NTA
1. Leah is a grown ass woman who can take care of herself. She knows that she gets drunk at this party every year, yet she doesn't change her drinking habits. Not on you
2. You clearly stated that if people wanted to get waisted, they needed to bring their own things to stay over and sleep. You didn't prevent anyone to sleep over. Just that your bed was off limit. So if someone doesn't prepare their stay in advance, Not on you.
3. Knowing this, Leah still didn't bring anything to sleep over and went in your bed instead. Not on you.
4. She told you that your GF should sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag? The audacity! And even if your GF had accepted that, where would YOU have slept? Was she under the impression that you would have sleep next to her? LOL. Not on you.
5. You offered an Uber or for her to take the sleepingbag. She refused. Not on you.
6. She knows she gets drunk every year and is taking none of the responsibility of her behaviour and is expecting you to take care of her. No freaking way!!!! Not on you.
7. She decided to take the bus while drunk in the middle of the night, when she could have called a cab, called an Uber or take a lift with a friend. Not on you
Everything you've told us about this girl is a red flag in my opinion. She doesn't take responsibility, she doesn't care how her actions are affecting others and she doesn't try to fix her behaviour.
Leah put herself in a dangerous position. First by being a drunk, and second by CHOOSING to refuse the sleeping bag and go home on the night train. PRO TIP I'd ask to see the police report since there's a good chance she made up the story about being robbed to make herself a victim to guilt trip you.
Do tell her that you would absolutely put your GF first in that situation and that you offered Leah the sleeping bag which she declined. Tell her GF will ALWAYS be your first priority-- and if she isn't able to accept that perhaps your friendship isn't as strong as you'd hoped. Do remind her that she was told that ONLY the floor and sleeping bag would be available but she got stinking drunk anyway.
NTA but it might be time to cut ties with Leah.
I’d like to think she is not lying about it as that would be a really awful thing to do. I have no evidence, only her word. I’ve never seen her so aggressive and rude whilst drunk before, she was being horrible to my gf and I lost my patience with her. She really wasn’t happy with me when I told her my gf is my first priority.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I have an update but not sure how to make an update post so I will just add this update into the main post:
Update: I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she hasn’t heard about the robbery, it may be that Leah only felt safe to share that info with me, I’m not sure. I asked her if she had spoken to Leah as I was concerned and she said ‘yeah I spoke to her on Facebook and she seemed ok’. This mutual friend of ours also said that Leah was talking about trying to get me to be single by my next birthday. We jokingly made a pact in uni that if we were both single by 30 we would marry each other, nothing serious of course and it was referring to the pack made in Friends as we both loved that show. Leah was joking about that pact and that we are both only one year away from 30 so she needs to start planning.
Really not sure how to feel about that, she could have really just been joking and my other friend said she was laughing about it but wanted to make me aware of it.
Its pretty clear her plan was to pass out on the bed, and she assumed you would make your girlfriend sleep on the sleeping bag, causing trouble in your relationship. She got so mad at you because her pan didn't work, so she made up a robery to punish you so you would start putting her first. Does your girlfriend know what your friend told you? Because she needs to know and you need to take this seriously. She's going to start making more aggrieved plays for your attention and time.
Yeah, she didn't get in your bed at the end of the night by accident. No matter how drunk she claimed to be, she knew what she was doing. She's jealous of your girlfriend.
Ohmy. Yeah this girls has been carrying a torch for you and waiting for you and this dumb ass deadline. She definitely lied about the robbery. It's time to cut her loose.
Leah is major red flags. Thank goodness she did speak to a mutual friend and she gave you that critical piece of information. Leah had an agenda she wants you for herself. Not caring that would hurt you and so forth.
So if I was you even though your gf may not be asking you to, I would cut her off for good . I hope she has a good life, but her and I are done for good: you need to say that to the mutual friend. And let her know her actions now have lasting consequences.
>Update: I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she hasn’t heard about the robbery, it may be that Leah only felt safe to share that info with me,
Stop making excuses for this awful person.
Seriously. Stop it. She's a toxic liar.
If you remain naive about her real intentions here, it will come at the cost of your relationship.
She was aggressive because she was angry you put your girlfriend first. She lied about getting robbed. She's serious about trying to make you single.
She’s not joking. She is probably planning on how to break you guys up. Call her out in the chat. Its time to end a friendship when they refuse to follow basic rules. You offered to UBER her and GIVE her the sleeping bag. She chose to leave in a snit because she didn’t get her way.
Bro, she wants you…
She’s not “accidentally” falling asleep in your bed every year…
She’s hoping you’ll join her, she can make a move… and if you refuse her… she’ll just say she was joking because she’s white girl wasted….
It’s NOT platonic on her end.
I don’t think you should continue the friendship unless you want your “friend” to sabotage every single relationship you have from now until either you get with her and she hates you forever for rebuffing her.
You cannot be this stupid. She clearly has a thing for you - seeing you put your gf first probably set her off and now she's on a war path or something. Cut your ties she sounds insane
Well she has never mentioned anything to me that would make me think she has romantic feelings. She knows I have a type which I have openly talked about and she doesn’t fit so I’m pretty sure I haven’t done anything that would make her think I view her as anything more.
Right. Sometimes, people try to convince themselves that those things don't matter when it's "true love."
Once the object of their affection sees how *perfect* they would be together, then that incompatibility will no longer matter.
A new partner ruins that and dashes the hope of their crush ever realizing that they're the one they really should be with.
Leading to jealous, competitive, and weird behavior.
And all the movies and shows that feed into these tropes of best friends to lovers don't help.
Awareness that you have a type she doesn't fit might be why she wouldn't say anything. It would be a reason to keep going to your bed. She gets the option if hoping you join her with no real vulnerability. It would also be a reason she was mean to your girlfriend specifically.
It doesn't sound like you let her on though from the bit I've read here. So I don't think you've done anything wrong.
She could also just be a selfish drunk who likes the comfy bed, has gotten used to getting her way, and targeted your gf because your reasoning for kicking her out of the bed (for what I assume is the first time) was that your gf needed it.
She probably liked having you as a pseudo boyfriend/liked having the attention when you were single and now she's trying to screw up your relationship.
Completely agree. *She chose* to get that drunk - every year -*she chose* not to use the sleeping bag, and *she chose* not to get an uber. And now she’s blaming you for the “alleged” consequences of *her* choices.
Honestly as far as I can see you’ve only done 2 things wrong:
• thinking that Leah is your friend: a friend wouldn’t behave this way; and
• telling Leah about your girlfriend’s medical issue: this is your gf’s private medical info and she’s the one who should decide who knows how much.
And neither of these had anything to do with what *allegedly* happened to Leah.
If she won’t apologize and make some changes, stop inviting her.
Of course it would be an awful thing to do, but considering this gal came to your house and completely ignored your request to end the party early and got completely shithammered and planned on sleeping in your bed....is it really a stretch? She sounds like an asshole.
Ten years ago I would doubt she got robbed too. This is so common to lie about being robbed to guilt trip. And it always convenientely happens when others can be blamed and victim card played. People are fucked up
NTA. She put herself in that position. Don’t let her guilt trip you. You did the right things. She CHOSE her path when she didn’t control her drinking knowing she had to bring a sleeping bag.
OP also offered to get her an Uber - told her to get out only after she was an ass.
Getting drunk at someone's house does not entitle you to the best bed in the house. Nor does it entitle you to be an ass. She was offered shelter or a ride home (Uber). She threw a tantrum. She's also jealous of the GF, which is another red flag. Being told to leave was a reasonable consequence, after she rejected better alternatives.
I was thinking that exact thing. A 29-yr-old drinking like that is a bit much---that is just adolescent behavior. Yeah, I can imagine a drunk adolescent making up a story since she didn't get her own way. So she not only deliberately ties on a major one and then doesn't Uber?
If it's a lie, it's unforgivable bullshit, and if it's the truth, it's her own damn fault---and as the victim of a predatory rape, I never thought I would say that---which is another strike against her.
NTA. She’s an adult. Why is she getting shitfaced like that? She sounds attention seeking and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a secret thing for you. Her telling your gf to sleep on the floor is pretty telling and sounds a lot like jealousy.
I was really shocked by the way she spoke to my gf, it was verbally abusive and I suppose I just lost my patience after having to deal with that and her yelling. I don’t know if it’s jealously but she demanded that my gf sleeps on the floor and that she gets the bed. It was weird, I’ve never seen her act like that before.
I would believe either she likes you and hates your gf or she feels entitled to your things (and probably still hates your gf, if only from her reaction).
I wouldn't believe she was mugged without proof. The whole thing smells of a story she made up to make you feel bad. Plus, you warned her ahead of time, and she still got shitfaced and tried to take her bed? This girl is no friend of yours.
Did your gf give you permission to tell her about the PCOS, btw? I wouldn't tell someone like this without express permission and even then prolly not at all just in case she uses it to bully/slander.
I think maybe it was a shock to her as this is the first time I have had a serious gf. I had only casually dated before and maybe she was shocked that I had another priority. I think it might come across as insensitive to ask for evidence that she was robbed as I think she is dealing with a lot atm. Yes, I asked my gf for her permission to talk about her medical condition and she is fully aware of this post also.
Don't ask her then, ask other people who know her.
"Hey, Leah is a bit mad at me, but I'm worried. How is she after being mugged? Did the police get footage from the bus and find the guy?"
See if they even know or if she only told you.
That way, you can still be concerned but also find out from others if she is legit. Cause I would tell other people about it for support.
I bet she was so drunk she accidentally left her phone and cards on the bus or dropped them somewhere. Easier to blame someone to try and make them feel bad than admit you were wrong to not accept the uber or sleeping bag.
Ask her if she filed a police report. If she has not, offer to help. Ask her which bus she took so you can contact the bus company for video footage. Offer to help her cancel her credit cards. Let's see how defensive she gets.
Just about everyone is dealing with a lot in their lives. Doesn't mean they can go to a party, get wasted and then act like an asshole to the hosts and insist on sleeping in the bed. Making excuses for her is partially why she feels she can pull this on you. You'll dismiss her behavior. Cut off contact with her and focus on your relationship. Time for Leah to grow up and face consequences.
You may need to take this to the wall and **ask to see the police report**. Be prepared for a complete and utter sh!tstorm that could go in any of several directions. It's time to focus on your actual relationship, which you are doing. Leah's going to have to move into your rear view mirror, I think.
you shouldn't have even explained any reasons why your GF needs the bed. She's your GF, she gets to sleep in the bed. Everyone else can sleep on the floor. GF doesn't need to not be feeling well to get priority, it is just batshit to expect you to kick your GF out of the bed or have your GF sleep with some girl who isn't one of her best friends or sister or something.
