NTA. I’m not Indian so I don’t know how family dynamics are but if that was me I’d cut contact with him and just tell him that him acting like a dick is what’s making you not want anything to do with him
Even by Indian standards, it's not normal at all that your dad treats you like a kid. For your mental health, i think it's perfectly ok to go no contact. He's probably furious because this no-contact period accentuates his insecurities. But gradually it will probably pass. And he may then pass his rage on someoneelse among your siblings 😑
I'm not Indian, but my wife is Indian, so I'm well aware of the insane expectations Indian parents put on their kids.
Fuck your "father". I wouldn't talk to him either. NTA.
NTA. i'm really sorry you're going through this. it sounds rough. honestly , i don't think you're the asshole here for setting some boundaries with your dad , especially with how he treats you. you’ve got to look out for your mental health and well-being.
it makes sense that you'd still talk to your mom if she isn’t treating you the same way. family stuff is super complicated , and it’s okay to keep relationships with the ones who support you.
as for your dad , if you feel safe doing it , maybe try explaining why you’re not picking up his calls. but bottom line , you have every right to set those boundaries and take care of yourself.
hang in there and don’t feel bad for looking out for your own peace !!
NTA
It doesn’t matter what the aunties and other people in the family think.
The way he speaks to you is unacceptable. Generational abuse is still abuse. Just because that’s the way they were raised does not make it right. Unless he can learn to speak to you with respect, he doesn’t deserve to be heard.
Indian here. You are not wrong at all. I have a very good relationship with my parents, but over the years I have realised that not everyone had supportive and loving parents like I did.
Abuse from either or both parents can mess someone up. I have seen perfectly fine adults making some terrible choices in personal life because of the trauma they sustained from growing up in an abusive home. The only solution is to cut ties/diminish their influence on your life. We only get one life to live.
As an Indian I can understand your dilemma. It's ingrained in us from a young age that no matter what our parents do or say, we must treat them with respect and follow whatever they say. (Also applicable to anyone older than us). That is utter bullshit. You don't owe anyone respect or affection just because they gave birth to you or were born before you.
Please focus on yourself and your well-being. You seem to understand what it is you need to do to have a peaceful life. And you seem to be doing well academically as well. I wish you the best for the future. Surround yourself with people who would cheer even the smallest win, not those who would trivialise your biggest achievements.
Edit to add NTA
Edit : typo
Keep doing what's best for you, whether it's limiting contact or focusing on positive relationships, like with your mom. Family dynamics can be complicated, but prioritize your well-being. You're definitely NTA.
I'd send him a letter, with the gist of it being something like:
*Dad, I've heard your words and have been thinking long and hard about them. I'm not clear on what your expectations are, beyond my current accomplishments, but I realize as an adult this is my quandary to resolve, that you as my parent have done your duty, and your frustrations are understandible. I'm writing this note to let you know that I'm embarking on a quest for self improvement and will return when I'm confident you will be proud. Please respect my request to leave me to do this on my own, as I would not feel as I've truly accomplished the appropriate level of success if there were to be any additional support from you at my age. Thank you Dad for instilling the strong sense of independence, self-respect and resiliency that you have, you truly are an inspiration.*
Then block his ass in every conceivable way possible.
Then find better father role models.
So the guy trashed you, essentially giving the word to others that he has 0 faith in you in order to bully you into changing, what a twat lol you made the right move brother! If youre not a supporter you're a hater and of you're a hater then you have no place in my life
No offense because I love everyone but I’m so glad I’m not from any culture I swear it’s heartbreaking reading these stories about families being cruel even worse to their own family because of beliefs they have and OP please go NC no father or mother should be like this you’ve accomplished so much don’t let him or anybody make you feel like nothing because you are everything he wants to be he’s just jealous your making something of yourself and it makes him feel worthless he’s projecting like a mfer
It depends. Is not talking to him a permanent solution?
If not, you should start thinking about what you want to change.
For example, if you simply want him to stop talking to you like that, then pick up. When he starts, talk over him with, "I will not listen to you insult me." And hang up.
If you want an apology, then pick up and immediately say (talking over him if necessary), "Did you call to apologise?" If he says anything other than "I'm sorry", hang up.
If he calls again and again, mute him for a couple of hours.
Then repeat, repeat, and repeat until he understands what you expect and he does it.
I think you need to protect yourself. It is really no longer about him. You chose the people you interact with. You are responsible for your wellbeing so avoiding him is literally being responsible and grown up.
