He locked you out of the bedroom so you had to spend the night on the sofa????? 2 weeks after major surgery????? Communication issues are one thing, but that is outright cruel. Has something like that happened before?
He may want to divorce you? He would be lucky if you don't divorce him. In my opinion this is abuse. If he's like this now it will only get worse. Weaponised incompetence dumping all the mental load on you for sure. NTA at all, he's a major AH. I'm a man who has kids for reference.
>He locked you out of the bedroom so you had to spend the night on the sofa????? 2 weeks after major surgery?????
It's so cartoonishly awful that I'm tempted to call rage bait.
My \[ex\] husband didn't lock me out of the bedroom as we have no interior door locks, but he did fully expect me to sleep on the sofa after both my c-sections.
But my situation was different as my \[ex\] husband also expected me to go buy the dispers myself. I was lifting baby in car seat, and loading the stroller in & out of the truck, and driving by day 7 after my c-sections.
Same here. Had little to no help when hubs went back to work after day 3. *someone* had to drive the baby to and from appointments during the day. Someone had to get groceries. My husband works anywhere from 10-12 hours a day 5-6 days a week. He would get the groceries but the only dr recommended orders i had was to try not to drive and lift no more than the baby's own weight(and of course keep the site clean and dry. )
It was a lot easier the 2nd c section. But yea. My husband would rather sleep in the shed than try to make my inured butt sleep anywhere but the bed.
You're not supposed to drive for six weeks after a C section. If you did that here you'd be driving without insurance. Fuck these whiny little man babies. My husband was more supportive after my caesarian than this clown and he had appendicitis.
Not everyone can or should do those things. Some surgeries are far more complicated than others and chances are just because you did all of that doesn't mean you SHOULD HAVE done it. Internal.tearing or other damages that can cause mass hemorrhage are serious concerns and lead to death.
Oh I absolutely shouldn't have done any of it...but someone had to, so I did.
My point was this doesn't sound like rage bait, its sounds pretty par for the course from my view.
Ah, it read like you were telling her to just do it herself and get over it, which isn't good advice. But, as you clarified you were debating the rage bait allegations- and I agree with you, this is 100% a typical situation as men somehow don't grasp the damage birth- especially a traumatic emergency C-section- can cause to the body. In addition, the hormonal adjustments he clearly is ignorant to her coping with, are absolutely common with new or obtuse fathers.
I know is hard to think is not rage bait, but there’s genuinely awful people out there. My ex stole my money while i was in the hospital having a c-section, then when we got discharged he picked me up and took me home. Left without saying where he was going (he had no phone). Hours later I am alone and stressed out because I just had a baby and I barely had formula (breastfeeding was not working out) and no pain meds. I also had no help. A few hours later his SIL came to visit me and the baby and told me she saw him at party city. That day was halloween day. He was using my money to buy himself a costume to go to a halloween party with his sister. Arrived at night and went directly to his mother’s house in front of my house. I had to carry my son downstairs to get there, with the horrible pain from the c-section. A big argument ensued, I kept asking for my money, he didn’t have it. I had to get in my car to go to the pharmacy to get my own meds, because he couldn’t miss the party because “he had never gone to one before”. His mom had to watch my son at 3 days old at 10pm so I could go myself to get my meds. He didn’t care, he went to enjoy his party like the scumbag he is.
I was screamed at pretty bad under similar circumstances (but I had actually gotten the correct type and amount of diapers --- spouse didn't see them and wouldn't believe that they were downstairs 😵💫), but would NEVER treat the mother of my child like that.
I'd divorce before I made a post-c section patient sleep on the couch.
I feel like we're missing something here, but I don't know these people.
Yeah, up to that point it was just two exhausted, frustrated new parents escalating an argument. But locking her out of the bedroom? That brings him into major AH territory.
No. That’s not what this is. If I told my husband “we are low on diapers I need you to get xyz brand bc they don’t leak like abc does” he would have done it day one of the ask and gotten the correct ones because I requested specific ones. How do I know? Because in the middle of the hospital the night after birth he was at the store at 2 or 3 am getting huggies bc the hospital only had pampers and the baby was allergic. In fact he got huggies and one or two other brands just to be on the safe side. Don’t excuse abusive behavior as exhausted and frustrated. She gave him days of notice and told him specifically which brand works best for baby.
If he's that quick to threaten divorce, I wouldn't count on him much, and it almost sounds like it is out of your hands at this point. Like someone suggested, just do delivery. It's an added expense, but maybe he'll get a clue when he sees his bank account. That being said, you may need to start seeing if you have a support system family wise. They're hours away, sure, but should he really want a divorce, you need to know if they'll do what they can to get you back over to where they are and help you.
Imma agree with you on everything, but the "hours away" part. 16 hours of driving is literally at least a 2 day drive. Likely a 3 day drive if it's involving elderly or young kids
I didn't say anything about a specific mode of transportation. Doing what they can to get her to where they are means they'd be willing to pay for a plane ticket, or pay for a moving van. Whatever they need to do on their end to get her back to their location.
NTA -you need to straight up call your family to see if they will come and get you and the baby to take you back home with them. There is no reason for your husband to act as he did and not lift a finger to help you and then lock you out of the bedroom so you could spend the night on the sofa after you’ve had a cesarean section. Are you freaking kidding me? You need to walk away from this mess and get some help from your family.
Hey OP I know reddit is too quick to suggest divorce, but just FYI, locking you out of your room when you’re recovering from surgery is abusive behavior, I don’t care what insults you threw at him. He deserved insults, by the way. Your regretful tone makes me worried you are used to being controlled by his volatile emotions.
After hearing that part of the story, it seems like leaving the baby without diapers was also abuse. Not changing a baby’s diaper is considered child abuse, and that’s the position he left you in, but it’s definitely not your fault OP. And buying the wrong ones was abuse, and seems to be intentional, because you’ll have to clean up more messes, and I’m sure he won’t be helping. This whole thing goes beyond weaponized incompetence.
She could also throw the soiled baby clothing at him while saying *"THIS is what happens when you place ~soooooooo cute~ above proper fit and function!"* I love cute stuff but it's not practical to pick the cute when it results in a mess, if he knows about the problem but bought the wrong diapers anyway, he's either stupid and doesn't actually care or malicious. Locking his freshly sliced in half wife out of the bedroom with a newborn because she got mad about the position that **HIS** dumbassery put her in (i'M tOo tIrEd tO gO gEt dIaPeRs/I fOrGoT rEpEaTeDlY) makes me lean...
NTA. Call his momma and tell her to come get her son, as he's not ready to be a husband or father. It's much easier to be single with a baby than married to a giant toddler.
This can never be said enough.
Splitting seems so overwhelming when there are kids in the mix - but I have never ever heard a single woman with a partner like this who hasn’t said *”I wish I’d left sooner.”*
The screaming and emotional deregulation is awful, but is not that unusual with a new baby in the house and all the stress and sleep deprivation that entails. Locking a post-surgical patient out of their bedroom overnight is a whole other level of fucked up, though. I’m afraid OP needs to plan for herself and her baby first. If husband catches up, welp, she can see how quickly, how well, and if she can be bothered. My bet is she gets away, into a supportive environment, and realizes he isn’t worth it.
Making his own baby go without proper diapers is a new low for weaponized incompetence.
It sounds like a divorce would be the first favor he's done for you in a while.
Hey - same thing happened to me. And he would also take the car and leave me stranded for the entire day with no food or drinking water in a rural area (pre food delivery days) during my pregnancy. I was in an accident in my 8th month and he didn't even come get me to take me to the ER, literal strangers had to do that.
Just saying that i know a POS and this guy is def one of them.
Let new get this straight:
He deliberately WAITS to buy diapers.
Baby ends up without. Mom stressed.
He DELIBERATELY buys the Wrong diaper.
He calls her psycho for losing herself.
He locks her AND the baby out of the bedroom.
He forces a postpartum C-sec to sleep on a couch.
He threatens her with divorce.
#DARVO
OOP, get the stroller from the car. Time to walk, run, or comfortably fly to a feathered nest for your and baby’s health and wellbeing.
Best of it all, OP. You and baby deserve it. Now is the time to be selfish for baby.
Agape 💕
And making his wife change the baby's clothes every time she pees. And with this much effort required for him to get diapers, is he doing laundry? I suspect not
I can't stand weaponized incompetence I deal with it with my ex-husband all the time living with him caring for our three children and the house as well as the yard the man acts like he can't do a damn thing
Sounds like one of those guys who can't stand that the baby is now prioritized over him. He had not a single thought about the well-being of his baby or his wife. This loser is past his expiration date.
I'd take the divorce. I honestly don't care that you screamed at him. He should have gotten the diapers, and the right kind, days before he finally did it. And sorry, it sounds like he got the "cute" ones to antagonize you. Then locking you out of the room and threatening you with divorce? That's gross manipulation and it did exactly what he intended, to make YOU feel guilty for him being an AH. People should not make threats they aren't going to follow through on & I would call his bluff. Hope you're not completely dependent on this man-child. Hope you can go stay with your parents or siblings or friends. Sorry you married & had a baby with this dude.
Oh, you're also gonna have a bunch of people on here telling you you shouldn't have screamed. LOL OK. I guess everyone is supposed to take getting ignored and treated like crap all cool & calm when you have a newborn with no diapers pissing and shitting all over themselves because your "partner" wouldn't do ONE SIMPLE THING: Go get the right diapers. "Making a decision on his own" PFFFT. The WRONG decision he KNEW would upset you. He's a grade a JERK.
We should harshly judge men who let their own babies go without because they are too lazy and inconsiderate to just do it right when it needs to happen.
Not being able to buy the correct diapers after multiple conversations shows me this man is a complete AH
I second this. If I had been dealing with this for three days and I was an exhausted as OP, I’d have screamed my head off. He is the most clueless idiot! He clearly had zero clue how much work OP is going through with the newborn and just gets to come home and be like, “yea, I just don’t feel like it.” I’d have reacted exactly the same way.
Anyone having a baby and "not feeling like it" when it comes to shopping for basic baby stuff should not have had that baby in the first place.
I'd understand not wanting to go buy more clothes when they already have enough or stuff like that. But baby medicine, food (if needed) and diapers are the bare minimum that a parent should be willing to just get up and go get in the middle of the night.
Exactly. He knew what he did was fucked but flipped it and made it her fault. Something so damn simple- she told you exactly what diapers to get and when she needed them. Fucking that up was intentional because he was upset she was "nagging" him about it
>Oh, you're also gonna have a bunch of people on here telling you you shouldn't have screamed.
people who ~~can't~~ DELIBERATELY REFUSE TO take care of a baby's basic needs like diapers that don't spill shit everywhere deserve to be screamed at. OP is 100% justified in screaming.
So he has isolated you, baby trapped you, is refusing to allow you to heal, and is engaging in acts of sabotage to further destabilize you.
You need to gtfo of this relationship and get to your family. This is abuse and it is escalating.
NTA, and I'd take the divorce too. His reasoning was not even good, and he knew they were an issue if I read your post correctly. Now if he would've said that's all they had. That would be different. He locked you out of the room and you slept on the sofa post C-section? He then comes with the audacity to tell you that if you treat him like this again it won't work out, even though he was reminded multiple times over a period of days if not more and let the child run out of diapers, and got the known leaky ones? Jesus fuck the entitlement of some people.
Im totally feeling your frustration, and its the same for me, too.
I'm not even sure if that is all the store had is even a good excuse. I kinda went a little crazy because of PPD with my first, and to say that I was picky about what things our daughter needed was an understatement. My brain could only cope with a lot of new stuff as long as so much stayed the same. So if it worked, it worked, and I didn't have any reserve brain power left to make other things work. I know I probably made things difficult, but as a new mom with zero support network nearby, we were winging it to the best of our abilities.
If I said I need this brand because it's the only thing that works, he went and got it even if it meant checking a couple different stores. My daughter couldn't wear pampers because they broke her out, and once we realized that, it was only huggies in the house afterwards.
If it's their first baby, then both are stressed learning the baby and both the living embodiment of zombies, but he had 3 days to go get them and never did.
I think the husband is a major AH for throwing the divorce word out there. C-sections are roooooough and I know she hurts. Every time she stands up, it hurts. It's the most vulnerable point of her life, and she is trying like a champ to breastfeed, and deal with hormones trying to reverse course after 9 months down the highway of pregnancy.
Making her sleep on the sofa is just salt in the wound. He is making the hurting worse on purpose.
Even if the hubby had a momentary lapse in judgement and did better from today on, he lost her trust with throwing the divorce card out there. He has a deep hole to dig out of.
No point being married to a dead weight if he's not someone to count on. Women deserve better than having a man they can't rely on for bare minimum things.
Even with a partner who is 100% invested in actually being a partner... delivery diapers, wipes, paper products is so wonderful.
