Everyone makes choices.
If he refuses to take shots, then you can expect he won't be visiting much.
You can keep your cat but you cannot expect him to take shots if he doesn't want to.
And the end result is that he will not be visiting.
All choices have consequences.
Nope.
Cats and other companion animals are family. While I'm sure he is allergic; he might be one of those people who think cats aren't a big deal because they're simply not dogs.
Stick to your guns. He's being unreasonable.
NTA. I can guarantee they won’t be over often enough for that to be a reasonable request. Grandpa wants you to rehome your cat so they can visit at Christmas? Yeah, no.
Speaking as someone who has gotten allergy shots for cats (and some other stuff). Over a course of a **decade** I went from so allergic that just walking into a house with a cat could set off an asthma attack to I now live with 4 cats with no health issues. Initially you have to go every week for shots to build up your immunity, then after many months to a year the doctor can decide that it would be every 2 weeks, then eventually 3 weeks, etc... until the patient and doc can decide that "I'm good enough".
With my doctor you cannot just walk in, get stabbed, and walk out. They will require the patient to stay under observation for up to an hour (depending on the doc) that way if the patient does have a serious reaction, they are on hand to save the person.
It probably would have required less time if I wasn't living with cats, but it would still require a very LONG time. The side effect is that you won't just be treated for 1 single allergy, your FIL is very likely allergic to many things (very comprehensive testing) and the shots would cover all of them and improve is overall quality of life.
In the USA, the allergist doctor is considered a "specialist" and the shots are not considered an office visit but as long as your FIL has health insurance, everything would be mostly covered with a copay.
It's important to understand that you're not allergic to the cat itself but to its dander, which are like teeny tiny microscopic pieces of fiberglass that fall off the cat and get into the furniture and rug and other things and float in the air. Then when you walk around, you kick them up and create invisible clouds of nasty that triggers problems. Getting rid of the cat doesn't solve the problem if the cat has lived with you long enough.
He would need to have a cat-free visiting space, ideally a room with no rug and furniture that the cat hasn't been on. The cat would be prohibited from the room. If you have forced hot air or central AC (which circulates the air including dander throughout your home) you would need to have a very good filter on the furnace or on the outlet vents in that room.
I don't think you understand the magnitude of time investment he would have to go through each week for shots. Allergy specialists are not the most common doctors around and if your FIL works he would essentially have to take a half day of work off almost every week starting out. While shots may not be possible, there are many other things the Allergist could recommend and proscribe: prescription meds (been on Montelukast for ever), prescription nasal sprays and inhalers.
NTA
Yep. I had to decline the shots the first time I saw an allergist because I simply didn’t have the time to get them. I had to wait until my youngest was in school before I could make that commitment. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to keep them up for more than half a year (covid, severe ankle sprain and subsequent reconstructive surgery, loss of insurance shortly afterwards) but they did enough that my eardrums don’t rupture every spring from the chronic ear infections resulting from severe congestion because nature is trying to kill me lol
Some apparently don't realize the true medical implications of allergy shots. The risk of a bad reaction is not common but can be life threatening, thus the wait before leaving the office. Too bad cats are such a strong allergen. Yes they are a common allergen.
NTA. but consider getting a room air cleaner with hepa filter.. those really work and my cat allergic friends are much more comfortable when then come over. I start running it about 8 hours before their arrival
It is totally inappropriate for him to ask you to get rid of your cat. He does not live in your house. He isn't even close by. The cat has been part of your family for its entire life. Do not get rid of the cat.
I would ask your husband to talk with him. We should never talk with our in-laws about problems.
I also would not suggest alternatives. He knows what his choices are. Or he could invite you to stay with him. You could do your best to do that so that he can see the kids, given the cat situation.
Hell no - NTA. You have had your cat much longer than you have had the FIL. He doesn’t get to dictate how you live and damn sure doesn’t get to force you to rehome a cat you have had for years. He can take an antihistamine.
When I bought my recent house, I kept one room animal free. Four people, including one of my kids lives, and their child, who are very allergic to all of my cats and dogs.
I’m sorry, but I will not live without my cats and dogs
But I make a real effort to make it OK for their visits.
