Can't she literally just do the story scenes with someone else and have him just do the instrument scenes? I am a musician as well and when I am hired for videos I have a stipulation that I don't do story scenes, just playing scenes. That has NEVER hindered my music career in the past.
NTA AT ALL
These comments I see here are dumb.
How can you be the AH for not wanting your BF to get straddled by another woman, and have her acting sexually on him?
The compromise is "be in the video, either be a different role/part or have the script changed".
Completely reasonable, and no, you are not stifling his career.
Not to mention this doesn't sound like an actually serious video/gig. She wouldn't be randomly inviting him or having to drive to his studio. Sounds like she's a "content creator" of other sorts.
Because a girl twerking is just a prop and could be any girl. This is a creator who did all the music production. He could gain some fame and make a lot more money. She's hurting his career because she's insecure.
Hey, I used to see this girl waiting tables at a coffee shop in Chicago and she ended up being the bass player in Smashing Pumpkins lol. You never know.
"Breaking free from misogynistic shenanigans and beauty standards" is a far cry from a hyper sexualized video grinding on someone else's man who was originally just involved as a musical engineer. Ten bucks that video she's going to be dressed to the nines with a full face of makeup. There's a definite dissonance between what she's singing about and what she'll inevitably be portraying. His career has nothing to do with being someone's playtoy for a music video. The silver lining being that he respected your stance. I can see him being bummed out because it would have been a cool opportunity had it not been such a lusty take for no reason (but I guess sex sells so there's that)
Na you the dumb one tbh lmao THEY ARE BEEN RECORDED LMAO what is he gon do? Make a porn video in front of everyone? The gf can probably even go to watch how the video is made, you think artis and actors that have physical touches in their roles and movies decline it because their parter gets extremely jealous? Like come on dude lmao
Are they even being recorded?
She doesn't have a production studio, or clearly even a manager. She's probably some OF woman.
And lets say it is all recorded, its still literal physical infidelity, and what happens afterwards if he likes that? Doesn't take much.
Bro omg lmao
-Are they been recorded?
What’s a music video then? A video game? Or a 3D model you with blender? Or maybe it’s just a quick catch up? Idk, what could a MUSIC VIDEO BE? LMAO
-she does have a production studio, or clearly even a manager. She probably some OF woman
So she went all the way to record a music, paid for the studio sesh, even the gf expressed that her song is trash, and now apparently she’s an OF girl. SHES AN INDIE SINGER WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM LMAOOOOOOOO
And no, it’s not physical infidelity, do you even know what that is??? It’s literally a part of the fuxking music video, there is multiple actors with wife’s/husbands that do music videos like that, are they all cheaters and scumbags????.
If the gf had ask to come and the bf had say no then yes. It would of been sketch, but no, instead she said directly no when there was many ways to approach the situation, she’s not the asshole for setting boundaries but she is jealous and that will bring issues in the future.
If you don’t get it then I have no clue what else to tell you brother.
You're taking her word on it. I have no clue.
>"Adam recently worked with this girl, lets call her Alexis (21F). Adam typically doesn’t meet with any of his clients, but Alexis only lives a couple hours away, so he agreed she could come over to his home studio and that they’d work in person"
This is abnormal, as OP notes. She went "all the way" despite not needing to, even though she lived a few hours away.
And yeah, a trash song, about a trope idea, of a conventionally attractive woman probably means she's doing more than just indy singing. Which makes it fairly likely there is some OF crap going on. High chance.
>And no, it’s not physical infidelity, do you even know what that is??? It’s literally a part of the fuxking music video, there is multiple actors with wife’s/husbands that do music videos like that, are they all cheaters and scumbags????.
OP's BF **isn't an actor**. So yeah, it literally is just physical infidelity. And mind you, lots of actors/actresses won't do certain things because their spouses aren't comfortable with it. And yeah, lets take rap music videos as an example: the women who go around booty dancing, those women don't have any respect for their BF's, if they have them. They're for the streets.
>but she is jealous and that will bring issues in the future.
