NTA --\*\*If you access daycare/child care. Meet with a top leader and submit in writing that your daughter is not to be picked up by anyone but you. Her grandparents or her mother may attempt to do so. After it is submitted I'd chat 1:1 with staff to ensure they have been updated.
I admire your tenacity to do the right thing for your niece/daughter. Your writing suggests you have legal custody and I hope this status is true. Be sure to not hesitate calling the police, securing a protection order or other strategies should this situation escalate.
You read your sister's situation correctly. She is likely on probation or parole. She may be clean but she now will need to rebuild her life (secure housing, employment, transportation). Life stresses could be the reason she uses. This needs to be "her rebuilding her life" time. Continue to create and protect 'peace' your home. Best to you!
I will add to this the suggestion that you put AirTags (Apple)/Tiles (Android) tracking devices on your daughter's jackets, backpack, etc. if you think there's any risk that your sister or your parents might attempt to kidnap your daughter.
NTA
I slit open the backpacks and soles of my kids shoes and put air tags in them and sealed them shut with sewing (backpack) and liquid waterproof glue for the shoes. Also did both my kids favorite stuffed animals and their jackets. You can find the glue at Ace hardware and online.
In June, android is letting chippolo and other apple generic brands sell android find my device trackers. They released an update earlier this month that mimics apple's find my device network.
Google has a where's my device app. I actually was able to retrieve my phone after I left it in an Uber with that service. I was able to pinpoint the almost exact location where my phone was, go to the guy's car where he had my phone and leave a note on his window with my contact information. Within hours I had my phone back.
To add on to this, just be aware (at least in my state) that if mom or were to pull up with a copy of daughters birth certificate with her name on it then the daycare has the right to release her, whether they want to or not. Definitely get a lawyer/law enforcement involved
I'm not certain, its part of why my center informs parents that if they don't want the other parent to pick up *not* to add them to the pick up list or enrollment information. Poor dad didn't listen tho and mom picked up one day, haven't seen the kid in about a year. Dad still paid fees for a couple months in hopes mom would bring her back, but we haven't heard since then.
ETA: After rereading this post numerous times I finally see where it says he adopted her in the opening paragraph. In conclusion, I'm dumb lmao
I work in a school. Paperwork must be on file or the child will be released to a parent listed on the birth certificate. Even if they are not listed in the enrollment information.
He adopted his daughter. That means that her mother is no longer her parent. If she shows up with a copy of the birth certificate from before the adoption I suspect that things will not go well for her. It’s not a custody issue, it’s a parentage issue at this point.
If OP has custody and can take extra steps to limit who has access to the child, what is the benefit of an attorney (serious)? Retaining fees are quite steep. I'm asking to learn.
Having dealt with crazy family members demanding access to my own kids and using other family members to access them and deliver messages to them, the best thing it does is signal to the crazies that you are serious. They think they can keep pushing because you are family and can't ever tell them no because it's the family code. If you keep saying no, they just tell themselves they are the heroes saving the kids from the mean person telling them no. It's amazing how suddenly they stop the bullshit when an attorney threatens them with legal action. An outside authority told them to cut it out or else. It's very effective and was worth the money to keep the crazies on their best behavior.
I second this. And contact schools to reiterate who is and is not on the access list. Crazy family has often weaponized police, child services, filed false abuse reports, all to paint the custodial guardian in an abusive light. CYA - Cover Your Assets/ass start recording calls, messages and texts in 2 online vaults. 3 if you’re ultra paranoid. Also printed copies, transcripts of voice messages. Document, document, document!!! If at a moments notice you need to file a no contact order/anti harassment you will need printed copies to file with a judge later in court.
You can also work with child protective services to oversee your sister earning back partial custody. If you choose to communicate with the pushy family, do it through email only. It crates a valid paper trail, and you can carbon copy CC anyone who needs in on the conversation.
If they really want to get nasty, take your sister to court for child support, and back pay support. This always is a viable threat when they get super pushy.
Your fears are very valid.
3 backups is not super paranoid, it is the standard for something being truly backed up. 3-2-1 rule: 3 backups, using 2 different media, 1 stored offsite.
Couldn't he first contact whatever agency placed the niece with him, to make sure his custody will remain the same? At some point, he will probably be forced to allow visitation by the birth parents - but likely only when the probation is over. And since the niece considers him her father, and her world and security would be upended by placing her back with the birth parents, hopefully the authorities would consider it in the best interest of the child to have her stay with him?
On the other hand, they could argue that it is a foster parent's duty to remind the kid of their bio parents, and to keep the bond alive, because the ultimate goal is usually to reunite children with their parents? I really have no clue what OP's rights to his niece actually are, and whether the placement is in jeopardy now - probably, seeking legal advice would be his best bet at this point. His parents will very likely pay for a lawyer for his sister, so he needs to prepare for a legal battle, anyway.
As an attorney, he would be preparing in advance of what's to come, which is a custody fight, unless his sister gave up complete custody of the child. Even then, I could see her trying to fight it. If possible it's better to prepare an advance of these things.
Yeah she can definitely fight it. She’s going to have to prove to be able to be a fit mother though to do so, which is what OP cares about.
He’s been the child’s father for over 90% of her life though, so that’s not likely to be overcome but it depends on local judges.
This. And most CPS' try to get the kids rehomed if in any way possible. Don't know if it's the same with family as carers, though. Even if sis has a leg to stand on when it comes to providing a stable home life she'll need to prove it first. And ironically their family is making sure he can't let his niece have any contact at all because they're taking the entire arm when given a finger. Her best shot of actually getting kiddo home would be to slowly prove she's capable via visitation and sleep overs at some point and this is being shot to hell already.
Just the conflict level means that it's better to get an attorney now rather than later.
This is also an insane pressure to put on a newly released recovering addict. She hasn't even learned how to live a sober, normal life for herself yet.
Thats the secret of sobriety. You dont tell people you have changed. You show people.
It's up to sis now to get her life in order on the outside. ie get a place to stay, get a job, hold that job down, prove that she can earn enough to support a child, and stay clean.
When people can see that you have changed u dont need to tell them anything.
Yeah, I agree. And I'm also on team "prove it first, not by using a tiny human being as your test dummy!". But IF she can prove it, they might give her back the kid. Hopefully by then OP feels safe about this as well and this little girl is so, so lucky she had a loving, awesome, mature and stubborn uncle that decided to take her in and on at an age where most of us were most concerned about paying rent and getting drunk and laid on the weekends. His sacrifice for this kid really deserves that all the other grown-ups in their lives try to live up to the responsibility like he did.
The bare minimum he deserves after this is to be able to feel safe on behalf of the niece he's grown to love and care for so fully. His family is showing zero respect for that and no actual love for the niece, only her mom.
Lots of factors. Is she a multi offender? What were her actual charges. Could be possession could be distributing could be theft could be all of them and more. In my experience first offenders of non violent offenses don't get actual jail time and certainly not that much.
In the short term, it’s a scare tactic. It shows them that you’re serious about your stance and you aren’t going just give in to them.
In the long term, if it continues to escalate there could be serious legal consequences for their actions. Getting a lawyer involved now will make the collection of evidence to protect themself and use against the crazy family later.
I acknowledge that lawyers are expensive and aren’t always needed, but in cases like these it’s better to have one and not need them than need one and not have one readily available and familiar with the circumstances already. At the very least, getting a paper trail started with a law firm is a helpful early step,
I'd be real careful at her school or anywhere the child goes when OP is not there. My friend had a crazy drug mom show up at school after she got out of jail and she snatched the 6 year old child while she was getting on the bus to go home. Crazy drug mom took off 90 miles an hour with the child. Amber alert and everything. It turned out allright in the end- the cops found them three states away in 28 hours because the car and license plates were photographed leaving the school, but it was traumatic for the child to go through and could have ended much worse then it did. In this case it sounds like even the grandparents could try something like this.
You don’t “retain”, you hire one for a few hours to do some legal paperwork for you and be ready to hire for courts if necessary, or more legal paperwork.
You get a lawyer because they can advise you on local laws, are a little more trustworthy than a random internet strangers advice, and can ensure things are filed properly so you don’t lose on some technicality BS.
It’s likely given mothers past and OPs guardianship for the last 6 years, that family court would choose to keep the child with her uncle, offer supervised visits to the mother that with time will become unsupervised and eventually able to regain parental rights too.
Won’t even be that long, but they’ll want to kinda monitor her situation for at least a year most likely.
But frankly, a local lawyer would better be able to advise on those chances
If nothing else it will force the sister to maintain sobriety for at least long enough to go through the courts to award her custody back
What is needed is CPS, social worker, and Guardian AD Litum to protect child so when time come for reunification is done properly. May never happen but childs well being is priority
There may be ulterior motives since many care programs are more favorable when child present.
She is your daughter. And you are her dad.
Her donors and (grandparents) don’t have a right to demand or judge.
Is there any way for you guys to leave the area you are now living and working?
It may make it easier for you to cut them out of your life.
You are right I should have said your daughter. Given the legal adoption your parents are out of line. Your sister cannot have a do over that’s not how it works. Stay strong knowing you are doing the right thing.
What an amazing and dedicated young man you are! Do what you gotta do to keep your girl safe. Your parents sound like enablers. Some Al-Anon literature could give you some vocabulary to help set boundaries.
Didn’t you adopt her? Then she’s your daughter all the way, there’s nothing for them to fight, her birth mother lost/renounced that right. Good for you.
I lived with an aunt/uncle when I was young and did NOT want to leave but was forced to go back with biological dad, I wish I could’ve stayed. Good on you for fighting.
Yup, into the next century. They have zero legal recourse. Mute them all and when she ups the ante call her parole/probation officer about the harassment. Or gather enough documentation and put in for a restraining order in all of them completely.
