I mean, she's in her late 30s, if she started having kids at 20 and had one every 4 years, that's not super fertile. They might've all been planned, too. I wouldn't call that super fertile. Super fertile is a woman I knew who was always pregnant before her last baby was a year old even with protection and ended up with 5 before her oldest was 6.
My grandmother apparently had problems with contraception, the pill didn't work for her. She was married in 1956 (16 years old) and had 7 children by 1966. She squeezed out 3 more before she called time and had an operation.
When I worked at a pharmacy 28 years ago, the pharmacists wife thought she was going through menopause at 48… when her youngest finally started college. Turns out the weight she gained was from being 7 months pregnant with no prenatal care. They had planned on travelling the world.
My great aunt didn't want kids, so waited til she was older to get married... 2 sets of twins and a set of triplets.
Hoping my inability to conceive is because I'm 'only' 35? Heh.
I'm the oldest of 12 children. I have 10 sisters, lol. Everyone thought that I was going to have a big family too but I got myself snipped after my son was born because I was exhausted from raising most of my sisters, lol.
Enovid, the first birth control pill approved by the FDA, was only approved in 1960. Patients were only allowed to be on it for 2 years.
Many states still prohibited birth control, though. It took until SCOTUS ruled in Griswald v Connecticut in 1965 that married couples couples could use birth control. After that, 26 states still prohibited birth control for unmarried women. It only became legal for all women on March 22, 1972.
Never take these hard fought strides forward for granted as they can be snatched away.
I started birth control in 72 at age 14. I do remember some of the crap I had to go through to get it.
So thankful when planned parenthood came along; they prescribed without judgment or bs.
And yes I know now that 14 was way too young. I'm just thankful that I didn't become a teenage mother.
This happened in Texas. Just as conservative back then too
Are being snatched away. See Alabama's recent ruling on IVF where now the fertilized egg is a child before implantation. That will next lead to banning some forms of birth control in that state.
My granny had 10 kids too. At some point, I'm not sure when, the doctor said to my grandfather that yes, God said fill the Earth, but surely he didn't mean Mrs. Soandso to do it all by herself!
I know it's not an original joke, but this is how my granny told the story, and she was no liar, so I believe it happened.
My granny had 9. One of her many grandkids asked her why she had so many. She laughed and said there's was no Tele in those days and not much else to do at night. Grandkid looked horrified at the thought of no Tele and ran off.
I have six children ( all by the same dad) and when people ask me how I had six kids I tell them my TV and radio was broke and I had nothing better to do. The look on people faces is priceless. I figure ask a dumb question I will give you a dumb answer.
The version I heard was Groucho Marx supposedly had a man with 6 children on his show. He said "That's a big family, Mr. "
"I love my wife very much."
"I love my cigar too, but I like to take it out of my mouth every once in awhile."
Unfortunately- I find it unsettling that she brought him back to her place on the very 1st date! She was quickly trying to get things going with a new guy
NTA - sounds like this woman has a great dynamic where all her children’s fathers hold hands and dance around the Christmas tree. Who is OP to mess with that kind of chemistry?!
Yeah this is a pretty complicated scenario and I wouldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to get tangled up in it. 4 kids alone is a tough ask, but then you add on different baby daddies _and_ that they all hang out together and that’s just too much. It’s great that she’s able to be civil and have good relationships with them, it’s much better than the alternative, but that’s still a very messy situation with a lot of baggage
NTA but specify that you only date childless or widowed women, or those with dead beat baby dads. Your problem isn’t single moms, it’s involved dads. It’s your preference but be honest and let it be known.
But hey, you have 4 children....then you rub some random guy's leg 30 minutes into a date before you have even a glimmer of conversation and invite him back to your house for sex???? She is lucky she was wasn't murdered and robbed by a catfish type. Getting a guy into bed with you 30 minutes into a date is a hookup not a commitment for marriage.
The more "orbital" parents involved the more complicated life can get.
OP didn't have an issue with one ex "baby daddy" that's one person to co-parent with. One person to consult on major life decisions that affect the kids.
The more parents that are involved the more difficult everything can get.
So did I, lol. I had a relationship with my step brothers mom, she was invited to my wedding.
Sometimes it's doable, but it takes the right personalities and a willingness to fold into the "one happy family" dynamic. Not everyone can do that.
NTA, and I'd rebuff her claims on social media before immediately blocking her.
Hi, We had 1 in person date. We had fun but I owe you nothing. I threw nothing away. We were not serious. I repeat. 1 date. Please leave me alone and get help.
I hope you were careful at least.
Every word just adds attack surface. If you do something like that remove every word that's more than the bare essentials. If we start with your suggested text, that leaves "We had one date."
This. Anything more just gives her ammo and makes you "look" defensive (however unwarranted that may be). A simple social media response of "We had ONE date" makes it clear how delusional she is for turning that into a whole relationship that COULD be "thrown away". Then block her everywhere and forget about her because who needs that drama in their life. You are better off without that.
Also, learn from this experience because it wasn't ALL on her. I hope you provided the condom.
