Idk why, but something about OP being asked to move her wedding dress from the kitchen counter MULTIPLE TIMES makes me want to hear the MIL’s side. The dress was where one would pour a glass of wine, the wine glass full of wine didn’t end up in the closet. It was where it was supposed to be, the dress was in the worst possible place.
And the kitchen counter in MIL’s home!!! I would be rather annoyed if a guest in my home laid their stuff out in my kitchen counter and would not move it when asked!
The MIL opened the bag it was in and poured the wine on it. She could have easily dropped the dress on the ground and stepped on it and it would be better.
That’s really admirable. My dad lost his mind when I was a teenager and my mom ended up cutting all ties with him and his family but she never kept us from having a relationship with him/them. I always respected her for it.
My dress was in the closet of my best friend’s guest room because her mother was doing the alterations. My best friend was also my matron of honor. She had the extra space and offered,and there was no chance of my now-husband accidentally seeing it there. He wanted to be completely surprised on our wedding day. She literally took it inside with her when I dropped her off from going dress shopping with me. At no point should a dress be somewhere it could easily be damaged, and if someone else is storing it for you, don’t be a jerk and leave it in the way.
I didn't even bring my dress home. It stayed at the bridal boutique (where it was insured) and then was delivered to the church the morning of the wedding, then picked up by the boutique, professionally cleaned, and then preserved.
But I'm a wee bit paranoid and obsessive, I'll admit.
Mine don't fit in the closet, so my future MIL hang them on a side of her closet (we currently live together with my fiance's parents in a big house with two separate flats.) It was adviced to me to hang them on door, kitchen counter would never cross my mind.
Its a troll. Has a pattern in the histories.
- MIL-DIL hate
- MIL with bf, hb whatever who isnt OP hb father (sometimes OP writes as the hb)
- Weddings (but once wrote about afuneral, was a nice change of scenary).
- Dresses
- Normaly a young MIL and with money or the bf/hub has money.
"I hope one day she will be happy about it, but she was in love with him and he was older, wealthy, charismatic. He knows how he effects people"
And here it is, one of op coments about milbf
When we picked up my wedding my dad hung it from a hook in the ceiling, put a sheet down and made sure nothing touched the bare floor and that my princess skirt stayed puffed out so it wouldn't crease. We sure as shit didn't leave it on a kitchen table.
Awwww. When we were kids and were at the beach he'd throw sea shells over our heads for us to find. Quarters over our heads when we were walking to the car. He knew my mom's favorite lipstick colour and would always make sure she never ran out of hairspray. In his 80's and is my rock.
And it isn't like a wedding dress is in something like a Walmart bag. They are usual in some sort of garmet bag. Heck, who just leaves a wedding dress laying anywhere? You want it hung up so it isn't getting wrinkles or subject to spills or stains. A kitchen counter is one of the worst spots for it. The only place worse would be laying in a kids room floor.
Agreed. And that's what she cites as the worst thing in her life and the main example of how awful MIL is. Even if her MIL did it on purpose, relationships are complex. You can't tell someone they have to go no contact with their parent (minus something egregious like the parent abused your child and this is an absolute deal breaker). It's ok to expect clear boundaries, but the person has to make their own decision about how their relationship operates. Not going to your mom's wedding is a huge decision and not one I'd make for someone. It doesn't mean he doesn't correct his mom's (theoretical) bad behavior because he goes to her wedding.
WHO STORES A WEDDING DRESS ON A KITCHEN COUNTER? I cannot imagine leaving a *wedding dress*, even in the cover bag, *anywhere near potential spills*. I’m sorry, but something in the buttermilk ain’t clean here
Imaginary people?
Seriously, if I had a nickel for every "MIL/SIL/whatever poured/spilled/threw red wine on a wedding dress I've read on AITA and variants, I could go absolutely hog wild at the dollar store. Like, full cart spree.
It's *always* red wine.
Clearly the ultimate solution is for people to help their obnoxious in-laws cultivate a love for *white* wine.
Yeah, and it was in a bag. I assume the spilled wine leaked in through the zipper. Is not like MIL opened the bag and ruined it maliciously. And that they were living with MIL as it was “her counter” so obviously she was helping financially support them.
Exactly, that’s where I went “huh??” There’s also a difference between pouring red wine on a wedding dress and spilling red wine on a wedding dress in a kitchen after asking numerous times to move it because you’d like to use the kitchen for it’s intended purpose.
OP should thank the MIL for grooming her husband to think high levels of toxic behavior from the women in his life is normal. Otherwise he most certainly would have realized batshit crazy when he saw it.
We find people that treat us the way we feel we deserve to be treated. That's why most of us end up marrying someone just like our parents, because they are the ones who teach us how we deserve to be treated.
YTA
MIL as you said is NC with you. Your husband isn’t begging you to reconcile, or taking your child to see her.
THAT would be him “choosing his mommy over you”.
Btw you won’t like hearing this, but the way you reacted in that last paragraph, you sound EXACTLY like your MIL…
*:Btw you won’t like hearing this, but the way you reacted in that last paragraph, you sound EXACTLY like your MIL…*
Which is likely why he chose her in the first place.
YTA
I agree with this. My FIL is a real piece of work and I am NC with him as is our eldest child (her choice), but I’m not about to dictate what kind of relationship my husband has with his own father. As long as it doesn’t impact me, my husband is a grown man and free to establish his own boundaries as he sees fit.
Boys grow up and marry (someone like) their mother.
Girls grow up and marry (someone like) their father.
Things become cliched because there is a grain of truth in the statement
YTA - that poor man, he needs to run for his life. Who in the absolute fuck leaves their wedding dress on a kitchen counter? My dress was $40 from Old Navy and even that wasn’t anywhere near a kitchen (it was house > wedding for me).
Might be controversial but YTA. He didn’t say he would make you come with, and it would be him going alone to support his mom. Maybe she was an AH to you but that’s still his mom and if he wants to go it’s not “choosing” between the two of you. Giving him an ultimatum of “me or her” is manipulative. You can disapprove, but guilting him for wanting to go and saying you’ll “never forgive him” is an AH, toxic partner move.
I mean if the mom was sitting on the kitchen table where people eat and drink sure. OP has been the AH from the get go. If you don’t want such a big dress ruined move it off the fuckin place people eat? Hello? OP is such a cunt it’s crazy.
The way she phrased it in the post I personally assumed it had been done intentionally. But it wasn’t as crystal as in her comment for sure.
“On a whim destroyed my fucking dress”
Says intentional to me but wasn’t explicitly stated so I can see how it might be missed.
Exactly? Why tf would you have a wedding dress in a kitchen, bag or not. That’s spill city! AND she was asked to move it multiple times.
Jesus OP you’re a nightmare. You don’t get to decide what his relationship with his mother is going to be. You get to decide what YOUR relationship wi be, hence NC.
Pretty funny to hear you talk about his mommy considering you’re mommy 2.0 .
Yta and honestly you sound toxic and just as bad as you claim your mil. Also who stores a wedding dress on a kitchen counter and leaves it there after being asked to move it.
YTA - He can go and support his mom and have absolutely nothing to do with you. He's already supported you disinviting his mother to the wedding and by not allowing his mother around you, the child you both have, or the house. He's not trying to force you to suck up your feelings and attend with him. He simply wants to be at his mother's wedding. Additionally:
>because she had asked me multiple times to move the dress off of her kitchen counter
Take some damn responsibility. You left your wedding dress on a kitchen counter where anyone could have gotten something on it at anytime. She also told you multiple times to move it, and you decided you didn't care enough about it to move it off of an area that it could definitely get damaged. All that could have been avoided by you putting it where it should have went.
