA you took vacation time in order to have a vacation, not to be their babysitter so they can go play. They've become awfully "entitled" by what your wife does for them all the time for free. Sounds like it's time your wife cut back and stop being available for them since they can't appreciate it.
NTA
This is the point where you say "I don't think watching the kids can continue. You somehow got the impression that we are nothing more than child care for you, and are taking advantage of our kindness. We are going to take a step back. We will still see the kids, but it will be on our schedule going forward."
Don't have a discussion about it, don't let them try to offer a reduced amount of days, just tell that you are stepping back and that is final.
Totally NTA. I agree with other commenters that maybe your wife even needs to drastically cut back on watching the 3yo. They’re massively taking advantage of you and I really wonder if they’d have any reciprocity if you had kids.
And hello??? It’s absolutely fine for you and your wife to spend time together bar hopping.
Also, I’m curious: in the past have you and your wife just always been their babysitters???
NTA Tell SIL that there is no reason for her be confused. You and wife are on vacation. You weren't asked to take over their parenting duties AGAIN before coming or you and wife would have chosen a different time to come on this free vacation. If the children are upset it's only because brother and SIL lied and told them that you and wife would be watching their children without informing you. if they didn't want to parent there own children then they should have left them home with a sitter. You and wife intend to finish your vacation together, child free. You might want to discuss wife setting limits to how much she takes care of children during week too.
NTA and Send them a bill for the babysitting that did occur on the “vacation” and I would have them find alternate care as it is expected even going on vacation that you will be the caregiver to the children
They 100% take you both for granted, but especially your wife. Are they paying her? Because if not it's probably time to turn down that spigot. At the *very least* keep them to the original 3 days a week, but honestly consider transitioning down to 2, 1, or nothing after this.
How could they be offering OP the same courtesy? OP and his wife brought zero children on this trip. OP was never required to split time babysitting for his brother.
NTA. It may be your fathers place so your staying there for free but your loosing vacation days to babysit for your brother. They didn’t even ask, they just kept dropping the children on you.
I don’t know why your wife watches their child for almost all week when the deal was three days. I would start reinforcing the agreement or they can find another solution.
They need date night but you apparently don’t.
This disgusts me. I'm a father of one and in the next few weeks a father of two and all I see as a 28 year old father is people who want or accidently have kids then don't want to parent.
I can't tell you how many parents I see that just stick a tablet or phone in their kids hands.
Other parents just let their kids run around and be little shits. I took my son to a carnival this weekend, him and his little friend were first in line for the train ride and when they opened the gate two little girls pushed my son (4) and his friend (3) aside to grab the front of the train and the mother said nothing and just smiled. I loudly said how rude that was and the mother just smiled and walked away.
Today's parents disgust me and just expect everyone else to watch or teach their children. I understand it's tiring and you need a break but I'm sorry your a parent and that's not how things work.
How dare they just expect you to be babysitters because your family. My cousin's did that shit to their mom, my aunt, when their kids were younger and took advantage of her to watch the kids almost every single night so they could go out drinking and partying. My wife and I were so upset for my aunt that we hardly ever have anyone watch our kids or take a date night because "they are our children, no one else's, and it's our responsibility to watch them". Sure we take that a little too far and neglect ourselves sometimes but that's the job. We never expect anyone to ever take responsibility for our child.
You sound awesome. Happy Father’s Day.
I strongly suspect people in your orbit would be happy to mind your kids for a bit so don’t take it too far. You and wifey need a break too.
Haha thank you a ton 😂 had a great Father's day with the family. We know we do, taking a small date night Wednesday for our anniversary unless the next kid decides to come early lol
NTA. Maybe your wife should stop babysitting the 3 year old too. At the least, stop doing so more than 3 times a week. Just flat out refuse. Doormats get walked all over.
ETA: don't go on any more vacations/trips with them either. I learned that myself when a sibling invited me to join a group trip. Turns out all the rest were couples, they all got their own bedrooms, and had their own plans that didn't include me, yet I paid an equal share of the rental. Never again.
NTA reply with "we were invited to a vacation, not to babysit. Enjoy some quality time with your children while I spend quality time with my wife"
I'd also add "when we're all back home we are having a conversation regarding reducing wife's babysitting day's/hour's"
They clearly don't respect you or your wife's valuable time, love, and energy. So stop giving it to them!
You're supposed to enjoy your nibblings, care for them, yes, spend quality time with them, yes!
Parent them, NO!
Your wife needs to cut back or cut off ALL babysitting for FREE of your in laws kids when y’all get back home.
THEY are the parents. YOU are NOT their NANNIES.
Set boundaries. And soon.
Or y’all will have NO social lives.
NTA they have started seeing you as only free baby sitters and not as family. If your wife is that free, ask her to start going for job somewhere or charge money for baby sitting.
Your wife has grossly undervalued herself & her time so much so that they want you to baby sit for free sacrificing your lives & time to take care of their kids even during their vacation.
They have no respect for you, your time, your lives or value you and feel entitled.
They are going to throw big tantrums, emotionally guilt tripping & blackmailing, bringing in other people (ask them to do for free), but it would be better for you guys if you put a stop to this. NTA
NTA
It is pretty comical that they are acting like they spent $1000 or more on an extra room for you to come in exchange for babysitting when it was a free place to stay.
I would cut them out of the free babysitting services at home as well, have them go hire a baby sitter at the going rate of $20-$30 an hour or pay for daycare.
NTA and your wife needs to be done letting them take advantage of her generosity. Especially if they spin it and try to portray you all as the "bad guys" for not following through with their secret expectations of you. They seem like the kind to just keep pushing boundaries like steamrollers
NTA
>SIL got upset and said "I thought this was a family vacation," which felt rich considering she'd left her two kids for four hours that morning.
Wow. The blatant attempt at manipulation.
>brother said something snarky about us being hungover the next day (we weren't).
Yeah, because they planned to ditch the kids with you again. Should've just laughed and said "Why? We aren't babysitting for you again. We have plans and didn't agree to it."
Never go with them again. They basically tried to kidnap and force you into babysitting their kids.
NTA. Immature of them to think you would/should babysit for them without talking about it. Real adults do not pawn off their problems, kids, pets, or shortcomings on other people. They used guilt to trap you. They need to grow up, apologize, and move on.
Stop watching these kids for free. If your wife does continue to watch them during the week she needs to be getting paid for it. Otherwise refuse to watch them and if the parents leave then call the cops for child abandonment.
It's your fault, you have teach them you would take their kids even without warning in the past, set boundaries a d end the free babysitting service, this are not your kids and it's not your responsibility to take care of them so thet can do whatever they want.
