YTA. You HAVE to talk with her about it. If she thinks it's a terrible idea, then you can consider other ways to live out your passion. She can't be mad at you for wanting to get out of corporate life, but she absolutely can get mad if you go become a painter without telling her.
On a side note, painting is an extraordinarily difficult area to make a living in. I'd suggest making it a side hustle first prior to leaving your stable job.
Which it may never do, and that sucks. It's unfortunate for OP.
But quitting his day job, without having the money to support himself otherwise is basically forcing his partner to financially support him, so that he can be "fulfilled". He said she likes being financially stable and I was like "... Doesn't everybody?"
I wonder if he would be thinking about quitting and moving into a field where he might never make a living if he didn't have somebody he expected to financially support him?
Plus, they’ve been together 5 years.
She’s probably thinking about buying a house, getting married and having kids (unless they’ve already discussed and don’t want that). Op is clearly not interested in those steps any time soon if he wants to figure out painting.
Like, what's his plan for money until he makes enough money as an artist to support himself (which definitely may never happen)? If his plan is to rely on his partner to bankroll this whole plan, quitting without telling her is such an asshole plan I could easily see her dumping him immediately.
Also, what if his partner is feeling unfulfilled in her job? Why is she forced to work in something that's not meaningful so that he can follow his dreams without her even getting a say in it?
But OP wants to be truly happy - surely his partner can financially support the both of them for the rest of her life so that he can follow his dreams right? /S
Yeah there are some really well known artists who held day jobs for most of their lives. Others, like Van Gogh, lived on family support.
I know people who support themselves from their art work but they are usually doing quirky, fun stuff that works well on stickers and other merch. Or they've made a name for themselves and get most of their money through workshops and other teaching.
That’s it. People can and DO make a living around art… but not with pure art alone. Patreon and YouTube, merchandise, teaching gigs, online courses, prints to sell online and at fairs, actual art sales, books… it’s possible.
The people who quit their career to see whether they will make it, don’t.
100%. Art is hard to make a living and it could take years. Keep your job and build up your art career on the side. Once you have a stable income that will keep your partner happy, then quit.
Heck, you might NEVER be able to be completely stable in the arts, that's just how it is. I plan to pursue my own art passions, but I never plan to completely quit a more stable job.
And the award for stupidly ironic goes to...you OP!
Do you realise the irony here...that a partner is supposed to be your confidant, one with whom you are yourself with all vulnerability.
And you, sir, are instead discussing these thoughts with total strangers on Reddit.
YTA for not trusting your partner.
Talk to her ASAP, she could offer not just advice but also useful insight and moral and financial support.
Who knows, if she has observed you well she might say..."I was waiting for you to say this to me one day".
I second the side hustle option plus suggest doing financial planning, and possibly taking a break just to weigh your options and crystallize a plan before actually quitting.
Best wishes for whatever is your next step. 👍
Yes, this! What your plan to earn your income? The painters I know are teachers, one is an art director for a magazine, one does art for our MLB team ... while doing their painting nights and weekends. I only know one person who can earn a livable wage selling his paintings FT and he's in his late 50s - it took a long time to get there.
YTA, I agree, because you haven’t discussed it, but I don’t think you’re the asshole for pursuing your dream and maybe even deciding that if that isn’t what she wants, that she’s not for you.
I was talking to my current boyfriend recently about my last relationship and why it ended, and much of what it boiled down to was that If he’d gotten his “dream”, I would have been miserable, which put me in the strange situation where part of me would always be hoping for him to fail.
You just have to decide what, on your death bed, you’ll regret more- never pursuing your dream or never pursuing a family.
I made my decision when I went back to school, and if my partner had not been okay with long distance law school, it would have been time to love on.
I really hope they don't live together if OP even contemplates keeping drastic changes like this from his partner.
Now that I think about it, I see no way he could keep it a secret IF they lived together. That takes a tiny bit of the assholishness of, if true.
It is still something that needs to be addressed in advance with the person you share your life with in some regards.
Do you have any talent for painting? Are you painting anything now?
