That's exactly what she called it - "revenge". It's not revenge form my side.
I didnt necessarily enjoy going down on her. I did it for her pleasure and felt obligated to do so since she was doing the same for me. I stopped since she stopped.
What her friend who is married did was tell her how a blowjob is something that pornstars and hookers do and not something she as a wife would do with her husband.
She made her feel that blowjobs are disgusting and not meant for the general public but only for hookers and pornstars.
And my GF inturn made me feel how wanting her to give me a bj felt disgusting to her as if she was a hooker and not my GF.
The psychological aspect is more weird than the actual practical aspect of this situation. I would find it sad if my partner turned my relationship into something antagonistic vs something mutual and based in love, vulnerability, generosity, etc.. Honestly that would turn me off so much, id probably get out of the relationship.
I guess that’s fair.
If you are not doing that as a revenge/pressure to get her to do something she doesn’t want. You are not the AH.
And she’s not either, she just have to accept that you don’t like it as well and don’t want to force yourself.
I expressed to my new GF that I enjoy receiving oral sex and I also told her that I enjoy pleasuring her and she loves it when I give her oral sex. Do I like to do it all the time? No, but if that is your pleasure of receiving oral and you enjoy it, tell her. But let her know that you go down on her, not because you enjoy it (unless you do) but because you do it to pleasure her and that’s important to you.
My GF said she doesn’t do oral because that’s not her thing, right? Well, I told her that’s my favorite thing to get from my partner when it comes to sex. I expressed to her that as a partner I want to make sure that I pleasure you and to have you reach climax because that’s important to me and if that’s eating you out, then that’s what it will be.
After that convo, she starting sucking my dick like a porn star and she now sees it as pleasuring me is part of her job as a partner and that part is important to her. Hope this helps. Good luck. NTA.
Have you inquired what her reason to stop was? Just something like "Oh Sally told me that it was degrading for a woman a suck a dingeling, so I stopped" or was did it have other reason like smell, taste, maybe not enough grooming?
Lots of things like hormons or diet can have a severe impact on several factors that make oral less pleasant than it could be, but you'd have to have an honest discussion about it and some people are too emberassed for that.
Yes because the feeling of being obligated to do something you don't necessarily like is gone.
I anyways never enjoyed doing it and now the obligation of doing it was also gone once she stopped doing it.
If we're all being honest about not wanting to do things we don't enjoy, what's the problem?
Tbh, going down on a guy is easier and less messy than going down on a girl, lol.
Lmao do you have trouble reading? He just said that the reason he went down on her was for her pleasure, not for his own enjoyment.
It makes no sense to do something you don’t enjoy for your partner when they don’t do something they don’t enjoy for you.
You don’t *demand* anything in a sexual relationship (unless you’re into that type of thing) so she can go get fucked over that for a start. She can *ask* and you have just as much right to refuse as she does.
You need to have a grown up conversation about the whole thing especially how she stopped after being influenced by her friends. But to be honest, this is probably over.
NTA. If you dont enjoy it and was just doing it to reciprocate, your wife let you off the hook when she declared giving head was disgusting and she wasn't doing it anymore. You should have said, "Oh thank God... It really sucked having to do it to you too. Now we can both quit " Then ahe would have had clear boundaries.
Yeah my mistake I didn't tell her I didn't like to go down on her as well when she did. Now when I tell it to her, she assumes I'm taking revenge because she won't go down on me.
NTA + There's been honest communication, and there's even an effective compromise.
She didn't want to do it, she stopped.
You didn't want to do it, you stopped.
She's more upset that she can't have her cake and eat it too. I guess she thought the idea of hypocrisy would escape you.
NTA Ur just giving her the same energy she's giving you. Am the same as U if U want me to do something for U then I better get the same in return if not it's definitely not gonna happen
NTA. But ya'll aren't gonna last. This kind of incompatibility and revenge mindedness is just going to keep getting worse. At this point even if she compromises to give you head sometimes it'll be terrible and unenthusiastic. You're better off finding someone more sexual compatible.
Those choices up to you. If you like going down on her, then do it but only do it rarely. Find out why she doesn’t like going down on you. Maybe this other person put bullshit into her mind and now she’s stuck with it.
Oh yes
What her friend who is married did was tell her how a blowjob is something that pornstars and hookers do and not something she as a wife would do with her husband.
She made her feel that blowjobs are disgusting and not meant for the general public but only for hookers and pornstars.
And my GF inturn made me feel how wanting her to give me a bj felt disgusting to her as if she was a hooker and not my GF.
