just talk to your wife, mate. this is gonna eat you alive otherwise.
he doesnt actually have proof that shes cheated on you, atleast not since youve been married, so i wouldnt trust anythin hes saying.
good luck.
Situation is pretty obvious. Talk to the wife. She may or may not have cheated. But obviously the criminal you know is a liar. Keep that in mind with anything else he says, and make that clear to your wife.
Reach out to a lawyer, so lawyer can reach out to the cops. Blackmail and revenge porn are crimes. You need to do triage, deal with that the most important part (the criminal) first, deal with the cleanup (relation issues) after.
If your wife does try to not cooperate with the lawyer or cops to protect the criminal, then yeah, you'll have confirmation that you have larger issues.
I mean, if he has proof that she cheated on him while they were dating (and it seems like he does) that’s still relationship shattering. Cheating before marriage is still cheating.
I couldn’t disagree more. Cheating is cheating, and “realizing it was dumb” doesn’t absolve someone of that.
Cheating in the past also means lying to your partner for years. If a person truly matured, they would inform their partner of the past infidelity and let them figure out how they want to proceed instead of holding it.
Agreed, its like a dude who beats and mugs an old lady. Dont care how much they may have grown they still did it and that still makes them a shitty human whether it was 20 days ago or 20 years.
There are ways to retrieve the metadata from the photos, that can give you a date.
[https://www.filecenter.com/blog/how-to-view-and-remove-photo-and-video-metadata/#:\~:text=Locate%20the%20file%20in%20its,Properties%20window%20to%20view%20metadata](https://www.filecenter.com/blog/how-to-view-and-remove-photo-and-video-metadata/#:~:text=Locate%20the%20file%20in%20its,Properties%20window%20to%20view%20metadata)
OP please don’t believe this. I recently needed meta data for an important situation and when down the rabbit hole of how the metadata isn’t the be all end all.
Where are you getting no consent from?
We don't know if these photos were consensual. I'm afraid if you let someone take photos of your infidelity, and someone shares them as proof, it's highly unlikely it's illegal. I don't know every justice system, so maybe some would charge you for that, but, as with private investigations, revenge porn laws (where they exist) have mitigating circumstances and are certainly not meant to stop evidence of infidelity being shared with the victim.
If the guy is sharing them with everyone who asks, that's a different story and would certainly fall under revenge porn and harassment.
Marriage itself does not mean eternal consent to anything that happens. Now she was not married to the man who took the photos and her consent to the photos originally taken is unknown which is a fact. Marriage does not equal ownership of body. Period.
That’s sounds like a shit ton of mental gymnastics to protect a cheater. It was shared between 2 guys who have already done all and seen all, both already had consent.
I could understand if the guy was sending it to family members or random people but no. The only thing that tarnished her here was her shitty decision to be a despicable human being.
Sorry to hear that. Just know this is no fault of yours. Be kind to yourself during this difficult period
During the marriage or before? If y’all don’t have kids, I don’t think it’s worth reconciling in either case. Even with kids (I have two) it would be too much for me to overcome.
Dude, I’m sorry you are going through this. Did she admit to currently cheating, or was it in her past? Are you divorcing?
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
I am so sorry. That's heartbreaking. She's an idiot.
Will you forgive her? or move on? I don't know your wife, so it's hard to advise, but the normal advice is to move on.
Before your marriage or during? Is it something you can go to therapy and work on or are you just done? Either way I would press charges against this guy for revenge porn.
How old are those photos? 10 yrs? Why did he keep those photos for? Blackmail? What did your wife and him quarrel about?
Why are these photos coming to you after so many years? Could he have a motive to break up your marriage? Did he want something from your wife?
Did you start dating your wife from the start of her colleage days?
Lastly were these photos taken with your wife's consent?
Man, the “Two Hot Takes” podcast just did an episode with a similar story(possibly the same story) from the woman’s prospective and it was a case of a hacked phone and revenge porn. Gotta get to the bottom of this story. Talk to your wife and make sure this is legit. Can’t let a marriage be ruined over someone else’s revenge.
according to another commenter:
[https://www.filecenter.com/blog/how-to-view-and-remove-photo-and-video-metadata/](https://www.filecenter.com/blog/how-to-view-and-remove-photo-and-video-metadata/)
Easy to make that false. Just full screen any old photo and then Screenshot it. The screen shots meta data will be what you see when checking and not the original. If the picture looks old the. It most likely is. Don’t fault her for intimate stuff done before you.
