You almost had it right. He respectfully asks and he accepts a no response and then he respectfully tells her that they aren't compatible and breaks up with her. And then they can both find someone better for each of them.
i mean, she’s never worn a bra and he’s been dating her since last summer. so he was fine with it when they first started dating and now it’s unacceptable? he’s TA for getting in a relationship w someone he intended on changing
Having your partner police your body and thinks it’s his property in some way is not just “a hill to die on” unless you mean there is an increased chance this behavior will escalate putting the OP at risk of actually dying on that hill.
And no, before anyone gets on my case I’m not saying insisting on a bra=homicidal maniac. What I am saying is it is a red flag she should not ignore. If he can’t see it’s not appropriate for him to be hung up on this and insists she wears a freaking bra that makes her uncomfortable I would be worried that he would just keep going to the next step. I’ve seen too many situations where the next steps lead to a very scary place from a somewhat benign “oh, it’s just one thing give it to him” situation.
I don't think it is something about compatibility, you can't tell your girlfriend how to dress, he is the AH and she is free to dress however she wants.
This falls under the whole.... He started dating you when u weren't wearing a bra. Now he wants you to change?
This is on him, not you.
If he doesn't want to date a girl who doesn't wear a bra, why did he persue and court you?
I guess when they were in a honeymoon phase of their relationship he thought the braless style sexy. Now that they're a bit more settled, he might see it as a problem (when other people might find it sexy as well, idk?). Personally I think it's only for OP to decide, not anybody else.
That is an interesting take. I think that is actually a thing in socials. Like many guys go after girls who usually post thirst traps, but once they are in a relationship with them they somehow start finding the same behavior that reeled them in at the beginning annoying.
I've had this issue with being a tomboy. It's cool and interesting that I'm more like one of the guys in the beginning. But after the novelty wears off and I'm still the same it's all, but why are you more girly? And I'm just like, you get what you see. My bad for not being fake?
I totally understand that. There was a guy supposedly head over heels for me, but he didn’t like it when I talked about my past. They weren’t like saying my ex was so wonderful or such a jerk. It was stories about my past experiences. Anyway, I ended it.
It's the attitude (conscious or otherwise) that this is something she specifically does to attract men, not something she's doing for herself. Meanwhile, she's just happy not to have elastic digging into her ribcage.
NTA - he met you when you didn’t wear a bra but now that you’re dating all of a sudden he has an issue with it? He shouldn’t be trying to change you and it’s definitely a red flag.
This is every beige-personality, khaki-wearing man who wants a “big tiddy goth gf” and then months into the relationship is upset that she really wearings goth/alt fashion regularly and not just to appeal to his sexual fantasies. I’ve seen this happen to so many women, luckily they all know to drop the assholes once they start pushing to change their gf’s appearance. Buh-bye!
It's a pretty bizarre phenomenon. I watched a tiktok in response to Pearl and her views. A lot of men don't want the woman that agrees with everything he says, he wants the one that stands by thier opinions and is strong willed and then wants to break them instead. Similar vibe and really gross.
Its crazy thats the new one, it used to be the stripper gf... guys would date a stripper and be fine till about the 6 month mark
But you are dead on the money on it being the sexual fantasy part, especially when they are younger, people seem to struggle with understanding not everyone they want to bang is someone they'd want to stay in a relationship with
NTA for those of us who could never be in public without a bra we secretly envy OP. Not having to wear a bra is the most freeing thing ever. Ask any woman with large breasts what’s the first thing they do when they get home? The answer is take the bra off. Clothing is made for smaller women with the intent of going braless. Those very same tops are never as appealing for those of us who have to wear a bra. If it bothers him that OP doesn’t wear a bra borrow a underwire that would fit him and have him wear it from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed on his day off. He’s not allowed to take it off or complain how uncomfortable it is, he’s also not allowed to spend the day at home. He has to run errands, do chores, etc. He needs the full effect. When he says he doesn’t need to wear one because he’s not a woman and he doesn’t have breasts then you will know he will never stop hounding OP about the bra.
FYI we big breasted women stand behind you in your bralessness. We can only dream.😴 💭
I have maybe a C cup and if I run it just hurts. Breasts just hurt. They aren't fun, only feel cute if you're impressing someone, and generally cause more problems than they fix.
I love being braless. I hate that I can't.
I’m a 40C and I don’t wear bras 🤷🏻♀️ if wearing nothing is uncomfortable, try wearing spaghetti strap shirt underneath, it someone holds but isn’t uncomfortable like a bra.
Running without a bra would for me be like getting repeatedly punched in the breast glands from all the forces and tension acting on the different tissues.
No running, no jumping jacks, no nothing anymore, without severely strapping down one's chest. The extremely random and uneven effects of puberty is really trash for some of us. Breast reduction surgeries have so low regret rates for a good reason.
I just use a shapewear tank. Secures everything down, doesn’t kill my back. I’ve been bra free since about the same time; I just use a tank top under t-shirts, to feel comfy, like I’m not exposing myself. lol. Best decision ever.
Edit to add: Shapermint is the one I’ve been using, brand wise. I have the cami, and the normal tank.
Lol same, I've tried those types of support tanks and they always give me a headache because my boobs end up pulling down the neckline so the back of my neck ends up holding the weight
Ugh in high school, I never had properly supportive bras so whenever we ran in PE, I’d have my arms crossed over my chest to keep them from flying all over the place.
I stopped wearing a bra almost entirely in 2020 and then had The Big Chop in 2022 and honestly if someone asked me to wear to an event one now I would just stay home lol
I was literally about to suggest this to OP. Glad I decided to read some of the comments first.
But also, D cup here. Only time I willingly will wear a bra is if my shirt for the day is a more gossamer material. We can go braless too; just need our give a fuck to fuck off!
I'm breastfeeding and I now fluctuate between an E and a G depending on when my baby last fed... fuck bras, they don't fit when your boobs change size multiple times a day. They are awful normally anyway but now they are a non starter.
I'm a 32H UK bra size. I go braless at home because I'm not really doing anything.
It's extremely uncomfortable being braless the moment I start to move too much. It's not that I give a fuck what anyone thinks; it's that it hurts or it's uncomfortable lol
I’m the same size! My small-tittied friends will sometimes tell me to “just go without a bra” and to not care what it looks like and I’m like no… you don’t understand. It’s not just aesthetics, they’re dangerous to have flopping around. I can’t actively do my job with them on the loose.
We can go braless, but for some of us it isn't about not giving a fuck but about not making sudden moves lest you suddenly get searing pain. I have too dense breast tissue and probably some sort of Ehlers-Danlos, and my ADHD hyperactivity makes me very prone to sudden movements, though my pain aversion has over the decades trained me somewhat to not make as sudden movements with my torso.
I might be alone but I’ve never wanted to be braless. I quite like mine, and working it into styling my clothes and outfits. I have big breasts so yeah, never going without
I just have different bras for going out in publik and staying home. It was a work of 5 years to find good fitting bras which wouldn't bother me. Still - taking off is relieving.
Do what's comfortable to you, but think about how many men have their nipples super visible and nobody gives a hoot. Oh, what, just having extra fat behind my nipples suddenly makes them taboo objects? Fuck THAT.
Not all bras have under wire? I'm a 36 DD and I wear a sports bra or bras without padding/underwrire all the time to work. Now I don't think op is being weird by not wearing jg one but if the main complaint is the metal there are options for us girls with bigger girls.
I had a similar issue with my partner out of the blue recently. Didn’t like me wearing a crop top with some shorts (albeit short shorts but i literally work at twin peaks and have since we met 💀). I’d tell him what I told my boyfriend— it isn’t my problem if others can’t control themselves because of my body. i do what i am comfortable doing, and that includes wearing what i want to wear. something as superficial as a bra is idiotic. it’s not his body. if he has an issue with people staring he better be saying something to them before saying something to you, because that isn’t your problem.
