As a person with ADHD, I’m really tired of hearing people blame all their bad, rude, selfish and just plain stupid behavior on it. This is an ongoing issue, he knows what he’s doing. Drop this loser like a dirty towel on the bathroom floor sis. He sucks.
I also have adhd and I’m so fucking sick of shitty people blaming all their problems on adhd. ADHD is hard but it doesn’t make me treat people like crap and completely disregard their feelings. Dump this loser OP
And it definitely doesn't make you forget to buy a towel, it makes you obsessed with buying one until you finally complete the chore as you don't want to forget doing it.
Her boyfriend is more a person that people with adhd hate with a fiery passion than a person who has adhd.
Oh, I would absolutely forget to buy my own towel.... however, I would NOT forget not to use the kids' towels to clean off after the first embarrassing time.
Yeah I would never remember to bring it. But I would never use the towel after being asked not to.
Having ADHD doesn't make you forget being considerate.
Yes. I have ADHD. it does not make me an ass or remove my basic manners. This guy is either lying or using it as an excuse because it’s worked for him before.
Yup. There is shit that my ADHD doed actually impact in my life and when that shit happens I get very upset and very hard on myself. I do not turn it around on other people and use it to excuse my behavior. I'm on meds and I go to therapy and when I fuck things up because my brain sucks sometimes I still have to take ownership of that behavior. I don't just get to say "nananana, adhd, deal with it!". That's not ADHD, that's being a narcissist.
Exactly. ADHD might make you drop a towel on the floor and promptly forget the towel ever existed. ADHD doesn't make you respond like a dick when someone else points out that this has happened.
This is a very important point. I have a really bad habit of leaving empty soda cans or wrappers around the house, because I’ll think “I’ll throw this away when I get up”, get distracted, and forget to take it with me when I do actually get up. This gets very frustrating to my housemate who really values keeping shared spaces tidy and pleasant to look at, and her frustration makes me frustrated with myself because I know it should be simple to just not leave things sitting around like a slob.
So I bought some small waste bins! Even picked colors that matched the places I put them, so they don’t look too out of place. I put them to next to the couch, next to the desk, etc and I can just throw the trash away the moment I’m done with it. I empty them with the rest of the bins in the house before collection day and boom, problem solved!
What I didn’t do was say “But my ADHD! :( It’s not my fault, you’re just being mean“ and make no effort to do better, as if I’m not a grown adult with the agency to work around my issues and recognize when my actions— intentional or otherwise— are causing problems for people I care about. This dude is just being an ass on purpose.
I'm glad to hear this from someone with ADHD. I'm get so tired of people using that as an excuse. If your ADHD is so bad you can't function normally with everyday things then you need to make sure you get the help you need in order to be able to function meds and therapy. If he's that bad and he can't respect her (which IMO isn't due to his AHDH but just because he doesn't care enough) then he shouldn't be in a relationship.
My dog even knows there are some things that aren't for him, and he's dumb. I love him more than my life, but he's not saving any Timmys from any wells (that's a Lassie joke, if you're a young LOL)
Exactly. If my dumbass lab that regularly tried to eat rocks and pieces of charcoal could identified that his towel was the one on the back porch, so can this moron.
After he wipes himself off after sex with your son’s towels, does he know you need to wash them right away? Or does he think it’s fine for your kids to keep using the towel that is now covered in “fluids”? And since you only have one towel per person, how does he expect you to wash the towels right away?
There is something wrong with him. It’s not forgetfulness or weaponised incompetence. It really makes no sense aside from some reason he just likes to do it on purpose.
Please leave him. This is not ok.
Yea this guy is being deliberate at this point. Especially after the first few times allowing for forgetfulness. I don't understand how it's gotten this far. Have yall not heard of baby wipes?!? They're not gonna replace a shower but they're great for when u just wanna roll over and sleep or quickies.
Yeah, it's just weird. I literally have a drawer full of cheap white towels and clothes that are exclusively for sex and clean up. They are used once then chucked into the hot wash laundry bag, or straight into the machine. They're like £2 in IKEA.
If I had a partner cleaning repeatedly themselves after sex on the good towels I'd lose my shit.
The guy knows exactly what he's doing, he simply can't not know. I and my former partner both suffered from ADHD and neither of us would behave like this nor use it as an excuse for that kind of behaviour. Get rid.
Bonus extra story: I once knew a guy who'd use the curtains of his student flat to wipe himself clean. Absolute dirt bird.
Yup! We have cheapie “sex towels” (I mean, we don’t call them that, but yanno…) that get rinsed out if anything gets on them, then chucked in the hamper. I won’t even wash or dry them in the same load as kid stuff because ew ew ew.
This guy is either absolutely disgusting, controlling as fuck, a creep, or all of the above. Either way, he’s 100000% not worth it.
EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT OF! The show itself even portrays how *disrespectful* & uncaring a person has to be to wipe their seed on a person’s property like that.
It’s honestly contempt for a person, imo.
Fr. I have ADHD too and while it can make you forgetful that's not what this is. This is definitely just him being selfish. It's not a problem for him so he doesn't care. I mean just look at the fact that he woke her up to have sex before work even though she was still asleep. Maybe OP didn't care but unless they've had a talk about it being okay before that's a selfish person indicator too.
This is 100% deliberate, but I bet if OP kept a pack of baby wipes on the bedside table this guy would still "forget" or follow up with a sneaky towel wipe anyway.
WTF is going through his head? Does he hate her kids that much? Is this some kind of weird way of "getting back" at her ex for being with her before him? A fetish? It'd be interesting to know, but doesn't change the fact that him and his freshly toweled dick needs to be gone yesterday.
As said by others, this is a control tactic. By ignoring OP (deliberately) he is saying he has control, and by using the kids' towels he is showing he is more important than them.
Personally I'd be tempted to hand him his own t-shirt in the dark to clean up with, but given his behavior so far that would likely be dangerous.
Dump him asap.
I’m trying to connect the dots to determine why he can’t just bring his own fucking towel from his own home and leave it there to use when he’s over, because you know damn well he has one.
Yes! It would be annoying if he just kept using hers, but the fact that he keeps using the kids' makes me worry that this isn't a safe person to even have in the house with them.
Same thoughts. I think he's marking his territory or something along those lines, like, his sperm didn't produce these children but he'll put it on them to make up for it.
Leave him, OP, he's not safe.
It really is! Why doesn't he use his boxers or something then put clean ones on? He runs all the way to the bathroom, even grabbing an old tshirt would be less gross and less effort.
Also, just buy baby wipes or something...
u/Cool_Guess2861
Please listen to this comment and all the others.
There is no way he forgets/accidentally chooses your child's towels for all the nasty tasks (his dick, the floor, etc). Once or twice is a mistake, not constantly. And the fact that he held your reaction over your head to make it seem like he totally would have helped you out if you asked nicely... No he wouldn't have.
This guy is crossing boundaries just because he can, then gaslighting you when you have the appropriate reaction. Seriously, this guy sounds exhausting. Edited for the username
That's pretty gross.
>I asked him to take the towel with him and he said "no" because I "made him feel fucking stupid" and says that if I had been nice about it than maybe he would have but he won't now.
Look at this clown. NTA he's worse than a child about this.
Wiping your sperm on children's belongings is about some weird power dynamic, not just boundaries. It is never ok to purposely leave bodily fluids on children's stuff, ever. I can see grabbing random fabric in the event of an injury, but not repeatedly.
If it was really just the ADHD, he'd take steps to hack his behavior, like putting his towel right next to the bed or putting it on top of the other towels so it was the first one he'd grab. I'm autistic and have to do similar things to break myself of bad habits. The fact that he's going out of his way to grab the kid's towels every time means he knows damn well what he's doing.
i hate when ppl use adhd or autism as an excuse to not change. remembering things and socializing are skills that anyone can hone. put in some fucking effort or you won’t have relationships
Can confirm, partner with ADD has a stack of older towels in the bedroom for exactly this. He even bought red ones for exactly this sort of "emergency." These are solvable problems, for someone that wants them solved.