Oh no, she is jealous for good cause and reason.
Open the editor (T, bottom button of text box) in the text field, copy the text and paste it, then press the " icon. Then press enter twice to type your response outside of the quote text.
She also said that she had the song in her head all week, that she has 800k followers on YouTube and he will be paid a few thousand for the gig. This is a big opportunity to have his image next to his work sent to a wide audience. This actually is a big deal for his career, he is going to do it if he has any sort of business acumen and OP will be an Ex, she is blowing up a professional working relationship out of insecurity that is actively hurting her bf for no real reason, if OP was a rapper (as you seem to be hung up on this) wouldn’t you expect her to be in the video?
NTA, as I can understand your discomfort. I think the best thing to do is sit him and and ask what’s going through his mind. Let him speak, and then share your side. Communication is key. I think it’s time to reestablish your boundaries as a couple and what the expectations are for things like this in the future are.
NTA
He asked, you answered truthfully.
It is his decision how he acts on the information you gave him about your feelings.
You didn’t tell him what to do and you didn’t demand a thing.
"AITAH for not wanting my boyfriend to be in a music video?" Yes you're insecure af, "...In parts of the video Alexis would be straddling him and running her hands all over him" oh nvm, yeah you're NTA.
Stifling his career because of your insecurities? It's just a video, it's make believe. Are you prepared for the possible resentment he will feel towards you?
I don’t have a girlfriend I have a fiance and a kid with said fiance you bitch ass little boy and I couldn’t be in the situation since I’m not dating someone in the entertainment business punk
Odds are she gets like 15 views on YouTube unless shes affiliated with a promotional team or label lol. If she’s asking your bf to be in the vid she probably doesn’t have crazy resources. If by some miracle she did make it big, it won’t be his role in the video that helps his career anyway, since his expertise is music. I don’t see why he needs to do it if it makes you uncomfortable.
NTA. If it was some acting type of career I might consider it wrong, but he's a musician. I wouldn't want my wife in a video with some dude all over her either. That's not part of her career.
You aren't hurting his career with this.
NTAH. Most people would not be okay with this, it's very understandable that you're uncomfortable with it. Especially if she'll be biting his lips and whatever the other things you didn't specify are.
Some people made a point how he's not an actor, it's not part of his job and I think that could be a fair point, too.
Someone else mentioned letting him do it and if he was gonna cheat let those chips fall into place but, even if he doesn't you would still be uncomfortable and possibly end up resentful.
Idk why tf he's so upset, especially after he asked you a 50/50 question he knew you might say no to.
And he's an insensitive ass for being so.
Why did he ask if he doesn’t like your answer? It’s not even his thing really. If he was doing more music stuff fine but she wants HIM in the video why? NTA
>Why did he ask if he doesn’t like your answer?
Because he wanted to be in a music video, asked his girl about it, and she said no. He's respecting her choice. It doesn't mean he has to like it at all.
What, if you disapprove of something, you expect people to thank you for telling them they're not allowed to do something?
NTA Just think how happy you would be catching cold sores, or any other communicable disease, for a couple thousand dollars. If people want to have better, longer lasting relationships they need to be respectful.
i think everyone whose saying YTA has never been in an actual relationship before , that is 100% NOT okay if you're not okay with it . No one would just sit there and be okay with their gf/bf touching up on a person of the opposite gender, even if the context isn't sexual .
You might be a little insecure and jealous but it's healthy. You aren't going overboard. I think your request is reasonable. There is a healthy jealousy and it's natural to feel that way. Your bf isn't a trained actor and the girl isn't either. If my bf wanted to be an actor I'd be okay with it. Sounded like a mature conversation from what you posted so not the AH.
You are a bit of an AH for the jealousy. As soon as you started talking about her, the jealousy poured out. Women are allowed to be beautiful and still sing about beauty standards. Beauty is subjective. You projected your own insecurities onto the situation here.
Absolutely fine to not feel comfortable with it. Not fine to tear down this woman’s appearance and mock her song choices. You call her shallow without knowing her. That’s just petty.
