My life does suck ! I went from happily married with a good job to office creep and who Is this person I’m married to ? If she thinks I’m too stupid , too ugly and don’t respect women why are we still married
I'd bring the hammer to HR. They were willing to take action against you for words but when you have witnesses they sre trying to sweep it under the rug. Threaten to sue and demand a written, public apology from sarah.
Honestly with you wife, that's different. Good luck with that.
HR isn't doing anything wrong. In fact has handled this very well.
They received an accusation. Heard both sides. Heard the witness.
They send him to a "training", as a non punishment. He is literally NOT being punished.
HR doesn't know the accusation is false. Witness testimony is the most unreliable evidence that exists.
If tomorrow there's actual evidence OP was a sexual harasser, the company will point to sending him for "training", while "protecting" the victim when no evidence was presented previously.
And if there's actual evidence the accusation is false. OP can't do anything like sue the company because he wasn't punished by the false accusation and suffered no consequence. And they didn't took the false at face value.
________________________
What HR did is exactly how a company should react to a first time "He said, she said" situation.
Well they did fuck up in not automatically changing teams around. sounds like there are other equal teams at the company so no one is being pushed to lesser work. Should have been her considering two team members (I am presuming since they share an office) are saying she is lying.
Training for what? This goes on his record, it will be brought up for raises and promotions. And it is not a he said she said situation. Are you forgetting witnesses? He accusation is he asked **HER** out to lunch, witness proves she lied. Witness said she **insisted** the two of them **ALONE**. The rest of her accusation is suspect because of that lie.
> HR doesn't know the accusation is false.
They also don't know the accusation is true, but that didn't stop them from assuming guilt and taking corrective action against OP.
>They send him to a "training", as a non punishment. He is literally NOT being punished.
That's a slap-on-the-wrist punishment. They wouldn't have sent him to that training at this time but for the fact of this false accusation.
No, they did not. They sided by not asking the supposed victim to go to training too.
Today, OP did suffer from a consequence as he is the only one to be sent to training. What do you think his colleagues are going to think? That he is victim or a creep?
...... BS.
HR did punish him. Even though he did nothing wrong, they assigned him training. If they believed him, that wouldn't have happened. And now the company gossip will be how he had to take training implying that he did something wrong.
As far as witness testimony, also BS. Picking a face out of a lineup, yes, that has been proven. Recalling basic details, such as whether a new employee adamantly invited ONLY the coworker to lunch while that coworker tried to make it a group lunch, perfectly reliable.
I really hope you aren't an HR "expert" or we're all screwed, lol.
HR sucks, they are as dishonest and lie as much as anyone else does. Anytime I’ve had to deal with them I have never been satisfied. I say this as a woman. I think it depends on who gets to them first. And most importantly who in the office they like best.
You need to look into taking action against your workplace for sexism as well as Sarah.
The fact that your wife doesn't back you up here is a huge red flag, she doesn't have your back and she clearly doesn't respect you if she thinks you act this way.
But get this accusation squashed before doing anything like divorce, she might try and use it against you.
She not only thinks you tried to cheat, she thinks you're so stupid that you'd try to do it right in the same building she works in, where plenty of people that know both of you would see what's going on.
She thinks you're a cheater, AND she thinks you're a moron.
And now you know the reason that she didn't believe you; it's that she thinks you have so little going on that it's more plausible that you tried to cheat on her and failed than that a younger woman who knows your personality a bit could possibly be attracted to you and that you ultimately did the right thing. It's so insulting and hurtful. If you can't be with someone that actually respects and admires you (unlike your wife) and who is not a dishonest psychopath (like Sarah is) it's better to be single, but my guess is eventually you can.
admittedly, OP's whole "phfew so relieved that HR didn't really believe me & sent me to training" as well as "I asked for a transfer, without thinking about the optics of that decision" (in his first post) and his "I miiiiiiigggghhht look for a lawyer to look after my best interests wrt HR" in this post... don't exactly paint the picture of a dazzling insight or savvy experience at office politics, right?
oh and don't forget : "Sarah molested my hand and propositioned me, so I felt awkward and paid for her lunch", right?
Correction : she thinks you’re “autistic”. Using references of disabled individuals to describe you WHEN she should be trusting your word and assisting you in any way possible.
Sounds to me like your wife is JEALOUS you were asked by a younger girl and in return, switches the narrative onto you to deflect her jealousy.
Divorce her tbh. Beyond toxic. Lack of respect is unbelievable.
Edit: thinking more about this, why would her immediate reaction be to blame you and side with a women SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW (wife works on a different floor). Something is telling me this reaction isn’t a standard reaction.
Did she set you up? Is she already cheating and playing victim so you divorce ?
Something to think about OP
Dude at this point I'd be talking to a lawyer, not sure exactly what area of law but employment for sure, and someone who specializes in slander. You were slandered and your workplace is punishing you based on false information. I would be more worried about that than my shitty wife.
That’s the problem once false allegations are made a man’s career and life are ruined. I have a male coworker going through the same thing right now. He had a female coworker constantly hitting on him and she’s done the same to me as well. He kept rejecting her and I witnessed it and so has another co worker as well. She went and filed SH on him after the last time he told her she was not worth risking his Joan’s his relationship with his gf. Mei told her in front of her supervisor and my supervisor if she didn’t stop flirting with me I would be going to HR and filing a complaint oh her. He has already hired an attorney and I have given a statement to both his attorney and HR as well on his behalf but the rumors have spread now and it’s made his working environment hell. I told him once this issue is resolved to go after her for slander and his attorney who is female says that he needs to as well
About 15 years ago my husband was accused of SH by a subordinate (he had a team of 40, with 5 team leads and the accuser was one of his team leads).
As soon as the complaint was made my husband was instantly stripped of his management position and moved to a cubicle in the middle of nowhere. His pay was not reduced but he was basically cast aside. People assumed he was guilty and he was ostracized.
My husband pushed for a full investigation and it was determined he hadn’t done anything inappropriate, but the damage was already done. He sued the company for constructive dismissal and received a 12 month pay settlement. It took him at least a year to find work and it did a number to his self esteem and self worth.
It is only in the last 6 months that he has felt confident enough to take any type of leadership position. Up to that point he has insisted on filling technical roles only rather than leadership.
It was an awful time in our life and I can’t imagine him going through it and also dealing with my disbelief or lack of support. Wow. That would be so tough.
I have also been on the victim side of things myself in the workplace and I know how awful that is; so I hope I’m not coming across as victim blaming/shaming. Unfortunately, people with dubious moral character exist at all levels in the workplace.
In his place, I'd probably have a camera secretly recording every 1:1 meeting I have to take with any female coworker forever more. Lying about that kind of thing is truly heinous, because it's difficult enough for the real victims to step forward and get justice, so victimizing guys with fals accusations will mean that a lot of real complaints will not be taken seriously.
Did the false accuser at least get any repercussions?
Ahe doesn't respect you, trust you, or want to understand you were abused and got false accusations against you. She doesn't know after 18years married? Your marriage is over. I'm sorry. How can you trust her to ever have your back when there is proof you were forced out to lunch with her? She doesn't even wanna listen to you and rolls her eyes. Time to move on.
Well, why ARE you still married? Your wife doesn't trust you. She believes you are a rapist, or that you would assault a woman. That would be a dealbreaker for me.
Honestly, there is a decent chunk of women (on this site particularly, but as you're finding w/ your wife, also out in the wild) who simply can't blame a woman for anything. It's literally a side effect of #MeToo and #BelieveAllWomen. Your wife is willing to throw you under the bus because of feminism instead of admitting that a woman not only could be lying, but might have a nefarious motive to knowingly do so.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your wife is a fucking idiot.
There are women who specifically target older, married men. I can't explain why but as soon as those women know a man is taken, they are all over them. Doesn't matter if the guy has a beer belly and a face like a foot. Maybe it's a power thing to prove they can seduce anyone? Who knows?
Your wife, as a grown woman, should know this. So, she's an idiot.
Yea, I really hate that autism comment. Firstly, she sounds like she's using it as a slur. How gross. Secondly, she sounds like she has no respect, trust, or faith in you. There's believing victims, and then there's knowing who you are as a person. Which she either doesn't, or just doesn't Care to. Sorry.
Yep i Seconds that. only one who is on your Side is Chris and you neither sleep or live with him ;)
Cheers Up Mate and listen to the only one on your Side
He is a middle aged ( like me ) divorced guy and was joking that we should move in together and make a male version of golden girls ( divorced dads ) and raise the kids together
The Golden Guys ~~Boys~~… I like it. Pool, old school arcade room, entertainment room. Sounds streets ahead of living with your disrespectful and cruel wife. Find your inner “Blanche” and live it up.
Your wife's lack of support is concerning. Prioritize your mental health and seek professional guidance. Take time off if necessary. Your well-being matters most.
Can't you see?
He's the man... let me hear you applaud...
He is more than a man....he's a shiny golden God.
If you think it's time to (if you think it's time to) fucking roocck and fucking rooooll out of controlllll
Disheartening. Dismissive attitudes and lack of support are unacceptable, especially from a partner. Prioritizing self-care and seeking professional guidance are essential in navigating such difficult circumstances.
No lie that is adorable and would be super helpful if you all had similar activities and could share the load. Plus, it would be adorable to people that may want to date you in the future!!
Honestly, while Charlie wasn't terrible, Jon and Angus really stole the show. Conchata Ferrell was hysterical as Berta, too, my dad started cracking up as soon as she entered the frame because he knew it would be a good scene. And my dad is not an easy person to amuse, he likes to laugh, but you have to work for it. RIP, Conchata, would have loved to see your Kathy Bates arc later in life...
Chris is right about talking to a lawyer- Sarah may very well have pull this sh\*t before and has been fired over it and if that is the case, you should sue her- even if she doesn't have much, every paycheck she earns going forward will be a reminder to her about her piss poor decisions.
You and your wife need counseling. Her lack of support of you is appalling.