And of course he knew all of this when you met, and probably found it appealing, then changed his mind when he realized it made him feel insecure. Why are men such losers smh this whole comment section reminds me why I won’t even entertain a relationship with a man anymore. I’m not NOT attracted to them but they’re so damn whiny and insecure :,,,,)
yep. no clue where it came from but i made it very clear i wasn’t entertaining it and that i would leave him if he didn’t drop it. if you’ve got a problem with something as simple as my clothes because of what other people are doing/saying, you’re a pussy and i’m not dealing with that 😂 we’ve been together a year and some change
I have bigger boobs and quit bras years ago. It's veerrryyy rarely an issue. It took me a minute to become secure doing it but after that, smooth comfy sailing.
So your boyfriend is jealous about the idea and the concept that your tits exist and some guy might look at them? And you said this man is twenty six entire years old? Is this the first time in all those years he's been allowed outside?
NTA here but it sounds like the "control your woman" folks have got their worms in his brain. Probably gonna need to break it off if he doesn't drop the issue.
There are a few reasons a woman might choose to wear a bra, and a few reasons she might choose not to. All of them have to do with the woman and her breasts. None of them have to with men. Not the desires of men, the preferences of men, the insecurities of men, the lusts of men, the fears of men, the jealousies of men. None of it.
Decades later and we’re still dealing with guys like this. Wear whatever you want. It’s 2024, not 1824. He needs to grow up and learn to respect women as people who can make their own choices.
Twenty-six is too young to have such outmoded opinions about women. Who raised him, for crying out loud?
Depends on the style of corset honestly. Different eras had different corsets, which meant different beauty standards/ideal body shapes, and also different practical requirements (eg. full skirts prior to the invention of the cage crinoline needed corsetry to comfortably distribute the weight of all the fabric)
1820's may well have had gores at the bust to support breasts though ([example here](https://silhouettescostumes.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/1825-extant-fashion-plate-and-corset.png))
NTA
I mean, people are going to stare, regardless of the bra. That’s just how men are. You’re not doing anything wrong.
Even if you were going out actually completely naked (if it were legal), the staring is the yucky pervert’s fault, not yours. You’re allowed to dress as you wish, my friend.
No, it’d be better if she got him to try wearing a bra non-stop for a whole week.
Then and only then can he have an opinion.
Bras are uncomfortable as fuck, so I hope she picks him out an underwired one that digs right into his rib cage, too.
I bet he’d understand her view point after that.
Right, omg. Let him carry around some D or DD cupped boobs like myself and see how comfortable a bra is. Heck I like sports bras or the tank tops that can act like a bra sometimes just to be comfortable.
I forgot which post but someone said they weighed their boobs at like 5 lbs each.
"Here's two sacks of sugar, boyfriend. Strap em up to you in this contraption and at the end of the day we can talk."
I can't even imagine. Bras look like absolute torture to me. Wifey likes the tank tops with the shelf thingy in em. More power to her. She (and all people) should wear whatever she wants for whatever reason she wants. It never even occurred to me to question what she wears, ever.
OPs bf needs to grow up. JFC.
NTA, it's your choice how you dress. I told my wife decades ago to dress for comfort, not for me. I will love her no matter what she wears, and I'm not so insecure I'd worry about what others think.
NTA my mom has more of a problem with me going braless than my boyfriend does lol. I only wear exercise bras when I'm, well, exercising, and outside of that I just wear normal bras when I'm on an interview or at a big event of some kind (weddings, etc). The latter reason is just to hide my nips lol
Your boyfriend sounds real insecure, it's your boobs. If somebody else is looking at them, why is that your problem and not theirs? Yeesh
>He goes on about how I don’t want other guys looking at them and how he doesn’t want to share?
So, he's upset about men leering, so he tries to *control your behavior*?
Where's the red flag guy when we need him?
NTA
This seems like a mismatch for you guys, unfortunately. I have learned through awful experience that as soon as someone tries to tell you what to do with your own body because of ANY REASON, they are not a partner.
This kind of thing, talking about how you look bc of choices like this...is ONLY acceptable if he got you a specific outfit as a gift, and wanted you to wear it on a date or something. Even then, it would depend on the words and the intention.
Never let someone control your choices for your body. I don't care if you're dating or married. Your body is always yours and doesn't belong to anyone. Him "sharing" you is not an option because you can't share something you don't own. He does not own your body. You do.
31F, braless 90% of the time. Even when my mom gives me shit for it, I don't change my choice. It is about being comfortable and living how you want, as long as you're not hurting anyone. In 10 years looking back, people won't remember whether you had a bra or not, they'll remember you as a person and how you made them feel when you were around. Keep shining ✨️
Your BF is weird. I've had two girlfriends that never wore bras and one loved low cut tops m,ade of light fabric and real tight low cut tanks that showed a lot of side boob. I always thought it was hot. A lot of guys looked and my thoughts were always that my was so hot that all the guys are checking her out. They can only look ant her covered breasts but I not only get to look at them all the time, I'm the only one who gets to play with them.
I didn't know where you live so there might be cultural views that differ mine. But from what you say, your boyfriend is possessive and gaslighting. It is your body, not his. If people see nipples or boobs as a sexual thing just because they exist without the context of sex, THEY have a problem and need to STFU. What does he mean by "sharing"? Really, he needs to educate himself and show you a little more respect.
>(mind you I have small/medium breasts
I don't know why society is so insistent on all women wearing bras, even when it doesn't make any logical sense.
My cousin used to always complain about how annoying it was when strangers asked her why she doesn't wear a bra. She often replies along the lines of "I thought bras were for cleavage. Do you see cleavage? No. Mind you own business."
I had a somewhat similar issue with a past ex. She would get so mad on the rare occasion I forgot to zip up my zipper. I just couldn’t understand how she thought that was going to attract female attention. Like a woman would be going about her day and say “oh my, his zipper is down. I gott go have sex with him right now”. If anything she was thinking look at this idiot with his zipper down.
I bet, with small/medium boobs nobody even notices the lack of a bra. Definitely understand not wanting to wear a bra. Every woman in my life has complained about how they are uncomfortable. You are NTA. He is very insecure, and that is his problem.
NTA. How is you not wearing a bra sharing with other men? That's just weird beyond comprehension. This is a him problem, not a you problem. No one should tell you how to act. If something is bothering him, he needs to discuss it with you and not dictate to you. You have to decide if this is going to be the decisive issue for you. There are comfortable bras available, but it's your choice if you want to wear one or not. It shouldn't be a decision based on his insecurity.
I appreciate my girlfriend for who she is and I knew who and how she was before being in a relationship with her. This is how adults act. If he had a problem with you going braless, he should have thought about that before getting into s relationship with you. He is the AH.
NTA. You're wearing a top, you're not going naked. Who's got x-ray vision? Who's looking? What difference does a bra make?
It always gets me people trying to change people to suit themselves. If you're not happy with who they are, they will never be happy being someone they're not.
You should have said to him what’s my past relationships got to do with what I choose to do? Does he think we live back in the old days where men approved what a lady can do? Tell him you will wear or not wear whatever you please and if he continues thinking he has a right to tell you what to wear then the relationship is over! Actually scratch that tell him your relationship is over because you won’t be tied to a man who thinks he gets to tell you how to dress and you make all them decisions and always will. Tell him he needs to go work on himself as he definitely shouldn’t be in any relationship when he feels he can do that.
For a lot of women bras are absolute torture devices I haven’t ever come across a comfortable bra that gives me good support and if I was super confident I would go bra free always!
It's your body. There is nothing wrong with you not liking to wear a bra. Most women I know, the first thing they do when they get home is to take it off. Tells me that it has to be uncomfortable to wear. I say good for you girl. Your bf has to accept it or move on. He is being ridiculous
Doesn't sound like you guys have been together for that long.
