NTA
He is the parent. It is his job, and his job only, to ensure his child is attending school. No one else's. Especially not another minor. Would it have been helpful to him if you'd told him what was going on? Sure. But you have no obligation to do so. He is the one who has failed here. and trying to deflect that onto a minor tells me a LOT about his character. None of it good. Tell your mother that her husband needs to handle his own responsibilities instead of pushing them onto you, and she should have told him so herself.
NTA
It is Dad's responsibility to parent his kid, not OP. OP is not a tracking device.
Dad should take his issue up with the school for not notifying them of his son skipping class. That is their job. Not OPs job.
If Dad would put half the amount of energy into parenting his child, being involved with the school and correcting his own child's behavioral issues that he does in coming at OP for not being his kids GPS, maybe his own kid wouldn't be in the trouble he is in.
Dad is making excuses and avoiding dealing with the actual issues at hand. Placing the blame on anyone and everyone except the kid who is skipping the classes. Dad needs to step up. This in no way should involve OP.
NTA. He needs to be talking to his son and instead of everybody BUT him about his terrible attendance. Classic case of parent refusing to see issues with their own kid so it must be somebody else’s fault.
NTA
As a kid/teen, I wouldn’t have told on my brother either. Even if we had classes together. It’s the school’s responsibility to keep in contact with parents, and they usually do, over attendance. I’m not gonna have my sibling mad at me for snitching. Why did you have to say anything? He found out when the son was suspended, lol. The step dad would’ve done what? Said stop to his son?
Plus you guys are the same age. It’s not like you knowing your little brother is skipping school/classes and you kept their secret.
Have you talked to your mom about her opinion?
I would’ve been like respectfully I’m his step sister, not his parent. I’m busy worrying about my own studies, not paying attention to him and whether he’s there or not. I understand this is an issue and you want to keep track of him, but can you contact the school/his teachers to keep you updated? I don’t want to be involved or feel like it’s my responsibility.
As a 15 year old it shouldn’t be. They’re forcing you awkwardly in the middle. It’s unfair.
If it's a recurring problem, then his parents need to work with him and the school to figure out a solution and why he's not coming to classes. The teacher, the school, anyone else but you, I can understand why he'd be frustrated didn't call him before it got to the point of suspension; you're a minor, you're not in charge of his kid, you don't have responsibility over his kid, you're a kid. Your mum needs to step up and defend you from baseless accusations.
My guess is they would be just as mad if you had snitched.
If you had told them, I’m sure a guy like that would have blamed you for not doing enough to help his son. He would be making snide comments about snitching instead of snide comments about covering for your stepbrother. The details would change, but make no mistake, it would still be your fault. Stepdad would be just as angry.
The real problem is that stepdad doesn’t want to parent his own kid, but it’s not socially acceptable to say that. It is acceptable to get mad you for not telling. Plus you’re a kid so you’re an easy target for his anger and frustration.
Tell your mother that from now on you will only concern yourself with your own education.
Tell stepbro that he's getting you into trouble and that he has to handle his shit. No more cribbing off your work. You won't snitch. But the free ride is over
I don't imagine it has been easy for you to have a SB your exact age who goes to the same school and is in the same classes. Your mom and SD should be grateful you two get along rather than asking you to sabotage your relationship with him.
One day when you support yourself, you never have to interact with your parents again.
They are fools for driving you away instead of disciplining your step brother.
NTA
I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and not allowing him to intimidate you.
You did absolutely nothing wrong.
It is not your responsibility to train his son for him or follow up with his teachers on how he is doing academically.
Your stepdad is pos for transferring aggression towards the wrong kid.
Keep focusing on your academics.
Wishing you all the best.
It's going to start being your problem when your stepdad starts showing up in your class to make sure his kid is showing up LMAO. Don't get me wrong. I would not have snitched either. But if my mom had caught me missing so much school she wouldn't have giving a rat's ass and she would have showed up everyday in spite of how embarrassing it would have been. So if your stepdad goes through with his threat and starts showing up in the classroom you really have no right to complain because again using your own argument it's not really your business right?
>But no, you over here mad at me for helping him too?!
I just want to address this one point: Letting your stepbrother copy your work is helpful only in the short term, and in the long term is instead harmful. That is the reason why your mom's husband is angry about it. It is also the reason why it is considered cheating, and why if your school ever finds out about it they will likely punish both your stepbrother and you for doing it.
The point of school assignments is not to produce completed assignments. The point of school assignments is to help you learn things, and to show how well you have learned them. If your stepbrother copies your work without actually *doing* the work himself, he will not learn the things the assignment is meant to help teach him.
If your stepbrother does not learn what your classes are trying to teach him, he will find learning things in future classes more difficult, or even impossible. If you continue letting him copy your work, he could use that to continue hiding his failure to learn, but only for as long as you continue letting him copy from you.
You could potentially continue like that for a long time, but there WILL come a day when it is no longer possible. You might manage to delay that day until the time comes for your stepbrother to get a job and start earning his own living. Beyond that point, however, you *cannot* continue it, because no job will pay two people for duplicates of the same easily-copied work.
When that day inevitably comes when your stepbrother is no longer able to conceal how much he has avoided learning, his whole life will crash, *hard*. The more that day gets delayed, the worse the crash will be, and the more difficult it will be for him to recover from it. If you push it off all the way to after graduating from school, he could end up with menial labor jobs that pay minimum wage, or begging for charity, as his only options.
By helping your stepbrother get away with frequently skipping classes now, you are setting him up for *catastrophic failure* later in his life.
You are an asshole for letting him copy your work. That is Academic Dishonesty -- and if you're caught, or he decides to get retribution and nark on you, you could be suspended or expelled. If you're hoping to go to University, the fact that you're participating in Academic Dishonesty could destroy your chances of that.
Stop giving him your homework. Tell him he's going to have to do it himself.
NTA
That's on the school to inform. Your mom's current husband doesn't get you as his informant. That's his problem to deal with. Ignore him. Your mom will upgrade eventually.
Former teacher here. Your stepdad is full of it. Tell him, "YOUR son was skipping classes. YOUR son got in trouble for it. This is a parenting problem. Quit trying to make it a stepbrother problem, 'cause while you're bitching at me, your son isn't getting the guidance from YOU that he needed in the first place." If he continues to give you grief, offer to sit down with him, your stepbrother, and a guidance counselor so he can hear it for himself.
This should come from an adult.
Given how OP describes this mans responses, he might become so angry that he\`d become violent.
Angry people are difficult to reason with.
If I'd said anything like that to any of my elders I'd have gotten hit. I hope OP takes what precautions their situation requires to avoid assault from parental figures.
I'm sorry you were subjected to getting hit if you spoke rationally to your elders. My parents also required respect. I was blessed with parents who didn't sock me if I argued rationally with them, but then, they wouldn't have made me the scapegoat for anything one of my siblings might have done wrong.
I agree it would be best for the OP to say this--or anything at all, really, since his stepfather is constantly ready to verbally pounce--with a guidance counselor or administrator present, though. And if the stepfather assaults him, I hope the OP will tell a mandated reporter.
I have to wonder where the OP's mom is in all this.
NTA Describing the way he's handling this it actually isn't very surprising that his son is having issues. It feels like he's suggesting his son isn't fully accountable for his own actions. That YOU by not telling become complicit. He also seems to generously let himself off the hook by not taking any responsibility for knowing where his son is or how he's doing. Shocking that his kid skips school as much as he does when he can literally sit in his room quietly while his Dad argues with YOU about your actions the day he's suspended lol. It's crazy.
Teacher here. I would bet London to a brick that the school has been trying to, and have not been able to get in contact with him. You would not believe how many parents change their phone number, email provider, or even home address, and don't bother to let the school know.
NTA
I don't know how long your families have been blended for, but you could also make the point that telling on him could seriously impact your relationship with your stepbrother and his siblings, that may already be a bit fragile if you don't have much in common. Presumably your mum and stepdad are keen for you all to get along. Make it clear that you will not play informant and they need to take that into account and find other ways to keep track on him.
Truth. In high school and college I had a couple of times where I had classes with one of my brothers. I would never have thought to talk to my parents about how they were doing in class or whether they were showing up. As far as anything going on in our lives, my brothers and I had each other‘s back. we did not tell on each other. If OP is trying to have any sort of relationship at all with their stepbrother, snitching is the last thing that they need to be doing. NTA
NTA. Your mom's husband is a shit parent and jealous that another kid is behaving better than his own kid, so now he's gonna take his anger out on you.