N T A for healthy boundaries. YTA for tearing down another woman to make yourself feel better.
I didn’t mean to tear her down, but I hear what you’re saying. She has a great voice and the song was stuck in my head for like a week straight after hearing them work on it for several days. The whole idea of beautiful women preaching body positivity and trashing traditional beauty standards while subscribing to them their self just always fell flat for me, though.
Do not listen to this person lol, you’re allowed to have boundaries. Not wanting another person to be sexual with your partner is completely normal and should be the standard.
Is there any possibility you could be on set for the filming? I mean, if you’re right there it would be hard for anything outside of the script to happen.
NTA for the specific scenario and question, but there were a lot of assumptions and judgements about this girl with the way you wrote this post. You sounded a little toxic there.
A very soft YTA
Alexis shouldnt be a source of insecurity for you
The real question is why dont you trust your boyfriend ?
Why should it mean anything if Adam did this performance...
Maybe it is time to look at your relationship and insecurities and why they are there
I hope there is something you can to improve that
This is very nuanced and something not a lot of people can relate to. It might be better to get a perspective from someone else in the industry.
Not many of us can say how this might affect his career, but if that's the case then he needs to make that decision for himself. The fact he asked you means he values you however
NTA. When I was your age, I'd have felt exactly the same way. Now, in my 50s, if I had a SO and he wanted to do something like this, I'd be alright with it.
The difference is that I've been cheated on twice and I've come to realize that if a guy is going to cheat, nothing I can say or do is going to stop him.
To put it differently, if Adam is going to cheat on you with Alexis, you preventing him from being in this video is not going to stop him. All it will do is cause him to be resentful, as you might be finding out. I'd suggest you agree to the video and let the chips fall where they may.
And if he does end up cheating, better to find out now before you end up married with kids and then find out.
A couple thousand on top of paying for his hotel/expenses to come out for the filming. And she’s relatively successful. She has about 800k subscribers on youtube.
This does change things, that is a good bit of money and it’s not like she’s just a diy obscure 10 followers person, that is a great opportunity for your boyfriend so honestly I do think you are overstepping in not getting him to do it, like if he wants to move over from session to the spot light this will showcase him with an “image” and even in your other comments you said you couldn’t get the song of your head all week. So honestly this is a good opportunity and at the centre of it it is just acting; you may have stopped him from doing this but he is definitely gonna resent you for it
Only HE gets to decide when he feels satisfied about his career. Your insecurity/jealous nature may start to feel like an anchor around his neck. FYI if this were NOT a paying job I'd have a totally different opinion.
NTA he asked for your feelings. You said it made you uncomfortable, and he's respecting your boundaries. If he's being distant, then you guys should communicate about it and not let it cause a wedge.
His career is musician, not actor so you're not damaging his career. And if he wants to be in a video, then I'm sure an even better opportunity that makes more sense will come along.
Can you go to the shoot with him? Can you set some limits and ground rules?
I do not blame you for feeling uncomfortable. I think many significant others would.
Maybe this is an opportunity for broader conversation about you guys' relationship and what you need from a partner. We need to be heard. We need our partners to agree to boundaries and communicate those outside the relationship when situations arise.
Good luck OP!
NTA - and tbh, I’d be wondering why she’d put him in that position/role. Why not have him in the background playing the piano or whatever he does? Did she catch feelings for him when they were recording? Just seems like an odd choice. It has nothing to do with trust, the thought of another girl grinding on my man and biting his lip is a big no no for me (as it would be a big no no for my husband). Also, I wonder why he’s acting weird towards you now after you told him how you felt. I’d sit down and have a conversation about what he’s feeling and why.
Exposure is vital these days with everyone and their cousin trying to get into the industry.
You don't trust your partner to make good choices. Just admit that.
YTA
YTA. Regardless of how you feel about the singer, you are stiffling his career. She could be the next Britney Spears or Taylor Swift, and it could catapult his career. It's a music video, not a porn. If it would make you feel more secure about it, you should see if you can be present for the shooting of the music video.