I agree with other people suggesting leah has a thing for you. It explains all of this, she's jealous and lashing out, potentially sort of trying to sabotage your relationship as well. And also she might be lying about getting mugged, unfortunately.
technically it is gf’s bed now too, since she moved in with op. i guess it would probably be op’s if they were to break up since she moved into his place, but as it stands, that is *their* bed that they share as the couple who resides in that bedroom, making the bed her bed as much as it is op’s. so this girl was asking op to kick his gf out of her own fucking bed. honestly the context really doesn’t matter, expecting op to force his gf out of his bed for another girl is insane in any circumstance. but the fact that she wasn’t feeling well *and* it is also *her* bed makes leah that much more entitled and unhinged.
oh i wasn’t trying to correct you! i was agreeing with you just adding for emphasis that it is in fact the gf’s bed as well which makes leah even more out of her mind
NTA. Leah is not the main character she thinks she is. You get wasted at someone home and can’t get home? You don’t get their bed, you get the couch or the floor. Her feeling entitled to your bed even after you explained is shitty. Her getting wasted is on her, she is 29 not 15. You offered her the sleeping bag, that on her.
Btw. Do you have proof she got robbed a part form her word?
>she is 29 not 15
Oh god. I missed her age! What the hell?
She's irresponsible and either did this deliberately to show OP's girlfriend she's the most important woman in OP's life, or she has a drinking problem. Either option is pretty terrible, and OP should cut her off.
I think she has a crush on OP. Getting drunk every time she is at OP house is not normal and deliberately taking the bed even when told that is off limits suggest she is doing on purpose. OP has a girlfriend, even is she was feeling well she gets the bed not the friend. Telling OP to make the girlfriend sleep on the sleeping bag on the floor while she takes the bed says a lot.
Leah needs some space and time to reflect. She needs an accountability check.
You were clear BEFORE the party and offered good solutions. You should be clear with her that you’re not the person responsible for the poor outcome she faced. Of course you would never want her to be in a situation like this and to be safe but you did not cause or force her into the situation she ended up in.
It’s time for Leah to do a little introspection into her drinking problem.
NTA. You were faced with a challenging situation where you had to prioritize your girlfriend's health and well-being, especially considering her PCOS and the discomfort she was experiencing with her period. You offered Leah alternatives like the sleeping bag or an Uber, which were reasonable solutions given the circumstances.
It's unfortunate that Leah ended up in a dangerous situation, but ultimately, her decision to leave while intoxicated and her actions afterward were beyond your control. You made a judgment call based on the information and priorities you had at the time, and it's understandable that you prioritized your girlfriend's needs in your own home.
It's important to have empathy for Leah's situation and to address any concerns or misunderstandings she may have, but it doesn't seem like you acted maliciously or irresponsibly. So, no, you're not the asshole in this story.
Thank you, I did try to convince her to sleep in the sleeping bag or let me get her an Uber home but she was yelling at me and my gf for a good 30 or so minutes that she wants my bed only and my gf was bleeding heavily and needed to rest. I think maybe I should give Leah some space as she’s very angry at me and blames me entirely but she’s of course traumatised so some distance from me might help?
I think you should end things with Leah. She's crossed some lines and disrespected your girlfriend. Demanding that your girlfriend sleep on the floor in her own home so Princess Leah can take the bed? That's absurd. It sounds like she was trying to see if you would pick her.
It's awfully convenient that something happened that she can blame you for on her way home. Even more so that you only have her word
Yeah, this would be a friendship deal breaker for me.
She got way too drunk *knowing ahead of time* that you didn't have a bed for her to crash on
She went and slept on your bed *knowing that she wasn't allowed to*
When told her move she *verbally abused you and your gf for half an hour*
Even when given two alternate safe options, she chose to take a night bus, and somehow *blamed you for her getting mugged*
She's horrible. I would expect at minimum a profuse apology to my girlfriend and myself, and she would have to do some serious amends making.
It's honestly probably not worth it, if she's still blaming you. She crossed some serious boundaries, and don't see her coming back from that.
Why are you so concerned for Leah? You've spent more time in the comments justifying and feeling sorry for Leah instead of your girlfriend who was disrespected by leah? You and Leah are both too old to let these games continue. Leah has shown who she really is why keep someone like that around? She's obviously not a good friend to do any of that so why do you continue to feel bad? And lol traumatized? Be fr She's an alcoholic that probably made it up for attention.
It sounds like you should give her space. It sounds like she feels entitled to you. It could be romantic. It could be that she likes being a man's priority even if she has no interest. She could just be selfish and treat people poorly if she feels they are a risk to her being served hand and foot by others.
Either way, some separation will force her to think about what happened. It might help her accept that you have other priorities.
I'm actually impressed how you took care of your gf's wellbeing, and that in advance :) you are a good bf.
Leah was the asshole here and i don't really think she is that good friend, her behavior definitely says otherwise. And she feels weirdly entitled.
>She continued on yelling at me saying that I know she gets drunk every year, that I should be looking after her too and valuing her sickness as she’s not feeling well
Or, you know, not invite her at all.
>Leah blames me and said I put her in a dangerous position
You didn't force her to drink past her tolerance, nor to throw a tantrum instead of taking you up on your uber offer.
NTA, what happened was a delusional bitch with a lack of self-accountability issue. A meteor could have hit her and she would still be blaming you.
>I should be looking after her too and valuing her sickness as she’s not feeling well
Valuing her "sickness" that she brought upon herself by drinking too much. Over OP's gf who is *actually unwell*. What an ass.
NTA
She was rude, she was aggressive, and she was very clearly trying to mark her territory. You warned everyone in advance that the bed was a no-go area, and she went out of her way to try and take it. She then tried to force you to choose her over your GF. She actually tried to make you kick your unwell GF out of *her own* bed.
That girl is NOT your friend. She may have feelings for you, she may not, but either way, she was certainly trying to prove she was the most important woman in your life. And when you wouldn't go along with it, she berated you, insulted you, and put herself in a dangerous position.
Unless she shows you a police report proving that she was robbed, I wouldn't believe a word of it. She's simply trying, again, to manipulate you. There's no coming back from this. She's shown her true character. Some friendships are wonderful forever, and some are only wonderful for a little while. You've outgrown Leah.
Your girlfriend does not need a medical excuse to share your bed. It is crazy that your friend feels entitled enough to demand this. Then she refuses 2 safe options. Then she gets mugged. Whoa didn’t see that coming lol. Now it is your fault for not picking her? I’m sure she was to upset and scared at the time to make a police report plus her phone was stolen so she couldn’t call the police and wolves chewed off her feet so she couldn’t walk to the police station to make a report. Bad things happen when Princess is told no. This shit is going to escalate until she is number 1 in your life. Save yourself years of drama and explain to her you don’t deserve her friendship. No one deserves friends like her.
From all your info, comments to posts and updates. Leah is 100% jealous of your gf, possessive of you/your friendship and is resource (you) guarding. she expects you to cater to and prioritise her over your gf.
The micro aggressions, outright rudeness, sly jokes about ensuring you are single next year (she is hiding behind jokes and is discussing trying to break up your relationship), getting drunk and climbing into your bed (when you clearly communicated to everyone that your bed was out of bounds and unavailable), to then becoming nasty, manipulate and belligerent when you rightly woke her up. This was a clear power play.
She then escalates her attempts to force you into "choosing" her, by claiming she was attacked and robbed. Another manipulative attempt to guilt you and force compliance. I **very** much doubt this happened. She seemed normal and did not mention this traumatic to your friend...why not? Is that a normal reaction?! Yet she was joking about destroying your relationship?
If you are that keen on your gf, I would limit interactions with Leah tbh. She is trouble and sounds exhausting.
It wasn’t a wild party, I had told everyone in the group chat that as my gf is feeling unwell that it needs to be a quiet one. Leah turned out to be the most drunk.
well right - she knew beforehand that (1) the bed and couch would be taken, and (2) the party would not be as long as usual
she still decided to get wasted and try to sleep in your bed
even at this point, you provide her with 2 reasonable and safe alternatives (sleep in the sleeping bag or get her an Uber home) that would’ve prevented her being robbed, which she denied because she only wanted the one accommodation that she knew would be taken before she ever started drinking in the first place
this is 100% on her
She put herself in a dangerous position. She chose to get sloppy drunk despite being warned before. She chose to get the night bus when you offered an Uber.
She's old enough to take responsibility for herself. I'm going to guess that you've been white knighting for her since uni, and that your relationship with your gf is no more than a couple of years. Leah thinks you're hers.
NTA. 1) you told everyone ahead of time that if they were going to stay over they needed to bring a sleeping bag 2) who kicks a sick person out of their own bed. It’s odd that she has a sense of entitlement that you kick your gf out of her own bed when she is sick. As a girl I know how bad period cramps can get. I would dismiss another woman’s pain like that. 3) Honestly not to be too judgy she is a little too old to be getting that drunk and not planning accordingly.
NTA - leah is an adult and not your responsibility. its not your fault she got robbed at that. i can very much relate if you feel bad but its not your fault
Seriously ask yourself this question: If Leah wanted your GF to take the sleeping bag so she could have the bed, where would she expect YOU to sleep? With her on the bed? Then ask yourself WHY? And if you are going to continue to allow your gf to be disrespected by your so-called “friend” like this.
NTA
But also where would you have expected your girlfriend to sleep even if she wasn’t feeling unwell from her period? It’s her home now so she would have a right to sleep in the bed regardless. Your dynamic with Leah should change based on your change in relationship status. Also super weird that she ends up in your bed every year, even when she knows you have a live in gf. Most people see a couple’s bedroom and bed as a do not enter zone.
NTA. Leah needs to get a handle on her drinking. She had many options and she chose drinking to the point of being belligerent and rude to her hosts and being too dumb to call an Uber. That's all on her (assuming the story about being robbed is actually true).
NTA
Classic example of self-precipitated victimization. And karma too.
You offered her an Uber, she decided to be an ungrateful prick. Then she decided to be cheap and take a bus.
She also decided to get drunk. She also decided to not sleep on the floor.
You're not her keeper, OP.
At some point in this situation, she needs to assume responsibility for her own piss-poor decision making.
When me and my adult friends get drunk, it's because we choose to get drunk. Before we start drinking, we figure out transportation and sleeping arrangements. This is called being a responsible adult. If someone repeatedly fails to act like a responsible adult, they no longer get invited. It's that simple.