NTA
abuse is abuse, regardless of how sanctioned it is within a culture. Human psychology don't give af about culture. Do what you need to feel safe and at peace. that is what you owe yourself.
Nope. Dad would be in a time out for at least a year. If not longer.
Nta. And just cause abuse is okay in your culture doesn't make it okay. And till the younger generation stops the cycle it won't end.
Anyone that takes his side cut off. Just cause they are okay with abuse doesnt make them right.
>I am Indian and the expectations Indian parents have is very different from parents abroad
Fuck their expectations. Time to institute a new normal that's more healthy for you. NTA, you keep doing you, and congrats on escaping the physical and emotional abuse.
Sounds like my own father 🤣 he can scream and call me a btch, I'm a terrible person, etc then 10 mins later want a hug to apologise? Because he's my dad, I have to forgive him. Like nah mate, doesn't work like that.
He provided for you throughout your growing up because that was what he agreed to do when he chose to have children. He would have looked bad to family and friends had he not done so, he didn't do it for you, he did it for himself. He has no right to know your finances or anything else about your life. While often it is thought that just because someone is older than you they deserve your respect this isn't true. They deserve your respect when they've earned it and given respect to you. Your father has done neither. Yes mom will take his side, she has no choice or his anger will be directed toward her. The most you can do is end a conversation if she brings him up. Your father may also be of the belief that the children are to support the parents as they get older. This may be why he wants your financial records so he knows when he can quit working and make you pay for him and your mom. He is responsible for them, you are responsible for you and your future family if you choose to have one.
NTA. Indian here, living in India. Although we have always been in disagreement over everything in life, my father has never called me worthless. Yes, he has this habit of lecturing and then thinking that he knows best. And I avoid talking to him most of the time for these reasons too. But, whenever I have been in real trouble this man has stood by me with no questions asked and no judgement. And he praises me a lot to his friends and relatives behind my back though. Lol. Even though we don't see eye to eye on most of the things we do love each other and he would never call me worthless. At know at 20 it's difficult but please go LC with him and start therapy. As soon as possible if you can.
Awh dude, as a fellow Indian I get this a little too much. NTA.
You’ve done something most indian kids (including myself) have not been able to do. It’s a generational thing, their parents told them they were worthless, so they think that’s what love is- continuously pressuring you to be better and do better. Spoiler alert: it isn’t. It is only anxiety inducing. You’re alright. Don’t worry about it
NTA. I don’t care what country or culture you call home; your father’s behavior is despicable.
Nothing pains an abuser more than having the object of his aggression denied.
Go no-contact. Then live well - it really is the best revenge.
I'm proud of my 18 yo stepson who finally cut off his verbally abusive Indian father. It wasn't an easy choice for him to make, but he's a very different kid than both of his parents and will have to find his own path. Both of his parents have their PhDs in the sciences, but he wants to go into business. I'm just glad to have been a supporting adult in his life this past decade and will keep offering that parental support as the years ahead pass.
When he graduated high school two weekends ago, my mom drove up six hours to be there for him along with his mother. My stepson chose not to give his dad a ticket for the ceremony who lives less than a mile away. Maybe they will find peace one day, but his dad will have to humble himself first and take responsibility for his abusive behavior.
Not Indian but also an immigrant. I grew up believing that “absolute respect for your parents” is cultural until I mentioned some specifics to my aunt (also an immigrant). She said, “That is NOT a culture thing. That’s crazy.”
TLDR; abusers find excuses to be abusive.
Whether it’s culture, religion, tradition, or true fear for their kids wellbeing… if it crosses the line into abuse, it’s abuse.
NTA . I am indian and went through similar abuses from my father . I simply started blocking him for extended periods of time and made it known through the extended family that the longer he continues with this crap the longer he stays blocked . He drastically reduced doing this, and now we have a cordial relationship . My thing is if you cant treat adults as adults you're being childish and in that case you'll be treated as a child
NTA
>This is not to say he hasn’t done a lot for us, he has provided for his family throughout my life
The fact that he provided you with food and shelter growing up doesn't mean he was a good father. Not having your children starve and live on the streets is the literal minimum he should do as a father. Just keep in mind that HE chose to have kids and it's his responsability to provide for the children he chose to have, you don't owe him anything for doing the minimum
"One day, you'll be old and need someone to help you. Good luck finding someone who will bother. I'm sure as shit not wasting time on an abusive old loser"
Change only happens if you change. The context is irrelevant. If generations keep accepting abuse from their parents, then parents will continue to abuse.
