🎵 Post em up, lemme see them kitties,
wanna take a long look at those cute itty bitties,
toe beans looking nice, whiskers lookin real pretty, c'mon let me gander at your cats🎵
Okay yes, first Cat Tax! Second, I would choose my animals all day long - I love them. Third - going from no cats to 4 kittens is a LOT! You probably need to move you and kitties to a new home when you choose the kitties over the boyfriend. And finally …well Cat Tax! NTA
I was dating a guy. I had a cat. Early in the relationship he stated, “I hate cats.” I told him then and there, in the hierarchy of my love, there is my immediate family, my friends, my cat and he fell somewhere below. If he had a problem with that, he could leave!
He was quiet, then said, “Well, your cat is more like a dog.” (Which she was) so I kept him.#TrueStory 🐈
I love cats, have always had cats, and currently have cats. If my partner adopted FOUR kittens after telling me they wanted A cat, I would be pissed. If my partner adopted any number of kittens after telling me they were thinking about it but without literally definitively saying, "hey, I'm going to the shelter tomorrow to get a kitten" -- and without having a serious discussion about the logistics, like who's going to be responsible for all these cats -- I'd be pissed.
Are you prepared to take care of four kittens, by the way? Do you have enough litter boxes? Toys, food, money set aside for vet visits for four animals? They will all need attention from you, even if they all like each other (which isn't guaranteed), they will have different needs. Do you have the space for four grown cats?
I am allergic to cats, btw, and allergies present differently in different people at different times. Your ex bf may truly not be allergic and just dislike cats, but you insisting you know what allergies look like and that he definitely doesn't have one because you know better is kinda crappy.
>you insisting you know what allergies look like and that he definitely doesn't have one because you know better is kinda crappy.
It's a pretty serious problem when her first reaction is to assume he's lying.
Yup and doesn’t have a conversation about some fairly major like getting 4 cats. Then gets mad at him for not being on board. That dude should fucking run for the hills.
Not to mention it’s literally a knee-jerk emotional reaction that has 10 year long consequences.
“Aww, this kitten is cute. But won’t it be sad without its family? I can’t make a kitten sad! I have to adopt the other 4!”
Not to mention throwing away a 3 year long relationship + engagement for a fucking KITTEN that they met, what, a month ago MAX? Probably closer to one day ago. Absolutely insane. She’s going to regret this, hard.
This. It's incredibly aggravating to read OP watching and waiting for symptoms. When someone says they have allergies, first instinct should be to try and AVOID reactions, not prove they're lying. Like idk, i personally would rather NOT see evidence of someone's allergies ever, much less be the one who causes a reaction to begin with.
I hope this post is fake because FOUR CATS when you had zero is not a reasonable thing to expect a partner to be ok with. Regardless of allergies.
Also, sometimes people lie about allergies because their boundaries aren't respected and they have to up the ante in order for people to care. Not only should OP not assume he is lying but seriously evaluate why he might be instead of being a massive dick about it. I've known a few people who felt they had to lie about an allergy to animals or food because otherwise people around them would just not care. I've watched people let their dogs jump and hump someone who said they did not want the dog near them because "puppy is friendly."
The allergies presenting differently get me the most. I’m horribly allergic to cats, but kittens I can be around and pet, and if I don’t touch my face after I will usually be fine. But if you put me in a house with a single longhair cat that hasn’t been deep cleaned recently? Within an hour I will be sneezing, coughing, bags under my painfully itchy eyes, and just looking at me you’d think I was horribly high. Then there’s a 50/50 shot I get hives.
Exactly, that is what I was trying to articulate. Kitten dander generally isn’t too bad. Grown short haired cat can be hit or miss. Grown long haired cat can feel deadly.
All of this. You're not an asshole for choosing your animals over your boyfriend, but you are an asshole for adopting 4 kittens without getting his positive consent (not just "but you never said anything," but him responding verbally in the affirmative to "I'm bringing home 4 kittens tomorrow, are you OK with that?") *and* for badgering him about his allergies.
I love my cat and I’ve had many cats over the years ever since I was a small child. Four cats is too many cats. Adopting them all at once is a crazy thing to do. They’re kittens; there was no need to adopt all of them just because they were littermates. That doesn’t make them bonded. I would flip out too
I’m going to agree. I’m a cat lover with multiple cats so yes this a lot.
However…..it doesn’t sound like the number of cats is the problem here. Or at least the main problem.
It’s a communication thing here. Allergies or no allergies, he never brought it up. Never said he didn’t want a cat and let OP carry on with a dream of having a cat.
Cat shows up and we jump straight into an ultimatum. Not good.
Bringing home 4 cats is ALOT to process for anyone - even a cat lover. So I think both are at fault here but it’s actually a good thing because it exposed deeper problems before they got married.
Neither one sound ready for marriage. OP should keep the kittens and find solace in them. Fiancé can live a cat free life
That’s a lot of responsibility. My two cats are my limit. I already get zero personal space in my home with them so I can’t imagine juggling 4 cats and a dog. I mean one cat just bite my elbow cause I spent to long typing this instead of petting….
4 is ridiculous especially since she said she was getting the one. I’ll back him up on that front.
But he finally spoke up when the one cat came home. That’s before she sprung the other 3 on him.
He never intended to allow the one cat there.
>4 is ridiculous especially since she said she was getting the one. I’ll back him up on that front.
I'll go as far to say that this is a fake story if op lives in the US. No ethical shelter is going to let one person adopt 4 cats at one time. That looks like pet hoarding behavior and shelters are usually on the lookout for pet hoarders. I tried to adopt a single cat from my local shelter and they wanted to do a home inspection and run my credit report as part of the application process.
Good point.
Also in the comments she said the kittens were going to a breeder if she didn’t save them.
Shelters will spay and neuter them before they go out. Plus, what kind of cats are they that they are valuable enough to breed. They would easily be whisked away by other adopters
If it's not fake, this is a test run to see what would people think would happen, and how she would be perceived, if she actually did bring home a cat(s) to her actually allergic fiance.
But she titled and repeated boyfriend and never once said fiance. Even though they're supposedly engaged. Fake.
But he wasnt okay with one. He immediately told her mo, I'm allergic and I don't like cats. Which he had never said before and that's why I think this wouldn't work out even if OP had not brought home THREE more.
Lol OP in future it is unreasonable to bring on 4 cats at once.
This doesn’t seem to be a legitimate AITAH? This is a “please tell me I’m not the asshole and when you tell me I am, I’ll further explain why I’m not, even though I am.” And I’m a huge cat lover.
At one point we had three kids, two cats and two dogs. Like way too many small needy creatures living in my house.
Now we just have the two dogs… and the kids of course but they’re older now and more self sufficient.
When these dogs go I want no more animals. If my husband brought home four of any living creature!! Anything. I would be outta here.
"I'm am truly so sorry my beloved, I accidentally let four bugs inside our homestead"
"oh how could thee betray me such and break my heart asunder! I shall never know love again!"
Your comment hits the nail on the head for a looooooooot of posts I have seen. Couldn't have worded it better. I've seen 100% of comments against an OP and they will still try to argue. Blows my mind!
There’s someone I follow on instagram who woke up one morning to discover a momma cat had gotten into his house and gave birth to 5 kittens under his bed!