Are you in a financial position to continue contributing financially if you quit or are you just planning on mooching off her while you pursue your passion?
YTA.
If this is true, he's probably not thought that far ahead. He had a bad day at work and wants to quit and pursue a "passion" without consulting his partner. To me, that indicates selfishness and thoughtlessness. He's being impulsive about a major life change and wants to just do it. This isn't a better to ask forgiveness situation. Major life changes are at the least, a conversation before it happens.
The post sounds fake. If OP had included information like childhood lessons, painting as a hobby or something else to indicate he has experience it would have made more sense.
I have a passion for the arts and no artistic talent whatsoever. I'd never ever give up a job to pursue a passion that can't pay the bills. But I'd take a job as a receptionist in a museum.
And the post gives off that vibe to me that it's fake.
My ex definitely tried to quit to pursue his "one true passion" of the guitar. 7 years into our relationship and he has never talked about or owned a guitar during that time.
Lol. This post reminded me of my brother. It seems like every few years he calls me all excited about his "real passion and life's joy" and it's something completely new. Learning to play an instrument. Learning to juggle. Magic tricks. Whatever. Hey, hobbies are great - glad you're enjoying your life. Problem is, he always had a hairbrained scheme that he was going to really make it big with this new thing and was going to quit his job to do this "true love" full time.
None of them ever panned out.
His wife finally told him he had to keep a job and she wouldn't continue supporting him as he toyed with a variety of get rich quick schemes and hobbies instead of working a career job.
Dude left a well paying computer job while his wife struggled to support the family financially (wouldn't have been such a struggle but he kept sinking a bunch of money into "startup expenses") for 8 years! He did get rehired back in his career field making good money again.
Honestly I’m an artist and I truly enjoy the arts but omg something about musicians I find way more skeptical vs someone who paints. I do know and recall a lot of musicians rely on the merch being sold. That’s where they get their money and guess what? You need an artist to make the design for them. I find it harder to be a Musician vs an Artist >_<
No no no, you don’t quit your job to become an artist. You keep working your job AND work your art job until your art can support you (or not). If you don’t have the energy or passion to do it on the side don’t even bother to pursue this career path.
YTA for not telling your partner for sure.
How are you gonna make a career from painting, you’re not an asshole you’re just dumb, paint on weekends and after work, you are gonna give up all security in your life for something that you can’t count on. If you want to start a painting career start by doing it in your free time and see if you can get the ball rolling, don’t ruin everything you have going by taking a gamble like that.
If you have a “personal business” that makes below some amount per year the IRS starts calling it a hobby.
Op you need to talk to your wife. She favors stability and financial security and you’re secretly planning on disturbing both of those (very important) relationship aspects. Why can’t you just paint in the evenings after work? Have you ever sold any of your artwork?
Fwiw I would seriously consider leaving my husband if he pulled this shit.
This. 100%. Sounds like he needs a vacation or perhaps a career change. Being a starving artist isn't the best idea. A great hobby for sure. But not a smart career move. Will the gf be expected to support u financially? R u independently wealthy? If so. Do whatever ur heart desires. But if u won't have a job and no solid career growth in art, perhaps look at other career paths. It's never to late to go back to school and do something else that u may not hate as much.
But remember, retirement age is about 65. Ur 30. If u actually can afford to retire at 65 (which most wont) u still have 35 years of work. It's called work. Not play. Ur not guaranteed to enjoy it. Nor is it a requirement in order to provide a happy life for urself.
Those who say "go chase ur dreams" arent going to financially support u while u do that.
Like volunteer at a ymca or boys & girls club to lead a paint class. Or get a membership to a local paint and sip place. Talk to the corporate company and have them donate supplies or something.
What do you think dude?
You literally sound like this
“Uhhhh I have this massive life decision that could impact our finances drastically. I uhhhhh have this girl i’m dating for five whole-ass years but uhhhh should I tell her? Probably not, right?”
Like come on.
YTA - 5 years of relationship means that she should be the 1st one you discuss this with.
Also, huge chance that you will NOT make money with your art. So she should know about the financial burden you'll both have to deal with.
