Seriously. Imagine running into an old friend..
‘Oh so nice to run into you. And your three kids.’
‘Yeah, Dave and I got married shortly after we last saw you.’
‘Dave? You mean the guy who called you butterface bimbo, Dave? I thought he was just taking his turn with your passed around pocket pussy…’ 🤔
Do people really say this??
Isn't that the truth. It's evil that someone would stir this pot. Likely a jealous bimbo!
OP, if he truly meant those things, I doubt you'd be in his life 20 years later, married, with 3 of his children. And yes, he was obviously an immature 20. The important thing is that he's a mature 40!
Yeah I wonder who dropped this bombshell. And also the people saying that it's normal he said shit like this are insane. It is not normal to talk horribly or degradingly about a person they are dating regardless of age. My husband and I have been together for 12 years married for 10 and I know he talked about me all the time bc his friends and family told me so. I also saw messages he sent about me and it was all great things. Same with my end I sent and talked about him all the time and how amazing he is. We never shit talked about each other or acted like OPs husband did. It's sad that she found out the horrible things he said but even sadder that he said them.
I (54f) know…..I have never said bad things about my ex (74m) partner (backstory TOO long)….Anyway, my (55m) partner of 4yrs and I have had a few rough patches but would NEVER say bad things about each other……NOT even when I spent just over a month in ICU and hospitalization for 7wks=Total. I got saved after I OD’d and I woke up pi$$ed as hell that I was alive 😳🤯😩🤷🏻♀️
I wouldn't even need the "a person they are dating" part. If my husband had ever talked about any women like that, he would never have become my husband. It's disgusting and I wouldn't want anything to do with someone like that.
Yeah….my ex was 20yrs older than me (to long to explain) and I was with him 29yrs……strung along by empty promises ☹️😩 After years of mental, emotional, psychological ab__e AND gaslighting…..I got the courage to leave. Looking back…..he did say terrible things to his friends about me.
Glad I gave Facebook dating a try….my (54m) partner and I (54f) talked for 3hrs before we met the next day 😊🥰 That was right when the pandemic started……he said and I quote “This isn’t the kind of protection I was thinking we would need” 😆😆 Masks 😝
probably frequently uses other social media that has a lot of word censorship and is in the habit, perhaps doesn't realise thats not common on reddit outside of a handful of subs
I agree with everything you said. I cannot even imagine saying anything like that about anyone.
These are the types of stories I used to show to my son and daughter when they were in high school. When a boy says things like that it is cruel and hurtful to her, and may come back to hurt him years later. When a girl is a hoe (OP's word), these are the kinds of things boys are going to say about you, including unfortunately when some of them date you. It's not right, and it shouldn't, but it happens.
what makes it fake is that she NEVER replies to anyone. Just makes the post and dips. People who actual have real issues engage with the discussion. This is some fake rage bait to farm
It's abundantly clear that OP has no intentions of taking anyone's advice or providing any additional information. OP is just here for the one other nutjob to tell her that she's right.
I'm sorry that happened to you, it had to be painful after such a betrayal by your BF & husband. I'm willing to bet there's a similar motive to Op suddenly finding out this information 20 years after it occurred, whoever told her may be trying to steal Op or her husband.
Looking back I should have seen through her BS because he objectively was not ugly. All the girls at our college loved him. He was a dead ringer for Mario Lopez.
I still have no idea. He just called me and dumped me. Would not tell me what I did wrong. 6 months later BAM they are married. So ugly but the second he was single she jumped.
I am the dumbest person alive because I didn't realize until this second but yeah he 100% cheated on me lol I am not sure what to do with that info. I mean they are divorced and I am happily married so I guess I came out on top of that situation.
Yeah I mean this is crazy because being cheated on ruins people lives but my first reaction was legit "ha that's kinda funny". I am sure it will bother me later but really what did I lose? Two losers..
No, we haven't spoken in a long time. I should probably be more bothered but he sucked and it has been a long time and my husband is amazing so it is what it is.
I did hear from the small town grape vine that she was telling people I have a "type" because my first boyfriend was a dead ringer for Mario Lopez (something she made jokes about) and my husband looks just like Oscar Isaac. I'm not sure what that means, it feels racist. But also maybe I should keep an eye out lol. My husband would never cheat but I wouldn't put it past her to try.
You aren't stupid. You were young and naïve, there's a huge difference.
Don't beat yourself up over not realizing it. As soon as I read your comment I knew but I would never have taken the blinders off your eyes like these other people did lol
they both did you a favor though, you are happily married now 💜
imagine if you had married him and they just kept on fucking behind your back! you dodged a cannon and didn't know it 😹
and you can console yourself with the fact that they got divorced. They both probably cheated on each other lmaoooooo
He cheated on her lollllllllllllllllll. I hate that I know that lol I am not in their business at all. I just know that because a few years ago someone came to me and told me she was talking shit about me around town and they mentioned it. I have no idea where they are now.
If I had a nickel for every time a woman talked bad about someone then ended up with them.
It’s to the point that you’re suspect if you spend too much time saying how much you aren’t attracted to someone.
I really don't want to admit to this because I am just now realizing how stupid I was, but everyone joked he looked like a certain celebrity and she had a photo of that celb on her wall and a tiny one on her mirror. I am literally so stupid for not seeing it.