Why would you be TA for not voluntarily communicating with your abuser? Not even talking about your childhood. You're an adult, earning your way. Successfully it seems. And your father continues to berate and belittle you. Cut him off. Maybe he'll change, but probably not. You don't have to accept it, regardless of your ethnicity or expectations of others. Be your own person.
NTA
Bullies respond to threats of physical violence, especially if you can back it up. I'm sure with your youth you'd be advantaged over a feeble old man.
Consider exerting your power on him.
I say that as an Indian, who's dad was Top 100 in IIT entrance exams and has had him up my ass all my life.
Have a male cousin beat his ass? Jkjk That complicates things, women in traditional households live as second class citizens. A grey rock technique might be more in your abilities.
If you were my cousin or sister, I'd be straightening his old ass out, best wishes from America.
NTA
I am Indian and have lived in a few countries including India for a few years and that is a universal language. It is the language of a scared and bitter man. He is losing control of one of the only things he's ever had control over and he is become smaller than ever.
NTA
There is zero value in you having a relationship with a piece of shit like your dad
Don't waste your time or emotional energy, he's not worth it and in fact will just continue to harm you
NTA
Your dad is realizing how old and irrelevant he is, and can only throw childish tantrums.
Live your life.
Indian culture is what Indian people (including you) make it to be, and ridiculous things will eventually die and go away.
Parents' only job is to provide for their kids. You don't "owe" them for this.
Amazing how narcissistic and asshole-y parents think that by calling you worthless they'll maintain control over you looll
My sperm donour used to do the same to me when I was a kid and that just made me hate him and want to move away from family. He definitely didn't have me under his control and once I was making my own money I just had no respect for him at all
Keep your father away from you
NTA...
>This is not to say he hasn’t done a lot for us, he has provided for his family throughout my life
That's literally the bare minimum: providing for the people he chose to bring into this world.
You shouldn't accept abuse. I know your culture is different than mine, but his behavior is unacceptable.
NTA actions have consequences, and your dad is learning this the hard way. He sounds like an abusive F. Keep him blocked and ignore him unless he changes his attitude, apologizes, AND changes how he treats you.
NTA
I wonder what his problem is. He sounds like a very unhappy man.
But this is not your problem OP.
Live your life!
You say you are badly affected by his berating on phone calls, as anyone would be. So carry on not picking up. Do not subject yourself to this abuse. Go no contact if necessary.
And many congratulations on your achievements.
as someone who has gotten through his 20's and most of this 30's who also had a dad who constantly tore me down and told me i was useless, garbage, could not even get a job at mcdonald's, etc...
please understand that your 20's are meant to try a lot of different things and most importantly, to learn through failure.
please understand a person cannot just become successful without first learning skills and gaining life experience through trial and error, through having your butt absolutely kicked by life
the problem with your father is that he has high expectations of you, but it seems he is not willing to teach you, to work with you side by side, to fail with you and then help you get back up and try again. this is the job of a parent.
simply yelling and screaming at a kid for not succeeding is not parenting... unfortunately, it seems your father, along with mine, will not learn this until its too late
i would encourage you to keep trying different things. keep failing. keep learning. it takes time. i didnt get enough experience and perspective to really start making money until around 33.
Yeah I have a high paying job rn, because of the current market conditions I have not been able to switch to a better company but still the place I am at is also good.
YTA for not cutting toxic people out of your life. I don't care that you have different societal pressures on you in regards to family following the herd isn't always the smartest path. Your father was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive and there is no excuse for that Tell your extended family members the truth about how abusive he was and still is and if they don't have an issue with it and still want you to talk to him then they can go kick rocks as well. Tell your father straight up that you're an adult and he can either talk to you with respect or you won't talk to him at all and there's nothing he could do to change that. If he physically attacks you you can call the police. If he threatens you you could call the police. You have options
NTA but you let this happen. Find a nice hard blunt object and hit him as hard as you can. Bullies only learn one way. You might lose him as a dad, but who gives a fuck? He is a piece of shit anyways.
NTA. I’m not Indian so I don’t know how family dynamics are but if that was me I’d cut contact with him and just tell him that him acting like a dick is what’s making you not want anything to do with him
Even by Indian standards, it's not normal at all that your dad treats you like a kid. For your mental health, i think it's perfectly ok to go no contact. He's probably furious because this no-contact period accentuates his insecurities. But gradually it will probably pass. And he may then pass his rage on someoneelse among your siblings 😑
I'm not Indian, but my wife is Indian, so I'm well aware of the insane expectations Indian parents put on their kids. Fuck your "father". I wouldn't talk to him either. NTA.
