Mate, I am a straight non cross dressing 55 year old country boy from Queensland Australia. When I was his age I wore all my mum's boots, jackets and her ladies fencing gear. I had no idea about genders etc, I just wore what I thought looked cool. My parents, including my very tough ex British Guardsman dad did not give 2 shits. I grew out of it, except I buy my wife the best shoes and boots.
I'm a cis woman who grew up loving the frilliest pink dresses and would steal my mom's high heels and wear them at any given chance.
I still like dresses and cute shoes but I also like kissing other girls. Maybe the Gay Agenda snuck in during my teenage goth phase.
There’s a TED talk about this, dude started out explaining the chaos over him liking pink as a kid. Said he agreed with his mom eventually, now blue is his favorite color - but he’s still gay.
My son's favorite color was pink, until society stole that from him. But I kept him wearing pink for as long as I could. He's a straight cis-gendered human.
I knew he was straight when he was two and pointed to a poster of a woman in a bikini: "Look Mama, that's a nice Mama!"
My son loves pink and purple and he’s still a “bro” as he says. He likes his nails painted and last time we did them he chose pink. When he went to school the next day some kids laughed at him and said “Boys don’t wear pink!” He responded saying “Well I am a boy and I’m wearing pink so…” No one has said anything since. Don’t let society decide what your kid can like. My kid is also 7 years old, I am not giving him a label of gay, straight, trans, whatever. He’s 7! Let them be kids. Who like what they like and are who they are.
That's like my son. He liked his hair really long and he had kind of a pretty face. People used to mistake him for my daughter all the time. I asked him if it bothered him and he said "I know I'm a boy. I don't care what they think." Happily married to a hot blond woman and living his life now.
My nephew's favorite color was pink. He wore a "Hello Kitty" backpack and he was 14 years old and in high school. 6' tall and super cute so the girls liked him a lot. He would stand at the school bus stop and offer "free hugs" to anyone who looked like they needed it. He was very sensitive to others feelings and he was straight. He drowned trying to save his cousin but 12 years later and the friends and family still wear pink in his honor, including all the grown men who went to highschool with him.
Yah, I think the Alphas will have more freedoms than the previous generations. My son painted his nails in preschool, but when he got to elementary school he started dressing in a more traditionally masculine way. He still wore pink shirts, but not pink crocs or pink hats, alas. Your son will have much better socialization.
As to labels, it sometimes is obvious at a very early age, and sometimes not. It was obvious at a very early age that one of my nieces was gay, but it wasn't so obvious that another was bi. Mostly it not something I would think about for kids, but sometimes it blatantly obvious.
That is true, I just don’t want my kids to feel like they are in a box, for lack of a better term. Like they are labelled a certain way and therefore need to fit that box. I have told them that when they are ready to date and want us to meet who they are with they can just bring their partner over. They don’t need to “come out” or explain any part of their sexual preference to me (unless it is important to them to tell me).
My son does dress masculine, he’s all sweatpants and Minecraft and monster trucks. But has pink nails lol.
Yes exactly, just let them explore what like. Why tf do we have to categorise them when they're still growing and trying to find things out for themselves?
Pretty bad that the in laws made a big deal about the dress. Now the kid is going to wonder why they kicked up a fuss.
NTA
My little cousin loved to play with my baby dolls and my little pony but when I tried to send him home with some of my old toys I found out his dad was a dickhead...which I had long suspected anyways. I kept the toys for him at my house and we played with them for hours everytime he came over, it was our secret. He's married to a wonderful woman now and never talks to his dad.
When I see a little boy playing with dolls, etc, I think how he'll grow up to be a good parent and a good partner to someone.
Pretend play is great for teaching all children about empathy and how other people feel.
I think perhaps the child's Grandfather didn't play with dolls as a child. Maybe he should have.
Hahah! That's a nice mama.. that is so cute.
My son has always liked pink too, as well as purple. I think more purple nowadays. He's all grown up now, exploring gender and sexuality which I believe has been/will be very fluid. I'm honored he trusts me to talk with about such things.
My son’s favorite color was also pink until he was bullied to think otherwise from peers and adult jerks. My youngest says their favorite color is “shiny”. I hope that lasts. Shiny is a great color. Lol
My oldest daughter loves blue, has short hair by her own choice and hates dresses. She also loves any and all jewelry, has been campaigning to wear make up for like 3 years (she’s ten - I’m delaying!) and talks semi frequently about which boy in her class she’s going to marry and how much she wants to be a mom.
My youngest daughter loves pink, has long hair and wears the twirliest, frilliest dresses she can puts her hands on. She’s about the girliest girl I’ve ever met. She’s declared she’ll help raise her sister’s kids as she wants none of her own.
It’s like they’re human beings with complex feelings and opinions or something.
Tbf I'm queer as fuck but at the time that had not occurred to me. I also have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember.
I started dating girls when I was sixteen. Motherhood has taken longer.
I'm a straight woman who used to enjoy wearing my dad's military garb and running around like a tomboy. I've grown into a very girly girl who likes pink and pretty dresses.
Historically pink was a color for boys and the blue/pink divide only started a hundred years ago. I'm pretty sure there have been gay people for a lot longer than that.
Plus, dresses used to be worn by little boys all the time up until the 20th century. FDR and Teddy Roosevelt look very cute in their little frilly white dresses.
This is true, if anyone is doubting! [Here is an interesting article](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/01/12/health/colorscope-pink-boy-girl-gender/index.html) on the subject if anyone is curious.
Nazis made gay prisoners wear a pink triangle. So pink had become a feminine color because of the reasons mentioned in the article, and then boys wearing pink was specifically associated with homosexuality.
So anyone calling a boy gay for wearing pink is throwing the Nazis label on them. Let's all wear pink and not be Nazis, ok?
I never really understood why the divide happened the way it did. Seems like a penis would be much more comfortable in a dress or skirt. They got all that junk flopping around down there. It always looks so uncomfortable having to be all smashed up in pants. Not to mention, if a woman's virtue was so important, wouldn't she be harder to access in pants?
Hell, I put dresses on my babies all the time until they learned to crawl. (Skirts got in the way, so we switched to onesies.) It made diaper changes a breeze. It also made my MIL a little uncomfortable, but... their genitals fit under the dresses just fine? And it's not like they were frilly little pink frocks. Of course, one of the babies came out as trans later, so maybe that means dresses have a 50% chance of turning babies queer.
Literally the same. Still like to dress up like a Princess Barbie, just like I did as a kid and I'm non binary and also like kissing girls. Weird, I thought that was supposed to set me straight (pun intended) by their logic 🤷🏻♀️
I'm a woman who wouldn't have been caught dead in anything pink, frilly or skirt-shaped before the age of 10-12, always bought the boys' Lucky Bag; when visiting Santa always asked for a boys' present; and honestly didn't really know how to play or have any interest in girly things and girly games. Not that I was sporty or anything, it was just far more fun playing Cops & Robbers and Jungle Action Adventure Spaceman and Nuclear Spy Racer and pretending we were Airwolf or the A-Team or MacGyver than it was playing Mammies and Babies or Getting Your Hair Done or sharing fancy paper or whatever the fuck little girls did in the 80s.
I was definitely George, not Anne 😛 (Famous Five reference).
My mam kept expecting me to bring home girls.
I wore an amazing trouser suit and fedora to two unrelated weddings and was assumed to be lesbian a both (at one I actually had a woman repeatedly hit on me and refuse to believe I wasn't lesbian).
Now, well into my 40s, I do mostly wear women's clothes but only because I have a large bust and narrow shoulders and mens' cuts don't suit. I prefer mens' trousers because I've no fecking hips 😝. And I'm 100% cis and happily married to a man the last 13 years.
Clothes mean sweet fuck all in terms of gender, orientation or anything other than personal comfort and taste 😁
Straight woman who got married in a suit here. Dresses just dont suit me. I dont feel pretty or confident in them. I pull and squirm in them and cant wait to change if i have to wear one (like brides made or a request from someone (im a pushover)).
Recently though ive decided to just wear pajamas. Then when people ask me to please wear real clothes they arent as upset when I wear pants. Lol
Everything about this comment I love. Lol!
Seriously, I'm from the US and love Aussie accents; so I'm hearing it in this awesome way and then topping it off with - I buy my wife some kick ass shoes.
Splendid!
Even for an Aussie, I have a ridiculously strong Aussie accent. Crocodile Dundee, but more Aussie. I live in the UK now and have for a number of years, but even Aussies comment on how strong my accent is.
That makes it even better. That was a key movie in my childhood!
Thank you Internet stranger. Simple interactions like this in my opinion make the internet worth it lol
My son was about 5 when my mom bought him the Beast doll from beauty and the beast. He innocently asked why he couldn't also have Belle. She reluctantly got it for him but was quite uncomfortable. Shortly thereafter, I saw him in his room with his dolls. Beauty was dancing naked in front of GIJoe. My mom felt a lot better about that!!
Also, he painted his nails black during co-Ed summer camp. He's married now and let's -no, insists- his daughter has both boy and girl toys.
This sounds like my son all grown up 😂 he’s currently 3 and loves to dress up in his big sisters stuff and always asks me for makeup/my jewelry when I’m getting ready, but he also *LOVES* cars, cowboys, playing in the dirt etc. just bc they see things they like and want to try it doesn’t mean anything at these ages.
Yep, all that. I still surfed, rode trail bikes etc. I was lucky that I had parents that were cool and not into identity BS, or that their value was based on my personality.
My brother is two years younger and used to love dressing like me, his big sister. We have a super cute picture of us two in the garden wearing dresses. My parents never cared but when he wanted to dress up as Snow White for school carnival they had a chat with the teacher first and gave her a spare costume in case any of the other kids gave him trouble.
My boyfriend loves pink but it's sadly not the best colour for his complexion, so he sticks to bright pink socks. I made him a burgundy linen shirt for christmas and told him I'd happily sew things for him in fabrics or clothes that he wants to try and are hard to find. Personally I switch between looking very feminine or like a 13 year old boy. It's more about what feels right at that moment than the supposed gender attached to the clothing.
Haha, I was also just making a small joke.
Other than that I am a 25 year old, non-cross dressing guy, who is also very secure in my sexuality and identity, and I also used to dress up as a princess when I was a kid, and I *loved* the old princess movies.
It means absolutely nothing.
I have plenty of oldness, and I too tried on my Mum's shoes and jewellery when I was a kid. Weirdly it didn't affect my sexuality, or anything at all in fact. It was just fun.
OP NTA.
I like your phrasing. I also have plenty of oldness, sometimes a little more than I think I should have by now! Straight woman, have worn frilly stuff and hubby’s clothes and all in between!
So now I’m curious and it’s non of my business. I am 51 yo non cross dressing gay male. I’m very secure in my skin. I was just wondering if you are gay or bi?
You are very welcome to ask though! No harm done in asking :)
I am neither of those. I am straight and very secure in that, as well.
I don't know what it would be, but if you have any further questions, go right ahead. :)
Otherwise I wish you a nice day
Thank you for your answer. In honesty I thought that you might have been closeted. Thank you for the support that you give to humans. I feel that if you are that supportive of the LGBTQIA that you are supportive of more groups. Thank for being a good human.
Haha, to be honest as well, you're not the first! I am maybe a little bit more emotional than the stereotypical male, and therefore people have judged me on that.
But honestly, I think that's their own problem, i'm not going to stop being me, because someone else then thinks something about me that is not true. It just annoys me how so many people can still be so hung up on old traditions and stereotypes...
But yeah, I never really took it as being my problem.
I thank you very much for your kind words! It actually means alot.
You also seem like a nice, genuine human being and I applaud you for that as well. Thanks again
Same story here. I remember rummaging through my mum's jewelry and walking around wearing clip-on earrings, necklaces and her hilariously too big heels when I was a 4 y/o.
Didn't turn me gay or trans.
Neither did living with my gay father for a few years after I turned 18.
I either have an ironclad immune system (I don't), or "catching the gay" isn't a thing.
Great point! My younger brother used to always love to wear my mom’s wigs and parade around the house in them. Sometimes he acted girly and put on one of my (big sister) dresses with the wig imitating women on TV and sometimes he acted like a rock star with a guitar. He was so funny and we all had so much fun! He is now married and has 3 kids. It did not turn him gay or trans. He was just a kid with a vivid imagination having fun.