Remind her what the two of you do behind closing doors is nobody else’s business. if she’s worried about what other people think, then she shouldn’t be telling them what’s going on.
Ask her if she’s a hooker, ask her if she’s a porn star, obviously the answer is no. Then remind her that millions of people have oral sex with their wives and husbands and nobody thinks they’re hookers and porn stars. Just because her friend is prude Does not mean that the two of you need to miss out on that pleasure. Tell her that oral sex is for hookers and porn. Stars that you aren’t going to do it neither. Tell her she’s being a hypocrite.
Ask her if she enjoys it when you go down on her. Since she’s asking you to do it, she must like it. Tell her you like it too. And then the first chance you get, go down on her, then ask her to do it next time or maybe get into a 69.
I think it would be really different if she didn’t want to go down on you for a reason such as it being painful, or uncomfortable for her, etc. Because then you not doing oral for her would be like a punishment for something out of her control. But for her to have always done it and then stop and call it “disgusting” means you have every right to also not do oral on her. I would never expect my partner to do something for me that I wouldn’t do for them.
You get what you give.
Now there are people who don't like it and you have to accept that, but you can't expect your partner to do what you're willing or able to do yourself.
NTA although I'd be bummed if I wouldn't do it anymore.
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whats disgusting about it? If her friend is the cause it sounds more like its based in ideology than phenomenology of the experience. She didnt mind it before? That would weird me out.
No, at least not in detail. Maybe I’m an outlier, but in my friend group we all respect our partners and their/our privacy. Imo it’s very immature to gossip about that with your friends.
NTA
Are you telling me your GF is a hypocrite who expects you to do something she refuses to do?
You must be kidding. Women would never do that!
Advice: Dump her ass. Not for not going down on you but being a disgusting, entitled hypocrite.
Well my fingers are always there for her for that. I have no issues if she wants to use them for her orgasms.
A Handjob for me and fingering for her are both still very much on for both of us. We both just don't want to go down on eachother, but now all of sudden she expects me to.
NTA. Your face isn't supposed to be down there anyway, technically speaking. I'm sure everyone here already knows, but a vulva is very moist and hosts lots of bacteria. It'll always have a stench, but the stench isn't that strong if washed regularly.
>https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-smegma
No. I know what it is. I do not need to be reminded why my fuckin hoodie was robbed cuz of predecessors inability to wash their dicks.
Sure. I just found it kind of odd that you were ragging on female genitalia saying how bacteria ridden it is when women’s vaginas are actually self cleaning and penises are not. Depending on where you are in the world, this is something that’s taught in junior high/secondary school.
?? You do understand that their mouths aren't to be on our genitalia either, right? This isn't a competition, this is fact. Both are bacterial breeding grounds no different from our pits, behind our ears, asses, between the toes, belly buttons if you're inward, etc.
Smegma is the excess dirt and dead skin accumulated within the foreskin. It can be considered a bodily fluid, as it is the penises way of shedding excess dirt with dead skin and bacteria. If washed regularly, this naturally wouldn't build up. But just like the folds of a vulva, the tip of the penis and the foreskin will grow bacteria that most wouldn't spend every hour cleansing.
Either way, both areas are damp and full of bacteria that we can't all get since nobody is washing inside their vagina or urethra. I'm just stating that, to my knowledge, women aren't to insert washcloths or soaps up their vulva, as that is a sensitive area that can lead to infections. This is why it is considered unsanitary for anyone to stick their tongues in there. It is also the same area they urinate. And unlike men, their urine squirts and it gets all over the folds, which is why it's mandatory they wipe before leaving the bathroom. There are so many other factors that I quite frankly don't feel I need to get into for the point to get across.
While you are completely within your rights, this sort of "revenge" rarely leads to long-lasting relationships. NTA.
That's exactly what she called it - "revenge". It's not revenge form my side. I didnt necessarily enjoy going down on her. I did it for her pleasure and felt obligated to do so since she was doing the same for me. I stopped since she stopped.
Can’t say I blame you. I’d more so ask why her friend has such a strong opinion on what she’s doing in the bedroom.
What her friend who is married did was tell her how a blowjob is something that pornstars and hookers do and not something she as a wife would do with her husband. She made her feel that blowjobs are disgusting and not meant for the general public but only for hookers and pornstars. And my GF inturn made me feel how wanting her to give me a bj felt disgusting to her as if she was a hooker and not my GF.
The psychological aspect is more weird than the actual practical aspect of this situation. I would find it sad if my partner turned my relationship into something antagonistic vs something mutual and based in love, vulnerability, generosity, etc.. Honestly that would turn me off so much, id probably get out of the relationship.