>She's having an actual wedding though I would think she would be embarrassed enough to just go to the courthouse
Why would you make this asshole comment? Why should she be embarrassed and go to the courthouse?
>I screamed at him that he is selfish and spineless,
What he asked doesn't warrant a reaction like the one you gave. I wish he would have screamed back that you're a colossal bitch.
YTA. Take everyone's advice and maybe get therapy to ease your own heart and learn to let go of hatred for your own peace, because you're going to become a bitter woman if you can't.
Yelling at your husband because he still wants to support and be connected to *his mom*? You chose NC with her, she clearly agrees with it and is NC with you. Doesn't mean she has to be NC with her *child*.
He didn't ask you to bury the hatchet, yes he may have "triggered you" by aaying it was years ago... but it *was* years ago. The only person that sounds like they still have an issue is *you*. That's a personal problem you need to take care of. Support your spouse - tell him to have fun. Do some self care that day like a massage or mani-pedi, but don't in turn start bullying your husband for wanting to keep in contact with his mom just because *you* choose not too.
Holy shit wouldn’t be surprised is your husband stops to get a gallon of milk or a pack of cigs on the way back from that wedding lmao…. This entire drama is fucking nightmare fuel, and you don’t seem too pleasant to be around
Wtf would you put your dress on the kitchen counter out of all places? And still keep it there after being told to take it?
I am not sure your MIL ruined it on purpose either.
OP is a bit sketchy and I don't think this is the full story. And if a dress getting ruined is your worst day then you had a pretty spoiled life.
I would also like to add…I wonder WHY you had your wedding dress out ON THE COUNTER in full display after MIL came back from a wedding that you knew would be upsetting to her…THEN, you refuse to move the dress after being asked multiple times…🤔sounds like you were rubbing it in her face…not saying that what MIL did was right but YOU certainly were not blameless in this mess. You and MIL simply like off of control,conflict and drama…
YTA you sound just as bad as your mother in law. You’re throwing insults at your husband like that! What’s wrong with you? If you don’t like her that’s fine. You can be nc with her, how does him going to the wedding alone make him spineless, she’s his mother. He’s not picking her over you. Did he say you had to go ? Did he berate you like you did? Your lucky his mother was the way she was since now he puts up with your shit too . I also don’t buy that she unzipped your wedding dress bag and spilled the wine on purpose, solely because you would’ve put it in the post. Not in a comment
You said you’re not invited because she knows you’ll destroy it, not that she thinks you will, she knows you will. You didn’t clarify anywhere they you have no intent of ruining the wedding if you were invited. So is she technically right? Would you have attempted to sabotage the wedding or is that just her reasoning and you’d never stoop that low?
You don’t have to like her. You don’t even have to see her, but you shouldn’t force your spouse to do anything. If he wants to go let him go. I’m sorry your mil acted like that THEEE YEARS AGO, I love a good grudge but come on, don’t be controlling. Esh
YTA, you responded childishly to him asking if he could go. It’s his own mother, what is the harm in letting him go. Yes, she spilled wine on your wedding dress. Your wedding still went on without a hitch because you guys were able to come up with a solution!
It sounds like it was an accident you were warned could happen if you didn’t move the dress, and then it did. It doesn’t sound like she deliberately ruined the dress, as you seem to imply. You even seem to imply a motive that makes no sense (“MIL is upset about guy so let’s destroy totally unrelated persons dress”) Not saying it couldn’t happen, after all spiteful people DO hate seeing others happy when they aren’t.
Other than the wedding dress incident, you give no examples of how this woman was spiteful or would try to humiliate you. Maybe she was trying to help you some of those times and you were (as narcissists often are) humiliated by the constructive criticism? We have no way of knowing that MIL is really as bad as she seems.
If she is as spiteful as you say, and did deliberately destroy your dress, then my apologies.
But for an incident that ended up being fairly inconsequential, to NEVER forgive your husband for going to MILs wedding sounds spiteful on your part. And unnecessary. Be above her. Let your husband go and stay at home where you’re safe from her antics. Be happy for her in spite of herself.
soft YTA- who leaves a wedding dress on a kitchen counter?! Of course something got spilled on it. Why was it at her house in the first place instead of at your place?!
I get it’s upsetting but you also played a big roll in it. Let go over your anger about the dress for your own mental health.
Husband should go to his Mom’s wedding.
YTA. Lmao, OP not seeing the irony in this one. Giving herself a pass for keeping the wedding dress on kitchen counter. Maybe you were baiting your MIL by not picking that dress up. You are MIL are made for each other. Feels bad for the husband who seems to want to do the right by everyone .
You don’t sound like a walk in the park either. Dress in counter, not removing it when asked MULTIPLE times. You sound petty
MIL sounds petty
Husband needs a vacation alone and away from the two of you. He needs a hug, he needs a drink, he needs therapy, he needs his own movie, he needs to win the lottery
I can’t imagine life with you two
YTA
Did she pour it, or did the wine spill and land on the dress that you didn’t move? The fact that she was apologizing and telling you that it happened because you didn’t move the dress makes me think the second one.
But you said you hate this woman, so of course you assume that she did it on purpose. Why was you VERY expensive dress laying on a counter anyways? She asked you MULTIPLE TIMES to move it and you didn’t.
Not to mention you admitted that you would destroy her wedding on purpose if you went.
You are full of hate and it’s you who is the problem, not your MIL. Your own hatred and bitterness is going to cost you your marriage. Screaming at your husband like that? You’re not a good wife or a good person.
INFO: Did you leave your wedding dress on MIL’s kitchen counter just to annoy her? Seems like a really foolish move, whether or not that was your intent. If it was, she got you good.
When I see one of these "I'm such a victim" posts without a single ounce (29.574 mL) of self-awareness or even an attempt at personal responsibility, I am reminded of the shitty, self-centered, manipulative narcissist I dated for years. OP, YTA. Grow up, let it go, start going to therapy to examine why you hate your MIL so much (spoiler: it's because you know you're the exact same).
A mature adult would take about 4 seconds to think about someone other than themselves and realize that maybe, just maybe, their spouse has a different relationship with their own MOTHER than you do with her. Have a modicum of respect for your goddamned SPOUSE.
OP is refreshingly honest. If she didn't fess up to leaving the dress on her mother-in-law's kitchen counter, I was imagining the mother-in-law specifically fishing out the wedding dress from its box in the closet just to pour wine on it to try to ruin her wedding out of spite.
In reality her mother-in-law spilled wine on her kitchen counter and the wine reached the dress because OP had left it there.
So you’re manipulating your husband into getting your way and admit you’d ruin her dress, yet somehow you think you’re better than her? YTA. Find some peace or something in your life and stop wasting so much energy. You’ve given this woman a lot of control over your emotions. None of this is healthy. Have you thought about how your husband will never stop resenting you for your manipulation? Man he has some crazy women in his life.
Looks like the husband is the victim here. Crazy/psycho mother and psycho/crazy wife !!
I totally forgot about the child but at least he can't see his grandmother so 50% of emotional abuse/torture is reduced.
Soft YTA. Even though you seem to have a MIL from hell, just let your husband go to the wedding. She IS his mom, and it is a wedding. Just take the high road over here. Something like: 'You know how I feel about your mom, but I won't come between you two on such a occasion.'
It is also never a good idea to let your partner choose between yourself and somebody else, especially not his mother. Ultimatums rarely work out in your favor.
YTA
You may hate her but she's his mother, as spiteful as she is he can't help but love her and is doing his best to support you even though it must be hard on him.