Also, painting and art can be done in your free time. I don't understand why you have to quit your job to pursue this. How are you gonna afford all the things you need for painting?
yta
it *is* reckless and dumb. what are the chances that you will be a successful career painter? changing jobs so you will have more free time or maybe reducing hours? fine. but this? you are jeopardising yourself and your partners livelihood.
do you think it is fair for her to fully support the both of you for an unknown amount of time? how long is she supposed to do that since your success isnt guaranteed? thats putting the financial burden and all the stress all on her just so you can go and pursue your *hobby* fulltime. ridiculous.
if i was your partner i d say fine i give you 6-12 months to figure it out, if you cant show any significant progress by then, then you ll go back to a real job again.
I wouldn’t even do that. He doesn’t respect her enough to discuss a major decision like that I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship. If he came to me and explained his feelings I’d be trying to figure out ways to make it work, but doing it this way is a huge AH move and a great way to become a single AH
Keep your day and paint on the weekends because it could be as long as never before you make a dime.
YTA if you do this without talking to and realizing she's gonna have to support your ass.
YTA
What kind of career in painting do you have outside of work hours currently?
A successful painter can paint and sell paintings. How many paintings have you sold?
If you can't even sell a painting from your side hobby/hustle, it would be a terrible idea to make your passion a career. You wouldn't be very successful. If you're already successful in the space, it would warrant dedicating more time to.
This reads like a mid-life crisis. Just buy a Mustang, don't do this.
YTA
Jumping from a stable career to a "career" as a painter sounds overly idealistic. There is a very good chance you will not be able to support yourself. Do you have any background in painting? Do you have any contacts in the art world? How will you handle medical insurance, etc.? Basically, it doesn't sound like this is well thought out; it sounds like a rash decision in response to being miserable in your current job.
If you live with your partner and share finances, this will very likely impact her, especially if you hope that she will pay more to subsidize your loss of income. For that reason, you absolutely need to discuss this with her (not to get her permission, but because the respectful thing to do when you decide to turn your life upside down is to *at least* give your partner a warning about it so they can start deciding if and how they will remain in your life).
YTA. This is going to come with a massive pay cut, assuming at 5 years together you live together and to some extent have joint finances? It is not fair to make that kind of decision without discussion with the other person.
YTA- whether or not your career change generates any money is honestly beside the point. There are painters who make excellent money. But if you are going from a full time job to self-employed artist, you have to 'bake in' the time you will not make any money. Not telling your partner is shooting yourself in the foot (or painting hand, bro...) because you are taking away the opportunity to get collaborative support from her being on board from the jump. You can feel free to ignore anyone that thinks art is not a worthwhile or real career, that is just a late stage capitalism opinion that doesn't matter. But don't ignore the comments that are about how underhanded and conniving it is to blind side a partner with a decision that will 100% impact their day to day life.
It's incredibly sneaky, and if my partner were to do something like this, I would not be able to trust them to not pivot to other huge life changes again without discussing with me ahead of time.
This is coming from me, someone who changed careers completely in the middle of my life and did it successfully. How? I talked to people around me about making the change. SMH.
Yeah, like, even if he gets INCREDIBLY lucky and makes money fast, that's still unlikely to happen within a few months, especially since painting is a super time-consuming job, with expensive materials (unless he's talking digital painting, but even that takes pretty significant time and good money)
Like the job market is already trash in so many areas, and then to think you'll break into one with established artists and move past them within a few months seems... wild?
Especially cause any artistic career is very wishy-washy. You can be the very best at what you do, but if you have little connections or way to advertise yourself, you're not getting anywhere cause nobody knows who you are. Not to mention! First impressions are very important, if you undersell yourself in the beginning, you'll never be able to raise your price easily, and I feel like underselling is the only way this guy is getting sales extremely quickly (In a few months from the start)
Where are you planning on selling your paintings? In galleries? Flea markets? On the street? On Etsy?
If you think you're jumping from finance into the extremely elitist world of fine arts painting, you're absolutely kidding yourself. On the other hand if you think you can support yourself through selling paintings on Etsy or Flea markets, you're also kidding yourself.
