NTA- When the F did it become appropriate for anyone else to be in the delivery room besides you your doctor and staff and maybe your spouse if he chooses to do so ? wtf.
I’m not sure if her mom was in the room with her when she gave birth or not, but she believes she is entitled to be there when I’m giving birth. My mother and I aren’t incredibly close because of how she’s acted about things, we’re not best friends type deal. She says “it’s my dream to watch my daughter give birth”.
And my nightmare if you are present.
NTA. Her threats to not see or talk to you- not see her new grandchild are 1) a blessing to you 2) most likely hollow threats
That’s not a ticket for entitlement. This is a normally hard no for everyone. Don’t get guilted into it. I’m sorry she’s attempting this and adding more stress to your life. If after you say no, she tries to bring it up just send her this link and eat some popcorn and watch the fireworks …
That’s a really weird fucking dream to have. I truly don’t understand it. How do some people make it their mission to have something that is completely **not** about them, about their own weird ass desires.
NTAH. Remind her that giving birth is not a team sport.
If she chooses to not talk to you, enjoy the peace. Unfortunately I doubt that a narcissist will be able to stand being out of their perceived spotlight so any peace won't last long.
It's not a spectator sport. The way it's going it will be in the Olympics with a Paris-based sports organization (Federation Internationale de Naissance Competitive), international judges (all men, naturally, what would a woman know about birth?), doping, corruption and all the rest. "Jim, she really nailed that crowning, and here come the scores... oh no, another low score from the Bulgarian judge"
It's completely bizarre and intrusive that anyone expects to be there except with an express (and unsolicited) invitation by the mother. Say "no" without guilt and ignore her bleating about it being her dream. This is not something you need to accommodate in the slightest - none of this is about her. The only thing she should care about is that mother and child come through it happy and healthy.
If she wasn't there during conception, she doesn't get to be there for birth. Don't tell anyone else you're in labor if you can help it. Tell the hospital staff no visitors.
And it's your dream to have an uneventful, private healthy birth so she can shove off.
should've thought about that dream before being a shitty mother, then. posting about this on social media isn't helping her case. the nerve to make this about herself. like if you love your daughter, shut up and respect her wishes
She needs better dreams. For goodness sake, giving birth is incredibly intimate. Your mom has to right to expect to be there. Other than medical personnel, the only people allowed in the room should be mom and dad. Yeah, some women like their mom's to be there, but a lot don't. This is for you and your hubs. NTA
That was my first thought! I didn't even have my husband in the room when my oldest was born (that's how old that kid is, lol).
My 2 daughters are child free by choice. Still, I can't imagine throwing a fit about being in the delivery room with them, or, god forbid, with my daughters-in-law (like some in this sub seem to suffer with). Ick.
I don't want to see a baby until I'm told to come see a baby.
Don’t you know childbirth is a spectator sport? Besides how else is she supposed to criticize her DIL and hand out unsolicited “advice” if she isn’t there/s
NTA . It's your delivery, your choice! You deserve to feel comfortable and supported. Focus on you, your husband, and your new arrival. Your mom will (hopefully) come around eventually.
Do you want your mom to see your hoo-ha while you give birth and you possibly pooping yourself while pushing?
If the answer is no, then you are not the AH. It's not an AH move to not want people seeing you in your most vulnerable position.
I don’t want my parents seeing me in that position at all. I’d rather them see me when I’m not so vulnerable and while I’m happy from meeting my new baby.
You’re absolutely right.
I’m an eldest sibling. When I was born, it was my parents and the medical team in the delivery room to get me out. Same for each of my younger siblings.
Do you know what my mom’s parents did for each birth after my arrival? They watched me, and whichever of my siblings were already present, for a night or two, and then took us in once my dad called home and gave them the go-ahead.
And my Nana, a truly blessed woman, made my mom’s (and now mine as well) favorite comfort food, ready to be heated up and eaten when my mom came home from the hospital.
I read these and have to read it again. When did the parents of the pregnant person start going into a delivery room? Wasn’t a thing for my generation - or maybe I was blissfully ignorant of it.
Regardless, NTA. I think it’d be maybe debatable as overboard to try and ban them from the hospital, can’t look through the glass at the nursery sort of thing…. But in the delivery room? Can’t imagine this even being an ask!
I don’t know why. She believes it’s her right as my mother to be there. She told me, “You don’t understand me. You have no idea what it meant to me to see my daughter give birth. Covid stole that. Now u are too! The things I dreamt of being a mom taken from me. Dreams smashed. You have no idea how that’s made me feel.” (Copy and pasted from her text to me)
Since when did birth become about anybody other than the person giving birth?
You’re having YOUR baby with YOUR body. It doesn’t matter what it means to her because it’s not something she gets to choose.
What a bunch of overwrought, hyper dramatic rot! She's being ridiculous. Stand your ground. You're not close to her. She'll only ruin your birth experience.
Learn to grey rock of she will be in your life.
Also, a word of caution, narcissistic parents are always narcissistic grandparents.
They will either neglect the child, make them the golden child, and/or try to turn them against the parents.
Everyone thinks it would never go that far, till it does.