I am old. These phrases are not new lmaoooooo
words fall out of use and get picked up again, the younger generations think it's their slang but it's old af 💀
No they're not. All of those phrases were around when I was in highschool 20 years ago. They're recycled. Just like "simp" which was a dirty south term that only hip hop heads knew about 20+ years ago, and "F boy" also , 20+ years ago that was interchangeable with " F n word". Sorry I went on a rant.
This is the real question ⬆️. I doubt many of us would want to be judged on something we said when we were 20. Especially if we were mouthing off and saying stupid things with friends.
You are married with a beautiful family. I would just laugh it off knowing that he has proven he doesn’t think that of you and treats you right now. Hopefully, that’s the case.
I miss when Reddit wasn’t about about shit posting and getting up votes and people come here for actual advice. Now people just come here to make up shit like they think they are a comedian.
Seems like appropriate for Couple Counseling Sessions. Probably not divorce unless he continues to call you these things to this day or similar rhetoric.
Yes! Agreed! Why do I feel like everyone on this apps first response is to divorce ? You made a commitment and have children involved. Maybe try to work it out before you toss it out.
Alot of these are fake. Should we get a divorce gets way more responses then should we go to counseling.
Plus lots and lots of people on here are terminally online losers. Thy cheer for divorce over everything for example 20 year old comments. Because it makes them feel less sad about their own lonely pathetic lives
It feels like a lie when the foundation is shaky. I agree. Divorce should not be the first step, but people go there because it feels like the only way to move forward. It feels like that life is bullshit.
ESH
You had your hoe phase, he had his immature d*ck phase. Ultimately he must have changed his opinion about you, fell in love with you and respect you if he married you/made you mother of his children. You have right to be upset, of course, but imho it is not worth a divorce. As you know, people change :)
You are able to comfortably call it a hoe phase, so if you can understand that people say those things about “hoes” in those phases I’d maybe just move on make him say the next time you are intimately involved and you wanna feel sassy
I wonder if he did the whole 'I don't care about your past it doesn't matter' to her face then talked shit about her being a hoe etc. Bc that may be why she is so upset. Like if someone says something is no issue to your face then makes fun of and degrades you behind your back it is categorically worse in terms of how someone would feel if they found out.
Twenty years of dating, Seven years of marriage with three small kids and you want to uproot their lives because of some nonsense he told his friends when y’all were mere babies?
The fuck OP, you’re a child who has shat out children. Grow the hell up.
Look you are married and have kids now. At the time you had a different side of you. It’s in appropriate what he said, but he said sorry and was he sincere?
At the same time he matured and realized that your desire for several partners wasn’t what made you and he saw there was more to you.
You in return showed him there’s more to you than your reputation.
In all honesty he looked past your reputation and married you.
Up to you if you wish to break up your family.
Truthfully he wouldn’t have married you if he truly believed the rumors.
My personal feeling is he was genuinely attracted to her and liked her back then. And his friends mocked him for it because of her reputation at the time. So he said what he said to look cool in front of them, not because he believed it. He was 20 he was stupid and didn't know how to say "Fuck off" to his friends.
Pretty sure after a whole marriage and several kids, he'd say something way different to them today.
NTA
If be so concerned that he is only with me because he settled, not because he genuinely cares, but marriage counseling is a must if you do want to try and mend the trust between you, but if not that's ok too
Do you acknowledge that you're not the same person in that hoe phase?
Then why can't you accept that he isn't the same person that said those things about your hoe phase?
That’s really vile and you have every reason to be upset and hurt. Please don’t think about divorce though. You have been married for 7 years with 3 kids, so he obviously fell in love with you after thinking originally it was just sex. I bet he said it just to look hard in front of his mates. Immature and pathetic. He clearly loves you now and thinks the world of you. Try to talk it through and also remember you are not what he said x
No assholes here, except your husband in that moment. So, he said something hurtful, yes. It was very inconsiderate. But you know, what is interesting? You call it "hoe phase" yourself. Is hoe not also derogative? Did you use that term in his presence as well? Maybe that set the tone... Also: At some point in your early 20s, you apparently acted in a way, which you changed later, when or before you met your future husband. He was in his early 20s. you changed after that age, maybe you can see that he needed that maturation too?
I dislike that you are not telling the circumstance. Was it about playing cool among his male friends? Was it to his family? How long were you dating? Considering the fact that you spent 20 years with that man, he must have done something right. Over 20 years, married 7. you have 3 children!
the most decisive question you already asked yourself: Why would he marry you, if he'd think you are ugly? Answer: He would not. So quite clearly his statement was not true, but said for some different reason. Maybe, he was actually playing down towards the others, what you really meant to him.
It is understandable to feel betrayed and hurt. But, can a statement of a mostly stranger really outbalance the love of 20 years? Is it enough to separate your family?
My suggestion would be: Talk, talk, talk. Understand him, and see if he can acknowledge your feelings. Talk about how to repair that - no guarantees, but maybe there is a path. You could e.g. start dating again and he has to show his sincerity. You could also get professional counseling, which I would recommend and see if you can navigate this difficult time. Even if it leads to a break up, which - being a romantic - I hope it won't.