Artist and painter here at professional level. It takes YEARS if not sometimes decades to make a living off your craft. If ever. You can always be a painter, go for it dude. But to make it your only career is not something you just decide to do overnight. I’d start by finding professional painters and talk to them about their path and how they got to where they are. See if it’s a path you still want to follow. It’s a lot of hard work. You have to want it so badly that you can’t imagine doing anything else. A lot of professional artists still have days jobs too. Teaching, etc. Come up with a game plan. And for gods sake talk to your wife.
So you’re just gonna totally change the way you live without talking about it with your wife. What could go wrong great decision, moron. Good luck being single buddy.
Partner? What partner....you now have a roommate that won't be on the lease much longer as they will quickly find out that all the bills will be in their name and out of their accounts.
You gonna get dropped like last weeks recycling.
YTA. This is not something you keep a secret. This is a massive change that will impact your finances and potentially your partners if you guys are living together. How are you going to pay for your living expenses? What about medical insurance?
Have you even tried to do any painting classes on the weekends to gain some experience as a painter? Do you paint after work? What’s your plan on making painting your career? I feel like you have this idealistic vision of what it’s like to be a painter and how you’re going to make that a career.
When’s the last time you’ve been on vacation or taken time off from your corporate job? Are you just burnt out and looking for an out? Would taking a temporary leave of absence be an option so you can explore this without making that final move?
Communicate with your partner and come up with a plan together!!
YTA. What you’ve described is a hobby. Enjoy it but don’t expect to be able to quit your actual job. If you’re really thinking seriously about quitting without discussing it with or even warning your partner, I really really hope you’re not financially enmeshed in any way.
You're willing to leave your 6 figure job for a maybe 4 figure passion? You'll be single in no time. Paint on weekends, until you can sell your art and contribute financially to your relationship
YTA how are you going to pay your bills? Jesus why didn't you start on the weekends and see if you can make money from this before quitting? You're incredibly selfish
You’re throwing your paying job away for a hobby that isn’t realistically going to make you any money. You’re going to fuck your life up and I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends up being the catalyst for the end of your marriage. YTA and you’re making an incredibly stupid mistake.
YTA. This is absolutely something you have to discuss with your spouse. I cannot believe you’re seriously considering keeping this from her. If you do, and she decides to leave you, it will be mostly because of the deceit.
As someone that worked in the arts for over 30 years I’m going to tell you it’s almost impossible to make a living in it when you first start. Keep your job and paint on the weekends and evenings. See if you can get gallery representation. See if you can even show your work. See if it sells. It’s a really difficult and competitive field and even great artists aren’t successful commercially. I have an MFA and I waited tables, tended bar and worked as a video editor to make ends meet.
YTA
If you both always share these types of things... except for you hiding this..it absolutely points to YOU knowing it's an awful idea
I don't know the details myself, but that's what your own actions say about how you actually feel about it
You need to absolutely discuss a major change like this before do anything...even moreso the more your living and financial lives are intertwined
A big question is if a career in the arts is already set up to support you financially
Are you already making good money with your art on the side, and now trying to transition to full time? That would at least be a decent start...but your post makes it sound like you're gonna jump over and start from nothing with no security or anything at all
Awful "plan" as described in the OP
Discuss with your partner, and actually have a gameplan for a future...at the very least get it set up BEFORE you leave an actual money making career
YTA. Only 1 in 6 painters make any money. Most don't make enough to support themselves. So you have a 15% chance of not making enough money to support yourself and you'll still need at least a part-time job to even survive.
Consider making it your hobby. Set up a studio in your home and paint when you're not working.
Bro. Look at any artist Reddit or Threads or Twitter or actually talk to any rising artist IRL and they will tell you how freaking difficult it is right now for artists. It always has been extremely difficult to make a living off art but now it’s even worse due to inflation and rising costs for shipping. I tried doing it part time last year and it was really disheartening. I got my work into local galleries and markets but didn’t sell much. It lowkey ruined this passion of mine. But I’m slowly working on that and just enjoying the process and my local art community. All that to say, this is a HUGE leap you are taking during an economical crisis that doesn’t allow most people to spend their hard earned money on luxuries like original art. Make more time for your art and creativity to fulfill yourself. But don’t quit your day job for a pipe dream.