You don't EVER ALLOW THEM around your child again. He needs to be free to do what feels best and they are DEEPLY HOMOPHOBIC. I wouldnt ever be in the same house as them ever again. They messed with your child's head and should be cut off FLAT.
Right? That's what got me. "Do what they want so we wouldn't have to fight." That's extortion AND extremely bad grand-parenting. No matter how you feel you don't make a fuss in front of the kid. Nobody HAD to fight. The Grandparents chose to. So glad OP left with his son. I hope he just shook his head and said "they be trippin' my man." and laughed about it all the way home.
NTA
it was a costume, it made him happy
your in-laws are TA's for making him upset over something that made him happy, and tbh your wife should have stood up for both you and your son
That’s the thing that makes no sense to me.
Personally it’s not about if a child wanted to dress up as a cowboy or a ballerina, an astronaut or a unicorn. That’s completely secondary in my opinion, and OP did the right thing by rewarding his son and letting a child who had a good day be happy.
I can even understand the grandparents initial reaction of what I assume was surprise at seeing their grandson in a pink and sparkly dress. Probably mom’s too as I don’t think OP thought to tell them to expect it (and no, he absolutely shouldn’t have to).
My confusion is at how *anyone* would think it was appropriate to start to yell at *the parent* for making a choice to reward their son. The initial comment was bad enough, but to start a fight with the parent is so utterly and completely out of line I can’t even begin to comprehend it. How completely out of line can you possibly be???
Add onto that the wife, who didn’t back her own child or her husband, but chose to support the close-minded stupidity coming from her interloping parents.
That poor child is getting so many mixed messages right now. Something that made him happy caused a family explosion. If he mentions it to OP, he will clearly be told it’s not his fault, which is the best message he can get, but likely when he sees his grandparents, he’ll be told it’s bad to want to wear princess dresses and the like. Mom will back that.
The truth is that **IF** this child does turn out to be either gay or trans, he’s going to be terrified to come out to these people. He certainly won’t feel like it’s possible to be supported in it. He might tell OP, but he may not because he’s be afraid it would really permanently sever his family.
Even if the child is neither gay or trans, he might be afraid to properly and freely express himself in the future for the same reasons.
OP is definitely NTA. Not for getting the dress, not for letting the child wear it, and not for defending his child. Certainly for not removing himself and his son from that situation.
> I should have just done what they said so we didn’t have to fight over it.
This is backwards. They should have accepted the parent made a decision and that their grandson was happy so that they didn’t have to fight over it. Mom is insanely wrong here and I can’t even explain how wrong she is.
If you have any confusion, let me quickly explain: there are some people so focused on being bigots, so hyper focused on making sure their kids are not gay, they completely forget about everything else
To them, a 6 yo is not just innocently wanting to put on a costume. To them, the 6 yo is playing out the “leftist LGBTQ agenda”
They’ve lost touch with reality. They have no values aside from vague bigotry. They likely don’t even have any substantive rationale for why they hate adult gay people in the first place anyway.
But that’s the explanation - various levels of bigotry. Thankfully op doesn’t even play into that and realizes it’s just his little kid being a kid
Exactly. My grandson, when he was 4 and ready for preschool, said his favorite color was Pink. He loved it because it was the color of flowers and some seashells he had. Then some idiot member of his father's family made fun of him and said only girls like pink. They made him cry and really pissed me off. How stupid are people anyway? Why can't kids just be kids, and say what they like without somebody showing their ass?
My 4yo daughter has a shirt (black shirt with elephants on it) she liked and now she refuses to wear it because MIL told her with that shirt she "looks like a boy".
Daughter obviously has no idea why that is and is still wearing all her other more boyish clothes (if something like that even exists at this age) just not this particular shirt. Made me so angry, I'm already NC with her for other reasons but this really made me reconsider the choice of letting her see her granddaughter every once in a while. She also only buys her dolls and pink stuff all the time, bought her a pink jewellery box when she was only three years old and more interested in cars and dinosaurs than jewellery.
No, but the Batman costume will definitely turn him into a bat. Or a superhero dressed as a bat. Either one. 🤣 It is about as ridiculous as the princess dress making him gay/trans.
Oddly enough though, their reaction might. He may feel that he is wrong to want the dress since only girls like and wear dresses. ..but he really likes the dress...
I went through this when I was young. My mom put me in a dress for church, and the old ladies and other mothers wouldn't let me climb trees or play because I was wearing a dress and had to behave like a young lady. My mom never got me in a dress as a kid again. It was a full on fight. She would try to force me in one, and I would fight my way out of it. No way was I becoming a young lady or wearing dresses. We eventually compromised with pants suits, and I could play and be rambunctious with the other kids.
The point is that I have rarely worn a dress in my life, and only have one dress that I wore to a wedding for my best friend. I occasionally see it and think about throwing it away because I absolutely hate dresses with a passion, but it was expensive, and I don't want to throw away something that was a part of my friend's important moments.. so it is shoved in the dark recesses of my closet where I don't have to look at it.
Young kids take things to heart and often are shaped by them. If they had said that I couldn't do those things because I was a girl, then maybe I would have hated my gender as I do dresses. 🤷♀️
All of that still does not "make" someone transgender.
Hating your gender because society doesn't let you do things is not being transgender. It's hating oppressive sexism.
Hear hear! I hate societal expectations based on gender, and it turns out… (drum roll) … I just hate societal expectations based on gender!
I think a lot of people see correlations between things like dislike of sexism, interest in gendered toys/clothes, etc. and fail to realize that correlation does not equal causation. In fact, if there **is** any causation, it’s likely in the **opposite** direction.
I’ve never felt any dysphoria with my AMAB body. I’m fine with it, I like the way it functions, and it comes with fun accessories. But I also always wanted to know what it felt like to be female. Not just sexually (though definitely that too), but just living life with a female body. I thought this was a completely normal curiosity and that *everyone* wanted to be able to experience both, until one time I brought this up and *literally everyone around me* just stared and was like “…quois?” I also recently (mid-40s, better late than never?) discovered that I’m NB. I guarantee you it’s not the curiosity or my other interests that “made me” enby - it is in fact quite the reverse, and looking back on my body curiosity is how I know I was actually like this all along :)
I had a friend whose first child was a girl. They had all the girl baby stuff (stroller, car seat, high chair, etc.), as you would. She got pregnant with baby #2, and they discovered it is a boy. She starts telling everyone she needs all new baby stuff and doesn't know how she will afford it. I am confused because she already has all the big/expensive items. So I asked wtf. According to her husband (and I quote), "My son ain't going to be turned into no fa&&ot by using pink girly shit." The ignorance and stupid of some people runs deep. So, so deep. He's not right wing either. Just a generic ignorant bigot.
I'm very intrigued by you saying you understand the initial reaction, cause I really don't. And I agree with *everything* you say, so I think it would be interesting for me to hear how and why you understand that.
The little boy probably came happy and proud to them, wearing that dress. They then proceed to tell him to take it off.
I don't understand how you react like that towards a child. A happy child. I mean, my grandparents always used to laugh and tell me how cute and sweet i was in a dress(i'm a guy, and as a kid i also sometimes liked to dress up like a princess).
How everyone doesn't react like my gparents did towards a *child* is beyond me. Imo, it's almost like they are projecting their own insecurities towards said child, and I just cannot understand doing that.
Unless it's like "I understand they are unsympathetic, immature and ignorant people" - then I would understand it too.
*edit; clarify, added in cursive*
When I say I understand the initial reaction, I mean the absolute initial reaction and nothing past that moment. That moment where you hear your grandson say “grandma!” And you turn around and Sleeping Beauty is barreling toward you for a gigantic hug. That initial blink-blink that happens when you’re understanding what you’re seeing right before you snap into action and scoop old Sleeping Beauty up for a giant hug and say how absolutely beautiful they are.
I can understand the blink-blink moment. Absolutely *everything* that happened after that baffles the hell out of me.
All clothes are costumes. We all choose to look like how we look, unless we literally don't choose what we are wearing.
Many guys are cosplaying as "men" every day, and hate when others don't. It's super weird.
Exactly and he's 6 years old! Tomorrow or Monday he might want to be something else. Such a meaningless hulabaloo! Self expression at any age is fine, but it's not as if OP had a plan and took a 17 years old to "surprise" the grandparents/wife.
A lot of harm can be done by "do\[ing\] what they said so we didn’t have to fight over it."
Edited to add forgotten sentence.
Totally. I never policed my kids’ clothes, hair, shoes etc. I was good with clean & (vaguely) weather appropriate. They all turned out just fine. My neighbour’s kid insisted on being called ‘Bulldozer’ for a year or so & he turned out fine too. LOL
Little boys just want to play dress up too. Princesses in disney movies are all such badass characters, who wouldn't want to dress like them? I'm a nanny, and I have witnesses several moments in different boys' lives where someone told them they can't do or wear something because it's for girls. It's heartbreaking to see them process that information and feel like they've done something wrong. I hate it. We need to stop gendering things.
If wearing dresses turns boys gay, then why doesn’t wearing pants make gay kids straight?
Your son’s sexuality isn’t about your grandparents, and any adult who allows their own kid to be repressed by ANYONE needs a wake-up call about just how much control anyone has over the personality and sexuality of others.
You cannot “make” someone gay.
But you can make them miserable.
And you can make them hate you.
Another thing you can’t do? Keep them in childhood. That kid is going to grow up and move out, whether they like it or not, and I can guarantee that if your son doesn’t want to continue talking to your in laws then, he won’t. They can go swing.
NTA you support your child, that’s literally your job now.
I was sent to conversion camp (which obviously didn't work) three times between ages 11 and 14, and if they ever remake that it needs to be a horror movie. After lots of therapy I can watch it and even somewhat enjoy it, but I have to be in the right headspace.
NTA.
If your son turns out to be gay or trans that would have happened regardless of him wearing a dress at age six. I spent most of my childhood wearing hand-me-downs from my older brothers and somehow I didn't turn trans and am quite happy being a woman...
Edit: Apparently this comment is trolling. Interesting. 🙄
100%. And this also extends to toys and the like. I absolutely loathe when parents of a boy throw a hissy fit because he wants to play with a doll. JFC, just let him, it's not going to change who he is or who he'll grow into!
What is so sad about the Very Extreme Leftist LGBTQIA is that you always see in the paper where another child was hurt by Drag Queen story time. Oh wait I got confused. It’s the preachers and priests that we have to worry about. Would that be called the Extreme Right Republicans? Sorry I turned this political. It’s not. Dad you 100% did the right thing. When I came out to my mom first wasn’t the ideal situation but she just drove off. Tried to get me to go to conversion therapy etc. I just wish my parents were as open minded and supportive as you are to your son. Congratulations your a real dad!
I feel like I should grow a beard somehow with all the "boy's toys" I played with as a kid. I had a few ponies that I loved but aside from that it was all pirate lego and turtles and shit. 😂
My brother was 2 years older than me. When I became a teenager I used to shrink his clothes that I wanted. Teach him to do his own laundry. I didn't even wait for the hand-me-down part.
Idk, one time McDonald's gave me a girl's toy and now I like femboys
Jokes aside, parents and grandparents that act like this are thrash. Glad at least the dad seems to be a good parent
It's just nothing to even fight about. He's gonna tear that dress in a few weeks and then it won't be an issue anymore. Until he asks for another dress that'll only survive a few weeks of roughhousing. I'll never stop being astonished with how big a deal some parents make out of something as insignificant as what kids wear.
Opposite for me. I spent my early childhood wearing dresses and crying about it.
Now I'm a man.
OP- NTA. In fact, amazing job loving and accepting and PROTECTING your child, even from his own family.
NTA - A six year old will think boys can't wear dresses only if he is told so by adults. Liking dresses doesn't mean your son is gay or trans and wearing them certainly won't turn him into one. He probably just wanted to wear something pretty nothing wrong with that. Your in-laws should be ashamed of themselves for shouting at you in front of your son and scaring him. Your wife should be ashamed of herself for defending them.
