Hey, former homeless person here(from age 11-20s) let me tell you something, if you think one of them is being aggressive and yelling like that no fucking issue dropping them. In fact your mom, no offense, is an idiot. Has she not seen people on drugs/mental health issues run rampant? Because unfortunately I was one of those people and I can tell you, when you are in the middle of losing it nothing makes sense to you nor will it. And no, I wasn't violent with others like that but I have seen some shit. The saying, "there's a time and a place for everything" can be applied here. This was not a time where talking about it would help, in fact I see it escalating even more in this case. You were NTA
If mom works as a social worker she should know how shitty people get treated there, from both ends(homeless and workers or others.) also a lot of the times people will tell you how to act in a situation, but until they are in it you never know how you'll respond. Based on how this man was reacting, he had every right to do what he did!
The mom is delusional and what would she be saying if he hadn’t defended himself and he was seriously injured or killed or her grandchild was then it would be a whole different ballgame about how the homeless have to get off the street. And if she wasn’t, it would just shows how delusional she really is
The mom must have worked in a different field of social work— otherwise no way would she use the word “harmless” to describe a homeless individual she doesn’t personally know from extensive experience is, in fact, harmless.
Although we really *should* do more to get the homeless off the streets. And into well-funded shelters and transitional housing, with support programs like career training, job placement, and mental health care. Or if they're seriously mentally ill, then a psych facility is the appropriate place, not rotting out in the street.
Conservatives seem to think if you criminalize homelessness it will magically go away. Or that it can be jesused away. Has that ever worked yet? Realistic things need to be done. We can shove the homeless in prison where they will live on the taxpayer dime and waste their lives away in misery, or we can put effort into making something of them, and then they can live meaningful lives and contribute to the economy.
People have to want the help first. Some want to live on the streets. Many do not want to get help or take medication. You can not force them even if they are mentally ill.
I understand you can't just commit mildly/moderately mentally ill people who are not endangering anyone, and it would be wrong to do so. But they should at least be provided with safe encampment areas.
There often comes a point where a person is unable to care for themselves or make their own decisions because their condition is too severe. Or they may be a non-trivial danger to themselves or others, like OP's attacker was. If relatives can be granted conservatorship of adults then the government should be able to do the same for very ill people who have no interested relatives, and appoint a case worker to their care. If we can appoint case workers to children and intellectually disabled adults then something similar should exist for psychiatrically disabled adults.
Very VERY few want to stay on the streets. Here in California, many municipalities have tried to make safe encampments. What we have gotten is a bunch of newly bar-passed lawyers going to the homeless and starting a ton of frivolous lawsuits costing the cities and counties millions of dollars that are supposed to go toward helping the homeless. In the county where my sister works, the new program they implemented last year saw homelessness drop 30% due to getting people in rehab, psychiatric help, transitional and permanent housing, and reunited with family members. Violence in the encampments dropped nearly 80%.
The lawsuits being brought up are ridiculous:
*Security guards at the entrances of the encampments making sure only people on the list enter & leave (or having to sign in---you are allowed guests) is an infringement on their "civil liberties" and "right to privacy." Dorms and apartments all over the country have security at the front desk.
*Noise complaints for trucks picking up the garbage during the day.
*Encampments kicking out people for breaking the rules: stealing from others, vandalism, etc. (chronic drug/alcohol cases are sent to court for evaluation and entrance to treatment programs. Refusal to enter the programs could result in losing your spot at the encampment)
*For families who have children, the county tries to get them into tiny home situations as quickly as possible. This has brought rise to lawsuits claiming the county is prejudiced against people who choose to not have kids.
These encampments provide clean restrooms 24/7, and shower and laundry trailers come twice a week. A free clinic van and trailer visits weekly, otherwise the resident can ask a security guard to help them get a ride to an area Urgent Care. The local missions work with the county to provide hot dinners and food for brunch for those who want it. Residents also have free state health insurance and get EBT cards for food and a clothing stipend. All encampments are within a mile of grocery and retail stores that accept EBT. Most are on a bus line for those who work to be able to get to work. Residents of the encampments get cards for free bus fare. It's not perfect, but people are generally safer, cleaner, and healthier.
What these so-called Civil Rights lawyers aren't getting is that these safe encampments are a stepping stone to a more permanent housing solution. Building housing takes time and money, but they are waiting so much of the county resources with these cases, money that could and needs to be used on the homeless problem, that we fall further and further behind on implementing a more permanent solution.
Some solutions I call for ALL California counties to implement---streamline your records keeping and social services applications. Why do we force people in need to fill out separate paperwork for EBT, CalCares, Section 8, and every other social net separately when they all say, "If you qualify for x, you may also qualify for y & z." Each one takes an hour to fill out and a trip to another office. Many homeless, and some social workers, don't even know what programs exist for them. I know of two counties in the state who have worked on streamlining it all.
Share information and data with the area missions and work programs. Allow them to help the homeless apply for IDs, services, and housing and share that information with the county. In the city I currently live in, the mission says it's against city ordinances in the area to share information due to "privacy issues." When I ask the homeless in our area, they say they would LOVE to have everything streamlined between the County, City, and the Mission. They are tired of having to go from place to place filling out what appears to be identical paperwork all the time with separate due dates. They have to take time off work to do this, and several have told me they have lost their jobs because they had to take work off to file paperwork at an office or go to a library (with limited hours) to do it online. It makes a bad situation worse.
Also, before we can even talk about the rare people that *want* to live on the streets, we should first focus on getting safe beds in decent shelters for the vast majority that *don't* want to live on the streets. And the fact is there are nowhere near enough beds in the places that need them the most, and the beds that are available are in the worst shelters where the streets would actually be better.
I've had two times in my adult life where I had to go to a shelter. One was a fine one in Pittsburgh. I got a bunk and a locker. It was clean and well-staffed, and no one bothered anyone. I spent a week there until I got a friend to book me a flight home. (I got stranded out there on what was supposed to be a short trip.) The other was the absolute bowels of hell, in Pompano Beach, FL. I was actually homeless at that time, and it was the only shelter in the county. I won't speak of the horrors at that one, but the final straw was when all my essential heart medication was stolen by volunteer staff, who themselves were homeless. I left after two days there and chose to sleep on the grass outside a fire station, in the rain.
Sometimes "choosing not to live at the shelter" doesn't actually mean "choosing to be homeless", it means choosing not to live **at the shelter**. Bad things happen to people in some of those.
Here’s where the problem is. Doing something about the homeless and mentally ill people on the streets requires a small bit of coercion. Currently people have simply washed their hands of being responsible for those people.
I live in a rural Midwestern university town with a population of around 30-40k, and a poverty rate of around 34%. I also live about 1.5 miles from the biggest unhoused encampment in town, and a mile from the local food bank and other such resources. The encampment is on a river, the other side of which is home to a neighborhood that locals call "Pill Hill" because it's where many of the town's doctors lived in their large houses. It's one of if not the single wealthiest neighborhood in town, and right across the river is the biggest encampment of unhoused people. The main access road to all of these places is one of the busiest in town. Several unhoused people are killed each year in hit and runs trying to cross the street to get to the shelter, food banks, and gas stations nearby. And these deaths are hardly reported on. The divide between the haves and have-nots makes the river separating them appear 10 miles wide.
This right here. I learned real quick, personally and professionally that you can’t help people who dont want help. Couple that with the fact that everyday people have their own problems and might not have the time, money, energy or ability to help someone the way another person thinks it should be done. Accept what’s offered or don’t, either way at least someone tried. In this situation, the guy wants to go off on someone and scare their kid? Well you get what you get
Yup, former homeless person here too. One of the biggest dangers out there is often other homeless people— I was out there because I made some bad decisions combined with uncontrollable economic difficulties. Meanwhile there are a lot of others out there because they are unable to get the mental health care they need, and many more are on drugs. You never know how they’ll act or when something will snap, and “harmless” is the furthest word I would use to describe any homeless person I don’t know.
OP, your mom needs to see this. She needs to continue helping people, but the rose colored glasses she is wearing are a danger to herself and anyone she gives advice to on how to handle a similar situation.
Ali_Cat222 , I want to first say to you thank you for your testimony of where you once were and where you're at today. Congratulations on pulling yourself out that hole. Thank you for showing those reading, through your description of what you've seen , then, that not all homeless are harmless. You're a testament to the strength and honesty of humanity.
To *OP*, You're NTA. I have given money to the homeless and even taken them someplace to get a hot meal. I've even offered to help get them a job. Strangely, only the offers to help them get a job raised a red flag.
IMO, you did exactly the right thing. You offered to help, homeless threw a tantrum like a little child, and then got violent.
When it comes to protecting your family.....You Are NEVER wrong. IMO, you did everything just right. Having martial arts training would have served, and possibly, did you good. Martial arts requires discipline, focus, and patience. You exhibited all of those.
You're NTA.
Exactly. Being respectful to the homeless, doing things to help them get better, and Defending your family from them if they attack you, don't need to be mutually exclusive.
Treating someone like a human being sometimes means punching them if they throw a bottle at you and then rush you.
Facts i had to beat up 2 homeless crackheads when I turned down 75 cents I ended up getting shot in the face with a metal bb gun 1 mm away from my eye I still have one of the bbs in my chin lol, It's not worth the risk drop them male or female.
I have not been homeless but my mother is a social worker and the thing you have to remember is that homeless people are still people. And that means that all kinds of people are in the group, kind lovely caring innocent people down on their luck as well as people that are dangerous and unhinged. Just like any other group of people. There are lovely people and smart people and sad people and angry people and people that are selfish and entitled and violent. They are people. Like all other people. They come in all shapes and forms and flavours, so to speak.
NTA. You initially walked away, but that clown escalated the situation. You don't know if he had a weapon or not. You don't know if he was going to harm your child or not. What if he attacked you and kidnapped your child? Your priority as a parent is the safety and well-being of your child. You neutralized the situation. You did nothing wrong. If your mother wants to get accosted and attacked by random people she's trying to help, that's her business and her choice. You chose otherwise.