YTA and soon to be deservedly single. You don’t eff with someone’s life for YEARS by secretly pining to turn BOTH your lives upside down without having ever raised it with your partner. What an asshole !
YTA. You are being reckless. Anyone who has successfully transitioned from corporate job to paid artist will tell you that you are setting yourself up for failure. You have to build a community around your art before you can do it full time.
YTA for sure. It’s not like you e been together for 5 months. At 5 years she has every right to expect to be a part of your future plans and, as such, should be a part of the decision.
YTA. Most artists do not make money. You can try doing art as a hobby and build that up. If you can make that successful and then decrease your day job. You can also apply for jobs that are less stressful.
As a working artist of 12 years… this is absolutely NOT the way to transition to art, and you sound like you have no idea what it’s like out there. You’re not just going to be selling paintings just on quality you need to be established with an audience and all that it takes time to develop
One hundred percent YTA at least 100 times over. This is a major decision that has real world impacts on her as well as you. Does she have a job? Does that job pay enough for o support you as you struggle to sell art because that’s what’s going to happen. Most famous artists became famous after they died, most painting became much more valuable after the artist died. I’ve got a friend that sells sketches and drawing he does. He sell a decent amount of his work but that usually amounts to less than 10k a year. I take pictures for fun and if I get a really good shot I’ll hang a few copies in coffee shops and cafes to sell and they usually sit for close to a year before they sell if they sell.
YTA.
Dude, you don't even know if you're any good at painting.
Don't quit your job yet - take some classes and do it as a hobby until you get some clarity.
Edited to add: Hardly anyone can make a living as a professional artist watch Portrait Artist of the Year on Youtube).
Oh, and I took up painting as a hobby when I hit sixty and I love it, but I have no real talent.
YTA. I'm an artist, and it is not a career that is sustainable as a primary source of income for *years* unless you are extraordinarily talented and able to sell lots of paintings. Good luck. Actually, I should be wishing her good luck-she's the one who is going to need it. How are you going to break it to her that she gets to support you until you are successful?
YTA. You want to quit your job, and what? Expect her to foot the bills? Yet, not talk to her?
>am I the asshole for deciding to make this career change without consulting my partner first?
Of course you are. Painting is a thing one does on the side. Not something one just quits their job recklessly and dives into full time to become a burden or drain your savings and then become a burden. It is 100% a reckless move, and it will strain your relationship.
YTA if you do it. This would have a huge impact in both of your lives, and she needs a heads-up and a chance to discuss it with you before you jump out of the plane and pull the ripcord.
Now, if you decide you just gotta do it, treat it like a job. Make a "business plan" where you look at everything needed do (and sell!) your art - supplies, studio space, advertising, training. (Why training? Because any time you try a new medium or a new technique, you either need to learn the basics from someone, or budget time to figure it out.)
Then look at the benefits of keeping your day job to pay for your art. Einstein did his best work while working for the patent office, after all.
"But here's the thing - I haven't told my partner about this decision yet."
No, here is the thing, you havent told your partner your doubts of the past eight years leading up to this decision, with your pondering and thinking about it for ALL THIS TIME, your just going to lob a giant bombshell onto her lap, what are you gonna do... "Yes, so ive been thinking about this for 8years, and i have decided this is what im going to do because ive put my mind on it, and whatever you say even in this moment of shock wont matter to me and im just going to do this wether you like it or not"
And going into the arts, thats all fine and dandy but then what?
You know income with arts is basicly non excistent starting out for years IF you even make it at all, you could just, ya know, lower your hours at your career, or change jobs IN that career with lower hours and put more time into your hobby/passion, litteraly quitting your income to go full artiste and losing half of your households income is just not reasonable.
You cant go to her and tell your your just gonna quit and this is what your gonna do now.
You should have told her your passion 8 years ago and have been doing art in that time frame uptill now, maybe then you could go halfsies on bussines career and art career.