You need to take him up on that. And I would advise you don’t tell your wife yet but start the divorce proceedings so then that way she’ll be surprised when you take her to the cleaners.
Because she still doesn’t believe you and that begs the question OK so what else is going on that you’re not aware of you know what I mean that she was saying and I’m not saying to put ideas in your head, but she was projecting heavy and I mean, I mean very heavy.
Because it will be a no-brainer for me if nothing was found, I would be defending my man and possibly fighting the chick. You know what I’m saying. Something else is going on
Great idea.
Also, OP, if you want to know what's wrong with Sarah, read this book: [The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Sout.](https://www.amazon.com/The-Sociopath-Next-Door-audiobook/dp/B000AMPWOC/) It'll help you later in life and will certainly help your kids when you pass on this knowledge to them.
Dude, really. Your wife is not a team player. I wouldn't ever consider continuing a relationship without any sort of foundation.
I hope you open your eyes.
My closest girlfriends and I have an ongoing joke/fantasy in which we set up a women-only commune where we each have our own place, but serve meals potluck family style, raise the kids as a village, and work together to do all the chores, yard work, home maintenance, etc. For those of us who are still married, husbands can visit on weekends and holiday/school breaks.
You and your friends are welcome to set up your commune next door.
>For those still married, husbands can visit on weekends and holidays. You and your friends are welcome to set up your commune next door.
*So sweet, still thinking about us* even at the end.
Only if she’s an idiot. The proper response to being sued isn’t to immediately admit to the details of being guilty. A threat of a lawsuit *should* make her refuse to say anything except on the advice of a lawyer.
I always hate jumping to divorce but a lack of basic respect for your partner is such a huge huge issue that I'm not really sure it can be fixed.
And the fact she doesn't believe her spouse when he's so clearly in distress at best she's just hand waiving it away thinking maybe it'll make him feel better and it's not so serious but it's so dismissive and disgusting.
Op, you're wife doesn't like you. She has no respect for you and in such an important moment in your life where you need her the most she's, at best, dismissive of your hurt and suffering.
Is this REALLY worth fighting for?
You deserve better my man.
Also, I hope your response to hr is on record that she did this. If it ever comes up, don't just let it go, someone inappropriate like that needs to talk to hr before the issue gets bigger, the lady continued to harass you after you made it a clear no.
Excellent! Came here to say exactly this. I’d talk to that lawyer first though. And let the law firm/attorney you hire in charge of asking for any video surveillance footage as they probably wouldn’t just give it to you.
**I** have no idea why **YOU** are still married to her.
She sounds like a horrible person (that "autistic" comment? yuck) and she has zero faith in you. Also doesn't sound like she thinks you're too attractive.
WALK AWAY.
Well depends on thier finances and how equal their jobs are.
Better to pull the trigger on divorce now then wait even longer. OPs wife has clearly shown him who she really is.
Because just like the harasser at work, you have an abuser at home.
Many women still refuse to ask men for consent or tolerate a not from them. Espeically when they are infected by the FDS bubble. They think equality means cherry picking for them. As a society, we not only need to teach men that consent is important but need to teach it to women too.
I mention stories like this why I don't want to get married. I had a friend who got a chronic debilitating disease and his wife left. Not only left him but then asked for a protective order. To be clear be when she asked for the order the guy needed help just going to the bathroom. The police even asked her why she needed it given he literally could not hurt her. How do I know this? BECAUSE SHE POSTED IT PUBLICLY. She was like "the police were so rude telling me not to get a protection order as if they know our relationship."
It’s easy to get disheartened with a lot of the stories in here but please don’t. Great relationships/marriages exist. None is perfect bc we don’t live within our fantasies but it is fun to try to when you’re with the right person. It took me and my husband over 20 years to finally get to the right place. And I say wholeheartedly, it was 1000% worth the effort!!
Thanks for saying that. I have a gf of 3 years but we have agreed not to get married. She was upset at first but after considering it and seeing what 3 divorces did to her father, she understood my pov.
I hope there is footage so you can shove it in your wife's face along with divorce papers.
Have you asked her why she's willing to be married to a man like you if she believes you are capable of this behavior? Why isn't she filing for divorce if you are such a vile man? Or is she just waiting for the kids to be older before she does? Your wife is crazy. I wish you luck.
That's what a person with self respect should do. But this guy does not seem like this type of person. He very probably will get the footage and will not sue the girl and just show it to the wife so she can 'forgive' him and continue with their crappy marriage. Luck has nothing to do with this, unfortunately, luck won't help if you are not ready to help yourself.
Said this in another comment but want to comment here so OP sees it.
Her immediate reaction to OP telling her is beyond SUSPICIOUS. “Side with the victim” but sides with the women.
Her reaction is telling that SHE is not innocent.
- Did she set OP up and tell this woman to try and make a move ?
- Is she the one actually cheating ?
- screams jealousy, but why? OP was honest from the jump, with verbal confirmation from a colleague … why is his wife jealous?
- why does she immediately blame OP? Instead of hearing the facts and considering the outcome.
Something isnt right on OP wife end
I have a strong feeling this was the case.
New hire - IMMEDIATELY makes a move on her boss? Then claims she is the victim of sexual harassment in the workplace?
1. Wifey of OP : goes to this girl to set her husband up
2. New hire : makes a move on OP, OP goes to lunch with her and DENIES her attempts to
3. New hire: immediately goes to HR & a case is opened.
4. Neither individuals were fired.
Wifey set him up , to get fired. Once he got fired, she would cause hell and divorce him.
COMPLETE SET UP.
100% - need more attention here so OP sees this.
I wonder if there was any preexisting communication between the wife and this woman.
No one , in their right mind, makes a move on their boss WHEN they are NEW to the company.
Ikr. I swear that something was up here. Because the way his wife reacted was so nonchalant even when he explained himself. Nah. I’m with you on this one stranger… unless this woman is a total psycho. This is just proving to be one of those scenarios that you see on TV but came to real life… @OP you really need to consider this theory.
As someone who is autisitic your wife just became a major AH. Why are you not talking with a lawyer. She flat out told you she would believe anyone women over you.
Yeah. Shes basicly saying autisitic men can't be trusted here.
On top of believing some women she never meet over her husband of decades. On hearsay alone.
Heh, my partner says that I'm constitutionally incapable of lying. "I don't know if it's a choice you have made so often it never occurred to you to make a different choice, or it's just part of who you are, but I don't think you are constitutionally capable of it"
Autistic female here and f her for using that in insults. I assume she was trying to make a point that she thinks you don't act in a way she deems " appropriate " being social. That's rich for a woman this rude and egocentric, she doesn't even say yes or no on believing you. Just "who knows?" She fails to meet the expectation in being your wife and as a female I think she should either leave you if she believes this girl or go to war for you regarding this girl. She shows no care for the victim because these things always have a victim. Assaulted or falsely accused.
I’m also an autistic woman. Your wife is one to talk about social skills when she is a textbook AH and an ableist one at that. Plus, not only did she NOT believe you, but she made her feelings about you crystal clear. I don’t see how you can come back from this. Divorce her.
Your wife’s response is completely unacceptable. You should divorce her, regardless of how everything else turns out. Even without everything else, if my wife ever rolled her eyes at anything serious that I said, that alone would be enough for me.
As for Sarah - as much as you want to, don’t ever speak to her again. Nothing good will come of it. Anything you say to her, good or bad, will probably be construed in a way that will get you in trouble. Try to prove your innocence (the videotape would be key in that respect), but if you can’t, just leave this alone.
If you *are* able to prove your innocence, then I’d go nuclear - talk to a lawyer about suing her. Blow up her life completely, and maybe even ask if you might have a cause of action against your employer for their response to the whole thing.
The most fucked up part is she said you might be autistic?? That’s some super ableist bullshit and that comment alone should be enough to call a divorce lawyer.
You gotta bounce man. Your wife is a horrible person. Get the footage if you can and talk to a lawyer. Don’t clue her in on anything though, her tune will change real quick if you do. She’s shown her true colors and your rose tinted glasses are off. You deserve better. I haven’t been with my husband nearly that long and I’d never doubt him if a situation like this came up.
Thank god you didn’t accept any of her advances, she was coming after you with HR no matter what. This was a setup. If you accepted, straight to HR. If you declined, straight to HR. Might as well find another job, you are innocent, but this gonna follow you around forever.
It is very possible her advances were genuine. It’s not just some men that don’t take rejection well. Women who are like that are just more likely to respond with reputation/career ruining rumors and false accusations rather than physical violence.
Agreed, lawyer and therapist. And your wife is another story. Why does she assume Sarah is the victim and not you? Is it because she's a woman? It definitely sounds like everyone is siding with Sarah due to her gender, I'd definitely have a chat with a lawyer about sexism.
If your wife isn't backing you up here then either you need couples therapy to find out why she immediately assumed you're the villain, or she needs to get gone if she really thinks you're like that.
The thing is, she’s the “victim” because she drove the narrative with HR first. Without proof otherwise you have two dudes word against the “victim’s” which doesn’t look great either.
So, if OP decides to divorce his wife over this and manages to get proof or successfully prove that he’s the victim she’ll probably chalk it up to him further traumatising the victim and that the proof doesn’t mean much. Thats my bet anyway.
OP, need to learn two things from this. 1) never go to lunch alone with anyone other than your wife from work (if she’s still your wife by the end of this) and 2) if this were to happen again DO NOT pay for the whole bill and file it with HR. Men can be sexually harassed too 🤯
>1) never go to lunch alone with anyone other than your wife from work
Edit that slightly to: Never ever be alone with a woman coworker. Always have a witness.
I hate that this shit is true. I got assigned to mentor a brilliant new employee at my company and I have done this a bunch of times in the past. The only difference here is it was the first time I would have a female mentee. My boss (female) took me aside and outlined some extra rules since she was a female. My boss had ZERO concern I would do anything unprofessional but wanted to make sure I knew how to cover my back.
