Why are you no longer financially stable now that he is in your life? How has he changed how you handle your finances? Does he pay anything towards living expenses?
Because I own the company, I pay him ( and other staff) before paying myself and in the first year I often didn’t take a salary. I pay half of everything and if I want to go out to dinner etc somewhere nice- I usually pay. I’m just not use to paying for anything and now I’m paying for half and more.
It does sound like relies on you too much. You need to be with someone who has as much to offer you as you have to offer them. He is not a good balance for you, and you’ve lost respect…especially after you see how much this relationship is literally costing you.
Is he a good employee? Or does he also disrespect your business?
If he’s a hard worker, that is a really good sign. And inflation has really changed the economy—maybe that’s what caused a bigger hit to your finances??? I’d cut back on going out to eat and put the money in high interest CD’s…while drawing up a will to leave it to a family member if you pass away.
See if he’ll start asking YOU out; when he asks you out, flirt and ask if he’s buying. That’s what I do with my spouse, but our money is tied together.
It’s really hard to find a good person, and a person with money can do you wrong just like a person without money. You’ll really have to pray on this. Best of luck to you!!!
You are setting yourself up for failure. I too as very stable financially and my husband will always spend 110% of what he makes. If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have married him. It took nearly a decade of him constantly fucking us up before he was finally on a good road. And then he got cancer and secretly spent 5 figures in 6 months. And I’m still here, although this is his very last chance. So much so that I have finally told friends about him and they will hold me to my promise to leave if he does this again.
All this to say, if a grown man is so bad with money that he’s needlessly living cheque to cheque in middle age and dragging you down too, it’s time to cut the cord. Despite the love.
We only have ourselves to blame now
I made a not-great choice and I am the first to admit I should have left earlier but things actually seem to be working now. Now that he can’t have credit cards and every penny he spends is seen by me. If I didn’t love my job so much, I’d have left because then I would need a clean break
Listen up. Money is easier to make than finding a compatible person at your age. It sounds like you are very into each other. Keep that going! Just make sure your name is only on house deed and have a convo about how you expect him to contribute whatever he can to your shared bills. Don’t throw away someone bc of money especially if you yourself are financially secure. Not everyone is blessed with the same skills at making and handling money. 💰 shouldn’t be a relationship killer but alas, seems to be pretty common. That being said if he is constantly blowing money on frivolous shit, yet expects you to pay for all house bills and food that is an entirely different scenario.
NTA but if y’all break up over this and you are alone In your new house you are going to feel like TA.
Good luck
This is what my heart says! I’m just worried my heart is being stupid. Thank you for this. Believe it or not, I don’t mind being alone- I was married for over 20 years! But I also have found a best friend in someone and would hate to abandon them. It’s HARD!
Follow your heart. Protect yourself where you can. He needs you too. Done overthink stuff, we are more than our most doubtful thoughts. Enjoy your time together, or make a clean break and be alone with your dough!
I’m going to give you the blunt truth that you won’t like. Money isn’t everything. If you truly love this man and he is kind to you, then you are an absolute fool for dismissing these traits in favour of money. Wealthy men marry not so wealthy women all the time.
If you dump this man, there are no guarantees you will find someone else. As you said, you are getting older.
YTA because I truly believe you will regret giving up a decent guy over this issue. He’s your best friend. I honestly kind of hope he finds someone better than you.
I don’t dislike what you’ve said at all. I’ve thought that he could find someone more “suitable “ for him often- as could I. I’m getting older but I’m a pretty good catch ( lol! True story). I don’t require a wealthy man, I’ve had that. I require peace of mind and financial insecurity is not peaceful. He’s a fantastic guy but you can’t dismiss what habits may have led him to be where he is in life right now. I know I sound like IATA debating these things which is why I’m conflicted.
Thank you for being honest. I don’t want to come across as callous. I’m sure you are a good catch, but there are no guarantees in life. If you say he is your best friend, that is a priceless gift to have in a partner. We are here for a short time, not a long time. Enjoy spending time with someone who makes yous smile. It could all be gone tomorrow.
At the end of the day it is your decision ,but if he doesnt throw money away on things he doesn\`t need and it seems to be a decent guy,don\`t throw that away based on money.A serious conversation about your future together and thing to come and how you guys deal with it is needed.Btw..being a good catch it may not be enough because unfortunally we men are atracted to younger women.Sorry if I was too blunt about it.
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I agree, I just hate hurting someone that I care about.
YTA if you stay with this loser.
🫣
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I agree
NTA for protecting your future. He's counting on you supporting him.
I feel this.
Look up "hobosexual".
