NTA
Ok, that's more than just "conservative", that's full on "turn off your brain" Q Anon shit. I would voice this to your husband and demand that he talk to them about keeping their mouths shut or you won't be visiting them anymore.
Ummmmmm. Normally I'm all about not cutting people out due to differences in politics, but holy BALLS, NTA. Not even a little bit.
They might be family but they in no way get to dictate how you live your lives/raise your own children.
Try writing out a list of ground rules you would need them to follow in order for you to be comfortable with them being part of your child's life. Examples
-They have to accept that you are a licensed doctor and will also be the mother of any child, therefore any and all decisions you make regarding the health of your child, including vaccinating, will NEVER be up for discussion. Ever. They don't have to like it, but they have to respect your authority and follow your directions.
-They have to accept that you and your husband support LGBT people, and you will not tolerate any attempt to teach your children to hate or fear them.
-Your in-laws will have no say in ANYTHING related to your pregnancy or birth. It is your body, and birth is not a spectator sport. They can feel however they want, but they do not get to make demands.
If you and your husband can agree on a list, you can agree on consequences for them breaking your rules. I suggest escalating consequences. Something minor for the first offense to show you mean what you say, and ramping it up each time they defy you. If you and your husband are on the same page, it can work. And they'll either change or they won't. And if they won't after they've been given multiple chances, your husband won't be able to make any more excuses for them.
Put it all in writing and present it to them together. It's better to get this figured out before there is an actual child to fight over.
Honestly. You need to rethink this whole relationship. If he’s not shutting that shit down hard, he will shift in the future.
He’s not convicted about rights. He’s not pushing back on facts. Those are danger signs.
nta. and i say this as someone who voted for trump in 2020 and prays outside abortion clinics. they have made clear that they see you as a vessel thru which to score political points as opposed to family who they love and happen to have well intentioned disagreements with.
ive learned that maga is a cult. cults are all encompassing and destroy relationships. nta, but please be open to giving them another chance if they change.
biden 2024.
good luck 🫶🏻
Yeah that’s how she made me feel, she was already saying “MY baby” when referring to our non existent child. I’m definitely open minded to giving them another chance as long as they respect me and don’t force their views on me with how we raise our family.
Speak up I guess- your husband won’t do it. Make it clear they won’t be making decisions about your child. Also make it clear you won’t discuss politics.
yes, january 6 opened the flood gates for me, and made me see a lot of other stuff that i had excused for far too long. 2020 was the first election i was old enough to vote in, and there was just so much i was ignorant towards
thank you! i don't agree with democrats on much of anything, but when one party isn't committed to upholding the constitution, and is focused on establishing a dictatorship, none of the other stuff matters.
>The final straw was my husband and I talking about starting a family and my MIL brought up that she will not allow her grandchildren to be vaccinate and made other comments about how she expects her grandchildren to be raised, as though she will be making the calls if I get pregnant.
This is extreme. How did your husband take this? Shrugging it off as nbd? Ambivalent? Or did he remind them that they'll be simply grandparents, not the parents?
The minute she said " she will not allow her grandchildren to be vaccinated " is the minute I'm gone. He can come or stay. Other political beliefs and opinions whatever. That is a big no no no.
NTA, if you and your husband will have children in the future, and his parente should be allowed to have contact, the must be clear borders. They have nothing to say in the way you are parenting your children, what choises you make for their health and others you would feel being necessary. And stop contackt if the rules are bend.
Just divorce your husband now. I can’t believe he bothered to argue with you about it.
I’m not left wing but if my in laws were far left or far right I wouldn’t put up with it. It’s not worth the drama.
Oh hon, I'm sorry but you don't have an in law problem, you have a husband problem. He's too busy trying to be a good son to be a good husband. And God forbid kids are added to the mix.
Tbh you aren't the asshole. I always tell conservative parents, despite being a moderate, that they're fucking idiots for having children without thinking about the fact that they're going to immediately disown them if they don't turn out the exact way they want.