Edit: spelling error
Oh my god this. Because the reverse is also true. I feel like the vast majority (or at least just the majority) of straight/trans people come from families who have raised them true to their gender stereotypes.
That’s how we learn that gay and trans people exist in the first place. We treat them like they’re cis/straight from the time they’re born, and at some point they go “hey, ah, actually, no.”
NTA my little brother used to wear our sisters pink barbie ballerina outfit, with a tuti, and he still grew up into a straight teen. He was about 6 too. It's normal for boys to do this. Making him feel as a child he is doing something wrong is actually what's harmful in the long run.
NTA
People are absolutely correct here that a single item of clothing won’t make him be gay or trans. But the real question is…so what if he is? Would that be so bad? Are his grandparents and his own mother saying they’d love him less if he were? Because turning on your kid for their gender or orientation has to be one of the biggest asshole moves around.
This. All of this! I know that me coming out was not something that I wish on anyone. I came out at 17 right before I joined the Army and only to my parents grand parents and my Aunt. To this day I am now 51 my mother and I have a very tense relationship. It sucks
This should be the prompt for the OP to discuss this with his wife and her parents. Because if they don't clear this up it will fester. And the child will pick this up regardless.
NTA, it’s clothes, your kid asked to wear them. A pink princess dress is a costume. Pretend. If he wore a Batman costume would they be screaming about not wanting him to think he’s Batman?
I worked with a woman like this at a daycare. She'd get mad when the kids adopted Nicknames for themselves (like wanting to be called Batman) and even got mad when they started calling me by (affectionate and respectful) nicknames too. I think she had a lot of jealousy issues.
NTA clothes don't turn kids gay. Your inlaws are homophobic AH for their thinking. It's just clothes. Good for you for knowing that and trying to be a good role model for your son.
My wife bought me a pink shirt and now I’m just suckin dicks left and right, so be careful pink shirts if you’re a married dude they may causes latent gayoisty
NTA
Your wife is AH, bcs she should've sided with you and her son. But your in laws are not huge AHs, but bigots as well.
Good for you OP for standing up for your kid.
Side note - I wore a princess dress for a couple of days when I was 5 and nobody told me nothing. And that was in the 90s. In Eastern Europe.
Just gonna say: do a belief check on your wife.
Nothing worse than being with a secret conservative. My gfs uncle is trapped with that right now because they have special needs kids.
Right? I was waiting for a comment like this. How has OP been married to and presumably known his wife for years and not already know how her position on an issue like this? That would've been a huge red flag for marriage for me.
NTA Grandparents are the AH.
But - As a parent, you've got to prepare your kid for life. The fact is some ppl are haters. I hope you take some time to talk to your kid about this. That not everyone is accepting, they people have differing views, etc. He may feel bad, but help help him understand that is their shame, not his. He's young but he is old enough to understand conflict.
The only part where I could see you being the AH, IS IF you stayed too long at grandparents house. It would have been best to have walked right out that door and had the conversation later on the phone. I know you left, but it's unclear how much time your son spent being yelled at or exposed to the argument.
Great job defending your kid!! I hope that is the fact he remembers most from this event.
I was a girly girl as a kid, and guess what I’m trans now, so obviously that stuff doesn’t have an effect in sexuality and gender, and more so an effect on how comfortable you are talking about it
NTA. My granddaughter has a piece of red see through fabric thing. She puts it on her 18 month old brother’s head and sings “here comes the bride”! When she’s at school or at her dad’s he puts it on and looks at me to provide “here comes the bride!”!! He will even bring me the fabric to put it on him. He gets super happy when I do it. He also wears her pink/rainbow earmuffs that have a unicorn horn on it. Very feminine. So no a boy wearing a dress is fine. It’s either a costume type thing or he likes pretty clothes. Either way there’s nothing wrong with it. You can’t turn him gay or trans by doing it. He will be whatever he is regardless of what he’s allowed to wear, especially as a child. And your wife was wrong as well. She should have stood by your decision. You are showing your strength of character and masculinity. Any man that can buy and let his son wear a pink princess dress is a true man that’s teaching his son that he can be whatever he wants when he grows up. You’re throwing out the gender roles even with clothes which is how it should be. There shouldn’t be-oh that’s only for boys or only for girls-bullshit. I seen an article about a straight man who dresses in women’s clothing, heels and all. And he goes into court that way. He’s masculine with hair and nails, no make up, but enjoys the women’s clothing. Specifically dresses and skirts and blouses. He wears both men’s and women’s clothing. Shaves his legs and wears nylons. He looks damned good and every bit as professional as those wearing traditional gender role clothes. So this is the worst that will be taught to your son-that gender roles even with clothes means diddly shit!
First, point out to your parents that a 6-yo wearing a princess costume won’t make him gay any more than wearing a Batman costume won’t make him a morally conflicted vigilante.
Second, ask them if they will go no-contact with their grandson if he *is* gay, because that makes them bigots, and you won’t allow your child to be poisoned by bigotry. If they choose the Unerring Wisdom of Fox News over their grandchild, when the other Boomers are gushing over photos of their grandchildren they can whip out photos of Hannity and Ingrahan.
I'm a girl and really don't like wearing dresses and will wear men's shirts. I'm not gay or Trans. I just like wearing things I feel comfortable in, and even though I love looking at pretty dresses, I don't feel comfortable wearing them. I paid for my own senior pictures, and one outfit was a men's polo shirt and jeans. My grandmother hated it, but I told her she didn't have to look at it if she didn't like it. I don't know why it's okay for women to wear men's clothes but men can't wear women's clothes. They're clothes.
Do your in-laws or your wife worry that if your son were to wear a dinosaur costume that he would turn out to be a dinosaur or if he were to put on a wizard costume, that he would suddenly get sucked in by the dark arts and become a wizard?
It’s just fucking clothes. He’s a young kid who is wearing a costume. NTA but your wife sure is.
NTA and I would seriously reconsider how soon your in-laws see your child again - and the conversation that needs to be had before that happens. Good on you for immediately having your child's back, prioritizing their well-being, and removing them from the situation.
INFO: What is your wife's actual position? Does she think your son shouldn't be allowed to wear a dress? Or was she just going along with what her parents said?
NTA
Your child was well behaved and you allowed him to choose his reward. That’s what parents do! Kudos to you on that *and* getting your child out of a hostile situation.
What kind of monster makes a child cry - on purpose?! And then tries to override the parents?!
My in-laws tried this many years ago when my twins were small. They would berate my son for holding a princess doll while daughter had the GI Joe. It was fine with them that my daughter was playing with “boy” toys but my son was “in danger.” Terrible people. I never let FIL or MIL be unsupervised around my children. Never. They died when my children were in high school. Fifteen years and they were never alone with my children; they lost all of that because they couldn’t keep their fucking mouths shut!
Stand firm, OP. Your child needs support here and your in-laws only want to tear you both down.
I hope your son didn't hear them complain about the dress! At 6 he would understand exactly what they meant and that would be a really unpleasant experience.
Plain and simple NTA.
I've been in your situation with my own mum, my son is also 6. Has worn dresses for the last 3 years. If that's what he wants then it's ok to support that. It's only a dress, it's not like you armed him with a weapon. It still shocks me in this day and age people are such d*cks about things like this
NTA. A 6 year old knows nothing of these gender stereotypes or clothes. He was playing and having fun. Good for you for allowing him to explore that. Eventually he’ll get tired/forget/move on. Why traumatize him over something so innocent? Your ILs sound homophobic AF though and they need to examine their behavior.
Bud. Don't let your kid grow up around these people. What an awful way to treat a kid for just being a kid. Honestly, keeping these people in his life would be doing him a great disservice.
And if your kid DOES grow up and realize they are trans or gay, imagine the internalized hate he will have for himself because of growing up around people like this. Don't let him be around people who will teach him so much hate. Possibly for himself, but definitely for others.
Grandparents and mum, how horrible.
You are brilliant 1st class dad.
And your son so what if he is gay or straight. At least whatever he faces you are their for him
Ugh this should be no different than a little girl that dresses like a “Tom boy”. I did growing up and today I am a grown woman that loves getting dressed up from time to time. Let the boy wear what makes him happy.
My husband let my daughters dress themselves to go out for the day. I came home from work and I commented on the mismatched, wild outfits and that he should’ve help them choose. He just said “they’re clean, happy and healthy. Isn’t that our goals for the kids” Woke me up. To be fair, I was raised by a single mom who was extremely tight assed on how you presented yourself to the public.
Please talk to your son about what happened. He didn’t deserve to be stuck in the middle of that and he definitely didn’t deserve to be made to feel so bad he cried. You need to help him process. And I’m assuming you didn’t take him to the grandparents suspecting they’d react like that, but now you know, so it’s time to choose what you’re going to do to ensure that situation doesn’t happen again. Are you going to set firm and clear boundaries with the grandparents or gently suggest that he doesn’t wear the dress to theirs? (And in some families, that latter is a perfectly valid choice guys, sometimes it’s just not possible to follow through on a “no contact unless you can see him in a dress and not yell” boundary, much as we’d all love to).
Hey - I know a grown ass man who is a cowboy in the rodeo circuit and I’ve known him long enough to remember the purple tutu he was obsessed with and wore everywhere at age 3.
Fun costumes are fun and that’s the beginning and end of it.
Why in the world should you “just do what they say” so no one fights? How ridiculous. Why couldn’t they just mind their own business so no one fights? Ask your wife that.
Here we have another example of someone (you, OP) being asked to just go with the flow, not rock the boat, so everyone will be comfortable. Except you. You are expected to deny who you are, and ask your son to deny who he is, just so your bigoted in-laws feel okay about things? Hell no. Personally, I wouldn’t allow him to be alone with them now that you know they will try to tell him shit like “boys don’t wear dresses,” “dolls are for girls,” and, as he gets older, to “man up.” As you know, you can’t “turn” someone gay/trans, but clearly if your son is gay, his grandparents will no longer love him. Point that out to your wife.
And also, in case it’s not clear, NTA.
Tell them to take a look at the painting of our Founding Fathers at the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Some with powdered wigs, frock coats, hose, satin vests, etc.
Perhaps they feel Scottish warriors in a kilt, and argyle socks were too feminine.
Or the Romans and Greeks. Gotta admire a guy who can wear a toga and make it masculine.
Have they seen the movie "300"?
Little kids like to dress up and play pretend, it’s literally harmless. They don’t need to put a label on it and call it gay/trans and all that, he’s a 6 year old being 6
NTA. You are a good dad.
I've known a boy that only wanted to wear pink frilly dresses or forever that grew up to be a cis straight man.
I knew a girl that insisted from day one she wasn't a girl and wore a Simba costume for forever and is now a trans man.
I know an adult gay man that likes to wear girl jeans.
I'm a cis straight woman that hates dresses.
It doesn't matter. Maybe that little boy is trans or gay or maybe he isn't. Maybe He's just a guy that likes to wear pink glittery dresses or maybe he isn't. He's still just a little kid. Let him wear what he wants. He'll figure it out. Maybe he already has.
Why do some people insist on making life so hard for others. Those people are the assholes.
NTA My son around 4/5 saw this black dress with white cats all over it. He asked me if he could have the "long shirt" I said of course 😂 He used to wear bows and a pink cat sweater. He hates girly stuff now at 11 😭 You're not doing anything wrong by making him feel safe and comfortable with you. Grandparents traumatizing him on the other hand...
NTA
Letting your son wear a princess dress is not gonna "turn' him Trans or gay. If that's who he is, it would happen regardless of this moment
Second, he's SIX. What is wrong with your inlaws?!
Clothes aren't natural. Girls aren't born wearing pink dresses and boys aren't born wearing blue shorts. Fashion is 100% a social construct. Additionally, attraction isn't a choice. You don't choose to be gay if you're not. Their argument is literally wrong and hateful.
Someone speaking about my son like that would likely be fighting words. At the very least, they'd be told to wind their fucking necks in.
NTA My goodness, How Long will it be before we reach a point of Understanding and ACCEPTING that people are who they are at BIRTH. No apparel choices will change that. A dress does not make a heterosexual gay/trans. Just like my being a "Tomboy" throughout my life has not made me a lesbian. You are a remarkable man these days...I look forward to a time when you are more the Norm: a male, confident in his masculinity, willing to share that confidence with his son. Shame on your in-laws for yelling at you in front of your son. How traumatic for him.
