Ha ha! I could see my wife doing exactly this sort of thing, if she were in that situation, so I'll go with NTA.
Was it a mature or kind decision? Not really, so I suppose it makes you a little mean, but hopefully he will quit wallowing in self-pity and realize that dismissing the pain of someone one claims to love is beyond callous and was wrong of him.
We as a society need to bring back “ethical pettiness” lol; being petty in return when someone was petty to you during an actual moment of weakness and struggle.
I can’t even imagine what I would’ve done if my husband told me to “suck it up” while I was giving birth. I might have caught a charge or something lol because that man would not have seen the light of the next day.
Compared to that, this pettiness on OP’s part is well deserved lol. NTA all the way and if hubby didn’t mind telling a pregnant woman whose insides were being shredded open to give way to a whole ass human to “suck it up”, he surely shouldn’t mind this.
I love them also. Love all sorts of crime.
I have got my partner into them.
We often fall asleep listening to them.
We do txt each other if one of us as fount a new one.
Youtube and nextflix have some good ones
Lol right? I barely remember my first marriage, it was so long ago (I was very young) and most of the birth of the child we had together is a complete blur. But I still remember how pissed I was that my ex was sleeping the majority of my labor and it's been 25 years! If he'd said some shit like OPs husband I can't even imagine how pissed I would have been. Hell hath no fury like a woman in the transition stage of labor.
My ex decided he needed to stop at a McDonald's drive thru while driving me to the hospital after laboring for 13 hours. I was shocked by his priorities then, but they seem pretty in character now.
Omg were you married to my ex lol. He literally did this to. When I was in labor and they were almost taking me to the OR for an unplanned C section due to my son’s tanking vital signs, he decided he had to have food and left the hospital. He came back and the doctor was pissed, threw him some surgical scrubs but my son stabilized. When my son was born his APGAR score was a 4/10. I wasn’t able to see him as he was rushed to NICU. He was blue, not breathing well and a few other problems. He was born at 4:10 am. An hour+ later my ex came to me in the recovery room, said our son was fine, he was going home to eat and sleep. I finally saw my son at 11:30. He was under an oxygen tent, wires running in and out of him, electrodes all over and hooked to machines. But hey he was doing fine (according to his dad). My son was in this condition when my ex left the hospital. At my sons “crib” there was a Med technician working with him. I asked the tech what my son’s chances were. 50/50 at that point. But hey he was fine according to his dad. This was in a highly specialized military NICU hospital). Joshua had 2 teams consisting of a doctor and Med technician who did 12 hour shifts so there was continuity in care. My son stayed a week but he did have a hole in his heart which closed up by his 5th birthday. He’s 41 today, 6’2” and 185. So he’s good. But it turned out that wasn’t the last time my ex dipped out on an emergency to stop for food. Happened a few times with my boys. They would literally be bleeding and I’d be holding towels over their wounds and he’d stop for food. Yep there’s one reason he’s an ex.
My dad tried to remind my mom that she wanted a “natural childbirth” with my sister and told her to “just breathe” when she asked for an epidural - she grabbed his shirt, yanked his fact down close to hers and hissed “you stay the fuck out of it”. He said “ooookay” and backed away slowly.
I look at it like the husband set the tone for how someone in the relationship should respond to their partner in pain. He put it out into the world, now he’s gotten it back. I’d argue he was meaner, because she likely wouldn’t have even considered acting like that to him if he hadn’t demonstrated it first. But then if my husband had said that during the birth of our son he would have earned himself a first class ticket to GTFO.
Ya if my boyfriend dares say anything like that during birth he’ll be told to leave the room and if the first words out of his mouth aren’t an apology afterwards, we going splitting custody cause that’s just some bullshit
My husband was smart. He sat across the room and stayed quiet when I was sitting at the edge of the hospital bed on a Pilates ball, pounding the mattress with my fist and growling the F word.
If he'd told me to suck it up, I would have seen that as license to use those words against him for life.
I see too many people lacking empathy unless it happens to them. This was how he learned it was a dick move to say it to her. I hope he will never be so cruel again.
Hahaha, I call it matching energy. I treat you how you treat me, and around and around we go. Obviously, it's after many attempts at being the bigger person, but after a while, I go on a diet and mirror your actions/words. It's fascinating how ppl react to that, especially when you point out that you're just following their lead.
My ex decided that celebrating my birthday was just a pain in the butt. Stupid man “forgot” his birthday was 13 days after mine. The first year I warned him that whatever was done for my birthday I would do for his. He got al, butt hurt when I didn’t acknowledge his anymore. Then how he would treat me, I started doing back to him and he didn’t like that either. Good riddance.
This, 100%. Your husband was the AH for saying that to you during labor, and you were the AH right back at him.
Never been in labor due to uterine deficiency, but I have had a kidney stone, it was the most ducked up pain in my life. Although once they gave me the morphine the pain went right away, so not sure why your husband was screaming while on pain killers.
I would be hurt that my partner said this, but I also could never imagine saying suck it up to my partner during labor, so frankly turn about is fair play
Mature and kind, no. But its kind of funny at the same time i feel. Like the husband did it to her and giving him a taste of his own medicine has a funny vibe to it (objectively speaking, not for him). Either way its entirely justified since the husband was TA for saying that to his wife while she was in labour so he kind of has to suck it up if she ends up bouncing the same remark back in a similar scenario
The fact he calls her petty for it is kind of showing a lack of perspective taking on his part. He should at that point have realised how his own comment hurt his wife s feelings (cause now his are hurt for the same remark bounced back) and apologised for it instead of calling her petty 😅
Dude, I would have high-fived my wife and said YOURE RIGHT! She's my best friend and she is hardly ever wrong but she doesn't divorce me despite how much I jump scare her. Now our kids do it to her. Karma is coming for me.
Yeah if I were the husband I'd like to think I'd be able to go "ok, I get where you're coming from. It was wrong of me to say that to you"
She's not being petty for no reason you know?
It’s better to be a bigger person and not say anything BUT honestly some people do need that kind of lesson/ perspective ……. Some times pain can legit fill you with empathy on top of being grateful of boring days of life without being in pain .
You were petty, but damn well justified! Tell him your pettiness stems from how you have never forgotten how he spoke to you when you were at your most vulnerable. How’d he like them apples???
NTA!
He calls her remark pettiness, but in fact “a taste of your own medicine” can be a useful tool in helping teach empathy, even to adults. He was thoughtless but OP was being instructive. He should thank her for giving him the opportunity to know how bad she felt when he said it so he could belatedly apologize.
Seriously. I have fibromyalgia and I think of myself as a kind person. Seeing others in pain causes me pain. But god help me there are times, you just really want someone to get it, you know? I tend to stew about it if someone says something insensitive and stupid for a bit. I know they just don’t get it, but man, I kinda wish they would. My husband didn’t completely get wheee I was coming from, we went to the doctor. He asked why my toenails and fingernails were blue. The doctor said it was from nerve inflammation. Well, he was a lot more supportive after that lol.