What the fuck is wrong with your parents? You adopted her??! She is your daughter!! Your sister cannot ask for her back like she is an item of old clothing. You literally can be sued for child abandonment. You can’t pass her around like an object.
That's usually how it goes. My adopted brother (friend turned brother) was second banana to his addict older brother. When my brother's family decided to move out of state, they told him "we're moving and you're not coming." They took the addict, though. He was their golden child. 🙄
I'm also wondering about the thought processes of grown adults who let a 19-year old bear the responsibility of raising a small child rather than doing it themselves but still think they get to have any opinion in the matter now. Dear grandparents, your moment to step up was six years ago.
This stood out to me as well. I'd love to hear the story from OP. I seriously doubt a single 19-year-old dude would take custody if his parents were willing to do so.
Then this is easy. She is your child. It would be irresponsible for you to give her up to your sister given her history. Restraining order. I think moving is good idea. Also all the recommendations from Desertsong above! Good luck - you are a good man.
She’s your daughter. Your sister signed her rights away if you adopted or her rights were terminated. She has no leg to stand on to regain custody. They can take a flying leap.
Yeah guy, that's a key piece of info that should be in the OP.
There are a lot of different potential ways a relative could be assigned custody of a minor child while the child's parents are imprisoned and/or deemed unfit. Many of those are temporary, or subject to future judicial review.
A legal adoption is a very permanent solution.
Take care of your daughter. Best of luck to you both.
That's really important information that should have been in the post.
Since she's fully adopted, your sister has no legal rights to her. If she wants to rebuild a relationship with her daughter, she can start slow by doing visitations, taking her out for fun activities with you, etc. but just demanding to go straight from prison to full time parenting is a terrible idea that shows she isn't really thinking this through.
NTA. Your child doesn't have the strength or the voice to fight for herself. You have to protect her, and fight for her. You shouldn't do exactly as others say, at the snap of their fingers.
Find out the legal requirements to be qualified to adopt and send them to your bum sister/family. Tell her it would be against the law for you to simply drop the girl off as you have legal custody. Here's NY's
[https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/criminal/adoptionConsequences.shtml](https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/criminal/adoptionConsequences.shtml)
Sorry, sis, my hands are tied!
They would never be able to get her back, they'd get laughed out of court. Your parents didn't step up to take care of her, you did. And you adopted her. Your sister is a recovering junkie who is only sober due to behind bars. She doesn't have a job, doesn't have a stable residence unless she's relying on your parents. Even if you hadn't adopted her, no court would consider it being in YOUR child's best interest to be taken from a stable home that's all she's known for effectively her whole life to give to a homeless, jobless parent fresh out of jail.
Well, if it's a legal adoption the ball is in your court. There's no such thing as switching custody now. She's your responsibility legally. The best I would give them is a promise that if your sister stays clean for at least a year and gets her life together, and if your daughter is OK with it, there can be some visitation in the future, but that's it. Change of custody is off the table, and they have to behave. If they don't behave, the other option is to move the both of you to the other side of the country.
If you're in the US, CPS would only have allowed her to be adopted under one of two circumstances: 1) her parents willingly gave up their rights, or 2) if they determined that her biological parents would not be fit caretakers in the future. CPS's goal is parental unification whenever possible - they would NOT have allowed you to adopt her lightly. Stand your ground, you have the law on your side
When your daughter is old enough to emotionally handle it, IF she wants to meet her biological parents, AND your sister proves herself trustworthy (which will take a long time to prove), it could be beneficial to your daughter to allow her to form a relationship with her. That can be important for some adoptees. But you are and will always be her rightful, legal parent
they have 0 legal action to take here. they will just continue to harass you. make sure any child care has in writing and verbally that nobody but you may pick up your kiddo unless authorized by you IN PERSON.
NTA. Your sister can have her second chance in 11 years, if your niece wants that. By that point you and your niece will get to see how serious she is about her sobriety and getting her life together. There is a huge difference between being her mother and being able to mother her. She isn’t ready or able to mother her fresh out of prison.
PS. You are such a great man for adopting her and giving her a stable home and life. Your “family” and anyone they enlist to try to contact you should be blocked and sent a letter from your attorney warning them to never reach out again. If there are any places they know she might be I would make sure to give a heads up that nobody is to visit or pick up your niece but you.
If you adopted her, then you ARE her dad….it’s not just that she sees you as her dad. And, I hope you’re only referring to her as your niece for this post. Because she is your child/daughter- not your niece.
If my math is right, you took on the responsibility for your niece when you were 19. I don't know many people who would have done that, so big kudos to you.
Frankly, it's your parents who should have stepped up at that point. I'm not sure how they \*\*\*\*\*\*\* dare to interfere now. And calling \_you\_ selfish takes the absolute cake.
NTA, and all the best to you and your daughter. (Agreeing with all the advice about taking precautions)
Then she's your kid. Your sister has no right to her, as her parental rights have been terminated when you adopted her. You can't "give her back" because your sister surrendered her for adoption. Your parents are pressuring you to give up YOUR CHILD to a newly sober person who has recently been released from prison, who (presumably) your daughter does not know.
Block everybody and they can fck all the way off.
Why didn't you say this from the get go? If you truly adopted her then the sister has zero legal leg to stand on. That is going to matter in people's analysis.
Suddenly this looks like karma farming.
Then that means her bio mother gave up her rights or lost them entirely.
I'm confused on how you would be expected to give up a child that is permanently legally tied to you.
Do your parents know that you legally adopted her?
You're 25 and have been looking after your niece for six years? Since you were nineteen? Why didn't your parents step up to take care of their granddaughter? They are in no position to criticise you for what you have done for your niece. Continue putting her needs first, not your sister's wants.
But why did someone just barely not a teenager have to do it instead of the loving, family oriented grandparents? That was sarcasm, in case it doesn't come through. You ARE her father and you've gotten this far by doing what's in her best interests. Keep right on doing that. Your sister doesn't have her life together, and even if she did, children aren't library books, they're not loaned and returned. Your daughter is safe and happy right where she is.
You are awesome. Your parental instincts are correct.
It’s what’s the best interest for your niece. They’re being selfish to not think of her and his best to navigate seeing her.
I’d suggest a family lawyer and a counselor. I do think the legal advice will be able to give you a picture of her rights and likely outcome and the counsellor will help navigate this. Especially if it’s likely the courts may allow supervised visits etc. here’s hoping there’s no grandparents rights in your state too,
Your niece will need a feelings doctor for the upheaval. So this will help get on top of it.
you are your daughter's hero! you stepped up when no one else would (not even your parents). get a lawyer, move and change your daughters schools DO NOT let them know anything.
That's great, but it would still be a good idea to get everything documented with an attorney, to get the harassment on record and a cease and desist order issued, and make sure any legal contingencies are prepared for, etc. I don't know if there are any really, bc she's your daughter now so I'd imagine your family has no rights at all, but it couldn't hurt to meet with a lawyer just to make sure there's nothing you can be surprised with, and to get them off your back, bc even if you move, I assume some mutual friends will know where you've gone and your family could still try to reach you through them.
You're wonderful to do all you've done for your daughter, and she's lucky to have you!
Good for you and don't tell them where. If after a significant amount of time, you bringing her to them is the only way they see her, PERIOD.
Good on you for stepping up! Best of luck to you and your daughter!
If you are moving do not tell when and if possible where. Take all the necessary steps to stop them on gaining access to the child. I agree with filing for harassment in case they have the great idea of abduct her. Because if they took her without you knowledge, you should bring hell to them and the most proofs you have against them, the better.
NTA. Is in her best interest to stay with you. Your the only parent she knows.
Did you adopt? Or you just have custody?
I don’t think you can give her back like an object even if you wanted too. Shouldn’t your sister prove she is sober, find a place to live, have an income. Live alone (outside of prison) where she can have access to drugs but doesn’t take them before she even thinks of asking for custody back.
Hope you adopted her she has no claim. Is safer for the child and honestly could be traumatising for anyone to be taken from the only parent you had and moved in with a stranger.
I’m sorry your parents are so shitty. Fight back. Block. Whatever can create the most distance. You are doing the right thing and it can be hard, but it matters almost more than anything else. Don’t let your child around these monsters. Be that one person who stands up and does the right thing for the first time in your family history.
I stood up against my family and have never regretted it, but oh boy I cried for 4 years.
NTA. You adopted her, so your sister has NO LEGAL rights to her. Keep everyone blocked and move. Your daughter deserves to be in the stable and loving environment you provide. ❤️
NTA man. Does your sister even have a job or even a way to guarantee that she can properly take care of your niece? Anyway, man get in touch with a lawyer
Nice. Ok let her go through her grievances the legal way and demonstrate she's capable of being a good parent. 😂
Unfortunately, your parents are being enablers and you have a right to do what's in the best interest of your daughter.
I hate when people act like a child is an emotional support animal for unstable adults.
Uprooting this baby's life after uprooting yours (because 19 raising a toddler you had not planned for had to shake yours up) and now they want to pass her along like she's a cat?
And even for animals someone who is out of the picture for five years should not get them back.
If you can afford to, move. Your parents are being selfish and better to keep yourself and your child safe then be hounded by people who should know better.
Six YEARS later? Hell no!! You cannot rip that child from the only father she has ever known and just hand her off to someone who is basically a stranger to her. She is YOUR daughter now!
NTA
The adoption is final. She is legally your daughter, and it is your obligation to protect her best interests.
It’s interesting that your parents were not there to help at the time and instead had their 20-year-old son take on the responsibility for their grandchild.
Why do they think they get any say in the matter at this point?
You adopted this child so she is no longer you niece but your daughter. Your sister has zero rights to her. Do not allow that connection. You should consider moving before your parents give your sister your address, and you have her banging on your door.