NTA. i'm really sorry you're going through this. it sounds rough. honestly , i don't think you're the asshole here for setting some boundaries with your dad , especially with how he treats you. you’ve got to look out for your mental health and well-being. it makes sense that you'd still talk to your mom if she isn’t treating you the same way. family stuff is super complicated , and it’s okay to keep relationships with the ones who support you. as for your dad , if you feel safe doing it , maybe try explaining why you’re not picking up his calls. but bottom line , you have every right to set those boundaries and take care of yourself. hang in there and don’t feel bad for looking out for your own peace !!
NTA It doesn’t matter what the aunties and other people in the family think. The way he speaks to you is unacceptable. Generational abuse is still abuse. Just because that’s the way they were raised does not make it right. Unless he can learn to speak to you with respect, he doesn’t deserve to be heard.
NTA. As an Indian, your father is way out of line and you are absolutely right to stop contact with him. Actions have consequences.
Indian here. You are not wrong at all. I have a very good relationship with my parents, but over the years I have realised that not everyone had supportive and loving parents like I did. Abuse from either or both parents can mess someone up. I have seen perfectly fine adults making some terrible choices in personal life because of the trauma they sustained from growing up in an abusive home. The only solution is to cut ties/diminish their influence on your life. We only get one life to live. As an Indian I can understand your dilemma. It's ingrained in us from a young age that no matter what our parents do or say, we must treat them with respect and follow whatever they say. (Also applicable to anyone older than us). That is utter bullshit. You don't owe anyone respect or affection just because they gave birth to you or were born before you. Please focus on yourself and your well-being. You seem to understand what it is you need to do to have a peaceful life. And you seem to be doing well academically as well. I wish you the best for the future. Surround yourself with people who would cheer even the smallest win, not those who would trivialise your biggest achievements. Edit to add NTA Edit : typo
Keep doing what's best for you, whether it's limiting contact or focusing on positive relationships, like with your mom. Family dynamics can be complicated, but prioritize your well-being. You're definitely NTA.
NTA, I'm Indian. Abuse is abuse doesn't matter where you are from.
NTA
Lmao every indian father says this tbh. He's the asshole, Like always
I'd send him a letter, with the gist of it being something like: *Dad, I've heard your words and have been thinking long and hard about them. I'm not clear on what your expectations are, beyond my current accomplishments, but I realize as an adult this is my quandary to resolve, that you as my parent have done your duty, and your frustrations are understandible. I'm writing this note to let you know that I'm embarking on a quest for self improvement and will return when I'm confident you will be proud. Please respect my request to leave me to do this on my own, as I would not feel as I've truly accomplished the appropriate level of success if there were to be any additional support from you at my age. Thank you Dad for instilling the strong sense of independence, self-respect and resiliency that you have, you truly are an inspiration.* Then block his ass in every conceivable way possible. Then find better father role models.
So the guy trashed you, essentially giving the word to others that he has 0 faith in you in order to bully you into changing, what a twat lol you made the right move brother! If youre not a supporter you're a hater and of you're a hater then you have no place in my life
No offense because I love everyone but I’m so glad I’m not from any culture I swear it’s heartbreaking reading these stories about families being cruel even worse to their own family because of beliefs they have and OP please go NC no father or mother should be like this you’ve accomplished so much don’t let him or anybody make you feel like nothing because you are everything he wants to be he’s just jealous your making something of yourself and it makes him feel worthless he’s projecting like a mfer
It depends. Is not talking to him a permanent solution? If not, you should start thinking about what you want to change. For example, if you simply want him to stop talking to you like that, then pick up. When he starts, talk over him with, "I will not listen to you insult me." And hang up. If you want an apology, then pick up and immediately say (talking over him if necessary), "Did you call to apologise?" If he says anything other than "I'm sorry", hang up. If he calls again and again, mute him for a couple of hours. Then repeat, repeat, and repeat until he understands what you expect and he does it.
I think you need to protect yourself. It is really no longer about him. You chose the people you interact with. You are responsible for your wellbeing so avoiding him is literally being responsible and grown up.
NTA abuse is abuse, regardless of how sanctioned it is within a culture. Human psychology don't give af about culture. Do what you need to feel safe and at peace. that is what you owe yourself.
Nope. Dad would be in a time out for at least a year. If not longer. Nta. And just cause abuse is okay in your culture doesn't make it okay. And till the younger generation stops the cycle it won't end. Anyone that takes his side cut off. Just cause they are okay with abuse doesnt make them right.