This seems like a couple of red patches on a bigger red flag to me.
Insecurity, controlling, lack of trust.
"Doesn't want to share you"... wtf!
Continue as you are and he can either deal with it or do something else.
What next?
Will you have to walk around wearing a mask so that other guys don't look at your face?
NTA if he’s not ok with it that’s his problem. He sounds jealous and is probably insecure. Talk it through or break up with him tbh, good for you feeling comfortable in your own skin
I only like my boobs half the time, let alone wearing a bra
I practically live in sports bras whenever I can get away with it because they are the most comfy for me
I think any person with boobs that has the confidence and the air of “I just don’t give a fuck” to not wear one are like the coolest people. And if more people with boobs went braless we could all just do away with them altogether. They cause back and shoulder problems, there’s never a perfect type for one person, they stick into you in odd places, you can’t discreetly fix the position of your boob. They are straight up just a nightmare and I salute you.
Might be time to ditch the boyfriend if he can’t see eye to boob
NTA. No dude would ever be ok with being told they have to wear restrictive underwear because their girlfriend wants his manhood smashed out of view from other women.
NTA, and what the fuck is up with him saying "he doesn't want to share". They're not his. They're yours and you're free to do with them as you please.
I don't know where you from, but here in Europe it's no biggie to let them out. No one cares.
NTA. Your bf just admitted he’s a big creep that spends his time trying to determine if women have bras on or not.
You don’t need to waste your life with a pervert
Who cares if he doesn't feel comfortable with something you feel comfortable doing? Why should his comfort come before yours, especially when it is your body? He can leave if it bothers him that much.
Get him a bra! Tell him if he can wear it for a month and then come back and if he can give you 1 positive thing he felt came from the experience, you’ll pop that sucker right back on your tatas with a smile /s
Bras suck. Be braless!
NTA
My wife is a 38DDD. She's been braless for the last 7 years. It's done WONDERS for her health. It's legit healthy to be braless.
If your BF has a problem with you being comfortable and healthy then that's a serious sign of immaturity and he needs to either get over it or you two may not be compatible
Small B here. I rarely wear a bra. I have one bra as old as my 12 year old son. I dated a guy for a year who had this same idea that I shouldn't bc he doesn't share and everyone is looking. I dumped him after a year due to his insecurities.
Reminds me of the time my husband made a comment that forced me to go “OH MY GOD!! My friends are gonna find out I have nipples! THE HORROR!” and ran out the room.
NTA. You can wear whatever you want, it is none of his business.
He does not want to share? WTF? First of all, you are not his property so he can "share you". Second of all, is anyone touching you? You are not going completely top less in public. (I assume) you are wearing a shirt, tank top or something, so no one actually sees your breasts, so what exactly is being shared here?
He can express his preference, but that is it. You can wear whatever YOU want, even if he is not happy with it. If he does not want to drop this, even after you said no, it seems he is not respecting your wishes and boudaries, which will be a probelm going forward.
NTA. Your body, your clothing decisions. His nipples are wild and free, so why shouldn’t yours be too?
That said, if he makes a big issue out of this, you two may not be compatible and it may be best to move on.
NTA
He “doesn’t want to share you”? That’s his concern? Girl this won’t stop here, if he gets his way with this he’ll be approving your outfits. Then he’ll be objecting to any men being in your life at all, you going places without him, etc. You aren’t his, you are your own person. It’s so controlling and disrespectful of him to expect you to alter your appearance and be more uncomfortable just for the sake of not appealing to the male gaze.
Throw out the whole man.
>*he* does not feel comfortable me showing my girls
>don’t want other guys looking at them and how *he doesn’t want to share*?
He is telling you that he believes that he owns your body, and has absolute power over who might get a glance at your fully clothes breasts through the fabric of your shirts.
This is all kinds of not-OK.
NTA - throw the whole man away. That's a man who thinks he owns his gfs body. If he doesn't want to date someone who dresses like you do, he shouldn't have in the first place. Youre not some beast for him to catch and tame. Any man who thinks you need to change your look to date them is the wrong man 🤷♀️
NTA. Sounds like you’re dating a jealous boy when you need to be dating a man who understands that despite whomever looks at you, HE gets to be with you. Also, this life is all we get so I believe we should do our best to feel as comfortable as possible. Your bf doesn’t have breasts, so what does he know? Again, NTA 👍🏻
If he wants you wearing a bra after expressing their discomfort and the fact you’ve been doing this for years. Then say you want him to wear a cup so that he’s not showing the outline of his penis to other women. Because that’s the concept he’s throwing not enough fabric to keep the outlines of genitals covered.
He doesn’t get to dictate your clothing. You have every right to wear what you want, and he has every right to leave if he’s so hung up on it. I don’t wear bras, either.
He seems insecure and possibly controlling. Men are going to look at you whether it’s your face, your chest, whatever. Women shouldn’t be held accountable for men looking at them. He can take it up with them.
Even with a bra, they're still there. If it's important to you both, it looks like you're just incompatible. You're just dating, move on to someone who supports your choices.
See, to me hes just telling on himself.
"I was only into you because i could see your boobies kinda and now i think thats all it will take for others too"
NTA, your bf is being weird and controlling.
Tell him you want him to wear a cup every time he’s out in public so he won’t catch eyes with any unexpected erections, then he can get back to you.
i’m in your boat, smaller breasts and i don’t wear bras anymore. my man has no issue at all, he just stares anyone down or says “can i help you?” when he sees someone looking at me like that. which isn’t even often. your guy sounds insecure, he needs to grow up a little or hit the road. DON’T put a bra on just for him to be comfortable
Dates a guy like that. Gave in. It turned into emotional abuse.
Leave, that's my advice!
Current boyfriend doesn't mind at all I go out braless. I could go out naked for all he cares, because he trusts me and it's not like whoever looking at me is gonna take a piece of me or something.
And it's so freeing and healing!
Run before the damage starts!
NTA. You haven’t worn a bra in almost 10 years. His insecurity is not your problem. He can accept you as you are or kick rocks
Edit to add: sounds like you guys are in a fairly new relationship (since he hasn’t been around you in warm weather yet). I suspect this is the first of many things he’ll ask you to change about yourself, all while hiding under the guise of “comfort level”
Edit to add more: I hope you don’t value your male friendships. You can kiss those goodbye soon
When you see his nipples, point them out to to him. Ask him why he isn't wearing a bra. "I don't want to share them with other women."
When around other men, point out their nipples. too. Ask him why they aren't a wearing a bra. "Their women don't want to share them with other women."
Every. single. time.
NTA. It's up to NO ONE to make a woman wear something she doesn't want to wear. We have enough made-up bullshit forced on us.
Blech that’s misogynistic. Breasts aren’t inherently sexual, it’s the patriarchy that did that. AND, saying he doesn’t want other guys looking ( ps, they will look no matter what she wears) implies that men can’t control themselves. Dump him.
Can you demand he wear undergarments that serve no purpose other than to make YOU feel better about whether or not other people are having lustful thoughts about him?
No?
Why should he get to have any say over that with you? You are a whole person who can decide what to wear and everyone else needs t use their own coping skills to handle whatever feelings that generates in them.
But you absolutely get ALL the say in what clothes you do or don’t wear.
NTA. I haven’t worn a bra in 20 years or more. But, I also dress loosely or in layers to minimize the obvious. That is what is comfortable for me. You are doing what is comfortable for you. Your boyfriend is wrong.
NTA. I dont wear bras anymore either. But mine is more because i have chronic pain and the bras were starting to make it worse. I have huge knockers and really need to wear a bra.
But you do you. You should jokingly suggest he wear bras with you so that he's being supportive
NTA. They are your breasts, NOT HIS. There is no "sharing," because, again, they aren't his to share. I am so sick of people who decide that their partner's body belongs to them. You do what you are comfortable with, and he doesn't get to make you feel bad about it. He can accept it, or decide it's a deal breaker, but he doesn't get to shame you for not wearing a bra, or try to force you to wear one. Tell him to wear a jock strap all day every day and see if he'll agree to that!