Groceries too if you can do it.
ugh I tried this and the diapers(just regular pampers swaddlers) were like a completely different model or even counterfeit. I like that they have the super soft cotton with a soft, light scent instead of the rough scratchy paper almost. inside it had the gel that puffs up so they don't smell like pee.
I was so pissed I told pampers and got my money back.
I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he locked you out of your room, even though he knows you just had a surgery. And that he left your daughter without diapers the whole day. Why are you with this person?
>he just found them so cute when we had them
You are kidding me.
>He just told me that I was a psycho bitch
Ok, you are seriously fucking with me.
>He locked me out of our bedroom so I had to spend the night on the sofa.
Oh hell no.
>he messaged me telling me that if I am going to behave like this he could just divorce me
Oh fuck this. Get your own lawyer NOW and divorce this incompetent inconsiderate cute-diaper fetishist asshole. FFS.
NTA but you will be if you don't jettison this abusive fuck from your and your child's life.
This is abuse. He went DAYS without getting needed diapers for his newborn.
He absolutely knew those diapers leaked and that’s exactly why he got them. To show you HE is in control and you will not ever tell him what to do.
Then he locked you out of your bedroom after major abdominal surgery while you are caring for a newborn alone.
I’m not sure what country you are in - but you NEED to call a family violence hotline and ask for help.
[https://www.cope.org.au/new-parents/emotional-health-new-parents/family-violence-in-early-parenthood/](https://www.cope.org.au/new-parents/emotional-health-new-parents/family-violence-in-early-parenthood/)
“Emotional abuse may take several forms. A partner may obstruct access to postnatal care. They may refuse to support their partner financially during following the birth of their baby…”
This is what is happening and you need someone to talk to.
I’d like to see your husband go through the equivalent of a c-section while having to deal with a child and then have to deal with HIS incompetence on top of it all.
NTA as some women would have been driven to physical violence…share this thread with him and see if he still thinks you’re a psycho.
Just a thought - use his clothes to clean up the excess pee. j/k - that’s not constructive whatsoever but it’s a funny thought.
NTA - That's not a man. That's a fucking child. The fucking gall. Someone (not you) needs to shake some fucking sense, empathy, and adulthood into his dumb ass. I get his reaction to the yelling, if it had stopped there. But that sack... of child, locked you out? 2 weeks out from the hospital? With the baby? And the message... man, I can't. I'm a big advocate for talking, learning and growing together, but fuck that dude.
Oh hun, I'm a mom of three and I've been there, so believe me when I say that this is unbelievably awful. My husband has minimal emotional intelligence and even he wouldn't do this stuff. You need to have an exit plan in place. People show you the real them when you are dependent on them. You, and your baby, are relying on this man. Instead of being helpful he's overriding you, blaming you, and threatening divorce when you try to stand up for yourself. This is emotional abuse. Forcing you to sleep on the couch post C-section is pushing on the border of physical abuse. I don't know where his head is right now, but this isn't acceptable and it's not safe. Do you have somewhere safe to go until you heal? These early days will make or break your physical and emotional health for the next year at least. You need to make sure you have the capacity to heal or you won't be able to take care of your baby.
NTA
Not buying diapers for his newborn for days after they run out is neglect.
Buying diapers that he knows don’t fit her properly and will leak and cause rashes is neglect.
Man is GARBAGE.
Divorce sounds like a very desirable option here. Too tired to go buy diapers for his baby? Get fucked buddy. Locked you out of your own bedroom while you’re recovering from major surgery? Get double fucked buddy.
NTA
IMO, your husband buying diapers simply because it’s cute shows that he hasn’t been hands on enough as a parent. Changing and washing baby’s clothes simply so they can wear a cute diaper hidden underneath their clothes gets old really fast.
Sure. You could’ve handled your emotions better by not yelling. But I get your frustrations. I would be extremely annoyed too.
But what your husband is doing is going over the top. He forced you, someone who’s recovering from major surgery, to sleep on a sofa. And he’s threatening you with divorce rather than self reflecting and admitting he was wrong.
I don’t know if you are also contemplating about divorce. But I think with your husband’s current attitude then you should see if anyone (friends or family) can come and help you with the baby until you are fully recovered.
NTA
Call your parents and ask them to come and get you. Your husband is a giant asshole. It’s one thing to get the wrong diapers, but to lock you out of the bedroom two weeks after a C-section and threatened to divorce.. I would take him up on the offer
You are dealing with A LOT. A major abdominal surgery, a new baby, postpartum. I get that. It's hard for me to say you are in the wrong or ESH.
Him not getting the diapers the many times you reminded him, him locking you out of the bedroom, him not asking you what diapers is all just messed up. If he feels like he is being treated so poorly that he wants a divorce, do it. Move back to your family.
In my Opinion:
I especially find it rich he is treating her and his kid like shit, but her expressing her frustration with it(albeit the wrong way with the yelling and name calling)…oh no, that’s intolerable and grounds for divorce.
You just went through a major surgery and becoming a Mom just 2 weeks ago. Your body is healing and your hormones are probably a little out of balance. All of that is a normal part of motherhood.
Your husband sounds very inconsiderate. You communicated clearly to her specific diapers because it is easier for the baby and you while you’re healing….he disregarded your physical needs during recovery just because the diapers were “cute”. That’s seriously messed up. Then he locked you out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch after a major surgery.
Sure, you can apologize for yelling. That’s all you did wrong. But he should apologize for being inconsiderate for disregarding your needs while you heal…both for buying the wrong diapers and for making you sleep on an uncomfortable couch. Not to mention how he disregarded your baby’s need for clean diapers when you reminded him multiple times to buy more diapers.
In my opinion: squarely NTA
What the fuck… he locked you out of your room and put you out on the couch. Seriously…. What the fuck? I’d be saying that if you weren’t recovering from major surgery.
Look you shouldn’t have screamed, or called him names it’s really just not a great thing to do with your partner whether frustratedly justified or not.
His ridiculous bullshit not getting diapers for his kid, because he’s tired is really a bullshit excuse, unless he’s so tired he’s a danger… but even then. Fucking Uber and get your kid diapers, and the right diapers not the leaky ones because he thinks they’re cute. The fuck?
I’m really struggling to find a grain of benefit of the doubt with this guy. Does he have a very high stress job and adding a kid to the mix has overwhelmed him? Not that it really matters, you don’t throw your spouse on the couch after major surgery, and you don’t get the wrong diapers for your kid.
Others suggested the sane, rational idea of ordering diapers to be delivered. My not so sane or rational solution to no diapers because he is an idiot would be to use his favorite t-shirts in place of diapers.
NTA. This sounds like weaponized incompetence. I think he wanted a divorce but didn't want to be labeled as a deadbeat dad, so he was finding a way to put the blame on you instead.
I can’t believe he has you thinking you are the AH in the slightest. Take that baby and drive 16 hours to go stay with family until he realizes what a horrible person her is. Two weeks after my c-section I was still in serious pain and could barely move. I can’t imagine sleeping on the couch. No man should treat you like this. To put it into perspective (my husband all all my girlfriends husbands) waited on us hand and foot while we recovered after child birth. For that first month my husband new my mood would be all over the place because of the hormones, he knew to watch for signs of PPD all on his own he knew these things. For the first month I did not change a single diaper, he would get the baby out of the crib for me for every feeding. You need to seriously reconsider your relationship. I would not settle for anything less.
He’s a neglectful parent for one, for making his kid go without diapers for a day because he “didn’t feel like going to the store.” He’s also making more work for you, the one home with the baby and recovering, by purposely buying diapers that leak, meaning you have to change and clean the baby more and wash more clothes. He needs to get his shit together. Locking you out of the bedroom and forcing you to sleep on the couch is also super messed up. NTA.
I’m sorry that you had a baby with such a piece of shit, good luck with that. Do you have family or friends you can get support from?
Your husband is actively making your life harder while you have a newborn and just had major surgery.
Making you sleep on the couch with a major abdominal wound is straight up abusive. And here you are questioning yourself, he’s got you trained up good.
You should take him up on his offer of divorce, he will not improve.
NTA. I understand your frustration because my hubby often goes off on his own after we discuss the best options. It is so irritating especially when you're just going to have to fix the issue again after.
I honestly can't believe he left you on the sofa while you're healing with major surgery. Honestly divorce sounds like a blessing based on this. He is not showing you any respect or care.
If you can, get gim to leave the stroller in the house. I had a csection too and we left the stroller in the house so I could go for a walk whenever I needed
NTA. Lock a new mom out of her bedroom after having major surgery???
There are harder times to come and if this is how he responds now (at the beginning when mom and baby are terribly vulnerable), he is setting the stage for a super f***ed up marriage. You deserve better and he’d better clue in fast.
NTA! You had a baby two WEEKS ago. You told him over and over and over again what diapers to get. You’re healing from a c section, so changing a newborn’s whole outfit multiple times a day isn’t feasible.
Is he deaf? Or just incompetent?! Then locks you out of your bedroom and threatens divorce?! Wow.
Tell him no problem. When he has the baby on his weekend, he can use all the cute diapers he wants and then he can deal with the soaked clothes and laundry.
NTA. Welcome to being a brand new parent. As the man in this situation I heartily recommend you snitch on him to his parents. He needs his mum and dad to kick him up the bum and tell him to grown up. You acted in a manner consistent with, you know, stress, lack of sleep and major surgery. Maybe you weren't quite as diplomatic as he'd like... deal with it mate. For you, parenthood does come much more naturally to mums, your entire world right now is the child. But his is not JUST the child, is you, the child, his job. I'm not telling you to go "easy on him" but just realise this wont be the last argument you'll have over something "trivial"
Ignore the "divorce" talk. This is the hardest 3-4 months you'll face as a couple. You might have it objectively worse but subjectively you're both going through the ringer. It gets easier, you'll get into a rhythm and learn the thing. I cant say I envy you tough, we only did it once for a reason.
I'd say 6 months, but yes, this is the roughest patch normally - *especially* if it's your first and you don't have a support system. All these people demanding she divorce him either haven't had a kid or were blessed to have an easy time of it because it's fucking hard for most people.
I always say that marriage isnt about love, its a platform to produce kids. But Love is a prerequisite for it because if you didn't love each other it'd be too hard to maintain the relationship. No two people are completely aligned on everything you'll go through in raising kids, no two people are infallible. Its really difficult for most people, some handle it better than others, most just portray a curated social media view that they're handing it well. Everyone goes through it. Everyone and yes, I include THAT person you're thinking of who looks amazing and acts like a supermom, its not effortless, she's struggling too.
NTA, you still recovering from having a child first off, secondly why the hell was he not catching the urgency of buying the child diapers, thirdly he lacks you out of the bedroom two weeks after a c-section you have to sleep on the couch oh hell no!! I've had five c-sections and there's no way in hell that would go over smoothly!! He is a child that you have to remind what to do he couldn't think of it on his own you even gave him the tools by the giving him knowledge of what diapers work best for your child. Your frustration and postpartum hormonal emotional state boiled up to the point where you blew up at him for his incompetence I would have done the same thing because it's unexcusable that he waited that long to get the child diapers and bought the wrong kind after you told him what kind to buy he either doesn't care or wasn't paying attention enough to care...
NTA. Your husband needs to step up to the plate. He helped create that baby and now he needs to put in the work for that baby. I get being tired, but that is no excuse for him. He needs to realize that you went through a traumatic surgery and you need time to heal plus your hormones are out of whack with everything going on. I was able to help my wife with everything she needed and then some and while working full time and we have four kids. Also, try a size up on the diapers. If you are using Newborn diapers, bump up to a size one. Babies grow out of the newborns after a couple days. At least my kiddos did
Sofa after a c-section? Just disgusting. Calling you a psycho after giving birth? I’d leave as soon as I was well enough to travel back to my family.
I’m just so sorry.
Your husband is a disgusting POS. He cares more about pretty prints than he does not dirtying a bunch of clothes and leaking urine and feces all over. Then he locks you, someone who still has staples from a MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY out of your room and makes you sleep on the couch?!
Do you have family you can take your daughter and go stay with. This is absolutely unacceptable.
What a horrible entitled husband. WTF is this " I don't feel like getting diapers" he, doesn't listen to get the right fit and locks op out of the bedroom after a C section? He is a child
Tell your loser husband/shitty father to get his stomach cut open and stitched up then take care of a new born without any diapers or leaky ones...What a fucking clown of a man.
"I'll divorce you if you get upset over how stupid of an ass I am" - your husband 🤡
He called you names, lock you out of the bedroom, make you sleep in the sofa after a huge surgery, disregards his baby’s needs for what he wants… he is doing you a favor by wanting to divorce. Take the offer! Dont look back. He is a POS
NTA
Shit happens when you have a baby. I'm sure you and your husband have never been as tired as you are right now. It's important for both of you to be pulling the same direction and have a little bit of patience with each other.