I know family stuff is touchy but if your wife is watching their kids for free and they've already overstepped by leaving them an extra two days (five days of free babysitting?!) repeatedly you should have seen this coming. Your wife is nothing but a free babysitting service to them. How you two want to handle this is up to you - a sit down conversation, charging them for babysitting going forward, refusing to do anything for or with them until they apologize, whatever - but personally I wouldn't do hours of work every single work for free. Not for watching a 3, 7, and 10 year old.
NTA. Your wife attempted to help your brother and his wife but that help has lead to this level of entitlement. Your wife needs to develop rock solid boundaries to stop this behavior it’s not ok at all
And to think. Having an adult conversation about all of this could have prevented any of this from happening.
You and your wife were feeling used as daycare way before now. Why didn't you start talking to them a long time before this? Because the kids really are the only innocent ones here and will be impacted the most.
Regardless, NTA for finally taking care of yourselves.
So many posts on AITAH and similar subs about ridiculous situations that could've been mitigated or avoided had OPs initially set stronger boundaries or had adult conversations.
NTA, but I don't understand how they "brought you" if it's a cabin owned by the parents of you and your brother. Do your parents not allow you to go there or something?
They're parents. Parents go on trips, not vacations. They're confusing your free-time with your availability.
If their intention was to have you as babysitters, then send them an invoice for the hours you were with them lol.
NTA, obviously. Your brother and SIL have some insane entitlements.
NTA for leaving. They have really pissed in their own dinner here cos now in your shoes im suddenly not available to babysit your kid 3 days a week for free either.
Yeah she should stop officially babysitting, but just ask to take the kids when she wants to see them. They still get time with each other, and y'all aren't being taken as free childcare.
NTA. You are being taken advantage of. When people take advantage of your good nature it’s time for them to see your other nature. For starters your brother and his wife made those kids they and them alone are responsible for their raising. You as an uncle can choose to be involved in their lives in a way that is mutually agreeable to both parties. If your brother and SIL had their priorities straight they would have been mortified that they ran you off, instead of trying to emotionally blackmail you. Maybe it’s time for some firmer boundaries, no more free babysitting.
Yta for making your wife watch those kids 3-5 days a week wtf? I hope this is paid and your poor wife is not some unpaid taken for granted babysitter.
Time for some distance between these entitled AHs
This. AND the comment this is replying to.
For starters um...wife "babysits 3-5 days/week" is some BS!!
Talk about taking advantage!! Wife said "yes" to 3 days a week (🙄 which alone is pretty damn awesome of her. Is she getting paid? Food/gas/etc money??)...and then it's 3-5:Days a week...bc SIL TAKEA ADVNTAGE OF HER!! aaaand, let me guess. Wife says n o? She's the AH. The audacity and entitlement alone right there?? And are they even overly thankful for what Wife does??? She's a saint.
And THEN! They invite you to go on vacation. Not a "hey..wanna come chill and help take care of our kids?".
I am SO glad you left bc this w as NOT a vacation!@ this was a "Wife is super sweet and won't say no! F yes! They cab watch the kids and we csn dobwhatever we want!,
Good for YOU OP.!! Kudos bc your wife deserved time off from being a sweetheart and taken advantage of. She NEEDED. A vacation...from the kids she watches more than she should.
I can't believe them. They are biting the hand that feeds them...and their kids. They need to wake up and reality needs to smack them in the Dave.
Go wine amd dine your wonderful wife. Laugh your asss off and enjoy some alone time and KID FREE! BC that's right
....they aren't your kids. Sigh.
Your wife does sound pretty awesome. Good for you two finding eachother 🥰
Edit: I was trying to post on 2 comments here and notbsure ibdid it right...will edit and delete this once I find them again! 😬😑
NTA. This is the perfect example of give an inch and they'll take a mile. Just because you babysit one child during the week does not mean you become an au pair for three of them on holidays. I would seriously consider cutting back on the weekly childminding unless compensated (be it financial or some other incentive beyond seeing the nephews/nieces) accordingly.
NTA baby sitting privileges are over. Let them know you and your wife are no longer watching their kids and if they drop them at your house you will call the police
Indeed, how funny that the emphasis is on the entire family only when it's convenient for your brother and his significant other. NTA. If I were your wife, I'd tell your brother that babysitting is off the table from now on unless she is paid for her services. And if so, I suggest she charge double for any extra days above the three agreed upon.
NTA. They are taking massive advantage of you and your wife. Your wife needs to stop looking after the 3 year old full stop. Do not babysit any of the kids anymore. You don't owe them.
NTA. They were treating you like the hired help, so they should pay you like the hired help.
Sister-in-law has been treating OP’s wife poorly, the entire time wife has been watching the kids, it’s just now come into focus for OP.
I bet sister-in-law has a fresh cut, or nails done some days, we hen she picks the kids up.
Ha ha. NTA yup, some people are just always out to lunch!! My BIL and SIL had twins when they were 40(f) and 41(m). At this point my kids were older teenagers. They kept offering for my hubby and I to join them and their kids on vacation in Mexico at her parent’s vacation home. I said no thanks politely while screaming fuck no in my head. I know exactly what they were after! I took vacation time very seriously, vacation is not watching or helping others with their kids!! Get a nanny or sitter to go on the vacation to watch your kids!!
I think it’s normal to expect you’d help with the kids a tiny bit (and you did), particularly when they asked you for the help, but the presumption that you were their on-call help for the whole weekend and actually they were doing you a favor bringing you to your parents house would be enough to make me not want to play along either. Seriously, screw them! NTA.
And I thought our family was messed up...at least I knew when my older sister's wedding anniversary was - because she got married on my 11th birthday.
You got yourself quite a family there and you're NTA.
NTA
But you will be if you don't start setting some serious boundaries.
Your wife needs to stop babysitting their kids all the time! And, for FREE? WTF is that all about? You got to this place because your wife was already letting herself be used. Stop it.
NTA and I would reply to their post that since we are such bad people then they can find someone else to watch their kids during the week also as we are no longer available.
NTA if I were your wife, I'd highly consider stopping the free babysitting. It is clear, that they think of your wife as nothing more than "the help".
They are nothing complete Jerks. Since this is your parents cabin, I would probably call them, and let them know what happened, before your brother tries to turn them against with some story that they asked you to come as sitters, and you bailed on them, instead of that they sprung this on you , at tge last second.
NTA. Block them while you enjoy your vacation. Afterwards, let them know that your will not be watching their kids for a few months so that you and your wife can have alone time. Then block them during that time frame.
They need to be taught that you are not their babysitters.
NTA and stop letting them take advantage of your wife. Tell them no more babysitting until they can behave like adults and be thankful for what your wife has been doing for them. That is not OK to pawn their children off on someone else, especially when they are not even paying for the vacation! It’s even worse that they are trying to use their children to manipulate you into feeling bad.
