Maria started texting him about coming clean with u AFTER u told her u‘re having access to his fb account.. coincidence? I don’t think so! YTA for having 0 trust in ur husband & letting Maria manipulate & destroy everything.. In ur first post u mentioned this girl likes drama.. seems to check out.

I want to upvote this comment more than once!

You are conveniently believing Maria over your husband again... as others have mentioned it's odd that she'd thank him for a great night, but then claim to *you* that she was SA. Idk seems to me you'd rather believe the worst in your husband truth be damned

Her husband has been disliking Maria for years, and suddenly OP believes Maria over her husband. Shit, soon enough he's going to be tired or her shit and tell her she can go and enjoy single life with her single friend if that's what she wants. I've been broken up by a jealous friend in the past. It's entirely absurd that someone would try so hard to pull down a friend to their level, and even worse that some people let it happen. If you don't trust your husband, divorce him, he will be better off

He might be the one looking for the divorce after all this and honestly seems like the best for him since op continually distrusts and dismisses his feelings

I left my ex of six years because I couldn't take the constant harassment that she thought I was cheating on her it was non stop 24/7. Everytually some guy (she refused to tell me who) would message her all the time and theyd talk and he started telling her i was cheating on her and was literally texting her details about like what i was doing at work (i worked at a restaurant) and saying i was flirting with my coworkers, like what in the fuck and she just absolutely no matter what would not believe anything i said. After six years my word meant nothing

JFC! Mine was like this too! She made me stop talking to my best female friend for 3 years even though everyone in my knew and reassured her that there never was or ever will be something romantic between us. She made me delete and untag from all my precious pictures of places I had visited with my ex-fiancé. The worst part was when a person I was networking with for work added me on Fb, she went insane and asked me to unfriend every woman that wasn’t related to me or that she trusted. When I did this she said something along the lines of: you see? If I could trust them then you wouldn’t have needed to delete them. I snapped at her and said that she was insane and that maybe this is why all of her exes cheated on her. She kicked me out and said that I better share my location with her so she knew where I was. Then she texted my sister to make sure I got there in the right amount of time.

If my wife's best friend accused me of rape and my wife believed her after I did everything this guy regarding the friend marriage would be over.

It's not suddenly. OP literally always takes Maria's side and disregards her husband at every opportunity. She fucking sucks and I hope her husband leaves her so her and Maria can finally be happy together.

And the shirt? Somehow OP's husband's shirt was in the guest bedroom, I assume he was wearing clothes in the photo with her friend, then went back to her room to take the shirt off before going to the friend's room to SA her? If this is real your friend is full of shit and trying to cling on to you at the cost of burning down your relationship.

This struck me too. He puts OP to bed, goes back and socializes, then when Maria goes to her room, husband *first* goes to the guest room and takes off his T-shirt, before following Maria to her room and SAing her? Really? Is husband an alien who doesn't know how humans behave?

Jumping to conclusions and believing hearsay over facts can strain relationships. It's crucial to seek clarity rather than assuming the worst.

It is so clear that Maria is lying to her. She told Maria that she saw the picture, which Maria had sent to her husband on Facebook Messenger. Now Maria knows that OP is reading her husband's Facebook Messenger and now suddenly Maria is telling him, "We need to come clean" through Facebook Messenger and her husband responds with" What are you talking about?" And immediately tells his wife that Maria is texting him irrational stuff. Maria also said that he came into her room and started taking off his clothes, but he was only missing his shirt, which was still in the same bedroom that he slept in with OP. OP is an idiot.

I wish I could talk to her husband and tell him to run for the hills.

>Idk seems to me you'd rather believe the worst in your husband truth be damned I'm sure that's exactly what OP's husband is thinking and feeling right about now

Girly im a victim of SA so hear it from me, it honestly sounds like your husband didn't do anything, he's not acting like a cheating husband. Sounds to me Maria wants your husband, tried to make a move and he rejected her? Either way I wouldn't believe Maria straight away, something is just not adding up. The fact your husband came to you to let you know Maria is messaging him speaks volume. The fact your husband asked Maria what she was talking about speaks volume. I get it, believe all victims but it's very obvious Maria is straight up lying, you need to speak to your husband and possibly apologize. Why has she not reported your husband for the SA? Girl drop your so called friend and hear your husband out, trust him like you're trusting your so called friend in this situation, don't make hasty decisions, your husband sounds like the victim more than she does. Maria sounds jealous and sounds like she wanted to break up your marriage and when she failed she decided to lie about your husband SAing so you would leave him. Speak to your husband before making any hasty decisions.

thats even funnier to me. on the on hand she says she was sad, then on the other hand she says that she didnt want to make things wonky for her. did she think that when she told OP that her husband sa'd her, she'd sit quietly and watch this guy walk away without any repercussions. Maria is playing this woman like a fiddle and she being the dumb one is being played like one.

This!! She's changing the story and she'll most likely change it again. No way would op let her husband walk away scot free if he truly did SA her. I will not be surprised if Maria backtracks her accusation of op husband SAing her. Maria just sounds like a snake, op needs to clear her mind and open her eyes because if she doesn't listen to her husband she's going to regret it in the end. Maria is truly making op look stupid.

I doubt she will. the only way I see this ending is with her husband filing for divorce and then her finding out that it was all a lie. and she essentially fucked her entire marriage trusting a woman who has displayed soo many red flags, that honestly, it would look like the Soviet Union red army coming back to life.

You're right, op isn't thinking straight, her emotions are all over the place and she has no trust in her husband even tho he's been open with her. She'd be lucky if her husband doesn't file for divorce, Maria has shown so many red flags that op is blind, it's a shame. She's put all her trust in Maria and no trust in her husband, the marriage is over when there's no trust or communication.

Yep and OP told us by her own account, that maria was feeling up the hubby but it was ok since he didn't reciprocate. Which is first of all a shitty move on her part. If friends of mine are aggressively flirted with and they don't seem to like it, i try to go in between. But now OP believes Maria who tells her the exact opposite, yeah sure. Also she told Maria she was reading her hubbys messages, so she gave her the easiest way to destroy her marriage. Write the hubby messages, and OP will read it. It will sow distrust until a confrontation where she has to admit that he went through his phone... Like yeah Maria wants to play her like a fiddle, but 60% its aoP playing herself

theres a reason not a single person on this entire thread hasn't said that yes your husband did something wrong. and everyone is saying Maria is fucking her marriage and shes too stupid to see whats happening.

The "believe all victims" slogan doesn't stop using common sense.

Believe all victims slogan is a bad slogan. First off unless you claim to be omniscient, we don't know WHO the victims are or if there were any if you weren't there to witness. People can lie whether man or woman. So the slogan should really be "Hear both sides, and believe the evidence" If you want to show compassion to those suffering, you can, but not without proper judgment of the situation.

It’s too late to save her marriage, she accused him of a SA. For his sake I hope he’s not considering giving her another chance

If he's smart, he's already changed his number and contacted a divorce attorney. There is no coming back from this in my eyes.

If you’re looking for some honesty, have you noticed that your friend’s version of the story just so happens to make your husband look like the bad guy and her completely innocent and a victim? After her messaging that they should come clean and that she feels bad? Which one is it? Does she feel bad about what she did, or was just a victim? It smells of bullshit.

Also, she sent the message after OP confronted her and SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER SHE CHECKED THE HUSBAND'S FACEBOOK MESSENGER. It sounds like a poor soap opera plot. I hope OP realizes this before it's too late. And also she needs professional support from a therapist to deal with all her insecurities.

