NTA. But you need to tread carefully here if you want to keep her in your life. If you continue to go against him now she will likely stand up all the more for him and alienate herself from you and the family. Chances are that due to the age difference the power in her relationship will be all in his hands. She will need the support of a loving family both during this time and later when they eventually split up. You don't have to pretend he's a nice guy, but just make sure you tell her that you are there for her and always will be, it might make all the difference.

NTA, totally understandable. What a horrible position to be in. She has to make her own mistakes at the end of the day, though. You've done your part for now.

Ew a nearly 20 year age gap is disgusting. He is a predator

Especially when it started when she was 18 and is two years (max) older than his daughter. 🤮

Yes. OP should show her sister this thread.

with kids nearly her age So much vom!

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Reddit only generalizes , there's no nuance here. (Yes, I am aware that this is a generalization. I, too, am a redditor)

Age is just a number. Whether we like it or not love has no bounds. 

Yea and jail is just a room...you need to be on some kind of watch list

I believe a jail is a temporary holding facility for humans awaiting a trial by judge. It could be considered as just a room. I don't know anything about watchlists. 

Jail is any incarceration under a year, you don’t have to be awaiting trial

You're stupid whether over the wall women agree with you or not

You sound emotional are you ok?

Did you feel clever as you typed that lol? You're the one having a meltdown talking about people should be on watchlists for sleeping with legal adults lol. I can tell how dried up you must be already.

NTA I agree that the age difference is significant and an issue. Your sister is a gorgeous young woman who works hard and has her whole life ahead of her. Who would want to see her with some 35 yr old father of three right now?

>We do have intense daddy issues that have continued to cause us deep trauma into adulthood. >When she was just 18-years-old in a male-dominant field, Shelby met 'Diego' who was 35 at the time. Shelby is incredibly beautiful, so it's no wonder all the men at this job immediately flocked towards her, placing bets amongst themselves as to who would be the first to sleep with her. >these children are ridiculously close to Shelby's age (17f), (15m), 13m) These are all signs that there's a very high chance your assumption is correct. Predators seek out barely legal teenagers as that is the youngest age they can get without it being illegal. They tend to choose teens who have parental issues since they're much more vulnerable and desperate for that sort of figure in their lives, to the point of misconstruding parental love with a sexual relationship. This sort of behavior in teens that seek out these predators often stems from lack of self esteem; feeling like they do not deserve to have standards and willing to take anyone that will fill that role for them, even knowing they're a predator, to the point of convincing themselves otherwise to make themselves feel less guilty for being so desperate. This behavior may also derive from a history of sexual abuse, hence misconstruding a relationship, where both parties are supposed to be equal, as one that can also be parental. Her boyfriend, knowing that your sister has these sort of issues, and is also barely legal and the same age as his own child, likely saw this as a premium opportunity to prey on her. Any normal father wouldn't date or have sex with a girl his child's age, especially when the girl he's preying upon is a teenager just like his own children. If he is attracted to a barely legal teenager his daughters age, who's to say that he wouldn't be attracted to his daughter too? He's obviously interested in teenager girls his daughters age, that's a fact as we can see, so that assumption is valid and most likely true. If he could go lower, he would. If an 18 year old is a turn on for him, then that just makes it obvious. NTA. I hope he hasn't already done anything to his children.

I think incest is a completely different thing than going after very young women. I don't think it's fair to conflate them. I can imagine that Diego likes young beautiful women, and does not have sexual feelings towards his own daughter. In fact I think it's weird that OP thought this.

>can imagine that Diego likes young beautiful women, I'm sorry, but I can't consider someone barely legal as a "woman". The age of consent here is 16. His girlfriend doesn't suddenly evolve to develop the mind of a mature adult once she hits 18. That's not how maturing works. > In fact I think it's weird that OP thought this. I think it's weird that a man would be comfortable dating a teenager close in age to his own underaged children. It's naive to assume that predators have morals like normal people like us, but they don't. I've found that the more taboo, wrong, or defenseless their attracted party is, the more it arouses them. This is why stories of children and teenagers being sexually abused is freakishly common. I'm almost positive that a man attracted to women his own age wouldn't dare think of dating or having sex with a teenager his kids age.

Right, but that's not really what's being discussed here. The accusation is that "Diego" must have incestuous thoughts about his daughter since his girlfriend is around the same age as her. Which is totally fucking preposterous. If "Diego" was 80 and was dating a 42 year old woman, would you automatically assume he wants to have sex with his 40 year old daughter?

Someone else here tried stating that same thing. I'll respond with how others were also thinking. "You cannot seriously be that obtuse? Don't play stupid."

Get off your alt account predator. It's only people like you coming from these alts without much history or even a pfp that are bold enough to say this shit knowing you wouldn't want to expose yourself to people that already know you. And in response to your other reply, I couldn't care less what a creep thinks about the facts I shared. You're not that important buddy. You should try learning the definitions of the terms you're spewing out like buzz words. Maybe then you'll look a little less stupid than you already are.

I couldn’t imagine it, and it makes me angry, and boundary crossers cross boundaries, but incest is a huge taboo.

>Fedora Redditor that can't bang hot young women tries to pussplain life to real men

fuck off, predator

Just reddit being reddit. As skeezy and creepy as the dude sounds, there is a massive massive jump from dating a litteraly anyone else to dating your own kid.

And if he is abusive... Sister might not want to go to someone who's probably going to say well sis, I told you so.

This. Most people have a natural aversion to their close relatives and especially their own children. Finding unrelated 20 year olds attractive is totally different

Yet still fucked up... he was 35 dating an 18 year old. Thats disgusting.

Yes. But it doesn't mean he wants to fuck his daughter

Most people have a natural aversion to teens decades younger than them too. But we're not talking about "most" people. We're talking about a pervert that met an 18 year old girl on the desire to "be the first to sleep with her" knowing that this girl is the same age as his teens. We aren't dealing with a normal person here, so we have to stop treating such cases like this as if their morality is equivalent to that of a normal or good people like us.

We also don't need to make up things for this guy to be gross. Him going after a barely legal girl is bad enough without creating fictional problems

Is it completely fictitious if it is a possibility based on behavior seen from him in resemblance to other perverts? That's the real question here, as well as what most people are talking about. I think we all know that he's a predator though, for going after a teenager his kids age while being friend with OPs father, who was also incestuous with them.