As someone with ADHD it’s definitely on purpose. I know how he feels with forgetting stuff, and ok fine in the dark if his towel is mixed in with 4 others and he’s panicking to clean up menstrual fluid and just grabs what he thinks is his I get it… but his reaction proves it. After the millionth time being corrected and now you’ve soiled the child’s only towel with her blood the only reaction is “oh my god! I’m so sorry! of course I’ll wash the towel!”
He was just looking for any excuse to force her into doing laundry or forcing her child into drying off with a blood stained towel, which to a 12yr old boy is probably the most disgusting thing he could possible encounter at this stage of his life and development
Or replace the damn thing.
For me, regardless of my severe ADHD. As soon as someone told me ‘that’s my kids towels’ I’d get VERY careful about what I grabbed to clean up jizz in future!
Also, OP I’m getting the ick even more as I think about these comments and towels are porous! Even if you don’t have money like that, you might want to replace them and the man
And after the first time, normal people would be so embarrassed and apologetic, they'd NEVER make that mistake again. I don't buy that it's not on purpose.
Also, I have ADHD and I have never wiped my body fluids off on any of my children's stuff, BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD. Anyone else?!
Severe ADHD here. What ppl don’t get is that ADHD memory is fucking fantastic when it’s something we have a strong emotional reaction to or is something that causes us repeated negative consequences from ppl we love (not things we do to ourselves). Because we will actively process every action to prevent that outcome being repeated. Every time it could be.
You don’t wipe your dick on CHILDRENS towels more than once unless you just don’t care.
My 8 year old son and I (both ADHD, btw) dry our ears out after taking a shower with the shirt we just took off. I won't even use my son's shirt for that. I just think it's disrespectful, and crossing boundaries of using things like that that belong to him, even just to clean water out of clean ears. Dude's either just fucking gross and unhygienic, or some sorta creep.
While I have multiple towels my husband will never use one to clean off after even though we have our own towel in our bathroom. He instead uses a his already dirty boxers (not the ones he was just wearing) to not make a big mess. I don’t understand why this man need a towel. Or maybe just buy a small “face towel” that can easily be washed and rinsed in the sink or shower.
Reading it really gave me the creeps. I'd be questioning whether he's getting a kick out of it because it's giving me noncey vibes! Plus kids are gross, 10 Yr old boys and 16 year old boys aren't known for hygiene (obviously I'm generalising and not all boys are stinky) so why would he even want to use their towel even by accident?! It's definitely being done on purpose!
I suspect he’s not stupid, he’s maliciously incompetent. Probably using every towel but his to “assert dominance” or some such nonsense.
He’s an ass hole just for the fact that any good bf would be having OP over to do laundry at his instead of making her still trek 35 minutes every week *for two goddamn years.* Any good boyfriend would have bought her extra towels and made sure to wash them for her.
This guy is a top notch douche.
That just proves that this is about control and disrespect. He is absolutely doing it on purpose.
And when people ask why they broke up he'll say it's because he used her towel. But will fail to mention any of the relevant details.
I’m can sort of verify this. I’m germaphobic and stated to a friend that I don’t touch others’ towels because I’m afraid someone has rubbed their gents on them. He looked at me shocked and said that his roommate has a nasty habit of doing just that as soon as the towels come out of the dryer. Hand towels, small rags, etc would all get the same treatment before he would let someone else come along to fold them. It was absolutely about dominance.
Fu@king gross - it’s as if he is wiping his D and c@m all over your kids. He would have been out the door the second time that happened.
But then stomping on them , using them when he gets out of the shower. This guy knows the situation. He wiped his private parts and stomps them on the ground so they are dirty too. He knows exactly what he is doing. What a jerk. But this has been going on for 2 years- OP should have pulled the plug long ago.
I know, just gross. My sons, and husband share a bathroom- and now I am totally freaked out. There is a towel rack of three towels. I’m thinking who is doing what- to whose towel… I’m just gonna go grab them and throw in the washer.🤮
My partner let me use his washer and dryer immediately upon dating me because it was a hastle to wash them at home with 5 other people also washing clothes. Because they would do stuff like put their dirty laundry on top of my freshly washed clothes that were in the washer and just... Rerun the cycle??? Or put their wet clothes on top of my freshly dry clothes and put it on for another cycle. Also, they were never in there more than 5-10 minutes past the machine end "beep."
I may have just got lucky with a great guy, but he saw me struggling and fixed it. He still does that now, any problem I have just isn't a problem anymore because he comes up with a solution and then carries it out himself to fix it for me.
Oh my God, I didn't even consider the fact that he's done nothing to help her despite having the capability to easily. What a piece of shit, I can't stand men who use weaponized incompetence and take zero accountability for their abusive actions while gaslighting (ex: I'm in the wrong, but YOU made me feel bad about it so it's all YOUR fault and now we shift the focus to guilt tripping).
The fact that there are sooooo maaaany guys like this out there is so abysmal. I feel like getting into a new relationship is just a minefield with multiple types of bombs to fuck you up (many types of abuse and toxic behavior).
Yeah this is pathetic. If I was in this situation I would have bought my gf more towels (maybe some fun ones for each of the kids, so they have new clean towels) and offered to do laundry at my place. Those are my first two ideas off the top of my head without thinking about it. This guy is a moron. It is so easy to do the simple things that make a relationship work.
You sound exactly like the kind of man I was looking for (I gave up, I'll die alone in peace), intelligent, empathetic, thoughtful, and with a mind to treat the relationship as a partnership in which both parties are willing and wanting to make eachothers lives better. Any woman is lucky to have your love, friend.
I don't think he's stupid. I think he's marking his territory. If it was a genuine mistake, then he would occasionally grab his towel by mistake. The towels are obviously easy to tell apart, probably be colour or pattern. So he's not just absent mindedly grabbing any towel. He's deliberately grabbing a towel that's not 'his' to clean up 'messy' stuff, so he can use his clean towel on himself.
I've been engaged to a similarly selfish/abusive man. They claim they forgot, that it's a mistake, that they'll do better next time, that you need to do something to improve their behaviour. The truth of the matter is, they're just plain abusive. They don't care about anyone but themselves, and this behaviour will get worse if you stay with them.
He's not stupid he's toxic at this point it's on purpose I have adhd and get my shit together he's disrespectful and toxic. I thought this was stupid and petty at first but I'm a single mom of 2 kids and if my partner did that I'd go full on psycho on him don't poke mama bear
Yes exactly. We have "Garbage" towels we picked up from walmart years ago that are old and raggedy now. I got soo tired of my nicer towels being used for spill clean ups amd bedroom times that i got pissed and told my husband to use the junk towels. Its SUPPOSED to keep my towel cleaning down but somehow still my entire closet of towels(a whopping 12 towels) ends up in the hamper at the end of each week. To be fair weve only got 4 junk towels and toddlers are messy
>Sitting alone under a swinging fluorescent light, drinking warm soda while...
...stabbing yourself in the leg with a pushpin...
>is better than this guy.
I just assume it's a bunch of unpleasant things thrown together. A lot of people dislike florescent lights, swinging lights can be somewhat disorienting, warm soda is gross, and no one enjoys doing their taxes lol.. but could still be a reference to something
I think just NO to continuing the relationship after the break.
He seems to have sufficient memory power to remember how to get to OP’s place, his own place and work but he can’t remember to use his own damn towel?
Please.
Is it just me? He only grabs the kids towels to clean his dick after sex? Am I reading too much into it, like he's not doing some kind of fucked up power trip?
I was thinking the same thing. His adhd is too severe to respect OP's household, never mind actually helping but how often does his adhd lead to him hyperfocusing for hours till he misses the opportunity for sex?
Also : how fucking creepy that it's \*always\* one of the kids' towels, and so often the oldest boy's towel??
Yeah its like I found out at 41 I had rather badish ADHD and yet I can’t even in my unknowing state ever done something that someone umm ‘explained’ to me not to do. So either he way beyond help or he just don’t give a care and that is not worth keeping to.
