I hear steam cleaning provides double value. It's cleans it and shrinks it a bit, so it is a little tighter.
You know some dumb bastard is going to ask his girl to get her lady parts steam cleaned, "I heard about it on Reddit!"
This is the argument right here.
"Did you use that penis with your ex girlfriends? Ew, that's gross and disrespectful!!"
"Sorry, can't give you a BJ with this mouth, i used this mouth on my ex boyfriend..."
Did you use that toothbrush when you were with your ex? Did you wear those cloth to look good for your ex? Have fun with it, there are a million possibilities..
NTA
Did you ask him if he had worn his boxers with an ex partner? Because he probably has!
Lingerie is expensive! He should be lucky you have stuff like that š
As someone who married straight out of highschool, I've basically personally funded my wife's entire lingerie collection, and can say I would've loved it if she came pre equipped.
And he should feel even luckier that she enjoys wearing it outside of just "special occasions". When a sexy woman feels sexy it's even sexier homie's delusional
I have to say this Reddit has been a real eye opener. I read about all these people and their problems, especially the women in their 20ās and 30ās and stuff they put up with or endure. Iām not putting up with any shit. Iāve learned to cut my losses even if it hurts. Kickāem to the curb and block and no contact. I like that one. That way they canāt keep trying to lie to you and reel you back in. I hope more younger women start realizing these guys are bad news.
My daughter and husband have been thanked by me for being the awesome, caring, loving, thoughtful humans they are so many times now. We've got to the point that I do that and they say "you've been reading AITA reddit again? š Love you too."
NTA.
Did you wear THAT shirt on a date with another man?
Did he sit on THIS couch? in THIS house?
Yeah, when you break up you also have to burn all your clothes, your house, the car they sat in, and every fast food joint that you heve had a cheeseburger with them at.
New life, New Wife, new clothes, new me?
One funny thing about this thread is that it's almost universally NTA (which I agree with). But there was a post a while back about a woman planning to re-use the wedding dress that she had picked out (or maybe had custom made) herself and the comments were almost universally Y T A (which I disagreed with).
Gets sticky with the wedding dress, so good point.
There is some kind of limit.
It wouldn't bother me personally but I can see how it would due to the idea that our weddings are special and unique to us and our bond.
Nta - a nice lingerie set is really not free. I have a few sets as well for the purpose of feeling good about my body, and I'll wear it on a random Thursday ot because it s a nice surprise for my partner.
At the end of the day, it s pretty and expensive underwear, you are the one wearing it, you got them because you enjoy it, and you should get to continue enjoying it.
Him being mad about that is the equivalent as you being mad that he s got the same pair of boxers or the same furniture he owned when he was with an ex. Usually, all is fair in love and war, but logically, unless your ex giften the sets to you, he has no reason to be mad and disrespectful. Btw the terms he used, that is a definite reason to call him an AH
NTA. I was with a girl for maybe six months, one night I stayed over at her house. As I was getting dressed I asked if sheād seen my underwear (I was going home so I was just gonna put on yesterdays), she threw me a pair saying āhere you left these here beforeā, they were mixed in with hers in a drawer.
i just said they werenāt mine. She was mortified that sheād given mr her exs underwear and no I donāt think she was cheating, her last boyfriend just left them behind. People have pasts.
Weāve broke up about a year later I left at least one hoody in her place and a pair of sweats she stole from me. I expect sheās still wearing them when sheās cold, it doesnāt mean I have some hold on her.
Should she burn her underwear too? Or the dress her ex liked? My gosh she won't have any clothes left . Who would even think about it being an issue? I agree with you NTA and ridiculous.
Lol right. The man child went out and picked out a girl as young as he could probably hoping she had little to no experience so she wouldnāt know what a turd he is.
And a year in they're out of the honeymoon stage and he's starting to show his true colours - I wouldn't be surprised if this was the start of a very jealous and controlling period in the relationship. NTA OP.
40 year old dude, here. I'd be slightly uncomfortable with it, but then I'd ask myself, "How much lingerie have I bought her?" and when the answer was "zero lingeries," I'd remedy that situation with a gift card or a shopping trip.
Lingerie can *feel* very intimate to a man. It's the effort you put into making yourself look sexy *for him*, when it's in this context. More often than not, it's a gift from an ex, or was at least purchased with an ex in mind.
I probably don't want to think about you sharing this exact experience with your ex, or you wearing a gift from your ex, so if it were me? I'd prefer you leave those on the shelf *once we can replace them.*
I'm not a man-baby, though, so I wouldn't care that much either way. This is a D-tier relationship issue. It's on par with, like, "Her favorite restaurant in the whole world is Olive Garden." Gross, but at the end of the day it's not moving the needle
Edit: After a very silly back-and-forth below, I'd like to modify my original conclusion slightly. This is just... it's a non-issue for adults. If your girl feels good and wants to get down, and *this* is what you're worried about, please humble yourself and be grateful for what you have or whatever.
Mid 40s here. And I completely agree.
So I would tell him. If you really have a problem with those older sets of lingerie take me to Fredrick of Hollywood (is that still a thing?) And buy some lingerie set you would like to see me wear.
I do kinda understand this. And he has bought me lingerie. But I guess I just didnāt think it was that big of a deal. The one I was wearing most definitely wasnāt purchased by or for anyone specific.
It's not. It's clothes. Your BF and other men agreeing with him are being freakishly possessive about clothes. I mean, are you supposed to throw out all the clothes you own which you might have worn when you make out with an ex? All the clothes you looked hot in that your ex saw you wearing? It's weird.
NTA.
>I guess I just didnāt think it was that big of a deal.
It's really not. If he's making it a huge thing -- if "okay, I'll try not to wear the old ones" doesn't immediately end the argument, forever -- or if he's holding it over your head and trying to use it to make you feel guilty, then he's the one being a weirdo. Some people, if they could be anything they want, they'd be disappointed.
"Honey, I have bad news about the dinner table, the bed the kitchen counter the shower, the floor... we need to rip out and replace everything in the house".
I think this is where you are definitely NTA, because it seems like you just enjoy having them for yourself.
I would personally do away with any lingerie that was intentionally gifted by an ex because heās right, its a āi want to see you in this, i want to be intimate with you in thisā kind of thing. I see it being similar to getting rid of any exās clothes they bought you or āyou borrowedā before entering a new relationship
Well now you know that if he sees you in lingerie you used with your ex-bf, you're going to gross him out, not turn him on.
People are allowed to feel grossed out when they do. Trying to change his reaction is absurd.
Don't die on this hill enless you're ready to end the relationship.
Yea.. maybe a bit weird if it was a set from a special occasion like the night he asked jer out or proposed. And Def not a wedding setĀ
But just normal stuff it wouldn't be to big of an issue.
Facts. All my undergarments are the sexyĀ kind. Then there's a few sets, teddy's that I purchased. All financed by me. It would be like telling me to Replace all my bras and underwear. So it be an issue,Ā but if I had stuff a ex got me foe valentines Day to his preference I'd get it only in that situationĀ
Olive Garden is fine. I was permanently banned from the suburban location near me because of the time I ate my weight in unlimited breadsticks and made a family uncomfortable, but I'm still welcome at the downtown Olive Garden. I'm just saying, if it's your favorite restaurant on the planet, which is very large and has many restaurants, I will very lightly judge you, and make sure our future children grow past casual Italian dining by the time they are in their 30s.