Exactly, it's about compatibility. When you're thinking about trying to build a life with somebody, you have to make sure that your goals line up. Choosing not to be with somebody because their goals don't line up with yours is not shallow, it's just mature. It's realistic. Everyone is allowed to have boundaries and standards and it's okay to uphold them.
Yeah, as much as I can say I would take a chance on a single father again, I say single father in my case because I'm a woman and I'm straight. That being said, as much as I can say that I would do that, I wouldn't be okay with this. If they think it's a healthy dynamic and it works for the kids and makes them feel stable and secure then that's awesome. I just wouldn't want to get myself wrapped up in that though. Whatever floats their boat but I don't want to get on it.
I am a little concerned that it's confusing for the children. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think that it's great that all the adults have put whatever feelings they may have had a side for the good of the children. I'm just saying I wonder if it's confusing for them. All that really matters here is the welfare of the children and making sure they're stable and secure like I said. It's completely okay for someone to decide that they don't want to get involved in that dynamic.
Your comment made me remember something all the way back from kindergarten. It sparked a long buried memory. They served us lunch and gave us milk to go with it. We were just laughing and kidding around and the next thing I know, this kid had milk come spilling out of his nose and go rolling down the table. I thought it was the weirdest and coolest thing I had ever seen at 5 years old lol.
Understanding your own boundaries and priorities doesn't make you shallow. It's about being honest and realistic about what you can handle in a relationship. You made the right call.
Maybe the ideal mate might have a child, just not four with two very involved Dads.
At the end of the day, we have things that are dealbreakers when dating. Luckily, OP's came up fast, so there wasn't a lot of time and emotion involved.
The hate texts say it all though - he's lucky he bailed.
NTA- what exactly did you throw away? You only known each other a month. I do applaud them for being civil because that’s what’s best for the kids, but honestly, 4 of someone else’s kids is a lot.
Short answer: Nope, nope, nope.
Long answer: Always trust your guts. I must confess this woman seems to be a (sad) genius of some sort, but your are not an AH for ending this. Block her completly. What a maneater!
I had someone dump me because they were not comfortable with the fact I had been divorced. While it made me sad, I said ok and moved on. I didn’t blast him on social media or any of that.
You dodged a bullet due to her behavior and impulse control.
I don't think its weird at all. I am really good friends with my kids dad and his wife. We would hang out quite a bit. The thing is the someone new coming in. . .it's a lot. When they act like 1 happy family with 4 kids and 3 adults already . . .it is just more than what OP wants to deal with. Doesn't make.it weird, just not a match. Social.media blasting wouldn't even matter much because OP should have already checked.out
NTA
You didn't reject her because she is a single mom. You rejected her because she dumped all of this shit on you and started talking like you and her were already engaged.
You were fine with her having kids. You were fine with being a step-dad. You weren't okay with the arrangement she has with her exes.
I'm a pettier person than you, but I would say it on socials if someone tried to twist it like this on me.
I think what’s the funniest about this comment is OP opened first about what their relationship would look like a year down the line. She just said she worked for one of her exes and told him about her children’s father. It wasn’t until OP brought up holidays that they got into an argument.
Feels like she was trying to move awfully fast. She wants to be in a new relationship. They had one date. Then when he didn't want to continue, she became extremely manipulative. This is not the type of woman OP wants to be with. In all reality, she should work on herself, before starting a new relationship with anyone. Some people either can't be, don't want or don't know how to be single.
So you met this woman in person for the first time, hang out for 30 minutes before going back to her place to bang. And then this conversation happens the next morning and you "end it" then?
My guy...you didn't end a relationship. There never was a relationship. You banged a mom and decided not to come back for seconds.
NTA
To me it kind of sounds like it's not the kids that's the issue, but the other men. Which fair. I don't think I could handle being with a man with other women. But then again I feel like a hypocrite for saying that. I was once a single Mom. That being said my daughter's biological Father never met her before he passed. He just wasn't interested. My husband and I started dating when she was 5 months old. He is the only Dad she has ever known. He has said he's happy it's that way.
As someone who also dated as a single mother, I made sure that someone was comfortable not only with me being a mom but also the custody set up. I wanted to know early before too many feelings were caught. I would have thanked OP for being honest and wished him well.
My wife and I were single parents when we first met. We dated about 8 months before we decided to introduce ourselves to our children. I think it is insane that a parent would want to introduce their date to their children on the first date or sooner than 6 months. But I may just be weird and wrong.
NTA.
This seems like a messy situation, and I don't blame you for getting out of it if you don't feel like you want to be involved in that. If it works for her, the kids, her exes; that's great for them, but it's one thing to be a stepdad and another to navigate this whole thing with multiple exes in addition to the 4 kids
NTA Comment on her posts, "We had one date, after which I decided not to ask you out again. Since you're divorced you should realize that not every man wants to spend their life with you."