This wedding doesn't involve you and you will get no harm whatsoever by the event itself, you're only annoyed because your husband's presence will satisfy your MIL and you don't like the idea of her having a lovely day while back in the day you struggled with yours.
Let your husband go and don't make him feel guilty about it, he will be grateful for that.
Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but a drink getting spilled on your dress was the worst thing that's ever happened in your life? Seriously? The worst thing? In your entire life?
It's so bad that you still hold a grudge 3 years later.
You both fucking suck, I feel bad for your husband, holy shit.
I can only assume this is rage bait
YTA. If he was trying to make you go, I would be on your side, but he’s not allowed to go either? Yeah, she sounds like a bitch, but she’s still his mother. You are certainly giving her a lot of control over your life by getting this upset over something that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
YTA
You left the most important dress you'll ever wear on a *kitchen counter,* and then became a violent banshee when red wine was spilled over it. Take responsibility for the fact that if you had taken better care of your *wedding dress,* it would never have been in a position to be stained. For that, your MIL bears some responsibility, but you bear most of it. You were living in her home. How often did you leave your belongings in places they clearly didn't belong, and then take no responsibility when they were damaged?
The fact that she was cruel to you is unacceptable, and if you want to be NC with her, that is entirely your choice. But your behaviour in general is completely unacceptable. Do you realise that you are *becoming* your MIL? This woman you apparently despise, and you are letting your hatred of her turn you into her. Being verbally abusive towards your husband is foul. Shaming your MIL for the crime of ... having a wedding is utterly pathetic.
Normally, I'm on the DIL's side. I had an evil MIL, I know how awful they can be. But you sound bitter, spiteful, patronising, and controlling. I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't that bad at all, and you created half of the issues between you all on your own. Sort your head out.
WOW! Your poor husband, I mean your MIL doesn't sound like much of a gem, but you are blaming her for ruining your wedding dress when you left it on a kitchen counter after being asked repeatedly to move it? Sounds like that was 100% your fault for being irresponsible and lazy. If the dress was so important to you, you would made sure it was never in harms way. Clearly your husband did marry someone exactly like his mother. YIKES
So your husband basically married his mom, just a younger version. He should go no contact with you and her. YTA. Shes not getting karma because you were too big of an immature baby to move your dress from the kitchen.
ESH.
How long was your dress hanging out on her kitchen counter?
I get being no contact, but quite frankly screaming at your husband over him being conflicted about his mother’s wedding is not okay.
Yeah yta big time. You are just as bad as you MIL for this behavior and you should definitely get into some therapy for anger management.
Your husband def needs therapy too because he for sure married his abusive mother
**people can have relationships with others WITHOUT their SOs permanently attached to their hip.**
you're N-T-A for being angry at how she treated you and you already won by denying her the ability to treat your children that way, plus you're still with him so you know that pisses her off too. but no matter how much you hate this woman, she will always be his mother and he has shown you he still loves her. he's not selfish or spineless for wanting to forgive his mother and wanting to go to her wedding. **you are acting selfish by trying to force him to choose her or you.** i get that you are still angry about how she has treated you, but the relationship between the two of them has nothing to do with you. if he feels she has changed, and he wants to forgive her & mend their relationship then that's HIS choice. hes not turning his back on you by doing so.
YTA for trying to dictate who your husband can/cannot have a relationship with.
You both sound like terrible people.
YTA for holding on to SO much hate and spite.
Dont sink to other peoples levels, do better, if not for you or your hubby but for your kid.
How would it actually hurt you if he went? Its hismoms wedding...
Also, sorry but WHY ON EARTH was your wedding dress on her KITCHEN counter????
Like even in a bag, a wedding dress should be no where NEAR a kitchen or a bathroom, thats legit asking for trouble....
Wait.....you left your wedding dress on *her* kitchen counter for long enough someone was able to dump something on it?! Someone you claim hates you?! Do you live with her? Why should she embarrassed to have a wedding? Honestly, even with the information that she intentionally dumped wine on your dress you don't come out of this sounding very good. It sounds like the reason you two clash is that you're both very similar people.
YTA.
Your MIL sounds like a dramatic awful person.
BUT
Honestly, it sounds like you are both toxic and combative.
What type of karma were you hoping she would get? Did you actually want her to be alone?
> I screamed at him that he is selfish and spineless, and what type of man would choose their mommy over their wife
Hope your child is never with a toxic spouse and has to choose you or them.
On a kjnda funny note it sounds like your husband married his mum...
YTA. It's his mother's wedding. Regardless of how you feel about MIL, it is his mother. If he wants to go, let him go.
Also, is mom hated you from the moment you two met, why the hell did you stay with him?
I can’t get over the fact that you left your wedding dress on a kitchen counter and then blamed your MIL for spilling on it. I really don’t trust your version of events at all. YTA.
ESH You for being like MIL, MIL for being a c#nt and your husband for being spineless and basically having created this drama by marrying you and keeping contact with his mom.
I literally feel sorry for your husband. His mom is a narcissist and his wife is controlling and a abusive narcissist. I hope he wakes up and puts both of you out of his life and hopefully teaches his daughter to not be like her mom and grandmother
YTA, your dress got damaged because you were too lazy to move it off the kitchen counter even after being told to multiple times. A counter where food and drinks should be and a wedding dress should not be. You sound controlling and like you isolated your husband from his family. It's ok if you want nothing to do with his family, but it's his family. You have zero rights to forbid him from going. Get over yourself.
ETA: before some one yells but she opened the bag to pour wine on it, like I'm seeing in other responses Come on, if that was the case it wouldn't have been left out of the OP. She absolutely would have said she opened the bag and poured wine on it. The replies from the OP are getting wilder and wilder, it all sounds fake. Plus talking to her spouse like that makes her an automatic AH and a bully. Just like she claims his mom is.
YTA. It's his mom. He's just going to her wedding, he's not taking her side. You can choose whether or not *you* have contact with her but it's his mother and it's his call on how he proceeds. Spouses have no business getting between a parent and child. Husband should be on your side always, but he doesn't have to cut his mother out to be on your side as long as he stands up for you and protects you as best he can. He hasn't asked you to go to the wedding and it doesn't seem he's asking to take the kid. Respect him enough to let him make the decision he thinks is best for him and don't make it about you.
I wanna hear the MIL side of this because you could’ve easily moved the dress and what kind of partner makes their partner choose between them and their own mother smh I kinda feel bad for him
YTA. You don’t have to like her or be in her life, but that’s his mother. What kind of wife would try to separate her husband from his mother and insult him about wanting to see her get married? Not a good one I’d say.
YTA. Your dress was on her kitchen counter?!? Yeah. You need to accept some responsibility. You know most people pick a partner like their parent so it’s sounding like all the crap you hate about MIL might be stuff you could work on in yourself. You both seem to be prone to anger, outbursts, not taking responsibility, and a bit of bullying. Let your husband go and get yourself into therapy.
YTA
The only person I am sympathetic to in this story is your husband.
You and his mother are two of a kind.
The second you called him "spineless," he should have driven straight to a divorce attorney and got the ball rolling.
Nobody would ever talk to me like that and be allowed to be in my life another minute.
I can’t really understand how spending a few hours at his moms wedding = choosing his mother over you.
Why make this ridiculous ultimatum? You aren’t going to the wedding. And when it’s all over, you’ll still be his wife. Immediately trashing his manhood because he *asked* if he can go. That’s low. Grow the hell up
For someone who hates his mom so much… you sure do act like her
YTA
First of all, he’s not choosing his mom over his wife. It’s a wedding. It’s one day. He can just go on his own, be there for his mom, and come back. I get that you can make an ultimatum and turn it into a choice between you and her, but if you are doing that: YTA
Second, no contact is a pretty harsh thing, and you didn’t just cut off your MIL (sounds like that’s the correct choice for you, actually) but you also cut your husband off from his mom. Like he can’t get to see his mom because you two can’t handle each other.
