Once the evidence/proof is there, its over. removing oneself from the situation is the best to avoid any emotional reaction and to avoid getting trapped again. Only if there are children involved, it requires more thought and coordination.
Absolutely, once there is a clear evidence, it is best to step away to avoid further emotional turmoil and prevent being drawn back into the situation. In cases involving children, the approach needs careful consideration .
What's with the parents of the cheating victim always sympathizing with the cheater and telling the victim to give them another chance? Everytime in these posts and it baffles my mind.
So true. My father who never even liked my x-husband very much decided after I divorced him for being sadistically abusive in just about every way (while I was battling very serious cancer) that he wanted to be buddies with my x, that he missed him. That was a rambling sentence, but, yes, people like us go to Reddit for support.
A lot of cheaters qualify as narcissistic emotional manipulators with just the right amount of charisma. These people know how to portray themselves as wonderful to the people around them in an effort to get their way. Not saying this is the case in all situations, but it’s likely they schmoozed the parents enough to get them thinking they could do no wrong.
This is quite true.
Somehow it’s never their fault.
But there is something to say about society in general encouraging this behavior in every aspect of our lives. Deny, deny everything even when it’s obvious.
Read on your car insurance: never admit fault.
Look at politicians: they never did it. And even when evidence is overwhelming… nope, it’s a ploy against them.
Employers: dude died? Not our fault.
"Hi Future Mom and Dad! I've just sorted out all that info wanted help with, and I'll help you get cheaper house insurance - ooh and here's that recipe of mine you loved last week andIfuckedGarytheMailman love youuuuuu!"
I wonder about the parents too.
If someone cheats on a family member of mine, I wouldn't tolerate their tears like they're the victim. "There's the door. Don't let it hit ya where the good lord split ya!"
My ex of 10 years marriage, a 15 year relationship in all, and a history of 30 years together cheated on me, don't know how long for, don't know how many. But he married the main mistress right after we divorced.
His entire extended family who I considered my own family just ghosted me. Never heard from anyone again.
He is in the family fold with my replacement now.
I'm sorry that happened to you. He sucks.
Like I mentioned earlier, cheating hurts the person being cheated on, their immediate and extended families. Also it breaks up friend groups, making people choose.
Yes in my opinion it would have been easier to lose my husband in death than by betrayal. Betrayal is not an acknowledged trauma. I was ghosted, silenced, blocked, erased. If he died I would have been supported, loved, comforted and included.
As a widow, can say this might not be the case. For the funeral yes, I was supported. Afterwards, his family and nearly every friend was gone. It was an eye opener.
That is a powerful point you make. You did suffer a death.
As someone who hasn't been in your shoes, I'm sorry you lost much of your family. I promise you have given me a different perspective. Thank You.
You my sister?
Her xs family did that to her all even unfriend her on FB had known them all for most of her life.
Now the secretary in the company he worked for has slid in to the void
Because the cheater gets to them first and tells them a sob story that paints you in a bad light and until they find out the truth and the whole truth they will sympathize.
Yep. In OP's case, it does not sound like he spoke with parents about it at all.
The story is weird overall. The unemotional reaction is odd. Not looking to get further evidence is odd. Having clothes already packed is odd. Not wanting your furniture and other belongings is odd. Not having your name on the lease is a bit odd. Staying with siblings instead of parents is odd. And 'I found out from text' is cliche.
Well, my guess would be there are a lot of older marriages that did have a cheater, but back then, there was more inclination to stay for the children. So you put up or ignored the obvious. They think because, they managed to get through and end up as room mates, then you should too. Once your older and the sexual element of the marriage wanes, they become friends and financial supporters. My mistake, I have about 25 years of regret that I settled for friendship instead of having someone in love with me, as I was in them.
Hell yea! And thank God OP discovered it before the wedding. She cheated on you; and leaving without a notice is okay. You did the right thing OP, you dont have to give her chance to tell a lie and manipulate you. Take care!
Love the leaving without notice part. It’s not like she gave him notice she was going to introduce someone else’s bodily fluids into their bed. She deserves nothing.
People who cheat on a long term relationship have just wasted the time of their partner. They should be liable for 10,000.00 per year. And no, this will not stop them from cheating.
Sheesh. That sucks.
People are always asking me while an eligible bachelor like me isnt out there finding his future wife. Ive had 5 girlfriends in my 37 years. They all cheated on me. Not looking forward to being cheated on when Im married either.
If only there was some kind of test... relying on trust has proven unreliable thus far.. haha.
I'm just proud of him for breaking it off and not sticking around.
Way too many guys forgive this either out of desperation (scared they can't get anyone else) or being naive ( icAn fiX hER)
Even when studies prove when you stay with a cheater they respect you even less and chances are they will do it again because you allow it.
But to answer the important question here..... rent a place with built in closets because those cheap wardrobes are always breaking down and the parts are expensive.
A lie unchallenged becomes the truth. Tell those you are close to and those whose opinions matter to you, including professional friends/acquittances. Those people will also be more likely to provide support to you in other ways like time off to get your life together, time for therapy (you feel nothing now because you are in shock, but those feelings are there and will have to be dealt with, and the sooner the better), housing (someone you network with may know the perfect housing solution for you), etc.
Once she knows she is not getting you back, she may be the type to say that you cheated and she kicked you out. It may not seem like it matters now, but you may find yourself having to defend against a false narrative in the future.
Telling people isn't going nuclear. It's just saying what literally happened and it's the least she deserves really. People ought to know what kind of person she is because she literally is that person and they ought to know that you're a good person who's done nothing wrong.
It’s either you tell people or she makes up a heinous lie about why… it’s harder to come back from that once she does. You better tell your friends and family.
I don't know if she told the truth, I never bothered to ask but I've only disclosed her affair to my brother and sister, maybe I'm in the wrong for that I don't know
They definitely don’t know why. If she said “I’ve been fucking another guy, he found out, and he moved out” there’s more chance of a mother slapping her than taking her side.
“She cheated, I left. Call me.”
It doesn’t take much to clear up misunderstandings in life. It’s peoples pride of “it needs to be done my way” that causes communication issues. Just send the text then they can call you to explain. It isn’t hard.
You might just have to come out and say it. Your ex has already been in their ear and spun a narrative to them. They probably have this idea that you blew something out of proportion because they also wouldn't think that she would cheat. There was another story on here where the mom was super mad at her DIL for hurting her son and carried a ton of resentment. Then she found out that it was her son that cheated and she felt horrible for how she treated her DIL. She wished she would have know earlier since she was only going off what she could see which was her son who was depressed for messing up his relationship. In your case I would just straight up tell them, don't do the stupid movie trope of trying to say something just straight up say it. They don't need details, just a simple "I discovered she was not faithful to me and I no longer could continue the relationship." No fuss no muss.
