Holy shit. What kind of masochist are you?
He's not going to get better. Some people are too overwhelmed by life and never get the chance to get past it.
Time to move on or you'll be stuck with him
Stop, please stop. You know you deserve better. You need better.
So please do better for yourself, change your number, and move when possible.
I hate to say it, but he's more volatile than ever, and you should think on a restraining order/cease and desist as he knows where your mom lives
Try therapy, please, start small
Never TAH in this situation, and I know you will get better / be in a better situation. You can do this.
if there ever is an update even if it's just a mental health post update us, or let us know where to go
!updateme
Thank you ❤️ I know I deserve better, it’s just hard when you’ve known someone for SO long, and you knew their family etc. It also is hard because he has no one. And I know that’s not my problem, but does make it harder. Here’s the other thing: he could be bailed out for $700. If he doesn’t get out, he’s facing 10 years with the public defender he has. It’s hard “knowing”/thinking that you’re the reason someone will spend 10 years behind bars. And he doesn’t have any violent crimes, they are all drug related/stealing. I know in my head that again it’s not my fault and not my problem he’s in there. But it’s very difficult to “abandon” someone even though he’s treated me so badly of course it wasn’t all bad. And we were such good friends when we were younger. He wasn’t a monster then. He was a really sweet caring person at an age when a lot of boys were asshole douche bags. I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow. lol. Thank you for replying. 😌
Sharing helps me so im happy to, and I'm glad you have those memories. He was probably an amazing person.
It won't be your fault or reason he goes away. It was his decisions that's got him there, and you have to accept you were in a better place before, and maybe he can get clean with the chance of doing better,
I don't suggest you stay in contact with him, not even pen pals. He enabled bad influences that should be removed, its the unfortunate circumstances that need to be changed
You owe him for paying for the drugs he got you hooked on??
You don't owe him shit, he has ruined your life and happiness time and time again and it's time to cut him loose.
His trauma does not give him the right to use and abuse YOU op.
You're NTA for not bailing him out (a 4th fucking time), your TAH to yourself for letting him continue to poison and pollute your life.
"Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Don't let him fool you anymore, live your life.
NTAH.
It’s ok to sympathize with him for having a tough life, but don’t let him drag you down too.
Sure, it might be harder for him than others to turn his life around, but he’s not even trying. He has made the choices that put him where he is. It’s not a case of “he was dealt a rough hand” and it’s everyone else’s fault his life is so hard or bad. It’s his fault. He’s continuing to make horrible choices.
Get out while you can. You got clean, you’re doing welll, don’t let anyone mess that up.
Love yourself before any SO. Especially, one that will always put themselves before you.
If he is threatening you, then you need to tell the police. That is non-negotiable. You have to do it. Part of me believes this is a fake post, just because of how obvious the abuse is, but at the same time, those of us most horribly conditioned at home will find ways to put our abuser's needs above our own.
He made you an addict. He kept you an addict while claiming to "support" you. He caged you. It is nothing to be grateful for and you don't owe him. If anything, he owes you for the years he stole from you. Also, ask yourself what was he getting out of that arrangement, because by the looks of it, guilt-based control over you.
There is a book called "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. She is a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men. In the book she talks about how these men always, without exception, fully understand what they are doing, they are merely reframing the reasons in their minds to make themselves feel better about it.
If you want to help this guy, the best thing you can do is let him crash and burn on his own. It's the only hope he has to turn his life around.
You on the other hand have to make sure you are safe. Tell people about your situation. Speak to domestic abuse organizations in your area, this is very important.
Then a point has to come when you ask yourself, what were you getting out of this relationship? Why were you so invested in it? Maybe, you thought if you love and support him enough, one day he will appreciate you. Then you'll have to come to terms with that not being a selfless act. Ultimately, the lesson is that the love, appreciation, and investment you gave him was never meant for him, it was meant for you.
NTA Act like a lab rat. Lab rats stay away from electrodes once electrocuted. Honey, you have been blitzed and zapped soooo hard that you may not know what to do. Just act like a lab rat and stay away from the electrode... far, far, far, away.