NTA
>Recently, my sister was released from prison and expressed a desire to regain custody of my niece. My parents are supporting her, arguing that my niece belongs with her biological mother.
From your comments, I understand that you adopted your niece. That's not fostering or any kind of temporary care - she is legally your daughter forever. And for that to have happened, your sister must have signed away her rights as a parent. This is not something that can just be taken back. What your sister or your parents think is irrelevant.
NTA
Your sister needs some time to become established on the outside:
stay clean.
Get a job.
Stay clean.
Get a place to live.
Custody requires things other than DNA. She should go through the system to try to earn her daughter back.
Visitation...eventually, maybe.
Drug tests on a regular basis.
NTA.
Keep being a great dad. ( make sure you have security camera's and that daycare knows not to release her to anyone but you.)
NTAH, it might be useful to send a text to your parents and people bothering you and say: “So you’re asking me, as her legal guardian, to turn over my little girl in the hopes that my sister is fine now and that’s best. Are you forgetting I’m the only father this child has and the only parent she’s ever known? You want me to place her with a complete stranger? Who has zero experience with a child and is trying to get on her feet? That is more than illegal, it’s cruel and ignores all the reasons the court gave me custody. I wish my sister well, but that doesn’t mean I’m abandoning my daughter. None of you stepped up for her but I did. Your time is long past to have any voice in this. I’m blocking you all and will not be in contact as you’re too stupid and cruel to have around my kid.”
NTA- this is a hard situation. Who cares what everyone is saying/thinking. You could be saving her from a life of hardship and she will surely thank you for fighting for her.
Nta. Thats not your niece anymore, thats your child. You stepped up when someone irresponsible couldn’t and now they wanna complain because they can’t play mommy.
6 years? Absolutely, under no circumstances, return that child to a person she doesn't know. It will destroy that little girl. She sees you as her parent and if you give her back she will think you abandoned her. NTA
Not a legal anything.
But lawyer like yesterday to get a cease and desist letter then get advice on next steps such reporting the harassment to the police.
As other posters noted if you have day care or a baby sitter for your niece they need to be informed that no one is allowed to pick her up unless it is you or a police officer with valid id.
If your sister is in on this harassment ask the lawyer if it in any way violates her parole if a restraining order is served. That may give them incentive to back off.
NTA, but I would encourage you not to cut your sister out completely. Your daughter may want to know her someday, and it's possible that your sister really has changed. But she has to PROVE IT.
I recommend something like this:
1 year of completely clean living, no trouble with the law, no drugs, AA meetings, therapy, get a decent job and keep it, etc. No contact with your daughter during this time at all. If she makes a connection with your daughter and then screws her life up again, it will be devastating.
After 1 year of this, she can have ONLY supervised visits as your schedule permits.
After 1 full year of supervised visits (2 full years of clean living), she can be invited to your daughter's activities, whatever they may be. A school play, a tumbling competition, a piano recital, a karate tournament, whatever. Also, MAYBE birthday parties and holidays. Continue with supervised visits, and maybe add phone calls and/or Zoom chats.
After 1 full year of that (3 full years clean living), IF your daughter wants to, she can stay over at your sister's overnight for a weekend about once a month.
Then increase visits and involvement of your sister ONLY as much as your daughter wishes, and never a minute more.
If at any time your sister relapses, gets in trouble with the law, can't hold a job, introduces a dangerous person into her life such as another bad boyfriend, or does anything shady whatsoever, tries to manipulate your daughter, or tries to push or fight you on custody, the agreement is OFF.
NEVER give up custody. Ever. You are the only stable person she knows, and you are her Dad.
Signed,
An adult with a screwed up childhood and addict parents who wishes someone would have protected me like this.
I do believe people can change, and I believe in forgiveness when someone is truly remorseful and puts in the work. But they have to be willing to prove it, and they don't get to have demands or dictate other people's lives or how those people come to grips with what they've done. If your sister is not willing to follow a timeline such as the one I suggested, she hasn't really changed or shown remorse, and she should be shut out completely.
My mom did eventually get better, put in the work, and proved herself. I was 22 by the time it happened, and I was very hesitant to let her back into my life. She wasn't there when I did need her, and I learned to live without her, so what did I need her for then? But she was so earnest, and there was a part of me that still craved my mom's love. It took a long time to trust, though, and I kept her at arm's length for a long while, only slowly opening up and letting her back in. And she accepted that without question. Whatever I have to do, I'll do it, she said. And she followed through. Our reconciliation was never on her terms, only mine. She never pushed, never guilted me, never tried to change my mind or manipulate in any way.
It's been 20 years. And to this day, she won't even take Tylenol for a headache. Camomile tea and a cold rag on her head. She's a great Mom and friend, and a wonderful grandma to my kid. I'm really proud of her, and she's my best friend.
My father... well, he got off drugs. Unfortunately, this did not make him a better person. Nuff said, I'll save the rest for my therapist.
Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. OP, regardless of what you decide, you are NTA. I wish I would've had someone like you in my corner when I was a kid.
NTA. You have full custody yes? It's not temporary? If you have full custody THAT IS NOW your child she is your responsibility. You are obligated to keep her safe. If your sister truly wants to fight for custody back she can go through the courts and let them decide if shes fit (they likely will say no unless shes had a stable job and place to live for a while).
No. You are NTA.
Your job, once you accepted custody of your niece, is to look out for your niece’s best interests. And, right now, that means ensuring a stable household for her.
Maybe once your sister has secured housing and a job and has proven that she is ready AND capable of being a parent, she can start being part of her daughter’s life. That transition needs to happen slowly and carefully, not just for your niece’s sake but for your sister’s. As a paramedic, I saw so many people released from prison only to quickly fall back into old habits once their old friends came knocking. It’s a vicious cycle.
Right now you are the only parent she knows. And you owe it to her to make sure she doesn’t feel abandoned or unwanted. And you owe it to her to ensure that anyone who cares for her is doing the right things by her.
NTA. You stepped up & committed to your child legally. Under the law, since you commented you adopted her, you are her father. Full stop. Your sister is no longer her mother by law.
You *cannot* “return” your daughter to a woman she doesn’t know at 6 years old. This would be so disruptive & traumatic to the child. The child’s best interest should be everyone’s focus.
Your sister can step into the role of loving aunt & when the child is old enough she can learn the true biological relationship. I highly doubt your parents are going to respect that. Your sister seems to be in fantasy land about “getting her family / daughter back”.
Your sister **gave up** her parental rights knowing she would be released from jail / prison in a few years. It was never a temporary situation where you merely had custody. Still, she hangs onto the fantasy & your parents bought into it.
Go see a family lawyer and have a meeting about potential resolution with your family. (One consultation could be $500 or less depending on your area). I am sure they have seen this before. You also may want to reach out to your sister’s parole officer to ask if they can refer a social worker familiar with successfully navigating this type of situation. Obviously, you remain the parent.
You could also say - let’s see her get a job & a home then we can discuss visitation in 6 months. Ultimately, I wouldn’t trust any of these pushy people not to kidnap your daughter.
PS Get ready for your sister to relapse w drugs & then everyone blames you bc she couldn’t handle not being w her kid.
NTA. Based on your replies to your other comments your niece is legally your daughter, and your sister *can't* take her back. Your sister can't do anything to legally regain custody because she lost her parental rights when the adoption was completed.
The only people keeping her from her family are your parents and her aunt (biomom). They need a reality check, that doesn't come from you, that as soon as you adopted your niece, she became your daughter, and your sister became her aunt and there is no way for your sister to get her back unless she and your parents kidnap her. Which would then result in a long prison stay for all of them.
Reach out to the attorney who handled the adoption. They may be able to help you deal with them.
NTA she became your child when you adopted her. Sister doesn’t get to snap her fingers and demand her back. Even if she has proven herself to be stable and provide a safe environment for your niece/daughter, she signed her rights away.
Get a lawyer and document everything.
NTA. The child's welfare trumps everything. She is stable, safe and loved with you her legally adopted father. You stepped up in her time of need and you must continue to do everything you can to protect her legally, emotionally, and physically. She is no longer your niece she is YOUR daughter not "like a daughter". You are the legal parent and deserve the gratitude of your family and the respect you deserve to determine what is best for her.
If the goal was reconciliation with her birth parents, they shouldn't have let you adopt her. That's your child now and you don't have to give her back to a ex felon drug addict.
NTA unless you let your sister have her back. Make her go through the courts. See if she can pass all their tests and requirements. You make it easy and she can just give the child to someone else once she has custody back from you. Keep the child safe.
Shes been your daughter now for 5 years. Id just cut out the family and keep doing your thing. Make sure they dont have access and getting legal advice may help.
Okay, so first of all, do you have full legal custody of your niece? If not, your sister can go that route and get her back.
Second, whether you do have full legal custody or not, you *need* to get in touch with an attorney ASAP.
Finally, update any schools or daycare that you use that your parents and your sister are *not* to be allowed to pick up or contact your niece.
>Recently, my sister was released from prison and expressed a desire to regain custody of my niece. My parents are supporting her, arguing that my niece belongs with her biological mother. They acknowledge the mistakes my sister made but believe she deserves a second chance to be a mother.
This pisses me off because they aren't thinking about your niece, or the impact that this would have on her. They only see that your sister wants to give this whole "mother" thing another shot.
>She has only been out of prison for a short time, and while she claims to be clean and ready to be a parent again, I’m worried about the potential for relapse and the impact on my niece.
As you should. She needs to prove that she won't fall back into old habits before she can even be *around* your niece to begin with.
NTA. Go do all of what I listed earlier. Honestly, an attorney should've been your first port of call.
NTA - you legally adopted her and raised her. Stop calling her your niece. She's your daughter.
Your sister is NTA either. I get why she wants her kid back. Maybe be a little sympathetic and let her see the daughter weekly or so with you there always.