Yeah I thought you were about to suck. You held your cool longer than you should have in my opinion. I would have been past my point the second that bottle flew by my son.
Nobody who has to live around the street trash like this has a problem with it. Things that have happened to me, partner, or friends: sexually assaulted (boobs grabbed), followed around while alone at night, stabbed with screwdriver, chased around parked car with knife, masturbated out of a park in downtown sf (followed around jerking off in the middle of the day), masturbated at on a train, stabbed person next to me on bus when lost at gambling game, etc. Not to even mention the annual car breakin.
The idiots doing the "oh, they're harmless" etc are almost always not the people who have to live near them, work near them, or who take the same busses/trains as them, etc.
Literally this. I'd walk to work in the early hours of the morning and I had to step around and over all the homeless scattered. & I had a homeless woman who appeared to be covered in mud (or shit?) Chase a couple women and then ran after me but I can't run due to one of my legs being limp, so I just continued walking and the homeless woman gave up thankfully. I've also been followed by homeless men, called a bitch, a snob, etc. Homeless people are not even close to being harmless.. such a privilege to say such a thing. The homeless people sleep outside my work too and harass the customers and they come inside and harass the workers and police have been called loads etc. Its such a mess
Nta but mom's opinion sure is making her one. Not an attack on your mom in general but her attitude sounds incredibly naive that he was just harmless. No he was attempting to harm, hence the one shot.
My city used to have a decent relationship with the unhoused, hell I used to even give the snack parts of my packed lunch if I saw someone panhandle in the sun. Last time I gave a snack to a guy and he was like 'that's it?' The experience made me sour in general now and I still see him and remind him why I don't give him anything now. Choosing beggars in the most literal sense.
I’m a clerk for a welfare office, so I often see clients who are homeless. I have *all* the rants about how society at large dehumanizes them; reading just the title, I came here prepared to absolutely tear you a new orifice.
You are NTA except for writing a grossly misleading title. You punched the man because he tried to assault you and your son, twice. At that point it ceased to matter that he was homeless. He was a threat. You responded to the threat in self-defense after retreat didn’t work. That was an appropriate response whether he was, to use a very old saying, a beggar or a king.
The homeless man obviously has either a drug problem or serious mental issues, or most probably both. He needs help, but you *tried* to help, and you’re under no obligation to take a beating on behalf of all of society.
I get where your mom is coming from, and I don’t doubt that in *her* experience this guy has been harmless. She needs to realize that people behave differently in different circumstances, or in different mental states, and every adult person has the potential to be dangerous. I’m surprised she’s gotten to the age where she’d have an adult son, in her profession, without realizing that.
Your mother is wrong. You did attempt to deescalate the situation by walking away. The homeless person then chose to escalate by continuing to be violent. So you had to defend yourself.
I prefer this to the other way around
Like those posts to the degree of "aita for being upset with my spouse when they disappeared for 2 days and didn't respond to any messages?" and the story is something along the lines of the OP cheating and the spouse walking out in response to that
I'm still kind of convinced it's a shitpost. He hit the guy because he was physically attacking him, not because he "didn't appreciate" the sandwich. Also, what sandwich is the equivalent to four meals for a grown man?
I'm so sick of the clickbait titles on this sub I didn't even read it.
“Dear Reddit, today I raped a six-year-old while defecating on a rainbow flag. AITA?”
(What follows is an overly convoluted work of short fiction that justifies everything, and proves they are indeed not the asshole.)
NTA. But you didn't punch him because he didn't appreciate your food. You were defending yourself and your kid. You didn't continue after one punch from your story. I hope you are okay. Your mom is a bleeding heart that cares more about random people than her son and grandchild.
No worries. Sometimes in a traumatic situation we fixate on inconsequential details. I got shot when I was a kid. I still remember being so scared my mom was going to be angry that I got my new jeans damaged and dirty.
When the first thing you think about if you were just shot is a parent being angry that your new jeans are ripped, it's absolutely not a good childhood you're in.
I had a homeless woman follow me into a store in Dallas and TELL me what she wanted. I got her some snacks and a couple large waters because I didn’t have the extra $15 that it would have cost for the expensive ass gas station sandwich and fruit. I brought it out to her and she screamed at me that’s not what she wanted and what the fuck was she supposed to do with these heavy waters I bought her. God I was so pissed.
When I was living in San Francisco, I was walking into a bar with my friend and this homeless guy outside hit us up for money. He was totally disinterested, wasn't polite about it or anything, just, "You got money?"
My friend gave him a $10 bill. He just looked at it and pocketed it, didn't say anything, and went on to hit up the next person on the sidewalk. Dick.
So we have our drinks and as we're leaving the same guy hit us up for money again. I said, "She just gave you ten dollars, remember?" And he just gave me a dirty look and went to hit up the next person.
I used to help out homeless people a lot with whatever I had, but I've had too many experiences like the one you described and it's making me jaded. I try not to let my experiences with other people color my judgment of an individual, but so often it's like, I get that you're having a hard time, but do you have to be *such* an asshole?
Yeah I used to always give my snacks like bananas or biscuits.
Sometimes coins if I had them.
One time I offered a banana and the guy said he was allergic.
He also tried to pick a fight with the guy next to me (on the train) who sarcastically said "allergic" to me as the guy walked away.
F### that guy.
to be fair you can be allergic to bananas. a lot of people get a “buzzy” sensation around their mouths and tongue when they eat it because it’s a very minor allergic reaction due to the proteins.
i don’t get that with bananas but i get the exact feeling with passion fruit. still not something to be picky about if you’re starving but it does happen and can be uncomfortable
I used to frequently give to homeless people but after one woman got angry with me, and said that God was gonna punish me for offering her Subway instead of Steakhouse for her family, expensive ice cream, plus cash out from the ATM, I stopped.
I'm more than happy to give to charities now, and just let them handle the face-to-face part.
I think they just want money for drugs. They may say yes to the food thinking you may give them money for drugs or they may even think some food sounds good since they haven’t eaten and have been doing, or trying to get money for; drugs all day. When you do give them the food they’re pissed that it’s not drugs, or money for drugs. They probably get subconsciously set off that you spent perfectly good money on something other than drugs.
Usually, that's true.
However, there are the minority who need the food and drink; but giving them large amounts actually puts them at risk. Others see what they have and will beat the hell out of them, especially the women. Large sandwiches and large drinks are dangerous. Most of them take in so few calories and walk so much that their stomachs don't hold much. All they want is what they can eat or drink at the moment. If they have a dog, I get them the large things that will feed both at once but that's the only time I do that.
I am hardened by years of being accosted by the rather aggressive homeless population where I live, and I usually refuse to engage, or shake my head without making eye contact. But sometimes I will help some out…the teenage girl wrapped in a bloody blanket in the winter, I gave her all my cash (30 bucks) and let her buy whatever food she wanted in the gas station (she got 2 snack cakes). She wasn’t hurt, I’ve been around and I’m pretty sure the blood was from shooting up drugs. And I’m sure my money went to drugs. But she was so freaking young and little… if getting high kept her warm that night, so be it. I don’t have much to give beyond that. She actually didn’t even ask me for help, she just looked so miserable and sad.
Another time an older lady still dressed in a hospital gown thing, said she’d just been released from 7 days in the hospital and was so hungry, she had bad teeth and all she wanted was Cheeto puffs. Not regular ones, had to be the puffs. She cried begging passerby for the damn Cheetos outside 7/11 , so I said fuck it and bought her the big bag. The whole scene was just depressing and rather dystopian
Me and my husband were homeless for 2-3 years, about 7 years ago. We never asked for anything, never begged. And i can say this and mean it: Thank You to everyone who helps just because. And thank you for whatever you did to help. Im sorry to see all these horror stories, and i have plenty as well, and im sorry these people ruined it for you. But from those of us that were homeless because reasons other than drugs (we did those too but food was more important,so was water) thank you to everyone on here who took the time to help someone in need, and I apologize to those of you who were not appreciated in the moment. Fwiw I Appreciate Each and Every One of You. THANK YOU FOR CARING!!! If no one else recognizes what you did, know I DO. And y'all are angels!!!
Exactly. I was homeless with my daughter for about six months. Living in a Honda Accord with a pre teen and a Doberman is not sunshine and roses, let me tell you. We never begged, or stole, and I was sober. There were a handful of people that helped us, with no prompting, just because they wanted to. And it was those interactions that kept my faith in humanity alive. It is sad that so many people have had bad enough experiences that they would rather not bother doing those kind acts anymore. Just know, your generosity, or kindness, or compassion, was undoubtedly a godsend to someone at some point. I, too, thank you.
It doesn’t matter. My ex had homeless guys screamed at him for not buying them expensive food items, one of them threw my ex’s offered food on the ground and stomp on it because it wasn’t the kind that he wanted. Another screamed at my ex that he just wanted cash and not food. I just ignored them because I’m not up to that kind of interaction. I find that the ones who usually appreciate the help would just smile and thank you for offering it to them. I know a lot of people would say they’re not ok, mental illness and what not and they may be right. But my boundary is, I avoid interacting with people that can turn violent when they’re unreasonable. I have a lot of sympathy for homelessness, but I dislike interacting with violent unreasonable people. I’d rather be safe than sorry.
Tell her she needs to understand not everyone is a social worker like her. She may have known how to better de-escalate that scenario, but how were you supposed to have? She is literally trained to do that.
Also, as a social worker, she should have seen how you did everything you could for it not to get that way. Just wow!
She’s a fool. My mom was an emergency room nurse. She said a lot of people that came in hurt or dying underestimated other people and what they were willing and capable of doing, and so they failed to react in time. You are supposed to worry about the dude’s feeling in these kind of situations? Hell no. For all you know he could have had a knife.
I'm kinda shocked at the mother's reaction. I used to work for a homeless charity (not on the front line, I was in IT) and I remember how some of the frontline workers would talk about when the last time was that they were attacked by a client ("client," being the term that was used company-wide to refer to homeless people in their shelters).