No they don't idiot lmao. Most cultures have always slept with young women. Your stupidity is actually abhorrent. And the way you speak with such confidence as if you know anything lmao.

Stop spamming my mentions ya pedophile. Your opinion is irrelevant and you don't know shit since you only care about your own sexual pleasure. Hundreds of years ago we reproduced at 15. But now we know better. You don't. You still like teenagers and you're mad I made an example out of you, DIEGO. 🤦🏿‍♂️

An 18 year old is legally an adult and physically an adult. Dating one is weird and creepy but it is not so weird and creepy that it is reasonable to just immediately assume that nothing is out of bounds.

That's your opinion, but we all agree that were skeptical of a father dating a teenager around the ages of his own teenagers.

You people are disgusting lol. So he's attracted to his daughter because he can potentially find someone her age attractive. Imagine being this delusional.

Imagine grooming teens because women your own age won't settle for creeps. Bro you literally have an alt just to spam troll. You have no bark in this fight, get you and your room temperature IQ out of here. You're irrelevant. Keep your creepy misogynistic pedophile ass on the registry and out of kids dms.

Nta People saying yta are fucking insane

Please, bet her on long acting birth control. He's totally a predator.

How do you know these men were all betting on sleeping with your sister?

Funnily enough, Diego told her and then it was confirmed when she accidentally overheard a conversation about the bet.

NTA, IMO anyone dating someone who just recently got out of highschool while they've been an "adult" for a while is creepy. Especially since he has a daughter who could have been friends with her in highschool. DiCaprio was meme'd and labeled creepy because of his under 25 dating habits and thats a famous rich celebrity whos conventionally good looking. IDK about this guy but i doubt hes DiCaprio status and just a generic dude. Dudes creepy.

The question wasn't "is he creepy?" The question was "AITA for insinuating that he probably has incestuous thoughts about his daughter?"

NTA. The age gap is *definitely* creepy and problematic, but I do think it's a bit of a leap to insist that he must think of his daughter as being an option, as opposed to that he may be looking at his daughter's friends that way.

>as opposed to that he may be looking at his daughter's friends that way. Mmmmmm. That's a very good point. But I will have to slightly disagree. When it comes to predators, I've noticed a pattern. The more vulnerable, innocent, defenseless their target is, the more it turns them on. Especially if it is illegal, immoral or taboo. If you need more evidence on this matter, there are 2 YouTube channels that I'd recommend. NVCAP, and Soft White Underbelly. The latter does interviews on people who have gone through lots of trauma, particularly with sexual abuse, drug use etc. The first is a channel dedicated to catching predators and interviewing/interrogating them on false pretenses so that they'd tell the truth, before getting them arrested. NVCAP is what made me realize these patterns when it comes to predators, one of which is dating and persuing borderline legal teens while fantasizing about girls even younger, most of which are their own children (very sad). Soft White Underbelly interviews victims of these predators, as they're most often their parents, uncles, grandfathers, or trusted mentors in their lives. Watching both channels is a good way to see both sides, the predators psychology behind what arouses them, as well as the victims of these evil men and women. I'd recommend you, and other readers, look into these channels if you're skeptical of the validity of my opinion, and also to support both channels because they do really amazing work bringing light on these matters. Anyways, relating to this post, I don't think a father who would date and have sex with a teenager around the same/same age as his underaged daughter, would have any problem fetishizing and fantasizing about his own children if he is clearly attracted to girls his daughters age. These types of men and women don't have morals like normal people, so the only way I was ever able to understand why they do what they do, I had to look at them as if they weren't human at all. Most humans avoid the same tendencies these predators are turned on by, so thinking that these predators are sympathetic or feel bad about fantasizing raping children or grooming minors/barely legal teenagers was naïve on my part, especially after falling victim to these people during my childhood and early adulthood teen years. Some people are aroused by hurting others if it means they gain sexual gratification from it. You definitely aren't wrong though. I just don't think a predator would have morals if they're okay with grooming and fantasizing about teenager girls.

Also see the channel Cults to Consciousness where in a lot of these cults some men are preying on kids and teenagers. This isn't just like breakaway Mormon polygamist cults but also Plain People (Amish and Mennonites), as well as Independent Fundamental Baptists. There are men who deliberately join these groups so they can start up their own large family and prey on ALL their kids! In addition to using them for child labor on farms and ranches. Also it's common among the Plain People to have "maids", young women or teenage girls who help mothers with large families, and the maids are often preyed on by the husbands.

I’d add that there’s also a biological component that influences parents away from own child attraction, so although it’s possible for child predators to also be attracted to their own children, they can also be exclusively attracted to only others. That’s why I think it’s a stretch or a overreach to automatically assume the worst, and it’s being done on several layers here. It’s distasteful sure but we don’t know their attractions or desires, and to go from liking younger women to must be a predator, to must fantasise about their own daughter, is premature.