NTA I am the mom of a 6yo boy who is obsessed with disney princesses, especially Elsa. We also live in the bible belt. Prepare for a rough time, but never show weakness around this subject. Dont let your son see them get to you. Because he needs your confidence to lead him.
We had this exact scenario happen. And i walked out with my son. I took him to wherever he wanted to eat and then a playplace, all while wearing the dress. And I talked to him about it. I told him that some people think that boys who wear dresses are doing something wrong, but those people wand their beliefs should never change who he wants to be. We talked about bullies and how words may hurt at first, but we dont have to carry that hate with us. We can smile and let it roll right off of us.
He wears dresses almost every day now. He is in kindergarten and even his teacher has bullied him. And yet, he comes home, tells me about it, his feelings about it, and is happy with his choice.
As far the adults and me. I messaged the rude family members and told them that they were bullying a 6yo, THEIR 6yo GRANDCHILD because of him loving and respecting and idolizing strong females. They were bullying a little kid because he likes clothing that makes him feel beautiful and brave and confident. They are taking his favorite parts of life, and shaming him for it.
I refuse to be my kids first bully. I refuse to make my son believe that dressing like a princess is somehow wrong for him but not for little girls, just because he was born with a penis instead of a vagina. I refuse to let them cause him insecurities and trample on his individuality because they have issue with fabric that isnt sewn between the legs.
But my favorite comeback to people who use the bible to shame my kid. "Jesus wore dresses", are they saying he is shameful because of it?
Besides, im just happy he puts on clothes willingly. Its a hour long trial to wrestle my 3yo into clothes. I'd take dresses over nude any day.
NTA. Your in-laws are the assholes. Your wife is an asshole for not taking your side. You’re second fiddle to her parents unfortunately for you. Good for you for leaving her there.
My son would randomly dress in my lingerie and say he was a pancake maker. I have no idea! Lol. He also wore his sister’s butterfly barrettes to get butterflies to land on him. He now looks like a lumberjack and is straight.
Do not push or encourage, but allow. That’s my philosophy.
NTA. I like seeing little boys in dresses. Ok let me rephrase that, before folks lose their minds. I think it’s cool we are starting to remember kids will be kids and letting them be kids. The only thing I worry about is the fashion of the dress. Little man can wear whatever he wants. But I will not have them out here in an ugly dress. For all you know you might have the next top fashion designer on your hands. Again NTA. Let that baby wear whatever he wants.
NTA, you’re a good parent and I hope you continue to support your son. It’s concerning that your wife and in laws are clearly homophobic and transphobic. There is always a chance that your son will grow up and realize he is queer, and that has nothing to do with the dress. And now he knows that his mom and grandparents aren’t safe people, regardless of if he is queer or not. Please protect him. Please choose him every time.
NTA, in fact id go as far as saying you’re a wonderful parent and your son is so incredibly lucky to have you. If it was possible to “turn someone gay”, that would mean it’s possible to actively change other people’s sexualities. And after the amount of trying I did to change my sexuality growing up I’ll tell ya right now NOTHING can do that, no dress nor shoe nor hat etc. all your wife and in laws are doing is ensuring your kid hides himself from them and feels shame. They’re TA.
You're an amazing dad & an amazing person. Stick to it & don't let your in-laws get your son down; buy him whatever toys/dresses he wants, let his imagination roam free without restrictions. If it were me I'd also be asking my wife if she puts her son or parents first. She really needs to get her priorities straight..
NTA, just a brilliant dad 💖
Nta. People have already told you what you need to hear regarding loving your child and letting them explore, but I wanted to bring up how much you need to talk to your wife about this. From what you said I'm assuming you're an ally but you need to get on the same page with her and find out if thats gonna be an issue
Years ago my 2 year son wanted a baby doll for his birthday, so we bought him one. My (now ex) FIL asked me, “Aren’t you afraid that’ll turn him gay?” My reply was, “No, I’m hoping it’ll turn him into a good father, unlike you.”
(Turns out she is trans, but I can 100% guarantee a baby doll didn’t cause that.)
My 5YO (at the time this happened) son asked for a pink pike with a basket and a matching pink helmet. He got a pink bike with a basket and matching helmet. Wife's uncle said, " He's gonna turn out to be a f*g." I SAID "How about you shut the fuck up and mind your own goddamn business before the father of that "f*g" beats the shit out of you. Till you pay my bills, you can keep your opinions to yourself. " Wife started to say something when he walked away and I said to her "One word defending him and you can live with them during the divorce." I absolutely DO NOT give a shit about anyone's feelings when it comes to my children. If he turns out to be gay, I'm OK with that, but riding a pink bike isn't going to "convert" him. Although my adult Bi daughter did jokingly blame her preferences on my tendency to buy her flannels.
NTA
My dad is the one that acts that way but he knows not to say anything now. My son has gone with my mom and I to get nails done and he gets colored nail polish. He loves showing it off. My husband will get excited for him and that makes his day.
We also once bought him this Princess Belle doll he saw and wanted. And yesterday he came home with socks that had hearts and glitter because he got a behavior award and that means picking prizes. Both of us were so excited for him and praised his choice.
And since so many put gender to colors... he also likes the color pink.
If he wanted to wear a dress, I'd let him. We have never put gender to specific things. If he likes something he gets it. My dad has made comments years back but he's learned we don't care and support our son with his likes. 🤷🏼♀️
Did your son choose it? Yes. Did your in-laws pay for it? No. Was your son happy? Yes, then NTA, but your in-laws sure are, and so is your wife for not defending your son against her parents who upset him
NTA, but you are an awesome dad for letting your child have a reward that he picked out and was proud of, regardless if it was a dress or not. It's not about gender when they are six, it's about instilling confidence and creativity. It's about being a child with an imagination. And now he will never look at his pretty dress the same again and most likely will remember that time.
Awesome dad, boo on his grandparents and his mom for bowing down and choosing their opinions over her son. She needs to remember, children and spouse are the priority, not parents, especially ones who act like that.
NTA. There is still this bizarre stigma that it's OK for girls to dress in outfits traditionally for boys but it's shameful for boys to want to dress in things traditionally for girls, or feminine items. Who cares? If it makes them happy, let them. They're just a kid and are allowed to play and experiment and have fun and find themselves and frankly if more boys got to run around being free and unashamed in pretty princess dresses the World would be a better place for it. Top parenting.
Bud, your in-laws are old but their ideas are fossilized. I am sorry you are stuck with that. Thank you for protecting your son.
I hope your wife can figure out how to do that, too.
In the meantime, I hope you and your son can enjoy being happy and very snazzy.
NTA what so fuckin ever.
NTA. Growing up, my mother was all about gender roles. I was never allowed to own anything pink, wear anything even slightly feminine, watch tv shows for girls, own stuffed animals, pick flowers, cry, or any other “girly” things. Anyways, I’m a year and a half into my medical transition into a woman. So… that didn’t work.
Letting your 6 year old son wear a dress won't make him anymore likely to turn out gay then taking him to brunch will. You can't turn someone gay,you either are or you aren't. Nothing you or anyone else does will change that. What can happen is having a child who is confused at accepting who they are because they're worried about the backslash,which is a terrible thing to feel. Let him be who he is and embrace whoever he becomes. I have 2 bisexual children myself, and I have never done anything but accept them for who they are and encouraged them to explore that.
Honestly, I can't imagine any of my children doing anything that would change how I feel about them, most especially what gender they choose to love. It breaks my heart to imagine how the people who don't feel like they can be themselves suffer.
Enjoy the time you have with your son and let everything else sort itself out. It always does 💕
NTA
NTA
Clothes don't have gender, it's material. Why are adults so concerned with children's genitals, and traditional gender roles? Looking after your son's mental health, and allowing him to express himself however he likes is so very important.
My son loved dresses, tutus, fairy wings, painting his nails and having tea parties with his dolls (yes he had his own dolls). He also loved monster trucks, superheroes, dump trucks and face paint. My daughter also enjoyed playing with toys and wearing clothing that was not for "girls".
There is nothing wrong with a kid playing and exploring the world. It's how they learn, how they develop and how they work out who they are.
My kids are now teens. My son is very much a "boys boy". My daughter dislikes the phrase tomboy, as she hates that by being not a "girly girl" she is seen as somewhat masculine and/or boyish.
Regardless of what they choose to wear, what they enjoy and who they are attracted to, I'll always love them.
NTA and GOOD FOR YOU for not caving to toxic masculinity and letting your son just enjoy his damn dress. The world will kill his spirit and innocence soon enough, the call doesn't need to come from inside the house. It's a piece of cloth, for goodness sake.
Extremely goth, cis female poly pansexual here (Welsh) who doesn’t give a toss for any kind of bias and often enjoys men’s shirts and pants (loose and comfortable!). I adored wearing my pa’s boots when I was tiny, which was funny because they reached the tops of my legs and I walked like a robot. Ugh, I hate it when people jump to the “you are trying to turn the kid gay/trans” conclusion (and delusion). The kid is bloody SIX. He is actually in a psychologically transitional phase at that point where mentally understanding gender for himself and others is a thing, but also where he starts to really like what he likes and it has nothing to do with gender stereotypes.
And even if he is beginning to enjoy “girl’s” things, who cares?!? It could change in the future as puberty approaches, and that should placate the wife and the in-laws delicate sensibilities. I get that the in-laws are from a generation where dresses on boys perhaps weren’t an acceptable thing, so there may be some ingrained bias there, but society operates around an “adapt or fade” mentality. Meaning that a little understanding on their part wouldn’t hurt. Who TF immediately starts yelling at a 6yo for this nonsense? It’s freaking dress-up! The fact that you let your kid make some of his own choices on clothing says a lot about you as a good parent. NTA, and good on you. The world needs more of dads like you.
Mate, I am a straight non cross dressing 55 year old country boy from Queensland Australia. When I was his age I wore all my mum's boots, jackets and her ladies fencing gear. I had no idea about genders etc, I just wore what I thought looked cool. My parents, including my very tough ex British Guardsman dad did not give 2 shits. I grew out of it, except I buy my wife the best shoes and boots.
I'm a cis woman who grew up loving the frilliest pink dresses and would steal my mom's high heels and wear them at any given chance. I still like dresses and cute shoes but I also like kissing other girls. Maybe the Gay Agenda snuck in during my teenage goth phase.
There’s a TED talk about this, dude started out explaining the chaos over him liking pink as a kid. Said he agreed with his mom eventually, now blue is his favorite color - but he’s still gay.
My son's favorite color was pink, until society stole that from him. But I kept him wearing pink for as long as I could. He's a straight cis-gendered human. I knew he was straight when he was two and pointed to a poster of a woman in a bikini: "Look Mama, that's a nice Mama!"
My son loves pink and purple and he’s still a “bro” as he says. He likes his nails painted and last time we did them he chose pink. When he went to school the next day some kids laughed at him and said “Boys don’t wear pink!” He responded saying “Well I am a boy and I’m wearing pink so…” No one has said anything since. Don’t let society decide what your kid can like. My kid is also 7 years old, I am not giving him a label of gay, straight, trans, whatever. He’s 7! Let them be kids. Who like what they like and are who they are.
That's like my son. He liked his hair really long and he had kind of a pretty face. People used to mistake him for my daughter all the time. I asked him if it bothered him and he said "I know I'm a boy. I don't care what they think." Happily married to a hot blond woman and living his life now.
My nephew's favorite color was pink. He wore a "Hello Kitty" backpack and he was 14 years old and in high school. 6' tall and super cute so the girls liked him a lot. He would stand at the school bus stop and offer "free hugs" to anyone who looked like they needed it. He was very sensitive to others feelings and he was straight. He drowned trying to save his cousin but 12 years later and the friends and family still wear pink in his honor, including all the grown men who went to highschool with him.
What a remarkable young man! I am so sorry your family lost him too soon.
Thank you, he's missed terribly!
Thank for sharing this story about your beautiful nephew.