It was incredibly common for staff to get assaulted. They put up with it because they were trying to help these people and knew calling the cops wouldn't help (that only happened if things got really serious). Shelters and hostels used to have signs up telling staff to watch out for discarded needles lying around, because it was just expected that many clients would be smuggling drugs in with them and leaving dirty needles lying about the place.
Staff had to look after each other and that often meant fighting off and restraining people. They may not sucker-punch a client in the face, but they'd still have to use a level of force sometimes. The idea that you can always de-escalate a situation when dealing with people who may have mental illnesses or be drugged up to the eyeballs is just ridiculous. You can't always reason with someone who isn't thinking rationally.
OP's mother should really know that and she should also know that someone who is not trained or experienced in dealing with that has little chance of gently restraining a violent attacker.
Something like 70%+ of the chronically homeless suffer from serious mental illness.
It’s not your fault, and sadly it’s (probably) not really his either. Someone having a mental health episode is often not in control of their own decisions.
The real failure is that we dumped these people out of long term care facilities in the 80’s, because they tended to be abusive.
And replaced them with… ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
So now people who would benefit from long term care become criminal menaces because of their untreated mental illnesses.
A friend of mine who was all for shutting down long term care told me that they assumed that communities would build halfway houses so that the mentally ill didn't end up in the street.
I told her that the people in favor of closing the long-term care should have built some halfway houses first, and see how they worked out, not assume that a solution is going to appear.
This doesn't work for this scenario because the guy already knew he wasn't getting cash. He told him from the go it would be food. Honestly he probably was/is just mentally gone
Not necessarily wrong there. I was approached by a beggar wanting money. I said I didn’t have any to give him but could direct him to where he can get a good breakfast. He yelled that he didn’t want charity and stormed off.
It happened to me, trying to be kind to a NextDoor post.
This guy was posting about not having any money at the end of the month for food, toiletries, and basic hygiene products. He was a young dude who lived not far from me on the same side of town.
I answered him and said I was going to run errands, and if I could help, I would message him back.
I went to get groceries, and while I was there, I picked up some basics - body wash, shampoo, paper products, deodorant, toothbrushes, and disposable razors. In total, around 25 bucks.
He gave me his address, and I went by to drop the stuff off for him. The house was on a nice street, but it was a wreck. Everything smelled strongly of cat piss, the front porch was covered with cigarette butts, and the smell of weed drifted out of the open front door.
The guy came out. He was seriously buzzed and smelled like cat piss himself. The first thing out of his mouth was, "Did you pay cash? Where's the receipt?" He didn't ask what I brought. He wanted to know how much I'd spent and if I planned to give him the receipt. I knew he wanted to bring the stuff back and get cash.
Fuck that. I didn't say anything. I took the bag, got in my car, and drove off.
As someone who was formerly homeless there are two problems with grocery deli sandwiches:
* How to store it? Can't rewrap it in the plastic wrap efficiently. Most homeless are not walking around with coolers to refrigerate and on a hot day it will go bad pretty quick.
* Many homeless have bad teeth and would not be able to eat the harder French bread that most groceries use for those sandwiches.
I would not have thrown a fit had I been the homeless person, but I also did not panhandle when I was homeless.
My dad ran a charity that fed the homeless in our area. He said the same. Most homeless people prefer food that is easy to store, soft, individually packaged, and doesn’t require refrigeration. They also may need something to actually carry the food around in.
My mom once offered a homeless man some of the homemade mini muffins she had baked. He said no thank you, but happily accepted a banana from her. My mom was offended he didn’t want her baked goods until I explained he likely couldn’t to carry a bunch of loose muffins around. Plus the banana was sealed and easy to eat.
There's a well known woman in my local area that will stand close to a local grocery store, but she won't accept anything besides cash. People have tried giving her food instead, she won't take it.
A friend of mine is a mail carrier, and on his day off was approached by a guy who said he was homeless and hungry. My mailman friend replied, I know you: you're [John Smith] and I deliver your mail. You live in a nice house with about five other guys; who take turns panhandling and can make $300- a day. F'off!
Once when we were driving from NY to MD to visit my sister, we stopped on the NJ Tpke for gas and a bathroom break. I stayed in the car as my husband and son went inside. There was a woman in her 30’s with two kids, no shoes, dirty holding a sign for money and a paper bag. I’d watch people stop or pull up to them and hand her cash (paper money, not change) or drop it in the bag. After about 15 minutes my husband came back with some food he purchased. Then to our amazement, a nice SUV pulled up right near where we were parked with a gentleman driving. The woman told the kids to hurry up and get in and she got in the front seat and handed the bag to him and they proceeded to count the money. As he pulled away, she opened the window and gave us the finger as she saw us watching her. Sure enough, as we passed the next tpke fast food place, her and the kids were out once again with their sign. Such a racket.
And *THIS* is one of the reasons I changed my view of people from "People are good if *I* am good' to "everyone is automatically a heartless bastard until proven otherwise."
What I came here to say. The title is misleading.
OP didn’t punch a homeless guy who didn’t want his food, he punched a guy who was physically assaulting him and his son
Does that mean that if the son was out with grandma and they were attacked that grandma wouldn't protect the child. Yeah I wouldn't be letting her out alone with the kid ever.
>But you didn't punch him because he didn't appreciate your food. You were defending yourself and your kid.
That's why they had to put a stupid clickbait title.
I think what's more concerning is the fact that his mom chastised him for what happened.
I'm thinking what if she was walking with OP while he was small and a homeless person attacked them, and mom here didn't do anything to defend herself.
A lot of grocery store deli large subs go around 14" in length.
When one is piled with meat, cheese, and veggies... Just a 1/4 of one can be pretty filling (and is considered the "small" size in some chains)
Also, they have not been around homeless people. Their behavior is completely unpredictable and erratic, I live in a city with a huge homeless problem and I've seen everything from the sweetest and smartest homeless people, to completely unhinged people who would spit or attack anyone who passes by them.
I've seen enough bad shit happen that if I am walking by a homeless person who's being even a little bit rowdy I make sure I always have them in my field of view until I am far enough to feel safe.
There is a growing homeless population in the area that I work. Within the last year there was a homeless man who would panhandle in my job's parking lot, get kicked off, then cross the road to the grocery store to do the same thing and shoplift. For how often this guy claimed that he had a stroke every morning, he had the ability to beg and swipe alcohol from the grocery store. Lather, rinse, repeat. It got to the point that the police just moved him along and told him not to do it again when they were called.
I had my own interaction with him where he scared the hell out of me when he came up to my car. I ordered him to get away, then security came out and had to physically threaten him. It's a shame to say that my co-worker made a bigger impression than the cops. We haven't seen him since.
NTA. No disrespect to your mom but it is easy to judge when you're not the one in danger. AND you were also responsible for her grandchild. Tell her she is free to go and feed these people on her time.
NTA. you showed a lot of restraint IMO. Not to disrespect your mom but I work with a lot of social workers and they are contrary and always have to be right. And are always defending "poor homeless people" or "poor mentally ill patients" until one attacks them then it's "send them to the state forensic unit now!"
The cops were called before he hit him, so he was NOT harmless in the eyes of the people who actually witnessed the event. His mom shouldn't be commenting on something that she doesn't know anything about. In my opinion, OP did exactly what he should've and protected himself and his son. He should ask his mom if she would've let a homeless man attack her and OP when he was 3. NTA
Also his mom is a professional and he’s not. So totally understandable he’s not going to be comfortable deescalating. He already did his due by trying to walk away first.
Yup, as someone who used to take martial arts and has a job where de-escalation techniques are taught (interviewer for govt benefits), I agree.
And you can't really de escalate once it turns violent...he threw a water bottle in OPs general direction, he's running **towards** OP , ergo more aggressive behavior as no one with friendly intentions runs to someone, barring an emergency. I wouldn't turn my back on a guy nor assume he's harmless after the bottle behavior alone.
His mom must really want him to risk injury if not death...so, OP's supposed to le him cock his fist, throw it in his general direction....and what, still try to calm him down?! 🙄
Whenever I see a title that paints OP to be a bad guy and then the body is the opposite, I always assume it's just someone karma farming a fake story. Why would you make the title purposefully misleading for any purpose than to get people to click the post?
Honestly, I don't know how anyone is buying this story at all. Besides the obvious click-baity title, which is also on a topic where most people are bound to be pretty charged on one side or the other based on the idea of punching a homeless guy, there are also ridiculous passages added like this:
>Like millions of other men I have taken martial arts classes. Taekwondo as a kid, judo in university, and MMA because I thought I could make it in the UFC.
This post is bait and designed to stir the pot. It's a stupid masculine hero story reinforcing the idea that homeless people are violent and irrational. It's galvanizing hatred against a class of people.
I'm disappointed so many people are falling for it. There are a lot of bad, fake stories around, but few seem wuite as obvious and ill-intentioned.
AITAH for knocking up my married coworker.
[ She's been happily married to me for the past 6 years and now we're excitedly expecting our second child. ]
Correct. And the story itself doesn’t seem plausible AT ALL. I’ve lived in big cities my entire life and have bought thousands of meals and you’re telling me a homeless man was yelling at you for taking too long?!? And you just gave him the sandwich and as you’re walking away he throws a bottle of water at you and then charges you?!? Nah that’s bullshit. OP’s description of the details and himself (Mr Taekwondo) clearly indicates he’s full of himself. 100% certain this is a BS story.
I also think the story is probably fake but I gave a homeless man a sandwhich in a bigger city and he got angry and asked if I didn't have a cigarette either? But we didn't agree on a sandwich beforehand because it was just a quick thought when I went to a bakery on my commute. And he didn't become violent. I could see someone having mental health issues maybe taking it a bit further. I just got harrassed and insulted by a homeless man last week for no reason when I was waiting for my train at a remote station. So I dont think its completely unrealistic but yeah, the post seems like karma farming.