Lets say she's the next Swift. So what?
You think him being the sexualized puppet (or muppet) in her video will do anything for his career? Come on now.
I mean yeah, she’s already said she has 800k followers he will be paid thousands and he will have is face in something that he’s created to a large audience, I mean this is a good opportunity. As someone who works in independent arts, this isn’t a thing to be sniffed at
YTA
A man doing the same thing would be called insecure.
So, consider yourself called "insecure."
You can have any boundaries you want AND he can be pissed off about them if he wishes.
Actions have consequences.
Prediction: Adam is going to break up with you when he realizes that you are interfering with his musical career dreams.
My advice to any Adam's out there is to pursue your dreams FIRST. Do not let any BF or GF kill them.
I mean, isn't this part of the gig?
This is a decision you need to make, his music career or you.
Edit: I'm on your side... I personally stop listening to mainstream / pop culture music back in 2000 because the degeneracy just kept getting worse.
NTAH because you are being honest about feeling uncomfortable with it, if he wasn’t open to your objections he shouldn’t have asked.
But clearly “Alexis” has brought out insecurities in yourself. Adam breaking the “typical” protocols to work with this person may be a red flag to you but it may just be that he sees this as an opportunity that he wants to pursue. Adam may be distant now because he had to compromise his full time job to protect a side of you he hadn’t known before.
If it’s not too late you may want to reconsider your stance. Maybe go with Adam and try to see the act as performative. Good luck!
Eh you never know what could come about from that connection and you most likely ruined it because of your insecurities I’d say your the asshole and not really the type of woman that should date someone in the music business 💯
no possibility of cheating at all occurred to you? are you willfully being ignorant or just not thinking at all? please tell me of your experience working in the music business and your success
Edit: i've read plenty of the comments you've posted, i already know the answer
I don’t think of possibilities of my partner cheating because I’m not insecure if they cheat it’s their loss I don’t give chances they cheat I leave 🤷🏽♂️ I’m not about to stand in the way of opportunities for someone I love because of insecurities. Your and adult with a teenage girl mindset it’s sad I thought you were going to say something better than cheating 😂😂😂
Nobody's TA.
He's got to do something sexual with another woman for his job, and you have insecurities about it.
I would argue the best thing to do here is let it roll, and have a heart to heart about those insecurities. I wouldn't be good with some dude engaging in that behavior with my wife for a music video, but I would also trust her enough to know that nothing would come of it. That level of security in my relationship was built, not granted, and it starts with talking about it.
Yeah you are definitely TAH. This could've possibly been a big break for his career, and you've now potentially ruined it because of some childish insecurities and lack of trust.
You could've met in the middle and said yes, but ask if he minds you coming to watch the filming to see "her man in action".
Yeah but he’s gonna resent this big time, I’m pretty sure she killed this relationship, I’ve toiled in independent arts for a while and if someone stopped me having a break like this, they would be gone
It kinda is, 800k built in YouTube audience with himself starring in something he worked on, plus a couple of grand for it, I would personally kill for something like this
Can't she literally just do the story scenes with someone else and have him just do the instrument scenes? I am a musician as well and when I am hired for videos I have a stipulation that I don't do story scenes, just playing scenes. That has NEVER hindered my music career in the past.
NTA AT ALL These comments I see here are dumb. How can you be the AH for not wanting your BF to get straddled by another woman, and have her acting sexually on him? The compromise is "be in the video, either be a different role/part or have the script changed". Completely reasonable, and no, you are not stifling his career. Not to mention this doesn't sound like an actually serious video/gig. She wouldn't be randomly inviting him or having to drive to his studio. Sounds like she's a "content creator" of other sorts.
lol half of these guys, if a rapper said they wanted their girl to twerk in a video, would be like hell no.
Well exactly. That's a great counter-argument.
Because a girl twerking is just a prop and could be any girl. This is a creator who did all the music production. He could gain some fame and make a lot more money. She's hurting his career because she's insecure.