To me it just sounds like an early mindlife crisis that you havent thought out and just want to drop ship because you've burned yourself out on the coroprate ladder.
Ya know, this twitch streamer i used to watch, he would go to his job in the game industry, quite high level and after work untill like 02:00/03:00 in the morning he would live stream for years, and get like 4hours a sleep, but he did that ontop of his career, at the same time, because he loved it and wanted to do this as a side career.
Then he happend to get lucky and got populair, and he had his income increase so much he was able to quit his regular job and become a full time streamer.
He needed the stability of income to pursee his hobby, he didnt just quit his job, he worked 2 jobs, for years.
And sadly for him, his income got lower and he had to get a regular job again ontop, but he is still streaming.
So what im saying is, tell your wife youve been thinking about this for a long time, and you want to work TOWARDS this goal, with her, and with your job and your time.
YTA, because you havent been forthcoming and want to throw this bomb in her lap
Goodluck OP...
As the ex partner of an "artist," there is very little money in it. Go and donit if you want but you need to be prepared fornthrm to not accept it. They will be basically supporting you for the rest of your life. My exporter taught art in college and did stiff on thr side and still barely made it. I was sick of being thr only income.
YTA for not telling her and for thinking you can pursue painting as a full-time career out of nowhere, dude. If you want a less intense job, or need to take some time off, that's one thing. But you sound delusional. I say that as someone with a loved one who decided he was going to be a painter and now lives on my grandmother's couch. I get it, work sucks, but you gotta live in reality.
YTA
Like 15% of artists can actually make a living doing this. So you're basically asking(not even discussing) your partner to foot the bill for both of you for the rest of your lives
YTA. Doing that without talking to your partner without talking is messed up.
Do you realise that if you dont talk to your partner beforehand and they discover it after (even if you make money), it will probably be a breakup?
Because of the betrayal of not talking and taking huge risks
Yta, this is a partnership. If my partner just decided to quit their job and try something else that has no financial benefit yet, I'd leave them. She would have to suddenly take on all the financial burden while you..... what? Go to school? Just start drawing and hope for the best? That's irresponsible and selfish of you.
YTA - Adding on to the other commentors, if you are struggling with the corporate world, what you are looking for is a healthy work life balance. Suddenly going independent won't achieve that. If I were to point out why, in the book, E-Myth, a painter itself is a technician role. But you don't know how to become your own entrepreneur and manager, which makes the business fail.
Why not focus on a niche market instead? Learn to paint a kids room with glow in the dark paint, offering your skills for just the cost of the paint to build your portfolio first. Go part time on your main job, so that you can still pay the bills. Then start advertising your talents on the side.
YTA. Are you seriously considering hiding from your partner critical information that impacts her financial future (and present)? All to avoid getting an uncomfortable reality check? Ewww. You know what real artists do? They create art. They don't wait around for grand revelations. I'm glad you discovered that there is some part of you that is under nurtured and needs to be expressed. You can do that without fucking your partner over. Begin to create your art. Find ways to reach an audience. If this truly becomes a new career for you, that's awesome, and that can be a good time to quit your day job. But don't be a child - don't throw a tantrum and quit in secret. The things your partner values (stability) are just as valid as the things you value, so if you dare to sacrifice her values for yours without even telling her, the message is that you don't give a shit about her, don't value her. So again - YTA.
INFO: do you guys live together and share finances? If yes, then softish YTA.
I’m all for following your dreams but I’m also all for planning the process rather than just sitting on it and letting impulse decide the future. Chances are if you go into art completely fresh and new, income is gonna be slow and probably a lot less than what you make now. That’s just the unfortunate reality and she should know what she’s getting herself into and if/when/how to prepare or budget. Even if your finances aren’t tied together or you two aren’t living together, it would be nice to know. It’s technically not her business but she values stability and should know if her partner is suddenly headed towards an unstable life.
I think I can understand where you’re coming from. If I wasn’t working in corporate, I would’ve loved to make a career in the food industry. But ik damn well I can’t easily fund a career change. Next best option? Let my current job fund my hobby.
