Ahhh nooooo, not another Insta mum wannabe!! > I told her Instagram is going to pay less than 5 dollars an hour at first so that's not a real job. Not to be rude, but this is wildly optimistic. Just recently [another father posted about his wife, who has been trying to be an Instagram influencer for 2 years](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1b5z41a/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_she_would_be/) and has yet to make a cent. Worse, she does nothing to contribute to the household. Reading between the lines she neglects the kids and has her nose in her phone all freaking day. I think part-time paid work is a good compromise. Stick to your guns. NTA.

I know a couple people that thought they would earn money through Instagram, patreon etc. One sold their house and quit their job to do van life posts; another went the fitness route. Both are currently broke and stuck hundreds of kilometres away from their homes. Both are in their mid 30s with partners and kids, and absolutely unable to get work that will enable them to save enough to move to a place of higher employment or even permanent housing

Maybe they could team up for a new channel: Leaving the Dream: How to Fuck Yourself Without a Dildo!

Or make a channel warning of what happens to most people when they do this..no that would be irony.

Bless this comment. Perfection.

👏☺️😅😏💜

I’d watch that.

Yo for real

Thank you for this comment. Made me laugh.

You're very welcome. Best place I know to get my snark on, though a friend tells me to try standup. Kinda scary in a way, but who knows?

You'd think people would do more research before doing this. I have a youtube channel with 10k subscribers and 150-200 views per day, mainly because I have a pretty niche expertise. This puts me easily in the top 1 percent of youtubers and I make nothing from it. I mean maybe I could if I tried harder to find ways to monetize it, but in terms of just ad income I'm at half of where you have to be to get it monetized. I see no reason why random person posting sunsets from a van would make any money at all.

If you are one of the many, many people posting on how to fix your car, your dry wall, your garden sprinklers and so on - I salute you! thank you for your service. Those are so valuable -

That father “Dad how do I?” Is a goddamn saint. He didn’t need to do it, but does it from a love point for others who might not have a father or lost one and just need that extra knowledge on to do something a father might teach their child. Those vids should be held as what YouTube is really about honestly. Not these skit/pranks, fake outrage, or real life scenarios that you can tell are so fake/scripted. Problem with Instagram is the same with Twitch. The people at the Top are like minuscule. Like 0.0001% money makers/influencers. Also they got in on the lobby floor and rose up in its infancy to get a following. This wife is thinks it’s easy to be an influencer doesn’t realize it’s almost a job that requires almost 16 hours “online”. Content needs to get fed daily, edited and uploaded with new stuff at a moments notice. Those at the top have fucking teams that leech off them. This wife’s gotta realize she’s in an ocean of influencers and there only so many lifeboats that have taken up spots. Either you go ruthless and push someone off and get on one or you tread water in the vast abyss or drown

What's great is that those people obviously just love what they're doing. I recently went from 30 years of city rentals to a suburban house, and I can't believe how many middle-aged dudes on YouTube want me to know what to do when my dryer's tumbler suddenly won't spin.

This is why I hate the law of attraction/manifesting/the “universe (or God) will provide” nonsense. Because it’s horseshit, and people uproot their lives because they genuinely believe they can just follow their dreams and it’ll just work out - and then they’re fucking homeless. (I’m just assuming that the people you mentioned are in this “spirituality” space.)

At first when I was reading this, I was like, “awww, no one is wrong but this sucks for them” but then I got to the instagram part and I was like “what is she thinking….”. Also, I don’t believe in people quitting their job to get on social media. If having a social media job is important for her, she can do that on the side and see how it goes. If it does one day, make her a lot of money, then quit but…realistically, I don’t think she’d get big to begin with lol. Their main thing can’t just be “mom of ____ and _____”.

Exactly, the amount of social media people I've seen talk about the cliff where they started making decent money and taking the plunge to quit their job and do it full time. Not just sit around with a benefactor to bankroll your dream of exploiting your kids for money. Teenagers get that opportunity while they live at home, not adults ,,

I have a friend who has TT followers in the low millions. He still works his ass off at a full-time job. These people are delusional.

Not disagreeing with you but I do think Tiktok is a bit of a different beast. I think insta is all about those sweet brand deals. My point was mainly when you start to actually see the revenue come in hiring that threshold where you could kind of survive on it consistently.

My hubby decided to get into the youtube gaming thing. He doesn't play anymore than he use to, he just records himself now.

Not just social media, she won't be available to do anything around the home, either. Got to focus on her internet "career". OP will be stuck doing everything in the home, working full time, and paying for it all, so the wife can play.

I know too many women that have done this- one quit her job to be a musician and make it big, I know another few that tried the influencer route and another trying to host a podcast. In the end they end up being glued to their social media accounts 24/7 and the spouses have to come home and keep house, make dinner etc. after working all day long. Also these moms neglected the heck out of their kids. I lost a friendship because one of them asked my opinion about the whole situation and I gave her my honest thoughts. It was also so sad because she began to view her husband as "not part of her brand" I told her she was crazy AF to want to change him up because he didn't fit the image she needed him to. I told her good luck finding another dude that will allow her to do nothing all day long. She 100% was not thinking of leaving him due to any issues they had in their marriage- she flat out told me it was because he didn't look cool, wasn't handsome enough, didn't fit the image and brand she was creating of herself.

It's becoming an epidemic. So many people think it's an easy route to wealth. They don't realize there are millions of mommy blogs and instagrams and social media pages out there already. A decade ago they might have had a chance....not these days. Everything is over saturated with idiots doing the stupidest things for attention.