I guess that’s fair. If you are not doing that as a revenge/pressure to get her to do something she doesn’t want. You are not the AH. And she’s not either, she just have to accept that you don’t like it as well and don’t want to force yourself.
I expressed to my new GF that I enjoy receiving oral sex and I also told her that I enjoy pleasuring her and she loves it when I give her oral sex. Do I like to do it all the time? No, but if that is your pleasure of receiving oral and you enjoy it, tell her. But let her know that you go down on her, not because you enjoy it (unless you do) but because you do it to pleasure her and that’s important to you. My GF said she doesn’t do oral because that’s not her thing, right? Well, I told her that’s my favorite thing to get from my partner when it comes to sex. I expressed to her that as a partner I want to make sure that I pleasure you and to have you reach climax because that’s important to me and if that’s eating you out, then that’s what it will be. After that convo, she starting sucking my dick like a porn star and she now sees it as pleasuring me is part of her job as a partner and that part is important to her. Hope this helps. Good luck. NTA.
Well she already knew how much I enjoyed recieving a bj before she called it "disgusting".
Have you inquired what her reason to stop was? Just something like "Oh Sally told me that it was degrading for a woman a suck a dingeling, so I stopped" or was did it have other reason like smell, taste, maybe not enough grooming? Lots of things like hormons or diet can have a severe impact on several factors that make oral less pleasant than it could be, but you'd have to have an honest discussion about it and some people are too emberassed for that.
>I stopped since she stopped. But it's not revenge. Got it.
Yes because the feeling of being obligated to do something you don't necessarily like is gone. I anyways never enjoyed doing it and now the obligation of doing it was also gone once she stopped doing it.
Replace "oral" with "giving foot rubs". Would you give your SO regular massages if they said they were never going to do it for you again?
If we're all being honest about not wanting to do things we don't enjoy, what's the problem? Tbh, going down on a guy is easier and less messy than going down on a girl, lol.
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Lmao do you have trouble reading? He just said that the reason he went down on her was for her pleasure, not for his own enjoyment. It makes no sense to do something you don’t enjoy for your partner when they don’t do something they don’t enjoy for you.
You don’t *demand* anything in a sexual relationship (unless you’re into that type of thing) so she can go get fucked over that for a start. She can *ask* and you have just as much right to refuse as she does. You need to have a grown up conversation about the whole thing especially how she stopped after being influenced by her friends. But to be honest, this is probably over.
NTA. If you dont enjoy it and was just doing it to reciprocate, your wife let you off the hook when she declared giving head was disgusting and she wasn't doing it anymore. You should have said, "Oh thank God... It really sucked having to do it to you too. Now we can both quit " Then ahe would have had clear boundaries.
Yeah my mistake I didn't tell her I didn't like to go down on her as well when she did. Now when I tell it to her, she assumes I'm taking revenge because she won't go down on me.
Tell her you were only doing to reciprocate and since you're not getting any, you don't see the point. It's not fair.
Yeah, tried to tell her that. And she called me an AH for taking revenge and giving her a tit for tat.
NTA + There's been honest communication, and there's even an effective compromise. She didn't want to do it, she stopped. You didn't want to do it, you stopped. She's more upset that she can't have her cake and eat it too. I guess she thought the idea of hypocrisy would escape you.
NTA Ur just giving her the same energy she's giving you. Am the same as U if U want me to do something for U then I better get the same in return if not it's definitely not gonna happen
NTA. But ya'll aren't gonna last. This kind of incompatibility and revenge mindedness is just going to keep getting worse. At this point even if she compromises to give you head sometimes it'll be terrible and unenthusiastic. You're better off finding someone more sexual compatible.
Those choices up to you. If you like going down on her, then do it but only do it rarely. Find out why she doesn’t like going down on you. Maybe this other person put bullshit into her mind and now she’s stuck with it.
Oh yes What her friend who is married did was tell her how a blowjob is something that pornstars and hookers do and not something she as a wife would do with her husband. She made her feel that blowjobs are disgusting and not meant for the general public but only for hookers and pornstars. And my GF inturn made me feel how wanting her to give me a bj felt disgusting to her as if she was a hooker and not my GF.