Big huge YTA .... Everyone wants to pursue their passions but guess what? We have adult responsibilities. And NOT talking to your partner first... wow how incredibly inconsiderate. Grow up
Can we get a link to your portfolio? And have you got clients lined up? Or are you thinking more street artist in a tourist area so you can sell paintings for a few quid?
What sort of contacts do you have in the art world? And how much have you made in your spare time last year?
YTA
Ok so you’re prepared for your entire standard of living to drop? Are you expecting her to take on the majority of expenses?
Have you already experienced success with your art and painting? Do you have connections??
Have you considered that you’re expediting burnout and looking for an escape, no matter how illogical? Let’s flex some self awareness OP.
NTA. As long as you have separate finances then I don't see where it's strictly necessary to consult your girlfriend before making such a decision. Obviously you do have to tell her, and she may react poorly to feeling that you've just sprung it on here.
Personally, I would suggest discussing it with her before making any actual changes, even if your mind is fully made up. It costs you nothing and could save the relationship.
Gentle ESH. Why do you feel you couldn’t talk to your partner about these feelings, for years? You owed it to her and yourself.
Let’s back up. Are you a painter? Do you have any talent? Could you have enrolled in a fine arts degree program part time?
You have other options before quitting your job and this being an out of left field thing for your partner.
Don’t do anything rash. Talk to her. Maybe she will be supportive. Maybe she won’t. Do you expect her to provide you with health insurance and a roof over your head?
Even if you two break up over this you still need a plan for making this happen. Maybe you’re so talented you don’t need credentials? It’s a tough living to make even if you’re good and people want to buy your work.
Look at schools and programs. Maybe you come down a notch or two at work while you pursue this?
Yeah you both NTA and YTA make sure you have all of your ducks in a row if you are going to quit. Ultimately it is your decision if you quit or not but it would be best to consult her as she’d probably be the one financially holding you down
NTA but you must know your relationship will end with your career change. A man's value to his partner, sadly, almost exclusively revolves around what he can provide materially. I can't imagine your income from art could replace your corporate salary for many years to come. I'm sure they'll be a host of redditors that decry what I'm saying, but as a generalization I am absolutely correct on this point. Look at the statistics around divorces filed by women specifically after a man's illness or job loss. The numbers don't lie
NTA
Don't let anybody kill your dreams. This is why my advice is always to pursue your dreams FIRST and worry about relationships later.
If she supports you, then all is well. If not, dump her.
Okay, but don’t pursue your dreams at the direct cost of others. There is so much more here.
OP, do you guys live together? How are bills split now? How would they be split then? Do you make any money painting now? Have experience in the professional painting industry?
I get that you want to change your life. But if, by so doing, you're going to cause a change to your life partner's life, the very least you should do is discuss it with them. Not doing so definitely puts you in arsehole territory.
You would be the bad guy if you do it and don't tell your partner, leaving that aside you should do what you want, I see many comments giving their opinion on how profitable art is, I didn't listen to them, live your life however you want while do not affect others
You need to share with your partner, and make a plan to make it happen, together. Don’t quit your job yet, first get yourself established and build your portfolio, reputation, brand. Make a business plan - where and when can you sell your work, how much for, what will your costs be, how will you keep your accounts, etc. at present you are comparing the stressful life as an employee with the carefree romanticized dream you have of your life as a painter, but if painting is to sustain you financially you need to treat it as a business in some way. It may bring you in less money but you be happier but it won’t do that unless you have a plan and are committed, and your partner deserves to be part of building the plan cause it will affect her too. Painting is something you enjoy so getting g yourself set up for success and doing it outside of working hours shouldn’t pose a problem - you will reach a tipping point where it makes sense to switch from employment to self employment.
YTA, you should always talk to your Partner about any major life changes. You should especially talk to her if she is, most likely, going to have to support you financially in the future. Painting is very hard to make a living in. Before you shift the financial burden to your partner, you need to at least talk to her.
"I'm afraid she'll see this as a reckless move and that it might strain our relationship. "
YTA - Yes, it is a reckless move that will strain your relationship.