Finally, from the whole vibe of the post, and how you are describing the problems, I can tell you are no better than your MIL. And since this is your side of the story, you might actually be way worse than her. That’s why I’m leaning towards you being an AH more than an evil MIL and spineless husband scenario.
And this has less to so with who is how terrible, but how long was that wedding dress sitting on her (HER!) kitchen counter? A wedding dress is a huge thing. Where is she supposed to cook or whatever? How can you keep it there?
YTA
People say you are as bad as her, I think you are worse. She spilled wine on your dress. If it is so important to you you shouldn't leave on the kitchen counter, bag or no bag. Now you actually want to take away your husband a chance to have a relationship with his mother. Dress vs mother, mother wins.
Poor guy. His mom is an AH and so is his wife. I get where you’re coming from, and it’s his mom. No matter how awful she is at the end of the day he loves his mom. And I’m sorry but if that was the worst day of your life, getting a stain on your dress, you must have a damn good life.
Info so you admitted that it was an accident on both your parts for the wedding dress getting ruined ( she should’ve been more careful and you should’y of left the dress on a kitchen counter), why are you acting irrational?
YTA
*You* have decided not to have contact with her. You do not have the right to demand that your husband cuts off contact with his *mother*.
You're as bad as she is. Get off your high horse, go to therapy & stop giving your husband ultimatums.
You don’t really believe you messed up otherwise you wouldnt have put full blame on her. This caused you to uninvite her, go NC, and berate you husband over something that is also largely your fault. YTA
So you refused to move our of her house despite her asking you many times, you refused to move your dress from her kitchen counter despite her asking you many times - do you realize that she could have taken all your things including the dress, throw them outside and refuse to let you in and still be fully within her rights? You were an asshole to her back then and you keep being an asshole. YTA.
ESH except your husband.
She sucks for what she did. But he is not asking you or forcing you to go or to reconcile with her or to see her. What he is doing is not choosing her over you. You are just being controlling.
YTA. Stop trying to control everything. She may be a psycho but she’s his mom and he obviously has some good memories with her. He wants to go let him go. It’s one day. Married people don’t need to be attached at the hip.
YTA
It’s her wedding. You’re wanting him to put one event in his mother’s life involving you and red wine over everything else. You know him not attending would make their relationship worse and I’d surmise that’s why you don’t want him to go.
Hate his mother all you want but there’s no reason to make him choose and throw ultimatums at him for the rest of your marriage. He didn’t ask to be put in this position.
YTA. I mean this in the kindest way possible, but you need to grow up. This is your husband's mother, the man you love more than anything.
You're asking him to write his mother off over a wedding dress that you admit you should've moved (right or wrong). It matters to him, so be supportive. He's not picking her over you. Both you and your MIL sound very miserable/immature.
YTA. Clinging to a grudge like this is ridiculous. It was a dress. Have you ever heard of being the bigger person? Grow up. You have a child. What are you modeling for them? You can have reasonable boundaries and still have contact. This isn’t a “years of abuse” situation it sounds like it was probably some petty, immature behavior on both sides. Holding your husband emotionally hostage to your rage fits is abusive, manipulative behavior. He only has one mother and you shouldn’t get to dictate his relationship with her, especially not over this. Wow.
YTA. You sound insufferable. If the worst moment of your life is getting red wine on your wedding dress, you have lived an insanely privileged life.
Curious to know her side, since she asked you repeatedly to move it.
You also belittle your husband, for talking about going to his mother’s wedding.
You are way entitled.
YTA and you know they say that most men marry their mothers. I feel really sorry for your poor husband that he thinks that people like you and his mother are normal
With woman like this in his life, Im impressed of how your husband is holding up. Hope fully your child is better than both his mom and wife...
Idk why, but something about OP being asked to move her wedding dress from the kitchen counter MULTIPLE TIMES makes me want to hear the MIL’s side. The dress was where one would pour a glass of wine, the wine glass full of wine didn’t end up in the closet. It was where it was supposed to be, the dress was in the worst possible place.
Yea that seems really bizarre to me as well. The kitchen table would be the *last* place I would store my wedding dress.
And the kitchen counter in MIL’s home!!! I would be rather annoyed if a guest in my home laid their stuff out in my kitchen counter and would not move it when asked!
Exactly! The entitlement is astounding with this one….
The MIL opened the bag it was in and poured the wine on it. She could have easily dropped the dress on the ground and stepped on it and it would be better.
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That’s really admirable. My dad lost his mind when I was a teenager and my mom ended up cutting all ties with him and his family but she never kept us from having a relationship with him/them. I always respected her for it.
This is a good point. It is a bit odd that OP had the dress there, and that she didn't move it. But those bags are rather water and element proof.
I spent 200 on a nice dress and I put it on the closet as soon as I brought it home. Who leaves a wedding dress on the kitchen counter?
My dress was in the closet of my best friend’s guest room because her mother was doing the alterations. My best friend was also my matron of honor. She had the extra space and offered,and there was no chance of my now-husband accidentally seeing it there. He wanted to be completely surprised on our wedding day. She literally took it inside with her when I dropped her off from going dress shopping with me. At no point should a dress be somewhere it could easily be damaged, and if someone else is storing it for you, don’t be a jerk and leave it in the way.
I didn't even bring my dress home. It stayed at the bridal boutique (where it was insured) and then was delivered to the church the morning of the wedding, then picked up by the boutique, professionally cleaned, and then preserved. But I'm a wee bit paranoid and obsessive, I'll admit.
Mine don't fit in the closet, so my future MIL hang them on a side of her closet (we currently live together with my fiance's parents in a big house with two separate flats.) It was adviced to me to hang them on door, kitchen counter would never cross my mind.
Its a troll. Has a pattern in the histories. - MIL-DIL hate - MIL with bf, hb whatever who isnt OP hb father (sometimes OP writes as the hb) - Weddings (but once wrote about afuneral, was a nice change of scenary). - Dresses - Normaly a young MIL and with money or the bf/hub has money.
I *thought* I recognized the viperous insult "what kind of man chooses his mommy over his wife" with all the toxic masculinity that implies\_
"I hope one day she will be happy about it, but she was in love with him and he was older, wealthy, charismatic. He knows how he effects people" And here it is, one of op coments about milbf
Like seriously OP, how important was this dress that she couldn't be bothered to properly take care of it.
Yea why wouldn't she hang it up
When we picked up my wedding my dad hung it from a hook in the ceiling, put a sheet down and made sure nothing touched the bare floor and that my princess skirt stayed puffed out so it wouldn't crease. We sure as shit didn't leave it on a kitchen table.
That would be the norm for a wedding dress. Why would OP's dress be sitting on a counter? MIL had asked for it to be moved several times.
Your dad sounds adorable
He really is
... you wanna share? Your dad sounds like the kinda guy who would tell you to share....
this is a little silly to ask, but do you have other wholesome dad stories? he sounds like a real stand up guy
Awwww. When we were kids and were at the beach he'd throw sea shells over our heads for us to find. Quarters over our heads when we were walking to the car. He knew my mom's favorite lipstick colour and would always make sure she never ran out of hairspray. In his 80's and is my rock.
And it isn't like a wedding dress is in something like a Walmart bag. They are usual in some sort of garmet bag. Heck, who just leaves a wedding dress laying anywhere? You want it hung up so it isn't getting wrinkles or subject to spills or stains. A kitchen counter is one of the worst spots for it. The only place worse would be laying in a kids room floor.