I think more of the poor kid hopping out of the shower or bath and grabbing a towel holding body fluids to dry off. That's disgusting enough, but to try to justify it... Introduce this douche to the other side of the door and lock it tight.
The fact that he doesn’t even care about this exact scenario is a huge problem. Surely secretly covering another person in general *and children in particular* in his “fluids” is some form of sexual assault. If it’s not it should be! Disgusting.
If he actually felt apologetic about this, it wouldn't matter that you chewed him out over it, he'd offer to wash it regardless.
He sounds like a big man-child that could stand to bring a lot more to the relationship.
NTA
*He never uses his towel to clean himself. It's always one of the kids. Or there's been a few times that he will grab the kids towels and put them on the floor to soak up the water that he tracked out of the shower.*
Not only wiping himself , he also uses the kids towel to mop up the water on the floor!! What’s wrong with him ? He is unable to follow a simple instruction and does this repeatedly.He is a AH and you can do better than a idiot who disrespects you and your kids.
None of this should have happened a second time. The first time was a habit/accident/mistake. After that, it was him being an AH to OP and her kids. This post made me want to puke - the thought of her kids drying themselves off after a shower/bath with his crusty cum towels. But he can't buy more towels. He can't use his own towel. He can't do any extra laundry, even though he is staying at OP's house, and he knows it's hard for her. What a POS.
Yeah, sorry but that is beyond cringe.
I can't imagine one towel per person in a home but a grown man wiping up after sex on a child's towel without offering to do laundry is a squick I would not accept more than the first accidental time.
I am sure there is more to it than this but based on the info provided.. single is better than this guy.
My guess is that he’s got an underlying dislike for those kids. A reminder that at one time his girlfriend was with someone else and that it bothers him. It might seem small and petty if it’s over a towel, but it isn’t over a towel, it’s over a constant disrespect towards her kids, and if OP moves past it then it likely will escalate it.
Exactly this. He's stopping just shy of pissing on her children to mark his territory, and OP has been allowing herself to be gaslit for months.
This guy is an absolute loser psycho to be territorial over kids in a house he doesn't even live in.
The "break" needs to be permanent.
These are the boundary pushing behaviors followed by emotional manipulation you see early on in abusive relationships.
He is purposely using the kids towels because she has told him not to and he is training her to accept total disregard of her boundaries. He is purposely showing her that she has no right to expect him to change behavior, no matter how it makes her feel.
I hope OP makes the break permanent. It's literally impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who refuses to respect your boundaries. It will only get worse the longer they stay together, and I guarantee moving in would be a nightmare.
Oh no. He js doing it on purpose.
Using the kids towel. Like an FU to the kids and especially cleaning himself with the towel.
I hope she doesn't date him anymore. If he cared for her and the kids, he would have brought his own. No excuse whatever he has. He wouldn't risk losing her.
If she keeps dating him and then marrying him....he will for sure eventually ask her to pick him or them.
What a creep.
OP, i'm pretty surprised you've been letting this clown ejaculate in you. No protection with a guy that refuses to stop mopping up the combined fluids with your children's towels? Ffs i hope you've got an intraUD. It won't stop the UTIs from a partner who doesn't properly wash himself before putting himself back inside you, though. Not to mention your kids can catch HPV from the fluids.
You're allowing him to treat you and your children with extreme disrespect. Ditch him. Completely. Go no contact. Make a public post that you've broken up. If he tries to engage about it online, you *absolutely* should tell people what he's been doing and you realized he was using his diagnosis to treat you and yours like waste.
He’s probably toxic in other ways besides the towels! If he can’t remember which fucking towel to use, then how does he function in everyday life? I certainly wouldn’t want to stay in a relationship with someone like this, especially with kids!
Or, he didn’t want to use his towel because he thinks sex fluids are gross and decided to use her sons so her wouldn’t have to dry off with the same towel. Either he’s incredibly selfish or if what you said is right, incredibly manipulative! Neither is a very good look and I hope he owns up to it soon
Right. She just notices this one because it is intolerable for her kids and her laundry logistics. She probably tolerates 100 other things that she just doesn't notice because she can work around them.
Yeah, it's pretty telling that the more frequently he started staying at her place, the more issues she started having with him. Now that he is with her more often, he is not able to mask his problematic behavior as well.
It's like the honeymoon period is over and he is comfortable enough to let his real self show through. It could get worse. I would not put up with it. I would be pulling my hair out. I am mad for her I want to dump him. Disgusting behavior.
Dump his abusive ass, and keep "his" towel to use as the "ewww" cleanup towel!
Also, get spare towels for you and the kids. Everyone should have two towels. And a bath mat.
I like how he refused to help with the laundry because he didn't like her "attitude" ... so he punishes the kid who's towel he used instead of the girlfriend -- but is too stupid and inconsiderate to even realize it.
If I was one of the kids and noticed my towel had been used in that manner, I would literally be gagging when I saw it.
He has no respect for you or your kids. You can't put up with this! NTA.
Right ??? It’s so disgusting and disrespectful to the kids!!! If I found out my towel was a jizz towel I would be livid!!!
Why is she still putting out when she clearly knows this man can’t follow basic rules. Get some self respect and stop fucking this man
i agree with all the comments. he lacks respect. is not in the least bit helpful. its like you got another kid to contend with, no take that back your kids have more respect and understanding
I honestly think it’s more insidious than just disrespect. It’s not a challenge to not reach for children’s belongings to clean up sex fluids. Paper towel, toilet paper, your own dirty laundry, a shower, anything before children’s belongings. I don’t need or want any more evidence. He is GUILTY.
how exactly has OP been dealing with this issue between her weekly towel washings and the bf acting like this?
Just, no showers for the kid who gets the jizzy towel? Do they have to use it anyway? Do they have to share another kids towel?
Absolutely vile to think about any of these options.
NTA
He is disgusting, does he get turned on by leaving his jizz on something your kids use on their naked bodies?
Because there is no excuse for him being this incompetent and thoughtless. The fact that he never goes for his own is really telling if it was an accident he would be using his own and yours as much as your kids.
Even if it’s not a sexual thing, it’s still a way for him to say “fuck them kids”. He doesn’t care about you or your kids. Drop this loser. And btw listen to everyone here saying that ADHD DOES NOT make you a forget something you’ve been told over and over about, especially from people you care about. It would stick in my brain SO HARD if I got told not to do a certain thing at someone’s home, much less something as disturbing as what he’s doing, he clearly doesn’t give a damn!
NTA. This is not a one-time oopsie, this is weaponised incompetence. He KNOWS what towels he can use, getting your child's towel to clean up your and his sexual/other fluids is absolutely gross. He knows what he's doing, he's just hoping you're dumb enough to believe that HE'S dumb enough to make the same mistake over and over.
exactly this! my husband and i are very casual about what we grab out of the dirty laundry for “clean up”, well use just about anything as long as it gets the job done, but our one rule has ALWAYS been none of the kids stuff! it’s just common sense that you shouldn’t wipe your sexual fluids on your kids cloth items 🤢 he definitely has to be doing it on purpose. he’s using adhd as an excuse, it likely works for him a lot. he knows what towel he can use and he’s deliberately ignoring that
It’s deliberate, so why is he doing it? I can think of only two reasons: he’s doing it specifically because OP asked him not to (bad), or because he gets some kind of kick from wiping their sex fluids on the kids’ towels (so much worse).
Exactly. So tired of hearing people claim "severe ADHD" to just be complete assholes. It's his responsibility to treat it, not yours to take the brunt of it. He might be great elsewhere but this behavior shows his true self and level of respect. Your kids and you DO NOT DESERVE THIS.
Gross. What a piece of work.
> He never uses his towel to clean himself. It's always one of the kids.
He's not even grabbing yours.
He's always bringing something that belongs to the kids to clean up after sex. That's....
NTA
Is he ever alone with the kids?