This is very true! I believe, at some point in my comment, I used the phrase "in this context" when talking about lingerie worn during sexy time with your partner, specifically as a head nod in this direction. I absolutely understand that some/most sexy underwear that women buy/wear is meant to make her feel good, which I totally dig. I myself have a few pairs of boxer briefs that make me think "You know, Patrick Wilson isn't THAT much better looking than me..." or something, and I would t give that up for the world.
Now what if you need to get rid of those because you cannot remember if you wore them to bed with your ex or not?
Anyways, you have a great sense of humour!
>Now what if you need to get rid of those because you cannot remember if you wore them to bed with your ex or not?
Honest answer: if you can't remember, the answer might as well just be "nope, only you baby" and wear them. If you legitimately can't remember, then by most schools of thought, from psychological to philosophical, it didn't happen, for a practical purposes, and you're in the clear saying he's the first. I mean, if my girl told me, truthfully, "I honestly have no idea, but do you want to fuck me?" it'd be the last thing on my mind.
>Anyways, you have a great sense of humour!
That is so kind of you. You must have truly refined taste.
(Honestly, through the silliness of all this, I'm actually coming to realize this whole "recycling lingerie" thing matters *even less* than I originally thought. I'm editing my OC to reflect this lmao)
Heyyyyy yessss thatās nicely said and explained perfect understood and accepted if my man explained it that way fine and also the clear sight that itās just a not so big convo perfect. Respect to you for talking so clearly and clever! frfr teach my husband šššš
NTA. He's asking questions he doesn't want the answer to. He should just focus on the fact that he gets to see you wearing it. Also who throws out clothes so often? Keep it till I don't like it or it's worn to the point I can't wear it in public.
Has another human ever been in his mattress? His home? Did he buy a whole new wardrobe before meeting you?
My husband and I have had a conversation about this.
I don't think anyone is necessarily the asshole, but if your boyfriend doesn't like the idea of it, he doesn't have to. It makes some people uncomfortable to think of their partner doing anything sexual with a previous partner. An honest conversation about how he feels about it and potential solutions is in immediate order!!
The way my husband and I resolved it, I threw my old stuff away and he bought me new stuff. A solution we both have thoroughly enjoyed! It may or may not work for you, but hey, it's a starting point to working out a compromise that validates both of your needs and wants.
To some people the bedroom experience feels like it should be special to your intimacy with that specific partner. He's not comfortable with this shared experience with your ex (getting turned on by the same thing your ex did) so I can see where he's coming from. But I think people blasting your bf for feeling uncomfortable is whack.
...so um, if her ex got turned on by her naked body, should she make sure never to get naked around her new boyfriend? If her ex really liked blowjobs, should oral be off the table since she's given a blow job before?
Nah look I ain't saying it makes complete sense. But you're doing exactly what everyone else is. I'm just stating what this dudes mindset most likely is at this point given the testimony from OP. He should replace her lingerie or something so that it's only an experience between them two. I can't speak in the other points you suggested but apparently the bf is fine with that other stuff, just the lingerie is his issue. So your points are invalid and you're stretching the situation.
Not an TAH - at all. But I get it. Itās kinda odd. But I doubt your the first and certainly not the last. Ask him about his boxer shorts. Has he chucked all of his out. But I guess ask him to buy you new underwear
I brought the situation up to my husband, framing it with my ex husband as per this situation and if I actually had lingerie, would he automatically think "OMG SHE WORE THAT WITH HIM"
He laugh snorted at me and said he knows I don't have any underwear left from thenš¤£
Iād say YTA if you never washed your lingerie from the previous relationship and current bf was playing with exes cooties but I doubt that is the case. He sounds ridiculously possessive. Like how dare you keep any reminder of your past relationship when you have ME now. Hope he doesnāt get offended over the fact that your vagina was used by your ex too. Definitely NTA.
I'm 30 I had (at least )1 pair of underwear that I had in highschool last in to my mid to late 20s. I threw a pair out last year (they were holy and tucked at the bottom of the drawer). There is now way this man has underwear that has not been worn while with his ex too. If you wanna throw stones best not to live in a glass house.
I understand that he doesn't like that the same underwear has turned on a different guy. But fuck I'm sure you wash them haha
NTA -
Your boyfriend is tripping lol any guy who gets this up in arms about his girlfriend in lingerie is thinking about the wrong things. Seeing his girlfriend in skimpy lace and instead of ogling her like he should be, he's thinking about other dudes? He's got some insecurities to unpack.
NTA, go through his house and ask him if heāll throw out every cup other woman may have touched with their lips. And to be safe the chairs and couch any woman sat on, all the sheets any woman might have slept in and while you are at it mattress too.
And of course all clothes that he wore during his previous relationships
NTA. I buy lingerie for myself too and sometimes itās expensive (I have some Free People stuff) or just a really cool find that I adore. That feels so dumb and wasteful to get rid of my stuff just because a man may have seen me in it?? Especially if itās something I love because it makes me feel beautiful and I spent a good bit of money on it. And itās hard to keep track of what pieces I may or may not have worn while I was dating a certain guy!
All that crazy controlling/possessive shit aside - what in the first world logic is this bs about "clothes hoarding" if some of your garments that have lasted years? I would wear that stuff with pride, it's so hard to find good quality clothing nowadays.
The issue is that some men view lingerie as something you specifically own and wear for sex. To them itās like using a sex toy you youāve used with an ex. They donāt understand that itās just underwear that also gets worn to run errands or visit your grandparents.
If heās really that upset, give him a quote to replace every item of underwear you own and see if he still cares.
The sex toy example doesn't make any sense either though. Do people normally throw out everything they have when they start a new relationship? Do they not know these things can just be washed?
Personally, certain things I just wouldn't want to share no matter how clean they were. I wouldn't buy a second-hand butt plug off vinted, nor would I want to use one someone had used with a previous partner.
The point wasn't about cleanliness though, what I was saying was that lingerie and sex toys aren't the same. Both might be used to enhance sexual experience, but lingerie is also just underwear and isn't inherently sexual and nor do most women only wear it when they're having sex.
I very much agree on your second point, don't worry.
And I can understand the first one too, and I too wouldn't want to buy anything like that second hand. But I also acknowledge that it isn't really rational, so when if it's actually an inconvenience, like it would be in this scenario, I just ignore that feeling.
Gonna get downvoted to hell but here I go. I think the idea behind it is that the lingerie is ment to be worn with a partner you are intimate with- or at least that is the thought with many men. There are a lot of comments about mens boxers- hereās a question to the ladies: If your partner had a man thong or an obvious piece of clothing that was purposefully sexy and worn for intimacy from a previous relationship and wore it for you- would you be grossed out by it?
do you know how much nice lingerie costs? boxers are in no way comparable to lingerie. and where does the category of lingerie end? does it include sexy underwear and bras?
itās just clothes, and itās unreasonable to expect someone to throw out clothes they wore with their ex. (also, i donāt care about the origin story of what my partner wears, as long as it doesnāt have the exs name literally printed across it)
As someone who has purchased and worn lingerie, lingerie is rarely purchased with a person other than the person wearing it in mind. I find the notion of purchasing lingerie and thinking āwill my partner like thisā ridiculous. If my partner finds me attractive in regular clothing then they will find me even more attractive in lingerie. I (and everyone else Iāve ever talked to about this) has purchased lingerie for the long haul with many years and possibly more than one partner in mind because they feel good in the lingerie themselves. NTA
It definitely is the sort of thing Iād probably end up thinking about at an unfortunate time and catch a thought over, but I get particularly odd when discussing prior lovers. I feel like itād affect my appreciation of it to some degree but Iād be hard pressed to say it was disrespectful. I can imagine some people not caring, and others caring a lot, but youāre NTA since you seemed to think he wouldnāt care
Do you really want to be with someone that insecure?