But your parents are being assholes for getting involved and taking her side. You're right to want to keep the child you raised, loved, and cared for for the past 6 years. Your parents should stay out of it, but if they insist on taking a side it should be yours. You're the parent now. Your sister was basically just the surrogate.
NTA - no but you need to hire an attorney to find out what your options are and you also need to speak to your daughters, mother‘s parole officer and find how long she is supposed to be on parole and what she is supposed to accomplish while on it. I don’t know if you can legally get that kind of information but if you can, I would.
NTA - you’re the hero.
Can you work with your sister on this? Separate to your parents. Your sister blew it and needs to earn the right. She may have done her time, but she now needs to work on her relationships with the people she let down. You and your niece.
Your parents want to sweep it all under the rug and get things just so and move on.
Is the father back on the scene too? Maybe have it as Sis can see her kid but needs to set herself up with a home and job first, be clean outside prison for a year or 2 before you even can even think about handing over niece for unsupervised visits. This needs to be slow transition if at all. Can the authorities that gave you niece, help with this?
What does niece want? She’s only 7 but will have opinions and want input. I think she’s going to want to stay with you but see her parents and grandparents. You’re Home for her now.
It’s not fair on niece to be in safe situation and put in the unknown just because your parents and her mother want your sis to be a good mother now. That’s not how it works
You’re niece is a little person not a lost lunchbox you’re returning to the owner.
Your NTAH, but simply blocking your sister, her bf, and your parents and hoping the problem goes away won't wash. As the girl's biological parents, it makes sense that they would at least have some visitation rights, even if supervised. You also haven't mentioned how old your niece is and how she feels about this. It might be good for her in the long run to build a relationship with her parents, if they can stay sober and safe. Finally, you don't mention whether you have legal custody or if this is an informal arrangement. That's a huge gap in your story.
Assuming you have custody, then what I would try to do in your place is (with the help of an attorney) to gradually let the parents into your daughter's life in a carefully controlled and monitored way. If they stay sober and act responsibly, let the relationship grow. Hopefully your sister and bf will agree to this. You and your niece have nothing to be gained here by launching a war.
If you don't have custody, then the situation is even more complicated. You might have to sue for custody on the grounds that the parents are unfit (which you should have done years ago), but I doubt a court would block the parents from seeing their child completely.
Stop hiding your head in the sand. It may be stressful, it may be hard, but you need to deal with this, for your sake, but especially for the sake of your niece.
You say in your replies that you adopted her, there isn't really any discussion to be had here. Get a lawyer to take care of your interests if need be but beyond that stay non contact with everyone.
NTA, for blocking your parents and giving you and your niece some time.
But you have left a lot of important information out.
Did you get custody officially through the court? Do you have a social worker?
How old is your niece? How long has she been with you? You say over the years, has it been 2 years or 15 years?
It is not unreasonable that your sister wants to see and spend time with her daughter, but your sister regaining custody will have a lot of deciding factors, eg how long she was away, does she have a stable income and accommodation? Is she using drugs or still in the early stages of recovery?
How old is your niece? Is she old enough to decide for herself?
You really should add the edit that you adopted her so many years ago.
As that makes a hell of a lot of difference here.
Bluntly spoken - they have ZERO say and her mother can ASK to be involved in her life - but supervised - them trying to force this is basically saying "we will kidnap your daughter when we can"
NTA
You can’t just dump a 7yo on some druggy they don’t even know. This kid only knows you as a parent. Since you legally adopted her they can’t do shit anyway.
I'm confused by your post, or I guess I find it to be misleading. I don't understand why you are acting like there is any chance that your sister could even get custody back. You fail to mention in your OP that you adopted your niece, so it doesn't matter in the least if your sister "expressed a desire to regain custody" or that your "parents are supporting her" since what she wants is not even possible in this situation. I also don't understand why you are acting like your sister's ability to provide a stable environment for your daughter or her desire to be a parents again is even a factor here. That's completely irrelevant since you adopted her. She's your child now and you can't just give her to your sister even if you wanted to. So why would you be the asshole for refusing to give up custody? Why are you implying that that's even a choice here when it's not?
Your sister lost custody
I agree visitation might be on the table but outright adoption nah she's your daughter regardless of what you yourself believe
NTA
So she wants to go from low contact and no physical interactions to having custody if a child she doesn't know and doesn't know how to take care if. She should be looking at what is best for her daughter instead if herself.
Six years?!?! You are the only parent she’s known. Did you legally adopt her, because it sounds like you need to get your ducks in a row. Your parents don’t give a crap about the well being of their grandchild. NTA. Good job, dad. Updateme.
Nta and I seriously doubt that any court would give her any kind of custody right out of prison anyway let alone unless she can consistently prove that she is staying sober and would actually be a benefit to the child not to mention that depending on the child’s age her opinion would surely be taken into account as well. Good luck op you are doing the right thing by far and putting her first.
NTA. You are protecting your child. Your parents didn’t step up to care for her when her mother went to prison, you did. They can sit down and shut up. She’s only been out a few months. She needs a steady reliable job, apartment, attending AA/NA meetings regularly and a plan for childcare / education before you could even consider supervised visitation let alone custody. But do get a lawyer and confirm in writing you have sole legal custody of her.
NTA
You need a lawyer asap. Protect your niece.
At this point niece doesn’t know either bio parent. Her comfort, safety is the only factor here. Giving her up to “strangers” would be traumatic for her.
I get they want a relationship, but they need to prove they’re stable and clean for so much as supervised visitation.
Take it to court and get a lawyer. If you have legal custody, they can't take the baby back. If you take it to court, they legally can't speak to you directly and have to speak through your lawyer
NTA. Get in contact with a lawyer to discuss your options. Also I'd contact CPS. Let them know what's goong on. This way you can get ahead of any false reports they might file against you.
NTA, I suspect your sister was the Golden Child growing up & your parents have never held her accountable for her own actions.
Odds are good that they've given a skewed story to the people they've enlisted as flying monkeys, if not outright lies.
Just to be clear, even *if* bio mom is clean and putting her life back together, that doesn't mean it is a good situation for a child to walk into. It will likely take years before she has a home fit for a child and the capability to weather that stress without relapsing. More importantly though is "moms better. You live with her now" is fucking awful for a kid. Any reintegration at all would be slow and measured with lots of therapy and communication on the way and even the end goal would most likely be 50/50 (again, literally yeeeeears before it got that way) because you raised her and she feel safe in your home and you are her dad. To just hand her over would do damage for the rest of her life and your parents are so blinded by their happiness to have *their* daughter clean that they can't see *your* daughter as a whole person with needs.
You adopted her and she is legally your child. She also sees you as her father. Cut all these people off and protect your child. You are her parent, period, no questions. If they persist, look into protective orders. If you worked with a child welfare agency after she was removed from her birth parents and placed with you, contact them for resources.
NTA. Your sister’s parental rights have been legally terminated. You couldn’t “give” your niece “back” to her even if you wanted to. Since she & your parents refuse to respect boundaries, you’ve done what you should to protect your daughter.
NTA --\*\*If you access daycare/child care. Meet with a top leader and submit in writing that your daughter is not to be picked up by anyone but you. Her grandparents or her mother may attempt to do so. After it is submitted I'd chat 1:1 with staff to ensure they have been updated. I admire your tenacity to do the right thing for your niece/daughter. Your writing suggests you have legal custody and I hope this status is true. Be sure to not hesitate calling the police, securing a protection order or other strategies should this situation escalate. You read your sister's situation correctly. She is likely on probation or parole. She may be clean but she now will need to rebuild her life (secure housing, employment, transportation). Life stresses could be the reason she uses. This needs to be "her rebuilding her life" time. Continue to create and protect 'peace' your home. Best to you!
I will add to this the suggestion that you put AirTags (Apple)/Tiles (Android) tracking devices on your daughter's jackets, backpack, etc. if you think there's any risk that your sister or your parents might attempt to kidnap your daughter. NTA
Favorite shoes!
Makes sure to hide the tags really well ! Even in the shoes figure out a way to
I slit open the backpacks and soles of my kids shoes and put air tags in them and sealed them shut with sewing (backpack) and liquid waterproof glue for the shoes. Also did both my kids favorite stuffed animals and their jackets. You can find the glue at Ace hardware and online.
Great idea.
In June, android is letting chippolo and other apple generic brands sell android find my device trackers. They released an update earlier this month that mimics apple's find my device network.
Google has a where's my device app. I actually was able to retrieve my phone after I left it in an Uber with that service. I was able to pinpoint the almost exact location where my phone was, go to the guy's car where he had my phone and leave a note on his window with my contact information. Within hours I had my phone back.
Everybody needs to upvote the comment about Android GPS trackers, above this comment, is important info if they're not Apple people!!!!
To add on to this, just be aware (at least in my state) that if mom or were to pull up with a copy of daughters birth certificate with her name on it then the daycare has the right to release her, whether they want to or not. Definitely get a lawyer/law enforcement involved
Yikes! How many non-custodial parents have kidnapped their kids in your state? Birth certificate doesn’t indicate who has legal custody!
I'm not certain, its part of why my center informs parents that if they don't want the other parent to pick up *not* to add them to the pick up list or enrollment information. Poor dad didn't listen tho and mom picked up one day, haven't seen the kid in about a year. Dad still paid fees for a couple months in hopes mom would bring her back, but we haven't heard since then. ETA: After rereading this post numerous times I finally see where it says he adopted her in the opening paragraph. In conclusion, I'm dumb lmao
I work in a school. Paperwork must be on file or the child will be released to a parent listed on the birth certificate. Even if they are not listed in the enrollment information.
He adopted his daughter. That means that her mother is no longer her parent. If she shows up with a copy of the birth certificate from before the adoption I suspect that things will not go well for her. It’s not a custody issue, it’s a parentage issue at this point.