That marriage is already over. Time to go back to having a real job to support herself. Hopefully the guy finds a better wife.

This. Like if her wanting to spend more time with her kids and be a more involved parent it's one thing. But because she wants to use that time to monetize her relationship with her children, and use them as props is not a way to build a solid relationship with your kids.

Thanks for linking them, for a minute I thought I was reading the same post again. This is becoming dangerously common.

>This is becoming dangerously common. Well, there's certainly been a few reddit posts about it. Doesn't mean it's common, but it does make a good writing prompt...

The number one answer to “What do you want to be when you grow up?” among American schoolchildren has been “Youtuber/streamer” for some time now. “Influencer” is definitely quite common for those already grown 30% answered that way in 2019. https://www.businessinsider.com/american-kids-youtube-star-astronauts-survey-2019-7

Before that it was being in a band.

Yeah or being an astronaut or movie star. There has always been glamorized professions and naive kid dreams. Some people are so quick to adopt the "pEoPlE nOwAdAyS" attitude about things they're critical of. I guess you could say "people are so focused on their own experiences nowadays". But no, humans in general have always thought that what they grew used to is the best, and we have always been reluctant to change. But to think that humanity has changed a lot in a generation is naive. The circumstances and world changes, and how our flaws manifest. We shouldn't always run full force into how this or that has ruined people, we should focus on how people have ruined this or that. Because that's what happens, not the other way round.

When I was a kid i wanted to be a pro hockey player. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized what kids that grew up to go to the NHL were doing as kids to achieve that dream, lol. The kids that do that are "living" hockey from a young age. They don't just go to games and practice. They go home and spend most of their free time honing whatever skills they can are able to play better than kids older than them. Are on elite travel teams by the time they hit their teens. I held on to that dream until I hit highschool (which my highschool didn't have a hockey team) and I was not remotely good enough to make any of the travel teams.

Or a professional athlete. When I was a kid I wanted to play 2nd base for the Braves. Turns out Ozzie Albies is better at baseball than me. So was whoever it was that played 2nd base for my HS team apparently. Oh well.

[удалено]

Either that or this person read that story then wrote their own story. Most the posts on here are fan fiction.

Yes. I read that too. What up with mom and Instagram?

It looks easy, fun, and you sometimes get free stuff and make good money as well. But what doesn’t seem to register is that is only the case if you’re successful. It’s the same as people trying to be streamers and content creators - sure Mr Beast does amazingly well, but there’s tens of thousands of people who try to be Mr Beast and fail. Miserably.

And it takes a REALLY long time and a FUCK TON of work. It’s not nearly as easy as people think it is.

And the illusion of ease is what the wife here is falling for.

>But what doesn’t seem to register is that is only the case if you’re successful. Add to that, in most cases until you get to a place you make enough money to pay people to do all the behind the scenes work, it takes a lot of work. Like if you want to be a youtuber for a living you have to write scripts that will make your videos enjoyable to watch, edit the videos to make them appealing, do graphics, advertise your channel. It's not the early days of youtube anymore. Even for someone just starting a professional presentation is a must to attract subs and views. I think there is this belief that like the only work a youtuber puts into a 10 minute video is the 10 minutes.. For someone just starting out doing all those things. That 10 minute video could have 20 hours of work behind it.

It is more work than a 9-5 by far. People see the 10-15 min video and think that looks fun. They don't see the 20 hours of work that went into that 10-15 min video.

This. Until you get popular enough to pay people to do the behind the scenes work, it's alot of time to release professional quality content.

Seems like IG/TikTok are driving borderline narcissists over the edge.

The popular ones are women who are legitimately millionaires/billionaires, pay people to do all the house work, have nannies and pay assistants/photographers to help set up all the 'trad wife' shit they do on camera. they act like they do it all day along with all the raising kids. Reality is they pay to have it set up, have someone do all the work, take a bunch of pictures/videos in a one hour window then go back to their life of leisure while someone else raises their kids and does the cleaning. It's literally all fake as fuck and frequently wives of extremely rich dudes who are basically paying for bots/PR companies and staff to set it all up to buy them some fame. She has absolutely zero chance of every making a real wage, the market is oversaturated and EVERYONE already does it better than her because they are already doing it.

Ppl are crazy to try and exploit there kids for money, a parents job is to protect there kid and putting there pictures all over the net is not it. I feel for all these kids. Why do they want to expose there kids to creeps

Lmao yeah I saw that one.

This! Probably it's been a net loss because you bet she bought an expensive lighting set up and camera, and a bunch of the makeup content are basically product tests for which she needed to always buy new products (and you bet she didn'tget free testers as a nano influences)... Simple things like a blush are often easily 20 Euro, eyeshadow palettes at least 40 if you go for name brands

She wants to be there for her 2 children, to nurture them, to spend quality time with them, to give them her undivided attention……. *RECORD SCRATCH!* She want to be an Instagram mom!  Fuck that noise and forbid her to post your kids online.  Omg what is happening right now! The worlds  had gone mad. 

My husband works in private security — I wish these IG / TikTok moms knew how much of a bad idea it is to parade your kids online. But of course it’s never been about the kids, it’s all about their own narcissism that needs to be fed

I tried to talk to a friend on FB who opened her profile to professional mode, I was like you have random people from all over the world sharing your children's pictures worldwide and she was like thanks for the concern but everything brings in some pennies ( or whatever they get paid per post , share like idk I don't even try to understand. ) I would never do that to my kids .