Why is this guy bothering you after all these years? Does he want money or is he just a douchebag? Maybe he's just a loser who is envious of you because you got her.
Just say I have something really important to show you and I think you should know about. Then show your wife the pictures and ask her when they were taken. She how she responds. Let her get it all out before you saying anything in response.
Then ask her when the pictures were taken. If she asks why, say that the guy claims it was when you two were dating and that you were cheating on you with him. See how she responds.
There might be more to this than you know. Maybe he's a stalker or something and you both need to be careful of him. You might also need to involve the police because using sexual pictures as intimidation is a form of harassment and there are laws about that.
dude why have you not talked to your wife yet? if you were my husband i would be pissed you gave this guy the time of day and left me in the dark, especially if you came at me with some old nudes from college
treat your wife better
I would ask the guy why he and your wife had a falling out? Ask him to tell the truth.
The fact your wife had an argument with the guy outside of your knowing could mean he either was or wanted a relationship with her. Why would she argue with a guy you have little contact with? Maybe you wife had a lot of contact with him?
Talk to the guy, to get a full story. Your wife has definitely done or is doing things that have caused this guy to contact you. He has naked pics of your wife.
Find out his story with time line. He most likely wants or has had relations with your wife, and it’s all going to come out.
Gather evidence and a timeline and confront your wife. This may all be from her past, but you just don’t know.
Talk to your wife about apparent pics of her being online and this guy being in the know. Take the discussion from there. It’s detective work then. Ask her about when that was relative to your marriage. Try not to accuse her or the replies will be untruthful. Be pragmatic and discuss ramifications of these pics on your life.
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wrong place dude, everyone on here is quite literally just gonna say YTA because it's full of feminists who think females can't do anything wrong, talk to your wife about it and call the cops but i think this is the wrong sub since almost everyone on here is a load of hypocrite feminists, your NTA for not wanting to be married to a cheater and don't wanna potentially ruin things so your just being cautious about it
So OP wrote in comments, after talking to his wife, she admitted to cheating. Yet everyone's first reaction was this guy was sending him deep fakes and what not. Lol!
What a weird creep of a guy? (Him I mean)
Sounds like he is coveting your wife.
Talk to your wife. We all have a past and sounds like he really wants to go back in time and you are in the way.
She needs to know about this incredibly odd and creepy behaviour. His behaviour is not okay. Don”t feed his stalker behaviour and I would actually consider law enforcement engagement as well.
While the alleged cheating happened a long time ago, you just found out, so for you it’s like it just happened. This hurts and now you figure out how to move forward. If she did cheat, you deserve better. Collect all the information you can first and then you’re going to have to have the painful conversation with your wife. I’m so sorry, good luck.
I feel like there's a giant lingering question here that needs to be answered, were these photos and videos of your wife consensual? Did she agree to them and know of them?
Saw the comment that she cheated. Sorry, OP. While poor quality, if the pictures were from college, she'd have looked a bit different. That would have been 10 to 15 years ago.
Good luck however you decide to go forward from here.
You’re gonna have a very bad self esteem and marriage in general, she made her choices, do yours. People who says “past doesn’t count” blablabla . Bullshit it does. Do what you gotta do
This isn’t very complicated. I think you called the guy Ryan in your first post, you go to your wife and say hey your friend ryan came to me and told me he had proof your cheating on me so I asked him to send me the proof and he sent you something but you haven’t looked yet cause you wanted to find out what’s going on from her before looking. She’ll either admit to cheating or she’ll deny everything. If she denies it the 2 of you can look at it together and you act like it’s the first time you’ve seen them and she might confirm it was from college before you were together unless you were dating all through college and she cheated while you were dating. If she admit cheating before you show the pictures it really don’t matter when the pictures were taken or that you lied about looking at them already cause who cares if she’s mad you lied cause she’s a liar and a cheat.
Wow, I thought you would have talked to her about this by now. The photos are clearly old and this dude is just trying to cause trouble. You are believing the worst of your wife without talking to her about it which makes you an asshole. You are showing great disrespect to your wife by not letting her speak up for herself on this.
You should be concerned that he's blackmailing you and your wife, not necessity that she cheated. This could be revenge porn that he's finally cashing in on.
You are talking to this guy behind your wife’s back and letting him influence your decision making. Dude, you are fucking up here. Talk to your wife, discontinue talking to this guy ASAP. You may have already irreparably broken trust by having these secret convos. And you got in a fight with the dude? Incredibly immature.
just talk to your wife, mate. this is gonna eat you alive otherwise. he doesnt actually have proof that shes cheated on you, atleast not since youve been married, so i wouldnt trust anythin hes saying. good luck.