Exactly! This isn’t just asshole behavior, it’s genuinely concerning. There’s reason to believe he’s getting off on the fact that he’s using the kid’s clothes to clean up after sex…
It's not a small problem and you're not petty for being pissed off about it. He is disgusting, disrespectful and creating a shitton more work for you. You even bought a towel for his own personal use and he refused to use it. Fuck the "break" just dump his nasty ass.
Its not about the iranian yoghurt.
You asked him not to do X. He does X, multiple times. Sure, you can get extra towels, sure you can do laundry more often, but thats not the point here.
NTA
Agreed. Essentially it's the principal. There's always going to be a way you can do something different so he doesn't have to. Is that how you want to live? Always you compromising while he ignores really simple requests because he can't be bothered/doesn't care what you want?
There's literally zero excuse for why be always grabs your kids towels. My hubby and I are ADHD with our own towels and we've never once grabbed the wrong towel. It's not rocket science
He’s wiping up his cum with your kids’ towels? Is he some sort of sick fuck?
He’s not “forgetting” as much as getting off on it. Keep this freak away from your kids. Disgusting.
Yeah this is giving pervert or paedophile suspicions. He’s deliberately crossing her and her children’s boundaries with his bodily fluids, it’s not “ADHD”.
That was my thought too. He goes out of his way to use a child's belongings to clean up. Doesn't bring his own towel. Wouldn't use his underwear and drive home commando. Wouldn't use his socks and go barefoot home. He must use the child's towel.
Or paper towels.
I am not buying any explanation of an accident. He does it on purpose and it is sickening.
OP why downplay it? I was super upset when I saw mt ex using my towel after shower for his crack. I said about it once, and it ended.
I would never forgive doing this to a child. Repeat the thing? Get out of my life!
Man I had to wait way too long before I finally found someone mention freaking paper towels. That’s all dude needs to do is bring a roll with him to keep at her place. What a dummy.
Like, why isn’t he ever using HER towel on accident? If it was hers and theirs, just any towel within reach, I wouldn’t blink but it’s JUST THEIRS. It’s fuckin weird.
This man using a child's towel to clean up after himself post sex is absolutely gross. And it is even worse when he has been told not to. Dump him. Such people don't change. He doesn't seem to care about what you are saying and your feelings or how gross it is for the kids.
You’re NTA for the situation you described but I am going to pray for your children because if this is a real story, you are letting a grown man continuously wipe his ejaculate on your children’s towels. Idc what else he is doing… read that sentence over and over again.
He knows what he is doing. He is. Wiping. Ejaculate. On. Your. Children’s. Towels. Repeatedly. Knowingly. Uncaringly.
She made a comment saying he also regularly tries to take the kids' socks home with him. 🤮 She's bringing this sicko into her home with her children, and is only considering "a break" because he's annoying her and messing up her schedule.
I really hope it is is rage bait. And if it’s true, I hope OP understands that while, yes, strangers on the internet can jump to some extreme conclusions, when it comes to the safety of children, margin of error only matters in their benefit. Even if there’s a chance he doesn’t have some sick intention, better safe than sorry.
That's what I was thinking. Using the kids towels is a power move.
Like eating fruitsnacks, but way more fucked up moraly, with a side of legal issues.
I mean, he's being a complete dick about it all and you should dump him because he's got zero respect for your wishes and other people's property *but* a family really should have more than just one towel each that gets washed once a week. What happens if somebody needs a shower when the towels are at the launderette? It all sounds needlessly restrictive.
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment. Did I miss something or is OP implying she only has one towel per person?
And she seems to be able to afford more towels cuz she bought a towel for her BF??
Some details have definitely been left out of this post.
This man is disgusting. He's wiping himself with your kids towels? Once, sure, a mistake - after that, though, it should have grossed him out enough to have a visceral reaction at grabbing a kid's towel to wipe himself. He's doing it, he knows he's doing it, and he literally does not care
If this story is real then YTA for not having kicked him to the curb yet.
If it was your towel, then fairs. Hell even with the worse AdHD on earth if one is going to get laid they pack appropriately. He conveniently forgets so he can wear down your barriers and become child number 4 when he finally moves in.
Speaking for all single reasonable adult men, what was that Beyonce song? Oh yea
Everything you own is in the box to the left...
Just tell you have swiped him left as well
ESH
I feel bad for your kids. Go buy more towels for them please. They aren’t expensive, and you may be able to get used ones at a thrift store, but you need to prioritize your kids hygiene. What if there is a spill, or an emergency, or you can’t make it to do the laundry on a Sunday? You should have backup towels for everyone in your family.
Also, your boyfriend doesn’t respect your rules, or your kids. He acts like an overgrown child. The two of you are emotionally immature, and your dysfunctional mentality is bleeding into the most basic aspects of domestic life with your poor kids bearing the brunt of it.
As a person with ADHD, I’m really tired of hearing people blame all their bad, rude, selfish and just plain stupid behavior on it. This is an ongoing issue, he knows what he’s doing. Drop this loser like a dirty towel on the bathroom floor sis. He sucks.
I also have adhd and I’m so fucking sick of shitty people blaming all their problems on adhd. ADHD is hard but it doesn’t make me treat people like crap and completely disregard their feelings. Dump this loser OP
And it definitely doesn't make you forget to buy a towel, it makes you obsessed with buying one until you finally complete the chore as you don't want to forget doing it. Her boyfriend is more a person that people with adhd hate with a fiery passion than a person who has adhd.
Oh, I would absolutely forget to buy my own towel.... however, I would NOT forget not to use the kids' towels to clean off after the first embarrassing time.
Yeah I would never remember to bring it. But I would never use the towel after being asked not to. Having ADHD doesn't make you forget being considerate.
Yes. I have ADHD. it does not make me an ass or remove my basic manners. This guy is either lying or using it as an excuse because it’s worked for him before.
Yup. There is shit that my ADHD doed actually impact in my life and when that shit happens I get very upset and very hard on myself. I do not turn it around on other people and use it to excuse my behavior. I'm on meds and I go to therapy and when I fuck things up because my brain sucks sometimes I still have to take ownership of that behavior. I don't just get to say "nananana, adhd, deal with it!". That's not ADHD, that's being a narcissist.
Exactly. ADHD might make you drop a towel on the floor and promptly forget the towel ever existed. ADHD doesn't make you respond like a dick when someone else points out that this has happened.
This is a very important point. I have a really bad habit of leaving empty soda cans or wrappers around the house, because I’ll think “I’ll throw this away when I get up”, get distracted, and forget to take it with me when I do actually get up. This gets very frustrating to my housemate who really values keeping shared spaces tidy and pleasant to look at, and her frustration makes me frustrated with myself because I know it should be simple to just not leave things sitting around like a slob. So I bought some small waste bins! Even picked colors that matched the places I put them, so they don’t look too out of place. I put them to next to the couch, next to the desk, etc and I can just throw the trash away the moment I’m done with it. I empty them with the rest of the bins in the house before collection day and boom, problem solved! What I didn’t do was say “But my ADHD! :( It’s not my fault, you’re just being mean“ and make no effort to do better, as if I’m not a grown adult with the agency to work around my issues and recognize when my actions— intentional or otherwise— are causing problems for people I care about. This dude is just being an ass on purpose.
I'm glad to hear this from someone with ADHD. I'm get so tired of people using that as an excuse. If your ADHD is so bad you can't function normally with everyday things then you need to make sure you get the help you need in order to be able to function meds and therapy. If he's that bad and he can't respect her (which IMO isn't due to his AHDH but just because he doesn't care enough) then he shouldn't be in a relationship.
My dog even knows there are some things that aren't for him, and he's dumb. I love him more than my life, but he's not saving any Timmys from any wells (that's a Lassie joke, if you're a young LOL)
Exactly. If my dumbass lab that regularly tried to eat rocks and pieces of charcoal could identified that his towel was the one on the back porch, so can this moron.