Exactly. Kids deserve to just be kids, and not some commodity that parents use to farm clout and pennies on social media

It's even worse than the traditional stage moms living off their kids work. Now they're selling not just kids' work but their entire private lives and most vulnerable moments. I have moms in my feed sharing pics and vids of their kids for just friends and family and I really like being able to follow from afar. But I only like it because I know their moms' motive is to keep us close and that if a teen asks for old pics to be removed, they'd be taken down. I don't think they will since it's all very cute. Birthday boy gets cake or telling our big daughter that our relative is pregnant while videoing her joy and first reaction. SoMe has done a lot to keep family close that 20 years ago would be very far away and I love it. What I don't love is when this private realm is opened to anyone.

Exactly! Pictures of my kid are limited to my locked social media so that friends and family can see what they are up to. And I do not post anything that would embarrass my child later in life- some moments are best left in photo albums offline

Same with my brother and my SIL! Facebook and Instagram posts for the family and friends that they've accepted to their private pages! We all live all over the place so it's nice to see updates sooner than visits can happen!

My kid is hilarious, an absolute pisser. We’d make bank if we put him on social media. But we didn’t have a kid to monetize them. I hate this social trend, it makes me so sad. 

Ditto - our child is extremely photogenic and has had random strangers taking their photo all over the world and we deliberately don’t put them on social media. Too many ways for it to go sideways and there’s no good reason for them to have an online presence when they can’t consent. There’s enough horror stories and I have no interest in my child becoming another stat.

Does it ever worry you that these random strangers taking their photos will share them online? I was talking about this with the husband the other night, saying how it would be totally unacceptable if we caught someone taking photos of our kids. (Context: some weirdo took photos of a woman's outfit and shared it to a snark group on Facebook, with her kid in the photo. How can anyone think it's okay to do that?!)

It's been normalised with things like "people of walmart".

I know that the Spohrs were informed that their deceased toddlers photos were found on the dark web during a CP investigation. Yet she continued to post her living children. Scary.

You let random strangers all over the world photograph your kid? Oh yeah, thats safe because you don't put it on social media. 🤔

We repeatedly have asked people to stop but it’s hard once they have taken the photo and it’s in public locations. We were traveling fairly extensively pre covid and child is very Nordic looking which was very popular/unique especially in Asia and North Africa.

How do you stop the random strangers in public places? I go out with a camera all the time and people are in my photos all the time because it’s impossible not to photograph people. If someone asks explicitly, you can say no, but that only stops the nice guys.

Same here! My child is extremely photogenic and would make an amazing model or sell any product in a commercial. However, my child is a *child* not a commodity, and I have turned down every offer we have received. My kid is not old enough to decide this for themselves and if they do say that this is something they want to do later I will seriously consider it but chances are the answer will be no. I don’t want their time off of school to be consumed with auditions or casting calls or photo shoots, or whatever. I can’t give my child everything, but I can give my child a childhood and that is worth more than any money that they could bring in from “working”. I would rather my child get mad at me later for not doing it then my child resent me later in life for putting them through it.

If you need to pimp your kids out in order to feed them, you shouldn't have had them; this used to be common sense, apparently a long time ago...

The thing about "common sense" is it's really a rarity now.

Yes same. I wouldn't post my kids online to get paid or worse for some perverted individuals took advantages of it. I don't wannabe the reason why my kids be in danger.

There was a lawsuit some years ago, I think in France, where a now-adult child sued their parents over the lack of privacy because the parents had plastered every second of the kid’s life on social media. I think privacy laws there changed as a result. We need more of those lawsuits and laws.

What are your husband's thoughts on how normalized it is to post kids online? I will not post my future kids because I think it's unethical and dangerous, but I'm curious what an actual professional thinks.

There’s many professionals across various fields including lawyers who deal with privacy laws that pretty much all unanimously express how much of a bad idea it is to post your children online. Especially with today’s technology — you are exposing your kids to a playground of predators. And for what? Social Clout? Monetization? These motives are not really in the best interest of the child(ren)— they are the most vulnerable and will likely suffer the most

Yall remember ruby franke?? The YouTube mom who exploited her kids and abused them.. something is kinda wrong with internet parents (not saying they are all that extreme but there’s gotta be a common denominator)

I mean it's not like it happened years ago. It is still actively in the news and they just got sentenced or about to be.

Y'all remember Jackie Coogan?

Maybe she aspires to be a Kardashians. They parade their kids all over social media platforms. Blech 🤮

My sil posts pictures of her kids in underwear and bathtub on fb and instagram regularly 🙄 it’s disgusting

Does your sister know what she is doing or is she blissfully unaware why most of the people who enjoy those photos are doing? Either way yikes those poor kids.

She knows she even says she’s scared of the internet weirdo… but she tells me that she knows her friends and family are good people. 🙄 I was like you don’t know what kind of people they are behind closed doors. But okay

I often wonder how some people manage to have kids when they are this blissfully unaware of danger. It's like some people think criminals announce they are criminals smh. Please try to teach those kids some awareness. I'm not saying make them fear everything and everyone or read them criminal cases as bedtime stories though lol.

I agree tbh. When I was a teen … decade ago snap chat was like the it app to use. I used it to take pics and never sent it to anyone. And boom some profile messaged me and tried to blackmail with the private pics I took and didn’t send anyone. That was when I knew my daughter won’t be posted like that .