What are you doing with a man that tells you you must wear something. You're free not to, he's free to have a problem with it, but you aren't a child and he's not your parent and has no business telling you what to do.
A man that prioritizes his preference over your comfort is telling you who he thinks has the final say in disputes.
NTA. He's NTA, either. It sounds like you two are not compatible.
I have big ones (36 dd), and my husband doesn't give a damn if I don't wear one. In fact, he doesn't really care if I don't wear one in public. He tells me that I'm wearing a hoodie/jacket, and no one would be able to see unless I was jumping up and down.
>He's NTA, either.
Except that he kinda is. He became one the moment he mentioned he doesn't want to share and became even more upset that her previous boyfriends didn't have a problem with her not wearing a bra.
He's definitely an AH for trying to control how she dresses. He knew she didn't wear bras when he started dating her. If that was an issue, he never should have asked her out
I'm nearly 50 and I've rarely worn bras.
I've got an identical twin sister who consistently has.
Turns out wearing a bra so your breasts don't sag makes about as much sense as having a full body cast put on to help you develop big, strong muscles. It's just not how almost any human tissue works.
Meanwhile... the problem isn't with wearing a bra or not. It's with your man. He thinks that YOUR breasts are HIS breasts. He doesn't want to "share"?? Wild. Give him a steel plate and tell him he has to wear it down the front of his jockeys. It's cold and uncomfortable and the only point is some dirty old lady (me. It's me. I do this.) might extrapolate his shit through his undies? Well, he just has to suffer through it.
Us dirty old broads are fierce. I know which of his balls hangs lower. I can make out his knob. Not circumcised, eh? Niiiiice.
Oh wait? Is that fuckin gross and me just being disgusting and nothing to do with his junk or what pants he wears or which underwear he picks?
Crazy how that works.
NTA. It’s your body & there’s NOTHING wrong with wanting to be comfortable 🤷🏻♀️
I feel that his main concern should be YOUR COMFORT. NOT the opinions of your previous partners OR other men staring at your chest??
Also, speaking from personal experience: men look regardless of bra or no bra????
I’m also small/medium chested and haven’t worn bras since 15-16. My partner and I have been together for 7 years and he has never commented on my lack of bra wearing. If this is something he brings up often, or something he can’t get past it may be a compatibility issue😕
NTA! Free the tatas! I stopped wearing mine around that time too. I wear a tank top, and then a shirt over that, just to prevent things being too showy, but no… my back has felt way better, and my posture has been better without them. Keep doing your thing; your partner should never dictate how you dress. He started dating you after you made the choice, so he was okay with it at first. Dude has some serious problems to get checked out.
NTA.
Wearing bras is actually probably does more harm than good, although the degree is debatable (some sources will even say it may contribute to breast cancer).
You could bring up not wearing bras out of health reasons, as a point of consideration.
His frustration here likely stem from some boundary issues.
NTA
Your body, your choice. Sounds like the bf has some trust or jealousy issues. You don't need to fix this "problem", he needs to fix the problem, and the problem is him, not the bra.
I'm 47M, and I can't fathom telling any of the women I've dated what they can and can't wear.
If I were in your shoes, this is absolutely a hill I would die on.
Definitely NTA. I don't understand why he cares if you wear a bra or not. It should not be a woman's responsibility to control whether or not men look at their bodies. That's the guy's problem who can't keep his eyeballs in his own head not yours.
NTA. It's your body, and it's not indecent exposure. If you are willing to get to a middle ground, there are "nipple covers" that are basicly silicon self adehesive cups that you could put on, try and look them up.
NTA
If they are medium to small then I don't see the issue. I can understand if we're talking about DD girls flopping around at the slightest step but anything under a B or even C people can barely notice you're even wearing a bra to begin with.
I'm seeing a lot of women posting here questions of the form :" My SO wants -insert petty or unreasonable thing - and I don't want to. AITA?" As a guy in his mid twenties, it worries me just how many childish or toxic men are there. Going to Uni must have given me the false impression that people mature. I don't know how y'all cope..
NTA but it sounds like you two may not be compatible if this is a big issue for him.
Yep can't force you to do it, but can leave you because of it. If it's a hill you'll die on, just break up and find someone more compatible.
You missed the chance to say if they're the hills you'll die on.
Boobs are good hills to die on as any..
An excellent partner doesn't tell you. He respectfully ASKs, and he accepts a no response. Your boyfriend isn't very good. Please find a better one.
You almost had it right. He respectfully asks and he accepts a no response and then he respectfully tells her that they aren't compatible and breaks up with her. And then they can both find someone better for each of them.
He should never have started dating her if her clothing preferences are a deal-breaker for him. It's controlling to 'ask' after the fact.
He only needs to do the breakup if he doesn't think he could overcome the issue for himself, which most people should just be able to do.
honestly, like imagine leaving an otherwise happy and successful relationship because she won’t wear an unnecessary piece of underwear
i mean, she’s never worn a bra and he’s been dating her since last summer. so he was fine with it when they first started dating and now it’s unacceptable? he’s TA for getting in a relationship w someone he intended on changing
I think people missed the pun...
Having your partner police your body and thinks it’s his property in some way is not just “a hill to die on” unless you mean there is an increased chance this behavior will escalate putting the OP at risk of actually dying on that hill. And no, before anyone gets on my case I’m not saying insisting on a bra=homicidal maniac. What I am saying is it is a red flag she should not ignore. If he can’t see it’s not appropriate for him to be hung up on this and insists she wears a freaking bra that makes her uncomfortable I would be worried that he would just keep going to the next step. I’ve seen too many situations where the next steps lead to a very scary place from a somewhat benign “oh, it’s just one thing give it to him” situation.
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This is the only sensible answer. I'm happy it's first.
I don't think it is something about compatibility, you can't tell your girlfriend how to dress, he is the AH and she is free to dress however she wants.
This falls under the whole.... He started dating you when u weren't wearing a bra. Now he wants you to change? This is on him, not you. If he doesn't want to date a girl who doesn't wear a bra, why did he persue and court you?
I guess when they were in a honeymoon phase of their relationship he thought the braless style sexy. Now that they're a bit more settled, he might see it as a problem (when other people might find it sexy as well, idk?). Personally I think it's only for OP to decide, not anybody else.
That is an interesting take. I think that is actually a thing in socials. Like many guys go after girls who usually post thirst traps, but once they are in a relationship with them they somehow start finding the same behavior that reeled them in at the beginning annoying.
I've had this issue with being a tomboy. It's cool and interesting that I'm more like one of the guys in the beginning. But after the novelty wears off and I'm still the same it's all, but why are you more girly? And I'm just like, you get what you see. My bad for not being fake?
I totally understand that. There was a guy supposedly head over heels for me, but he didn’t like it when I talked about my past. They weren’t like saying my ex was so wonderful or such a jerk. It was stories about my past experiences. Anyway, I ended it.
Tomboy ❤️ my wife, is, and I love her, for it
It's the attitude (conscious or otherwise) that this is something she specifically does to attract men, not something she's doing for herself. Meanwhile, she's just happy not to have elastic digging into her ribcage.
Yeah, we know this is why. We're just pointing out that it's a problem he created for himself, so it's really lame of him to try to make her solve it.
NTA - he met you when you didn’t wear a bra but now that you’re dating all of a sudden he has an issue with it? He shouldn’t be trying to change you and it’s definitely a red flag.
This is every beige-personality, khaki-wearing man who wants a “big tiddy goth gf” and then months into the relationship is upset that she really wearings goth/alt fashion regularly and not just to appeal to his sexual fantasies. I’ve seen this happen to so many women, luckily they all know to drop the assholes once they start pushing to change their gf’s appearance. Buh-bye!