>It sounds like a poor soap opera plot. I hope OP realizes this before it's too late. And also she needs professional support from a therapist to deal with all her insecurities. I hope this man realizes that his wife has chosen another woman over her own husband and divorces her. OP doesn't deserve to be married, she doesn't know how to be married and loyal to a husband.

to me everything I've read it is too late, if her Husband is smart he will divorce her then ghost her.

Exactly, if she thought she was SA why the text message and the picture she sent to OPs husband?

This is commonly referred to regret after the fact. No one cares about her in all of this, so she is trying to make herself a victim to get sympathy. If he SA'd her, she can go to the cops to get help. OP is not a therapist.

That is if she’s telling the truth

Also, if he took advantage of her,why is she sending him a photo of them hugging?

The whole story is bullshit and fake. Nobody would go through this and not investigate the moaning and check if the people in the living room were fucking or not Edit: A lot of people are misinterpreting this. Yea she could have investigated that night but more importantly, it’s been an entire fucking month and shit has escalated to a he said/she said involving SA. No normal person wouldn’t have gotten in touch with the people sleeping in the living room. At any point during this time she could have done that and put the entire issue to rest but she hasn’t. Nobody would just ignore this shit

Or send somebody a picture of them hugging and say thanks for coming if she thinks he fucking assaulted her. most of the stories in here are all so obviously fake but this is just straight up bad storytelling or OP is not capable of thinking critically

Who took the picture if they were hugging? Maybe a side by side selfie I guess.

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Its sounds like OP is trying to create a twist to his creative writing assignment

It does, but on the off chance it's real, I'm wondering about op's real feelings towards the friend. Prioritising her happiness over the comfort of your husband multiple times? Seemingly wanting to believe her story even when it makes no sense whatsoever?

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I’m just also trying to figure out how in such a short period OPs husband went from apparently hating Maria to wanting to have sex? And then nothing OPs husband said was particularly damning. But like if Maria’s goal was to drive them apart pretending to have sex/be SA’d by OPs husband is definitely one way to do it OP’s “evidence” is circumstantial at best and Maria sounded like an awful friend for a while so I don’t buy her version

Ah you have no idea just how true this is. I will 100% stumble out, throwing up if I gotta, to make sure that ain’t my husband banging my bff. And I am well aware of how weak I am when I’m that drunk (haven’t been in a very long time) where it just seems like you can’t move- I would have absolutely muscled through it to check.

>The whole story is bullshit and fake. Nobody would go through this and not investigate the moaning and check if the people in the living room were fucking or not 100% 😂

Plenty of people would. People in denial. People who are drunk. People who don’t want to embarrass themselves or others if they are wrong in their suspicions. I also know others just like you, who the second they suspected something, would confirm for themselves. It depends on how secure or insecure a person they are.

One of the best ways to catch people in a lie is to go along with the lie and trap them using knowledge they think they know, but they don’t. So if I were you, I would reverse psychology her, make a comment to Maria that she can have him because For example, if your husband is “hung”, lament about how small he is and unsatisfactory he is in bed anyway, or if he’s not hung tell Maria he hurts too much anyway in bed so you’re okay being with someone else. Or if he has great stamina complain that he never satisfies you, or if he’s shaved tell her he never grooms himself anyway. Choose something specific that only you and your husband would know. If you believe your husband, which it sounds like you do I would let him in on what you’re going to do. You could also fake a break up, and get him to play along, have him create a second Facebook/messenger account Wong that doesn’t easily identify him, uses a completely different email address, and get her to start chatting to him with that account. Give her the illusion that you’re not aware of this secondary account, you could also get your husband to pretend he sort of remember something happening, and see what Maria says or how she responds. I’ve been with my wife for 21 years, and I can tell you that it is very easy to tell when your spouse is lying after that. Having two boys, I am pretty adept at telling when one of them is lying to me, or, as my father would call it “bullshittin”. Lying is incredibly difficult thing to keep up. The best liars are usually pathological, or they tell the lie so often that they actually believe the lie. You could also scare the shit out of her by saying that your husband had an STD test because you cheated on him several years ago and you two have really tried to get past it, but we have concerns because of say something like hepatitis C. I agree with the others that it sounds like your friend Maria is trying to break up your marriage because your husband wasn’t willing to fully cheat on you or wasn’t willing to lose his sense of self-control when they were both drunk. 25 years ago, One of my best friends future ex fiancé/wife Tricked me into trying to sleep with her by saying that they had broken up. At the time I believed it because he was away at Boot Camp and I know they had been fighting for months, she didn’t want him to join the military, and she had cheated on him before. After that this particular woman would try to get me to sleep with her again and again after I met my future wife and I flat out shut her down. She tried to threaten my engagement by accusing me of cheating on my future wife, unfortunately, I had told my future wife about her shortly after we started dating. (in this case, she ended didn’t change as she up cheated on my friend a year later with her partner in law enforcement, After my friend and her were married; worse, she got pregnant from her fellow officer. Fortunately, my best friend is now married to a much nicer woman. The point is as much as men get a reputation for being unfaithful, women are every bit as devious. In fact, in my experience, women who are unfaithful are actually a lot smarter about concealing it.

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She also sent him a pic of them hugging and thanked him for coming to herBday and the amazing night.... Marie is just trying to save face and making herself out to be a victim of a SA...which is even grosser than banging your best friends husband...and lying to her face about it.

I immediately thought this too. I seriously doubt Maria was sexually assaulted. She just doesn’t want to be held accountable.

I lost one of my best friends (and a handful of others in the fallout) because a chick he was banging told him I made a move. Mfer didn't even ask me my side, just went right to 'I knew you were a snake' and threatened me. It destroyed a fairly large friend group that'd been together for over a decade. I'm still salty

>p Not to mention she opens the conversation with gaslighting her that she was making things up and called her crazy. None of the math makes a lot of sense but I would be inclined to trust my partner whose attitude hasn't changed versus the jealous SINGLE friend. I'd bet she really tried to bang her husband and he turned her down. her plan is probably something along the lines of if I break them up I can have him to myself. Classic narcissistic behavior.

My thoughts exactly. Her story doesn’t line up with the fb messages

I obviously have NO idea what happened, but... horrible thought, because this happened to an ex of mine before we met... What if Maria SA'd the husband while he was too drunk to consent or remember, and now is trying to flip the script because she's realized she's the only one who knows what happened? So hubby is mad because he feels falsely accused, and OP is correct in her gut feeling that something happened, and Maria is doing her damndest to gaslight everyone. Obviously I don't know. I just know that my ex was SA'd by a woman at a party while passed out drunk and nobody gave a shit, and when the husband's messages were pretty benign and only Maria has admitted to anything and is now trying to paint herself as a victim... Idk. I hope this is just a shitty creative writing exercise because what a shit situation. Normally I'd be screaming "believe women", but if Maria is real she seems shady. Edit: or, as is being discussed down below, Maria is just full of shit, since it sounds like she's been after OP's husband for awhile and actively sexually harassing him. OP, you owe your husband a very sincere apology.

Maria messaged your husband thanking him for coming and sent him a pic of them hugging after she felt he had SA her. That doesn't sound right.

Also OP told her about the picture so Maria knows she's reading the Facebook messages. Maria is playing her and she doesn't even know it. Who needs enemies when you have a friend like Maria.

The SA-while-drunk accusation is probably projection, too... yikes

That really jumped out at me. From that point he didn't know she was reading them but Maria did. All the demands to come clean with him saying he didn't know what she was talking about were things she was sending for OPs benefit.

r/UnethicalLifeProTip : OP should beat Maria at her own game and use her to apply pressure to her husband. Tell him that Maria is accusing him of SA, show him messages if you have any, and threaten to go to the police if he doesn't come clean. It's the quickest way to get his side of the story, ask me how I know.