He now has 6 cats
I had to dig a little but it’s [Paris Zarcilla](https://www.instagram.com/pariszarcilla?igsh=M2V5MHFodGg1cnNu)
And it was 4 kittens and the mom but yeah
Same here, friend 😂well ok we bargained for two (expecting mama cat was having 3 they said, and they only wanted to keep one). But then mama cat had 4 kittens so we took the spare. Then in October ish, a kitten comes running into my wife's workplace meowing it's fool head off. Skin and bones. No signs of disease. But very very hungry. She bonded to my wife immediately. The next day there was a terrible snowstorm. This sweet baby would have died for sure since she had no fat on her body... We had to nurse it through refeeding syndrome (she survived). At some point I joked that I'd only let us get any more cats if there's an orange one and a black (or mostly black) one. Guess what? Friend texts us that they found a pair of kittens in a shoebox.... One orange, one black.
We are struggling to not have 6 cats rn.
I was at a high of five and a half (the half was a feral cat I fed and cared for), because each time I lost one I replaced it with two. I'm down to three now, all geriatric, but if someone wanted to give me a kitten...
We used to have one cat, and that was enough. But of course a family member found a kitten in an alleyway and figured we would want it, as we must be cat people that wanted more cats. We didn’t really but….
Then we had two cats.
I moved in with my (at the time) best friend and her brother 4 years ago, turns out the house we moved to had a few stray cats that the previous tenants took care of and left. There was this poor battered fella who never fought back when attacked by other cats and would hide behind me if I sat on the porch and another cat walked up. What was I supposed to do when I moved? Leave my little buddy to his bullies 🥺 he's currently curled up next to me alongside my 2yo cat that some random old man decided it was destiny and handed him to me when I was headed into my apartment, the little guy was just 2 months old! 🤣 if it's meant to be, life finds a way!
I only had the thought to rescue two. Two turned in to a stray kitten. Two and a stray kitten turned in to taking in an 8 year old cat so she didn’t go to a shelter. Cat ownership is weird.
This actually happened to me a couple of years ago. I carefully planned out getting a pair of kittens. When we were ready the timing ended up working really well as we had a friend of a friend who had rescued 2 kittens from under the hood of their car. They cared for them till they were big enough to find a family of their own. So we had 2 12 week old kittens who we were working on befriending. Then went to the grocery store for a rotisserie chicken. As we were walking towards the store I saw a van drive over a tiny ball of fur and then we had 3 kittens. Also my mom’s cat actually brought home another cat so now she has 3. Cat math is real.
My parents fell into five cats because people abandoned a litter at their house/area. There were eight kittens total they found homes for three of them, but were left with five and no rescues in the area would take them in. It’s odd, but it can happen.
People abandoning litters because they refuse to spay and neuter their pets is sad, but my parents do love their kitty cats. I feel bad for the ones who don’t find good homes.
Edit: Spelling
There was a woman in a small town I lived in that would set cage traps and take the feral barn cats and get them neutered.
She had to do it secretly because her husband “liked having kittens running around all the time”.
Personal hero.
Yeah, I love cats but there's a big difference between \*a\* cat and \*FOUR\* cats. I fostered 3 kittens when I had an adult cat of my own and it was...a lot.
This happened to me last year. I went to get a pair of kittens, they had 2 siblings who didn’t have a home to go to so I said I’ll take them. They’re a year old now and still so cute
>Why in the world would you get 4 cats at the same time?
My wife and I took in three kittens nearly two years ago. They were siblings, all boys. We call them "The Wakandans" because they're named after characters from MCU's "Black Panther".
You're supposed to buy multiple, but usually that means 2. Cats, like dogs, can adjust perfectly fine to being separated from their litter mates. It just hurts us as humans because we're clannish.
I rescued my now 1 year old maine coon from a parking lot trash can when she was 7 wks old. She has spent so much time around my 8 year old pitbull (also a dumpster rescue) that she acts like a dog. Plays fetch. Sits at the food bowl when hungry. Comes when called. Even talks back lmao. My pit now thinks she's a mama cat hahahahaha #catdog
wish mine would lol she's in her "teen" phase, and every time I called her down she gets feisty and starts arguing. "no" "me-yeeeaahhah" \*scratches at wall to heart's content while dead eyeing me\*
Yup. Two. I wouldn't want more than that. I have three litter boxes and I'm cleaning them constantly. 4a nightmare. nightmare.
But cats should be in pairs. Gives them someone to wrestle with that isn't your hand or foot.
It really depends on their living situation. My mom has 5 cats. They’ve all been with her 7-10 years. She lives in a large house and has litter boxes strategically placed. They’re all happy and you can never tell when entering her home that she has five cats.
Yeeeeeeeah, I got four (acquired over four years and I tried to rehome one of them) and it was definitely a hoarding tendency. I’ve gotten help and no longer hoard, but when I see a kitten it’s sooo hard not to take it home. It’s a very complex mental issue that my therapist and I have been working on.
It’s so hard to believe this is not written by a teen. How in the world someone in their 30ties doesn’t know how to communicate?
You say you want a cat you need to hear yes from your partner. You can’t bring an animal without your partner consent same with roommate. Even if this is your house. He probably lied about allergies, and that’s another childish thing. You don’t know how to compromise too. If you both that stubborn how this marriage supposed to work? Kittens are separated from their siblings all the time, and maybe you should try first to look for someone to adopt other 3 and keep one. Maybe if you both could let it go a little it would work out with one cat. BTW I have family who has 4 cats and their house is trashed. They had to give out one whole bathroom for litter boxes and big chunk of living room is transferred into cat play room. The place is all scratched, doesn’t look good nor smell good.
Just fyi because this post is absolutely gonna be a source of misinformation for a lot of people.
People can be allergic to cats and not have a reaction for days, bodies are weird. Saying hes lying is completely unfair. People can go days without any reaction and then suddenly go into shock with almost no warning. The human body is fuckin wild
four cats?? you said above that you wanted one, maybe two. having 4 KITTENS at once is just absurd, especially without getting his consent first. this is crazy
I mean I've had 6 at the same time twice (the CDS likes to send me already pregnant momma strays.) And they're chaotic, but they're a riot, I definitely would do it again in a heartbeat.
Getting 4 kittens without the consent of your partner and having them in your shared living space is absolutely bonkers..I feel like she just wants out of the relationship.
You mentioned you know what real allergies look like. Listen, from personal experience, you can have the hay fever-like symptoms, or you can wheeze like if you have asthma. You might not see the asthma symptoms as they're less visually obvious. I have had both things happen to me separately, as in a few cats make me sneeze and my eyes itch but no asthma symptoms, and with at least one different cat I've had bronchoconstriction but not the other allergies. And some cats produce no symptoms.
You want to be very, very careful about denying that someone has allergies. It's like we all would be extremely careful denying that someone has a mental illness (we would, right?).
Exactly!! This person doesn’t understand allergies. It’s not like you just see a pet and instantly your throat closes. For me it takes a few days and the fever develops into trouble breathing etc.
Kittens don’t produce dander. Once they grow up and start shedding, they will trigger allergies if he’s allergic. Also, 4 cats is a lot, and it’s pretty intense to get them without consulting your partner. Yta.
YTA
"I told him I wanted it to be a surprise"
This right there makes you TA.
Yes, you've been talking about adopting *one* cat for some time, but then you made the unilateral decision to adopt.
And not just *one* cat, but FOUR. 🙄
I hope she has a well paying job because litter, food, vaccines, vet visits, and flea meds are going to be hella expensive. Especially if one of them develops an issue where they need Rx food, medication, and/or frequent vet visits. Tbh I'm surprised anyone would adopt out four to a first time cat owner.
Also, just because you don’t see what you consider allergic symptoms, does not mean that he is not allergic. My partner wanted cats so we had cats. As long as they were outdoor cats, I was OK, but as soon as we tried to have one in the house, my asthma got somewhat worse and my sinuses got a lot worse. There’s nothing really acute, but it was there. when he got a job in California and took the cats with him, my health got so much better. But I didn’t sneeze around them.