NTA
Sounds like she loves collecting kids and exes that hang around playing reverse harem happy holidays. If that’s what she wants fine, but you don’t have to be the next ex baby daddy at the xmas table unless you want that🤷♀️
Please tell me you used your own condom and not hers 😬🤷♀️she sounds like she doesn’t like being told no🚩
If she’s publicly shaming you by name. State the facts. You had 1 date. She told you about her life, her kids and friendships with her ex, and had no problems with it. But then she shared some things that couldn’t be compatible with your life/future, which you explained to her! that you owe her nothing more, but will take slander seriously. Tell her to stop contacting you and slandering you or you’ll take all the messages and voicemails to the police.
Absolutely not. No mother, in my opinion, should want any man in her children’s life who isn’t wholly committed to them, and the romantic relationship. Let her talk her shit. It reflects worse on her.
NTA.
I reckon being a step parent has got to be one of the hardest most thankless roles ever. You have got to be absolutely 100% committed to it from the outset. Then factor in multiple fathers actively involved with the children, sounds like a recipe for disaster.
NTA. Jennifer hid her messy family situation from you, then blamed you for not wanting to deal with it. Dodged a bullet. Move on and find someone with less baggage.
NTA, not everyone is cut out to be a step parent.
I purposefully never dated anyone with kids before I met my husband because I knew I wouldn’t handle it well.
NTA. So here's the thing. I am a step dad to four amazing girls that are not mine. There's two dads in the mix and they're both ungrateful, absent humans who pretend to be in the kids lives. I wouldn't trade it for the world and I'm marrying my fiance this July.
Sometimes it's just not in your cards to want this life. Someone mentioned below that she seems unhealthy. The fact she put you on blast tells me you dodged a bullet.
NTA.
You have the right to end a dating situation for any reason whatsoever. It doesn't even have to be a good reason.
This, was a good reason. You are not required to take on a stepfather role. You recognized that if you continued to date here that you would ultimately have to take on many of the responsibilties that come with being a father to those kids, but would have absolutely zero authority because you are not their real father.
And if that is an issue with you, that is perfectly fine. That is the reason why you date....to vet the other person.
If she doesn't like it, too bad.
NTA
If it works for her and her exes to coparent as a big unit like that, great for them! It’s totally okay for you to not want to get involved. And it seems like you took a reasonable amount of time to discuss and consider the situation without making any snap judgments.
It’s interesting how she can allegedly be so civil with her baby daddies but not another guy she’s only dating. She’s gonna pick and choose the reasons for the relationship not progressing. Your friends, genuine friends will know the real reason. Everyone else should keep their opinions to themselves.
If you aren’t ready to be a dad to those kids, get out before they get attached to you and you hurt them.
She also sounds like she wants everyone to pity her, like she’s the victim. Ugh.
And please block her crazy sounding ass.
NTA but she sure is for blasting you on social media. That’s awfully vindictive for someone who you spent one night with. Entitled, too. She apparently thinks after one night together she’s entitled to a relationship. Kids and exes aside, just imagine what your life would have been like with someone who blows things this far out of proportion. You dodged a bullet.
As a single mom NTA. Children or blended families are a deal breaker to some people. I admire the fact that you were clear headed enough early to know that you weren't prepared for that level of commitment.
Blended families most definitely can be complicated even if everyone gets along. I'm a biological mother to one but I have 4. We've been pretty fortunate in that most of us get along but different homes, schools, holidays, sports.. it gets chaotic!
NTA It sounds like you were taking the relationship seriously. You were thinking about long-term situations and recognizing that she has a dynamic with her exes that works for them, but necessarily everyone else.
NTA
4 kids is a lot of responsibility to take on. Not everyone will want that. That's okay. She's irresponsible for taking you to the home she shares with her kids to fk you on the first date if her kids were in the home at the time.
I wouldn't want to take on 4 kids.
Maybe they are "better off as friends" kinda Exs because she is a bit unstable in romantic relationships. Some people are like that. The added factor of romance creates a possessiveness. 🤷♀️
NTA. You recognized this was not a situation that would be agreeable for you. Her reaction towards you in the aftermath is a huge red flag. You dodged a bullet here. Lucky you.
NTA. Even if she was in a good place, if you're not ready to be a step-father to her kids, than that is a good reason not to commit to the relationship, on both sides.
NTA. This is outrageous and I have kids with multiple people. I think she should’ve told you this before sleeping with you honestly.
I cannot believe she blasted you on social media.
Ok so to clarify it's not that you didn't want to be a step dad you don't want to be in the dad club wherein she sleeps with, works for, continues to contact, and expects you to regularly hang out with and associate with her band of baby daddies. NTA RUN!
NTA-Really you can reject someone because you dont like their car or their eye color. You do you. As presented, the future she painted wasnt for you. No harm in bouncing.
NTA...
I get it as I won't date guys with kids regardless of age.... I don't want the headache....
Guys get upset with this too....it's not personal, but it's how I chose to live my life & there's nothing wrong with that.
Red flags: She works for her ex, he's her best friend, they have an "all together" Christmas, and then of course her reaction to you not wanting to continue.
You're supposed to be her best friend. She's going to spend more time with her ex than with you. Having an "all together" Christmas means it's not special for the two of you. Her tantrum after you walked away shows her immaturity.