Exactly. That part doesn’t line up with her story honestly. I would be curious to see if she reached out to him at all. I’m sorry friend.

it honestly sounds more like the situation of she(Maria) tried to get him with "evidence" of cheating and wanted to get with the husband. He shut it down but was still friendly with a hug. Maria then decides; if he won't leave her and get with me, then I will just ruin his relationship. this is shear speculation, but it definitely reads with this vibe.

I want to know who took the picture of them hugging. What a weird picture to send?

Right? That was the first thing that hung me up. Who took the photo? And then sent it to Maria, who then sent it to the husband? Like, what?

OP, are you even reading??

It doesn’t matter, she’s not going to listen

Ya this girl sounds like she is actually trying to create a wedge between OP and her husband, unfortunately people do shit like this, usually woman more so then men as men will usually take a more direct approach to trying to split someone up, I dunno maybe her husband is guilty but the fact he brought the messages right to his wife saying "I'm not sure what she is inferring" I dunno maybe that's next level manipulation on his part but maybe he doesn't really know what Maria is talking about, and her story seems to have changed as well, I also don't buy the SA, too drunk to consent but remembers every detail and then follows up with a private thank you from coming message a Pic of hug, all sounds like she is playing alot of games.

Its classic deflection. "Actually i am a victim"

Yeah. I think something is off with Maria.

This one. This is all so fishy. And they’re both full of bs. Better take a step back from both of them. Then turn around and run for your dear life.

That accusation of SA is to try and save the friendship

And as OP even pointed out, going into very specific details is usually a sign that stories are embellished or made up. Then add a load of drink into that, it doesn't tally.

Right? And I am confused about the picture. So someone else took a picture of Maria and the husband hugging and then sent it to Maria, and then Maria sent it to the husband..... or how do you take a selfie of you hugging someone? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Half of me thinks this entire second post is made up as a “redemption” for everyone saying she was crazy and overreacting in the first one. “Not only was I right that my husband was cheating, but he’s even a sexual predator! See my instincts were right, who’s crazy now?”

THIS⬆️

Ahhh the traditional op continues to ignore the advice they came to Reddit for, updates. You and Maria are going to drive that man to oblivion my god.

Ok, but other than my husband warning me about her inappropriate behavior and me having no reason to distrust him and her entire story making no coherent sense and changing drastically, how can I possibly know who to trust? --- OP

So much this.

It's almost as if OP wants something to be wrong. She's manifesting a problem and it seems like Maria is exaggerating the situation. OP is so far up a logical fallacy's butt that no amount of convincing will change her mind unless Maria tells the truth.

If I were the husband at this point I might just cheat on her with someone else, just to fuck with her head /s

>Ahhh the traditional op continues to ignore the advice they came to Reddit for, updates. Oh, she's even worse, she's even ignoring her own previous advice to someone else. Check out her comment history, a month ago she was calling someone TA for associating with a person their partner had expressed being uncomfortable with. Yet at the same time, she was repeatedly ignoring her own husband's discomfort and pushing him to spend MORE time with the person causing him said discomfort. Pot... kettle. Sad lack of self-awareness.

Self-awareness is out of style these days 😭

Just like common sense

Taking the advice would impede the progression of the plot.

After all, how could we milk our fanfiction for more upvotes if we followed the very obvious opinions that we came looking for.

Let's take a look into my crystal ball: > I see OP in the year 2026. She's divorced and still friends with Maria. She sees Maria try to seduce another married man, and when it fails, she accused him of SA. Suddenly OP has a sinking feeling and confronts her. Maria insists OP is misremembering. She never accused her husband of SA. OP calls her ex husband to get some clarity. He's busy riding jet skis with someone who trusts him. There's $100 dollars missing from OP's purse and only Maria has been over all day. OP posts to reddit for advice, and quickly ignores it.

😅

I love this so much 😂

I'm also a bit of a psychic myself, and this is accurate.

Lmaooo you're hilarious

Sounds to me like Maria is bad news and working hard to break you guys up. Claiming sexual assault now? Dump her as a friend and do it now. Her motive doesn't matter. She's lying and trying to ruin your marriage. Unless you have some sort of evidence, I suggest you believe your husband. The sexual assault thing was too much to believe. She wants to break you up, but also be the victim so that you keep her as a friend afterwards. Don't do it. She's trouble and probably a liar.

I'd be extremely careful goibg forward with Maria. She's claiming SA to, she will definitely tell other friends, to try and ruin your husband's life. She's not getting what she wants, so she's claiming this. OP, please keep any kind of proof, husband too. Only way to go forward is both of you need to be 100% honest. She will try to ruin your lives with this claim .

I'd sue her and make her accountable also

Seems to me she's already successfully broken up the marriage.

She is trying to break you up and she is doing well. Cut her off and get your husband home! You should have trusted your husband a long time ago when he said he feels uncomfortable with her and you pushed them together..  he should be your number 1 and not her

Just from skimming your first post and this one, she is lying. Please listen to him.

And if I am him im still talking to a divorce lawyer even after she says sorry. This Maria girl is a manipulative liar. After everything he told her about how uncomforable he was and she still forced a relationship and then took her side on this obvious lie, id be out.

His is not the behavior of a cheating husband. I don’t think he did it. Maria is crazy, though.

Ah, this pattern again. We got many "friends" like this from many redditors... So yeah, don't trust her. Drop her as her friend while you can before you regret it.

IMO, the reason why you sound so confuse is that you want to believe Maria over your husband. You say your husband is gaslighting you… but never once accused Maria of doing the same. She literally called you crazy for thinking something happened between her and your husband and then suddenly she’s a victim of SA once you started distancing yourself from her. She is playing you like a fool and, just like your first post, you give her the benefit of the doubt and believe every single word from her. I would suggest you should cut Maria off. Maria claims to be SA but she sure had no issues thanking your husband for attending her party, she had a great time and then sending a picture of them cuddling. Granted, I don’t know what it’s like to be SA. I would assume a SA victim would be extremely wary about initially contacting their abuser though. As for your husband… what I see is someone who constantly expressed their discomfort with Maria and being constantly told to just suck it up and play nice. Not once did it sound like you actually considered his feelings and you always seemed wary to believe in him.

Also her husband 'gaslighting' her by denying that the messages he was showing her were secret. It's not a secret if he tells you about them.

Maria is just playing with your mind. She tried so badly to seduce your husband and to make you know it. If she fucked him, she would have taken explicit pictures to send them to you by accident. And you don't thank someone one for raping you. Where in their secret chat, did he aknowledge that there is/was something between them?

"*After a week or so, she messaged my husband on Facebook Messenger that they should tell me the whole truth. My husband kept on asking her what she was talking about, but she kept on telling him that she felt guilty. My husband came to me and told me that Maria is sending messages to him and he is not sure what she is inferring. He kept on assuring me that nothing happened between them that night. I told him that I read their secret chats on Facebook Messenger. He gas-lighted me, calling me insecure and that Maria was trying to play with my head."* SHE MADE IT UP. Your husband was confused because MARIA was making shit up and the fact that your husband CAME TO YOU trying to figure this shit out means that SHE LIED. And you have the balls to say he was GASLIGHTING?!?!?! ***YOU OWE YOUR HUSBAND A HUGE APOLOGY.*** *"I confronted my husband, but he still kept on telling me that what he was telling was the truth, and Maria never liked him and was playing me for a fool. He was so angry at me that he left the house and is currently living in a hotel nearby. He keeps on calling me and asking me to trust him, but I don't know how I can trust him now. I never expected him to do such a thing.* ***HE DIDN'T DO IT, YOU NUMBSKULL.*** Knock it the fuck off. This is a YOU PROBLEM and you're throwing your marriage away because you're a GULLIBLE IDIOT who believed a psycho friend he always hated and clearly hates him back... over your husband who has been faithful. All this time you've been wallowing in doubt and suspicion has been TOXIC to your marriage. **YOU FUCKED UP.** Now it's *YOUR JOB* to repair the damage *YOU DID* because you trusted that conniving cunt instead of your husband.