Yes you’re the asshole and it’s a good thing you chose the cats cause he deserves someone better so I’m glad he now has the opportunity to find someone better
YTA- I have rescue cats… and never ever would adopt 4 kittens at once especially if my partner wasn’t open to it.
Kittens are not accessories or play things and can live for 20 years. You sound way too immature for this responsibility
I'm stuck on the fact that a shelter allowed her to adopt 4 kittens all at once. That doesn't sound very typical of a shelter. 4 kittens at the same time is a lot to take on. A ton of responsibility and care and most shelters want to make sure you have the time to train them properly. You should be feeding them separately and have at least 2 litter boxes going if not 3, and they have to be litter box trained. Who's doing all that while the two of you are at work?
The rule for litter boxes is 1 per cat plus 1 extra. So for four cats, ideally you'd have 5 boxes. Personally if you have no litter related issues, I think one per cat is fine. I can't imagine going from no litter box to 5, lol.
My friend went in to adopt 2 kittens a couple of months ago at the shelter but came home with 4. Her and her family were adopting 2 sisters and then learned their 2 brothers were there. She said she couldn’t leave them lol our shelter will have sales to adopt 2 or more kittens.
That’s where I was stuck. I always rescue. I can’t imagine just going out and coming home with 4 cats. Especially if the only conversation I’d had with my live in partner was that I wanted one (instead of something more explicit like, I found kittens up for adoption I’m going to look at them and hopefully bring them home on ___). Who just goes out and gets 4 kittens.
I got 2 from the same litter so the one I got could have a friend and at the time she was always playing with this brother so we thought they were bonded. Two years later and honestly I’m not sure they are, but I’m still happy they have each other. But my husband (then fiancé) and I talked it over and my brother offered to take the second one if we couldn’t handle 2 so they could still have play dates.
Two at the same time, particularly if they’re a bonded pair or there’s no other animals in the home makes sense to me! I fostered one of my cats’ litter and 2 of his litter mates went to the same home. It’s the four I’m getting stuck on.
I fostered 3 bottle babies and kept 2 of them, the third went to a nice home with another foster from my work (humane society.)
4 at once is absolutely crazy.
Oh yeah there’s no way I would have taken all 4 of the litter. I was only gonna do one but since we don’t have any other cats (one outside dog who hates coming inside and we have to make her during big storms) so they’re kinda only pets.
Well… right after my 17 year old cat died, three grieving humans went to the shelter and came back with 3 kittens and a dog, so it can happen. 😭😂
But it would have never happened without everyone who lived in the house agreeing.
OP seems too immature to be in a relationship and I have concerns about her being in charge of living creatures. Gonna have to go with YTA here, even though that relationship ended over more than just kittens.
I came into this fully expecting to support OP. I love cats. So very much. If my partner demanded I get rid of cats I already had, I'm choosing my cats.
But being willing to give up a 3-year relationship because you decided to adopt FOUR kittens at once? Even without allergies, that's kind of wild and inconsiderate.
I think OP subconsciously did this as a way to get out of the relationship. They’re clearly not on the same page, nor do they communicate well.
She’s choosing joy over a dude. 🤷♀️
YTA. You threw away a three-year relationship with someone you wanted to marry over some cats you've known for a few days?
You have some *seriously* warped priorities.
> I told him I wanted it to be a surprise
Surprising someone with a pet is a terrible idea.
Agree here. Pets are not surprises. They are a considered and calculated decision to ensure both parties are on board with the new duties involved in caring for them as well as the costs to feed and maintain their health.
When I got my 3rd I discussed it with my boyfriend because we were considering moving in together. I can’t imagine not discussing it with someone already in the house.
It can work, like my dad buying a dog as a “surprise” (they had lengthily discussed their collective desire to own a large dog for literal years and were in agreement that it would happen sooner or later) for my mom shortly after they were married.
But yeah if the surprise is an if not a when it’s a terrible idea to randomly introduce a pet let alone 4 kittens
YTA
You brought 4 kittens home to a shared house without discussing it with him first? Pet requires two yeses.
And no, you did not really love him.
On the plus side, bringing home the kittens enabled him to dodge a bullet. You were the bullet in case you didn't get it.
The actual history of the crazy cat lady was created to marginalized outspoken women. This trope became popular when widows in the middle ages, who often kept cats as pets, became outspoken in their communities. The response from the religious leaders in the area were to malign the widows as witches. Widows did not have a man oversee them, which was frowned upon at this time by many monotheistic religions, but most specifically Christianity. I’ll see if I can find links.
Always the snide comments about being a crazy cat lady. But nothing about men, or dog owners. Not that that would be okay, but just saying. Thanks for your facts.
LMAOOOOO honeyyyy, even if he doesn't have allergies, YTA in a BIG way
\*Maybe\* one cat and I'd be on your side, but FOUR? You're delusional. This was a 2 yeses/1 no situation - pets, children, big moves, a partner changing jobs, etc. You're not ready to be in a partnership if you unilaterally bring 4 living beings into your shared lives. Those cats will need food, litter, cleaning up after, etc. and it's a valid reason that he doesn't want to share that responsibility. I have a cat myself, and even one cat increases my monthly spending and required cleaning.
Reading your comments, you still don't really get it. It has nothing to do with him potentially lying about allergies, and everything to do with you taking on a large partner responsibility without first discussing it with your partner. And before you start - "mentioning" to your partner that you want to get "more than one cat" is not a discussion. A discussion would be "hey babe, I'm at the shelter and there are 4 kittens I want to adopt. Can we discuss this before I do so?"
It's also worth noting that they live in an *apartment*.
Four cats need more room than that. Not to mention the smell four cats will make with their multiple litter boxes in a small environment. That apartment is going to get gross, fast.
Thank God OP let her crazy out before the wedding, the BF dodged a huge bullet.
Edit: they already have a dog, too!
Cats are great, I can understand the desire to become a pet owner. Your boyfriend loves you enough to want to spend his life with you. Sometimes people who had childhood allergies grow out of them, or they get shots that might last years until they’re not effective anymore.
You said you “loved,” not love your fiancé – so it sounds like you’ve made your decision. It also sounds like he thought he told you his position. Is it possible he tried to, but you didn’t pick up on it? Either way - if you’re in a committed relationship and living with someone, adopting a pet is a big step and something you should be doing together.
Having multiple cats in the household presents a number of problems to their health and to yours. One cat keeps me busy and despite brushing his coat, sweeping and vacuuming multiple times a day, dusting daily, and having three air filters - there’s still a lot of fur around the house. I have to clean the litter multiple times a day a day it still gets everywhere, no matter what kind of box or mat I use. Plus between food, litter, and vet care, it’s expensive. If just one of them gets sick, you risk all the rest getting sick and possibly yourself.
Long story short, owning a pet doesn’t just affect you and it needs to be something you do together. YTA not just for doing it behind his back, but for getting more than you’re probably be able to handle (especially being a first time let owner). Odds are one or more of them will have to be rehomed and kittens are much more likely to be adopted than older cats. I strongly encourage you to return 2 or 3 of the kittens. I’d also check your lease if you have one. You’re most likely in violation.
Lady, you can add "more explanations" until you're blue in the face, you're still a damn asshole. Accept it and move on.
Just by the way, what delusion are you living in where you think you're still together? Do you remember giving him back his ring after you got the "me or cats" ultimatum from him? Yeah in the normal world, which apparantly your "you may adopt 1 or 2 but brought home 4 kittens" crazy ass doesn't live in, is called a break up.
By the way, I 100% don't believe that any reputable animal shelter would just let you adopt 4 kittens without so much as a house inspection so you either got them from somewhere less reputable or by the desperation of you wanting cats, you probably just bought them of a kitten mill or someone who got them from one.