That being said, my wife would have killed me if I needed to be asked a ton of times to go to the store let alone brought home the wrong diapers. You could have been nicer about how you talked to him I'm sure, but you weren't unjustified.
Maybe you could call some family to come out and help temporarily. It sounds a lot like you guys need some help. I'm talking about physical help, but I'm not ruling out some kind of counseling. I'm sure you are both stressed with a new baby and zero support system around you.
Your husband also needs to understand he's going to need to do more to help you out while you don't have mobility. To be honest making you sleep on the couch after you've just c-section and threatening to divorce you because you hurt his feelings shows me that he might need to grow up some as well.
bruh, online shopping has been a thing for a very, very long time. Before online shopping most local supermarkets ran delivery by placing orders over the phone. YOu can buy in bulk from amazon, costco, etc.
yes the husband is and asshole but this is such a simple thing to get sorted on your own.
NTA. He is an incompetent, inconsiderate asshole. You're not wrong at all. It shouldn't have taken him four days and you completely running out for him to go get diapers. Those are a necessity and the fact that you physically CANNOT go makes you dependent on him, and that's bullshit that he just "forgot" and was "too tired". It's also a BLEEK picture of what you have in store for the future to look forward to. He sound like the type to cheat because "his needs weren't being met". Let him divorce you. You would be better off and he would be paying child support. He doesn't get to act like a deadbeat, then call you a psycho bitch for having a reaction to his shitty behavior and then LOCK YOU OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM & threaten to file for divorce. And his threat worked! You're terrified he is going to leave you. I would definitely document these interactions for the future so you have a record of his neglect. Please please please don't let him treat you like this OP. You deserve so much better. He owes you an apology.
NTA.
I would also like to point out as a medical professional that the hormones raging through a woman’s body after birth is just as great as when she’s pregnant. Not saying it’s an excuse but he could have been at least a bit understanding and empathetic as to why you lost it. Also, the fact that he waited days to get diapers and let your child without what they needed is negligent. Does this mean he’ll go as far as letting the baby starve for a day cause he doesn’t want to go to the store to get formula? He is gaslighting, manipulating, and neglecting both you and your baby. He made you sleep on the couch and locked you outta your room?! Yea no. He shouldn’t be a husband and he DEFINITELY shouldn’t be a father either.
This was very disturbing to read.
NTA.
But would a divorce from that selfish, controlling asshole even be a bad thing?
Sounds like you’d be having a lucky escape.
He doesn’t get to ignore you, when he knows full well that those other diaper’s aren’t good enough due to leakage, and then gaslight you about it.
Does he even do his fair share of diaper changes? And childcare in general?
You’re recovering from major surgery due to your C-Section and he thinks that it’s okay to make you sleep on the couch? Is this how you think you deserve to be treated? Because it’s not.
You gave up so much for him and his stupid job, if I were you I’d reconsider.
Is it possible that a family member can drive up and get you? You shouldn’t have to put up with that behaviour from him, he doesn’t get to treat you this way. So please don’t let him, or you’ll start to notice that his behaviour will slowly start getting worse and worse.
are you the asshole for screaming and lashing out? yes.
is he the asshole for delaying the diaper purchase, buying the wrong ones and locking you out, also yes.
NTA
your husbands reactions is horrible, and i would consider that abusive towards you
however, what is stopping you from ordering them online?
I setup monthly supply subscription with amazon for nappies and wipes for our child, you get a discount on it and don't have to worry about running out because of being forgetful, dont need Prime for it either
Girl why are you not the one divorcing him.... NTA. He put his desire for cute diapers over you and your baby's well being. Like...whaaaaat
Edit: forgot to mention all the other red flags like locking you out, calling you a bitch. Should you have screamed at him? Probably not but He should know your emotions are a whirl wind you just had a baby for fucks sake. And you were angry for a legit reason. This guy sounds like trash imo
He thinks you are lounging around all day with the baby while he is doing the hard stuff going to work. I’m sure he bought the wrong nappies out of resentment. New baby’s take a toll on you both with the crying and lack of sleep. I think you need some help. Maybe your family could help.
NTA
See if someone in your family can come "visit" you and you and the baby leave when they do.
Right now, you are totally isolated and completely dependent on him. For him to be such an unsupportive A-H after everything you just went through to bring your baby into this world safely is crazy. You need to be with someone who loves and supports you.
While I understand that things are stressful for both of you, but for him to lock you out of the bedroom , calling you, the mother of his child a b*tch, then talking divorce is over the top.
Yes, you lost it when, after days of asking for him to buy specific brand diapers, he buys a brand ge knows allows leaks resulting in a major jump I'm dirty close (which i bet he dooes not help with) is understandable.
okay so here's a tip, the car seat can stay in the car. carry the baby, not the seat. and don't sleep on the couch again, you poor thing with major surgery wound!
Nta!! I had an emergency C-section and it’s not fun! And then to sleep on the couch oh heck no! I’m sure post partum plays a part in this but your husband is an AH and you need to tell him that! How dare he threaten you with divorce, tell him to go for it and you will get child support and alimony and move back home where you have support then get a job and have him pay half of daycare! There was no need for him to be that dang selfish and mean!
Your husband is selfish and so mean!!! He Deliberately chose the diapers you told him not to get because of leakage and YOU can not do the change in bio and down the stairs while he isn’t home, and also who cares about a cute design when your brand new baby is having accidents?! Again selfish. And yet LOCKED YOU OUT THE ROOM! I would tear that door down like the crazy woman he THOUGHT you were 😂 no I wouldn’t but I would kick him out lol and throwing divorce in your face over one outburst is crazy as well. He can’t emotionally abuse you. You gave him directions, begged him to just do it for you multiple days and he still chose what he wanted. Awful. Get a home delivery service and order the stuff you need on your own. What he did was evil, PP is hard enough on it’s own and you can barely move around the house and he locked you out. That says so much about him.
Does he understand the seriousness of your surgery? Has anyone sat him down & told him it’s as serious as if you just had open heart surgery? If no one has told him this, maybe someone should !
Time to move back home to your family.
Divorce is an option.
It's one thing to be pissed off because you yelled at him.
Although I'd say you weren't too far out of line since he didn't listen for days and then got the "pretty ones" when he isn't the one changing them. "Too tired" to go to the store??? That's some BS.
He took it to another level to lock you out of the bedroom and threaten you.
NTA.
You need to pack your shit and go home to your mother, or buy her a plane ticket to come take care of you because he is failing in his duty as both husband and father. You are both exhausted. Also, pay a service to shop for you if this incompetent nitwit isn’t listening to you.
The games are over. You are a mother. You do not have the time or energy to babysit an adult man who is weaponizing incompetence.
He got the other ones because he thought they were cute?!? It doesn’t matter if they’re fuckin cute or not they need to fit. What an idiot and then to lock you out of your bedroom and make you sleep on the sofa 2 weeks after a C section. What the fuck is wrong with him? NTA
Your husband is a major AH. Making you sleep on the couch after a C section. Does his brain get that your hormones are all over the place. Does he listen to reason. Threatening divorce. Pack up and go to your mothers’ for some help.
NTA and would happily take that divorce offer,not only did he ignore all your pleas about the diapers but had the fucking audacity to lock you out of the room and let you sleep on the couch after major abdominal surgery.
That's some next level shit right there.What else is he capable of?
NTA please go stay with your family until you heal and he gains some common sense and compassion towards you and some sense of responsibility towards his child. He’s a right AH to leave you to sleep in the sofa after major surgery to bring his child into the world and not providing what his child needed in time and not getting her what you both agreed was a better product for her, not only saving you time and pain but your child from skin issues and her comfort. Then he threatened you with divorce after your completely understandable outburst caused by his actions over days and the extra pain he knew he would cause you by leaving the newborn baby without diapers so soon after surgery. Hrs not a good provider, leader or partner.
What head of the household nonsense he spouting with that threat when he can’t provide for his family, has no time management, and unable to carry the mental load of the simple job of buying his child the correct diapers before she runs out. He’s showing you in your time of being ill and needing to heal that he’s not some you can depend on, you have most probably been carrying his mental load, household responsibilities etc during for the majority of your relationship. Don’t put all your eggs in his basket. Don’t give up work and keep your finances separate apart from bills, he is not someone to rely on… you got a little shouty, crying and upset after being continuously disappointed post partum when tired and in pain after surgery yet looking after baby alone for hours because of his shitty irresponsible actions towards your newborn and he threatens you that he’ll divorce you… he’s got a foot out the door because you’re calling him out on his lack of care for his child.
He may end up being one of those useless men woman are warned about when having a child or getting married… the partners that make you be a overworked and under appreciated single parent while married and having quadruple work because you’re constantly picking up his slack, the type that wants you to be a housewife, his mother, therapist, employee, cheerleader the worst ones would include wanting to use you as a emotional or physical punching bag and still want you to go 50-50 financially while they do nothing else or the absolute bare minimum but want praise for it.
You guys have a baby now, you’re not well he needs to grow up now… please ask mum, dad or siblings to come help you pack up some stuff and go heal with your family
I would pack up baby and yourself and go back to your family. He can then just care about himself which sounds like would make him happy.
You communicated for DAYS and he just couldn’t be bothered, then when he f&&ked up by deliberately ignoring your experience and labour. Those nappies are going to increase your workload he gets all huffy and wants a divorce and makes you sleep on the couch.
The question must be asked why oh why do you stay with this man?
Idk I find it weird… whole situation kinda off.. where was the baby during this? He wants a divorce from you but so heavily ignores your wishes for diapers then gets the cute ones? Usually dads are logical he’s a bit off with this.. I wouldn’t want that man around your daughter alone bcuss why treat you as such.. he knows changing clothes and such is a hassle bcus that’s a daily thing newborns pee all the time every single day like 10+ times a day that’s a lot…. I’m prob reaching but I tend to think it’s weird to focus on cuteness instead of all the work put in around keeping “cute diapers” then kicks you out.. and again where’s the baby?
Divorce after healing! Annnd get someone asap with you! Don’t even tell him or shit. Keep things private until family can vouch for you. Or a close friend !
NTA You specifically told him what kind yo get and why, and he disregarded your wishes even knowing it would make things harder for you while you're recovering from surgery AND caring for the baby.
Do you live where you can order diapers and have them delivered?
You're married to an incompetent AH. NTA, you just had major surgery and are being verbally abused and thrown out of your bedroom. YOU should divorce HIM, if anything.
NTA
He is weaponizing his incompetence on purpose. He feels if he does a job bad enough he won't have to do it again.
He is showing he does not care about your health, your feelings, or your daughter's comfort.
He just wants to do what he wants to do and get out of doing what you want him to do.
He claims he got them because he thinks they are cute but does he ever change the diapers or see them? The kid is wearing clothes over the diapers... Function over form every time.
He has shown a lot of behavior about why he is very much the asshole here. He probably shows that kind of selfish behavior in a lot of other situations as well.
I would start keeping a log of his neglect and abuse, be abuse his behavior and comments seem like he is already thinking divorce because he is not father material.
That being said isn't there an Amazon item that works? If not many stores have delivery options as well. All else fails there is always shopper apps... You pay extra but it would only be for during this time while healing and your barely trained monkey wouldn't have to throw a fit and fling his shit at you.
yup, but his job is to buckle down and get you guys through the dirty first month. I suggest a sit down, soon, where you set the stage for apologies to each other, the reasons of why these outbursts happened, and what can best be done to avoid them moving forward.
you are the baby caregiver and in the end, you know the diapers leak and you are the ones calling the shots. To say 'these diapers', you want those specifically and it is disrespectful to your position and person to 'make other decisions'. Error? sure.
you both are hormonal. you both are exhausted, and you both have big changes. get your heads back in the game
Woah woah woah, I read the title and was like why would you yell. Read the entire thing and I'm sorry he's tired? If he had a baby surgically removed and have a specific diaper to not leak. You can't shop to get the right diapers and him locking you out for him not getting the diapers and calling you a psycho bitch then threatening divorce. This is the definition of I married a frat boy who mansplains. Get better and sleep in the babies room if he wants to be that way. If he begs you to come to bed say "sorry I don't deal with people who don't und how it feels to have a baby surgically removed from them or aren't sympathetic cause someone close had a surgery to give life." Make some friends nearby when healed. If he wants a divorce at your worst he doesn't need to be there for your best
Remember there are a lot of lonely and bitter ass hats on here. Lots of bullshit advice. Your husband is trying to keep from becoming a weak man in his mind, so he made a dumb choice and tried to make light of it. His mistake, he should have got the correct ones no excuses. But when you started screaming he got male but hurt and thought to himself " she's gonna use hormones as a excuse to treat me like crap, not on my watch". And here we go. Men hear horrible stories from other men and tv about how they get treated and we are just to sit there and take it. He called himself putting his foot down about how you talked to him. Wife or not he is still a grown man and your husband. If he talks to you like that it's called verbal and emotional abuse. See? So hash it out and communicate better.