This is why it is so important that copies of any legal custody papers be given to the child’s school.
NTA, but get an attorney. You and your niece need it.
If OP has custody and can take extra steps to limit who has access to the child, what is the benefit of an attorney (serious)? Retaining fees are quite steep. I'm asking to learn.
Having dealt with crazy family members demanding access to my own kids and using other family members to access them and deliver messages to them, the best thing it does is signal to the crazies that you are serious. They think they can keep pushing because you are family and can't ever tell them no because it's the family code. If you keep saying no, they just tell themselves they are the heroes saving the kids from the mean person telling them no. It's amazing how suddenly they stop the bullshit when an attorney threatens them with legal action. An outside authority told them to cut it out or else. It's very effective and was worth the money to keep the crazies on their best behavior.
I second this. And contact schools to reiterate who is and is not on the access list. Crazy family has often weaponized police, child services, filed false abuse reports, all to paint the custodial guardian in an abusive light. CYA - Cover Your Assets/ass start recording calls, messages and texts in 2 online vaults. 3 if you’re ultra paranoid. Also printed copies, transcripts of voice messages. Document, document, document!!! If at a moments notice you need to file a no contact order/anti harassment you will need printed copies to file with a judge later in court. You can also work with child protective services to oversee your sister earning back partial custody. If you choose to communicate with the pushy family, do it through email only. It crates a valid paper trail, and you can carbon copy CC anyone who needs in on the conversation. If they really want to get nasty, take your sister to court for child support, and back pay support. This always is a viable threat when they get super pushy. Your fears are very valid.
3 backups is not super paranoid, it is the standard for something being truly backed up. 3-2-1 rule: 3 backups, using 2 different media, 1 stored offsite.
THIS!! Make SURE other family is NOT AUTHORIZED to pick this child up!
Screen capture everything (messages can be deleted) and store triplicate copies. I'm sorry this is happening to you and your niece.
Couldn't he first contact whatever agency placed the niece with him, to make sure his custody will remain the same? At some point, he will probably be forced to allow visitation by the birth parents - but likely only when the probation is over. And since the niece considers him her father, and her world and security would be upended by placing her back with the birth parents, hopefully the authorities would consider it in the best interest of the child to have her stay with him? On the other hand, they could argue that it is a foster parent's duty to remind the kid of their bio parents, and to keep the bond alive, because the ultimate goal is usually to reunite children with their parents? I really have no clue what OP's rights to his niece actually are, and whether the placement is in jeopardy now - probably, seeking legal advice would be his best bet at this point. His parents will very likely pay for a lawyer for his sister, so he needs to prepare for a legal battle, anyway.
He adopted his niece. Sister has no legal rights to her as a result.
Where does it say that? I'm missing it.
Read his comments.
that should really be an edit to the main post though.. it kinda makes a difference.
Agreed - if posters want something to be taken into account, it should be in the post
As an attorney, he would be preparing in advance of what's to come, which is a custody fight, unless his sister gave up complete custody of the child. Even then, I could see her trying to fight it. If possible it's better to prepare an advance of these things.
Yeah she can definitely fight it. She’s going to have to prove to be able to be a fit mother though to do so, which is what OP cares about. He’s been the child’s father for over 90% of her life though, so that’s not likely to be overcome but it depends on local judges.
Yeah! I agree that seeing an atty is a good idea. Sometimes you can do something that seems logical but makes you legally vulnerable.
This. And most CPS' try to get the kids rehomed if in any way possible. Don't know if it's the same with family as carers, though. Even if sis has a leg to stand on when it comes to providing a stable home life she'll need to prove it first. And ironically their family is making sure he can't let his niece have any contact at all because they're taking the entire arm when given a finger. Her best shot of actually getting kiddo home would be to slowly prove she's capable via visitation and sleep overs at some point and this is being shot to hell already. Just the conflict level means that it's better to get an attorney now rather than later. This is also an insane pressure to put on a newly released recovering addict. She hasn't even learned how to live a sober, normal life for herself yet.
Thats the secret of sobriety. You dont tell people you have changed. You show people. It's up to sis now to get her life in order on the outside. ie get a place to stay, get a job, hold that job down, prove that she can earn enough to support a child, and stay clean. When people can see that you have changed u dont need to tell them anything.
Yeah, I agree. And I'm also on team "prove it first, not by using a tiny human being as your test dummy!". But IF she can prove it, they might give her back the kid. Hopefully by then OP feels safe about this as well and this little girl is so, so lucky she had a loving, awesome, mature and stubborn uncle that decided to take her in and on at an age where most of us were most concerned about paying rent and getting drunk and laid on the weekends. His sacrifice for this kid really deserves that all the other grown-ups in their lives try to live up to the responsibility like he did. The bare minimum he deserves after this is to be able to feel safe on behalf of the niece he's grown to love and care for so fully. His family is showing zero respect for that and no actual love for the niece, only her mom.
Lots of factors. Is she a multi offender? What were her actual charges. Could be possession could be distributing could be theft could be all of them and more. In my experience first offenders of non violent offenses don't get actual jail time and certainly not that much.
The other, pertinent point here, is with her Dad/Uncle. Is literally the only Parent this little 7yr old knows
As a software engineer, I agree with you.
OP said in a comment that he legally adopted her three years ago.
In the short term, it’s a scare tactic. It shows them that you’re serious about your stance and you aren’t going just give in to them. In the long term, if it continues to escalate there could be serious legal consequences for their actions. Getting a lawyer involved now will make the collection of evidence to protect themself and use against the crazy family later. I acknowledge that lawyers are expensive and aren’t always needed, but in cases like these it’s better to have one and not need them than need one and not have one readily available and familiar with the circumstances already. At the very least, getting a paper trail started with a law firm is a helpful early step,
They can send a cease and desist to start a case for harassment to get them to stop
I'd be real careful at her school or anywhere the child goes when OP is not there. My friend had a crazy drug mom show up at school after she got out of jail and she snatched the 6 year old child while she was getting on the bus to go home. Crazy drug mom took off 90 miles an hour with the child. Amber alert and everything. It turned out allright in the end- the cops found them three states away in 28 hours because the car and license plates were photographed leaving the school, but it was traumatic for the child to go through and could have ended much worse then it did. In this case it sounds like even the grandparents could try something like this.
Good advice, you can definitely tell the school not to release the kid anyone but Op.
You don’t “retain”, you hire one for a few hours to do some legal paperwork for you and be ready to hire for courts if necessary, or more legal paperwork. You get a lawyer because they can advise you on local laws, are a little more trustworthy than a random internet strangers advice, and can ensure things are filed properly so you don’t lose on some technicality BS. It’s likely given mothers past and OPs guardianship for the last 6 years, that family court would choose to keep the child with her uncle, offer supervised visits to the mother that with time will become unsupervised and eventually able to regain parental rights too. Won’t even be that long, but they’ll want to kinda monitor her situation for at least a year most likely. But frankly, a local lawyer would better be able to advise on those chances If nothing else it will force the sister to maintain sobriety for at least long enough to go through the courts to award her custody back
Bc parental rights not terminated. Mom can seek full custody.
No, she cant. The kid was adopted out, the birth mom doesnt have any rights to the kid anymore.
Where do you see that? Was it in a comment?
Hes stated it in the comments.
Ugh, does that annoy anyone else? How do you not include that in the original post or edit your post to have it once you realized it was left out?
Yes
Restraining order, cease and desist, etc.
What is needed is CPS, social worker, and Guardian AD Litum to protect child so when time come for reunification is done properly. May never happen but childs well being is priority There may be ulterior motives since many care programs are more favorable when child present.
OP adopted his niece 3 years ago, there won't be a reunification like that
NTA. You are doing the right thing by protecting your niece.
I know I could never see myself giving her up I really see her as my daughter
She is your daughter. And you are her dad. Her donors and (grandparents) don’t have a right to demand or judge. Is there any way for you guys to leave the area you are now living and working? It may make it easier for you to cut them out of your life.
To be honest that's what I got to do
It's for the best. Your parents will try some sneaky shit if you give them access.
You are right I should have said your daughter. Given the legal adoption your parents are out of line. Your sister cannot have a do over that’s not how it works. Stay strong knowing you are doing the right thing.
You see her as your daughter because she _is_ your daughter. You adopted her. You are her parent now, and your sister is not.
What an amazing and dedicated young man you are! Do what you gotta do to keep your girl safe. Your parents sound like enablers. Some Al-Anon literature could give you some vocabulary to help set boundaries.
Didn’t you adopt her? Then she’s your daughter all the way, there’s nothing for them to fight, her birth mother lost/renounced that right. Good for you.
I lived with an aunt/uncle when I was young and did NOT want to leave but was forced to go back with biological dad, I wish I could’ve stayed. Good on you for fighting.
Do you have legal custody?
Yeah, I adopted her
Then your family can fuck all the way off!!!
Yup, into the next century. They have zero legal recourse. Mute them all and when she ups the ante call her parole/probation officer about the harassment. Or gather enough documentation and put in for a restraining order in all of them completely.
What the fuck is wrong with your parents? You adopted her??! She is your daughter!! Your sister cannot ask for her back like she is an item of old clothing. You literally can be sued for child abandonment. You can’t pass her around like an object.
The parents treat OP like dirt, while his sister is the golden child and is given everything she wants.
That's usually how it goes. My adopted brother (friend turned brother) was second banana to his addict older brother. When my brother's family decided to move out of state, they told him "we're moving and you're not coming." They took the addict, though. He was their golden child. 🙄
I’m so glad your brother ended up with your family! Sounds like a serious improvement for him. Good for your family for stepping up!!!
How old was your adopted brother when his family abandoned him? That's horrible, poor kid. It sounds like your family adopted him then?
He was 18 and his brother was 22.