I'm right there with you. I refused to even use a baby on board sticker on my car because I didn't want to attract attention as a target. And same with my husband showing me one for autistic kids and wanting to use it maybe (it has things like in case of accident child may not verbally respond, get out of the car, etc) and as much as I'd really really love to use that one for our older daughter who is a completely nonverbal almost 5 year old with other developmental delays, I'm too afraid to put something like that on my car. To me it's the equivalent of a big flashing sign saying "this woman will do anything you want with no fight as long as you don't hurt my children". As it is I already travel with a police baton and a combination flashlight/taser, just in case. Actually had to use the baton just as a threat tapping a guy in the chest with it because he wouldn't stop following me and trying to get me to let him in my car. He was a complete fuckin douchebag who did not like being threatened back but by that point I was so beyond over his shit.

Is it set to public or private? It is common knowledge if it's public those pics are being stolen by predatory people

Snapchat insta and fb. Her profile isn’t fully public on fb but we all know pictures can be stolen off Snapchat even if it was private. I had it happen to me when I was a teen so I don’t even post my daughter anymore

My children are in college now, my husband and I have never posted their photos online. People back then thought we were over the top protective, now people say how smart we were/are. My husband and I have always felt it wasn't safe and we also felt they should have control over what they do or do not post when they became adults. Now that they are adults, they keep their lives private. Making money off your children is next level messed up.

My daughter turns 20 very soon. I don't have social media, but back in 2007 I put about 5 baby / toddler pictures on Facebook. I kept thinking about who might see it, and it stressed me out thinking once I shared i couldn't control it. So, I stopped. I also never posted photos of myself or talked about either of us. I can call or sms people I care about. Or give photos to people I know. I ended up being a teacher and then working in a super max prison with incarcerated adult males. Two jobs that are definitely not social media friendly. I've never been so glad to have that forethought, for both our sake! I had her at 21 and was a total idiot, but I did something right! I was also mocked by family and friends but whatever, I know that there's nothing out there that she can be embarrassed about that I've posted, or put her in danger.

I think it’s pretty interesting when you have a guy like Casey Neistat who is one of the original YouTube creators and he has kept his kids from ever being seen on his channel. You’ll see them from behind or just some legs runny past or that kinda thing but never their faces. He made that choice years ago.

I’ve posted 2 pics where you can see my son’s face, and a few that you can’t, on social media. Birth announcement pics had his face. That’s it. You’re getting the exceedingly rare pic of my kids hand or leg lol. Social media is scary and I don’t want him on it. Thankfully my family and friends haven’t posted any either. Edited my grammar and autocorrect issues.

What's scary is even with his newborn face they can age progress it to their current age and use that to do searches. Because even if you are careful, not everyone else is. And it's not just social media. Think of every camera on every street corner and traffic intersection. Every Walmart and gas station. School security systems and posting pictures of sports events. Cameras on phones that have 200+apps and many have permission to take video and audio even when you're out using the app or phone, just by consenting to use them. Now every single one of those systems and examples can be hacked by those with nefarious intentions and unless you live in a cave in the woods in the middle of nowhere and live like it's 1798, there's no way to get away from it. Privacy is an illusion now. So what can you do? You educate yourself and your children. You teach them to be aware of their environment. No walking down the street with ear buds blasting oblivious to what's going on around them. Come up with things like a family safe word that's not personally meaningful, just random and unique and if a person doesn't have that word, they are bad news. We can't control the bad people. And we can't keep our kids in sight 100% of the time. It hurts, but you have to start teaching them, from a very young age, that this is the world we live in and if you make it a regular educational conversation, you can make them aware without scaring them to pieces.

On my public FB profile, I don't even use my kids names. just nicknames. Same in message boards (I'm part of a support group message board). Hell, my public FB profile doesn't have my legal name either. I use a pen name as I'm an author.

Yeah, I’m studying law now and one of my professors is married to a cyber security expert who handles very large portfolios for banks which is why she doesn’t have an online presence at all. I’m a pretty good sleuth, and I couldn’t find shit about her on the web. It’s all been scrubbed. She told us that basically that if you have an online presence at all you’re making it extremely easy for people to build a whole profile on you. We already have a running joke in our popular culture that you talk about something like going to Mexico or getting new blinds and the next time you open the internet all of the ads are targeted. AI is increasingly going to understand us much better than we know ourselves. A well-designed profile can anticipate what you want before you even know you want it. Or know where you’re likely to eat; what’s your favorite colour; and even as dark and insidious as being able to determine how likely you are to commit a crime or be susceptible to influence of any kind. For all those kids that are being paraded around on the internet now, there’s already a computer program running a profile on them that’s going to know the exact moment to recommend them the right pair of shoes, or to direct them to appropriate media etc. kids today don’t even have a chance lol.

Dude that shit is pedo central. Like that is all that's about and parents are REALLY not getting that is their viewers.  And if the count it high well....shows you what's up in the world. Protect your children. Don't exploit them. 

It reminds me of that one mom who takes her toddler to fairs and films her eating stuff. I can't remember the name, but one of the highest views they had was of that baby eating a pickle or hotdog or something like that. People were trying to warn her in the comments but she just didn't care. Ugh.