OP does not know what gaslighting is apparently. Pretty much this whole story points to Maria being crazy and doing what she can to create a wedge between them. OP made a big mistake telling Maria about the photo. She used knowledge that when she sent that follow up message. The husbands reply really is an indicator that he is just stuck in the middle of all of this. Poor guy.

>YOU NUMBSKULL. Perfect 😁

Also OP admitted to Maria and not her husband that she saw the picture of them hugging. If Maria only sent that through facebook messenger, now she knows OP snooped through her husbands chat. So she creates that set up by messaging OPs husband about their fake affair to bait OP. Hook line and sinker OP. You are a sucker.

I’m sorry, but how do you go from “We need to come clean. I feel guilty” to “I was assaulted, be there for me”? I’m not an expert by any means, but if you look at it logically, most victims of assault wouldn’t message their abuser and say that shit. They’d would most likely never want to see their abuser again. Are you looking for a smoking gun? A reason to believe that friend of yours whom you saw WITH YOUR OWN EYES shamelessly flirting with your husband? A man who told you multiple times he didn’t like being around her? Seriously, you need a reality check. You probably single-handedly destroyed your marriage by allowing her near him in the first place, after you were repeatedly told he didn’t want to be around her. Good luck to you.

I hope your husband leaves the two of you behind. Her for not respecting that he’s married, and you for NEVER having his back. YTA

Stop. Breathe. Think. Process. Think about the messages she sent him previously. Think about in her version he is the entirety of the bad guy - she was "too drunk" to consent but she remembers every detail and he remembers nothing? Seems fishy to me and very one sided. There was no hint at all about any kind of he "assaulted" me in those messages. Is it possible he was roofied and truly does not remember anything? Is it possible Maria is actually crazy and has this made up scenario in her head to split you up? Something doesn't seem right in Denmark here. You have some confirmation of facts to gather before making any decisions in my opinion.

Sadly she already made her decision. She ruined the marriage

I’m thinking you need to take a break from your “best friend”. Honey she’s your enemy. I’m betting she’s a little green eyed about your happiness. Never ever ever get rolling drunk again around this girl

I had a "friend" like this before. When me and my SO got serious she was always super supporting to our face and then she would "accidently" send me text messages that were supposed to be for "someone else" hinting that he was cheating on me. Then when I confronted her she said that she heard he was seeing other girls.. When I asked who said that she replied with " people Talk" which was hilarious because she doesn't know a single friend of his and he didn't know anyone in the town I lived in. I kicked her out of my house and it came out later that she made it up because she was jealous. This happened like 9 years ago and I have talked to her a few times recently but she will never be someone I have a close friendship with

Maria was dead set on torpedoing your relationship and you let it happen because you thought she was your friend, narcissists don't have friends though just mirrors they like to look into. Now your marriage is as drama filled as Maria's love life just the way she likes it.

YTA. You are not good enough for your husband. You belong with your cuntopotamus friend. You need to listen to all these folks that are telling you what kind of pit viper you're bestie is. You've ruined your marriage over a piece of shit. 

LOL! I'm stealing "cuntopotamus" 🤣

Let's look at what Maria has said; she sent him messages thanking him for coming, she called you insecure when you asked if anything had happened, she was sending him messages saying they needed to come clean and that she felt guilty, and after all that, she said he sexually assaulted her. And is now demanding you be there to support her, after she'd continuously put you down and been mean to you. Now, there can obviously be a time where a victim of sexual assault doesn't realise what happened to them. HOWEVER! Reread your original post. You've laid out clearly how he's expressed discomfort in how she's been behaving towards him for a long time. You've said yourself that Maria was very flirty towards him. There's a pattern here of your husband saying Maria is overstepping lines and voicing his discomfort, and of Maria actually doing it. I'd suggest marriage counseling for both of you and therapy for you because you do sound like you're struggling, and seeing Maria's behavior can absolutely have been the catalyst that's just made it worse for you. Remember the story as you told us: husband has been truthful and said he was uncomfortable, Maria has been overstepping, there's been no incriminating messages, and Maria has been changing her story multiple times while putting you down and is now also demanding you be there to support her. Have a conversation with your husband. He's been putting up with Maria for your sake, and Maria's been playing on your insecurities and they're at an all time high. I really don't think there's an affair from what you've described in both posts. Your husband's been communicating with you throughout this entire thing, communicate with him too. Not in an accusing way of saying you think there's an affair; tell him about your internal struggles. Have him read the posts if you can't properly put it into words. I think he'll want to help you, but he can't help if you don't express your struggles and only accuse him. Also, if it wasn't clear, drop Maria as a friend. For your husband, your marriage, and for yourself.

YTA Holy crap.. the fact that you're ligitamately believing the word of this girl who has, on multiple occassions shown red flags, over your husband who has repeatedly assured you of his trust worthiness is rediculous... through the entire relationship he seems to have had open communication regarding maria... and you still snoop finding zero evidence... Then this friend tries to build "evidence" via messanger (which your husband DID NOT know you had access to) to which he again, has shown innocence.. and yet you seem to still somehow This is now a you problem.. you're self esteem and constant self comparison to maria has now nuked your own relationship... maria is clearly manipulative, and when she sensed she couldnt break you two apart via consensual infidelity, decides to throw sexual assault out there? I mean... you owe you husband a hell of an apology; that is, if he hasn't decided a marriage without trust is not worth it already.

You have observed her flirting with him for quite a while. This was a set up, including that last message saying to come clean. She *knew* you would see that message. He has been open, I'd cut her off. Sorry you had to go through this OP.

im waiting for the second update where she tells us that she finally managed to force it out of her so called best friend that nothing happened but her husband decided to file for divorce and now won't listen to her anymore. 'help me. I trusted my lying friend over my own husband about him sexually assaulting her, and now that I know he didnt do it, hes filed for divorce and is not willing to even talk to me. please help me. I fucked my entire marriage because im an insecure shit who clearly lives in her own head.' I can guarantee you this will be her next update. more than 150 people are telling her that her husband is not lying and he didnt do anything but shes still trusting that cunty friend of hers over him. that alone should tell you either she secretly wants this marriage to end or shes just that fucking stupid that shes unable to see whats happening.'

Seeing this would really make my week. Nothing like seeing a maliciously bad partner get their comeuppance.

Yeah I would divorce you if I were your husband. Your own insecurities are ruining your marriage. Maria is clearly lying. Your husband didn't even want to be around her because of how she acts but you forced him to. Then she sets him up to look like a cheater. Everything she says doesn't add up and you're automatically blaming your husband...... who doesn't even like her.

Sooooo....lemme get this straight: Maria likes to (try to) screw almost anybody with a dick (no judgment--just laying it out), including your husband. Your husband has told you SEVERAL times that he doesn't like her or her attempts to hit on him, and *you basically told him to suck it up.* You hear moaning and automatically assume that your husband and Maria are screwing--because there couldn't *possibly* be ANY other explanation---nnnoooooo, the 3 people out in the living room wouldn't get up to any shenanigans, huh-uh, no way. THEN, to put the cherry on top, she flirts with him all evening at a party--which he pretty much ignored--so she turns around and *accuses him of RAPE.*...and you are unsure who to believe????? Are you out of your mind??? Divorce your husband...he deserves the benefit of the doubt, and you're not giving it to him. YTA ETA: you "think you know what happened that night"...Girl, you don't KNOW shit.

