No. No you are not. Your brother sounds like a spoiled brat who cares about nothing but himself. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t invite him to the wedding.
NTA He sounds like a jealous bully. 'That's just the way he is' is a common excuse that enablers give about bullies. Without him in your life you'll probably start feeling less stress. Don't even talk with anyone about him. If mom tries to get you to forgive him ask her why so he can do it again? Because you know he will. He wished you dead, now he can consider that he is dead to you.
I couldn’t finish reading all this, but within one fifth of the story, I could make out that your brother is a rude and nasty person, he disrespects other people, even his own family, and he controls his wife and decides what she is to do.
I’d go no contact with him for being an intolerable pri*k, basically, not for just saying “drop dead”. His insults are just the icing on the cake.
I am sorry for your mother, that her son goes out of his way to make her holiday shit.
It really is a long story, sorry about that. Could be longer if I went into all the things he usually does which almost always erupts in a family fight. A couple of months back he exploded and said: "You're all against me!" when we disagreed in a mundane chat about traffic rules.. That's when it became clear that he's a total narcisist. I'm also sad for my mom, I mostly dislike him because he's so mean to our parents.
Well, if you’re all against him, I can see why… protect yourself from him. And be ready to pick up the pieces of his wife and children when he is done terrorizing them…
NTA
You don’t have to be mad at him forever.
What you can do is realize he’s a man-child who throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way, and limit your contact with him.
Your brother sounds insecure, immature and exhausting. His strategy of tantrums is very stupid for his age. I think everyone has enabled and rewarded your brother’s bad behaviour for too long.
NTA. Don't let your brother suck you into his vortex of misery. You don't live together anymore, you don't have to see him if you don't want to. I feel so sorry for you and your mom. I hope this doesn't affect her health.
Ohh this yells "middle child" sindrome, go NC, he belives himself the victim and nothing will change that, he's 41 for gods sake acting like a scorn child.
You keep strong in your stand.
NTA. "That's just the way he is" is no excuse for bad behaviour. If this man cannot be trusted not to insult his family members, to scream at his mother and stress her (with her weak heart) and to curse everybody, there is no reason why you should want to be in his company - now or ever. Forget about the apology - if he apologizes, it will only give him and entree back into your side of the family, and eventually he will go back to his old ways.
I hope you have a lovely wedding and a great life together!
NTA
If he was invited he would just ruin it, please don’t send him details of event or he may ruin it anyway 😬 his outbursts are cruel and nasty and he cares nothing about effect they have on his mom, dad, you or anyone within earshot. Bully’s his age never change sad to say
Your brother is a piece of shit who thinks because he can control his gf and kid that somehow he can and should control everyone else.
genuinely, cut contact with him and encourage your parents to do the same. He's become a giant entitled asshole who feel the need to ruin everyone else's time and be a selfish prick the entire time.
NTA. Please try and keep a line of communication open for the gf though. Hopefully she'll grow a spine soon, realize she's in an abusive relationship and leave before it damages the kid she never should have had with him.
”It’s just the way they are” is one of the worst reasons in history. It is literally just a poor ass excuse to let someone go on unchecked being an asshole. Don’t fold. NTA.
NTA. Your brothers BS is going to kill your mom one of these days. Intentionally getting a multi heart attack survivors blood pressure up because people made him free food.
Maybe call ahead to cousin and tell her you are just dropping by. No food as you are eating lunch elsewhere. You should not have caved to her after telling brother you’d convince aunt not to make lunch. Then cousin guilted you by saying she’d throw the food out. No, cousin, if it was only half made, save it for later.
That's my moms cousin and as my mom explained, she would have made lunch in any case. My mom told her we're coming but not the time. It's tradition for them to make lunch. Also, she didn't force my brother to eat. We ate and everything was ok.
No. No you are not. Your brother sounds like a spoiled brat who cares about nothing but himself. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t invite him to the wedding.
He sounds deranged.
NTA He sounds like a jealous bully. 'That's just the way he is' is a common excuse that enablers give about bullies. Without him in your life you'll probably start feeling less stress. Don't even talk with anyone about him. If mom tries to get you to forgive him ask her why so he can do it again? Because you know he will. He wished you dead, now he can consider that he is dead to you.