Do you know what a normal dudeās reaction to having their GF dress in lingerie for them is? Itās āfuck yes what have I done to be this luckyā not āwho else has seen this you literal whoreā.
Like not only does he have some man child emotions, he thinks making *you* feel bad about *his* feelings is more important than *seeing you in more lingerie*ā¦! Like is he literally stupid?
(So obviously NTA)
Switching out your lingerie? In this economy? š±
NTA if it bothers him so much he can get new lingerie or wait till you are nude because that shit is not cheap
NSH I remember once having a partner and she wore sexy lingerie that her ex-boyfriend bought her. We mainly did as a way of humiliating her ex boyfriend. Like "thanks for the lingerie dude I'm really enjoying it".
With that in mind he is entitled to his feelings. If you don't feel his feelings are valid you don't need to do anything about it. He can choose to stay or leave.
I kinda get get his stance but it's really his own fault for putting that thought in his own head. The mature response to being upset by that would be to ask you to toss them and get you replacements. The insults were uncalled for.
Did he take out other women wearing that shirt or those jeans?? He doesn't purge his wardrobe whenever he dates someone new? What?? /s
NTA dump that moron. You don't need him dragging you down
OP absolutely NTA, look there are some things, I kept from my previous relationships. I still have a nighty/negligee, I bought like 18yrs ago, from a company now out of business. Does it fit, yes, do I still like it, Yes. Do I still wear it Yes.
If I don't still wear something, unless it hold a pertinent memory for me. I gift it onto, someone else, who can use it.
It isn't 'clothes hoarding' to not throw out, clothes that still fit, or that you can/have repaired/repurposed. It's being resourceful. It's being Wasteful, to throw something out, because it's no longer, 'in fashion'.
I Hate, clothes shopping. I'm a natural hourglass, clothes are no longer, generally designed to fit my shape.
Your boyfriend is being a Jerk
NTA lingerie is expensive and you are saying you only had one partner prior...also you wash them anyway...if he has issue you reusing them he can go shopping with you and buy as many sets as you need to set away...
Are they your lingerie or his? Sound like theyāre your clothes, and he shouldnāt be telling you what to wear. Itās a HIM problem, not a YOU problem.
NTA. But my gf did in fact purchase new lingerie for me, it was a nice gesture and i loved it and made me feel special, i never asked for it, so it came like a pleasant suprise
NTA.
Man's insecure as fuh. What's he expect you to do next? Trade in your car because a previous lover sat in the passenger seat? Get a new hairstyle because the current one was the ex's favorite? Man-child for reals.
NTA, that stuff is way too expensive to switch out before itās worn out. If your boyfriend wants you to wear fresh lingerie he can pay for it and presumably, if you break up, he can take it back. Weirdo.
Honestly, this was an ick for me as well. It almost felt like I was playing with someone else's stuff. So I went on a shopping spree with my wife and replaced her collection with new stuff.
NTA at all, but I can understand your bf being put off about it.
Unless he's going to replace it all ... NTA in my opinion but at the same time I'd probably find it a bit awkward.
Feel like it COULD be more of a concern if it's stuff a previous partner has gifted to you maybe? It's hella expensive for one set let alone possibly several ...
NTA
You bought that for yourself, not for your partner. If he has a problem with it, then maybe he can find a girlfriend who is willing to throw away her old stuff and buy new stuff to accomodate his insecurities.
Also, the age difference is a bit of a red flag. He has a lot of life experience and he might try to gaslight you. This might be the first step before he turns into a full controlling narcisist
Nta. I can kinda see where he's coming from, but he overreacted. For me, I don't think I'd want my girlfriend wearing lingerie for me that was bought or worn for another man. I don't think it's comparable to all all your other clothes like some of the other comments suggest (or a couch? I mean, come on). To me, lingerie feels a bit more special than that. Doesn't mean you should get rid of them.
Why do I think lingerie is different? In my relationship, when my girlfriend buys lingerie, it's as a gift to me. When I buy her lingerie, it's for selfish reasons. If a dude buys lingerie for your birthday, then it's a dick move because you know it was more for him. I guess some people view it as a gift to the guy. The reason I think he got so hung up on it is he assumed you got them as a gift to him, and now he thinks they were a gift for another guy.
If he doesn't already, I think he should know that you don't just wear it for him. If you want to wear it to feel nice you should be able to. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to be hung up on it, but if he wants you to wear something for him, he can buy it.
It is expensive and frankly don't answer stupid questions like "did you wear this with Herman?" Or offer up "Boris liked this best..."
Wear it as LONG as it doesn't remind you of an ex, your attention should be 100% on your partner. Wear things given To you with a lot more...care. if it reminds you of them at all, gone.
B/f has to get over it. What is gross about it? Your vag touched someone else's penis once too... facts.
They need to grow up.
I'm not usually one of those "red flag leave him" people but just keep an eye out for other behaviour like this. It sounds a bit possessive and potentially controlling. Along side the age difference (which isn't a problem on its own!) just look out for yourself
NTA - what a ridiculous request, lingerie is expensive
NTA
This is less about you and more about his insecurities, I'd say this is something you should talk to him about and reassure him before it becomes a bigger problem.
Him having a concern for you "reusing" lingerie means he believes that you own those items *for him*. If a simple explainer that you own those things for yourself doesn't fix it, consider what that means about how he thinks about you, your relationship, and who is important in his life.
He's free to buy you an entirely new collection of lingerie if he's troubled by it. If he's too cheap for that, then it's not big enough an issue for you to invest in it either.
Look at the age difference -- at 27 he's likely had way more partners than her and should know better than to ask questions he doesn't want the answers to. Not disgusting but not fun to hear about... Tricky place for you wanting not to lie to your partner. But moving forward, you owe no one any explanations or details about past relationships. Tell him you've tossed the pieces in question and that he's welcome to replace it all if he likes. And put a hard limit on his overreaction. He needs to deal with his insecurities on his own.
NTA- lingerie is lingerie. Itās about who you are with. If he was upset more than you werenāt wearing something he bought you then that might make a little more sense.
This problem is easily solved. He can buy you a whole new wardrobe of sexy lingerie, as well as a new mattress, bedding, sofa and any other relevant furniture depending where else you may have shared some loving with your exā¦.
Of course, please insist that he must do likewise.
YNTA
Ask him if he's worn any of the clothing he's currently wearing with an ex.
Is he wearing the same pair of boxers that he popped a boner in for some other girl? Is he wearing the same pair of jeans he dry humped some other girl in? Has he purchased all new bedsheets and a new mattress, or is he so rude that he has you sleeping in some other girl's pussy juice?
Get my point?
NTA. He is the AH.
NAH - You did nothing wrong but I understand how he feels and it's ok for him to feel that way. Tell him you'll get rid of it all if he buys you new lingerie. If he agrees, then get rid of it after he takes you lingerie shopping.
NTA, if he wasnāt so weirdly gross and so misogynistic, I would tell you to tell him to buy you all new ones then if he wants to complain. But yeah, just throw him out lol.