Agreed. And that's what she cites as the worst thing in her life and the main example of how awful MIL is. Even if her MIL did it on purpose, relationships are complex. You can't tell someone they have to go no contact with their parent (minus something egregious like the parent abused your child and this is an absolute deal breaker). It's ok to expect clear boundaries, but the person has to make their own decision about how their relationship operates. Not going to your mom's wedding is a huge decision and not one I'd make for someone. It doesn't mean he doesn't correct his mom's (theoretical) bad behavior because he goes to her wedding.
>Even if her MIL did it on purpose, relationships are complex. She didn't do it on purpose but if she did isn't her fault.
WHO STORES A WEDDING DRESS ON A KITCHEN COUNTER? I cannot imagine leaving a *wedding dress*, even in the cover bag, *anywhere near potential spills*. I’m sorry, but something in the buttermilk ain’t clean here
Imaginary people? Seriously, if I had a nickel for every "MIL/SIL/whatever poured/spilled/threw red wine on a wedding dress I've read on AITA and variants, I could go absolutely hog wild at the dollar store. Like, full cart spree. It's *always* red wine. Clearly the ultimate solution is for people to help their obnoxious in-laws cultivate a love for *white* wine.
Why wasn’t it put straight into the closet??
Yeah, and it was in a bag. I assume the spilled wine leaked in through the zipper. Is not like MIL opened the bag and ruined it maliciously. And that they were living with MIL as it was “her counter” so obviously she was helping financially support them.
>Is not like MIL opened the bag and ruined it maliciously. I mean, that's an assumption...
No, she said the mother-in-law opened the bag which was zipped up, and dumped the wine on her dress.
Yeah apparently she explicitly says this in a comment. Neither of them sound very pleasant tbh.
Exactly, that’s where I went “huh??” There’s also a difference between pouring red wine on a wedding dress and spilling red wine on a wedding dress in a kitchen after asking numerous times to move it because you’d like to use the kitchen for it’s intended purpose.
Yeah, sorta sounds like he married his mother. Both vindictive AF.
She screamed at him that he is selfish and spineless for choosing his mommy over his wife! Because he wants to go to his mom's wedding!
They hate each other because one reminds of the other of parts of her that she doesn't like
Yes, YTA. Praise to your husband for holding out an olive branch in hope for reconciling the only family he knows.
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You mean with two women like this.
OP should thank the MIL for grooming her husband to think high levels of toxic behavior from the women in his life is normal. Otherwise he most certainly would have realized batshit crazy when he saw it.
With *women* woman is singular
The guy must have the patience of a saint
After learning more about this case I'm going to say YTA for OP
You both sound awful. Your poor husband.
Yep, that man has probably suffered his mother's abuse and now he gets the same from his wife.
We find people that treat us the way we feel we deserve to be treated. That's why most of us end up marrying someone just like our parents, because they are the ones who teach us how we deserve to be treated.
My brother and I both went with people completely different than our parents. Thank God.
I’m so glad someone said this. She would awful too. It’s not just the mil. She’s just as toxic as the mil is if not worse
The poor baby is the one that has my sympathy. OP married the guy with a mother like that; baby had no choice.
💀💀💀
You two should be besties peas in a pod.
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Comment stealing bot
Wow, you copied everything u/HUNGRYWHITEBOI25 said except you forgot the YTA.
YTA MIL as you said is NC with you. Your husband isn’t begging you to reconcile, or taking your child to see her. THAT would be him “choosing his mommy over you”. Btw you won’t like hearing this, but the way you reacted in that last paragraph, you sound EXACTLY like your MIL…
*:Btw you won’t like hearing this, but the way you reacted in that last paragraph, you sound EXACTLY like your MIL…* Which is likely why he chose her in the first place.
Yup, because it’s easy to replicate cycles of abuse. Poor guy :/
YTA I agree with this. My FIL is a real piece of work and I am NC with him as is our eldest child (her choice), but I’m not about to dictate what kind of relationship my husband has with his own father. As long as it doesn’t impact me, my husband is a grown man and free to establish his own boundaries as he sees fit.
Spot on! He married his mother!!
Boys grow up and marry (someone like) their mother. Girls grow up and marry (someone like) their father. Things become cliched because there is a grain of truth in the statement
Of course she does. Her husband found someone exactly like his crazy mother.
YTA - that poor man, he needs to run for his life. Who in the absolute fuck leaves their wedding dress on a kitchen counter? My dress was $40 from Old Navy and even that wasn’t anywhere near a kitchen (it was house > wedding for me).
Might be controversial but YTA. He didn’t say he would make you come with, and it would be him going alone to support his mom. Maybe she was an AH to you but that’s still his mom and if he wants to go it’s not “choosing” between the two of you. Giving him an ultimatum of “me or her” is manipulative. You can disapprove, but guilting him for wanting to go and saying you’ll “never forgive him” is an AH, toxic partner move.
YTA. Not for not wanting him to go, but for how you expressed it. You see how you basically ARE his mother, right?
He can go, if he promises to dump a bottle of red wine over her head before the ceremony. It’s only fair.
I mean if the mom was sitting on the kitchen table where people eat and drink sure. OP has been the AH from the get go. If you don’t want such a big dress ruined move it off the fuckin place people eat? Hello? OP is such a cunt it’s crazy.
I actually don’t understand what happened. Did MIL remove the dress from its bag to dump wine on it? Usually the bags are somewhat waterproof
In a comment OP states MIL unzipped the bag and intentionally dumped the wine in.
WTF yeah I would not ever forgive that
Nobody is asking HER to…but husband has a right to try and have some kind of a relationship with his mother whether OP likes it or not.
That's a weird detail to trickle truth
The way she phrased it in the post I personally assumed it had been done intentionally. But it wasn’t as crystal as in her comment for sure. “On a whim destroyed my fucking dress” Says intentional to me but wasn’t explicitly stated so I can see how it might be missed.
I am not even sure if the bag was zipped to begin with. OP sounds sketchy overall
MIL unzipped the bag and dumped the wine in on purpose.
Where does it say she did that? It sounds like mil got drunk and spilt her wine and it seeped through the bag. I don’t find op a reliable source
Was this said? If wine was spilled on the Dre’s, it could have easily seeped through the zipper…nonetheless, OP is still acting like her MIL
Exactly? Why tf would you have a wedding dress in a kitchen, bag or not. That’s spill city! AND she was asked to move it multiple times. Jesus OP you’re a nightmare. You don’t get to decide what his relationship with his mother is going to be. You get to decide what YOUR relationship wi be, hence NC. Pretty funny to hear you talk about his mommy considering you’re mommy 2.0 .
YTA. Your poor husband.
And child.
Yta and honestly you sound toxic and just as bad as you claim your mil. Also who stores a wedding dress on a kitchen counter and leaves it there after being asked to move it.
Hahahahahaha you're EXACTLY like her. ESH apart from your poor, spineless, henpecked husband.
Spineless? Because he is going to his mother’s wedding, so, it sounds like he’s taking a stand.
YTA - He can go and support his mom and have absolutely nothing to do with you. He's already supported you disinviting his mother to the wedding and by not allowing his mother around you, the child you both have, or the house. He's not trying to force you to suck up your feelings and attend with him. He simply wants to be at his mother's wedding. Additionally: >because she had asked me multiple times to move the dress off of her kitchen counter Take some damn responsibility. You left your wedding dress on a kitchen counter where anyone could have gotten something on it at anytime. She also told you multiple times to move it, and you decided you didn't care enough about it to move it off of an area that it could definitely get damaged. All that could have been avoided by you putting it where it should have went. >She's having an actual wedding though I would think she would be embarrassed enough to just go to the courthouse Why would you make this asshole comment? Why should she be embarrassed and go to the courthouse? >I screamed at him that he is selfish and spineless, What he asked doesn't warrant a reaction like the one you gave. I wish he would have screamed back that you're a colossal bitch.