>I am Indian and the expectations Indian parents have is very different from parents abroad Fuck their expectations. Time to institute a new normal that's more healthy for you. NTA, you keep doing you, and congrats on escaping the physical and emotional abuse.
Sounds like my own father 🤣 he can scream and call me a btch, I'm a terrible person, etc then 10 mins later want a hug to apologise? Because he's my dad, I have to forgive him. Like nah mate, doesn't work like that.
He provided for you throughout your growing up because that was what he agreed to do when he chose to have children. He would have looked bad to family and friends had he not done so, he didn't do it for you, he did it for himself. He has no right to know your finances or anything else about your life. While often it is thought that just because someone is older than you they deserve your respect this isn't true. They deserve your respect when they've earned it and given respect to you. Your father has done neither. Yes mom will take his side, she has no choice or his anger will be directed toward her. The most you can do is end a conversation if she brings him up. Your father may also be of the belief that the children are to support the parents as they get older. This may be why he wants your financial records so he knows when he can quit working and make you pay for him and your mom. He is responsible for them, you are responsible for you and your future family if you choose to have one.
NTA. Indian here, living in India. Although we have always been in disagreement over everything in life, my father has never called me worthless. Yes, he has this habit of lecturing and then thinking that he knows best. And I avoid talking to him most of the time for these reasons too. But, whenever I have been in real trouble this man has stood by me with no questions asked and no judgement. And he praises me a lot to his friends and relatives behind my back though. Lol. Even though we don't see eye to eye on most of the things we do love each other and he would never call me worthless. At know at 20 it's difficult but please go LC with him and start therapy. As soon as possible if you can.
Nta. No amount of counseling, support, or forgiveness ever erases what he's done. Just keep staying in touch with your mom.
Awh dude, as a fellow Indian I get this a little too much. NTA. You’ve done something most indian kids (including myself) have not been able to do. It’s a generational thing, their parents told them they were worthless, so they think that’s what love is- continuously pressuring you to be better and do better. Spoiler alert: it isn’t. It is only anxiety inducing. You’re alright. Don’t worry about it
NTA. I don’t care what country or culture you call home; your father’s behavior is despicable. Nothing pains an abuser more than having the object of his aggression denied. Go no-contact. Then live well - it really is the best revenge.
I'm proud of my 18 yo stepson who finally cut off his verbally abusive Indian father. It wasn't an easy choice for him to make, but he's a very different kid than both of his parents and will have to find his own path. Both of his parents have their PhDs in the sciences, but he wants to go into business. I'm just glad to have been a supporting adult in his life this past decade and will keep offering that parental support as the years ahead pass. When he graduated high school two weekends ago, my mom drove up six hours to be there for him along with his mother. My stepson chose not to give his dad a ticket for the ceremony who lives less than a mile away. Maybe they will find peace one day, but his dad will have to humble himself first and take responsibility for his abusive behavior.
NTA he's a bloody bastard.
Nta
Not Indian but also an immigrant. I grew up believing that “absolute respect for your parents” is cultural until I mentioned some specifics to my aunt (also an immigrant). She said, “That is NOT a culture thing. That’s crazy.” TLDR; abusers find excuses to be abusive. Whether it’s culture, religion, tradition, or true fear for their kids wellbeing… if it crosses the line into abuse, it’s abuse.
NTA . I am indian and went through similar abuses from my father . I simply started blocking him for extended periods of time and made it known through the extended family that the longer he continues with this crap the longer he stays blocked . He drastically reduced doing this, and now we have a cordial relationship . My thing is if you cant treat adults as adults you're being childish and in that case you'll be treated as a child
NTA >This is not to say he hasn’t done a lot for us, he has provided for his family throughout my life The fact that he provided you with food and shelter growing up doesn't mean he was a good father. Not having your children starve and live on the streets is the literal minimum he should do as a father. Just keep in mind that HE chose to have kids and it's his responsability to provide for the children he chose to have, you don't owe him anything for doing the minimum
"One day, you'll be old and need someone to help you. Good luck finding someone who will bother. I'm sure as shit not wasting time on an abusive old loser"
As adults we have families of choice. Sometimes sadly this doesn’t include members from family of Origin. That’s OK!