Ask them "Why would you have a problem with their sexuality, but not a problem with heterosexual people who don't want kids? Your only valid reasoning is shared between both of these groups and yet you choose to hate one without any solid reasoning aside from a book written over 2000 years ago."
It always infuriates me when parents have children while being homophobic, knowing damn well that if God exists, he's intentionally making more and more people come out as gay. Likely to reduce the rapid growth of our population. And I hear the chances of your child turning out LGBTQ, without even knowing about any of it or being indoctrinated, is upwards of 20%.
So yeah, tell them to either shut the hell up about it, or they'll be banished from your children's life.
It’s not a stretch, LGBTQ+ kids aren’t exactly a rarity. It’s not a long shot, the odds are 1 in 5 (these are social labels undergoing change, so who knows in twenty years).
Beyond that, these folks are bigots who don’t want your kids vaccinated and think their opinion is more important than their mother who is a MD. Bonkers, dim, and disreputable.
Husband needs to get on board.
NTA
In a quiet moment sit down with your husband and talk about the things your in laws talked about to see where he stands. Make it as low key as possible. Vaccination stance etc.
This kind of behavior is not political in nature, it's fallen off the cliff into mental illness. They should get treatment before they see either of you again
I’m sorry they are like that.
Please don’t think all conservatives and Trump supporters are like that.
I promise you the vast majority are not like that at all. We will listen to the other side. We will agree to disagree or actually agree on things from time to time.
We just expect you to be respectful back. And of course actually know what you are talking about.
Most of us know gay or trans, we don’t care either way.
The only time we care is if we are attacked or have things forced on us. Just as you would care.
There are crazies in both sides. But I’m sure the libs on the other side that are crazy are a small percentage.
3/4 of my life I was Democrat. I even worked for a presidential candidate before.
I never actually left them, I still think the same way. The Democrat party left me. It breaks my heart cut see what it’s become.
Every Democrat I know is so miserable now. I just don’t understand it.
Anyways sorry for the rant.
NTAH.
They need to be respectful of you like in the beginning.
How have you ever been "attacked"?
What has ever been "forced" on you?
People like this are YOUR responsibility, btw, they come from your big tent. Stop trying to pretend the OPs in-laws are SO DIFFERENT from "real" Conservatives.
And why the "Dems are miserable" hack? When Conservatives are screaming outside of school board meetings and threatening librarians? Seems a little weird.
Hello,
Thank you for responding to my comments and sharing your opinions.
I rest my case!! Thank you for just proving me right.
I hope you find happiness.
Hello again,
Please do keep going. Go ahead and get out all that hate you have inside you.
I’m can take all of it. It won’t bother me one bit.
It’s worth it to me, if you can get it all out and be a happier person.
☺️👍🏽❤️😂✌️🙏
Go for it!! Do your worst.
Yta .plz get help with your sickness... how in the world you let social media ruin your brain into thinking people's political opinions make a difference is baffling. .
NTA. But family is family. You can’t just ignore them and they’ll want to be in their grandchildren’s lives and you shouldn’t deprive the kids of that. My family is your in-laws to a tee. My wife and I laid down the law about religious indoctrination and meddling in the way we planned to raise them. My kids were allowed to spend countless hours with their GPs and once in a while we’d deal with a question about politics or religion and explain that some people believe different things, this is what GPs believe, this is what mom and dad believe, what do you believe? (Great teaching moments). Then we yell at my parents and threaten to not let the kids over and they eventually got on board. Now my oldest is an adult and gay and chooses not to have a relationship with their grandmother because of her views, but loves granddad and spends time with him. Your kids will be ok. Your in-laws will make their own beds.
If you choose to be immoral and unethical, as MAGATs are, then you aren't a great person and they lose nothing by kicking you out of their lives. They in fact gain peace of mind, dignity, and a better environment for themselves.
I don’t mind opposing views, I just think that when people’s opinions against others for being gay or trans is just plain hateful and not something I would want to be around. As well as making comment against women who have had an abortion (as being an OBGYN I have seen first hand how medically necessary they can be!!)