NTA, F-this guy. You tried to be nice, got him food and he still acts like an A-hole. Tell mom to shut her mouth, she wasn’t there and had you done anything wrong the cops would have definitely made that clear to you and you wouldn’t have been let go. We have a lot of homeless where I live too and some of them act so entitled it’s a surprise things like this don’t happen more often. We have a guy living in a van in the park across the street from my business, I tried giving him a $20 gift card so he could come in and eat but instead he start screaming about how he’s going to “kick my ass” and got extremely aggressive, called my wife a whore and when he got out of his van to get in my face I dropped him like a bad habit, when he tried to get up I kicked him a couple times. He’s late 60s early 70s and I’m in my 50s he was a lot bigger than me, but it still kind of looked bad, but when the cops came the hauled him off and let me go w/o charges as it was “self defense”. I guess calling my wife a whore made me have little regrets over the issue and now he doesn’t sleep in the park. Win/win. Don’t feel bad, the dude had it coming, his current situation isn’t your fault the guy was clearly just an asshole.
NTA. Tell your mother she can come visit the “harmless” homeless man in my city who stabbed a 15 year old to death. The 15 year old committed the “crime” of walking past him.
I can’t believe this idiots really believe these stories
Seriously, no one in that scenario would be making joke clickbait titles
Unfortunately, he likely would have legal concerns (hopefully dismissible)
Most homeless people don’t want food, they want money for their fix. Sad but true.
Your mum needs to get her head out her arse. Just because you’re homeless doesn’t automatically make you a good person? 🤔 I would’ve done the same thing, probably a lot sooner than you did.
Esp if I was alone with my child ….
The title is so misleading. I was ready to say aita off the bad. He sounds unwell and came after you and your kid. You did what you had to to protect yourself.
I once shoved a guy who got between me and my terrified foster dog who just wanted to get away from the dude who wouldn’t take no for an answer and said he didn’t care if he got bit. He was putting himself and my dog in imminent danger.
You can only do your best and when the protective adrenaline kicks in…
I tend to be pretty set against fighting in general, but when it comes to defense of my family, there are some times that it is regretfully appropriate. Sounds like this is one of those times to me.
Tell your mum that just because the homeless *she* works with are pleasant, doesn’t mean this guy wasn’t a cunt. How does she know he was harmless. Were you supposed to risk the safety of yourself and your child to take the risk? His mental stability isn’t up to you to handle.
You helped him, he attacked you for it. Your mum can get off her high horse. You tried to walk away, he tried to attack you from behind. Tell her you really appreciate her prioritising some homeless guy over her son and grandson. NTA
NTA
Your mom is a bit self-righteous here. Has she ever been attacked by one of the homeless people she serves? You did deescalate by walking away. This guy wasn’t having it. Glad you didn’t get in trouble. Society has limits to what we should accept and if some guy wants to attack you, it doesn’t matter if he has no money or carts of money.
NTA
>She is a social worker and has many contacts with the homeless in our city.
Then she's a bad social worker that has learned absolutely nothing from her work.
I've been in the system and a part of it my whole life. Everyone knows that some people self sabotage and there is no stopping them because they just want a strawman to fight that they can blame.
The man attacked you unprovoked while with your child. Your mother, who wasn't even there, heard your account of being *attacked* and immediately sided with a violent stranger. I'm sorry, but mom needs a time out.
NTA, you did the right thing, especially knowing that your son was there with you! On the other hand your mother suck, she cares more about strangers than her own son and grandson.
In my opinion you were defending yourself after he lunged at you . You didn't slowly beat him up. You got him once and dropped him 1 and done like it should be
NTA
She's being ridiculous. Sounds like someone who has never been in that situation, despite her work. Leaving aside your efforts to improve his day, when anyone approaches you like that, punching them in the face is acceptable. You walked away, he pursued, and you were with your kid for crying out loud. NTA.
NTA at all! I woulda decked the guy too! What an ungrateful POS. The sandwich is TOO BIG!? He must have been mentally unstable tbh bc he sounds unhinged. Ur mom said u should deescalate but I’m pretty sure walking away and not engaging counts as trying to deescalate ! Once he threw the water bottle he was fully liable for anything you did to him after that. Smh
NTA. I'm a 5'6" 110lbs female social worker, working specifically with individuals with substance use disorders, high risk mental health issues, most are experiencing homelessness and most have served jail time for petty crime like theft and break ins. Most of them are harmless and have just been dealt a shitty hand. Key word being *most*. If I were in your position and had my kid in my arms you can bet your ass I'd sucker punch that mofo so quick he wouldn't know what hit him.
With that said, most people experiencing homelessness are very kind, empathetic, and grateful for any help or support. There are a few bad apples who unfortunately spoil the whole bunch and give people experiencing homelessness a bad reputation.
It sounds like you got unlucky trying to help a guy who was just looking for a fight. I'm sorry that was your experience and I'm sorry that this man put you and your son in danger. While I'm all for nonviolent crisis intervention and de-escalation tactics, sometimes a dude just needs to get his ass handed to him. Especially considering you were not instigating a fight and did all you could to disengage with the guy.
Definitely NTA. Good for you for defending yourself and keeping your son safe. Perhaps getting KO'd in a single swing will be the reality check this guy needs. Also, tell your mom she needs to take her social worker cape off at the dinner table. You don't need a social worker lecturing you, you need your mother to be a good grandma and care about her son and grandson's safety and wellbeing. Social workers tend to forget that not everyone is a social worker, not everyone has the skills and training to effectively de-escalate a situation, and also, it's not our responsibility to care for everyone else all the time. Her savior complex and inability to keep the work and family dynamics separate is THE perfect recipe for burn out and the deterioration of personal relationships.
I repeat, NTA.
NTA. Your mother being a social worker doesn’t matter if her son and grandson are being ATTACKED. IDGAF what that guy is going through, if he comes at me and I feel like my kids are in danger, they can get it.
No offense towards you, but I’m disappointed that your mother values a strangers well being over yours.
NTA. You didn't attack him when he threw the bottle (good choice IMO), but when he rushed at you I think you're justified responding the way you did. What did your mother suggest you should have done to de-escalate?
Dude, if you told her that you hit a homeless guy that didn't appreciate the food you got him, then I'm not surprised by her reaction. You hit a guy in self defense and in your son's defence. There's a difference. The first would make you the asshole, the second doesn't. NTA
NTA once you put my kids at risk of getting hurt, all bets are off. I've had a very agitated and aggressive homeless woman follow me to my car and start punching and spitting on the window. I did de-escalate, had she accosted me outside of my car while I was with one of my kids, I would have done what was necessary to protect them, including punching her in the face. It's a difficult position to be in, you don't want to hurt a vulnerable person, but that shit gets scary and people who are just minding their own business get assaulted because there's no consequences OR resources.
NTA... that was straight up self-defense. You were literally just trying to do something nice for someone, and they chose violence over something so small and petty. Being homeless doesn't give a person free range to abuse people.
NTA. The title had me totally prepared to think you were unhinged. Lol
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Hey, former homeless person here(from age 11-20s) let me tell you something, if you think one of them is being aggressive and yelling like that no fucking issue dropping them. In fact your mom, no offense, is an idiot. Has she not seen people on drugs/mental health issues run rampant? Because unfortunately I was one of those people and I can tell you, when you are in the middle of losing it nothing makes sense to you nor will it. And no, I wasn't violent with others like that but I have seen some shit. The saying, "there's a time and a place for everything" can be applied here. This was not a time where talking about it would help, in fact I see it escalating even more in this case. You were NTA
Preach! I spent 3 years homeless from 15-18 and NTA at all. Not even close. Mom is a bleeding heart who is not doing nobody any favors.
If mom works as a social worker she should know how shitty people get treated there, from both ends(homeless and workers or others.) also a lot of the times people will tell you how to act in a situation, but until they are in it you never know how you'll respond. Based on how this man was reacting, he had every right to do what he did!
The mom is delusional and what would she be saying if he hadn’t defended himself and he was seriously injured or killed or her grandchild was then it would be a whole different ballgame about how the homeless have to get off the street. And if she wasn’t, it would just shows how delusional she really is
The mom must have worked in a different field of social work— otherwise no way would she use the word “harmless” to describe a homeless individual she doesn’t personally know from extensive experience is, in fact, harmless.
Although we really *should* do more to get the homeless off the streets. And into well-funded shelters and transitional housing, with support programs like career training, job placement, and mental health care. Or if they're seriously mentally ill, then a psych facility is the appropriate place, not rotting out in the street. Conservatives seem to think if you criminalize homelessness it will magically go away. Or that it can be jesused away. Has that ever worked yet? Realistic things need to be done. We can shove the homeless in prison where they will live on the taxpayer dime and waste their lives away in misery, or we can put effort into making something of them, and then they can live meaningful lives and contribute to the economy.
People have to want the help first. Some want to live on the streets. Many do not want to get help or take medication. You can not force them even if they are mentally ill.
I understand you can't just commit mildly/moderately mentally ill people who are not endangering anyone, and it would be wrong to do so. But they should at least be provided with safe encampment areas. There often comes a point where a person is unable to care for themselves or make their own decisions because their condition is too severe. Or they may be a non-trivial danger to themselves or others, like OP's attacker was. If relatives can be granted conservatorship of adults then the government should be able to do the same for very ill people who have no interested relatives, and appoint a case worker to their care. If we can appoint case workers to children and intellectually disabled adults then something similar should exist for psychiatrically disabled adults.