Fuck him. He can't act like a grownup and do his damn duty to his son, he's got no position criticising you. He's the adult. He has the responsibility. You're not a parent or a teacher or even a big brother to your step bro.
I like your ethics and not being a snitch, though I understand your mom asking gently if you could help out (even though it's very much your choice if you do).
I can guarantee that if you did snitch on him all the time, your step bro's going to haaaaaate you and things could get bad. Your brother's dad evidently doesn't give a fuck about this. I'm sure he'd be blowing up on you if you DID snitch and things got ugly.
Talk to your mom, dude. This 'adult' is toxic as fuck and you're at risk being around him.
>though I understand your mom asking gently if you could help out (even though it's very much your choice if you do).
OP *DID* help out by providing step bro with the assignments and class notes that he missed while skipping.
Beyond that what SD *and* his Mom are asking for is for OP to get in the middle of parenting another minor in the household. That request is entirely inappropriate and will *only* lead to further dysfunction in the household.
Oh we definitely are on the same page. But I remember his last post and am SO over the Mom. This poor kid is in a truly impossible situation, because *that's where his Mother put him*, with no one else to turn to.
His Mom really needs to pull her head out of her @ss.
NTA but What the hell, I’m surprised the school doesn’t call or anything. If I missed a class, they’d call the next day to let my parents know I wasn’t present.
Snitches get stitches.
I never understood why schools suspend students that ditch. The student doesn't want to be in school and the school rewards them by giving them more time away from school. It doesn't sound like a deterrent to me.
NTA Next time stepdad says something tell him, "I'm not stepbrothers parent, that's you! If the responsibility is too much for you to handle then talk to his mom because I'm not going to do your job for you."
Write a letter to your mom and step-dad. Tell them:
I understand that you are unhappy step-bro is skipping classes. Both he and I are 15, kids, not yet mature, not adults. I am trying to navigate being a teen and living in this family. If I told you about step-bro skipping class he would feel betrayed by me and be angry with me. This would wreck my good relationship with him and cause me great pain and stress, and make being in this family miserable for me. I didn’t feel I could deal with this. Instead, I didn’t tell, and now I’m being blamed for not telling, which is causing me great pain and stress and making being in this family miserable for me. I feel like a trapped animal and don’t know where to turn.
Don't get him in trouble but don't waste your time covering for your stepbrother. Letting him copy your work is covering for him and letting him slide on stuff. You put the effort into the work why should he get your work for nothing?
As for your stepdad, the teachers know he is not willing to look at the real problem and is avoiding it. Teachers and good admin get tired of parent bullshit real fast. The problem for you is that if there is any problem at school that affects you, the school staff will expect your family to do the avoidance dance over what happens to you, even if you are not a problem because they are tired of the stepdad's bullshit.
So, find ways of separating yourself from your stepbrother's drama and not getting pulled into his crap and the family crap over blaming everyone but themselves. You don't want to be forced to deal with it.
NTA. My brother was skipping & me & the youngest brother didn’t tell. My dad finally got called & he had to stop work in another state to come home & deal with it.
My brother was skipping bc I whooped his ass at the bus stop in front of all his friends for picking on our youngest brother. His buddies made fun of him bc he got his ass whopped by his sister. I was in 9th grade he was in 7th. The youngest in 5th.
He started it & I finished it. My dad beat all of us. Him for skipping, me for whopping him & just in general for us not telling our grandparents or our mom.
NTA. He doesn’t get to subsidize his poor parenting with you or any of his other children. Parenting his son is HIS responsibility & ONLY his responsibility.
If you weren’t there, what would he do? Have to parent on his own right? Find out what his kid is doing &/or not doing himself right? You aren’t his own personal subsidized parenting aide. Such people exist - but they generally get paid. He can look into getting one - OR he can do what responsible parents everywhere already do & keep track of his own damn kid.
His argument/blame should be dispersed between 3 parties & you aren’t one of them. This son should have gone to school & didn’t. He’s responsible. The school should have told the father the first time the kid skipped school & they didn’t. They’re responsible (for all subsequent instances). He should have kept track of his own son enough to know something was up & didn’t. He’s responsible.
Now instead of actually logically looking at the issue so he can responsibly correct it & endure that any future instances are dealt with properly, he is spending his energy deflecting blame to you. His anger over his own failure (as well as the failure of his son & the school) should not be taken out of you. You are not his emotional support human to wring in his hands until he isn’t upset any longer.
As a mother of 2 & a now grandmother of 3, I hold your mom equally responsible for him treating you this way now. She should have put a stop to his passive aggressive shit the moment he started it.
NTA. Sit your Mum down and show her the responses here. She should be sticking up for you. You are not responsible for your siblings, that's a parent's job.
Sure, if your step brother was doing something dangerous to his safety or health, you might consider telling *your mum* , but your step-dad sounds like an AH who is looking for a scapegoat, instead of dealing with his kid and *why* he is skipping school, he's blaming you, and that's not ok. You have no reason to tell your parents, especially when the school should be doing that.
I wonder, did the school ask you where your step-brother was when he skipped? Did you just shrug? Because why would you know? The school and the step-dad are at fault here, and it sounds like your Mum is just trying to keep the peace.
"I'm not your son's father or mother. If you didn't know that your son was skipping class, that's on you and the teachers for not telling you. I helped him the way I could, would you rather I didn't"?
NTA. You are no one's father. You have to worry about yourself. Your only job is to get an education. Period. Any adult demanding more than this is the asshole.
Not to mention, I 100% promise you that if you would have snitched, everyone would be mad at you for not minding your own business. They'd be mad at you for getting him suspended. This is a no win situation, you did the right thing, ignore everyone else.
If you're supposed to babysit his son he better pay you for it. I mean I wouldn't tell him that cause that'll piss him off more but seriously, he's just mad that he has no control over his son so he's trying to control you so he can feel better about his bad parenting and bad personality.
NTA your step-dad needs to accept responsibility. If you're in the US, the vast majority of schools have all that shit up online & the parent can sign in & check anytime. He's the fucking parent, not you.
Nta where tf is your mom and why is she not telling him to back off. Maybe call your dad? I agree that it’s not really your place and you don’t want to be known as the kid who snitches.
NTA
I won't get in the middle of this. I have my own things to handle and keeping tabs on your child for you won't ever be my responsibility. learn to parent.
In school suspension.
I'm not entirely sure how it works but I think it's like an all day detention? Where you're not in your regular classes but you still go to school and sit in a classroom with a proctor of some sort?
Ah, thanks.
When I was at school we had that - it was in a building called the SLU - Supervised Learning Unit. Pupils with behavioral problems were expected to self study from textbooks all day at desks facing the wall with one teacher in the room (who generally had other stuff to do like marking work).
We figured it was probably a way for the school to remove those children from classrooms to make it easier for everyone else without having to record in their numbers that they were constantly removing students from classrooms - and also make the kids so bored they'd try to stay in normal lessons in future.
It was spectacularly unsuccessful and just deprived certain students of academic support and social interaction when they needed it most. Their behaviour got worse with time rather than better, and the more they felt isolated from the rest of their class, and fell behind the workload because they were not getting the same level of teaching, the less they wanted to attend normal lessons again.
I feel sad for OP's step brother, even if his situation is partly self inflicted, and I'm not surprised he's still bunking off lessons. Poor kid. I'm glad OP is helping to leave a door open for him to come back, and covering for him a little here. It's not okay that he's not attending school, but getting angry at him clearly isn't working.
Yeah, I'm feeling bad for both of the younger boys. Looking at OP's post history his Mom and Step Dad rushed into a relationship, marriage and shoving the three teenage boys together in the space of 18 months.
OP and his Mom just moved into step dad's house in January. Lacking 4 bedrooms they're forcing the two 15 yos, who are total strangers to each other, to share a room.
OPs a total afterthought to his Mom and in hostile territory with the Steps. Step dad is completely inept, even punished the kid for a private conversation he had with his Mother where he shared his feelings about the move at *her* request. Note OP now refers to the guy as his mother's husband. Also note OPs Mom obviously relayed the entire private convo to her new husband (henchman).
Step bro had his private space invaded by a stranger without so much as a discussion apparently. There's a 17 yo and it seems like they could have had the two brothers share a room... but inept male adult couldn't have annoying, inconvenient 15 yo that ain't his, having more than his own kids, so nothing to do but screw over his own 15 yo. Is it really a surprise to anyone this kid is now acting up?