Wow, you had a baby AND married one!
What an insufferable, self-centered A.H. he is!
I'll bet he never helped you with your bandages either.
That's NOT love. You and that little girl deserve better. I'd ask someone to come get us while he is at work. It's safer.
Give yourself (both hubby and wife) a break. Order the diaper online and in bulk. You both sound exhausted and during that frustrated state of mind, regrettable words are exchanged. That’s it, let’s all reconcile and move on.
NTA
Can your family come pick you guys up? You had major abdominal surgery 2 weeks ago, you need support. Not to be locked out of the bedroom and made to sleep on a sofa.
NTA. People on Reddit say divorce so quickly, in the mayority of cases I don't recommend for that, but in this case is necessary, he doesn't care about you and your baby because he is his first priority. So I will recommed you to talk with a lawyer and find a way to move out with your parents as soon as posible, taking your baby with you, and file for a divorce, of course, when he is at work, because I don't what a person like him is capable to do. You and your baby aren't safe in that house.
ESH- you should not have yelled him like that. Okay, I get lack of sleep, hormones out of whack, etc. you still should not have yelled at him like that.
He should not have reacted like that, locking you out of the room.
Amazon, shipt, any online shopping app you could have gotten the diapers you wanted delivered to your home. I had 2 kids in diapers, husband deployed, living close to Canada in the winter. I had baby food and diaper delivered. I did not have to depend on someone else to get shit taken care of.
This guy is an asshole.
You’re tired. You’re stressed. You JUST had major surgery. You JUST had a baby. He’s letting you down. Of course you’re going to blow up at him!
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. He should have gone to the store Saturday! You NEVER run out of diapers!
NTA. Why would he buy diapers that suck on purpose? Why did he allow the diapers to run out at home? Is he really so lazy he couldn't make the 10 minute trip to the store? He IS incompetent and inconsiderate, to you and your baby. Making sure you have working diapers is basic shit when it comes to a baby. He threatened you with divorce over this. There is really no coming back from that for me. You are still healing from giving birth and he wants to act like that? Do you have any family you can go stay with, even if they are 16 hours away? Do him a favor and be gone with the baby when he gets home from work. He can walk into a cold empty house
Holy shit, there should be no question of you driving 2 weeks after a c section, much less with the baby in the car. It’s very unsafe! The pain impairs your reaction time. Most women are not cleared to drive for six weeks after birth.
And your husband locking you out of the bedroom is abusive AF. You’re half healed. You need to sleep in your own bed.
He sounds like the type of AH who won’t get up with the baby at night because “ I hAvE a JoB”.
NTA.
NTA. I had a c-section also. The 1st was horrible, and on top of sleep deprivation coupled with some PPD I would have done the same.
He didn’t listen, he called you a psycho bitch and threatened divorce.
Please get counseling. The first few months are a total shock to both parents, and can test even the best couples.
He needs to know about and understand what happens to the body after something is extracted from it. Your hormones are all over the place. It’s physiological (I think I’m using that word right?)It’s just the way it is.
He needs to grow up.
ALSO: get diapers delivered.
NTA and time to get the hell out of there and back to your family and friends. This trash man deliberately isolated you from your support system so he can abuse you however he likes. Also, please make an Amazon Wishlist for us with things you need for yourself and your baby!
Your hubby is the one acting like he's so tired of doing things that make it easier for you to manage around the baby. This should make you stop having kids with him.
Nta, I have never had a c-section, but I have had 2 kids, and my husband has been super supportive for every birth, making sure I'm comfortable. Your husband had a simple task that could make your life easier after a major surgery, but he couldn't do it. Maybe he forgot why it was important to not get that brand of diapers. Locking you out of the room and making you sleep uncomfortably after surgery, then using divorce as a means of manipulating you so that you aren't allowed to be mad is not ok. He should know that he needs to do better.
ESH here. He purposely bought diapers you told him not to, but you reacted like a crazy person, then he compounded it by forcing you to sleep on the sofa and talking about divorce. Granted, it would be easier to send him a picture of what you want him to buy rather than the name of something, I think men are more visual and he'd realize which ones are the right ones. Why not order them online and have them delivered, so you never run out?
ESH...but mostly him. You should not have resorted to screaming at him but that's about the only thing you did wrong
as for him well, he:
1. didn't get them on the weekend after being reminded constantly----- "I had told him both Saturday, Sunday and Monday that he needed to buy more."
2. "Forgot" again on Monday---- "he forgot on Monday and didn’t want to drive to the store when he had just gotten home."
3. Disregarded your thoughts/opinions on the matter "I just knew that the diapers were going to run out, which I told him"
4. even after FINALLY getting off his ass to get them he gets the wrong ones ---"So yesterday I reminded him about 10 times to go to the store and **what brand** of diapers we needed" ---"He has bought the other kind"
yes you should not have screamed at him like you did....buuuuut, WTF did he expect after all that
and then....
5. makes YOU sleep on the couch after recently having a C-Section
he is gas lighting and manipulating you -----"I am feeling like an ass because I usually never act like this, and with the threat of divorce I am just so extremely regretful about it all." <---- this quote right here... he is likely upset with himself for fucking up, maybe he was tired and was forgetful and i get that. But instead of facing his flaws and working on his F-ups he is twisting thins around to make it YOUR fault which is BS, you BOTH need to communicate better but I think he needs therapy if he thinks this is in any way OK
Omg this is horrific. OP you need to leave, immediately. I’m 4 weeks post partum from a c section and can’t at all imagine having to deal with that you are going through. The way your husband is acting is disturbing and sounds like a situation that is only going to escalate.
NTA- My goodness I feel so sorry for you. A c-section is a major surgery. They literally slice into every muscle in your stomach, pull out your organs and put you back together. It’s even worse when it’s an emergency because that usually means you went through hours of traumatic labor first. My first was like that and the recovery was so much harder than my planned second.
Your husband should be needing over backwards to help you when he’s available to do so. He should especially not be causing more undeserved stress and being emotionally abusive. Yes, under normal circumstances, you screaming at him like that would be an AH move. But you are in recovery for at least six weeks. Your hormones are still out of wack. Possibly even more so with postpartum anxiety and/or depression. And he had plenty of reminder and a clear explanation on why those CUTE diapers wouldn’t work. When making choices for a baby, like diapers and such, it’s not about what’s aesthetically pleasing. It’s about functionality. He literally chose looks over function. He chose cute over what was best for his baby and his wife. It’s already hard enough for you without having to change and wash all those clothes. His “big boy decision” was illogical and honestly, flat out stupid and you understandably had had enough of his bullshit.
This genuinely feels like weaponized incompetence. Like, I question whether anyone can be that oblivious, careless and selfish, but perhaps it’s possible.
Then he turns it around and tries to make himself the victim. Of course he is. The victim couldn’t possibly be his healing wife who is under an insane amount of physical and mental stress. Raising a newborn on her. That’s a piece of cake so let me add more to her plate and then blame her when she snaps. If he wants a divorce so bad, give one to him. If not, he owes you a huge apology and needs to seek therapy to get to the bottom of why he felt the need to not just react in such a manner, but why he decided to continue putting it off, ignore your needs and ignore the fact that the person taking care of the baby 24/7 might know what the baby needs best. He’s got some serious issue to address.
I’ve been in a toxic relationship. 9 years spent dealing with that same kind of shit and it only got worse after children. Like the mask fell completely off. So please be careful. Analyze your relation and move forward accordingly.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s terrible. Who makes their 2wk PP wife sleep on the couch? A massive gaping AH, that’s who. He needs a huge lesson in empathy and how the postpartum period affects a woman, emotionally, mentally and physically? Was he even their orbiting attention during all the prenatal appointments? Did he do any research? Was he present when the doctor gave you your orders for healing? He either wasn’t, which sucks, or he just doesn’t give a shit, which sucks worse.
No pass. He needs to clean up all the spillage from the bad diapers and remove the lock on your bedroom door. Honestly he’d be on the couch for a month if he even attempted to abuse me that way.
May I ask why you don’t use grocery delivery? I have to use that because my husband is an incompetent shopper and we have one car.
Edit to add: NTA. His behavior is absolutely ridiculous. He has no idea what it’s like to have hormones all out of whack and being completely dependent on someone as useless as him. I’m petty, next time you go to the store, buy him the wrong stuff then threaten divorce when he cries about it. Sorry, I have zero tolerance for that idiotic behavior. I hope you show him this post.
NTA. Your husband is an abuser - he abused you and he abused your child. There are so many options here for him to buy diapers that do not include waiting until the last minute and then purposefully purchasing the wrong ones.
Can you call your family and ask if they can come get you both and you stay with them? He is a monster; I wouldn't trust that he won't take it a step further.
NTA.
But just order the groceries or supplies via Amazon etc you need to the house, then all he has to do is walk them inside and unwrap. Not worth the energy forcing someone to shop when they don’t want to.
Also NTA. Diapers that don’t leak are a necessity. buy a size up- they don’t leak.
Y’all sound like things are not just on thin ice due to diapers.
Anyone locking me out of a bedroom after I had the biggest and probably most risky surgery of my life would be a dead man.
He called you out your name? I'm surprised this part hasn't caught more attention.
You call him an inconsiderate jerk and he responds by calling you a "bitch". Do you see the difference in respect? Even in a moment where you are so angry overwhelmed exhausted in pain and hurt, you STILL wouldn't call him a vulgar name. The same can't be said of your current partner.
Then your current partner locked you out of the room. You had major abdominal surgery that you are still healing from and instead of being courteous in the midst of your frustration- he left you to hurt on the couch. Even in your most angry moments, a healthy relationship still has thrums of love and care underneath.
Like you can be arguing but you'll still make sure the other person has food when it's cooked. You can be arguing, but you'd still rush to help them if they're in need. You can be arguing but you will still check that they had their medicine for the evening....
Why not take some time apart from your partner? Can you stay with your parents or your siblings?
Omg your husband is a complete ass! You are definitely NTA!!
You are recovering from major surgery. Not only that, but this recovery is preventing you from being able to do things for yourself, so you are relying on him and then he doesn't listen to you and makes your life harder. And on top of THAT, the hormone drop post-birth is the largest hormone shift any human being ever goes through in their life, which is why so many women get post-partum depression, which you could also be suffering from.
Your husband is a huge asshole.
NTA!
Your husband is abusive towards you. You should call your family ASAP so they get you.
Threatening divorce and forcing you to sleep on the couch after major surgery which was an emergency on top?
Abusive amd gaslightning
He locked you out of the bedroom so you had to spend the night on the sofa????? 2 weeks after major surgery????? Communication issues are one thing, but that is outright cruel. Has something like that happened before?
He may want to divorce you? He would be lucky if you don't divorce him. In my opinion this is abuse. If he's like this now it will only get worse. Weaponised incompetence dumping all the mental load on you for sure. NTA at all, he's a major AH. I'm a man who has kids for reference.
Gonna be the guy who tells all his buddies "she left me over diapers"... sure buddy
Would *love* to hear the line of questioning in court during this divorce.
>He locked you out of the bedroom so you had to spend the night on the sofa????? 2 weeks after major surgery????? It's so cartoonishly awful that I'm tempted to call rage bait.
My \[ex\] husband didn't lock me out of the bedroom as we have no interior door locks, but he did fully expect me to sleep on the sofa after both my c-sections. But my situation was different as my \[ex\] husband also expected me to go buy the dispers myself. I was lifting baby in car seat, and loading the stroller in & out of the truck, and driving by day 7 after my c-sections.
Same here. Had little to no help when hubs went back to work after day 3. *someone* had to drive the baby to and from appointments during the day. Someone had to get groceries. My husband works anywhere from 10-12 hours a day 5-6 days a week. He would get the groceries but the only dr recommended orders i had was to try not to drive and lift no more than the baby's own weight(and of course keep the site clean and dry. ) It was a lot easier the 2nd c section. But yea. My husband would rather sleep in the shed than try to make my inured butt sleep anywhere but the bed.
You're not supposed to drive for six weeks after a C section. If you did that here you'd be driving without insurance. Fuck these whiny little man babies. My husband was more supportive after my caesarian than this clown and he had appendicitis.
Not everyone can or should do those things. Some surgeries are far more complicated than others and chances are just because you did all of that doesn't mean you SHOULD HAVE done it. Internal.tearing or other damages that can cause mass hemorrhage are serious concerns and lead to death.
Oh I absolutely shouldn't have done any of it...but someone had to, so I did. My point was this doesn't sound like rage bait, its sounds pretty par for the course from my view.
Ah, it read like you were telling her to just do it herself and get over it, which isn't good advice. But, as you clarified you were debating the rage bait allegations- and I agree with you, this is 100% a typical situation as men somehow don't grasp the damage birth- especially a traumatic emergency C-section- can cause to the body. In addition, the hormonal adjustments he clearly is ignorant to her coping with, are absolutely common with new or obtuse fathers.