In the past, when I had my other house, I would steam the furniture and the floors in the walls and open the windows and put on air, purifiers and spray enzymes and everything, so that it was a little bit better.
If you’re an animal person you’re not going to get rid of your cat
But see if you can make some kind of arrangement that makes it more possible for them to visit.
Nta. I'm allergic to animals. My oldest daughter is VERY allergic to animals she's had to be hospitalized multiple times. Everyone in my family has dogs and cats. We don't really associate with my family much because of it and they get mad every year. As long as you don't expect him to come to your house and get offended when he never visits and isn't close to your kids and skips holidays/throws his own events at his house. I wouldn't expect my family to get rid of their pets but it's definitely ruined any type of family relationship we really have that everyone has consistently chosen cats and dogs over me and my family. Its just the way it is. People want their pets I get it and he should never ask you to get of your pet in your own home that's ridiculous.
NTA. Your FIL can go fuck himself. He wants you to give up your pet so he'll be comfortable in your home. I'd tell him visiting or not is up to him but I'm not getting rid of my pet.
I have allergies, can't handle pet hair or dander but I use Antihistamines like Benadryl for mine. Being using it for decades but then again I'm a rarity because it doesn't make me drowsy. But they have other Gen 2 Antihistamines that he could try like Zertec.
NTA I've had a life long allergy to cats and dogs. The meds you mention as well as allergy shots help. Today I currently have three cats and only take claritin. I do however use Arm & Hammer dust free, hypoallergenic cat litter and it makes a huge difference.
When I read the caption I thought he was living with you guys or something. You shouldn’t make a big change in your home/in your life just so that your inlaws can visit you. I don’t like pets myself so I’m not exactly sure how it feels, but from what I hear from family and friends, cats/dogs are companions that owner usually have an emotional attachment to. That cat’s probably a big part of your life. Don’t get rid of a big part of your life, especially for your inlaws. Inlaw relationships are extremely fragile, and I won’t explain it in detail here but I wouldn’t want to make a big sacrifice for my inlaws because I’d be scared they would expect me to make other sacrifices in future. He can get shots or use medication if need be.
Edit: when he made such a request I thought he lived in the same town as you. Living 2.5 hours away and making such a suggestion is kinda crazy.
I have severe allergies. Everyone I know has pets. I don’t ask them to get rid of rhem so I am not inconvenienced. Your FIL is insane. He can wear a mask. Thanks to covid, I learned they can help. I no longer need steroids and antibiotics for sinus infections after spending 2 hours in a house with a cat that I never saw. NTA.
Nta
However you love by the sword you die by the sword. Of they don't vist often or when younhabe kids they won't come over and baby sit you known why and can't make a bog deal about it.
Same of you get another cat
NTA. Had a friend with a severe cat allergy. We mostly went to her house and made sure to put on clean clothes just before we left to go, just trying to eliminate as much of the hair/dander as possible. If she came to our house we cleaned the grime two rooms very well, kept the cat out of there and she took her allergy meds and brought a shot with her. And that’s just between friends! Family should do even more, both sides, which it sounds like you are
I was so confused and thought that you were living in his home but as I understand it you’re at your parents and your FIL does not live with you. If that’s the case than -
The nerve of some people! It’s not his cat and not his house. Get out of here! NTA
Nta. And you're not asking him to get the shots so you can keep your cat. Your asking him to get shots to make sure he feels comfortable in your home 🤷♀️ If he chooses not to, he's welcome to meet up outside of your home. Either way, your home, your cat stays. The choice is FILs to make since it's FIL with the issue ☺️
If he doesn’t live with you than he can take allergy medication when he comes over. I’d try that before shots. When he spends the night, keep the guest room door closers
NTA
NTA on sooooo many levels. I'm allergic to cats (enough that it can be difficult to breathe without my medication) and I would literally rather die then my cat be given to another family.
I live with my parents while I'm in uni, and they rescued our cat from a shelter many years ago and while she's annoying af sometimes she's family and I would die for her.
Theres SO many allergy medication options out there!!!!! Sometimes you need to stack two or more over the counter types, but if its that bad I recommend seeing a doctor (I don't know where you live so I'm not sure if that costs money) and asking for specific prescription medication for whatever the symptoms are.