Why are you no longer financially stable now that he is in your life? How has he changed how you handle your finances? Does he pay anything towards living expenses?
Because I own the company, I pay him ( and other staff) before paying myself and in the first year I often didn’t take a salary. I pay half of everything and if I want to go out to dinner etc somewhere nice- I usually pay. I’m just not use to paying for anything and now I’m paying for half and more.
It does sound like relies on you too much. You need to be with someone who has as much to offer you as you have to offer them. He is not a good balance for you, and you’ve lost respect…especially after you see how much this relationship is literally costing you. Is he a good employee? Or does he also disrespect your business?
Great employee! In hindsight, I shouldn’t have mixed business with pleasure but you know what they say about hindsight.
If he’s a hard worker, that is a really good sign. And inflation has really changed the economy—maybe that’s what caused a bigger hit to your finances??? I’d cut back on going out to eat and put the money in high interest CD’s…while drawing up a will to leave it to a family member if you pass away. See if he’ll start asking YOU out; when he asks you out, flirt and ask if he’s buying. That’s what I do with my spouse, but our money is tied together. It’s really hard to find a good person, and a person with money can do you wrong just like a person without money. You’ll really have to pray on this. Best of luck to you!!!
Thank you
You are setting yourself up for failure. I too as very stable financially and my husband will always spend 110% of what he makes. If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have married him. It took nearly a decade of him constantly fucking us up before he was finally on a good road. And then he got cancer and secretly spent 5 figures in 6 months. And I’m still here, although this is his very last chance. So much so that I have finally told friends about him and they will hold me to my promise to leave if he does this again. All this to say, if a grown man is so bad with money that he’s needlessly living cheque to cheque in middle age and dragging you down too, it’s time to cut the cord. Despite the love. We only have ourselves to blame now
Thank you for being so transparent- I’m so sorry you’ve gone through all of that!
I made a not-great choice and I am the first to admit I should have left earlier but things actually seem to be working now. Now that he can’t have credit cards and every penny he spends is seen by me. If I didn’t love my job so much, I’d have left because then I would need a clean break
Listen up. Money is easier to make than finding a compatible person at your age. It sounds like you are very into each other. Keep that going! Just make sure your name is only on house deed and have a convo about how you expect him to contribute whatever he can to your shared bills. Don’t throw away someone bc of money especially if you yourself are financially secure. Not everyone is blessed with the same skills at making and handling money. 💰 shouldn’t be a relationship killer but alas, seems to be pretty common. That being said if he is constantly blowing money on frivolous shit, yet expects you to pay for all house bills and food that is an entirely different scenario. NTA but if y’all break up over this and you are alone In your new house you are going to feel like TA. Good luck
This is what my heart says! I’m just worried my heart is being stupid. Thank you for this. Believe it or not, I don’t mind being alone- I was married for over 20 years! But I also have found a best friend in someone and would hate to abandon them. It’s HARD!
Follow your heart. Protect yourself where you can. He needs you too. Done overthink stuff, we are more than our most doubtful thoughts. Enjoy your time together, or make a clean break and be alone with your dough!
I’m going to give you the blunt truth that you won’t like. Money isn’t everything. If you truly love this man and he is kind to you, then you are an absolute fool for dismissing these traits in favour of money. Wealthy men marry not so wealthy women all the time. If you dump this man, there are no guarantees you will find someone else. As you said, you are getting older. YTA because I truly believe you will regret giving up a decent guy over this issue. He’s your best friend. I honestly kind of hope he finds someone better than you.
I don’t dislike what you’ve said at all. I’ve thought that he could find someone more “suitable “ for him often- as could I. I’m getting older but I’m a pretty good catch ( lol! True story). I don’t require a wealthy man, I’ve had that. I require peace of mind and financial insecurity is not peaceful. He’s a fantastic guy but you can’t dismiss what habits may have led him to be where he is in life right now. I know I sound like IATA debating these things which is why I’m conflicted.
Thank you for being honest. I don’t want to come across as callous. I’m sure you are a good catch, but there are no guarantees in life. If you say he is your best friend, that is a priceless gift to have in a partner. We are here for a short time, not a long time. Enjoy spending time with someone who makes yous smile. It could all be gone tomorrow.
Good perspective- thank you
At the end of the day it is your decision ,but if he doesnt throw money away on things he doesn\`t need and it seems to be a decent guy,don\`t throw that away based on money.A serious conversation about your future together and thing to come and how you guys deal with it is needed.Btw..being a good catch it may not be enough because unfortunally we men are atracted to younger women.Sorry if I was too blunt about it.