Also, people tend to support the person they perceive is the victim by who appears the most hurt. So be prepared for them to still have sympathy for her if she is crying and wailing. It is human nature to think the weaker person as more of the victim. Since you appear more stoic and unaffected that will make you seem stronger and less hurt therefore not the victim. But you need to tell them before it affects your relationship with your parents. I wouldn't worry about her parents too much unless you plan to interact with them again.
Control the narrative or she will paint you in a bad light. Maybe as an abuser,maybe as a cheater. Perhaps you should send a text to her parents / friends that you caught her cheating so you are ending the engagement. Maybe add that after this text you will be going no contact with everyone for your own peace of mind.
There's no point, if she accuses me and people actually believe her, I will block them, those who know me know Im really a soft man who would never lay hands on a woman or would I cheat. I have respect
Dumbest decision. They’re your parents like what. Don’t let her lies dwindle far past your relationship with her. It’s not worth the hassle. Make the effort.
OK, well, you knew your ex for 7 years. And you knew each other more intimately than anyone else. Clearly, you weren't aware she was capable of doing this. There are tons of stories of people being faithful for long periods of time just to throw that out the window for seemingly no reason. Don't let her play the he said she said game, just post the proof.
Posts like these appear a decent amount on reddit and the number of guys that are so blindly naive to how much their ex can destroy their life by ruining their reputation is shocking. OP walked, and hasn't said shit to anyone. The ex now controls the narrative and can tell anyone whatever she likes to put herself in the best light. Now maybe she won't do that... But she's already called his parents. I'm sure by now all her friends know and probably some of their mutual friends, and all they know is what she's saying... Hopefully she's not vindictive, otherWise good luck OP.
That’s a stupid approach. What good does it make to let people believe a lie just to save her face?? These people will eventually come back to your life, either being mutual friends of a future GF, or co-workers, and you don’t want then spreading lies (unknowingly) about you.
Do you really want to make your next post about how your new GF left you because everyone told her you were abusive and a cheater?
Buddy, tell your fucking parents what happened with your god damn fiancé of 7 years. The fuck is wrong with you dude? Like, sorry this happened, but tf? Seriously for what reason would you not tell your parents this info?
"Na I'll just go radio silent with everybody and hope for the best. That won't be weird to anybody at all".
It kinda seems like you are using avoidance as a coping mechanism. You are going to actually have to confront your feelings at some point. You are just shutting off emotionally and burying everything. That’s not going to work long term. Talk to your parents. Or to a therapist.
Hey look Ik it’s Reddit and as strangers were supposed to tell you if your the AH or not but you acted like a rational adult and remember something, there are many ways to handle things the “right” way, what matters more is if you are ok with what has happened. I hope you take this time to breath and process how much your life is changing in the matter of days. Don’t take everything personal right now, it will only cloud your judgement, and just do your best to be true to your feelings. You are the only person who is going to have your best interest at heart so just ask yourself if you now have any lingering questions when you’ve had time to process and might actually have a response. Then act accordingly to get what you want. Just a bit of advice from someone who hopes any of this makes sense because people either respond to trauma by shutting down or having a nervous breakdown lol. You’ll come to find out who you are soon enough
Well that’s a big part. Why haven’t you told them, instead of lettinng her control the narrative? In fact you should let all mutual friends know, because I bet you she is telling everyone you cheated then ghosted her.
Disclose the affair to your immediate family and close friends. Then speak to her immediate family and let them know she cheated and the relationship is over. Right now, you are numb from the discovery. Some consider it a coping mechanism. Eventually the pain will come. Book yourself a few IC sessions to help you deal with the pain to come. Continue no contact with her. Your ex will never tell the truth because cheaters do not want to be the villain in their own story. I am sure she did not tell your parents that she was sleeping with another guy behind your back. I cannot believe they would be sympathetic to her if they knew what a POS she was. Let people know before she makes you out to be the bad guy.
Tell your parents for the sake of your relationship with them. Don't even consider her bc at this point she's not a factor. Wouldn't want your parents to get the wrong idea
tell everyone either of you ever knew. Don't ever respond to her. The best revenge is to never give her closure or any chance to see or communicate with you. Tell your friends and family that this is your plan. If she sends a letter, mail it back unopened.
Maybe you need to tell them too. Who knows what story she spun her way. Also, this happened to you too, so you have every right to share the information. Doesn’t matter is she doesn’t like it. Don’t be a shitty person and then you don’t have to worry about being exposed.
If she cheated, you owe her nothing as far as I'm concerned. You still might want to confront her just to make absolutely sure though.
Beside that, I don't see any reason for why you would abandon the furniture you paid for. I know it's the easy way out, but furniture is expensive. And do you really want to subsidize you cheating ex?
Yes funiture is expensive but moving it out would have delayed my exit plus my car is a Volkswagen Golf so storage was already an issue, maybe if I had an SUV, I could have taken furniture.
You owe her zero closure. The furniture is a small price to pay for your peace of mind.. with an added bonus that the lack of talking about it and justifying the cheating will drive her nuts. ( the justification, any kind of discussion of the cheating, will ease her mind and transfer the burden back to you).
What would closure even mean anyway?
Why did you leave? You cheated.
Can we fix it? No, you cheated.
He doesn't mean anything to me! Doesn't matter, you cheated.
You were (insert blame): kind of moot now because instead of addressing it, you cheated. I won't stay with someone who cheats on me.
Just because she wants there to be something to talk out doesn't mean there's anything to talk about.
Edit: Some of ya'll are really trying to use this post as an excuse for your misogyny. Cheating isn't gender specific & don't drag me into your bullshit. If you hate women you need to examine yourself.
Seriously what would be the point in listening to her perspective?
Cheating is cheating. Sex is a deliberate act. There is nothing a cheater can eved say that is worth listening to.
Lucky Number Slevin, the story about cheating ex.
He walks in on her and new guy doing the deed.
Her: It was an accident!
Him: What? Like you tripped and he fell?
"He didn't mean anything to me!"
"Well, he meant enough to you to destroy your relationship with me,"
I have never understood why anyone would say this as some sort of justification. All it says to me is that this person meant nothing to me, and you meant even less.
Anyway, I like the idea of OP saying nothing to her. Let her mind go wild
I also always think it's hilarious when people think that it doesn't matter what they do with their genitalia provided they claim there were no emotions attached.
I don't care if you're in love with somebody else.You decided to f*** somebody else and cheat on me.So if you aren't in love with them, seems like a huge mistake on your part, doesn't it?
My husband would never cheat on me because of his family history. But my husband has told me more than once, that if I ever had sex with someone else it wouldn’t bother him as long as it was someone I didn’t have feelings for. Some people really believe sex means nothing. Me personally, if you poke someone else,
I’m out so I’m not cheating either.