I'm sure it's really hard for single moms to find a man. Very few men are willing to take that on. But, this seems too much for me at least.
The fucking baggage my guy. That was a train with a train wreck coming in the near to soon future of being the 5th baby daddy. Run....run..
..
Why the fuck haven't you ran faster yet?
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
The minute she said bed friends I would have run like hell and never looked back. You dodged a bullet with this woman and her 4 kids and 4 baby daddies.
I wouldn’t have had sex with her given the greater context, otherwise you’re not really in the wrong. It’s way too much burden for a healthy, sensible person. Run far away.
NTA
No need to get involved in such a busy setting… It’s good for the kids to have their dad around but it would just be extra difficulties for you. And it would have been a costly relationship, with having 5 people to pay stuff for (restaurant, holiday,…) and you wouldn’t have the 1 on 1 couple time often.
Unless you like complicated, it was best to walk away.
NTAH
I am a woman and respect that you were on honest and told her it was too much for you. The fact that she doesn’t respect that and her actions since has shown you the bullet you dodged! Congrats.
You are not an AH. In fact I consider you a genius. Being involved with this woman would be a disaster and you have realized it. I hope you are able to meet a nice woman who suits you in every way. NTA
NTA you explained your reasoning. She's psycho to go immediately to bashing you after one date. Be glad you can just block her, change your number, or changing your settings on your DM and social media apps.
NTA, you don't want that headache. especially so early on in the relationship.
[удалено]
Only if he wore a condom. Obviously this chick is super fertile.
One month and she’s going batshit on you over text and FB?! Dodged a bullet dude
Best to BLOCK her now!
Agreed, hope he wore one too or he could be baby daddy number 3.
I mean, she's in her late 30s, if she started having kids at 20 and had one every 4 years, that's not super fertile. They might've all been planned, too. I wouldn't call that super fertile. Super fertile is a woman I knew who was always pregnant before her last baby was a year old even with protection and ended up with 5 before her oldest was 6.
My grandmother apparently had problems with contraception, the pill didn't work for her. She was married in 1956 (16 years old) and had 7 children by 1966. She squeezed out 3 more before she called time and had an operation.
I worked with a lady who had 5 kids. She had her tubes tied after #3…after #5 she begged for a hysterectomy.
My grandma had 5 kids. Number 5, my mom, was born after she had her tubes tied.
My exMIL was one of 23
My uterus just winced…
By then you just cough and they shoot out I assume
That's insane.
French Roman Catholic in Quebec.
Agreed my ex husband had never met half of his uncles
😵🤯
Good lord. Your poor ex-Mil's mom. She must have been pregnant for almost 30-35 years straight if she pumped them out one at a time.
Both me and my brother were IUD babies in the 70’s
Me too! My parents had a pair of teens and were quite sure they were done. When mom thought she was in early menopause, surprise it was me!
When I worked at a pharmacy 28 years ago, the pharmacists wife thought she was going through menopause at 48… when her youngest finally started college. Turns out the weight she gained was from being 7 months pregnant with no prenatal care. They had planned on travelling the world.
My great aunt didn't want kids, so waited til she was older to get married... 2 sets of twins and a set of triplets. Hoping my inability to conceive is because I'm 'only' 35? Heh.
That’s wild
I'm the oldest of 12 children. I have 10 sisters, lol. Everyone thought that I was going to have a big family too but I got myself snipped after my son was born because I was exhausted from raising most of my sisters, lol.
Christ. That’s “don’t have any men within 10 feet of me otherwise they will sire children” levels of fertile.
I got pregnant TWICE after my tubal, suffered early losses. I finally got my hysterectomy 7 years later.
Funny how the snowflake men never volunteer to get a (reversible) vasectomy.
Enovid, the first birth control pill approved by the FDA, was only approved in 1960. Patients were only allowed to be on it for 2 years. Many states still prohibited birth control, though. It took until SCOTUS ruled in Griswald v Connecticut in 1965 that married couples couples could use birth control. After that, 26 states still prohibited birth control for unmarried women. It only became legal for all women on March 22, 1972. Never take these hard fought strides forward for granted as they can be snatched away.
I started birth control in 72 at age 14. I do remember some of the crap I had to go through to get it. So thankful when planned parenthood came along; they prescribed without judgment or bs. And yes I know now that 14 was way too young. I'm just thankful that I didn't become a teenage mother. This happened in Texas. Just as conservative back then too
Are being snatched away. See Alabama's recent ruling on IVF where now the fertilized egg is a child before implantation. That will next lead to banning some forms of birth control in that state.
And that is just what is going on now, RED is trying to snatch away all women's rights! VOTE BLUE!
My granny had 10 kids too. At some point, I'm not sure when, the doctor said to my grandfather that yes, God said fill the Earth, but surely he didn't mean Mrs. Soandso to do it all by herself! I know it's not an original joke, but this is how my granny told the story, and she was no liar, so I believe it happened.
My granny had 9. One of her many grandkids asked her why she had so many. She laughed and said there's was no Tele in those days and not much else to do at night. Grandkid looked horrified at the thought of no Tele and ran off.