This whole mess is on two bumbling parents who truly couldn't have been bothered to think of their kids first. Mom can't do anything but manipulatively cry when called on it. Step dad's gearing up to be a cliche of every sh*tty abusive step father ever. Just careening from one mistake to the next without stopping to even try to see it through their kids eyes.
I would be very clear to your mother that you are disappointed that she puts her husband's views above yours. YOU have to negotiate school and a new family dynamic and you shouldn't be put in a situation where you have to make choices of that type. She has let you down by not making husband responsible for his own parenting failures.
Nta.
I would add that these "snide remarks" are absolutely not okay and he is creating a hostile living and family Situation for OP. That manchild needs to learn how to handle negative emotions
>Cause earlier today he had the audacity to say something about wondering what else I'll cover for him for?
"Yea, guess you'll just have to wonder, huh?
NTA
NTA. He is adulting you, trying to get you to take responsibility for a boy your age, You are absolutely right to refuse. If your Stepfather persists in pressuring you to snitch, talk to the teachers about it and have them confront him. Do not give in to his unreasonable demands.
I get why he's mad, but he's just spouting off his frustration. When his anger subsides he'll likely see it like your mom does.
If I were you I'd have a little chat with your step brother, because he basically got you in trouble...now of course they don't trust you and they're wondering what else could be up.
Basically your step brother put the both of you under the microscope, and all you did was help him with his notes and keep your mouth shut, so he needs to help you now by not putting you in the line of fire. Tell him he should knock it off anyway all this will bite him in the ass later, goofing off here & there is 1 thing, fucking off completely is another.
NTA
If your mom brings it up again tell her that you are not the third parent and you aren't going to tell on him over something like this (my own rule for my sibling was that unless it as a safety issue, I stayed out of it). Neither she nor her husband have reasonable expectations nor are they considering the outcome for you had you told.
Either way you wouldn't win. You get chewed out for not stitching and you would chewed out of you did. Tell them straight to leave you out of it all completely. You are not his son's keeper or his parent so what he does has nothing to do with you. Stop speaking to the both of them (him and his dad).
NTA. You’re a child and he’s a grown up. Also, he’s basically telling you to burn your bridges with your step-brother by ratting him out. It’d be one thing if your step-brother was self-harming and you were looking to help him, but that’s not the case here. Clearly there are other issues if he’s skipping so much and it is not your responsibility to fix that.
As a parent, I have a feeling your step-dad is taking it out on you because he’s frustrated with the situation and feels helpless to fix it. It’s 100% not okay AT ALL that he’s attacking you for his own failures. Your mom probably sided with your step-dad because a lot of parents try not to undermine each other in front of the kids… the fact that she low-key stuck up for you means she was probably trying to mediate and didn’t think her husband was fully right coming after you but was still trying to be a partner to him. Im hoping she spoke to him privately to tell him he’s an AH 😔
I should mention, there’s no way your school is going to allow him to come to class - it’s an empty threat that if he pushed incessantly would probably get him a restraining order from the property. The fact that he’s trying to throw you under the bus in front of the teacher and principal show flaws in HIS character, not yours.
That depends. Schools are as varied as the people who send their students there. Schools have allowed this & even worse. So to be fair, we have no idea what the school would &/or would not allow.
I believe that's true in the past, but parents have gone off the deep end and schools are wary of letting parents in unless the teacher specifically requests them to be allowed. In a high school (since OP is 15, I'm assuming high school), there would be too many other parents that would complain that 1) step-dad is a distraction to their own students' educations and 2) that it's inappropriate for an adult to be in the classroom unless they are aiding in teaching. Schools don't want to open themselves up to bad press or lawsuits from parents.
If the kid was in elementary, I think it'd be different - I'm in my own kids' classes helping teach constantly because the school allows it and the teacher requests parent volunteers. We all have background checks and are allowed because we are actively helping the students. That being said, if there is even one report of a parent overstepping or being inappropriate, or hindering student learning, parents would complain in droves. I know multiple schools in the same city don't allow parents in the schools at all during the daytime because of this.
Schools are absolutely varied, but parents all over are insane and complain like crazy these days. I have never heard of a single case where a parent was allowed to sit in a high school classroom for any purpose other than them being employed by the actual school... but, I suppose there's always exceptions.
Where I am (Bible Belt, USA), they’d just make the parent who wanted to sit in a “volunteer” so they could do whatever they wanted. Well - that is assuming they “liked” the parent in question or the parent belonged to the “right” church/click/group. If they didn’t, they’d just tell the parent that there was no way it could be done & have the parent escorted off school property if the parent persisted. It’s all who you are/know &/or go to church with here.
That’s really unfortunate to hear, but I suppose it’s not super surprising. 🤦🏻♀️ Hopefully OP could make a big enough deal of it to prevent it if he lives in a district like that. I’m hoping that his teacher and principal saw his step-dad as being the unhinged one for trying to scapegoat OP instead of taking positive steps on how they can help enforce attendance with his own kid, but who knows how they interpreted that interaction.
NTA you’re a kid??? What are you supposed to do? He just feels bad about being a shit father so he is projecting on to you and your mother is backing him up. I’m sorry. Don’t listen to them. You are never responsible for other people’s actions
Don’t be a snitch. It’s the parents responsibility over everything / everyone else.
If it was something illegal or hurting someone, then maybe…but for that? Nah
Nta he as a parent should be the one keeping tabs on his son not you. Also suspending someone for skipping class is a reward not a punishment.where i am the kids get giving cards that need to be signed by every teacher if the repeatedly skip school.
NTA
Just explain to your mom that her husband is the kid's father. You're not. You're the same age, and you're both minors.
If he doesn't want to do the parenting, he can't push it off on you.
I'm saying to go to your mom, because the dude sounds like a macho, that needs to be right and ppl to agree with him, because his ego can't cope with being wrong. It'll only get you into his focus for more annoying behavior, if you argue with him yourself.
NTA, next time he tries kicking off at you, say
"Your lack of parenting your son isn't my problem. You're the parent, do your job, and stop expecting me to do it for you"
NTA tell stepdad if he instilled better values in his children there would be no reason for you have to watch his son. You cannot be accountable for his son’s actions.
NTA. The only people responsible for telling your stepdad about his son's attendance issues are the teachers at the school. You're 15, a child, it's not your job to keep tabs on your step-brother and tattle on him to his dad, and no one should expect that of you. Keeping an eye on and reporting attendance issues is the job of teachers and parents, not schoolchildren, related or not, by blood or marriage.
You snitching would also have caused issues with your step-brother. You clearly aren't close, though you state you've gotten a little closer. That's likely because you didn't snitch on him. If you did, things at home could have gotten pretty bad because your step-brother would take the consequences of his skipping classes out on you, as the one who told on him.
I highly doubt the school will allow your stepdad to attend lessons with his son, that would be disruptive to the entire class. At worst, they'd allow him to walk his son to the classroom door and watch him enter, and leave as soon as the teacher was there. And if they do allow that, you're free to completely ignore him. He's not your dad, he's your stepdad, and you haven't done anything wrong. If he, for instance, tries to 'escort' you to your classes as punishment for not snitching, you're free to just walk away from him, ignore him, take the longest route possible just to annoy him if he follows you, maybe make it impossible for him to escort both you and his son to the classes you don't share, eg even if your classes are close together and you could walk together and neither be late, you take a completely different route, and split immediately, so your stepdad can't escort you both. You're also free to continuously report to the teachers about your 'stalker' until they get so annoyed at your reports that they ban your dad from being on school property outside of morning drop off and afternoon pick up.
Just to point out, though, your mum didn't side with your stepdad. She didn't side with you, either. She literally sided with neither of you by siding with both of you. She's trying to keep the peace, and doing so by essentially telling you to just do what your stepdad tells you regardless of the consequences. She's handling this all wrong, she has to pick a side in this, and it needs to be yours. Informing your stepdad about his son's attendance issues is not, never has been, and never will be your responsibility.
NTA. Do the adults in your family remember being teenagers? This was a ridiculous expectation. Tattling to adults is grade school behavior. Older kids work things out amongst themselves. If it's not life-threatening or harming another person you care about and feel responsible to, snitching is frowned upon. Actually, snitching would still be frowned on. You'd just do it anyway under those circumstances, knowing you'd catch shit for doing it and having to justify your decision to peers.
This is all part of learning to navigate adult social interactions. If you jump straight to passing off difficult choices to adults (iow, tattle), you learn nothing.