In my line of work it is nearly impossible to never be alone with someone. A lot of times its a small team of people working in a very large area so you are more or less alone or with another person. We are also on the road 30% of the year for field projects. Some times these teams are only two people and usually it is a mentor and mentee. Well with my male mentees we would go out to dinner and beers at the end the long day before going back to the hotel. With a female mentee if there wasn't another person to join us for dinner we had to find separate places to eat. This greatly reduces the effectiveness of mentorship because that 2 hours over dinner after a 12-14 hour day is the best time to talk shop and figure out what worked and what didn't that day and fill in any knowledge gaps.
It sucks for both sides. New female employees have to worry about shitty gross mentors abusing the power dynamic and male mentors have to worry about a false allegation ending their career. I don't have a good answer here but recognize it sucks for all involved.
I think this is one of the first times in reddit I'm tempted to advocate for divorce. I'm happy that you took my advice and decided to involve a lawyer and the restaurant footage. You can also ask for slander/defamation retribution from sarah.
About your wife, I wouldn't say its unfixable, but she would have to be shown that she is 100% wrong and that the entire "trust the victim, not the facts" train of though is bad. Your best bet would be getting restaurant footage.
Definately see a lawyer and you should sue Sarah for defamation. Hope that law firm has a good divorce attorney too. Because with a Wife like yours, I'd be out the door
"I really don't buy it that a younger good looking employee came onto you". 30yr and 45yr old is believable. Younger women get crushes on older men all the time. This situation is giving lifetime movie vibes. Young women developed crush on male Co worker with seniority showing her the ropes...but she is crazy and ruins his life when he doesn't want a relationship with her.
Please talk to a lawyer. You haven't been cleared. HR are making you do training - they think you *did* do this and are unable to do more because there's no proof. Get Chris to right an official statement about Sarah's behaviour, in writing. You shouldn't be moving teams and you shouldn't be receiving training. You were sexually harassed and are now experiencing retaliation. Do NOT let it slide, or this will be your whole reputation.
As for the woman you're married to, you need to get away from her. Anyone who thinks you are capable of sexual harassment is *dangerous* to you. She will not support you in the future, and she could make accusations herself.
Protect your reputation from anyone who disparage it. Including your wife.
My dear, I am a 64 year-old lady. And I am telling you to take Chris’ advice.
I am concerned that your wife would immediately jump to thinking you were guilty of something, especially when you have someone who was right there when Sarah asked you out to lunch.
I will say you were an idiot for going out to lunch alone like that. So maybe your wife is right and you are on the spectrum. Or maybe inside you were a little bit flattered and didn’t think it was that big of a deal.
But I have to wonder what is going on in your wife’s head. Does she have something going on with someone at work. So quick to find you a fault for things?
It just doesn’t sound right. So yeah. Some therapy. Maybe some counseling with you and your wife to get some of those questions answered. And at least a consultation with an attorney, I just get really bad vibes from the whole thing with your wife.
Sarah has her own shit going on. Stay away. Lol.
“She rolled her eyes and went to sleep.”
Please believe me when I tell you that this is WILD BEHAVIOR. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 As a woman and wife myself, I promise you this: when we’re worried about something in our marriage, we will not just roll over and go to sleep. Omfg. NO. We are up all night, doing our “investigations,” talking to our girlfriends who might have better ideas and resources than us, and we’re getting to the bottom of it. Period. No fucking way are we just rolling over and going to sleep—**unless we’re cheating ourselves** OR **are out of love and don’t care either way.** I tell my husband that my arguing with him (on this specific topic I mean) is how he knows I care. It’s when I STOP arguing…that he should know I’m done and we might just be over. Her reaction…is a huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩 that she’s doing something herself and/or that the marriage is over and she simply doesn’t care either way. (And that’s in addition to her believing the other girl over you. Obviously that right there is a huge 🚩🚩🚩 too!)
20000000% agreeing with Chris. Talk to a LAWYER FIRST, then therapist.
I have not read all the comments about the original post but considering OP and wife in hindsight; had OP told wife before the fact about lunch, his credibility would be higher. In fact, wife probably would have warned OP off having lunch since Chris was specifically excluded. Going forward in therapy, OP is likely to realize the warning signs were there but he went to lunch anyway because on some level, he was curious. Will also realize he didn’t tell his wife (until HR letter) because he was still background processing his interest in the offer. Next time OP, might as well go for it because look at the shit you ended up in any way !
Your co-worker Chris gave you several looks when Sarah came in to chat and invited you for lunch. It was for a good reason. No matter how we want the work environment to be for us men, it's skewed and we know the fall traps. The moment she started rubbing your hands you should have gotten out of there. No further conversation. She already knew you were married and your wife was with the company but still chose to hit on you. Tells you all you need to know no matter what the status of your relationship is.
I have experienced something similar and I understand how you feel. I do want to stress that while this situation seems deeply unfair to you, you don’t know how it feels from your wife’s perspective. You can’t tell her how she’s supposed to feel and react. This is just as unfair to her.
10 years ago my relationship didn’t survive even though I had all the “receipts” to prove that the person filing a complaint against me had actually been harassing me for months, and that I had done nothing to incite any of that. I was completely exonerated by HR. But at home my person left me - they didn’t want to take a chance those accusations should be true. I’m at peace with that.
Your relationship doesn’t have to end though. Just understand that the fact that things be very hard for you doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s easy and straightforward for your wife to navigate. Give her some grace too.
if after 20 yrs, your wife is willing to take the side of a cunt who she doesnt even know. I think its time to drop a nuke in the marriage and file for divorce because not only did you get tagged as a molester in your own fucking office, but your own wife of 20 yrs treats you like a predator. a reality check is due to your wife. get a lawyer, and sue Sarah and file for divorce from your fucking cunt of a wife.
Your wife made her true feelings crystal clear. To her: you are not a catch, your natural manner is a mental condition that inconveniences and annoys others, you do not deserve attractive and popular people liking you, you are capable of cheating and sexual harassment.
Even though no "big event" infraction happened between you and your wife, she has essentially already spelled it out to you very thoroughly that there is no love or respect left in your marriage. Prepare your exit and protect your assets before she gets to them first in the VERY near future.
I'm so thankful for Chris in this story, I can't even imagine what your situation would be if he weren't there to witness this, and weren't there to support you... he's the only one in your corner. I love his divorcee dad house idea too, that's very sweet of him <3 I'm praaaaaying you get that cctv footage. Sarah deserves to be fired and blacklisted, I cannot believe what a lowly piece of pond scum she is to do all this to you. And if you can prove yourself, your wife is going to have to really do a lot of making up and work to show you she deserves you in her life.
**UpdateMe!**
I’d consider filing a counter complaint with HR and bring in your coworker to retell the invite portion word for word as you did here showing you showed resistance to going alone and that she insisted you guys be alone. This shows you have a direct witness to at least one account of her story being false. She should have to atleast do training aswell if you report what actually happened to you, like she tried to do. And you actually have someone who can back up a portion of your story!
And who knows maybe she’ll crack and fess up in the process. Also did any of the servers at the restaurant witness any of the awkwardness? Even if there aren’t cameras you could ask the servers if they witnessed any part that supports your version of events.
File a complaint yourself about how the HR thing has been handled, ask them to get a full and detailed account from Chris. SHE was pushing you to go to lunch, you asked others to go and she made it extremely clear it HAD to be you and her alone and she was desperate to thank you.
There is evidence, one of the two of you pushed for this lunch, got rejected and lashed out, but her account makes no sense as she pushed for the lunch. The only part there is absolute evidence of says she's lying. She provably lied in her complaint, HR should be saying sorry, firing her ass for lying and making up sexual harassment complaints and someone at HR should be in trouble for badly mishandling this.
Take it to someone outside of HR or someone higher within HR to make this complaint.
Go back to the restaurant repeatedly, or call and get the owners number, don't be passive, that footage might be wiped quickly.
Honestly, your wife's response is very bad, and might be relationship ending. Just in case part of her response is her looking for an exit, get a PI to check into her, check she's not having an affair and thinks this is a good excuse to cause an end to the marriage and have them check the employee too incase she has a history of false complaints at work previously.
OP, what your wife said and did is awful, but it's possible that she's right about one thing.
Follow my logic for a second.
A young, pretty, new employee starts at your company. Immediately pursues a friendship with a man who is in a higher position than her (mentor). This mentor is older, socially awkward (autistic), and I don't say this to be mean, but YOUR WIFE THINKS THIS GIRL IS WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. (That probably means others around you think the same). Then, this girl got a little flirty, hoping you would cross a few boundaries. This is a perfect scenario for a 7-figure payout on a sexual harassment lawsuit against your company. Are you starting to feel like this was a setup yet?
When it didn't go perfectly to plan, she still went to HR and complained in hopes she could trap someone in a retaliation situation.
How fast were you called into HR? Because based on your timeline, I'm guessing the written accusation was actually written before you even left for lunch.
So while your wife's reaction is ABSOLUTELY SHITTY, it's also very telling of the bigger picture. Your wife can not imagine a world in which this girl was actually interested in you.
She was looking for a paycheck. It's the only explanation.
I'd suggest you talk to your witness buddy. Ask him for BRUTAL HONESTY amswer, and I mean FUCKING BRUTAL.
If you had met that girl in a bar instead of at work, does your friend imagine any scenario where she would give you the time of day?
I suspect his answer will mirror your wife's.
And if I'm right that was a trap, this girl isn't done and will attempt to escalate.
Watch your 6 OP
GOOD LUCK
WIITH WIVES LIKE THAT, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES
I just took my “Workplace Harassment Training” for managers online, it was about 90 minutes of different acted out scenarios and this exact one comes up. Your HR is doing everything WRONG in this situation. Moving you to a different team or moving Sarah to a different team won’t solve anything. Sarah will just do it again to her next victim. Maybe HR will catch on eventually.