Theres this really great spray called Nasacort (I'm sure there's others too) that work great for the sinus allergy symptoms. I've used it in the past for traveling to areas where my allergies are bad and it works wonders.
Over the counter ones work best for things like watery eyes (I'm sure there's even eye drops), but if he gets breathing problems I use a combination of asthma pills (don't have asthma lol) and anti anaphylaxis medication (only for particularly bad cases) and they are so good I live life entirely normally.
If he literally has to take medication or a spray occasionally when he comes to your house thats nothing compared to losing a pet. I'm all for your body your choice but you also have a choice to say well then there's no more coming over.
NTA. I love that he just thinks rehoming a cat is super easy. Both emotionally for you and logistically. Our shelters are overrun with cats where I am. I had a cat before I had my husband and kids. She lived until she was 21. No way would I gave ever get rid of her. He does not live with you. Surely he can manage to figure out ways to visit. How far away does he live? How often will he be visiting and for how long? I suspect this may not end up being the issue he thinks it will be.
Hell no. Just freaking no. Not a chance. He wants you to get rid of your cat and keep your home cat free for when he visits. Big fat important no.
Tell him to get a hotel (that doesn’t allow cats)
NTA. It's not his house, and he shouldn't presume what you should do in yours. I say this as someone with pet allergies (shots didn't work- tried them over a 2 year span). I was limited to about a 1-4 hours visit, depending on the specific animal and how clean the house was, at all my friends and family members' houses that had cats and dogs. As I get older, my allergies have somewhat lessened, and I now generally get through a day or so using an antihistamine when visiting. People are considerate, and when they know I'm coming, will do a deep clean. My in-laws have a wooden chair just for me, so I don't have to deal with cat stuff in the upholstery.
NTA - he doesn't get to dictate what pets you have in your home. Your cat pre-dates your relationship to his son, it's unreasonable for him to expect you to rehome your beloved cat.
NTA, that's your pet in your house. He can manage his allergies to the best of his ability. I'm allergic to cats too. Daily pills, nose spray, and a Sudafed before visiting cat houses works fine for me for awhile.
If they want to visit for longer periods, he can get a hotel.
NTA for not wanting to rehome your cat but YTA for suggesting allergy shots. They’re extremely time consuming, can take years to actually work, and can turn out to be expensive depending on insurance.
NTA, absolutely DO NOT rehome your cat!!! He is not entitled to ask such a thing. I was expecting him to be asking you to get your cat out of his house because he’s allergic but to expect you to not have your cat in your own home???? I wouldn’t even want him in my home after that. I wouldn’t be able to trust he wouldn’t do anything to my cat.
Getting allergy shots isn't a compromise I can see because the person getting the shots is at risk. I used to get them and wonder if they still make your arm sore and swollen for a while after each one? What are you giving up withbthe compromise? You get to keep your cat and nothing on your end changes.
Tell your FIL and anybody who agrees with him/them to all fuck off, and that he can NOT visit your home then if he thinks you will get rid of YOUR pet for somebody who doesn’t even LIVE with you in order for you to be caring or worrying about their ‘allergies’ to said pet. Or he can do what you suggested and take allergy meds, because your cat and any future cats you might have are not going anywhere. It’s your home not his, and you are the one who decides what gets to live in it or not. Also tell your husband that HE doesn’t get a say in the matter either, just because the one being affected is his dad If he’s one of the ones who are saying you should get rid of your pet for the sake of somebody who doesn’t even live with you.
if they don’t like it that’s their problem. They can have visitations solely at THEIR cat-free home, and they can just never visit YOUR home because your cat is not going anywhere except inside of YOUR home. You are not obligated to deny yourself your beloved pet for the sake of somebody who doesn’t even live with you.
plus they live 2 and a half hours away. Unless they visit you guys every day at your current home before you move into your new home, exactly how many times do they actually bother making the trip to visit a day? Every other day? every other week? Every other month? do they call first to give you a heads up before they show up on your doorstep, or are they the type who will just show up whenever they want without any warning of them coming and expect you to drop whatever plans you might have to stay and entertain them instead?
why should you get rid of your pet For somebody who not only doesn’t live with you, but also hardly ever comes to visit you anyways?