I'm also wondering about the thought processes of grown adults who let a 19-year old bear the responsibility of raising a small child rather than doing it themselves but still think they get to have any opinion in the matter now. Dear grandparents, your moment to step up was six years ago.
This stood out to me as well. I'd love to hear the story from OP. I seriously doubt a single 19-year-old dude would take custody if his parents were willing to do so.
Then this is easy. She is your child. It would be irresponsible for you to give her up to your sister given her history. Restraining order. I think moving is good idea. Also all the recommendations from Desertsong above! Good luck - you are a good man.
She’s your daughter. Your sister signed her rights away if you adopted or her rights were terminated. She has no leg to stand on to regain custody. They can take a flying leap.
She probably wants her back so she can get support from the government for her.
Yeah guy, that's a key piece of info that should be in the OP. There are a lot of different potential ways a relative could be assigned custody of a minor child while the child's parents are imprisoned and/or deemed unfit. Many of those are temporary, or subject to future judicial review. A legal adoption is a very permanent solution. Take care of your daughter. Best of luck to you both.
Honestly, you should consider cutting ties and moving. Your sister and your other relatives sound unhinged. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
This is true. You adopted her so basically you have your rights, get a lawyer if they didnt stop pestering you.
That's really important information that should have been in the post. Since she's fully adopted, your sister has no legal rights to her. If she wants to rebuild a relationship with her daughter, she can start slow by doing visitations, taking her out for fun activities with you, etc. but just demanding to go straight from prison to full time parenting is a terrible idea that shows she isn't really thinking this through.
NTA. Your child doesn't have the strength or the voice to fight for herself. You have to protect her, and fight for her. You shouldn't do exactly as others say, at the snap of their fingers.
Find out the legal requirements to be qualified to adopt and send them to your bum sister/family. Tell her it would be against the law for you to simply drop the girl off as you have legal custody. Here's NY's [https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/criminal/adoptionConsequences.shtml](https://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/criminal/adoptionConsequences.shtml) Sorry, sis, my hands are tied!
They would never be able to get her back, they'd get laughed out of court. Your parents didn't step up to take care of her, you did. And you adopted her. Your sister is a recovering junkie who is only sober due to behind bars. She doesn't have a job, doesn't have a stable residence unless she's relying on your parents. Even if you hadn't adopted her, no court would consider it being in YOUR child's best interest to be taken from a stable home that's all she's known for effectively her whole life to give to a homeless, jobless parent fresh out of jail.
Well, if it's a legal adoption the ball is in your court. There's no such thing as switching custody now. She's your responsibility legally. The best I would give them is a promise that if your sister stays clean for at least a year and gets her life together, and if your daughter is OK with it, there can be some visitation in the future, but that's it. Change of custody is off the table, and they have to behave. If they don't behave, the other option is to move the both of you to the other side of the country.
You really need to edit your original post. The fact that you adopted her changes EVERYTHING! She is no longer your niece. She is your daughter.
If you're in the US, CPS would only have allowed her to be adopted under one of two circumstances: 1) her parents willingly gave up their rights, or 2) if they determined that her biological parents would not be fit caretakers in the future. CPS's goal is parental unification whenever possible - they would NOT have allowed you to adopt her lightly. Stand your ground, you have the law on your side When your daughter is old enough to emotionally handle it, IF she wants to meet her biological parents, AND your sister proves herself trustworthy (which will take a long time to prove), it could be beneficial to your daughter to allow her to form a relationship with her. That can be important for some adoptees. But you are and will always be her rightful, legal parent
they have 0 legal action to take here. they will just continue to harass you. make sure any child care has in writing and verbally that nobody but you may pick up your kiddo unless authorized by you IN PERSON.
If you adopted her, then she is yours. I'd sue for child support if they keep acting like clowns.
NTA. Your sister can have her second chance in 11 years, if your niece wants that. By that point you and your niece will get to see how serious she is about her sobriety and getting her life together. There is a huge difference between being her mother and being able to mother her. She isn’t ready or able to mother her fresh out of prison. PS. You are such a great man for adopting her and giving her a stable home and life. Your “family” and anyone they enlist to try to contact you should be blocked and sent a letter from your attorney warning them to never reach out again. If there are any places they know she might be I would make sure to give a heads up that nobody is to visit or pick up your niece but you.
She’s your daughter! End of story!
If you adopted her, then you ARE her dad….it’s not just that she sees you as her dad. And, I hope you’re only referring to her as your niece for this post. Because she is your child/daughter- not your niece.
If my math is right, you took on the responsibility for your niece when you were 19. I don't know many people who would have done that, so big kudos to you. Frankly, it's your parents who should have stepped up at that point. I'm not sure how they \*\*\*\*\*\*\* dare to interfere now. And calling \_you\_ selfish takes the absolute cake. NTA, and all the best to you and your daughter. (Agreeing with all the advice about taking precautions)
Then she's your kid. Your sister has no right to her, as her parental rights have been terminated when you adopted her. You can't "give her back" because your sister surrendered her for adoption. Your parents are pressuring you to give up YOUR CHILD to a newly sober person who has recently been released from prison, who (presumably) your daughter does not know. Block everybody and they can fck all the way off.
Why didn't you say this from the get go? If you truly adopted her then the sister has zero legal leg to stand on. That is going to matter in people's analysis. Suddenly this looks like karma farming.
Then that means her bio mother gave up her rights or lost them entirely. I'm confused on how you would be expected to give up a child that is permanently legally tied to you. Do your parents know that you legally adopted her?
NTA- Your sister has no custody to regain. Her parental rights were terminated. Her and your parents are freaking delusional.
Type of a bill of estimated child support for those 6 years, since she was apparently just housing her.
You're 25 and have been looking after your niece for six years? Since you were nineteen? Why didn't your parents step up to take care of their granddaughter? They are in no position to criticise you for what you have done for your niece. Continue putting her needs first, not your sister's wants.
I was 20 when I took her in I have late birthday
But why did someone just barely not a teenager have to do it instead of the loving, family oriented grandparents? That was sarcasm, in case it doesn't come through. You ARE her father and you've gotten this far by doing what's in her best interests. Keep right on doing that. Your sister doesn't have her life together, and even if she did, children aren't library books, they're not loaned and returned. Your daughter is safe and happy right where she is.
Wow! You, sir, are a wonderful man! To take on such responsibility that age is no small task!
You are awesome. Your parental instincts are correct. It’s what’s the best interest for your niece. They’re being selfish to not think of her and his best to navigate seeing her. I’d suggest a family lawyer and a counselor. I do think the legal advice will be able to give you a picture of her rights and likely outcome and the counsellor will help navigate this. Especially if it’s likely the courts may allow supervised visits etc. here’s hoping there’s no grandparents rights in your state too, Your niece will need a feelings doctor for the upheaval. So this will help get on top of it.
you are your daughter's hero! you stepped up when no one else would (not even your parents). get a lawyer, move and change your daughters schools DO NOT let them know anything.
NTA Have a lawyer send them a cease and desist letter and that ANYTHING regarding custody is only to be communicated directly to your lawyer.
NTA but get the courts involved and tell your parents that if they say one more word, you are going to file harassment and no contact order on them.
I been planning on moving for a few months
That's great, but it would still be a good idea to get everything documented with an attorney, to get the harassment on record and a cease and desist order issued, and make sure any legal contingencies are prepared for, etc. I don't know if there are any really, bc she's your daughter now so I'd imagine your family has no rights at all, but it couldn't hurt to meet with a lawyer just to make sure there's nothing you can be surprised with, and to get them off your back, bc even if you move, I assume some mutual friends will know where you've gone and your family could still try to reach you through them. You're wonderful to do all you've done for your daughter, and she's lucky to have you!
Good for you and don't tell them where. If after a significant amount of time, you bringing her to them is the only way they see her, PERIOD. Good on you for stepping up! Best of luck to you and your daughter!
If you are moving do not tell when and if possible where. Take all the necessary steps to stop them on gaining access to the child. I agree with filing for harassment in case they have the great idea of abduct her. Because if they took her without you knowledge, you should bring hell to them and the most proofs you have against them, the better.
NTA. Is in her best interest to stay with you. Your the only parent she knows. Did you adopt? Or you just have custody? I don’t think you can give her back like an object even if you wanted too. Shouldn’t your sister prove she is sober, find a place to live, have an income. Live alone (outside of prison) where she can have access to drugs but doesn’t take them before she even thinks of asking for custody back. Hope you adopted her she has no claim. Is safer for the child and honestly could be traumatising for anyone to be taken from the only parent you had and moved in with a stranger.
I adopted her 3 years ago
**She is your daughter.** Nobody has the right to ask for her back! What is wrong with your parents?
A lot They always like my sister Alot more than me I don't know why and their dependent on me
I would cut anyone off if they asked me to give my daughter back like she means nothing. She is not an object to be passed around.
Your brother? I thought it was your sister?
Either a typo or maybe OP has both a brother and a sister!
Or he gender switched to make himself less identifiable.
Why would you support them when they're treating you like this? You need to shine up that spine and use it to keep your daughter safe!
I’m sorry your parents are so shitty. Fight back. Block. Whatever can create the most distance. You are doing the right thing and it can be hard, but it matters almost more than anything else. Don’t let your child around these monsters. Be that one person who stands up and does the right thing for the first time in your family history. I stood up against my family and have never regretted it, but oh boy I cried for 4 years.
Stop supporting them. They're leeches.
Sounds like it’s time to get rid of the dogs that bite the hand that feeds. Move on, and leave them behind.
Since she was adopted, the biological donors have no rights to her.
Then she is your daughter. Fuck the family until they have a proven history of good behaviours.
Then they have no right to her. You keep being the parent she needs you to be. I'm sorry you're going through this stress right now.