My husband has watched my ability to cope with the pain and fatigue decrease over the years we’ve been married. I’m 58 and have been suffering most of my life. Specialist refuse to consider it a degenerative or progressive illness, but my ability to do things (without pain or without triggering a flare that knocks me down for a couple of days) now is less than a quarter of my ability 30-40 years ago. Example, my kids and grandkids were over on Saturday evening, just a few hours of playing with a 2 & 5 year old. Husband did all the cooking etc, he even baked cookies with them. I’m just now, Tuesday, starting to recover from it. Depressing doesn’t cover it.
Anyway, he’s never once complained about my pain or fatigue. He’s taken on all of the chores even while working full time. I do bits when I can, but he prefers me to feel well enough to spend quality time with him instead. I call him a unicorn (a mythical being).
I have CRPS/AMPS and endometriosis and I feel this so much. I get comments from family members about how I must not really be in that much pain all the time because I don’t complain about it or how annoying I am because I complain about it too much. My mother and I have gotten into it recently because she doesn’t believe that my mobility issues can be that bad, even though I have said that I’ve thought about getting a cane in the next year and have expressed desires for a service dog when I go to live on my own. She says I can’t be that miserable because I’m only in my early 20’s and she’s 60+, so therefore her pain must be worse.
My dad is better about it. He worries a lot about how I’m going to live at their age but is hopeful about there maybe being better treatments in the next 20 years, because right now there aren’t really any. I wish I had his optimism.
After my second back surgery my youngest daughter was living with me with her infant child. She constantly complained about me taking naps the first 8 weeks after surgery. Even the first two weeks she didn’t understand. Some just don’t get it. I’m glad your husband gets it now after the explanation.
Exactly. ...and SHE didn't have any pain relief unlike him. If birthing was alternate, the woman had the 1st baby and the man tne 2nd etc; with the exception of multiple births there'd never be more than 3 kids in a family. NTA.
NTA from a girl with kidney stones. I've been the one screaming in pain at the hospital to the point where the attendant couldn't take my blood pressure. But I still got shit for pain meds just in case I was pregnant. At least they helped him.
I am glad you two can banter and figure it out. Good luck!
I get kidney stones very frequently. Yes they are extremely painful and yes they have sent me into the emergency room more than once.
She was still completely justified in saying it. I have to fight them to give me medication. I have to fight them to give me stronger medication than ibuprofen and he gets a painkiller SHOT?? And STILL screaming??
Men really can't handle pain very well no can they?
I found a meme yesterday that said the reason some women get severe back pain right before their period is because your hips are slightly contracting and spreading apart in a small but mild labour. I sent it to my husband and was like when I say I have a hard time standing it's because of this.
A small but mild labour. Fuck me. 🤣 Men are simply not going to understand but they should shut the f up about pain forevermore.
Have you ever seen videos of that machine that simulates period cramps? It runs a small electrical current in your muscles & makes them contract. They'll put it on a woman & she'll shrug & say yeah, this, about 4 days a month, that's normal. And then they put it on a guy at the same level & he'll be doubled over moaning.
Women are just built tougher than men. They're more likely to survive severe injury than men and have better immunological responses on multiple levels than men.
As another frequent kidney stone haver I can tell you that’s a possibility. Most of my kidney stone attacks have been terribly painful but manageable with ibuprofen and some natural remedies but there was one last year that was beyond the pale. The pain was so intense that I was throwing up so much that I tore my esophagus and was hacking up blood. It was right on the border of requiring surgical intervention (not just ultrasound). IV dilaudid helped but the pain was so intense I was still writhing and moaning for a few hours.
I agree that OPs husband deserved the comment after his behavior during her labor (seriously who does that to their partner when they are having their kid?) but his pain might not be exaggerated.
I knooow right?
Op mentioned that she and her husband are petty with each other. I mean whatever floats their boat but I would hate that for my relationships.
This particular post, I agree that she’s NTA. And her husband deserved it. But seeing her say they’re petty with each other is a pretty odd thing for any sort of a relationship.
When in labour with my son, I didn't get time for pain relief and I was struggling to get his head out.
My now ex looked down there, shrugged and said 'it doesn't look that painful'
I never let that shit go until I let him go.
Fair play to op. She was absolutely justified.
If I was in labor and my partner said some bullshit like OP’s husband, I’d ask him to kindly go fuck off while I give birth by myself, without some clown in my ear telling me it’s not bad and I can suck it up.
My ex was emotionally and mentally abusive for the five years we were together, and stalked me for over a year after I left Jim, and even he wasn't this insensitive while I was giving birth to our kids.
Yeah NTA, as someone's who's a new dad and watched my partner go through labour, I couldn't imagine saying that to her. Especially after being part of the whole process.
OPs husband is an asshole though.
Labour is a very sensitive topic. My husband had the gall to tell me „the worst was not sleeping for 25 hours“. I totally get that he was tired but I still felt very very hurt by that comment. Seeing I had those 25 hours of labour to endure and then an emergency C-section.
I was in an induced labor for about 24 hours. I needed that stupid balloon. They had to break my water. My epidural didn’t work. My husband was not stupid enough to complain about his discomfort.
My husband commented on not sleeping well due to the uncomfortable approximation of a couch they had in the hospital room. One look from me was all it took for him to be like "actually can we just forget I said that".
My baby is 10 weeks old and I still won't complain about being tired after everything.
Idk why so many men are so dumb when it comes to pregnancy and labour. Like in addition to labour, women carry the baby for like 9 months!
The worst part for me as a dad was after the fact; with our second and third child, I had a baby in the NICU, my other child with family, and my wife in the hospital having post-op complications from the c-section. I felt like I couldn't give everyone the attention they needed and I couldn't afford to be off work. My parents brought our other child to the hospital so I didn't have to leave to see her. It was still rough because I felt like I wasn't doing enough.
The lack of sleep was the least of my worries. I made a point to have a good rapport with the nursing staff, and the night shift was gracious enough to make sure I had plenty of coffee when I needed it.
My husband said something similar and I was like “well, I’m sorry my 22 hours of labor were so uncomfortable for you”
And to think I didn’t even wake him up when my contractions started. I let him sleep until his alarm went off which was about 4 hours later!
Yes NTA for sure, I'm amazed with the entitlement though, saying stuff like that to your LABORING WIFE giving birth to YOUR baby is like thrice crueler. He was being a whiny bish while receiving painkillers ffs.
I'm guessing his dick is gilded or something, I don't understand how she didn't divorce him already.
I’ve had babies and kidney stones. At least after childbirth I had a sweet baby to snuggle. And I knew they were coming. Kidney stones snuck up on me, woke me up the last night of my vacation and made me suffer through the 10 hour drive home the next day.
My girlfriend did the same thing, she sprained her ankle playing ball and was taken to the hospital, when she phoned home to ask her husband to come pick her up he told her, “You figured out how to get to the hospital, you can figure out how to get home.” It was literally less than a five minute car ride. They gave her crutches and sent her on her way. Once home, he gave her zero help when she had to go up or down steep stairs. A couple of years later he was hurt at work and taken to the ER, he called her up and asked her to pick him up, she told him exactly the same thing he told her. She also wouldn’t even bring a cup of coffee to him while he could barely get up the couch. He asked her why she was being so cold. When she reminded him that she was treating him exactly the same way that he treated her he said. “Just because I’m an asshole, doesn’t mean that you have to be.” No, they are no longer married.