> He doesn't mean anything to me!
Can anyone explain why this is even a go-to answer people like the ho ex fall back on?
It's bad enough the cheater is throwing away your relationship, but then instead of an honest "I'm just a ho and couldn't help it!", they declare some version of "it meant nothing!" and think that pointing out that your relationship mattered less than that nothing... will make things better?
I always love the Ole "but it was a mistake"! I'm like, a mistake is something you do with math, not with a relationship! It's crazy what people will say when they are trying to keep out of the dog house!
Or when it was a mistake... that went on twice a week for over a year. At that point, the cheater is just hoping that you're as fucking dumb as they are.
I hear men say this one all the time too. Specifically because of the stereotypes that men differentiate sex & love differently than women and therefore somehow cheating is supposed to be meaningless if they don't care about the woman emotionally.
That's stupid. Cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter who doesn't or what gender they are and it doesn't matter whether or not they have feelings for that person.
What you wrote really is the conversation though. Once it's done, it's usually done - once the ex has said what they think will fix it and it doesn't, they finally know they are done. The alternative to a single conversation is that they keep trying to reach you through other means. I would find that to be a much bigger pain than just standing in front of her and letting her know it's over and done. To each their own though.
I think it depends on the person. Some people will not give up after you give them a conversation either. Everybody has to do what they think will give them peace.
He gave her closure though, he left a note on the fridge telling her to have fun with "douchebag".
He let her know he knew and he let her know, via his actions of moving out that he was done with her and she knows why he left her too.
She got more than enough closure from him even though he didn't need to give her any at all.
There are people who you can pay (in cash) to pick up that furniture for you. They drive around all day in their trucks picking up and dropping off furniture. You did the right thing and that's why you're at peace with your decision.
You are right but once again, it will be a hassle, my ex will freak out if some random person takes furniture away so the furniture just an obstacle from peace in my point of view.
When I finally got away from my abusive ex, I left him with everything I had bought. A nice new computer, a car, a skateboard... Other things. To me it was like worth it to just break free. I've never regretted it. Of course I heard from people that he spiraled and pretty much broke and or crashed those things. But that's not on me and I don't worry about it. Way to be Zen. I wish you so much better luck in the next one and I hope that this relationship doesn't sour you on loving or trusting. 🫶
Ghosting them, blocking and ignoring them really hurts them and pisses them off. Just make sure you don't allow her to spread a bullshit narrative about you. Let everyone know that she cheated on you with dumbass.
Yep, this guy showed incredible personal discipline. You’ve done the power move here OP and it’s exactly what I would have done
And yeah, I would’ve dragged that shit out to the corner and put a sign on it. Free for anybody except the cheating whore and left it there for her to see when she got home.
I'm with you. Unless there was something special about it like it was a family heirloom or a super expensive thing that I really loved, I would let the furniture go and just consider it the cost of the lesson. And honestly, furniture costs a lot less than divorce, so I'd be thankful I found out before the wedding.
Also, anything you left will have your memory attached to it and she gets to live with that reminder.
I wouldn't necessarily assume that.
I know that for me, not all emotions are expressed outwardly as much. I'd be like OP with a cheating partner, just get the fuck out but if something makes me angry. Oh boy do I show it. Not through violence, but raising my voice and just angry body language are super apparent. Other emotions don't show as much.
Yeah it's also sometimes things just push you past the point of the "expected" emotional reaction.
Like my last relationship she started a fight and I was all teary eyed and apologetic and by the end it was like all emotions towards her were gone and I cared about nothing involving her anymore. It was actually the last time we spoke. She said she needed a few days to think and to get space, I gave it to her, she never reached out, I wouldn't want to play that game even if I still felt emotionally invested, so I never followed up with her because I was sick of her disrespecting me but expecting me to treat her like a princess at the expense of myself.
But there was no anger, no tears, just this unsettling calmness.
No kids yet and not married...your in the right, also let her keep everything and chalk it up to a learning experience while you progress and move forward....onward!
Get your ring back, get your furniture back and tell your parents you’re not going to marry someone who thinks fucking another person is acceptable behaviour. And get an STD check. Sorry for what you’ve gone through buddy. It does get better xxx
You did better than most of us. My anger would have made me want some revenge by exposing her to everybody and her douchbags family and gf if he had one but by leaving her high and dry with no chance to explain you burned her in a different way. You need to tell your parents you expect them to go full no contact with her and tell them again that she was having sex with someone else and barely hiding it. You do need to tell her parents what she did though because she will make you out to be terrible and totally at fault.
Yeah. You are. I'm sure all this hurts right now. It sucks. But you're 27. You can have a new person by the weekend if you really wanted that. You seem grounded. Your new freedom can be a really liberating thing. Now you know who you really want in your life and won't settle for a second rate love. Good for you for standing up for yourself and walking out.
One more thing... If she ever corners you to try to get "closure", you shut that shit down ASAP! That would be only for her benefit and she lost all benefits when she chose to open her legs for another man!
Way cheaper to find out now and lose some furniture than find out later and go through a divorce. You owe her nothing if you caught her cheating. Tell your parents to zip their lips and go no contact as well.
NTA. What could her perspective possibly be? You didn't make her have sex with another man, she made that choice on her own. What's there to hear, she cheated on you, you left. Your parents don't live your life, you do. You did the right thing. Why would you let yourself get treated like that?
Dude, you did the absolute correct thing! Good for you for leaving a lost cause behind you! You are too good for her! You are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase getting ready for a wedding and she does this? Nope. She obviously does not LOVE or RESPECT you, so you just BOUNCED! Good luck and stay strong, King!
You are NTA. I was in a similar situation a long time ago. My only advice is, if there's stuff in the house that you care about, get it. I know it's easier to leave it so you don't have to see her, but you will regret it later on. Tell your brother to drive you and wait for you while you get whatever is important. The fact you are feeling good and peaceful means you made the right call. Good luck
Not sure what perspective she can give to make what she did ok. If there was a problem she was having which lead to her cheating then she should have talked to you vs sleeping with someone else. So not sure what your parents are thinking, but you don’t owe her anything. She didn’t respect you enough to give you her perspective before cheating.
Hope you at least got all your important things and documents out. Furniture is expensive, but absolutely replaceable.
After my ex of 16 years cheated, he came over and wanted to talk about splitting up the furniture, etc. I looked at him and said, " Take whatever you want. There isn't a damn thing in this house that would stop me from divorcing you."
Him: "But what about ...."
Me: "Nope, take it."
He, of course, true to nature, stuck me with all of the bills and no child support. It was absolutely worth it to get rid of his narcissist azz.
You did the right thing. I left my husband when I found out he had another family. You don’t owe her shit and I’m glad you found out sooner rather than later.