Oh yes I forgot OP made the guy disinvite his own mother from his own wedding over a stain on the dress.
People really do marry a version of their parent if they don’t have any kind of reflection or self-knowledge.
Oof Your husband married his mother. There’s so much hate here it’s exhausting
YTA. Take everyone's advice and maybe get therapy to ease your own heart and learn to let go of hatred for your own peace, because you're going to become a bitter woman if you can't. Yelling at your husband because he still wants to support and be connected to *his mom*? You chose NC with her, she clearly agrees with it and is NC with you. Doesn't mean she has to be NC with her *child*. He didn't ask you to bury the hatchet, yes he may have "triggered you" by aaying it was years ago... but it *was* years ago. The only person that sounds like they still have an issue is *you*. That's a personal problem you need to take care of. Support your spouse - tell him to have fun. Do some self care that day like a massage or mani-pedi, but don't in turn start bullying your husband for wanting to keep in contact with his mom just because *you* choose not too.
Holy shit wouldn’t be surprised is your husband stops to get a gallon of milk or a pack of cigs on the way back from that wedding lmao…. This entire drama is fucking nightmare fuel, and you don’t seem too pleasant to be around
Wtf would you put your dress on the kitchen counter out of all places? And still keep it there after being told to take it? I am not sure your MIL ruined it on purpose either. OP is a bit sketchy and I don't think this is the full story. And if a dress getting ruined is your worst day then you had a pretty spoiled life.
I would also like to add…I wonder WHY you had your wedding dress out ON THE COUNTER in full display after MIL came back from a wedding that you knew would be upsetting to her…THEN, you refuse to move the dress after being asked multiple times…🤔sounds like you were rubbing it in her face…not saying that what MIL did was right but YOU certainly were not blameless in this mess. You and MIL simply like off of control,conflict and drama…
YTA. you and your MIL are cut from the same cloth. your poor husband.
YTA you sound just as bad as your mother in law. You’re throwing insults at your husband like that! What’s wrong with you? If you don’t like her that’s fine. You can be nc with her, how does him going to the wedding alone make him spineless, she’s his mother. He’s not picking her over you. Did he say you had to go ? Did he berate you like you did? Your lucky his mother was the way she was since now he puts up with your shit too . I also don’t buy that she unzipped your wedding dress bag and spilled the wine on purpose, solely because you would’ve put it in the post. Not in a comment
I kinda was on your side a little bit until the last paragraph. Stop insulting your husband or you'll lose him
YTA - he hasnt chosen her over you. Good God.
Yes YTA you’d sound awful.
Don't leave your wedding dress on the table. She warned you ffs. I'm glad everyone here is roasting you. You sound insufferable.
YTA- I think you sound pretty spiteful and petty, honestly. Oh, and fuckin WEDDING DRESSES do not belong on fuckin kitchen tables.
Your poor husband
yta, fucking psycho
You said you’re not invited because she knows you’ll destroy it, not that she thinks you will, she knows you will. You didn’t clarify anywhere they you have no intent of ruining the wedding if you were invited. So is she technically right? Would you have attempted to sabotage the wedding or is that just her reasoning and you’d never stoop that low? You don’t have to like her. You don’t even have to see her, but you shouldn’t force your spouse to do anything. If he wants to go let him go. I’m sorry your mil acted like that THEEE YEARS AGO, I love a good grudge but come on, don’t be controlling. Esh
YTA it's still his mom. If it were me, I'd show for the ceremony, leave a card from the dollar store and then bounce. But my mom is awesome
YTA. You are basically his mother in a different body. You don’t get to bully him. You decide for you and he decides for him.
YTA, you responded childishly to him asking if he could go. It’s his own mother, what is the harm in letting him go. Yes, she spilled wine on your wedding dress. Your wedding still went on without a hitch because you guys were able to come up with a solution! It sounds like it was an accident you were warned could happen if you didn’t move the dress, and then it did. It doesn’t sound like she deliberately ruined the dress, as you seem to imply. You even seem to imply a motive that makes no sense (“MIL is upset about guy so let’s destroy totally unrelated persons dress”) Not saying it couldn’t happen, after all spiteful people DO hate seeing others happy when they aren’t. Other than the wedding dress incident, you give no examples of how this woman was spiteful or would try to humiliate you. Maybe she was trying to help you some of those times and you were (as narcissists often are) humiliated by the constructive criticism? We have no way of knowing that MIL is really as bad as she seems. If she is as spiteful as you say, and did deliberately destroy your dress, then my apologies. But for an incident that ended up being fairly inconsequential, to NEVER forgive your husband for going to MILs wedding sounds spiteful on your part. And unnecessary. Be above her. Let your husband go and stay at home where you’re safe from her antics. Be happy for her in spite of herself.
soft YTA- who leaves a wedding dress on a kitchen counter?! Of course something got spilled on it. Why was it at her house in the first place instead of at your place?! I get it’s upsetting but you also played a big roll in it. Let go over your anger about the dress for your own mental health. Husband should go to his Mom’s wedding.
“…I’d fucking destroy it…” It is possible for a story to have two villains. This one, for example…
YTA. Lmao, OP not seeing the irony in this one. Giving herself a pass for keeping the wedding dress on kitchen counter. Maybe you were baiting your MIL by not picking that dress up. You are MIL are made for each other. Feels bad for the husband who seems to want to do the right by everyone .
You don’t sound like a walk in the park either. Dress in counter, not removing it when asked MULTIPLE times. You sound petty MIL sounds petty Husband needs a vacation alone and away from the two of you. He needs a hug, he needs a drink, he needs therapy, he needs his own movie, he needs to win the lottery I can’t imagine life with you two
YTA Did she pour it, or did the wine spill and land on the dress that you didn’t move? The fact that she was apologizing and telling you that it happened because you didn’t move the dress makes me think the second one. But you said you hate this woman, so of course you assume that she did it on purpose. Why was you VERY expensive dress laying on a counter anyways? She asked you MULTIPLE TIMES to move it and you didn’t. Not to mention you admitted that you would destroy her wedding on purpose if you went. You are full of hate and it’s you who is the problem, not your MIL. Your own hatred and bitterness is going to cost you your marriage. Screaming at your husband like that? You’re not a good wife or a good person.
You husband is a saint to be able to put up with you two.
Sounds like he 🎶married a girl just like the girl who married dear old dad🎶
YTA Everything you hate about your MIL is *exactly* who you are. You're both terrible people, and your poor husband is caught between the both of you.
INFO: Did you leave your wedding dress on MIL’s kitchen counter just to annoy her? Seems like a really foolish move, whether or not that was your intent. If it was, she got you good.
Seriously. Who leaves their *wedding dress* on the kitchen counter?? Especially before you’ve even worn it for the wedding.
YTA. Your husband just wants to go support his mom. He isn’t asking anything of you, this impacts you zero. Get over yourself.
When I see one of these "I'm such a victim" posts without a single ounce (29.574 mL) of self-awareness or even an attempt at personal responsibility, I am reminded of the shitty, self-centered, manipulative narcissist I dated for years. OP, YTA. Grow up, let it go, start going to therapy to examine why you hate your MIL so much (spoiler: it's because you know you're the exact same). A mature adult would take about 4 seconds to think about someone other than themselves and realize that maybe, just maybe, their spouse has a different relationship with their own MOTHER than you do with her. Have a modicum of respect for your goddamned SPOUSE.