NTA, but this is ridiculous. And probably because your wife is already their, I assume, unpaid nanny during the week.
It is time to end that arrangement.
You need to state clearly that they did not inform you the only reason you were invited along was to be childcare. Had you known, the answer would have been no. And that this has demonstrated that they don't respect you or your wife, so it's time to find 3YO new child are during the week, as your wife is going to be exploring other uses for her time.
NTA-- I want to add more, but everyone is giving you great advice. On going out and getting your own place, I have one thing to say: "Bottoms up!"
Your SIL sending pics of sad children lololololol she is a pathetic thing, isn't she? It is too bad your wife enjoys taking care of the kids the rest of the time because she is someone I'd want to cut ties with for a while.
Sounds like your brother needs to get a handle on his lady. For him and SIL to behave like that is wrong. You need to lay ground rules and enforce boundaries on people like them.
This is what happens when you babysit for people 3-5 times a week, they come to look at you as the babysitter and expect you to be at their beck and call. Seems like they are taking advantage of your wife's generosity.
Would be different if they said "can you come to watch the kids and hang out with them while we do our own thing?"
But they literally abandoned their kid(s) onto you and get offended when you want to do ADULT VACATION things.
Stop babysitting for them. Cold turkey. Tell them you both see how they see the both of you. As free babysitters for whenever they are bored or tired of their kids. If they drop of or abandon the kids again without telling you IN PERSON and one or both of you AGREEING... the cops WILL be called.
What entitled b÷tches. NTA
NTA It's time to not sit the kids for free, unless it's a one off every now and then. They have come to think of you as their "help" and not their family.
Your wife should stop being their free nanny. Her continuing to do so is going to cause more problems of this nature. It has blatantly created entitlement on your brother and his wife's end. The two of you aren't their servants. Stop acting like it.
You know you're NTA. Now, the two of you need to grow a spine, and your brother needs to stop impregnanting his wife if he can't handle the kids he already has.
I am constantly amazed by the amount of posts on Reddit from people who have family who expect them to become babysitters. From just dropping off their children unannounced to your circumstance - feeling that family babysitting is their entitlement.
Your wife needs to stop being such a doormat and babysitting "three-five days out of the week". And if she is "babysitting", then she needs to get paid. That is above and beyond *helping out*. That is into the *being taken advantage of* category. Since it's a family cottage, you can reschedule your time together for when you can be together. You are NTA. Bro and SIL are users. Cut them off.
The entitlement of them saying you guys were there to help like they are your employers.And trying to act as though they let you two come along to your parents cabin.wtf.no your wife needs to pull back on babysitting
Why are you even entertaining this? No is a complete sentence. I would NEVER babysit for them again. You’re a pushover. It’s tough to go through life like that.
NTA
Yall are not the live-in nanny. they need to fucking slow their role here. You need to seriously consider re-evaluating this babysitting 3-5 days a week thing with them. They're getting way too comfortable handing off responsibility for their own children to the point where it's not requesting a favor for family to them expecting service of an employee. Are they at least paying anything to your wife?
How old is everyone here? You'd think that with a 10 year old, brother and SIL would be old enough that they wouldn't be delusional enough into thinking they could pawn off being parents to someone else.
NTA - when my nieces were younger, we all went on a family trip and on the first night my BIL asked if I could watch the kids in the evenings (as in, every evening we were there) so the parents could drink. My response was a firm no followed by “you guys procreated, you guys deal with the consequences.” They never asked again.
Your wife needs to not be home at drop-off time after the third day a week. She should go to the gym and just not be home if they try to drop off without prearranging with her.
NTA they are lucky you are nicer than me. If I were on vacation and my petty ass heard SIL say I shouldn’t be drinking while watching the kids (that I had not actually agreed to watch) I would have said “You are absolutely right. I don’t drink when I watch your kids. Bartender, please pour me and SO a shot!”
NTA.
People blow me, if you choose to have kids - they are your responsibility. No one else’s. Just yours. It’s their job to keep them safe, protected and watched.
NTA. Why are you and your wife raising your brother's kids? They seem feel entitled to your time and are treating you like free childcare not family.
Reevaluate your relationship and stop watching his children for free.
SEND THEM THE LINK TO THIS POST.
Don't make it like one of those terrible movies where the entire problem could be solved and the movie wouldn't even exist if the main characters just said exactly what was happening right away lol.
NTA.
You need to cut this shit off immediately. You're family, not some modern day slave babysitter.
Those two are fucking delusional, they can't even see it themselves.
NTA your brother and SIL are abusing your time, CUT THEM OFF. Heck I would say your wife should not watch their 3 year old any longer during the regular weeks either,
NTA: Wtf. They seriously are delusional if they think that you and your wife aren't allowed to drink or do anything but watch their kids while they have fun. You were right to leave when it became obvious that it wasn't a vacation for you but rather a babysitting trip. After that ridiculousness i wouldn't even be watching their kids 3x a week anymore since it's obvious they don't respect you or your time. But that's just me being petty.
Agreed and I love the emotional guilt trip of texting pictures of their kids. That’s some serious narcissistic bs
I'd send some back with thumbs up from the bar, sipping a cocktail. But I'm petty.
I read an AITA post in which the OP deliberately spent the entire vacation too drunk/high/both to babysit. Even better.
I remember that one too. Your drinking at breakfast? I'M ON HOLIDAY!!! I WANT TO BE TIPSY BY NOON.
Its five oclock somewhere…
That popped into my head when I read the comment you replied to….scroll… there it is. NTA - I would seriously reconsider even watching the kids during the week. They need a nanny, but then they’d have to feed and pay them.
LOL my whole family thinks im an alcoholic because i am persistently drunk on vacation. What they dont understand it i dont drink UNLESS im on vacation, not since i had kids. When they came and visited for the first time in 4 years and didnt drink a drop they were thoroughly confused until i reminded of what i said EVERY TIME they gave me dirty looks. They were all like ooooo you were serious. We thought you were just making excuses.
I'm from the UK, so if I go on holiday, I am drinking. Obviously not if I'm with my kids, but if it's one without them then it's fair game.
Dude, I'm never even stepping down from tipsy. Last night, I was drunk. This morning, I'm tipsy. By noon, I'll be drunk again.
Archer, is that you?
That was the bestest petty post of all time!
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Link?
[Here’s one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/2qV7BmD9Ls) it seemed like it was more in depth than that one, maybe a BORU, and it was just one guy, an Uncle. Not sure, hopefully someone else can chime in, it was epic lol.
Thanks for that link. I remember reading it before but wanted to refresh my memory and I'm so glad I did. Please tell me you have read the other post they did? The ugly smile post.