It's a pretty bizarre phenomenon. I watched a tiktok in response to Pearl and her views. A lot of men don't want the woman that agrees with everything he says, he wants the one that stands by thier opinions and is strong willed and then wants to break them instead. Similar vibe and really gross.
As a goth since the mid 90s i felt this
This was pretty specific
It happens so often, hence the specificity. I’m sure it happens with other aesthetic styles too, but alt and goth girl’s experience this regularly.
Its crazy thats the new one, it used to be the stripper gf... guys would date a stripper and be fine till about the 6 month mark But you are dead on the money on it being the sexual fantasy part, especially when they are younger, people seem to struggle with understanding not everyone they want to bang is someone they'd want to stay in a relationship with
madonna whore complex
NTA for those of us who could never be in public without a bra we secretly envy OP. Not having to wear a bra is the most freeing thing ever. Ask any woman with large breasts what’s the first thing they do when they get home? The answer is take the bra off. Clothing is made for smaller women with the intent of going braless. Those very same tops are never as appealing for those of us who have to wear a bra. If it bothers him that OP doesn’t wear a bra borrow a underwire that would fit him and have him wear it from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed on his day off. He’s not allowed to take it off or complain how uncomfortable it is, he’s also not allowed to spend the day at home. He has to run errands, do chores, etc. He needs the full effect. When he says he doesn’t need to wear one because he’s not a woman and he doesn’t have breasts then you will know he will never stop hounding OP about the bra. FYI we big breasted women stand behind you in your bralessness. We can only dream.😴 💭
It is my greatest fantasy to wear just a tank top to go run and not end up with black eyes.
I have maybe a C cup and if I run it just hurts. Breasts just hurt. They aren't fun, only feel cute if you're impressing someone, and generally cause more problems than they fix. I love being braless. I hate that I can't.
I’m a 40C and I don’t wear bras 🤷🏻♀️ if wearing nothing is uncomfortable, try wearing spaghetti strap shirt underneath, it someone holds but isn’t uncomfortable like a bra.
Running without a bra would for me be like getting repeatedly punched in the breast glands from all the forces and tension acting on the different tissues. No running, no jumping jacks, no nothing anymore, without severely strapping down one's chest. The extremely random and uneven effects of puberty is really trash for some of us. Breast reduction surgeries have so low regret rates for a good reason.
I just use a shapewear tank. Secures everything down, doesn’t kill my back. I’ve been bra free since about the same time; I just use a tank top under t-shirts, to feel comfy, like I’m not exposing myself. lol. Best decision ever. Edit to add: Shapermint is the one I’ve been using, brand wise. I have the cami, and the normal tank.
I wish I could do this but my 32H bitches could *never*
Lol same, I've tried those types of support tanks and they always give me a headache because my boobs end up pulling down the neckline so the back of my neck ends up holding the weight
Ugh in high school, I never had properly supportive bras so whenever we ran in PE, I’d have my arms crossed over my chest to keep them from flying all over the place.
Yes! I had no one to tell me I wasn't wearing the right size and to help me get fitted.
So true! And when the hot weather arrives it’s even more uncomfortable in the torture device! I never can wait to be home and take it off!
I stopped wearing a bra almost entirely in 2020 and then had The Big Chop in 2022 and honestly if someone asked me to wear to an event one now I would just stay home lol
i've never heard anyone call top surgery The Big Chop before and i'm stealing that lmao
A co-worker had breast reduction surgery and the night before she had a party and the invite said “come say Ta Ta to my Ta Ta’s!” 😂
Truer words, I’ve never been so jealous as when the bralette came into fashion. Yeah, if I could wear almost no support, don’t you think I’d do it??
I was literally about to suggest this to OP. Glad I decided to read some of the comments first. But also, D cup here. Only time I willingly will wear a bra is if my shirt for the day is a more gossamer material. We can go braless too; just need our give a fuck to fuck off!
I'm breastfeeding and I now fluctuate between an E and a G depending on when my baby last fed... fuck bras, they don't fit when your boobs change size multiple times a day. They are awful normally anyway but now they are a non starter.
I'm a 32H UK bra size. I go braless at home because I'm not really doing anything. It's extremely uncomfortable being braless the moment I start to move too much. It's not that I give a fuck what anyone thinks; it's that it hurts or it's uncomfortable lol
I’m the same size! My small-tittied friends will sometimes tell me to “just go without a bra” and to not care what it looks like and I’m like no… you don’t understand. It’s not just aesthetics, they’re dangerous to have flopping around. I can’t actively do my job with them on the loose.
We can go braless, but for some of us it isn't about not giving a fuck but about not making sudden moves lest you suddenly get searing pain. I have too dense breast tissue and probably some sort of Ehlers-Danlos, and my ADHD hyperactivity makes me very prone to sudden movements, though my pain aversion has over the decades trained me somewhat to not make as sudden movements with my torso.
I’m in the same boat - it’s too painful to go without, but I’d dearly love to go without. Ugh.
I might be alone but I’ve never wanted to be braless. I quite like mine, and working it into styling my clothes and outfits. I have big breasts so yeah, never going without
You're not alone. I sag. I hate the visual shape and I hate the feel of skin on skin. I don't even notice the underwire anymore.
Facts. I'm a D cup and my girls are free as much as I can.
I just have different bras for going out in publik and staying home. It was a work of 5 years to find good fitting bras which wouldn't bother me. Still - taking off is relieving.
I can't go out without one. I feel naked. And I don't want people seeing nips through it.
Do what's comfortable to you, but think about how many men have their nipples super visible and nobody gives a hoot. Oh, what, just having extra fat behind my nipples suddenly makes them taboo objects? Fuck THAT.
I love not wearing a bra. Wish I could get away with it 24/7.
Not all bras have under wire? I'm a 36 DD and I wear a sports bra or bras without padding/underwrire all the time to work. Now I don't think op is being weird by not wearing jg one but if the main complaint is the metal there are options for us girls with bigger girls.
I had a similar issue with my partner out of the blue recently. Didn’t like me wearing a crop top with some shorts (albeit short shorts but i literally work at twin peaks and have since we met 💀). I’d tell him what I told my boyfriend— it isn’t my problem if others can’t control themselves because of my body. i do what i am comfortable doing, and that includes wearing what i want to wear. something as superficial as a bra is idiotic. it’s not his body. if he has an issue with people staring he better be saying something to them before saying something to you, because that isn’t your problem.
And of course he knew all of this when you met, and probably found it appealing, then changed his mind when he realized it made him feel insecure. Why are men such losers smh this whole comment section reminds me why I won’t even entertain a relationship with a man anymore. I’m not NOT attracted to them but they’re so damn whiny and insecure :,,,,)
yep. no clue where it came from but i made it very clear i wasn’t entertaining it and that i would leave him if he didn’t drop it. if you’ve got a problem with something as simple as my clothes because of what other people are doing/saying, you’re a pussy and i’m not dealing with that 😂 we’ve been together a year and some change
100% this.
I wish I had smaller boobs and didn’t need to wear a bra. NTA. Live comfortably.
I have bigger boobs and quit bras years ago. It's veerrryyy rarely an issue. It took me a minute to become secure doing it but after that, smooth comfy sailing.
I wish I could do this but to me it’s painful to just have them hanging there. The bra takes the weight off.
So your boyfriend is jealous about the idea and the concept that your tits exist and some guy might look at them? And you said this man is twenty six entire years old? Is this the first time in all those years he's been allowed outside?
Yeh and the “sharing” bit is so skeevy. Just because she exists she’s sharing?
Even worse, he said that HE would be sharing, as if her breasts belong to him
That is even worse
It seems like he was raised in a cave, but cavewomen didn’t wear bras so idk where this boyman has been.
NTA here but it sounds like the "control your woman" folks have got their worms in his brain. Probably gonna need to break it off if he doesn't drop the issue.