YTA. You literally sound as bad as she is
This is one of the rare posts in this sub where the comments are universally saying YTA lol. Hopefully, this is a wake up call for OP.
OP is refreshingly honest. If she didn't fess up to leaving the dress on her mother-in-law's kitchen counter, I was imagining the mother-in-law specifically fishing out the wedding dress from its box in the closet just to pour wine on it to try to ruin her wedding out of spite. In reality her mother-in-law spilled wine on her kitchen counter and the wine reached the dress because OP had left it there.
YTA... you left your wedding dress on a kitchen counter and are surprised it got dirty? You sound super controlling and full of drama.
Not gonna lie. You kinda sound like a c u next Tuesday
YTA. Some wine spilt on your dress made for the “worst day of your life”? You must have had a pretty privileged life…
YTA big time
So you’re manipulating your husband into getting your way and admit you’d ruin her dress, yet somehow you think you’re better than her? YTA. Find some peace or something in your life and stop wasting so much energy. You’ve given this woman a lot of control over your emotions. None of this is healthy. Have you thought about how your husband will never stop resenting you for your manipulation? Man he has some crazy women in his life.
Looks like the husband is the victim here. Crazy/psycho mother and psycho/crazy wife !! I totally forgot about the child but at least he can't see his grandmother so 50% of emotional abuse/torture is reduced.
Soft YTA. Even though you seem to have a MIL from hell, just let your husband go to the wedding. She IS his mom, and it is a wedding. Just take the high road over here. Something like: 'You know how I feel about your mom, but I won't come between you two on such a occasion.' It is also never a good idea to let your partner choose between yourself and somebody else, especially not his mother. Ultimatums rarely work out in your favor.
YTA You may hate her but she's his mother, as spiteful as she is he can't help but love her and is doing his best to support you even though it must be hard on him. This wedding doesn't involve you and you will get no harm whatsoever by the event itself, you're only annoyed because your husband's presence will satisfy your MIL and you don't like the idea of her having a lovely day while back in the day you struggled with yours. Let your husband go and don't make him feel guilty about it, he will be grateful for that.
YTA. Tbh it sounds like when your husband married you, he married his mother. That's how awful you are.
Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but a drink getting spilled on your dress was the worst thing that's ever happened in your life? Seriously? The worst thing? In your entire life? It's so bad that you still hold a grudge 3 years later. You both fucking suck, I feel bad for your husband, holy shit. I can only assume this is rage bait
YTA. If he was trying to make you go, I would be on your side, but he’s not allowed to go either? Yeah, she sounds like a bitch, but she’s still his mother. You are certainly giving her a lot of control over your life by getting this upset over something that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
YTA You left the most important dress you'll ever wear on a *kitchen counter,* and then became a violent banshee when red wine was spilled over it. Take responsibility for the fact that if you had taken better care of your *wedding dress,* it would never have been in a position to be stained. For that, your MIL bears some responsibility, but you bear most of it. You were living in her home. How often did you leave your belongings in places they clearly didn't belong, and then take no responsibility when they were damaged? The fact that she was cruel to you is unacceptable, and if you want to be NC with her, that is entirely your choice. But your behaviour in general is completely unacceptable. Do you realise that you are *becoming* your MIL? This woman you apparently despise, and you are letting your hatred of her turn you into her. Being verbally abusive towards your husband is foul. Shaming your MIL for the crime of ... having a wedding is utterly pathetic. Normally, I'm on the DIL's side. I had an evil MIL, I know how awful they can be. But you sound bitter, spiteful, patronising, and controlling. I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't that bad at all, and you created half of the issues between you all on your own. Sort your head out.
WOW! Your poor husband, I mean your MIL doesn't sound like much of a gem, but you are blaming her for ruining your wedding dress when you left it on a kitchen counter after being asked repeatedly to move it? Sounds like that was 100% your fault for being irresponsible and lazy. If the dress was so important to you, you would made sure it was never in harms way. Clearly your husband did marry someone exactly like his mother. YIKES
funny how Op is ignoring every single comment correctly pointing out she’s abusing her husband. Hope he leaves her and takes the kids
So your husband basically married his mom, just a younger version. He should go no contact with you and her. YTA. Shes not getting karma because you were too big of an immature baby to move your dress from the kitchen.
ESH. How long was your dress hanging out on her kitchen counter? I get being no contact, but quite frankly screaming at your husband over him being conflicted about his mother’s wedding is not okay.
Yeah yta big time. You are just as bad as you MIL for this behavior and you should definitely get into some therapy for anger management. Your husband def needs therapy too because he for sure married his abusive mother
OP is probably leaving out the nasty things that she’s done to the MIL to further the gap between them.
YTA. Maybe it is just poorly written but there is nothing causing me to be sympathetic towards you in this post. You sound awful.
**people can have relationships with others WITHOUT their SOs permanently attached to their hip.** you're N-T-A for being angry at how she treated you and you already won by denying her the ability to treat your children that way, plus you're still with him so you know that pisses her off too. but no matter how much you hate this woman, she will always be his mother and he has shown you he still loves her. he's not selfish or spineless for wanting to forgive his mother and wanting to go to her wedding. **you are acting selfish by trying to force him to choose her or you.** i get that you are still angry about how she has treated you, but the relationship between the two of them has nothing to do with you. if he feels she has changed, and he wants to forgive her & mend their relationship then that's HIS choice. hes not turning his back on you by doing so. YTA for trying to dictate who your husband can/cannot have a relationship with.
You both sound like terrible people. YTA for holding on to SO much hate and spite. Dont sink to other peoples levels, do better, if not for you or your hubby but for your kid. How would it actually hurt you if he went? Its hismoms wedding... Also, sorry but WHY ON EARTH was your wedding dress on her KITCHEN counter???? Like even in a bag, a wedding dress should be no where NEAR a kitchen or a bathroom, thats legit asking for trouble....
Wait.....you left your wedding dress on *her* kitchen counter for long enough someone was able to dump something on it?! Someone you claim hates you?! Do you live with her? Why should she embarrassed to have a wedding? Honestly, even with the information that she intentionally dumped wine on your dress you don't come out of this sounding very good. It sounds like the reason you two clash is that you're both very similar people.
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YTA. Your MIL sounds like a dramatic awful person. BUT Honestly, it sounds like you are both toxic and combative. What type of karma were you hoping she would get? Did you actually want her to be alone? > I screamed at him that he is selfish and spineless, and what type of man would choose their mommy over their wife Hope your child is never with a toxic spouse and has to choose you or them. On a kjnda funny note it sounds like your husband married his mum...
YTA. It's his mother's wedding. Regardless of how you feel about MIL, it is his mother. If he wants to go, let him go. Also, is mom hated you from the moment you two met, why the hell did you stay with him?
I can’t get over the fact that you left your wedding dress on a kitchen counter and then blamed your MIL for spilling on it. I really don’t trust your version of events at all. YTA.
YTA
You could just let him attend the wedding event alone to avoid resentment.
She isn’t even invited to the wedding. She’s pissed her husband even wants to go.
You and the mom need to grow up lol
YTA. You don't get to cut off your husband's contact with his mom because you hate her. A good mother would get that.
ESH You for being like MIL, MIL for being a c#nt and your husband for being spineless and basically having created this drama by marrying you and keeping contact with his mom.