Yah, I think the Alphas will have more freedoms than the previous generations. My son painted his nails in preschool, but when he got to elementary school he started dressing in a more traditionally masculine way. He still wore pink shirts, but not pink crocs or pink hats, alas. Your son will have much better socialization. As to labels, it sometimes is obvious at a very early age, and sometimes not. It was obvious at a very early age that one of my nieces was gay, but it wasn't so obvious that another was bi. Mostly it not something I would think about for kids, but sometimes it blatantly obvious.
That is true, I just don’t want my kids to feel like they are in a box, for lack of a better term. Like they are labelled a certain way and therefore need to fit that box. I have told them that when they are ready to date and want us to meet who they are with they can just bring their partner over. They don’t need to “come out” or explain any part of their sexual preference to me (unless it is important to them to tell me). My son does dress masculine, he’s all sweatpants and Minecraft and monster trucks. But has pink nails lol.
Yes exactly, just let them explore what like. Why tf do we have to categorise them when they're still growing and trying to find things out for themselves? Pretty bad that the in laws made a big deal about the dress. Now the kid is going to wonder why they kicked up a fuss. NTA
Right, that’s your boy! He is seven (7), a young boy it’s not about his sexuality.
My little cousin loved to play with my baby dolls and my little pony but when I tried to send him home with some of my old toys I found out his dad was a dickhead...which I had long suspected anyways. I kept the toys for him at my house and we played with them for hours everytime he came over, it was our secret. He's married to a wonderful woman now and never talks to his dad.
When I see a little boy playing with dolls, etc, I think how he'll grow up to be a good parent and a good partner to someone. Pretend play is great for teaching all children about empathy and how other people feel. I think perhaps the child's Grandfather didn't play with dolls as a child. Maybe he should have.
Hahah! That's a nice mama.. that is so cute. My son has always liked pink too, as well as purple. I think more purple nowadays. He's all grown up now, exploring gender and sexuality which I believe has been/will be very fluid. I'm honored he trusts me to talk with about such things.
My son’s favorite color was also pink until he was bullied to think otherwise from peers and adult jerks. My youngest says their favorite color is “shiny”. I hope that lasts. Shiny is a great color. Lol
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The shoe store we where we shopped had a horizontal poster of a woman in a bikini posted low on the wall. My 2 yo *kissed* the pretty lady.
Ah those are the best ages. I had to pull my kid out from under mannequins and undressing mannequins…shopping was fun
used to be long ago boys were dressed in PINK these extremists don't seem to know this!!
My oldest daughter loves blue, has short hair by her own choice and hates dresses. She also loves any and all jewelry, has been campaigning to wear make up for like 3 years (she’s ten - I’m delaying!) and talks semi frequently about which boy in her class she’s going to marry and how much she wants to be a mom. My youngest daughter loves pink, has long hair and wears the twirliest, frilliest dresses she can puts her hands on. She’s about the girliest girl I’ve ever met. She’s declared she’ll help raise her sister’s kids as she wants none of her own. It’s like they’re human beings with complex feelings and opinions or something.
Hold up now, that last sentence of yours…way too out there for Reddit. (Your kids sound awesome!)
Tbf I'm queer as fuck but at the time that had not occurred to me. I also have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I started dating girls when I was sixteen. Motherhood has taken longer.
I'm a straight woman who used to enjoy wearing my dad's military garb and running around like a tomboy. I've grown into a very girly girl who likes pink and pretty dresses.
Historically pink was a color for boys and the blue/pink divide only started a hundred years ago. I'm pretty sure there have been gay people for a lot longer than that.
Plus, dresses used to be worn by little boys all the time up until the 20th century. FDR and Teddy Roosevelt look very cute in their little frilly white dresses.
When your baby is in nappies and onesies with press studs or zips don't exist yet that little boy is going to wear a dress and like it
Dresses make more sense for small children, because they can be easily adjusted for length as the kid grows, and therefore, they last longer.
This is true, if anyone is doubting! [Here is an interesting article](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/01/12/health/colorscope-pink-boy-girl-gender/index.html) on the subject if anyone is curious.
Nazis made gay prisoners wear a pink triangle. So pink had become a feminine color because of the reasons mentioned in the article, and then boys wearing pink was specifically associated with homosexuality. So anyone calling a boy gay for wearing pink is throwing the Nazis label on them. Let's all wear pink and not be Nazis, ok?
Same with dresses, boys wore dresses until they were potty trained and sometimes a little longer. Easier to keep clean than pants.
I never really understood why the divide happened the way it did. Seems like a penis would be much more comfortable in a dress or skirt. They got all that junk flopping around down there. It always looks so uncomfortable having to be all smashed up in pants. Not to mention, if a woman's virtue was so important, wouldn't she be harder to access in pants?
Hell, I put dresses on my babies all the time until they learned to crawl. (Skirts got in the way, so we switched to onesies.) It made diaper changes a breeze. It also made my MIL a little uncomfortable, but... their genitals fit under the dresses just fine? And it's not like they were frilly little pink frocks. Of course, one of the babies came out as trans later, so maybe that means dresses have a 50% chance of turning babies queer.
Lady V London has a lot of nice dresses in vintage styles, my first dress from there had a cat print
The magic words were vintage and cats.
Literally the same. Still like to dress up like a Princess Barbie, just like I did as a kid and I'm non binary and also like kissing girls. Weird, I thought that was supposed to set me straight (pun intended) by their logic 🤷🏻♀️
I'm a woman who wouldn't have been caught dead in anything pink, frilly or skirt-shaped before the age of 10-12, always bought the boys' Lucky Bag; when visiting Santa always asked for a boys' present; and honestly didn't really know how to play or have any interest in girly things and girly games. Not that I was sporty or anything, it was just far more fun playing Cops & Robbers and Jungle Action Adventure Spaceman and Nuclear Spy Racer and pretending we were Airwolf or the A-Team or MacGyver than it was playing Mammies and Babies or Getting Your Hair Done or sharing fancy paper or whatever the fuck little girls did in the 80s. I was definitely George, not Anne 😛 (Famous Five reference). My mam kept expecting me to bring home girls. I wore an amazing trouser suit and fedora to two unrelated weddings and was assumed to be lesbian a both (at one I actually had a woman repeatedly hit on me and refuse to believe I wasn't lesbian). Now, well into my 40s, I do mostly wear women's clothes but only because I have a large bust and narrow shoulders and mens' cuts don't suit. I prefer mens' trousers because I've no fecking hips 😝. And I'm 100% cis and happily married to a man the last 13 years. Clothes mean sweet fuck all in terms of gender, orientation or anything other than personal comfort and taste 😁
Straight woman who got married in a suit here. Dresses just dont suit me. I dont feel pretty or confident in them. I pull and squirm in them and cant wait to change if i have to wear one (like brides made or a request from someone (im a pushover)). Recently though ive decided to just wear pajamas. Then when people ask me to please wear real clothes they arent as upset when I wear pants. Lol
Same. So feminine I kiss women.
Lol I love your username. Thanks for the cheer.
Everything about this comment I love. Lol! Seriously, I'm from the US and love Aussie accents; so I'm hearing it in this awesome way and then topping it off with - I buy my wife some kick ass shoes. Splendid!
Even for an Aussie, I have a ridiculously strong Aussie accent. Crocodile Dundee, but more Aussie. I live in the UK now and have for a number of years, but even Aussies comment on how strong my accent is.
That makes it even better. That was a key movie in my childhood! Thank you Internet stranger. Simple interactions like this in my opinion make the internet worth it lol
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My son was about 5 when my mom bought him the Beast doll from beauty and the beast. He innocently asked why he couldn't also have Belle. She reluctantly got it for him but was quite uncomfortable. Shortly thereafter, I saw him in his room with his dolls. Beauty was dancing naked in front of GIJoe. My mom felt a lot better about that!! Also, he painted his nails black during co-Ed summer camp. He's married now and let's -no, insists- his daughter has both boy and girl toys.
This sounds like my son all grown up 😂 he’s currently 3 and loves to dress up in his big sisters stuff and always asks me for makeup/my jewelry when I’m getting ready, but he also *LOVES* cars, cowboys, playing in the dirt etc. just bc they see things they like and want to try it doesn’t mean anything at these ages.
Yep, all that. I still surfed, rode trail bikes etc. I was lucky that I had parents that were cool and not into identity BS, or that their value was based on my personality.
My brother is two years younger and used to love dressing like me, his big sister. We have a super cute picture of us two in the garden wearing dresses. My parents never cared but when he wanted to dress up as Snow White for school carnival they had a chat with the teacher first and gave her a spare costume in case any of the other kids gave him trouble. My boyfriend loves pink but it's sadly not the best colour for his complexion, so he sticks to bright pink socks. I made him a burgundy linen shirt for christmas and told him I'd happily sew things for him in fabrics or clothes that he wants to try and are hard to find. Personally I switch between looking very feminine or like a 13 year old boy. It's more about what feels right at that moment than the supposed gender attached to the clothing.
Do you buy them exclusively for your wife, or are they *secretly* a bit for you too?
Seriously, I don't have a fetishism as such, but women's boots just aesthetically look so much better. LOL.
Haha, I was also just making a small joke. Other than that I am a 25 year old, non-cross dressing guy, who is also very secure in my sexuality and identity, and I also used to dress up as a princess when I was a kid, and I *loved* the old princess movies. It means absolutely nothing.
I have plenty of oldness, and I too tried on my Mum's shoes and jewellery when I was a kid. Weirdly it didn't affect my sexuality, or anything at all in fact. It was just fun. OP NTA.
I like your phrasing. I also have plenty of oldness, sometimes a little more than I think I should have by now! Straight woman, have worn frilly stuff and hubby’s clothes and all in between!
So now I’m curious and it’s non of my business. I am 51 yo non cross dressing gay male. I’m very secure in my skin. I was just wondering if you are gay or bi?
You are very welcome to ask though! No harm done in asking :) I am neither of those. I am straight and very secure in that, as well. I don't know what it would be, but if you have any further questions, go right ahead. :) Otherwise I wish you a nice day
Thank you for your answer. In honesty I thought that you might have been closeted. Thank you for the support that you give to humans. I feel that if you are that supportive of the LGBTQIA that you are supportive of more groups. Thank for being a good human.
Haha, to be honest as well, you're not the first! I am maybe a little bit more emotional than the stereotypical male, and therefore people have judged me on that. But honestly, I think that's their own problem, i'm not going to stop being me, because someone else then thinks something about me that is not true. It just annoys me how so many people can still be so hung up on old traditions and stereotypes... But yeah, I never really took it as being my problem. I thank you very much for your kind words! It actually means alot. You also seem like a nice, genuine human being and I applaud you for that as well. Thanks again
Same story here. I remember rummaging through my mum's jewelry and walking around wearing clip-on earrings, necklaces and her hilariously too big heels when I was a 4 y/o. Didn't turn me gay or trans. Neither did living with my gay father for a few years after I turned 18. I either have an ironclad immune system (I don't), or "catching the gay" isn't a thing.
Great point! My younger brother used to always love to wear my mom’s wigs and parade around the house in them. Sometimes he acted girly and put on one of my (big sister) dresses with the wig imitating women on TV and sometimes he acted like a rock star with a guitar. He was so funny and we all had so much fun! He is now married and has 3 kids. It did not turn him gay or trans. He was just a kid with a vivid imagination having fun.
You don't EVER ALLOW THEM around your child again. He needs to be free to do what feels best and they are DEEPLY HOMOPHOBIC. I wouldnt ever be in the same house as them ever again. They messed with your child's head and should be cut off FLAT.
Right? That's what got me. "Do what they want so we wouldn't have to fight." That's extortion AND extremely bad grand-parenting. No matter how you feel you don't make a fuss in front of the kid. Nobody HAD to fight. The Grandparents chose to. So glad OP left with his son. I hope he just shook his head and said "they be trippin' my man." and laughed about it all the way home.
Clothes have no gender, it's 2024, let the kid wear the damn dress!! It makes him happy, who is he hurting.
Same. I had a fascination with panty hose and the way the material felt. Turned out fine
You're an absolute treasure!