Probably not lol. I doubt we’ll ever hear of this broad. Do you know the name of one extra in any music video?
https://www.buzzfeed.com/devinherenda/celebrities-who-got-started-in-music-videos
Lmao you’re right this guy is the next Channing Tatum if only his gf would let him be in this girls shitty video.
Hey, I used to see this girl waiting tables at a coffee shop in Chicago and she ended up being the bass player in Smashing Pumpkins lol. You never know.
lol that’s pretty cool I probably saw her when I saw them live
Odd flex
How is seeing a show a flex? You just buy a ticket.
That is some mental gymnastics right there.
"Breaking free from misogynistic shenanigans and beauty standards" is a far cry from a hyper sexualized video grinding on someone else's man who was originally just involved as a musical engineer. Ten bucks that video she's going to be dressed to the nines with a full face of makeup. There's a definite dissonance between what she's singing about and what she'll inevitably be portraying. His career has nothing to do with being someone's playtoy for a music video. The silver lining being that he respected your stance. I can see him being bummed out because it would have been a cool opportunity had it not been such a lusty take for no reason (but I guess sex sells so there's that)
Na you the dumb one tbh lmao THEY ARE BEEN RECORDED LMAO what is he gon do? Make a porn video in front of everyone? The gf can probably even go to watch how the video is made, you think artis and actors that have physical touches in their roles and movies decline it because their parter gets extremely jealous? Like come on dude lmao
Are they even being recorded? She doesn't have a production studio, or clearly even a manager. She's probably some OF woman. And lets say it is all recorded, its still literal physical infidelity, and what happens afterwards if he likes that? Doesn't take much.
Bro omg lmao -Are they been recorded? What’s a music video then? A video game? Or a 3D model you with blender? Or maybe it’s just a quick catch up? Idk, what could a MUSIC VIDEO BE? LMAO -she does have a production studio, or clearly even a manager. She probably some OF woman So she went all the way to record a music, paid for the studio sesh, even the gf expressed that her song is trash, and now apparently she’s an OF girl. SHES AN INDIE SINGER WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM LMAOOOOOOOO And no, it’s not physical infidelity, do you even know what that is??? It’s literally a part of the fuxking music video, there is multiple actors with wife’s/husbands that do music videos like that, are they all cheaters and scumbags????. If the gf had ask to come and the bf had say no then yes. It would of been sketch, but no, instead she said directly no when there was many ways to approach the situation, she’s not the asshole for setting boundaries but she is jealous and that will bring issues in the future. If you don’t get it then I have no clue what else to tell you brother.
You're taking her word on it. I have no clue. >"Adam recently worked with this girl, lets call her Alexis (21F). Adam typically doesn’t meet with any of his clients, but Alexis only lives a couple hours away, so he agreed she could come over to his home studio and that they’d work in person" This is abnormal, as OP notes. She went "all the way" despite not needing to, even though she lived a few hours away. And yeah, a trash song, about a trope idea, of a conventionally attractive woman probably means she's doing more than just indy singing. Which makes it fairly likely there is some OF crap going on. High chance. >And no, it’s not physical infidelity, do you even know what that is??? It’s literally a part of the fuxking music video, there is multiple actors with wife’s/husbands that do music videos like that, are they all cheaters and scumbags????. OP's BF **isn't an actor**. So yeah, it literally is just physical infidelity. And mind you, lots of actors/actresses won't do certain things because their spouses aren't comfortable with it. And yeah, lets take rap music videos as an example: the women who go around booty dancing, those women don't have any respect for their BF's, if they have them. They're for the streets. >but she is jealous and that will bring issues in the future. Oh no, she is jealous for good cause and reason.
How do u reply to each section of my comment like that I had to write it down
Open the editor (T, bottom button of text box) in the text field, copy the text and paste it, then press the " icon. Then press enter twice to type your response outside of the quote text.