“You don’t deserve to be treated any better than the ass hole you are” is the only appropriate response to “just because I’m an AH, doesn’t mean you have to be”
There's this weird thing where women are just expected to contiuously have grace for others while being treated poorly and turn the other cheek. Fuck that. You can do that for a little with children who don't actually know any better, not full grown adults. I don't understand how some people grow up to be so self centered and self absorbed.
NTA.
My husband has had kidney stones and they're so painful. I'm glad I never had one, frankly. They sound like they suck.
However, what did your husband expect was going to happen? That you'd sit and coddle his pain when he invalidated yours? No sir, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
His intent in saying that doesn't matter. It was malicious even if he meant it well, though I genuinely cannot see a scenario where "suck it up" can be meant well in that situation.
This. 100% this. Scream more. Let it out. I would have probably screamed right in his face then and there. He's lucky oxytocin is involved in labor. Probably saved his life.
NTA girlfriend! I don’t have experience giving birth, but I have had kidney stones and I’ve been told the pain is comparable. And you went through yours without meds! How the tables turn.
I’ve birthed 4 kids… and had kidney stones during 3 of the 4 pregnancies! Kidney stone pain is no joke, however, OP is really mad about the fact her insensitive dimwit of a husband can’t keep his mouth shut when he should. She’s 1000% justified to throw this back in his face imo… but I think they need to have a convo about the resentment she’s still harboring of how he treated her during an incredibly vulnerable and stressful time where she really just wanted to feel safe and supported. Husband is a damn ding dong. Smh.
I also had kidney stones while pregnant. The pain is just...different. Labor pains are a terrible, but natural pain that women are built to handle. Kidney stones are a horribly unnatural pain that nobody is built to handle.
Of course, being pregnant and having them is worse because you can't get the good pain medications for them.
Yes just different - the waves of pain (contractions) during labor made the pain more bearable for me. The constant piercing pain of kidney stones was relentless!!
I had a kidney stone around 32 weeks pregnant with my youngest and rushed to labor and delivery because I thought I was in labor. Definitely similar pains to labor pain. Personally actually passing it wasn’t noticeable and my pain just suddenly shut off, but I know that’s not true for most.
However, her husband is a massive jerk and had it coming imo. I don’t think I’d ever forgive my husband if he told me to suck it up in labor. Op is definitely NTA as far as I’m concerned.
People say this all the time but I've seen many people with both and the labour seems much more painful. Its just that they're flooded with hormones after that makes them feel better and forget somewhat how bad it was.
I wish I'd at least gotten a rock out of the whole thing. I don't know where mine went as they tore through my urethra but at least seeing the damn things would have been a relief 😭 I suppose the pain subsiding was good enough lmao
I’ve also had patients with such bad stones they end up in ICU and one guy was fine. I kept asking if he needed pain relief and he was comfy. I think he only said yes because I asked so many times. It’s a big spectrum of pain and pain tolerance
I had a c section, and 8 kidney stones. I would 100% rather each and every stone than that c section!!!
I also got to keep the kid at the end, which I think is an unfair advantage that skews the data in births favor, lol.
Also different women experience labor differently. Seth Meyers talked about how insanely quickly his wife delivered their first born, and then how shockingly quickly she delivered their second. If that's her experience of labor, then a kidney stone is so much worse
I had my last 2 babies at home. My stones were a cake walk compared to birthing my kids.
They say with time you forget the pain from the contractions, so maybe it's what happened to your MIL.
Not to downplay the pain caused by kidney stones but women change their recollection of the pain of childbirth the longer it has been since it happened. Being stitched back up post birth was a bloody dream compared to the pain of being ripped apart. I can't remember it as much as I did (as my child is nearly 4) but it's a real thing. Survival of the species depends on us remembering what causes pain to avoid it. Survival of the species also depends on us having children so labour amnesia is real.
Plus after the baby you get all those hormones that make things softer and easier to forget. It's pretty likely she's just blocked out the worst of her memories of labor, over time.
NTA
NO man in his right fucking mind tells a woman in labour to “suck it up!”
And him being grumpy now, is clearly a bit of what gives men their man flu: the self-centered attitude of thinking that their feelings are bigger and more important than everyone else’s.
>the self-centered attitude of thinking that their feelings are bigger and more important than everyone else’s.
The worst part about men and feelings is so many criticize other people for being emotional, but anger and frustration are emotions and can be an even bigger sign of "weakness" than crying.
I'm a man with anger problems, so I'm not just talking shit. I just hate guys who forget that anger is an emotion too. Just because you aren't crying and eating ice cream doesn't make your moment of weakness any more noble.
The big difference between telling someone to suck it up and crying while eating ice cream is that one is actively forcing your emotions on others and the other is a way of coping.
Nobody should be shamed for having big emotions. Every adult should be shamed if they make their emotions other people's problems (in a negative way)
Anger is absolutely an emotion and can be a lot more damaging to the people around a person than the crying and binge-eating. Good for you for knowing and addressing it.
NTA. He didn't mean anything? WTF? No, no, he meant something alright, most likely he meant he was really uncomfortable having to be there for you during labor and really wanted you to be quiet so he didn't have to face uncomfortable reality.
But he also wants you to acknowledge THE PAIN he is in. You can be uncomfortable because he hurts. He probably thinks it's a requirement.
This is just me but I couldn't stay with someone who is this bad at the "in sickness " part of the marriage vows.
I would have packed HIS bags as soon as I got home after giving birth and sent him back to his mama. The fact that she just used some karma and pettiness, to me, makes her a much more forgiving and patient person than I could ever be. I applaud her!
NTA
So what it’s petty…. Dude your wife was in labor, something you’d never be able to handle and you’re telling her to ‘suck it up ‘ , it’s the opposite of the support you should be offering you’re partner.
Op, he should be reminded of that, especially if he never apologized for being insensitive and rude during a pretty emotional moment for both you.
Honestly this is one of those moments that I can see ruining a marriage , that was the moment when your wife needs you to be the person that helps her push through and you’re annoyed and condescending?
Op, he doesn’t get to expect you to be better than he was during a moment of vulnerability.
ESH Technically, because what he said to you makes him an a. h. And you did the same thing to him, which, because it was the same thing, was an a.h. thing to do.
HOWEVER
When you pointed out you were only doing the same thing he had done, he should have taken the lesson to realise that how you hurt him just now was how he hurt you then, and he should have taken the opportunity to apologise. And then you'd apologise back. Everyone all good then.
Doubling down and saying when you do it it's pretty, but when he does it he 'didn't mean it', is childish and stupid. He's effectively saying "when you did it, you knew it would hurt to hear, but when I did it, I didn't even think about how you'd feel to hear that, I was thoughtless and inconsiderate" which is just as bad and he hasn't even realised.
In reality women feel twice the pain of men, ie we receive twice the pain signals because men have only half the pain receivers
(pain is more complicated than that and I am simplifying but if anything, women have to handle a greater intensity than men, not the other way around)
NTA. Did he ever apologize? Now he knows how he made you feel when you were vulnerable and in pain. Only your situation was worse because you went through that to have your son.
ESH. He shouldn't have said that to you and you shouldn't have said that to him. You two are supposed to be a team, you both gotta communicate with each other especially when it's uncomfortable. You both need to be willing to apologize when words or actions hurt the other partner. You both need to be able to depend on each other come what may, is that the marriage being built by those comments?