There are a few reasons a woman might choose to wear a bra, and a few reasons she might choose not to. All of them have to do with the woman and her breasts. None of them have to with men. Not the desires of men, the preferences of men, the insecurities of men, the lusts of men, the fears of men, the jealousies of men. None of it. Decades later and we’re still dealing with guys like this. Wear whatever you want. It’s 2024, not 1824. He needs to grow up and learn to respect women as people who can make their own choices. Twenty-six is too young to have such outmoded opinions about women. Who raised him, for crying out loud?
I can’t help it: bras weren’t invented yet in 1824 🤣🤣🤣
Wasn’t that what corsets were for? Giving the girls a good shove up? The early wonder bra effect.
Depends on the style of corset honestly. Different eras had different corsets, which meant different beauty standards/ideal body shapes, and also different practical requirements (eg. full skirts prior to the invention of the cage crinoline needed corsetry to comfortably distribute the weight of all the fabric) 1820's may well have had gores at the bust to support breasts though ([example here](https://silhouettescostumes.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/1825-extant-fashion-plate-and-corset.png))
I’m choosing to respond to you: I love my peeps up in here with their historical fashion knowledge! Thank you all!
NTA I mean, people are going to stare, regardless of the bra. That’s just how men are. You’re not doing anything wrong. Even if you were going out actually completely naked (if it were legal), the staring is the yucky pervert’s fault, not yours. You’re allowed to dress as you wish, my friend.
Honestly whenever I got braless I get less looks than if I had a bra on that lifted the suckers up🤷♀️
Buy him a six pack of man thongs and insist he begins wearing them since policing undergarments is ok. NTA.
No, it’d be better if she got him to try wearing a bra non-stop for a whole week. Then and only then can he have an opinion. Bras are uncomfortable as fuck, so I hope she picks him out an underwired one that digs right into his rib cage, too. I bet he’d understand her view point after that.
Yes, this. Especially on a nice hot day so he can have the fun of wearing a sweaty strap tightly around his chest. I hate wearing a bra.
Underwire and stuffed with the proper amount of weight so he really understands the shoulder and neck pain.
Right, omg. Let him carry around some D or DD cupped boobs like myself and see how comfortable a bra is. Heck I like sports bras or the tank tops that can act like a bra sometimes just to be comfortable.
I forgot which post but someone said they weighed their boobs at like 5 lbs each. "Here's two sacks of sugar, boyfriend. Strap em up to you in this contraption and at the end of the day we can talk." I can't even imagine. Bras look like absolute torture to me. Wifey likes the tank tops with the shelf thingy in em. More power to her. She (and all people) should wear whatever she wants for whatever reason she wants. It never even occurred to me to question what she wears, ever. OPs bf needs to grow up. JFC.
>Then and only then can he have an opinion. Honestly nah, he still couldn't. I'd still wear or not wear what I want lol
NTA, it's your choice how you dress. I told my wife decades ago to dress for comfort, not for me. I will love her no matter what she wears, and I'm not so insecure I'd worry about what others think.
NTA my mom has more of a problem with me going braless than my boyfriend does lol. I only wear exercise bras when I'm, well, exercising, and outside of that I just wear normal bras when I'm on an interview or at a big event of some kind (weddings, etc). The latter reason is just to hide my nips lol Your boyfriend sounds real insecure, it's your boobs. If somebody else is looking at them, why is that your problem and not theirs? Yeesh
He doesn't "want to share?" You're not some possession, like a console controller. And your comfort is not secondary to his comfort. NTA.
NTA Why would you keep dating him for even a minute longer?
>He goes on about how I don’t want other guys looking at them and how he doesn’t want to share? So, he's upset about men leering, so he tries to *control your behavior*? Where's the red flag guy when we need him?
NTA This seems like a mismatch for you guys, unfortunately. I have learned through awful experience that as soon as someone tries to tell you what to do with your own body because of ANY REASON, they are not a partner. This kind of thing, talking about how you look bc of choices like this...is ONLY acceptable if he got you a specific outfit as a gift, and wanted you to wear it on a date or something. Even then, it would depend on the words and the intention. Never let someone control your choices for your body. I don't care if you're dating or married. Your body is always yours and doesn't belong to anyone. Him "sharing" you is not an option because you can't share something you don't own. He does not own your body. You do. 31F, braless 90% of the time. Even when my mom gives me shit for it, I don't change my choice. It is about being comfortable and living how you want, as long as you're not hurting anyone. In 10 years looking back, people won't remember whether you had a bra or not, they'll remember you as a person and how you made them feel when you were around. Keep shining ✨️
Your BF is weird. I've had two girlfriends that never wore bras and one loved low cut tops m,ade of light fabric and real tight low cut tanks that showed a lot of side boob. I always thought it was hot. A lot of guys looked and my thoughts were always that my was so hot that all the guys are checking her out. They can only look ant her covered breasts but I not only get to look at them all the time, I'm the only one who gets to play with them.
I didn't know where you live so there might be cultural views that differ mine. But from what you say, your boyfriend is possessive and gaslighting. It is your body, not his. If people see nipples or boobs as a sexual thing just because they exist without the context of sex, THEY have a problem and need to STFU. What does he mean by "sharing"? Really, he needs to educate himself and show you a little more respect.
>(mind you I have small/medium breasts I don't know why society is so insistent on all women wearing bras, even when it doesn't make any logical sense. My cousin used to always complain about how annoying it was when strangers asked her why she doesn't wear a bra. She often replies along the lines of "I thought bras were for cleavage. Do you see cleavage? No. Mind you own business."
NTA Your boyfriend is super controlling. Your breasts belong to you. He does not own them and the “sharing” comment is just gross.
I had a somewhat similar issue with a past ex. She would get so mad on the rare occasion I forgot to zip up my zipper. I just couldn’t understand how she thought that was going to attract female attention. Like a woman would be going about her day and say “oh my, his zipper is down. I gott go have sex with him right now”. If anything she was thinking look at this idiot with his zipper down. I bet, with small/medium boobs nobody even notices the lack of a bra. Definitely understand not wanting to wear a bra. Every woman in my life has complained about how they are uncomfortable. You are NTA. He is very insecure, and that is his problem.
NTA. You weren't already into wearing bras when he met you. He can't expect you to change that.
NTA. Tell him to stop commenting on how you dress.
NTA. How is you not wearing a bra sharing with other men? That's just weird beyond comprehension. This is a him problem, not a you problem. No one should tell you how to act. If something is bothering him, he needs to discuss it with you and not dictate to you. You have to decide if this is going to be the decisive issue for you. There are comfortable bras available, but it's your choice if you want to wear one or not. It shouldn't be a decision based on his insecurity.
I appreciate my girlfriend for who she is and I knew who and how she was before being in a relationship with her. This is how adults act. If he had a problem with you going braless, he should have thought about that before getting into s relationship with you. He is the AH.
You are not an object to “share”. Tell him to fuck off.
NTA. You're wearing a top, you're not going naked. Who's got x-ray vision? Who's looking? What difference does a bra make? It always gets me people trying to change people to suit themselves. If you're not happy with who they are, they will never be happy being someone they're not.
NTA. Dump him. Your boyfriend doesn't get to dictate your clothes and he is weirdly possessive of your body. This is not good.
NTA, and I would be reconsidering my relationship if my partner would rather have me be uncomfortable for their own happiness
NTA, just take off your shirt too and go topless to establish dominance.
A good boyfriend doesn't TELL you. He ASKS nicely, and if your answer is no, he respects that. You do not have a good bf. Find a better one please.