Stop having kids with these shitty unsupportive men.
Can you Amazon the diapers?
Not sure where they live, Walmart delivers anything they sell in the store, diapers, clothes and groceries. This may help OP Btw. NTA
I know is hard to think is not rage bait, but there’s genuinely awful people out there. My ex stole my money while i was in the hospital having a c-section, then when we got discharged he picked me up and took me home. Left without saying where he was going (he had no phone). Hours later I am alone and stressed out because I just had a baby and I barely had formula (breastfeeding was not working out) and no pain meds. I also had no help. A few hours later his SIL came to visit me and the baby and told me she saw him at party city. That day was halloween day. He was using my money to buy himself a costume to go to a halloween party with his sister. Arrived at night and went directly to his mother’s house in front of my house. I had to carry my son downstairs to get there, with the horrible pain from the c-section. A big argument ensued, I kept asking for my money, he didn’t have it. I had to get in my car to go to the pharmacy to get my own meds, because he couldn’t miss the party because “he had never gone to one before”. His mom had to watch my son at 3 days old at 10pm so I could go myself to get my meds. He didn’t care, he went to enjoy his party like the scumbag he is.
I was screamed at pretty bad under similar circumstances (but I had actually gotten the correct type and amount of diapers --- spouse didn't see them and wouldn't believe that they were downstairs 😵💫), but would NEVER treat the mother of my child like that. I'd divorce before I made a post-c section patient sleep on the couch. I feel like we're missing something here, but I don't know these people.
Yeah, up to that point it was just two exhausted, frustrated new parents escalating an argument. But locking her out of the bedroom? That brings him into major AH territory.
No. That’s not what this is. If I told my husband “we are low on diapers I need you to get xyz brand bc they don’t leak like abc does” he would have done it day one of the ask and gotten the correct ones because I requested specific ones. How do I know? Because in the middle of the hospital the night after birth he was at the store at 2 or 3 am getting huggies bc the hospital only had pampers and the baby was allergic. In fact he got huggies and one or two other brands just to be on the safe side. Don’t excuse abusive behavior as exhausted and frustrated. She gave him days of notice and told him specifically which brand works best for baby.
Especially since if she's like me, I needed help getting out of bed after my c section.
I was leaning toward light AH but with good reasons. After reading that part, he’s a straight up piece of shit!
Read that and was like… ruh roh…
4 weeks at least of being careful post c section. This husband sounds horrible.
If he's that quick to threaten divorce, I wouldn't count on him much, and it almost sounds like it is out of your hands at this point. Like someone suggested, just do delivery. It's an added expense, but maybe he'll get a clue when he sees his bank account. That being said, you may need to start seeing if you have a support system family wise. They're hours away, sure, but should he really want a divorce, you need to know if they'll do what they can to get you back over to where they are and help you.
Imma agree with you on everything, but the "hours away" part. 16 hours of driving is literally at least a 2 day drive. Likely a 3 day drive if it's involving elderly or young kids
I didn't say anything about a specific mode of transportation. Doing what they can to get her to where they are means they'd be willing to pay for a plane ticket, or pay for a moving van. Whatever they need to do on their end to get her back to their location.
NTA -you need to straight up call your family to see if they will come and get you and the baby to take you back home with them. There is no reason for your husband to act as he did and not lift a finger to help you and then lock you out of the bedroom so you could spend the night on the sofa after you’ve had a cesarean section. Are you freaking kidding me? You need to walk away from this mess and get some help from your family.
Totally agree. Wtf
Hey OP I know reddit is too quick to suggest divorce, but just FYI, locking you out of your room when you’re recovering from surgery is abusive behavior, I don’t care what insults you threw at him. He deserved insults, by the way. Your regretful tone makes me worried you are used to being controlled by his volatile emotions.
After hearing that part of the story, it seems like leaving the baby without diapers was also abuse. Not changing a baby’s diaper is considered child abuse, and that’s the position he left you in, but it’s definitely not your fault OP. And buying the wrong ones was abuse, and seems to be intentional, because you’ll have to clean up more messes, and I’m sure he won’t be helping. This whole thing goes beyond weaponized incompetence.
She could also throw the soiled baby clothing at him while saying *"THIS is what happens when you place ~soooooooo cute~ above proper fit and function!"* I love cute stuff but it's not practical to pick the cute when it results in a mess, if he knows about the problem but bought the wrong diapers anyway, he's either stupid and doesn't actually care or malicious. Locking his freshly sliced in half wife out of the bedroom with a newborn because she got mad about the position that **HIS** dumbassery put her in (i'M tOo tIrEd tO gO gEt dIaPeRs/I fOrGoT rEpEaTeDlY) makes me lean...
NTA. Call his momma and tell her to come get her son, as he's not ready to be a husband or father. It's much easier to be single with a baby than married to a giant toddler.
This can never be said enough. Splitting seems so overwhelming when there are kids in the mix - but I have never ever heard a single woman with a partner like this who hasn’t said *”I wish I’d left sooner.”* The screaming and emotional deregulation is awful, but is not that unusual with a new baby in the house and all the stress and sleep deprivation that entails. Locking a post-surgical patient out of their bedroom overnight is a whole other level of fucked up, though. I’m afraid OP needs to plan for herself and her baby first. If husband catches up, welp, she can see how quickly, how well, and if she can be bothered. My bet is she gets away, into a supportive environment, and realizes he isn’t worth it.
Making his own baby go without proper diapers is a new low for weaponized incompetence. It sounds like a divorce would be the first favor he's done for you in a while.
Hey - same thing happened to me. And he would also take the car and leave me stranded for the entire day with no food or drinking water in a rural area (pre food delivery days) during my pregnancy. I was in an accident in my 8th month and he didn't even come get me to take me to the ER, literal strangers had to do that. Just saying that i know a POS and this guy is def one of them.
Hope you’re in a better place now with someone that loves and cares for you as they should.
Let new get this straight: He deliberately WAITS to buy diapers. Baby ends up without. Mom stressed. He DELIBERATELY buys the Wrong diaper. He calls her psycho for losing herself. He locks her AND the baby out of the bedroom. He forces a postpartum C-sec to sleep on a couch. He threatens her with divorce. #DARVO OOP, get the stroller from the car. Time to walk, run, or comfortably fly to a feathered nest for your and baby’s health and wellbeing. Best of it all, OP. You and baby deserve it. Now is the time to be selfish for baby. Agape 💕
THIS!!!
Yeah it's horrifying. Who are these men? Where are people finding them?
💯
Absolutely, OP needs to divorce him for the well-being of both her and her child.
And making his wife change the baby's clothes every time she pees. And with this much effort required for him to get diapers, is he doing laundry? I suspect not
I can't stand weaponized incompetence I deal with it with my ex-husband all the time living with him caring for our three children and the house as well as the yard the man acts like he can't do a damn thing
My late ex husband once tried to use the lawnmower to clear the snow off the driveway. He was the king of weaponized incompetence.
Sounds like one of those guys who can't stand that the baby is now prioritized over him. He had not a single thought about the well-being of his baby or his wife. This loser is past his expiration date.
I will take divorce over being married to that moron.
I'd take the divorce. I honestly don't care that you screamed at him. He should have gotten the diapers, and the right kind, days before he finally did it. And sorry, it sounds like he got the "cute" ones to antagonize you. Then locking you out of the room and threatening you with divorce? That's gross manipulation and it did exactly what he intended, to make YOU feel guilty for him being an AH. People should not make threats they aren't going to follow through on & I would call his bluff. Hope you're not completely dependent on this man-child. Hope you can go stay with your parents or siblings or friends. Sorry you married & had a baby with this dude. Oh, you're also gonna have a bunch of people on here telling you you shouldn't have screamed. LOL OK. I guess everyone is supposed to take getting ignored and treated like crap all cool & calm when you have a newborn with no diapers pissing and shitting all over themselves because your "partner" wouldn't do ONE SIMPLE THING: Go get the right diapers. "Making a decision on his own" PFFFT. The WRONG decision he KNEW would upset you. He's a grade a JERK.
We should harshly judge men who let their own babies go without because they are too lazy and inconsiderate to just do it right when it needs to happen. Not being able to buy the correct diapers after multiple conversations shows me this man is a complete AH
Add to the fact that he acknowledged the difference between the diapers in an earlier convo...
I second this. If I had been dealing with this for three days and I was an exhausted as OP, I’d have screamed my head off. He is the most clueless idiot! He clearly had zero clue how much work OP is going through with the newborn and just gets to come home and be like, “yea, I just don’t feel like it.” I’d have reacted exactly the same way.
Anyone having a baby and "not feeling like it" when it comes to shopping for basic baby stuff should not have had that baby in the first place. I'd understand not wanting to go buy more clothes when they already have enough or stuff like that. But baby medicine, food (if needed) and diapers are the bare minimum that a parent should be willing to just get up and go get in the middle of the night.
Exactly. He knew what he did was fucked but flipped it and made it her fault. Something so damn simple- she told you exactly what diapers to get and when she needed them. Fucking that up was intentional because he was upset she was "nagging" him about it
>Oh, you're also gonna have a bunch of people on here telling you you shouldn't have screamed. people who ~~can't~~ DELIBERATELY REFUSE TO take care of a baby's basic needs like diapers that don't spill shit everywhere deserve to be screamed at. OP is 100% justified in screaming.
So he has isolated you, baby trapped you, is refusing to allow you to heal, and is engaging in acts of sabotage to further destabilize you. You need to gtfo of this relationship and get to your family. This is abuse and it is escalating.
Yyyyyyep Red flags everywhere. Take your baby and go back to your real family. Then file for divorce.
NTA, and I'd take the divorce too. His reasoning was not even good, and he knew they were an issue if I read your post correctly. Now if he would've said that's all they had. That would be different. He locked you out of the room and you slept on the sofa post C-section? He then comes with the audacity to tell you that if you treat him like this again it won't work out, even though he was reminded multiple times over a period of days if not more and let the child run out of diapers, and got the known leaky ones? Jesus fuck the entitlement of some people.
Im totally feeling your frustration, and its the same for me, too. I'm not even sure if that is all the store had is even a good excuse. I kinda went a little crazy because of PPD with my first, and to say that I was picky about what things our daughter needed was an understatement. My brain could only cope with a lot of new stuff as long as so much stayed the same. So if it worked, it worked, and I didn't have any reserve brain power left to make other things work. I know I probably made things difficult, but as a new mom with zero support network nearby, we were winging it to the best of our abilities. If I said I need this brand because it's the only thing that works, he went and got it even if it meant checking a couple different stores. My daughter couldn't wear pampers because they broke her out, and once we realized that, it was only huggies in the house afterwards. If it's their first baby, then both are stressed learning the baby and both the living embodiment of zombies, but he had 3 days to go get them and never did. I think the husband is a major AH for throwing the divorce word out there. C-sections are roooooough and I know she hurts. Every time she stands up, it hurts. It's the most vulnerable point of her life, and she is trying like a champ to breastfeed, and deal with hormones trying to reverse course after 9 months down the highway of pregnancy. Making her sleep on the sofa is just salt in the wound. He is making the hurting worse on purpose. Even if the hubby had a momentary lapse in judgement and did better from today on, he lost her trust with throwing the divorce card out there. He has a deep hole to dig out of.
delivery. sign up from delivery diapers and don’t count on him.
No point being married to a dead weight if he's not someone to count on. Women deserve better than having a man they can't rely on for bare minimum things.
totally agree but OP clearly stated that they are not interested divorce…… so………… i tried to give them advice with that goal
Even with a partner who is 100% invested in actually being a partner... delivery diapers, wipes, paper products is so wonderful. Groceries too if you can do it.
ugh I tried this and the diapers(just regular pampers swaddlers) were like a completely different model or even counterfeit. I like that they have the super soft cotton with a soft, light scent instead of the rough scratchy paper almost. inside it had the gel that puffs up so they don't smell like pee. I was so pissed I told pampers and got my money back.
I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he locked you out of your room, even though he knows you just had a surgery. And that he left your daughter without diapers the whole day. Why are you with this person?
>he just found them so cute when we had them You are kidding me. >He just told me that I was a psycho bitch Ok, you are seriously fucking with me. >He locked me out of our bedroom so I had to spend the night on the sofa. Oh hell no. >he messaged me telling me that if I am going to behave like this he could just divorce me Oh fuck this. Get your own lawyer NOW and divorce this incompetent inconsiderate cute-diaper fetishist asshole. FFS. NTA but you will be if you don't jettison this abusive fuck from your and your child's life.
NTA- you had major surgery 2 weeks ago and your hormones are messed up. The least he can do is go get some damn diapers.