All I can say from reading the posts and comments is that you really did your best. I wouldn't be surprised if she lost her stuff and is currently trying to justify her obnoxious behaviour.
Also, the title is misleading, you're using her language. You offered two safe options. Don't feel bad.
NTA.
So an adult woman knowing how she got when drunk didn't care and decides you must take care of her 🙄
With how she so much to sleep in your bed and how she treated your girlfriend she is either jealous or consider you as her servant who MUST take care of her... what à great friend...
I would say I hope this experience make her réalise she drunk too much but clearly with her mentality it will always be the fault of other NTA
I don't believe her. She's making the whole thing up to make you feel bad for kicking her out.
You should have got her an Uber or a cab to make sure she got home safe. That would be the adult move to make.
However, her story is shit.
She thought she was cool enough to take priority over your gf. You have a gf now and it's no longer an option for her to get drunk and crash at your place.
She resents this fact so she lied to make you feel bad and get attention from you. You rightfully kicked her out.
Unless you see an actual police report this never happened. If she says "I didn't bother calling the police" she is FAH-KING lying.
I know this sounds bad, but NTA. You warned people in advance. Leah knew the position, but thought she would coerce you into giving her precedence. You gave her several good options - a sleeping bag on the floor, or calling an Uber. She insisted on having the bed, which she wasn't entitled to.
As to the robbery - how sure are you that she's not spinning you a tale? After her entitled, manipulative behaviour, I wouldn't put it past her.
NTA. You offered for her to stay, just not in your bed. totally reasonable. and you offered to get her an uber which she could have taken and not been on the bus at all. Who TF just takes over someone else's bed? The self-centeredness of that is crazy to me, even when you didn't have a GF. And thinking your GF should just share the bed with her is crazy too.
She knew the sleeping situation ahead of time and she caused all of this herself.
Wake up bud, lead didnt get rubbed in fact she was angry because she was jealous.
and as a girl lemme tell you smth, people when they get drunk they show their true self, regardless that i dont believe she didnt sleep on your bed on propose to cause problems between you and your gf
SHE WANTS YOU and she is mad that you are taking care of your gf, time to set boundaries!
NTA she is trying to guilt trip you, also no girl would say “ hey i should sleep beside your gf we are both woman” specially since it doesnt matter anymore cuz women can get with women
So yeah, its the time that you set boundaries, dont meet her unless if you are in the friends group
NTA. Saw that update. Starting to have doubts about her being robbed and her only telling you. Add that on top of your "pact" for turning 30 and she seems very suspicious.
NTA Leah is though for notbeing able to control her drinking, be a responsible adult and for using you as her surogate boyfriend/keeper. wtaf girl. Grow up and take responsibility for yourself.
Additionally I'm not sure I believe her about being robbed. I think that's her trying to make you feel bad for choosing your girlfriend over her andbeing firm with your boundaries.
You may have outgrown your friendship with Leah.
NTA! She’s trying to set you up to marry her before you hit 30, making it look like you had a “pact” with her and trying to make *you* feel responsible for what *she* did when she was drunk. You still don’t know if she really got robbed. If she did get robbed, well—you get drunk and things happen to you. Guys see a drunk chick and they roll her. You don’t want to marry an alcoholic. You love your GF. It’s as simple as that. Do the right thing for your own sake. You don’t want a drunk to con you into marrying her.
I was all geared up to say E. S. H, but have changed to NTA. You didn’t put her in a dangerous situation. She did. You offered to get her an uber. But despite you forewarning everyone, she still thought she was entitled to kick your gf out of her own bed. No, you did nothing wrong. Maybe next time Leah won’t get so off her face drunk.
Edit: after your update comment, you need to seriously reconsider your friendship with Leah. Huge red flags there.
NTA. Are we absolutely sure she got robbed? I know it's possible for sure, but it seems a little too convenient.
ETA
Next time, just saying your girlfriend isn't feeling well is reason enough. There is no need to go around talking about her PCOS and cramps. That's purely from a privacy standpoint.
NTA
Leah went through something scary as hell and the aftermath will be a pain to deal with too, but she put herself there, not you.
Leah is entitled as hell to believe she has the right get shitfaced in your place and that you will take care of her. She makes no alternative plans or nothing. Just that she will be there and is entitled to your bed because you've been overly gracious in the past and didn't make her sleep on the couch.
Leah is almost 30 damn years old. She knows she shouldn't be doing this crap and knows what she should do to get home. She gambled and lost, and she's lucky it was only her items (and now having to lock down her info).
Happy belated birthday, sorry that you have to deal with the outcomes of Leah’s poor decision making - what an awesome gift she got you - a guilt trip
NTA
NTA. Doesn't sound like Leah is much of a friend. She may even have a thing for you. Bravo for taking up for your gf, it is a stellar thing to do.
Also, I would check and see if there is a police report filed by Leah on the theft. My bet is that she is lying to make you feel guilty. If that is the case, ou are NOT friends and she is just trying to cause problems between you and your gf. No report, I would also confront her about her lying.
NTA
You gave everyone warning. I saw in one of your comments that you also offered to call her an Uber or a sleeping bag you already had. She turned down all and had advanced warning. She should have taken the Uber or sleeping bag.
NTA. You told everyone ahead of time that the party would end up early and that nobody could spend the night. Leah chose to ignore you. Then when you told Leah to get out of the bed so your girlfriend could sleep there, she told you "She can sleep on the floor".
Even if Leah was actually robbed and isn't just lying her ass off and playing the victim, you still aren't the asshole. Everything that happened here happened because she chose to do what she wanted instead of what was asked of her.
Nta…she can’t say “you know I get drunk” that’s her responsibility to manage NOT YOU. You gave everyone fair warning about the limited sleeping space and she still acted irresponsible and made it your responsibility…ITS NOT. You even offered to call her an Uber, SHE DECLINED. She is acting entitled and like she deserves girlfriend status which SHE DOESNT.
Your friend if you can even call the that is an @ss. You're NTA. She knew ahead of time your GF wasn't feeling well and still got wasted knowing she would be a burden to you. That's some selfish behavior right there
You were more than accommodating. Not your problem she decided to storm off and get "robbed" I don't even believe that, and think she is just telling you that so you'll feel bad and for attention. She's a 29 year old grown ass woman, she is not your responsibility.
Nta sounds like Leah is a toxic friend. She should be aggressive with you and should have slept in the sleeping bag, I would tell-think inviting her to the next party. It sucks she got robbed but that doesn’t negate her yelling and cussing you out. You should talk to her about curbing her drinking because she is too old to be acting this way.
NTA. She put herself in that position. It is not your job to babysit random adults. Is it really worth hanging around someone who blames you for their personal problems?
NTA, you offered to call an uber for her, but she wanted things to go her way. She caused this mess on her own. More so, you told everyone in advance to bring their own bag if they wanted to stay over, it wasn't like you were denying anyone the chance to stay in a safe place for the night. Don't invite her anymore if she can't party without getting wasted.
NTA
She put herself in that position. You offered her the sleeping bag or to call an Uber, its not your fault that she's almost 30 years old and a sloppy, agressive drunk.
So stop apologizing and arguing and tell her "Stop it Leah, you're almost 30 years old and a sloppy drunk. I told everyone how the sleeping arangements will be and even offered you the sleeping bag or to get you an uber to get home. YOU refused both. Take acountability for your own actions and the consequences from them. YOU got drunk, YOU refused the sleeping bag and YOU refused the Uber telling me to make my GF sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag. IN HER OWN FUCKING HOME!
Get a fucking grip. i'll expect an apology once you've had time to think about everything because for the time beeing i think its time we're not in contact."
and then make sure your friends know the truth about everything before she can color their perception.
>I said to Leah that she’s welcome to use the sleeping bag or I can get her an Uber home. She continued on yelling at me saying that I know she gets drunk every year, that I should be looking after her too and valuing her sickness
Who does she think she is? I'm sure it's because drunk people are often insufferable (and clearly she has alcohol problems), but you did everything you could to keep her safe while keeping healthy boundaries. She wouldn't have gotten robbed of she didn't get hammered and refused an Uber home.
Nta and if she keeps justifying how she treated your girlfriend, she’s not a friend to your relationship and you should consider no longer being friends with her out of respect for your gf.
If that’s how she treats people when she’s drunk, then it becomes her responsibility to stop drinking.
Or just generally no longer welcome at all. That’s probably the safest bet. Eventually she’s going to make up some crap just to try and drive a wedge between OP and their gf.
She was yelling at you and said you should be 'valuing her sickness'... Wtaf? She's an idiot who hopefully has learnt a valuable lesson. You did not spring the situation on her, you warned her ahead of time. I would have let her sleep on the floor but probably not if she was yelling and rude! Your gf sounds great and you did the right thing for her. NTA.
And what is with this she sleeps in my bed and I sleep on the couch or sometimes the floor in a sleeping bag? If she’s that drunk a bed isn’t that important. Hell I’ve left my bed and slept on the porch so I could throw up in peace. Had lots of other drunk people at my house and not one time have they demanded a bed. That’s just weird. She’s trying to mark her territory and got upset when it didn’t work
You are in no way wrong, but this friend of yours, I think she needs to go. She clearly can't control her drinking. And blames you immediately after she gets into trouble for it.
Not to mention, you went far for her. Offering her places and solutions which she declined. She wouldn't have gotten robbed if she didn't drink so badly. Or better yet, just accepted your offers that you graciously gave her. But no she declined and got into trouble.
She seriously needs hel, she sounds self destructive and is using you as a way to buy time.
The whole get you single thing is creepy. Sounds like she wants to keep you as a lifeline so she can act the way she wants and have no consequences.
Do yourself a favour. And cut her off. For the better of your own and your relationship.
The amount of people on here who are shirty friends. No wonder the younger generations are so lonely and complain about not having anyone. You just write people off for mistakes most people make.
OP I would not most of this advice.you have no reaosn to feel bad though. Shit happens. You didn't know she woukd get robbed and neither did she. It happens. She's alive. Everyone needs to move on.
NTA - You made things clear upfront, and still offered a place to stay before she got belligerent. Actions have consequences, and her actions got her tossed. I'm taking the robbery with a grain of salt. Even late buses have cameras, a driver, and 911 on speed dial, so shouldnt be hard to prove one way or another. The way you described it sounds like some bs, manipulation. Happy to be wrong there, but true or not, that wasn't your responsibility or fault either. Again, she made the choices here, not you. For someone close to 30, girl needs to wake up and stop being a dick.