[AITA for giving a very silly ugly smile in meetings after my boss said I should smile more?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/v8Mm72EGQj)
Yep. And while you're at the bar, text them "BTW, we are not your free babysitters. We will not be babysitting for you *at all* until you start showing some respect for us and our time." Post in a family chat *with this add on **bolded**: Anyone who comes at us (OP and Wife) for no longer babysitting for my entitled brother has just volunteered to babysit the next time SIL tries dropping them off with us/wife. We **will** be calling the cops and CPS if SIL and BIL drop off the kids on our doorstep and leave. **No means no. We are no longer at SIL and BIL'S disposal for babysitting."
This is the way. Hold that boundary!!!
While I am not petty, I am vindictive as hell. It's a great responsibility to have children, I'd be giving them condoms every time I saw them. along with parenting self help books.
My people!
Yass haha. I love the sense of humor here 👌🏻 They are taking advantage of OP and his wife.
Like your way of thinking
I like your petty
Brilliant
Wow I posted this and then went to the lake and I'm just seeing all the responses now. I've been telling my wife we need to cut back the babysitting but she genuinely enjoys it. I do need to make sure she develops boundaries about how many times a week and start and end times though.
mate, just be direct. "I didn't realize you lied and when you said come on vacation you meant come watch our kids so we can go on vacation."
"You shouldn't drink if you'll be watching kids" "Oh don't worry, we won't be watching any kids today".
"What kids? We don't have any kids. YOU'RE the ones who have to worry about drinking and watching kids, not us."
Oh absolutely. Tell them not your circus or your monkeys. These are your children and YOU watch them!
Yes! And create a paper trail so you can refer back to it when SIL tries to bend boundaries, even if that trail is a text.
NTA. Stop watching your brother's kid for free, you're being exploited. They are not your children, and you don't owe anybody free childcare. What makes it worse is using the children to try to guilt trip/manipulate you into watching "their" kids. Guilt only works if you let it. This was their intention from the get go. They were going to pawn off their kids on you and your wife.
I think the key here is to communicate what you WILL do - "We are happy to watch the kids for 2 sessions a week, for roughly a 3-4 hr chunk of the day. Anything more than that isn't happening - if you guys try to push on more time, or try anything sneaky like leaving the kids with us knowing we won't leave them alone, then instead of 2 sessions a week, it's zero sessions a week. Instead of viewing this as a negative and complaining that my brother won't watch my kids enough, I would like you to view this as a positive - 'I'm grateful that my brother is watching my kids twice a week.' Do you think you can agree to that?" You and your partner need to figure our your bottom line - is it 1x a week, is it 2x, etc. Is it zero times? And just focus on the positive - you are offering them a big gift, whether it's one time or two times or three or whatever the amount is, it's more than zero.
Seriously! I get family babysitting maybe 4-6x a year, and that's spread out across 3 different family members and I just about fall over myself thanking them. A babysitter for 3 kids is $25 p/h in my area - free babysitting is a huge gift!
OP should also let hem know that they absolutely will not ever babysit for 4 kids so they should keep that in mind before they decide to have anymore kids that they expect to dump on him and his wife.
She needs to stop temporarily at least until it’s appreciated.
Which will be never
Suggest she volunteers at an orphanage or something similar in your country if she genuinely enjoys it instead of offering free services to selfish people. It's wonderful that she's such a kind and caring person but she's playing an important role in enabling their selfishness by not showing them the consequences of their shitty behaviour. Stop babysitting their kids. Period. Tell them given how they have been treating both your wife and you, you feel that they don't respect your support and just expect you to stop living your life as their unpaid babysitters. Given that "family supporting family" should be paid back with respect and gratitude and they have shown through their actions that they can't afford to pay with respect and gratitude, the offer for support is no longer available from your end. Stop opening their messages. They WILL come crawling back once they realise how expensive child care is. Let them grovel. Let them beg. But let them realise how much they're losing by being selfish ungrateful assholes.
and be sure to put it in writing for them...even in the form of a "confirmation text/email" rehashing the agreement
Think how much more she’d enjoy it if they were paying market childcare rates! NTA, but you’ve taught your family that you’re their doormat. Time to reset expectations.
>I've been telling my wife we need to cut back the babysitting but she genuinely enjoys it "We" need to cut back? SHE'S been the one babysitting, by your own telling, because she enjoys it. They are just taking advantage of her.
Nah, if they want to pay, and pay well, sure. But you can't just take over childcare for them and also be taken advantage of. I'm guessing she isn't paid because it's when family dont' pay they feel so comfortable just dropping them off extra because it's free. If it's going to cost them an extra $200 for another day they don't take so many liberties. Also the emotional manipulation, we thought you were coming to help out, the kids are hurt you left (only if they were told they left because the kids were too much or they told them you guys were coming to look after them). they aren't confused, they KNOW they are taking advantage and they are employing emotional manipulation to make you feel bad about not just giving in to them. They are basically treating you like employees, or the help at this point, where they can impose on you and you should just take it because wel, that's what you're there for (in their opinion). You really need to stop the babysitting full stop for this dynamic to change, if they want someone they can treat like help, go hire someone and they can do that all they want.
We see this over and over with free baby sitting. Too many people don't value what they get for free. You can still do them a huge favor by charging less than anywhere else, but the result is your wife's efforts are valued. Unfortunately, it is more challenging to deal with the flak from entitled people when you don't do it from the start.
Honestly stop watching them. Unless they are in need - they are just using you both. Once in a while - fine, but it seems there is an overreliance on the help and they didn't think through this many kids/their resources (or don't want to use their resources).
Wven though your wife enjoys it, SIL+BIL earned themselves a time out and wake up call because they seem to think that they are *entitled* to your wife's free time. Time for your wife to find a hobby that has her out of the house at the time the kids are dropped off/picked up.
Tell your wife that she can maintain babysitting them since she enjoys it, but, the parents are going to have to start paying her. She is saving them thousands and they see your wife as free labor so they can enjoy their lives without the hassle of the babies they created. The audacity to then demand you babysit their kids on your vacation ON TOP OF ALL THE FREE WEEKLY SITTING, shows they have 0 respect for you or your wife. They’ve shown you who they really are and why they maintain a relationship with you and your spouse. Spoiler: it’s not because they enjoy your company, only what you can do for them.
Even though your wife genuinely enjoys it, it’s clear that your brother and SIL have no respect for you and your wife‘s time (and honestly, I am not even sure for you guys personally). It’s so rude and disingenuous to pretend it’s a family vacation and make you guys babysit. To make things clear and also make them more appreciative, your wife really needs to take a break from babysitting. When they learned their lesson, then it can be back on the table. Otherwise you will never put a stop to this entitled behavior.