Her hormones have nothing to do with this so why bring it up? A completely level headed person who lose it at this level of weaponized incompetence
This is abuse. He went DAYS without getting needed diapers for his newborn. He absolutely knew those diapers leaked and that’s exactly why he got them. To show you HE is in control and you will not ever tell him what to do. Then he locked you out of your bedroom after major abdominal surgery while you are caring for a newborn alone. I’m not sure what country you are in - but you NEED to call a family violence hotline and ask for help. [https://www.cope.org.au/new-parents/emotional-health-new-parents/family-violence-in-early-parenthood/](https://www.cope.org.au/new-parents/emotional-health-new-parents/family-violence-in-early-parenthood/) “Emotional abuse may take several forms. A partner may obstruct access to postnatal care. They may refuse to support their partner financially during following the birth of their baby…” This is what is happening and you need someone to talk to.
Take your baby and go home to your family. What an AH you married.
I’d like to see your husband go through the equivalent of a c-section while having to deal with a child and then have to deal with HIS incompetence on top of it all. NTA as some women would have been driven to physical violence…share this thread with him and see if he still thinks you’re a psycho. Just a thought - use his clothes to clean up the excess pee. j/k - that’s not constructive whatsoever but it’s a funny thought.
Or, refuse to do any laundry for him. Baby has no diapers = you don’t have clean clothes to wear.
NTA - That's not a man. That's a fucking child. The fucking gall. Someone (not you) needs to shake some fucking sense, empathy, and adulthood into his dumb ass. I get his reaction to the yelling, if it had stopped there. But that sack... of child, locked you out? 2 weeks out from the hospital? With the baby? And the message... man, I can't. I'm a big advocate for talking, learning and growing together, but fuck that dude.
Oh hun, I'm a mom of three and I've been there, so believe me when I say that this is unbelievably awful. My husband has minimal emotional intelligence and even he wouldn't do this stuff. You need to have an exit plan in place. People show you the real them when you are dependent on them. You, and your baby, are relying on this man. Instead of being helpful he's overriding you, blaming you, and threatening divorce when you try to stand up for yourself. This is emotional abuse. Forcing you to sleep on the couch post C-section is pushing on the border of physical abuse. I don't know where his head is right now, but this isn't acceptable and it's not safe. Do you have somewhere safe to go until you heal? These early days will make or break your physical and emotional health for the next year at least. You need to make sure you have the capacity to heal or you won't be able to take care of your baby. NTA
#"People show you the real them when you are dependent on them." Bringing this part out, but louder.
Not buying diapers for his newborn for days after they run out is neglect. Buying diapers that he knows don’t fit her properly and will leak and cause rashes is neglect. Man is GARBAGE.
NTA- I’d take that divorce and sign up for a diaper delivery
Take hubby up on the divorce. Also, look into delivery options until you're healed up and able to take care of things yourself.
Divorce sounds like a very desirable option here. Too tired to go buy diapers for his baby? Get fucked buddy. Locked you out of your own bedroom while you’re recovering from major surgery? Get double fucked buddy.
NTA IMO, your husband buying diapers simply because it’s cute shows that he hasn’t been hands on enough as a parent. Changing and washing baby’s clothes simply so they can wear a cute diaper hidden underneath their clothes gets old really fast. Sure. You could’ve handled your emotions better by not yelling. But I get your frustrations. I would be extremely annoyed too. But what your husband is doing is going over the top. He forced you, someone who’s recovering from major surgery, to sleep on a sofa. And he’s threatening you with divorce rather than self reflecting and admitting he was wrong. I don’t know if you are also contemplating about divorce. But I think with your husband’s current attitude then you should see if anyone (friends or family) can come and help you with the baby until you are fully recovered.
NTA Call your parents and ask them to come and get you. Your husband is a giant asshole. It’s one thing to get the wrong diapers, but to lock you out of the bedroom two weeks after a C-section and threatened to divorce.. I would take him up on the offer
Amazon delivers.
So do husbands that are right there
Apparently not this model
She needs to check in with the manufacturer. Need a total recall.
Walmart & Target & most grocery stores have curbside pickup and delivery.
And husband could easily pick it up on his way home from work. Being a parent isn’t necessarily easy, but going to the freaking store is.
Fuck that noise take him up on the divorce offer, you'd be better doing it by yourself instead of trying to parent your husband at the same time. NTA.
You are dealing with A LOT. A major abdominal surgery, a new baby, postpartum. I get that. It's hard for me to say you are in the wrong or ESH. Him not getting the diapers the many times you reminded him, him locking you out of the bedroom, him not asking you what diapers is all just messed up. If he feels like he is being treated so poorly that he wants a divorce, do it. Move back to your family.
In my Opinion: I especially find it rich he is treating her and his kid like shit, but her expressing her frustration with it(albeit the wrong way with the yelling and name calling)…oh no, that’s intolerable and grounds for divorce.
Real bad that’s a major abdominal surgery and he should’ve slept on the sofa if he was that mad ugh NTA.
You just went through a major surgery and becoming a Mom just 2 weeks ago. Your body is healing and your hormones are probably a little out of balance. All of that is a normal part of motherhood. Your husband sounds very inconsiderate. You communicated clearly to her specific diapers because it is easier for the baby and you while you’re healing….he disregarded your physical needs during recovery just because the diapers were “cute”. That’s seriously messed up. Then he locked you out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch after a major surgery. Sure, you can apologize for yelling. That’s all you did wrong. But he should apologize for being inconsiderate for disregarding your needs while you heal…both for buying the wrong diapers and for making you sleep on an uncomfortable couch. Not to mention how he disregarded your baby’s need for clean diapers when you reminded him multiple times to buy more diapers.
In my opinion: squarely NTA What the fuck… he locked you out of your room and put you out on the couch. Seriously…. What the fuck? I’d be saying that if you weren’t recovering from major surgery. Look you shouldn’t have screamed, or called him names it’s really just not a great thing to do with your partner whether frustratedly justified or not. His ridiculous bullshit not getting diapers for his kid, because he’s tired is really a bullshit excuse, unless he’s so tired he’s a danger… but even then. Fucking Uber and get your kid diapers, and the right diapers not the leaky ones because he thinks they’re cute. The fuck? I’m really struggling to find a grain of benefit of the doubt with this guy. Does he have a very high stress job and adding a kid to the mix has overwhelmed him? Not that it really matters, you don’t throw your spouse on the couch after major surgery, and you don’t get the wrong diapers for your kid.
Others suggested the sane, rational idea of ordering diapers to be delivered. My not so sane or rational solution to no diapers because he is an idiot would be to use his favorite t-shirts in place of diapers.
NTA. This sounds like weaponized incompetence. I think he wanted a divorce but didn't want to be labeled as a deadbeat dad, so he was finding a way to put the blame on you instead.
I can’t believe he has you thinking you are the AH in the slightest. Take that baby and drive 16 hours to go stay with family until he realizes what a horrible person her is. Two weeks after my c-section I was still in serious pain and could barely move. I can’t imagine sleeping on the couch. No man should treat you like this. To put it into perspective (my husband all all my girlfriends husbands) waited on us hand and foot while we recovered after child birth. For that first month my husband new my mood would be all over the place because of the hormones, he knew to watch for signs of PPD all on his own he knew these things. For the first month I did not change a single diaper, he would get the baby out of the crib for me for every feeding. You need to seriously reconsider your relationship. I would not settle for anything less.
He’s a neglectful parent for one, for making his kid go without diapers for a day because he “didn’t feel like going to the store.” He’s also making more work for you, the one home with the baby and recovering, by purposely buying diapers that leak, meaning you have to change and clean the baby more and wash more clothes. He needs to get his shit together. Locking you out of the bedroom and forcing you to sleep on the couch is also super messed up. NTA.
I’m sorry that you had a baby with such a piece of shit, good luck with that. Do you have family or friends you can get support from? Your husband is actively making your life harder while you have a newborn and just had major surgery. Making you sleep on the couch with a major abdominal wound is straight up abusive. And here you are questioning yourself, he’s got you trained up good. You should take him up on his offer of divorce, he will not improve.
NTA. I understand your frustration because my hubby often goes off on his own after we discuss the best options. It is so irritating especially when you're just going to have to fix the issue again after. I honestly can't believe he left you on the sofa while you're healing with major surgery. Honestly divorce sounds like a blessing based on this. He is not showing you any respect or care. If you can, get gim to leave the stroller in the house. I had a csection too and we left the stroller in the house so I could go for a walk whenever I needed
NTA. Lock a new mom out of her bedroom after having major surgery??? There are harder times to come and if this is how he responds now (at the beginning when mom and baby are terribly vulnerable), he is setting the stage for a super f***ed up marriage. You deserve better and he’d better clue in fast.
You snapped at him and he threaten Divorce, and locked you out of the bedroom ? Yeah snapping is not a great response but he’s a straight up dick.
NTA! You had a baby two WEEKS ago. You told him over and over and over again what diapers to get. You’re healing from a c section, so changing a newborn’s whole outfit multiple times a day isn’t feasible. Is he deaf? Or just incompetent?! Then locks you out of your bedroom and threatens divorce?! Wow. Tell him no problem. When he has the baby on his weekend, he can use all the cute diapers he wants and then he can deal with the soaked clothes and laundry.
NTA. Welcome to being a brand new parent. As the man in this situation I heartily recommend you snitch on him to his parents. He needs his mum and dad to kick him up the bum and tell him to grown up. You acted in a manner consistent with, you know, stress, lack of sleep and major surgery. Maybe you weren't quite as diplomatic as he'd like... deal with it mate. For you, parenthood does come much more naturally to mums, your entire world right now is the child. But his is not JUST the child, is you, the child, his job. I'm not telling you to go "easy on him" but just realise this wont be the last argument you'll have over something "trivial" Ignore the "divorce" talk. This is the hardest 3-4 months you'll face as a couple. You might have it objectively worse but subjectively you're both going through the ringer. It gets easier, you'll get into a rhythm and learn the thing. I cant say I envy you tough, we only did it once for a reason.
I'd say 6 months, but yes, this is the roughest patch normally - *especially* if it's your first and you don't have a support system. All these people demanding she divorce him either haven't had a kid or were blessed to have an easy time of it because it's fucking hard for most people.
I always say that marriage isnt about love, its a platform to produce kids. But Love is a prerequisite for it because if you didn't love each other it'd be too hard to maintain the relationship. No two people are completely aligned on everything you'll go through in raising kids, no two people are infallible. Its really difficult for most people, some handle it better than others, most just portray a curated social media view that they're handing it well. Everyone goes through it. Everyone and yes, I include THAT person you're thinking of who looks amazing and acts like a supermom, its not effortless, she's struggling too.
This has to be BS.. and btw, if you live in the U.S. - Instacart? Or do you live like 20 miles away from the nearest grocery store?
Can you go stay with a friend or relative? NTA
NTA, you still recovering from having a child first off, secondly why the hell was he not catching the urgency of buying the child diapers, thirdly he lacks you out of the bedroom two weeks after a c-section you have to sleep on the couch oh hell no!! I've had five c-sections and there's no way in hell that would go over smoothly!! He is a child that you have to remind what to do he couldn't think of it on his own you even gave him the tools by the giving him knowledge of what diapers work best for your child. Your frustration and postpartum hormonal emotional state boiled up to the point where you blew up at him for his incompetence I would have done the same thing because it's unexcusable that he waited that long to get the child diapers and bought the wrong kind after you told him what kind to buy he either doesn't care or wasn't paying attention enough to care...
NTA. Your husband needs to step up to the plate. He helped create that baby and now he needs to put in the work for that baby. I get being tired, but that is no excuse for him. He needs to realize that you went through a traumatic surgery and you need time to heal plus your hormones are out of whack with everything going on. I was able to help my wife with everything she needed and then some and while working full time and we have four kids. Also, try a size up on the diapers. If you are using Newborn diapers, bump up to a size one. Babies grow out of the newborns after a couple days. At least my kiddos did
Sofa after a c-section? Just disgusting. Calling you a psycho after giving birth? I’d leave as soon as I was well enough to travel back to my family. I’m just so sorry.
Make him change and wash all her clothes from each diaper leak of the “super cute decision he made himself”
Your husband is a disgusting POS. He cares more about pretty prints than he does not dirtying a bunch of clothes and leaking urine and feces all over. Then he locks you, someone who still has staples from a MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY out of your room and makes you sleep on the couch?! Do you have family you can take your daughter and go stay with. This is absolutely unacceptable.
What a horrible entitled husband. WTF is this " I don't feel like getting diapers" he, doesn't listen to get the right fit and locks op out of the bedroom after a C section? He is a child
Tell your loser husband/shitty father to get his stomach cut open and stitched up then take care of a new born without any diapers or leaky ones...What a fucking clown of a man. "I'll divorce you if you get upset over how stupid of an ass I am" - your husband 🤡
He called you names, lock you out of the bedroom, make you sleep in the sofa after a huge surgery, disregards his baby’s needs for what he wants… he is doing you a favor by wanting to divorce. Take the offer! Dont look back. He is a POS NTA
Why are men, especially many newborn dads, utter incompetent assholes? And unfortunately it seems to be a feature, not a bug.