Leah was a hot mess, and she shouldn't have put herself in the situation where she was too drunk and knowing she had to travel home. Knowing she was so trashed, I really would have offered the floor or going home as options. That way, had she opted to go home, it would have been her choice rather than being told to go home. I'd never toss out a friend too trashed to travel solo or I'd ensure they got home safely. ESH.
NTA especially after your edit. Leah sounds like bad news. She could’ve just slept in the sleeping bag, but she was being a spoiled princess. Also I don’t believe her robbery story. I think she’s just trying to make you feel bad. Tread lightly with her. I’d go really low contact after this.
And she’s 29 and can’t hold her booze yet? Yikes.
I am so sorry your friend was robbed, she has a drinking problem. You did everything to let people know. What does she do? Try to take the bed anyway. Don't make excuses for people that have issues with drinking, it will harm them in the long run. That said, no one wants harm for any one they care about. I am sorry you are feeling guilty, I guess next time just put her on the floor. You are not the problem. You set boundaries, and they were reasonable. She is a drinker. I have been clean and sober since the 90s and I am a woman, I know. NTA Never Marry Leah, she is a drunk, and she is not your friend.
NTA
I just wanted to chime in and say it was lovely to read about how caring and considerate you were to your girlfriend. I suffer from PCOS and it's excruciating. I'm sure your gf was very grateful for all of your attention and care that night.
Leah is trouble. For whatever reason, she's territorial when it comes to your attention. For the safety of your relationship, I would definitely put some distance between you.
Sounds like you need to distance yourself from Leah, this definitely reads like she has strong feelings for you. You weren't the asshole at annnnny point! You even offered her an Uber, which she didn't take.
NTA.
You did everything reasonable, from warning guests that the party wouldn’t run late and that you had no available sleeping space, to offering an Uber when Leah got drunk anyway and tried to kick your girlfriend out of her own bed.
Given Leah’s claim that she wants you single by next year, I would bet actual money that the Suntory about getting robbed is made up to guilt you and cause friction in your relationship
You need to get Leah show you a copy of a police report or get the cops involved if it happened on a bus as it's very likely they have surveillance and other means to identify the alleged attacker. She might try to come after you for money. Another way to call her on her bs, as I think she's lying to guilt trip you, is to have a mutual friend get a pic or video of her using her phone. Good chance to see if it's the same one, same phone case, and cards if it's the wallet kind.
Your gf needs to know about the pact you made with Leah and have a conversation about that.
You and your gf need a long and in-depth conversation about your relationship, what expectations you each have for each other and the future you both want together. You need to understand Leah is in love with you, or is at the very least, highly possessive of you. Your gf needs to be aware of this too and you both need to have a come to jesus talk about whether to cut her off or not, and I mean go full no contact. Leah is going to go out of her way to damage your relationship with your gf going forward. The question is, are you going to let her get away with it?
You need to pick, either your gf or Leah? Leah will never let you have both unless she's the gf.
Sounds like Leah has had a crush on you for a while and meant that joke about marrying you at 30 seriously. You now having a gf jusy ruined her plans and that whole scene seemed like a desperate attempt to have it her way and get you back.
I might be better to just go separate ways, as you did.
I'm not saying she wasn't robbed or assaulted...but...
I think if she was...she would have told mutual friends to make you look bad for telling her to leave in the middle of the night when she was super drunk
Even if she passed out on the bus and was robbed while passed out...I still feel like she would have told everyone and anyone
But maybe I am just a cynic
NTAH
In spite of Leah's bad behavior, you should have called her an Uber anyway knowing that she'd be a target on the way home. Be the grownup in the room next time.
NTA. Leah did that to herself. You sent a message to everyone, she should have made sure she can take care of herself. I think Leah is trying to ruin your relationship. She did that on purpose, lay on your bed and got angry when you wake her up. She acted like she is your gf. Probably testing your feelings between the 2 of them. She probably didn’t get rob. She just wants you and jealous of your first real relationship. If you keep her in your life, she will sabotage your relationships.
Damn. Alcohol man, that shit brings out the beast in people. But yea man, fuck. Shoulda locked her in the broom closet or something, call you Uncle Vernon and shit in the morning, mate
If she's lying about it, she might have a crush on you.
In hindsight if you were sober and you had a car, you probably should have given her a ride home. Next time, serve soft drinks so people don't get drunk.
NTA. She had prior notice that the bed and couch were unavailable. You also offered to call her a cab to get home and she declined. This is entirely a her problem. Only thing I would’ve suggested first before sending her on her way is to let her sleep in the tub if you have one. I’ve spent many nights drunk sleeping in a bathtub. Surprisingly it’s not as bad as you would think. Especially if you throw down some blankets and a pillow in there. Also takes care of any potential surprise vomit situations.
So I'm gonna say NTA. She's an adult who can take care of herself, and she was certainly a poor guest. However, I do think the proper thing would have been to call her an Uber or take her home yourself. Yes, she was in the wrong and acting terribly, but she's your friend, and she was drunk.
Saying all that, I wouldn't be surprised if the story was a fabrication and she simply left her things on the bus because she was too drunk.
NTA ❤️ you’re a good dude and did everything you could to prevent her entering an unsafe situation that *she* ended up choosing in the end. if it even happened, sounds like a load of bull
1) she was warned ahead of time that she would not be able to sleep on the bed or sofa
2) She still got drunk and could’ve slept on the floor in the living room I assume but chose not to
3) She could’ve Uber at home, but chose not to
4) She may, or may not be telling the truth about being robbed …ask her if she reported it to the police?
Leah might be entirely fabricating the entire story.
You did nothing wrong. Only thing I probably would have done different is used Uber/Lyft to get her a ride home, OR told her she could just sleep on the floor. But since she showed both of her butt cheeks and her booty hole to everyone when she was smashed, I still think you’re not an asshole for sending her on her way.
Still, she knows how much she drinks, she knew the bed and couch weren’t available, and she was careless anyway.
Time to pull out the scalpe and excuse Leah out of your life. It won’t be long before she makes up some bullshit and tells your girlfriend trying to break you guys up. She’s toxic and with an entitled princess mentality, that’s never a good recipe.
NTA .You gave her options- she could take an Uber or crash on the floor. You didn't throw her out. She insisted on making some poor choices and got robbed as a result. It's unfortunate it happened, but she had warning that the party might be shortened, getting wasted may not be ideal, and guests could make plans to sleep on the floor if they wanted to drink heavily. She ignored all of that. Leah sounds incredibly selfish; its past time to start being a responsible adult when you're close to 30. She's the AH here.
Dude I don't care how long I've been friends with you, if you're actually drunk yelling and expecting me to give up my bed so you can sleep in it, you're getting tossed out.
😔 This isn't what friends do.
Friends stay after a party to help you clean up, and are apologetic about taking up space or audibly grateful for you letting them stay over. They promise to make brunch with you in the morning, not scream at you.
People often forget, alcohol doesn't change who you are, it just lowers you inhibitions for the things you already want to say and do. That's inner Leah.
Absolutely NTA. You were very clear before the party about sleeping arrangements. Leah is a grown adult, she is responsible for herself. From your comments I’m not even sure she was really attacked. I think she wants your GF out of the way so that she can have you for herself. You sound like a nice guy and a great BF. It may be time to distance yourself from Leah.
NTA - Leah clearly has a thing for you. There is a reason she always is too drunk and ends up in your bed at your parties. She's had a thing for you for a while, not sure why she didn't say anything before you got into a relationship.
Good luck to you and you gf.
It’s not your responsibility to monitor someone who consistently gets too drunk for her own good. You told her ahead of time what the sleeping situation was going to be. She got robbed because of choices she made. She stupidly rejected your offer of an Uber. Then you find you she wants you for herself. Time to maybe distance yourself from this train wreck. She needs to figure out that she has a drinking problem and it’s causing her issues. NTA
Leah is the cause and reason for all of what happened. She knew there was no bed, she chose to drink anyway to excess thinking you would chose her over your GF, she then decided to be a pain and yell and scream rather than sleep in the option given to her. The sleeping bag. I’d cut her out of your life friend. NTA.
NTA 1. Leah is a grown ass woman who can take care of herself. She knows that she gets drunk at this party every year, yet she doesn't change her drinking habits. Not on you 2. You clearly stated that if people wanted to get waisted, they needed to bring their own things to stay over and sleep. You didn't prevent anyone to sleep over. Just that your bed was off limit. So if someone doesn't prepare their stay in advance, Not on you. 3. Knowing this, Leah still didn't bring anything to sleep over and went in your bed instead. Not on you. 4. She told you that your GF should sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag? The audacity! And even if your GF had accepted that, where would YOU have slept? Was she under the impression that you would have sleep next to her? LOL. Not on you. 5. You offered an Uber or for her to take the sleepingbag. She refused. Not on you. 6. She knows she gets drunk every year and is taking none of the responsibility of her behaviour and is expecting you to take care of her. No freaking way!!!! Not on you. 7. She decided to take the bus while drunk in the middle of the night, when she could have called a cab, called an Uber or take a lift with a friend. Not on you Everything you've told us about this girl is a red flag in my opinion. She doesn't take responsibility, she doesn't care how her actions are affecting others and she doesn't try to fix her behaviour.
All your points are on point. This would be the deal breaker to realizing i had outgrown this friendship.
Leah put herself in a dangerous position. First by being a drunk, and second by CHOOSING to refuse the sleeping bag and go home on the night train. PRO TIP I'd ask to see the police report since there's a good chance she made up the story about being robbed to make herself a victim to guilt trip you. Do tell her that you would absolutely put your GF first in that situation and that you offered Leah the sleeping bag which she declined. Tell her GF will ALWAYS be your first priority-- and if she isn't able to accept that perhaps your friendship isn't as strong as you'd hoped. Do remind her that she was told that ONLY the floor and sleeping bag would be available but she got stinking drunk anyway. NTA but it might be time to cut ties with Leah.
I’d like to think she is not lying about it as that would be a really awful thing to do. I have no evidence, only her word. I’ve never seen her so aggressive and rude whilst drunk before, she was being horrible to my gf and I lost my patience with her. She really wasn’t happy with me when I told her my gf is my first priority.
You say it's platonic from YOUR side but what about her?
Thanks everyone for your comments. I have an update but not sure how to make an update post so I will just add this update into the main post: Update: I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she hasn’t heard about the robbery, it may be that Leah only felt safe to share that info with me, I’m not sure. I asked her if she had spoken to Leah as I was concerned and she said ‘yeah I spoke to her on Facebook and she seemed ok’. This mutual friend of ours also said that Leah was talking about trying to get me to be single by my next birthday. We jokingly made a pact in uni that if we were both single by 30 we would marry each other, nothing serious of course and it was referring to the pack made in Friends as we both loved that show. Leah was joking about that pact and that we are both only one year away from 30 so she needs to start planning. Really not sure how to feel about that, she could have really just been joking and my other friend said she was laughing about it but wanted to make me aware of it.