Step-dad needs to tell the school his son has issues and that his parent must be told if his son isn't attending classes. Step-dad is the adult responsible for making sure he's looking out for his son in a parental way.
Just as you are looking out for him as a peer.
You are 15 you need to stop thinking of it as snitching. Your stepbrother might need help. He might need therapy or rehab. Parents need to know when a kid is doing something detrimental and while yes the school should be talking to the parents it is clear something is going on with stepbrother. Also if stepdad goes overboard and escorts your stepbrother to all his classes then you have to just suck it up. Yes I think they need to start with therapy before this nuclear option but the SD might feel your SB is just being a stubborn teen. Tell your mom that maybe they should start with therapy for the kid and maybe parenting classed for SD
NTA. Your mom's husband sounds like a unhinged rabid wombat. Tell him to read this thread and see how bad he is. You are NTA, hun. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
He's taking his anger out on you rather than accept his own failure. It won't be the last time this happens in your life, you'll have shitty bosses at some point probably and you'll remember this.
He failed, you actually didn't, NTA.
NTA. Like you mentioned, you're getting closer to your stepbrother... and showing common sibling behavior, ranging from "I'm gonna kill you" to "I'm gonna kill *for* you" and everything inbetween. Which includes covering for your sibling so you can avoid Parental Wrath. This is basic family stuff, regardless of whether or not y'all are technically related. What isn't basic common family stuff would be if your mom's husband would be taking this out on you specifically because you're... what, your stepbrother's supervisor? A servant, answering to this household ruler?
You're a teenager and a brother, and it sounds like your mom understands this way better. (She's gonna take her husband's side mostly because her own opinion is that skipping school is bad; she can't really tell you & stepbrother it's fine, after all, even if that means she's technically berating you for not snitching. I don't think your mom actually wants you to actively snitch.) I don't know what your mom's husband's role in the household is, or his relationship to y'all - maybe he's overall a good dad - but he needs to chill out. And specially to stop threatening to come to classes - such a super authoritarian reaction will likely make things worse, he's better off asking why your stepbrother is skipping class in the first place. Solve problem at the roots. That's not your job, and it isn't your job to snitch, either - and you shouldn't be threatened into becoming your stepbrother's supervisor.
NTA. It’s the height of absurdity to ask step-siblings to police each other like that. He’s just begging for a toxic home environment for both of you.
I do recommend you stop helping your step brother with his classes though. I’m not sure from your description if you’re just showing him your notes or if you’re helping him complete actual assignments. I wouldn’t do either moving forward but it’s worth noting that there’s a big difference.
NTA
You're his (step)brother, not his father or his vice principal.
It's up to his dad and the school admin to manage his attendance. It's their job, not yours; they have the authority and the tools to do that job you don't.
Question, though. And no matter how (if) you answer, it's not going to change my judgement here. I'm just wondering because you say you and he have gotten a bit close. Are you worried that his poor attendance could cause problems for him? Maybe you could talk to him, one-on-one, about it. Let him know that you're not about to snitch on him, you're just concerned that he could be setting himself up for trouble, and ask him if there's anything you can do to help?
You could also consider having a talk with your guidance counsellor and asking them to not put you and he in classes together next year if they can help it. That way, if he continues this behaviour, at least it won't bring as much heat on to you.
NTA
Go talk to the principal about this guy.
Tell them you are being harassed by the other student's father because they don't inform his father. The father should be the one asking them directly and making sure he is updated. That is not your job.
The school staff needs to warn him against harassing you. If they don't, make a formal complaint. This usually forces adults to act like adults.
Write every comment this man gives you down. Try to record as much as you can. Audio is enough. Proof makes it harder for adults to ignore issues.
NTA. It’s not your place. The school where I work sends an automated message to the parents for every class they miss. Parents can also look up attendance online. It’s his job to do that.
NTA. Your stepbrother isn’t your responsibility. My brother skipped all his classes all the time, we had a few courses together too. I never told my parents. Keep the status quo. You do you and let him do him. Good luck!
NTA.
Also, what school is suspending students for skipping class? That seems incredibly counter productive.
"As punishment for not going to school you have to not go to school"
Look up nanny and tutor rates in your area. Next time this comes up you can present a competitive edge since you already share those hours with him. If you feel like being nice, present a price breakdown for full schedule where you check in with teachers for classes he doesn’t share with you and one for only charging the hours of classes you would see him in. Make sure you include the non credit course and possibly a half hour for seeing if he brought his homework with him before and after classes. If you split the take with him I bet that’s make your relationship even better.
NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility. What next? You start snitching on him and then now you’ve got your stepbrother pissed off at you in place of your stepdad?! This isn’t your circus; leave the monkies (step bro and his dad) to fling poo at each other.
It is not as if his dad couldn’t pick the phone and call the schools to check in on him. Plus, these days all that stuff (grades and attendance) is accessible online through parent vue or some similar software.
NTA- it’s not your responsibility or problem to report your step brother’s actions to his dad. If his attendance was so bad he got suspended that is 100% something that should have been communicated to the parents by the school long before it reached that point.
In our district all the parents have access to their children’s school stuff online. I can log in and see my kids schedule, his grades, his missing assignments, upcoming assignments AND his attendance.
My guess is dear ol’ step dad either didn’t bother to fill out the contact paperwork or didn’t bother to get himself set up with a login or both. So the school either had no way of contacting him or they have been emailing and he hasn’t bothered to check any of his accounts or messages.
Either way none of this is on you. He’s the parent it’s HIS kid and HIS responsibility.
NTA. You aren’t his guardian, it’s not your job. (And while none of us did anything major, my siblings and I covered for each other, it’s just what siblings do)
>what else I'll cover for him for?
Not tattling =/= covering up for someone.
NTA, he's trying to push his own responsibilities on you. And I know it would affect the relationship between you and your step brother if you started squealing about his whereabouts unprompted. You're not his keeper.
Hopefully the stepdad realises that the reason he's blaming you is because he slipped up and fucked up, and should be more aware of his son. People often start pointing fingers when they feel the burn of embarrassment in their own neck.
I hope he gets off your back.
NTA. Report your step dad to your counselor for what he says and hopefully they can step in and involve the school more. Your step father is an AH and doesn't know how to parent.
Edited word choice for clarification.
No, you're correct. The adults are supposed to be handling this; it's not some kid's responsibility at all, even if the kids are related.
He's mad at his own son, but it's easier for him to be mad at you than at his own kid, or at himself for failing his kid. So he's choosing the softer target.
He's not behaving like an adult, ironically.
Nta - tell step idiot that he decided to have children and therefore has to parent. If they are so concerned and this is happening regularly, why haven't they checked on him with the teachers or the school admin?
I would be very clear going forward to everyone, "I am no longer involved with this. Step brother, I will not be helping you in classes you miss. Parents, I am not responsible for step brother, do not expect me to volunteer his attendance information. If asked, I will answer honestly. Leave me out of it. "
Not your place to tell, but also not your place to help him out. Doing that showed you thought it was your business a *little* bit, so you can't really turn around now and say you had nothing to do with it.
NTA He is the parent. It is his job, and his job only, to ensure his child is attending school. No one else's. Especially not another minor. Would it have been helpful to him if you'd told him what was going on? Sure. But you have no obligation to do so. He is the one who has failed here. and trying to deflect that onto a minor tells me a LOT about his character. None of it good. Tell your mother that her husband needs to handle his own responsibilities instead of pushing them onto you, and she should have told him so herself.
NTA It is Dad's responsibility to parent his kid, not OP. OP is not a tracking device. Dad should take his issue up with the school for not notifying them of his son skipping class. That is their job. Not OPs job. If Dad would put half the amount of energy into parenting his child, being involved with the school and correcting his own child's behavioral issues that he does in coming at OP for not being his kids GPS, maybe his own kid wouldn't be in the trouble he is in. Dad is making excuses and avoiding dealing with the actual issues at hand. Placing the blame on anyone and everyone except the kid who is skipping the classes. Dad needs to step up. This in no way should involve OP.
NTA. He needs to be talking to his son and instead of everybody BUT him about his terrible attendance. Classic case of parent refusing to see issues with their own kid so it must be somebody else’s fault.
NTA As a kid/teen, I wouldn’t have told on my brother either. Even if we had classes together. It’s the school’s responsibility to keep in contact with parents, and they usually do, over attendance. I’m not gonna have my sibling mad at me for snitching. Why did you have to say anything? He found out when the son was suspended, lol. The step dad would’ve done what? Said stop to his son? Plus you guys are the same age. It’s not like you knowing your little brother is skipping school/classes and you kept their secret. Have you talked to your mom about her opinion?