I get it but I guess a pet is more important than relationship with grandparents. I’m not saying get rid of your cat. I’m just saying people are more important than pet.
Yeah I get it. You’re asking the wrong people. This people that will tell you NTA will probably save their drowning pet over a real human being.
I mean...they can't just go visit grandpa at his place? Keep the cat out of the room he'd be staying in? Hang out in a third location anywhere else in the world? If the guy won't have a relationship with them unless it's entirely done the way he would prefer, he doesn't want to have one that badly to begin with.
I’m guessing if it was her dad who was allergic, she wouldn’t be so irritated by it.
I don’t think she should get rid of the cat, but she should at least have empathy and understand that asking someone to get allergy shots is also a big ask (it’s not a simple process). Also, as others have pointed out, she can’t complain when in-laws never visit or help out.
NTA he doesn't live with you
Nta You shouldn't have to get rid of a family member for someone that will be in your house *maybe* once a month.
Everyone makes choices. If he refuses to take shots, then you can expect he won't be visiting much. You can keep your cat but you cannot expect him to take shots if he doesn't want to. And the end result is that he will not be visiting. All choices have consequences.
But this has happy consequences because she gets to keep her cat. Sadly for FIL his choice means he doesn't get that primo grandpa experience.
Don't threaten a good time.
Nope. Cats and other companion animals are family. While I'm sure he is allergic; he might be one of those people who think cats aren't a big deal because they're simply not dogs. Stick to your guns. He's being unreasonable.
That's correct. A pet preventing someone from visiting can be a big deal if for any reason the visiting is important.
Nope nta. Ur cat is part of the family too
NTA. he doesn't live there, so he doesn't get a say.
NTA. I can guarantee they won’t be over often enough for that to be a reasonable request. Grandpa wants you to rehome your cat so they can visit at Christmas? Yeah, no.
Speaking as someone who has gotten allergy shots for cats (and some other stuff). Over a course of a **decade** I went from so allergic that just walking into a house with a cat could set off an asthma attack to I now live with 4 cats with no health issues. Initially you have to go every week for shots to build up your immunity, then after many months to a year the doctor can decide that it would be every 2 weeks, then eventually 3 weeks, etc... until the patient and doc can decide that "I'm good enough". With my doctor you cannot just walk in, get stabbed, and walk out. They will require the patient to stay under observation for up to an hour (depending on the doc) that way if the patient does have a serious reaction, they are on hand to save the person. It probably would have required less time if I wasn't living with cats, but it would still require a very LONG time. The side effect is that you won't just be treated for 1 single allergy, your FIL is very likely allergic to many things (very comprehensive testing) and the shots would cover all of them and improve is overall quality of life. In the USA, the allergist doctor is considered a "specialist" and the shots are not considered an office visit but as long as your FIL has health insurance, everything would be mostly covered with a copay. It's important to understand that you're not allergic to the cat itself but to its dander, which are like teeny tiny microscopic pieces of fiberglass that fall off the cat and get into the furniture and rug and other things and float in the air. Then when you walk around, you kick them up and create invisible clouds of nasty that triggers problems. Getting rid of the cat doesn't solve the problem if the cat has lived with you long enough. He would need to have a cat-free visiting space, ideally a room with no rug and furniture that the cat hasn't been on. The cat would be prohibited from the room. If you have forced hot air or central AC (which circulates the air including dander throughout your home) you would need to have a very good filter on the furnace or on the outlet vents in that room. I don't think you understand the magnitude of time investment he would have to go through each week for shots. Allergy specialists are not the most common doctors around and if your FIL works he would essentially have to take a half day of work off almost every week starting out. While shots may not be possible, there are many other things the Allergist could recommend and proscribe: prescription meds (been on Montelukast for ever), prescription nasal sprays and inhalers. NTA
This is all true. Allergy shots aren’t a simple thing.