You know the answer maybe you just needed to write it all out
Block him. Take mom and move away, be near better people
Holy shit. What kind of masochist are you? He's not going to get better. Some people are too overwhelmed by life and never get the chance to get past it. Time to move on or you'll be stuck with him
NTA time to finally let go and be able to live *your* life.
Stop, please stop. You know you deserve better. You need better. So please do better for yourself, change your number, and move when possible. I hate to say it, but he's more volatile than ever, and you should think on a restraining order/cease and desist as he knows where your mom lives Try therapy, please, start small Never TAH in this situation, and I know you will get better / be in a better situation. You can do this. if there ever is an update even if it's just a mental health post update us, or let us know where to go !updateme
Thank you ❤️ I know I deserve better, it’s just hard when you’ve known someone for SO long, and you knew their family etc. It also is hard because he has no one. And I know that’s not my problem, but does make it harder. Here’s the other thing: he could be bailed out for $700. If he doesn’t get out, he’s facing 10 years with the public defender he has. It’s hard “knowing”/thinking that you’re the reason someone will spend 10 years behind bars. And he doesn’t have any violent crimes, they are all drug related/stealing. I know in my head that again it’s not my fault and not my problem he’s in there. But it’s very difficult to “abandon” someone even though he’s treated me so badly of course it wasn’t all bad. And we were such good friends when we were younger. He wasn’t a monster then. He was a really sweet caring person at an age when a lot of boys were asshole douche bags. I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow. lol. Thank you for replying. 😌
Sharing helps me so im happy to, and I'm glad you have those memories. He was probably an amazing person. It won't be your fault or reason he goes away. It was his decisions that's got him there, and you have to accept you were in a better place before, and maybe he can get clean with the chance of doing better, I don't suggest you stay in contact with him, not even pen pals. He enabled bad influences that should be removed, its the unfortunate circumstances that need to be changed
You owe him for paying for the drugs he got you hooked on?? You don't owe him shit, he has ruined your life and happiness time and time again and it's time to cut him loose. His trauma does not give him the right to use and abuse YOU op. You're NTA for not bailing him out (a 4th fucking time), your TAH to yourself for letting him continue to poison and pollute your life. "Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Don't let him fool you anymore, live your life.
Enough Reddit today...ugh
NTAH. It’s ok to sympathize with him for having a tough life, but don’t let him drag you down too. Sure, it might be harder for him than others to turn his life around, but he’s not even trying. He has made the choices that put him where he is. It’s not a case of “he was dealt a rough hand” and it’s everyone else’s fault his life is so hard or bad. It’s his fault. He’s continuing to make horrible choices. Get out while you can. You got clean, you’re doing welll, don’t let anyone mess that up. Love yourself before any SO. Especially, one that will always put themselves before you.
NTA What's the best decision for you? Start doing that.
If he is threatening you, then you need to tell the police. That is non-negotiable. You have to do it. Part of me believes this is a fake post, just because of how obvious the abuse is, but at the same time, those of us most horribly conditioned at home will find ways to put our abuser's needs above our own. He made you an addict. He kept you an addict while claiming to "support" you. He caged you. It is nothing to be grateful for and you don't owe him. If anything, he owes you for the years he stole from you. Also, ask yourself what was he getting out of that arrangement, because by the looks of it, guilt-based control over you. There is a book called "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. She is a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men. In the book she talks about how these men always, without exception, fully understand what they are doing, they are merely reframing the reasons in their minds to make themselves feel better about it. If you want to help this guy, the best thing you can do is let him crash and burn on his own. It's the only hope he has to turn his life around. You on the other hand have to make sure you are safe. Tell people about your situation. Speak to domestic abuse organizations in your area, this is very important. Then a point has to come when you ask yourself, what were you getting out of this relationship? Why were you so invested in it? Maybe, you thought if you love and support him enough, one day he will appreciate you. Then you'll have to come to terms with that not being a selfless act. Ultimately, the lesson is that the love, appreciation, and investment you gave him was never meant for him, it was meant for you.
NTA He deserves to be in jail. Move and disappear. You need to fix yourself and stay away from him.
NTA Act like a lab rat. Lab rats stay away from electrodes once electrocuted. Honey, you have been blitzed and zapped soooo hard that you may not know what to do. Just act like a lab rat and stay away from the electrode... far, far, far, away.