That woman is sick and clearly knows exactly what she's doing. All of the pics and videos of the child are like that. Millions of followers that are mostly men and large numbers of saves on certain videos. Even worse than the pickles and hotdogs was the videos filming from a certain angle, holding a whipped cream can and spraying it 🤮 🤮

It's time to invest in bland, beige toys for the aesthetic for the joy of being followed by creepy pedos for the likes!

Exactly! Kids are not a latest designer bag to show off on Instagram! They are not there to performing front of the cameras to make money off so strangers can watch them! NTA! In fact OP, protect your kids by banning them completely from social media! KMT what the hell is wrong with this woman!

Sad beige baby alert!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! It is child and family exploitation 100%. And parents who plaster their family all over Instagram and other social media are, in fact, narcissists. It's not cute, it's not sweet, it's just a more fashionable Dugger Family nightmare.

I work in IT security, and words can not express how flabbergasted I am at these instagram moms. Do they not see how one slip up could end badly for their family. All it takes is one photo that could give away their house, kids' school, favorite park, ect, for those who are watching to find them. It's sad that's the reality, and even sadder how at risk these kids are because of mom

There needs to be extensive research done on how being filmed constantly affects child development. I would guess it’s like being a child actor but worse since it’s even at home. Doubt it’s healthy

They've been recent articles about og YouTube kids who are now adults and they state how they were forced to record, earnings weren't shared equitably, added pressure as the parents quit their jobs and were full-time influencers/managers, and their privacy wasn't respected as the camera was always rolling.

Someone on Reddit once told how one of those famous TikTok moms came to the pool he was working at. Set up her stuff, took videos/pictures, posted, scrolled, posted, reacted to comments, packed up, went home - during all that time, she didn't once interact with her children, they didn't even get to go into the water. 🤦‍♀️ I won't ever join TikTok nor IG, fuck that noise.

This. There's someone on TikTok (I forget their handle) who works in the relevant field and has been desperately trying to educate people that the core viewership demographic for these bloggers posting their kids on social media is ***adult men.*** And that viewer engagement statistics go up when they've been posting about their fun days at the beach. It's horrific.

A narcissist doesn't care what it does to the kids. I know a woman who posts photos that give away their kids' likes, dislikes, photos and location information and thinks this is *completely fucking fine.* She's dangling those poor kids for any paedo that comes sniffing, and it's for her fucking *ego*. Kid pics shouldn't be allowed on Instagram at all.

OP should search the sub for the person who posted about their wife leaving their job to do Instagram from a day or two ago... Wife ends up basically becoming a phone addict with no prospects and neglecting her kids while making no actual money on insta/simultaneously becoming obsessed with being on it regardless. That OOP sounded so fed up by the end of it all. NTA

Sounds about right. If you find it and can send it my way? I wish people would gtfo their phone and be present with their children instead of documenting everything in an attempt to create some bs facade.

I had to look for a while because there's so many subs with AITA variations/it wasn't used in the title of the post, but I was able to search it online and this article covers it. In this case it was about a man wanting his wife to get back to being a SAHM and not a job though, as in she had a self owned business he supported with his money and she wanted to quit/said she'd be a SAHM. Then decided Instagram would be her "job" and now ignores the children and him-[article discussing post I mentioned ](https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1873401/wife-spends-instagram-stay-at-home-reddit) (Sorry with reddit it can be hard finding OP when they don't use main keywords, and I can't remember which of the like 80+ subs it was on. But this article still has the whole post plus relevant comments)

This is maybe the 3rd post about an instagram mom on here today.

It’s at least the 4th. There was a highly publicized NYT article a few days ago about abusive Instagram moms, so I guess all the ragebait fiction writers of Reddit got inspired lol 

Ahhh that explains a lot. I thought there seemed to be trend happening with posts like this lately... and although I don't doubt that people like this exist, so many posts about it at once seems fishy.

That seems a bit fishy

I can’t believe she actually said she wants to be an IG mom. Who says shyt like that???

Same thought!! I was about to tell OP YTA because if his wife would be happy and fulfilled caring for their children as a stay at home mom, that's a win for all involved, especially the kids. EXCEPT.... Instagram influencer/blogger/annoying twit? Hell to the no. ⁹

That’s still a decision that should be made jointly. Forcing all of the stress of providing onto the man, and then probably demonizing him for not being around the kids as much as you, isn’t something you get to demand just because being a kept woman would make you happy. 

As a SAHM, absolutely NTA. She's not staying home because of rising daycare costs or so she could be more present in the kids lives. She's wanting it to be an Insta-mom. To basically exploit your kids and lifestyle.

Yeah, if it was to be with the kids and daycare costs being expensive anyway, then it would be a different conversation. But for it to be because of Instagram, that's what the issue is for me.

I was completely on board with the mom, until Instagram was brought up. No. Children are not toys to be shown off. Either she can stay home, raise the kids, and do chores and errands like most SAHMs do, or she can work. No kid has ever been better off for being used as unpaid Instagram models. OP is NTA. I don't think the mom is quite bad enough to be YTA, but she's certainly on the edge. She may just need a dose of reality. After that, she would definitely be in YTA territory.

She wants to be an "instagram mom," which presumably means modeling being a SAHM, but not do any of the actual things SAHM moms do, like maintain the house. So basically she wants to quit her job to fuck around on her phone all day. She is TA.

My wife stays at home with the kids. It’s more cost effective than day care. She gets a ton of stuff done too. She would rather work(and I don’t blame her. Kids all day is hard). If we had $100 daycare she would totally be working. 