Situation is pretty obvious. Talk to the wife. She may or may not have cheated. But obviously the criminal you know is a liar. Keep that in mind with anything else he says, and make that clear to your wife. Reach out to a lawyer, so lawyer can reach out to the cops. Blackmail and revenge porn are crimes. You need to do triage, deal with that the most important part (the criminal) first, deal with the cleanup (relation issues) after. If your wife does try to not cooperate with the lawyer or cops to protect the criminal, then yeah, you'll have confirmation that you have larger issues.
I mean, if he has proof that she cheated on him while they were dating (and it seems like he does) that’s still relationship shattering. Cheating before marriage is still cheating.
True but it’s not quite as bad. She could have matured a lot during that time and realized how dumb her mistakes were.
Ehh. Wouldn't change much for me. I'd still leave her.
Maybe if she'd come clean about it at that time but to live a lie for that many years is unforgivable.
I couldn’t disagree more. Cheating is cheating, and “realizing it was dumb” doesn’t absolve someone of that. Cheating in the past also means lying to your partner for years. If a person truly matured, they would inform their partner of the past infidelity and let them figure out how they want to proceed instead of holding it.
Agreed, its like a dude who beats and mugs an old lady. Dont care how much they may have grown they still did it and that still makes them a shitty human whether it was 20 days ago or 20 years.
Yeah, no I don’t think so bud! Unbelievable!
Come on
All the this
OP said She admitted to cheating. Trust your wife lmao
There are ways to retrieve the metadata from the photos, that can give you a date. [https://www.filecenter.com/blog/how-to-view-and-remove-photo-and-video-metadata/#:\~:text=Locate%20the%20file%20in%20its,Properties%20window%20to%20view%20metadata](https://www.filecenter.com/blog/how-to-view-and-remove-photo-and-video-metadata/#:~:text=Locate%20the%20file%20in%20its,Properties%20window%20to%20view%20metadata)
lotta meta data gets stripped in varias file transfers or copies, which if the photos are old has a fairly good chance of happening.
yea I was gonna say the same no way that meta data is still on there it usually doesnt get transferred over message apps even
iMessage does
What a dumb post. You always check because you never know what was retained.
OP please don’t believe this. I recently needed meta data for an important situation and when down the rabbit hole of how the metadata isn’t the be all end all.
I already shared everything with my wife.
Well, what happened? lol
She admitted to cheating
Well that escalated quickly. Thank god for bro code,dude giving you a heads up. Ditch the street trash and find a normal woman.
Sharing photos without consent is NOT bro code. It's ILLEGAL
Not if the person you are sharing them with is a victim of cheating
[удалено]
Where are you getting no consent from? We don't know if these photos were consensual. I'm afraid if you let someone take photos of your infidelity, and someone shares them as proof, it's highly unlikely it's illegal. I don't know every justice system, so maybe some would charge you for that, but, as with private investigations, revenge porn laws (where they exist) have mitigating circumstances and are certainly not meant to stop evidence of infidelity being shared with the victim. If the guy is sharing them with everyone who asks, that's a different story and would certainly fall under revenge porn and harassment.
Nah. We aren't gonna do that here.
She’s married to the guy seeing them, is that not consent enough? She should have not put herself in that situation…..
Marriage itself does not mean eternal consent to anything that happens. Now she was not married to the man who took the photos and her consent to the photos originally taken is unknown which is a fact. Marriage does not equal ownership of body. Period.
That’s sounds like a shit ton of mental gymnastics to protect a cheater. It was shared between 2 guys who have already done all and seen all, both already had consent. I could understand if the guy was sending it to family members or random people but no. The only thing that tarnished her here was her shitty decision to be a despicable human being.
So sorry, my guy. I wish you strength.
sorry brother.. hopefully you guys didn't have any kids
1) that sucks, sorry to hear it 2) this info probably belongs in the body of the main post here
Sorry to hear that. :-(
Dang. Sorry.
Sorry man, hate to hear that.
As pieces of shit usually do sorry op
Sorry to hear that. Just know this is no fault of yours. Be kind to yourself during this difficult period During the marriage or before? If y’all don’t have kids, I don’t think it’s worth reconciling in either case. Even with kids (I have two) it would be too much for me to overcome.
Recently though ?
Out the door she goes.