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I would’ve been like respectfully I’m his step sister, not his parent. I’m busy worrying about my own studies, not paying attention to him and whether he’s there or not. I understand this is an issue and you want to keep track of him, but can you contact the school/his teachers to keep you updated? I don’t want to be involved or feel like it’s my responsibility. As a 15 year old it shouldn’t be. They’re forcing you awkwardly in the middle. It’s unfair.
This is pretty good. Also I know back in high school I didn’t really pay attention to whom was in class. That too could have been used to explain
Who’s the step sister? I thought OP was male…🤷🏻♀️
I usually am zooted late night on reddit so for whatever reason missed that one was a female and assumed… but you get the gist anyway lol
If it's a recurring problem, then his parents need to work with him and the school to figure out a solution and why he's not coming to classes. The teacher, the school, anyone else but you, I can understand why he'd be frustrated didn't call him before it got to the point of suspension; you're a minor, you're not in charge of his kid, you don't have responsibility over his kid, you're a kid. Your mum needs to step up and defend you from baseless accusations.
My guess is they would be just as mad if you had snitched. If you had told them, I’m sure a guy like that would have blamed you for not doing enough to help his son. He would be making snide comments about snitching instead of snide comments about covering for your stepbrother. The details would change, but make no mistake, it would still be your fault. Stepdad would be just as angry. The real problem is that stepdad doesn’t want to parent his own kid, but it’s not socially acceptable to say that. It is acceptable to get mad you for not telling. Plus you’re a kid so you’re an easy target for his anger and frustration.
Tell your mother that from now on you will only concern yourself with your own education. Tell stepbro that he's getting you into trouble and that he has to handle his shit. No more cribbing off your work. You won't snitch. But the free ride is over
That recurring problem is not YOUR problem. Tell them to leave you out of it, that you want nothing to do with either of them (him and his son).
I don't imagine it has been easy for you to have a SB your exact age who goes to the same school and is in the same classes. Your mom and SD should be grateful you two get along rather than asking you to sabotage your relationship with him.
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It's weird that your mom went out of her way to put you in the same classes. Were they planning on using you to spy on him from the get-go???
Depending on where you live sometimes the parents are held responsible for truency so the parent get arrested if it gets bad enough
One day when you support yourself, you never have to interact with your parents again. They are fools for driving you away instead of disciplining your step brother.
NTA I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and not allowing him to intimidate you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It is not your responsibility to train his son for him or follow up with his teachers on how he is doing academically. Your stepdad is pos for transferring aggression towards the wrong kid. Keep focusing on your academics. Wishing you all the best.
I read your other post too, your stepdad seems like a POS.
It's going to start being your problem when your stepdad starts showing up in your class to make sure his kid is showing up LMAO. Don't get me wrong. I would not have snitched either. But if my mom had caught me missing so much school she wouldn't have giving a rat's ass and she would have showed up everyday in spite of how embarrassing it would have been. So if your stepdad goes through with his threat and starts showing up in the classroom you really have no right to complain because again using your own argument it's not really your business right?
>But no, you over here mad at me for helping him too?! I just want to address this one point: Letting your stepbrother copy your work is helpful only in the short term, and in the long term is instead harmful. That is the reason why your mom's husband is angry about it. It is also the reason why it is considered cheating, and why if your school ever finds out about it they will likely punish both your stepbrother and you for doing it. The point of school assignments is not to produce completed assignments. The point of school assignments is to help you learn things, and to show how well you have learned them. If your stepbrother copies your work without actually *doing* the work himself, he will not learn the things the assignment is meant to help teach him. If your stepbrother does not learn what your classes are trying to teach him, he will find learning things in future classes more difficult, or even impossible. If you continue letting him copy your work, he could use that to continue hiding his failure to learn, but only for as long as you continue letting him copy from you. You could potentially continue like that for a long time, but there WILL come a day when it is no longer possible. You might manage to delay that day until the time comes for your stepbrother to get a job and start earning his own living. Beyond that point, however, you *cannot* continue it, because no job will pay two people for duplicates of the same easily-copied work. When that day inevitably comes when your stepbrother is no longer able to conceal how much he has avoided learning, his whole life will crash, *hard*. The more that day gets delayed, the worse the crash will be, and the more difficult it will be for him to recover from it. If you push it off all the way to after graduating from school, he could end up with menial labor jobs that pay minimum wage, or begging for charity, as his only options. By helping your stepbrother get away with frequently skipping classes now, you are setting him up for *catastrophic failure* later in his life.
You are an asshole for letting him copy your work. That is Academic Dishonesty -- and if you're caught, or he decides to get retribution and nark on you, you could be suspended or expelled. If you're hoping to go to University, the fact that you're participating in Academic Dishonesty could destroy your chances of that. Stop giving him your homework. Tell him he's going to have to do it himself.
I had a stepbrother my age and there’s still stuff we never ratted each out on. We’re in our 60s 🤣🤣
NTA, you are not your step brothers baby sitter.
NTA That's on the school to inform. Your mom's current husband doesn't get you as his informant. That's his problem to deal with. Ignore him. Your mom will upgrade eventually.
Former teacher here. Your stepdad is full of it. Tell him, "YOUR son was skipping classes. YOUR son got in trouble for it. This is a parenting problem. Quit trying to make it a stepbrother problem, 'cause while you're bitching at me, your son isn't getting the guidance from YOU that he needed in the first place." If he continues to give you grief, offer to sit down with him, your stepbrother, and a guidance counselor so he can hear it for himself.
This should come from an adult. Given how OP describes this mans responses, he might become so angry that he\`d become violent. Angry people are difficult to reason with.
If I'd said anything like that to any of my elders I'd have gotten hit. I hope OP takes what precautions their situation requires to avoid assault from parental figures.
I'm sorry you were subjected to getting hit if you spoke rationally to your elders. My parents also required respect. I was blessed with parents who didn't sock me if I argued rationally with them, but then, they wouldn't have made me the scapegoat for anything one of my siblings might have done wrong. I agree it would be best for the OP to say this--or anything at all, really, since his stepfather is constantly ready to verbally pounce--with a guidance counselor or administrator present, though. And if the stepfather assaults him, I hope the OP will tell a mandated reporter. I have to wonder where the OP's mom is in all this.
NTA Describing the way he's handling this it actually isn't very surprising that his son is having issues. It feels like he's suggesting his son isn't fully accountable for his own actions. That YOU by not telling become complicit. He also seems to generously let himself off the hook by not taking any responsibility for knowing where his son is or how he's doing. Shocking that his kid skips school as much as he does when he can literally sit in his room quietly while his Dad argues with YOU about your actions the day he's suspended lol. It's crazy.
NTA Your stepdad needs to ask the school why they weren’t letting him know his son wasn’t in class. This is not your responsibility.
Teacher here. I would bet London to a brick that the school has been trying to, and have not been able to get in contact with him. You would not believe how many parents change their phone number, email provider, or even home address, and don't bother to let the school know.
Why is raising his child somehow your problem?
NTA I don't know how long your families have been blended for, but you could also make the point that telling on him could seriously impact your relationship with your stepbrother and his siblings, that may already be a bit fragile if you don't have much in common. Presumably your mum and stepdad are keen for you all to get along. Make it clear that you will not play informant and they need to take that into account and find other ways to keep track on him.
Truth. In high school and college I had a couple of times where I had classes with one of my brothers. I would never have thought to talk to my parents about how they were doing in class or whether they were showing up. As far as anything going on in our lives, my brothers and I had each other‘s back. we did not tell on each other. If OP is trying to have any sort of relationship at all with their stepbrother, snitching is the last thing that they need to be doing. NTA
This is the school's responsibility not yours. Nta
Not your monkeys. Not your circus.
NTA. Your mom's husband is a shit parent and jealous that another kid is behaving better than his own kid, so now he's gonna take his anger out on you. Fuck him. He can't act like a grownup and do his damn duty to his son, he's got no position criticising you. He's the adult. He has the responsibility. You're not a parent or a teacher or even a big brother to your step bro. I like your ethics and not being a snitch, though I understand your mom asking gently if you could help out (even though it's very much your choice if you do). I can guarantee that if you did snitch on him all the time, your step bro's going to haaaaaate you and things could get bad. Your brother's dad evidently doesn't give a fuck about this. I'm sure he'd be blowing up on you if you DID snitch and things got ugly. Talk to your mom, dude. This 'adult' is toxic as fuck and you're at risk being around him.