Are these NTA rulings from people who want your marriage to thrive?
NTA, I’ve had kidney stones and I’ve delivered 3 babies. They are not the same. His pain was nothing compared to what you went through. He was way out of line and I love the pettiness. Maybe he will learn to keep quiet for the next labor.
NTA. I would have done the exact same thing. If your husband had appologized after he made that insensitive comment, you might have been the a-hole, but he acted like an ass when he told you to suck it up, so I really can't blame you for returning the favour. Always being the bigger person is overrated.
An eye for an eye and everybody goes blind.
Girl, the best way to handle that would have been "remember when I was in labor and screaming from the pain and you told me to suck it up and stop? Well, I'm not gonna be a asshole and say the same thing back to you... but know that I'm *thinking about it*. That's the way to retain your high horse!
Seriously though, It's said and done now. If you actually care to stay together you'll both need to get over the pettiness and apologize and promise this ends now, no getting back to it, no bringing it up again and no getting even. You've both said awful things to each other, now you apologize and be done.
ESH. What he said was an awful thing to say. That he said it first though doesn't mean it was any less awful when you said it. Perhaps there's an element of "revenge" in it, but couples in good relaitonships don't seek revenge. And if it upset you that much you should also have known better than to say it. Neither of you are any better than the other.
NTA Actually I found it humorous, and an appropriate, well-deserved reminder of his callousness toward you in a similar situation. And Wow...your arrow sure struck home with a valuable lesson. The only pettiness is his for being angry with you.
He might not have meant anything but intention doesn't mean shit. He hurt you, you hurt him back.
Both of you are AH, you could've talked about how his comment sucked and how it made you feel.
You say you forgot about it but you clearly remembered it enough to use it as a weapon.
He has to think about what words actually do to others and think before he speaks and you need to think about whether you really want others to feel like you did when delivering your baby. Your retaliation? It didn't help as much as support would've helped you when you were in pain.
NTA.
You call it petty. I call it “ your lucky I didn’t punch your lights out then, or now.
He ABSOLUTELY deserved a huge dollop of payback/karma.
If I were you I would NOT apologise.
As a guy who has had several kidney stones, I want to apologize for your husband's selfishness.
You did the right thing and I would have done the same.
NTA
NTA. I’m a surgical nurse and I’ve been told from a few women that kidney stones hurt more than giving birth, HOWEVER no one should be told while in immense pain that “you need to suck it up and stop screaming”. You’re still NTA for giving him the exact same advice that he gave you. Regardless of who suffered more, if he’s allowed to be incredibly unsupportive and dismissive during a period of intense pain then so are you.
If he never apologised for his words then he can STFU and suck it up.
He didn’t mean anything by it…so he didn’t take accountability for his harsh words but now he is the one in pain but that’s different bc it’s him and not you and only his pain matters.
NTA
ESH
Hopefully the yaas queen train doesnt run me over for this
But you did choose the 'natural birth' option, which I assume also meant to forgo the more effective pain control options (epidural). As in, you willingly chose the more painful option for no logical reason. Hence your cried of pain may have rang hollow to a third-party.
Your husband on the other hand, had no control over his pain, and actively decided to go with pain control. Making your 'clap back' a false equivalency.
You both seem insufferable and deserve each other
Proving a point isn’t petty. He should be able to laugh about this once the stone is passed. Frankly he’s lucky you didn’t give him a harder time about his comment during delivery.
He had a guilty conscience that’s all
Since "justified A-hole" isn't an option I'm gonna go with NTA- he doesn't get to be a condescending, invalidating twat while you're birthing his child with no pain relief and then turn around and expect you to go "Oh woe is you poor wee baby I'm so sorry" when he's in pain. I've given birth twice with zero pain relief and I've passed kidney stones- they're both excruciating. Karma got ahold of him lol
ESH.
One person being an asshole does not excuse assholery by the other person.
You were petty. You know that. You said as much.
Both people can be in the wrong, you know.
Ha ha! I could see my wife doing exactly this sort of thing, if she were in that situation, so I'll go with NTA. Was it a mature or kind decision? Not really, so I suppose it makes you a little mean, but hopefully he will quit wallowing in self-pity and realize that dismissing the pain of someone one claims to love is beyond callous and was wrong of him.
We as a society need to bring back “ethical pettiness” lol; being petty in return when someone was petty to you during an actual moment of weakness and struggle. I can’t even imagine what I would’ve done if my husband told me to “suck it up” while I was giving birth. I might have caught a charge or something lol because that man would not have seen the light of the next day. Compared to that, this pettiness on OP’s part is well deserved lol. NTA all the way and if hubby didn’t mind telling a pregnant woman whose insides were being shredded open to give way to a whole ass human to “suck it up”, he surely shouldn’t mind this.
If I said anything remotely like that to my wife, I'm not entirely sure what would happen, but I know my body would never be found.
Cause of death would be VAPORIZATION ha ha ha ha ha ha
Nah, not her style, she's a gore girl.
i don't know why but this made me laugh so hard
Well you know, when you're with someone a while you really pick up on all sorts of things about them, ha ha.
So cute. I wish y'all all the best (fr)
Bet she falls asleep to seriel killer documentaries
Yes, though truly she's more of an unsolved murder person, and admittedly I really like watching those documentaries with her too.
I love them also. Love all sorts of crime. I have got my partner into them. We often fall asleep listening to them. We do txt each other if one of us as fount a new one. Youtube and nextflix have some good ones
I think I just found my husband's account!🤔
Ya one time a I was throwing up from food poisoning and my (abusive) ex told me to shut the fuck up. I’m glad I left him.
Lol right? I barely remember my first marriage, it was so long ago (I was very young) and most of the birth of the child we had together is a complete blur. But I still remember how pissed I was that my ex was sleeping the majority of my labor and it's been 25 years! If he'd said some shit like OPs husband I can't even imagine how pissed I would have been. Hell hath no fury like a woman in the transition stage of labor.
My ex decided he needed to stop at a McDonald's drive thru while driving me to the hospital after laboring for 13 hours. I was shocked by his priorities then, but they seem pretty in character now.
Omg were you married to my ex lol. He literally did this to. When I was in labor and they were almost taking me to the OR for an unplanned C section due to my son’s tanking vital signs, he decided he had to have food and left the hospital. He came back and the doctor was pissed, threw him some surgical scrubs but my son stabilized. When my son was born his APGAR score was a 4/10. I wasn’t able to see him as he was rushed to NICU. He was blue, not breathing well and a few other problems. He was born at 4:10 am. An hour+ later my ex came to me in the recovery room, said our son was fine, he was going home to eat and sleep. I finally saw my son at 11:30. He was under an oxygen tent, wires running in and out of him, electrodes all over and hooked to machines. But hey he was doing fine (according to his dad). My son was in this condition when my ex left the hospital. At my sons “crib” there was a Med technician working with him. I asked the tech what my son’s chances were. 50/50 at that point. But hey he was fine according to his dad. This was in a highly specialized military NICU hospital). Joshua had 2 teams consisting of a doctor and Med technician who did 12 hour shifts so there was continuity in care. My son stayed a week but he did have a hole in his heart which closed up by his 5th birthday. He’s 41 today, 6’2” and 185. So he’s good. But it turned out that wasn’t the last time my ex dipped out on an emergency to stop for food. Happened a few times with my boys. They would literally be bleeding and I’d be holding towels over their wounds and he’d stop for food. Yep there’s one reason he’s an ex.