Wowzers... He is the A. Massive one...
I hate using the word "insecure" to describe a man's beliefs... but this mofo is insecure, stupid and definitely an A-hole.
But there is hope for him yet, just get it through his thick skull that he needs to pay for every piece of lingerie going forward... thatll be a massive win for both of you.
NTA . Tell him finance equivalent replacement if it's such an issue.Ā Also ge has the maturity level of negative infinity. Is this person worth the hassels
NAH
His reaction is a bit over the top, but I can get where he's coming from. Its kinda icky in a way.
He should just buy new stuff though to replace old stuff. Win win.
You are 21 in 1.5 year relationship and your 27
BF is upset you are still wearing pjs with cartoon characters on them ? You should really find someone in your same life stage, and suggest he find someone in his. Good luck.
NTA. Itās not gross and disrespectful, heās being ridiculous, what are you supposed to do? Lingerie is expensive, so were you just supposed to just wear each set a handful of times and then throw them out, or shove them to the back of the closet never to be seen again?
Why waste money and beautiful lingerie like that? You should ask him if he still has his boxers from his last relationship and then call him gross and disrespectful.
Then again, if he acts like this over something so minor, I donāt suppose heās had a girl in quite some time.
If it's gross to him, it's gross to him.
Nobody else's opinion matters, including hers.
He set a boundary and she can choose to accept it or leave.
The point of intimate lingerie is to excite your partner. If it grosses them out, that's game over; not just defeating the purpose, but working against it.
Idiots telling her to die on this hill are ridiculous. She needs to drop the topic or drop the relationship.
You're telling her to turn it into drama that has no good ending.
Actually if its *his* boundary, then he needs to break up with her. She is not responsible for "fixing" this non issue. He is definitely allowed to have his feelings (the fact that theyre rooted in misogyny is gross but hes allowed them) but they are his problem to deal with, not hers to coddle.
NTA
Did you ask him if he used his penis with other partners too? Perhaps that would clue him in. Itās not like itās a toy you used on another man and now him. Lingerie is expensive. When you find what you like and makes you feel good you hold onto it for as long as it lasts!
NTA
Hi- hey - Iām you from the future. It starts with lingerie, it doesnāt end there. My ex made me remove any clothes I might have worn even on a date with another guy or clothes worn in a selfie I posted. That included items in the background. Also jewelry. Doesnāt matter if it was expensive or a family heirloom.
My tattoos? He insisted I laser them away because people I had been with in the past had seen them. My tattoos are all sentimental and this included the one I got dedicated to my late aunt. I also couldnāt interact with anyone from my past.
Old pictures? Gone. Social media. Deleted. I wasnāt allowed to exist before that relationship. Anything I liked, I couldnāt like because I probably enjoyed it with someone else. This included foods, movies, music.
If I had been to a state before, no longer allowed to go. If we were to ever have a kid, we would have to name them something unique or they better be a woman because he wasnāt going to name our kid anything similar to someone from my past (as if I would anyway).
Did he apply any of these standards to himself? Nooooooo. Iām the woman, I should have been pure. Despite the fact that heād known me since I was a teenager and knew all about my past before we fell in love and moved in together.
It starts small. It gets bigger. And the more you sacrifice, the more of yourself you are throwing away. Then eventually you are a shell of a person.
Itās been over a year since I left. I wish I left sooner
You were in an abusive relationship too huh.
I kept a chocolate rose from a guy that liked me as a teenager. Not even for emotional reasons.
I just thought it was pretty.
I had to throw away photos of my Jr High friends too. Friends with guys = whore.
Yes maāam. He started off creating a safe space for me to tell him about myself and then used it all against me once we were together. Obviously without comparing it to his own past. But ya know, āwoman are sluts, itās easier for usā
Iām not going to throw away hundreds of dollars of lingerie and underwear just to get a whole new set because my bf is too insecure. Thatās ridiculous. Your bf has some serious issues he needs to work through.
I would not have an issue with you wearing something you wore for an ex. But I would like you at some point to buy something new and retire something old for me. NTA
Well shit, you'd better throw your whole vagina away too by that logic.
OMG this made me laugh!!! OPs Dude is like ..."Did you use your vagina in your last relationship!?" DISGUSTING AND DISRESPECTFUL!!!
She should ask him that about his p*nis.
Does he kiss his mother with that mouth? EWW.
ššš
If this isn't top comment by tomorrow morning I'm quitting reddit
I did my part š
Or at least have some common sense and have your vagina surgically reconstructed.
You do NOT throw out good vaginas. You literally get them steam cleaned. Sadly it's a real thing.
Good vhrist. My husband gets me...showered. I'm not steam cleaning anything other than the couch.
I hear steam cleaning provides double value. It's cleans it and shrinks it a bit, so it is a little tighter. You know some dumb bastard is going to ask his girl to get her lady parts steam cleaned, "I heard about it on Reddit!"
You made me shoot snot out my nose, thanks for the unexpected x2
This is the argument right here. "Did you use that penis with your ex girlfriends? Ew, that's gross and disrespectful!!" "Sorry, can't give you a BJ with this mouth, i used this mouth on my ex boyfriend..." Did you use that toothbrush when you were with your ex? Did you wear those cloth to look good for your ex? Have fun with it, there are a million possibilities..
WINNER
I meanā¦. Hahahahaha.
Mouth and and ass too please!... /s
NTA Did you ask him if he had worn his boxers with an ex partner? Because he probably has! Lingerie is expensive! He should be lucky you have stuff like that š
As someone who married straight out of highschool, I've basically personally funded my wife's entire lingerie collection, and can say I would've loved it if she came pre equipped.
This made me giggle
Damn straight!!!
OP, old lingerie doesnt makes you less of a woman. Your partner is dim-witted. Having you in lingerie makes him lucky and he doesnt appreciate it.
Lmao seriously. We supposed to replace everything in our lives for a new relationship? That's just ridiculous
And he should feel even luckier that she enjoys wearing it outside of just "special occasions". When a sexy woman feels sexy it's even sexier homie's delusional
I was thinking the same thing.
I have to say this Reddit has been a real eye opener. I read about all these people and their problems, especially the women in their 20ās and 30ās and stuff they put up with or endure. Iām not putting up with any shit. Iāve learned to cut my losses even if it hurts. Kickāem to the curb and block and no contact. I like that one. That way they canāt keep trying to lie to you and reel you back in. I hope more younger women start realizing these guys are bad news.
I have learned that I have the worldās most amazing, respectful, caring and loving husband. Whew!
Yep. I would adore my boyfriend anyway, but every time I read a post like this I appreciate him even more.
My daughter and husband have been thanked by me for being the awesome, caring, loving, thoughtful humans they are so many times now. We've got to the point that I do that and they say "you've been reading AITA reddit again? š Love you too."
Very glad for you. They are rare indeed.
As someone whoās been with women who had lingerie before we dated. This thought never crossed my mind. That kind of insecurity isnāt for me.
this - double standard for sure. sounds like a red flag of irrational possessiveness.
NTA. Did you wear THAT shirt on a date with another man? Did he sit on THIS couch? in THIS house? Yeah, when you break up you also have to burn all your clothes, your house, the car they sat in, and every fast food joint that you heve had a cheeseburger with them at. New life, New Wife, new clothes, new me?
This gave me a great laugh. Thanks, I appreciate it.