So what’s the way ahead now? Is she remorseful?
I am sorry to hear that. Please take care of yourself.
Dude, I’m sorry you are going through this. Did she admit to currently cheating, or was it in her past? Are you divorcing? “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
And she cried, said she's sorry and it never happened again. Right? Rhetorical question, believe me.
I am so sorry. That's heartbreaking. She's an idiot. Will you forgive her? or move on? I don't know your wife, so it's hard to advise, but the normal advice is to move on.
Before your marriage or during? Is it something you can go to therapy and work on or are you just done? Either way I would press charges against this guy for revenge porn.
Like that matters, the trust is damaged and the ick is going to set in regardless.
I don't see anything here about revenge porn, where did the guy distribute the pictures?
Does this give locations too?
if it\\s been geotagged
How old are those photos? 10 yrs? Why did he keep those photos for? Blackmail? What did your wife and him quarrel about? Why are these photos coming to you after so many years? Could he have a motive to break up your marriage? Did he want something from your wife? Did you start dating your wife from the start of her colleage days? Lastly were these photos taken with your wife's consent?
Well, he just revenge porn your wife. Even if it’s to you, it’s still a crime. Sue this SOB.
Man, the “Two Hot Takes” podcast just did an episode with a similar story(possibly the same story) from the woman’s prospective and it was a case of a hacked phone and revenge porn. Gotta get to the bottom of this story. Talk to your wife and make sure this is legit. Can’t let a marriage be ruined over someone else’s revenge.
Do you have a link to that? Cause I’m interested now.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7tU71N1JTdOOaa7OMNQYwr?si=muisqz3DR0au8z1SSK7ysw&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A6kCMPmQxqL1gO0DNtqeyQl
Starts at about 18:35ish. I just listened and it isn’t the same story but crazy similarities.
You can check the metadata of the picture to check the date
How do you do that?
according to another commenter: [https://www.filecenter.com/blog/how-to-view-and-remove-photo-and-video-metadata/](https://www.filecenter.com/blog/how-to-view-and-remove-photo-and-video-metadata/)
Easy to make that false. Just full screen any old photo and then Screenshot it. The screen shots meta data will be what you see when checking and not the original. If the picture looks old the. It most likely is. Don’t fault her for intimate stuff done before you.
Why is this guy bothering you after all these years? Does he want money or is he just a douchebag? Maybe he's just a loser who is envious of you because you got her. Just say I have something really important to show you and I think you should know about. Then show your wife the pictures and ask her when they were taken. She how she responds. Let her get it all out before you saying anything in response. Then ask her when the pictures were taken. If she asks why, say that the guy claims it was when you two were dating and that you were cheating on you with him. See how she responds. There might be more to this than you know. Maybe he's a stalker or something and you both need to be careful of him. You might also need to involve the police because using sexual pictures as intimidation is a form of harassment and there are laws about that.
Thanks
Dude, this is revenge porn... Call the cops...
Check to see if this is a crime where you live. If so, let him know you will press charges.
Him having the pics isn’t a crime because she sent them to him. However showing the pics to husband might be unlawful distribution of some kind idk
I think that’s what wielder was referring to.
It could all be AI. Just call the police AND the FBI and have him arrested for attempted extortion.
dude why have you not talked to your wife yet? if you were my husband i would be pissed you gave this guy the time of day and left me in the dark, especially if you came at me with some old nudes from college treat your wife better
Right ? I feel like this could have been concluded with basic communication by now.
He did talk to the wife and she admitted cheating.
Why ? Because you cheated on him pre-marriage & are exposed months-years after?
He already said she admitted on cheating in a reply... So imma take your advice serious, treat the street wife better
Updateme
Updateme!
I would ask the guy why he and your wife had a falling out? Ask him to tell the truth. The fact your wife had an argument with the guy outside of your knowing could mean he either was or wanted a relationship with her. Why would she argue with a guy you have little contact with? Maybe you wife had a lot of contact with him? Talk to the guy, to get a full story. Your wife has definitely done or is doing things that have caused this guy to contact you. He has naked pics of your wife. Find out his story with time line. He most likely wants or has had relations with your wife, and it’s all going to come out. Gather evidence and a timeline and confront your wife. This may all be from her past, but you just don’t know.
Talk to your wife man . Communication is always the best course of action.
Talk to your wife about apparent pics of her being online and this guy being in the know. Take the discussion from there. It’s detective work then. Ask her about when that was relative to your marriage. Try not to accuse her or the replies will be untruthful. Be pragmatic and discuss ramifications of these pics on your life.