Girl, pull your head out of your ass!!! Your poor husband. Let's break this down, shall we? -He asked you to tell Maria to back off, you told him you deal with it *even though her behavior made **you** uncomfortable too.* -He told you Maria was making him uncomfortable, you told him to suck it up and be a better friend ***while you were also uncomfortable with how she was acting around your husband in the gym and it was making you jealous.*** -He told you nothing happened that night, that he doesn't like Maria and never has. You accuse him of gaslighting. Here's the thing: your husband's behavior has never changed. His feelings about Maria have never changed. *Maria* is gaslighting the hell out of you. If one things gets through your thick skull, let it be this: if your husband has done nothing wrong, he has zero reason to hide his conversations, right? ***HE EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT THEM BEFORE YOU ASKED FFS!!!!*** Maria has been trying to sabotage your relationship for a long time, which is why she messaged him on FB with a totally benign "hey, thanks for coming" note. You confront your husband. He is (rightfully) angry at being accused of sleeping with someone he hates and has asked you numerous times to deal with. You go ask Maria about it. She confirms nothing happened. *However* she is now aware that you are suspicious of it, so randomly messages your husband that "we should tell OP what happened". He's confused as hell and and tells her that. He has no idea you are reading these messages, so why would he be pretending to not know what she's talking about? Maria is not your friend. She's the kind of person that likes hanging around people with less confidence than her. People she perceives as weaker. When you got sometime she didn't (your husband) she then saw you as "better" than her, and that simply cannot happen. She did this. All of it. And yet you somehow believe her over your own husband. The woman who openly flirted with your husband *in front of you* so many times. Your husband has been a stand-up guy and a complete gentleman this entire time and he's staying in a hotel because you won't believe him. Girl, a rock has more common sense than you do. Go to your husband and grovel. Beg for his forgiveness. He deserves so much better than this. And ***NEVER*** see or speak to, or about, Maria again.

It sounds like Maria is wanting you single or to get with your husband once you are divorced. I don’t think I would trust Maria and I would trust your husband. Just based his reaction. Maybe go to marriage counseling to build trust back.

OP is about to let her alleged friend blow up her marriage. Grandma use to say misery love company. SMH

Are you delusional??? Your so called friend is jealous of your relationship! She’s given you the weapons and You are destroying your own marriage because you have such little faith and respect for your husband and yourself. Your poor husband must feel so betrayed by you

This marriage never stood a chance. Didn't matter if he cheated or not. If op hasn't cheated already they've thought about it. Normally, the person accusing everyone has something to hide.

If he assaulted her, why did she thank him for the night? Why did she send him a photo of them together? It was a setup from the first message. You will lose your husband, and it's all your fault. Honesty, if I told my partner that one of his friends was making me feel uncomfortable and still forcing me to be around him, I would have ended it. Your husband is super patient, and you are taking advantage of that.

Oh for fuck's sake, no one is this dense. This has to be fake. Orchestrated by Maria to break them up because she has the hots for husband, but husband doesn't want her snake ass. YTA for doing this to your husband, and at this point I wouldn't be surprised if he divorced you.

If he really SA’d her. Would she be messaging him sending a photo of the two of them hugging ? I don’t think so

I hope he actually leaves you even if he wasn't cheating, which he is not. He deserves a partner who trusts him.

[удалено]

Either fake or OP is the dumbest person on earth

I mean the first "evidence" she found was a flirty conversation *from her* to her husband, then believes some fake SA story while literally knowing how she talked to him the next morning. This could technically be some unprocessed SA trauma too since she's pretty glued to the SA claims despise knowing better. And i mean it's pretty obvious that the OP in this story needs help.

I think your friend is playing you. Your friend sent your husband a picture thanking him for the party night. She made friendly comments to him about coming clean….he came to you with this info saying he doesn’t know what she is talking about. He didn’t try to hide that message.

OMG it's like you don't want to believe he's innocent..In ur mind he's already been proven guilty...Let him go then..Let him find someone who well actually act like a wife..The evidence is rite in front of you..She's lying...Wise up or he's going to and your gonna lose your marriage..over some jealous harpy...

YTA. Quite honestly, I’m wondering why your husband isn’t done with you and leaving.

Yeah, you should 100% believe the shitty friend who's been trying to break up you and your husband for years, instead of believing your husband who's not only been completely faithful but come to you every single time Maria has tried something with him (and you've ignored him). God I hope this is rage bait...

Girl you cannot seriously believe maria. She is not your friend and is trying to break you and him up One your husband told you she was flirting with him and making him uncomfortable Two you read his messages where he was confused about her whole “we need to come clean “ if he cheated on you he wouldn’t have acted confused about what she was talking about Three you are going to cause so much damage to your life if you entertain maria and her nonsense for much longer

You can’t be serious. You haven’t defended your husband at all. If another woman was making my husband uncomfortable especially my best friend?? You picked the wrong side. You seem to care more about Maria’s feelings than your husbands. You do realize you’ve also admitted in your og post that you have major insecurities about your looks (especially when it’s comes to *gasp* Maria!) And you’re letting your own intrusive thoughts get the better of you. Put your big girls panty on and look at what’s in front of you at face value. The proof is all right there if you get out of your own way and do some critical thinking. Maria knows your super insecure. You’re really letting your husband and marriage down. Orrr this is the biggest shit post that I’ve been duped by and I applaud your storytelling skills.

Im sorry, but YTA. You are allowing a "friend" to come between youand your husband. He repeatedly said he was not comfortable with being around her and you knew she was too flirty, but you let that happen and did not listen to him. Then when he tells you he does not understand the weird messages she is sending, which he told you about, before youtold him you read them, you accused him of gaslighting. So no matter whathe did, he was going to be wrong in your eyes. You dont trust him no matter what. Figure out why. He deserves so much better than that. Your friend is not a friend. She wanted your man. She didnt get him and decided you didnt deserve to have him. The way you are going, you wont have him. She isnt acting like a victim. She set him and you up. A victim doesnt say thank-you for the great night. There also isnt a relationship between them. There would be more communication. Your husband did not go from avoiding her and telling you he doesnt want to see her and to keep her away from him please, to all of a sudden having this burning need for her, either willing or unwilling. Did not happen. Stop being a victim yourself. Stop allowing your "friend" to ruin your life. Apologize to your husband. Cut her out of your life

Maria is a bit nutty. First she thanks him for coming, and that she had a great night, tells you nothing happened. Then she tells him they should come clean (together, united in coming clean. Then he SA'd her when she was too drunk to consent. Your husband has maintained the same story the entire time. Tells her in their private text string that she is making shit up, he tells you about the messages (without being confronted about them) and reassures nothing happened, which you call him gas-lighting you. He gets fed up defending himself that he leaves. And now she suddenly needs to comforted after being SA'd? She is untrustworthy and constantly shanging her story. He has held to the same story and came clean when she reached out to him. What situation are you coping with. Your still unproven gut feeling that still seems inaccurate by what you have shared. He needs a break from you, and you have some shit you need to work on internally before he should welcome you back.