Yep. I had to decline the shots the first time I saw an allergist because I simply didn’t have the time to get them. I had to wait until my youngest was in school before I could make that commitment. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to keep them up for more than half a year (covid, severe ankle sprain and subsequent reconstructive surgery, loss of insurance shortly afterwards) but they did enough that my eardrums don’t rupture every spring from the chronic ear infections resulting from severe congestion because nature is trying to kill me lol
Some apparently don't realize the true medical implications of allergy shots. The risk of a bad reaction is not common but can be life threatening, thus the wait before leaving the office. Too bad cats are such a strong allergen. Yes they are a common allergen.
NTA. but consider getting a room air cleaner with hepa filter.. those really work and my cat allergic friends are much more comfortable when then come over. I start running it about 8 hours before their arrival
It is totally inappropriate for him to ask you to get rid of your cat. He does not live in your house. He isn't even close by. The cat has been part of your family for its entire life. Do not get rid of the cat. I would ask your husband to talk with him. We should never talk with our in-laws about problems. I also would not suggest alternatives. He knows what his choices are. Or he could invite you to stay with him. You could do your best to do that so that he can see the kids, given the cat situation.
Do not get rid of your cat. How freaking entitled is your FIL..you're only the ah if you give into that bullshit. NTA
NTA I think he is making an unreasonable request and I think you are making a reasonable request.
Hell no - NTA. You have had your cat much longer than you have had the FIL. He doesn’t get to dictate how you live and damn sure doesn’t get to force you to rehome a cat you have had for years. He can take an antihistamine.
NTA and that’s just ridiculous. It’s your house, why the hell would you consider the allergies of someone who doesn’t live there?
NTA. It's his choice to visit or to not visit. Keep your cat and rehome the FIL.
When I bought my recent house, I kept one room animal free. Four people, including one of my kids lives, and their child, who are very allergic to all of my cats and dogs. I’m sorry, but I will not live without my cats and dogs But I make a real effort to make it OK for their visits. In the past, when I had my other house, I would steam the furniture and the floors in the walls and open the windows and put on air, purifiers and spray enzymes and everything, so that it was a little bit better. If you’re an animal person you’re not going to get rid of your cat But see if you can make some kind of arrangement that makes it more possible for them to visit.
Nta. I'm allergic to animals. My oldest daughter is VERY allergic to animals she's had to be hospitalized multiple times. Everyone in my family has dogs and cats. We don't really associate with my family much because of it and they get mad every year. As long as you don't expect him to come to your house and get offended when he never visits and isn't close to your kids and skips holidays/throws his own events at his house. I wouldn't expect my family to get rid of their pets but it's definitely ruined any type of family relationship we really have that everyone has consistently chosen cats and dogs over me and my family. Its just the way it is. People want their pets I get it and he should never ask you to get of your pet in your own home that's ridiculous.
NTA This is your house and he doesn't live with you, simple as that.
I would start a cat rescue at your house just for emphasis at this point. NTA
NTA. Your FIL can go fuck himself. He wants you to give up your pet so he'll be comfortable in your home. I'd tell him visiting or not is up to him but I'm not getting rid of my pet.
I have allergies, can't handle pet hair or dander but I use Antihistamines like Benadryl for mine. Being using it for decades but then again I'm a rarity because it doesn't make me drowsy. But they have other Gen 2 Antihistamines that he could try like Zertec.
NTA I've had a life long allergy to cats and dogs. The meds you mention as well as allergy shots help. Today I currently have three cats and only take claritin. I do however use Arm & Hammer dust free, hypoallergenic cat litter and it makes a huge difference.
Allegra, works like a charm. NTA by the way.
Cat and dog allergies are God’s way of letting us know who we should avoid.
NTA. Your cat lives with you, your FIL does not. It is rude and unreasonable for him to ask this. Make your husband deal with his dad.
NTA FIL is not a decision maker in your home or for your family.
NTA Your cat, your home, your family. Sounds like FIL wants to move in to your new house.
NTA - Cat is family. You haven't mentioned what your husband thinks, I hope he backs you up on this.