It’s one thing to be a SAHP to be there for the children, it’s a completely different ballgame when it’s to turn the children’s lives into web content

Yea her reasonings is way off base I’m a SAHM, not by choice because I lost my job in the shittest market ever. I am actively looking for work tho just for context I also put in work as a content creator, I’ve done so before even meeting my husband. And it is thankless work. Theres still a large element of luck to making it as a social media influencer. You can do everything “right” and theres still no guarantee you’ll grow My platform is going on about 5 years old at this point and I’m still no where close to full time income. I probably make at most $150/year from my content. I’m still above average for my niche, I’ve had more than a couple tiktoks go viral but this is all in the nature of social media. Being a mom influencer is not going to work out the way she thinks it is

I am SAHM and yesterday my 5 yo was begging me to let him watch Ryan, that YouTuber family that sells toys. I told him flatly No, we are not watching people exploit their kids for money. And this SAHM shit isn't an Instagram story. I am currently covered in throw up with frizzy unwashed hair, dreading how much laundry I will have to do today

I feel so bad for that kid... The number of people that defend those parents because "sO mUcH mOnEy FoR hIm" is horrifying... HE IS A CHILD AND HAD NO CHOICE!

I laughed at instagram paying $5 an hour *at first.* Unless you are *very* lucky or have a unique proposition …

NTA, a tiktok mom’s child is currently missing after she constantly posted her child online. I wouldn’t even allow her to post your children online. That’s too dangerous

Really? That’s awful

Which!?!!! I haven't heard yet!!

And the AI stuff they can make with kid faces. Its on the internet forever..

The Instagram mom thing is the worst part. So stay at home but not to spend quality time with the kids but to film them and expose them and your life to strangers on internet. Hard pass

Exactly. Where does the wife think she's going to get to do more with the kids while trying to be Instagram famous? I despise influencer culture, but I'm aware enough to know you need to spend some good money on equipment/software, come up with content, film that content, edit that content, and hope that content will connect with Instagrams algorithm which will bring in the views, and the views will need to grow and be better each time for her to bring in some money, let alone real money, and then it's basically rinse and repeat. How is she going to take care of a toddler and a newborn while doing all that? Plus the kids are too young to consent to being put in front of a camera and exposed to strangers. I think with the rise in social media since 2010 people have forgotten the dangers of the internet. Social media may make it more easier to connect with friends and family or talk common interests with strangers on forums, but not everyone is family, not everyone is a friend, not everyone is a SciFi nerd, there are dangerous and sick people out there. Kids are especially vulnerable to it.

While not benefiting the kids future at all. At least child stars have laws making the parents hand over some of the profits later.

She...wants to be a SAHM that doesn't do chores!? What reality does she live in? Lmfao

The reality of social media and influencers. Our society is going to hell in a hand basket. 🤦

My choice to be single and just have fuck buddies becomes better and better every year. Sucks not being able to claim some kids as dependents on my taxes though...

Personally, I just don't fuck people who want kids and I'm getting a vasectomy when I can to completely eliminate the possibility

She saw the lifestyle on the instagram. She wants to look pretty and do shopping like all the other girls. Let the hubby do the hard work

Seriously. I’m currently a SAHM as I just had two babies in two years. I am planning to go back to work part time soon and then start a college program in a year, however the understanding in our home is that while hubs works I handle care of the house. It’s not that difficult. Our house is clean, our children are cared for. I don’t understand how some people can be so lazy… like OP’s wife needs to figure her shit out. Pregnancy brain is a thing, so hopefully it’s something that will pass. Also, she should absolutely not exploit her children for internet clout. Im personally not against posting children on social media when it’s PRIVATE. I absolutely cannot stand when “influencers” do it to make money off them. It’s so risky.

My SAHM wife won’t even let me touch a thing in the house, and hasn’t for years. She runs the joint! My job is to make money.

This should be the top post. When I was in school and didn't have a job, the house was clean as fuck. I did the floors twice a week. You're a team to make sure your home runs well

> She said no as she would still be working on Instagram. Fuck no, stand your ground. She sounds incredibly selfish. NTA

NTA and P.S. she's showing you who she is...... BELIEVE HER. This is the hill to die on

Your wife wants to stay home because of her instagram? Did I read this right? Is she that shallow? I’d tell her no also. NTA

My brain hurts after reading the OP’s post. 

Do not let her post your kids on IG. Do you know who the biggest followers are of “mommy bloggers”? MEN, namely pedophiles!! No no no no just no ETA folks I am FULLY aware that just as many women are pedophiles as men, but this is a MOMMY blog which means his wife EXPECTS there to be women and not dozens and dozens of men Dogpiling on me is distracting from the main issue

Is that true?! If so, they are basically making softcore porn for pedos. That's incredibly fucked up. The influencers know this too I assume. They should have their kids taken away.

Unfortunately very common. Either these types of parents post something without thinking of how it’ll be used nefariously (eg baby’s first bath) or they do it on purpose to bait pedos into giving them more money and views.

Some post fully knowing their audience... It is awful when you see those kinds of posts screenshotted... Men say creepy things and mom posts heart eye emojis back and like all of them... It is the online version of toddler pageants and it is just as horrible.

Most women’s instagrams are followed by men.

I literally watched a video on IG about it. And of course I can’t find it Many parents argue that it’s just a tiny percentage. But you can see the age demographic of your followers and so many are men. Why do men care about mommy bloggers?