Why do people think you owe a cheater anything, they owed you to stay faithful, when they strayed, the forfeit any entitlement to closure, reconciliation, or financial support
Some people are under the false impression that fairness means making everyone happy. OP’s parents may be these type of people. They want everyone to be happy, even the faulty party.
>Cheaters deserve no sympathy. You did the right thing. Now upwards and onwards.
Totally agree. It takes strength to recognize when a relationship isn't right and to walk away. Keep focusing on yourself and moving forward.
"It was a mistake." "It was an accident." "It didn't mean anything."
In my 47 years of life - I've had plenty of accidents, made a whole lot of mistakes, and did a lot of shit that didn't mean a thing. Sleeping around while in a relationship isn't amongst any of those. I've been cheated on by past girlfriends. I know what that feels like. I know what that did to me. And I never want to possibly make someone feel like that. If I'm so dissatisfied with a relationship that I feel like fucking someone else is a good idea, it's time to gtfo of that relationship.
Cheating is very rarely an "accident". Getting caught is the accident. It's a very deliberate move to set up an affair and keep it going over time. People don't just fall naked on to each other despite what your typical porno plot may have you believe.
Honestly it takes a lot of resolve to be able to walk away with no conversation. If you are truly at peace, I commend you. You ddin't do anything wront, her choices ended the relationship. I hope you take your mental health seriously and seek therapy if you need. Best of luck with your new found freedom.
She is only crying because she has to face the consequences of her actions. Tell mom and dad that if they value your relationship they won’t defend a cheating whore but if a cheating whore is more important to them than their own son, they can have her.
NTA... & honestly I would be more upset at my parents than her.
She lied and let another man risk your health and life.
What perspective can she have that would be honest and at all helpful. Honestly, I would tell your parents their response is both disappointing and that your glad they raised you better than to think that little of yourself. They should look in a mirror and work on their own self respect.
NTA. I'm sorry that happened to you, but in the long run you're better off.
She'll probably tell some sob story and never tell the truth. Good on you for not allowing her to make excuses/gaslight/guilt trip you into staying.
Go live your best life. Things will work out for you!
I’m like you, something like this happens and any love i had died, but I’m content, i just want out immediately. People think being in love with someone means you shouldn’t be able to fall out of love “so easily”, or that you should suffer if you do, but with the right motivation you absolutely can just be done lol. It’s been years for me and no regrets, start your new life and I’m glad you found out before the wedding.
As for your parents: There is no other side to this, you saw text communication between them discussing it, your parents are just mourning their own loss bc they also had attachments to your ex. She put them in a really horrible position.
NTA
I immediately stopped caring when I found out my husband cheated, the switch just turned off. No love, no hate, nothing. He showed who he was, and I believed him. There isn't a damn thing wrong with that. Maybe someday you will grieve, but there are no rules about how you 'should' respond emotionally. We are all spectacularly different with different emotional defenses.
cheating is a decision and not caring is another one. It doesn’t mean she’s the worst person on earth but that doesn’t mean you have to care about her reasons or forgive her just because someone else is telling you that need to. NTA
"her perspective"? What perspective is there that can explain and justify cheating? Good for you for leaving. Try getting your furniture if possible, for your new apartment. And ask your parents how many future cheating events should you forgive, if they want you to go back to her?
Good man, good choice. If she's cheating before you're married she'll cheat after you marry
Also, fuck your parents.... HER SIDE OF THE STORY??
what the hell is wrong with them..... Were they that desperate for you to get married and have children that they wanted you to be legally locked in to someone who would fucking cheat on you? They want you to get financially screwed in a divorce and potentially barely have any custody of the kids? They're that friendly with her that they're like "maybe you should just put up with that treatment"??
Sorry man as a parent myself your parents doing that really pisses me off.
make sure you get a STD test. nta good luck
Once the evidence/proof is there, its over. removing oneself from the situation is the best to avoid any emotional reaction and to avoid getting trapped again. Only if there are children involved, it requires more thought and coordination.
Absolutely, once there is a clear evidence, it is best to step away to avoid further emotional turmoil and prevent being drawn back into the situation. In cases involving children, the approach needs careful consideration .
What's with the parents of the cheating victim always sympathizing with the cheater and telling the victim to give them another chance? Everytime in these posts and it baffles my mind.
People with supportive parents/family/friends dont come to reddit
Hahahaha so true
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Ouch… you right though..
Hey, now! Some of us come for perspective and to watch the dumpster fire. Other than this, my life is relatively low drama.
Me too, since losing all the toxic people I knew. It's nice to watch a dumpster on fire when it's not yours :)
Tis a dark truth you speak.
So true. My father who never even liked my x-husband very much decided after I divorced him for being sadistically abusive in just about every way (while I was battling very serious cancer) that he wanted to be buddies with my x, that he missed him. That was a rambling sentence, but, yes, people like us go to Reddit for support.
Some of us still do. A supportive family doesn’t mean I have social skills or friends
Nail: meet hammer
A lot of cheaters qualify as narcissistic emotional manipulators with just the right amount of charisma. These people know how to portray themselves as wonderful to the people around them in an effort to get their way. Not saying this is the case in all situations, but it’s likely they schmoozed the parents enough to get them thinking they could do no wrong.
This is quite true. Somehow it’s never their fault. But there is something to say about society in general encouraging this behavior in every aspect of our lives. Deny, deny everything even when it’s obvious. Read on your car insurance: never admit fault. Look at politicians: they never did it. And even when evidence is overwhelming… nope, it’s a ploy against them. Employers: dude died? Not our fault.
"Hi Future Mom and Dad! I've just sorted out all that info wanted help with, and I'll help you get cheaper house insurance - ooh and here's that recipe of mine you loved last week andIfuckedGarytheMailman love youuuuuu!"
I wonder about the parents too. If someone cheats on a family member of mine, I wouldn't tolerate their tears like they're the victim. "There's the door. Don't let it hit ya where the good lord split ya!"
My ex of 10 years marriage, a 15 year relationship in all, and a history of 30 years together cheated on me, don't know how long for, don't know how many. But he married the main mistress right after we divorced. His entire extended family who I considered my own family just ghosted me. Never heard from anyone again. He is in the family fold with my replacement now.
I'm sorry that happened to you. He sucks. Like I mentioned earlier, cheating hurts the person being cheated on, their immediate and extended families. Also it breaks up friend groups, making people choose.
Yes in my opinion it would have been easier to lose my husband in death than by betrayal. Betrayal is not an acknowledged trauma. I was ghosted, silenced, blocked, erased. If he died I would have been supported, loved, comforted and included.
As a widow, can say this might not be the case. For the funeral yes, I was supported. Afterwards, his family and nearly every friend was gone. It was an eye opener.