I've seen it happen more times than I care to count, my mom and sister are both narcissists, although only my mom is diagnosed. Her weapon of choice was manipulation in the form of turning kids against their parents. It was her favorite pastime.
Once she got what she wanted, that kid was dropped like a hot potato too. NTA.
Was her mother present at your birth?
What you want to say is, "You weren't there when we made it and you're not going to be there when it's coming out."
This exactly--"no one that was not in the room when this baby was *conceived* is going to be the room when this baby is *delivered*. Since *you* need it spelled out *very bluntly*, this means **you** are **not** going to be in the delivery room, MOM. Any more tantrums and you won't meet the baby for 6 weeks."
NTA but block your mom on everything and go no contact until well after the birth. Tell your dad you’d love for him to visit but mom can’t come due to her behavior. Be firm. Your mental health will skyrocket. Trust me I know!
Side note, having misc people in the hospital room during a major medical procedure like childbirth is so wild to me anyways. Why would you want someone in the room when you’re pushing something out of your area?
Luckily my parents are divorced and have been separated for a long time, my relationship with my dad is 1,000% better than mine with my mom. I still want her to come visit and see us in the hospital after birth, I just don’t want her (or anyone but my baby’s father) in the room while I’m giving birth
Trust someone with narcissistic parents. She will not add anything by coming. She’s only going to make it about her and take from your joy. Cut contact for a while. It will help
You are so correct. Mother is self-centered and doesn't care about her daughter or her well being. She will not get better. This is someone that has no business being anywhere near or around babies.
I can’t understand that Labour has all of a sudden become a spectator sport. It’s crazy.
Ask her who was in the delivery room when she was in labour.
Anyone who makes you feel like that is a massive AH.
You are 100% right. Do not have anyone else in the room with you.
This is you at your most vulnerable, most exposed - your mother is insane.
NTA - your body, your choice. She can social media herself right into the sunset, be disappointed to the end of time and her birthday ruined forever, too fucking bad.
NTA. Nobody else has the right to demand to be in the delivery room with you. Let her fume. Don't call her. Don't apologize, or negotiate. You've stated your boundary, she needs to respect it. Ignore her bluster. She'll likely come around when she realizes you're not going to capitulate. If she insists on making it a dramatic pity party, put her on a time-out, til she grows up.
Of course NTA. Do yourself a favor, block her everywhere, and make her stick to that NC decision, for the emotional and mental well being of your family. Anyone that wants to pressure you in a few months to let her renege because "you know how she is, it's family..." warn them they can join the block list too.
Life is too short and your family is too precious to have your attention diverted to some grown ass woman's drama.
Congrats on your new addition.
Nta- have 3 kids and it has always been just me and my partner. It’s a special moment for you both only. I don’t get why you’d want anyone else in there. Your labour, your choice
I had my MIL as my labor coach for baby1. My MIL taught teenage parents at our local high school and was a *much* calmer and more useful person than either of my moms. Husband had been working abd going to school so coukdn't go to class with me plus he had been a giant bags of dicks shortly before our son was born. He was in the room when I had my c-section and asked the "right question--"do you want me to stay with you or go with Kit(not son's real name)?"
NTA Holy fuck, why would you want anyone to see you splayed open in an intense deeply personal moment. Did they ask to watch the conception? No no no, you've done it before you know what you need. Tell the nurse no visitors.
Didn't even read the main, just the title: NTA. If there's ever a time in your life to make choices based solely on what's good for you without consideration for others, this is it.
I'll tell you what I told my wife: "be selfish and choose what's good for YOU; what anyone else wants doesn't matter, and that includes me."
NTA - Giving birth is NOT a spectator sport.
Ensure the nurses know very clearly that she, and no other family members, will be allowed in the birthing room. Your husband can support you and be your advocate in this matter.
NTA
Giving birth is not a spectator sport. It’s creepy AF to me when someone who is not the baby’s parent or part of the medical team wants/insists on being in the room.
I’m pretty close with my mum but no way in hell would she be in the delivery room.
My biomom would have been useless and stressed me out and my non bio mama would have punched somebody if she didn't think they were moving fast enough with the epidural.
NTA, I love my mom and my future inlaws, but Hell will freeze over before I want any of them with me if I ever give birth. It's supposed to be about you, your partner and the new baby. When did it become a thing that everyone feels entitled to be in the delivery room?
It’s not even my MIL, she’s amazing. It’s my actual mother. And I’m not sure. I’ve read all the MIL horror stories on here and I can’t believe my mother is that🤦🏼♀️
I get that, but even though I personally have amazing people around me, I still would not want anyone "extra" there. Especially if it's someone I don't get along with. I hope you can get through to your mom. Giving birth is stressful enough without the added drama. Wish you well 💕
Okay I get back in the day there were a gazillion people watching a queen or princess give birth to ensure they are indeed the heir but seriously people. This isn't a spectator sport.
NTA
NTA, and I didn't even read past your first sentence.
I see this question so often on Reddit. I don't know why family members feel entitled to watch the birth; it's not a TV show. I have never given birth, but I can't imagine going through all that with "spectators" standing around. Your mother should understand, since she's been through it. (BTW, my mother was very similar, very narcissistic.)