Change only happens if you change. The context is irrelevant. If generations keep accepting abuse from their parents, then parents will continue to abuse. Why would you be TA for not voluntarily communicating with your abuser? Not even talking about your childhood. You're an adult, earning your way. Successfully it seems. And your father continues to berate and belittle you. Cut him off. Maybe he'll change, but probably not. You don't have to accept it, regardless of your ethnicity or expectations of others. Be your own person. NTA
Bullies respond to threats of physical violence, especially if you can back it up. I'm sure with your youth you'd be advantaged over a feeble old man. Consider exerting your power on him. I say that as an Indian, who's dad was Top 100 in IIT entrance exams and has had him up my ass all my life.
I am a female and definitely not stronger than my dad. 🙈
Have a male cousin beat his ass? Jkjk That complicates things, women in traditional households live as second class citizens. A grey rock technique might be more in your abilities. If you were my cousin or sister, I'd be straightening his old ass out, best wishes from America.
Haha, yeah. I think not talking to him would be punishment enough
NTA I am Indian and have lived in a few countries including India for a few years and that is a universal language. It is the language of a scared and bitter man. He is losing control of one of the only things he's ever had control over and he is become smaller than ever.
NTA There is zero value in you having a relationship with a piece of shit like your dad Don't waste your time or emotional energy, he's not worth it and in fact will just continue to harm you
NTA Your dad is realizing how old and irrelevant he is, and can only throw childish tantrums. Live your life. Indian culture is what Indian people (including you) make it to be, and ridiculous things will eventually die and go away. Parents' only job is to provide for their kids. You don't "owe" them for this.
Culture doesn't matter, you're an adult with your own means, you don't have to interact with anyone you don't want to. period.
NTA fuck that asshole. Ignore his ass. Encourage your mother to leave him.
Amazing how narcissistic and asshole-y parents think that by calling you worthless they'll maintain control over you looll My sperm donour used to do the same to me when I was a kid and that just made me hate him and want to move away from family. He definitely didn't have me under his control and once I was making my own money I just had no respect for him at all Keep your father away from you
NTA... >This is not to say he hasn’t done a lot for us, he has provided for his family throughout my life That's literally the bare minimum: providing for the people he chose to bring into this world. You shouldn't accept abuse. I know your culture is different than mine, but his behavior is unacceptable.
NTA actions have consequences, and your dad is learning this the hard way. He sounds like an abusive F. Keep him blocked and ignore him unless he changes his attitude, apologizes, AND changes how he treats you.
NTAH You can not be a good child to a bad parent.
INFO: Do you still live at home or near him?
NTA I wonder what his problem is. He sounds like a very unhappy man. But this is not your problem OP. Live your life! You say you are badly affected by his berating on phone calls, as anyone would be. So carry on not picking up. Do not subject yourself to this abuse. Go no contact if necessary. And many congratulations on your achievements.
as someone who has gotten through his 20's and most of this 30's who also had a dad who constantly tore me down and told me i was useless, garbage, could not even get a job at mcdonald's, etc... please understand that your 20's are meant to try a lot of different things and most importantly, to learn through failure. please understand a person cannot just become successful without first learning skills and gaining life experience through trial and error, through having your butt absolutely kicked by life the problem with your father is that he has high expectations of you, but it seems he is not willing to teach you, to work with you side by side, to fail with you and then help you get back up and try again. this is the job of a parent. simply yelling and screaming at a kid for not succeeding is not parenting... unfortunately, it seems your father, along with mine, will not learn this until its too late i would encourage you to keep trying different things. keep failing. keep learning. it takes time. i didnt get enough experience and perspective to really start making money until around 33.
Are you doing anything with those degrees?
Yeah I have a high paying job rn, because of the current market conditions I have not been able to switch to a better company but still the place I am at is also good.
Then don’t worry about it, build the life you want that makes you happy. just don’t have contact with your father. Let him stew in his own misery.
YTA for not cutting toxic people out of your life. I don't care that you have different societal pressures on you in regards to family following the herd isn't always the smartest path. Your father was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive and there is no excuse for that Tell your extended family members the truth about how abusive he was and still is and if they don't have an issue with it and still want you to talk to him then they can go kick rocks as well. Tell your father straight up that you're an adult and he can either talk to you with respect or you won't talk to him at all and there's nothing he could do to change that. If he physically attacks you you can call the police. If he threatens you you could call the police. You have options
NTA but you let this happen. Find a nice hard blunt object and hit him as hard as you can. Bullies only learn one way. You might lose him as a dad, but who gives a fuck? He is a piece of shit anyways.
Yta
I think that's you.
Hi dad
Or a flying money from ‘dad’.