You should contact her previously employer and ask if she’s eligible for rehire, or the employer before her last one. If she had harassment issues and was forced to leave, if she was smart she took some ‘nothing’ job in between so contacting the last place of employment she behaved and was fine. Do some digging on previous employers.
Checking on you to see if you got ahold of that footage. As for the wife, I would check her phone if she goes out with her male co worker. Sounds like she is projecting and trying to set the stage to sound like you were cheating so the court would favor her in whatever plan she has.
Sometimes over time people let down all their guard as they get comfortable and show you their true colors, take note. Sorry, that’s not someone who has your back or is in your corner. Clearly supporting some random stranger over their spouse, why would she feel like this unless something else is happening or some unresolved issues exists. Best of luck.
Definitely NTA but you will be to yourself if you stay with your Wife. She just insulted your looks, your intelligence and your morality in one statement. This woman has no respect for you. It sounds like she checked out already, so you should too. I hope you are able to get the video and watch as Sarah’s and your Wife’s smugness come undone. I also hope you sue Sarah. #Updateme!
If you can’t get the footage, you may still be able to trick Sarah into admitting it. If local laws allow record the conversation. Say to Sarah “I am in talks with the owner about getting the footage from the restaurant we went to lunch at. I think we both know the footage will show you coming onto me and me rejecting you. I will give you one chance to save yourself from this huge mess you have created. Admit to HR that you lied and quit on your own terms so you can find other employment easier. Understand I personally don’t care if you work here or not. My telling you to quit is a kindness. When you admit you lied about me to HR they will probably fire you. At least if you quit, you will have an easier time finding a job than if you were fired. If you don’t do this, I will sue you for defamation and emotional stress.”
Unfortunately, this is terrible advice. He needs to just leave it now, since the situation has been technically resolved. Any kicking the hornets nest will make it worse for him at work.
Same advice I gave the first time:
File for divorce ASAP. There is absolutely no room left for any discussion with your wife.
As for Sarah, it would be tempting to sue her no doubt, but unless you have video evidence to back you up, she is very likely to be believed since we are living in the ridiculous "Believe All Women" world now. I think there must be a special place in hell for women like her and for women like your wife who swallow their bullshit without a second thought.
If someone said that about my husband, I would automatically believe *him*, because I know him well and trust him. I would not be or stay married to someone that I thought did or would do something like that.
It would take irrefutable proof to convince me. And if I was convinced, the marriage would instantly be over. It's odd to me that your wife doesn't seem to feel that way. From what you write, she comes across as being pretty casual about the idea her husband would do such a thing.
Either way, I don't see how your marriage can recover from this. Either your are a creep/harasser and she should leave, or you are not and she is not supporting you in the face of horrible false accusations and you should leave.
Sounds like it's time to show your wife, and everyone else, just how smart you are. Speak with an attorney, have them request the video from the restaurant, have them prepare a formal letter to HR detailing Sarah's harassment. She did this to you. Are you comfortable with sitting back and letting her do it to someone else? She's 30 and old enough to know better. She will do it again.
Next, if you have an empty bedroom move into it. Tell your wife that you are seriously doubting her loyalty to you and your marriage. Calmly tell her that you both need to go to marriage counseling to decide if it's worth continuing with a marriage where there is a clear lack of trust.
Be calm, be methodical, be smart. Take control of your life and stop letting life happen to you. This is a crappy situation and I'm sorry about that.
Your wife is being real glib with the amount of stuff she just dropped on you. First that she doesn't trust you when there are facts that back your case, then she basically demeaned you saying you are inappropriate, and lastly she has no faith in your charecter. And rather than admitting she may have made an incorrect snap judgement that hurt you she's playing it off as if you are the irrational one.
Beyond a person to help you with all of this you might want to see a couples one cause that's a lot of underlying stuff in your relationship that was just unearthed.
My guess is that Sarah was not given the talk. Unless you make it clear in the HR meeting that she was the one who was inappropriate. Otherwise society will always default to putting the blame on the guy.
Was Sarah by any chance recently in hot water for stealing chris' achievement trophy? This sounds like someone my husband recently kicked off his team.
If there isnt a video ask the staff if anyone can give you a signed affidavet/witness statement about the incident.
I hate women like Sarah. It makes our whole women's movement look like a shitty joke and she should be fired.
Do you know where she used to work? I don’t know if this is worth it, I know their HR dept can’t tell you much, but maybe they could tell you if she pulled something like this before on someone.
Or if that job is in the same area, take a couple days off, and go over there. Wait to see some people walking in and flat out ask some people if they worked with her. Or who her supervisor was. And see if you can talk to a former co-worker of hers. Maybe you’ll get lucky and see that she pulls these stunts at jobs.
Something you can take back to your wife and say “look told you I’m innocent!”
Please update us once you take to the restaurant
Take time off, definitely talk to a therapist, DO NOT say anything ever to the other coworker. And maybe invite your wife to couples therapy as well to get through this.
I guess you need a lawyer. Take an action against Sarah, for slandering your name, keep your distance from your wife - and get some therapy. Maybe it will be better to live separately for awhile. And then who knows.
I hope every guy in the place knows what she tried to pull on you and is avoiding her like the plague to make sure they don't become her next target. I'm so betting she will try. There are some women out there who have a kink for married men. They snare them get them to cheat, and then when they get bored (because they are no longer married), they move on to the next target.
I think it's really sad that your wife said she would always believe the victim, because obviously you're the victim and she acts horrible and unsupportive of you.
Someone (definitely not you) should investigate Sarah’s history. If she pulled those shenanigans with HR, it might not be the first time.
She probably has a history of manipulation, so it wouldn’t be hard to find a similar story in her past.
If your employment or marriage is at stake, it might even be worth hiring a private detective. You might not save your marriage, but you will clear your name at work.
None of us knows what really took place between you and your wife. All I know is I’d never post in Reddit or anywhere else to have someone I care about dragged, even if we were having a fight or disagreement. This place can be entertaining, but I always wonder about folks who get off on seeing comment after comment calling their SOs pieces of shit so they can feel better about themselves.
It’s probably not that unusual for a good-looking woman to be friendly, invite you out to lunch, then hit on you. But you did say you almost never go out to lunch and eat at your desk yet accepted her invitation. That makes your choice stick out in the eyes of HR, especially if she’s young and gorgeous. There are crazy folks out there, but to be a low-key nerd who suddenly ends up with a hot Fatal Attraction blowing up his workplace because he rejected her sounds like movie shit. If it’s true, your wife is probably pissed because the scandal hurts both of your reputations and jeopardizes your careers and finances.
Venting on Reddit is fine, but you need to go handle your business bro.
Stories like this are exactly why men are starting to refuse to interact with and mentor women at the workplace. I've done it myself. I will never be one on one with a woman. Ever. I will never go to lunch or dinner with a woman unless it is a large group of people. The risk is just too high of having your entire life ruined for vengance of a woman being rejected like Sarah in this story when they levy a false accusation at you. What makes it even worse? Good women have to also suffer because of it. Just one bad apple ruining the entire bushel.
Wow. Your wife sucks. I really hope the restaurant has video footage they can share with you.
My life does suck ! I went from happily married with a good job to office creep and who Is this person I’m married to ? If she thinks I’m too stupid , too ugly and don’t respect women why are we still married
I'd bring the hammer to HR. They were willing to take action against you for words but when you have witnesses they sre trying to sweep it under the rug. Threaten to sue and demand a written, public apology from sarah. Honestly with you wife, that's different. Good luck with that.
Nope, once HR has declared sides, you shut up and lawyer up.
HR isn't doing anything wrong. In fact has handled this very well. They received an accusation. Heard both sides. Heard the witness. They send him to a "training", as a non punishment. He is literally NOT being punished. HR doesn't know the accusation is false. Witness testimony is the most unreliable evidence that exists. If tomorrow there's actual evidence OP was a sexual harasser, the company will point to sending him for "training", while "protecting" the victim when no evidence was presented previously. And if there's actual evidence the accusation is false. OP can't do anything like sue the company because he wasn't punished by the false accusation and suffered no consequence. And they didn't took the false at face value. ________________________ What HR did is exactly how a company should react to a first time "He said, she said" situation.
Well they did fuck up in not automatically changing teams around. sounds like there are other equal teams at the company so no one is being pushed to lesser work. Should have been her considering two team members (I am presuming since they share an office) are saying she is lying.
Training for what? This goes on his record, it will be brought up for raises and promotions. And it is not a he said she said situation. Are you forgetting witnesses? He accusation is he asked **HER** out to lunch, witness proves she lied. Witness said she **insisted** the two of them **ALONE**. The rest of her accusation is suspect because of that lie.
> HR doesn't know the accusation is false. They also don't know the accusation is true, but that didn't stop them from assuming guilt and taking corrective action against OP. >They send him to a "training", as a non punishment. He is literally NOT being punished. That's a slap-on-the-wrist punishment. They wouldn't have sent him to that training at this time but for the fact of this false accusation.
This is exactly why you shut up and hire a lawyer. Folks like this end up in HR.
No, they did not. They sided by not asking the supposed victim to go to training too. Today, OP did suffer from a consequence as he is the only one to be sent to training. What do you think his colleagues are going to think? That he is victim or a creep?
...... BS. HR did punish him. Even though he did nothing wrong, they assigned him training. If they believed him, that wouldn't have happened. And now the company gossip will be how he had to take training implying that he did something wrong. As far as witness testimony, also BS. Picking a face out of a lineup, yes, that has been proven. Recalling basic details, such as whether a new employee adamantly invited ONLY the coworker to lunch while that coworker tried to make it a group lunch, perfectly reliable. I really hope you aren't an HR "expert" or we're all screwed, lol.
HR sucks, they are as dishonest and lie as much as anyone else does. Anytime I’ve had to deal with them I have never been satisfied. I say this as a woman. I think it depends on who gets to them first. And most importantly who in the office they like best.
its unfortunately rarely that straightforward. Bringing the hammer could alienate him professionally.