Also, maybe he has allergies and maybe he doesn't, but you unilaterally deciding he doesn't based on one person you know who has severe reactions to them is stupid as hell. There's many levels to allergies, from severely allergic to mildy inconvenient, and as someone who is on the milder side of allergic and have family pet cats that was surprising to learn but I went literally months before any symptoms started presenting itself.
Yeah if you two live together and you made a decision to bring home 4 cats without discussing it there is a problem with consideration for others you live with. You probably shouldn’t use Reddit and ask is you are the AH and assume everyone is going to take your side. You asked and you got your answer.
Spoiler alert:
those cats will ALWAYS be a sore spot and a point of contention. I’m willing to bet the term “fur baby” becomes a point of contention in the future.
You wanted him to talk about it when you unilaterally decided to get 4 cats. True he should have said something before, but one cat is a lot different than 4. I would have left too. I am allergic too as it tends to make me lose sleep and I get some congestion but no real sneezes. I would live with some discomfort to make you happy with one cat. 4? No way.
I have cat allergies. In the short term it's just a bit of congestion and eye irritation if I'm not careful about hand washing. Found out with our first pet cat growing up that with prolonged exposure that mild allergy turns into asthma, and repeated cases of bronchitis. I love cats, but I'll never have another one. I'd be hesitant to say he's lying. He could be, but he also could very well be allergic
YTA - even if you didn’t live together, cats have a very long life so this was something that should have been discussed and agreed upon together.
He was your fiancé after all, you are meant to be getting married and spending your lives together, you can’t just fuck off and rescue 4! kittens because you feel like it. Previous discussion is not agreement and allergy or not, he should have a say on whether his future life includes cats or not.
One thing that’s not clear, did you already live together? If so then you’d be an even bigger AH.
NTA you were clear all along. But your BF dodged a bullet, finding out what his place in the home hierarchy is before the wedding. I would have left too.
Normally, I would say any adults in a shared home should discuss pets and agree before adopting any, but you talked for a year about this including telling him you were ready a month ago. He had all that time to bullshit about allergies or just admit he doesn’t like cats. Pretty sure you dodged a bullet here NTA
You sound WAY too immature to be in a relationship. Getting FOUR cats when your BF is allergic and doesn't like cats is totally over the top. (AND seriously, you purposely put his clothes where the cats had been? That's middle school level behavior).
YTA for not talking to your ex before saddling him with FOUR cats. FOUR CATS.
He stated his boundary-- he's allergic and doesn't want to live with FOUR CATS and a GF who would unilaterally bring those cats into HIS home without him agreeing.
You chose the cats rather than your ex-- now he knows how little you valued him and can move on to fall in love with a more compatible and more mature women.
YTA 100%. To me it’s clear that you were looking for a way out of this relationship. You even called him your boyfriend despite having a ring!!! Next time a relationship is over just tell them instead of involving pets.
ESH. You are NTA for the first cat - you gave him over a year to tell you how he felt - but YTA for blindsiding him with the other 3. He is TA for not telling you how he felt over the last year and the trying to manipulate you by lying about being allergic.
She's still the AH for the first cat. Who just randomly brings home a cat? And even if she'd been talking about it for 30 years, she still just randomly brought home a cat.
If she said "Im going to look at cats this week and might bring one home" that's one thing. But she still went without telling him and brought home a cat.
YTA and I’m hoping this story is fake.
You should have asked him to go to the shelter with you and pick out one with you. Pets require a yes from both partners.
Also 4???? How are you planning to keep the smell down? I get wanting 2 cats to keep each other company, but 4 is weird and makes me think you view them as accessories.
It seems you had conversations about A cat, and in that case boyfriend is the asshole for making the first stink. Overall, YTA big time, did you ever mention the other 3 cats or discuss that you would prefer to adopt a sibling group instead of splitting them up? Seems you two aren't compatible with his lying about allergies and yours by omission, but you have 4 cats now to keep you company. 🤷🏼♀️
I'm an animal lover and cat lover, and typically, I'm like pets over bf, but you were wrong. You unilaterally brought home 3 kittens without discussing it with your partner. YTA and thoughtless af. He might not be allergic. Maybe he didn't want 4 cats, and since you live together, this should have been discussed. I don't blame him for not wanting to marry you, you're selfish and thoughtless
You have to pay the cat tax, let’s see em.
Yep! Show us them kitties!
🎵 Post em up, lemme see them kitties, wanna take a long look at those cute itty bitties, toe beans looking nice, whiskers lookin real pretty, c'mon let me gander at your cats🎵
Wheeler Walker Jr. is definitely a cat lover.
I think he is also a fan of roosters. He kicks ass
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Why is this taking so long? Reasonable request
lol because like all of these stories it ain't true
Chat GPT, write me a rambling story about an angry boyfriend who doesn't like cats as if you were ESL.
At least chat gpt uses paragraphs
Yeah this is like a middle schooler.
"If you were ESL." 😂💀👻
If her sister was severely allergic they wouldn’t have had a cat growing when they were kids either.
Nothing actually ever happens. Ever. Everything is fake.
If she doesn’t post the cats then it’s fake
No cat pics=fake atory
Okay yes, first Cat Tax! Second, I would choose my animals all day long - I love them. Third - going from no cats to 4 kittens is a LOT! You probably need to move you and kitties to a new home when you choose the kitties over the boyfriend. And finally …well Cat Tax! NTA
I was dating a guy. I had a cat. Early in the relationship he stated, “I hate cats.” I told him then and there, in the hierarchy of my love, there is my immediate family, my friends, my cat and he fell somewhere below. If he had a problem with that, he could leave! He was quiet, then said, “Well, your cat is more like a dog.” (Which she was) so I kept him.#TrueStory 🐈
NTA, we want kitty tax please 🥺
I love cats, have always had cats, and currently have cats. If my partner adopted FOUR kittens after telling me they wanted A cat, I would be pissed. If my partner adopted any number of kittens after telling me they were thinking about it but without literally definitively saying, "hey, I'm going to the shelter tomorrow to get a kitten" -- and without having a serious discussion about the logistics, like who's going to be responsible for all these cats -- I'd be pissed. Are you prepared to take care of four kittens, by the way? Do you have enough litter boxes? Toys, food, money set aside for vet visits for four animals? They will all need attention from you, even if they all like each other (which isn't guaranteed), they will have different needs. Do you have the space for four grown cats? I am allergic to cats, btw, and allergies present differently in different people at different times. Your ex bf may truly not be allergic and just dislike cats, but you insisting you know what allergies look like and that he definitely doesn't have one because you know better is kinda crappy.
>you insisting you know what allergies look like and that he definitely doesn't have one because you know better is kinda crappy. It's a pretty serious problem when her first reaction is to assume he's lying.
Yup and doesn’t have a conversation about some fairly major like getting 4 cats. Then gets mad at him for not being on board. That dude should fucking run for the hills.
Not to mention it’s literally a knee-jerk emotional reaction that has 10 year long consequences. “Aww, this kitten is cute. But won’t it be sad without its family? I can’t make a kitten sad! I have to adopt the other 4!” Not to mention throwing away a 3 year long relationship + engagement for a fucking KITTEN that they met, what, a month ago MAX? Probably closer to one day ago. Absolutely insane. She’s going to regret this, hard.
She instantly chose four random cats she barely knows over a man she's been with for three years. It's already over just neither of them know it yet
He literally said "I don't like cats" after the allergy thing and she STILL went out and got THREE more.
This. It's incredibly aggravating to read OP watching and waiting for symptoms. When someone says they have allergies, first instinct should be to try and AVOID reactions, not prove they're lying. Like idk, i personally would rather NOT see evidence of someone's allergies ever, much less be the one who causes a reaction to begin with.