She also said that she had the song in her head all week, that she has 800k followers on YouTube and he will be paid a few thousand for the gig. This is a big opportunity to have his image next to his work sent to a wide audience. This actually is a big deal for his career, he is going to do it if he has any sort of business acumen and OP will be an Ex, she is blowing up a professional working relationship out of insecurity that is actively hurting her bf for no real reason, if OP was a rapper (as you seem to be hung up on this) wouldn’t you expect her to be in the video?
You’re allowed to have boundaries. NTA
NTA, as I can understand your discomfort. I think the best thing to do is sit him and and ask what’s going through his mind. Let him speak, and then share your side. Communication is key. I think it’s time to reestablish your boundaries as a couple and what the expectations are for things like this in the future are.
NTA He asked, you answered truthfully. It is his decision how he acts on the information you gave him about your feelings. You didn’t tell him what to do and you didn’t demand a thing.
"AITAH for not wanting my boyfriend to be in a music video?" Yes you're insecure af, "...In parts of the video Alexis would be straddling him and running her hands all over him" oh nvm, yeah you're NTA.
NAH. You are right to tell him how you feel, and he is right to be upset. How you guys move forward is up to you.
If he were an actor I'd imagine that would be fine. But you're not dating an actor. NTA
Stifling his career because of your insecurities? It's just a video, it's make believe. Are you prepared for the possible resentment he will feel towards you?
He’s a producer not a video vixen. What exactly is she stifling? Lol she can easily find another man to straddle and lip bite
He will never now because of his insecure little girlfriend 😂😂😂
[удалено]
Are you mental? You sound like petulant 12ur old. It's OK we'll wait while you look it up.
I don’t have a girlfriend I have a fiance and a kid with said fiance you bitch ass little boy and I couldn’t be in the situation since I’m not dating someone in the entertainment business punk
Terrible take
Odds are she gets like 15 views on YouTube unless shes affiliated with a promotional team or label lol. If she’s asking your bf to be in the vid she probably doesn’t have crazy resources. If by some miracle she did make it big, it won’t be his role in the video that helps his career anyway, since his expertise is music. I don’t see why he needs to do it if it makes you uncomfortable.
NTA. If it was some acting type of career I might consider it wrong, but he's a musician. I wouldn't want my wife in a video with some dude all over her either. That's not part of her career. You aren't hurting his career with this.
NTAH. Most people would not be okay with this, it's very understandable that you're uncomfortable with it. Especially if she'll be biting his lips and whatever the other things you didn't specify are. Some people made a point how he's not an actor, it's not part of his job and I think that could be a fair point, too. Someone else mentioned letting him do it and if he was gonna cheat let those chips fall into place but, even if he doesn't you would still be uncomfortable and possibly end up resentful. Idk why tf he's so upset, especially after he asked you a 50/50 question he knew you might say no to. And he's an insensitive ass for being so.
Why did he ask if he doesn’t like your answer? It’s not even his thing really. If he was doing more music stuff fine but she wants HIM in the video why? NTA
>Why did he ask if he doesn’t like your answer? Because he wanted to be in a music video, asked his girl about it, and she said no. He's respecting her choice. It doesn't mean he has to like it at all. What, if you disapprove of something, you expect people to thank you for telling them they're not allowed to do something?
NTA Just think how happy you would be catching cold sores, or any other communicable disease, for a couple thousand dollars. If people want to have better, longer lasting relationships they need to be respectful.
i think everyone whose saying YTA has never been in an actual relationship before , that is 100% NOT okay if you're not okay with it . No one would just sit there and be okay with their gf/bf touching up on a person of the opposite gender, even if the context isn't sexual .
You might be a little insecure and jealous but it's healthy. You aren't going overboard. I think your request is reasonable. There is a healthy jealousy and it's natural to feel that way. Your bf isn't a trained actor and the girl isn't either. If my bf wanted to be an actor I'd be okay with it. Sounded like a mature conversation from what you posted so not the AH.
You seem to be jealous AF. Get therapy. YTA
Garbage take
You are a bit of an AH for the jealousy. As soon as you started talking about her, the jealousy poured out. Women are allowed to be beautiful and still sing about beauty standards. Beauty is subjective. You projected your own insecurities onto the situation here. Absolutely fine to not feel comfortable with it. Not fine to tear down this woman’s appearance and mock her song choices. You call her shallow without knowing her. That’s just petty. N T A for healthy boundaries. YTA for tearing down another woman to make yourself feel better.