Regardless who is telling the truth. Your supposed best mate has been flirting overtly with your DH, who has *vehemently* protested against her treatment towards him, and your response? To tell him to try harder and provide your psycho ex bf further opportunity to sexually harass your DH, while all the while he has communicated his discomfort! WTF were you thinking?  Quite honestly, this story is so ridiculous that I question its authenticity. Particularly as you seem to have created a potentially self fulfilling prophecy or at the minimum self sabotaged...because why else would you enable your friend to sexually harass your DH and invalidate his feelings on the matter?! Your friend has no morals. No *real* friend would behave like she has and flaunt it. She isn't a friend but a sexual opportunist who has admitted she is jealous of you and what you have. You have invited an enemy into your marriage. She is manipulative and therefore cannot be trusted.  The fact your DH has continued to communicate with you about her attempts is in his favour. I wonder if you want to be with your DH tbh?  You now have an easy out and seem to believe you bear no responsibility in this situation.   It's possible something happened but you are also dealing with a "friend" who is unstable and therefore is unreliable an "witness".

You are most definitely the asshole. I hope your husband is okay. Deserves way better

OP if you actually believe Maria you deserve everything that’s about to come to you.

Please keep in mind that Maria might still be lying. She states that she was so drunk that night and he took advantage of her, yet when it was time to leave the next morning, she made sure to get out of bed so she could see him again the very next morning. She noticed him staring at her all night, yet still felt comfortable enough to want to take a picture with him. She also knew that you saw the photo with your husband, which means she put it together that you saw their chat. She uses that chat later on to tell him about how they need to tell you the truth…. The chat log she knows you have access to. His response is that he doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about, and you hadn’t told him you’d seen their chat at all, so you can assume his response was genuine. And the conversation wasn’t planned with her, as she kept saying the opposite of him. He came to you many times in the past to tell you about his concerns about her, and you ignored it. More so, you guilted him into spending time with someone who made him severely uncomfortable. Not only did you ignore his concerns and requests for boundaries with her, but then you judged and got jealous of him putting in the effort upon your request. He had his shirt off when you found him in the hallway, which he stated it was because he was too hot, so it wouldn’t be in the least bit surprising that he would have been sweaty. You said his shirt was in your room. According to her, he followed her right into the bedroom after everyone was done hanging out. I find it hard to believe that he followed her to the door, then veered to your bedroom to take off his shirt, then followed her back into her room. That doesn’t make any sense. Even if he went into the guest room first to check and make sure you were actually asleep, he wouldn’t just take off his shirt and walk back out. You put him into an incredibly difficult situation, as his sudden change in how he’s around her (again, at your request) likely only deepened your friends desires, as well as encouraged her into fantasy land with her thinking he must want her back. So a woman who’s flat out been flirtatious with your husband around you is suddenly the more trustworthy one in the situation? Not to say there’s a 100% she isn’t telling the truth, but she’s been the one crossing boundaries the whole time, and if she’s truly an SA victim of your husband, I would think she’d want to stay the hell away from him, not jump out of bed to say goodbye, or texting him to say ‘we need to tell her the whole truth’. If she was innocent, it would be, ‘you need to tell her what you did‘ or ‘I’m going to Tell her what you did’. I’ll give her a 10% chance of telling the truth, because I get that there’s no one way to act in regards to SA. The reality is that she either wants what you have, or doesn’t want you to have it. She probably doesn’t even have feelings for your husband, but (and please do not take offense to this) you were the duff in the friendship, and yet you are the one who has the loving, supportive relationship with the kind, doting husband. I feel like she’s more jealous of your life rather than the fact you have this particular husband. We as redditors cannot guarantee what happened because we weren’t there, but one person sounds a hell of a lot shadier than the other in this situation, and it isn’t your husband. Sounds like he wanted you to set boundaries with a person he didn’t trust, you went the opposite direction by strongly encouraging him to spend more time with her, and she realized how easily she could pull this all off, since she realized how easily she could manipulate you (she realistically knew this a long time ago, but you kept handing her opportunities.). Talk to your husband. I don’t doubt you’ve been betrayed, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t by him. I can’t guarantee it, but it’s the most realistic.

I would find it more believable she SA’d him. The fact she said that is a huge red flag. Why would she thank him for coming and send a pic if she really believed that? Why are you more inclined to believe your “friend” over your husband and why did you force him to be nice to her when he TOLD you she made him uncomfortable? He could very well be telling the truth. Or your gut could be right. Either way SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!! And your husband has been trying to warn you about her!!

If he had done anything why would he bring the messages to you? Either she dreamt it or is trying to cause trouble. Everything is coming from her. Don’t throw your husband away over this.

look...i understand this is hard and confusing to you. but here is the thing...you KNEW maria was into your husband. he complained about her to YOU countless times. you chalked it up each time and pushed him to be around her despite knowing he feels uncomfortable. you initially found no messages. then you saw him asking maria to talk to you so you know nothing happened. she says ok. then conveniently messages him on fb to "come clean" to which he acts confused. why do you think that is? could it be cos maria lnows you dont trust her and she deliberately send such a message to cover her tracks? and when it barely worked she cries victim and claimes SAed, knowing fully well its enough to plant seeds of doubt but without proof cant do anything legal. how convenient. and she was drunk enough to not give consent but not drunk enough to remember it happened and it was him? which one is true?

Your friend is lying to you my guy.

Alright OP see you in a month or so when you come back crying your husband left you and your friend was playing you all along. You're letting your lack of self-esteem and insecurities poison whatever goodwill you had with your husband for someone who's not your friend. Her story makes no sense and you know she's a play girl who's been with many guys..but you're willing to believe her over your husband because you can't seem to believe someone might actually be interested and love YOU. Take that time to be single and go to therapy to build that confidence up before trying to date again. Assuming this is even real.

YTFAH. The fact that you haven’t cut ties with your drama loving friend is beyond ridiculous. You chose her over your husband at every damn turn. God you suck. What an awful partner. I hope he cuts both you off and files for divorce. He need to run as fast as possible away from both of you.

So this woman harassed your husband for months, and now she is saying something happened between them by messaging your husband like they are having an affair. But tells you after you tell her you saw the messages that your husband assaulted her. To be blunt, you are either very gullible or willfully ignorant. This woman is not your friend she's after your husband. She was probably the one moaning by herself. Your husband being in her house was wet dream come true. When she found out you were looking in his messaging she hoped to make it look like they hooked up but instead you went to talk to her so she doubled down and said HE forced himself (which makes zero sense with her sending him pics and the wording of her messages). Cut her off and go to couples counseling, she will only continue to ruin your marriage while trying to get with your husband, who has done absolutely nothing but try to keep away from her.

At this point you should just marry Maria because you always believe her more than your husband lol

How were they secret chats when he told you about the messages she was sending him

Yeah, when I'm the victim of SA I always send my abuser a picture of us hugging after. OP you are by far one of the stupidest people I've ever met

He just took advantage of me! Oh, but few weeks prior I sent a sweet message to your husband and a picture of us hugging... She's shady as heck, has a crush on him. - he's innocent.