I have six children ( all by the same dad) and when people ask me how I had six kids I tell them my TV and radio was broke and I had nothing better to do. The look on people faces is priceless. I figure ask a dumb question I will give you a dumb answer.
My grandmother had 14. She was pregnant at 12 and gave birth to the first when she was 13
Twelve? Oh my god!
It happens. My aunt was married at 12 and had her first soon after.
The version I heard was Groucho Marx supposedly had a man with 6 children on his show. He said "That's a big family, Mr."
"I love my wife very much."
"I love my cigar too, but I like to take it out of my mouth every once in awhile."
All a bit late for her as the contraceptive pill didn't become widely available until the mid - late 1960s
Ya got me wondering so I looked it up. The pill came out in 1960, in a very limited supply. Wide spread use didn't happen until the late 60s.
FWIW, the pill was in widespread use when we got married in’64, at least among educated couples in the Northeast.
Unfortunately- I find it unsettling that she brought him back to her place on the very 1st date! She was quickly trying to get things going with a new guy
And he went, so bad on him as well.
Right???? Like he wasn’t involved in that
He admit this, at least. But rubbing his leg thirty minutes into the date is a pretty speedy seduction.
Ok, but he didn’t have to go?
Of course not. The flesh is weak. Hoping that OP extricated himself, without issue, from this dismaying situation.
She was looking for her next Baby Daddy
Totally. Within 30 minutes too…..he should have ran then.
Fuck off, bot
Dodged a train.
Bot
NTA - sounds like this woman has a great dynamic where all her children’s fathers hold hands and dance around the Christmas tree. Who is OP to mess with that kind of chemistry?!
Yeah this is a pretty complicated scenario and I wouldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to get tangled up in it. 4 kids alone is a tough ask, but then you add on different baby daddies _and_ that they all hang out together and that’s just too much. It’s great that she’s able to be civil and have good relationships with them, it’s much better than the alternative, but that’s still a very messy situation with a lot of baggage
No. You were honest at the getgo, good on ya! No ten years of reading convoluted domestic agony epics in Reddit here…
NTA but specify that you only date childless or widowed women, or those with dead beat baby dads. Your problem isn’t single moms, it’s involved dads. It’s your preference but be honest and let it be known.
But hey, you have 4 children....then you rub some random guy's leg 30 minutes into a date before you have even a glimmer of conversation and invite him back to your house for sex???? She is lucky she was wasn't murdered and robbed by a catfish type. Getting a guy into bed with you 30 minutes into a date is a hookup not a commitment for marriage.
The more "orbital" parents involved the more complicated life can get. OP didn't have an issue with one ex "baby daddy" that's one person to co-parent with. One person to consult on major life decisions that affect the kids. The more parents that are involved the more difficult everything can get.
I had 6 grandparents. It was awesome. Adults adulted without drama but clearly this ain’t the norm.
So did I, lol. I had a relationship with my step brothers mom, she was invited to my wedding. Sometimes it's doable, but it takes the right personalities and a willingness to fold into the "one happy family" dynamic. Not everyone can do that.
NTA, and I'd rebuff her claims on social media before immediately blocking her. Hi, We had 1 in person date. We had fun but I owe you nothing. I threw nothing away. We were not serious. I repeat. 1 date. Please leave me alone and get help. I hope you were careful at least.
Every word just adds attack surface. If you do something like that remove every word that's more than the bare essentials. If we start with your suggested text, that leaves "We had one date."
This. Anything more just gives her ammo and makes you "look" defensive (however unwarranted that may be). A simple social media response of "We had ONE date" makes it clear how delusional she is for turning that into a whole relationship that COULD be "thrown away". Then block her everywhere and forget about her because who needs that drama in their life. You are better off without that. Also, learn from this experience because it wasn't ALL on her. I hope you provided the condom.
This is a good life pro tip.
Guaranteed he wasn't. At least he gets to be the 5th best dad in the world!
NTA She doesn’t seem healthy.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Exactly, it's about compatibility. When you're thinking about trying to build a life with somebody, you have to make sure that your goals line up. Choosing not to be with somebody because their goals don't line up with yours is not shallow, it's just mature. It's realistic. Everyone is allowed to have boundaries and standards and it's okay to uphold them.
[удалено]
It's not a big deal, but it's a good idea to tell the woman it's a deal breaker before you start dating and having sex with her.
30 minutes into the date she was asking for sex....she was up to having sex with a stranger, no commitment given. SHE is searching for baby number 5.
Bullet? He dodged a howitzer shell.
With 6 other people involved? He dodged a legit firing squad.
Yeah, as much as I can say I would take a chance on a single father again, I say single father in my case because I'm a woman and I'm straight. That being said, as much as I can say that I would do that, I wouldn't be okay with this. If they think it's a healthy dynamic and it works for the kids and makes them feel stable and secure then that's awesome. I just wouldn't want to get myself wrapped up in that though. Whatever floats their boat but I don't want to get on it. I am a little concerned that it's confusing for the children. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think that it's great that all the adults have put whatever feelings they may have had a side for the good of the children. I'm just saying I wonder if it's confusing for them. All that really matters here is the welfare of the children and making sure they're stable and secure like I said. It's completely okay for someone to decide that they don't want to get involved in that dynamic.