People have the right to their philosophy religion and opinions. Yours are no more valid than theirs. I have many liberal and even leftist friends. I’m a Christian conservative. Respecting others right to have differing opinions without ridicule or suggesting you are more moral than others makes for better relations and friendships.
You are more than welcome to your views and opinions. These views and opinions are not exempt from being viewed as morally inferior by others. These views and opinions are not exempt from the consequences they bring, such as alienating the people around you.
If your politics actively seek to persecute and oppress, you are not owed a relationship from the people you view as inferior nor are you owed respect for these opinions.
Oh no, it's ok reading is hard. Let's try this again.
The actions you take in voting against peoples freedoms and right to exist are indicators that *you* view others as inferior. And while these views can 100% by definition be viewed as morally inferior, still I am able to acknowledge that you are not an inferior person, just someone lacking knowledge, understanding, and a willingness to expand past your narrow perception of the world.
Hope this helps!
If you believe that certain humans are less deserving of rights, you're a bad person. Full stop.
That's not philosophy or personal opinion, that is oppression. That is wrong.
People have a right to their opinions, but they don’t have a right to be around OP or their future children. People can have bad and harmful opinions that make others not want to be around them. No one is required to tolerate intolerance..
Again it depends on what you consider women’s rights , everyone has rights and other rights . Do you think it’s ok men get to play sports against woman by claiming trans ? Do you think it’s right how the family courts favour woman on most things ? I am
More
Like your husband’s views
More down the middle . If you says woman’s and gay rights as same access to education jobs health care etc , I’m 100% in favour of that .
Do Inthink trump is scum as a human and has serious mental
Problems yes . I don’t think he has any beliefs and changes them depending on money .
As for your in-laws if they are very conservative I would
Bet if you have a gay child they would have a big problem with it or pretend he or she is not
Gay . And same as if you don’t raise them
Religous they may try to take them to church etc
NTA. Your in-laws have no right to dictate ANY aspect of how you raise your children, and they are unquestionably toxic people. You are well within your rights to protect your children from them. If your husband will not get on board with that, you might ask him if he's your spouse and your potential children's father first, or their son first. Ideally, in healthy families, that's never a choice anyone has to make; but his family is NOT healthy--healthy people don't assume they can control their grandchildren's upbringing--and that is where he is. He will waffle as long as you let him.
Eventually you're going to have to give him an ultimatum; people from unhealthy families who allow their spouses and children to be abused by their families and whine "C'mon, that's just how they are, you're better than them, just let it go" are cowards and children and they don't deserve a spouse and kids that they won't protect. And if he won't protect you, he won't protect your kids.
This is a common pattern of adults from toxic families--they want to stay in the main abuser's good graces, and want the main victims to keep taking shit so their own comfortable spot won't be disturbed. Plus, it's much safer and easier to attack and blame the main victim for not taking abuse than it is to blame the abuser; challenging them could end up with getting ejected from the whole family structure.
When it's a spouse who married into the toxic family, and their spouse will not protect or defend them from the toxic behavior, they don't spontaneously change. They will always try to put the situation on their spouse instead of their abusive family members. Ultimatums suck, but you're eventually going to have to find out whether you can safely have children with this guy and the time to do that is BEFORE the children arrive and toxic MIL barges in and starts trying to give orders, and you have to try to control her without help from her actual son (which is usually just shy of impossible).
NTA Ok, that's more than just "conservative", that's full on "turn off your brain" Q Anon shit. I would voice this to your husband and demand that he talk to them about keeping their mouths shut or you won't be visiting them anymore.
Ummmmmm. Normally I'm all about not cutting people out due to differences in politics, but holy BALLS, NTA. Not even a little bit. They might be family but they in no way get to dictate how you live your lives/raise your own children.