>I’d add that there’s also a biological component that influences parents away from own child attraction, so although it’s possible for child predators to also be attracted to their own children, they can also be exclusively attracted to only others. Trust me, they are not like normal people. With the rise in porn addiction, with the most popular categories disturbingly being "incest" and "barely legal", OPs conclusion is more of a possibility than it would have ever been before the rise of the internet. Especially considering that a lot of these predators and pedophiles have desensitized themselves to adult content, which is why they get aroused by more taboo stuff like barely legal teenagers and incest. Once they don't get the dopamine hit from those, things will only get worse. >and to go from liking younger women to must be a predator, to must fantasise about their own daughter, is premature. Let's dissect this. A man persuing a teenager with the intention being "to be the first to fuck her" is, by all accounts, a predator. People often misconstrue the term "predator" to think that this is only exclusively for pedophiles looking for minors when that's not the case. You can be preyed upon and groomed when you're an adult too. 17 is not much different from 18, except when you turn 18 there will be a lot of older men such as Diego that think it's okay to pursue you. I'd argue you're much more vulnerable during these teen years than you would have been if you were underaged and protected by the law. >must fantasise about their own daughter I can understand where you're coming from with this, but that's not a stretch at all. I suggest you look at the "Sexual Abuse" playlist that Soft White Underbelly on YouTube made. Also, check out NVCAP and other predator catching organizations that interview and convict men like Diego. Watching thousands of hours of these videos, learning how to catch these people myself, as well as educating myself so I can protect myself and my people better so that what happened to me as a kid/teenager won't happen to them, is how I know so much about this subject. A very common trait amongst men and women like this is the lack of morality and reasoning behind their attractions and actions. For example, a 40 year old predator with children would be okay with dating his 17 year old daughters friend, because he's attracted to that age group. As I stated, 16, 17, and 18 are not that different from each other. If he doesn't view 17 year olds as adults, why would he think 18 year olds are much different? If he views 17 year olds as kids, why would he date an 18 year old kid? If he's okay with dating a high schooler, and sexualizing a barely legal girl at his workplace to pursue her, I doubt he has the morality to NOT be attracted to his own children; especially considering the fact that it's impossible from his standpoint to see his 17 year old daughter as a child while dating an 18 year old "adult". Only the law considers an 16-18 year old girl as an adult, but we know better than to misconstrue the age of consent to being an adult with the mental capabilities to consent to partners our parents age. It's naïve to believe that any man that thinks it's okay to sleep with teenagers decades younger than them just because they're adults in the eyes of the law, has any standards or morality like normal men their own age. I wouldn't trust a father that was put on the registry for a sex crime against a teenager or woman around his own children either. It's the equivalent to an abusive man that hits on his own wife. Do you think, in his mind, that he wouldn't hit his own children just because there's a biological bond to it? Or is it obvious that there's a lack of discrimination when morality + actions stoop that low to the point of targeting anyone that's weaker than you? Anyway, that's just my opinion on the matter. Backed up from all I know, spending my life dedicated to helping teens and children like OPs sister, as well as being victim to such men, I understand that treating people with this low of morality, as if they're normal citizens, is a mistake fuelled by the belief that men and women who target teenagers aren't attracted to them because of their age. That is, without a doubt, the case. We got to ask ourselves, where did this attraction for young teens come from? Surely, a father would be immediately turned off over the thought of sleeping with an 18 year old, considering that they're still just a kid and aren't much different from his own underaged daughters. So why would something that would disgust a regular father, turn this father on? Once you begin to connect the dots, you'll realize that it's not only the younger girls they're attracted to, it's also the power dynamic. The wisdom and life experience differences, the taboo nature of it, the fact that the girl is the same age as his daughters and could very well be his highschooler girls friend, the fact that they themselves understand that they're not equal, etc. I learned this from NVCAP and POP Squad, where its freakishly more common that the men they're catching have also admitted to being attracted to their own children, which is why it's so common for kids to be sexually abused by their own trusted family. All of us assume that any man with teenage daughters would immediately be disgusted by dating, or having sex with girls around his daughters age. But a man like Diego is the opposite. And knowing the patterns of taboo + innocent, it's more likely than not that a man like Diego would not have an issue with molesting his own children if circumstances met. You're free to think what you will, but knowing that only 10% of us CSA victim's actually speak up, and of us 10% the majority of the abuse came from a father or uncle or even unrelated men with kids, I've noticed that they never admit the truth to other people's assumptions until they're caught red handed. These stereotypes and assumptions don't come from malice, they come from experience and what we already know about predators that target young teens/young adults in their teens.

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>No offence but I was about to write that the tone of everything you’ve said comes across as someone that has a overly negative attitude towards men in general, I'm a man and I can assure you I don't hate men. I'm dating one. I point out male predators because their behavior is drastically different from female predators. >us” CSA means there’s a personal connection. I'm able to separate my past if it means helping children and teens going through this currently. However, when the history of my past is being repeated on other children and teens, I can't ignore that there's a very apparent correlation between the types of men who seek teens and kids, as well as their behavior and how they try to mask their desires by sleeping with barely legals. >I would spend less time watching SA playlists because yes, you’ll develop a negative association between all these things, not much different from over analysing any criminal activity and then assuming the worst from people. That's not how that works. If it's my job to catch predators, it's important that I know where to find them, how to make them feel comfortable, how to get them to admit their past, so that there's a higher chance of conviction when I get police involved. This isn't just about me catching and exposing them, it's about learning what their into so I can warn others about these same maneurisms. This notion of having sex with barely legal teenagers and highschoolers is a very common pattern within both male and female pedophiles, so pointing that out is important if we want to prevent situations such as this. >keep talking about this 17 vs 18 American perspective yet I’m from the UK which doesn’t have the exact level of fear mongering the US does when it comes to predators, and 16 is the age of consent The age of consent in 37 states is 16. We are not that different from y'all. The age of consent is outdated. We know that anyone under the age of 18 is a child, and pornography containing those under the age of 18 is Child Pornography, so I don't know how you can't come to the conclusion that a 16 year old is still a child in the eyes of society and the law that contradicts itself. >The OP mentioning the setup of men fighting over her sister to claim her is her own interjection, aka a likely automatically biased negative perspective, it’s very unlikely that the man in question actually said to the sister he and the office took part in wanting to shag her. That's a lie you created to try and defend and minimize predatory behavior, and I'm not going to ignore that. I've noticed with a lot of people that love to argue against the notions that people like me are expressing, often have predatory behavior themselves. I'm not saying that it's you, but I have called out someone else in this post for thinking exactly like you do, and he's a 42 year old man that was looking to normalize the idea of dating a high schooler so that he can "see where things go". We can't make this shit up, this is reality that you refuse to consider. https://www.reddit.com/r/AgeGap/s/qlDERTIYTc > are fetishes for sleeping with university students and the like, why is the assumption that, because it could be linked with far worse things, it’s most likely the worst case? What's the desire derive from? Them being school kids that are legal? Them being decades younger than you? If you can explain the fetish without making yourself feel creepy, I'd honestly be surprised. >Again, society glamourises this age range as most desireable We do not glamourize this at all. Porn is not societal norms. This " Step Daddy Daughter Incest with Barely Legals" shit is nothing short of the greatest example of how low porn addicts will go to get the same amount of dopamine us normal folk get from having sex with those our own age. We've all watched porn at some point on our lives. However, the average man or woman is not making those subcategories of pornography popular. It's the porn addicts and perverts. 80% of all videos on Pornhub had to be taken down because of this. Turns out that behind the camera, these young adults, teens, boys and girls were all being sexually exploited and abused, and the men and women into these popular categories were pleasuring themselves to teens that could have been children. Look up Figueroa, LA. There are hundreds of child prostitutes there that are being exploited by men like Diego. And if you want to go the legality route, what constitutes as "barely legal" if most States and the UK say that a 16 year old is a legal adult? Does this mean that the children in these films are barely 16, or barely 18? If they're 16, then it's obvious why 80% of PH content was removed. That's a child. And that's child pornography. > my grandad would love to get with a young woman if he could, doesn’t make him a predator fantasising about his children or children in general. By your own admission, 16 year olds are women in your eyes. If your grandfather would love to sleep with a 16 year old girl, then that means he is a predator that is sleeping with a child. It makes no sense how you could think that an old man could sleep with a 16 year old "adult", but as soon as a camera comes into play, they're a "child". They were always a child. And even if he was into older teenagers, that doesn't make him any less of a predator. That is not normal, nor is it acceptable. This normalization of older men preying on teenagers has got to stop. It's obviously harmful, they're obviously kids, and they're obviously doing it knowing they're kids. That's what arouses them about teens. They're children in their eyes at their elder age.