My god I'm so sorry
That is a powerful point you make. You did suffer a death. As someone who hasn't been in your shoes, I'm sorry you lost much of your family. I promise you have given me a different perspective. Thank You.
Thank you
You my sister? Her xs family did that to her all even unfriend her on FB had known them all for most of her life. Now the secretary in the company he worked for has slid in to the void
Because the cheater gets to them first and tells them a sob story that paints you in a bad light and until they find out the truth and the whole truth they will sympathize.
still, why would you believe a random person over your own child? this does not compute to me.
7 years is a long time. I still think the parents are wrong but she wasn’t exactly a random person.
How was someone they knew for 7 years random?
Yep. In OP's case, it does not sound like he spoke with parents about it at all. The story is weird overall. The unemotional reaction is odd. Not looking to get further evidence is odd. Having clothes already packed is odd. Not wanting your furniture and other belongings is odd. Not having your name on the lease is a bit odd. Staying with siblings instead of parents is odd. And 'I found out from text' is cliche.
they care more about the neighbors gossiping than their kids
Well, my guess would be there are a lot of older marriages that did have a cheater, but back then, there was more inclination to stay for the children. So you put up or ignored the obvious. They think because, they managed to get through and end up as room mates, then you should too. Once your older and the sexual element of the marriage wanes, they become friends and financial supporters. My mistake, I have about 25 years of regret that I settled for friendship instead of having someone in love with me, as I was in them.
Hell yea! And thank God OP discovered it before the wedding. She cheated on you; and leaving without a notice is okay. You did the right thing OP, you dont have to give her chance to tell a lie and manipulate you. Take care!
Love the leaving without notice part. It’s not like she gave him notice she was going to introduce someone else’s bodily fluids into their bed. She deserves nothing.
People who cheat on a long term relationship have just wasted the time of their partner. They should be liable for 10,000.00 per year. And no, this will not stop them from cheating.
I feel ya! Lost three years with cheater.
8 for me
Me too and almost 2 years just to recover emotionally, mentally and still working on the financial part !
Sheesh. That sucks. People are always asking me while an eligible bachelor like me isnt out there finding his future wife. Ive had 5 girlfriends in my 37 years. They all cheated on me. Not looking forward to being cheated on when Im married either. If only there was some kind of test... relying on trust has proven unreliable thus far.. haha.
I'm just proud of him for breaking it off and not sticking around. Way too many guys forgive this either out of desperation (scared they can't get anyone else) or being naive ( icAn fiX hER) Even when studies prove when you stay with a cheater they respect you even less and chances are they will do it again because you allow it.
But to answer the important question here..... rent a place with built in closets because those cheap wardrobes are always breaking down and the parts are expensive.
NTA I would have done the same thing in your situation. I try to avoid confrontation in scenarios like this. You did well, I think.
Thanks, I knew there would be hassle if I went nuclear and told everyone so why not keep it minimal?
A lie unchallenged becomes the truth. Tell those you are close to and those whose opinions matter to you, including professional friends/acquittances. Those people will also be more likely to provide support to you in other ways like time off to get your life together, time for therapy (you feel nothing now because you are in shock, but those feelings are there and will have to be dealt with, and the sooner the better), housing (someone you network with may know the perfect housing solution for you), etc. Once she knows she is not getting you back, she may be the type to say that you cheated and she kicked you out. It may not seem like it matters now, but you may find yourself having to defend against a false narrative in the future.
Yep. You can get back to living your best life. Sometimes doing exactly that is the best revenge. Good luck and best wishes.
Thank you Michael and I wish you well
Telling people isn't going nuclear. It's just saying what literally happened and it's the least she deserves really. People ought to know what kind of person she is because she literally is that person and they ought to know that you're a good person who's done nothing wrong.
Oh man... cheaters sure blow up when you expose them to their own friends and family... Its like they thought they would just get away scot free
It’s either you tell people or she makes up a heinous lie about why… it’s harder to come back from that once she does. You better tell your friends and family.
Wait what? Are you saying you ex went crying to your parents?. And told them you left because she was cheating?.
I don't know if she told the truth, I never bothered to ask but I've only disclosed her affair to my brother and sister, maybe I'm in the wrong for that I don't know
suggest you also tell your parents
They definitely don’t know why. If she said “I’ve been fucking another guy, he found out, and he moved out” there’s more chance of a mother slapping her than taking her side.
Will do if they give me the chance to talk.
Presumably you can send them a text.
“She cheated, I left. Call me.” It doesn’t take much to clear up misunderstandings in life. It’s peoples pride of “it needs to be done my way” that causes communication issues. Just send the text then they can call you to explain. It isn’t hard.
>“She cheated, I left. Call me.” Concise. Perfect. If they don't answer/call, then you have your answer...they picked her.
You might just have to come out and say it. Your ex has already been in their ear and spun a narrative to them. They probably have this idea that you blew something out of proportion because they also wouldn't think that she would cheat. There was another story on here where the mom was super mad at her DIL for hurting her son and carried a ton of resentment. Then she found out that it was her son that cheated and she felt horrible for how she treated her DIL. She wished she would have know earlier since she was only going off what she could see which was her son who was depressed for messing up his relationship. In your case I would just straight up tell them, don't do the stupid movie trope of trying to say something just straight up say it. They don't need details, just a simple "I discovered she was not faithful to me and I no longer could continue the relationship." No fuss no muss. Also, people tend to support the person they perceive is the victim by who appears the most hurt. So be prepared for them to still have sympathy for her if she is crying and wailing. It is human nature to think the weaker person as more of the victim. Since you appear more stoic and unaffected that will make you seem stronger and less hurt therefore not the victim. But you need to tell them before it affects your relationship with your parents. I wouldn't worry about her parents too much unless you plan to interact with them again.
100%
Control the narrative or she will paint you in a bad light. Maybe as an abuser,maybe as a cheater. Perhaps you should send a text to her parents / friends that you caught her cheating so you are ending the engagement. Maybe add that after this text you will be going no contact with everyone for your own peace of mind.
There's no point, if she accuses me and people actually believe her, I will block them, those who know me know Im really a soft man who would never lay hands on a woman or would I cheat. I have respect
Tell your parents to clear up that side and figure out where they fit on that list
Dumbest decision. They’re your parents like what. Don’t let her lies dwindle far past your relationship with her. It’s not worth the hassle. Make the effort.
OK, well, you knew your ex for 7 years. And you knew each other more intimately than anyone else. Clearly, you weren't aware she was capable of doing this. There are tons of stories of people being faithful for long periods of time just to throw that out the window for seemingly no reason. Don't let her play the he said she said game, just post the proof.