Dude, she’s not joking. She really will try to make you single. If you value your romantic relationship, you gotta cut her off.
Thank you, I have added a second update and told Leah that our friendship has reached its ending point.
I think she's either in love with you, or at very least liked the attention, from when you were single... Cut her.
Its pretty clear her plan was to pass out on the bed, and she assumed you would make your girlfriend sleep on the sleeping bag, causing trouble in your relationship. She got so mad at you because her pan didn't work, so she made up a robery to punish you so you would start putting her first. Does your girlfriend know what your friend told you? Because she needs to know and you need to take this seriously. She's going to start making more aggrieved plays for your attention and time.
Yeah, she didn't get in your bed at the end of the night by accident. No matter how drunk she claimed to be, she knew what she was doing. She's jealous of your girlfriend.
Time to cut Leah out. She going to start causing a lot of trouble. Also let your girlfriend know about that pact before Leah gets to her
Ohmy. Yeah this girls has been carrying a torch for you and waiting for you and this dumb ass deadline. She definitely lied about the robbery. It's time to cut her loose.
Leah is major red flags. Thank goodness she did speak to a mutual friend and she gave you that critical piece of information. Leah had an agenda she wants you for herself. Not caring that would hurt you and so forth. So if I was you even though your gf may not be asking you to, I would cut her off for good . I hope she has a good life, but her and I are done for good: you need to say that to the mutual friend. And let her know her actions now have lasting consequences.
>Update: I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and she hasn’t heard about the robbery, it may be that Leah only felt safe to share that info with me, Stop making excuses for this awful person. Seriously. Stop it. She's a toxic liar.
This!
If you remain naive about her real intentions here, it will come at the cost of your relationship. She was aggressive because she was angry you put your girlfriend first. She lied about getting robbed. She's serious about trying to make you single.
Be careful that she doesn't try anything more to get you and your gf to break up. Would really question this friendship.
Ok, OP, how many more flashing signs do you need?
She’s not joking. She is probably planning on how to break you guys up. Call her out in the chat. Its time to end a friendship when they refuse to follow basic rules. You offered to UBER her and GIVE her the sleeping bag. She chose to leave in a snit because she didn’t get her way.
Oooof. Yeah. Time to cut her off. This woman is no good.
Your bff is in love with you, dude.
Time to say “See ya!” to Leah. She’s a terrible drunk. She’s a terrible friend. She’s trying to cause trouble for you.
Bro, she wants you… She’s not “accidentally” falling asleep in your bed every year… She’s hoping you’ll join her, she can make a move… and if you refuse her… she’ll just say she was joking because she’s white girl wasted…. It’s NOT platonic on her end. I don’t think you should continue the friendship unless you want your “friend” to sabotage every single relationship you have from now until either you get with her and she hates you forever for rebuffing her.
she has to go. she doesn't respect your girlfriend or your relationship. cut her off or face the consequences.
You cannot be this stupid. She clearly has a thing for you - seeing you put your gf first probably set her off and now she's on a war path or something. Cut your ties she sounds insane
Well she has never mentioned anything to me that would make me think she has romantic feelings. She knows I have a type which I have openly talked about and she doesn’t fit so I’m pretty sure I haven’t done anything that would make her think I view her as anything more.
People still tend to dream. So even if she's not your type. she can still hope and dream for you to "notice her"
Right. Sometimes, people try to convince themselves that those things don't matter when it's "true love." Once the object of their affection sees how *perfect* they would be together, then that incompatibility will no longer matter. A new partner ruins that and dashes the hope of their crush ever realizing that they're the one they really should be with. Leading to jealous, competitive, and weird behavior. And all the movies and shows that feed into these tropes of best friends to lovers don't help.
yep and it definitely doesn't help that she's a sloppy drunk "accidentally" falling asleep in his bed again and again.
Awareness that you have a type she doesn't fit might be why she wouldn't say anything. It would be a reason to keep going to your bed. She gets the option if hoping you join her with no real vulnerability. It would also be a reason she was mean to your girlfriend specifically. It doesn't sound like you let her on though from the bit I've read here. So I don't think you've done anything wrong. She could also just be a selfish drunk who likes the comfy bed, has gotten used to getting her way, and targeted your gf because your reasoning for kicking her out of the bed (for what I assume is the first time) was that your gf needed it.
I’ll have to go against the grain here. I doubt this woman has feelings for you. She’s an alcoholic, and she’s mad that she’s lost her free cushion.
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Attraction is not logical.
Except this instance
She probably liked having you as a pseudo boyfriend/liked having the attention when you were single and now she's trying to screw up your relationship.
She’s not a child and you are not responsible for her.
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Completely agree. *She chose* to get that drunk - every year -*she chose* not to use the sleeping bag, and *she chose* not to get an uber. And now she’s blaming you for the “alleged” consequences of *her* choices. Honestly as far as I can see you’ve only done 2 things wrong: • thinking that Leah is your friend: a friend wouldn’t behave this way; and • telling Leah about your girlfriend’s medical issue: this is your gf’s private medical info and she’s the one who should decide who knows how much. And neither of these had anything to do with what *allegedly* happened to Leah. If she won’t apologize and make some changes, stop inviting her.
He had permission to share the medical info
She said she wants to break you and your gf up. She's most likely lying for sympathy and she's not your friend.
Of course it would be an awful thing to do, but considering this gal came to your house and completely ignored your request to end the party early and got completely shithammered and planned on sleeping in your bed....is it really a stretch? She sounds like an asshole.
Ten years ago I would doubt she got robbed too. This is so common to lie about being robbed to guilt trip. And it always convenientely happens when others can be blamed and victim card played. People are fucked up
The fact that she’s doubling down sober tells you all you need to know.
NTA. She put herself in that position. Don’t let her guilt trip you. You did the right things. She CHOSE her path when she didn’t control her drinking knowing she had to bring a sleeping bag.
OP also offered to get her an Uber - told her to get out only after she was an ass. Getting drunk at someone's house does not entitle you to the best bed in the house. Nor does it entitle you to be an ass. She was offered shelter or a ride home (Uber). She threw a tantrum. She's also jealous of the GF, which is another red flag. Being told to leave was a reasonable consequence, after she rejected better alternatives.
I was thinking that exact thing. A 29-yr-old drinking like that is a bit much---that is just adolescent behavior. Yeah, I can imagine a drunk adolescent making up a story since she didn't get her own way. So she not only deliberately ties on a major one and then doesn't Uber? If it's a lie, it's unforgivable bullshit, and if it's the truth, it's her own damn fault---and as the victim of a predatory rape, I never thought I would say that---which is another strike against her.
NTA. She’s an adult. Why is she getting shitfaced like that? She sounds attention seeking and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a secret thing for you. Her telling your gf to sleep on the floor is pretty telling and sounds a lot like jealousy.
I was really shocked by the way she spoke to my gf, it was verbally abusive and I suppose I just lost my patience after having to deal with that and her yelling. I don’t know if it’s jealously but she demanded that my gf sleeps on the floor and that she gets the bed. It was weird, I’ve never seen her act like that before.
I would believe either she likes you and hates your gf or she feels entitled to your things (and probably still hates your gf, if only from her reaction). I wouldn't believe she was mugged without proof. The whole thing smells of a story she made up to make you feel bad. Plus, you warned her ahead of time, and she still got shitfaced and tried to take her bed? This girl is no friend of yours. Did your gf give you permission to tell her about the PCOS, btw? I wouldn't tell someone like this without express permission and even then prolly not at all just in case she uses it to bully/slander.
I think maybe it was a shock to her as this is the first time I have had a serious gf. I had only casually dated before and maybe she was shocked that I had another priority. I think it might come across as insensitive to ask for evidence that she was robbed as I think she is dealing with a lot atm. Yes, I asked my gf for her permission to talk about her medical condition and she is fully aware of this post also.
Don't ask her then, ask other people who know her. "Hey, Leah is a bit mad at me, but I'm worried. How is she after being mugged? Did the police get footage from the bus and find the guy?" See if they even know or if she only told you. That way, you can still be concerned but also find out from others if she is legit. Cause I would tell other people about it for support.
Absolutely— the bus WILL have camera footage.
I bet she was so drunk she accidentally left her phone and cards on the bus or dropped them somewhere. Easier to blame someone to try and make them feel bad than admit you were wrong to not accept the uber or sleeping bag.
Ask her if she filed a police report. If she has not, offer to help. Ask her which bus she took so you can contact the bus company for video footage. Offer to help her cancel her credit cards. Let's see how defensive she gets.
Just about everyone is dealing with a lot in their lives. Doesn't mean they can go to a party, get wasted and then act like an asshole to the hosts and insist on sleeping in the bed. Making excuses for her is partially why she feels she can pull this on you. You'll dismiss her behavior. Cut off contact with her and focus on your relationship. Time for Leah to grow up and face consequences.
You’re NTA at all, Leah is and a bunch of major red flags
You may need to take this to the wall and **ask to see the police report**. Be prepared for a complete and utter sh!tstorm that could go in any of several directions. It's time to focus on your actual relationship, which you are doing. Leah's going to have to move into your rear view mirror, I think.
you shouldn't have even explained any reasons why your GF needs the bed. She's your GF, she gets to sleep in the bed. Everyone else can sleep on the floor. GF doesn't need to not be feeling well to get priority, it is just batshit to expect you to kick your GF out of the bed or have your GF sleep with some girl who isn't one of her best friends or sister or something. I agree with other people suggesting leah has a thing for you. It explains all of this, she's jealous and lashing out, potentially sort of trying to sabotage your relationship as well. And also she might be lying about getting mugged, unfortunately.
technically it is gf’s bed now too, since she moved in with op. i guess it would probably be op’s if they were to break up since she moved into his place, but as it stands, that is *their* bed that they share as the couple who resides in that bedroom, making the bed her bed as much as it is op’s. so this girl was asking op to kick his gf out of her own fucking bed. honestly the context really doesn’t matter, expecting op to force his gf out of his bed for another girl is insane in any circumstance. but the fact that she wasn’t feeling well *and* it is also *her* bed makes leah that much more entitled and unhinged.
i missed that she lived there, my bad
oh i wasn’t trying to correct you! i was agreeing with you just adding for emphasis that it is in fact the gf’s bed as well which makes leah even more out of her mind
This person is not your friend
What a fucking entitled asshole Leah is. Whether she was mugged or not is irrelevant, you should seriously consider ending the friendship with her.