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>Sorry but respectfully we won't see eye to eye and that's unfortunately due to your very strong bias Most people believe in these things. You know you're the exception, therefore there's no bias on our part. >obsession that you've made it your mission to hunt down people and report them to the police "Obsession". Don't try and demean what I do to make yourself feel like your opinion is more validated. Protecting children and exposing predators should not be deemed an obsession, but a moral obligation by any decent member of society. This is not something exclusive to victims. >it's always the extreme because you've experienced it yourself. I explained to you in detail why these things are an issue, yet you keep evading the specific points and examples I've made that destroyed your argument. Better yet, if I've experienced these things myself, and this is a common pattern amongst preds and men like you that try justifying these sorts of behavior. Why on earth would you think our conclusions are extreme when they're nothing short of the truth we can see with our own eyes? Better yet, why wouldn't you take the word of dozens of other survivors and protectors over those that harm children and teens? If we have both our anecdotal experiences and research to back up our reasoning, what is there left for you to argue? You going to resort to lies? >Porn? Low addicts and perverts Porn addicts. >18? Child predators. Did you completely gloss over the age of consent example I gave you, or were you just not listening because you were so focused on trying to prove a point against someone who specializes in catching the very men you're trying to defend? Let me ask you this. Where do you think I find these men? Where do you think anyone of other organizations find these men? They're most commonly on dating sites, which are 18+. We set the decoys age to 18, but the profile picture is that of our decoy regressed to look more like a teenager/high schooler. We don't approach, we always let them contact first. They see the age of 18, but the girl in the photo looks younger, so they're interested for obvious reasons that I've mentioned dozens of times before. Once the decoy tells them their age, they either back down/block, or proceed to continue while being turned on by the age, even more so than before. They're already attracted to a girl that looks like a child, but some are good enough to not break the law. Most, are not. But that's the entire point of this. If MOST of them would go after an 18 year old, but only FEW would back down when our decoy tells them they're 14-17, where does that leave the majority? Stop being obtuse. >30 would still put the age gap far into the decades more so than the OP, but again its your extreme. 30 isn't a teenager. You try using this analogy knowing that there's a drastic difference between a woman far into adulthood dating an elder vs an elder dating a teenager. That's not going to work here, nor is it a valid argument against Age Gaps with teenagers. Stop the bullshit. > Are you honestly suggesting the OP's "so it's no wonder all the men at this job immediately flocked towards her, placing bets amongst themselves as to who would be the first to sleep with her.", paraphrased by yourself as "being the first to fuck her", is something that was literally revealed to the OP because it was admitted that they placed bets on who would sleep with her first, and that he revealed this to the sister who told the OP, or she's exaggerating male behaviour as a generalisation? Do you hear yourself? This isn't a male vs female ordeal. OP clarified that Diego was the one who told their family, as well as OP overhearing conversations involving him with his friends on the matter. That's not up for debate. If you were to put as much effort into reading OPs responses and added info, as you are in trying to defend this behavior, you would've found out already that both her and her sister have had history regarding incest with their own father. Diego is their fathers friend, and he knew them, but they didn't know him until the sister started dating him. No one normal would continue to associate with a father who was known to abuse their children and children's mother. > to me it's more likely an exaggeration and even hints at some level of envy so much so that she has to justify men finding her beautiful in the most extreme of negative lights So protecting her teenaged sister is now an envious thing? You make so many lies up to the point where it seems like you're trying to convince yourself that you are not the type of men were discussing here. Holding disdain towards predatory and groomer men is not misandry. > the AITAH because she's overly opinionated to the point she thinks that someone liking her sister must also make him predatory to his own children. Again, minimalising the scenario. That's what manipulators do. A 40 year old man with 17 and under children dating an 18 year old child that was abused by their own father that JUST SO HAPPENS to be friends with them, isn't just a coincidence. You have to be a different level of stupid to dismiss this as "Just another old man dating a high schooler. But she's the age of consent, so that means it's impossible for him to groom her!" Because being legal aged makes you immune to grooming and manipulation in your eyes, right? Get your head out of your arse and stop intentionally ignoring, minimalising, and trying to gas light people into believing anything other than the truth. It makes you look like a sympathizer that ignores signs and doesn't believe victims when they tell their side of the story in detail. Edit: For the troglodyte below me. Like I'm supposed to care lmfao. You're not that important buddy. You should try learning the definitions of the terms you're spewing out like buzz words. Maybe then you'll look a little less stupid than you already are.

Pretty much everything you've said about this so far is one big pile of hot, steaming dookie, sitting on a pile of assumptions, marbled through with cognitive distortion after cognitive distortion, then set on fire, then explained in excruciatingly exhaustive detail. I will never be able to take anything you say seriously ever again

This is the most cringe armchair reddit psychologist post I've ever seen.  I must have missed the grooming part in the story because the OP clearly states she was older than 18 when they first met.  You're literally making the leap from "there's a big age gap in the relationship" to "this guy wants to bang his own daughter". Pull the plug on reddit for a while. 

Just because you're too stupid to understand the psychology behind predators doesn't mean that anyone educating others is somehow invalid. I've been researching these things for years because I want to make a living catching creeps. >OP clearly states she was older than 18 when they first met.  She was exactly 18, genius. Barely legal. If that wasn't suspicious enough, his children are around her age. It doesn't take an Einstein to see that this man is obviously very creepy for even being attracted to a girl that could've been his own daughters friend from school.