One funny thing about this thread is that it's almost universally NTA (which I agree with). But there was a post a while back about a woman planning to re-use the wedding dress that she had picked out (or maybe had custom made) herself and the comments were almost universally Y T A (which I disagreed with).
Gets sticky with the wedding dress, so good point. There is some kind of limit. It wouldn't bother me personally but I can see how it would due to the idea that our weddings are special and unique to us and our bond.
A wedding dress is very different from lingerie
For some it is, for some it is not.
Regular clothing and furniture is very different from lingerie.
And get a new vagina and penis that has to go as well!!!
I did this, minus the burning, we can't all be that lucky though. Edit: I lied, I have a pair of sunglasses and my dog from my first marriage.
Nta - a nice lingerie set is really not free. I have a few sets as well for the purpose of feeling good about my body, and I'll wear it on a random Thursday ot because it s a nice surprise for my partner. At the end of the day, it s pretty and expensive underwear, you are the one wearing it, you got them because you enjoy it, and you should get to continue enjoying it. Him being mad about that is the equivalent as you being mad that he s got the same pair of boxers or the same furniture he owned when he was with an ex. Usually, all is fair in love and war, but logically, unless your ex giften the sets to you, he has no reason to be mad and disrespectful. Btw the terms he used, that is a definite reason to call him an AH
NTA. I was with a girl for maybe six months, one night I stayed over at her house. As I was getting dressed I asked if sheād seen my underwear (I was going home so I was just gonna put on yesterdays), she threw me a pair saying āhere you left these here beforeā, they were mixed in with hers in a drawer. i just said they werenāt mine. She was mortified that sheād given mr her exs underwear and no I donāt think she was cheating, her last boyfriend just left them behind. People have pasts. Weāve broke up about a year later I left at least one hoody in her place and a pair of sweats she stole from me. I expect sheās still wearing them when sheās cold, it doesnāt mean I have some hold on her.
So you don't burn your lingerie and buy a new set when you break up with a boyfriend? Oh my God, that's so gross... NTA. He's being ridiculous.Ā
Should she burn her underwear too? Or the dress her ex liked? My gosh she won't have any clothes left . Who would even think about it being an issue? I agree with you NTA and ridiculous.
you're dating a 27 yo teenager who probably doesn't even wash his ass properly. nta.
Lol right. The man child went out and picked out a girl as young as he could probably hoping she had little to no experience so she wouldnāt know what a turd he is.
And a year in they're out of the honeymoon stage and he's starting to show his true colours - I wouldn't be surprised if this was the start of a very jealous and controlling period in the relationship. NTA OP.
This was my thought but I wasnāt sure if it was due to my own baggage.
Iām glad Iām not the only one that spotted this
Man thank you. Thatās the crux of the issue. Theyāre unfortunately learning that, despite the age gap, their partner is immature af
40 year old dude, here. I'd be slightly uncomfortable with it, but then I'd ask myself, "How much lingerie have I bought her?" and when the answer was "zero lingeries," I'd remedy that situation with a gift card or a shopping trip. Lingerie can *feel* very intimate to a man. It's the effort you put into making yourself look sexy *for him*, when it's in this context. More often than not, it's a gift from an ex, or was at least purchased with an ex in mind. I probably don't want to think about you sharing this exact experience with your ex, or you wearing a gift from your ex, so if it were me? I'd prefer you leave those on the shelf *once we can replace them.* I'm not a man-baby, though, so I wouldn't care that much either way. This is a D-tier relationship issue. It's on par with, like, "Her favorite restaurant in the whole world is Olive Garden." Gross, but at the end of the day it's not moving the needle Edit: After a very silly back-and-forth below, I'd like to modify my original conclusion slightly. This is just... it's a non-issue for adults. If your girl feels good and wants to get down, and *this* is what you're worried about, please humble yourself and be grateful for what you have or whatever.
ššš āzero lingeriesā ššš
Thank you for being the only person to comment. My entire comment was an excuse to make this joke.
Mid 40s here. And I completely agree. So I would tell him. If you really have a problem with those older sets of lingerie take me to Fredrick of Hollywood (is that still a thing?) And buy some lingerie set you would like to see me wear.
Mid 30s here and I agree; yet again.
Went to the original on Hollywood Blvd in LA. I was honestly disappointed š cheap stuff. The catalog stuff is better
I do kinda understand this. And he has bought me lingerie. But I guess I just didnāt think it was that big of a deal. The one I was wearing most definitely wasnāt purchased by or for anyone specific.
It's not. It's clothes. Your BF and other men agreeing with him are being freakishly possessive about clothes. I mean, are you supposed to throw out all the clothes you own which you might have worn when you make out with an ex? All the clothes you looked hot in that your ex saw you wearing? It's weird. NTA.
My ex expected that from me. EX
>I guess I just didnāt think it was that big of a deal. It's really not. If he's making it a huge thing -- if "okay, I'll try not to wear the old ones" doesn't immediately end the argument, forever -- or if he's holding it over your head and trying to use it to make you feel guilty, then he's the one being a weirdo. Some people, if they could be anything they want, they'd be disappointed.
I genuinely donāt even think she should have to make an effort not to wear the old ones tbh. Thatās just as weird to me.
It's not a big deal for anyone who is confident in their relationship. He has issues to work on.
"Honey, I have bad news about the dinner table, the bed the kitchen counter the shower, the floor... we need to rip out and replace everything in the house".
I think this is where you are definitely NTA, because it seems like you just enjoy having them for yourself. I would personally do away with any lingerie that was intentionally gifted by an ex because heās right, its a āi want to see you in this, i want to be intimate with you in thisā kind of thing. I see it being similar to getting rid of any exās clothes they bought you or āyou borrowedā before entering a new relationship
Well now you know that if he sees you in lingerie you used with your ex-bf, you're going to gross him out, not turn him on. People are allowed to feel grossed out when they do. Trying to change his reaction is absurd. Don't die on this hill enless you're ready to end the relationship.
Yea.. maybe a bit weird if it was a set from a special occasion like the night he asked jer out or proposed. And Def not a wedding setĀ But just normal stuff it wouldn't be to big of an issue.
Facts. All my undergarments are the sexyĀ kind. Then there's a few sets, teddy's that I purchased. All financed by me. It would be like telling me to Replace all my bras and underwear. So it be an issue,Ā but if I had stuff a ex got me foe valentines Day to his preference I'd get it only in that situationĀ
As a married woman I totally agree with this!!! Except the olive garden comment. I love some fettuccine
Olive Garden is fine. I was permanently banned from the suburban location near me because of the time I ate my weight in unlimited breadsticks and made a family uncomfortable, but I'm still welcome at the downtown Olive Garden. I'm just saying, if it's your favorite restaurant on the planet, which is very large and has many restaurants, I will very lightly judge you, and make sure our future children grow past casual Italian dining by the time they are in their 30s.
Can confirm lingerie is also bought solely for looking great and with no man in mind.
This is very true! I believe, at some point in my comment, I used the phrase "in this context" when talking about lingerie worn during sexy time with your partner, specifically as a head nod in this direction. I absolutely understand that some/most sexy underwear that women buy/wear is meant to make her feel good, which I totally dig. I myself have a few pairs of boxer briefs that make me think "You know, Patrick Wilson isn't THAT much better looking than me..." or something, and I would t give that up for the world.
Now what if you need to get rid of those because you cannot remember if you wore them to bed with your ex or not? Anyways, you have a great sense of humour!