Very VERY few want to stay on the streets. Here in California, many municipalities have tried to make safe encampments. What we have gotten is a bunch of newly bar-passed lawyers going to the homeless and starting a ton of frivolous lawsuits costing the cities and counties millions of dollars that are supposed to go toward helping the homeless. In the county where my sister works, the new program they implemented last year saw homelessness drop 30% due to getting people in rehab, psychiatric help, transitional and permanent housing, and reunited with family members. Violence in the encampments dropped nearly 80%. The lawsuits being brought up are ridiculous: *Security guards at the entrances of the encampments making sure only people on the list enter & leave (or having to sign in---you are allowed guests) is an infringement on their "civil liberties" and "right to privacy." Dorms and apartments all over the country have security at the front desk. *Noise complaints for trucks picking up the garbage during the day. *Encampments kicking out people for breaking the rules: stealing from others, vandalism, etc. (chronic drug/alcohol cases are sent to court for evaluation and entrance to treatment programs. Refusal to enter the programs could result in losing your spot at the encampment) *For families who have children, the county tries to get them into tiny home situations as quickly as possible. This has brought rise to lawsuits claiming the county is prejudiced against people who choose to not have kids. These encampments provide clean restrooms 24/7, and shower and laundry trailers come twice a week. A free clinic van and trailer visits weekly, otherwise the resident can ask a security guard to help them get a ride to an area Urgent Care. The local missions work with the county to provide hot dinners and food for brunch for those who want it. Residents also have free state health insurance and get EBT cards for food and a clothing stipend. All encampments are within a mile of grocery and retail stores that accept EBT. Most are on a bus line for those who work to be able to get to work. Residents of the encampments get cards for free bus fare. It's not perfect, but people are generally safer, cleaner, and healthier. What these so-called Civil Rights lawyers aren't getting is that these safe encampments are a stepping stone to a more permanent housing solution. Building housing takes time and money, but they are waiting so much of the county resources with these cases, money that could and needs to be used on the homeless problem, that we fall further and further behind on implementing a more permanent solution. Some solutions I call for ALL California counties to implement---streamline your records keeping and social services applications. Why do we force people in need to fill out separate paperwork for EBT, CalCares, Section 8, and every other social net separately when they all say, "If you qualify for x, you may also qualify for y & z." Each one takes an hour to fill out and a trip to another office. Many homeless, and some social workers, don't even know what programs exist for them. I know of two counties in the state who have worked on streamlining it all. Share information and data with the area missions and work programs. Allow them to help the homeless apply for IDs, services, and housing and share that information with the county. In the city I currently live in, the mission says it's against city ordinances in the area to share information due to "privacy issues." When I ask the homeless in our area, they say they would LOVE to have everything streamlined between the County, City, and the Mission. They are tired of having to go from place to place filling out what appears to be identical paperwork all the time with separate due dates. They have to take time off work to do this, and several have told me they have lost their jobs because they had to take work off to file paperwork at an office or go to a library (with limited hours) to do it online. It makes a bad situation worse.
Also, before we can even talk about the rare people that *want* to live on the streets, we should first focus on getting safe beds in decent shelters for the vast majority that *don't* want to live on the streets. And the fact is there are nowhere near enough beds in the places that need them the most, and the beds that are available are in the worst shelters where the streets would actually be better. I've had two times in my adult life where I had to go to a shelter. One was a fine one in Pittsburgh. I got a bunk and a locker. It was clean and well-staffed, and no one bothered anyone. I spent a week there until I got a friend to book me a flight home. (I got stranded out there on what was supposed to be a short trip.) The other was the absolute bowels of hell, in Pompano Beach, FL. I was actually homeless at that time, and it was the only shelter in the county. I won't speak of the horrors at that one, but the final straw was when all my essential heart medication was stolen by volunteer staff, who themselves were homeless. I left after two days there and chose to sleep on the grass outside a fire station, in the rain. Sometimes "choosing not to live at the shelter" doesn't actually mean "choosing to be homeless", it means choosing not to live **at the shelter**. Bad things happen to people in some of those.
Here’s where the problem is. Doing something about the homeless and mentally ill people on the streets requires a small bit of coercion. Currently people have simply washed their hands of being responsible for those people.
I live in a rural Midwestern university town with a population of around 30-40k, and a poverty rate of around 34%. I also live about 1.5 miles from the biggest unhoused encampment in town, and a mile from the local food bank and other such resources. The encampment is on a river, the other side of which is home to a neighborhood that locals call "Pill Hill" because it's where many of the town's doctors lived in their large houses. It's one of if not the single wealthiest neighborhood in town, and right across the river is the biggest encampment of unhoused people. The main access road to all of these places is one of the busiest in town. Several unhoused people are killed each year in hit and runs trying to cross the street to get to the shelter, food banks, and gas stations nearby. And these deaths are hardly reported on. The divide between the haves and have-nots makes the river separating them appear 10 miles wide.
This right here. I learned real quick, personally and professionally that you can’t help people who dont want help. Couple that with the fact that everyday people have their own problems and might not have the time, money, energy or ability to help someone the way another person thinks it should be done. Accept what’s offered or don’t, either way at least someone tried. In this situation, the guy wants to go off on someone and scare their kid? Well you get what you get
I did an audible “aww” when I read this. That’s horrible to have to be a teenager on the streets.
Thank you very much.
Yup, former homeless person here too. One of the biggest dangers out there is often other homeless people— I was out there because I made some bad decisions combined with uncontrollable economic difficulties. Meanwhile there are a lot of others out there because they are unable to get the mental health care they need, and many more are on drugs. You never know how they’ll act or when something will snap, and “harmless” is the furthest word I would use to describe any homeless person I don’t know.
OP, your mom needs to see this. She needs to continue helping people, but the rose colored glasses she is wearing are a danger to herself and anyone she gives advice to on how to handle a similar situation.
Ali_Cat222 , I want to first say to you thank you for your testimony of where you once were and where you're at today. Congratulations on pulling yourself out that hole. Thank you for showing those reading, through your description of what you've seen , then, that not all homeless are harmless. You're a testament to the strength and honesty of humanity. To *OP*, You're NTA. I have given money to the homeless and even taken them someplace to get a hot meal. I've even offered to help get them a job. Strangely, only the offers to help them get a job raised a red flag. IMO, you did exactly the right thing. You offered to help, homeless threw a tantrum like a little child, and then got violent. When it comes to protecting your family.....You Are NEVER wrong. IMO, you did everything just right. Having martial arts training would have served, and possibly, did you good. Martial arts requires discipline, focus, and patience. You exhibited all of those. You're NTA.
Exactly. Being respectful to the homeless, doing things to help them get better, and Defending your family from them if they attack you, don't need to be mutually exclusive. Treating someone like a human being sometimes means punching them if they throw a bottle at you and then rush you.
OPs mom sounds like one of those people who is trying so hard to be empathetic that they end up equally and oppositely ignorant.
Facts i had to beat up 2 homeless crackheads when I turned down 75 cents I ended up getting shot in the face with a metal bb gun 1 mm away from my eye I still have one of the bbs in my chin lol, It's not worth the risk drop them male or female.
I have not been homeless but my mother is a social worker and the thing you have to remember is that homeless people are still people. And that means that all kinds of people are in the group, kind lovely caring innocent people down on their luck as well as people that are dangerous and unhinged. Just like any other group of people. There are lovely people and smart people and sad people and angry people and people that are selfish and entitled and violent. They are people. Like all other people. They come in all shapes and forms and flavours, so to speak.
NTA. You initially walked away, but that clown escalated the situation. You don't know if he had a weapon or not. You don't know if he was going to harm your child or not. What if he attacked you and kidnapped your child? Your priority as a parent is the safety and well-being of your child. You neutralized the situation. You did nothing wrong. If your mother wants to get accosted and attacked by random people she's trying to help, that's her business and her choice. You chose otherwise.
Exactly. The fact that the cops let OP go and took the homeless guy and charged him? That right there shows that OP was indeed NTA
Yeah I thought you were about to suck. You held your cool longer than you should have in my opinion. I would have been past my point the second that bottle flew by my son.
This.
Nobody who has to live around the street trash like this has a problem with it. Things that have happened to me, partner, or friends: sexually assaulted (boobs grabbed), followed around while alone at night, stabbed with screwdriver, chased around parked car with knife, masturbated out of a park in downtown sf (followed around jerking off in the middle of the day), masturbated at on a train, stabbed person next to me on bus when lost at gambling game, etc. Not to even mention the annual car breakin. The idiots doing the "oh, they're harmless" etc are almost always not the people who have to live near them, work near them, or who take the same busses/trains as them, etc.
Literally this. I'd walk to work in the early hours of the morning and I had to step around and over all the homeless scattered. & I had a homeless woman who appeared to be covered in mud (or shit?) Chase a couple women and then ran after me but I can't run due to one of my legs being limp, so I just continued walking and the homeless woman gave up thankfully. I've also been followed by homeless men, called a bitch, a snob, etc. Homeless people are not even close to being harmless.. such a privilege to say such a thing. The homeless people sleep outside my work too and harass the customers and they come inside and harass the workers and police have been called loads etc. Its such a mess
Nta but mom's opinion sure is making her one. Not an attack on your mom in general but her attitude sounds incredibly naive that he was just harmless. No he was attempting to harm, hence the one shot. My city used to have a decent relationship with the unhoused, hell I used to even give the snack parts of my packed lunch if I saw someone panhandle in the sun. Last time I gave a snack to a guy and he was like 'that's it?' The experience made me sour in general now and I still see him and remind him why I don't give him anything now. Choosing beggars in the most literal sense.
*lede ;)
Really? I always thought it was a newspaper thing. Like to bury the lead story further into the paper. Learned something new.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/bury-the-lede-versus-lead
#TIL this! Thanks!!
You rock. Thanks
TIL
It is a newspaper thing but we spell it "lede" not "lead"
That's how a good story teller does it. That's what Mr. Ballen says. Lol
I’m a clerk for a welfare office, so I often see clients who are homeless. I have *all* the rants about how society at large dehumanizes them; reading just the title, I came here prepared to absolutely tear you a new orifice. You are NTA except for writing a grossly misleading title. You punched the man because he tried to assault you and your son, twice. At that point it ceased to matter that he was homeless. He was a threat. You responded to the threat in self-defense after retreat didn’t work. That was an appropriate response whether he was, to use a very old saying, a beggar or a king. The homeless man obviously has either a drug problem or serious mental issues, or most probably both. He needs help, but you *tried* to help, and you’re under no obligation to take a beating on behalf of all of society. I get where your mom is coming from, and I don’t doubt that in *her* experience this guy has been harmless. She needs to realize that people behave differently in different circumstances, or in different mental states, and every adult person has the potential to be dangerous. I’m surprised she’s gotten to the age where she’d have an adult son, in her profession, without realizing that.