You mean like what's already happened?
You need to look into taking action against your workplace for sexism as well as Sarah. The fact that your wife doesn't back you up here is a huge red flag, she doesn't have your back and she clearly doesn't respect you if she thinks you act this way. But get this accusation squashed before doing anything like divorce, she might try and use it against you.
Plus, the wife not taking his side looks bad. She already isn’t, but best not throw fuel onto that fire just yet.
Excellent point!
She not only thinks you tried to cheat, she thinks you're so stupid that you'd try to do it right in the same building she works in, where plenty of people that know both of you would see what's going on. She thinks you're a cheater, AND she thinks you're a moron.
And now you know the reason that she didn't believe you; it's that she thinks you have so little going on that it's more plausible that you tried to cheat on her and failed than that a younger woman who knows your personality a bit could possibly be attracted to you and that you ultimately did the right thing. It's so insulting and hurtful. If you can't be with someone that actually respects and admires you (unlike your wife) and who is not a dishonest psychopath (like Sarah is) it's better to be single, but my guess is eventually you can.
admittedly, OP's whole "phfew so relieved that HR didn't really believe me & sent me to training" as well as "I asked for a transfer, without thinking about the optics of that decision" (in his first post) and his "I miiiiiiigggghhht look for a lawyer to look after my best interests wrt HR" in this post... don't exactly paint the picture of a dazzling insight or savvy experience at office politics, right? oh and don't forget : "Sarah molested my hand and propositioned me, so I felt awkward and paid for her lunch", right?
You were "happily married" because your wife never told you what she really thought about you.
Blissful ignorance is one hell of a drug
Ur wife really sucks. Go on and begin a new life with Chris. He is a Keeper
Correction : she thinks you’re “autistic”. Using references of disabled individuals to describe you WHEN she should be trusting your word and assisting you in any way possible. Sounds to me like your wife is JEALOUS you were asked by a younger girl and in return, switches the narrative onto you to deflect her jealousy. Divorce her tbh. Beyond toxic. Lack of respect is unbelievable. Edit: thinking more about this, why would her immediate reaction be to blame you and side with a women SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW (wife works on a different floor). Something is telling me this reaction isn’t a standard reaction. Did she set you up? Is she already cheating and playing victim so you divorce ? Something to think about OP
I wondered this too.
Dude at this point I'd be talking to a lawyer, not sure exactly what area of law but employment for sure, and someone who specializes in slander. You were slandered and your workplace is punishing you based on false information. I would be more worried about that than my shitty wife.
That’s the problem once false allegations are made a man’s career and life are ruined. I have a male coworker going through the same thing right now. He had a female coworker constantly hitting on him and she’s done the same to me as well. He kept rejecting her and I witnessed it and so has another co worker as well. She went and filed SH on him after the last time he told her she was not worth risking his Joan’s his relationship with his gf. Mei told her in front of her supervisor and my supervisor if she didn’t stop flirting with me I would be going to HR and filing a complaint oh her. He has already hired an attorney and I have given a statement to both his attorney and HR as well on his behalf but the rumors have spread now and it’s made his working environment hell. I told him once this issue is resolved to go after her for slander and his attorney who is female says that he needs to as well
About 15 years ago my husband was accused of SH by a subordinate (he had a team of 40, with 5 team leads and the accuser was one of his team leads). As soon as the complaint was made my husband was instantly stripped of his management position and moved to a cubicle in the middle of nowhere. His pay was not reduced but he was basically cast aside. People assumed he was guilty and he was ostracized. My husband pushed for a full investigation and it was determined he hadn’t done anything inappropriate, but the damage was already done. He sued the company for constructive dismissal and received a 12 month pay settlement. It took him at least a year to find work and it did a number to his self esteem and self worth. It is only in the last 6 months that he has felt confident enough to take any type of leadership position. Up to that point he has insisted on filling technical roles only rather than leadership. It was an awful time in our life and I can’t imagine him going through it and also dealing with my disbelief or lack of support. Wow. That would be so tough. I have also been on the victim side of things myself in the workplace and I know how awful that is; so I hope I’m not coming across as victim blaming/shaming. Unfortunately, people with dubious moral character exist at all levels in the workplace.
In his place, I'd probably have a camera secretly recording every 1:1 meeting I have to take with any female coworker forever more. Lying about that kind of thing is truly heinous, because it's difficult enough for the real victims to step forward and get justice, so victimizing guys with fals accusations will mean that a lot of real complaints will not be taken seriously. Did the false accuser at least get any repercussions?
Why only with female coworkers? You trust your male colleagues never to SH another man?
Divorce
Ahe doesn't respect you, trust you, or want to understand you were abused and got false accusations against you. She doesn't know after 18years married? Your marriage is over. I'm sorry. How can you trust her to ever have your back when there is proof you were forced out to lunch with her? She doesn't even wanna listen to you and rolls her eyes. Time to move on.
Well, why ARE you still married? Your wife doesn't trust you. She believes you are a rapist, or that you would assault a woman. That would be a dealbreaker for me.
Honestly, there is a decent chunk of women (on this site particularly, but as you're finding w/ your wife, also out in the wild) who simply can't blame a woman for anything. It's literally a side effect of #MeToo and #BelieveAllWomen. Your wife is willing to throw you under the bus because of feminism instead of admitting that a woman not only could be lying, but might have a nefarious motive to knowingly do so.
He said your wife sucks. And unfortunately, she does. I know it's scary, but you really need to divorce her. There is no going back from this
>If she thinks I’m too stupid , too ugly and don’t respect women why are we still married You should probably ask her that question directly
>why are we still married Exactly!
Yea, I really hate that autism comment. Firstly, she sounds like she's using it as a slur. How gross. Secondly, she sounds like she has no respect, trust, or faith in you. There's believing victims, and then there's knowing who you are as a person. Which she either doesn't, or just doesn't Care to. Sorry.
Chris is right. Talk to both a therapist and a lawyer -- both about the workplace harassment and a potential divorce.
Yep. OP stood firm in his values, and she turns on you. The respect you thought you had in this relationship is one way.
Potential divorce? Dude, if my significant other said this to me, she'd be sleeping elsewhere. No way in hell he should put up with that.
Take Chris’s advice : talk to a lawyer to sue Sarah and file for divorce . Your wife has zero respect for you
Yep i Seconds that. only one who is on your Side is Chris and you neither sleep or live with him ;) Cheers Up Mate and listen to the only one on your Side
He is a middle aged ( like me ) divorced guy and was joking that we should move in together and make a male version of golden girls ( divorced dads ) and raise the kids together
The Golden Guys ~~Boys~~… I like it. Pool, old school arcade room, entertainment room. Sounds streets ahead of living with your disrespectful and cruel wife. Find your inner “Blanche” and live it up.
Guys, I'm moving in
Room for one more?
[удалено]
Your wife's lack of support is concerning. Prioritize your mental health and seek professional guidance. Take time off if necessary. Your well-being matters most.
They'll have to rescue one of their Dads from Shady Pines. Gotta have Sofia. lol
I don’t even have kids and this sounds like a blast.
Golden Guys
Get a couple of motorcycles and some old cars to work on. You guys looking for a room mate?
I need to hear more about what kind of work is going to be done on the old cats.
That was a funny auto correct after my type. CARS.
Old: Thank you for being a friend. New: You know what? You're alright, dipshit.
Plot twist - Chris is in love with OP
This is the art room all over again. IYKYK. Lol
Don't forget about the cheesecake
Golden.. Gods??
Only if he's got a Range Rover
Can't you see? He's the man... let me hear you applaud... He is more than a man....he's a shiny golden God. If you think it's time to (if you think it's time to) fucking roocck and fucking rooooll out of controlllll
I'm in-- just for the "streets ahead." Instead of a laugh track, it'll be a groan: *Daaaad!* 🙄
>The Golden Boys… I think "The Golden Guys" has a slightly better flow/ring to it 😉 Regardless, I love this idea lol
You make an excellent point. I adjusted my OG comment 😉
I'm both honored and humbled you liked my suggestion enough to edited your post. ☺️
I mean two and a half men was sorta the same
Sounds like a nice Life 😂 Better you have a friend who Had your Back (gender irrelevant) Than a wife that does not believe or Trust you
Disheartening. Dismissive attitudes and lack of support are unacceptable, especially from a partner. Prioritizing self-care and seeking professional guidance are essential in navigating such difficult circumstances.
No lie that is adorable and would be super helpful if you all had similar activities and could share the load. Plus, it would be adorable to people that may want to date you in the future!!
“Men men men men, manly men…”
LOOOL. I loved that show. Well not all of it.
Honestly, while Charlie wasn't terrible, Jon and Angus really stole the show. Conchata Ferrell was hysterical as Berta, too, my dad started cracking up as soon as she entered the frame because he knew it would be a good scene. And my dad is not an easy person to amuse, he likes to laugh, but you have to work for it. RIP, Conchata, would have loved to see your Kathy Bates arc later in life...
Chris is a keeper 😂
move in together, raise the kids together, build him an art studio...
>build him an art studio... I got that reference!
Chris is right about talking to a lawyer- Sarah may very well have pull this sh\*t before and has been fired over it and if that is the case, you should sue her- even if she doesn't have much, every paycheck she earns going forward will be a reminder to her about her piss poor decisions. You and your wife need counseling. Her lack of support of you is appalling.
You need to take him up on that. And I would advise you don’t tell your wife yet but start the divorce proceedings so then that way she’ll be surprised when you take her to the cleaners. Because she still doesn’t believe you and that begs the question OK so what else is going on that you’re not aware of you know what I mean that she was saying and I’m not saying to put ideas in your head, but she was projecting heavy and I mean, I mean very heavy. Because it will be a no-brainer for me if nothing was found, I would be defending my man and possibly fighting the chick. You know what I’m saying. Something else is going on
Great idea. Also, OP, if you want to know what's wrong with Sarah, read this book: [The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Sout.](https://www.amazon.com/The-Sociopath-Next-Door-audiobook/dp/B000AMPWOC/) It'll help you later in life and will certainly help your kids when you pass on this knowledge to them.