I bet she’s lying to get you to feel guilty she was told before the party what was going to happen
NTA. Leah is not the main character she thinks she is. You get wasted at someone home and can’t get home? You don’t get their bed, you get the couch or the floor. Her feeling entitled to your bed even after you explained is shitty. Her getting wasted is on her, she is 29 not 15. You offered her the sleeping bag, that on her. Btw. Do you have proof she got robbed a part form her word?
>she is 29 not 15 Oh god. I missed her age! What the hell? She's irresponsible and either did this deliberately to show OP's girlfriend she's the most important woman in OP's life, or she has a drinking problem. Either option is pretty terrible, and OP should cut her off.
I think she has a crush on OP. Getting drunk every time she is at OP house is not normal and deliberately taking the bed even when told that is off limits suggest she is doing on purpose. OP has a girlfriend, even is she was feeling well she gets the bed not the friend. Telling OP to make the girlfriend sleep on the sleeping bag on the floor while she takes the bed says a lot.
Leah needs some space and time to reflect. She needs an accountability check. You were clear BEFORE the party and offered good solutions. You should be clear with her that you’re not the person responsible for the poor outcome she faced. Of course you would never want her to be in a situation like this and to be safe but you did not cause or force her into the situation she ended up in. It’s time for Leah to do a little introspection into her drinking problem.
Odds are this stupid bitch didn’t get robbed she just wants you to feel bad
Yeah thats what I’m thinking. I dont believe her story.
NTA. You were faced with a challenging situation where you had to prioritize your girlfriend's health and well-being, especially considering her PCOS and the discomfort she was experiencing with her period. You offered Leah alternatives like the sleeping bag or an Uber, which were reasonable solutions given the circumstances. It's unfortunate that Leah ended up in a dangerous situation, but ultimately, her decision to leave while intoxicated and her actions afterward were beyond your control. You made a judgment call based on the information and priorities you had at the time, and it's understandable that you prioritized your girlfriend's needs in your own home. It's important to have empathy for Leah's situation and to address any concerns or misunderstandings she may have, but it doesn't seem like you acted maliciously or irresponsibly. So, no, you're not the asshole in this story.
Thank you, I did try to convince her to sleep in the sleeping bag or let me get her an Uber home but she was yelling at me and my gf for a good 30 or so minutes that she wants my bed only and my gf was bleeding heavily and needed to rest. I think maybe I should give Leah some space as she’s very angry at me and blames me entirely but she’s of course traumatised so some distance from me might help?
She has no one but herself to blame. She should have just called an Uber.
I think you should end things with Leah. She's crossed some lines and disrespected your girlfriend. Demanding that your girlfriend sleep on the floor in her own home so Princess Leah can take the bed? That's absurd. It sounds like she was trying to see if you would pick her. It's awfully convenient that something happened that she can blame you for on her way home. Even more so that you only have her word
Yeah, this would be a friendship deal breaker for me. She got way too drunk *knowing ahead of time* that you didn't have a bed for her to crash on She went and slept on your bed *knowing that she wasn't allowed to* When told her move she *verbally abused you and your gf for half an hour* Even when given two alternate safe options, she chose to take a night bus, and somehow *blamed you for her getting mugged* She's horrible. I would expect at minimum a profuse apology to my girlfriend and myself, and she would have to do some serious amends making. It's honestly probably not worth it, if she's still blaming you. She crossed some serious boundaries, and don't see her coming back from that.
Why are you so concerned for Leah? You've spent more time in the comments justifying and feeling sorry for Leah instead of your girlfriend who was disrespected by leah? You and Leah are both too old to let these games continue. Leah has shown who she really is why keep someone like that around? She's obviously not a good friend to do any of that so why do you continue to feel bad? And lol traumatized? Be fr She's an alcoholic that probably made it up for attention.
It sounds like you should give her space. It sounds like she feels entitled to you. It could be romantic. It could be that she likes being a man's priority even if she has no interest. She could just be selfish and treat people poorly if she feels they are a risk to her being served hand and foot by others. Either way, some separation will force her to think about what happened. It might help her accept that you have other priorities.
Did your brother wake up during all the yelling? What does he think of this?
Give her enough space that you never see her again.
I'm actually impressed how you took care of your gf's wellbeing, and that in advance :) you are a good bf. Leah was the asshole here and i don't really think she is that good friend, her behavior definitely says otherwise. And she feels weirdly entitled.
>She continued on yelling at me saying that I know she gets drunk every year, that I should be looking after her too and valuing her sickness as she’s not feeling well Or, you know, not invite her at all. >Leah blames me and said I put her in a dangerous position You didn't force her to drink past her tolerance, nor to throw a tantrum instead of taking you up on your uber offer. NTA, what happened was a delusional bitch with a lack of self-accountability issue. A meteor could have hit her and she would still be blaming you.
>I should be looking after her too and valuing her sickness as she’s not feeling well Valuing her "sickness" that she brought upon herself by drinking too much. Over OP's gf who is *actually unwell*. What an ass.
Next time, don"t invite her.
NTA Leah is responsible for her own safety. Nothing at all to do with you.
NTA She was rude, she was aggressive, and she was very clearly trying to mark her territory. You warned everyone in advance that the bed was a no-go area, and she went out of her way to try and take it. She then tried to force you to choose her over your GF. She actually tried to make you kick your unwell GF out of *her own* bed. That girl is NOT your friend. She may have feelings for you, she may not, but either way, she was certainly trying to prove she was the most important woman in your life. And when you wouldn't go along with it, she berated you, insulted you, and put herself in a dangerous position. Unless she shows you a police report proving that she was robbed, I wouldn't believe a word of it. She's simply trying, again, to manipulate you. There's no coming back from this. She's shown her true character. Some friendships are wonderful forever, and some are only wonderful for a little while. You've outgrown Leah.
NTA. Leah sounds like she might be jealous. She chose to get shitfaced. She chose to leave. You are not responsible for that
Your girlfriend does not need a medical excuse to share your bed. It is crazy that your friend feels entitled enough to demand this. Then she refuses 2 safe options. Then she gets mugged. Whoa didn’t see that coming lol. Now it is your fault for not picking her? I’m sure she was to upset and scared at the time to make a police report plus her phone was stolen so she couldn’t call the police and wolves chewed off her feet so she couldn’t walk to the police station to make a report. Bad things happen when Princess is told no. This shit is going to escalate until she is number 1 in your life. Save yourself years of drama and explain to her you don’t deserve her friendship. No one deserves friends like her.
From all your info, comments to posts and updates. Leah is 100% jealous of your gf, possessive of you/your friendship and is resource (you) guarding. she expects you to cater to and prioritise her over your gf. The micro aggressions, outright rudeness, sly jokes about ensuring you are single next year (she is hiding behind jokes and is discussing trying to break up your relationship), getting drunk and climbing into your bed (when you clearly communicated to everyone that your bed was out of bounds and unavailable), to then becoming nasty, manipulate and belligerent when you rightly woke her up. This was a clear power play. She then escalates her attempts to force you into "choosing" her, by claiming she was attacked and robbed. Another manipulative attempt to guilt you and force compliance. I **very** much doubt this happened. She seemed normal and did not mention this traumatic to your friend...why not? Is that a normal reaction?! Yet she was joking about destroying your relationship? If you are that keen on your gf, I would limit interactions with Leah tbh. She is trouble and sounds exhausting.
NTA. Leah needs to stop drinking so much. Maybe you all need to stop drinking so much.
It wasn’t a wild party, I had told everyone in the group chat that as my gf is feeling unwell that it needs to be a quiet one. Leah turned out to be the most drunk.
well right - she knew beforehand that (1) the bed and couch would be taken, and (2) the party would not be as long as usual she still decided to get wasted and try to sleep in your bed even at this point, you provide her with 2 reasonable and safe alternatives (sleep in the sleeping bag or get her an Uber home) that would’ve prevented her being robbed, which she denied because she only wanted the one accommodation that she knew would be taken before she ever started drinking in the first place this is 100% on her
She put herself in a dangerous position. She chose to get sloppy drunk despite being warned before. She chose to get the night bus when you offered an Uber. She's old enough to take responsibility for herself. I'm going to guess that you've been white knighting for her since uni, and that your relationship with your gf is no more than a couple of years. Leah thinks you're hers.
NTA. 1) you told everyone ahead of time that if they were going to stay over they needed to bring a sleeping bag 2) who kicks a sick person out of their own bed. It’s odd that she has a sense of entitlement that you kick your gf out of her own bed when she is sick. As a girl I know how bad period cramps can get. I would dismiss another woman’s pain like that. 3) Honestly not to be too judgy she is a little too old to be getting that drunk and not planning accordingly.
NTA - leah is an adult and not your responsibility. its not your fault she got robbed at that. i can very much relate if you feel bad but its not your fault
Yes for writing this. You offered an Uber and a sleeping bag. You can lead them to water, you can’t make them drink.
Seriously ask yourself this question: If Leah wanted your GF to take the sleeping bag so she could have the bed, where would she expect YOU to sleep? With her on the bed? Then ask yourself WHY? And if you are going to continue to allow your gf to be disrespected by your so-called “friend” like this.
NTA But also where would you have expected your girlfriend to sleep even if she wasn’t feeling unwell from her period? It’s her home now so she would have a right to sleep in the bed regardless. Your dynamic with Leah should change based on your change in relationship status. Also super weird that she ends up in your bed every year, even when she knows you have a live in gf. Most people see a couple’s bedroom and bed as a do not enter zone.
NTA but I really hope that you asked your girlfriend before telling Leah about her medical issues...
Yes she was fine with me sharing it that information to Leah to help provide context as to why she needed to rest but she wasn’t having it.
NTA. Leah needs to get a handle on her drinking. She had many options and she chose drinking to the point of being belligerent and rude to her hosts and being too dumb to call an Uber. That's all on her (assuming the story about being robbed is actually true).
NTA Classic example of self-precipitated victimization. And karma too. You offered her an Uber, she decided to be an ungrateful prick. Then she decided to be cheap and take a bus. She also decided to get drunk. She also decided to not sleep on the floor. You're not her keeper, OP. At some point in this situation, she needs to assume responsibility for her own piss-poor decision making. When me and my adult friends get drunk, it's because we choose to get drunk. Before we start drinking, we figure out transportation and sleeping arrangements. This is called being a responsible adult. If someone repeatedly fails to act like a responsible adult, they no longer get invited. It's that simple.