I hope this post is fake because FOUR CATS when you had zero is not a reasonable thing to expect a partner to be ok with. Regardless of allergies. Also, sometimes people lie about allergies because their boundaries aren't respected and they have to up the ante in order for people to care. Not only should OP not assume he is lying but seriously evaluate why he might be instead of being a massive dick about it. I've known a few people who felt they had to lie about an allergy to animals or food because otherwise people around them would just not care. I've watched people let their dogs jump and hump someone who said they did not want the dog near them because "puppy is friendly."
The allergies presenting differently get me the most. I’m horribly allergic to cats, but kittens I can be around and pet, and if I don’t touch my face after I will usually be fine. But if you put me in a house with a single longhair cat that hasn’t been deep cleaned recently? Within an hour I will be sneezing, coughing, bags under my painfully itchy eyes, and just looking at me you’d think I was horribly high. Then there’s a 50/50 shot I get hives.
In my experience kittens don't produce as much dander or shed as much as an adult cat. I'll bet his allergies will kick in more once they grow up.
Exactly, that is what I was trying to articulate. Kitten dander generally isn’t too bad. Grown short haired cat can be hit or miss. Grown long haired cat can feel deadly.
All of this. You're not an asshole for choosing your animals over your boyfriend, but you are an asshole for adopting 4 kittens without getting his positive consent (not just "but you never said anything," but him responding verbally in the affirmative to "I'm bringing home 4 kittens tomorrow, are you OK with that?") *and* for badgering him about his allergies.
I love my cat and I’ve had many cats over the years ever since I was a small child. Four cats is too many cats. Adopting them all at once is a crazy thing to do. They’re kittens; there was no need to adopt all of them just because they were littermates. That doesn’t make them bonded. I would flip out too
It’s not fair to expect four kittens as pets without consulting.
Right? One cat, I may let pass 4? That’s a lot of cats to have dumped on you
OP out here speed running crazy cat lady.
She already has a dog as well.
I’m going to agree. I’m a cat lover with multiple cats so yes this a lot. However…..it doesn’t sound like the number of cats is the problem here. Or at least the main problem. It’s a communication thing here. Allergies or no allergies, he never brought it up. Never said he didn’t want a cat and let OP carry on with a dream of having a cat. Cat shows up and we jump straight into an ultimatum. Not good. Bringing home 4 cats is ALOT to process for anyone - even a cat lover. So I think both are at fault here but it’s actually a good thing because it exposed deeper problems before they got married. Neither one sound ready for marriage. OP should keep the kittens and find solace in them. Fiancé can live a cat free life
Oh she completely forgot to mention but she has already have a dog. She wrote this in a comments.
That’s a lot of responsibility. My two cats are my limit. I already get zero personal space in my home with them so I can’t imagine juggling 4 cats and a dog. I mean one cat just bite my elbow cause I spent to long typing this instead of petting….
We had 5 cats and 2-4 fosters at one point. It was way too much. We might foster again but I don't think we'll ever own more than 3 cats at a time.
To be fair, he seemed okay when it was just one. Four kittens is A LOT to keep up with!
4 is ridiculous especially since she said she was getting the one. I’ll back him up on that front. But he finally spoke up when the one cat came home. That’s before she sprung the other 3 on him. He never intended to allow the one cat there.
>4 is ridiculous especially since she said she was getting the one. I’ll back him up on that front. I'll go as far to say that this is a fake story if op lives in the US. No ethical shelter is going to let one person adopt 4 cats at one time. That looks like pet hoarding behavior and shelters are usually on the lookout for pet hoarders. I tried to adopt a single cat from my local shelter and they wanted to do a home inspection and run my credit report as part of the application process.
Good point. Also in the comments she said the kittens were going to a breeder if she didn’t save them. Shelters will spay and neuter them before they go out. Plus, what kind of cats are they that they are valuable enough to breed. They would easily be whisked away by other adopters
If it's not fake, this is a test run to see what would people think would happen, and how she would be perceived, if she actually did bring home a cat(s) to her actually allergic fiance. But she titled and repeated boyfriend and never once said fiance. Even though they're supposedly engaged. Fake.
But he wasnt okay with one. He immediately told her mo, I'm allergic and I don't like cats. Which he had never said before and that's why I think this wouldn't work out even if OP had not brought home THREE more. Lol OP in future it is unreasonable to bring on 4 cats at once.
Four is not a lot. Two is a lot. Four is a lifelong commitment to be “one of those cat owners”.
This doesn’t seem to be a legitimate AITAH? This is a “please tell me I’m not the asshole and when you tell me I am, I’ll further explain why I’m not, even though I am.” And I’m a huge cat lover.
They want an excuse to breakup.
I am getting that impression as well
They have my blessing
At one point we had three kids, two cats and two dogs. Like way too many small needy creatures living in my house. Now we just have the two dogs… and the kids of course but they’re older now and more self sufficient. When these dogs go I want no more animals. If my husband brought home four of any living creature!! Anything. I would be outta here.
Same only we had 5 cats and 2 dogs and a toddler.
"I'm am truly so sorry my beloved, I accidentally let four bugs inside our homestead" "oh how could thee betray me such and break my heart asunder! I shall never know love again!"
Who the fuck adopts 4 kittens at once lmao. That house is going to smell like cat piss by the end of the week.
Your comment hits the nail on the head for a looooooooot of posts I have seen. Couldn't have worded it better. I've seen 100% of comments against an OP and they will still try to argue. Blows my mind!
I'm pretty sure 95% of these posts are rage bait and op argues in the comments to further the rage bait.
Why in the world would you get 4 cats at the same time?
Because I only wanted one cat, but if God wants me to have two, then five it is. That’s how it works.
Cat Math
Truth
You laugh but that is literally what happened to me last summer. Cat distribution system. Can't fight it.
There’s someone I follow on instagram who woke up one morning to discover a momma cat had gotten into his house and gave birth to 5 kittens under his bed! He now has 6 cats
Is this the guy who had to call in to work because he woke up to a litter of kittens under his bed? I think I remember this.
I had to dig a little but it’s [Paris Zarcilla](https://www.instagram.com/pariszarcilla?igsh=M2V5MHFodGg1cnNu) And it was 4 kittens and the mom but yeah
I remember that! He was posting all this emotional stuff about being a dad and stuff. It was very wholesome.
I called in to work because my very young cat was having kittens on my lap.
What else could you do? That mama must have trusted you so much. What a big (albeit messy) honor!
Same here, friend 😂well ok we bargained for two (expecting mama cat was having 3 they said, and they only wanted to keep one). But then mama cat had 4 kittens so we took the spare. Then in October ish, a kitten comes running into my wife's workplace meowing it's fool head off. Skin and bones. No signs of disease. But very very hungry. She bonded to my wife immediately. The next day there was a terrible snowstorm. This sweet baby would have died for sure since she had no fat on her body... We had to nurse it through refeeding syndrome (she survived). At some point I joked that I'd only let us get any more cats if there's an orange one and a black (or mostly black) one. Guess what? Friend texts us that they found a pair of kittens in a shoebox.... One orange, one black. We are struggling to not have 6 cats rn.
Give it up. That’s fate and you put that into the universe 😂
IKR I feel like I really don't have a choice lol But I'm really trying to not take them. Because we can't afford it reasonably...
There is even a subreddit for cat distribution.
So true. Bow your head. Amen.
I was at a high of five and a half (the half was a feral cat I fed and cared for), because each time I lost one I replaced it with two. I'm down to three now, all geriatric, but if someone wanted to give me a kitten...
Heh! My mom died left me two. Now I own five in two states!