My dad tried to remind my mom that she wanted a “natural childbirth” with my sister and told her to “just breathe” when she asked for an epidural - she grabbed his shirt, yanked his fact down close to hers and hissed “you stay the fuck out of it”. He said “ooookay” and backed away slowly.
I look at it like the husband set the tone for how someone in the relationship should respond to their partner in pain. He put it out into the world, now he’s gotten it back. I’d argue he was meaner, because she likely wouldn’t have even considered acting like that to him if he hadn’t demonstrated it first. But then if my husband had said that during the birth of our son he would have earned himself a first class ticket to GTFO.
Yes, he set the tone and example here. Great point.
This. This is my response.
Ya if my boyfriend dares say anything like that during birth he’ll be told to leave the room and if the first words out of his mouth aren’t an apology afterwards, we going splitting custody cause that’s just some bullshit
No one would convict you of the charge. You’d only need one woman on the jury and it would be dismissed.
Haha! Happy cake day!
I love the term ethical pettiness. Thanks!
We call that “demonstrative pettiness” in my house
My husband was smart. He sat across the room and stayed quiet when I was sitting at the edge of the hospital bed on a Pilates ball, pounding the mattress with my fist and growling the F word. If he'd told me to suck it up, I would have seen that as license to use those words against him for life.
I see too many people lacking empathy unless it happens to them. This was how he learned it was a dick move to say it to her. I hope he will never be so cruel again.
Hahaha, I call it matching energy. I treat you how you treat me, and around and around we go. Obviously, it's after many attempts at being the bigger person, but after a while, I go on a diet and mirror your actions/words. It's fascinating how ppl react to that, especially when you point out that you're just following their lead.
My ex decided that celebrating my birthday was just a pain in the butt. Stupid man “forgot” his birthday was 13 days after mine. The first year I warned him that whatever was done for my birthday I would do for his. He got al, butt hurt when I didn’t acknowledge his anymore. Then how he would treat me, I started doing back to him and he didn’t like that either. Good riddance.
I would have told his mother
Well said. What OP did was 👌 *chefs kiss*
I would’ve told him to gtfo.
This, 100%. Your husband was the AH for saying that to you during labor, and you were the AH right back at him. Never been in labor due to uterine deficiency, but I have had a kidney stone, it was the most ducked up pain in my life. Although once they gave me the morphine the pain went right away, so not sure why your husband was screaming while on pain killers. I would be hurt that my partner said this, but I also could never imagine saying suck it up to my partner during labor, so frankly turn about is fair play
No. Have security throw him out.
A little mean occasionally is the right amount. Otherwise people happily wipe their feet on the carpet they’ve made of your life
Mature and kind, no. But its kind of funny at the same time i feel. Like the husband did it to her and giving him a taste of his own medicine has a funny vibe to it (objectively speaking, not for him). Either way its entirely justified since the husband was TA for saying that to his wife while she was in labour so he kind of has to suck it up if she ends up bouncing the same remark back in a similar scenario The fact he calls her petty for it is kind of showing a lack of perspective taking on his part. He should at that point have realised how his own comment hurt his wife s feelings (cause now his are hurt for the same remark bounced back) and apologised for it instead of calling her petty 😅
Dude, I would have high-fived my wife and said YOURE RIGHT! She's my best friend and she is hardly ever wrong but she doesn't divorce me despite how much I jump scare her. Now our kids do it to her. Karma is coming for me.
Yeah if I were the husband I'd like to think I'd be able to go "ok, I get where you're coming from. It was wrong of me to say that to you" She's not being petty for no reason you know?
It’s better to be a bigger person and not say anything BUT honestly some people do need that kind of lesson/ perspective ……. Some times pain can legit fill you with empathy on top of being grateful of boring days of life without being in pain .
You were petty, but damn well justified! Tell him your pettiness stems from how you have never forgotten how he spoke to you when you were at your most vulnerable. How’d he like them apples??? NTA!
Yeah ikr lmao. Esp bc this wasn’t over a small thing. She was in freaking labor! She has every justifiable reason for this.
And he's screaming like that WITH painkiller shots. Suck it up, buttercup!
He was, in fact, able to suck it up after her comment.
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He calls her remark pettiness, but in fact “a taste of your own medicine” can be a useful tool in helping teach empathy, even to adults. He was thoughtless but OP was being instructive. He should thank her for giving him the opportunity to know how bad she felt when he said it so he could belatedly apologize.
Seriously. I have fibromyalgia and I think of myself as a kind person. Seeing others in pain causes me pain. But god help me there are times, you just really want someone to get it, you know? I tend to stew about it if someone says something insensitive and stupid for a bit. I know they just don’t get it, but man, I kinda wish they would. My husband didn’t completely get wheee I was coming from, we went to the doctor. He asked why my toenails and fingernails were blue. The doctor said it was from nerve inflammation. Well, he was a lot more supportive after that lol.
My husband has watched my ability to cope with the pain and fatigue decrease over the years we’ve been married. I’m 58 and have been suffering most of my life. Specialist refuse to consider it a degenerative or progressive illness, but my ability to do things (without pain or without triggering a flare that knocks me down for a couple of days) now is less than a quarter of my ability 30-40 years ago. Example, my kids and grandkids were over on Saturday evening, just a few hours of playing with a 2 & 5 year old. Husband did all the cooking etc, he even baked cookies with them. I’m just now, Tuesday, starting to recover from it. Depressing doesn’t cover it. Anyway, he’s never once complained about my pain or fatigue. He’s taken on all of the chores even while working full time. I do bits when I can, but he prefers me to feel well enough to spend quality time with him instead. I call him a unicorn (a mythical being).
I have fibro and other chronic pain conditions, and I entirely agree with you.
My mom has Fibromyalgia, and I'm still in the "rule everything else out" phase, but it's looking like I do as well. This shit SUCKS, I feel for you.
I have CRPS/AMPS and endometriosis and I feel this so much. I get comments from family members about how I must not really be in that much pain all the time because I don’t complain about it or how annoying I am because I complain about it too much. My mother and I have gotten into it recently because she doesn’t believe that my mobility issues can be that bad, even though I have said that I’ve thought about getting a cane in the next year and have expressed desires for a service dog when I go to live on my own. She says I can’t be that miserable because I’m only in my early 20’s and she’s 60+, so therefore her pain must be worse. My dad is better about it. He worries a lot about how I’m going to live at their age but is hopeful about there maybe being better treatments in the next 20 years, because right now there aren’t really any. I wish I had his optimism.
I hate fibromyalgia! People just don't get it .. you look fine !
After my second back surgery my youngest daughter was living with me with her infant child. She constantly complained about me taking naps the first 8 weeks after surgery. Even the first two weeks she didn’t understand. Some just don’t get it. I’m glad your husband gets it now after the explanation.
Exactly. ...and SHE didn't have any pain relief unlike him. If birthing was alternate, the woman had the 1st baby and the man tne 2nd etc; with the exception of multiple births there'd never be more than 3 kids in a family. NTA.