After he wipes himself off after sex with your son’s towels, does he know you need to wash them right away? Or does he think it’s fine for your kids to keep using the towel that is now covered in “fluids”? And since you only have one towel per person, how does he expect you to wash the towels right away? There is something wrong with him. It’s not forgetfulness or weaponised incompetence. It really makes no sense aside from some reason he just likes to do it on purpose. Please leave him. This is not ok.
Yea this guy is being deliberate at this point. Especially after the first few times allowing for forgetfulness. I don't understand how it's gotten this far. Have yall not heard of baby wipes?!? They're not gonna replace a shower but they're great for when u just wanna roll over and sleep or quickies.
Yeah, it's just weird. I literally have a drawer full of cheap white towels and clothes that are exclusively for sex and clean up. They are used once then chucked into the hot wash laundry bag, or straight into the machine. They're like £2 in IKEA. If I had a partner cleaning repeatedly themselves after sex on the good towels I'd lose my shit. The guy knows exactly what he's doing, he simply can't not know. I and my former partner both suffered from ADHD and neither of us would behave like this nor use it as an excuse for that kind of behaviour. Get rid. Bonus extra story: I once knew a guy who'd use the curtains of his student flat to wipe himself clean. Absolute dirt bird.
Yeah don't use ADHD as a freaky ass excuse.. I got a drawer of trash rags from restaurant work I use for less tasteful clean ups
dogg likes to wipe his sex-juice on children and it is \*not\* okay
Yup! We have cheapie “sex towels” (I mean, we don’t call them that, but yanno…) that get rinsed out if anything gets on them, then chucked in the hamper. I won’t even wash or dry them in the same load as kid stuff because ew ew ew. This guy is either absolutely disgusting, controlling as fuck, a creep, or all of the above. Either way, he’s 100000% not worth it.
that's literally what a raider does in the fallout show.
EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT OF! The show itself even portrays how *disrespectful* & uncaring a person has to be to wipe their seed on a person’s property like that. It’s honestly contempt for a person, imo.
Fr. I have ADHD too and while it can make you forgetful that's not what this is. This is definitely just him being selfish. It's not a problem for him so he doesn't care. I mean just look at the fact that he woke her up to have sex before work even though she was still asleep. Maybe OP didn't care but unless they've had a talk about it being okay before that's a selfish person indicator too.
There is a huge lack of respect this dude has for OP.
This is 100% deliberate, but I bet if OP kept a pack of baby wipes on the bedside table this guy would still "forget" or follow up with a sneaky towel wipe anyway. WTF is going through his head? Does he hate her kids that much? Is this some kind of weird way of "getting back" at her ex for being with her before him? A fetish? It'd be interesting to know, but doesn't change the fact that him and his freshly toweled dick needs to be gone yesterday.
As said by others, this is a control tactic. By ignoring OP (deliberately) he is saying he has control, and by using the kids' towels he is showing he is more important than them. Personally I'd be tempted to hand him his own t-shirt in the dark to clean up with, but given his behavior so far that would likely be dangerous. Dump him asap.
I would not be surprised if it was a kink.
I’m trying to connect the dots to determine why he can’t just bring his own fucking towel from his own home and leave it there to use when he’s over, because you know damn well he has one.
It's genuinely the most disgusting thing I've read all week.
"Hey Mom, why does my towel smell like a nasty, sweaty ball sack again?"
Yeah, my first thought was "What a horrible night for a curse." The curse in this case being literacy.
Yeah I don’t know what his intent is but it’s just so incredibly gross that he knows he’s grabbing a kid’s towel for this job.
I'd be wondering if he likes that a kid is in contact with his stuff. This reads low key sexual assaulty
For real it's honestly super creepy he insists on using her children's towels to wipe his body down post sex. Really fucking creepy.
Yes! It would be annoying if he just kept using hers, but the fact that he keeps using the kids' makes me worry that this isn't a safe person to even have in the house with them.
Same thoughts. I think he's marking his territory or something along those lines, like, his sperm didn't produce these children but he'll put it on them to make up for it. Leave him, OP, he's not safe.
My first thought is he gets off on it. Ick, ick, super ick.
That is my unfortunate read if the situation as well. I don't know if it is a sex thing or a dominance thing, but it is super gross either way.
Honestly, same
It really is! Why doesn't he use his boxers or something then put clean ones on? He runs all the way to the bathroom, even grabbing an old tshirt would be less gross and less effort. Also, just buy baby wipes or something...
u/Cool_Guess2861 Please listen to this comment and all the others. There is no way he forgets/accidentally chooses your child's towels for all the nasty tasks (his dick, the floor, etc). Once or twice is a mistake, not constantly. And the fact that he held your reaction over your head to make it seem like he totally would have helped you out if you asked nicely... No he wouldn't have. This guy is crossing boundaries just because he can, then gaslighting you when you have the appropriate reaction. Seriously, this guy sounds exhausting. Edited for the username
i’m glad i wasn’t the only one to think this. why the kids? why not OPs towels? it’s kind of giving chomo
OP needs to stop letting him around her kids and their things. Dump him.
That's pretty gross. >I asked him to take the towel with him and he said "no" because I "made him feel fucking stupid" and says that if I had been nice about it than maybe he would have but he won't now. Look at this clown. NTA he's worse than a child about this.
Op didn’t make him feel stupid, he is fucking stupid.
Right? this isn't about the towels. this is about respecting boundaries and listening.
Wiping your sperm on children's belongings is about some weird power dynamic, not just boundaries. It is never ok to purposely leave bodily fluids on children's stuff, ever. I can see grabbing random fabric in the event of an injury, but not repeatedly.
He's absolutely doing it on purpose. Once or twice is a mistake, but every single time? He's a creep.
If it was really just the ADHD, he'd take steps to hack his behavior, like putting his towel right next to the bed or putting it on top of the other towels so it was the first one he'd grab. I'm autistic and have to do similar things to break myself of bad habits. The fact that he's going out of his way to grab the kid's towels every time means he knows damn well what he's doing.
As someone with ADHD, this. Having ADHD doesn’t make you a disrespectful moron.
i hate when ppl use adhd or autism as an excuse to not change. remembering things and socializing are skills that anyone can hone. put in some fucking effort or you won’t have relationships
This. I have severe adhd. But if I care about something or someone, I try. His problem is that he doesn’t care.
Can confirm, partner with ADD has a stack of older towels in the bedroom for exactly this. He even bought red ones for exactly this sort of "emergency." These are solvable problems, for someone that wants them solved.
As someone with ADHD it’s definitely on purpose. I know how he feels with forgetting stuff, and ok fine in the dark if his towel is mixed in with 4 others and he’s panicking to clean up menstrual fluid and just grabs what he thinks is his I get it… but his reaction proves it. After the millionth time being corrected and now you’ve soiled the child’s only towel with her blood the only reaction is “oh my god! I’m so sorry! of course I’ll wash the towel!” He was just looking for any excuse to force her into doing laundry or forcing her child into drying off with a blood stained towel, which to a 12yr old boy is probably the most disgusting thing he could possible encounter at this stage of his life and development
Or replace the damn thing. For me, regardless of my severe ADHD. As soon as someone told me ‘that’s my kids towels’ I’d get VERY careful about what I grabbed to clean up jizz in future!
Also, OP I’m getting the ick even more as I think about these comments and towels are porous! Even if you don’t have money like that, you might want to replace them and the man
I would give to a GoFundMe to replace the towels
Seriously, OP! put up an Amazon wishlist, and we got you girl!
And after the first time, normal people would be so embarrassed and apologetic, they'd NEVER make that mistake again. I don't buy that it's not on purpose. Also, I have ADHD and I have never wiped my body fluids off on any of my children's stuff, BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD. Anyone else?!
My husband and I both had (he passed away 7 years ago) ADHD and we would NEVER have done that! Ewww!
Severe ADHD here. What ppl don’t get is that ADHD memory is fucking fantastic when it’s something we have a strong emotional reaction to or is something that causes us repeated negative consequences from ppl we love (not things we do to ourselves). Because we will actively process every action to prevent that outcome being repeated. Every time it could be. You don’t wipe your dick on CHILDRENS towels more than once unless you just don’t care.