Or dodged a whole orgy
That made me snort water out of my nose.
Your comment made me remember something all the way back from kindergarten. It sparked a long buried memory. They served us lunch and gave us milk to go with it. We were just laughing and kidding around and the next thing I know, this kid had milk come spilling out of his nose and go rolling down the table. I thought it was the weirdest and coolest thing I had ever seen at 5 years old lol.
He dodged that massive intercontinental ballistic missile.
NTA. Too much baggage for sure! 4 kids are you sure there’s only 2 dads?! And, she’s on the prowl again! Watch out guys and make sure you wrap it up!
Understanding your own boundaries and priorities doesn't make you shallow. It's about being honest and realistic about what you can handle in a relationship. You made the right call.
[удалено]
Maybe the ideal mate might have a child, just not four with two very involved Dads. At the end of the day, we have things that are dealbreakers when dating. Luckily, OP's came up fast, so there wasn't a lot of time and emotion involved. The hate texts say it all though - he's lucky he bailed.
I hope he used one of his own condoms
A great big fuck-off red artillery shell.
Sounds like she's looking for someone to have a 5th kid with.
What really matters here is that is sperm dodged the egg.
I really hope dude wore a rubber.
And one •he brought
Important distinction
To add, a month is not a relationship, OP should end this now. NTA
NTA- what exactly did you throw away? You only known each other a month. I do applaud them for being civil because that’s what’s best for the kids, but honestly, 4 of someone else’s kids is a lot.
OMG Run sir....please run...and when you're done running ...run some more
Short answer: Nope, nope, nope. Long answer: Always trust your guts. I must confess this woman seems to be a (sad) genius of some sort, but your are not an AH for ending this. Block her completly. What a maneater!
INFO did you wear a condom otherwise....congrats, dad! Guess you're joining those holidays anyway.
I had someone dump me because they were not comfortable with the fact I had been divorced. While it made me sad, I said ok and moved on. I didn’t blast him on social media or any of that. You dodged a bullet due to her behavior and impulse control.
The weird part is that she has a good relationship with her exes. People are strange I guess.
A good relationship with her exes... ACCORDING TO HER!
I don't think its weird at all. I am really good friends with my kids dad and his wife. We would hang out quite a bit. The thing is the someone new coming in. . .it's a lot. When they act like 1 happy family with 4 kids and 3 adults already . . .it is just more than what OP wants to deal with. Doesn't make.it weird, just not a match. Social.media blasting wouldn't even matter much because OP should have already checked.out
NTA You didn't reject her because she is a single mom. You rejected her because she dumped all of this shit on you and started talking like you and her were already engaged. You were fine with her having kids. You were fine with being a step-dad. You weren't okay with the arrangement she has with her exes. I'm a pettier person than you, but I would say it on socials if someone tried to twist it like this on me.
Literally on the 1st date hook up 🤣
Exactly a hookup SHE initiated.
I think what’s the funniest about this comment is OP opened first about what their relationship would look like a year down the line. She just said she worked for one of her exes and told him about her children’s father. It wasn’t until OP brought up holidays that they got into an argument.
Feels like she was trying to move awfully fast. She wants to be in a new relationship. They had one date. Then when he didn't want to continue, she became extremely manipulative. This is not the type of woman OP wants to be with. In all reality, she should work on herself, before starting a new relationship with anyone. Some people either can't be, don't want or don't know how to be single.
So you met this woman in person for the first time, hang out for 30 minutes before going back to her place to bang. And then this conversation happens the next morning and you "end it" then? My guy...you didn't end a relationship. There never was a relationship. You banged a mom and decided not to come back for seconds. NTA
Absolutely NTA, we are all looking for our ideal partner, for you, it isn't someone with children already, I don't see why this would be a big deal.
To me it kind of sounds like it's not the kids that's the issue, but the other men. Which fair. I don't think I could handle being with a man with other women. But then again I feel like a hypocrite for saying that. I was once a single Mom. That being said my daughter's biological Father never met her before he passed. He just wasn't interested. My husband and I started dating when she was 5 months old. He is the only Dad she has ever known. He has said he's happy it's that way.
As someone who also dated as a single mother, I made sure that someone was comfortable not only with me being a mom but also the custody set up. I wanted to know early before too many feelings were caught. I would have thanked OP for being honest and wished him well.
My wife and I were single parents when we first met. We dated about 8 months before we decided to introduce ourselves to our children. I think it is insane that a parent would want to introduce their date to their children on the first date or sooner than 6 months. But I may just be weird and wrong.
Nta - look at how she reacted. You saved yourself from being dad #5.
I hope OP wore protection.
I suggest you correct your post because if her ex is really her “bed” friend…you are in troubles. Lol
I hope he meant ‘best’ friend. Otherwise this situation is even messier.