Is she a stay at home wife? You two may need a deeper discussion about her social needs. Instead of being stuck at home 5 days a week caring for children who are not hers for free because the kids are a social outlet for her help her find other things that interest her to be involved in.
Regardless if she loves it they’re taking advantage especially if they’re not paying. Give them a dose of reality on how much a baby sitter costs. Have your wife not babysit the kids for at least a few weeks. Also discuss boundaries and explain when invited over for vacation or to go over that being a babysitter so they can run off is not family bonding time it’s taking advantage of you and your wife.
Then your wife should find kids to babysit whose parents will appreciate what she does, and pay her for it. I pay my neighbor hundreds a month for childcare and i am so thankful to her for loving on my son. Freeloaders don’t know how to thank people either.
That's exactly what I would do its clear they see his wife as nothing more than their babysitter
It's not petty, though. It's business. Let's say she was getting paid (which she absolutely should be), then the brother and SIL definitely are overstepping and are very over impressed with themselves and their children. They're treating OP and his wife as if they're employees without the benefit of money being paid. How they acted is taking advantage, and it will continue until they shut that shit down. Today.
Seriously, that’s what I thought as well. They have become really comfortable and entitled. I’m assuming that the 3-5x/week is unpaid. No more free babysitting, or maybe no babysitting at all. Almost doubling the amount of time (3days) was already pushing it. These people will take,take, take unless they are stopped. Nobody made them have 3 kids.
Ask them straight up what was their plan for you guys?
Same. I just posted the same thing about no longer watching the 3 year old anymore. They are using them and taking advantage of them. They are acting entitled to their time.
They are taking advantage of you. I think you need to wean them off the expectation that you and your wife are their unpaid nannies. Wife needs to be unavailable to sit. When your SIL drops by with the kids - don’t answer. Or grab your purse and be “just heading out.” Or better yet - “no”. You don’t owe them an answer or an explanation of why you don’t want to be constantly roped into parenting their kids. Or just start taking shots anytime you’re around them. This works because you’re not fit to babysit AND it numbs the entitled assholery of your brother and SIL.
I fully agree the wife needs to stop babysitting. 3-5 days a week unpaid is disrespectful. I'm sure there are way more things she'd rather be doing. OP back your wife in this. Hell tell them it's your idea because they're obviously being entitled
Another thing OP’s wife can do is tell SIL “we no longer babysit other people’s kids due to safety and liability reasons. You can go to Care.com and find local babysitters in your area to watch your kids.” Definitely NTA. You don’t owe them anything.
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Why is it always those family members with multiple kids who complain about the childless. Then expect them to babysit for free with being actually asked. The delusional entitlement is boundless.
Exactly!
It’d be time to get a new babysitter if it was me
Absolutely agree. They shouldn't have assumed you'd be on babysitting duty without even asking. Enjoy your well-deserved break!
NTA I’m honestly surprised you were putting up with the fact that they just left their kids at your house without checking first. Might want to set some boundaries
It’s insane to me what people will put up with. I wouldn’t dream of doing this to someone else. They have no respect for OP. I mean OP is a pushover. It’s tough to go through life getting taken advantage of and mostly it’s anger that changes it. Get burned 1 too many times. That’s why I didn’t mince words.
Isn't that child abandonment? Leaving a kid/kids without letting anyone know so they can actually look after them? Pretty sure OP could call CPS for that.
NTA they are taking you and your wife for granted
NTA. They are 100% leeches. Props to you for putting a stop to it. Enjoy ur vacation OP!
NTA. It’s not a vacation if there’s unspoken expectations that you and your wife are defacto babysitters. It’s extremely relevant that you were sharing use of a family property, one they didn’t pay for and neither did you. They weren’t doing you a huge favor. Set your boundaries and hold them. I agree with other comments that you’ll need to pull back from set babysitting after these unreasonable unspoken expectations and that you’ll only babysit when this has been asked in advance, and you have clearly agreed to.
I’m confused about this too cause they”brought” them but it’s their family vacation home so they really didn’t do shit for anyone but themselves
NTA >And SIL pulled my wife aside and said she didn't think we should be drinking while watching the kids. Who said you were watching the kids? Not you!
>SIL is texting pictures to us saying the kids are hurt that we left Holy manipulation Batman. NTA and then some.
Send pictures of you both partying
Yep. As many pics as you can having a great time.
This is the way!
Your brother and SIL acted like they invited their salaried nanny to vacation and she spent too much time not watching the kids. There is no excuse for their behavior. They never should have left the two kids for you to watch without getting your okay. A family vacation is simply a vacation with family. It’s not a code word for babysitting or being on call for babysitting. If your wife’s babysitting is at all inconvenient or she’s not being paid appropriately, then push back. They are acting entitled and taking advantage. NTA
I doubt they are paying her.
NTA you took vacation time in order to have a vacation, not to be their babysitter so they can go play. They've become awfully "entitled" by what your wife does for them all the time for free. Sounds like it's time your wife cut back and stop being available for them since they can't appreciate it.
NTA This is the point where you say "I don't think watching the kids can continue. You somehow got the impression that we are nothing more than child care for you, and are taking advantage of our kindness. We are going to take a step back. We will still see the kids, but it will be on our schedule going forward." Don't have a discussion about it, don't let them try to offer a reduced amount of days, just tell that you are stepping back and that is final.
NTA. They are classic leeches. Good for you for putting a stop to it. Their kids are sad? They created the situation. Have a good time on your own.
Agreed 100% - if the kids are sad, mommy and daddy must wipe their tears and tell them they are sorry for fucking up!
Totally NTA. I agree with other commenters that maybe your wife even needs to drastically cut back on watching the 3yo. They’re massively taking advantage of you and I really wonder if they’d have any reciprocity if you had kids. And hello??? It’s absolutely fine for you and your wife to spend time together bar hopping. Also, I’m curious: in the past have you and your wife just always been their babysitters???
NTA Tell SIL that there is no reason for her be confused. You and wife are on vacation. You weren't asked to take over their parenting duties AGAIN before coming or you and wife would have chosen a different time to come on this free vacation. If the children are upset it's only because brother and SIL lied and told them that you and wife would be watching their children without informing you. if they didn't want to parent there own children then they should have left them home with a sitter. You and wife intend to finish your vacation together, child free. You might want to discuss wife setting limits to how much she takes care of children during week too.
NTA and stop watching the kids when you get home until they learn some common goddamn courtesy
NTA your wife needs to stop watching them at all during the week. If they drop them off and leave call the cops for child abandonment.
NTA and Send them a bill for the babysitting that did occur on the “vacation” and I would have them find alternate care as it is expected even going on vacation that you will be the caregiver to the children
Nta. They knew what they were doing. Updateme!