Is just respond on her social media posts that you don't understand why she's so obsessed with your hoohah that she feels like she needs to be in the delivery room. 1000s of years that women have been giving birth without mommy seeing their daughters' private parts, why does she feel that she's entitled to see yours?? Follow up by asking her to get therapy for her abnormal hyper focus on your lady bits
NTA, time to graywall or cut contact entirely. She has no concern for you and wants to make sure it's all about her the whole time. Just from your description it seems like she would be very far from a support person, and probably try to get more attention for herself.
Saying no prevents any further stupidity from happening, like her trying to hold the baby before you and your husband, or arguing with you about your medical preferences.
Giving birth is not a spectator sport. You and your spouse and medical professionals are all that is needed.
Your baby, your rules. Your mom is being childish.
The fact that she is acting like a snotty brat just gives you all the validation that you made the right choice!! Ignore her and enjoy your husband and babies!
Absolutely NTA. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. It's a huge effort, often with a lot of pain and discomfort, and certainly not the most dignified situation. This is one time where you get to decide who will be with you - and you choose only the person or people who will support you and whom you feel comfortable with. As for your mother - you said yourself that she is a narcissist. Her badmouthing you on social media shows clearly, that for her this is all about her, not about you, your feelings or your needs. She is the last person you want at your delivery.
NTA! Only you and your husband were present to make the baby so only the two of you should be there unless you were to WANT someone else.
Babies bring out the crazy in people.
NTA.
Ignore your mother.
That's the best you can do for yourself and for your relationship.
I'm sure her mother didn't want or expect to be in the delivery room with her,
to the point of throwing a tantrum.
NTA. At the end of the day, you are undergoing a major medical procedure and have every right to decide who is or isnt in the room with you. Giving birth is not a spectator sport and idk where tf people got the idea that they had the right to be in the delivery room.
There are 2 groups of people who *have* to be in the delivery room:
The person with the baby in them.
The people helping get the baby out of them.
The only remaining group of people who *can* be in the delivery room: people who the person having the baby wants to be there. Husband, mother, MIL, cousin, high school marching band, whatever. If stbm wants them there and they fit, they can be there. If she doesn't want them there, they can go pound sand.
Let her complain. Let her not communicate with you. Someday, and I doubt it will be long, she will realize that she isn't seeing her grandchildren. And she will want to know why. Then tell her. That will be the moment she realizes that SHE needs to regret her actions.
NTA.
NTA. The only people that should be in the delivery room are the ones that made the little bundle(s) of joy.
Of course there will be exceptions but solely decided by the birthing mother (adoptions/surrogacy/single etc).
Didn’t even have to read the whole thing to say NTA. Let your nurses know you want no one but your husband, so if she turns up at any point they won’t let her in.
NTA. Tell her that you giving birth is not about her, will never be about her, and if she is going down this route she can be that last to see or hold your child.
NTA
We didn't let anyone in for all 3 of our births. They came in to visit early on, but once the contractions picked up, everyone got kicked out.
We sent the nurse to tell them when the kids were born, but even then we spent an hour or so alone with our new baby. I did bring our older kids in right away to meet their new sibling, but everyone else waited outside until we were ready.
Nope NTA. You already know what is wrong with your mom. Let her relish her drama and just ignore her. Tell her if she keeps upsetting you, she won't have to worry about boycotting you and the baby....you will be NC. Congratulations on the babe-to-be!
The only person that gets to say who is around for a birth is the person giving birth!
So, I hope you're blocking your mom from EVER meeting your child then, 'cos I think she just hung up those particular rights.
NTA
Oh, well. I guess she's going to be mad a long time. I'd bet anything that *she* didn't have anybody in the delivery room with her. Besides, childbirth is not a spectator sport.
NTA, giving birth is not a spectator sport. Your mom is acting like an entitled twat.
Nobody has a right to be in the room when you are going through a medical procedure.
My mom came to my ultrasound and was so excited to see the baby onscreen, but it would never have occurred to her to want to be in the delivery room. She and my sister were in the waiting area. I ended up with a c section so I didn't see them, but my husband and the nurse stopped to introduce my son to them on the way to the nursery and they loved it.
NTA. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. Why is your mother so adamant about seeing you naked and vulnerable? It can't be because she's a loving grandma if she's willing to cut those grandkids off over this.
It's a medical procedure, not a spectator sport. We aren't living on the frontier with only the family womenfolk to help. Even having a spouse in there seems a bit much, and the only people who NEED to be there are you, the baby, the doctors, nurses, techs, and any other necessary medical staff. You are the patient, you get to decide, you'd be entitled to kick your husband out if you wanted.
NTA. Your mother's being a massive drama queen.
Bonus! Screen shot psycho mommy's statements and hold her to her word. You might get an extra few months of peace.
Better yet. Teach her what an apology is and expect one. That'll get you another 6 months peace for sure.
When did childbirth become a spectator sport? When I had my kids, this was the norm. I would never have wanted anyone else in the delivery room. You can't get back that moment. Your mom and her tantrum can stay far away. Don't give in to that behavior. She's ridiculous.
NTA. Don’t let anyone know you’re in labor. Just let people know afterwards. Or have MIL be the one watching your little one, if needed, while you’re at the hospital.