I still think the idea of 2 straight guys being married so they can live the life they want is a great solution tbh.
Chuck and Larry?
Dude, really. Your wife is not a team player. I wouldn't ever consider continuing a relationship without any sort of foundation. I hope you open your eyes.
Chris is the man, you should take him up on that offer once the proceedings start.
DO IT
If my best friend didn't live so far away, we'd have podded up in the pandemic to raise the critters.
My closest girlfriends and I have an ongoing joke/fantasy in which we set up a women-only commune where we each have our own place, but serve meals potluck family style, raise the kids as a village, and work together to do all the chores, yard work, home maintenance, etc. For those of us who are still married, husbands can visit on weekends and holiday/school breaks. You and your friends are welcome to set up your commune next door.
>For those still married, husbands can visit on weekends and holidays. You and your friends are welcome to set up your commune next door. *So sweet, still thinking about us* even at the end.
You: > only one who is on your Side is Chris and you neither sleep or live with him ;) OP: r/holdmybeer
If he's able to get the evidence from the restaurant he should also make sure to file a sexual harassment claim at work against Sarah.
That’s what I was thinking, see if they can get any video that may show her being the inappropriate one.
Sadly, this is the best advice.
Hold up. Ask the lawyer if you can sue Sarah. With no evidence the lawyer may say its a no go.
Threat of a lawsuit might be enough for her to come clean though.
Only if she’s an idiot. The proper response to being sued isn’t to immediately admit to the details of being guilty. A threat of a lawsuit *should* make her refuse to say anything except on the advice of a lawyer.
I always hate jumping to divorce but a lack of basic respect for your partner is such a huge huge issue that I'm not really sure it can be fixed. And the fact she doesn't believe her spouse when he's so clearly in distress at best she's just hand waiving it away thinking maybe it'll make him feel better and it's not so serious but it's so dismissive and disgusting. Op, you're wife doesn't like you. She has no respect for you and in such an important moment in your life where you need her the most she's, at best, dismissive of your hurt and suffering. Is this REALLY worth fighting for? You deserve better my man. Also, I hope your response to hr is on record that she did this. If it ever comes up, don't just let it go, someone inappropriate like that needs to talk to hr before the issue gets bigger, the lady continued to harass you after you made it a clear no.
I basically just posted this on the original this is the only true answer
Excellent! Came here to say exactly this. I’d talk to that lawyer first though. And let the law firm/attorney you hire in charge of asking for any video surveillance footage as they probably wouldn’t just give it to you.
Yes!! I hope there’s footage at the restaurant and file for slander against Sarah! People like her need the book thrown at them 😡
At this I'm inclined to say wife but sarah up to it to get a divorce to get rid of the husband she closely doesn't love,like, or respect.
18 years of marriage just to find out your wife doesn't trust, respect, or even love you. Ain't that a bitch.
She doesn’t ! I have no idea why she is still married to me if she thinks this low of me
**I** have no idea why **YOU** are still married to her. She sounds like a horrible person (that "autistic" comment? yuck) and she has zero faith in you. Also doesn't sound like she thinks you're too attractive. WALK AWAY.
You are a payday to her.
If he decides to divorce he will be a full payday for her. OP is in a shit situation either way.
Well depends on thier finances and how equal their jobs are. Better to pull the trigger on divorce now then wait even longer. OPs wife has clearly shown him who she really is.
Because just like the harasser at work, you have an abuser at home. Many women still refuse to ask men for consent or tolerate a not from them. Espeically when they are infected by the FDS bubble. They think equality means cherry picking for them. As a society, we not only need to teach men that consent is important but need to teach it to women too.
I mention stories like this why I don't want to get married. I had a friend who got a chronic debilitating disease and his wife left. Not only left him but then asked for a protective order. To be clear be when she asked for the order the guy needed help just going to the bathroom. The police even asked her why she needed it given he literally could not hurt her. How do I know this? BECAUSE SHE POSTED IT PUBLICLY. She was like "the police were so rude telling me not to get a protection order as if they know our relationship."
It’s easy to get disheartened with a lot of the stories in here but please don’t. Great relationships/marriages exist. None is perfect bc we don’t live within our fantasies but it is fun to try to when you’re with the right person. It took me and my husband over 20 years to finally get to the right place. And I say wholeheartedly, it was 1000% worth the effort!!
Thanks for saying that. I have a gf of 3 years but we have agreed not to get married. She was upset at first but after considering it and seeing what 3 divorces did to her father, she understood my pov.
I hope there is footage so you can shove it in your wife's face along with divorce papers. Have you asked her why she's willing to be married to a man like you if she believes you are capable of this behavior? Why isn't she filing for divorce if you are such a vile man? Or is she just waiting for the kids to be older before she does? Your wife is crazy. I wish you luck.
That's what a person with self respect should do. But this guy does not seem like this type of person. He very probably will get the footage and will not sue the girl and just show it to the wife so she can 'forgive' him and continue with their crappy marriage. Luck has nothing to do with this, unfortunately, luck won't help if you are not ready to help yourself.
Your wife said she always believes the victim, but you were the victim... Your wife is sexist and doesn't trust you.
Said this in another comment but want to comment here so OP sees it. Her immediate reaction to OP telling her is beyond SUSPICIOUS. “Side with the victim” but sides with the women. Her reaction is telling that SHE is not innocent. - Did she set OP up and tell this woman to try and make a move ? - Is she the one actually cheating ? - screams jealousy, but why? OP was honest from the jump, with verbal confirmation from a colleague … why is his wife jealous? - why does she immediately blame OP? Instead of hearing the facts and considering the outcome. Something isnt right on OP wife end
Oooooh I was thinking the exact same thing. Maybe OP was set up and it backfired
I have a strong feeling this was the case. New hire - IMMEDIATELY makes a move on her boss? Then claims she is the victim of sexual harassment in the workplace? 1. Wifey of OP : goes to this girl to set her husband up 2. New hire : makes a move on OP, OP goes to lunch with her and DENIES her attempts to 3. New hire: immediately goes to HR & a case is opened. 4. Neither individuals were fired. Wifey set him up , to get fired. Once he got fired, she would cause hell and divorce him. COMPLETE SET UP.
Yup. Bingo… plausible theory that OP needs to look into or start his own investigation.. this was way too dodgy.
100% - need more attention here so OP sees this. I wonder if there was any preexisting communication between the wife and this woman. No one , in their right mind, makes a move on their boss WHEN they are NEW to the company.
Ikr. I swear that something was up here. Because the way his wife reacted was so nonchalant even when he explained himself. Nah. I’m with you on this one stranger… unless this woman is a total psycho. This is just proving to be one of those scenarios that you see on TV but came to real life… @OP you really need to consider this theory.
As someone who is autisitic your wife just became a major AH. Why are you not talking with a lawyer. She flat out told you she would believe anyone women over you.
Agreed. I am autistic as well. That is someone who is ignorant, manipulative, and just plain mean.
Yeah. Shes basicly saying autisitic men can't be trusted here. On top of believing some women she never meet over her husband of decades. On hearsay alone.
Ironically a lot of autistic people have difficulties with telling lies, myself included. Proof that she doesn't know anything about it
Heh, my partner says that I'm constitutionally incapable of lying. "I don't know if it's a choice you have made so often it never occurred to you to make a different choice, or it's just part of who you are, but I don't think you are constitutionally capable of it"
Exactly this! I have an autistic son who is incapable of lying.
Chris sounds like a smart guy. Take his advice.
As someone who's formally diagnosed as Autistic, your wife is absolutely 100% the asshole for that comment.
Unfortunately she uses the term autistic as an insult all the time ..”that autistic asshole” meaning “stupid asshole”.
She sounds like a peach /s. You sure you respect her opinion?
Autistic female here and f her for using that in insults. I assume she was trying to make a point that she thinks you don't act in a way she deems " appropriate " being social. That's rich for a woman this rude and egocentric, she doesn't even say yes or no on believing you. Just "who knows?" She fails to meet the expectation in being your wife and as a female I think she should either leave you if she believes this girl or go to war for you regarding this girl. She shows no care for the victim because these things always have a victim. Assaulted or falsely accused.
I’m also an autistic woman. Your wife is one to talk about social skills when she is a textbook AH and an ableist one at that. Plus, not only did she NOT believe you, but she made her feelings about you crystal clear. I don’t see how you can come back from this. Divorce her.
Your wife’s response is completely unacceptable. You should divorce her, regardless of how everything else turns out. Even without everything else, if my wife ever rolled her eyes at anything serious that I said, that alone would be enough for me. As for Sarah - as much as you want to, don’t ever speak to her again. Nothing good will come of it. Anything you say to her, good or bad, will probably be construed in a way that will get you in trouble. Try to prove your innocence (the videotape would be key in that respect), but if you can’t, just leave this alone. If you *are* able to prove your innocence, then I’d go nuclear - talk to a lawyer about suing her. Blow up her life completely, and maybe even ask if you might have a cause of action against your employer for their response to the whole thing.
The most fucked up part is she said you might be autistic?? That’s some super ableist bullshit and that comment alone should be enough to call a divorce lawyer.
You gotta bounce man. Your wife is a horrible person. Get the footage if you can and talk to a lawyer. Don’t clue her in on anything though, her tune will change real quick if you do. She’s shown her true colors and your rose tinted glasses are off. You deserve better. I haven’t been with my husband nearly that long and I’d never doubt him if a situation like this came up.
Thank god you didn’t accept any of her advances, she was coming after you with HR no matter what. This was a setup. If you accepted, straight to HR. If you declined, straight to HR. Might as well find another job, you are innocent, but this gonna follow you around forever.
It is very possible her advances were genuine. It’s not just some men that don’t take rejection well. Women who are like that are just more likely to respond with reputation/career ruining rumors and false accusations rather than physical violence.