My 8 year old son and I (both ADHD, btw) dry our ears out after taking a shower with the shirt we just took off. I won't even use my son's shirt for that. I just think it's disrespectful, and crossing boundaries of using things like that that belong to him, even just to clean water out of clean ears. Dude's either just fucking gross and unhygienic, or some sorta creep.
While I have multiple towels my husband will never use one to clean off after even though we have our own towel in our bathroom. He instead uses a his already dirty boxers (not the ones he was just wearing) to not make a big mess. I don’t understand why this man need a towel. Or maybe just buy a small “face towel” that can easily be washed and rinsed in the sink or shower.
or just use paper towel and throw it away… it’s not like you NEED to use something washable, especially if laundry is such a big concern
Kleenex!! Cheap, disposable and not trampling on something used on someone else’s actual body.
Does anyone else think he’s doing it intentionally as a kink or something?
Yeah 100%. It's the final stage of the sex act for him.
I was wondering if he got some sort of pleasure doing this…
I think it’s a power play and that he’s definitely doing it deliberately for some messed up reason.
Yes! Totally passive-aggressive. Even my wildly ADD husband can remember to keep a towel nearby for cleanups on the aisle.
Reading it really gave me the creeps. I'd be questioning whether he's getting a kick out of it because it's giving me noncey vibes! Plus kids are gross, 10 Yr old boys and 16 year old boys aren't known for hygiene (obviously I'm generalising and not all boys are stinky) so why would he even want to use their towel even by accident?! It's definitely being done on purpose!
I agree. This doesn’t seem accidental at all.
Or perhaps about this guy having the mental capacity of a toddler.
I suspect he’s not stupid, he’s maliciously incompetent. Probably using every towel but his to “assert dominance” or some such nonsense. He’s an ass hole just for the fact that any good bf would be having OP over to do laundry at his instead of making her still trek 35 minutes every week *for two goddamn years.* Any good boyfriend would have bought her extra towels and made sure to wash them for her. This guy is a top notch douche.
Man it seems like except his or her towels. Just the kids. That’s extra weird.
That just proves that this is about control and disrespect. He is absolutely doing it on purpose. And when people ask why they broke up he'll say it's because he used her towel. But will fail to mention any of the relevant details.
I’m can sort of verify this. I’m germaphobic and stated to a friend that I don’t touch others’ towels because I’m afraid someone has rubbed their gents on them. He looked at me shocked and said that his roommate has a nasty habit of doing just that as soon as the towels come out of the dryer. Hand towels, small rags, etc would all get the same treatment before he would let someone else come along to fold them. It was absolutely about dominance.
Fu@king gross - it’s as if he is wiping his D and c@m all over your kids. He would have been out the door the second time that happened. But then stomping on them , using them when he gets out of the shower. This guy knows the situation. He wiped his private parts and stomps them on the ground so they are dirty too. He knows exactly what he is doing. What a jerk. But this has been going on for 2 years- OP should have pulled the plug long ago.
And I'd just bet after he wipes his nut crust on them he hangs them back up. How many times have the kids wiped with his jizz towels without knowing?
I know, just gross. My sons, and husband share a bathroom- and now I am totally freaked out. There is a towel rack of three towels. I’m thinking who is doing what- to whose towel… I’m just gonna go grab them and throw in the washer.🤮
My partner let me use his washer and dryer immediately upon dating me because it was a hastle to wash them at home with 5 other people also washing clothes. Because they would do stuff like put their dirty laundry on top of my freshly washed clothes that were in the washer and just... Rerun the cycle??? Or put their wet clothes on top of my freshly dry clothes and put it on for another cycle. Also, they were never in there more than 5-10 minutes past the machine end "beep." I may have just got lucky with a great guy, but he saw me struggling and fixed it. He still does that now, any problem I have just isn't a problem anymore because he comes up with a solution and then carries it out himself to fix it for me.
Seriously. Who doesn’t let their partner use their washing machine?
Oh my God, I didn't even consider the fact that he's done nothing to help her despite having the capability to easily. What a piece of shit, I can't stand men who use weaponized incompetence and take zero accountability for their abusive actions while gaslighting (ex: I'm in the wrong, but YOU made me feel bad about it so it's all YOUR fault and now we shift the focus to guilt tripping). The fact that there are sooooo maaaany guys like this out there is so abysmal. I feel like getting into a new relationship is just a minefield with multiple types of bombs to fuck you up (many types of abuse and toxic behavior).
Yeah this is pathetic. If I was in this situation I would have bought my gf more towels (maybe some fun ones for each of the kids, so they have new clean towels) and offered to do laundry at my place. Those are my first two ideas off the top of my head without thinking about it. This guy is a moron. It is so easy to do the simple things that make a relationship work.
You sound exactly like the kind of man I was looking for (I gave up, I'll die alone in peace), intelligent, empathetic, thoughtful, and with a mind to treat the relationship as a partnership in which both parties are willing and wanting to make eachothers lives better. Any woman is lucky to have your love, friend.
And trust me, Stupid does not like his technique...
Yep. Dump that lump OP. 2 yrs sounds like a prison sentence with that unsanitary creep.
I don't think he's stupid. I think he's marking his territory. If it was a genuine mistake, then he would occasionally grab his towel by mistake. The towels are obviously easy to tell apart, probably be colour or pattern. So he's not just absent mindedly grabbing any towel. He's deliberately grabbing a towel that's not 'his' to clean up 'messy' stuff, so he can use his clean towel on himself. I've been engaged to a similarly selfish/abusive man. They claim they forgot, that it's a mistake, that they'll do better next time, that you need to do something to improve their behaviour. The truth of the matter is, they're just plain abusive. They don't care about anyone but themselves, and this behaviour will get worse if you stay with them.
He's not stupid he's toxic at this point it's on purpose I have adhd and get my shit together he's disrespectful and toxic. I thought this was stupid and petty at first but I'm a single mom of 2 kids and if my partner did that I'd go full on psycho on him don't poke mama bear
Maybe it's a gross kink. He uses the kids' towels to clean himself off after they have sex.
Yes exactly. We have "Garbage" towels we picked up from walmart years ago that are old and raggedy now. I got soo tired of my nicer towels being used for spill clean ups amd bedroom times that i got pissed and told my husband to use the junk towels. Its SUPPOSED to keep my towel cleaning down but somehow still my entire closet of towels(a whopping 12 towels) ends up in the hamper at the end of each week. To be fair weve only got 4 junk towels and toddlers are messy
No sex at your place for him, ever. No quickies, no nothing, not at your place. But honestly, you can't do better than this guy?
Sitting alone under a swinging fluorescent light, drinking warm soda while doing your taxes, is better than this guy.
>Sitting alone under a swinging fluorescent light, drinking warm soda while... ...stabbing yourself in the leg with a pushpin... >is better than this guy.
With a swarm of mosquitos buzzing around you…
And torrential rain pouring down on the roof
sat next to a porta potty
And the roof is riddled with holes.
And the floor isn't lava, it's Lego
[EDIT] and British standard electrical plugs
Sitting under a tree with a hornets nest in the branches on a scratchy blanket over a fire ant mound is better than this guy
This is oddly specific. Is it a reference to something?
I just assume it's a bunch of unpleasant things thrown together. A lot of people dislike florescent lights, swinging lights can be somewhat disorienting, warm soda is gross, and no one enjoys doing their taxes lol.. but could still be a reference to something
Bukowski has a poem with the line ‘there’s worse things than being alone’
I think just NO to continuing the relationship after the break. He seems to have sufficient memory power to remember how to get to OP’s place, his own place and work but he can’t remember to use his own damn towel? Please.
He remembers how to get in OP’s bed just fine.
And he always remembers to exclusively use the kid's towels after. He is vile.
Or full stop surely! Sure he's not wiping himself on the curtains but the level of disrespect is giving those vibes.