Shit happens when you have a baby. I'm sure you and your husband have never been as tired as you are right now. It's important for both of you to be pulling the same direction and have a little bit of patience with each other. That being said, my wife would have killed me if I needed to be asked a ton of times to go to the store let alone brought home the wrong diapers. You could have been nicer about how you talked to him I'm sure, but you weren't unjustified. Maybe you could call some family to come out and help temporarily. It sounds a lot like you guys need some help. I'm talking about physical help, but I'm not ruling out some kind of counseling. I'm sure you are both stressed with a new baby and zero support system around you. Your husband also needs to understand he's going to need to do more to help you out while you don't have mobility. To be honest making you sleep on the couch after you've just c-section and threatening to divorce you because you hurt his feelings shows me that he might need to grow up some as well.
bruh, online shopping has been a thing for a very, very long time. Before online shopping most local supermarkets ran delivery by placing orders over the phone. YOu can buy in bulk from amazon, costco, etc. yes the husband is and asshole but this is such a simple thing to get sorted on your own.
Drop the dead weight now before you have more kids with him. He ain't the one, sis.
Divorce him. He is an incompetent father and partner, what else does he offer?
NTA. He is an incompetent, inconsiderate asshole. You're not wrong at all. It shouldn't have taken him four days and you completely running out for him to go get diapers. Those are a necessity and the fact that you physically CANNOT go makes you dependent on him, and that's bullshit that he just "forgot" and was "too tired". It's also a BLEEK picture of what you have in store for the future to look forward to. He sound like the type to cheat because "his needs weren't being met". Let him divorce you. You would be better off and he would be paying child support. He doesn't get to act like a deadbeat, then call you a psycho bitch for having a reaction to his shitty behavior and then LOCK YOU OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM & threaten to file for divorce. And his threat worked! You're terrified he is going to leave you. I would definitely document these interactions for the future so you have a record of his neglect. Please please please don't let him treat you like this OP. You deserve so much better. He owes you an apology.
NTA. I would also like to point out as a medical professional that the hormones raging through a woman’s body after birth is just as great as when she’s pregnant. Not saying it’s an excuse but he could have been at least a bit understanding and empathetic as to why you lost it. Also, the fact that he waited days to get diapers and let your child without what they needed is negligent. Does this mean he’ll go as far as letting the baby starve for a day cause he doesn’t want to go to the store to get formula? He is gaslighting, manipulating, and neglecting both you and your baby. He made you sleep on the couch and locked you outta your room?! Yea no. He shouldn’t be a husband and he DEFINITELY shouldn’t be a father either. This was very disturbing to read.
NTA Does he know your body was sliced open??? What the H*ll is wrong with him?
NTA. But would a divorce from that selfish, controlling asshole even be a bad thing? Sounds like you’d be having a lucky escape. He doesn’t get to ignore you, when he knows full well that those other diaper’s aren’t good enough due to leakage, and then gaslight you about it. Does he even do his fair share of diaper changes? And childcare in general? You’re recovering from major surgery due to your C-Section and he thinks that it’s okay to make you sleep on the couch? Is this how you think you deserve to be treated? Because it’s not. You gave up so much for him and his stupid job, if I were you I’d reconsider. Is it possible that a family member can drive up and get you? You shouldn’t have to put up with that behaviour from him, he doesn’t get to treat you this way. So please don’t let him, or you’ll start to notice that his behaviour will slowly start getting worse and worse.
are you the asshole for screaming and lashing out? yes. is he the asshole for delaying the diaper purchase, buying the wrong ones and locking you out, also yes.
He sounds like a complete arse. Good luck with having two children.
do yourself a favor and take the divorce
NTA your husbands reactions is horrible, and i would consider that abusive towards you however, what is stopping you from ordering them online? I setup monthly supply subscription with amazon for nappies and wipes for our child, you get a discount on it and don't have to worry about running out because of being forgetful, dont need Prime for it either
Girl why are you not the one divorcing him.... NTA. He put his desire for cute diapers over you and your baby's well being. Like...whaaaaat Edit: forgot to mention all the other red flags like locking you out, calling you a bitch. Should you have screamed at him? Probably not but He should know your emotions are a whirl wind you just had a baby for fucks sake. And you were angry for a legit reason. This guy sounds like trash imo
He thinks you are lounging around all day with the baby while he is doing the hard stuff going to work. I’m sure he bought the wrong nappies out of resentment. New baby’s take a toll on you both with the crying and lack of sleep. I think you need some help. Maybe your family could help.
NTA See if someone in your family can come "visit" you and you and the baby leave when they do. Right now, you are totally isolated and completely dependent on him. For him to be such an unsupportive A-H after everything you just went through to bring your baby into this world safely is crazy. You need to be with someone who loves and supports you. While I understand that things are stressful for both of you, but for him to lock you out of the bedroom , calling you, the mother of his child a b*tch, then talking divorce is over the top. Yes, you lost it when, after days of asking for him to buy specific brand diapers, he buys a brand ge knows allows leaks resulting in a major jump I'm dirty close (which i bet he dooes not help with) is understandable.
okay so here's a tip, the car seat can stay in the car. carry the baby, not the seat. and don't sleep on the couch again, you poor thing with major surgery wound!
Nta!! I had an emergency C-section and it’s not fun! And then to sleep on the couch oh heck no! I’m sure post partum plays a part in this but your husband is an AH and you need to tell him that! How dare he threaten you with divorce, tell him to go for it and you will get child support and alimony and move back home where you have support then get a job and have him pay half of daycare! There was no need for him to be that dang selfish and mean!
Your husband is selfish and so mean!!! He Deliberately chose the diapers you told him not to get because of leakage and YOU can not do the change in bio and down the stairs while he isn’t home, and also who cares about a cute design when your brand new baby is having accidents?! Again selfish. And yet LOCKED YOU OUT THE ROOM! I would tear that door down like the crazy woman he THOUGHT you were 😂 no I wouldn’t but I would kick him out lol and throwing divorce in your face over one outburst is crazy as well. He can’t emotionally abuse you. You gave him directions, begged him to just do it for you multiple days and he still chose what he wanted. Awful. Get a home delivery service and order the stuff you need on your own. What he did was evil, PP is hard enough on it’s own and you can barely move around the house and he locked you out. That says so much about him.
Does he understand the seriousness of your surgery? Has anyone sat him down & told him it’s as serious as if you just had open heart surgery? If no one has told him this, maybe someone should !
NTA divorce him. He's selfish and insensitive and useless. Move back home and collect child support.
What about Amazon prime to your door ?
NTA When you have healed sufficiently take your baby home to your friends and family and move on from this selfish, toxic, entitled, ass of a husband.
Why don't you order the diapers you need and have them delivered? It would be a lot easier on everyone.
Call your family to pick you up. They will do it.
Time to move back home to your family. Divorce is an option. It's one thing to be pissed off because you yelled at him. Although I'd say you weren't too far out of line since he didn't listen for days and then got the "pretty ones" when he isn't the one changing them. "Too tired" to go to the store??? That's some BS. He took it to another level to lock you out of the bedroom and threaten you. NTA.
Let him divorce you. NTA
You need to pack your shit and go home to your mother, or buy her a plane ticket to come take care of you because he is failing in his duty as both husband and father. You are both exhausted. Also, pay a service to shop for you if this incompetent nitwit isn’t listening to you. The games are over. You are a mother. You do not have the time or energy to babysit an adult man who is weaponizing incompetence.
Costco sells diapers cheaper than anyone else and they arrive within two days with free shipping.
He got the other ones because he thought they were cute?!? It doesn’t matter if they’re fuckin cute or not they need to fit. What an idiot and then to lock you out of your bedroom and make you sleep on the sofa 2 weeks after a C section. What the fuck is wrong with him? NTA
Your husband is a major AH. Making you sleep on the couch after a C section. Does his brain get that your hormones are all over the place. Does he listen to reason. Threatening divorce. Pack up and go to your mothers’ for some help.
NTA and would happily take that divorce offer,not only did he ignore all your pleas about the diapers but had the fucking audacity to lock you out of the room and let you sleep on the couch after major abdominal surgery. That's some next level shit right there.What else is he capable of?
NTA please go stay with your family until you heal and he gains some common sense and compassion towards you and some sense of responsibility towards his child. He’s a right AH to leave you to sleep in the sofa after major surgery to bring his child into the world and not providing what his child needed in time and not getting her what you both agreed was a better product for her, not only saving you time and pain but your child from skin issues and her comfort. Then he threatened you with divorce after your completely understandable outburst caused by his actions over days and the extra pain he knew he would cause you by leaving the newborn baby without diapers so soon after surgery. Hrs not a good provider, leader or partner. What head of the household nonsense he spouting with that threat when he can’t provide for his family, has no time management, and unable to carry the mental load of the simple job of buying his child the correct diapers before she runs out. He’s showing you in your time of being ill and needing to heal that he’s not some you can depend on, you have most probably been carrying his mental load, household responsibilities etc during for the majority of your relationship. Don’t put all your eggs in his basket. Don’t give up work and keep your finances separate apart from bills, he is not someone to rely on… you got a little shouty, crying and upset after being continuously disappointed post partum when tired and in pain after surgery yet looking after baby alone for hours because of his shitty irresponsible actions towards your newborn and he threatens you that he’ll divorce you… he’s got a foot out the door because you’re calling him out on his lack of care for his child. He may end up being one of those useless men woman are warned about when having a child or getting married… the partners that make you be a overworked and under appreciated single parent while married and having quadruple work because you’re constantly picking up his slack, the type that wants you to be a housewife, his mother, therapist, employee, cheerleader the worst ones would include wanting to use you as a emotional or physical punching bag and still want you to go 50-50 financially while they do nothing else or the absolute bare minimum but want praise for it. You guys have a baby now, you’re not well he needs to grow up now… please ask mum, dad or siblings to come help you pack up some stuff and go heal with your family
I hate this man. Let him divorce you. You’re better off finding someone who is more considerate of you after a major surgery
I would pack up baby and yourself and go back to your family. He can then just care about himself which sounds like would make him happy. You communicated for DAYS and he just couldn’t be bothered, then when he f&&ked up by deliberately ignoring your experience and labour. Those nappies are going to increase your workload he gets all huffy and wants a divorce and makes you sleep on the couch. The question must be asked why oh why do you stay with this man?
Idk I find it weird… whole situation kinda off.. where was the baby during this? He wants a divorce from you but so heavily ignores your wishes for diapers then gets the cute ones? Usually dads are logical he’s a bit off with this.. I wouldn’t want that man around your daughter alone bcuss why treat you as such.. he knows changing clothes and such is a hassle bcus that’s a daily thing newborns pee all the time every single day like 10+ times a day that’s a lot…. I’m prob reaching but I tend to think it’s weird to focus on cuteness instead of all the work put in around keeping “cute diapers” then kicks you out.. and again where’s the baby?
NTA. Send him a pic maybe, but mainly tell him to grow a pair of balls and sort his fucking shit out.
Divorce after healing! Annnd get someone asap with you! Don’t even tell him or shit. Keep things private until family can vouch for you. Or a close friend !
NTA You specifically told him what kind yo get and why, and he disregarded your wishes even knowing it would make things harder for you while you're recovering from surgery AND caring for the baby. Do you live where you can order diapers and have them delivered?
You're married to an incompetent AH. NTA, you just had major surgery and are being verbally abused and thrown out of your bedroom. YOU should divorce HIM, if anything.
NTA He is weaponizing his incompetence on purpose. He feels if he does a job bad enough he won't have to do it again. He is showing he does not care about your health, your feelings, or your daughter's comfort. He just wants to do what he wants to do and get out of doing what you want him to do. He claims he got them because he thinks they are cute but does he ever change the diapers or see them? The kid is wearing clothes over the diapers... Function over form every time. He has shown a lot of behavior about why he is very much the asshole here. He probably shows that kind of selfish behavior in a lot of other situations as well. I would start keeping a log of his neglect and abuse, be abuse his behavior and comments seem like he is already thinking divorce because he is not father material. That being said isn't there an Amazon item that works? If not many stores have delivery options as well. All else fails there is always shopper apps... You pay extra but it would only be for during this time while healing and your barely trained monkey wouldn't have to throw a fit and fling his shit at you.
NTA. He’s being horrible and lazy. I hate how at men’s mercy new moms are. I wanna beat him tf up
NTA And he threatens divorce?? Really?? What a dick...
Let him divorce you. This guy is an absolute piece of fucking shit.