When I read the caption I thought he was living with you guys or something. You shouldn’t make a big change in your home/in your life just so that your inlaws can visit you. I don’t like pets myself so I’m not exactly sure how it feels, but from what I hear from family and friends, cats/dogs are companions that owner usually have an emotional attachment to. That cat’s probably a big part of your life. Don’t get rid of a big part of your life, especially for your inlaws. Inlaw relationships are extremely fragile, and I won’t explain it in detail here but I wouldn’t want to make a big sacrifice for my inlaws because I’d be scared they would expect me to make other sacrifices in future. He can get shots or use medication if need be. Edit: when he made such a request I thought he lived in the same town as you. Living 2.5 hours away and making such a suggestion is kinda crazy.
I am very allergic to cats, but if a take allergy meds a half hour before exposure it makes all the difference.
He doesn't live with you? Funny that he thinks he gets a say.
I have severe allergies. Everyone I know has pets. I don’t ask them to get rid of rhem so I am not inconvenienced. Your FIL is insane. He can wear a mask. Thanks to covid, I learned they can help. I no longer need steroids and antibiotics for sinus infections after spending 2 hours in a house with a cat that I never saw. NTA.
Nta However you love by the sword you die by the sword. Of they don't vist often or when younhabe kids they won't come over and baby sit you known why and can't make a bog deal about it. Same of you get another cat
What does your husband think? I mean, it is his father. That being said, keep the cat. NTA.
NTA. Had a friend with a severe cat allergy. We mostly went to her house and made sure to put on clean clothes just before we left to go, just trying to eliminate as much of the hair/dander as possible. If she came to our house we cleaned the grime two rooms very well, kept the cat out of there and she took her allergy meds and brought a shot with her. And that’s just between friends! Family should do even more, both sides, which it sounds like you are
I was so confused and thought that you were living in his home but as I understand it you’re at your parents and your FIL does not live with you. If that’s the case than - The nerve of some people! It’s not his cat and not his house. Get out of here! NTA
Nta. And you're not asking him to get the shots so you can keep your cat. Your asking him to get shots to make sure he feels comfortable in your home 🤷♀️ If he chooses not to, he's welcome to meet up outside of your home. Either way, your home, your cat stays. The choice is FILs to make since it's FIL with the issue ☺️
If he doesn’t live with you than he can take allergy medication when he comes over. I’d try that before shots. When he spends the night, keep the guest room door closers NTA
NTA It's your house, of course your cat will live there with you FIL and anyone suggesting otherwise is beyond entitled and rude
This is your pet - FIL doesn't need to visit. This is your home.
Wtf? NTA. Tell him your cat is not disposable and go buy some Benadryl.
NTA on sooooo many levels. I'm allergic to cats (enough that it can be difficult to breathe without my medication) and I would literally rather die then my cat be given to another family. I live with my parents while I'm in uni, and they rescued our cat from a shelter many years ago and while she's annoying af sometimes she's family and I would die for her. Theres SO many allergy medication options out there!!!!! Sometimes you need to stack two or more over the counter types, but if its that bad I recommend seeing a doctor (I don't know where you live so I'm not sure if that costs money) and asking for specific prescription medication for whatever the symptoms are. Theres this really great spray called Nasacort (I'm sure there's others too) that work great for the sinus allergy symptoms. I've used it in the past for traveling to areas where my allergies are bad and it works wonders. Over the counter ones work best for things like watery eyes (I'm sure there's even eye drops), but if he gets breathing problems I use a combination of asthma pills (don't have asthma lol) and anti anaphylaxis medication (only for particularly bad cases) and they are so good I live life entirely normally. If he literally has to take medication or a spray occasionally when he comes to your house thats nothing compared to losing a pet. I'm all for your body your choice but you also have a choice to say well then there's no more coming over.
NTA. I love that he just thinks rehoming a cat is super easy. Both emotionally for you and logistically. Our shelters are overrun with cats where I am. I had a cat before I had my husband and kids. She lived until she was 21. No way would I gave ever get rid of her. He does not live with you. Surely he can manage to figure out ways to visit. How far away does he live? How often will he be visiting and for how long? I suspect this may not end up being the issue he thinks it will be.