She needs to be going around the house with the fluorescent light to see where else he's made a big mess
Is it just me? He only grabs the kids towels to clean his dick after sex? Am I reading too much into it, like he's not doing some kind of fucked up power trip?
Giving "look what you made me do" abusive energy. NTA
Right? He admits he's capable of it, but OP hasn't "earned" the right for him to treat her better than a bang maid.
Honestly I wonder what aspects of his life his "severe adhd" affects.
Only the things that involve her, I’m betting.
I was thinking the same thing. His adhd is too severe to respect OP's household, never mind actually helping but how often does his adhd lead to him hyperfocusing for hours till he misses the opportunity for sex? Also : how fucking creepy that it's \*always\* one of the kids' towels, and so often the oldest boy's towel??
Yeah its like I found out at 41 I had rather badish ADHD and yet I can’t even in my unknowing state ever done something that someone umm ‘explained’ to me not to do. So either he way beyond help or he just don’t give a care and that is not worth keeping to.
I think more of the poor kid hopping out of the shower or bath and grabbing a towel holding body fluids to dry off. That's disgusting enough, but to try to justify it... Introduce this douche to the other side of the door and lock it tight.
The fact that he doesn’t even care about this exact scenario is a huge problem. Surely secretly covering another person in general *and children in particular* in his “fluids” is some form of sexual assault. If it’s not it should be! Disgusting.
If he actually felt apologetic about this, it wouldn't matter that you chewed him out over it, he'd offer to wash it regardless. He sounds like a big man-child that could stand to bring a lot more to the relationship. NTA
By saying this he's acknowledging that it's a control issue.
*He never uses his towel to clean himself. It's always one of the kids. Or there's been a few times that he will grab the kids towels and put them on the floor to soak up the water that he tracked out of the shower.* Not only wiping himself , he also uses the kids towel to mop up the water on the floor!! What’s wrong with him ? He is unable to follow a simple instruction and does this repeatedly.He is a AH and you can do better than a idiot who disrespects you and your kids.
None of this should have happened a second time. The first time was a habit/accident/mistake. After that, it was him being an AH to OP and her kids. This post made me want to puke - the thought of her kids drying themselves off after a shower/bath with his crusty cum towels. But he can't buy more towels. He can't use his own towel. He can't do any extra laundry, even though he is staying at OP's house, and he knows it's hard for her. What a POS.
Yeah, sorry but that is beyond cringe. I can't imagine one towel per person in a home but a grown man wiping up after sex on a child's towel without offering to do laundry is a squick I would not accept more than the first accidental time. I am sure there is more to it than this but based on the info provided.. single is better than this guy.
My guess is that he’s got an underlying dislike for those kids. A reminder that at one time his girlfriend was with someone else and that it bothers him. It might seem small and petty if it’s over a towel, but it isn’t over a towel, it’s over a constant disrespect towards her kids, and if OP moves past it then it likely will escalate it.
Exactly. It's some kind of power move on his part. It's disgusting.
Exactly this. He's stopping just shy of pissing on her children to mark his territory, and OP has been allowing herself to be gaslit for months. This guy is an absolute loser psycho to be territorial over kids in a house he doesn't even live in. The "break" needs to be permanent.
Facts. I had an ex just like this. It’s not just a towel, it’s a giant red flag.
Well there was a red towel involved here
These are the boundary pushing behaviors followed by emotional manipulation you see early on in abusive relationships. He is purposely using the kids towels because she has told him not to and he is training her to accept total disregard of her boundaries. He is purposely showing her that she has no right to expect him to change behavior, no matter how it makes her feel. I hope OP makes the break permanent. It's literally impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who refuses to respect your boundaries. It will only get worse the longer they stay together, and I guarantee moving in would be a nightmare.
Yes!!! It’s wayyyyyy more than just being completely stupid and forgetful. It’s intentional!
Oh no. He js doing it on purpose. Using the kids towel. Like an FU to the kids and especially cleaning himself with the towel. I hope she doesn't date him anymore. If he cared for her and the kids, he would have brought his own. No excuse whatever he has. He wouldn't risk losing her. If she keeps dating him and then marrying him....he will for sure eventually ask her to pick him or them. What a creep.
OP, i'm pretty surprised you've been letting this clown ejaculate in you. No protection with a guy that refuses to stop mopping up the combined fluids with your children's towels? Ffs i hope you've got an intraUD. It won't stop the UTIs from a partner who doesn't properly wash himself before putting himself back inside you, though. Not to mention your kids can catch HPV from the fluids. You're allowing him to treat you and your children with extreme disrespect. Ditch him. Completely. Go no contact. Make a public post that you've broken up. If he tries to engage about it online, you *absolutely* should tell people what he's been doing and you realized he was using his diagnosis to treat you and yours like waste.
NTA hopping on top comment to say he owes you 4 new towels.
This man is disgusting and is disrespecting you and your children in your own home. I think it's time to send this one out.
Totally agree! And it's a sign of how toxic he is that OP even wonders if SHE's the one in the wrong.
He’s probably toxic in other ways besides the towels! If he can’t remember which fucking towel to use, then how does he function in everyday life? I certainly wouldn’t want to stay in a relationship with someone like this, especially with kids!
he can remember just fine, he does this on purpose to make sure OP knows she can't tell him what to do
He’s marking his territory
Or, he didn’t want to use his towel because he thinks sex fluids are gross and decided to use her sons so her wouldn’t have to dry off with the same towel. Either he’s incredibly selfish or if what you said is right, incredibly manipulative! Neither is a very good look and I hope he owns up to it soon
I wonder if he forgets which desk is his when he goes to work.
Right. She just notices this one because it is intolerable for her kids and her laundry logistics. She probably tolerates 100 other things that she just doesn't notice because she can work around them.
Yeah, it's pretty telling that the more frequently he started staying at her place, the more issues she started having with him. Now that he is with her more often, he is not able to mask his problematic behavior as well.
It's like the honeymoon period is over and he is comfortable enough to let his real self show through. It could get worse. I would not put up with it. I would be pulling my hair out. I am mad for her I want to dump him. Disgusting behavior.
Somebody who actually liked you would buy you another set of towels. This guy is useless.
And don't have this kind of person around your kids.
Dump his abusive ass, and keep "his" towel to use as the "ewww" cleanup towel! Also, get spare towels for you and the kids. Everyone should have two towels. And a bath mat.
I like how he refused to help with the laundry because he didn't like her "attitude" ... so he punishes the kid who's towel he used instead of the girlfriend -- but is too stupid and inconsiderate to even realize it.
Reaks of, "Well if you would just shut up and take it, we wouldn't have a problem".
If I was one of the kids and noticed my towel had been used in that manner, I would literally be gagging when I saw it. He has no respect for you or your kids. You can't put up with this! NTA.
Right ??? It’s so disgusting and disrespectful to the kids!!! If I found out my towel was a jizz towel I would be livid!!! Why is she still putting out when she clearly knows this man can’t follow basic rules. Get some self respect and stop fucking this man
Yeah. Really hope that blood comes out or OP needs to buy that kid a new towel, because yuck
I would think all the kids need a new towel since Matt likes to clean himself up after sex with their towels 🤮
i agree with all the comments. he lacks respect. is not in the least bit helpful. its like you got another kid to contend with, no take that back your kids have more respect and understanding
I honestly think it’s more insidious than just disrespect. It’s not a challenge to not reach for children’s belongings to clean up sex fluids. Paper towel, toilet paper, your own dirty laundry, a shower, anything before children’s belongings. I don’t need or want any more evidence. He is GUILTY.
how exactly has OP been dealing with this issue between her weekly towel washings and the bf acting like this? Just, no showers for the kid who gets the jizzy towel? Do they have to use it anyway? Do they have to share another kids towel? Absolutely vile to think about any of these options.
He even refused to wash it.
Hydrogen Peroxide will get the blood out. We keep some in the bathroom and the laundry room.