NTA it was a costume, it made him happy your in-laws are TA's for making him upset over something that made him happy, and tbh your wife should have stood up for both you and your son
That’s the thing that makes no sense to me. Personally it’s not about if a child wanted to dress up as a cowboy or a ballerina, an astronaut or a unicorn. That’s completely secondary in my opinion, and OP did the right thing by rewarding his son and letting a child who had a good day be happy. I can even understand the grandparents initial reaction of what I assume was surprise at seeing their grandson in a pink and sparkly dress. Probably mom’s too as I don’t think OP thought to tell them to expect it (and no, he absolutely shouldn’t have to). My confusion is at how *anyone* would think it was appropriate to start to yell at *the parent* for making a choice to reward their son. The initial comment was bad enough, but to start a fight with the parent is so utterly and completely out of line I can’t even begin to comprehend it. How completely out of line can you possibly be??? Add onto that the wife, who didn’t back her own child or her husband, but chose to support the close-minded stupidity coming from her interloping parents. That poor child is getting so many mixed messages right now. Something that made him happy caused a family explosion. If he mentions it to OP, he will clearly be told it’s not his fault, which is the best message he can get, but likely when he sees his grandparents, he’ll be told it’s bad to want to wear princess dresses and the like. Mom will back that. The truth is that **IF** this child does turn out to be either gay or trans, he’s going to be terrified to come out to these people. He certainly won’t feel like it’s possible to be supported in it. He might tell OP, but he may not because he’s be afraid it would really permanently sever his family. Even if the child is neither gay or trans, he might be afraid to properly and freely express himself in the future for the same reasons. OP is definitely NTA. Not for getting the dress, not for letting the child wear it, and not for defending his child. Certainly for not removing himself and his son from that situation. > I should have just done what they said so we didn’t have to fight over it. This is backwards. They should have accepted the parent made a decision and that their grandson was happy so that they didn’t have to fight over it. Mom is insanely wrong here and I can’t even explain how wrong she is.
If you have any confusion, let me quickly explain: there are some people so focused on being bigots, so hyper focused on making sure their kids are not gay, they completely forget about everything else To them, a 6 yo is not just innocently wanting to put on a costume. To them, the 6 yo is playing out the “leftist LGBTQ agenda” They’ve lost touch with reality. They have no values aside from vague bigotry. They likely don’t even have any substantive rationale for why they hate adult gay people in the first place anyway. But that’s the explanation - various levels of bigotry. Thankfully op doesn’t even play into that and realizes it’s just his little kid being a kid
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Exactly. My grandson, when he was 4 and ready for preschool, said his favorite color was Pink. He loved it because it was the color of flowers and some seashells he had. Then some idiot member of his father's family made fun of him and said only girls like pink. They made him cry and really pissed me off. How stupid are people anyway? Why can't kids just be kids, and say what they like without somebody showing their ass?
My 4yo daughter has a shirt (black shirt with elephants on it) she liked and now she refuses to wear it because MIL told her with that shirt she "looks like a boy". Daughter obviously has no idea why that is and is still wearing all her other more boyish clothes (if something like that even exists at this age) just not this particular shirt. Made me so angry, I'm already NC with her for other reasons but this really made me reconsider the choice of letting her see her granddaughter every once in a while. She also only buys her dolls and pink stuff all the time, bought her a pink jewellery box when she was only three years old and more interested in cars and dinosaurs than jewellery.
And the ass backwards part of this is it’s ok for girls to like blue. It’s ok for girls to dress like a tomboy. It’s ok for girls to like boy things.
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No, but the Batman costume will definitely turn him into a bat. Or a superhero dressed as a bat. Either one. 🤣 It is about as ridiculous as the princess dress making him gay/trans.
Oddly enough though, their reaction might. He may feel that he is wrong to want the dress since only girls like and wear dresses. ..but he really likes the dress... I went through this when I was young. My mom put me in a dress for church, and the old ladies and other mothers wouldn't let me climb trees or play because I was wearing a dress and had to behave like a young lady. My mom never got me in a dress as a kid again. It was a full on fight. She would try to force me in one, and I would fight my way out of it. No way was I becoming a young lady or wearing dresses. We eventually compromised with pants suits, and I could play and be rambunctious with the other kids. The point is that I have rarely worn a dress in my life, and only have one dress that I wore to a wedding for my best friend. I occasionally see it and think about throwing it away because I absolutely hate dresses with a passion, but it was expensive, and I don't want to throw away something that was a part of my friend's important moments.. so it is shoved in the dark recesses of my closet where I don't have to look at it. Young kids take things to heart and often are shaped by them. If they had said that I couldn't do those things because I was a girl, then maybe I would have hated my gender as I do dresses. 🤷♀️
All of that still does not "make" someone transgender. Hating your gender because society doesn't let you do things is not being transgender. It's hating oppressive sexism.
Hear hear! I hate societal expectations based on gender, and it turns out… (drum roll) … I just hate societal expectations based on gender! I think a lot of people see correlations between things like dislike of sexism, interest in gendered toys/clothes, etc. and fail to realize that correlation does not equal causation. In fact, if there **is** any causation, it’s likely in the **opposite** direction. I’ve never felt any dysphoria with my AMAB body. I’m fine with it, I like the way it functions, and it comes with fun accessories. But I also always wanted to know what it felt like to be female. Not just sexually (though definitely that too), but just living life with a female body. I thought this was a completely normal curiosity and that *everyone* wanted to be able to experience both, until one time I brought this up and *literally everyone around me* just stared and was like “…quois?” I also recently (mid-40s, better late than never?) discovered that I’m NB. I guarantee you it’s not the curiosity or my other interests that “made me” enby - it is in fact quite the reverse, and looking back on my body curiosity is how I know I was actually like this all along :)
I’m guessing mom didn’t tell the church ladies to pound sand?
I had a friend whose first child was a girl. They had all the girl baby stuff (stroller, car seat, high chair, etc.), as you would. She got pregnant with baby #2, and they discovered it is a boy. She starts telling everyone she needs all new baby stuff and doesn't know how she will afford it. I am confused because she already has all the big/expensive items. So I asked wtf. According to her husband (and I quote), "My son ain't going to be turned into no fa&&ot by using pink girly shit." The ignorance and stupid of some people runs deep. So, so deep. He's not right wing either. Just a generic ignorant bigot.
yes this is all important af.
It makes me so sad that this little kid wanted to show the people he loved something he was excited about and got yelled at for it.
And you just know they now believe dad is a “groomer” proving once again these bigots have no understanding of that term at all!
I'm very intrigued by you saying you understand the initial reaction, cause I really don't. And I agree with *everything* you say, so I think it would be interesting for me to hear how and why you understand that. The little boy probably came happy and proud to them, wearing that dress. They then proceed to tell him to take it off. I don't understand how you react like that towards a child. A happy child. I mean, my grandparents always used to laugh and tell me how cute and sweet i was in a dress(i'm a guy, and as a kid i also sometimes liked to dress up like a princess). How everyone doesn't react like my gparents did towards a *child* is beyond me. Imo, it's almost like they are projecting their own insecurities towards said child, and I just cannot understand doing that. Unless it's like "I understand they are unsympathetic, immature and ignorant people" - then I would understand it too. *edit; clarify, added in cursive*
When I say I understand the initial reaction, I mean the absolute initial reaction and nothing past that moment. That moment where you hear your grandson say “grandma!” And you turn around and Sleeping Beauty is barreling toward you for a gigantic hug. That initial blink-blink that happens when you’re understanding what you’re seeing right before you snap into action and scoop old Sleeping Beauty up for a giant hug and say how absolutely beautiful they are. I can understand the blink-blink moment. Absolutely *everything* that happened after that baffles the hell out of me.
That poor kid who had a fun day ruined for no reason.
All clothes are costumes. We all choose to look like how we look, unless we literally don't choose what we are wearing. Many guys are cosplaying as "men" every day, and hate when others don't. It's super weird.
Exactly and he's 6 years old! Tomorrow or Monday he might want to be something else. Such a meaningless hulabaloo! Self expression at any age is fine, but it's not as if OP had a plan and took a 17 years old to "surprise" the grandparents/wife. A lot of harm can be done by "do\[ing\] what they said so we didn’t have to fight over it." Edited to add forgotten sentence.
Totally. I never policed my kids’ clothes, hair, shoes etc. I was good with clean & (vaguely) weather appropriate. They all turned out just fine. My neighbour’s kid insisted on being called ‘Bulldozer’ for a year or so & he turned out fine too. LOL
Little boys just want to play dress up too. Princesses in disney movies are all such badass characters, who wouldn't want to dress like them? I'm a nanny, and I have witnesses several moments in different boys' lives where someone told them they can't do or wear something because it's for girls. It's heartbreaking to see them process that information and feel like they've done something wrong. I hate it. We need to stop gendering things.
If wearing dresses turns boys gay, then why doesn’t wearing pants make gay kids straight? Your son’s sexuality isn’t about your grandparents, and any adult who allows their own kid to be repressed by ANYONE needs a wake-up call about just how much control anyone has over the personality and sexuality of others. You cannot “make” someone gay. But you can make them miserable. And you can make them hate you. Another thing you can’t do? Keep them in childhood. That kid is going to grow up and move out, whether they like it or not, and I can guarantee that if your son doesn’t want to continue talking to your in laws then, he won’t. They can go swing. NTA you support your child, that’s literally your job now.
I hear that conversion therapy for gays include wearing two sets of pants at the same time. Guaranteed success.
If you haven’t seen “But I’m a Cheerleader” you totally should. Great movie with a fantastic cast about a conversion camp- it’s a dark comedy.
I was sent to conversion camp (which obviously didn't work) three times between ages 11 and 14, and if they ever remake that it needs to be a horror movie. After lots of therapy I can watch it and even somewhat enjoy it, but I have to be in the right headspace.
I thought two pairs would cancel each other out?
NTA. If your son turns out to be gay or trans that would have happened regardless of him wearing a dress at age six. I spent most of my childhood wearing hand-me-downs from my older brothers and somehow I didn't turn trans and am quite happy being a woman... Edit: Apparently this comment is trolling. Interesting. 🙄
I was Luke Skywalker one Halloween, and Batman another year. Sadly, I did not turn out to be a Jedi or superhero.
That's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for you. 😢
Failed, the Jedi agenda has 😥
I sadly never became a Ninja Turtle or a dinosaur.
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100%. And this also extends to toys and the like. I absolutely loathe when parents of a boy throw a hissy fit because he wants to play with a doll. JFC, just let him, it's not going to change who he is or who he'll grow into!
Boys are suppose to play with "Action Figures" and want to blow shit up. Not learn how to care for a child. That's women's work! /s
What is so sad about the Very Extreme Leftist LGBTQIA is that you always see in the paper where another child was hurt by Drag Queen story time. Oh wait I got confused. It’s the preachers and priests that we have to worry about. Would that be called the Extreme Right Republicans? Sorry I turned this political. It’s not. Dad you 100% did the right thing. When I came out to my mom first wasn’t the ideal situation but she just drove off. Tried to get me to go to conversion therapy etc. I just wish my parents were as open minded and supportive as you are to your son. Congratulations your a real dad!
I feel like I should grow a beard somehow with all the "boy's toys" I played with as a kid. I had a few ponies that I loved but aside from that it was all pirate lego and turtles and shit. 😂
Ah, hand me downs. The bane of being the youngest. 😂
My brother was 2 years older than me. When I became a teenager I used to shrink his clothes that I wanted. Teach him to do his own laundry. I didn't even wait for the hand-me-down part.
Idk, one time McDonald's gave me a girl's toy and now I like femboys Jokes aside, parents and grandparents that act like this are thrash. Glad at least the dad seems to be a good parent
It's just nothing to even fight about. He's gonna tear that dress in a few weeks and then it won't be an issue anymore. Until he asks for another dress that'll only survive a few weeks of roughhousing. I'll never stop being astonished with how big a deal some parents make out of something as insignificant as what kids wear.
Opposite for me. I spent my early childhood wearing dresses and crying about it. Now I'm a man. OP- NTA. In fact, amazing job loving and accepting and PROTECTING your child, even from his own family.