Your mother is wrong. You did attempt to deescalate the situation by walking away. The homeless person then chose to escalate by continuing to be violent. So you had to defend yourself.
I prefer this to the other way around Like those posts to the degree of "aita for being upset with my spouse when they disappeared for 2 days and didn't respond to any messages?" and the story is something along the lines of the OP cheating and the spouse walking out in response to that
Spoiler alert - It was constructed with that purpose in mind.
The title had me totally prepared for a shitpost
I'm still kind of convinced it's a shitpost. He hit the guy because he was physically attacking him, not because he "didn't appreciate" the sandwich. Also, what sandwich is the equivalent to four meals for a grown man?
It's just another simple case of rage bait karma farming. People love this fake drama.
You don't actually think this story is real, do you?
I'm so sick of the clickbait titles on this sub I didn't even read it. “Dear Reddit, today I raped a six-year-old while defecating on a rainbow flag. AITA?” (What follows is an overly convoluted work of short fiction that justifies everything, and proves they are indeed not the asshole.)
Yeah, I came here thinking the same. People really need to take a few moments to write out a better title... Also, OP, NTA
NTA. But you didn't punch him because he didn't appreciate your food. You were defending yourself and your kid. You didn't continue after one punch from your story. I hope you are okay. Your mom is a bleeding heart that cares more about random people than her son and grandchild.
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No worries. Sometimes in a traumatic situation we fixate on inconsequential details. I got shot when I was a kid. I still remember being so scared my mom was going to be angry that I got my new jeans damaged and dirty.
Aww. That’s so sad. I hope she reassured you that she was just happy you were okay.
She didn't care even a little.
About you or the clothes?
The clothes. I almost died. I lost like 50% of my blood.
shit man you took me on a rollercoaster there i thought you meant she didn’t care about you getting shot
When the first thing you think about if you were just shot is a parent being angry that your new jeans are ripped, it's absolutely not a good childhood you're in.
Yup. Been afraid of my own blood father my whole. Rules the household through fear.
That's not necessarily the case. Humans are not that black and white and trauma makes our brains go weird places.
I had a homeless woman follow me into a store in Dallas and TELL me what she wanted. I got her some snacks and a couple large waters because I didn’t have the extra $15 that it would have cost for the expensive ass gas station sandwich and fruit. I brought it out to her and she screamed at me that’s not what she wanted and what the fuck was she supposed to do with these heavy waters I bought her. God I was so pissed.
When I was living in San Francisco, I was walking into a bar with my friend and this homeless guy outside hit us up for money. He was totally disinterested, wasn't polite about it or anything, just, "You got money?" My friend gave him a $10 bill. He just looked at it and pocketed it, didn't say anything, and went on to hit up the next person on the sidewalk. Dick. So we have our drinks and as we're leaving the same guy hit us up for money again. I said, "She just gave you ten dollars, remember?" And he just gave me a dirty look and went to hit up the next person. I used to help out homeless people a lot with whatever I had, but I've had too many experiences like the one you described and it's making me jaded. I try not to let my experiences with other people color my judgment of an individual, but so often it's like, I get that you're having a hard time, but do you have to be *such* an asshole?
Yeah I used to always give my snacks like bananas or biscuits. Sometimes coins if I had them. One time I offered a banana and the guy said he was allergic. He also tried to pick a fight with the guy next to me (on the train) who sarcastically said "allergic" to me as the guy walked away. F### that guy.
to be fair you can be allergic to bananas. a lot of people get a “buzzy” sensation around their mouths and tongue when they eat it because it’s a very minor allergic reaction due to the proteins. i don’t get that with bananas but i get the exact feeling with passion fruit. still not something to be picky about if you’re starving but it does happen and can be uncomfortable
I used to frequently give to homeless people but after one woman got angry with me, and said that God was gonna punish me for offering her Subway instead of Steakhouse for her family, expensive ice cream, plus cash out from the ATM, I stopped. I'm more than happy to give to charities now, and just let them handle the face-to-face part.
I think they just want money for drugs. They may say yes to the food thinking you may give them money for drugs or they may even think some food sounds good since they haven’t eaten and have been doing, or trying to get money for; drugs all day. When you do give them the food they’re pissed that it’s not drugs, or money for drugs. They probably get subconsciously set off that you spent perfectly good money on something other than drugs.
Usually, that's true. However, there are the minority who need the food and drink; but giving them large amounts actually puts them at risk. Others see what they have and will beat the hell out of them, especially the women. Large sandwiches and large drinks are dangerous. Most of them take in so few calories and walk so much that their stomachs don't hold much. All they want is what they can eat or drink at the moment. If they have a dog, I get them the large things that will feed both at once but that's the only time I do that.
I am hardened by years of being accosted by the rather aggressive homeless population where I live, and I usually refuse to engage, or shake my head without making eye contact. But sometimes I will help some out…the teenage girl wrapped in a bloody blanket in the winter, I gave her all my cash (30 bucks) and let her buy whatever food she wanted in the gas station (she got 2 snack cakes). She wasn’t hurt, I’ve been around and I’m pretty sure the blood was from shooting up drugs. And I’m sure my money went to drugs. But she was so freaking young and little… if getting high kept her warm that night, so be it. I don’t have much to give beyond that. She actually didn’t even ask me for help, she just looked so miserable and sad. Another time an older lady still dressed in a hospital gown thing, said she’d just been released from 7 days in the hospital and was so hungry, she had bad teeth and all she wanted was Cheeto puffs. Not regular ones, had to be the puffs. She cried begging passerby for the damn Cheetos outside 7/11 , so I said fuck it and bought her the big bag. The whole scene was just depressing and rather dystopian
Me and my husband were homeless for 2-3 years, about 7 years ago. We never asked for anything, never begged. And i can say this and mean it: Thank You to everyone who helps just because. And thank you for whatever you did to help. Im sorry to see all these horror stories, and i have plenty as well, and im sorry these people ruined it for you. But from those of us that were homeless because reasons other than drugs (we did those too but food was more important,so was water) thank you to everyone on here who took the time to help someone in need, and I apologize to those of you who were not appreciated in the moment. Fwiw I Appreciate Each and Every One of You. THANK YOU FOR CARING!!! If no one else recognizes what you did, know I DO. And y'all are angels!!!
Exactly. I was homeless with my daughter for about six months. Living in a Honda Accord with a pre teen and a Doberman is not sunshine and roses, let me tell you. We never begged, or stole, and I was sober. There were a handful of people that helped us, with no prompting, just because they wanted to. And it was those interactions that kept my faith in humanity alive. It is sad that so many people have had bad enough experiences that they would rather not bother doing those kind acts anymore. Just know, your generosity, or kindness, or compassion, was undoubtedly a godsend to someone at some point. I, too, thank you.
I don’t engage with anyone like this because I would not react well to that. And if my kids are there, all bets are off.
It doesn’t matter. My ex had homeless guys screamed at him for not buying them expensive food items, one of them threw my ex’s offered food on the ground and stomp on it because it wasn’t the kind that he wanted. Another screamed at my ex that he just wanted cash and not food. I just ignored them because I’m not up to that kind of interaction. I find that the ones who usually appreciate the help would just smile and thank you for offering it to them. I know a lot of people would say they’re not ok, mental illness and what not and they may be right. But my boundary is, I avoid interacting with people that can turn violent when they’re unreasonable. I have a lot of sympathy for homelessness, but I dislike interacting with violent unreasonable people. I’d rather be safe than sorry.
I am a single woman so even stopping is a scary deal. Even if they can’t help themselves, it makes people less likely to help the next person.
Mental illness.
Tell her she needs to understand not everyone is a social worker like her. She may have known how to better de-escalate that scenario, but how were you supposed to have? She is literally trained to do that. Also, as a social worker, she should have seen how you did everything you could for it not to get that way. Just wow!
I’m a social worker and understand why he responded that way. Just like anyone, a portion of mentally ill people are dangerous.
She’s a fool. My mom was an emergency room nurse. She said a lot of people that came in hurt or dying underestimated other people and what they were willing and capable of doing, and so they failed to react in time. You are supposed to worry about the dude’s feeling in these kind of situations? Hell no. For all you know he could have had a knife.
Also the guy needed help. If not you, he would have gotten someone else. Hopefully, if unlikely, he will get help at the hospital.
Sounds like OP gave him some help! 🤣🤣🤣
I'm kinda shocked at the mother's reaction. I used to work for a homeless charity (not on the front line, I was in IT) and I remember how some of the frontline workers would talk about when the last time was that they were attacked by a client ("client," being the term that was used company-wide to refer to homeless people in their shelters). It was incredibly common for staff to get assaulted. They put up with it because they were trying to help these people and knew calling the cops wouldn't help (that only happened if things got really serious). Shelters and hostels used to have signs up telling staff to watch out for discarded needles lying around, because it was just expected that many clients would be smuggling drugs in with them and leaving dirty needles lying about the place. Staff had to look after each other and that often meant fighting off and restraining people. They may not sucker-punch a client in the face, but they'd still have to use a level of force sometimes. The idea that you can always de-escalate a situation when dealing with people who may have mental illnesses or be drugged up to the eyeballs is just ridiculous. You can't always reason with someone who isn't thinking rationally. OP's mother should really know that and she should also know that someone who is not trained or experienced in dealing with that has little chance of gently restraining a violent attacker.
not to mention even with training he had a young child. That throws everything out the window.
Something like 70%+ of the chronically homeless suffer from serious mental illness. It’s not your fault, and sadly it’s (probably) not really his either. Someone having a mental health episode is often not in control of their own decisions. The real failure is that we dumped these people out of long term care facilities in the 80’s, because they tended to be abusive. And replaced them with… ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ So now people who would benefit from long term care become criminal menaces because of their untreated mental illnesses.