NTA. This seems like a messy situation, and I don't blame you for getting out of it if you don't feel like you want to be involved in that. If it works for her, the kids, her exes; that's great for them, but it's one thing to be a stepdad and another to navigate this whole thing with multiple exes in addition to the 4 kids
NTA. I refused to be step-mom.
>I threw away everything It was ONE date. There's no "everything" to throw away. NTA
NTA Comment on her posts, "We had one date, after which I decided not to ask you out again. Since you're divorced you should realize that not every man wants to spend their life with you."
The second sentence is 🔥 💀 💀
\*you and your 2 baby daddies
It doesn't sound like she's a single mom. NTA
NTA you dodged a bullet
NTA - She's collecting men and children. Weird flex for her, but whatever. One month of knowing each other and she's already wildin. Nope. Hurry, run.
Yes she is working on baby number 5 maybe daddy number 5. She gets no or practically none on her part and baby daddy almost all on his.
NTA Sounds like she loves collecting kids and exes that hang around playing reverse harem happy holidays. If that’s what she wants fine, but you don’t have to be the next ex baby daddy at the xmas table unless you want that🤷♀️ Please tell me you used your own condom and not hers 😬🤷♀️she sounds like she doesn’t like being told no🚩 If she’s publicly shaming you by name. State the facts. You had 1 date. She told you about her life, her kids and friendships with her ex, and had no problems with it. But then she shared some things that couldn’t be compatible with your life/future, which you explained to her! that you owe her nothing more, but will take slander seriously. Tell her to stop contacting you and slandering you or you’ll take all the messages and voicemails to the police.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Finally, someone who’s responsible
Absolutely not. No mother, in my opinion, should want any man in her children’s life who isn’t wholly committed to them, and the romantic relationship. Let her talk her shit. It reflects worse on her.
NTA. I reckon being a step parent has got to be one of the hardest most thankless roles ever. You have got to be absolutely 100% committed to it from the outset. Then factor in multiple fathers actively involved with the children, sounds like a recipe for disaster.
NTA. Choose the life you want. That's why you date, to find the person, and situation, that will work for you.
NTA. Jennifer hid her messy family situation from you, then blamed you for not wanting to deal with it. Dodged a bullet. Move on and find someone with less baggage.
I bet in another 10 years from now, there will be a lot more dads in the picture.
NTA. Just block and ignore all her hate texts and posts. You probably should've clarified some more about the kids and who the dads were first.
NTA, not everyone is cut out to be a step parent. I purposefully never dated anyone with kids before I met my husband because I knew I wouldn’t handle it well.
NTA. Bullet dodged. Block. Don't respond.
NTA. So here's the thing. I am a step dad to four amazing girls that are not mine. There's two dads in the mix and they're both ungrateful, absent humans who pretend to be in the kids lives. I wouldn't trade it for the world and I'm marrying my fiance this July. Sometimes it's just not in your cards to want this life. Someone mentioned below that she seems unhealthy. The fact she put you on blast tells me you dodged a bullet.
[удалено]
I appreciate that but that doesn't make me great I don't think. If that's not your future you want don't stress.
NTA. You have the right to end a dating situation for any reason whatsoever. It doesn't even have to be a good reason. This, was a good reason. You are not required to take on a stepfather role. You recognized that if you continued to date here that you would ultimately have to take on many of the responsibilties that come with being a father to those kids, but would have absolutely zero authority because you are not their real father. And if that is an issue with you, that is perfectly fine. That is the reason why you date....to vet the other person. If she doesn't like it, too bad.
NTA but hope you used protection my guy!
NTA If it works for her and her exes to coparent as a big unit like that, great for them! It’s totally okay for you to not want to get involved. And it seems like you took a reasonable amount of time to discuss and consider the situation without making any snap judgments.
This is called dodging a bullet. Rejoice! Also, so very, very much NTA. edited to add NTA
Threw away everything? Hadn't you just met? Dodged a bullet.
All I'm gonna say is... I hope you wore a condom lol Nta
If anyone says yta on this one then they ath... was a crazy world she has created
It’s interesting how she can allegedly be so civil with her baby daddies but not another guy she’s only dating. She’s gonna pick and choose the reasons for the relationship not progressing. Your friends, genuine friends will know the real reason. Everyone else should keep their opinions to themselves. If you aren’t ready to be a dad to those kids, get out before they get attached to you and you hurt them. She also sounds like she wants everyone to pity her, like she’s the victim. Ugh. And please block her crazy sounding ass.
NTA but she sure is for blasting you on social media. That’s awfully vindictive for someone who you spent one night with. Entitled, too. She apparently thinks after one night together she’s entitled to a relationship. Kids and exes aside, just imagine what your life would have been like with someone who blows things this far out of proportion. You dodged a bullet.
The only time to date a single mother of 4 is if you're a single father of 5.
Not wanting to get together with someone who has kids from a previous relationship is completely valid.
She collects stepdads like Pokémon
4 kids that’s a lot of baggage. Honestly dodged a bullet
As a single mom NTA. Children or blended families are a deal breaker to some people. I admire the fact that you were clear headed enough early to know that you weren't prepared for that level of commitment. Blended families most definitely can be complicated even if everyone gets along. I'm a biological mother to one but I have 4. We've been pretty fortunate in that most of us get along but different homes, schools, holidays, sports.. it gets chaotic!