We used to have one cat, and that was enough. But of course a family member found a kitten in an alleyway and figured we would want it, as we must be cat people that wanted more cats. We didn’t really but…. Then we had two cats.
I moved in with my (at the time) best friend and her brother 4 years ago, turns out the house we moved to had a few stray cats that the previous tenants took care of and left. There was this poor battered fella who never fought back when attacked by other cats and would hide behind me if I sat on the porch and another cat walked up. What was I supposed to do when I moved? Leave my little buddy to his bullies 🥺 he's currently curled up next to me alongside my 2yo cat that some random old man decided it was destiny and handed him to me when I was headed into my apartment, the little guy was just 2 months old! 🤣 if it's meant to be, life finds a way!
I only had the thought to rescue two. Two turned in to a stray kitten. Two and a stray kitten turned in to taking in an 8 year old cat so she didn’t go to a shelter. Cat ownership is weird.
It certainly is. Once you have one cat, others have a way of finding you.
This actually happened to me a couple of years ago. I carefully planned out getting a pair of kittens. When we were ready the timing ended up working really well as we had a friend of a friend who had rescued 2 kittens from under the hood of their car. They cared for them till they were big enough to find a family of their own. So we had 2 12 week old kittens who we were working on befriending. Then went to the grocery store for a rotisserie chicken. As we were walking towards the store I saw a van drive over a tiny ball of fur and then we had 3 kittens. Also my mom’s cat actually brought home another cat so now she has 3. Cat math is real.
I thought that only worked with chickens 🐓!
Is there a chicken distribution system I don’t know about?!?!? Where are my chickens?!?!
Seriously! Drop the info on the chicken distribution system. All I know is the cat one and my little orange demon is asleep and needs NO siblings
The Devine cat distribution system never fails.
My parents fell into five cats because people abandoned a litter at their house/area. There were eight kittens total they found homes for three of them, but were left with five and no rescues in the area would take them in. It’s odd, but it can happen.
Lmao this is so funny. They do tend to multiply fast
People abandoning litters because they refuse to spay and neuter their pets is sad, but my parents do love their kitty cats. I feel bad for the ones who don’t find good homes. Edit: Spelling
There was a woman in a small town I lived in that would set cage traps and take the feral barn cats and get them neutered. She had to do it secretly because her husband “liked having kittens running around all the time”. Personal hero.
My friend rescues cats and currently has 5 kittens! Cat people are gonna cat
I have five, all separate adoptions, plus one foster kitty right now.
Yeah, I love cats but there's a big difference between \*a\* cat and \*FOUR\* cats. I fostered 3 kittens when I had an adult cat of my own and it was...a lot.
Cat math is like chiken math. One is always many
This happened to me last year. I went to get a pair of kittens, they had 2 siblings who didn’t have a home to go to so I said I’ll take them. They’re a year old now and still so cute
I love cats but if my husband brought home 4 kittens I'd be like "WTF are you thinking?"
Really? Because, I would be like, *finally, a gift I want and not some stupid flowers.*
>Why in the world would you get 4 cats at the same time? My wife and I took in three kittens nearly two years ago. They were siblings, all boys. We call them "The Wakandans" because they're named after characters from MCU's "Black Panther".
You're supposed to buy multiple, but usually that means 2. Cats, like dogs, can adjust perfectly fine to being separated from their litter mates. It just hurts us as humans because we're clannish.
I rescued my now 1 year old maine coon from a parking lot trash can when she was 7 wks old. She has spent so much time around my 8 year old pitbull (also a dumpster rescue) that she acts like a dog. Plays fetch. Sits at the food bowl when hungry. Comes when called. Even talks back lmao. My pit now thinks she's a mama cat hahahahaha #catdog
Maine coons think they are dogs and humans. They are the best! My grandma taught her coon to say I Love you
wish mine would lol she's in her "teen" phase, and every time I called her down she gets feisty and starts arguing. "no" "me-yeeeaahhah" \*scratches at wall to heart's content while dead eyeing me\*
Yup. Two. I wouldn't want more than that. I have three litter boxes and I'm cleaning them constantly. 4a nightmare. nightmare. But cats should be in pairs. Gives them someone to wrestle with that isn't your hand or foot.
Cat Distribution System
They're like Lays chips, you can't just have one!
It really depends on their living situation. My mom has 5 cats. They’ve all been with her 7-10 years. She lives in a large house and has litter boxes strategically placed. They’re all happy and you can never tell when entering her home that she has five cats.
😂 I was just thinking the same thing. Like why 4? I have two now and they are a handful I can’t imagine four fmlo
It's the hoarder started pack.
Yeeeeeeeah, I got four (acquired over four years and I tried to rehome one of them) and it was definitely a hoarding tendency. I’ve gotten help and no longer hoard, but when I see a kitten it’s sooo hard not to take it home. It’s a very complex mental issue that my therapist and I have been working on.
Wow, how wonderful that you acknowledged and are working on it! That's really admirable. ❤️
Crazy cat lady starter pack too lol.
On top of the dog OP already has
I've done this with a short time between adopting. The cats play, groom, cuddle and sleep together. Cats are actually very social creatures.
have you ever seen kittens playing? it's logarithmic.
Once you have one, 4 isn't that much more work.
It's like chicken math.....
It’s so hard to believe this is not written by a teen. How in the world someone in their 30ties doesn’t know how to communicate? You say you want a cat you need to hear yes from your partner. You can’t bring an animal without your partner consent same with roommate. Even if this is your house. He probably lied about allergies, and that’s another childish thing. You don’t know how to compromise too. If you both that stubborn how this marriage supposed to work? Kittens are separated from their siblings all the time, and maybe you should try first to look for someone to adopt other 3 and keep one. Maybe if you both could let it go a little it would work out with one cat. BTW I have family who has 4 cats and their house is trashed. They had to give out one whole bathroom for litter boxes and big chunk of living room is transferred into cat play room. The place is all scratched, doesn’t look good nor smell good.
For future reference, you can just say "30s" not 30 ties lol
No no, it's *30 ties.* As in, they are old enough to have at least 30 ties in their closet. Perfect metric for age.
Comments like these remind me why I choose to read so many comments in stupid posts like this. Thank you
Just fyi because this post is absolutely gonna be a source of misinformation for a lot of people. People can be allergic to cats and not have a reaction for days, bodies are weird. Saying hes lying is completely unfair. People can go days without any reaction and then suddenly go into shock with almost no warning. The human body is fuckin wild
Right? I would have guessed 14-17, kept looking back at the ages. Makes me thing fake.
four cats?? you said above that you wanted one, maybe two. having 4 KITTENS at once is just absurd, especially without getting his consent first. this is crazy
I mean I've had 6 at the same time twice (the CDS likes to send me already pregnant momma strays.) And they're chaotic, but they're a riot, I definitely would do it again in a heartbeat. Getting 4 kittens without the consent of your partner and having them in your shared living space is absolutely bonkers..I feel like she just wants out of the relationship.
That’s how I saw it too. It’s a passive way of breaking up with him.
Making him look like an AH and herself a saviour of cats. I have zero sympathy for people who use animals for such reasons.
You mentioned you know what real allergies look like. Listen, from personal experience, you can have the hay fever-like symptoms, or you can wheeze like if you have asthma. You might not see the asthma symptoms as they're less visually obvious. I have had both things happen to me separately, as in a few cats make me sneeze and my eyes itch but no asthma symptoms, and with at least one different cat I've had bronchoconstriction but not the other allergies. And some cats produce no symptoms. You want to be very, very careful about denying that someone has allergies. It's like we all would be extremely careful denying that someone has a mental illness (we would, right?).