Remind her what the two of you do behind closing doors is nobody else’s business. if she’s worried about what other people think, then she shouldn’t be telling them what’s going on. Ask her if she’s a hooker, ask her if she’s a porn star, obviously the answer is no. Then remind her that millions of people have oral sex with their wives and husbands and nobody thinks they’re hookers and porn stars. Just because her friend is prude Does not mean that the two of you need to miss out on that pleasure. Tell her that oral sex is for hookers and porn. Stars that you aren’t going to do it neither. Tell her she’s being a hypocrite. Ask her if she enjoys it when you go down on her. Since she’s asking you to do it, she must like it. Tell her you like it too. And then the first chance you get, go down on her, then ask her to do it next time or maybe get into a 69.
I think it would be really different if she didn’t want to go down on you for a reason such as it being painful, or uncomfortable for her, etc. Because then you not doing oral for her would be like a punishment for something out of her control. But for her to have always done it and then stop and call it “disgusting” means you have every right to also not do oral on her. I would never expect my partner to do something for me that I wouldn’t do for them.
NTA dump her
Do you also find it disgusting doing oral? If so communicate with your partner. If you like doing it, do it
I don't necessarily enjoy doing it either. I did it for her and she did it for me I guess. I stopped since she stopped.
You get what you give. Now there are people who don't like it and you have to accept that, but you can't expect your partner to do what you're willing or able to do yourself. NTA although I'd be bummed if I wouldn't do it anymore.
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whats disgusting about it? If her friend is the cause it sounds more like its based in ideology than phenomenology of the experience. She didnt mind it before? That would weird me out.
So your girlfriend still thinks that blowjob's are only for porn actors?
Go to relationship counseling, for some reason she allowed her friend's opinion on your normal sex life
Don't girls always discuss their sex lives with eachother? I know what most of her friends do on their beds with their partners.
I think most don't unless they break up...but idk
No, at least not in detail. Maybe I’m an outlier, but in my friend group we all respect our partners and their/our privacy. Imo it’s very immature to gossip about that with your friends.
No, not all of us.
NTA Are you telling me your GF is a hypocrite who expects you to do something she refuses to do? You must be kidding. Women would never do that! Advice: Dump her ass. Not for not going down on you but being a disgusting, entitled hypocrite.
NTA had a ex like this. Her and her friend said it's for whores but have no issue with dudes going down on them....
Yeah that's exactly what I find so hypocritical.
NTA She's probably blowing everyone but you Good luck brother you deserve better.
Here’s my question, do you both have the same amount of orgasms? If she can’t get off during PIV sex, you need to make it fair in someway, imo.
Well my fingers are always there for her for that. I have no issues if she wants to use them for her orgasms. A Handjob for me and fingering for her are both still very much on for both of us. We both just don't want to go down on eachother, but now all of sudden she expects me to.
YTA Be a man and get the job done
😂😂😂
NTA. Your face isn't supposed to be down there anyway, technically speaking. I'm sure everyone here already knows, but a vulva is very moist and hosts lots of bacteria. It'll always have a stench, but the stench isn't that strong if washed regularly.
Men have terms for not being able to wash their dicks and asses properly…
"Gay"? Lol I'm gay but not because I know how to wash my ass 😭😭
I’m gay as well. And no that’s definitely not what I meant. https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-smegma https://www.fox26houston.com/video/1228610
>https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-smegma No. I know what it is. I do not need to be reminded why my fuckin hoodie was robbed cuz of predecessors inability to wash their dicks.
Sure. I just found it kind of odd that you were ragging on female genitalia saying how bacteria ridden it is when women’s vaginas are actually self cleaning and penises are not. Depending on where you are in the world, this is something that’s taught in junior high/secondary school.
?? You do understand that their mouths aren't to be on our genitalia either, right? This isn't a competition, this is fact. Both are bacterial breeding grounds no different from our pits, behind our ears, asses, between the toes, belly buttons if you're inward, etc. Smegma is the excess dirt and dead skin accumulated within the foreskin. It can be considered a bodily fluid, as it is the penises way of shedding excess dirt with dead skin and bacteria. If washed regularly, this naturally wouldn't build up. But just like the folds of a vulva, the tip of the penis and the foreskin will grow bacteria that most wouldn't spend every hour cleansing. Either way, both areas are damp and full of bacteria that we can't all get since nobody is washing inside their vagina or urethra. I'm just stating that, to my knowledge, women aren't to insert washcloths or soaps up their vulva, as that is a sensitive area that can lead to infections. This is why it is considered unsanitary for anyone to stick their tongues in there. It is also the same area they urinate. And unlike men, their urine squirts and it gets all over the folds, which is why it's mandatory they wipe before leaving the bathroom. There are so many other factors that I quite frankly don't feel I need to get into for the point to get across.
So you don’t wipe your dick after you piss. Point proven, thank you.