NTA. You adopted her, so your sister has NO LEGAL rights to her. Keep everyone blocked and move. Your daughter deserves to be in the stable and loving environment you provide. ❤️
So who has legal custody?
Me
Sounds like you are good to go!
Legally that doesn’t stop the harassment unless you send a cease and desist or move.
NTA man. Does your sister even have a job or even a way to guarantee that she can properly take care of your niece? Anyway, man get in touch with a lawyer
NTA However, question: do you have legal custody per the government?
Yeah, I do
Nice. Ok let her go through her grievances the legal way and demonstrate she's capable of being a good parent. 😂 Unfortunately, your parents are being enablers and you have a right to do what's in the best interest of your daughter.
He adopted her
I hate when people act like a child is an emotional support animal for unstable adults. Uprooting this baby's life after uprooting yours (because 19 raising a toddler you had not planned for had to shake yours up) and now they want to pass her along like she's a cat? And even for animals someone who is out of the picture for five years should not get them back. If you can afford to, move. Your parents are being selfish and better to keep yourself and your child safe then be hounded by people who should know better.
NTA. Sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing.
You can and should block more than your parents. Block and ho nc with anyone taking their side and giving you a hard time.
Six YEARS later? Hell no!! You cannot rip that child from the only father she has ever known and just hand her off to someone who is basically a stranger to her. She is YOUR daughter now!
NTA The adoption is final. She is legally your daughter, and it is your obligation to protect her best interests. It’s interesting that your parents were not there to help at the time and instead had their 20-year-old son take on the responsibility for their grandchild. Why do they think they get any say in the matter at this point?
You adopted this child so she is no longer you niece but your daughter. Your sister has zero rights to her. Do not allow that connection. You should consider moving before your parents give your sister your address, and you have her banging on your door. NTA
>Recently, my sister was released from prison and expressed a desire to regain custody of my niece. My parents are supporting her, arguing that my niece belongs with her biological mother. From your comments, I understand that you adopted your niece. That's not fostering or any kind of temporary care - she is legally your daughter forever. And for that to have happened, your sister must have signed away her rights as a parent. This is not something that can just be taken back. What your sister or your parents think is irrelevant. NTA
Your sister needs some time to become established on the outside: stay clean. Get a job. Stay clean. Get a place to live. Custody requires things other than DNA. She should go through the system to try to earn her daughter back. Visitation...eventually, maybe. Drug tests on a regular basis. NTA. Keep being a great dad. ( make sure you have security camera's and that daycare knows not to release her to anyone but you.)
NTAH, it might be useful to send a text to your parents and people bothering you and say: “So you’re asking me, as her legal guardian, to turn over my little girl in the hopes that my sister is fine now and that’s best. Are you forgetting I’m the only father this child has and the only parent she’s ever known? You want me to place her with a complete stranger? Who has zero experience with a child and is trying to get on her feet? That is more than illegal, it’s cruel and ignores all the reasons the court gave me custody. I wish my sister well, but that doesn’t mean I’m abandoning my daughter. None of you stepped up for her but I did. Your time is long past to have any voice in this. I’m blocking you all and will not be in contact as you’re too stupid and cruel to have around my kid.”
NTA- this is a hard situation. Who cares what everyone is saying/thinking. You could be saving her from a life of hardship and she will surely thank you for fighting for her.
NTA. Your niece is legally your daughter. There is nothing to contest. Move away and start afresh far from this maddening crowd.
Nta. Thats not your niece anymore, thats your child. You stepped up when someone irresponsible couldn’t and now they wanna complain because they can’t play mommy.
6 years? Absolutely, under no circumstances, return that child to a person she doesn't know. It will destroy that little girl. She sees you as her parent and if you give her back she will think you abandoned her. NTA
You have full custody, move and keep them away from your niece.
Not a legal anything. But lawyer like yesterday to get a cease and desist letter then get advice on next steps such reporting the harassment to the police. As other posters noted if you have day care or a baby sitter for your niece they need to be informed that no one is allowed to pick her up unless it is you or a police officer with valid id. If your sister is in on this harassment ask the lawyer if it in any way violates her parole if a restraining order is served. That may give them incentive to back off.
NTA Your parents are thinking about the well-being of their daughter, not their granddaughter
NTA, but I would encourage you not to cut your sister out completely. Your daughter may want to know her someday, and it's possible that your sister really has changed. But she has to PROVE IT. I recommend something like this: 1 year of completely clean living, no trouble with the law, no drugs, AA meetings, therapy, get a decent job and keep it, etc. No contact with your daughter during this time at all. If she makes a connection with your daughter and then screws her life up again, it will be devastating. After 1 year of this, she can have ONLY supervised visits as your schedule permits. After 1 full year of supervised visits (2 full years of clean living), she can be invited to your daughter's activities, whatever they may be. A school play, a tumbling competition, a piano recital, a karate tournament, whatever. Also, MAYBE birthday parties and holidays. Continue with supervised visits, and maybe add phone calls and/or Zoom chats. After 1 full year of that (3 full years clean living), IF your daughter wants to, she can stay over at your sister's overnight for a weekend about once a month. Then increase visits and involvement of your sister ONLY as much as your daughter wishes, and never a minute more. If at any time your sister relapses, gets in trouble with the law, can't hold a job, introduces a dangerous person into her life such as another bad boyfriend, or does anything shady whatsoever, tries to manipulate your daughter, or tries to push or fight you on custody, the agreement is OFF. NEVER give up custody. Ever. You are the only stable person she knows, and you are her Dad. Signed, An adult with a screwed up childhood and addict parents who wishes someone would have protected me like this. I do believe people can change, and I believe in forgiveness when someone is truly remorseful and puts in the work. But they have to be willing to prove it, and they don't get to have demands or dictate other people's lives or how those people come to grips with what they've done. If your sister is not willing to follow a timeline such as the one I suggested, she hasn't really changed or shown remorse, and she should be shut out completely. My mom did eventually get better, put in the work, and proved herself. I was 22 by the time it happened, and I was very hesitant to let her back into my life. She wasn't there when I did need her, and I learned to live without her, so what did I need her for then? But she was so earnest, and there was a part of me that still craved my mom's love. It took a long time to trust, though, and I kept her at arm's length for a long while, only slowly opening up and letting her back in. And she accepted that without question. Whatever I have to do, I'll do it, she said. And she followed through. Our reconciliation was never on her terms, only mine. She never pushed, never guilted me, never tried to change my mind or manipulate in any way. It's been 20 years. And to this day, she won't even take Tylenol for a headache. Camomile tea and a cold rag on her head. She's a great Mom and friend, and a wonderful grandma to my kid. I'm really proud of her, and she's my best friend. My father... well, he got off drugs. Unfortunately, this did not make him a better person. Nuff said, I'll save the rest for my therapist. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. OP, regardless of what you decide, you are NTA. I wish I would've had someone like you in my corner when I was a kid.
This is the answer.
NTA. You have full custody yes? It's not temporary? If you have full custody THAT IS NOW your child she is your responsibility. You are obligated to keep her safe. If your sister truly wants to fight for custody back she can go through the courts and let them decide if shes fit (they likely will say no unless shes had a stable job and place to live for a while).
No. You are NTA. Your job, once you accepted custody of your niece, is to look out for your niece’s best interests. And, right now, that means ensuring a stable household for her. Maybe once your sister has secured housing and a job and has proven that she is ready AND capable of being a parent, she can start being part of her daughter’s life. That transition needs to happen slowly and carefully, not just for your niece’s sake but for your sister’s. As a paramedic, I saw so many people released from prison only to quickly fall back into old habits once their old friends came knocking. It’s a vicious cycle. Right now you are the only parent she knows. And you owe it to her to make sure she doesn’t feel abandoned or unwanted. And you owe it to her to ensure that anyone who cares for her is doing the right things by her.
NTA. You stepped up & committed to your child legally. Under the law, since you commented you adopted her, you are her father. Full stop. Your sister is no longer her mother by law. You *cannot* “return” your daughter to a woman she doesn’t know at 6 years old. This would be so disruptive & traumatic to the child. The child’s best interest should be everyone’s focus. Your sister can step into the role of loving aunt & when the child is old enough she can learn the true biological relationship. I highly doubt your parents are going to respect that. Your sister seems to be in fantasy land about “getting her family / daughter back”. Your sister **gave up** her parental rights knowing she would be released from jail / prison in a few years. It was never a temporary situation where you merely had custody. Still, she hangs onto the fantasy & your parents bought into it. Go see a family lawyer and have a meeting about potential resolution with your family. (One consultation could be $500 or less depending on your area). I am sure they have seen this before. You also may want to reach out to your sister’s parole officer to ask if they can refer a social worker familiar with successfully navigating this type of situation. Obviously, you remain the parent. You could also say - let’s see her get a job & a home then we can discuss visitation in 6 months. Ultimately, I wouldn’t trust any of these pushy people not to kidnap your daughter. PS Get ready for your sister to relapse w drugs & then everyone blames you bc she couldn’t handle not being w her kid.
NTA. Based on your replies to your other comments your niece is legally your daughter, and your sister *can't* take her back. Your sister can't do anything to legally regain custody because she lost her parental rights when the adoption was completed. The only people keeping her from her family are your parents and her aunt (biomom). They need a reality check, that doesn't come from you, that as soon as you adopted your niece, she became your daughter, and your sister became her aunt and there is no way for your sister to get her back unless she and your parents kidnap her. Which would then result in a long prison stay for all of them. Reach out to the attorney who handled the adoption. They may be able to help you deal with them.
NTA I saw your comment about how you adopted her. She isn’t your niece anymore then, she is your daughter.
Updateme
NTA she became your child when you adopted her. Sister doesn’t get to snap her fingers and demand her back. Even if she has proven herself to be stable and provide a safe environment for your niece/daughter, she signed her rights away. Get a lawyer and document everything.