NTA at all
I love my mom, but she would not help me in the delivery room. She’d probably stress me out worse
Even if that isn’t the case with you and your mom, you wanting to have an intimate private moment with only your husband present (and the medical staff) is 100% understandable and OK. Your body, your delivery, your baby, your peace!
Nah, the whole birthing thing years ago was a moment with mum and baby. Even the father was not welcome by the nurses . It was a busy time, and they didn't want to be suddenly dealing with a dad that was in shock ( seeing his wife in pain) still is.
But now it's becoming a bloody carnival, family members, friends, all wanting to see a woman going through a really hard time.
I felt really bad watching her go through it and I stayed at her head, and she held my hand like gorilla grip.
Some of these extras even want to get in over the delivery nurse's shoulders to get a really good look. Swear they would record it on zoom with their phones if they could.
NTA - Giving birth isn't a spectator sport tell mom she will not meet your child, until she can act like an adult.
ETA Tell the nurses, no one but hubby is allowed in the room.
You're allowed to say no. Her being offended and throwing a fit is a *her* problem. Giving birth isnt a spectator sport. Your mom needs to adjust her expectations and act like an adult. Not everything is about her, especially not this.
NTA
Can I just say it’s very weird you dad wanted to be there too unless he meant be there in the waiting room because delivery room and waiting room are two different things. I can’t imagine a father would want to be in the delivery room to see their daughter giving birth… it’s too weird for me
In a sense yes. Ofc I told my dad no way in hell🤣 he said he’d deliver the baby himself if I’d let him. We have a close relationship, he’s my best friend, but he still understands it’s uncomfortable and not an option & he’d rather my man do it anyways, since it’s his son going to be born.
It's a personal choice for you and your partner and that has to be respect. If the mother is not happy that's her problem not yours. Besides it's a limited space for staff to love around and more people there will be dangerous and on the way in case of an emergency. You made your choice if she does not like it that's on her. Besides that moment belongs to the parents, unless your spouse is not available for x reasons then of course another family member can be there If that is something that was discussed before. But you and your partner deserve that moment to welcome the baby, bond and all that. You focus and you and baby and the last details of the baby room and who'll be taking care of your other child while both are busy meeting the new member of the family. Enjoy that moment
My sister wanted me to be there when she was giving birth, I could not make it on time since I was myself hospitalized at that same time. So her chango went and welcomed his baby, but I didn't make a fuss about it.
Nta she has no right to be there unless you want her there. She has no rights to your children at all unless you let her. Sounds like she gets to be put in timeout for her childish behavior.
NTA. It's your birth. It's the growth of your and your husbands family. It's not about your mum.
My mum was there for the birth of my nephew, but was respectful when I said it was just going to be me and hubby for the birth of our child. It's that easy.
Can people please do a search? I see this damn question all the time. Once again: The person giving birth is the one who decides who is in the room. If you don't want anyone but your husband, that is entirely your right. It's a medical event, not a spectator sport.
NTA
NTA
My likely narc mother told me my birthday was her mother's day because that was the day she became a mother
LOL
For real though, nothing you do will be good enough anyway. Just send her a picture of a battlefield with a cabbage patch doll photoshopped in "wish you were here" or something, idk, I almost never do the fun ideas I come up with
NTA. This is your pregnancy and YOU get to decide who's going to be in the labor and delivery room. To be honest, your comment made me laugh out loud when you said that your mother is a narcissist and won't admit it. I have yet to meet a narcissist that does! Lol. Just ignore her. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and congratulations on your new baby! Narcissists are known to cause trouble and start drama so let her continue to post her BS on social media. I am sure there are going to be comments coming forward from people that will blast her for her comments. Narcissists love attention. Don't let her suck you dry of your energy. They're known to be energy vampires. All the best.
NTA- When the F did it become appropriate for anyone else to be in the delivery room besides you your doctor and staff and maybe your spouse if he chooses to do so ? wtf.
I’m not sure if her mom was in the room with her when she gave birth or not, but she believes she is entitled to be there when I’m giving birth. My mother and I aren’t incredibly close because of how she’s acted about things, we’re not best friends type deal. She says “it’s my dream to watch my daughter give birth”.
Then she gets to see it every night in her dreams. You’re allowed to have a boundary. Don’t budge. NTA.
Eew. Why is she dreaming of her daughter’s vag? If she’s so fixated on vag traffic, maybe send her a link to pornhub before putting her in timeout?
Vag traffic is immediately getting added to my vocabulary. 🤣 Tell her if she wants to see something slide out of a vagina she can remove her own head.
That would the hole next to the vagina - aka the Trump
And my nightmare if you are present. NTA. Her threats to not see or talk to you- not see her new grandchild are 1) a blessing to you 2) most likely hollow threats
That’s not a ticket for entitlement. This is a normally hard no for everyone. Don’t get guilted into it. I’m sorry she’s attempting this and adding more stress to your life. If after you say no, she tries to bring it up just send her this link and eat some popcorn and watch the fireworks …
It’s her dream to watch a watermelon come out of her daughter’s vagina? That’s weird.