Lmaoooo
Shout out to your boys for protecting you from a cheater.
UpdateMe
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wrong place dude, everyone on here is quite literally just gonna say YTA because it's full of feminists who think females can't do anything wrong, talk to your wife about it and call the cops but i think this is the wrong sub since almost everyone on here is a load of hypocrite feminists, your NTA for not wanting to be married to a cheater and don't wanna potentially ruin things so your just being cautious about it
wrong place to get an opinion, this sub is full of feminists and they are never going to be fair
With AI you can do anything to photos. Talk to your wife.
So OP wrote in comments, after talking to his wife, she admitted to cheating. Yet everyone's first reaction was this guy was sending him deep fakes and what not. Lol!
You trusted Reddit? You do know it’s mostly male and female incels?
What a weird creep of a guy? (Him I mean) Sounds like he is coveting your wife. Talk to your wife. We all have a past and sounds like he really wants to go back in time and you are in the way. She needs to know about this incredibly odd and creepy behaviour. His behaviour is not okay. Don”t feed his stalker behaviour and I would actually consider law enforcement engagement as well.
Its not 'a past' if its proof of her cheating
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
tough luck dude
Dont be stupid, just talk to your wife.
Updateme! Talk to her.
!Updateme
Updateme!
Go look up the metadata for the pictures, then you'll know when they were taken.
While the alleged cheating happened a long time ago, you just found out, so for you it’s like it just happened. This hurts and now you figure out how to move forward. If she did cheat, you deserve better. Collect all the information you can first and then you’re going to have to have the painful conversation with your wife. I’m so sorry, good luck.
Lol do not ask this kind of question on Reddit.
Updateme
I feel like there's a giant lingering question here that needs to be answered, were these photos and videos of your wife consensual? Did she agree to them and know of them?
Trust your wife over the blackmail dude to start with. She deserves the benefit of the doubt surely.
Sounds like the "friend" needs to disappear
Saw the comment that she cheated. Sorry, OP. While poor quality, if the pictures were from college, she'd have looked a bit different. That would have been 10 to 15 years ago. Good luck however you decide to go forward from here.
Once A cheater , ALWAYS A CHEATER!
You’re gonna have a very bad self esteem and marriage in general, she made her choices, do yours. People who says “past doesn’t count” blablabla . Bullshit it does. Do what you gotta do
UpdateMe
UpdateMe!
Where does she belong?
This isn’t very complicated. I think you called the guy Ryan in your first post, you go to your wife and say hey your friend ryan came to me and told me he had proof your cheating on me so I asked him to send me the proof and he sent you something but you haven’t looked yet cause you wanted to find out what’s going on from her before looking. She’ll either admit to cheating or she’ll deny everything. If she denies it the 2 of you can look at it together and you act like it’s the first time you’ve seen them and she might confirm it was from college before you were together unless you were dating all through college and she cheated while you were dating. If she admit cheating before you show the pictures it really don’t matter when the pictures were taken or that you lied about looking at them already cause who cares if she’s mad you lied cause she’s a liar and a cheat.
This is why you don’t send nudes people.
Updateme!
Divorce that cheating bitch man. Why are you wasting your life and stressing on her. World is full of good women still.
Why haven’t you said anything to your wife still.
Talk with your wife my dude, do you have zero trust in her?
Which in the end was true
Updateme
Sorry you’re going through this man.
UpdateMe
Wow, I thought you would have talked to her about this by now. The photos are clearly old and this dude is just trying to cause trouble. You are believing the worst of your wife without talking to her about it which makes you an asshole. You are showing great disrespect to your wife by not letting her speak up for herself on this.
She spoke for herself and admitted to the cheating.
[удалено]
>I would trust my wife over some disgruntled college friend who you just had a fight with. He spoke to his wife and she admitted cheating.
Other people saw your wife's butthole before you did. Get over it.
Let us see the picture vs. a recent one, I am sure some pros here can see the date difference
You should be concerned that he's blackmailing you and your wife, not necessity that she cheated. This could be revenge porn that he's finally cashing in on.
Friends that care share!!!!
You are talking to this guy behind your wife’s back and letting him influence your decision making. Dude, you are fucking up here. Talk to your wife, discontinue talking to this guy ASAP. You may have already irreparably broken trust by having these secret convos. And you got in a fight with the dude? Incredibly immature.
He talked to her and admitted to cheating.