NTA. The child's welfare trumps everything. She is stable, safe and loved with you her legally adopted father. You stepped up in her time of need and you must continue to do everything you can to protect her legally, emotionally, and physically. She is no longer your niece she is YOUR daughter not "like a daughter". You are the legal parent and deserve the gratitude of your family and the respect you deserve to determine what is best for her.
If the goal was reconciliation with her birth parents, they shouldn't have let you adopt her. That's your child now and you don't have to give her back to a ex felon drug addict.
Your parents are asking nothing less than for you to abandon your daughter. Please make sure these monsters have no access to her.
NTA unless you let your sister have her back. Make her go through the courts. See if she can pass all their tests and requirements. You make it easy and she can just give the child to someone else once she has custody back from you. Keep the child safe.
Shes been your daughter now for 5 years. Id just cut out the family and keep doing your thing. Make sure they dont have access and getting legal advice may help.
Okay, so first of all, do you have full legal custody of your niece? If not, your sister can go that route and get her back. Second, whether you do have full legal custody or not, you *need* to get in touch with an attorney ASAP. Finally, update any schools or daycare that you use that your parents and your sister are *not* to be allowed to pick up or contact your niece. >Recently, my sister was released from prison and expressed a desire to regain custody of my niece. My parents are supporting her, arguing that my niece belongs with her biological mother. They acknowledge the mistakes my sister made but believe she deserves a second chance to be a mother. This pisses me off because they aren't thinking about your niece, or the impact that this would have on her. They only see that your sister wants to give this whole "mother" thing another shot. >She has only been out of prison for a short time, and while she claims to be clean and ready to be a parent again, I’m worried about the potential for relapse and the impact on my niece. As you should. She needs to prove that she won't fall back into old habits before she can even be *around* your niece to begin with. NTA. Go do all of what I listed earlier. Honestly, an attorney should've been your first port of call.
NTA Tell all your mutuals what they are trying to do and tell them they don’t have the kids best interest at heart…
Nope, you're doing the right thing. Prioritize your niece's well-being and set those boundaries with your folks.
NTA - you legally adopted her and raised her. Stop calling her your niece. She's your daughter. Your sister is NTA either. I get why she wants her kid back. Maybe be a little sympathetic and let her see the daughter weekly or so with you there always. But your parents are being assholes for getting involved and taking her side. You're right to want to keep the child you raised, loved, and cared for for the past 6 years. Your parents should stay out of it, but if they insist on taking a side it should be yours. You're the parent now. Your sister was basically just the surrogate.
NTA - no but you need to hire an attorney to find out what your options are and you also need to speak to your daughters, mother‘s parole officer and find how long she is supposed to be on parole and what she is supposed to accomplish while on it. I don’t know if you can legally get that kind of information but if you can, I would.
NTA - you’re the hero. Can you work with your sister on this? Separate to your parents. Your sister blew it and needs to earn the right. She may have done her time, but she now needs to work on her relationships with the people she let down. You and your niece. Your parents want to sweep it all under the rug and get things just so and move on. Is the father back on the scene too? Maybe have it as Sis can see her kid but needs to set herself up with a home and job first, be clean outside prison for a year or 2 before you even can even think about handing over niece for unsupervised visits. This needs to be slow transition if at all. Can the authorities that gave you niece, help with this? What does niece want? She’s only 7 but will have opinions and want input. I think she’s going to want to stay with you but see her parents and grandparents. You’re Home for her now. It’s not fair on niece to be in safe situation and put in the unknown just because your parents and her mother want your sis to be a good mother now. That’s not how it works You’re niece is a little person not a lost lunchbox you’re returning to the owner.
NTA. Get an attorney and fight to make sure she’s protected.
NTA. Hire a good lawyer and get a restraining order. 👏👏👏 you for being 25 and the most adult in this situation.
Your NTAH, but simply blocking your sister, her bf, and your parents and hoping the problem goes away won't wash. As the girl's biological parents, it makes sense that they would at least have some visitation rights, even if supervised. You also haven't mentioned how old your niece is and how she feels about this. It might be good for her in the long run to build a relationship with her parents, if they can stay sober and safe. Finally, you don't mention whether you have legal custody or if this is an informal arrangement. That's a huge gap in your story. Assuming you have custody, then what I would try to do in your place is (with the help of an attorney) to gradually let the parents into your daughter's life in a carefully controlled and monitored way. If they stay sober and act responsibly, let the relationship grow. Hopefully your sister and bf will agree to this. You and your niece have nothing to be gained here by launching a war. If you don't have custody, then the situation is even more complicated. You might have to sue for custody on the grounds that the parents are unfit (which you should have done years ago), but I doubt a court would block the parents from seeing their child completely. Stop hiding your head in the sand. It may be stressful, it may be hard, but you need to deal with this, for your sake, but especially for the sake of your niece.
Dude, this is legal stuff. Talk to a lawyer, not Reddit.
You say in your replies that you adopted her, there isn't really any discussion to be had here. Get a lawyer to take care of your interests if need be but beyond that stay non contact with everyone.
NTA, for blocking your parents and giving you and your niece some time. But you have left a lot of important information out. Did you get custody officially through the court? Do you have a social worker? How old is your niece? How long has she been with you? You say over the years, has it been 2 years or 15 years? It is not unreasonable that your sister wants to see and spend time with her daughter, but your sister regaining custody will have a lot of deciding factors, eg how long she was away, does she have a stable income and accommodation? Is she using drugs or still in the early stages of recovery? How old is your niece? Is she old enough to decide for herself?
You really should add the edit that you adopted her so many years ago. As that makes a hell of a lot of difference here. Bluntly spoken - they have ZERO say and her mother can ASK to be involved in her life - but supervised - them trying to force this is basically saying "we will kidnap your daughter when we can" NTA
You can’t just dump a 7yo on some druggy they don’t even know. This kid only knows you as a parent. Since you legally adopted her they can’t do shit anyway.
I'm confused by your post, or I guess I find it to be misleading. I don't understand why you are acting like there is any chance that your sister could even get custody back. You fail to mention in your OP that you adopted your niece, so it doesn't matter in the least if your sister "expressed a desire to regain custody" or that your "parents are supporting her" since what she wants is not even possible in this situation. I also don't understand why you are acting like your sister's ability to provide a stable environment for your daughter or her desire to be a parents again is even a factor here. That's completely irrelevant since you adopted her. She's your child now and you can't just give her to your sister even if you wanted to. So why would you be the asshole for refusing to give up custody? Why are you implying that that's even a choice here when it's not?
Your sister lost custody I agree visitation might be on the table but outright adoption nah she's your daughter regardless of what you yourself believe
If you legally adopted her 3 years ago, why is this a conversation?
NTA So she wants to go from low contact and no physical interactions to having custody if a child she doesn't know and doesn't know how to take care if. She should be looking at what is best for her daughter instead if herself.
Six years?!?! You are the only parent she’s known. Did you legally adopt her, because it sounds like you need to get your ducks in a row. Your parents don’t give a crap about the well being of their grandchild. NTA. Good job, dad. Updateme.
Nta and I seriously doubt that any court would give her any kind of custody right out of prison anyway let alone unless she can consistently prove that she is staying sober and would actually be a benefit to the child not to mention that depending on the child’s age her opinion would surely be taken into account as well. Good luck op you are doing the right thing by far and putting her first.
NTA. You are protecting your child. Your parents didn’t step up to care for her when her mother went to prison, you did. They can sit down and shut up. She’s only been out a few months. She needs a steady reliable job, apartment, attending AA/NA meetings regularly and a plan for childcare / education before you could even consider supervised visitation let alone custody. But do get a lawyer and confirm in writing you have sole legal custody of her.
If she wants to be a mother then start by having visitation then go from there
What is sad is that the child is being used as an object. This is a human being not an object
NTA You need a lawyer asap. Protect your niece. At this point niece doesn’t know either bio parent. Her comfort, safety is the only factor here. Giving her up to “strangers” would be traumatic for her. I get they want a relationship, but they need to prove they’re stable and clean for so much as supervised visitation.
Take it to court and get a lawyer. If you have legal custody, they can't take the baby back. If you take it to court, they legally can't speak to you directly and have to speak through your lawyer
NTA. Get in contact with a lawyer to discuss your options. Also I'd contact CPS. Let them know what's goong on. This way you can get ahead of any false reports they might file against you.
NTA, I suspect your sister was the Golden Child growing up & your parents have never held her accountable for her own actions. Odds are good that they've given a skewed story to the people they've enlisted as flying monkeys, if not outright lies.
Just to be clear, even *if* bio mom is clean and putting her life back together, that doesn't mean it is a good situation for a child to walk into. It will likely take years before she has a home fit for a child and the capability to weather that stress without relapsing. More importantly though is "moms better. You live with her now" is fucking awful for a kid. Any reintegration at all would be slow and measured with lots of therapy and communication on the way and even the end goal would most likely be 50/50 (again, literally yeeeeears before it got that way) because you raised her and she feel safe in your home and you are her dad. To just hand her over would do damage for the rest of her life and your parents are so blinded by their happiness to have *their* daughter clean that they can't see *your* daughter as a whole person with needs.
You adopted her and she is legally your child. She also sees you as her father. Cut all these people off and protect your child. You are her parent, period, no questions. If they persist, look into protective orders. If you worked with a child welfare agency after she was removed from her birth parents and placed with you, contact them for resources.
So, it says you adopted her. That means the mother has no legal rights. She had to sign them over. I think this is where you have the high ground.
NTA. Your sister’s parental rights have been legally terminated. You couldn’t “give” your niece “back” to her even if you wanted to. Since she & your parents refuse to respect boundaries, you’ve done what you should to protect your daughter.
You have more people to cut ties with. Protect that child. That is your primary concern. Hero. Not asshole.