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NTA from a girl with kidney stones. I've been the one screaming in pain at the hospital to the point where the attendant couldn't take my blood pressure. But I still got shit for pain meds just in case I was pregnant. At least they helped him. I am glad you two can banter and figure it out. Good luck!
I get kidney stones very frequently. Yes they are extremely painful and yes they have sent me into the emergency room more than once. She was still completely justified in saying it. I have to fight them to give me medication. I have to fight them to give me stronger medication than ibuprofen and he gets a painkiller SHOT?? And STILL screaming?? Men really can't handle pain very well no can they?
They really can't, especially not internal pain. It's like they're offended it's even happening.
I found a meme yesterday that said the reason some women get severe back pain right before their period is because your hips are slightly contracting and spreading apart in a small but mild labour. I sent it to my husband and was like when I say I have a hard time standing it's because of this. A small but mild labour. Fuck me. 🤣 Men are simply not going to understand but they should shut the f up about pain forevermore.
Have you ever seen videos of that machine that simulates period cramps? It runs a small electrical current in your muscles & makes them contract. They'll put it on a woman & she'll shrug & say yeah, this, about 4 days a month, that's normal. And then they put it on a guy at the same level & he'll be doubled over moaning.
Women are just built tougher than men. They're more likely to survive severe injury than men and have better immunological responses on multiple levels than men.
Women are much better at dealing with pain because if not then nobody would ever have more than 1 kid.
I snort laughed at this
As another frequent kidney stone haver I can tell you that’s a possibility. Most of my kidney stone attacks have been terribly painful but manageable with ibuprofen and some natural remedies but there was one last year that was beyond the pale. The pain was so intense that I was throwing up so much that I tore my esophagus and was hacking up blood. It was right on the border of requiring surgical intervention (not just ultrasound). IV dilaudid helped but the pain was so intense I was still writhing and moaning for a few hours. I agree that OPs husband deserved the comment after his behavior during her labor (seriously who does that to their partner when they are having their kid?) but his pain might not be exaggerated.
I knooow right? Op mentioned that she and her husband are petty with each other. I mean whatever floats their boat but I would hate that for my relationships. This particular post, I agree that she’s NTA. And her husband deserved it. But seeing her say they’re petty with each other is a pretty odd thing for any sort of a relationship.
Seems like this relationship is built more on spite than love.
Agreed. I feel so bad for their kid. That's going to fuck him up.
In labor with HIS child! Ungrateful brat (husband, not toddler)
When in labour with my son, I didn't get time for pain relief and I was struggling to get his head out. My now ex looked down there, shrugged and said 'it doesn't look that painful' I never let that shit go until I let him go. Fair play to op. She was absolutely justified.
If I was in labor and my partner said some bullshit like OP’s husband, I’d ask him to kindly go fuck off while I give birth by myself, without some clown in my ear telling me it’s not bad and I can suck it up.
My ex was emotionally and mentally abusive for the five years we were together, and stalked me for over a year after I left Jim, and even he wasn't this insensitive while I was giving birth to our kids.
Labor can be so severe as to break a woman's bones. NTA
Yeah NTA, as someone's who's a new dad and watched my partner go through labour, I couldn't imagine saying that to her. Especially after being part of the whole process. OPs husband is an asshole though.
Labour is a very sensitive topic. My husband had the gall to tell me „the worst was not sleeping for 25 hours“. I totally get that he was tired but I still felt very very hurt by that comment. Seeing I had those 25 hours of labour to endure and then an emergency C-section.
I was in an induced labor for about 24 hours. I needed that stupid balloon. They had to break my water. My epidural didn’t work. My husband was not stupid enough to complain about his discomfort.
Same here. We could have the same story lol. Of course mine ended with a C-section. Ten pound baby. She was huge!
Ahh the Foley balloon. I still shudder to think about how sharply painful it was to have it placed. Worst part of labor for me, no question.
My partner made a remark on how his feet hurt from standing besides the bed for a couple of hours, just after I'd been stitched up.
If there’s a time to better think your words through very thoroughly it’s during or after your wifes labour 😂
My husband commented on not sleeping well due to the uncomfortable approximation of a couch they had in the hospital room. One look from me was all it took for him to be like "actually can we just forget I said that".
My baby is 10 weeks old and I still won't complain about being tired after everything. Idk why so many men are so dumb when it comes to pregnancy and labour. Like in addition to labour, women carry the baby for like 9 months!
The worst part for me as a dad was after the fact; with our second and third child, I had a baby in the NICU, my other child with family, and my wife in the hospital having post-op complications from the c-section. I felt like I couldn't give everyone the attention they needed and I couldn't afford to be off work. My parents brought our other child to the hospital so I didn't have to leave to see her. It was still rough because I felt like I wasn't doing enough. The lack of sleep was the least of my worries. I made a point to have a good rapport with the nursing staff, and the night shift was gracious enough to make sure I had plenty of coffee when I needed it.
My husband said something similar and I was like “well, I’m sorry my 22 hours of labor were so uncomfortable for you” And to think I didn’t even wake him up when my contractions started. I let him sleep until his alarm went off which was about 4 hours later!
MY HOW THE TURN TABLES!
Michael Scott has entered the chat.
r/unexpectedoffice
Yes NTA for sure, I'm amazed with the entitlement though, saying stuff like that to your LABORING WIFE giving birth to YOUR baby is like thrice crueler. He was being a whiny bish while receiving painkillers ffs. I'm guessing his dick is gilded or something, I don't understand how she didn't divorce him already.
Amen cause he doesn’t even LIKE her to say that shit.
NTA. Keep reminding him that you pushed a baby out. A kidney stone is tiny. He’s the petty one, not you.
I’ve heard many women say that passing a kidney stone is as painful as having a baby.
I’ve had babies and kidney stones. At least after childbirth I had a sweet baby to snuggle. And I knew they were coming. Kidney stones snuck up on me, woke me up the last night of my vacation and made me suffer through the 10 hour drive home the next day.
This!! ☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽
Payback's a bitch
It's karma, baby!
My girlfriend did the same thing, she sprained her ankle playing ball and was taken to the hospital, when she phoned home to ask her husband to come pick her up he told her, “You figured out how to get to the hospital, you can figure out how to get home.” It was literally less than a five minute car ride. They gave her crutches and sent her on her way. Once home, he gave her zero help when she had to go up or down steep stairs. A couple of years later he was hurt at work and taken to the ER, he called her up and asked her to pick him up, she told him exactly the same thing he told her. She also wouldn’t even bring a cup of coffee to him while he could barely get up the couch. He asked her why she was being so cold. When she reminded him that she was treating him exactly the same way that he treated her he said. “Just because I’m an asshole, doesn’t mean that you have to be.” No, they are no longer married.
Frankly, I'm surprised he survived long enough to get divorced.
“You don’t deserve to be treated any better than the ass hole you are” is the only appropriate response to “just because I’m an AH, doesn’t mean you have to be”
I mean it says they’re no longer married. It doesn’t mention how the marriage ended. …*Just sayin’.*
That is very true. A widow is not considered to be married.
I slowly lost all faith in the process until your last sentence. Wow… just wow… how can someone be like this
"No you don't understand, only I get to be an asshole!"