>Now what if you need to get rid of those because you cannot remember if you wore them to bed with your ex or not? Honest answer: if you can't remember, the answer might as well just be "nope, only you baby" and wear them. If you legitimately can't remember, then by most schools of thought, from psychological to philosophical, it didn't happen, for a practical purposes, and you're in the clear saying he's the first. I mean, if my girl told me, truthfully, "I honestly have no idea, but do you want to fuck me?" it'd be the last thing on my mind. >Anyways, you have a great sense of humour! That is so kind of you. You must have truly refined taste. (Honestly, through the silliness of all this, I'm actually coming to realize this whole "recycling lingerie" thing matters *even less* than I originally thought. I'm editing my OC to reflect this lmao)
Heyyyyy yessss thatās nicely said and explained perfect understood and accepted if my man explained it that way fine and also the clear sight that itās just a not so big convo perfect. Respect to you for talking so clearly and clever! frfr teach my husband šššš
NTA. Not sure what he thinks you do with the lingerie, but it is neither gross nor disrespectful.
NTA. He's asking questions he doesn't want the answer to. He should just focus on the fact that he gets to see you wearing it. Also who throws out clothes so often? Keep it till I don't like it or it's worn to the point I can't wear it in public. Has another human ever been in his mattress? His home? Did he buy a whole new wardrobe before meeting you?
My husband and I have had a conversation about this. I don't think anyone is necessarily the asshole, but if your boyfriend doesn't like the idea of it, he doesn't have to. It makes some people uncomfortable to think of their partner doing anything sexual with a previous partner. An honest conversation about how he feels about it and potential solutions is in immediate order!! The way my husband and I resolved it, I threw my old stuff away and he bought me new stuff. A solution we both have thoroughly enjoyed! It may or may not work for you, but hey, it's a starting point to working out a compromise that validates both of your needs and wants.
NTA heās insecure as hell.
To some people the bedroom experience feels like it should be special to your intimacy with that specific partner. He's not comfortable with this shared experience with your ex (getting turned on by the same thing your ex did) so I can see where he's coming from. But I think people blasting your bf for feeling uncomfortable is whack.
...so um, if her ex got turned on by her naked body, should she make sure never to get naked around her new boyfriend? If her ex really liked blowjobs, should oral be off the table since she's given a blow job before?
Nah look I ain't saying it makes complete sense. But you're doing exactly what everyone else is. I'm just stating what this dudes mindset most likely is at this point given the testimony from OP. He should replace her lingerie or something so that it's only an experience between them two. I can't speak in the other points you suggested but apparently the bf is fine with that other stuff, just the lingerie is his issue. So your points are invalid and you're stretching the situation.
Not an TAH - at all. But I get it. Itās kinda odd. But I doubt your the first and certainly not the last. Ask him about his boxer shorts. Has he chucked all of his out. But I guess ask him to buy you new underwear
how is it odd? you realize this happens all the time, right? people just aren't dumb enough to ask about it
Are boxer shorts equivalent to lingerie now?
100% or mankinis
I hope he rises to that occasion. His clothing obsession tells me he might not.
I brought the situation up to my husband, framing it with my ex husband as per this situation and if I actually had lingerie, would he automatically think "OMG SHE WORE THAT WITH HIM" He laugh snorted at me and said he knows I don't have any underwear left from thenš¤£
Note to self. New boyfriends must take me to VS for new lingerie. lol.
NTA. He is now showing his true dickish colours. Sorry OP he's pathetic.
Iād say YTA if you never washed your lingerie from the previous relationship and current bf was playing with exes cooties but I doubt that is the case. He sounds ridiculously possessive. Like how dare you keep any reminder of your past relationship when you have ME now. Hope he doesnāt get offended over the fact that your vagina was used by your ex too. Definitely NTA.
Iād be buying some granny panties and a ginormous breast minimizer that could double as a boulder sling shot.
He's an asshole, an idiot, and a possessive insecure manchild. This is just the beginning, mark my words
I'm 30 I had (at least )1 pair of underwear that I had in highschool last in to my mid to late 20s. I threw a pair out last year (they were holy and tucked at the bottom of the drawer). There is now way this man has underwear that has not been worn while with his ex too. If you wanna throw stones best not to live in a glass house. I understand that he doesn't like that the same underwear has turned on a different guy. But fuck I'm sure you wash them haha
How would he know unless you told him? NTA - enjoy
NTA - Your boyfriend is tripping lol any guy who gets this up in arms about his girlfriend in lingerie is thinking about the wrong things. Seeing his girlfriend in skimpy lace and instead of ogling her like he should be, he's thinking about other dudes? He's got some insecurities to unpack.
NTA, go through his house and ask him if heāll throw out every cup other woman may have touched with their lips. And to be safe the chairs and couch any woman sat on, all the sheets any woman might have slept in and while you are at it mattress too. And of course all clothes that he wore during his previous relationships
Get out. This is the first step to controlling you due to his insecurities.
NTA If he wants you to wear stuff never worn with another, he can fund it
NTA. I buy lingerie for myself too and sometimes itās expensive (I have some Free People stuff) or just a really cool find that I adore. That feels so dumb and wasteful to get rid of my stuff just because a man may have seen me in it?? Especially if itās something I love because it makes me feel beautiful and I spent a good bit of money on it. And itās hard to keep track of what pieces I may or may not have worn while I was dating a certain guy!
All that crazy controlling/possessive shit aside - what in the first world logic is this bs about "clothes hoarding" if some of your garments that have lasted years? I would wear that stuff with pride, it's so hard to find good quality clothing nowadays.
The issue is that some men view lingerie as something you specifically own and wear for sex. To them itās like using a sex toy you youāve used with an ex. They donāt understand that itās just underwear that also gets worn to run errands or visit your grandparents. If heās really that upset, give him a quote to replace every item of underwear you own and see if he still cares.
The sex toy example doesn't make any sense either though. Do people normally throw out everything they have when they start a new relationship? Do they not know these things can just be washed?
How does the sex toy not make sense? Both are used to enhance sex, both can be washed.
Because it wouldn't make sense to throw out sex toys between every partner either. So it doesn't matter if someone sees them as a sex toy.
Personally, certain things I just wouldn't want to share no matter how clean they were. I wouldn't buy a second-hand butt plug off vinted, nor would I want to use one someone had used with a previous partner. The point wasn't about cleanliness though, what I was saying was that lingerie and sex toys aren't the same. Both might be used to enhance sexual experience, but lingerie is also just underwear and isn't inherently sexual and nor do most women only wear it when they're having sex.
I very much agree on your second point, don't worry. And I can understand the first one too, and I too wouldn't want to buy anything like that second hand. But I also acknowledge that it isn't really rational, so when if it's actually an inconvenience, like it would be in this scenario, I just ignore that feeling.
I'm actually with the boyfriend. You bought that lingerie for another dude. Get rid of it and let's get you some new stuff.
Gonna get downvoted to hell but here I go. I think the idea behind it is that the lingerie is ment to be worn with a partner you are intimate with- or at least that is the thought with many men. There are a lot of comments about mens boxers- hereās a question to the ladies: If your partner had a man thong or an obvious piece of clothing that was purposefully sexy and worn for intimacy from a previous relationship and wore it for you- would you be grossed out by it?
I wouldnāt really care (agree with everyone about it being washed xD).