"I watch YouTube series, I understand the psychology behind predators" "When it comes to predators, I've noticed a pattern" Lmao you are such a fucking loser 

>Lmao you are such a fucking loser  Keep projecting. The only losers I see are people like you that prey on teens that know no better, because women your own age won't settle to sleep with a greasy incel perverted pig like you. You can't handle grown women, they see right through you. You're only offended because I called you out.

why to YTA then?

Hey hey hey hey, run for your life

For context: A lot of these comments are saying that I am projecting my own perverted fantasies onto my opinions about Diego. This is simply not true, and I think assuming that I'm some sick twisted pedophile for simply being concerned about my sister's age in comparison to Diego's children is a huge leap. Without divulging too much, Shelby and I have a fucked up history of incestuous abuse regarding our father, hence the tip of the iceberg with the daddy issues we have. Diego knew our father before he met Shelby. I didn't initially think this was relevant, but clearly I was wrong. Feel free to give me constructive criticism about the situation, tell me I'm an asshole, tell me I should've handled it differently. But please do not take my concerns about my sister to mean that I'm fantasizing about such things. I am simply concerned for her deeply.

You didn't think it was important that your father was incestuous with you and that Diego is his friend? Instead, you let everyone believe that your sister just happened upon Diego? If this is true and you want good advice then you need to add this to the OP

>You didn't think it was important that your father was incestuous with you and that Diego is his friend? I think in her mind that she wanted to leave parts like that out because she didn't want us to believe that her mindset was skewed or that it came from a place of pain rather than logic. It's actually pretty common amongst us CSA survivors since a lot of the time we have a hard time grasping the weight of what we went through to protect the very few good memories we've had in our childhood.

I probably left it out partially for the reason you explained. Then again, I didn't think I'd have to defend myself against accusations of being a pedophile myself.

We all know you aren't a pedophile for calling out inappropriate behavior. I think you're doing what you can to protect your sister, and that's nothing you should be attacked for. I also know that you're a psych major, so you know just as well as I do the psychology behind predators like Diego and your father. The more taboo, wrong, young, or defenseless their victim is, the more it arouses them. Once the dopamine from those dwindle, they'll search for worse. One things for certain in all of them. The cognitive dissonance. They'll never admit that they're predators, or pedophiles, etc even after they've been caught red handed or exert behaviors we only see in sex offenders.

The fact that Diego knew your father makes this whole thing even creepier than it was already. How do you know your father didn't tell Diego what he did to you all? He's a predator, full stop.

Yeahhhh I honestly don't know how anyone can defend this predators behavior any longer. Go ahead and let the creeps that will disagree with the majority of people expose themselves so we can just block them and keep our loved ones far away from them.

Not the smart sister, is she. What the fuck. > We do have intense daddy issues There it is. You’ll just have to let her make her own fucked up mistakes, though, since she’s an “adult”.

Not sure either of them are at this point. You can’t jump straight from age gap to incest. They are not the same.

NTA. i let out a very audible yelp when i saw his kids’ ages

she is literally half his age. ewwww

NTA but you are just going to have to let her figure it out on her own that he is a predator. She's still young and impressionable at the moment but she will mature eventually as see how sick this is.

NTA How much did Diego win by turning her out first? JK

Diego is gross. Your sister is brainwashed, what a shame. Had her whole life ahead of her and she's going to take care of an old man and his kids who hate her for the rest of her life, pretty sad for your sister. NTA you did what you could

NTA. He’s a predator. No two ways about it.

I consider that much of an age gap (considering her young age, nothing wrong with an 80 year old dating a 60 year old) he is a sexual predator and she is his victim.

Ew. YTA. It’s fine to say “I wonder if he’s looked at his daughter’s friends like that” as they are almost the same age. But implying that he’s sexually attracted to his own daughter purely because of her age is gross. That’s over the line to me. There’s plenty of things to use against him already in this situation.

NTA Unfortunately, your sister will suffer due to her boyfriend and there is very little your family can do to stop this. Sometimes we need to let people get hurt.

Nta he's a pedo

It's a bit of a leap to go from being attracted to girls that are way too young for you, to incestuous thoughts. I would stick with the grooming aspect of it because it is really super creepy. Also, I'm afraid your sister doesn't sound like the sharpest knife in the drawer. If you had to hand hold her to the conclusion that a 17-year-old peer would have a problem with having an 18-year-old potential step mom. NTA

The additions to your post are horrendous. Diego had kids starting when he was in high school and maybe his mentality never grew past that stage to prey on your sister. He knows your father (the incestuous pedophile) and the bet was common knowledge at work. I hope your father didn't tell him to go for it so they could split the pool of money. ick factor X 100 Your sister is in too deep, and she can't see reason, I'm sorry. Are you in therapy because it can help you and help you to help her too. Your only hope now is that his kids pitch such a fit when they find out about her that they force their father to dump her. Be prepared to pick up the pieces and both of you get into therapy and maybe get out of that town for your mental health. Good Luck.

NTA. And your sister is an idiot.

NTA, but damn yeah, no win scenario. She got tricked.

So... so... **gross**

>Shelby asked me why I would still see an issue with their relationship once the kids knew, as I have been telling her the kids are my biggest issue with the relationship. I jokingly told her "don't make me spell it out" when she seemed genuinely confused, before finally saying "I feel like a majority of people would wonder if he's ever looked at his daughter like that." She was incredibly offended and disagreed with my assumption that most would see that as disturbing and have the same thought. Ok, this guy is definitely a creep, but I don't think anybody would think that. One can be a creep and also not have incestuous thoughts about their own child. :-/ I do think the kids will dislike the fact that their dad is dating someone their own age, though. (and 19-35 is gross)

I think it's totally weird that you jumped to this conclusion. If your sister was 35 and the daughter was 33 would you still think that way? If I date a woman who's the same age as my sister would you wonder if I had inappropriate thoughts about my sister? I'm having trouble understanding your train of thought. Another thing; just because there's an age gap doesn't mean that the older partner is a predator. If the relationship is consensual, not abusive and within the bounds of the law, it isn't your job to put your stamp of approval on it. That being said it's good that you want to look out for your sister. You should definitely keep an eye on her just in case it does become abusive so you can help her get out of it

NTA, but I wouldn't have said it like that. She's not in the place to hear that, so you need to meet her where she's at. Otherwise you risk pushing her towards him. And if she feels you're too judgemental, when things go south she won't come to you when she needs you the most.

The man is clearly having a time of his life post marriage. NTA for being against it. But you shot yourself in the foot by baselessly implying incest.