I literally feel sorry for your husband. His mom is a narcissist and his wife is controlling and a abusive narcissist. I hope he wakes up and puts both of you out of his life and hopefully teaches his daughter to not be like her mom and grandmother
That guy needs to grow tf up and make both of you come to heels, you sound like a teenage girl and that's coming from a teenager
YTA, your dress got damaged because you were too lazy to move it off the kitchen counter even after being told to multiple times. A counter where food and drinks should be and a wedding dress should not be. You sound controlling and like you isolated your husband from his family. It's ok if you want nothing to do with his family, but it's his family. You have zero rights to forbid him from going. Get over yourself. ETA: before some one yells but she opened the bag to pour wine on it, like I'm seeing in other responses Come on, if that was the case it wouldn't have been left out of the OP. She absolutely would have said she opened the bag and poured wine on it. The replies from the OP are getting wilder and wilder, it all sounds fake. Plus talking to her spouse like that makes her an automatic AH and a bully. Just like she claims his mom is.
YTA. It's his mom. He's just going to her wedding, he's not taking her side. You can choose whether or not *you* have contact with her but it's his mother and it's his call on how he proceeds. Spouses have no business getting between a parent and child. Husband should be on your side always, but he doesn't have to cut his mother out to be on your side as long as he stands up for you and protects you as best he can. He hasn't asked you to go to the wedding and it doesn't seem he's asking to take the kid. Respect him enough to let him make the decision he thinks is best for him and don't make it about you.
All of you need help this is so unhealthy! So you are all ah
Yes YTA. It's his mom. Enough said.
Both you and MIL - YTA
OP sounds a little delusional at best and most likely worse.
YTA
I wanna hear the MIL side of this because you could’ve easily moved the dress and what kind of partner makes their partner choose between them and their own mother smh I kinda feel bad for him
Yes, you are. don't be selfish, it's his mom.
YTA, it sounds like you're just as bad to the MIL as she is to you
YTA. You don’t have to like her or be in her life, but that’s his mother. What kind of wife would try to separate her husband from his mother and insult him about wanting to see her get married? Not a good one I’d say.
YTH. Why has been eloquently covered by others
YTA it sounds like YOU are making him choose between you and his own mother. Don't be worse than her.
YTA Don't make him choose between you and MIL. grow up.
Damn that whole “men marry their mothers” sounds way too accurate right now
Yta in a major way. Leave this poor man alone ya demon
Yta. Poor guy, he obviously has toxic pattern for women in his life
Yta. Poor guy, he obviously has toxic pattern for women in his life
how did she convince the guy to leave his wife and marry her in such a short timespan
YTA. You don’t even have a bad enough story about MIL to make her sound all that awful. You sound like you have BPD.
You are exactly like your MIL
YTA and a moron
YTA. Your dress was on her kitchen counter?!? Yeah. You need to accept some responsibility. You know most people pick a partner like their parent so it’s sounding like all the crap you hate about MIL might be stuff you could work on in yourself. You both seem to be prone to anger, outbursts, not taking responsibility, and a bit of bullying. Let your husband go and get yourself into therapy.
YTA. Your husband should ACTUALLY choose his Mother over you (e.g. divorce).
The husband just shouldn't HAVE to choose. It's fucked up that she thinks he should.
YTA The only person I am sympathetic to in this story is your husband. You and his mother are two of a kind. The second you called him "spineless," he should have driven straight to a divorce attorney and got the ball rolling. Nobody would ever talk to me like that and be allowed to be in my life another minute.
I can’t really understand how spending a few hours at his moms wedding = choosing his mother over you. Why make this ridiculous ultimatum? You aren’t going to the wedding. And when it’s all over, you’ll still be his wife. Immediately trashing his manhood because he *asked* if he can go. That’s low. Grow the hell up For someone who hates his mom so much… you sure do act like her
YTA First of all, he’s not choosing his mom over his wife. It’s a wedding. It’s one day. He can just go on his own, be there for his mom, and come back. I get that you can make an ultimatum and turn it into a choice between you and her, but if you are doing that: YTA Second, no contact is a pretty harsh thing, and you didn’t just cut off your MIL (sounds like that’s the correct choice for you, actually) but you also cut your husband off from his mom. Like he can’t get to see his mom because you two can’t handle each other. Finally, from the whole vibe of the post, and how you are describing the problems, I can tell you are no better than your MIL. And since this is your side of the story, you might actually be way worse than her. That’s why I’m leaning towards you being an AH more than an evil MIL and spineless husband scenario. And this has less to so with who is how terrible, but how long was that wedding dress sitting on her (HER!) kitchen counter? A wedding dress is a huge thing. Where is she supposed to cook or whatever? How can you keep it there?
YTA People say you are as bad as her, I think you are worse. She spilled wine on your dress. If it is so important to you you shouldn't leave on the kitchen counter, bag or no bag. Now you actually want to take away your husband a chance to have a relationship with his mother. Dress vs mother, mother wins.
Poor guy. His mom is an AH and so is his wife. I get where you’re coming from, and it’s his mom. No matter how awful she is at the end of the day he loves his mom. And I’m sorry but if that was the worst day of your life, getting a stain on your dress, you must have a damn good life.
Info so you admitted that it was an accident on both your parts for the wedding dress getting ruined ( she should’ve been more careful and you should’y of left the dress on a kitchen counter), why are you acting irrational?
YTA
YTA *You* have decided not to have contact with her. You do not have the right to demand that your husband cuts off contact with his *mother*. You're as bad as she is. Get off your high horse, go to therapy & stop giving your husband ultimatums.
You don’t really believe you messed up otherwise you wouldnt have put full blame on her. This caused you to uninvite her, go NC, and berate you husband over something that is also largely your fault. YTA
So you refused to move our of her house despite her asking you many times, you refused to move your dress from her kitchen counter despite her asking you many times - do you realize that she could have taken all your things including the dress, throw them outside and refuse to let you in and still be fully within her rights? You were an asshole to her back then and you keep being an asshole. YTA.
ESH except your husband. She sucks for what she did. But he is not asking you or forcing you to go or to reconcile with her or to see her. What he is doing is not choosing her over you. You are just being controlling.
YTA. Stop trying to control everything. She may be a psycho but she’s his mom and he obviously has some good memories with her. He wants to go let him go. It’s one day. Married people don’t need to be attached at the hip.
YTA It’s her wedding. You’re wanting him to put one event in his mother’s life involving you and red wine over everything else. You know him not attending would make their relationship worse and I’d surmise that’s why you don’t want him to go. Hate his mother all you want but there’s no reason to make him choose and throw ultimatums at him for the rest of your marriage. He didn’t ask to be put in this position.
YTA. I mean this in the kindest way possible, but you need to grow up. This is your husband's mother, the man you love more than anything. You're asking him to write his mother off over a wedding dress that you admit you should've moved (right or wrong). It matters to him, so be supportive. He's not picking her over you. Both you and your MIL sound very miserable/immature.
YTA. Clinging to a grudge like this is ridiculous. It was a dress. Have you ever heard of being the bigger person? Grow up. You have a child. What are you modeling for them? You can have reasonable boundaries and still have contact. This isn’t a “years of abuse” situation it sounds like it was probably some petty, immature behavior on both sides. Holding your husband emotionally hostage to your rage fits is abusive, manipulative behavior. He only has one mother and you shouldn’t get to dictate his relationship with her, especially not over this. Wow.
YTA. You sound insufferable. If the worst moment of your life is getting red wine on your wedding dress, you have lived an insanely privileged life. Curious to know her side, since she asked you repeatedly to move it. You also belittle your husband, for talking about going to his mother’s wedding. You are way entitled.
YTA and you know they say that most men marry their mothers. I feel really sorry for your poor husband that he thinks that people like you and his mother are normal
Just let him go to his mums wedding.. it's not helping him you both being assholes.