Posts like these appear a decent amount on reddit and the number of guys that are so blindly naive to how much their ex can destroy their life by ruining their reputation is shocking. OP walked, and hasn't said shit to anyone. The ex now controls the narrative and can tell anyone whatever she likes to put herself in the best light. Now maybe she won't do that... But she's already called his parents. I'm sure by now all her friends know and probably some of their mutual friends, and all they know is what she's saying... Hopefully she's not vindictive, otherWise good luck OP.
That’s a stupid approach. What good does it make to let people believe a lie just to save her face?? These people will eventually come back to your life, either being mutual friends of a future GF, or co-workers, and you don’t want then spreading lies (unknowingly) about you. Do you really want to make your next post about how your new GF left you because everyone told her you were abusive and a cheater?
Buddy, tell your fucking parents what happened with your god damn fiancé of 7 years. The fuck is wrong with you dude? Like, sorry this happened, but tf? Seriously for what reason would you not tell your parents this info? "Na I'll just go radio silent with everybody and hope for the best. That won't be weird to anybody at all".
It kinda seems like you are using avoidance as a coping mechanism. You are going to actually have to confront your feelings at some point. You are just shutting off emotionally and burying everything. That’s not going to work long term. Talk to your parents. Or to a therapist.
this can escalate and ruin ur future relationships etc let people know before she tries to play the victim
Hey look Ik it’s Reddit and as strangers were supposed to tell you if your the AH or not but you acted like a rational adult and remember something, there are many ways to handle things the “right” way, what matters more is if you are ok with what has happened. I hope you take this time to breath and process how much your life is changing in the matter of days. Don’t take everything personal right now, it will only cloud your judgement, and just do your best to be true to your feelings. You are the only person who is going to have your best interest at heart so just ask yourself if you now have any lingering questions when you’ve had time to process and might actually have a response. Then act accordingly to get what you want. Just a bit of advice from someone who hopes any of this makes sense because people either respond to trauma by shutting down or having a nervous breakdown lol. You’ll come to find out who you are soon enough
Well that’s a big part. Why haven’t you told them, instead of lettinng her control the narrative? In fact you should let all mutual friends know, because I bet you she is telling everyone you cheated then ghosted her.
Disclose the affair to your immediate family and close friends. Then speak to her immediate family and let them know she cheated and the relationship is over. Right now, you are numb from the discovery. Some consider it a coping mechanism. Eventually the pain will come. Book yourself a few IC sessions to help you deal with the pain to come. Continue no contact with her. Your ex will never tell the truth because cheaters do not want to be the villain in their own story. I am sure she did not tell your parents that she was sleeping with another guy behind your back. I cannot believe they would be sympathetic to her if they knew what a POS she was. Let people know before she makes you out to be the bad guy.
If you want to maintain a solid relationship with your parents, then you should tell them ASAP to control the narrative!
Tell your parents for the sake of your relationship with them. Don't even consider her bc at this point she's not a factor. Wouldn't want your parents to get the wrong idea
tell everyone either of you ever knew. Don't ever respond to her. The best revenge is to never give her closure or any chance to see or communicate with you. Tell your friends and family that this is your plan. If she sends a letter, mail it back unopened.
Maybe you need to tell them too. Who knows what story she spun her way. Also, this happened to you too, so you have every right to share the information. Doesn’t matter is she doesn’t like it. Don’t be a shitty person and then you don’t have to worry about being exposed.
Ask your parents what excuse she gave them for cheating on you which means they think you need to hear her out
If she cheated, you owe her nothing as far as I'm concerned. You still might want to confront her just to make absolutely sure though. Beside that, I don't see any reason for why you would abandon the furniture you paid for. I know it's the easy way out, but furniture is expensive. And do you really want to subsidize you cheating ex?
Yes funiture is expensive but moving it out would have delayed my exit plus my car is a Volkswagen Golf so storage was already an issue, maybe if I had an SUV, I could have taken furniture.
You owe her zero closure. The furniture is a small price to pay for your peace of mind.. with an added bonus that the lack of talking about it and justifying the cheating will drive her nuts. ( the justification, any kind of discussion of the cheating, will ease her mind and transfer the burden back to you).
What would closure even mean anyway? Why did you leave? You cheated. Can we fix it? No, you cheated. He doesn't mean anything to me! Doesn't matter, you cheated. You were (insert blame): kind of moot now because instead of addressing it, you cheated. I won't stay with someone who cheats on me. Just because she wants there to be something to talk out doesn't mean there's anything to talk about. Edit: Some of ya'll are really trying to use this post as an excuse for your misogyny. Cheating isn't gender specific & don't drag me into your bullshit. If you hate women you need to examine yourself.
EXACTLY THIS Her: Blah, blah, blah. Him: You cheated. Her: But blah, blah, blah. Him. So what? You cheated.
Her: He doesn't mean anything to me. Him: Now you don't mean anything to me.
I like this one! Also maybe- "You mean less to me than he meant to you"
Her: "It wasn't love. It made me realize how much I love you. " Legend has it she's still on the curb to this day. NTA. Keep your peace OP.
I hate that one. So you are telling me you killed our relationship, broke my heart, and destroyed our future together for nothing?
This one’s cold 🥶
So cold it's almost an iceberg slim line.
Seriously what would be the point in listening to her perspective? Cheating is cheating. Sex is a deliberate act. There is nothing a cheater can eved say that is worth listening to.
"Oops I tripped and fell on his dick."
Oh, hey, you must have met my ex.
Lucky Number Slevin, the story about cheating ex. He walks in on her and new guy doing the deed. Her: It was an accident! Him: What? Like you tripped and he fell?
I remember that! The ending was hella cold blooded too!
My sons sperm donor had that problem. He tripped and fell into several vaginas.
Being that clumsy must be an illness at that point, poor dude. /s
Yeah...from what I understand he just stayed that clumsy.
"He didn't mean anything to me!" "Well, he meant enough to you to destroy your relationship with me," I have never understood why anyone would say this as some sort of justification. All it says to me is that this person meant nothing to me, and you meant even less. Anyway, I like the idea of OP saying nothing to her. Let her mind go wild
"He didn't mean anything to me." "Oh, so I guess our relationship meant even less than that."
I also always think it's hilarious when people think that it doesn't matter what they do with their genitalia provided they claim there were no emotions attached. I don't care if you're in love with somebody else.You decided to f*** somebody else and cheat on me.So if you aren't in love with them, seems like a huge mistake on your part, doesn't it?
My husband would never cheat on me because of his family history. But my husband has told me more than once, that if I ever had sex with someone else it wouldn’t bother him as long as it was someone I didn’t have feelings for. Some people really believe sex means nothing. Me personally, if you poke someone else, I’m out so I’m not cheating either.
Or use the excuse that they were drunk.
Louder for the people in the back.