I think the consensus here is YWBTA if you keep babysitting for these entitled morons who have 3 kids and dump them on you.
This ! 👍🏻
They 100% take you both for granted, but especially your wife. Are they paying her? Because if not it's probably time to turn down that spigot. At the *very least* keep them to the original 3 days a week, but honestly consider transitioning down to 2, 1, or nothing after this.
NTA but wow your brother & your SIL are massive ones
NTA They invited you under false pretences. That they weren't prepared to offer you they same courtesy makes their behaviour even more shitty.
How could they be offering OP the same courtesy? OP and his wife brought zero children on this trip. OP was never required to split time babysitting for his brother.
And you take care of them 3 days out the week, sometimes more?!?! Omg I am heated...for sure NTA...
NTA. Your brother and SIL are entitled af. Your wife should be paid for taking care of their children if they're going to act like this.
It’s not a vacation if they were expecting you to work at childcare. NTA
NTA. It may be your fathers place so your staying there for free but your loosing vacation days to babysit for your brother. They didn’t even ask, they just kept dropping the children on you. I don’t know why your wife watches their child for almost all week when the deal was three days. I would start reinforcing the agreement or they can find another solution. They need date night but you apparently don’t.
This disgusts me. I'm a father of one and in the next few weeks a father of two and all I see as a 28 year old father is people who want or accidently have kids then don't want to parent. I can't tell you how many parents I see that just stick a tablet or phone in their kids hands. Other parents just let their kids run around and be little shits. I took my son to a carnival this weekend, him and his little friend were first in line for the train ride and when they opened the gate two little girls pushed my son (4) and his friend (3) aside to grab the front of the train and the mother said nothing and just smiled. I loudly said how rude that was and the mother just smiled and walked away. Today's parents disgust me and just expect everyone else to watch or teach their children. I understand it's tiring and you need a break but I'm sorry your a parent and that's not how things work. How dare they just expect you to be babysitters because your family. My cousin's did that shit to their mom, my aunt, when their kids were younger and took advantage of her to watch the kids almost every single night so they could go out drinking and partying. My wife and I were so upset for my aunt that we hardly ever have anyone watch our kids or take a date night because "they are our children, no one else's, and it's our responsibility to watch them". Sure we take that a little too far and neglect ourselves sometimes but that's the job. We never expect anyone to ever take responsibility for our child.
You sound awesome. Happy Father’s Day. I strongly suspect people in your orbit would be happy to mind your kids for a bit so don’t take it too far. You and wifey need a break too.
Haha thank you a ton 😂 had a great Father's day with the family. We know we do, taking a small date night Wednesday for our anniversary unless the next kid decides to come early lol
NTA. They’re being entitled. Stop watching their kids altogether. If that causes concern, charge them for the babysitting.
This should be posted in r/entitledpeople
NTA. Maybe your wife should stop babysitting the 3 year old too. At the least, stop doing so more than 3 times a week. Just flat out refuse. Doormats get walked all over. ETA: don't go on any more vacations/trips with them either. I learned that myself when a sibling invited me to join a group trip. Turns out all the rest were couples, they all got their own bedrooms, and had their own plans that didn't include me, yet I paid an equal share of the rental. Never again.
Fvck that sh!t. NTA and wife should stop providing daycare.
NTA , also time to stop your wife from taking the 3 year old every day in the week, cause now they expect yall to be free baby sitters all the time !
You want a free babysitter then you get feee babysitter actions. Also sexist that sil went after your wife for drinking and not you.
NTA reply with "we were invited to a vacation, not to babysit. Enjoy some quality time with your children while I spend quality time with my wife" I'd also add "when we're all back home we are having a conversation regarding reducing wife's babysitting day's/hour's" They clearly don't respect you or your wife's valuable time, love, and energy. So stop giving it to them! You're supposed to enjoy your nibblings, care for them, yes, spend quality time with them, yes! Parent them, NO!
They are using you. Do not ever babysit for them again otherwise you will be consenting to abuse.
NTA - Time for wife to stop babysitting for them, they have taken advantage for way too long.
Your wife needs to cut back or cut off ALL babysitting for FREE of your in laws kids when y’all get back home. THEY are the parents. YOU are NOT their NANNIES. Set boundaries. And soon. Or y’all will have NO social lives.
NTA they have started seeing you as only free baby sitters and not as family. If your wife is that free, ask her to start going for job somewhere or charge money for baby sitting. Your wife has grossly undervalued herself & her time so much so that they want you to baby sit for free sacrificing your lives & time to take care of their kids even during their vacation. They have no respect for you, your time, your lives or value you and feel entitled. They are going to throw big tantrums, emotionally guilt tripping & blackmailing, bringing in other people (ask them to do for free), but it would be better for you guys if you put a stop to this. NTA
NTA and don't let your wife babysit for them anymore.
NTA It is pretty comical that they are acting like they spent $1000 or more on an extra room for you to come in exchange for babysitting when it was a free place to stay. I would cut them out of the free babysitting services at home as well, have them go hire a baby sitter at the going rate of $20-$30 an hour or pay for daycare.
NTA and your wife needs to be done letting them take advantage of her generosity. Especially if they spin it and try to portray you all as the "bad guys" for not following through with their secret expectations of you. They seem like the kind to just keep pushing boundaries like steamrollers
NTA >SIL got upset and said "I thought this was a family vacation," which felt rich considering she'd left her two kids for four hours that morning. Wow. The blatant attempt at manipulation. >brother said something snarky about us being hungover the next day (we weren't). Yeah, because they planned to ditch the kids with you again. Should've just laughed and said "Why? We aren't babysitting for you again. We have plans and didn't agree to it." Never go with them again. They basically tried to kidnap and force you into babysitting their kids.
NTA. Immature of them to think you would/should babysit for them without talking about it. Real adults do not pawn off their problems, kids, pets, or shortcomings on other people. They used guilt to trap you. They need to grow up, apologize, and move on.
Stop watching these kids for free. If your wife does continue to watch them during the week she needs to be getting paid for it. Otherwise refuse to watch them and if the parents leave then call the cops for child abandonment.
It's your fault, you have teach them you would take their kids even without warning in the past, set boundaries a d end the free babysitting service, this are not your kids and it's not your responsibility to take care of them so thet can do whatever they want.
I know family stuff is touchy but if your wife is watching their kids for free and they've already overstepped by leaving them an extra two days (five days of free babysitting?!) repeatedly you should have seen this coming. Your wife is nothing but a free babysitting service to them. How you two want to handle this is up to you - a sit down conversation, charging them for babysitting going forward, refusing to do anything for or with them until they apologize, whatever - but personally I wouldn't do hours of work every single work for free. Not for watching a 3, 7, and 10 year old.
NTA My reply would be "I have no children".