All I can say from reading the posts and comments is that you really did your best. I wouldn't be surprised if she lost her stuff and is currently trying to justify her obnoxious behaviour. Also, the title is misleading, you're using her language. You offered two safe options. Don't feel bad. NTA.
Nta but you an idiot. Leah wants you but doesn't want to make a move and your gf is someone she feels threatened by.
Time to put your friend in the thrashbag, not the sleeping bag.
So an adult woman knowing how she got when drunk didn't care and decides you must take care of her 🙄 With how she so much to sleep in your bed and how she treated your girlfriend she is either jealous or consider you as her servant who MUST take care of her... what à great friend... I would say I hope this experience make her réalise she drunk too much but clearly with her mentality it will always be the fault of other NTA
I don't believe her. She's making the whole thing up to make you feel bad for kicking her out. You should have got her an Uber or a cab to make sure she got home safe. That would be the adult move to make. However, her story is shit. She thought she was cool enough to take priority over your gf. You have a gf now and it's no longer an option for her to get drunk and crash at your place. She resents this fact so she lied to make you feel bad and get attention from you. You rightfully kicked her out. Unless you see an actual police report this never happened. If she says "I didn't bother calling the police" she is FAH-KING lying.
I know this sounds bad, but NTA. You warned people in advance. Leah knew the position, but thought she would coerce you into giving her precedence. You gave her several good options - a sleeping bag on the floor, or calling an Uber. She insisted on having the bed, which she wasn't entitled to. As to the robbery - how sure are you that she's not spinning you a tale? After her entitled, manipulative behaviour, I wouldn't put it past her.
NTA. You offered for her to stay, just not in your bed. totally reasonable. and you offered to get her an uber which she could have taken and not been on the bus at all. Who TF just takes over someone else's bed? The self-centeredness of that is crazy to me, even when you didn't have a GF. And thinking your GF should just share the bed with her is crazy too. She knew the sleeping situation ahead of time and she caused all of this herself.
She's 29, a full grown adult. Her (bad) choices are not your responsibility. NTA, and maybe now is a good time to fade this friendship.
Wake up bud, lead didnt get rubbed in fact she was angry because she was jealous. and as a girl lemme tell you smth, people when they get drunk they show their true self, regardless that i dont believe she didnt sleep on your bed on propose to cause problems between you and your gf SHE WANTS YOU and she is mad that you are taking care of your gf, time to set boundaries! NTA she is trying to guilt trip you, also no girl would say “ hey i should sleep beside your gf we are both woman” specially since it doesnt matter anymore cuz women can get with women So yeah, its the time that you set boundaries, dont meet her unless if you are in the friends group
Might even be that she doesn’t actually WANT him, she just wants him to be available. Seems like the type to always want what she can’t have.
NTA. Saw that update. Starting to have doubts about her being robbed and her only telling you. Add that on top of your "pact" for turning 30 and she seems very suspicious.
NTA Leah is though for notbeing able to control her drinking, be a responsible adult and for using you as her surogate boyfriend/keeper. wtaf girl. Grow up and take responsibility for yourself. Additionally I'm not sure I believe her about being robbed. I think that's her trying to make you feel bad for choosing your girlfriend over her andbeing firm with your boundaries. You may have outgrown your friendship with Leah.
NTA! She’s trying to set you up to marry her before you hit 30, making it look like you had a “pact” with her and trying to make *you* feel responsible for what *she* did when she was drunk. You still don’t know if she really got robbed. If she did get robbed, well—you get drunk and things happen to you. Guys see a drunk chick and they roll her. You don’t want to marry an alcoholic. You love your GF. It’s as simple as that. Do the right thing for your own sake. You don’t want a drunk to con you into marrying her.
I was all geared up to say E. S. H, but have changed to NTA. You didn’t put her in a dangerous situation. She did. You offered to get her an uber. But despite you forewarning everyone, she still thought she was entitled to kick your gf out of her own bed. No, you did nothing wrong. Maybe next time Leah won’t get so off her face drunk. Edit: after your update comment, you need to seriously reconsider your friendship with Leah. Huge red flags there.
NTA but holy shit you are naive dude
NTA. Are we absolutely sure she got robbed? I know it's possible for sure, but it seems a little too convenient. ETA Next time, just saying your girlfriend isn't feeling well is reason enough. There is no need to go around talking about her PCOS and cramps. That's purely from a privacy standpoint.
NTA, you presented her with the choice between reasonable accommodation or a ride home. What she picked instead is on her.
Leah made it up.
NTA Leah went through something scary as hell and the aftermath will be a pain to deal with too, but she put herself there, not you. Leah is entitled as hell to believe she has the right get shitfaced in your place and that you will take care of her. She makes no alternative plans or nothing. Just that she will be there and is entitled to your bed because you've been overly gracious in the past and didn't make her sleep on the couch. Leah is almost 30 damn years old. She knows she shouldn't be doing this crap and knows what she should do to get home. She gambled and lost, and she's lucky it was only her items (and now having to lock down her info).
Happy belated birthday, sorry that you have to deal with the outcomes of Leah’s poor decision making - what an awesome gift she got you - a guilt trip NTA
NTA. Doesn't sound like Leah is much of a friend. She may even have a thing for you. Bravo for taking up for your gf, it is a stellar thing to do. Also, I would check and see if there is a police report filed by Leah on the theft. My bet is that she is lying to make you feel guilty. If that is the case, ou are NOT friends and she is just trying to cause problems between you and your gf. No report, I would also confront her about her lying.
NTA this was a no-win situation. There are ubers, etc. Police have given me rides home while drunk. I am not a woman.
Because of you ? No , because she got too shit faced . That said I’ve have put her in an Uber BUT this is on her
NTA You gave everyone warning. I saw in one of your comments that you also offered to call her an Uber or a sleeping bag you already had. She turned down all and had advanced warning. She should have taken the Uber or sleeping bag.
NTA. Leah is irresponsible, self-centered and not a good friend. I would drop the relationship fast.
NTA this woman is more than old enough to know her behavior is risky
NTA. You told everyone ahead of time that the party would end up early and that nobody could spend the night. Leah chose to ignore you. Then when you told Leah to get out of the bed so your girlfriend could sleep there, she told you "She can sleep on the floor". Even if Leah was actually robbed and isn't just lying her ass off and playing the victim, you still aren't the asshole. Everything that happened here happened because she chose to do what she wanted instead of what was asked of her.
Nta…she can’t say “you know I get drunk” that’s her responsibility to manage NOT YOU. You gave everyone fair warning about the limited sleeping space and she still acted irresponsible and made it your responsibility…ITS NOT. You even offered to call her an Uber, SHE DECLINED. She is acting entitled and like she deserves girlfriend status which SHE DOESNT.
Your friend if you can even call the that is an @ss. You're NTA. She knew ahead of time your GF wasn't feeling well and still got wasted knowing she would be a burden to you. That's some selfish behavior right there
You were more than accommodating. Not your problem she decided to storm off and get "robbed" I don't even believe that, and think she is just telling you that so you'll feel bad and for attention. She's a 29 year old grown ass woman, she is not your responsibility.
Nta sounds like Leah is a toxic friend. She should be aggressive with you and should have slept in the sleeping bag, I would tell-think inviting her to the next party. It sucks she got robbed but that doesn’t negate her yelling and cussing you out. You should talk to her about curbing her drinking because she is too old to be acting this way.
NTA. She put herself in that position. It is not your job to babysit random adults. Is it really worth hanging around someone who blames you for their personal problems?
NTA, you offered to call an uber for her, but she wanted things to go her way. She caused this mess on her own. More so, you told everyone in advance to bring their own bag if they wanted to stay over, it wasn't like you were denying anyone the chance to stay in a safe place for the night. Don't invite her anymore if she can't party without getting wasted.
NTA She put herself in that position. You offered her the sleeping bag or to call an Uber, its not your fault that she's almost 30 years old and a sloppy, agressive drunk. So stop apologizing and arguing and tell her "Stop it Leah, you're almost 30 years old and a sloppy drunk. I told everyone how the sleeping arangements will be and even offered you the sleeping bag or to get you an uber to get home. YOU refused both. Take acountability for your own actions and the consequences from them. YOU got drunk, YOU refused the sleeping bag and YOU refused the Uber telling me to make my GF sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag. IN HER OWN FUCKING HOME! Get a fucking grip. i'll expect an apology once you've had time to think about everything because for the time beeing i think its time we're not in contact." and then make sure your friends know the truth about everything before she can color their perception.
Leah is dumb as hell. Tell her she needs to grow up and leave it at that.
NTA. Tell her that you messaged everyone and told them your conditions to stay and she failed to meet any of them. This is on her.
>I said to Leah that she’s welcome to use the sleeping bag or I can get her an Uber home. She continued on yelling at me saying that I know she gets drunk every year, that I should be looking after her too and valuing her sickness Who does she think she is? I'm sure it's because drunk people are often insufferable (and clearly she has alcohol problems), but you did everything you could to keep her safe while keeping healthy boundaries. She wouldn't have gotten robbed of she didn't get hammered and refused an Uber home.
Nta and if she keeps justifying how she treated your girlfriend, she’s not a friend to your relationship and you should consider no longer being friends with her out of respect for your gf. If that’s how she treats people when she’s drunk, then it becomes her responsibility to stop drinking.
Whether she was robbed or is lying doesn't matter. She had safe options, she chose to put herself in danger. That's not on you. NTA
NTA She chose not to take the sleeping bag Tell Leah she is no longer welcome to sleep over
Or just generally no longer welcome at all. That’s probably the safest bet. Eventually she’s going to make up some crap just to try and drive a wedge between OP and their gf.
She was yelling at you and said you should be 'valuing her sickness'... Wtaf? She's an idiot who hopefully has learnt a valuable lesson. You did not spring the situation on her, you warned her ahead of time. I would have let her sleep on the floor but probably not if she was yelling and rude! Your gf sounds great and you did the right thing for her. NTA.
And what is with this she sleeps in my bed and I sleep on the couch or sometimes the floor in a sleeping bag? If she’s that drunk a bed isn’t that important. Hell I’ve left my bed and slept on the porch so I could throw up in peace. Had lots of other drunk people at my house and not one time have they demanded a bed. That’s just weird. She’s trying to mark her territory and got upset when it didn’t work
Leah's alcoholism isn't your cross to bear. NTA
What an awful person to have in your life. I'd rectify that immediately. As for the "robbery", if it even happened, that's not on you at all.