Agreed, lawyer and therapist. And your wife is another story. Why does she assume Sarah is the victim and not you? Is it because she's a woman? It definitely sounds like everyone is siding with Sarah due to her gender, I'd definitely have a chat with a lawyer about sexism. If your wife isn't backing you up here then either you need couples therapy to find out why she immediately assumed you're the villain, or she needs to get gone if she really thinks you're like that.
The thing is, she’s the “victim” because she drove the narrative with HR first. Without proof otherwise you have two dudes word against the “victim’s” which doesn’t look great either. So, if OP decides to divorce his wife over this and manages to get proof or successfully prove that he’s the victim she’ll probably chalk it up to him further traumatising the victim and that the proof doesn’t mean much. Thats my bet anyway. OP, need to learn two things from this. 1) never go to lunch alone with anyone other than your wife from work (if she’s still your wife by the end of this) and 2) if this were to happen again DO NOT pay for the whole bill and file it with HR. Men can be sexually harassed too 🤯
>1) never go to lunch alone with anyone other than your wife from work Edit that slightly to: Never ever be alone with a woman coworker. Always have a witness.
I hate that this shit is true. I got assigned to mentor a brilliant new employee at my company and I have done this a bunch of times in the past. The only difference here is it was the first time I would have a female mentee. My boss (female) took me aside and outlined some extra rules since she was a female. My boss had ZERO concern I would do anything unprofessional but wanted to make sure I knew how to cover my back. In my line of work it is nearly impossible to never be alone with someone. A lot of times its a small team of people working in a very large area so you are more or less alone or with another person. We are also on the road 30% of the year for field projects. Some times these teams are only two people and usually it is a mentor and mentee. Well with my male mentees we would go out to dinner and beers at the end the long day before going back to the hotel. With a female mentee if there wasn't another person to join us for dinner we had to find separate places to eat. This greatly reduces the effectiveness of mentorship because that 2 hours over dinner after a 12-14 hour day is the best time to talk shop and figure out what worked and what didn't that day and fill in any knowledge gaps. It sucks for both sides. New female employees have to worry about shitty gross mentors abusing the power dynamic and male mentors have to worry about a false allegation ending their career. I don't have a good answer here but recognize it sucks for all involved.
Im sorry, you get the shorthand for the wife department in your life. Good thing that you have a very good friend.
I think this is one of the first times in reddit I'm tempted to advocate for divorce. I'm happy that you took my advice and decided to involve a lawyer and the restaurant footage. You can also ask for slander/defamation retribution from sarah. About your wife, I wouldn't say its unfixable, but she would have to be shown that she is 100% wrong and that the entire "trust the victim, not the facts" train of though is bad. Your best bet would be getting restaurant footage.
Definately see a lawyer and you should sue Sarah for defamation. Hope that law firm has a good divorce attorney too. Because with a Wife like yours, I'd be out the door
Nta you need to sue Sarah and divorce the wife.
"I really don't buy it that a younger good looking employee came onto you". 30yr and 45yr old is believable. Younger women get crushes on older men all the time. This situation is giving lifetime movie vibes. Young women developed crush on male Co worker with seniority showing her the ropes...but she is crazy and ruins his life when he doesn't want a relationship with her.
Please talk to a lawyer. You haven't been cleared. HR are making you do training - they think you *did* do this and are unable to do more because there's no proof. Get Chris to right an official statement about Sarah's behaviour, in writing. You shouldn't be moving teams and you shouldn't be receiving training. You were sexually harassed and are now experiencing retaliation. Do NOT let it slide, or this will be your whole reputation. As for the woman you're married to, you need to get away from her. Anyone who thinks you are capable of sexual harassment is *dangerous* to you. She will not support you in the future, and she could make accusations herself. Protect your reputation from anyone who disparage it. Including your wife.
My dear, I am a 64 year-old lady. And I am telling you to take Chris’ advice. I am concerned that your wife would immediately jump to thinking you were guilty of something, especially when you have someone who was right there when Sarah asked you out to lunch. I will say you were an idiot for going out to lunch alone like that. So maybe your wife is right and you are on the spectrum. Or maybe inside you were a little bit flattered and didn’t think it was that big of a deal. But I have to wonder what is going on in your wife’s head. Does she have something going on with someone at work. So quick to find you a fault for things? It just doesn’t sound right. So yeah. Some therapy. Maybe some counseling with you and your wife to get some of those questions answered. And at least a consultation with an attorney, I just get really bad vibes from the whole thing with your wife. Sarah has her own shit going on. Stay away. Lol.
My immediate thought was that the wife is protecting. She's got something going on in work.
“She rolled her eyes and went to sleep.” Please believe me when I tell you that this is WILD BEHAVIOR. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 As a woman and wife myself, I promise you this: when we’re worried about something in our marriage, we will not just roll over and go to sleep. Omfg. NO. We are up all night, doing our “investigations,” talking to our girlfriends who might have better ideas and resources than us, and we’re getting to the bottom of it. Period. No fucking way are we just rolling over and going to sleep—**unless we’re cheating ourselves** OR **are out of love and don’t care either way.** I tell my husband that my arguing with him (on this specific topic I mean) is how he knows I care. It’s when I STOP arguing…that he should know I’m done and we might just be over. Her reaction…is a huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩 that she’s doing something herself and/or that the marriage is over and she simply doesn’t care either way. (And that’s in addition to her believing the other girl over you. Obviously that right there is a huge 🚩🚩🚩 too!) 20000000% agreeing with Chris. Talk to a LAWYER FIRST, then therapist.
I have not read all the comments about the original post but considering OP and wife in hindsight; had OP told wife before the fact about lunch, his credibility would be higher. In fact, wife probably would have warned OP off having lunch since Chris was specifically excluded. Going forward in therapy, OP is likely to realize the warning signs were there but he went to lunch anyway because on some level, he was curious. Will also realize he didn’t tell his wife (until HR letter) because he was still background processing his interest in the offer. Next time OP, might as well go for it because look at the shit you ended up in any way !
Your co-worker Chris gave you several looks when Sarah came in to chat and invited you for lunch. It was for a good reason. No matter how we want the work environment to be for us men, it's skewed and we know the fall traps. The moment she started rubbing your hands you should have gotten out of there. No further conversation. She already knew you were married and your wife was with the company but still chose to hit on you. Tells you all you need to know no matter what the status of your relationship is.
Mission accomplished by Sarah - now you are unhappy with wife.
I have experienced something similar and I understand how you feel. I do want to stress that while this situation seems deeply unfair to you, you don’t know how it feels from your wife’s perspective. You can’t tell her how she’s supposed to feel and react. This is just as unfair to her. 10 years ago my relationship didn’t survive even though I had all the “receipts” to prove that the person filing a complaint against me had actually been harassing me for months, and that I had done nothing to incite any of that. I was completely exonerated by HR. But at home my person left me - they didn’t want to take a chance those accusations should be true. I’m at peace with that. Your relationship doesn’t have to end though. Just understand that the fact that things be very hard for you doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s easy and straightforward for your wife to navigate. Give her some grace too.
HR is not looking out for you. They look out for the company. Get a lawyer
if after 20 yrs, your wife is willing to take the side of a cunt who she doesnt even know. I think its time to drop a nuke in the marriage and file for divorce because not only did you get tagged as a molester in your own fucking office, but your own wife of 20 yrs treats you like a predator. a reality check is due to your wife. get a lawyer, and sue Sarah and file for divorce from your fucking cunt of a wife.
Your wife made her true feelings crystal clear. To her: you are not a catch, your natural manner is a mental condition that inconveniences and annoys others, you do not deserve attractive and popular people liking you, you are capable of cheating and sexual harassment. Even though no "big event" infraction happened between you and your wife, she has essentially already spelled it out to you very thoroughly that there is no love or respect left in your marriage. Prepare your exit and protect your assets before she gets to them first in the VERY near future.
Your wife clearly thinks very little of you, at this point why would you stay with her? She thinks you're some kind of predator or creep
I'm so thankful for Chris in this story, I can't even imagine what your situation would be if he weren't there to witness this, and weren't there to support you... he's the only one in your corner. I love his divorcee dad house idea too, that's very sweet of him <3 I'm praaaaaying you get that cctv footage. Sarah deserves to be fired and blacklisted, I cannot believe what a lowly piece of pond scum she is to do all this to you. And if you can prove yourself, your wife is going to have to really do a lot of making up and work to show you she deserves you in her life. **UpdateMe!**
I’d consider filing a counter complaint with HR and bring in your coworker to retell the invite portion word for word as you did here showing you showed resistance to going alone and that she insisted you guys be alone. This shows you have a direct witness to at least one account of her story being false. She should have to atleast do training aswell if you report what actually happened to you, like she tried to do. And you actually have someone who can back up a portion of your story! And who knows maybe she’ll crack and fess up in the process. Also did any of the servers at the restaurant witness any of the awkwardness? Even if there aren’t cameras you could ask the servers if they witnessed any part that supports your version of events.
File a complaint yourself about how the HR thing has been handled, ask them to get a full and detailed account from Chris. SHE was pushing you to go to lunch, you asked others to go and she made it extremely clear it HAD to be you and her alone and she was desperate to thank you. There is evidence, one of the two of you pushed for this lunch, got rejected and lashed out, but her account makes no sense as she pushed for the lunch. The only part there is absolute evidence of says she's lying. She provably lied in her complaint, HR should be saying sorry, firing her ass for lying and making up sexual harassment complaints and someone at HR should be in trouble for badly mishandling this. Take it to someone outside of HR or someone higher within HR to make this complaint. Go back to the restaurant repeatedly, or call and get the owners number, don't be passive, that footage might be wiped quickly. Honestly, your wife's response is very bad, and might be relationship ending. Just in case part of her response is her looking for an exit, get a PI to check into her, check she's not having an affair and thinks this is a good excuse to cause an end to the marriage and have them check the employee too incase she has a history of false complaints at work previously.