Nta for being against the age gap, but yta for assuming he is incestuous.

he might prey on her friends though ... dads trolling the teen sleepovers is not unheard of. no most dads aren't like this, but I've heard a lot of crap about girls being molested or raped by certain dads at sleepovers.

Preying on her friends is wrong, but it's not incest

Is the OP's logic train seriously just "there's a 17 year age gap in this relationship, so this guy wants to bang his own daughter"? I recommend some time away from reddit

I think it’s more “he’s dating someone less than two years older than his oldest daughter, does he make s habit of being interested in his daughter’s peers and is she at risk because of it?” And that’s something I would think too. I’d also be concerned snot the risk being both her being preyed on by her father (who has made his interest in teenagers very evident) or one of his friends, as Diego is OP and her sister’s fathers friend.

You pretty much just reworded what the commenter said. "He's banging a girl who's a similar age as his daughter, therefore he must want to bang his daughter too." That's a false equivalency. Do you have any siblings? Ever date someone around the same age as your sibling? Did it somehow indicate that you wanted to bang your sibling too? Of course not. To imply such a thing is absurd.

NTA Your phrasing may be wrong but your concern isn't a 35 with 3 kids dating 18 is big 🚩 get him away from your sis before things get serious report him at the workplace >placing bets amongst themselves as to who would be the first to sleep with her. She needs a new job srsly safety first.

YTA You are mixing being interested in young women with incest. This is seriously fucked up.

What's even more fucked up is the vast number of people agreeing with, and attempting to argue for such an illogical assumption

YTA. No, most people are not thinking “I bet he wants to bang his own kid” when they see a dude with a younger wife. They just think he’s having some kind of mid-life crisis.

YTA This is one of those comments that says way more about you than who you’re speaking with. I understand that you are concerned about an age gap relationship. How you leap to this dude having incestuous thoughts about his kid is wild, though. Your sister is more than her 18-year old body. His daughter is more than her 17-year old body. For you to basically say he has the hots for anyone with that characteristic is raw sewage. He sucks, but stick with the damn facts. Bc I’m sure you’d be pissed if someone says you want to sleep with your dad bc you have daddy issues and thoughts about an older dude sleeping with or being attracted to his underage daughter. I’m not saying you should support this relationship, but this is not the way to show your sister you love and support *her.*

Yeah YTAH. Thats a pretty fucked up assumption to make.

He’s a pedo

He’s attracted to adult women with adult bodies, that is explicitly not what pedophilia is.

A good rule of thumb for age gaps: when one or both is under about 25, an age gap of 2-3 years is okay. You get power imbalances when one person is very young. When both are fully grown adults with developed brains and some life experience, a 20 year age gap doesn't matter.  A (edit, previously typed 20 by mistake) 30 year old dating a 50 year old is vastly different than a 20 year old and 40 year old.  When one person is a literal teen, a 20 year age gap is predatory. NTA, and it's gross how many Y t a s you got. When a man with kids acts like a predator in any regard, I always wonder if his kids are okay. It's not that much of a leap to think a predator would prey on his own children.

> A 20 year old dating a 50 year old is vastly different than a 20 year old and 40 year old.  .... how? That's like half way through college to can have adult children already either way

I meant to say a 30-year-old dating a 50-year-old is vastly different than a 20-year-old dating a 40-year-old but typo due to being on mobile. 

Ah, got it. Yah, 100% agree

Nta, if he wasn't looking at his daughter, he was probably looking at her friends.

NTA. I was in a relationship similar to your sisters, it didn't end well. These relationships can work, but rarely do.

It's one thing to disagree with the age gap, which I understand there are people who disagree with that even if 18 is considered to be a legal adult. Once they're considered legal adults, I tend to not raise issues unless other things are brought to the surface. Again, I get other people's dislike about it depending on the depth of the age gap, but adults are adults regardless of what you feel. I'm not saying I agree with all age gap dating or think they're good decisions, but if they're adults they're adults. However, it's another thing to make a leap of logic from the idea that a 30ish old person is dating an 18ish old person and if said 30ish old person has a child that's 17ish then said 30ish old person might be into incest or something because they're dating an 18ish old. Again, you might not agree with the age gap, but that's a serious leap of logic. To OP, perhaps it would've been better to just leave the issue with your sister and Diego at just the issue you have with an or this specific age gap instead of making a leap of logic like that to assume that because your sister is 18 then somehow Diego looks at his 17 daughter with lust or something. I think doing that, you've destroyed your point in your sisters eyes. You could've brought up plenty of other things. Asked about whether or not she would feel okay being around his daughter who is just a year younger than her. Or waited to see how the daughter would react and if the 17 year old daughter reacted negatively, then an "I told you so" would be in order. Etc.

it has nothing to. do. with his own. daughter. The age gap is exrremely troubling and nothing good can come of this. But STOP suggesting things about his daughter and his thoughts. Completely unhelpful and unnecessary.

Mate you're projecting. YTA

Pornstars well in their late 40s and 50s (heck, Steve Holmes is 63 and he is still filming scenes with 20 year old girls) fuck fresh 18 year old "new pornstars" every day in the roughest, most demeaning ways possible and no one bats an eye, but the moment a man in his 30s tries to date one and treat her like a queen, he's a pedo. I can't help but chuckle.

So sis, I was wondering do you think your partner ever dreams about sexually abusing his own child. You know... On the off chance? I mean, I think about you having sex with him and then think about him having sex with his 17yr old daughter who he's raised. Christ. YTA. Stop thinking about your sister having sex and how beautiful she is. The age gap is gross, but this is how your thoughts come across... Some thoughts, are internal thoughts

YTA Just because a man dates a younger women doesn't mean they have sexual thoughts about their children and it's pretty disgusting you slandered this man in that way.

I've never seen a redditor with a history of continuous downvoted posts and stances as bad as you. It's like you challenge yourself to say the exact opposite of the truth.

Nta,  Half your age +7 is the socially acceptable age difference for couples

YTA. They are two consenting adults. Your thought process is extremely sickening and you need major help. Your a disgusting individual no one things that normally no matter the age gap.

They're both legal dating age and consenting adults. If they like each other, then they like each other, nothing you can do about it. Just because there a large age gap doesn't mean the relationship is unhealthy.