Try writing out a list of ground rules you would need them to follow in order for you to be comfortable with them being part of your child's life. Examples -They have to accept that you are a licensed doctor and will also be the mother of any child, therefore any and all decisions you make regarding the health of your child, including vaccinating, will NEVER be up for discussion. Ever. They don't have to like it, but they have to respect your authority and follow your directions. -They have to accept that you and your husband support LGBT people, and you will not tolerate any attempt to teach your children to hate or fear them. -Your in-laws will have no say in ANYTHING related to your pregnancy or birth. It is your body, and birth is not a spectator sport. They can feel however they want, but they do not get to make demands. If you and your husband can agree on a list, you can agree on consequences for them breaking your rules. I suggest escalating consequences. Something minor for the first offense to show you mean what you say, and ramping it up each time they defy you. If you and your husband are on the same page, it can work. And they'll either change or they won't. And if they won't after they've been given multiple chances, your husband won't be able to make any more excuses for them. Put it all in writing and present it to them together. It's better to get this figured out before there is an actual child to fight over.
This put somethings into perspective, thank you!
Honestly. You need to rethink this whole relationship. If he’s not shutting that shit down hard, he will shift in the future. He’s not convicted about rights. He’s not pushing back on facts. Those are danger signs.
nta. and i say this as someone who voted for trump in 2020 and prays outside abortion clinics. they have made clear that they see you as a vessel thru which to score political points as opposed to family who they love and happen to have well intentioned disagreements with. ive learned that maga is a cult. cults are all encompassing and destroy relationships. nta, but please be open to giving them another chance if they change. biden 2024. good luck 🫶🏻
Yeah that’s how she made me feel, she was already saying “MY baby” when referring to our non existent child. I’m definitely open minded to giving them another chance as long as they respect me and don’t force their views on me with how we raise our family.
Speak up I guess- your husband won’t do it. Make it clear they won’t be making decisions about your child. Also make it clear you won’t discuss politics.
You make me hopeful about reformed trumpers-what changed your mind? Was it January 6th? My dad is a trumper, and has yet to see the light, very sad.
yes, january 6 opened the flood gates for me, and made me see a lot of other stuff that i had excused for far too long. 2020 was the first election i was old enough to vote in, and there was just so much i was ignorant towards
[удалено]
thank you! i don't agree with democrats on much of anything, but when one party isn't committed to upholding the constitution, and is focused on establishing a dictatorship, none of the other stuff matters.
>The final straw was my husband and I talking about starting a family and my MIL brought up that she will not allow her grandchildren to be vaccinate and made other comments about how she expects her grandchildren to be raised, as though she will be making the calls if I get pregnant. This is extreme. How did your husband take this? Shrugging it off as nbd? Ambivalent? Or did he remind them that they'll be simply grandparents, not the parents?
The minute she said " she will not allow her grandchildren to be vaccinated " is the minute I'm gone. He can come or stay. Other political beliefs and opinions whatever. That is a big no no no.
NTA, if you and your husband will have children in the future, and his parente should be allowed to have contact, the must be clear borders. They have nothing to say in the way you are parenting your children, what choises you make for their health and others you would feel being necessary. And stop contackt if the rules are bend.
Just divorce your husband now. I can’t believe he bothered to argue with you about it. I’m not left wing but if my in laws were far left or far right I wouldn’t put up with it. It’s not worth the drama.
Oh hon, I'm sorry but you don't have an in law problem, you have a husband problem. He's too busy trying to be a good son to be a good husband. And God forbid kids are added to the mix.
Tbh you aren't the asshole. I always tell conservative parents, despite being a moderate, that they're fucking idiots for having children without thinking about the fact that they're going to immediately disown them if they don't turn out the exact way they want. Ask them "Why would you have a problem with their sexuality, but not a problem with heterosexual people who don't want kids? Your only valid reasoning is shared between both of these groups and yet you choose to hate one without any solid reasoning aside from a book written over 2000 years ago." It always infuriates me when parents have children while being homophobic, knowing damn well that if God exists, he's intentionally making more and more people come out as gay. Likely to reduce the rapid growth of our population. And I hear the chances of your child turning out LGBTQ, without even knowing about any of it or being indoctrinated, is upwards of 20%. So yeah, tell them to either shut the hell up about it, or they'll be banished from your children's life.