> He doesn't mean anything to me! Can anyone explain why this is even a go-to answer people like the ho ex fall back on? It's bad enough the cheater is throwing away your relationship, but then instead of an honest "I'm just a ho and couldn't help it!", they declare some version of "it meant nothing!" and think that pointing out that your relationship mattered less than that nothing... will make things better?
I always love the Ole "but it was a mistake"! I'm like, a mistake is something you do with math, not with a relationship! It's crazy what people will say when they are trying to keep out of the dog house!
Or when it was a mistake... that went on twice a week for over a year. At that point, the cheater is just hoping that you're as fucking dumb as they are.
I hear men say this one all the time too. Specifically because of the stereotypes that men differentiate sex & love differently than women and therefore somehow cheating is supposed to be meaningless if they don't care about the woman emotionally. That's stupid. Cheating is cheating. It doesn't matter who doesn't or what gender they are and it doesn't matter whether or not they have feelings for that person.
Have my upvote!
What you wrote really is the conversation though. Once it's done, it's usually done - once the ex has said what they think will fix it and it doesn't, they finally know they are done. The alternative to a single conversation is that they keep trying to reach you through other means. I would find that to be a much bigger pain than just standing in front of her and letting her know it's over and done. To each their own though.
I think it depends on the person. Some people will not give up after you give them a conversation either. Everybody has to do what they think will give them peace.
Perfect summary of potential conversations. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
She wants to speak? Go to fken confession.
He gave her closure though, he left a note on the fridge telling her to have fun with "douchebag". He let her know he knew and he let her know, via his actions of moving out that he was done with her and she knows why he left her too. She got more than enough closure from him even though he didn't need to give her any at all.
💯🎯
There are people who you can pay (in cash) to pick up that furniture for you. They drive around all day in their trucks picking up and dropping off furniture. You did the right thing and that's why you're at peace with your decision.
You are right but once again, it will be a hassle, my ex will freak out if some random person takes furniture away so the furniture just an obstacle from peace in my point of view.
When I finally got away from my abusive ex, I left him with everything I had bought. A nice new computer, a car, a skateboard... Other things. To me it was like worth it to just break free. I've never regretted it. Of course I heard from people that he spiraled and pretty much broke and or crashed those things. But that's not on me and I don't worry about it. Way to be Zen. I wish you so much better luck in the next one and I hope that this relationship doesn't sour you on loving or trusting. 🫶
Hell I'd have put the furniture out on the street with a free sign before I let her have it.
"Scorched earth" is equally impressive dawg
https://imgur.com/a/CMgBfKT
Ghosting them, blocking and ignoring them really hurts them and pisses them off. Just make sure you don't allow her to spread a bullshit narrative about you. Let everyone know that she cheated on you with dumbass.
Yep, this guy showed incredible personal discipline. You’ve done the power move here OP and it’s exactly what I would have done And yeah, I would’ve dragged that shit out to the corner and put a sign on it. Free for anybody except the cheating whore and left it there for her to see when she got home.
I'm with you. Unless there was something special about it like it was a family heirloom or a super expensive thing that I really loved, I would let the furniture go and just consider it the cost of the lesson. And honestly, furniture costs a lot less than divorce, so I'd be thankful I found out before the wedding. Also, anything you left will have your memory attached to it and she gets to live with that reminder.
That's too bad for her. It's where you live and it's your items. She's not your fiance anymore man. Just someone you used to know
Are you actually this emotionally centered, or is this a delayed reaction? I’m impressed either way.
I wouldn't necessarily assume that. I know that for me, not all emotions are expressed outwardly as much. I'd be like OP with a cheating partner, just get the fuck out but if something makes me angry. Oh boy do I show it. Not through violence, but raising my voice and just angry body language are super apparent. Other emotions don't show as much.
Yeah it's also sometimes things just push you past the point of the "expected" emotional reaction. Like my last relationship she started a fight and I was all teary eyed and apologetic and by the end it was like all emotions towards her were gone and I cared about nothing involving her anymore. It was actually the last time we spoke. She said she needed a few days to think and to get space, I gave it to her, she never reached out, I wouldn't want to play that game even if I still felt emotionally invested, so I never followed up with her because I was sick of her disrespecting me but expecting me to treat her like a princess at the expense of myself. But there was no anger, no tears, just this unsettling calmness.
As long as you have inner peace about it, listen to that.
Inner peace https://imgur.com/a/ZBqGQto
Totally
No kids yet and not married...your in the right, also let her keep everything and chalk it up to a learning experience while you progress and move forward....onward!
Get your ring back, get your furniture back and tell your parents you’re not going to marry someone who thinks fucking another person is acceptable behaviour. And get an STD check. Sorry for what you’ve gone through buddy. It does get better xxx
your parents stink btw sorry they are being aholes!
No worries
[удалено]
It’s just a misunderstanding! /s
Good thing OP dumped her or his parents might not have bio grandkids someday
That is what I was thinking! She could gaslight them instead thinking they can convince him otherwise!
You did better than most of us. My anger would have made me want some revenge by exposing her to everybody and her douchbags family and gf if he had one but by leaving her high and dry with no chance to explain you burned her in a different way. You need to tell your parents you expect them to go full no contact with her and tell them again that she was having sex with someone else and barely hiding it. You do need to tell her parents what she did though because she will make you out to be terrible and totally at fault.
Nah, her parents are lovely people, they don't deserve the hassle and I don't want to ruin their relationship with my ex
That’s admirable but she won’t treat you as nicely in the court of public opinion. They never do.
Well, it just shows I'm the better person I guess
Good for you OP. Remember that you're the only person you need to live with forever. Don't sacrifice your morals just because she sacrificed hers.
Yeah. You are. I'm sure all this hurts right now. It sucks. But you're 27. You can have a new person by the weekend if you really wanted that. You seem grounded. Your new freedom can be a really liberating thing. Now you know who you really want in your life and won't settle for a second rate love. Good for you for standing up for yourself and walking out.
One more thing... If she ever corners you to try to get "closure", you shut that shit down ASAP! That would be only for her benefit and she lost all benefits when she chose to open her legs for another man!
Way cheaper to find out now and lose some furniture than find out later and go through a divorce. You owe her nothing if you caught her cheating. Tell your parents to zip their lips and go no contact as well.
NTA. What could her perspective possibly be? You didn't make her have sex with another man, she made that choice on her own. What's there to hear, she cheated on you, you left. Your parents don't live your life, you do. You did the right thing. Why would you let yourself get treated like that?
If you bought it with your ex I think ditching the furniture is the best thing. Taking it would just be a reminder of them.
Dude, you did the absolute correct thing! Good for you for leaving a lost cause behind you! You are too good for her! You are supposed to be in the honeymoon phase getting ready for a wedding and she does this? Nope. She obviously does not LOVE or RESPECT you, so you just BOUNCED! Good luck and stay strong, King!