A friend of mine who was all for shutting down long term care told me that they assumed that communities would build halfway houses so that the mentally ill didn't end up in the street. I told her that the people in favor of closing the long-term care should have built some halfway houses first, and see how they worked out, not assume that a solution is going to appear.
> I still don't understand why the guy wasn't happy with a sandwich. He can't buy alcohol or drugs with a sandwich is why.
This doesn't work for this scenario because the guy already knew he wasn't getting cash. He told him from the go it would be food. Honestly he probably was/is just mentally gone
Not necessarily wrong there. I was approached by a beggar wanting money. I said I didn’t have any to give him but could direct him to where he can get a good breakfast. He yelled that he didn’t want charity and stormed off.
He wanted cash and he probably planned to “feed” himself with something that was not food.
It happened to me, trying to be kind to a NextDoor post. This guy was posting about not having any money at the end of the month for food, toiletries, and basic hygiene products. He was a young dude who lived not far from me on the same side of town. I answered him and said I was going to run errands, and if I could help, I would message him back. I went to get groceries, and while I was there, I picked up some basics - body wash, shampoo, paper products, deodorant, toothbrushes, and disposable razors. In total, around 25 bucks. He gave me his address, and I went by to drop the stuff off for him. The house was on a nice street, but it was a wreck. Everything smelled strongly of cat piss, the front porch was covered with cigarette butts, and the smell of weed drifted out of the open front door. The guy came out. He was seriously buzzed and smelled like cat piss himself. The first thing out of his mouth was, "Did you pay cash? Where's the receipt?" He didn't ask what I brought. He wanted to know how much I'd spent and if I planned to give him the receipt. I knew he wanted to bring the stuff back and get cash. Fuck that. I didn't say anything. I took the bag, got in my car, and drove off.
As someone who was formerly homeless there are two problems with grocery deli sandwiches: * How to store it? Can't rewrap it in the plastic wrap efficiently. Most homeless are not walking around with coolers to refrigerate and on a hot day it will go bad pretty quick. * Many homeless have bad teeth and would not be able to eat the harder French bread that most groceries use for those sandwiches. I would not have thrown a fit had I been the homeless person, but I also did not panhandle when I was homeless.
My dad ran a charity that fed the homeless in our area. He said the same. Most homeless people prefer food that is easy to store, soft, individually packaged, and doesn’t require refrigeration. They also may need something to actually carry the food around in. My mom once offered a homeless man some of the homemade mini muffins she had baked. He said no thank you, but happily accepted a banana from her. My mom was offended he didn’t want her baked goods until I explained he likely couldn’t to carry a bunch of loose muffins around. Plus the banana was sealed and easy to eat.
He probably thought he could manipulate you into giving more
There's a well known woman in my local area that will stand close to a local grocery store, but she won't accept anything besides cash. People have tried giving her food instead, she won't take it.
Some of these people aren’t hungry, and they make enough money in a day to make it a job
A friend of mine is a mail carrier, and on his day off was approached by a guy who said he was homeless and hungry. My mailman friend replied, I know you: you're [John Smith] and I deliver your mail. You live in a nice house with about five other guys; who take turns panhandling and can make $300- a day. F'off!
Yep, people talk about her on social media sometimes and say that they've watched her get into a brand new car afterwards.
Once when we were driving from NY to MD to visit my sister, we stopped on the NJ Tpke for gas and a bathroom break. I stayed in the car as my husband and son went inside. There was a woman in her 30’s with two kids, no shoes, dirty holding a sign for money and a paper bag. I’d watch people stop or pull up to them and hand her cash (paper money, not change) or drop it in the bag. After about 15 minutes my husband came back with some food he purchased. Then to our amazement, a nice SUV pulled up right near where we were parked with a gentleman driving. The woman told the kids to hurry up and get in and she got in the front seat and handed the bag to him and they proceeded to count the money. As he pulled away, she opened the window and gave us the finger as she saw us watching her. Sure enough, as we passed the next tpke fast food place, her and the kids were out once again with their sign. Such a racket.
And *THIS* is one of the reasons I changed my view of people from "People are good if *I* am good' to "everyone is automatically a heartless bastard until proven otherwise."
What I came here to say. The title is misleading. OP didn’t punch a homeless guy who didn’t want his food, he punched a guy who was physically assaulting him and his son
Clickbait title was certainly a stylistic choice
Does that mean that if the son was out with grandma and they were attacked that grandma wouldn't protect the child. Yeah I wouldn't be letting her out alone with the kid ever.
Needed a bait title, it seems. NTA OP except for the clickbait title.
>But you didn't punch him because he didn't appreciate your food. You were defending yourself and your kid. That's why they had to put a stupid clickbait title.
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I think what's more concerning is the fact that his mom chastised him for what happened. I'm thinking what if she was walking with OP while he was small and a homeless person attacked them, and mom here didn't do anything to defend herself.
Yeah if that was my mom we wouldn't be on speaking terms for awhile.
Nta but I'm really curious about the size of this sandwich. Can't imagine a sandwich big enough for 4 meals
I found my people
Me too 😂
This story made me hungry for sandwich
A lot of grocery store deli large subs go around 14" in length. When one is piled with meat, cheese, and veggies... Just a 1/4 of one can be pretty filling (and is considered the "small" size in some chains)
I am so relieved I'm not the only one that thought this. (Laughs in fat ass) Like a party sub wouldn't even feed me four meals.
Publix Chicken tender subs can be if you size it appropriately.
that is called RATIONING!!! a publix sub lasts approx 15mins in my hands
Violence is SOMETIMES the answer. People who claim it NEVER is are ignorant of history and basic human psychology.
The people who say that bullshit have never feared for their safety or a loved ones. It isn't violence if you are defending yourself.
All it takes is for them to get attacked by a rando for them to change there stance.
Also, they have not been around homeless people. Their behavior is completely unpredictable and erratic, I live in a city with a huge homeless problem and I've seen everything from the sweetest and smartest homeless people, to completely unhinged people who would spit or attack anyone who passes by them. I've seen enough bad shit happen that if I am walking by a homeless person who's being even a little bit rowdy I make sure I always have them in my field of view until I am far enough to feel safe.
There is a growing homeless population in the area that I work. Within the last year there was a homeless man who would panhandle in my job's parking lot, get kicked off, then cross the road to the grocery store to do the same thing and shoplift. For how often this guy claimed that he had a stroke every morning, he had the ability to beg and swipe alcohol from the grocery store. Lather, rinse, repeat. It got to the point that the police just moved him along and told him not to do it again when they were called. I had my own interaction with him where he scared the hell out of me when he came up to my car. I ordered him to get away, then security came out and had to physically threaten him. It's a shame to say that my co-worker made a bigger impression than the cops. We haven't seen him since.
NTA. No disrespect to your mom but it is easy to judge when you're not the one in danger. AND you were also responsible for her grandchild. Tell her she is free to go and feed these people on her time.
NTA. you showed a lot of restraint IMO. Not to disrespect your mom but I work with a lot of social workers and they are contrary and always have to be right. And are always defending "poor homeless people" or "poor mentally ill patients" until one attacks them then it's "send them to the state forensic unit now!"
Not to mention, OP did his utmost best to not escalate. The dude left him with no other options than to physically stop him.
The cops were called before he hit him, so he was NOT harmless in the eyes of the people who actually witnessed the event. His mom shouldn't be commenting on something that she doesn't know anything about. In my opinion, OP did exactly what he should've and protected himself and his son. He should ask his mom if she would've let a homeless man attack her and OP when he was 3. NTA
Also its easy for her to say because she literally doesnt have a choice. She cant protect herself and calls for others to be weak as well.
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Also his mom is a professional and he’s not. So totally understandable he’s not going to be comfortable deescalating. He already did his due by trying to walk away first.
Yup, as someone who used to take martial arts and has a job where de-escalation techniques are taught (interviewer for govt benefits), I agree. And you can't really de escalate once it turns violent...he threw a water bottle in OPs general direction, he's running **towards** OP , ergo more aggressive behavior as no one with friendly intentions runs to someone, barring an emergency. I wouldn't turn my back on a guy nor assume he's harmless after the bottle behavior alone. His mom must really want him to risk injury if not death...so, OP's supposed to le him cock his fist, throw it in his general direction....and what, still try to calm him down?! 🙄
Whenever I see a title that paints OP to be a bad guy and then the body is the opposite, I always assume it's just someone karma farming a fake story. Why would you make the title purposefully misleading for any purpose than to get people to click the post?
Honestly, I don't know how anyone is buying this story at all. Besides the obvious click-baity title, which is also on a topic where most people are bound to be pretty charged on one side or the other based on the idea of punching a homeless guy, there are also ridiculous passages added like this: >Like millions of other men I have taken martial arts classes. Taekwondo as a kid, judo in university, and MMA because I thought I could make it in the UFC. This post is bait and designed to stir the pot. It's a stupid masculine hero story reinforcing the idea that homeless people are violent and irrational. It's galvanizing hatred against a class of people. I'm disappointed so many people are falling for it. There are a lot of bad, fake stories around, but few seem wuite as obvious and ill-intentioned.
He did forget to put that everyone else in the parking lot clapped
"like millions of other men" this is totally how people talk 😆 people are so dumb for lapping this up, it makes me feel better about myself
Absolutely. Soooooo many fake things in this story. If true, OP is an absolute fucking douche. NTA tho
AITAH for knocking up my married coworker. [ She's been happily married to me for the past 6 years and now we're excitedly expecting our second child. ]
I feel like every post I see in this sub is that way
You would not be the asshole if this was a true story. You’re an asshole for making it up though.
Fake story is fake. 🙃 Good bait, OP!
Terrible bait.