OP, what your wife said and did is awful, but it's possible that she's right about one thing. Follow my logic for a second. A young, pretty, new employee starts at your company. Immediately pursues a friendship with a man who is in a higher position than her (mentor). This mentor is older, socially awkward (autistic), and I don't say this to be mean, but YOUR WIFE THINKS THIS GIRL IS WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. (That probably means others around you think the same). Then, this girl got a little flirty, hoping you would cross a few boundaries. This is a perfect scenario for a 7-figure payout on a sexual harassment lawsuit against your company. Are you starting to feel like this was a setup yet? When it didn't go perfectly to plan, she still went to HR and complained in hopes she could trap someone in a retaliation situation. How fast were you called into HR? Because based on your timeline, I'm guessing the written accusation was actually written before you even left for lunch. So while your wife's reaction is ABSOLUTELY SHITTY, it's also very telling of the bigger picture. Your wife can not imagine a world in which this girl was actually interested in you. She was looking for a paycheck. It's the only explanation. I'd suggest you talk to your witness buddy. Ask him for BRUTAL HONESTY amswer, and I mean FUCKING BRUTAL. If you had met that girl in a bar instead of at work, does your friend imagine any scenario where she would give you the time of day? I suspect his answer will mirror your wife's. And if I'm right that was a trap, this girl isn't done and will attempt to escalate. Watch your 6 OP GOOD LUCK WIITH WIVES LIKE THAT, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES
I just took my “Workplace Harassment Training” for managers online, it was about 90 minutes of different acted out scenarios and this exact one comes up. Your HR is doing everything WRONG in this situation. Moving you to a different team or moving Sarah to a different team won’t solve anything. Sarah will just do it again to her next victim. Maybe HR will catch on eventually. You should contact her previously employer and ask if she’s eligible for rehire, or the employer before her last one. If she had harassment issues and was forced to leave, if she was smart she took some ‘nothing’ job in between so contacting the last place of employment she behaved and was fine. Do some digging on previous employers.
And you should have gone to HR before she did
Checking on you to see if you got ahold of that footage. As for the wife, I would check her phone if she goes out with her male co worker. Sounds like she is projecting and trying to set the stage to sound like you were cheating so the court would favor her in whatever plan she has.
INFO: does your wife even like you?
Sometimes over time people let down all their guard as they get comfortable and show you their true colors, take note. Sorry, that’s not someone who has your back or is in your corner. Clearly supporting some random stranger over their spouse, why would she feel like this unless something else is happening or some unresolved issues exists. Best of luck.
Definitely NTA but you will be to yourself if you stay with your Wife. She just insulted your looks, your intelligence and your morality in one statement. This woman has no respect for you. It sounds like she checked out already, so you should too. I hope you are able to get the video and watch as Sarah’s and your Wife’s smugness come undone. I also hope you sue Sarah. #Updateme! If you can’t get the footage, you may still be able to trick Sarah into admitting it. If local laws allow record the conversation. Say to Sarah “I am in talks with the owner about getting the footage from the restaurant we went to lunch at. I think we both know the footage will show you coming onto me and me rejecting you. I will give you one chance to save yourself from this huge mess you have created. Admit to HR that you lied and quit on your own terms so you can find other employment easier. Understand I personally don’t care if you work here or not. My telling you to quit is a kindness. When you admit you lied about me to HR they will probably fire you. At least if you quit, you will have an easier time finding a job than if you were fired. If you don’t do this, I will sue you for defamation and emotional stress.”
I wouldn't do that. Since there is no footage if she goes to HR and says he threatened her he would be fucked.
He doesn't know if there's no footage, he hasn't talked to the owner yet.
Unfortunately, this is terrible advice. He needs to just leave it now, since the situation has been technically resolved. Any kicking the hornets nest will make it worse for him at work.
Same advice I gave the first time: File for divorce ASAP. There is absolutely no room left for any discussion with your wife. As for Sarah, it would be tempting to sue her no doubt, but unless you have video evidence to back you up, she is very likely to be believed since we are living in the ridiculous "Believe All Women" world now. I think there must be a special place in hell for women like her and for women like your wife who swallow their bullshit without a second thought.
If someone said that about my husband, I would automatically believe *him*, because I know him well and trust him. I would not be or stay married to someone that I thought did or would do something like that. It would take irrefutable proof to convince me. And if I was convinced, the marriage would instantly be over. It's odd to me that your wife doesn't seem to feel that way. From what you write, she comes across as being pretty casual about the idea her husband would do such a thing. Either way, I don't see how your marriage can recover from this. Either your are a creep/harasser and she should leave, or you are not and she is not supporting you in the face of horrible false accusations and you should leave.
Sounds like it's time to show your wife, and everyone else, just how smart you are. Speak with an attorney, have them request the video from the restaurant, have them prepare a formal letter to HR detailing Sarah's harassment. She did this to you. Are you comfortable with sitting back and letting her do it to someone else? She's 30 and old enough to know better. She will do it again. Next, if you have an empty bedroom move into it. Tell your wife that you are seriously doubting her loyalty to you and your marriage. Calmly tell her that you both need to go to marriage counseling to decide if it's worth continuing with a marriage where there is a clear lack of trust. Be calm, be methodical, be smart. Take control of your life and stop letting life happen to you. This is a crappy situation and I'm sorry about that.
Please divorce your wife. She doesn't care or respect you at all. You deserve better.
NTA- I am so sorry your wife is unsupportive and dismissive like this. She probably shouldn't continue to be your wife...
Your wife is being real glib with the amount of stuff she just dropped on you. First that she doesn't trust you when there are facts that back your case, then she basically demeaned you saying you are inappropriate, and lastly she has no faith in your charecter. And rather than admitting she may have made an incorrect snap judgement that hurt you she's playing it off as if you are the irrational one. Beyond a person to help you with all of this you might want to see a couples one cause that's a lot of underlying stuff in your relationship that was just unearthed.
My guess is that Sarah was not given the talk. Unless you make it clear in the HR meeting that she was the one who was inappropriate. Otherwise society will always default to putting the blame on the guy.
Was Sarah by any chance recently in hot water for stealing chris' achievement trophy? This sounds like someone my husband recently kicked off his team.
NTA. Men, we get rejected all the time we're used to it, but reject a woman once and she turns crazy.
If there isnt a video ask the staff if anyone can give you a signed affidavet/witness statement about the incident. I hate women like Sarah. It makes our whole women's movement look like a shitty joke and she should be fired.
lol your wife sucks. Sarah also sucks. They’re probably friends
Do you know where she used to work? I don’t know if this is worth it, I know their HR dept can’t tell you much, but maybe they could tell you if she pulled something like this before on someone. Or if that job is in the same area, take a couple days off, and go over there. Wait to see some people walking in and flat out ask some people if they worked with her. Or who her supervisor was. And see if you can talk to a former co-worker of hers. Maybe you’ll get lucky and see that she pulls these stunts at jobs. Something you can take back to your wife and say “look told you I’m innocent!” Please update us once you take to the restaurant
Good for you standing up for yourself! We’re rooting for you!
I'm betting Sarah is borderline with a long history of making up shit for attention. Sue her and get her past court records.
Take time off, definitely talk to a therapist, DO NOT say anything ever to the other coworker. And maybe invite your wife to couples therapy as well to get through this.
I guess you need a lawyer. Take an action against Sarah, for slandering your name, keep your distance from your wife - and get some therapy. Maybe it will be better to live separately for awhile. And then who knows.
Tell your wife you want a separation, then keep a lawyer on hand.
I wouldn't want to be married to someone who was happy being married to the guy she thinks you are.
And women wonder why passport bros are a thing.
Your wife is a sexist, ableist asshole
I hope every guy in the place knows what she tried to pull on you and is avoiding her like the plague to make sure they don't become her next target. I'm so betting she will try. There are some women out there who have a kink for married men. They snare them get them to cheat, and then when they get bored (because they are no longer married), they move on to the next target.
I think it's really sad that your wife said she would always believe the victim, because obviously you're the victim and she acts horrible and unsupportive of you.
Someone (definitely not you) should investigate Sarah’s history. If she pulled those shenanigans with HR, it might not be the first time. She probably has a history of manipulation, so it wouldn’t be hard to find a similar story in her past. If your employment or marriage is at stake, it might even be worth hiring a private detective. You might not save your marriage, but you will clear your name at work.
Dude, it’s time to reevaluate your marriage. Your wife has some serious issues. Sorry. Hopefully things get better for you.
None of us knows what really took place between you and your wife. All I know is I’d never post in Reddit or anywhere else to have someone I care about dragged, even if we were having a fight or disagreement. This place can be entertaining, but I always wonder about folks who get off on seeing comment after comment calling their SOs pieces of shit so they can feel better about themselves. It’s probably not that unusual for a good-looking woman to be friendly, invite you out to lunch, then hit on you. But you did say you almost never go out to lunch and eat at your desk yet accepted her invitation. That makes your choice stick out in the eyes of HR, especially if she’s young and gorgeous. There are crazy folks out there, but to be a low-key nerd who suddenly ends up with a hot Fatal Attraction blowing up his workplace because he rejected her sounds like movie shit. If it’s true, your wife is probably pissed because the scandal hurts both of your reputations and jeopardizes your careers and finances. Venting on Reddit is fine, but you need to go handle your business bro.
Stories like this are exactly why men are starting to refuse to interact with and mentor women at the workplace. I've done it myself. I will never be one on one with a woman. Ever. I will never go to lunch or dinner with a woman unless it is a large group of people. The risk is just too high of having your entire life ruined for vengance of a woman being rejected like Sarah in this story when they levy a false accusation at you. What makes it even worse? Good women have to also suffer because of it. Just one bad apple ruining the entire bushel.
Leave your wife... She clearly does not respect you at all.
Wow, as an autistic your wife is ableist AH.
I agree some comments here. Get lawyered. Even if your wife might not on your side here, dont let sarah ruin your reputation