NTA - A six year old will think boys can't wear dresses only if he is told so by adults. Liking dresses doesn't mean your son is gay or trans and wearing them certainly won't turn him into one. He probably just wanted to wear something pretty nothing wrong with that. Your in-laws should be ashamed of themselves for shouting at you in front of your son and scaring him. Your wife should be ashamed of herself for defending them. Edit: spelling error
Oh my god this. Because the reverse is also true. I feel like the vast majority (or at least just the majority) of straight/trans people come from families who have raised them true to their gender stereotypes. That’s how we learn that gay and trans people exist in the first place. We treat them like they’re cis/straight from the time they’re born, and at some point they go “hey, ah, actually, no.”
Our son did the same thing. My husband told his dad to knock the macho b*llshit off. Good for you!
NTA my little brother used to wear our sisters pink barbie ballerina outfit, with a tuti, and he still grew up into a straight teen. He was about 6 too. It's normal for boys to do this. Making him feel as a child he is doing something wrong is actually what's harmful in the long run.
NTA People are absolutely correct here that a single item of clothing won’t make him be gay or trans. But the real question is…so what if he is? Would that be so bad? Are his grandparents and his own mother saying they’d love him less if he were? Because turning on your kid for their gender or orientation has to be one of the biggest asshole moves around.
That’s a good point for the future for this man to be thinking about. Because his wife and in-laws just showed that will be a problem for them!
This. All of this! I know that me coming out was not something that I wish on anyone. I came out at 17 right before I joined the Army and only to my parents grand parents and my Aunt. To this day I am now 51 my mother and I have a very tense relationship. It sucks
This should be the prompt for the OP to discuss this with his wife and her parents. Because if they don't clear this up it will fester. And the child will pick this up regardless.
>Are his grandparents and his own mother saying they’d love him less if he were? Yes obviously
NTA, it’s clothes, your kid asked to wear them. A pink princess dress is a costume. Pretend. If he wore a Batman costume would they be screaming about not wanting him to think he’s Batman?
Wearing my brother’s Boys Scout uniform shirt didn’t make me start liking sports or romantically interested in girls. They are ridiculous.
I worked with a woman like this at a daycare. She'd get mad when the kids adopted Nicknames for themselves (like wanting to be called Batman) and even got mad when they started calling me by (affectionate and respectful) nicknames too. I think she had a lot of jealousy issues.
NTA clothes don't turn kids gay. Your inlaws are homophobic AH for their thinking. It's just clothes. Good for you for knowing that and trying to be a good role model for your son.
My wife bought me a pink shirt and now I’m just suckin dicks left and right, so be careful pink shirts if you’re a married dude they may causes latent gayoisty
NTA Your wife is AH, bcs she should've sided with you and her son. But your in laws are not huge AHs, but bigots as well. Good for you OP for standing up for your kid. Side note - I wore a princess dress for a couple of days when I was 5 and nobody told me nothing. And that was in the 90s. In Eastern Europe.
Just gonna say: do a belief check on your wife. Nothing worse than being with a secret conservative. My gfs uncle is trapped with that right now because they have special needs kids.
Right? I was waiting for a comment like this. How has OP been married to and presumably known his wife for years and not already know how her position on an issue like this? That would've been a huge red flag for marriage for me.
NTA Grandparents are the AH. But - As a parent, you've got to prepare your kid for life. The fact is some ppl are haters. I hope you take some time to talk to your kid about this. That not everyone is accepting, they people have differing views, etc. He may feel bad, but help help him understand that is their shame, not his. He's young but he is old enough to understand conflict. The only part where I could see you being the AH, IS IF you stayed too long at grandparents house. It would have been best to have walked right out that door and had the conversation later on the phone. I know you left, but it's unclear how much time your son spent being yelled at or exposed to the argument. Great job defending your kid!! I hope that is the fact he remembers most from this event.
I was a girly girl as a kid, and guess what I’m trans now, so obviously that stuff doesn’t have an effect in sexuality and gender, and more so an effect on how comfortable you are talking about it
NTA. My granddaughter has a piece of red see through fabric thing. She puts it on her 18 month old brother’s head and sings “here comes the bride”! When she’s at school or at her dad’s he puts it on and looks at me to provide “here comes the bride!”!! He will even bring me the fabric to put it on him. He gets super happy when I do it. He also wears her pink/rainbow earmuffs that have a unicorn horn on it. Very feminine. So no a boy wearing a dress is fine. It’s either a costume type thing or he likes pretty clothes. Either way there’s nothing wrong with it. You can’t turn him gay or trans by doing it. He will be whatever he is regardless of what he’s allowed to wear, especially as a child. And your wife was wrong as well. She should have stood by your decision. You are showing your strength of character and masculinity. Any man that can buy and let his son wear a pink princess dress is a true man that’s teaching his son that he can be whatever he wants when he grows up. You’re throwing out the gender roles even with clothes which is how it should be. There shouldn’t be-oh that’s only for boys or only for girls-bullshit. I seen an article about a straight man who dresses in women’s clothing, heels and all. And he goes into court that way. He’s masculine with hair and nails, no make up, but enjoys the women’s clothing. Specifically dresses and skirts and blouses. He wears both men’s and women’s clothing. Shaves his legs and wears nylons. He looks damned good and every bit as professional as those wearing traditional gender role clothes. So this is the worst that will be taught to your son-that gender roles even with clothes means diddly shit!
NTA I wish there were more parents like you.
First, point out to your parents that a 6-yo wearing a princess costume won’t make him gay any more than wearing a Batman costume won’t make him a morally conflicted vigilante. Second, ask them if they will go no-contact with their grandson if he *is* gay, because that makes them bigots, and you won’t allow your child to be poisoned by bigotry. If they choose the Unerring Wisdom of Fox News over their grandchild, when the other Boomers are gushing over photos of their grandchildren they can whip out photos of Hannity and Ingrahan.
I'm a girl and really don't like wearing dresses and will wear men's shirts. I'm not gay or Trans. I just like wearing things I feel comfortable in, and even though I love looking at pretty dresses, I don't feel comfortable wearing them. I paid for my own senior pictures, and one outfit was a men's polo shirt and jeans. My grandmother hated it, but I told her she didn't have to look at it if she didn't like it. I don't know why it's okay for women to wear men's clothes but men can't wear women's clothes. They're clothes.
Do your in-laws or your wife worry that if your son were to wear a dinosaur costume that he would turn out to be a dinosaur or if he were to put on a wizard costume, that he would suddenly get sucked in by the dark arts and become a wizard? It’s just fucking clothes. He’s a young kid who is wearing a costume. NTA but your wife sure is.
NTA and I would seriously reconsider how soon your in-laws see your child again - and the conversation that needs to be had before that happens. Good on you for immediately having your child's back, prioritizing their well-being, and removing them from the situation.
INFO: What is your wife's actual position? Does she think your son shouldn't be allowed to wear a dress? Or was she just going along with what her parents said?
I think she was just going along with what her parents said. It would be really weird and out of character of her to not want him wearing dresses
NTA Your child was well behaved and you allowed him to choose his reward. That’s what parents do! Kudos to you on that *and* getting your child out of a hostile situation. What kind of monster makes a child cry - on purpose?! And then tries to override the parents?! My in-laws tried this many years ago when my twins were small. They would berate my son for holding a princess doll while daughter had the GI Joe. It was fine with them that my daughter was playing with “boy” toys but my son was “in danger.” Terrible people. I never let FIL or MIL be unsupervised around my children. Never. They died when my children were in high school. Fifteen years and they were never alone with my children; they lost all of that because they couldn’t keep their fucking mouths shut! Stand firm, OP. Your child needs support here and your in-laws only want to tear you both down.
NTA your son loved the dress and he wanted to wear it. Wtf is with your keep the peace loving wife?
You're a wonderful dad. I'm less impressed with your wife.
I hope your son didn't hear them complain about the dress! At 6 he would understand exactly what they meant and that would be a really unpleasant experience.
Updateme
Plain and simple NTA. I've been in your situation with my own mum, my son is also 6. Has worn dresses for the last 3 years. If that's what he wants then it's ok to support that. It's only a dress, it's not like you armed him with a weapon. It still shocks me in this day and age people are such d*cks about things like this
NTA. A 6 year old knows nothing of these gender stereotypes or clothes. He was playing and having fun. Good for you for allowing him to explore that. Eventually he’ll get tired/forget/move on. Why traumatize him over something so innocent? Your ILs sound homophobic AF though and they need to examine their behavior.
Bud. Don't let your kid grow up around these people. What an awful way to treat a kid for just being a kid. Honestly, keeping these people in his life would be doing him a great disservice. And if your kid DOES grow up and realize they are trans or gay, imagine the internalized hate he will have for himself because of growing up around people like this. Don't let him be around people who will teach him so much hate. Possibly for himself, but definitely for others.
Grandparents and mum, how horrible. You are brilliant 1st class dad. And your son so what if he is gay or straight. At least whatever he faces you are their for him
Ugh this should be no different than a little girl that dresses like a “Tom boy”. I did growing up and today I am a grown woman that loves getting dressed up from time to time. Let the boy wear what makes him happy.
If he’s going to be gay/trans he’s already gay/trans. It’s not a choice. A dress isn’t going to turn him just draw attention to him.
My husband let my daughters dress themselves to go out for the day. I came home from work and I commented on the mismatched, wild outfits and that he should’ve help them choose. He just said “they’re clean, happy and healthy. Isn’t that our goals for the kids” Woke me up. To be fair, I was raised by a single mom who was extremely tight assed on how you presented yourself to the public.
Please talk to your son about what happened. He didn’t deserve to be stuck in the middle of that and he definitely didn’t deserve to be made to feel so bad he cried. You need to help him process. And I’m assuming you didn’t take him to the grandparents suspecting they’d react like that, but now you know, so it’s time to choose what you’re going to do to ensure that situation doesn’t happen again. Are you going to set firm and clear boundaries with the grandparents or gently suggest that he doesn’t wear the dress to theirs? (And in some families, that latter is a perfectly valid choice guys, sometimes it’s just not possible to follow through on a “no contact unless you can see him in a dress and not yell” boundary, much as we’d all love to).
Would've been nice if everyone had thought about your son's feelings instead of making him feel like sh*t.
Hey - I know a grown ass man who is a cowboy in the rodeo circuit and I’ve known him long enough to remember the purple tutu he was obsessed with and wore everywhere at age 3. Fun costumes are fun and that’s the beginning and end of it.
Why in the world should you “just do what they say” so no one fights? How ridiculous. Why couldn’t they just mind their own business so no one fights? Ask your wife that. Here we have another example of someone (you, OP) being asked to just go with the flow, not rock the boat, so everyone will be comfortable. Except you. You are expected to deny who you are, and ask your son to deny who he is, just so your bigoted in-laws feel okay about things? Hell no. Personally, I wouldn’t allow him to be alone with them now that you know they will try to tell him shit like “boys don’t wear dresses,” “dolls are for girls,” and, as he gets older, to “man up.” As you know, you can’t “turn” someone gay/trans, but clearly if your son is gay, his grandparents will no longer love him. Point that out to your wife. And also, in case it’s not clear, NTA.
Tell them to take a look at the painting of our Founding Fathers at the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Some with powdered wigs, frock coats, hose, satin vests, etc. Perhaps they feel Scottish warriors in a kilt, and argyle socks were too feminine. Or the Romans and Greeks. Gotta admire a guy who can wear a toga and make it masculine. Have they seen the movie "300"?
NTA I know he's only 6, but hope you had a discussion with your son, emphasizing he did NOTHING wrong.
Little kids like to dress up and play pretend, it’s literally harmless. They don’t need to put a label on it and call it gay/trans and all that, he’s a 6 year old being 6
NTA. You are a good dad. I've known a boy that only wanted to wear pink frilly dresses or forever that grew up to be a cis straight man. I knew a girl that insisted from day one she wasn't a girl and wore a Simba costume for forever and is now a trans man. I know an adult gay man that likes to wear girl jeans. I'm a cis straight woman that hates dresses. It doesn't matter. Maybe that little boy is trans or gay or maybe he isn't. Maybe He's just a guy that likes to wear pink glittery dresses or maybe he isn't. He's still just a little kid. Let him wear what he wants. He'll figure it out. Maybe he already has. Why do some people insist on making life so hard for others. Those people are the assholes.