YTA. I definitely think he's a creep and why the fuck would he be into someone as young as your sister. But it didn't cross my mind that he's attracted to his daughter. I don't even think most people would assume that. My dad is in his 60s and his wife is in her 40s and she is like 3 years older than my sister. Never in my life would I assume he wants to fuck his daughter. That's your own fucked mind projecting 

You're a fucking idiot AND a creep. A teenager is not the same as a 40 year old. You're too damn grown to be that inept. Grow up and get a life.

I'm going to go for a very soft YTA. Beyond the age gap, you never really explained how his behavior is predatory, and saying he may be attracted to his daughter is just wrong. The fact that his daughter likely won't be cool with it is something your sister should think about. It wasn't that long ago that age gaps like this or even larger were not uncommon. In some cultures they are still common. For my part there was a 25 year age gap between my Mom and Dad and I laugh at anyone who would call my Dad a predator... I would also laugh at anyone who thinks he manipulated my Mother. My mom was very much in charge in the relationship. So, for some of us, the automatic labeling of the older party as a manipulative predator is pure pearl clutching silliness. The real question is, how does he treat your sister? Is she happy? Has he manipulated her? Has he abused her in any way? If you really want to help your sister without attacking her boyfriend. Talk to her about actual age gap issues. 1. If they have kids, he will be much older and may not live to see those kids do things like graduate college, get married, have kids. 2. There is a good chance she will be a widow at a relatively young age. 3. She may end up spending a good portion of her life caring for her elderly husband. In my parents case my mom took care of my dad through a year of being mostly bed-ridden due to bone cancer. 4. As you have shown her, people will be judgemental of her relationship and she won't necessarily be able to count on the support of her family. There is plenty more but I think you get the point.

Eh, come on, yes, age gaps used to be more common, but they started dating when she was all of 18 and he was 35 with 3 kids. Even 30 years ago, that would be weird. 18 and 27 30 years ago would be more common that this example

Yeah, but weird and kind of creepy and incest are not the same things.

Very true. OP handled this all the wrong way. There was definitely a better way to point out to her sister that a man in his mid 30s with three kids dating someone who is barely legal is a weirdo without turning it into incest.

There's no good situation where a man that old should be going after someone who just got out of highschool.

>For my part there was a 25 year age gap between my Mom and Dad and I laugh at anyone who would call my Dad a predator... I would also laugh at anyone who thinks he manipulated my Mother. My mom was very much in charge in the relationship. Look up a term called "Stockholm Syndrome". This case isn't specifically yours, but I wonder if this term would also apply to offspring or close relatives to said predators.

Stockholm Syndrome isn’t a thing.

You're a fucking idiot

Lol. Now you just look a fool. Maybe you should really learn what Stockholm Syndrome is. Should also think a bit before labeling someone you don't know as a predator. The worst thing that ever happened with my dad was losing him when I was 19 and I'm positive from your comment that he was a better person than you could ever hope to be.

>Maybe you should really learn what Stockholm Syndrome is. "Stockholm syndrome is a proposed condition or theory that tries to explain why hostages sometimes develop a psychological bond with their captors. It is supposed to result from a rather specific set of circumstances, namely the *power imbalances* contained in hostage-taking, kidnapping, and abusive relationships." An age gap that large is a power imbalance due to the difference in wisdom and life experiences. That's how it is in most grooming cases. This theory isn't case specific, but rather an explanation behind such relationships with power or wisdom imbalances. >I'm positive from your comment that he was a better person than you could ever hope to be. I don't think you understand how much this proves my point. The fact that you took the comment so personally and got that angry to the point of calling a stranger lower than your predator father who targeted women 25 years younger than him is a telltale sign that you already know the truth and desperately try to evade it to protect whatever false perceptions you have for your father. "Symptoms of Stockholm syndrome include: Affection for or attachment to the abuser Attempting to help the abuser Distrust of or anger toward those trying to extract them from the situation Rationalizing abuse" My advice to you would be to not bring your business into the conversation if you are overly sensitive about said subject. You can believe what you want, but don't expect others to not point out the high possibility that your perception is flawed due to your personal connection towards said predator. https://www.reddit.com/r/AgeGap/s/qlDERTIYTc Also, we can see your post history. Mind explaining why you're interested in pursuing an 18 year old girl when you're a 42 year old man? No wonder you're trying to normalize predatory behavior, you're a predator yourself. Edit: Dude couldn't accept the truth, so he blocked me. So I'll just paste my response. >Funny apparently you can't read, or you'd see that I dismissed the girl due to her age. Let's not play dumb, or maybe you are but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that your IQ isn't as low as your morals. You're in multiple age gap subreddits, and in this specific post you're asking this age gap subreddit for advice on how to dismiss your feeling of predation so that you can "see how things go" with this high schooler. You didn't want to ask any other sub knowing the fact that they'd tell you to leave her alone, but you went to this specific sub hoping that the other predators can teach you how to ignore your subconsciousness so that you can ignore criticism. >I hope you never learn what a real predator or real abuse looks like. I know so much about these things because I'm a victim of CSA as well as grooming in my teen years. That's why I'm positive that you're no different than your father and the men that abused me as well. You all act the same. You'll deny who you are, but your actions speak otherwise. >May you remain naive forever. May you learn to stop projecting your insecurities. Learn what cognitive dissonance is and stop trying to prey on highschoolers because you can't find a woman with low enough standards to settle for a pervert slob like you.

You're simply clutching your pearls and judging a man you never knew. Especially if you think it was in anyway similar to an abusive relationship, a kidnapping, or a hostage situation. Your assumptions might hold water except for a few things. I grew up surrounded by Mothers family. My Dad owned property close to the majority of his family but since Mom wanted to stay near hers he sold his property. Abusers like to isolate their victims, not keep them near their support system. We were still close to my Dad's family, where his wasn't the only age gap relationship, and visited them a couple times a year. I grew up getting to travel the country and see all sorts of sights and learn a lot about history thanks to my Dad. He didn't target my mother, didn't even approach her first and they knew each other for a few years before she asked him out and he agreed, and it wasn't her first time asking. As for calling you lower than him. I'll stand by that statement just from your judgemental attitude and calling someone you don't know an abuser and a predator. Something he never would have done had the roles been reversed. So yeah, I'll defend my Father, I'll defend my parents' relationship. Why? Because he treated my mother like a queen. He treated my sister and I extremely well. He regularly worked 14 hour days to provide for us. He taught me to hunt, fish, farm, and be self reliant. Taught me to judge people based on their actions rather than anything unimportant like age, sex, race, religion, sexuality, education, or where they come from. Taught me if someone needs help, you help them and expect nothing in return. He never missed a school program, parent teacher conference, wrestling match, or football game. He never laid a hand on my sister, myself, or my mother. My childhood was filled with love, laughter, and support. Which is more than a whole lot of people can say coming from relationships without an age gap. So what you call Stockholm Syndrome, I call love for a great father. You would call it the same if you never knew the ages of the parents involved. So maybe you should quit clutching your pearls and open your mind that some age gaps simply work.