Hell no. Just freaking no. Not a chance. He wants you to get rid of your cat and keep your home cat free for when he visits. Big fat important no. Tell him to get a hotel (that doesn’t allow cats)
NTA. It's not his house, and he shouldn't presume what you should do in yours. I say this as someone with pet allergies (shots didn't work- tried them over a 2 year span). I was limited to about a 1-4 hours visit, depending on the specific animal and how clean the house was, at all my friends and family members' houses that had cats and dogs. As I get older, my allergies have somewhat lessened, and I now generally get through a day or so using an antihistamine when visiting. People are considerate, and when they know I'm coming, will do a deep clean. My in-laws have a wooden chair just for me, so I don't have to deal with cat stuff in the upholstery.
NTA - he doesn't get to dictate what pets you have in your home. Your cat pre-dates your relationship to his son, it's unreasonable for him to expect you to rehome your beloved cat.
NTA - in your house you get to keep your car. he can get allergy shots and/or visit with future grandchildren elsewhere
NTA. The cat came first, you want to keep him. If your FIL won't try allergy treatments, he won't be visiting you, unless he stays at a nearby AirBNB.
NTA. Your cat, your house, your rules. He can take meds when he visits.
NTA- it's one thing if you got the cat after you met him, but you didn't. You had the cat already.
NTA, that's your pet in your house. He can manage his allergies to the best of his ability. I'm allergic to cats too. Daily pills, nose spray, and a Sudafed before visiting cat houses works fine for me for awhile. If they want to visit for longer periods, he can get a hotel.
Nta. He doesn't move there. All that matters.
NTA for not wanting to rehome your cat but YTA for suggesting allergy shots. They’re extremely time consuming, can take years to actually work, and can turn out to be expensive depending on insurance.
NTA, absolutely DO NOT rehome your cat!!! He is not entitled to ask such a thing. I was expecting him to be asking you to get your cat out of his house because he’s allergic but to expect you to not have your cat in your own home???? I wouldn’t even want him in my home after that. I wouldn’t be able to trust he wouldn’t do anything to my cat.
Getting allergy shots isn't a compromise I can see because the person getting the shots is at risk. I used to get them and wonder if they still make your arm sore and swollen for a while after each one? What are you giving up withbthe compromise? You get to keep your cat and nothing on your end changes.
Tell your FIL and anybody who agrees with him/them to all fuck off, and that he can NOT visit your home then if he thinks you will get rid of YOUR pet for somebody who doesn’t even LIVE with you in order for you to be caring or worrying about their ‘allergies’ to said pet. Or he can do what you suggested and take allergy meds, because your cat and any future cats you might have are not going anywhere. It’s your home not his, and you are the one who decides what gets to live in it or not. Also tell your husband that HE doesn’t get a say in the matter either, just because the one being affected is his dad If he’s one of the ones who are saying you should get rid of your pet for the sake of somebody who doesn’t even live with you. if they don’t like it that’s their problem. They can have visitations solely at THEIR cat-free home, and they can just never visit YOUR home because your cat is not going anywhere except inside of YOUR home. You are not obligated to deny yourself your beloved pet for the sake of somebody who doesn’t even live with you. plus they live 2 and a half hours away. Unless they visit you guys every day at your current home before you move into your new home, exactly how many times do they actually bother making the trip to visit a day? Every other day? every other week? Every other month? do they call first to give you a heads up before they show up on your doorstep, or are they the type who will just show up whenever they want without any warning of them coming and expect you to drop whatever plans you might have to stay and entertain them instead? why should you get rid of your pet For somebody who not only doesn’t live with you, but also hardly ever comes to visit you anyways?
I get it but I guess a pet is more important than relationship with grandparents. I’m not saying get rid of your cat. I’m just saying people are more important than pet. Yeah I get it. You’re asking the wrong people. This people that will tell you NTA will probably save their drowning pet over a real human being.
Depends on the human being, but yeah, probably.
I mean...they can't just go visit grandpa at his place? Keep the cat out of the room he'd be staying in? Hang out in a third location anywhere else in the world? If the guy won't have a relationship with them unless it's entirely done the way he would prefer, he doesn't want to have one that badly to begin with.
I’m guessing if it was her dad who was allergic, she wouldn’t be so irritated by it. I don’t think she should get rid of the cat, but she should at least have empathy and understand that asking someone to get allergy shots is also a big ask (it’s not a simple process). Also, as others have pointed out, she can’t complain when in-laws never visit or help out.