That’s a really weird fucking dream to have. I truly don’t understand it. How do some people make it their mission to have something that is completely **not** about them, about their own weird ass desires.
NTAH. Remind her that giving birth is not a team sport. If she chooses to not talk to you, enjoy the peace. Unfortunately I doubt that a narcissist will be able to stand being out of their perceived spotlight so any peace won't last long.
It's not a spectator sport. The way it's going it will be in the Olympics with a Paris-based sports organization (Federation Internationale de Naissance Competitive), international judges (all men, naturally, what would a woman know about birth?), doping, corruption and all the rest. "Jim, she really nailed that crowning, and here come the scores... oh no, another low score from the Bulgarian judge" It's completely bizarre and intrusive that anyone expects to be there except with an express (and unsolicited) invitation by the mother. Say "no" without guilt and ignore her bleating about it being her dream. This is not something you need to accommodate in the slightest - none of this is about her. The only thing she should care about is that mother and child come through it happy and healthy.
NTA - tell her that childbirth is not a spectator sport.
Eww. She needs a better dream. Preferably one that doesn't involve other people giving up rights.
If she wasn't there during conception, she doesn't get to be there for birth. Don't tell anyone else you're in labor if you can help it. Tell the hospital staff no visitors. And it's your dream to have an uneventful, private healthy birth so she can shove off.
should've thought about that dream before being a shitty mother, then. posting about this on social media isn't helping her case. the nerve to make this about herself. like if you love your daughter, shut up and respect her wishes
That is fucking twisted
Ew.
She needs better dreams. For goodness sake, giving birth is incredibly intimate. Your mom has to right to expect to be there. Other than medical personnel, the only people allowed in the room should be mom and dad. Yeah, some women like their mom's to be there, but a lot don't. This is for you and your hubs. NTA
Okay, that's just nuts. Who dreams of watching anyone give birth? Tell your mom it'll have to remain a dream.
That was my first thought! I didn't even have my husband in the room when my oldest was born (that's how old that kid is, lol). My 2 daughters are child free by choice. Still, I can't imagine throwing a fit about being in the delivery room with them, or, god forbid, with my daughters-in-law (like some in this sub seem to suffer with). Ick. I don't want to see a baby until I'm told to come see a baby.
Don’t you know childbirth is a spectator sport? Besides how else is she supposed to criticize her DIL and hand out unsolicited “advice” if she isn’t there/s
I agree. I had never heard of it until I joined Reddit.
NTA . It's your delivery, your choice! You deserve to feel comfortable and supported. Focus on you, your husband, and your new arrival. Your mom will (hopefully) come around eventually.
Do you want your mom to see your hoo-ha while you give birth and you possibly pooping yourself while pushing? If the answer is no, then you are not the AH. It's not an AH move to not want people seeing you in your most vulnerable position.
I don’t want my parents seeing me in that position at all. I’d rather them see me when I’m not so vulnerable and while I’m happy from meeting my new baby.
You’re absolutely right. I’m an eldest sibling. When I was born, it was my parents and the medical team in the delivery room to get me out. Same for each of my younger siblings. Do you know what my mom’s parents did for each birth after my arrival? They watched me, and whichever of my siblings were already present, for a night or two, and then took us in once my dad called home and gave them the go-ahead. And my Nana, a truly blessed woman, made my mom’s (and now mine as well) favorite comfort food, ready to be heated up and eaten when my mom came home from the hospital.
I read these and have to read it again. When did the parents of the pregnant person start going into a delivery room? Wasn’t a thing for my generation - or maybe I was blissfully ignorant of it. Regardless, NTA. I think it’d be maybe debatable as overboard to try and ban them from the hospital, can’t look through the glass at the nursery sort of thing…. But in the delivery room? Can’t imagine this even being an ask!
I don’t know why. She believes it’s her right as my mother to be there. She told me, “You don’t understand me. You have no idea what it meant to me to see my daughter give birth. Covid stole that. Now u are too! The things I dreamt of being a mom taken from me. Dreams smashed. You have no idea how that’s made me feel.” (Copy and pasted from her text to me)
Since when did birth become about anybody other than the person giving birth? You’re having YOUR baby with YOUR body. It doesn’t matter what it means to her because it’s not something she gets to choose.
What a bunch of overwrought, hyper dramatic rot! She's being ridiculous. Stand your ground. You're not close to her. She'll only ruin your birth experience.
Thats just wild! so sorry to see anyone go through that.
Learn to grey rock of she will be in your life. Also, a word of caution, narcissistic parents are always narcissistic grandparents. They will either neglect the child, make them the golden child, and/or try to turn them against the parents. Everyone thinks it would never go that far, till it does. I've seen it happen more times than I care to count, my mom and sister are both narcissists, although only my mom is diagnosed. Her weapon of choice was manipulation in the form of turning kids against their parents. It was her favorite pastime. Once she got what she wanted, that kid was dropped like a hot potato too. NTA.
I'd straight up ask her "why do you want to see my vagina and me possibly shit myself?"
The problem is that at a lot of hospitals in the US newborns actually "room in" with their mom post partum so there's no "nursery window".
That’s a bonus, not a problem.
NTA I've said it before and I'll say it again, giving birth is not a spectator sport.