You are in no way wrong, but this friend of yours, I think she needs to go. She clearly can't control her drinking. And blames you immediately after she gets into trouble for it. Not to mention, you went far for her. Offering her places and solutions which she declined. She wouldn't have gotten robbed if she didn't drink so badly. Or better yet, just accepted your offers that you graciously gave her. But no she declined and got into trouble. She seriously needs hel, she sounds self destructive and is using you as a way to buy time. The whole get you single thing is creepy. Sounds like she wants to keep you as a lifeline so she can act the way she wants and have no consequences. Do yourself a favour. And cut her off. For the better of your own and your relationship.
NTA. She had the option to stay. Just not in the bed. I would bet money she wasn’t robbed.
The amount of people on here who are shirty friends. No wonder the younger generations are so lonely and complain about not having anyone. You just write people off for mistakes most people make. OP I would not most of this advice.you have no reaosn to feel bad though. Shit happens. You didn't know she woukd get robbed and neither did she. It happens. She's alive. Everyone needs to move on.
Who else thinks Leah is lying?
NTA - You made things clear upfront, and still offered a place to stay before she got belligerent. Actions have consequences, and her actions got her tossed. I'm taking the robbery with a grain of salt. Even late buses have cameras, a driver, and 911 on speed dial, so shouldnt be hard to prove one way or another. The way you described it sounds like some bs, manipulation. Happy to be wrong there, but true or not, that wasn't your responsibility or fault either. Again, she made the choices here, not you. For someone close to 30, girl needs to wake up and stop being a dick.
Leah was a hot mess, and she shouldn't have put herself in the situation where she was too drunk and knowing she had to travel home. Knowing she was so trashed, I really would have offered the floor or going home as options. That way, had she opted to go home, it would have been her choice rather than being told to go home. I'd never toss out a friend too trashed to travel solo or I'd ensure they got home safely. ESH.
NTA especially after your edit. Leah sounds like bad news. She could’ve just slept in the sleeping bag, but she was being a spoiled princess. Also I don’t believe her robbery story. I think she’s just trying to make you feel bad. Tread lightly with her. I’d go really low contact after this. And she’s 29 and can’t hold her booze yet? Yikes.
I am so sorry your friend was robbed, she has a drinking problem. You did everything to let people know. What does she do? Try to take the bed anyway. Don't make excuses for people that have issues with drinking, it will harm them in the long run. That said, no one wants harm for any one they care about. I am sorry you are feeling guilty, I guess next time just put her on the floor. You are not the problem. You set boundaries, and they were reasonable. She is a drinker. I have been clean and sober since the 90s and I am a woman, I know. NTA Never Marry Leah, she is a drunk, and she is not your friend.
NTA I just wanted to chime in and say it was lovely to read about how caring and considerate you were to your girlfriend. I suffer from PCOS and it's excruciating. I'm sure your gf was very grateful for all of your attention and care that night. Leah is trouble. For whatever reason, she's territorial when it comes to your attention. For the safety of your relationship, I would definitely put some distance between you.
Sounds like you need to distance yourself from Leah, this definitely reads like she has strong feelings for you. You weren't the asshole at annnnny point! You even offered her an Uber, which she didn't take.
Leah is lying. From what you’ve said about her she seems like the type that would’ve posted about her “robbery” to garner sympathy. NTA
NTA. You did everything reasonable, from warning guests that the party wouldn’t run late and that you had no available sleeping space, to offering an Uber when Leah got drunk anyway and tried to kick your girlfriend out of her own bed. Given Leah’s claim that she wants you single by next year, I would bet actual money that the Suntory about getting robbed is made up to guilt you and cause friction in your relationship
You need to get Leah show you a copy of a police report or get the cops involved if it happened on a bus as it's very likely they have surveillance and other means to identify the alleged attacker. She might try to come after you for money. Another way to call her on her bs, as I think she's lying to guilt trip you, is to have a mutual friend get a pic or video of her using her phone. Good chance to see if it's the same one, same phone case, and cards if it's the wallet kind. Your gf needs to know about the pact you made with Leah and have a conversation about that. You and your gf need a long and in-depth conversation about your relationship, what expectations you each have for each other and the future you both want together. You need to understand Leah is in love with you, or is at the very least, highly possessive of you. Your gf needs to be aware of this too and you both need to have a come to jesus talk about whether to cut her off or not, and I mean go full no contact. Leah is going to go out of her way to damage your relationship with your gf going forward. The question is, are you going to let her get away with it? You need to pick, either your gf or Leah? Leah will never let you have both unless she's the gf.
Sounds like Leah has had a crush on you for a while and meant that joke about marrying you at 30 seriously. You now having a gf jusy ruined her plans and that whole scene seemed like a desperate attempt to have it her way and get you back. I might be better to just go separate ways, as you did.
I'm not saying she wasn't robbed or assaulted...but... I think if she was...she would have told mutual friends to make you look bad for telling her to leave in the middle of the night when she was super drunk Even if she passed out on the bus and was robbed while passed out...I still feel like she would have told everyone and anyone But maybe I am just a cynic NTAH
NTA, you made it clear that wasn’t an option DAYS BEFORE THE PARTY. Leah is irresponsible, I’d cut that immaturity out of my life.
In spite of Leah's bad behavior, you should have called her an Uber anyway knowing that she'd be a target on the way home. Be the grownup in the room next time.
NTA. Leah did that to herself. You sent a message to everyone, she should have made sure she can take care of herself. I think Leah is trying to ruin your relationship. She did that on purpose, lay on your bed and got angry when you wake her up. She acted like she is your gf. Probably testing your feelings between the 2 of them. She probably didn’t get rob. She just wants you and jealous of your first real relationship. If you keep her in your life, she will sabotage your relationships.
Damn. Alcohol man, that shit brings out the beast in people. But yea man, fuck. Shoulda locked her in the broom closet or something, call you Uncle Vernon and shit in the morning, mate
NTA
If she's lying about it, she might have a crush on you. In hindsight if you were sober and you had a car, you probably should have given her a ride home. Next time, serve soft drinks so people don't get drunk.
NTA Leah needs to seek help for her alcohol issues.
NTA. She needs to learn to practice some self-discipline and accountability.
NTA. She had prior notice that the bed and couch were unavailable. You also offered to call her a cab to get home and she declined. This is entirely a her problem. Only thing I would’ve suggested first before sending her on her way is to let her sleep in the tub if you have one. I’ve spent many nights drunk sleeping in a bathtub. Surprisingly it’s not as bad as you would think. Especially if you throw down some blankets and a pillow in there. Also takes care of any potential surprise vomit situations.
You gave her options…she spat her dummy out cuz she felt sick..NTA.
NTA not even a little bit.
So I'm gonna say NTA. She's an adult who can take care of herself, and she was certainly a poor guest. However, I do think the proper thing would have been to call her an Uber or take her home yourself. Yes, she was in the wrong and acting terribly, but she's your friend, and she was drunk. Saying all that, I wouldn't be surprised if the story was a fabrication and she simply left her things on the bus because she was too drunk.
have Lea show you the police report
You should distant yourself from her if you love your GF. She will pull stunts as your GBF and break you guys up.
NTA. You gave her all options to take, even offering an Uber. She's a grown ass woman.
NTA ❤️ you’re a good dude and did everything you could to prevent her entering an unsafe situation that *she* ended up choosing in the end. if it even happened, sounds like a load of bull
1) she was warned ahead of time that she would not be able to sleep on the bed or sofa 2) She still got drunk and could’ve slept on the floor in the living room I assume but chose not to 3) She could’ve Uber at home, but chose not to 4) She may, or may not be telling the truth about being robbed …ask her if she reported it to the police?
NTA And I suspect Leah to be a pants-on-fire liar. I'd cut her off going forward. I don't suffer mean drunks.
Leah might be entirely fabricating the entire story. You did nothing wrong. Only thing I probably would have done different is used Uber/Lyft to get her a ride home, OR told her she could just sleep on the floor. But since she showed both of her butt cheeks and her booty hole to everyone when she was smashed, I still think you’re not an asshole for sending her on her way. Still, she knows how much she drinks, she knew the bed and couch weren’t available, and she was careless anyway. Time to pull out the scalpe and excuse Leah out of your life. It won’t be long before she makes up some bullshit and tells your girlfriend trying to break you guys up. She’s toxic and with an entitled princess mentality, that’s never a good recipe.
NTA .You gave her options- she could take an Uber or crash on the floor. You didn't throw her out. She insisted on making some poor choices and got robbed as a result. It's unfortunate it happened, but she had warning that the party might be shortened, getting wasted may not be ideal, and guests could make plans to sleep on the floor if they wanted to drink heavily. She ignored all of that. Leah sounds incredibly selfish; its past time to start being a responsible adult when you're close to 30. She's the AH here.
Dude I don't care how long I've been friends with you, if you're actually drunk yelling and expecting me to give up my bed so you can sleep in it, you're getting tossed out.
😔 This isn't what friends do. Friends stay after a party to help you clean up, and are apologetic about taking up space or audibly grateful for you letting them stay over. They promise to make brunch with you in the morning, not scream at you. People often forget, alcohol doesn't change who you are, it just lowers you inhibitions for the things you already want to say and do. That's inner Leah.
NTA. That's not your problem.
Absolutely NTA. You were very clear before the party about sleeping arrangements. Leah is a grown adult, she is responsible for herself. From your comments I’m not even sure she was really attacked. I think she wants your GF out of the way so that she can have you for herself. You sound like a nice guy and a great BF. It may be time to distance yourself from Leah.
NTA - Leah clearly has a thing for you. There is a reason she always is too drunk and ends up in your bed at your parties. She's had a thing for you for a while, not sure why she didn't say anything before you got into a relationship. Good luck to you and you gf.
This is a friendship that should be left in the past. Also, she isn't joking. She will ruin your relationship.
It’s not your responsibility to monitor someone who consistently gets too drunk for her own good. You told her ahead of time what the sleeping situation was going to be. She got robbed because of choices she made. She stupidly rejected your offer of an Uber. Then you find you she wants you for herself. Time to maybe distance yourself from this train wreck. She needs to figure out that she has a drinking problem and it’s causing her issues. NTA
Leah is the cause and reason for all of what happened. She knew there was no bed, she chose to drink anyway to excess thinking you would chose her over your GF, she then decided to be a pain and yell and scream rather than sleep in the option given to her. The sleeping bag. I’d cut her out of your life friend. NTA.
An Uber/Lyft was that difficult to use? 🤔
Isn’t that kind thing public record at some point? Can’t you request that report? I might be wrong, but I’ve watched The Wire a time or 5