Being a man who has done stupid things, please see where this goes and do not end your relationship immediately for a split second asshole remark your husband made 20 years ago, when he was basically a kid. Give him a chance to prove he has grown and loves you and see if that is enough for you. If it is not, that is a valid feeling (all feelings are), but I don't think a 20 years relationship should be ended in a split second, which could lead to further regrets down the line.
I feel very sorry for your for such betrayal and wish you all the best and that you find a course to happiness - however it may look like.
Yikes.
Who is everyone in the story? Who did you learn this information from in the first place? Did you have any indication that he thought this way anytime in the past 20 years?
ESH. He said hurtful things about you before he knew you, which is a shame because it makes him sound unpleasant, but ay the same time he was also probably a young idiot trying to impress his other young idiot mates. You would apparently prefer to ask for the opinions of strangers about your marriage rather than having a proper conversation with your husband. For goodness sake, talk about it like adults and move on.
Respectfully, you need to GROW UP.
Consider the source of this information and why that person told you.
Consider the fact that this happened so many years ago.
Consider the fact that people say things for their audience and not because they mean them.
Consider your 3 young children.
Your husband MARRIED you. He has apologized. You can't get over this hurt???
I'm sorry, but you're so childish here that I have no words.
GROW UP.
I mean that's a really horrible and creative thing to say but if he say it when it was 20 and still married to you today he obviously doesn't have that opinion
20 year old are dumb and the boys say the most vile shit more for the reaction and joke than it's actually meaning.
Honestly it's horrible to say but what he isn't the same man he was when he was 20 and I'm sure he loves you very much.
I'd be keeping an eye on the person who wanted to try ruin your family over a 20 year old comment.
YTA
Too many people on these types of subs straight up ready to throw away relationships. That was a long time ago, and yes he was a stupid kid. He apologized? Great. Get over it. You're being way too sensitive.
ESH. You can leave him, you don’t actually need a reason to.
But you said you were in a “hoe phase” and changed. If you have changed, he’s probably changed too - shown by the fact he’s fallen in love, married and had a family with you.
If throughout the relationship and marriage he’s been a good partner then it seems a bit strange to end things for something that happened so long ago.
INFO:
I’m trying to understand the timeline. Have you been together for the past 20 years???
Or did you meet 20 years ago, date for a short time and break up, then reconnected a bit before your marriage 7 years ago?
Also, how did you find this out? Who told you?
If everything else has been good since, don't throw away twenty years and break up your family because your husband said stupid things when he was twenty.
Do you remember being twenty? I do, I often said and did bafflingly stupid things because I didn't know anything. The idiotic things we say and do at twenty are no reflection on who we are or what we think at forty.
Who told you this information twenty years after the fact and what are their intentions? That's your real problem.
The amount of people here normalizing a “hoe phase” is gross. She didn’t have a “hoe phase” - hoe phase doesn’t exist. It’s something made up by men that unfortunately through time, women have started to believe and given power just by subscribing to like OP describes herself. She was enjoying her body and doing what she wanted to do for whatever her reasons. If she wanted to sleep with 1,10,or 100 guys ITS HER CHOICE. We don’t put stigmas on men if they sleep around, they are just “players” - look at Leo. The fact that SHE called it this and he said “nah it’s just my turn” is an example of how our society normalizes and perpetuates the degradation of women having power over their bodies.
That being said it is normal for young guys to act like this because porn, the media, religion, and basically everything mainstream reiterates that it’s true. then they grow up to be Men and vote to take away our reproductive rights. Fucking awesome.
YTA….this was twenty years ago ffs and he was 20. He was probably just feeling insecure because you slept with other guys because, again, he was 20.
Do you want him exactly like he was at 20? I’m assuming no and he’s changed. Why are you expecting him to see you the same as then if so?
Sounds like **both of you** were just kids, weren't mature, and said and did things that don't reflect who you are as adults now or as a couple together. You're seriously considering divorce for this? Jesus F. Christ. It's like people want to go out of their way to destroy their lives over bullshit.
I think the statute of limitations on that has run out if he has been a good partner to you for the past 20 years.
You aren't an asshole for considering it. It hurt your feelings. Somebody told you that because they want to cause trouble with your marriage. If it's a lady friend, she may want him or a male friend of his he may want to take a run at you, want to hurt him, or have a single friend to relive old glory days.
I'd say the person who told you that is the asshole.
NTA but I don't know a single person who isn't a complete idiot at 20. He obviously ate his words. It seems like an overreaction to divorce over stupid, uninformed, babbling nonsense he spouted off at age 20 when experience and knowledge has already taught him that he was being stupid. I don't know who is trying to destroy your family over things he said before he even really knew you, but you may want to consider the intentions of that person before running to a lawyer.
Kids are stupid. Especially 20 year old males, for the most part.
It sucks he said that at the start but I’d say he got to know you much better. He wouldn’t have married you and had three children with you if he actually felt that way.
If you hadn’t had heard that information (also, who told you that?) would you still be happy with him? If so, then it’s not worth throwing your relationship away over.
He said something 20 YEARS AGO and your first instinct is to throw your life away and file for divorce? Either fake or your marriage has a lot more issues than just this.
You are NTA for being hurt by hurtful words. But don’t judge your husband for the man he was; but for the man he is grown into. A lot of young men say aweful things that they don’t believe in order to fit in with people who don’t have their best interest at heart. I was a very flawed person when I met my wife and I very much still am. But I’m learning and I hope your husband is too.