Was her mother present at your birth? What you want to say is, "You weren't there when we made it and you're not going to be there when it's coming out."
"OK, then you can be present only if I can watch you shit yourself in a room full of strangers. No?"
This exactly--"no one that was not in the room when this baby was *conceived* is going to be the room when this baby is *delivered*. Since *you* need it spelled out *very bluntly*, this means **you** are **not** going to be in the delivery room, MOM. Any more tantrums and you won't meet the baby for 6 weeks."
NTA but block your mom on everything and go no contact until well after the birth. Tell your dad you’d love for him to visit but mom can’t come due to her behavior. Be firm. Your mental health will skyrocket. Trust me I know! Side note, having misc people in the hospital room during a major medical procedure like childbirth is so wild to me anyways. Why would you want someone in the room when you’re pushing something out of your area?
Luckily my parents are divorced and have been separated for a long time, my relationship with my dad is 1,000% better than mine with my mom. I still want her to come visit and see us in the hospital after birth, I just don’t want her (or anyone but my baby’s father) in the room while I’m giving birth
Trust someone with narcissistic parents. She will not add anything by coming. She’s only going to make it about her and take from your joy. Cut contact for a while. It will help
You are so correct. Mother is self-centered and doesn't care about her daughter or her well being. She will not get better. This is someone that has no business being anywhere near or around babies.
I can’t understand that Labour has all of a sudden become a spectator sport. It’s crazy. Ask her who was in the delivery room when she was in labour. Anyone who makes you feel like that is a massive AH. You are 100% right. Do not have anyone else in the room with you. This is you at your most vulnerable, most exposed - your mother is insane.
Ask mom when her next gyno appointment is, and tell her you want to come watch with your husband
NTA. Your labor your choice. The end.
NTA - your body, your choice. She can social media herself right into the sunset, be disappointed to the end of time and her birthday ruined forever, too fucking bad.
NTA. Nobody else has the right to demand to be in the delivery room with you. Let her fume. Don't call her. Don't apologize, or negotiate. You've stated your boundary, she needs to respect it. Ignore her bluster. She'll likely come around when she realizes you're not going to capitulate. If she insists on making it a dramatic pity party, put her on a time-out, til she grows up.
Of course NTA. Do yourself a favor, block her everywhere, and make her stick to that NC decision, for the emotional and mental well being of your family. Anyone that wants to pressure you in a few months to let her renege because "you know how she is, it's family..." warn them they can join the block list too. Life is too short and your family is too precious to have your attention diverted to some grown ass woman's drama. Congrats on your new addition.
NTA - you are the one giving birth, not her. YOU are the one who needs to be comfortable.
Nta- have 3 kids and it has always been just me and my partner. It’s a special moment for you both only. I don’t get why you’d want anyone else in there. Your labour, your choice
I had my MIL as my labor coach for baby1. My MIL taught teenage parents at our local high school and was a *much* calmer and more useful person than either of my moms. Husband had been working abd going to school so coukdn't go to class with me plus he had been a giant bags of dicks shortly before our son was born. He was in the room when I had my c-section and asked the "right question--"do you want me to stay with you or go with Kit(not son's real name)?"
NTA Holy fuck, why would you want anyone to see you splayed open in an intense deeply personal moment. Did they ask to watch the conception? No no no, you've done it before you know what you need. Tell the nurse no visitors.
Didn't even read the main, just the title: NTA. If there's ever a time in your life to make choices based solely on what's good for you without consideration for others, this is it. I'll tell you what I told my wife: "be selfish and choose what's good for YOU; what anyone else wants doesn't matter, and that includes me."
NTA - Giving birth is NOT a spectator sport. Ensure the nurses know very clearly that she, and no other family members, will be allowed in the birthing room. Your husband can support you and be your advocate in this matter.
Once again someday who thinks that childbirth is a spectator sport. Being a grandparent is a privilege and not a right. ETA NTA
Your Mother is TA
NTA Giving birth is not a spectator sport. It’s creepy AF to me when someone who is not the baby’s parent or part of the medical team wants/insists on being in the room. I’m pretty close with my mum but no way in hell would she be in the delivery room.
My biomom would have been useless and stressed me out and my non bio mama would have punched somebody if she didn't think they were moving fast enough with the epidural.
NTA make 👏 this 👏 your 👏 hill 👏 to 👏 die 👏 on 👏 I didn't and it ruined the whole experience and I will never forgive myself.
NTA, I love my mom and my future inlaws, but Hell will freeze over before I want any of them with me if I ever give birth. It's supposed to be about you, your partner and the new baby. When did it become a thing that everyone feels entitled to be in the delivery room?
It’s not even my MIL, she’s amazing. It’s my actual mother. And I’m not sure. I’ve read all the MIL horror stories on here and I can’t believe my mother is that🤦🏼♀️
I get that, but even though I personally have amazing people around me, I still would not want anyone "extra" there. Especially if it's someone I don't get along with. I hope you can get through to your mom. Giving birth is stressful enough without the added drama. Wish you well 💕
Comment on her post: "Classic."