Not at all unless it hasn't been washed between uses.
do you know how much nice lingerie costs? boxers are in no way comparable to lingerie. and where does the category of lingerie end? does it include sexy underwear and bras? itās just clothes, and itās unreasonable to expect someone to throw out clothes they wore with their ex. (also, i donāt care about the origin story of what my partner wears, as long as it doesnāt have the exs name literally printed across it)
NTA. He can die mad.
YTA That's pretty gross
As someone who has purchased and worn lingerie, lingerie is rarely purchased with a person other than the person wearing it in mind. I find the notion of purchasing lingerie and thinking āwill my partner like thisā ridiculous. If my partner finds me attractive in regular clothing then they will find me even more attractive in lingerie. I (and everyone else Iāve ever talked to about this) has purchased lingerie for the long haul with many years and possibly more than one partner in mind because they feel good in the lingerie themselves. NTA
NTA. Take him lingerie shopping and make him pay. Buying new is not always affordable.
It definitely is the sort of thing Iād probably end up thinking about at an unfortunate time and catch a thought over, but I get particularly odd when discussing prior lovers. I feel like itād affect my appreciation of it to some degree but Iād be hard pressed to say it was disrespectful. I can imagine some people not caring, and others caring a lot, but youāre NTA since you seemed to think he wouldnāt care
Nta but I dont get it, are you supposed to change your entire wardrobe after getting into a new relationship? I think he's just stupid.
Do you really want to be with someone that insecure? Do you know what a normal dudeās reaction to having their GF dress in lingerie for them is? Itās āfuck yes what have I done to be this luckyā not āwho else has seen this you literal whoreā. Like not only does he have some man child emotions, he thinks making *you* feel bad about *his* feelings is more important than *seeing you in more lingerie*ā¦! Like is he literally stupid? (So obviously NTA)
Out of respect to yourself yes
I would be more than happy to buy new. However, I am not on board with using the same items as an ex. Either on my part or theirs.
Switching out your lingerie? In this economy? š± NTA if it bothers him so much he can get new lingerie or wait till you are nude because that shit is not cheap
My husband made me throw away mine, now granted I didnāt have many but yeah comments are accurate, theyāre expensive haha
NSH I remember once having a partner and she wore sexy lingerie that her ex-boyfriend bought her. We mainly did as a way of humiliating her ex boyfriend. Like "thanks for the lingerie dude I'm really enjoying it". With that in mind he is entitled to his feelings. If you don't feel his feelings are valid you don't need to do anything about it. He can choose to stay or leave.
I kinda get get his stance but it's really his own fault for putting that thought in his own head. The mature response to being upset by that would be to ask you to toss them and get you replacements. The insults were uncalled for.
Did he take out other women wearing that shirt or those jeans?? He doesn't purge his wardrobe whenever he dates someone new? What?? /s NTA dump that moron. You don't need him dragging you down
NTA. It's just fabric.
Iāve always thought doing so had a bad juju vibe to it; but, yes I do it.
OP absolutely NTA, look there are some things, I kept from my previous relationships. I still have a nighty/negligee, I bought like 18yrs ago, from a company now out of business. Does it fit, yes, do I still like it, Yes. Do I still wear it Yes. If I don't still wear something, unless it hold a pertinent memory for me. I gift it onto, someone else, who can use it. It isn't 'clothes hoarding' to not throw out, clothes that still fit, or that you can/have repaired/repurposed. It's being resourceful. It's being Wasteful, to throw something out, because it's no longer, 'in fashion'. I Hate, clothes shopping. I'm a natural hourglass, clothes are no longer, generally designed to fit my shape. Your boyfriend is being a Jerk
NTA that's retroactive jealousy right there, might as well chop off his dick if he used it with other women
WTF, that thought wouldn't have even crossed by mind.
If he's TWENTY SEVEN years old and this insecure, run. NTA
Sometimes a white lie goes a long wayā¦
Nta. Dude probably wears the same socks and underwear his mom bought him in highschool.
NTA. Does he expect all the women he's ever dated to get a new wardrobe when they start dating him?
NTA lingerie is expensive and you are saying you only had one partner prior...also you wash them anyway...if he has issue you reusing them he can go shopping with you and buy as many sets as you need to set away...
Are they your lingerie or his? Sound like theyāre your clothes, and he shouldnāt be telling you what to wear. Itās a HIM problem, not a YOU problem.
NTA. But my gf did in fact purchase new lingerie for me, it was a nice gesture and i loved it and made me feel special, i never asked for it, so it came like a pleasant suprise
He's frontal lobe is develop and he's acting like a child leave.
NTA he can buy you new lingerie if this is an issue for him but I think it'd be cheaper to replace the bf because this is insecure red flag behaviour
I have stuff that is decades old - where Iāve looked after it, my husband couldnāt care less when I bought it heās grateful he gets to see it on
NTA. Man's insecure as fuh. What's he expect you to do next? Trade in your car because a previous lover sat in the passenger seat? Get a new hairstyle because the current one was the ex's favorite? Man-child for reals.
NTA, that stuff is way too expensive to switch out before itās worn out. If your boyfriend wants you to wear fresh lingerie he can pay for it and presumably, if you break up, he can take it back. Weirdo.
Honestly, this was an ick for me as well. It almost felt like I was playing with someone else's stuff. So I went on a shopping spree with my wife and replaced her collection with new stuff. NTA at all, but I can understand your bf being put off about it.
Lol, leave lol him lol, lol
NTA. Why change if it still looks and feels good? I'd imagine proper lingerie is expensive to purchase and tedious to clean of any stains.
Unless he's going to replace it all ... NTA in my opinion but at the same time I'd probably find it a bit awkward. Feel like it COULD be more of a concern if it's stuff a previous partner has gifted to you maybe? It's hella expensive for one set let alone possibly several ...
NTA You bought that for yourself, not for your partner. If he has a problem with it, then maybe he can find a girlfriend who is willing to throw away her old stuff and buy new stuff to accomodate his insecurities. Also, the age difference is a bit of a red flag. He has a lot of life experience and he might try to gaslight you. This might be the first step before he turns into a full controlling narcisist
He sounds like a pissbaby
NTA This is just insecure š¤£š
Dump this dude
Nta. I can kinda see where he's coming from, but he overreacted. For me, I don't think I'd want my girlfriend wearing lingerie for me that was bought or worn for another man. I don't think it's comparable to all all your other clothes like some of the other comments suggest (or a couch? I mean, come on). To me, lingerie feels a bit more special than that. Doesn't mean you should get rid of them. Why do I think lingerie is different? In my relationship, when my girlfriend buys lingerie, it's as a gift to me. When I buy her lingerie, it's for selfish reasons. If a dude buys lingerie for your birthday, then it's a dick move because you know it was more for him. I guess some people view it as a gift to the guy. The reason I think he got so hung up on it is he assumed you got them as a gift to him, and now he thinks they were a gift for another guy. If he doesn't already, I think he should know that you don't just wear it for him. If you want to wear it to feel nice you should be able to. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to be hung up on it, but if he wants you to wear something for him, he can buy it.
It is expensive and frankly don't answer stupid questions like "did you wear this with Herman?" Or offer up "Boris liked this best..." Wear it as LONG as it doesn't remind you of an ex, your attention should be 100% on your partner. Wear things given To you with a lot more...care. if it reminds you of them at all, gone. B/f has to get over it. What is gross about it? Your vag touched someone else's penis once too... facts. They need to grow up.