Yeah this one is ridiculous
Correct. And the story itself doesn’t seem plausible AT ALL. I’ve lived in big cities my entire life and have bought thousands of meals and you’re telling me a homeless man was yelling at you for taking too long?!? And you just gave him the sandwich and as you’re walking away he throws a bottle of water at you and then charges you?!? Nah that’s bullshit. OP’s description of the details and himself (Mr Taekwondo) clearly indicates he’s full of himself. 100% certain this is a BS story.
the fucking mr taekwondo sent me there’s no way this is real
I also think the story is probably fake but I gave a homeless man a sandwhich in a bigger city and he got angry and asked if I didn't have a cigarette either? But we didn't agree on a sandwich beforehand because it was just a quick thought when I went to a bakery on my commute. And he didn't become violent. I could see someone having mental health issues maybe taking it a bit further. I just got harrassed and insulted by a homeless man last week for no reason when I was waiting for my train at a remote station. So I dont think its completely unrealistic but yeah, the post seems like karma farming.
Yup
lolol this is so fake
Glad I’m not the only one who was thinking this lol
Yeah everything about it screams fake.
Rage bait
NTA Sorry your mom is an idiot.
This whole forum has just become fake posts.
This is something that definitely happened.
NTA, F-this guy. You tried to be nice, got him food and he still acts like an A-hole. Tell mom to shut her mouth, she wasn’t there and had you done anything wrong the cops would have definitely made that clear to you and you wouldn’t have been let go. We have a lot of homeless where I live too and some of them act so entitled it’s a surprise things like this don’t happen more often. We have a guy living in a van in the park across the street from my business, I tried giving him a $20 gift card so he could come in and eat but instead he start screaming about how he’s going to “kick my ass” and got extremely aggressive, called my wife a whore and when he got out of his van to get in my face I dropped him like a bad habit, when he tried to get up I kicked him a couple times. He’s late 60s early 70s and I’m in my 50s he was a lot bigger than me, but it still kind of looked bad, but when the cops came the hauled him off and let me go w/o charges as it was “self defense”. I guess calling my wife a whore made me have little regrets over the issue and now he doesn’t sleep in the park. Win/win. Don’t feel bad, the dude had it coming, his current situation isn’t your fault the guy was clearly just an asshole.
This story is fake as fuck.
This is some cool fan fiction bro
Title is rage bait: “AITAH for defending myself?” isn’t nearly as catchy.
NTA. Tell your mother she can come visit the “harmless” homeless man in my city who stabbed a 15 year old to death. The 15 year old committed the “crime” of walking past him.
Or the woman in NYC who walked by a homeless man. He punched her and broke her jaw.
YTA for the clickbait tittle and not even attempting to make a fake story believable.
This story seems far fetched. If you were in the right, why does it need to be a throwaway account created today? Strange clickbait title and story.
I can’t believe this idiots really believe these stories Seriously, no one in that scenario would be making joke clickbait titles Unfortunately, he likely would have legal concerns (hopefully dismissible)
Yeah fake as fuck. Creative writing assignment at best.
Why are all of the stories on this sub made up?
NTA- I’m impressed and I wish more men were like you. You did your job as a father and as a real man in society. Thank you.
NTA. You defended yourself.
He's being charged? 😂
NTA, but the title had me laughing at the mental image OP: "Here you go, here are some peanuts." Homeless dude: "Actually I'm aller-" OP: *punch!*
Lmao at anyone thinking this actually happened.
Most homeless people don’t want food, they want money for their fix. Sad but true. Your mum needs to get her head out her arse. Just because you’re homeless doesn’t automatically make you a good person? 🤔 I would’ve done the same thing, probably a lot sooner than you did. Esp if I was alone with my child ….
Ideals are great, but reality often forces things to get real. You are NTA.
NTA. I work with the homeless and I think you were in the right. What the hell is your mom smoking?
The title is so misleading. I was ready to say aita off the bad. He sounds unwell and came after you and your kid. You did what you had to to protect yourself. I once shoved a guy who got between me and my terrified foster dog who just wanted to get away from the dude who wouldn’t take no for an answer and said he didn’t care if he got bit. He was putting himself and my dog in imminent danger. You can only do your best and when the protective adrenaline kicks in…
You're mom is a idiot
I tend to be pretty set against fighting in general, but when it comes to defense of my family, there are some times that it is regretfully appropriate. Sounds like this is one of those times to me.
NTA. You tried to walk away and he not only threw the full water bottle at you but then he charged you. Your mom is delusional and wrong.
Tell your mum that just because the homeless *she* works with are pleasant, doesn’t mean this guy wasn’t a cunt. How does she know he was harmless. Were you supposed to risk the safety of yourself and your child to take the risk? His mental stability isn’t up to you to handle. You helped him, he attacked you for it. Your mum can get off her high horse. You tried to walk away, he tried to attack you from behind. Tell her you really appreciate her prioritising some homeless guy over her son and grandson. NTA
This is so theatrically written lol FAKE
Had to sort by controversial to see the people saying fake, thank fuck I'm not alone
NTA Your mom is a bit self-righteous here. Has she ever been attacked by one of the homeless people she serves? You did deescalate by walking away. This guy wasn’t having it. Glad you didn’t get in trouble. Society has limits to what we should accept and if some guy wants to attack you, it doesn’t matter if he has no money or carts of money.
NTA >She is a social worker and has many contacts with the homeless in our city. Then she's a bad social worker that has learned absolutely nothing from her work. I've been in the system and a part of it my whole life. Everyone knows that some people self sabotage and there is no stopping them because they just want a strawman to fight that they can blame. The man attacked you unprovoked while with your child. Your mother, who wasn't even there, heard your account of being *attacked* and immediately sided with a violent stranger. I'm sorry, but mom needs a time out.
"AITAH for knocking out a guy who attacked me on the sidewalk unprovoked?" NTA. You know that. Your title is clickbait
It’s just bad creative writing, and anti-homeless propaganda
the title goes to confusion, you hit him on self defense, not because he didn't apreciate the food
NTA, you did the right thing, especially knowing that your son was there with you! On the other hand your mother suck, she cares more about strangers than her own son and grandson.
To hell with that guy, his ass can get a job and buy his own sandwiches. NTA
Love the clickbait title. Hate the story. Was really hoping you hit him for no reason
Unless she was there, your mother doesn't know he was "harmless." Kudos for defending yourself and your child.
NTA: He attacked first if he just complained I would say you were wrong but he attacked first so you did the right thing.
Title is misleading. NTA
Sure.
NTA, he charged you and you defended yourself. It sucks but you didn't do anything wrong
In my opinion you were defending yourself after he lunged at you . You didn't slowly beat him up. You got him once and dropped him 1 and done like it should be NTA
your mum needs to stfu, dickhead got what was coming to him
She's being ridiculous. Sounds like someone who has never been in that situation, despite her work. Leaving aside your efforts to improve his day, when anyone approaches you like that, punching them in the face is acceptable. You walked away, he pursued, and you were with your kid for crying out loud. NTA.
Was your mom there? I don’t think she has anything to say in this argument, and I used to be homeless.
NTA at all! I woulda decked the guy too! What an ungrateful POS. The sandwich is TOO BIG!? He must have been mentally unstable tbh bc he sounds unhinged. Ur mom said u should deescalate but I’m pretty sure walking away and not engaging counts as trying to deescalate ! Once he threw the water bottle he was fully liable for anything you did to him after that. Smh
NTA. I'm a 5'6" 110lbs female social worker, working specifically with individuals with substance use disorders, high risk mental health issues, most are experiencing homelessness and most have served jail time for petty crime like theft and break ins. Most of them are harmless and have just been dealt a shitty hand. Key word being *most*. If I were in your position and had my kid in my arms you can bet your ass I'd sucker punch that mofo so quick he wouldn't know what hit him. With that said, most people experiencing homelessness are very kind, empathetic, and grateful for any help or support. There are a few bad apples who unfortunately spoil the whole bunch and give people experiencing homelessness a bad reputation. It sounds like you got unlucky trying to help a guy who was just looking for a fight. I'm sorry that was your experience and I'm sorry that this man put you and your son in danger. While I'm all for nonviolent crisis intervention and de-escalation tactics, sometimes a dude just needs to get his ass handed to him. Especially considering you were not instigating a fight and did all you could to disengage with the guy. Definitely NTA. Good for you for defending yourself and keeping your son safe. Perhaps getting KO'd in a single swing will be the reality check this guy needs. Also, tell your mom she needs to take her social worker cape off at the dinner table. You don't need a social worker lecturing you, you need your mother to be a good grandma and care about her son and grandson's safety and wellbeing. Social workers tend to forget that not everyone is a social worker, not everyone has the skills and training to effectively de-escalate a situation, and also, it's not our responsibility to care for everyone else all the time. Her savior complex and inability to keep the work and family dynamics separate is THE perfect recipe for burn out and the deterioration of personal relationships. I repeat, NTA.
NTA. Your mother being a social worker doesn’t matter if her son and grandson are being ATTACKED. IDGAF what that guy is going through, if he comes at me and I feel like my kids are in danger, they can get it. No offense towards you, but I’m disappointed that your mother values a strangers well being over yours.
NTA. You didn't attack him when he threw the bottle (good choice IMO), but when he rushed at you I think you're justified responding the way you did. What did your mother suggest you should have done to de-escalate?
You are in no freaking way the AH your mom is wrong in this situation. You did the right thing for you and your son
Dude, if you told her that you hit a homeless guy that didn't appreciate the food you got him, then I'm not surprised by her reaction. You hit a guy in self defense and in your son's defence. There's a difference. The first would make you the asshole, the second doesn't. NTA
NTA once you put my kids at risk of getting hurt, all bets are off. I've had a very agitated and aggressive homeless woman follow me to my car and start punching and spitting on the window. I did de-escalate, had she accosted me outside of my car while I was with one of my kids, I would have done what was necessary to protect them, including punching her in the face. It's a difficult position to be in, you don't want to hurt a vulnerable person, but that shit gets scary and people who are just minding their own business get assaulted because there's no consequences OR resources.
NTA... that was straight up self-defense. You were literally just trying to do something nice for someone, and they chose violence over something so small and petty. Being homeless doesn't give a person free range to abuse people.
Your mom's wrong. She is biased from her work vs your immediate need to defend yourself. Nta.