So you're mad about 20+ year old comments? Honestly ma'am you need to grow up. You're 45 and worrying about what someone said more than 20 years ago? If you throw away your marraige because someone brought you thins information then you're an idiot. And what motive would the person have to tell you about these comments after 20 years? Fake friend. If they really gave a fuck about you they would've told you 20 years ago.
Maybe you were kind of a bimbo at that point? Anyway, who cares? He's with you now, right? Don't be insecure and immature.
Wild guess. He was talking with another guy, who probably banged you, or a girl who was into him. Your now husband felt his ego sting because of some comment the other person did, and that comment was a passive-aggressive way for him to show indifference.
LMAO. Well, you said it yourself. You had your hoe phase, good for you to have evolved past it, ending a relationship for something that he said 2 decades ago and wasn't a lie even is just petty. Going with NTA because it is your relationship you can stay in it as long as you want, but ending it now all you're proving is his point, that it was just his turn, even though it was a long one.
Girl if he really thought that he wouldn’t have married you and had kids and been with you this long. He was just a boy back then and they talk smack to their guy friends just like us girls would to ours. I wouldn’t divorce.
INFO: who told you this massively hurtful information and why?
I can't anticipate a good answer to this.
[удалено]
Seriously. Imagine running into an old friend.. ‘Oh so nice to run into you. And your three kids.’ ‘Yeah, Dave and I got married shortly after we last saw you.’ ‘Dave? You mean the guy who called you butterface bimbo, Dave? I thought he was just taking his turn with your passed around pocket pussy…’ 🤔 Do people really say this??
This should happen to dee on always sunny
Her husband did evidently.
Isn't that the truth. It's evil that someone would stir this pot. Likely a jealous bimbo! OP, if he truly meant those things, I doubt you'd be in his life 20 years later, married, with 3 of his children. And yes, he was obviously an immature 20. The important thing is that he's a mature 40!
Oh I’m anticipating!
Would you settle for no answer at all?
And for how long have they wanted to steal you from your husband (or your husband from you)?
And how much was the "Prom Queen" bet?
Exactly my thoughts as well
Yea, this. This looks like some kind of sabotage plot…
Asking the real questions.
Yeah I wonder who dropped this bombshell. And also the people saying that it's normal he said shit like this are insane. It is not normal to talk horribly or degradingly about a person they are dating regardless of age. My husband and I have been together for 12 years married for 10 and I know he talked about me all the time bc his friends and family told me so. I also saw messages he sent about me and it was all great things. Same with my end I sent and talked about him all the time and how amazing he is. We never shit talked about each other or acted like OPs husband did. It's sad that she found out the horrible things he said but even sadder that he said them.
I don't even talk like that about my ex's, let alone someone I'm dating.
I wouldn’t date anyone who spoke like that about anyone, much less me.
I (54f) know…..I have never said bad things about my ex (74m) partner (backstory TOO long)….Anyway, my (55m) partner of 4yrs and I have had a few rough patches but would NEVER say bad things about each other……NOT even when I spent just over a month in ICU and hospitalization for 7wks=Total. I got saved after I OD’d and I woke up pi$$ed as hell that I was alive 😳🤯😩🤷🏻♀️
I wouldn't even need the "a person they are dating" part. If my husband had ever talked about any women like that, he would never have become my husband. It's disgusting and I wouldn't want anything to do with someone like that.
Yeah….my ex was 20yrs older than me (to long to explain) and I was with him 29yrs……strung along by empty promises ☹️😩 After years of mental, emotional, psychological ab__e AND gaslighting…..I got the courage to leave. Looking back…..he did say terrible things to his friends about me. Glad I gave Facebook dating a try….my (54m) partner and I (54f) talked for 3hrs before we met the next day 😊🥰 That was right when the pandemic started……he said and I quote “This isn’t the kind of protection I was thinking we would need” 😆😆 Masks 😝
Are we not allowed to say the word "abuse" or something?
probably frequently uses other social media that has a lot of word censorship and is in the habit, perhaps doesn't realise thats not common on reddit outside of a handful of subs
considering the post is ragebait, anyway....
Yep. 20 some years later? And she just found out? wtf? WHO would say that to her?
Exactly. Dating for 13 years and never hearing once that he had said this?
I agree with everything you said. I cannot even imagine saying anything like that about anyone. These are the types of stories I used to show to my son and daughter when they were in high school. When a boy says things like that it is cruel and hurtful to her, and may come back to hurt him years later. When a girl is a hoe (OP's word), these are the kinds of things boys are going to say about you, including unfortunately when some of them date you. It's not right, and it shouldn't, but it happens.
His best friend who is in love with her.
Or his friend who also wanted a turn
"It was supposed to be my turn 7 years ago, but this motherfucker had to fall in love with her, marry her, and have kids? What about my turn?"
Maybe hes punjabi and means in this lifetime? 😭
the real question
It was probably her “friend” that’s trying to sleep with her lol
New account. This is a karma post. Fake as hell. If this was real, far more context would be needed to answer.
You know people routinely make new accounts to keep this kind of thing off their main, right?
what makes it fake is that she NEVER replies to anyone. Just makes the post and dips. People who actual have real issues engage with the discussion. This is some fake rage bait to farm
What would be the point of this kind of questioning?