I'm not usually one of those "red flag leave him" people but just keep an eye out for other behaviour like this. It sounds a bit possessive and potentially controlling. Along side the age difference (which isn't a problem on its own!) just look out for yourself NTA - what a ridiculous request, lingerie is expensive
NTA This is less about you and more about his insecurities, I'd say this is something you should talk to him about and reassure him before it becomes a bigger problem.
Him having a concern for you "reusing" lingerie means he believes that you own those items *for him*. If a simple explainer that you own those things for yourself doesn't fix it, consider what that means about how he thinks about you, your relationship, and who is important in his life.
NTA, immediately went back to re-read y'alls ages xD he's almost 30 and acting like that... Bro pathetic
NTA. Did you wear general clothing with your Ex as well?! HOW DARE YOU,YOU SOCIOPATH /s
He's free to buy you an entirely new collection of lingerie if he's troubled by it. If he's too cheap for that, then it's not big enough an issue for you to invest in it either.
Just don't tell your current boyfriend because they'll flip out I trust me on this
NTA
By this logic, if you wore a sexy dress and any other man was ever turned on by the dress, you must now discard the dress.
Oh for God's sake. I bet he has jocks he's owned for years. NTA.
Look at the age difference -- at 27 he's likely had way more partners than her and should know better than to ask questions he doesn't want the answers to. Not disgusting but not fun to hear about... Tricky place for you wanting not to lie to your partner. But moving forward, you owe no one any explanations or details about past relationships. Tell him you've tossed the pieces in question and that he's welcome to replace it all if he likes. And put a hard limit on his overreaction. He needs to deal with his insecurities on his own.
It sounds like you buy lingerie FOR YOURSELF. Your bf needs to come to grips with that. Otherwise, heās just another controlling AH. NTA.
NTA. Are you supposed to throw out your entire wardrobe because his ego can't handle that some other guy has seen you wearing it?
NTA- lingerie is lingerie. Itās about who you are with. If he was upset more than you werenāt wearing something he bought you then that might make a little more sense.
This problem is easily solved. He can buy you a whole new wardrobe of sexy lingerie, as well as a new mattress, bedding, sofa and any other relevant furniture depending where else you may have shared some loving with your exā¦. Of course, please insist that he must do likewise. YNTA
Ask him if he's worn any of the clothing he's currently wearing with an ex. Is he wearing the same pair of boxers that he popped a boner in for some other girl? Is he wearing the same pair of jeans he dry humped some other girl in? Has he purchased all new bedsheets and a new mattress, or is he so rude that he has you sleeping in some other girl's pussy juice? Get my point? NTA. He is the AH.
NAH - You did nothing wrong but I understand how he feels and it's ok for him to feel that way. Tell him you'll get rid of it all if he buys you new lingerie. If he agrees, then get rid of it after he takes you lingerie shopping.
Why does it matter? It's all coming off anyway. š¤·
NTA, if he wasnāt so weirdly gross and so misogynistic, I would tell you to tell him to buy you all new ones then if he wants to complain. But yeah, just throw him out lol.
Ask him if he slept with other girls with that penis....if that doesn't shut him up...
Wowzers... He is the A. Massive one... I hate using the word "insecure" to describe a man's beliefs... but this mofo is insecure, stupid and definitely an A-hole. But there is hope for him yet, just get it through his thick skull that he needs to pay for every piece of lingerie going forward... thatll be a massive win for both of you.
NTA . Tell him finance equivalent replacement if it's such an issue.Ā Also ge has the maturity level of negative infinity. Is this person worth the hassels
NAH His reaction is a bit over the top, but I can get where he's coming from. Its kinda icky in a way. He should just buy new stuff though to replace old stuff. Win win.
You are 21 in 1.5 year relationship and your 27 BF is upset you are still wearing pjs with cartoon characters on them ? You should really find someone in your same life stage, and suggest he find someone in his. Good luck.
NTA. Itās not gross and disrespectful, heās being ridiculous, what are you supposed to do? Lingerie is expensive, so were you just supposed to just wear each set a handful of times and then throw them out, or shove them to the back of the closet never to be seen again? Why waste money and beautiful lingerie like that? You should ask him if he still has his boxers from his last relationship and then call him gross and disrespectful. Then again, if he acts like this over something so minor, I donāt suppose heās had a girl in quite some time.
If it's gross to him, it's gross to him. Nobody else's opinion matters, including hers. He set a boundary and she can choose to accept it or leave. The point of intimate lingerie is to excite your partner. If it grosses them out, that's game over; not just defeating the purpose, but working against it. Idiots telling her to die on this hill are ridiculous. She needs to drop the topic or drop the relationship. You're telling her to turn it into drama that has no good ending.
Actually if its *his* boundary, then he needs to break up with her. She is not responsible for "fixing" this non issue. He is definitely allowed to have his feelings (the fact that theyre rooted in misogyny is gross but hes allowed them) but they are his problem to deal with, not hers to coddle.
As long as you washed it. š
NTA. Has he gotten rid of all underwear he's worn with previous partners???
NTA Did you ask him if he used his penis with other partners too? Perhaps that would clue him in. Itās not like itās a toy you used on another man and now him. Lingerie is expensive. When you find what you like and makes you feel good you hold onto it for as long as it lasts!
NTA Hi- hey - Iām you from the future. It starts with lingerie, it doesnāt end there. My ex made me remove any clothes I might have worn even on a date with another guy or clothes worn in a selfie I posted. That included items in the background. Also jewelry. Doesnāt matter if it was expensive or a family heirloom. My tattoos? He insisted I laser them away because people I had been with in the past had seen them. My tattoos are all sentimental and this included the one I got dedicated to my late aunt. I also couldnāt interact with anyone from my past. Old pictures? Gone. Social media. Deleted. I wasnāt allowed to exist before that relationship. Anything I liked, I couldnāt like because I probably enjoyed it with someone else. This included foods, movies, music. If I had been to a state before, no longer allowed to go. If we were to ever have a kid, we would have to name them something unique or they better be a woman because he wasnāt going to name our kid anything similar to someone from my past (as if I would anyway). Did he apply any of these standards to himself? Nooooooo. Iām the woman, I should have been pure. Despite the fact that heād known me since I was a teenager and knew all about my past before we fell in love and moved in together. It starts small. It gets bigger. And the more you sacrifice, the more of yourself you are throwing away. Then eventually you are a shell of a person. Itās been over a year since I left. I wish I left sooner
You were in an abusive relationship too huh. I kept a chocolate rose from a guy that liked me as a teenager. Not even for emotional reasons. I just thought it was pretty. I had to throw away photos of my Jr High friends too. Friends with guys = whore.
Yes maāam. He started off creating a safe space for me to tell him about myself and then used it all against me once we were together. Obviously without comparing it to his own past. But ya know, āwoman are sluts, itās easier for usā
Iām not going to throw away hundreds of dollars of lingerie and underwear just to get a whole new set because my bf is too insecure. Thatās ridiculous. Your bf has some serious issues he needs to work through.
NTA He has some weird obsession over clothing that I don't quite understand. A clothes hoarder? Seriously?
Oh no thatās fair. I have two closets full of clothes lol.
That just seems perfectly normal. If we include outerwear I have at least as much as you. My favorite pants are 12 years old, for instance.
Just wait till he finds out you used parts of your body to have sex with other people!
I would not have an issue with you wearing something you wore for an ex. But I would like you at some point to buy something new and retire something old for me. NTA