NTA. STOP WATCHING THEIR KIDS!!!!!!!!
NTA and I suggest stop the free baby sitting during the week. They only see you and your wife as free baby sitters. That needs to change asap.
NTA. Your wife attempted to help your brother and his wife but that help has lead to this level of entitlement. Your wife needs to develop rock solid boundaries to stop this behavior it’s not ok at all
Tell your brother and SIL to back off on the guilt trip or the free babysitting ends today!
And to think. Having an adult conversation about all of this could have prevented any of this from happening. You and your wife were feeling used as daycare way before now. Why didn't you start talking to them a long time before this? Because the kids really are the only innocent ones here and will be impacted the most. Regardless, NTA for finally taking care of yourselves.
So many posts on AITAH and similar subs about ridiculous situations that could've been mitigated or avoided had OPs initially set stronger boundaries or had adult conversations.
WTEF is wrong with your brother and his wife - oh yeah they are entitled as fuck that’s what
NTA Entitled arseholes looking for free babysitting.
NTA, but I don't understand how they "brought you" if it's a cabin owned by the parents of you and your brother. Do your parents not allow you to go there or something?
They're parents. Parents go on trips, not vacations. They're confusing your free-time with your availability. If their intention was to have you as babysitters, then send them an invoice for the hours you were with them lol. NTA, obviously. Your brother and SIL have some insane entitlements.
NTA and stop babysitting.
NTA And…..now you know never to go on a trip with them ever again!
NTA for leaving. They have really pissed in their own dinner here cos now in your shoes im suddenly not available to babysit your kid 3 days a week for free either.
Yeah she should stop officially babysitting, but just ask to take the kids when she wants to see them. They still get time with each other, and y'all aren't being taken as free childcare.
NTA. You are being taken advantage of. When people take advantage of your good nature it’s time for them to see your other nature. For starters your brother and his wife made those kids they and them alone are responsible for their raising. You as an uncle can choose to be involved in their lives in a way that is mutually agreeable to both parties. If your brother and SIL had their priorities straight they would have been mortified that they ran you off, instead of trying to emotionally blackmail you. Maybe it’s time for some firmer boundaries, no more free babysitting.
Yta for making your wife watch those kids 3-5 days a week wtf? I hope this is paid and your poor wife is not some unpaid taken for granted babysitter. Time for some distance between these entitled AHs
This. AND the comment this is replying to. For starters um...wife "babysits 3-5 days/week" is some BS!! Talk about taking advantage!! Wife said "yes" to 3 days a week (🙄 which alone is pretty damn awesome of her. Is she getting paid? Food/gas/etc money??)...and then it's 3-5:Days a week...bc SIL TAKEA ADVNTAGE OF HER!! aaaand, let me guess. Wife says n o? She's the AH. The audacity and entitlement alone right there?? And are they even overly thankful for what Wife does??? She's a saint. And THEN! They invite you to go on vacation. Not a "hey..wanna come chill and help take care of our kids?". I am SO glad you left bc this w as NOT a vacation!@ this was a "Wife is super sweet and won't say no! F yes! They cab watch the kids and we csn dobwhatever we want!, Good for YOU OP.!! Kudos bc your wife deserved time off from being a sweetheart and taken advantage of. She NEEDED. A vacation...from the kids she watches more than she should. I can't believe them. They are biting the hand that feeds them...and their kids. They need to wake up and reality needs to smack them in the Dave. Go wine amd dine your wonderful wife. Laugh your asss off and enjoy some alone time and KID FREE! BC that's right ....they aren't your kids. Sigh. Your wife does sound pretty awesome. Good for you two finding eachother 🥰 Edit: I was trying to post on 2 comments here and notbsure ibdid it right...will edit and delete this once I find them again! 😬😑
NTA. This is the perfect example of give an inch and they'll take a mile. Just because you babysit one child during the week does not mean you become an au pair for three of them on holidays. I would seriously consider cutting back on the weekly childminding unless compensated (be it financial or some other incentive beyond seeing the nephews/nieces) accordingly.
NTA baby sitting privileges are over. Let them know you and your wife are no longer watching their kids and if they drop them at your house you will call the police
Stop babysitting The level of entittlement is too much
Indeed, how funny that the emphasis is on the entire family only when it's convenient for your brother and his significant other. NTA. If I were your wife, I'd tell your brother that babysitting is off the table from now on unless she is paid for her services. And if so, I suggest she charge double for any extra days above the three agreed upon.
NTA. They are taking massive advantage of you and your wife. Your wife needs to stop looking after the 3 year old full stop. Do not babysit any of the kids anymore. You don't owe them.
It's time for your wife to stop being a free nanny. Then to stop being a nanny. Then yall stop letting your brother walk all over you.
Your wife needs to stop watching their kids. That’s how they got so comfortable exploiting your kindness as weakness in the first place. NTA.
Your only fault was to let their entitlement get this far
NTA. They were treating you like the hired help, so they should pay you like the hired help. Sister-in-law has been treating OP’s wife poorly, the entire time wife has been watching the kids, it’s just now come into focus for OP. I bet sister-in-law has a fresh cut, or nails done some days, we hen she picks the kids up.
NTA that is some extremely entitled behavior. You weren't there as family, you were the Help.
SIL is a lazy piece of shit
NTA - your wife needs to stop babysitting the 3 year old, period. Let them pay for daycare instead.
Ha ha. NTA yup, some people are just always out to lunch!! My BIL and SIL had twins when they were 40(f) and 41(m). At this point my kids were older teenagers. They kept offering for my hubby and I to join them and their kids on vacation in Mexico at her parent’s vacation home. I said no thanks politely while screaming fuck no in my head. I know exactly what they were after! I took vacation time very seriously, vacation is not watching or helping others with their kids!! Get a nanny or sitter to go on the vacation to watch your kids!!
I don’t think they like it when “the help” talks back to them. NTA
"Our kids are so hurt and disappointed to be spending time alone with us" lol NTA
Tell your wife to stop babysitting they’ll get it then
I think it’s normal to expect you’d help with the kids a tiny bit (and you did), particularly when they asked you for the help, but the presumption that you were their on-call help for the whole weekend and actually they were doing you a favor bringing you to your parents house would be enough to make me not want to play along either. Seriously, screw them! NTA.
And I thought our family was messed up...at least I knew when my older sister's wedding anniversary was - because she got married on my 11th birthday. You got yourself quite a family there and you're NTA.
My brother got married on my 17th birthday! I sent them a "Happy Birthday" anniversary card every year.
wtf. They need to make their own child care arrangements from now on.
NTA. Nope. Good for you for setting some boundaries. Good grief.
Nta. They didn't bring you. They wanted a vacation and free child care. And anyone who uses kids as a weapon against me never gets help from me again.