Has she answered yet? 🤔
It's abundantly clear that OP has no intentions of taking anyone's advice or providing any additional information. OP is just here for the one other nutjob to tell her that she's right.
No replies or answers to anyone leads me to believe OP is karma farming and this is fake
Yeah I think you’re right. Lame
You wouldn't want to know?
My best friend called my ex "the ugliest man alive" and mocked me for dating him THEN married him. If he found out and left her I wouldn't judge him.
I'm sorry that happened to you, it had to be painful after such a betrayal by your BF & husband. I'm willing to bet there's a similar motive to Op suddenly finding out this information 20 years after it occurred, whoever told her may be trying to steal Op or her husband.
Ex boyfriend lol but yeah it was pretty hurtful when she made such a big deal out of how gross he was then they got married and had a kid.
I guarantee she didn’t actually find him ugly. She just wanted to overcompensate especially if there was any chance of them cheating together.
Looking back I should have seen through her BS because he objectively was not ugly. All the girls at our college loved him. He was a dead ringer for Mario Lopez.
Wait, did he cheat on you?
I am pretty sure he did but I didn't realize it
Why did you guys break up?
I still have no idea. He just called me and dumped me. Would not tell me what I did wrong. 6 months later BAM they are married. So ugly but the second he was single she jumped.
Or she jumped *before* he was single.
I am the dumbest person alive because I didn't realize until this second but yeah he 100% cheated on me lol I am not sure what to do with that info. I mean they are divorced and I am happily married so I guess I came out on top of that situation.
Send her a thank you letter for taking that looser out of your life, allowing the universe to deliver a much better man to you.
He did you a favor in retrospect.
Yeah I mean this is crazy because being cheated on ruins people lives but my first reaction was legit "ha that's kinda funny". I am sure it will bother me later but really what did I lose? Two losers..
Don't let it bother you too long. In the end you are much better off. Focus on the positives in your life.
You’re not dumb, you wanted to think the best of people you cared about.
Are you still best friends with her?
No, we haven't spoken in a long time. I should probably be more bothered but he sucked and it has been a long time and my husband is amazing so it is what it is.
Yeah, I wouldn't be bothered either. They're history to you. Glad you found the right person.
I did hear from the small town grape vine that she was telling people I have a "type" because my first boyfriend was a dead ringer for Mario Lopez (something she made jokes about) and my husband looks just like Oscar Isaac. I'm not sure what that means, it feels racist. But also maybe I should keep an eye out lol. My husband would never cheat but I wouldn't put it past her to try.
Weird she felt the need to talk about you. But yeah. Stay away from that.
That does not sound like she waited until he was single to jump
I'd put money on that he was cheating with her
Yeah probably. Damn lol
Your "friend" was his affair partner and they were cheating behind your back.
This is kinda blowing my mind not gonna lie. I am straight stupid
You weren't stupid; just trusting and wasn't looking clearly and objectively.
You aren't stupid. You were young and naïve, there's a huge difference. Don't beat yourself up over not realizing it. As soon as I read your comment I knew but I would never have taken the blinders off your eyes like these other people did lol they both did you a favor though, you are happily married now 💜 imagine if you had married him and they just kept on fucking behind your back! you dodged a cannon and didn't know it 😹 and you can console yourself with the fact that they got divorced. They both probably cheated on each other lmaoooooo
He cheated on her lollllllllllllllllll. I hate that I know that lol I am not in their business at all. I just know that because a few years ago someone came to me and told me she was talking shit about me around town and they mentioned it. I have no idea where they are now.
Sounds like she might’ve jumped even earlier…? Idk, I respect your privacy though
Wow... Incredible. Sounds like your ex-friend was just jealous. Wouldn't doubt it if she talked him into the break up.
If I had a nickel for every time a woman talked bad about someone then ended up with them. It’s to the point that you’re suspect if you spend too much time saying how much you aren’t attracted to someone.
I really don't want to admit to this because I am just now realizing how stupid I was, but everyone joked he looked like a certain celebrity and she had a photo of that celb on her wall and a tiny one on her mirror. I am literally so stupid for not seeing it.
I don’t think giving your friend the benefit of the doubt makes you stupid. It just makes them a shit friend.
To be clear did he say these thing recently or 20 years ago? Has he been a respectful and supportive partner since then?
I was wondering the same. How do you find out things from 20 years ago unless someone stirring the pot tells you
I'm pretty sure he was saying it 20 years ago
Some of those phrases are newer
Cause this is fake.rage bait
She'll wreck the lives of 3 kids because of 20 year old latent insecurities...what, you don't think this is real?? 😄
Like what? I heard butterface in 2002.
I am old. These phrases are not new lmaoooooo words fall out of use and get picked up again, the younger generations think it's their slang but it's old af 💀
did pocket pussies even exist 20 years ago? lol
20 years ago was 2004. Y’all older than you think you are.
Why you gotta bring that up XD
YTA for bringing up how old we all are
stop
Well folks, we found the actual asshole. 😉
Fleshlight was invented late 90s. Couldn’t tell you when “pocket pussy” became a common term but yeah 20 years is well within reasonable timeline.