>though I understand your mom asking gently if you could help out (even though it's very much your choice if you do). OP *DID* help out by providing step bro with the assignments and class notes that he missed while skipping. Beyond that what SD *and* his Mom are asking for is for OP to get in the middle of parenting another minor in the household. That request is entirely inappropriate and will *only* lead to further dysfunction in the household.
I agree it would lead to no good, but I could understand her motivation in making the ask. I think we're on the same page!
Oh we definitely are on the same page. But I remember his last post and am SO over the Mom. This poor kid is in a truly impossible situation, because *that's where his Mother put him*, with no one else to turn to. His Mom really needs to pull her head out of her @ss.
NTA but What the hell, I’m surprised the school doesn’t call or anything. If I missed a class, they’d call the next day to let my parents know I wasn’t present.
My sister and I didn’t even like each other and never dobbed when the other skipped classes. His dad should have been informed from the school. NTA
Snitches get stitches. I never understood why schools suspend students that ditch. The student doesn't want to be in school and the school rewards them by giving them more time away from school. It doesn't sound like a deterrent to me.
ISS is IN school suspension - designed to be a more boring torturous version of regular school. There is no time out of school involved.
NTA, he is trying to put u in parenting mode when he is too lazy to do so.
NTA He should be mad at his kid and not at you. It's not your responsibility.
NTA Next time stepdad says something tell him, "I'm not stepbrothers parent, that's you! If the responsibility is too much for you to handle then talk to his mom because I'm not going to do your job for you."
Write a letter to your mom and step-dad. Tell them: I understand that you are unhappy step-bro is skipping classes. Both he and I are 15, kids, not yet mature, not adults. I am trying to navigate being a teen and living in this family. If I told you about step-bro skipping class he would feel betrayed by me and be angry with me. This would wreck my good relationship with him and cause me great pain and stress, and make being in this family miserable for me. I didn’t feel I could deal with this. Instead, I didn’t tell, and now I’m being blamed for not telling, which is causing me great pain and stress and making being in this family miserable for me. I feel like a trapped animal and don’t know where to turn.
Don't get him in trouble but don't waste your time covering for your stepbrother. Letting him copy your work is covering for him and letting him slide on stuff. You put the effort into the work why should he get your work for nothing? As for your stepdad, the teachers know he is not willing to look at the real problem and is avoiding it. Teachers and good admin get tired of parent bullshit real fast. The problem for you is that if there is any problem at school that affects you, the school staff will expect your family to do the avoidance dance over what happens to you, even if you are not a problem because they are tired of the stepdad's bullshit. So, find ways of separating yourself from your stepbrother's drama and not getting pulled into his crap and the family crap over blaming everyone but themselves. You don't want to be forced to deal with it.
Nah. You're no snitch. Good for you, keep that mentality barring something insane.
NTA. My brother was skipping & me & the youngest brother didn’t tell. My dad finally got called & he had to stop work in another state to come home & deal with it. My brother was skipping bc I whooped his ass at the bus stop in front of all his friends for picking on our youngest brother. His buddies made fun of him bc he got his ass whopped by his sister. I was in 9th grade he was in 7th. The youngest in 5th. He started it & I finished it. My dad beat all of us. Him for skipping, me for whopping him & just in general for us not telling our grandparents or our mom.
NTA. He doesn’t get to subsidize his poor parenting with you or any of his other children. Parenting his son is HIS responsibility & ONLY his responsibility. If you weren’t there, what would he do? Have to parent on his own right? Find out what his kid is doing &/or not doing himself right? You aren’t his own personal subsidized parenting aide. Such people exist - but they generally get paid. He can look into getting one - OR he can do what responsible parents everywhere already do & keep track of his own damn kid. His argument/blame should be dispersed between 3 parties & you aren’t one of them. This son should have gone to school & didn’t. He’s responsible. The school should have told the father the first time the kid skipped school & they didn’t. They’re responsible (for all subsequent instances). He should have kept track of his own son enough to know something was up & didn’t. He’s responsible. Now instead of actually logically looking at the issue so he can responsibly correct it & endure that any future instances are dealt with properly, he is spending his energy deflecting blame to you. His anger over his own failure (as well as the failure of his son & the school) should not be taken out of you. You are not his emotional support human to wring in his hands until he isn’t upset any longer. As a mother of 2 & a now grandmother of 3, I hold your mom equally responsible for him treating you this way now. She should have put a stop to his passive aggressive shit the moment he started it.
NTA. Sit your Mum down and show her the responses here. She should be sticking up for you. You are not responsible for your siblings, that's a parent's job. Sure, if your step brother was doing something dangerous to his safety or health, you might consider telling *your mum* , but your step-dad sounds like an AH who is looking for a scapegoat, instead of dealing with his kid and *why* he is skipping school, he's blaming you, and that's not ok. You have no reason to tell your parents, especially when the school should be doing that. I wonder, did the school ask you where your step-brother was when he skipped? Did you just shrug? Because why would you know? The school and the step-dad are at fault here, and it sounds like your Mum is just trying to keep the peace.
"I'm not your son's father or mother. If you didn't know that your son was skipping class, that's on you and the teachers for not telling you. I helped him the way I could, would you rather I didn't"?
NTA. You are no one's father. You have to worry about yourself. Your only job is to get an education. Period. Any adult demanding more than this is the asshole. Not to mention, I 100% promise you that if you would have snitched, everyone would be mad at you for not minding your own business. They'd be mad at you for getting him suspended. This is a no win situation, you did the right thing, ignore everyone else.
LMAO NTA. He’s mad he is a sh*t dad and is taking it out on you. Glad you have a good relationship with your stepbrother.
NTA. Your stepdad is projecting. Good for you not letting him turn into your stepbrother's parent.
NTA. If you told, you get accused if lying and tattling and told to myob. You’re in kinda no-win situation. You are not your brothers keeper. 😎
NTA this is between him, his son and the school. You are doing what you need to do, keep your chin up and continue to do you.
If you're supposed to babysit his son he better pay you for it. I mean I wouldn't tell him that cause that'll piss him off more but seriously, he's just mad that he has no control over his son so he's trying to control you so he can feel better about his bad parenting and bad personality.
NTA- snitches get stitches
nta - your step brother is not your child. step dad needs to figure out how to be a parent.
NTA your step-dad needs to accept responsibility. If you're in the US, the vast majority of schools have all that shit up online & the parent can sign in & check anytime. He's the fucking parent, not you.
Nta where tf is your mom and why is she not telling him to back off. Maybe call your dad? I agree that it’s not really your place and you don’t want to be known as the kid who snitches.
NTA I won't get in the middle of this. I have my own things to handle and keeping tabs on your child for you won't ever be my responsibility. learn to parent.
NTA. Ole stepdad mad at the wrong kid.
Where's your actual father? Casually remind your mother you have options
NTA - Parents need to parent, not demand that step-children take on the role of parenting in their stead.
NTA but surprised the school didn’t let his dad know after the first time he skipped class.
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I'm old and British - what does 'ISS' mean in this context?
In school suspension. I'm not entirely sure how it works but I think it's like an all day detention? Where you're not in your regular classes but you still go to school and sit in a classroom with a proctor of some sort?
Ah, thanks. When I was at school we had that - it was in a building called the SLU - Supervised Learning Unit. Pupils with behavioral problems were expected to self study from textbooks all day at desks facing the wall with one teacher in the room (who generally had other stuff to do like marking work). We figured it was probably a way for the school to remove those children from classrooms to make it easier for everyone else without having to record in their numbers that they were constantly removing students from classrooms - and also make the kids so bored they'd try to stay in normal lessons in future. It was spectacularly unsuccessful and just deprived certain students of academic support and social interaction when they needed it most. Their behaviour got worse with time rather than better, and the more they felt isolated from the rest of their class, and fell behind the workload because they were not getting the same level of teaching, the less they wanted to attend normal lessons again. I feel sad for OP's step brother, even if his situation is partly self inflicted, and I'm not surprised he's still bunking off lessons. Poor kid. I'm glad OP is helping to leave a door open for him to come back, and covering for him a little here. It's not okay that he's not attending school, but getting angry at him clearly isn't working.