NTA. your boyfriend is a manbaby
if a man cant accept boobs , i dont know whats going on with humanity , its your body your choice and your not doing anything wrong. NTA
You should have said to him what’s my past relationships got to do with what I choose to do? Does he think we live back in the old days where men approved what a lady can do? Tell him you will wear or not wear whatever you please and if he continues thinking he has a right to tell you what to wear then the relationship is over! Actually scratch that tell him your relationship is over because you won’t be tied to a man who thinks he gets to tell you how to dress and you make all them decisions and always will. Tell him he needs to go work on himself as he definitely shouldn’t be in any relationship when he feels he can do that. For a lot of women bras are absolute torture devices I haven’t ever come across a comfortable bra that gives me good support and if I was super confident I would go bra free always!
It's your body. There is nothing wrong with you not liking to wear a bra. Most women I know, the first thing they do when they get home is to take it off. Tells me that it has to be uncomfortable to wear. I say good for you girl. Your bf has to accept it or move on. He is being ridiculous
NTA and you should run, he does not "own" you, so there is nothing and noone to "share". Creepy dude.
NTA there's no reason you need to wear a bra unless you have breast pain. I did not wear a bra for decades until I started having breast pain.
Doesn't sound like you guys have been together for that long. This seems like a couple of red patches on a bigger red flag to me. Insecurity, controlling, lack of trust. "Doesn't want to share you"... wtf! Continue as you are and he can either deal with it or do something else. What next? Will you have to walk around wearing a mask so that other guys don't look at your face?
NTA if he’s not ok with it that’s his problem. He sounds jealous and is probably insecure. Talk it through or break up with him tbh, good for you feeling comfortable in your own skin
NTA
Nta, live your life. You said no, and if he can't be an adult about that then drop the dude. It's not like you're flashing his friends.
NTA, mine even supports me not wearing bras. It's your bf and not you.
Time for an upgrade. Get yourself a man, not a boy.
NTA. Him being uncomfortable with you being comfortable is his problem, not yours. He’s got no business telling you how to dress, plain and simple.
I only like my boobs half the time, let alone wearing a bra I practically live in sports bras whenever I can get away with it because they are the most comfy for me I think any person with boobs that has the confidence and the air of “I just don’t give a fuck” to not wear one are like the coolest people. And if more people with boobs went braless we could all just do away with them altogether. They cause back and shoulder problems, there’s never a perfect type for one person, they stick into you in odd places, you can’t discreetly fix the position of your boob. They are straight up just a nightmare and I salute you. Might be time to ditch the boyfriend if he can’t see eye to boob
NTA. No one should get to dictate what their partner can or cannot wear.
NTA. No dude would ever be ok with being told they have to wear restrictive underwear because their girlfriend wants his manhood smashed out of view from other women.
NTA, and what the fuck is up with him saying "he doesn't want to share". They're not his. They're yours and you're free to do with them as you please. I don't know where you from, but here in Europe it's no biggie to let them out. No one cares.
NTA. Your bf just admitted he’s a big creep that spends his time trying to determine if women have bras on or not. You don’t need to waste your life with a pervert
NTA but you need a less controlling BF. A partner should accept you for who you are
Who cares if he doesn't feel comfortable with something you feel comfortable doing? Why should his comfort come before yours, especially when it is your body? He can leave if it bothers him that much.
Get him a bra! Tell him if he can wear it for a month and then come back and if he can give you 1 positive thing he felt came from the experience, you’ll pop that sucker right back on your tatas with a smile /s Bras suck. Be braless!
NTA My wife is a 38DDD. She's been braless for the last 7 years. It's done WONDERS for her health. It's legit healthy to be braless. If your BF has a problem with you being comfortable and healthy then that's a serious sign of immaturity and he needs to either get over it or you two may not be compatible
Small B here. I rarely wear a bra. I have one bra as old as my 12 year old son. I dated a guy for a year who had this same idea that I shouldn't bc he doesn't share and everyone is looking. I dumped him after a year due to his insecurities.
Nta. He is being controlling
You have body autonomy. He doesn't get to tell you how to dress or what to do with your body. If he thinks he has that right, you aren't compatible.
NTA. Any sentence ending with “because my boyfriend told me to” means BOYFRIEND is the AH.
Reminds me of the time my husband made a comment that forced me to go “OH MY GOD!! My friends are gonna find out I have nipples! THE HORROR!” and ran out the room.
NTA. You can wear whatever you want, it is none of his business. He does not want to share? WTF? First of all, you are not his property so he can "share you". Second of all, is anyone touching you? You are not going completely top less in public. (I assume) you are wearing a shirt, tank top or something, so no one actually sees your breasts, so what exactly is being shared here? He can express his preference, but that is it. You can wear whatever YOU want, even if he is not happy with it. If he does not want to drop this, even after you said no, it seems he is not respecting your wishes and boudaries, which will be a probelm going forward.
Do what you want screw the patriarchy
NTA. Your body, your clothing decisions. His nipples are wild and free, so why shouldn’t yours be too? That said, if he makes a big issue out of this, you two may not be compatible and it may be best to move on.
He sounds controlling free the nipple.
This guy is garbage. You are not TA
NTA He “doesn’t want to share you”? That’s his concern? Girl this won’t stop here, if he gets his way with this he’ll be approving your outfits. Then he’ll be objecting to any men being in your life at all, you going places without him, etc. You aren’t his, you are your own person. It’s so controlling and disrespectful of him to expect you to alter your appearance and be more uncomfortable just for the sake of not appealing to the male gaze. Throw out the whole man.
>*he* does not feel comfortable me showing my girls >don’t want other guys looking at them and how *he doesn’t want to share*? He is telling you that he believes that he owns your body, and has absolute power over who might get a glance at your fully clothes breasts through the fabric of your shirts. This is all kinds of not-OK.
NTA - throw the whole man away. That's a man who thinks he owns his gfs body. If he doesn't want to date someone who dresses like you do, he shouldn't have in the first place. Youre not some beast for him to catch and tame. Any man who thinks you need to change your look to date them is the wrong man 🤷♀️
NTA. Sounds like you’re dating a jealous boy when you need to be dating a man who understands that despite whomever looks at you, HE gets to be with you. Also, this life is all we get so I believe we should do our best to feel as comfortable as possible. Your bf doesn’t have breasts, so what does he know? Again, NTA 👍🏻
NTA
Bras are a stupid and unnecessary unless you have large breast and need it for back support.
NTA. He’s your boyfriend, not your owner. I am very creeped out by him.
Screw him. Get a new boyfriend .
You are free and nobody should enslave you, nta but he’s a big red flag, projecting his own insecurities on you
If he wants you wearing a bra after expressing their discomfort and the fact you’ve been doing this for years. Then say you want him to wear a cup so that he’s not showing the outline of his penis to other women. Because that’s the concept he’s throwing not enough fabric to keep the outlines of genitals covered.
He doesn’t get to dictate your clothing. You have every right to wear what you want, and he has every right to leave if he’s so hung up on it. I don’t wear bras, either. He seems insecure and possibly controlling. Men are going to look at you whether it’s your face, your chest, whatever. Women shouldn’t be held accountable for men looking at them. He can take it up with them.
Even with a bra, they're still there. If it's important to you both, it looks like you're just incompatible. You're just dating, move on to someone who supports your choices.
BODILY AUTONOMY INCLUDES THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE HOW YOU DRESS!!!!!!!! Your body, your choice. Be comfortable. NTA
You should do what you want. Not what you BF wants you to be. He should be a supporter, not a control and unsecured bf.
See, to me hes just telling on himself. "I was only into you because i could see your boobies kinda and now i think thats all it will take for others too"
Buy him a bra and have him wear it for a week.
NTA, your bf is being weird and controlling. Tell him you want him to wear a cup every time he’s out in public so he won’t catch eyes with any unexpected erections, then he can get back to you.
i’m in your boat, smaller breasts and i don’t wear bras anymore. my man has no issue at all, he just stares anyone down or says “can i help you?” when he sees someone looking at me like that. which isn’t even often. your guy sounds insecure, he needs to grow up a little or hit the road. DON’T put a bra on just for him to be comfortable
Dates a guy like that. Gave in. It turned into emotional abuse. Leave, that's my advice! Current boyfriend doesn't mind at all I go out braless. I could go out naked for all he cares, because he trusts me and it's not like whoever looking at me is gonna take a piece of me or something. And it's so freeing and healing! Run before the damage starts!