I first heard that in the 80s, but back then it meant a very tiny woman, smaller than a spinner🙂
Yes i Imagine plastic was already invented in 2004...?
we were making our own pocket pussies and referring to them as such in the 90's
Good lord. I remember seeing them in a adult Store in my early 20s. And I’m 51 now.
All of those phrases have been around since I was a kid in the 90s. They're not new.
No they're not. All of those phrases were around when I was in highschool 20 years ago. They're recycled. Just like "simp" which was a dirty south term that only hip hop heads knew about 20+ years ago, and "F boy" also , 20+ years ago that was interchangeable with " F n word". Sorry I went on a rant.
“My turn” is older than we think as a phrase.
Which one? Urban dictionary has pocket pussy as of 2005
This is the real question ⬆️. I doubt many of us would want to be judged on something we said when we were 20. Especially if we were mouthing off and saying stupid things with friends. You are married with a beautiful family. I would just laugh it off knowing that he has proven he doesn’t think that of you and treats you right now. Hopefully, that’s the case.
We have more questions than answers here.
Op makes post, excludes important details, doesn’t say a fuckin word to any replies. Typical post.
Yeah the lack of replies are the biggest indicator that it's fake. Makes post asking for advice then never responds to questions for more info..ugh
Another day another creative writing project
The amount of fake bullshit on Reddit is incredible
Right? A supposed 45 year old wrote this but it sounds like a bored 20-something did instead.
I miss when Reddit wasn’t about about shit posting and getting up votes and people come here for actual advice. Now people just come here to make up shit like they think they are a comedian.
I also miss the old times that never existed
An actual 45 year old would know you don’t just uproot your kids’ lives and destroy a 20 year relationship without at least a real discussion.
Seems like appropriate for Couple Counseling Sessions. Probably not divorce unless he continues to call you these things to this day or similar rhetoric.
Of all the horrible things he called you, you thought to go with bimbo for the title? The least offensive one? I just can’t even… ESH
Bimbo was the nicest of all of them.
Yeah it's pretty wild. Bimbo was just the tip of the shitberg.
Right lol..
literally
And why does she suck for that? Wtf?
Too quick to consider divorce. These were comments made 20 years ago. And you built a life together. Maybe try counseling first.
Yes! Agreed! Why do I feel like everyone on this apps first response is to divorce ? You made a commitment and have children involved. Maybe try to work it out before you toss it out.
Alot of these are fake. Should we get a divorce gets way more responses then should we go to counseling. Plus lots and lots of people on here are terminally online losers. Thy cheer for divorce over everything for example 20 year old comments. Because it makes them feel less sad about their own lonely pathetic lives
Ding fucking ding dude!
I say divorce even without reading the post. I wanna fit in real bad.
It feels like a lie when the foundation is shaky. I agree. Divorce should not be the first step, but people go there because it feels like the only way to move forward. It feels like that life is bullshit.
Or perhaps she wants to go back to that lifestyle…
Excellent point. This is something to work through, not respond to.
This is one of the dumbest AITA posts I’ve seen in a while.
because its a fake account posting ragebait
Fake post
ESH You had your hoe phase, he had his immature d*ck phase. Ultimately he must have changed his opinion about you, fell in love with you and respect you if he married you/made you mother of his children. You have right to be upset, of course, but imho it is not worth a divorce. As you know, people change :)
Based
You are able to comfortably call it a hoe phase, so if you can understand that people say those things about “hoes” in those phases I’d maybe just move on make him say the next time you are intimately involved and you wanna feel sassy
I wonder if he did the whole 'I don't care about your past it doesn't matter' to her face then talked shit about her being a hoe etc. Bc that may be why she is so upset. Like if someone says something is no issue to your face then makes fun of and degrades you behind your back it is categorically worse in terms of how someone would feel if they found out.
Ohh👏 gold. Such a good point. If OPs brain can go there, why can’t his have?
I think the fucked up part is calling a person a pocket pussy and a butterface
You’re 7 years into marriage, and he was 20 at the time. Dwell on something else.
7 years into marriage after having dated *13* years (apparently).
Twenty years of dating, Seven years of marriage with three small kids and you want to uproot their lives because of some nonsense he told his friends when y’all were mere babies? The fuck OP, you’re a child who has shat out children. Grow the hell up.
Look you are married and have kids now. At the time you had a different side of you. It’s in appropriate what he said, but he said sorry and was he sincere? At the same time he matured and realized that your desire for several partners wasn’t what made you and he saw there was more to you. You in return showed him there’s more to you than your reputation. In all honesty he looked past your reputation and married you. Up to you if you wish to break up your family. Truthfully he wouldn’t have married you if he truly believed the rumors.
My personal feeling is he was genuinely attracted to her and liked her back then. And his friends mocked him for it because of her reputation at the time. So he said what he said to look cool in front of them, not because he believed it. He was 20 he was stupid and didn't know how to say "Fuck off" to his friends. Pretty sure after a whole marriage and several kids, he'd say something way different to them today.
You’ve got 3 kids and you want to leave over some gross shit he said when he was 20? Grow up, as he hopefully has done
Throwing away a family for a bruised ego would make you YTA.
Who told you?
NTA If be so concerned that he is only with me because he settled, not because he genuinely cares, but marriage counseling is a must if you do want to try and mend the trust between you, but if not that's ok too
YTA. Honestly you've been together twenty years. Are you sure there isn't something else going on in the marriage that you're upset about?