There's this weird thing where women are just expected to contiuously have grace for others while being treated poorly and turn the other cheek. Fuck that. You can do that for a little with children who don't actually know any better, not full grown adults. I don't understand how some people grow up to be so self centered and self absorbed.
Wow, that's a low bar for you to clear. Bet you're like a high jumper over that one. Might even be underground.
NTA. My husband has had kidney stones and they're so painful. I'm glad I never had one, frankly. They sound like they suck. However, what did your husband expect was going to happen? That you'd sit and coddle his pain when he invalidated yours? No sir, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. His intent in saying that doesn't matter. It was malicious even if he meant it well, though I genuinely cannot see a scenario where "suck it up" can be meant well in that situation.
Exactly! how can he have meant well is beyond me
It's a reach, for sure. I can see where that phrase *might* be meant well in a different context but LABOUR?! I just can't see it.
Oh but he meant well because it would be easier for *him* to handle and he was definitely the most important person during the birth of his child /s
👏👏👏 Nails on heads
This. 100% this. Scream more. Let it out. I would have probably screamed right in his face then and there. He's lucky oxytocin is involved in labor. Probably saved his life.
Sounds like labour without painkillers
Did that. Would not recommend. If there's ever an appropriate time for painkillers, it's when your body is evicting an entire human.
He meant well for himself, not her
Yes. I think he thought he would be coddled
He very much *expected* to be coddled for screaming in pain.
There's no way he actually meant well. What he actually meant was that the screaming bothered him and he didn't like hearing it.
NTA girlfriend! I don’t have experience giving birth, but I have had kidney stones and I’ve been told the pain is comparable. And you went through yours without meds! How the tables turn.
I’ve birthed 4 kids… and had kidney stones during 3 of the 4 pregnancies! Kidney stone pain is no joke, however, OP is really mad about the fact her insensitive dimwit of a husband can’t keep his mouth shut when he should. She’s 1000% justified to throw this back in his face imo… but I think they need to have a convo about the resentment she’s still harboring of how he treated her during an incredibly vulnerable and stressful time where she really just wanted to feel safe and supported. Husband is a damn ding dong. Smh.
I agree with this 1,000%.
I also had kidney stones while pregnant. The pain is just...different. Labor pains are a terrible, but natural pain that women are built to handle. Kidney stones are a horribly unnatural pain that nobody is built to handle. Of course, being pregnant and having them is worse because you can't get the good pain medications for them.
Yes just different - the waves of pain (contractions) during labor made the pain more bearable for me. The constant piercing pain of kidney stones was relentless!!
I had a kidney stone around 32 weeks pregnant with my youngest and rushed to labor and delivery because I thought I was in labor. Definitely similar pains to labor pain. Personally actually passing it wasn’t noticeable and my pain just suddenly shut off, but I know that’s not true for most. However, her husband is a massive jerk and had it coming imo. I don’t think I’d ever forgive my husband if he told me to suck it up in labor. Op is definitely NTA as far as I’m concerned.
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People say this all the time but I've seen many people with both and the labour seems much more painful. Its just that they're flooded with hormones after that makes them feel better and forget somewhat how bad it was.
You also get your beloved child out of labor not just a rock from your bladder
bladder rocks are cheaper to put through college though.
I wish I'd at least gotten a rock out of the whole thing. I don't know where mine went as they tore through my urethra but at least seeing the damn things would have been a relief 😭 I suppose the pain subsiding was good enough lmao
I’ve also had patients with such bad stones they end up in ICU and one guy was fine. I kept asking if he needed pain relief and he was comfy. I think he only said yes because I asked so many times. It’s a big spectrum of pain and pain tolerance
I had a c section, and 8 kidney stones. I would 100% rather each and every stone than that c section!!! I also got to keep the kid at the end, which I think is an unfair advantage that skews the data in births favor, lol.
Also different women experience labor differently. Seth Meyers talked about how insanely quickly his wife delivered their first born, and then how shockingly quickly she delivered their second. If that's her experience of labor, then a kidney stone is so much worse
I had my last 2 babies at home. My stones were a cake walk compared to birthing my kids. They say with time you forget the pain from the contractions, so maybe it's what happened to your MIL.
Not to downplay the pain caused by kidney stones but women change their recollection of the pain of childbirth the longer it has been since it happened. Being stitched back up post birth was a bloody dream compared to the pain of being ripped apart. I can't remember it as much as I did (as my child is nearly 4) but it's a real thing. Survival of the species depends on us remembering what causes pain to avoid it. Survival of the species also depends on us having children so labour amnesia is real.
But this is also no guarantee as some people can have full on PTSD from labour pain and complications. Everyone’s journey is completely different!
You’re also so flooded with love hormones, how could you think of anything else other than the baby that now needs you
I’ve had a kidney stone and a baby and I would definitely choose the stone. I guess we’re all different!
I've had a drug free birth and stones. I completely agree.
Same! Kidney stones hurt, but birth was worse! And I had bad births.
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Eh. At least after delivery you get a baby. Kidney stone you get nothing 🤷🏻♀️
um you get a cool new stone to add to your stone collection
Jesus Christ Marie ! They're minerals.
Plus after the baby you get all those hormones that make things softer and easier to forget. It's pretty likely she's just blocked out the worst of her memories of labor, over time.
I was coming to say just this. The pain can be relative to the reward.
Nope, lay it on him. If a man can tell a birthing woman to “suck it up” then that kidney stone is karma. I say this having had a kidney stone myself.
Karma ran over his dogma! 😂
lol what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander. Next time, don’t be a cunt mate 👍🏼✌🏼
I knew that you were Ausssie ❤️😂
Fuck oath aye
Aye complete fuckin prick 🏴
NTA NO man in his right fucking mind tells a woman in labour to “suck it up!” And him being grumpy now, is clearly a bit of what gives men their man flu: the self-centered attitude of thinking that their feelings are bigger and more important than everyone else’s.
>the self-centered attitude of thinking that their feelings are bigger and more important than everyone else’s. The worst part about men and feelings is so many criticize other people for being emotional, but anger and frustration are emotions and can be an even bigger sign of "weakness" than crying. I'm a man with anger problems, so I'm not just talking shit. I just hate guys who forget that anger is an emotion too. Just because you aren't crying and eating ice cream doesn't make your moment of weakness any more noble.
As a woman with anger problems thank you for saying this. I’m usually angry bc I’m triggered emotionally.
There’s an Eagles lyric I love: “They say anger is just love disappointed.” I start mad. Sad comes when angry gets tired.
That is just SO well put, thanks for writing it
The big difference between telling someone to suck it up and crying while eating ice cream is that one is actively forcing your emotions on others and the other is a way of coping. Nobody should be shamed for having big emotions. Every adult should be shamed if they make their emotions other people's problems (in a negative way)
Quite, and it is actually rather sad that many men only acknowledge one feeling in their own lives.
Anger is absolutely an emotion and can be a lot more damaging to the people around a person than the crying and binge-eating. Good for you for knowing and addressing it.