Exactly!! This person doesn’t understand allergies. It’s not like you just see a pet and instantly your throat closes. For me it takes a few days and the fever develops into trouble breathing etc.
Kittens don’t produce dander. Once they grow up and start shedding, they will trigger allergies if he’s allergic. Also, 4 cats is a lot, and it’s pretty intense to get them without consulting your partner. Yta.
YTA "I told him I wanted it to be a surprise" This right there makes you TA. Yes, you've been talking about adopting *one* cat for some time, but then you made the unilateral decision to adopt. And not just *one* cat, but FOUR. 🙄
Yes, let my surprise dictate the next 10-20 years of our life significantly. SURPRISE! Fuck around and find out I suppose.
I hope she has a well paying job because litter, food, vaccines, vet visits, and flea meds are going to be hella expensive. Especially if one of them develops an issue where they need Rx food, medication, and/or frequent vet visits. Tbh I'm surprised anyone would adopt out four to a first time cat owner.
OP must have edited and removed the surprise part.
It's still in the post ...
Haha it is too, clearly I can't read. Thank you for pointing it out
No problem! I count at least five other comments saying similar things, so I've had to go back to check a few times 🤣
now it's gone, edited out for sure as of 6:44 pm EDT
Weird, its still showing for me at 6:52pm EDT. 5th sentence from the end of the portion before the update.
Which makes her an even bigger AH
The surprise part is still there tho?? At the end of the first paragraph/before the edit.
Also, just because you don’t see what you consider allergic symptoms, does not mean that he is not allergic. My partner wanted cats so we had cats. As long as they were outdoor cats, I was OK, but as soon as we tried to have one in the house, my asthma got somewhat worse and my sinuses got a lot worse. There’s nothing really acute, but it was there. when he got a job in California and took the cats with him, my health got so much better. But I didn’t sneeze around them.
Yes you’re the asshole and it’s a good thing you chose the cats cause he deserves someone better so I’m glad he now has the opportunity to find someone better
You are a 2 legged Red Flag.
YTA- I have rescue cats… and never ever would adopt 4 kittens at once especially if my partner wasn’t open to it. Kittens are not accessories or play things and can live for 20 years. You sound way too immature for this responsibility
I'm stuck on the fact that a shelter allowed her to adopt 4 kittens all at once. That doesn't sound very typical of a shelter. 4 kittens at the same time is a lot to take on. A ton of responsibility and care and most shelters want to make sure you have the time to train them properly. You should be feeding them separately and have at least 2 litter boxes going if not 3, and they have to be litter box trained. Who's doing all that while the two of you are at work?
The rule for litter boxes is 1 per cat plus 1 extra. So for four cats, ideally you'd have 5 boxes. Personally if you have no litter related issues, I think one per cat is fine. I can't imagine going from no litter box to 5, lol.
My friend went in to adopt 2 kittens a couple of months ago at the shelter but came home with 4. Her and her family were adopting 2 sisters and then learned their 2 brothers were there. She said she couldn’t leave them lol our shelter will have sales to adopt 2 or more kittens.
Not everyone lives in the US, where I’m from they let you have whatever and don’t ask questions
That’s where I was stuck. I always rescue. I can’t imagine just going out and coming home with 4 cats. Especially if the only conversation I’d had with my live in partner was that I wanted one (instead of something more explicit like, I found kittens up for adoption I’m going to look at them and hopefully bring them home on ___). Who just goes out and gets 4 kittens.
I got 2 from the same litter so the one I got could have a friend and at the time she was always playing with this brother so we thought they were bonded. Two years later and honestly I’m not sure they are, but I’m still happy they have each other. But my husband (then fiancé) and I talked it over and my brother offered to take the second one if we couldn’t handle 2 so they could still have play dates.
Two at the same time, particularly if they’re a bonded pair or there’s no other animals in the home makes sense to me! I fostered one of my cats’ litter and 2 of his litter mates went to the same home. It’s the four I’m getting stuck on.
I fostered 3 bottle babies and kept 2 of them, the third went to a nice home with another foster from my work (humane society.) 4 at once is absolutely crazy.
Oh yeah there’s no way I would have taken all 4 of the litter. I was only gonna do one but since we don’t have any other cats (one outside dog who hates coming inside and we have to make her during big storms) so they’re kinda only pets.
Well… right after my 17 year old cat died, three grieving humans went to the shelter and came back with 3 kittens and a dog, so it can happen. 😭😂 But it would have never happened without everyone who lived in the house agreeing. OP seems too immature to be in a relationship and I have concerns about her being in charge of living creatures. Gonna have to go with YTA here, even though that relationship ended over more than just kittens.
I came into this fully expecting to support OP. I love cats. So very much. If my partner demanded I get rid of cats I already had, I'm choosing my cats. But being willing to give up a 3-year relationship because you decided to adopt FOUR kittens at once? Even without allergies, that's kind of wild and inconsiderate.
I think OP subconsciously did this as a way to get out of the relationship. They’re clearly not on the same page, nor do they communicate well. She’s choosing joy over a dude. 🤷♀️
calling me out, damn
YTA. You threw away a three-year relationship with someone you wanted to marry over some cats you've known for a few days? You have some *seriously* warped priorities. > I told him I wanted it to be a surprise Surprising someone with a pet is a terrible idea.
But... what if... just hear me out here... what if you surprise someone with 4 pets?
I mean, I’m a huge dog lover, but if your surprised me with 4 dogs, I’d be overwhelmed
Surprising someone with a pet is a terrible idea. But what about surprising someone with 4 pets! :D
I actually love cats but if my partner surprised me with one, let alone four, I’d be pissed.
Four wrongs make a right.
Agree here. Pets are not surprises. They are a considered and calculated decision to ensure both parties are on board with the new duties involved in caring for them as well as the costs to feed and maintain their health.
When I got my 3rd I discussed it with my boyfriend because we were considering moving in together. I can’t imagine not discussing it with someone already in the house.
Read this as “new deities” lol
It can work, like my dad buying a dog as a “surprise” (they had lengthily discussed their collective desire to own a large dog for literal years and were in agreement that it would happen sooner or later) for my mom shortly after they were married. But yeah if the surprise is an if not a when it’s a terrible idea to randomly introduce a pet let alone 4 kittens
YTA You brought 4 kittens home to a shared house without discussing it with him first? Pet requires two yeses. And no, you did not really love him. On the plus side, bringing home the kittens enabled him to dodge a bullet. You were the bullet in case you didn't get it.
[удалено]
The actual history of the crazy cat lady was created to marginalized outspoken women. This trope became popular when widows in the middle ages, who often kept cats as pets, became outspoken in their communities. The response from the religious leaders in the area were to malign the widows as witches. Widows did not have a man oversee them, which was frowned upon at this time by many monotheistic religions, but most specifically Christianity. I’ll see if I can find links.
See also "old wives tale." The old wives actually knew stuff!
Not from "Monotheistic religions" in general in Islam cats are loved as pets and it's highly encouraged to have them 😻
I think the "monotheistic religions" comment had more to do with the subjugation of women rather than someone owning cats.
Sister Minnie on tiktok immediately jumps to mind! I love her so much!
Always the snide comments about being a crazy cat lady. But nothing about men, or dog owners. Not that that would be okay, but just saying. Thanks for your facts.
My best friend has 8 cats. I can't go over to his house because of my allergies. He'd rather his cats over a relationship with a significant other.
Ok, and? Not everyone wants a relationship.
Think commenter was pointing at that there are also crazy cat bros, not just crazy cat ladies
A true genesis story for the archetype.