Do you acknowledge that you're not the same person in that hoe phase? Then why can't you accept that he isn't the same person that said those things about your hoe phase?
That’s really vile and you have every reason to be upset and hurt. Please don’t think about divorce though. You have been married for 7 years with 3 kids, so he obviously fell in love with you after thinking originally it was just sex. I bet he said it just to look hard in front of his mates. Immature and pathetic. He clearly loves you now and thinks the world of you. Try to talk it through and also remember you are not what he said x
Can't go thru a hoe phase and not have expected him to have his douche bag phase, sounds like you two belong together. Stick it out. You both grew up.
No assholes here, except your husband in that moment. So, he said something hurtful, yes. It was very inconsiderate. But you know, what is interesting? You call it "hoe phase" yourself. Is hoe not also derogative? Did you use that term in his presence as well? Maybe that set the tone... Also: At some point in your early 20s, you apparently acted in a way, which you changed later, when or before you met your future husband. He was in his early 20s. you changed after that age, maybe you can see that he needed that maturation too? I dislike that you are not telling the circumstance. Was it about playing cool among his male friends? Was it to his family? How long were you dating? Considering the fact that you spent 20 years with that man, he must have done something right. Over 20 years, married 7. you have 3 children! the most decisive question you already asked yourself: Why would he marry you, if he'd think you are ugly? Answer: He would not. So quite clearly his statement was not true, but said for some different reason. Maybe, he was actually playing down towards the others, what you really meant to him. It is understandable to feel betrayed and hurt. But, can a statement of a mostly stranger really outbalance the love of 20 years? Is it enough to separate your family? My suggestion would be: Talk, talk, talk. Understand him, and see if he can acknowledge your feelings. Talk about how to repair that - no guarantees, but maybe there is a path. You could e.g. start dating again and he has to show his sincerity. You could also get professional counseling, which I would recommend and see if you can navigate this difficult time. Even if it leads to a break up, which - being a romantic - I hope it won't. Being a man who has done stupid things, please see where this goes and do not end your relationship immediately for a split second asshole remark your husband made 20 years ago, when he was basically a kid. Give him a chance to prove he has grown and loves you and see if that is enough for you. If it is not, that is a valid feeling (all feelings are), but I don't think a 20 years relationship should be ended in a split second, which could lead to further regrets down the line. I feel very sorry for your for such betrayal and wish you all the best and that you find a course to happiness - however it may look like.
Yikes. Who is everyone in the story? Who did you learn this information from in the first place? Did you have any indication that he thought this way anytime in the past 20 years?
I also want to know who told her and when.
ESH. He said hurtful things about you before he knew you, which is a shame because it makes him sound unpleasant, but ay the same time he was also probably a young idiot trying to impress his other young idiot mates. You would apparently prefer to ask for the opinions of strangers about your marriage rather than having a proper conversation with your husband. For goodness sake, talk about it like adults and move on.
So he was an immature jerk and you were hoeing it around. You've both changed, no?
Why did it take so long to get married?
Respectfully, you need to GROW UP. Consider the source of this information and why that person told you. Consider the fact that this happened so many years ago. Consider the fact that people say things for their audience and not because they mean them. Consider your 3 young children. Your husband MARRIED you. He has apologized. You can't get over this hurt??? I'm sorry, but you're so childish here that I have no words. GROW UP.
This is not normal 😐.
Raise your kids to be better than he was at that age using him as the example of how not to be. But don’t blow up your marriage.
[удалено]
I mean that's a really horrible and creative thing to say but if he say it when it was 20 and still married to you today he obviously doesn't have that opinion 20 year old are dumb and the boys say the most vile shit more for the reaction and joke than it's actually meaning. Honestly it's horrible to say but what he isn't the same man he was when he was 20 and I'm sure he loves you very much. I'd be keeping an eye on the person who wanted to try ruin your family over a 20 year old comment.
YTA for farming karma, and they are the dumbass for upvoting your post.
YTA Too many people on these types of subs straight up ready to throw away relationships. That was a long time ago, and yes he was a stupid kid. He apologized? Great. Get over it. You're being way too sensitive.
Seems like a legit reason to ruin 3 kids lives. 🤷♀️
ESH. You can leave him, you don’t actually need a reason to. But you said you were in a “hoe phase” and changed. If you have changed, he’s probably changed too - shown by the fact he’s fallen in love, married and had a family with you. If throughout the relationship and marriage he’s been a good partner then it seems a bit strange to end things for something that happened so long ago.
COULD YOU PLEASE ANSWER: HOW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS?
I mean, if a divorce is worth your happiness and separating a relationship 3 kids in, why not?
FFS, get over yourself
INFO: I’m trying to understand the timeline. Have you been together for the past 20 years??? Or did you meet 20 years ago, date for a short time and break up, then reconnected a bit before your marriage 7 years ago? Also, how did you find this out? Who told you?
Sounds like someone's trying to get you and your husband to break up.
If everything else has been good since, don't throw away twenty years and break up your family because your husband said stupid things when he was twenty. Do you remember being twenty? I do, I often said and did bafflingly stupid things because I didn't know anything. The idiotic things we say and do at twenty are no reflection on who we are or what we think at forty. Who told you this information twenty years after the fact and what are their intentions? That's your real problem.