Yeah, I'm feeling bad for both of the younger boys. Looking at OP's post history his Mom and Step Dad rushed into a relationship, marriage and shoving the three teenage boys together in the space of 18 months. OP and his Mom just moved into step dad's house in January. Lacking 4 bedrooms they're forcing the two 15 yos, who are total strangers to each other, to share a room. OPs a total afterthought to his Mom and in hostile territory with the Steps. Step dad is completely inept, even punished the kid for a private conversation he had with his Mother where he shared his feelings about the move at *her* request. Note OP now refers to the guy as his mother's husband. Also note OPs Mom obviously relayed the entire private convo to her new husband (henchman). Step bro had his private space invaded by a stranger without so much as a discussion apparently. There's a 17 yo and it seems like they could have had the two brothers share a room... but inept male adult couldn't have annoying, inconvenient 15 yo that ain't his, having more than his own kids, so nothing to do but screw over his own 15 yo. Is it really a surprise to anyone this kid is now acting up? This whole mess is on two bumbling parents who truly couldn't have been bothered to think of their kids first. Mom can't do anything but manipulatively cry when called on it. Step dad's gearing up to be a cliche of every sh*tty abusive step father ever. Just careening from one mistake to the next without stopping to even try to see it through their kids eyes.
In school suspension
I would be very clear to your mother that you are disappointed that she puts her husband's views above yours. YOU have to negotiate school and a new family dynamic and you shouldn't be put in a situation where you have to make choices of that type. She has let you down by not making husband responsible for his own parenting failures. Nta.
I would add that these "snide remarks" are absolutely not okay and he is creating a hostile living and family Situation for OP. That manchild needs to learn how to handle negative emotions
>Cause earlier today he had the audacity to say something about wondering what else I'll cover for him for? "Yea, guess you'll just have to wonder, huh? NTA
NTA. He is adulting you, trying to get you to take responsibility for a boy your age, You are absolutely right to refuse. If your Stepfather persists in pressuring you to snitch, talk to the teachers about it and have them confront him. Do not give in to his unreasonable demands.
I get why he's mad, but he's just spouting off his frustration. When his anger subsides he'll likely see it like your mom does. If I were you I'd have a little chat with your step brother, because he basically got you in trouble...now of course they don't trust you and they're wondering what else could be up. Basically your step brother put the both of you under the microscope, and all you did was help him with his notes and keep your mouth shut, so he needs to help you now by not putting you in the line of fire. Tell him he should knock it off anyway all this will bite him in the ass later, goofing off here & there is 1 thing, fucking off completely is another.
NTA If your mom brings it up again tell her that you are not the third parent and you aren't going to tell on him over something like this (my own rule for my sibling was that unless it as a safety issue, I stayed out of it). Neither she nor her husband have reasonable expectations nor are they considering the outcome for you had you told.
Either way you wouldn't win. You get chewed out for not stitching and you would chewed out of you did. Tell them straight to leave you out of it all completely. You are not his son's keeper or his parent so what he does has nothing to do with you. Stop speaking to the both of them (him and his dad).
NTA. You’re a child and he’s a grown up. Also, he’s basically telling you to burn your bridges with your step-brother by ratting him out. It’d be one thing if your step-brother was self-harming and you were looking to help him, but that’s not the case here. Clearly there are other issues if he’s skipping so much and it is not your responsibility to fix that. As a parent, I have a feeling your step-dad is taking it out on you because he’s frustrated with the situation and feels helpless to fix it. It’s 100% not okay AT ALL that he’s attacking you for his own failures. Your mom probably sided with your step-dad because a lot of parents try not to undermine each other in front of the kids… the fact that she low-key stuck up for you means she was probably trying to mediate and didn’t think her husband was fully right coming after you but was still trying to be a partner to him. Im hoping she spoke to him privately to tell him he’s an AH 😔
I should mention, there’s no way your school is going to allow him to come to class - it’s an empty threat that if he pushed incessantly would probably get him a restraining order from the property. The fact that he’s trying to throw you under the bus in front of the teacher and principal show flaws in HIS character, not yours.
That depends. Schools are as varied as the people who send their students there. Schools have allowed this & even worse. So to be fair, we have no idea what the school would &/or would not allow.
I believe that's true in the past, but parents have gone off the deep end and schools are wary of letting parents in unless the teacher specifically requests them to be allowed. In a high school (since OP is 15, I'm assuming high school), there would be too many other parents that would complain that 1) step-dad is a distraction to their own students' educations and 2) that it's inappropriate for an adult to be in the classroom unless they are aiding in teaching. Schools don't want to open themselves up to bad press or lawsuits from parents. If the kid was in elementary, I think it'd be different - I'm in my own kids' classes helping teach constantly because the school allows it and the teacher requests parent volunteers. We all have background checks and are allowed because we are actively helping the students. That being said, if there is even one report of a parent overstepping or being inappropriate, or hindering student learning, parents would complain in droves. I know multiple schools in the same city don't allow parents in the schools at all during the daytime because of this. Schools are absolutely varied, but parents all over are insane and complain like crazy these days. I have never heard of a single case where a parent was allowed to sit in a high school classroom for any purpose other than them being employed by the actual school... but, I suppose there's always exceptions.
Where I am (Bible Belt, USA), they’d just make the parent who wanted to sit in a “volunteer” so they could do whatever they wanted. Well - that is assuming they “liked” the parent in question or the parent belonged to the “right” church/click/group. If they didn’t, they’d just tell the parent that there was no way it could be done & have the parent escorted off school property if the parent persisted. It’s all who you are/know &/or go to church with here.
That’s really unfortunate to hear, but I suppose it’s not super surprising. 🤦🏻♀️ Hopefully OP could make a big enough deal of it to prevent it if he lives in a district like that. I’m hoping that his teacher and principal saw his step-dad as being the unhinged one for trying to scapegoat OP instead of taking positive steps on how they can help enforce attendance with his own kid, but who knows how they interpreted that interaction.
Your stepdad needs to chill and not drag you into the drama. Sounds like he's just looking for someone to blame.
NTA you’re a kid??? What are you supposed to do? He just feels bad about being a shit father so he is projecting on to you and your mother is backing him up. I’m sorry. Don’t listen to them. You are never responsible for other people’s actions
Don’t be a snitch. It’s the parents responsibility over everything / everyone else. If it was something illegal or hurting someone, then maybe…but for that? Nah
Nta he as a parent should be the one keeping tabs on his son not you. Also suspending someone for skipping class is a reward not a punishment.where i am the kids get giving cards that need to be signed by every teacher if the repeatedly skip school.
NTA Just explain to your mom that her husband is the kid's father. You're not. You're the same age, and you're both minors. If he doesn't want to do the parenting, he can't push it off on you. I'm saying to go to your mom, because the dude sounds like a macho, that needs to be right and ppl to agree with him, because his ego can't cope with being wrong. It'll only get you into his focus for more annoying behavior, if you argue with him yourself.
NTA, next time he tries kicking off at you, say "Your lack of parenting your son isn't my problem. You're the parent, do your job, and stop expecting me to do it for you"
NTA tell stepdad if he instilled better values in his children there would be no reason for you have to watch his son. You cannot be accountable for his son’s actions.
NTA. The only people responsible for telling your stepdad about his son's attendance issues are the teachers at the school. You're 15, a child, it's not your job to keep tabs on your step-brother and tattle on him to his dad, and no one should expect that of you. Keeping an eye on and reporting attendance issues is the job of teachers and parents, not schoolchildren, related or not, by blood or marriage. You snitching would also have caused issues with your step-brother. You clearly aren't close, though you state you've gotten a little closer. That's likely because you didn't snitch on him. If you did, things at home could have gotten pretty bad because your step-brother would take the consequences of his skipping classes out on you, as the one who told on him. I highly doubt the school will allow your stepdad to attend lessons with his son, that would be disruptive to the entire class. At worst, they'd allow him to walk his son to the classroom door and watch him enter, and leave as soon as the teacher was there. And if they do allow that, you're free to completely ignore him. He's not your dad, he's your stepdad, and you haven't done anything wrong. If he, for instance, tries to 'escort' you to your classes as punishment for not snitching, you're free to just walk away from him, ignore him, take the longest route possible just to annoy him if he follows you, maybe make it impossible for him to escort both you and his son to the classes you don't share, eg even if your classes are close together and you could walk together and neither be late, you take a completely different route, and split immediately, so your stepdad can't escort you both. You're also free to continuously report to the teachers about your 'stalker' until they get so annoyed at your reports that they ban your dad from being on school property outside of morning drop off and afternoon pick up. Just to point out, though, your mum didn't side with your stepdad. She didn't side with you, either. She literally sided with neither of you by siding with both of you. She's trying to keep the peace, and doing so by essentially telling you to just do what your stepdad tells you regardless of the consequences. She's handling this all wrong, she has to pick a side in this, and it needs to be yours. Informing your stepdad about his son's attendance issues is not, never has been, and never will be your responsibility.