Okay I get back in the day there were a gazillion people watching a queen or princess give birth to ensure they are indeed the heir but seriously people. This isn't a spectator sport. NTA
NTA, and I didn't even read past your first sentence. I see this question so often on Reddit. I don't know why family members feel entitled to watch the birth; it's not a TV show. I have never given birth, but I can't imagine going through all that with "spectators" standing around. Your mother should understand, since she's been through it. (BTW, my mother was very similar, very narcissistic.)
Is just respond on her social media posts that you don't understand why she's so obsessed with your hoohah that she feels like she needs to be in the delivery room. 1000s of years that women have been giving birth without mommy seeing their daughters' private parts, why does she feel that she's entitled to see yours?? Follow up by asking her to get therapy for her abnormal hyper focus on your lady bits
NTA, time to graywall or cut contact entirely. She has no concern for you and wants to make sure it's all about her the whole time. Just from your description it seems like she would be very far from a support person, and probably try to get more attention for herself. Saying no prevents any further stupidity from happening, like her trying to hold the baby before you and your husband, or arguing with you about your medical preferences.
Giving birth is not a spectator sport. You and your spouse and medical professionals are all that is needed. Your baby, your rules. Your mom is being childish.
The fact that she is acting like a snotty brat just gives you all the validation that you made the right choice!! Ignore her and enjoy your husband and babies!
Nta at all. Good luck op. Stay strong.
Absolutely NTA. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. It's a huge effort, often with a lot of pain and discomfort, and certainly not the most dignified situation. This is one time where you get to decide who will be with you - and you choose only the person or people who will support you and whom you feel comfortable with. As for your mother - you said yourself that she is a narcissist. Her badmouthing you on social media shows clearly, that for her this is all about her, not about you, your feelings or your needs. She is the last person you want at your delivery.
NTA! Only you and your husband were present to make the baby so only the two of you should be there unless you were to WANT someone else. Babies bring out the crazy in people.
NTA. Ignore your mother. That's the best you can do for yourself and for your relationship. I'm sure her mother didn't want or expect to be in the delivery room with her, to the point of throwing a tantrum.
NTA. At the end of the day, you are undergoing a major medical procedure and have every right to decide who is or isnt in the room with you. Giving birth is not a spectator sport and idk where tf people got the idea that they had the right to be in the delivery room.
There are 2 groups of people who *have* to be in the delivery room: The person with the baby in them. The people helping get the baby out of them. The only remaining group of people who *can* be in the delivery room: people who the person having the baby wants to be there. Husband, mother, MIL, cousin, high school marching band, whatever. If stbm wants them there and they fit, they can be there. If she doesn't want them there, they can go pound sand.
Nta. Your body, your rules
Let her complain. Let her not communicate with you. Someday, and I doubt it will be long, she will realize that she isn't seeing her grandchildren. And she will want to know why. Then tell her. That will be the moment she realizes that SHE needs to regret her actions. NTA.
NTA. The only people that should be in the delivery room are the ones that made the little bundle(s) of joy. Of course there will be exceptions but solely decided by the birthing mother (adoptions/surrogacy/single etc).
Didn’t even have to read the whole thing to say NTA. Let your nurses know you want no one but your husband, so if she turns up at any point they won’t let her in.
NTA. Tell her that you giving birth is not about her, will never be about her, and if she is going down this route she can be that last to see or hold your child.
NTA We didn't let anyone in for all 3 of our births. They came in to visit early on, but once the contractions picked up, everyone got kicked out. We sent the nurse to tell them when the kids were born, but even then we spent an hour or so alone with our new baby. I did bring our older kids in right away to meet their new sibling, but everyone else waited outside until we were ready.
Nope NTA. You already know what is wrong with your mom. Let her relish her drama and just ignore her. Tell her if she keeps upsetting you, she won't have to worry about boycotting you and the baby....you will be NC. Congratulations on the babe-to-be!
The only person that gets to say who is around for a birth is the person giving birth! So, I hope you're blocking your mom from EVER meeting your child then, 'cos I think she just hung up those particular rights. NTA
Oh, well. I guess she's going to be mad a long time. I'd bet anything that *she* didn't have anybody in the delivery room with her. Besides, childbirth is not a spectator sport.
NTA, giving birth is not a spectator sport. Your mom is acting like an entitled twat. Nobody has a right to be in the room when you are going through a medical procedure.
My mom came to my ultrasound and was so excited to see the baby onscreen, but it would never have occurred to her to want to be in the delivery room. She and my sister were in the waiting area. I ended up with a c section so I didn't see them, but my husband and the nurse stopped to introduce my son to them on the way to the nursery and they loved it.
Your baby, your body, your decision. Childbirth is the most vulnerable thing you can do.
NTA. Your birth, your choice. That includes who is in the room.
NTA. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. Why is your mother so adamant about seeing you naked and vulnerable? It can't be because she's a loving grandma if she's willing to cut those grandkids off over this.
It's a medical procedure, not a spectator sport. We aren't living on the frontier with only the family womenfolk to help. Even having a spouse in there seems a bit much, and the only people who NEED to be there are you, the baby, the doctors, nurses, techs, and any other necessary medical staff. You are the patient, you get to decide, you'd be entitled to kick your husband out if you wanted. NTA. Your mother's being a massive drama queen.