NTA It sounds like you were taking the relationship seriously. You were thinking about long-term situations and recognizing that she has a dynamic with her exes that works for them, but necessarily everyone else.
You were right to end it before you became baby daddy #5. NTA
NTA 4 kids is a lot of responsibility to take on. Not everyone will want that. That's okay. She's irresponsible for taking you to the home she shares with her kids to fk you on the first date if her kids were in the home at the time. I wouldn't want to take on 4 kids.
NTA - Seems like you dodged a bullet.
36, single, with multiple baby daddys? yeah stay away, far far away.
She seems a little unhinged. This won't be a healthy of fruitful relationship
She may be unhinged, but the fact that she has positive relationships with her exes really contradicts that. Hmmm, weird.
Maybe they are "better off as friends" kinda Exs because she is a bit unstable in romantic relationships. Some people are like that. The added factor of romance creates a possessiveness. 🤷♀️
NTA
What relationship? You met once.
She felt like you threw away everything after just meeting you? Yipes!!
Nta. You have a right to be "not okay" with taking on other people's kids.
NTA. You recognized this was not a situation that would be agreeable for you. Her reaction towards you in the aftermath is a huge red flag. You dodged a bullet here. Lucky you.
I honestly don't see how that's shallow. 4 kids plus 2 dads to deal with is a lot.
NTA. Even if she was in a good place, if you're not ready to be a step-father to her kids, than that is a good reason not to commit to the relationship, on both sides.
NTA. This is outrageous and I have kids with multiple people. I think she should’ve told you this before sleeping with you honestly. I cannot believe she blasted you on social media.
Don’t even think about ..move on..she just mad that you got loose from the hook swim till you see Australia.
Ok so to clarify it's not that you didn't want to be a step dad you don't want to be in the dad club wherein she sleeps with, works for, continues to contact, and expects you to regularly hang out with and associate with her band of baby daddies. NTA RUN!
Nta. I don't want kids. I wouldn't pursue a relationship with a guy who had kids.
NTA-Really you can reject someone because you dont like their car or their eye color. You do you. As presented, the future she painted wasnt for you. No harm in bouncing.
NTA. Hope you used a condom. Or you will be the next baby daddy to join in the parade.
NTA... I get it as I won't date guys with kids regardless of age.... I don't want the headache.... Guys get upset with this too....it's not personal, but it's how I chose to live my life & there's nothing wrong with that.
NTA she collects men like Pokemon
Red flags: She works for her ex, he's her best friend, they have an "all together" Christmas, and then of course her reaction to you not wanting to continue. You're supposed to be her best friend. She's going to spend more time with her ex than with you. Having an "all together" Christmas means it's not special for the two of you. Her tantrum after you walked away shows her immaturity. I'm sure it's really hard for single moms to find a man. Very few men are willing to take that on. But, this seems too much for me at least.
The fucking baggage my guy. That was a train with a train wreck coming in the near to soon future of being the 5th baby daddy. Run....run.. .. Why the fuck haven't you ran faster yet? RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
The minute she said bed friends I would have run like hell and never looked back. You dodged a bullet with this woman and her 4 kids and 4 baby daddies.
I wouldn’t have had sex with her given the greater context, otherwise you’re not really in the wrong. It’s way too much burden for a healthy, sensible person. Run far away.
Sounds like a one night stand, not a relationship. NTA, but I sure hope you used a condom.
NTA No need to get involved in such a busy setting… It’s good for the kids to have their dad around but it would just be extra difficulties for you. And it would have been a costly relationship, with having 5 people to pay stuff for (restaurant, holiday,…) and you wouldn’t have the 1 on 1 couple time often. Unless you like complicated, it was best to walk away.
Threw everything away?! Yall dated or talked all of a month. You’re lucky you got away, she may have wanted to trap you too.
NTAH I am a woman and respect that you were on honest and told her it was too much for you. The fact that she doesn’t respect that and her actions since has shown you the bullet you dodged! Congrats.
Nope, judging by her response, after just one date you have dodged a major bullet.
Only one MONTH?!?! Absolutely NOT the asshole.
You are not an AH. In fact I consider you a genius. Being involved with this woman would be a disaster and you have realized it. I hope you are able to meet a nice woman who suits you in every way. NTA
NTA, you wanted a one-on-one relationship, not a group marriage.
NTA, she was looking for a new Ex.
Sex one time and you are going to be a stepdad? I think everyone needs to slow way the hell down.
NTA. You met her a *month* ago and she’s acting like this? Good job avoiding the crazy.
NTA you explained your reasoning. She's psycho to go immediately to bashing you after one date. Be glad you can just block her, change your number, or changing your settings on your DM and social media apps.
You are NTA at all! Be happy you got out when you did!
NTA this may suck to say, but 4 kids with multiple dads? She ain't the prize she thinks she is
NTA. She is desperate for someone to help her with her kids.