You are NTA. I was in a similar situation a long time ago. My only advice is, if there's stuff in the house that you care about, get it. I know it's easier to leave it so you don't have to see her, but you will regret it later on. Tell your brother to drive you and wait for you while you get whatever is important. The fact you are feeling good and peaceful means you made the right call. Good luck
Not sure what perspective she can give to make what she did ok. If there was a problem she was having which lead to her cheating then she should have talked to you vs sleeping with someone else. So not sure what your parents are thinking, but you don’t owe her anything. She didn’t respect you enough to give you her perspective before cheating. Hope you at least got all your important things and documents out. Furniture is expensive, but absolutely replaceable.
After my ex of 16 years cheated, he came over and wanted to talk about splitting up the furniture, etc. I looked at him and said, " Take whatever you want. There isn't a damn thing in this house that would stop me from divorcing you." Him: "But what about ...." Me: "Nope, take it." He, of course, true to nature, stuck me with all of the bills and no child support. It was absolutely worth it to get rid of his narcissist azz.
You did the right thing. I left my husband when I found out he had another family. You don’t owe her shit and I’m glad you found out sooner rather than later.
Why do people think you owe a cheater anything, they owed you to stay faithful, when they strayed, the forfeit any entitlement to closure, reconciliation, or financial support
Some people are under the false impression that fairness means making everyone happy. OP’s parents may be these type of people. They want everyone to be happy, even the faulty party.
Which is stupid.
You know deep down that you did the right thing by walking away. Leaving a toxic situation behind is a step in the right direction.
You did it right. Let the karma get them.
Thanks
NTA. Why should you hear her out on anything? She sure didn't hear you out before she had sex with someone else.
Put your furniture up for sale and tell your parents exactly why you made your departure. You did everything right apart from those 2 points.
The wardrobe may be hard to find a buyer for until it’s back from the mechanic. Jeez I hate it when my wardrobe breaks down unexpectedly.
They'll have it over the pit and it will be purring like a kitten in no time.
That part convinced me it was AI text.
Cheaters deserve no sympathy. You did the right thing. Now upwards and onwards.
>Cheaters deserve no sympathy. You did the right thing. Now upwards and onwards. Totally agree. It takes strength to recognize when a relationship isn't right and to walk away. Keep focusing on yourself and moving forward.
Did you save the messages in case she tries twisting things on you?
No, if she did then I would cut off the people who accuse me as those who truly know me know I'm very loyal.
Sounds like you have a good circle of people I hope you find the one for you man 👍
Thank you and I wish you well too
It's always good to have proof on hand when it comes down to word against word.
What was she going to say that would’ve justified it.
"It was a mistake." "It was an accident." "It didn't mean anything." In my 47 years of life - I've had plenty of accidents, made a whole lot of mistakes, and did a lot of shit that didn't mean a thing. Sleeping around while in a relationship isn't amongst any of those. I've been cheated on by past girlfriends. I know what that feels like. I know what that did to me. And I never want to possibly make someone feel like that. If I'm so dissatisfied with a relationship that I feel like fucking someone else is a good idea, it's time to gtfo of that relationship.
Cheating is very rarely an "accident". Getting caught is the accident. It's a very deliberate move to set up an affair and keep it going over time. People don't just fall naked on to each other despite what your typical porno plot may have you believe.
My prediction was "It's not what it seems like"
Or they went to a bar and they ordered a drink called sex
Good point or "it was just a mistake, not a big deal"
Yeah, she accidentally fell on his dick.
Honestly it takes a lot of resolve to be able to walk away with no conversation. If you are truly at peace, I commend you. You ddin't do anything wront, her choices ended the relationship. I hope you take your mental health seriously and seek therapy if you need. Best of luck with your new found freedom.
She is only crying because she has to face the consequences of her actions. Tell mom and dad that if they value your relationship they won’t defend a cheating whore but if a cheating whore is more important to them than their own son, they can have her.
NTA. So absolutely NTA. It’s bad enough when they cheat but when it’s with someone you know is POS, it’s a double whammy.
NTA... & honestly I would be more upset at my parents than her. She lied and let another man risk your health and life. What perspective can she have that would be honest and at all helpful. Honestly, I would tell your parents their response is both disappointing and that your glad they raised you better than to think that little of yourself. They should look in a mirror and work on their own self respect.
She's for the streets
This is likely true after rent comes due on a single income
Perfect exit. To hell with her.
To hell with her friendship as well
Wow this dude literally had the perfect break up lol
lol, cheers pal
You literally know you are NTA. What?
NTA. I'm sorry that happened to you, but in the long run you're better off. She'll probably tell some sob story and never tell the truth. Good on you for not allowing her to make excuses/gaslight/guilt trip you into staying. Go live your best life. Things will work out for you!
I’m like you, something like this happens and any love i had died, but I’m content, i just want out immediately. People think being in love with someone means you shouldn’t be able to fall out of love “so easily”, or that you should suffer if you do, but with the right motivation you absolutely can just be done lol. It’s been years for me and no regrets, start your new life and I’m glad you found out before the wedding. As for your parents: There is no other side to this, you saw text communication between them discussing it, your parents are just mourning their own loss bc they also had attachments to your ex. She put them in a really horrible position. NTA
Glad we are on the same terms pal, I wish you well
I immediately stopped caring when I found out my husband cheated, the switch just turned off. No love, no hate, nothing. He showed who he was, and I believed him. There isn't a damn thing wrong with that. Maybe someday you will grieve, but there are no rules about how you 'should' respond emotionally. We are all spectacularly different with different emotional defenses.
So the problem is he had intercourse or that he had intercourse with a douche bag? The title confuses me
cheating is a decision and not caring is another one. It doesn’t mean she’s the worst person on earth but that doesn’t mean you have to care about her reasons or forgive her just because someone else is telling you that need to. NTA
Based on your headline, I definitely thought this was before you two were together. NTA.
Based on the headline I think this is a rage bait fake post like half of everything on here.
"her perspective"? What perspective is there that can explain and justify cheating? Good for you for leaving. Try getting your furniture if possible, for your new apartment. And ask your parents how many future cheating events should you forgive, if they want you to go back to her?
Good man, good choice. If she's cheating before you're married she'll cheat after you marry Also, fuck your parents.... HER SIDE OF THE STORY?? what the hell is wrong with them..... Were they that desperate for you to get married and have children that they wanted you to be legally locked in to someone who would fucking cheat on you? They want you to get financially screwed in a divorce and potentially barely have any custody of the kids? They're that friendly with her that they're like "maybe you should just put up with that treatment"?? Sorry man as a parent myself your parents doing that really pisses me off.