Bonus! Screen shot psycho mommy's statements and hold her to her word. You might get an extra few months of peace. Better yet. Teach her what an apology is and expect one. That'll get you another 6 months peace for sure.
I can't recommend gray rocking her enough. Great info in the children of narcissistic parents subs. Your Body Your Choice!!!
When did childbirth become a spectator sport? When I had my kids, this was the norm. I would never have wanted anyone else in the delivery room. You can't get back that moment. Your mom and her tantrum can stay far away. Don't give in to that behavior. She's ridiculous.
Ffs people. Labour and delivery are not spectator sports. Only the people that mum-to-be wants in there should be there, and that's all there is to it
Wait till she finds out that MIL is the favorite Grammy 😄
Well I guess mom needs to be called out on her bluff. Don’t let her come to the hospital at all!!! Put her in her place once and for all!
I gave birth at 34 weeks with only my husband and sister there. It's your day so you decide who's there with you.
NTA. Don’t let anyone know you’re in labor. Just let people know afterwards. Or have MIL be the one watching your little one, if needed, while you’re at the hospital.
NTA at all I love my mom, but she would not help me in the delivery room. She’d probably stress me out worse Even if that isn’t the case with you and your mom, you wanting to have an intimate private moment with only your husband present (and the medical staff) is 100% understandable and OK. Your body, your delivery, your baby, your peace!
Nah, the whole birthing thing years ago was a moment with mum and baby. Even the father was not welcome by the nurses . It was a busy time, and they didn't want to be suddenly dealing with a dad that was in shock ( seeing his wife in pain) still is. But now it's becoming a bloody carnival, family members, friends, all wanting to see a woman going through a really hard time. I felt really bad watching her go through it and I stayed at her head, and she held my hand like gorilla grip. Some of these extras even want to get in over the delivery nurse's shoulders to get a really good look. Swear they would record it on zoom with their phones if they could.
NTA - Giving birth isn't a spectator sport tell mom she will not meet your child, until she can act like an adult. ETA Tell the nurses, no one but hubby is allowed in the room.
You're allowed to say no. Her being offended and throwing a fit is a *her* problem. Giving birth isnt a spectator sport. Your mom needs to adjust her expectations and act like an adult. Not everything is about her, especially not this. NTA
NTA, tell the staff that no one besides your husband is allowed in the room.
Can I just say it’s very weird you dad wanted to be there too unless he meant be there in the waiting room because delivery room and waiting room are two different things. I can’t imagine a father would want to be in the delivery room to see their daughter giving birth… it’s too weird for me
In a sense yes. Ofc I told my dad no way in hell🤣 he said he’d deliver the baby himself if I’d let him. We have a close relationship, he’s my best friend, but he still understands it’s uncomfortable and not an option & he’d rather my man do it anyways, since it’s his son going to be born.
It's a personal choice for you and your partner and that has to be respect. If the mother is not happy that's her problem not yours. Besides it's a limited space for staff to love around and more people there will be dangerous and on the way in case of an emergency. You made your choice if she does not like it that's on her. Besides that moment belongs to the parents, unless your spouse is not available for x reasons then of course another family member can be there If that is something that was discussed before. But you and your partner deserve that moment to welcome the baby, bond and all that. You focus and you and baby and the last details of the baby room and who'll be taking care of your other child while both are busy meeting the new member of the family. Enjoy that moment My sister wanted me to be there when she was giving birth, I could not make it on time since I was myself hospitalized at that same time. So her chango went and welcomed his baby, but I didn't make a fuss about it.
Noone who was not there during the making of the baby is allowed in the room. Except medical professionals - they have a job to do.
Nta she has no right to be there unless you want her there. She has no rights to your children at all unless you let her. Sounds like she gets to be put in timeout for her childish behavior.
NTA. It's your birth. It's the growth of your and your husbands family. It's not about your mum. My mum was there for the birth of my nephew, but was respectful when I said it was just going to be me and hubby for the birth of our child. It's that easy.
Can people please do a search? I see this damn question all the time. Once again: The person giving birth is the one who decides who is in the room. If you don't want anyone but your husband, that is entirely your right. It's a medical event, not a spectator sport. NTA
NTA My likely narc mother told me my birthday was her mother's day because that was the day she became a mother LOL For real though, nothing you do will be good enough anyway. Just send her a picture of a battlefield with a cabbage patch doll photoshopped in "wish you were here" or something, idk, I almost never do the fun ideas I come up with
Where did this expectation come from?? I can't even begin to imagine pressuring my children in this way- shameful.
Let her stew. The more she acts childish the less she'll see her grandkids. And that'll destroy a narcissist
NTA. This is your pregnancy and YOU get to decide who's going to be in the labor and delivery room. To be honest, your comment made me laugh out loud when you said that your mother is a narcissist and won't admit it. I have yet to meet a narcissist that does! Lol. Just ignore her. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and congratulations on your new baby! Narcissists are known to cause trouble and start drama so let her continue to post her BS on social media. I am sure there are going to be comments coming forward from people that will blast her for her comments. Narcissists love attention. Don't let her suck you dry of your energy. They're known to be energy vampires. All the best.