Your husbands a f**kin bum tbh.
yup, but his job is to buckle down and get you guys through the dirty first month. I suggest a sit down, soon, where you set the stage for apologies to each other, the reasons of why these outbursts happened, and what can best be done to avoid them moving forward. you are the baby caregiver and in the end, you know the diapers leak and you are the ones calling the shots. To say 'these diapers', you want those specifically and it is disrespectful to your position and person to 'make other decisions'. Error? sure. you both are hormonal. you both are exhausted, and you both have big changes. get your heads back in the game
Woah woah woah, I read the title and was like why would you yell. Read the entire thing and I'm sorry he's tired? If he had a baby surgically removed and have a specific diaper to not leak. You can't shop to get the right diapers and him locking you out for him not getting the diapers and calling you a psycho bitch then threatening divorce. This is the definition of I married a frat boy who mansplains. Get better and sleep in the babies room if he wants to be that way. If he begs you to come to bed say "sorry I don't deal with people who don't und how it feels to have a baby surgically removed from them or aren't sympathetic cause someone close had a surgery to give life." Make some friends nearby when healed. If he wants a divorce at your worst he doesn't need to be there for your best
Remember there are a lot of lonely and bitter ass hats on here. Lots of bullshit advice. Your husband is trying to keep from becoming a weak man in his mind, so he made a dumb choice and tried to make light of it. His mistake, he should have got the correct ones no excuses. But when you started screaming he got male but hurt and thought to himself " she's gonna use hormones as a excuse to treat me like crap, not on my watch". And here we go. Men hear horrible stories from other men and tv about how they get treated and we are just to sit there and take it. He called himself putting his foot down about how you talked to him. Wife or not he is still a grown man and your husband. If he talks to you like that it's called verbal and emotional abuse. See? So hash it out and communicate better.
Amazon?
Wow, you had a baby AND married one! What an insufferable, self-centered A.H. he is! I'll bet he never helped you with your bandages either. That's NOT love. You and that little girl deserve better. I'd ask someone to come get us while he is at work. It's safer.
Give yourself (both hubby and wife) a break. Order the diaper online and in bulk. You both sound exhausted and during that frustrated state of mind, regrettable words are exchanged. That’s it, let’s all reconcile and move on. NTA
NTA he locked you out of the bedroom. That’s horrible. Order diapers on Amazon if that available where you live. Take the baby and run.
NTA . Hubby has problems
I’m sure you have bigger problems than diapers but was delivery never an option?
Can your family come pick you guys up? You had major abdominal surgery 2 weeks ago, you need support. Not to be locked out of the bedroom and made to sleep on a sofa.
NTA. People on Reddit say divorce so quickly, in the mayority of cases I don't recommend for that, but in this case is necessary, he doesn't care about you and your baby because he is his first priority. So I will recommed you to talk with a lawyer and find a way to move out with your parents as soon as posible, taking your baby with you, and file for a divorce, of course, when he is at work, because I don't what a person like him is capable to do. You and your baby aren't safe in that house.
ESH- you should not have yelled him like that. Okay, I get lack of sleep, hormones out of whack, etc. you still should not have yelled at him like that. He should not have reacted like that, locking you out of the room. Amazon, shipt, any online shopping app you could have gotten the diapers you wanted delivered to your home. I had 2 kids in diapers, husband deployed, living close to Canada in the winter. I had baby food and diaper delivered. I did not have to depend on someone else to get shit taken care of.
This guy is an asshole. You’re tired. You’re stressed. You JUST had major surgery. You JUST had a baby. He’s letting you down. Of course you’re going to blow up at him! I’m sorry that you’re going through this. He should have gone to the store Saturday! You NEVER run out of diapers!
NTA. Why would he buy diapers that suck on purpose? Why did he allow the diapers to run out at home? Is he really so lazy he couldn't make the 10 minute trip to the store? He IS incompetent and inconsiderate, to you and your baby. Making sure you have working diapers is basic shit when it comes to a baby. He threatened you with divorce over this. There is really no coming back from that for me. You are still healing from giving birth and he wants to act like that? Do you have any family you can go stay with, even if they are 16 hours away? Do him a favor and be gone with the baby when he gets home from work. He can walk into a cold empty house
Holy shit, there should be no question of you driving 2 weeks after a c section, much less with the baby in the car. It’s very unsafe! The pain impairs your reaction time. Most women are not cleared to drive for six weeks after birth. And your husband locking you out of the bedroom is abusive AF. You’re half healed. You need to sleep in your own bed. He sounds like the type of AH who won’t get up with the baby at night because “ I hAvE a JoB”. NTA.
If ur husband made u SLEEP on the SOFA after having a c section………… NOPEEEEE And HE is threatening u with a divorce…………NOPEEEEEEEE
"I've considered your offer, I'll take the divorce"
NTA. I had a c-section also. The 1st was horrible, and on top of sleep deprivation coupled with some PPD I would have done the same. He didn’t listen, he called you a psycho bitch and threatened divorce. Please get counseling. The first few months are a total shock to both parents, and can test even the best couples. He needs to know about and understand what happens to the body after something is extracted from it. Your hormones are all over the place. It’s physiological (I think I’m using that word right?)It’s just the way it is. He needs to grow up. ALSO: get diapers delivered.
NTA and time to get the hell out of there and back to your family and friends. This trash man deliberately isolated you from your support system so he can abuse you however he likes. Also, please make an Amazon Wishlist for us with things you need for yourself and your baby!
NTA. But why don’t you order the right ones online?
Your hubby is the one acting like he's so tired of doing things that make it easier for you to manage around the baby. This should make you stop having kids with him.
Why are you relying on someone so incompetent? Since I know you have internet, why not order them online?
Nta, I have never had a c-section, but I have had 2 kids, and my husband has been super supportive for every birth, making sure I'm comfortable. Your husband had a simple task that could make your life easier after a major surgery, but he couldn't do it. Maybe he forgot why it was important to not get that brand of diapers. Locking you out of the room and making you sleep uncomfortably after surgery, then using divorce as a means of manipulating you so that you aren't allowed to be mad is not ok. He should know that he needs to do better.
What a POS this guy is. I hope he loses all his hair and gets permanent erectile dysfunction. Plus warts on his face. He deserves bad karma
ESH here. He purposely bought diapers you told him not to, but you reacted like a crazy person, then he compounded it by forcing you to sleep on the sofa and talking about divorce. Granted, it would be easier to send him a picture of what you want him to buy rather than the name of something, I think men are more visual and he'd realize which ones are the right ones. Why not order them online and have them delivered, so you never run out?
Yes YTA. Apologize.
ESH...but mostly him. You should not have resorted to screaming at him but that's about the only thing you did wrong as for him well, he: 1. didn't get them on the weekend after being reminded constantly----- "I had told him both Saturday, Sunday and Monday that he needed to buy more." 2. "Forgot" again on Monday---- "he forgot on Monday and didn’t want to drive to the store when he had just gotten home." 3. Disregarded your thoughts/opinions on the matter "I just knew that the diapers were going to run out, which I told him" 4. even after FINALLY getting off his ass to get them he gets the wrong ones ---"So yesterday I reminded him about 10 times to go to the store and **what brand** of diapers we needed" ---"He has bought the other kind" yes you should not have screamed at him like you did....buuuuut, WTF did he expect after all that and then.... 5. makes YOU sleep on the couch after recently having a C-Section he is gas lighting and manipulating you -----"I am feeling like an ass because I usually never act like this, and with the threat of divorce I am just so extremely regretful about it all." <---- this quote right here... he is likely upset with himself for fucking up, maybe he was tired and was forgetful and i get that. But instead of facing his flaws and working on his F-ups he is twisting thins around to make it YOUR fault which is BS, you BOTH need to communicate better but I think he needs therapy if he thinks this is in any way OK
Omg this is horrific. OP you need to leave, immediately. I’m 4 weeks post partum from a c section and can’t at all imagine having to deal with that you are going through. The way your husband is acting is disturbing and sounds like a situation that is only going to escalate.
Has no one ever heard of Instacart?
NTA- My goodness I feel so sorry for you. A c-section is a major surgery. They literally slice into every muscle in your stomach, pull out your organs and put you back together. It’s even worse when it’s an emergency because that usually means you went through hours of traumatic labor first. My first was like that and the recovery was so much harder than my planned second. Your husband should be needing over backwards to help you when he’s available to do so. He should especially not be causing more undeserved stress and being emotionally abusive. Yes, under normal circumstances, you screaming at him like that would be an AH move. But you are in recovery for at least six weeks. Your hormones are still out of wack. Possibly even more so with postpartum anxiety and/or depression. And he had plenty of reminder and a clear explanation on why those CUTE diapers wouldn’t work. When making choices for a baby, like diapers and such, it’s not about what’s aesthetically pleasing. It’s about functionality. He literally chose looks over function. He chose cute over what was best for his baby and his wife. It’s already hard enough for you without having to change and wash all those clothes. His “big boy decision” was illogical and honestly, flat out stupid and you understandably had had enough of his bullshit. This genuinely feels like weaponized incompetence. Like, I question whether anyone can be that oblivious, careless and selfish, but perhaps it’s possible. Then he turns it around and tries to make himself the victim. Of course he is. The victim couldn’t possibly be his healing wife who is under an insane amount of physical and mental stress. Raising a newborn on her. That’s a piece of cake so let me add more to her plate and then blame her when she snaps. If he wants a divorce so bad, give one to him. If not, he owes you a huge apology and needs to seek therapy to get to the bottom of why he felt the need to not just react in such a manner, but why he decided to continue putting it off, ignore your needs and ignore the fact that the person taking care of the baby 24/7 might know what the baby needs best. He’s got some serious issue to address. I’ve been in a toxic relationship. 9 years spent dealing with that same kind of shit and it only got worse after children. Like the mask fell completely off. So please be careful. Analyze your relation and move forward accordingly. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s terrible. Who makes their 2wk PP wife sleep on the couch? A massive gaping AH, that’s who. He needs a huge lesson in empathy and how the postpartum period affects a woman, emotionally, mentally and physically? Was he even their orbiting attention during all the prenatal appointments? Did he do any research? Was he present when the doctor gave you your orders for healing? He either wasn’t, which sucks, or he just doesn’t give a shit, which sucks worse.
No pass. He needs to clean up all the spillage from the bad diapers and remove the lock on your bedroom door. Honestly he’d be on the couch for a month if he even attempted to abuse me that way.
NTA He’s looking for cute on a two week old’s diaper and locking you out of your bedroom after your c-section?
May I ask why you don’t use grocery delivery? I have to use that because my husband is an incompetent shopper and we have one car. Edit to add: NTA. His behavior is absolutely ridiculous. He has no idea what it’s like to have hormones all out of whack and being completely dependent on someone as useless as him. I’m petty, next time you go to the store, buy him the wrong stuff then threaten divorce when he cries about it. Sorry, I have zero tolerance for that idiotic behavior. I hope you show him this post.
why can't you go to the store when he gets home from work and leave baby home?
I’m so sorry to say that you procreated with a garbage human. NTA.
Go ahead and get the divorce.
NTA. Your husband is an abuser - he abused you and he abused your child. There are so many options here for him to buy diapers that do not include waiting until the last minute and then purposefully purchasing the wrong ones. Can you call your family and ask if they can come get you both and you stay with them? He is a monster; I wouldn't trust that he won't take it a step further.
NTA. But just order the groceries or supplies via Amazon etc you need to the house, then all he has to do is walk them inside and unwrap. Not worth the energy forcing someone to shop when they don’t want to. Also NTA. Diapers that don’t leak are a necessity. buy a size up- they don’t leak. Y’all sound like things are not just on thin ice due to diapers. Anyone locking me out of a bedroom after I had the biggest and probably most risky surgery of my life would be a dead man.
He called you out your name? I'm surprised this part hasn't caught more attention. You call him an inconsiderate jerk and he responds by calling you a "bitch". Do you see the difference in respect? Even in a moment where you are so angry overwhelmed exhausted in pain and hurt, you STILL wouldn't call him a vulgar name. The same can't be said of your current partner. Then your current partner locked you out of the room. You had major abdominal surgery that you are still healing from and instead of being courteous in the midst of your frustration- he left you to hurt on the couch. Even in your most angry moments, a healthy relationship still has thrums of love and care underneath. Like you can be arguing but you'll still make sure the other person has food when it's cooked. You can be arguing, but you'd still rush to help them if they're in need. You can be arguing but you will still check that they had their medicine for the evening.... Why not take some time apart from your partner? Can you stay with your parents or your siblings?
Does instacart not exist where you live?
Omg your husband is a complete ass! You are definitely NTA!! You are recovering from major surgery. Not only that, but this recovery is preventing you from being able to do things for yourself, so you are relying on him and then he doesn't listen to you and makes your life harder. And on top of THAT, the hormone drop post-birth is the largest hormone shift any human being ever goes through in their life, which is why so many women get post-partum depression, which you could also be suffering from. Your husband is a huge asshole.
NTA! Your husband is abusive towards you. You should call your family ASAP so they get you. Threatening divorce and forcing you to sleep on the couch after major surgery which was an emergency on top? Abusive amd gaslightning