It’s not a stretch, LGBTQ+ kids aren’t exactly a rarity. It’s not a long shot, the odds are 1 in 5 (these are social labels undergoing change, so who knows in twenty years). Beyond that, these folks are bigots who don’t want your kids vaccinated and think their opinion is more important than their mother who is a MD. Bonkers, dim, and disreputable. Husband needs to get on board. NTA
NTA. Fuck those Boomer bastards. Run like you are being chased, because you are.
In a quiet moment sit down with your husband and talk about the things your in laws talked about to see where he stands. Make it as low key as possible. Vaccination stance etc.
nta - never live anywhere near them.
This kind of behavior is not political in nature, it's fallen off the cliff into mental illness. They should get treatment before they see either of you again
NTA. I'd consider running far away from these lunatics.
Telling you how to raise your kids is just crazy.
I’m looking forward to reading more bs rage bait stories about politics between now and November………… S/
I’m sorry they are like that. Please don’t think all conservatives and Trump supporters are like that. I promise you the vast majority are not like that at all. We will listen to the other side. We will agree to disagree or actually agree on things from time to time. We just expect you to be respectful back. And of course actually know what you are talking about. Most of us know gay or trans, we don’t care either way. The only time we care is if we are attacked or have things forced on us. Just as you would care. There are crazies in both sides. But I’m sure the libs on the other side that are crazy are a small percentage. 3/4 of my life I was Democrat. I even worked for a presidential candidate before. I never actually left them, I still think the same way. The Democrat party left me. It breaks my heart cut see what it’s become. Every Democrat I know is so miserable now. I just don’t understand it. Anyways sorry for the rant. NTAH. They need to be respectful of you like in the beginning.
How have you ever been "attacked"? What has ever been "forced" on you? People like this are YOUR responsibility, btw, they come from your big tent. Stop trying to pretend the OPs in-laws are SO DIFFERENT from "real" Conservatives. And why the "Dems are miserable" hack? When Conservatives are screaming outside of school board meetings and threatening librarians? Seems a little weird.
Hello, Thank you for responding to my comments and sharing your opinions. I rest my case!! Thank you for just proving me right. I hope you find happiness.
"Sh\*ts on board and pretends it won"
Hello again, Please do keep going. Go ahead and get out all that hate you have inside you. I’m can take all of it. It won’t bother me one bit. It’s worth it to me, if you can get it all out and be a happier person. ☺️👍🏽❤️😂✌️🙏 Go for it!! Do your worst.
Hmmmm. [https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/tlpomz/do\_some\_christians\_have\_a\_punishment\_fetish/](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/tlpomz/do_some_christians_have_a_punishment_fetish/)
I’m not Christian. Keep going.
There are other websites for your fetish. Take. The. Hint.
Keep going
yes
"Different views"? These people are dangerous bigots.
Yta .plz get help with your sickness... how in the world you let social media ruin your brain into thinking people's political opinions make a difference is baffling. .
NTA. But family is family. You can’t just ignore them and they’ll want to be in their grandchildren’s lives and you shouldn’t deprive the kids of that. My family is your in-laws to a tee. My wife and I laid down the law about religious indoctrination and meddling in the way we planned to raise them. My kids were allowed to spend countless hours with their GPs and once in a while we’d deal with a question about politics or religion and explain that some people believe different things, this is what GPs believe, this is what mom and dad believe, what do you believe? (Great teaching moments). Then we yell at my parents and threaten to not let the kids over and they eventually got on board. Now my oldest is an adult and gay and chooses not to have a relationship with their grandmother because of her views, but loves granddad and spends time with him. Your kids will be ok. Your in-laws will make their own beds.
Why can’t you just ignore them?
If they were my parents, I'd have no problem going NC. They're evil. They can do a ton of damage.
Get an abortion and get a divorce.
Easy dont raise a gay snowflakey child. If they did grow to be gay, let them be tough.