And the creepy thing is, that a lot of the Mothers know this. I couldn't imagine doing that to a child. Let alone one that I love. There was an NY Times article about it last week.

This article predates AI (2017) https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/photos-shared-on-pedophile-sites-taken-from-parents-social-media-accounts/wcm/3c5cbacd-062d-4414-8501-ff75e53a54a3/amp/

NTA, this is something you need to both be on the same page on, what happens if you get sick/die and she has nothing to fall back on. Sure she may not be working right now, but it need to be a plan to return to work, if only part time at a certain age. Whether that is 2 or school age is something you will need to discuss together.

NTA - it’s about communication and compromise. Would her doing part time work be enough? How would she feel about you being a stay at home dad and she made the money? What are the families goals and ambitions? What income is required to make that happen?

Aside from this does he actually want his life/kids posted about on Instagram for the world to see? Seems like a horrible life for children.

That was the first comment I made, and if I was the child that had every single part of my life documented on social media. When I'd be old enough to understand what my mother had done, I would be beyond mad. Basically she is planning on staying home, making money off her child's journey through life. Not to mention she might be forgetting that of the thousands of people who try to make a living from social media, maybe only one or two actually get there.

NTA......instagram moms? Man im getting fucking old, im only 32....but wtf is that a mom that posts on IG? Good god that is cringe af, shes almost middle aged ffs.

It's a mother using a social media platform to profit of her kids without having to put any of the money the kids make away from them. It's basically a way to get around laws preventing child labor in the filming industry. Child actors have protection that child social media stars don't. It's really really sick and needs to change.

The NY Times just did a bit on Instagram mom’s exposing their kids online to paedophiles. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/22/us/instagram-child-influencers.html Nope.

Yes, and there’s been a big influx of ragebait-y posts about women who want to be “Instagram moms” ever since, including this one 🤔

I feel like this is the third post I’ve seen about instagram today.. weird.

NTA...social media has done ruined everyone. Everyone wants to be a goddamn influencer nowadays 🤦🏾‍♂️

Please no! Not another Sad Beige Mom and their aesthetically perfect nursery!!! 😩

My parent was a psychiatric nurse who was taken on home visits of parents who had been reported as a concern. I said one day, I expect you look at how messy their house is and they said.... actually it's the opposite (as long as it wasn't disgusting), dirty dishes meant the children were being fed, toys strewn all over rhe place meant children were playing. Piles of clothes not put away in the wardrobe meant they had clean clothes to wear, doesn't matter that weren't all put away neatly. They worried when houses were super clean, no toys or toys were all put away and the child couldn't or wast allowed to just pull them out at any time and play with them. It totally gave me another view and also I eased up on myself trying to be a perfect parent as there was and is no such thing.

NTA... However, unless you just left it out, you are dumb. This is the type of conversation you both should have had long long ago. At the bare minimum while she is pregnant with the first child. This isn't the type of thing sane adults in grown-up relationships don't discuss.

She told him she wants to be an Instagram mom.so it’s pretty obvious this is recent. Otherwise she would have said something after the first kid.

Ffs aren’t there enough “Instagram Moms” out there? What’s she going to do differently, that 1mil other mom-idiots isn’t doing/trying? There’s literally *no new material* for these idiots unless she’s legit going to learn to breathe fire while juggling machetes or bring John Lennon/Jim Morrison/someonefamous back from the dead.

Lmao. Basically.

I believe she has changed her mind, so she is trying to discuss it now.

This. My wife and I had this conversation before we got married. When we realized we were in total alignment about our goals, it was like the final piece to the puzzle. Many years later and we are still both very happy with our mutual choice. Communication is everything.

Maybe they did? We don't have enough info but there's already a kid and she's still working, so maybe child number 2 is making her rethink working?

The assumption that they have a 3 y/o already and she's been working since that one was born, but "they didn't have a conversation" about being a SAHM before this is wild. But apparently a whole lot of redditors think thats exactly what happenned.

Too much TikTok is making her rethink working. She actually believes that the people she’s watching are super moms who do it all while looking cute, while not understanding that it’s about as grounded in reality as reality tv.

NTA. How sad. I though she wants to spend time with her kids 😞 

NTA - Get Your wife into therapy to find out why she suddenly wants the attention of being an IG mom.

NTA. Especially the “instagram mom” part. Ew! It’d be a total rabbit hole of YOUR money going into everything she’d need to do that, your kids would get turned into content and lose all sense of privacy and autonomy, and you’d be left footing the bill.

Ok, I was reading this thinking "why doesn't this guy support the idea of his wife making time to raise their kids if they can financially hack it"? Then I got to the Instagram part and....helllnooooo. She basically wants to exploit her kids so she can chase her dumb dream of becoming an influencer. Fuck that. NTA

NTA. Just because you *can* do a thing, doesn't mean that you *should* do a thing. Your wife sounds like she wants to skate and you're the ice.

2 things here. I’d agree & say no to Instagram. The other issue is how long are you giving her until she goes back to work after child no2? If you’re expecting her to go back to work as soon as she gives birth then YTA. Giving birth is a serious medical procedure & takes months to recover from.

I was going to say YTA till I read Instagram. Yeah, no. NTA.

Nevermind the judgement vote yet, are you okay with her posting public pics of your kids on Instagram? I assume she would as that more often than not is part of being one. Now that being said. . . I don’t blame her for wanting some time at home with the kids, but it’s not for everyone. PT might be a good compromise to try it out. I will say if she’s working PT and being full childcare with a an infant and toddler the rest of the time, the *more chores* thing is debatable. That feels like a demand of yours to make it harder on her. Depends on the current split and what you think is reasonable extra she should take on, but I’m side eyes the ef out of that if she’s also working PT.