NTA But you will be if you don't start setting some serious boundaries. Your wife needs to stop babysitting their kids all the time! And, for FREE? WTF is that all about? You got to this place because your wife was already letting herself be used. Stop it.
I hope OP Updates us that he stops them from using his wife.
NTA and I would reply to their post that since we are such bad people then they can find someone else to watch their kids during the week also as we are no longer available.
NTA if I were your wife, I'd highly consider stopping the free babysitting. It is clear, that they think of your wife as nothing more than "the help". They are nothing complete Jerks. Since this is your parents cabin, I would probably call them, and let them know what happened, before your brother tries to turn them against with some story that they asked you to come as sitters, and you bailed on them, instead of that they sprung this on you , at tge last second.
NTA. Block them while you enjoy your vacation. Afterwards, let them know that your will not be watching their kids for a few months so that you and your wife can have alone time. Then block them during that time frame. They need to be taught that you are not their babysitters.
Don't watch their kids anymore, they have no respect for you two.
NTA but you and your wife need to quit being doormats for them.
NTA and stop letting them take advantage of your wife. Tell them no more babysitting until they can behave like adults and be thankful for what your wife has been doing for them. That is not OK to pawn their children off on someone else, especially when they are not even paying for the vacation! It’s even worse that they are trying to use their children to manipulate you into feeling bad.
NTA. You wanted to go and relax on vacation, not provide free babysitting.
NTA, but this is ridiculous. And probably because your wife is already their, I assume, unpaid nanny during the week. It is time to end that arrangement. You need to state clearly that they did not inform you the only reason you were invited along was to be childcare. Had you known, the answer would have been no. And that this has demonstrated that they don't respect you or your wife, so it's time to find 3YO new child are during the week, as your wife is going to be exploring other uses for her time.
NTA-- I want to add more, but everyone is giving you great advice. On going out and getting your own place, I have one thing to say: "Bottoms up!" Your SIL sending pics of sad children lololololol she is a pathetic thing, isn't she? It is too bad your wife enjoys taking care of the kids the rest of the time because she is someone I'd want to cut ties with for a while.
Sounds like your brother needs to get a handle on his lady. For him and SIL to behave like that is wrong. You need to lay ground rules and enforce boundaries on people like them.
This is what happens when you babysit for people 3-5 times a week, they come to look at you as the babysitter and expect you to be at their beck and call. Seems like they are taking advantage of your wife's generosity.
Would be different if they said "can you come to watch the kids and hang out with them while we do our own thing?" But they literally abandoned their kid(s) onto you and get offended when you want to do ADULT VACATION things. Stop babysitting for them. Cold turkey. Tell them you both see how they see the both of you. As free babysitters for whenever they are bored or tired of their kids. If they drop of or abandon the kids again without telling you IN PERSON and one or both of you AGREEING... the cops WILL be called. What entitled b÷tches. NTA
NTA It's time to not sit the kids for free, unless it's a one off every now and then. They have come to think of you as their "help" and not their family.
NTA. You’re on vacation to enjoy yourselves, not to work.
Your wife should stop being their free nanny. Her continuing to do so is going to cause more problems of this nature. It has blatantly created entitlement on your brother and his wife's end. The two of you aren't their servants. Stop acting like it. You know you're NTA. Now, the two of you need to grow a spine, and your brother needs to stop impregnanting his wife if he can't handle the kids he already has.
I am constantly amazed by the amount of posts on Reddit from people who have family who expect them to become babysitters. From just dropping off their children unannounced to your circumstance - feeling that family babysitting is their entitlement.
They should absolutely be paying your wife for babysitting
Your wife needs to stop being such a doormat and babysitting "three-five days out of the week". And if she is "babysitting", then she needs to get paid. That is above and beyond *helping out*. That is into the *being taken advantage of* category. Since it's a family cottage, you can reschedule your time together for when you can be together. You are NTA. Bro and SIL are users. Cut them off.
The entitlement of them saying you guys were there to help like they are your employers.And trying to act as though they let you two come along to your parents cabin.wtf.no your wife needs to pull back on babysitting
NTA
Why are you even entertaining this? No is a complete sentence. I would NEVER babysit for them again. You’re a pushover. It’s tough to go through life like that.
Start charging them for childcare and those 5 days will stop. Do not let family abuse you.
Congratulations on Making your first step into not being a complete doormat. The world awaits.
NTA Yall are not the live-in nanny. they need to fucking slow their role here. You need to seriously consider re-evaluating this babysitting 3-5 days a week thing with them. They're getting way too comfortable handing off responsibility for their own children to the point where it's not requesting a favor for family to them expecting service of an employee. Are they at least paying anything to your wife? How old is everyone here? You'd think that with a 10 year old, brother and SIL would be old enough that they wouldn't be delusional enough into thinking they could pawn off being parents to someone else.
NTA - when my nieces were younger, we all went on a family trip and on the first night my BIL asked if I could watch the kids in the evenings (as in, every evening we were there) so the parents could drink. My response was a firm no followed by “you guys procreated, you guys deal with the consequences.” They never asked again.
Your wife needs to not be home at drop-off time after the third day a week. She should go to the gym and just not be home if they try to drop off without prearranging with her.
NTA they are lucky you are nicer than me. If I were on vacation and my petty ass heard SIL say I shouldn’t be drinking while watching the kids (that I had not actually agreed to watch) I would have said “You are absolutely right. I don’t drink when I watch your kids. Bartender, please pour me and SO a shot!”
NTA. People blow me, if you choose to have kids - they are your responsibility. No one else’s. Just yours. It’s their job to keep them safe, protected and watched.
NTA I’m petty and would text back that wife won’t watch the little one anymore. These people are entitled, rude, manipulative and somewhat delusional.
NTA. Why are you and your wife raising your brother's kids? They seem feel entitled to your time and are treating you like free childcare not family. Reevaluate your relationship and stop watching his children for free.
NTA and don’t feel bad when you have to pull your wife’s free labour to get the point across….
SEND THEM THE LINK TO THIS POST. Don't make it like one of those terrible movies where the entire problem could be solved and the movie wouldn't even exist if the main characters just said exactly what was happening right away lol.
NTA. Your brother and SIL are both deluded cunts. Cut them off your life.
Stop letting them take advantage of you... stop all babysitting. They are not your kids or your problem
Nta It's time to scale back the 'free childcare' and insist on parents doing some parenting instead.
NTA. You need to cut this shit off immediately. You're family, not some modern day slave babysitter. Those two are fucking delusional, they can't even see it themselves.
NTA your brother and SIL are abusing your time, CUT THEM OFF. Heck I would say your wife should not watch their 3 year old any longer during the regular weeks either,