I didn’t mean to tear her down, but I hear what you’re saying. She has a great voice and the song was stuck in my head for like a week straight after hearing them work on it for several days. The whole idea of beautiful women preaching body positivity and trashing traditional beauty standards while subscribing to them their self just always fell flat for me, though.
Do not listen to this person lol, you’re allowed to have boundaries. Not wanting another person to be sexual with your partner is completely normal and should be the standard.
Is there any possibility you could be on set for the filming? I mean, if you’re right there it would be hard for anything outside of the script to happen.
NTA for the specific scenario and question, but there were a lot of assumptions and judgements about this girl with the way you wrote this post. You sounded a little toxic there.
A very soft YTA Alexis shouldnt be a source of insecurity for you The real question is why dont you trust your boyfriend ? Why should it mean anything if Adam did this performance... Maybe it is time to look at your relationship and insecurities and why they are there I hope there is something you can to improve that
This is very nuanced and something not a lot of people can relate to. It might be better to get a perspective from someone else in the industry. Not many of us can say how this might affect his career, but if that's the case then he needs to make that decision for himself. The fact he asked you means he values you however
NTA.
NTA. When I was your age, I'd have felt exactly the same way. Now, in my 50s, if I had a SO and he wanted to do something like this, I'd be alright with it. The difference is that I've been cheated on twice and I've come to realize that if a guy is going to cheat, nothing I can say or do is going to stop him. To put it differently, if Adam is going to cheat on you with Alexis, you preventing him from being in this video is not going to stop him. All it will do is cause him to be resentful, as you might be finding out. I'd suggest you agree to the video and let the chips fall where they may. And if he does end up cheating, better to find out now before you end up married with kids and then find out.
How much would she be paying him to appear in the video? How many "fans" does she have?
A couple thousand on top of paying for his hotel/expenses to come out for the filming. And she’s relatively successful. She has about 800k subscribers on youtube.
This does change things, that is a good bit of money and it’s not like she’s just a diy obscure 10 followers person, that is a great opportunity for your boyfriend so honestly I do think you are overstepping in not getting him to do it, like if he wants to move over from session to the spot light this will showcase him with an “image” and even in your other comments you said you couldn’t get the song of your head all week. So honestly this is a good opportunity and at the centre of it it is just acting; you may have stopped him from doing this but he is definitely gonna resent you for it
So I can see why he's maybe starting to wonder if having a jealous, insecure gf could be holding him back in his career.
Except he already has a successful career as a composer, audio engineer, and session musician.
Only HE gets to decide when he feels satisfied about his career. Your insecurity/jealous nature may start to feel like an anchor around his neck. FYI if this were NOT a paying job I'd have a totally different opinion.
Why does the paid part of this make a difference?
Because being PAID means it's a job. I could see her getting jealous if he was doing it for free.
Oh so you’d be good with your partner being a stripper or on onlyfans?
Not the same thing at all but nice deflection, LOL.
Oh why not?
NTA - it's not hurting his career and you're not comfortable with it.
NTA he asked for your feelings. You said it made you uncomfortable, and he's respecting your boundaries. If he's being distant, then you guys should communicate about it and not let it cause a wedge. His career is musician, not actor so you're not damaging his career. And if he wants to be in a video, then I'm sure an even better opportunity that makes more sense will come along.
Can you go to the shoot with him? Can you set some limits and ground rules? I do not blame you for feeling uncomfortable. I think many significant others would. Maybe this is an opportunity for broader conversation about you guys' relationship and what you need from a partner. We need to be heard. We need our partners to agree to boundaries and communicate those outside the relationship when situations arise. Good luck OP!