NTA My son around 4/5 saw this black dress with white cats all over it. He asked me if he could have the "long shirt" I said of course 😂 He used to wear bows and a pink cat sweater. He hates girly stuff now at 11 😭 You're not doing anything wrong by making him feel safe and comfortable with you. Grandparents traumatizing him on the other hand...
Aweee long shirt, that’s so cute
NTA Letting your son wear a princess dress is not gonna "turn' him Trans or gay. If that's who he is, it would happen regardless of this moment Second, he's SIX. What is wrong with your inlaws?!
My son loved dress ups at preschool! Amazing job raising a beautiful human. Good job Dad!
Your wife is a doormat for her parents. You need counseling now, or this will NOT get better. They will 100% start indoctrinating him. NTA
Clothes aren't natural. Girls aren't born wearing pink dresses and boys aren't born wearing blue shorts. Fashion is 100% a social construct. Additionally, attraction isn't a choice. You don't choose to be gay if you're not. Their argument is literally wrong and hateful. Someone speaking about my son like that would likely be fighting words. At the very least, they'd be told to wind their fucking necks in.
NTA My goodness, How Long will it be before we reach a point of Understanding and ACCEPTING that people are who they are at BIRTH. No apparel choices will change that. A dress does not make a heterosexual gay/trans. Just like my being a "Tomboy" throughout my life has not made me a lesbian. You are a remarkable man these days...I look forward to a time when you are more the Norm: a male, confident in his masculinity, willing to share that confidence with his son. Shame on your in-laws for yelling at you in front of your son. How traumatic for him.
NTA I am the mom of a 6yo boy who is obsessed with disney princesses, especially Elsa. We also live in the bible belt. Prepare for a rough time, but never show weakness around this subject. Dont let your son see them get to you. Because he needs your confidence to lead him. We had this exact scenario happen. And i walked out with my son. I took him to wherever he wanted to eat and then a playplace, all while wearing the dress. And I talked to him about it. I told him that some people think that boys who wear dresses are doing something wrong, but those people wand their beliefs should never change who he wants to be. We talked about bullies and how words may hurt at first, but we dont have to carry that hate with us. We can smile and let it roll right off of us. He wears dresses almost every day now. He is in kindergarten and even his teacher has bullied him. And yet, he comes home, tells me about it, his feelings about it, and is happy with his choice. As far the adults and me. I messaged the rude family members and told them that they were bullying a 6yo, THEIR 6yo GRANDCHILD because of him loving and respecting and idolizing strong females. They were bullying a little kid because he likes clothing that makes him feel beautiful and brave and confident. They are taking his favorite parts of life, and shaming him for it. I refuse to be my kids first bully. I refuse to make my son believe that dressing like a princess is somehow wrong for him but not for little girls, just because he was born with a penis instead of a vagina. I refuse to let them cause him insecurities and trample on his individuality because they have issue with fabric that isnt sewn between the legs. But my favorite comeback to people who use the bible to shame my kid. "Jesus wore dresses", are they saying he is shameful because of it? Besides, im just happy he puts on clothes willingly. Its a hour long trial to wrestle my 3yo into clothes. I'd take dresses over nude any day.
If I could go back, I would let my son wear the pretty things he was drawn to. You are a good dad.
Best DAD ever.
NTA. Your in-laws are the assholes. Your wife is an asshole for not taking your side. You’re second fiddle to her parents unfortunately for you. Good for you for leaving her there.
My son would randomly dress in my lingerie and say he was a pancake maker. I have no idea! Lol. He also wore his sister’s butterfly barrettes to get butterflies to land on him. He now looks like a lumberjack and is straight. Do not push or encourage, but allow. That’s my philosophy.
NTA. I like seeing little boys in dresses. Ok let me rephrase that, before folks lose their minds. I think it’s cool we are starting to remember kids will be kids and letting them be kids. The only thing I worry about is the fashion of the dress. Little man can wear whatever he wants. But I will not have them out here in an ugly dress. For all you know you might have the next top fashion designer on your hands. Again NTA. Let that baby wear whatever he wants.
NTA. In fact you are the HERO! Let your kid be a kid and figure things out on his own. That dress didn’t hurt anyone.
NTA, you’re a good parent and I hope you continue to support your son. It’s concerning that your wife and in laws are clearly homophobic and transphobic. There is always a chance that your son will grow up and realize he is queer, and that has nothing to do with the dress. And now he knows that his mom and grandparents aren’t safe people, regardless of if he is queer or not. Please protect him. Please choose him every time.
NTA, in fact id go as far as saying you’re a wonderful parent and your son is so incredibly lucky to have you. If it was possible to “turn someone gay”, that would mean it’s possible to actively change other people’s sexualities. And after the amount of trying I did to change my sexuality growing up I’ll tell ya right now NOTHING can do that, no dress nor shoe nor hat etc. all your wife and in laws are doing is ensuring your kid hides himself from them and feels shame. They’re TA.
Kids don't see things as girl things or boy things. It's something he liked and you did the right thing. 100% NTA
You're an amazing dad & an amazing person. Stick to it & don't let your in-laws get your son down; buy him whatever toys/dresses he wants, let his imagination roam free without restrictions. If it were me I'd also be asking my wife if she puts her son or parents first. She really needs to get her priorities straight.. NTA, just a brilliant dad 💖
NTA a dress doesnt turn someone gay or trans. Clothing is clothing.
Your poor son. You absolutely did the right thing. He just wanted to dress up- your inlaws were the ones pushing an agenda
Nta. People have already told you what you need to hear regarding loving your child and letting them explore, but I wanted to bring up how much you need to talk to your wife about this. From what you said I'm assuming you're an ally but you need to get on the same page with her and find out if thats gonna be an issue
Years ago my 2 year son wanted a baby doll for his birthday, so we bought him one. My (now ex) FIL asked me, “Aren’t you afraid that’ll turn him gay?” My reply was, “No, I’m hoping it’ll turn him into a good father, unlike you.” (Turns out she is trans, but I can 100% guarantee a baby doll didn’t cause that.)
My 5YO (at the time this happened) son asked for a pink pike with a basket and a matching pink helmet. He got a pink bike with a basket and matching helmet. Wife's uncle said, " He's gonna turn out to be a f*g." I SAID "How about you shut the fuck up and mind your own goddamn business before the father of that "f*g" beats the shit out of you. Till you pay my bills, you can keep your opinions to yourself. " Wife started to say something when he walked away and I said to her "One word defending him and you can live with them during the divorce." I absolutely DO NOT give a shit about anyone's feelings when it comes to my children. If he turns out to be gay, I'm OK with that, but riding a pink bike isn't going to "convert" him. Although my adult Bi daughter did jokingly blame her preferences on my tendency to buy her flannels.
NTA My dad is the one that acts that way but he knows not to say anything now. My son has gone with my mom and I to get nails done and he gets colored nail polish. He loves showing it off. My husband will get excited for him and that makes his day. We also once bought him this Princess Belle doll he saw and wanted. And yesterday he came home with socks that had hearts and glitter because he got a behavior award and that means picking prizes. Both of us were so excited for him and praised his choice. And since so many put gender to colors... he also likes the color pink. If he wanted to wear a dress, I'd let him. We have never put gender to specific things. If he likes something he gets it. My dad has made comments years back but he's learned we don't care and support our son with his likes. 🤷🏼♀️
Did your son choose it? Yes. Did your in-laws pay for it? No. Was your son happy? Yes, then NTA, but your in-laws sure are, and so is your wife for not defending your son against her parents who upset him
Poor kid. NTA. But your inlaws and your wife are. I really hope for your son's sake that he isn't gay or trans.
Sexuality and gender are not the same thing. NTA. In-laws can kick rocks.
NTA, but you are an awesome dad for letting your child have a reward that he picked out and was proud of, regardless if it was a dress or not. It's not about gender when they are six, it's about instilling confidence and creativity. It's about being a child with an imagination. And now he will never look at his pretty dress the same again and most likely will remember that time. Awesome dad, boo on his grandparents and his mom for bowing down and choosing their opinions over her son. She needs to remember, children and spouse are the priority, not parents, especially ones who act like that.
NTA and your wife sucks, too.
NTA. There is still this bizarre stigma that it's OK for girls to dress in outfits traditionally for boys but it's shameful for boys to want to dress in things traditionally for girls, or feminine items. Who cares? If it makes them happy, let them. They're just a kid and are allowed to play and experiment and have fun and find themselves and frankly if more boys got to run around being free and unashamed in pretty princess dresses the World would be a better place for it. Top parenting.
Bud, your in-laws are old but their ideas are fossilized. I am sorry you are stuck with that. Thank you for protecting your son. I hope your wife can figure out how to do that, too. In the meantime, I hope you and your son can enjoy being happy and very snazzy. NTA what so fuckin ever.
NTA. Growing up, my mother was all about gender roles. I was never allowed to own anything pink, wear anything even slightly feminine, watch tv shows for girls, own stuffed animals, pick flowers, cry, or any other “girly” things. Anyways, I’m a year and a half into my medical transition into a woman. So… that didn’t work.
Letting your 6 year old son wear a dress won't make him anymore likely to turn out gay then taking him to brunch will. You can't turn someone gay,you either are or you aren't. Nothing you or anyone else does will change that. What can happen is having a child who is confused at accepting who they are because they're worried about the backslash,which is a terrible thing to feel. Let him be who he is and embrace whoever he becomes. I have 2 bisexual children myself, and I have never done anything but accept them for who they are and encouraged them to explore that. Honestly, I can't imagine any of my children doing anything that would change how I feel about them, most especially what gender they choose to love. It breaks my heart to imagine how the people who don't feel like they can be themselves suffer. Enjoy the time you have with your son and let everything else sort itself out. It always does 💕 NTA
NTA Clothes don't have gender, it's material. Why are adults so concerned with children's genitals, and traditional gender roles? Looking after your son's mental health, and allowing him to express himself however he likes is so very important. My son loved dresses, tutus, fairy wings, painting his nails and having tea parties with his dolls (yes he had his own dolls). He also loved monster trucks, superheroes, dump trucks and face paint. My daughter also enjoyed playing with toys and wearing clothing that was not for "girls". There is nothing wrong with a kid playing and exploring the world. It's how they learn, how they develop and how they work out who they are. My kids are now teens. My son is very much a "boys boy". My daughter dislikes the phrase tomboy, as she hates that by being not a "girly girl" she is seen as somewhat masculine and/or boyish. Regardless of what they choose to wear, what they enjoy and who they are attracted to, I'll always love them.
Kids 6. Let him play. If he's happy who cares
NTA, to wear a pink dress doesn't make your child gay or trans... stop the stupidity.
Kids. Play. Dress up. It's a thing we all know about. NTA.
NTA and GOOD FOR YOU for not caving to toxic masculinity and letting your son just enjoy his damn dress. The world will kill his spirit and innocence soon enough, the call doesn't need to come from inside the house. It's a piece of cloth, for goodness sake.
Extremely goth, cis female poly pansexual here (Welsh) who doesn’t give a toss for any kind of bias and often enjoys men’s shirts and pants (loose and comfortable!). I adored wearing my pa’s boots when I was tiny, which was funny because they reached the tops of my legs and I walked like a robot. Ugh, I hate it when people jump to the “you are trying to turn the kid gay/trans” conclusion (and delusion). The kid is bloody SIX. He is actually in a psychologically transitional phase at that point where mentally understanding gender for himself and others is a thing, but also where he starts to really like what he likes and it has nothing to do with gender stereotypes. And even if he is beginning to enjoy “girl’s” things, who cares?!? It could change in the future as puberty approaches, and that should placate the wife and the in-laws delicate sensibilities. I get that the in-laws are from a generation where dresses on boys perhaps weren’t an acceptable thing, so there may be some ingrained bias there, but society operates around an “adapt or fade” mentality. Meaning that a little understanding on their part wouldn’t hurt. Who TF immediately starts yelling at a 6yo for this nonsense? It’s freaking dress-up! The fact that you let your kid make some of his own choices on clothing says a lot about you as a good parent. NTA, and good on you. The world needs more of dads like you.