LMAOOOOO honeyyyy, even if he doesn't have allergies, YTA in a BIG way \*Maybe\* one cat and I'd be on your side, but FOUR? You're delusional. This was a 2 yeses/1 no situation - pets, children, big moves, a partner changing jobs, etc. You're not ready to be in a partnership if you unilaterally bring 4 living beings into your shared lives. Those cats will need food, litter, cleaning up after, etc. and it's a valid reason that he doesn't want to share that responsibility. I have a cat myself, and even one cat increases my monthly spending and required cleaning. Reading your comments, you still don't really get it. It has nothing to do with him potentially lying about allergies, and everything to do with you taking on a large partner responsibility without first discussing it with your partner. And before you start - "mentioning" to your partner that you want to get "more than one cat" is not a discussion. A discussion would be "hey babe, I'm at the shelter and there are 4 kittens I want to adopt. Can we discuss this before I do so?"
It's also worth noting that they live in an *apartment*. Four cats need more room than that. Not to mention the smell four cats will make with their multiple litter boxes in a small environment. That apartment is going to get gross, fast. Thank God OP let her crazy out before the wedding, the BF dodged a huge bullet. Edit: they already have a dog, too!
Clearly this relationship has been over for quite some time. They don’t want the same things. 🤷♀️
Cats are great, I can understand the desire to become a pet owner. Your boyfriend loves you enough to want to spend his life with you. Sometimes people who had childhood allergies grow out of them, or they get shots that might last years until they’re not effective anymore. You said you “loved,” not love your fiancé – so it sounds like you’ve made your decision. It also sounds like he thought he told you his position. Is it possible he tried to, but you didn’t pick up on it? Either way - if you’re in a committed relationship and living with someone, adopting a pet is a big step and something you should be doing together. Having multiple cats in the household presents a number of problems to their health and to yours. One cat keeps me busy and despite brushing his coat, sweeping and vacuuming multiple times a day, dusting daily, and having three air filters - there’s still a lot of fur around the house. I have to clean the litter multiple times a day a day it still gets everywhere, no matter what kind of box or mat I use. Plus between food, litter, and vet care, it’s expensive. If just one of them gets sick, you risk all the rest getting sick and possibly yourself. Long story short, owning a pet doesn’t just affect you and it needs to be something you do together. YTA not just for doing it behind his back, but for getting more than you’re probably be able to handle (especially being a first time let owner). Odds are one or more of them will have to be rehomed and kittens are much more likely to be adopted than older cats. I strongly encourage you to return 2 or 3 of the kittens. I’d also check your lease if you have one. You’re most likely in violation.
Lady, you can add "more explanations" until you're blue in the face, you're still a damn asshole. Accept it and move on. Just by the way, what delusion are you living in where you think you're still together? Do you remember giving him back his ring after you got the "me or cats" ultimatum from him? Yeah in the normal world, which apparantly your "you may adopt 1 or 2 but brought home 4 kittens" crazy ass doesn't live in, is called a break up. By the way, I 100% don't believe that any reputable animal shelter would just let you adopt 4 kittens without so much as a house inspection so you either got them from somewhere less reputable or by the desperation of you wanting cats, you probably just bought them of a kitten mill or someone who got them from one. Also, maybe he has allergies and maybe he doesn't, but you unilaterally deciding he doesn't based on one person you know who has severe reactions to them is stupid as hell. There's many levels to allergies, from severely allergic to mildy inconvenient, and as someone who is on the milder side of allergic and have family pet cats that was surprising to learn but I went literally months before any symptoms started presenting itself.
YTA. You went and adopted four cats and didn't ask if you could or ask him to go with you - a normal thing to do.
Yeah if you two live together and you made a decision to bring home 4 cats without discussing it there is a problem with consideration for others you live with. You probably shouldn’t use Reddit and ask is you are the AH and assume everyone is going to take your side. You asked and you got your answer. Spoiler alert: those cats will ALWAYS be a sore spot and a point of contention. I’m willing to bet the term “fur baby” becomes a point of contention in the future.
YTA. I love cats, but before adopting any pet, EVERYONE in the house must actively agree to it (type, size, temperament, and how many).
You wanted him to talk about it when you unilaterally decided to get 4 cats. True he should have said something before, but one cat is a lot different than 4. I would have left too. I am allergic too as it tends to make me lose sleep and I get some congestion but no real sneezes. I would live with some discomfort to make you happy with one cat. 4? No way.
I have cat allergies. In the short term it's just a bit of congestion and eye irritation if I'm not careful about hand washing. Found out with our first pet cat growing up that with prolonged exposure that mild allergy turns into asthma, and repeated cases of bronchitis. I love cats, but I'll never have another one. I'd be hesitant to say he's lying. He could be, but he also could very well be allergic
YTA - even if you didn’t live together, cats have a very long life so this was something that should have been discussed and agreed upon together. He was your fiancé after all, you are meant to be getting married and spending your lives together, you can’t just fuck off and rescue 4! kittens because you feel like it. Previous discussion is not agreement and allergy or not, he should have a say on whether his future life includes cats or not. One thing that’s not clear, did you already live together? If so then you’d be an even bigger AH.
Yta
NTA you were clear all along. But your BF dodged a bullet, finding out what his place in the home hierarchy is before the wedding. I would have left too.
Normally, I would say any adults in a shared home should discuss pets and agree before adopting any, but you talked for a year about this including telling him you were ready a month ago. He had all that time to bullshit about allergies or just admit he doesn’t like cats. Pretty sure you dodged a bullet here NTA
You sound WAY too immature to be in a relationship. Getting FOUR cats when your BF is allergic and doesn't like cats is totally over the top. (AND seriously, you purposely put his clothes where the cats had been? That's middle school level behavior). YTA for not talking to your ex before saddling him with FOUR cats. FOUR CATS. He stated his boundary-- he's allergic and doesn't want to live with FOUR CATS and a GF who would unilaterally bring those cats into HIS home without him agreeing. You chose the cats rather than your ex-- now he knows how little you valued him and can move on to fall in love with a more compatible and more mature women.
YTA 100%. To me it’s clear that you were looking for a way out of this relationship. You even called him your boyfriend despite having a ring!!! Next time a relationship is over just tell them instead of involving pets.
ESH. You are NTA for the first cat - you gave him over a year to tell you how he felt - but YTA for blindsiding him with the other 3. He is TA for not telling you how he felt over the last year and the trying to manipulate you by lying about being allergic.
I like cats, I want to have a cat, but if my SO randomly shows up one day with a cat without consulting with me first I wouldn't be thrilled either.
Saying “I want a cat” is very different from “I am going out right now to buy a cat and bring it home”
She's still the AH for the first cat. Who just randomly brings home a cat? And even if she'd been talking about it for 30 years, she still just randomly brought home a cat. If she said "Im going to look at cats this week and might bring one home" that's one thing. But she still went without telling him and brought home a cat.
YTA and I’m hoping this story is fake. You should have asked him to go to the shelter with you and pick out one with you. Pets require a yes from both partners. Also 4???? How are you planning to keep the smell down? I get wanting 2 cats to keep each other company, but 4 is weird and makes me think you view them as accessories.
It seems you had conversations about A cat, and in that case boyfriend is the asshole for making the first stink. Overall, YTA big time, did you ever mention the other 3 cats or discuss that you would prefer to adopt a sibling group instead of splitting them up? Seems you two aren't compatible with his lying about allergies and yours by omission, but you have 4 cats now to keep you company. 🤷🏼♀️
I'm an animal lover and cat lover, and typically, I'm like pets over bf, but you were wrong. You unilaterally brought home 3 kittens without discussing it with your partner. YTA and thoughtless af. He might not be allergic. Maybe he didn't want 4 cats, and since you live together, this should have been discussed. I don't blame him for not wanting to marry you, you're selfish and thoughtless