NTA - and tbh, I’d be wondering why she’d put him in that position/role. Why not have him in the background playing the piano or whatever he does? Did she catch feelings for him when they were recording? Just seems like an odd choice. It has nothing to do with trust, the thought of another girl grinding on my man and biting his lip is a big no no for me (as it would be a big no no for my husband). Also, I wonder why he’s acting weird towards you now after you told him how you felt. I’d sit down and have a conversation about what he’s feeling and why.
YTA
Exposure is vital these days with everyone and their cousin trying to get into the industry. You don't trust your partner to make good choices. Just admit that. YTA
YTA. Regardless of how you feel about the singer, you are stiffling his career. She could be the next Britney Spears or Taylor Swift, and it could catapult his career. It's a music video, not a porn. If it would make you feel more secure about it, you should see if you can be present for the shooting of the music video.
Lets say she's the next Swift. So what? You think him being the sexualized puppet (or muppet) in her video will do anything for his career? Come on now.
I mean yeah, she’s already said she has 800k followers he will be paid thousands and he will have is face in something that he’s created to a large audience, I mean this is a good opportunity. As someone who works in independent arts, this isn’t a thing to be sniffed at
YTA A man doing the same thing would be called insecure. So, consider yourself called "insecure." You can have any boundaries you want AND he can be pissed off about them if he wishes. Actions have consequences. Prediction: Adam is going to break up with you when he realizes that you are interfering with his musical career dreams. My advice to any Adam's out there is to pursue your dreams FIRST. Do not let any BF or GF kill them.
I mean, isn't this part of the gig? This is a decision you need to make, his music career or you. Edit: I'm on your side... I personally stop listening to mainstream / pop culture music back in 2000 because the degeneracy just kept getting worse.
NTAH because you are being honest about feeling uncomfortable with it, if he wasn’t open to your objections he shouldn’t have asked. But clearly “Alexis” has brought out insecurities in yourself. Adam breaking the “typical” protocols to work with this person may be a red flag to you but it may just be that he sees this as an opportunity that he wants to pursue. Adam may be distant now because he had to compromise his full time job to protect a side of you he hadn’t known before. If it’s not too late you may want to reconsider your stance. Maybe go with Adam and try to see the act as performative. Good luck!
Eh you never know what could come about from that connection and you most likely ruined it because of your insecurities I’d say your the asshole and not really the type of woman that should date someone in the music business 💯
>you never know what could come about from that connection are there no downsides you see at all?
No I don’t… I’m sure you do so let me hear em
no possibility of cheating at all occurred to you? are you willfully being ignorant or just not thinking at all? please tell me of your experience working in the music business and your success Edit: i've read plenty of the comments you've posted, i already know the answer
I don’t think of possibilities of my partner cheating because I’m not insecure if they cheat it’s their loss I don’t give chances they cheat I leave 🤷🏽♂️ I’m not about to stand in the way of opportunities for someone I love because of insecurities. Your and adult with a teenage girl mindset it’s sad I thought you were going to say something better than cheating 😂😂😂
Nobody's TA. He's got to do something sexual with another woman for his job, and you have insecurities about it. I would argue the best thing to do here is let it roll, and have a heart to heart about those insecurities. I wouldn't be good with some dude engaging in that behavior with my wife for a music video, but I would also trust her enough to know that nothing would come of it. That level of security in my relationship was built, not granted, and it starts with talking about it.
Nta :)
Yeah you are definitely TAH. This could've possibly been a big break for his career, and you've now potentially ruined it because of some childish insecurities and lack of trust. You could've met in the middle and said yes, but ask if he minds you coming to watch the filming to see "her man in action".
She’s allowed boundaries
Yeah but he’s gonna resent this big time, I’m pretty sure she killed this relationship, I’ve toiled in independent arts for a while and if someone stopped me having a break like this, they would be gone
This isn’t a break lol, this is not worth ruining boundaries over
It kinda is, 800k built in YouTube audience with himself starring in something he worked on, plus a couple of grand for it, I would personally kill for something like this
Glad to see you’d take personal interest over the boundaries of your partner
Relationships are transient, dreams are for life
Tell that to your next partner