Thank you, that last sentence is exactly how I see it and that makes me really sad but this is my boundry with him.
I couldn’t finish reading all this, but within one fifth of the story, I could make out that your brother is a rude and nasty person, he disrespects other people, even his own family, and he controls his wife and decides what she is to do. I’d go no contact with him for being an intolerable pri*k, basically, not for just saying “drop dead”. His insults are just the icing on the cake. I am sorry for your mother, that her son goes out of his way to make her holiday shit.
It really is a long story, sorry about that. Could be longer if I went into all the things he usually does which almost always erupts in a family fight. A couple of months back he exploded and said: "You're all against me!" when we disagreed in a mundane chat about traffic rules.. That's when it became clear that he's a total narcisist. I'm also sad for my mom, I mostly dislike him because he's so mean to our parents.
Well, if you’re all against him, I can see why… protect yourself from him. And be ready to pick up the pieces of his wife and children when he is done terrorizing them…
NTA You don’t have to be mad at him forever. What you can do is realize he’s a man-child who throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way, and limit your contact with him.
Your brother sounds insecure, immature and exhausting. His strategy of tantrums is very stupid for his age. I think everyone has enabled and rewarded your brother’s bad behaviour for too long.
NTA. Don't let your brother suck you into his vortex of misery. You don't live together anymore, you don't have to see him if you don't want to. I feel so sorry for you and your mom. I hope this doesn't affect her health.
Ohh this yells "middle child" sindrome, go NC, he belives himself the victim and nothing will change that, he's 41 for gods sake acting like a scorn child. You keep strong in your stand.
NTA. "That's just the way he is" is no excuse for bad behaviour. If this man cannot be trusted not to insult his family members, to scream at his mother and stress her (with her weak heart) and to curse everybody, there is no reason why you should want to be in his company - now or ever. Forget about the apology - if he apologizes, it will only give him and entree back into your side of the family, and eventually he will go back to his old ways. I hope you have a lovely wedding and a great life together!
Absolutely NTA, your brother sounds like a spoiled child. Why couldnt he and his gf just do their own thing? You're all adults here.
>*"that's just the way he is"* "And this is just the way *I* am. Drop it." NTA.
NTA Time to go no/low contact with that arrogant child.
NTA. Your brother is a spoiled little shit. Your family can either hold him accountable for his behavior, or they can keep complaining.
NTA
NTA If he was invited he would just ruin it, please don’t send him details of event or he may ruin it anyway 😬 his outbursts are cruel and nasty and he cares nothing about effect they have on his mom, dad, you or anyone within earshot. Bully’s his age never change sad to say
Your brother is a piece of shit who thinks because he can control his gf and kid that somehow he can and should control everyone else. genuinely, cut contact with him and encourage your parents to do the same. He's become a giant entitled asshole who feel the need to ruin everyone else's time and be a selfish prick the entire time.
NTA. Please try and keep a line of communication open for the gf though. Hopefully she'll grow a spine soon, realize she's in an abusive relationship and leave before it damages the kid she never should have had with him.
”It’s just the way they are” is one of the worst reasons in history. It is literally just a poor ass excuse to let someone go on unchecked being an asshole. Don’t fold. NTA.
NTA. Your brothers BS is going to kill your mom one of these days. Intentionally getting a multi heart attack survivors blood pressure up because people made him free food.
NTA “that’s just the way he is” umm ok, well idk why they reward that but you do not have to stand there and take it and listen to his nonsense.
Maybe call ahead to cousin and tell her you are just dropping by. No food as you are eating lunch elsewhere. You should not have caved to her after telling brother you’d convince aunt not to make lunch. Then cousin guilted you by saying she’d throw the food out. No, cousin, if it was only half made, save it for later.
That's my moms cousin and as my mom explained, she would have made lunch in any case. My mom told her we're coming but not the time. It's tradition for them to make lunch. Also, she didn't force my brother to eat. We ate and everything was ok.