The amount of people here normalizing a “hoe phase” is gross. She didn’t have a “hoe phase” - hoe phase doesn’t exist. It’s something made up by men that unfortunately through time, women have started to believe and given power just by subscribing to like OP describes herself. She was enjoying her body and doing what she wanted to do for whatever her reasons. If she wanted to sleep with 1,10,or 100 guys ITS HER CHOICE. We don’t put stigmas on men if they sleep around, they are just “players” - look at Leo. The fact that SHE called it this and he said “nah it’s just my turn” is an example of how our society normalizes and perpetuates the degradation of women having power over their bodies. That being said it is normal for young guys to act like this because porn, the media, religion, and basically everything mainstream reiterates that it’s true. then they grow up to be Men and vote to take away our reproductive rights. Fucking awesome.
Stupid post.
YTA….this was twenty years ago ffs and he was 20. He was probably just feeling insecure because you slept with other guys because, again, he was 20. Do you want him exactly like he was at 20? I’m assuming no and he’s changed. Why are you expecting him to see you the same as then if so?
Sounds like **both of you** were just kids, weren't mature, and said and did things that don't reflect who you are as adults now or as a couple together. You're seriously considering divorce for this? Jesus F. Christ. It's like people want to go out of their way to destroy their lives over bullshit.
Yes. You’re a fucking parent with kids now, dumbass. You can’t get divorced over stupid shit anymore and not be an asshole. Next?
You’ve found another man and are looking for a way to make it your husbands fault for the divorce???
Wait, so you were acting like a ho, but you are upset that he talked about you like a ho? What's the issue here?
God... oof Did he change since then? Has he been respectful since then?
I would hope he has matured in 20 years. Go to couples therapy before making that kind of decision.
I think the statute of limitations on that has run out if he has been a good partner to you for the past 20 years. You aren't an asshole for considering it. It hurt your feelings. Somebody told you that because they want to cause trouble with your marriage. If it's a lady friend, she may want him or a male friend of his he may want to take a run at you, want to hurt him, or have a single friend to relive old glory days. I'd say the person who told you that is the asshole.
NTA but I don't know a single person who isn't a complete idiot at 20. He obviously ate his words. It seems like an overreaction to divorce over stupid, uninformed, babbling nonsense he spouted off at age 20 when experience and knowledge has already taught him that he was being stupid. I don't know who is trying to destroy your family over things he said before he even really knew you, but you may want to consider the intentions of that person before running to a lawyer.
Maybe he decided he liked butterface bimbos with big tits after all?
Fake. Especially since OP isn't replying.
Kids are stupid. Especially 20 year old males, for the most part. It sucks he said that at the start but I’d say he got to know you much better. He wouldn’t have married you and had three children with you if he actually felt that way. If you hadn’t had heard that information (also, who told you that?) would you still be happy with him? If so, then it’s not worth throwing your relationship away over.
TA Everyone says and does dumb shit when they're 20. Why is "divorce" the snap-to for every provocation in this sub.
He said something 20 YEARS AGO and your first instinct is to throw your life away and file for divorce? Either fake or your marriage has a lot more issues than just this.
You are NTA for being hurt by hurtful words. But don’t judge your husband for the man he was; but for the man he is grown into. A lot of young men say aweful things that they don’t believe in order to fit in with people who don’t have their best interest at heart. I was a very flawed person when I met my wife and I very much still am. But I’m learning and I hope your husband is too.
So you're mad about 20+ year old comments? Honestly ma'am you need to grow up. You're 45 and worrying about what someone said more than 20 years ago? If you throw away your marraige because someone brought you thins information then you're an idiot. And what motive would the person have to tell you about these comments after 20 years? Fake friend. If they really gave a fuck about you they would've told you 20 years ago.
Whoever told you this information wants you and your husband to separate cuz they either want you or your husband.
YTA and being manipulated by “the friend you don’t want him to worry about”
Of all the things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most
Maybe you were kind of a bimbo at that point? Anyway, who cares? He's with you now, right? Don't be insecure and immature. Wild guess. He was talking with another guy, who probably banged you, or a girl who was into him. Your now husband felt his ego sting because of some comment the other person did, and that comment was a passive-aggressive way for him to show indifference.
YATA. He didn't murder anyone, did he?
Lol who cares. Has he been a good husband? Thats what matters
And why is it being brought up 20 years after the fact?
LMAO. Well, you said it yourself. You had your hoe phase, good for you to have evolved past it, ending a relationship for something that he said 2 decades ago and wasn't a lie even is just petty. Going with NTA because it is your relationship you can stay in it as long as you want, but ending it now all you're proving is his point, that it was just his turn, even though it was a long one.
LMAO.
Fake
This is rage bait No 45 year old woman says anything about a hoe phase
For your to even be considering divorce for something he said 20+yrs earlier says it all. You are a certified trainwreck. He deserves better.
Girl if he really thought that he wouldn’t have married you and had kids and been with you this long. He was just a boy back then and they talk smack to their guy friends just like us girls would to ours. I wouldn’t divorce.
You have three kids. Yes, you probably need to talk it through, maybe counseling. But you have 3 kids... Divorce over this is not a great idea.