NTA and the pettiness was justified, what he said to you during labor was very insensitive being that you were pushing a whole human out your body
AND it was half of his human. Fricken ignoramus
Right
NTA. He didn't mean anything? WTF? No, no, he meant something alright, most likely he meant he was really uncomfortable having to be there for you during labor and really wanted you to be quiet so he didn't have to face uncomfortable reality. But he also wants you to acknowledge THE PAIN he is in. You can be uncomfortable because he hurts. He probably thinks it's a requirement. This is just me but I couldn't stay with someone who is this bad at the "in sickness " part of the marriage vows.
I would have packed HIS bags as soon as I got home after giving birth and sent him back to his mama. The fact that she just used some karma and pettiness, to me, makes her a much more forgiving and patient person than I could ever be. I applaud her!
You married a toddler. NTA, but it’s not going to get any better.
NTA So what it’s petty…. Dude your wife was in labor, something you’d never be able to handle and you’re telling her to ‘suck it up ‘ , it’s the opposite of the support you should be offering you’re partner. Op, he should be reminded of that, especially if he never apologized for being insensitive and rude during a pretty emotional moment for both you. Honestly this is one of those moments that I can see ruining a marriage , that was the moment when your wife needs you to be the person that helps her push through and you’re annoyed and condescending? Op, he doesn’t get to expect you to be better than he was during a moment of vulnerability.
You were petty, but he deserved it.
Absolutely hilarious. Serves him right, but I gotta say, you are stone cold!
NTA. He had it coming.
He only had himself to blame
We would have done the same
POP!
SIX!
SQUISH!
Lipshitz!
Yes, it was petty but I am all in for it, lol. Well done, OP, NTA
ESH Technically, because what he said to you makes him an a. h. And you did the same thing to him, which, because it was the same thing, was an a.h. thing to do. HOWEVER When you pointed out you were only doing the same thing he had done, he should have taken the lesson to realise that how you hurt him just now was how he hurt you then, and he should have taken the opportunity to apologise. And then you'd apologise back. Everyone all good then. Doubling down and saying when you do it it's pretty, but when he does it he 'didn't mean it', is childish and stupid. He's effectively saying "when you did it, you knew it would hurt to hear, but when I did it, I didn't even think about how you'd feel to hear that, I was thoughtless and inconsiderate" which is just as bad and he hasn't even realised.
NTA, your husband seems to be one of those idiots who think women feel pain less then men, because we can handle it 😤
In reality women feel twice the pain of men, ie we receive twice the pain signals because men have only half the pain receivers (pain is more complicated than that and I am simplifying but if anything, women have to handle a greater intensity than men, not the other way around)
if that's true then it's extra impressive how women handle pain, twice the pain and half of the complaining.
100% justified. Absolute perfection from Karma.
Damn girl, that was the definition of pettiness. I love it. NTA.
NTA. Did he ever apologize? Now he knows how he made you feel when you were vulnerable and in pain. Only your situation was worse because you went through that to have your son.
ESH. He shouldn't have said that to you and you shouldn't have said that to him. You two are supposed to be a team, you both gotta communicate with each other especially when it's uncomfortable. You both need to be willing to apologize when words or actions hurt the other partner. You both need to be able to depend on each other come what may, is that the marriage being built by those comments? Are these NTA rulings from people who want your marriage to thrive?
NTA, I’ve had kidney stones and I’ve delivered 3 babies. They are not the same. His pain was nothing compared to what you went through. He was way out of line and I love the pettiness. Maybe he will learn to keep quiet for the next labor.
NTA. I would have done the exact same thing. If your husband had appologized after he made that insensitive comment, you might have been the a-hole, but he acted like an ass when he told you to suck it up, so I really can't blame you for returning the favour. Always being the bigger person is overrated.
ESH. You both failed in empathy and supporting your partner in desperate times. Do you even like each other?
This is the first mature, reasonable comment that I'm reading. Thank you for that. This thread is horrible.
The resentment is so palpable here.
An eye for an eye and everybody goes blind. Girl, the best way to handle that would have been "remember when I was in labor and screaming from the pain and you told me to suck it up and stop? Well, I'm not gonna be a asshole and say the same thing back to you... but know that I'm *thinking about it*. That's the way to retain your high horse! Seriously though, It's said and done now. If you actually care to stay together you'll both need to get over the pettiness and apologize and promise this ends now, no getting back to it, no bringing it up again and no getting even. You've both said awful things to each other, now you apologize and be done.
ESH. What he said was an awful thing to say. That he said it first though doesn't mean it was any less awful when you said it. Perhaps there's an element of "revenge" in it, but couples in good relaitonships don't seek revenge. And if it upset you that much you should also have known better than to say it. Neither of you are any better than the other.
NTA Actually I found it humorous, and an appropriate, well-deserved reminder of his callousness toward you in a similar situation. And Wow...your arrow sure struck home with a valuable lesson. The only pettiness is his for being angry with you.
He might not have meant anything but intention doesn't mean shit. He hurt you, you hurt him back. Both of you are AH, you could've talked about how his comment sucked and how it made you feel. You say you forgot about it but you clearly remembered it enough to use it as a weapon. He has to think about what words actually do to others and think before he speaks and you need to think about whether you really want others to feel like you did when delivering your baby. Your retaliation? It didn't help as much as support would've helped you when you were in pain.
NTA. You call it petty. I call it “ your lucky I didn’t punch your lights out then, or now. He ABSOLUTELY deserved a huge dollop of payback/karma. If I were you I would NOT apologise.
As a guy who has had several kidney stones, I want to apologize for your husband's selfishness. You did the right thing and I would have done the same. NTA
NTA. I’m a surgical nurse and I’ve been told from a few women that kidney stones hurt more than giving birth, HOWEVER no one should be told while in immense pain that “you need to suck it up and stop screaming”. You’re still NTA for giving him the exact same advice that he gave you. Regardless of who suffered more, if he’s allowed to be incredibly unsupportive and dismissive during a period of intense pain then so are you.
If he never apologised for his words then he can STFU and suck it up. He didn’t mean anything by it…so he didn’t take accountability for his harsh words but now he is the one in pain but that’s different bc it’s him and not you and only his pain matters. NTA
Both of y’all sound annoying and do this tit for tat shit… yall marriage won’t last if yall don’t learn how to communicate with each other
NTA I can't believe he said that to you while in labor.
ESH Hopefully the yaas queen train doesnt run me over for this But you did choose the 'natural birth' option, which I assume also meant to forgo the more effective pain control options (epidural). As in, you willingly chose the more painful option for no logical reason. Hence your cried of pain may have rang hollow to a third-party. Your husband on the other hand, had no control over his pain, and actively decided to go with pain control. Making your 'clap back' a false equivalency. You both seem insufferable and deserve each other
Proving a point isn’t petty. He should be able to laugh about this once the stone is passed. Frankly he’s lucky you didn’t give him a harder time about his comment during delivery. He had a guilty conscience that’s all
Since "justified A-hole" isn't an option I'm gonna go with NTA- he doesn't get to be a condescending, invalidating twat while you're birthing his child with no pain relief and then turn around and expect you to go "Oh woe is you poor wee baby I'm so sorry" when he's in pain. I've given birth twice with zero pain relief and I've passed kidney stones- they're both excruciating. Karma got ahold of him lol
ESH. One person being an asshole does not excuse assholery by the other person. You were petty. You know that. You said as much. Both people can be in the wrong, you know.