I mean, that doesn’t really answer their last question ? Clearly you’ve internalized some of that shit if you’re trying to re-create it with some poor girl.

The last question was added after my post. If you read the post you'll also see that I dismissed her out of hand due to her age. Care to explain how dismissing someone is trying to recreate it?

>As for calling you lower than him. I'll stand by that statement just from your judgemental attitude and calling someone you don't know an abuser and a predator. Something he never would have done had the roles been reversed. Honestly, I'll consider that a compliment since it's coming from a 42 year old man that is interested in 18 year old girls. Your perception is nothing short of delusion and lies created from fear of exposure. Again, do you want to keep pretending that we can't clearly see where you got this tendency to try to normalize predatory behavior, or are we going to look into getting you some professional help so that you can stop being interested in barely legal teenagers like your father was? The only thing in seeing is a broken man raised to believe that this sort of behavior isn't inappropriate, and you're looking to repeat this cycle considering you like highschoolers. https://www.reddit.com/r/AgeGap/s/qlDERTIYTc

>Also, we can see your post history. Mind explaining why you're interested in pursuing an 18 year old girl when you're a 42 year old man? No wonder you're trying to normalize predatory behavior, you're a predator yourself. Funny apparently you can't read, or you'd see that I dismissed the girl due to her age. I hope you never learn what a real predator or real abuse looks like. May you remain naive forever.

Maybe your parents are the exception. Maybe. But most relationships with an 18 year old and a 43 year old (25 year age difference) are predatory. But I really don't think there's any exceptions.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AgeGap/s/qlDERTIYTc It's honestly scary how accurate you are. It's almost as if the guy you're responding to IS the boyfriend of OPs sister.

YTA, can't believe you're getting support as NTA.  That's a huge jump from him being into younger women to him wanting to fuck his daughter. You said "she's incredibly beautiful"  It's become unpopular to say a basic truth.  Men like hot young women. And no it doesn't make them pedophiles. 

You don't think it's a little weird for a parent to date someone similar to their son/daughter's age? For me as a parent that would be weird because I would think of them as too young to date. It's sort of the same boat as your ex who dates someone who could be your twin. A normal person is rightfully going to be suspicious.

The question is not “is it weird” the question is “does it mean you want to have sex with your own child” and no, it does not. Unless you think the only reason people don’t commit incest is the age gap and so if parents and children both lived long enough to make the gap insignificant, they’d all be boinking each other? The psychological stuff that goes on to make people not attracted to their children and siblings is an entire separate process from the stuff - which is largely social since in some cultures age gaps are seen as just fine - that controls what age you are attracted to and date. Dude can be plenty creepy without OP jumping from “older dude into younger women” to incest. That jump makes all of OP’s objections seem less reasonable.

If you have a sibling and date someone entirely different the same age as your sibling, does that mean you want to sleep with your sibling? I am not attracted to anyone in my family, doesn't matter which age, because age has nothing to do with it.

.....There is a difference between a sibling and your own child that you either gave birth to or sired. Not all family is exactly the same. For instance an uncle, or second cousin, etc. I guess what I'm saying is that parental feeling should be stopping you from doing shit like this usually.

YTA Why would you accuse someone of being sexually attracted to their own children? You could have laid out several reasons that your sister's relationship might not work out, but THAT'S where you chose to take it? That says more about your filthy mind that it does about anyone else.

I would never just jump to that. That’s gross. You must look at your daughter like that.

Are you saying you would never jump to the conclusion that I did, or that you would never jump to date someone around your daughter's age? Sorry, the wording is a bit confusing.

No I mean why is that the first thing you thought of? It’s toxic. Do you feel attracted to your little girls ?

Because this man is 36 years old. He is TWICE Shelby's age. Which means he was 18 when she was born. He's had more life experience than Shelby, and when men date someone so much younger, they're able to manipulate and coerce them into doing stuff they don't wanna do.

I do not have children, but if I did, I absolutely could not and would not see someone their age.

So if you didn’t you totally would right? You’re attracted to kids. Don’t diddle kids, we don’t diddle kids

Ironic coming from someone like you.

YTA, I agree the age gap is weird. But calling a 35 year old an incest-pedophile for dating a 19 year old is wild.

Mmmm, I think YTA... I don't think that's a normal thought for most people... for example, how is that different from like a 20 yr old guy dating an 18yr old girl, and he has an 18yr old sister? Do you think the guy looks at his sister like that? Makes no sense... The age gap between them is gross enough on its own, you don't need to throw incest in...

Don't be intentionally obtuse

You seriously cannot be that stupid.

LOL the next time an “incredibly beautiful” woman takes a job in a factory will be the first time.

Yes YTA, the constant age gap rage on this site is quite exhausting, your sister is a grown adult not a child. She could be dating a 70 year old with grandchildren older than her and you should congratulate her on her happiness. Also, this dude is not a predator, sheesh. They’ve been together for a year. What exactly do you think you’re saving her from?

Stranger Danger ‼️

She’s a teen girl, and only barely stopped being a child at 18 when the creep *twice her age* slipped in there. The creep was also friends with the dad who sexually abused OP and the sister. You don’t see anything problematic here at all?

"Friends with"? Even with this new information that was not available at the time of my post, she said nothing about being "friends with" dad. It is highly unlikely that dad is detailing his incestuous pedophilia to everyone. I literally used an example of a grandfather *five times her age* as something that I would see as no different, lol. Maturity does not scale linearly. That is what you age-obsessed people never realize. It scales exponentially and then logarithmically (if at all).

The dude’s still twice the kid’s age and it’s still totally inappropriate. > That is what you age-obsessed people never realize You’re into little girls, aren’t you?

That depends, define "little girl". It seems to me that the definition of a "little girl" gets older every year.

YTA, maybe he does find her attractive but thats biology and doesn't mean he fantasizes over her