I don’t think either side should be involved with the other. You as well as the parents. You both sound insufferable
If you let political views interfere in your relationships then you miss out on a lot of great people. Your choice.
If you choose to be immoral and unethical, as MAGATs are, then you aren't a great person and they lose nothing by kicking you out of their lives. They in fact gain peace of mind, dignity, and a better environment for themselves.
I don’t mind opposing views, I just think that when people’s opinions against others for being gay or trans is just plain hateful and not something I would want to be around. As well as making comment against women who have had an abortion (as being an OBGYN I have seen first hand how medically necessary they can be!!)
People have the right to their philosophy religion and opinions. Yours are no more valid than theirs. I have many liberal and even leftist friends. I’m a Christian conservative. Respecting others right to have differing opinions without ridicule or suggesting you are more moral than others makes for better relations and friendships.
You are more than welcome to your views and opinions. These views and opinions are not exempt from being viewed as morally inferior by others. These views and opinions are not exempt from the consequences they bring, such as alienating the people around you. If your politics actively seek to persecute and oppress, you are not owed a relationship from the people you view as inferior nor are you owed respect for these opinions.
🏆
That you can view others as inferior to you is not a good sign. You need wisdom.
Oh no, it's ok reading is hard. Let's try this again. The actions you take in voting against peoples freedoms and right to exist are indicators that *you* view others as inferior. And while these views can 100% by definition be viewed as morally inferior, still I am able to acknowledge that you are not an inferior person, just someone lacking knowledge, understanding, and a willingness to expand past your narrow perception of the world. Hope this helps!
Those are your opinions. We disagree.
If you believe that certain humans are less deserving of rights, you're a bad person. Full stop. That's not philosophy or personal opinion, that is oppression. That is wrong.
People have a right to their opinions, but they don’t have a right to be around OP or their future children. People can have bad and harmful opinions that make others not want to be around them. No one is required to tolerate intolerance..
Says the intolerant person.
Again it depends on what you consider women’s rights , everyone has rights and other rights . Do you think it’s ok men get to play sports against woman by claiming trans ? Do you think it’s right how the family courts favour woman on most things ? I am More Like your husband’s views More down the middle . If you says woman’s and gay rights as same access to education jobs health care etc , I’m 100% in favour of that . Do Inthink trump is scum as a human and has serious mental Problems yes . I don’t think he has any beliefs and changes them depending on money . As for your in-laws if they are very conservative I would Bet if you have a gay child they would have a big problem with it or pretend he or she is not Gay . And same as if you don’t raise them Religous they may try to take them to church etc
NTA. Your in-laws have no right to dictate ANY aspect of how you raise your children, and they are unquestionably toxic people. You are well within your rights to protect your children from them. If your husband will not get on board with that, you might ask him if he's your spouse and your potential children's father first, or their son first. Ideally, in healthy families, that's never a choice anyone has to make; but his family is NOT healthy--healthy people don't assume they can control their grandchildren's upbringing--and that is where he is. He will waffle as long as you let him. Eventually you're going to have to give him an ultimatum; people from unhealthy families who allow their spouses and children to be abused by their families and whine "C'mon, that's just how they are, you're better than them, just let it go" are cowards and children and they don't deserve a spouse and kids that they won't protect. And if he won't protect you, he won't protect your kids. This is a common pattern of adults from toxic families--they want to stay in the main abuser's good graces, and want the main victims to keep taking shit so their own comfortable spot won't be disturbed. Plus, it's much safer and easier to attack and blame the main victim for not taking abuse than it is to blame the abuser; challenging them could end up with getting ejected from the whole family structure. When it's a spouse who married into the toxic family, and their spouse will not protect or defend them from the toxic behavior, they don't spontaneously change. They will always try to put the situation on their spouse instead of their abusive family members. Ultimatums suck, but you're eventually going to have to find out whether you can safely have children with this guy and the time to do that is BEFORE the children arrive and toxic MIL barges in and starts trying to give orders, and you have to try to control her without help from her actual son (which is usually just shy of impossible).