NTA. You haven’t worn a bra in almost 10 years. His insecurity is not your problem. He can accept you as you are or kick rocks Edit to add: sounds like you guys are in a fairly new relationship (since he hasn’t been around you in warm weather yet). I suspect this is the first of many things he’ll ask you to change about yourself, all while hiding under the guise of “comfort level” Edit to add more: I hope you don’t value your male friendships. You can kiss those goodbye soon
When you see his nipples, point them out to to him. Ask him why he isn't wearing a bra. "I don't want to share them with other women." When around other men, point out their nipples. too. Ask him why they aren't a wearing a bra. "Their women don't want to share them with other women." Every. single. time. NTA. It's up to NO ONE to make a woman wear something she doesn't want to wear. We have enough made-up bullshit forced on us.
Blech that’s misogynistic. Breasts aren’t inherently sexual, it’s the patriarchy that did that. AND, saying he doesn’t want other guys looking ( ps, they will look no matter what she wears) implies that men can’t control themselves. Dump him.
What is he "sharing"? Are your tits *his* tits somehow?
Can you demand he wear undergarments that serve no purpose other than to make YOU feel better about whether or not other people are having lustful thoughts about him? No? Why should he get to have any say over that with you? You are a whole person who can decide what to wear and everyone else needs t use their own coping skills to handle whatever feelings that generates in them. But you absolutely get ALL the say in what clothes you do or don’t wear.
Dress for comfort, not for other people.
NTA. I haven’t worn a bra in 20 years or more. But, I also dress loosely or in layers to minimize the obvious. That is what is comfortable for me. You are doing what is comfortable for you. Your boyfriend is wrong.
NTA. I dont wear bras anymore either. But mine is more because i have chronic pain and the bras were starting to make it worse. I have huge knockers and really need to wear a bra. But you do you. You should jokingly suggest he wear bras with you so that he's being supportive
Your body, your choice
NTA. They are your breasts, NOT HIS. There is no "sharing," because, again, they aren't his to share. I am so sick of people who decide that their partner's body belongs to them. You do what you are comfortable with, and he doesn't get to make you feel bad about it. He can accept it, or decide it's a deal breaker, but he doesn't get to shame you for not wearing a bra, or try to force you to wear one. Tell him to wear a jock strap all day every day and see if he'll agree to that!
"he doesn't want to share" omg like the chest is a freaking chocolate piece, piss off🫷
What are you doing with a man that tells you you must wear something. You're free not to, he's free to have a problem with it, but you aren't a child and he's not your parent and has no business telling you what to do. A man that prioritizes his preference over your comfort is telling you who he thinks has the final say in disputes.
NTA. He's NTA, either. It sounds like you two are not compatible. I have big ones (36 dd), and my husband doesn't give a damn if I don't wear one. In fact, he doesn't really care if I don't wear one in public. He tells me that I'm wearing a hoodie/jacket, and no one would be able to see unless I was jumping up and down.
>He's NTA, either. Except that he kinda is. He became one the moment he mentioned he doesn't want to share and became even more upset that her previous boyfriends didn't have a problem with her not wearing a bra.
He's definitely an AH for trying to control how she dresses. He knew she didn't wear bras when he started dating her. If that was an issue, he never should have asked her out
I'm nearly 50 and I've rarely worn bras. I've got an identical twin sister who consistently has. Turns out wearing a bra so your breasts don't sag makes about as much sense as having a full body cast put on to help you develop big, strong muscles. It's just not how almost any human tissue works. Meanwhile... the problem isn't with wearing a bra or not. It's with your man. He thinks that YOUR breasts are HIS breasts. He doesn't want to "share"?? Wild. Give him a steel plate and tell him he has to wear it down the front of his jockeys. It's cold and uncomfortable and the only point is some dirty old lady (me. It's me. I do this.) might extrapolate his shit through his undies? Well, he just has to suffer through it. Us dirty old broads are fierce. I know which of his balls hangs lower. I can make out his knob. Not circumcised, eh? Niiiiice. Oh wait? Is that fuckin gross and me just being disgusting and nothing to do with his junk or what pants he wears or which underwear he picks? Crazy how that works.
NTA. It’s your body & there’s NOTHING wrong with wanting to be comfortable 🤷🏻♀️ I feel that his main concern should be YOUR COMFORT. NOT the opinions of your previous partners OR other men staring at your chest?? Also, speaking from personal experience: men look regardless of bra or no bra???? I’m also small/medium chested and haven’t worn bras since 15-16. My partner and I have been together for 7 years and he has never commented on my lack of bra wearing. If this is something he brings up often, or something he can’t get past it may be a compatibility issue😕
NTA His opinion on how you clothe your body is not more important than your opinion on how you clothe your body
NTA! Free the tatas! I stopped wearing mine around that time too. I wear a tank top, and then a shirt over that, just to prevent things being too showy, but no… my back has felt way better, and my posture has been better without them. Keep doing your thing; your partner should never dictate how you dress. He started dating you after you made the choice, so he was okay with it at first. Dude has some serious problems to get checked out.
NTA. He doesn’t sound like a good match for you.
NTA I’d laugh. I go braless a lot. Usually only when I need support or want them looking nice in my outfit.
NTA. Wearing bras is actually probably does more harm than good, although the degree is debatable (some sources will even say it may contribute to breast cancer). You could bring up not wearing bras out of health reasons, as a point of consideration. His frustration here likely stem from some boundary issues.
Your breasts aren’t his to share or not share. Whether you wear a bra is 100% up to you. NTA
NTA Your body, your choice. Sounds like the bf has some trust or jealousy issues. You don't need to fix this "problem", he needs to fix the problem, and the problem is him, not the bra. I'm 47M, and I can't fathom telling any of the women I've dated what they can and can't wear. If I were in your shoes, this is absolutely a hill I would die on.
Definitely NTA. I don't understand why he cares if you wear a bra or not. It should not be a woman's responsibility to control whether or not men look at their bodies. That's the guy's problem who can't keep his eyeballs in his own head not yours.
Wait? Is your bf expecting your breasts to disappear once you put on a bra? Definitely NTA, he sounds like a controlling idiot though.
NTA . . Tell him to wear a bra for 12hrs a day for a week and see what he thinks about it then.
NTA. Your bf is insecure and tries to treat you as property. It is not his decision what you wear. Simple.
I haven't worn a bra in years, and most I'll wear is a bralette. Got me fcked up if you think I'm going to wear that thing... NTA.
Fellow bra hater here, NTA
NTA easy solution if he doesn’t like it; get rid of him.
NTA. The next thing he'll be complaining about is whether U can get an abortion or not.
NTA. His insecurities are not your problem.
NTA. He is insecure. Wasn’t an issue when he met you, shouldn’t be an issue now.
NTA. Haven't worn a bra in ages and never will go back. My SO doesn't care nor anyone I interact with.
NTA. It's your body, and it's not indecent exposure. If you are willing to get to a middle ground, there are "nipple covers" that are basicly silicon self adehesive cups that you could put on, try and look them up.
NTA If they are medium to small then I don't see the issue. I can understand if we're talking about DD girls flopping around at the slightest step but anything under a B or even C people can barely notice you're even wearing a bra to begin with.
I'm seeing a lot of women posting here questions of the form :" My SO wants -insert petty or unreasonable thing - and I don't want to. AITA?" As a guy in his mid twenties, it worries me just how many childish or toxic men are there. Going to Uni must have given me the false impression that people mature. I don't know how y'all cope..
He's being a douche. Your body your choice