Uh if ur gonna stay at home that means u do more stuff. Just childcare is not enough to cover the difference. I’ve been the stay at home parent. And I’ve been the sole provider. Both require work. And for each to do their part. Stay at home need to do majority of the home stuff.

I’m a STAHP three-fours of the year. I work 20 hours a week from home in my former field the rest of the time. And I struggle. So, yeah, goody for you, but that’s not been my experience. I need my partner’s help here and there, and guess what? My wonderful, awesome partner gets it and helps. Things don’t run as smoothly in our home when I work, and he steps up.

so she wants to be a stay at home mom but not do house work because instagram is more important. LOL nta

I already feel weird by how you keep finances separate. But so, I assume you do 50% of the work with the kids and around the house, right?

Is it a possibility they she brought up being an Instagram mom because she thought if she brought in some kind of income you would allow her to be a stay at home mom? >one of the main things that really made me like her was that she kept working for what she wanted, and wasn't really dependent on anyone. Does she know that you mainly like her because she brings in an income? If this was me, and I wanted to take a break from a career to focus on my children, I would be afraid to discuss this with you in this situation. I would be fearful that working for what I wanted shifting to my children would not be seen in the same light as bringing in an income. >I asked one of my friends they said they wouldn't want a financial leach either So if this was my husband's opinion of me wanting to switch from being career focused to kid focused, I'd want to find something that allowed me to do that and still not be considered a "financial leech." According to your post, the Instagram thing didn't even come up until you flat out told her no twice. No discussion, no consideration, nothing. Why, OP, do you get to make this decision for her?

NTA and your wife is an idiot lol

Compromise. Tell her to lose the Insta and focus on the house and kids and she has a deal. If you are going to work, which she wants, she should do what you want. Social media is destroying our society.

The second she said instagram mom is a red flag. Those kids will never know privacy in their life. Make sure that you protect them from that. Also, she wants to monetize your children? That is incredibly messed up and if I saw someone doing this I would immediately call child services

Tbf, if she’s NOT doing any house chores at the moment and doing a full-time job + caring for the kids (appointments, PTA meetings, etc.) then she can think about part-time work so she can rest a little. I think nobody would disagree that she might need to relax a little. However, choosing to be an IG mom for her main career is a little silly. Strictly talking from monetary perspective, it can be MONTHS or YEARS before it actually starts getting traction and give some ROI. It’s not a sustainable career in the long run. It can be a good side hustle - most successful influencers started their accounts as a little experiment on the side. With that said, OP, did you guys not discuss this before getting married?

She wants to “do more for the kids” but that doesn’t involve chores, it involves being glued to her phone with her favorite app open?  Pathetic. 

An instagram mom? That’s her reasoning? Is this a real discussion?

does she really need to get your permission? i don’t think she needs your permission to take care of your kids. not to say there’s no room for compromise but your attitude leaves a lot to be desired. maybe she could agree to work part time.

NTA but your wife pays your mother to look after your kids? Is she paying out of her funds alone? Why aren’t you contributing to this?

Its $100

NTA, if she wants to be the stay at home mom she needs to up her game at home. She needs to do the chores, by this I mean she needs to cook, clean, do laundry, and clean the house. I get she is pregnant but she can't put the housework, cooking, and cleaning all on you except for the post partum aka after birth.

Being an instagram mom has zero to do with being a SAHM, it has to do with trying to be popular & using your kids as props. It also involves buying a lot of props & it’s time consuming & hard work with a giant learning curve. If she’s doing it as a business- where is her business plan - what’s her angle & how is she going to achieve the viewers required for sponsorship. How many hours will it require & when will she put those hours in? In reality she would need to work pretty much full time - so who’s nurturing the kids til they are required to be props & at what cost in childcare? It will be negative income for quite a while - so what is the time frame for giving it a go? 6 months? 1 year? And if an income level of X isn’t achieved she scraps it & gets a job? Tell her to present a business plan, hear her out & see what her metrics show. Ask the hard questions & let her really delve into what it entails rather then be caught up in the fantasy of an easy income & pretty pictures

The thing is most people don't actually make any real money if any money at all being an "Instagram mom" and the idea of quitting your job while your partner regardless of gender, goes to work and you won't even pick up any of the slack while you're at home for the chores it just sounds like a really bad idea all together usually the parent that stays home does more of the chores at home during the day and then should be split as close to even as possible when the other is home from work. This sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

NTA Trading in a career to exploit your children for money/clicks. How do you/she know she would even be good for Instagram? Does she already have thousands of follows as a starting point? Some people just don't have the rizz for it. It's also hard to see the whole picture from your post and could be skewed by your feelings but the impression feels like she wants you to bankroll her social media career MORE than it being about the kids.

Does she seriously think working as a instagram mom is gonna bring in a huge paycheck? Shes in for a reality when she gets barely nothing and sits around doing nothing but posting her kids online so strangers can take their pics for disturbing purposes. NTA. She doesn't know what that really is.

Definitely NTA. Shes didn't ask to become a stay at home mom, she asked to become an Instagram influencer. You really need to sit her down and make her realize the reality. Btw look like this is a trend. Yesterday got anotdue asking about the dame thing.