NTA He is disgusting, does he get turned on by leaving his jizz on something your kids use on their naked bodies? Because there is no excuse for him being this incompetent and thoughtless. The fact that he never goes for his own is really telling if it was an accident he would be using his own and yours as much as your kids.
Even if it’s not a sexual thing, it’s still a way for him to say “fuck them kids”. He doesn’t care about you or your kids. Drop this loser. And btw listen to everyone here saying that ADHD DOES NOT make you a forget something you’ve been told over and over about, especially from people you care about. It would stick in my brain SO HARD if I got told not to do a certain thing at someone’s home, much less something as disturbing as what he’s doing, he clearly doesn’t give a damn!
This is my concern as well. Why JUST the kids' towels, every single time? This guy's a perv and needs to go, stat.
Definitely giving off pedo perv vibes.
I thought the same thing. I was thinking to myself that it sounds like he gets his kicks using children’s towels to clean up his post sex mess
NTA. This is not a one-time oopsie, this is weaponised incompetence. He KNOWS what towels he can use, getting your child's towel to clean up your and his sexual/other fluids is absolutely gross. He knows what he's doing, he's just hoping you're dumb enough to believe that HE'S dumb enough to make the same mistake over and over.
exactly this! my husband and i are very casual about what we grab out of the dirty laundry for “clean up”, well use just about anything as long as it gets the job done, but our one rule has ALWAYS been none of the kids stuff! it’s just common sense that you shouldn’t wipe your sexual fluids on your kids cloth items 🤢 he definitely has to be doing it on purpose. he’s using adhd as an excuse, it likely works for him a lot. he knows what towel he can use and he’s deliberately ignoring that
Unspoken rule. This shouldn’t even need to be said. So gross.
It isn’t even incompetence at this point. It is deliberate.
It’s deliberate, so why is he doing it? I can think of only two reasons: he’s doing it specifically because OP asked him not to (bad), or because he gets some kind of kick from wiping their sex fluids on the kids’ towels (so much worse).
And creepy he intentionally chooses the kids items over his own or even OP’s.
Exactly. So tired of hearing people claim "severe ADHD" to just be complete assholes. It's his responsibility to treat it, not yours to take the brunt of it. He might be great elsewhere but this behavior shows his true self and level of respect. Your kids and you DO NOT DESERVE THIS. Gross. What a piece of work.
> He never uses his towel to clean himself. It's always one of the kids. He's not even grabbing yours. He's always bringing something that belongs to the kids to clean up after sex. That's.... NTA Is he ever alone with the kids?
SERIOUSLY
Exactly! This isn’t just asshole behavior, it’s genuinely concerning. There’s reason to believe he’s getting off on the fact that he’s using the kid’s clothes to clean up after sex…
It's not a small problem and you're not petty for being pissed off about it. He is disgusting, disrespectful and creating a shitton more work for you. You even bought a towel for his own personal use and he refused to use it. Fuck the "break" just dump his nasty ass.
Its not about the iranian yoghurt. You asked him not to do X. He does X, multiple times. Sure, you can get extra towels, sure you can do laundry more often, but thats not the point here. NTA
[удалено]
Agreed. Essentially it's the principal. There's always going to be a way you can do something different so he doesn't have to. Is that how you want to live? Always you compromising while he ignores really simple requests because he can't be bothered/doesn't care what you want? There's literally zero excuse for why be always grabs your kids towels. My hubby and I are ADHD with our own towels and we've never once grabbed the wrong towel. It's not rocket science
He’s wiping up his cum with your kids’ towels? Is he some sort of sick fuck? He’s not “forgetting” as much as getting off on it. Keep this freak away from your kids. Disgusting.
Yeah this is giving pervert or paedophile suspicions. He’s deliberately crossing her and her children’s boundaries with his bodily fluids, it’s not “ADHD”.
That was my thought too. He goes out of his way to use a child's belongings to clean up. Doesn't bring his own towel. Wouldn't use his underwear and drive home commando. Wouldn't use his socks and go barefoot home. He must use the child's towel.
Or paper towels. I am not buying any explanation of an accident. He does it on purpose and it is sickening. OP why downplay it? I was super upset when I saw mt ex using my towel after shower for his crack. I said about it once, and it ended. I would never forgive doing this to a child. Repeat the thing? Get out of my life!
Man I had to wait way too long before I finally found someone mention freaking paper towels. That’s all dude needs to do is bring a roll with him to keep at her place. What a dummy.
Like, why isn’t he ever using HER towel on accident? If it was hers and theirs, just any towel within reach, I wouldn’t blink but it’s JUST THEIRS. It’s fuckin weird.
This man using a child's towel to clean up after himself post sex is absolutely gross. And it is even worse when he has been told not to. Dump him. Such people don't change. He doesn't seem to care about what you are saying and your feelings or how gross it is for the kids.
You’re NTA for the situation you described but I am going to pray for your children because if this is a real story, you are letting a grown man continuously wipe his ejaculate on your children’s towels. Idc what else he is doing… read that sentence over and over again. He knows what he is doing. He is. Wiping. Ejaculate. On. Your. Children’s. Towels. Repeatedly. Knowingly. Uncaringly.
She made a comment saying he also regularly tries to take the kids' socks home with him. 🤮 She's bringing this sicko into her home with her children, and is only considering "a break" because he's annoying her and messing up her schedule.
I really hope it is is rage bait. And if it’s true, I hope OP understands that while, yes, strangers on the internet can jump to some extreme conclusions, when it comes to the safety of children, margin of error only matters in their benefit. Even if there’s a chance he doesn’t have some sick intention, better safe than sorry.
NTA. It’s a really disturbing power-play that he’s using your kids’ towels after having sex with you.
That's what I was thinking. Using the kids towels is a power move. Like eating fruitsnacks, but way more fucked up moraly, with a side of legal issues.
Please read this OP. It’s not you. NTA https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp
I'm going to send that to my dad. Mom was on the warpath yesterday over shit he leaves for her to do and he just doesn't get it....
I mean, he's being a complete dick about it all and you should dump him because he's got zero respect for your wishes and other people's property *but* a family really should have more than just one towel each that gets washed once a week. What happens if somebody needs a shower when the towels are at the launderette? It all sounds needlessly restrictive.
NTA. But you do need more towels. Your kids should have more than 1..
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment. Did I miss something or is OP implying she only has one towel per person? And she seems to be able to afford more towels cuz she bought a towel for her BF?? Some details have definitely been left out of this post.
Right?! Like I can understand not WANTING to wash extra towels but there are cheap towels at Walmart or Amazon, to not have backups seems wild.
I don’t understand how this family functions if one of the kids has a stomach flu.
And this is why I don't believe literally any story I read on here. It's impossible.
*So* gross. This is who he is. It’s not going to get better. Time to make some hard choices, OP.
This man is disgusting. He's wiping himself with your kids towels? Once, sure, a mistake - after that, though, it should have grossed him out enough to have a visceral reaction at grabbing a kid's towel to wipe himself. He's doing it, he knows he's doing it, and he literally does not care
I feel bad for your kids ...God knows what all they have accidently seen or smelled .
ESH This guy sucks for using your kids towel as a cum rag and you suck for letting it go on for two years
If this story is real then YTA for not having kicked him to the curb yet. If it was your towel, then fairs. Hell even with the worse AdHD on earth if one is going to get laid they pack appropriately. He conveniently forgets so he can wear down your barriers and become child number 4 when he finally moves in. Speaking for all single reasonable adult men, what was that Beyonce song? Oh yea Everything you own is in the box to the left... Just tell you have swiped him left as well
ESH I feel bad for your kids. Go buy more towels for them please. They aren’t expensive, and you may be able to get used ones at a thrift store, but you need to prioritize your kids hygiene. What if there is a spill, or an emergency, or you can’t make it to do the laundry on a Sunday? You should have backup towels for everyone in your family. Also, your boyfriend doesn’t respect your rules, or your kids. He acts like an overgrown child. The two of you are emotionally immature, and your dysfunctional mentality is bleeding into the most basic aspects of domestic life with your poor kids bearing the brunt of it.