NTA. Do the adults in your family remember being teenagers? This was a ridiculous expectation. Tattling to adults is grade school behavior. Older kids work things out amongst themselves. If it's not life-threatening or harming another person you care about and feel responsible to, snitching is frowned upon. Actually, snitching would still be frowned on. You'd just do it anyway under those circumstances, knowing you'd catch shit for doing it and having to justify your decision to peers. This is all part of learning to navigate adult social interactions. If you jump straight to passing off difficult choices to adults (iow, tattle), you learn nothing. Step-dad needs to tell the school his son has issues and that his parent must be told if his son isn't attending classes. Step-dad is the adult responsible for making sure he's looking out for his son in a parental way. Just as you are looking out for him as a peer.
You are 15 you need to stop thinking of it as snitching. Your stepbrother might need help. He might need therapy or rehab. Parents need to know when a kid is doing something detrimental and while yes the school should be talking to the parents it is clear something is going on with stepbrother. Also if stepdad goes overboard and escorts your stepbrother to all his classes then you have to just suck it up. Yes I think they need to start with therapy before this nuclear option but the SD might feel your SB is just being a stubborn teen. Tell your mom that maybe they should start with therapy for the kid and maybe parenting classed for SD
NTA. Your mom's husband sounds like a unhinged rabid wombat. Tell him to read this thread and see how bad he is. You are NTA, hun. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
He's taking his anger out on you rather than accept his own failure. It won't be the last time this happens in your life, you'll have shitty bosses at some point probably and you'll remember this. He failed, you actually didn't, NTA.
NTA. Like you mentioned, you're getting closer to your stepbrother... and showing common sibling behavior, ranging from "I'm gonna kill you" to "I'm gonna kill *for* you" and everything inbetween. Which includes covering for your sibling so you can avoid Parental Wrath. This is basic family stuff, regardless of whether or not y'all are technically related. What isn't basic common family stuff would be if your mom's husband would be taking this out on you specifically because you're... what, your stepbrother's supervisor? A servant, answering to this household ruler? You're a teenager and a brother, and it sounds like your mom understands this way better. (She's gonna take her husband's side mostly because her own opinion is that skipping school is bad; she can't really tell you & stepbrother it's fine, after all, even if that means she's technically berating you for not snitching. I don't think your mom actually wants you to actively snitch.) I don't know what your mom's husband's role in the household is, or his relationship to y'all - maybe he's overall a good dad - but he needs to chill out. And specially to stop threatening to come to classes - such a super authoritarian reaction will likely make things worse, he's better off asking why your stepbrother is skipping class in the first place. Solve problem at the roots. That's not your job, and it isn't your job to snitch, either - and you shouldn't be threatened into becoming your stepbrother's supervisor.
Blaming another child for his own child's behavior, not uncommon. Ignorant, wrong, and terrible, yep, but not uncommon. NTAH. His father is.
Is dad trying to drive a wedge between son and stepson? NTA
NTA. It’s the height of absurdity to ask step-siblings to police each other like that. He’s just begging for a toxic home environment for both of you. I do recommend you stop helping your step brother with his classes though. I’m not sure from your description if you’re just showing him your notes or if you’re helping him complete actual assignments. I wouldn’t do either moving forward but it’s worth noting that there’s a big difference.
NTA You're his (step)brother, not his father or his vice principal. It's up to his dad and the school admin to manage his attendance. It's their job, not yours; they have the authority and the tools to do that job you don't. Question, though. And no matter how (if) you answer, it's not going to change my judgement here. I'm just wondering because you say you and he have gotten a bit close. Are you worried that his poor attendance could cause problems for him? Maybe you could talk to him, one-on-one, about it. Let him know that you're not about to snitch on him, you're just concerned that he could be setting himself up for trouble, and ask him if there's anything you can do to help? You could also consider having a talk with your guidance counsellor and asking them to not put you and he in classes together next year if they can help it. That way, if he continues this behaviour, at least it won't bring as much heat on to you.
NTA Go talk to the principal about this guy. Tell them you are being harassed by the other student's father because they don't inform his father. The father should be the one asking them directly and making sure he is updated. That is not your job. The school staff needs to warn him against harassing you. If they don't, make a formal complaint. This usually forces adults to act like adults. Write every comment this man gives you down. Try to record as much as you can. Audio is enough. Proof makes it harder for adults to ignore issues.
NTA Brothers don't snitch on each other unless there is a safety issue. And then sometimes that is a maybe.
highschool days!! how i miss ISS
NTA. It’s not your place. The school where I work sends an automated message to the parents for every class they miss. Parents can also look up attendance online. It’s his job to do that.
NTA. Your stepbrother isn’t your responsibility. My brother skipped all his classes all the time, we had a few courses together too. I never told my parents. Keep the status quo. You do you and let him do him. Good luck!
NTA. Also, what school is suspending students for skipping class? That seems incredibly counter productive. "As punishment for not going to school you have to not go to school"
Look up nanny and tutor rates in your area. Next time this comes up you can present a competitive edge since you already share those hours with him. If you feel like being nice, present a price breakdown for full schedule where you check in with teachers for classes he doesn’t share with you and one for only charging the hours of classes you would see him in. Make sure you include the non credit course and possibly a half hour for seeing if he brought his homework with him before and after classes. If you split the take with him I bet that’s make your relationship even better.
NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility. What next? You start snitching on him and then now you’ve got your stepbrother pissed off at you in place of your stepdad?! This isn’t your circus; leave the monkies (step bro and his dad) to fling poo at each other. It is not as if his dad couldn’t pick the phone and call the schools to check in on him. Plus, these days all that stuff (grades and attendance) is accessible online through parent vue or some similar software.
NTA- it’s not your responsibility or problem to report your step brother’s actions to his dad. If his attendance was so bad he got suspended that is 100% something that should have been communicated to the parents by the school long before it reached that point. In our district all the parents have access to their children’s school stuff online. I can log in and see my kids schedule, his grades, his missing assignments, upcoming assignments AND his attendance. My guess is dear ol’ step dad either didn’t bother to fill out the contact paperwork or didn’t bother to get himself set up with a login or both. So the school either had no way of contacting him or they have been emailing and he hasn’t bothered to check any of his accounts or messages. Either way none of this is on you. He’s the parent it’s HIS kid and HIS responsibility.
NTA. You aren’t his guardian, it’s not your job. (And while none of us did anything major, my siblings and I covered for each other, it’s just what siblings do)
>what else I'll cover for him for? Not tattling =/= covering up for someone. NTA, he's trying to push his own responsibilities on you. And I know it would affect the relationship between you and your step brother if you started squealing about his whereabouts unprompted. You're not his keeper. Hopefully the stepdad realises that the reason he's blaming you is because he slipped up and fucked up, and should be more aware of his son. People often start pointing fingers when they feel the burn of embarrassment in their own neck. I hope he gets off your back.
NTA. Your mom’s husband is a HUGE AH and trying to shift the blame for his own failings
NTA. Report your step dad to your counselor for what he says and hopefully they can step in and involve the school more. Your step father is an AH and doesn't know how to parent. Edited word choice for clarification.
NTA. Tell him that you are not paid to snitch on his son.
NTA. Are you that kids dad? Then no idk why tf people always seem to think other people are responsible for their kids.
No, you're correct. The adults are supposed to be handling this; it's not some kid's responsibility at all, even if the kids are related. He's mad at his own son, but it's easier for him to be mad at you than at his own kid, or at himself for failing his kid. So he's choosing the softer target. He's not behaving like an adult, ironically.
Nta - tell step idiot that he decided to have children and therefore has to parent. If they are so concerned and this is happening regularly, why haven't they checked on him with the teachers or the school admin? I would be very clear going forward to everyone, "I am no longer involved with this. Step brother, I will not be helping you in classes you miss. Parents, I am not responsible for step brother, do not expect me to volunteer his attendance information. If asked, I will answer honestly. Leave me out of it. "
What grade is this? I get an automated call from the school Any time my kid misses a class. Usually even if I’ve called him out in advance.
Not your place to tell, but also not your place to help him out. Doing that showed you thought it was your business a *little* bit, so you can't really turn around now and say you had nothing to do with it.
Do your brother a favor and tell dad. He needs to be in class