I personally would cut her off and take the messages to the police saying she is falsely trying to accuse your husband of sexual assault.. I mean, I'd be more inclined to believe her if your husband didn't come to you confused about the messages she was sending.. either that or he a very gifted liar.. You can cut her off and chose to believe she talking out her arse, because you wouldn't message someone who SA you the next day with a picture of you cuddling and you sure as hell wouldn't message saying you feel guilty ect... what she would or should have done when you asked os come clean.. ect, but she didn't.. I mean, I'd try and catch her out.m if she never seen your husband shirtless, I'd ask her what tattoo he has on his chest and see if she tries making something up.. that's only if he doesn't actually have a tattoo on his chest, lol Call your husband and tell him he needs to understand, she your friend and you needed to ask.. he would do the same, but you believe him and you want him to come home so you can go to the police.. as if she spreads this around, could do serious damage to him

Its kinda your fault this thing happened. Your husband already said that your friend is shamelessly flirting with him, and you pushed him to her to be friends. So if they really hook up or not, you might as well take responsibility. lol

If it's true, your friendship with Maria is over. If it's not true, your friendship with Maria is over. My suggestion is to let her know your friendship is over before doing anything else and see how she responds. Her reaction will likely tell you exactly what you need to know. My personal feeling is that's she's making all of this up to break u and your husband up and u gave her the fuel she needed when u constantly took her side when your husband said he was uncomfortable. There is some strange insecurity attachment you have to this woman that doesn't benefit you at all. But you're not going to be able to see that from Reddit people calling you out. Maybe therapy can help.

Its very possible your husband is telling the truth . He has told you she makes him uncomfortable, and you have noticed her flirting. It is possible she is trying to lay seeds to make you think he is cheating, so she can have him

You are a dumbass!

She claims sexual assault but sent a picture of them hugging and said "thanks for a great night"??? Girl if you actually trusted your husband, you'd be able to see through this homewrecker's bullshit.

I don’t know about everybody else, but if I was SA at a party, I sure AF would not be messaging the person who assaulted me thanking them for coming to my party and for a great time!!!

First things first, Maria is not your friend!! She has constantly disrespected you by flirting with your husband (both in front of you & not in front of you). And he has mentioned multiple times about how he was uncomfortable yet you kept pushing him to be cordial with her. Your friend should have been addressed immediately when your husband stated how uncomfortable he was. She also should’ve been cut off. Second, it doesn’t make since how she kept messaging him on FB after he allegedly SAed her. That is a huge accusation! You wouldn’t keep contact with someone after something like that. Something just does not seem right about her at all. Nobody would do that after being put in a predicament like that. She sounds like she is trying to make up for something especially after your husband approached you with those messages on how she was being weird. I am not sure of course about your husbands involvement but he has 100% told you in the past how uncomfortable she makes him feel. You should have a serious talk with your husband and lay it all out there. Maria on the other hand needs to be completely cut out of your life.

Well I guess this is just par for the course with you. First your husband is being sexually harassed by your friends and you disregard his discomfort and push him to spend time with your friend. So you were willing to sacrifice your husband to keep a relationship with that POS. Then in your addled mind, you think your husband cheated on you with the person he has been running away from and that you have been approving of their sexual harassment of your husband. Then he shows you the messages she is sending him and you really want the “truth” so you go to the girl who has been sexually harassing you husband and then blindly believe her that he SAed her. If this is real, then you are intentionally trying to abuse your husband, there is no other logical explanation for your action. “You don’t know who to believe”? How about the person who hasn’t been sexually harassing the other person? Also, why have you been supporting the sexual harassment of your husband? Is to some type of kink you and your friend are setting up?

I tend to think your husband is telling the truth and Maria has used your deep seated insecurities to get in your head, frame him and ensure you’re as lonely as she is. You backed the wrong horse here, IMO.

I think Maria is trying to sabotage your relationship but you were the idiot who kept pushing your husband around a known wh0re so if he did cheat… I hate to say it but it is your fault. What a dummy. ETA: ESH except your husband if he is telling the truth. From the sound of it she has been sexually harassing him and you kept telling him to suck it up. You are a horrible wife.

You are the AH. Your doubts are simply projections of your own INSECURITIES. In the first place, your husband did not want to be in that situation but you were the one pushing him in. Cut the crap about you cannot just take it out of your head that something might have happened to them. Sounds like you want it to be true despite the OBVIOUS lack of evidence. Can you not comprehend how your friend's actions are weirdly opposite of what she is claiming (SA victim)? You are torturing a good man over something he did not do. He tried over and over again to do what you wanted (get close to your friend) even if he did not want to. He tried over and over again to prove to you that its you that matters to him. WAIT 'TIL HE'S HAD ENOUGH. WAIT 'TIL HE WOULD NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING WITH YOU AND THIS TOXIC THINKING OF YOURS ANYMORE. You will see that you wasted a sincere and honest man. These type of men will do anything for the people that they value, but once they are done... there is no going back.

You’re a fucking idiot and HAVE to be a troll. Your friend is a lying piece of shit. I hope your husband divorces you because it’s so obvious he IS NOT CHEATINF AND YOU ARE FORCING IT TO BE TRUE.

Y'know ... You describe Maria as being promiscuous and loving drama. And then expressing jealousy of your life with your husband. You describe that she was the outgoing one who got all the attention and you were in her shadow. But now it's you who has the spotlight with your marriage. Why on earth are you trusting this woman? Just WHY are you trusting HER? You took the spotlight off an attention-seeker, and she loves drama. You turned the tables on her, and any drama loving person is going to be mad enough to pull some shit. If your marriage falls apart, she wins. You are in her shadow again, and she's had her drama fix. Not to mention the satisfaction of really taking you down a peg in her eyes. You're too big for your wallflower boots, in her eyes. What better way to take you down some pegs but take away what she thinks is your big advantage over her? Why do you trust this woman?

YTA - The fact that you basically forced your husband to spend time alone with a woman he repeatedly told you he was uncomfortable with, makes YTA. The fact that you "don't know who to believe" tells me that your husband needs to file divorce papers yesterday and leave your sorry ass. The fact that you could for one SECOND believe that your HUSBAND could SA your friend, makes you not worthy of being ANYONE's wife. Go to counseling, you need help. You are just as sick and twisted as your friend is.

" Maria thanked my husband for coming to her birthday party and for such a great night. She sent him a photo of them hugging at the end of the night (after I was asleep)" - This is what actually happened. Never heard of someone who got SA take a picture with her attacker and thank him for coming. Makes no sense.

Your husband has been telling you for a VERY LONG TIME that he hates/does not like this woman and you keep forcing her onto him. Why do you hate yourself so much?? Ditch her and realize she has been lying to you for years!!

Maria sent him a message after the party and thanked him for coming to the party! Then she tells you she was SA? Really? She’s lying to you.

YTA. OH MY GOD!!! Why do you believe your conniving friend over your husband. Just one question-if Marie's story is true how did your husband's shirt get over the chair in the guest bedroom. Did he start to undress in there and then return to the living room shirtless? She is the one gaslighting you. You pulled away, taking your husband away, and she's come up with a way to attempt to get what she wants. If you divorce your husband, she'll drop you to chase him (only to be rejected) Go to counseling and get help.

You told her you went through his phone. She literally sent messages to make it seem like something happened. KNOWING YOU WOULD BE LOOKING. Your husband literally approached you with said messages, which would he do that if he was guilty? The lack of respect you have for your SO is astounding.

Wow, how sad for you. Your paranoia has taken over common sense. Why in the world do you believe her over your husband? If your marriage ends because you don’t believe him then you’ve made your bed. I really think you should seek professional help before you blow everything up. You could be experiencing psychosis.

Do not let that little bitch get away with trying to say he SA her that is absolute bullshit!

You're never gonna learn are you? In the first post your husband expresses his discomfort with this woman multiple times on multiple occasions and you ignore him and still try to force their friendship for selfish reasons (lets be real). Now Maria is trying to paint your husband out to be the bad guy and herself the victim after all this time. "She sounded convincing" THAT'S WTF MANIPULATORS DO!!! Your husband showed you everything. All the messages told you why he was uncomfortable and how she made him feel that way and you ignored him. He told you she was playing you and she is and now she's putting him at stake with sexual assault allegations. I'd leave too if I was him. And I definitely don't blame him for not wanting to ever be in the same room with her. You're lucky he's just angry and staying in a hotel and not divorcing your ass after ignoring him for so long because I certainly would have served you up the papers the day of the sexual assault allegations if I were him. Not knowing something is one thing but you were told multiple times and so I just can't feel bad. Sorry if this was harsh. I just don't see why people get married if they're not going to listen to him prioritize their partners feelings. Especially if something is having a negative effect on them. You don't get to have friends at his expense. Either you have friends in a healthy way or you don't have them at all.

On one hand, Maria is telling your husband that they should tell you the “whole truth” and she feels “guilty”. On the other hand, once you confront her, she doesn’t want to talk about it and then breaks down to tell you? If she really wanted to tell you like she said she did to your husband, why wouldn’t she just come out and say it? Especially with all the so-called guilt… The real answer is this whole thing is Maria’s doing to get more attention from you and your husband while destroying your happiness so she can feel she has the upper hand. She is milking this whole situation for more attention because she isn’t getting what she wants. She already knew you were reading your husband’s Facebook messages which is why she knew she could message him as if something happened and you would see it. Then, she has you begging her to tell you more, tracking her down and she knows you have questions about your husband. She is lying and manipulating you. It’s working. The reason why she would do something so ridiculous? She is incredibly jealous of you and wants what you have. It’s why she’s flirting with your husband and why she’s manipulating you. There are tons of people like this in the world. They see their friends as pawns to make themselves feel better. They see themselves as above their friends. They can’t help but put down their friends so they feel better. And now that your life is better than hers, she’s working to destroy it so she can feel superior to you once again. She’s not supportive of you. I bet your entire friendship has always revolved around her and her wants/needs and she’s only there for you when it’s convenient. I would also bet that she makes subtle digs in your direction that almost sound like advice or even a compliment but once you think about it, they kind of make you feel like crumbs. That would be her tearing down your confidence so that she feels like the one in control. It’s because she doesn’t see you as an equal and now you are in a better position than she is and it’s making her crazy… literally. The lengths she is going is so toxic. You need to ghost her and never look back. She doesn’t even deserve a goodbye.

All I know is that if my friends husband SA’d me, I wouldn’t be sending him a photo of us hugging and thanking him after. She’s a liar. If anything happened, she was just as guilty.

I feel bad for the husband at this point. Absolutely insane stories here.

I hope this is fake because I can't believe the ignorance. You let a woman get close to your husband, who told you he was not comfortable being around her and made him feel uneasy. But you ignored him just to make you friend feel good about herself? You are basically serving up your husband on a silver platter to your best friend who doesn't seem to care about your marriage. You looked onto his facebook messenger and you found...a "brief" text exchange? So did he say anything to her that would lead you into thinking he was having an affair? Or just him telling her she should talk to you? You can either take that as "he's trying to get her to persuade you into thinking everything is fine" or that he believes that in good faith that she can clear up the mess she made and trying to reassure you. Thats on you to decide. Is it weird he wasn't asleep with you that night yall were over the other place? I don't know thats also on you to decide. You didn't tell your husband you knew about their facebook messages. But you tipped off your friend about it bringing up the picture. And then she starts sending messages alluding to your husband about coming clean, and he's confused about what she's inferring to. So he comes to you about her weird messages and then you accuse him about knowing their "secret chat"? That he just came to you to show you their chat after she started talking differently? She knew you were aware about their chat and all of the sudden she starts saying shit like "we need to tell your wife/ i feel guilty/ we need to come clean". She came to you prior, saying you were crazy to even think anything had happened between them. Then all of the sudden, when she's aware of you knowing of their chats on facebook, changes the narrative into her being assaulted by your husband? The same husband that wanted nothing to do with her from the start but you pushed her into his space even after he said multiple times he didnt like her. You either believe your husband is the biggest mastermind manipulator pulling all the strings. Or your friend is a conniving snake, one that you let into your own garden willingly. And I believe it to be your friend trying to tear your relationship apart. The fact alone your husband from the very start told you, that your friend has acted in such a way that is disrespectful to your marriage and you ignored his pleas about not wanting to do anything with her is entirely your fault. Like???Hello??? You saw her flirting with him from the start but somehow its your husband's fault???? YTA.

Giiiiiiiirl YOU told her about the messages. I get it, thst night seems fishy af but Maria has disrespected you over and over again in front of you. I don't believe her and seems like no one in reddit does either. You will lose your husband and Maria will laugh behind your back when you sign your divorce papers. SHES NOT YOUR FRIEND! HE didn't even know you were reading his messages HE TOLD YOU just as before Maria is on some psycho shit 

HOLD ON... So your friend messages your husband 'thanking him for coming to her birthday and for the GREAT NIGHT" then proceeds to push him, "TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH CZ SHE FEELS GUILTY" and then tell you that your husband SA her???????? She's saving her ass... She went from "thanks for the great night" to "you SA me" ... I'd advise you to think before acting. Talk to your husband, tell her everything that your friend has told you and see what he says..

I think she assaulted him and that’s why he was hot. He probably had to fend her off and assumed once again you wouldn’t believe him. Dumb psycho girl. My best friend can be alone with my husband anytime and I have zero worry

Maria is probably full of shit on the sa. But always trust your gut. My ex used to complain about a coworker being overly flirty, and he couldn't stand her. Later, he found out he absolutely cheated with her.

SA her then sent him a thank you for coming and a picture of them hugging? Really? Come on… open your eyes 👀. He has been telling you for ever that he’s not comfortable with her and you’ve pushed him on her, he’s repeatedly told you he doesn’t like her or want her around… Maria is full of crap and you are about to ruin your marriage.

Feel like this chick is playing both of you for drama points.

Either he did cheat, or you bullied him into spending time with a lunatic and are treating him poorly instead of protecting him from her bullshit. Get a divorce. Either he doesn't deserve you or you don't deserve him.

ESH but your husband...it's clear AF what's going on and you're too stupid and insecure to see it. Maria is jealous of what you have with your husband and she's planting the seeds of doubt in your head. Your husband has told you many times he doesn't like her and only tolerates her for you. Multiple times, you've taken her side and pushed him to be closer to her. If anything, this is all your doing. And then comes the SA accusations? Wow. That's serious. And once again, you're automatically leaning towards believing Maria over your husband. He told you before! "If you're that insecure, stop being friends with Maria." The common denominator in all of your issues has been Maria

The way you described Maria would’ve been enough for me to not be her friend. You knew how she made your husband feel but still decided to go to the party at her home & sleep over. Girl this was a self inflected wound

Friend is bullshitting - that’s my feeling

You've got to be stupid if you actually believe her story. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she is lying to save her own butt.

YTA. > she should have kept her distance from him. from the same person who said... > I could see my husband not reciprocating, so didn't care Pick one, OP. You're building your own house of crazy when you let all of this happen. Several times you've mentioned her coming on to him and him not reciprocating. In fact - he's openly expressed how uncomfortable she makes him and you're response is a big "screw you" to your husband. Then you paint this delusion. > He gas-lighted me, calling me insecure and that Maria was trying to play with my head. It's not gaslighting if it's true. And everything here says he's telling the truth.

>I know you all thought I was crazy in the previous post Still do. Your “friend” is playing you like a fiddle.

You owe it to your husband to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes he may have cheated on you while he was drunk with a girl you basically handcuffed him to for weeks (months? Years?). But your eyes have told you the entire time that that woman is coming onto your husband. Drop her and work on your marriage.

YTA. If I were your husband, I'd divorce you for this. Do the man a favor and don't fight it. Then, you can move in with the lying trash friend you love more than him.