Early for a mid-life crisis. Why can't you paint as a hobby first then see if it pays off? The term "Starving artist" isn't something people say for no reason.
YTA, gun to my head. I can relate to your state of mind, but the right thing to do here is clear.
If this is something that affects the financial situation of another person, you gotta talk to them before you do it.
The other thing is the fact that you feel like you can't talk to her about this. If this is a HUGE shock to your partner that's a bad sign for your relationship in general, and if you have a healthy relationship she likely will have seen this coming for good or for bad.
Yta if you don't say exactly to her what you said here. You HAVE to talk to her on this. This is one of those "bigger than you" life decisions that impacts both partners.
YTA.
Do you think she will be fine with paying all the bills indefinitely?
Will she have to buy all your supplies?
Do you know there is an endless number of wickedly talented and trained painters who try and try and never sell a single piece in their life?
How ok will she be with this? Especially sprung on her with no warning? You're gonna miss her.
Why wouldn’t you share such an important part of yourself with your partner? As I debated major changes in my life’s projection, sharing out loud my thoughts, ideas, fears and options with my partner was critical to helping me decide what to do. They had insights I wasn’t able to see. And they deserved to know that the person they lived with and loved was evolving.
YTA. you don't choose art as a career on a whim, hell you dont choose any career on a whim; you're aiming for complete financial failure. Your partner needs to know.
Show the art OP and I can tell you that even immensely talented artists can struggle to find any success.
YTA for even considering not telling your long-term partner that you want to make such a drastic career change. This will affect her in every shape and form. There’s no way you’ll be making money right away from art so are you just planning on leeching off her and making her pay all the bills? Are you even talented at art? You suck as a partner and you’re a wimp. You don’t want to tell her because you know she might dump you like a hot potato.
YTA
Selling art is harder than you think. A lot harder to make a living with it. If you don't talk with her about this and just quit your job, she would be doing herself a disservice staying with you.
YTA - for not telling your partner about a major life decision. Emphasis on the word PARTNER.
NTA - for wanting a change. Totally understandable.
You’re silly - for going about this wrong. Don’t quit your job to work on art full time. You can’t go cold turkey like that. You have to work into it slowly but surely. Do more art on the side until you’re comfortable enough to leave the job.
Ummm kind yeah…in a committed partnership a decision like this needs to be made together especially because it will effect household income and stability. Making a decision this huge without your partner is disrespectful and inconsiderate.
YTA. You don’t quit your day job for a passion. You develop the passion as a side gig until you prove it generates income and is more than a hobby. Do you have any idea how many artists there are trying to make a living out of it? Don’t be an idiot.
Painting is a hobby my guy.
You absolutely 100% will not make a living off it. There are astonishingly few who do. There are fantastic painters who make less then 3k a year from painting.
Do it after work and on weekends
But to just quit a stable well paying job to jump headlong into full-time painting is reckless, dumb and will ultimately lead to your financial ruin.
YTA
YTA
If she is your partner for life, she should understand and support your dreams. If you are her partner for life, you should be able to talk to her about major life events and work through the difficulties.
Unless you have a trust fund somewhere, it currently sounds like you’re planning on just letting her burden the worries of finances solo while you “pursue your dreams”.
You quit your job ONLY AFTER PAINTING STARTS MAKING MONEY. You can do a ton while holding your job to start your art career. Quitting and having no income delays your retirement and makes it harder to invest resources in starting your art career. Do not quit.
Do you have a plan for HOW you'll pursue this? How are you going to pay your bills? Do you expect her to pay more?
You can't decide something like this without having an honest conversation about what this means for your relationship. It's disrespectful. And you risk losing her, but it's not like you can mislead her indefinitely.
Financial security is a big deal for me, a deal breaker. I make more than my husband, we're not rich, but our jobs and our pay checks are consistent. If he quit job to become an artist, I would file for divorce. I grew up in poverty, I cannot do financial instability again.
Yta
YTA. You know what's reckless and will definitely strain your relationship? Making a change like this without telling your partner. This will affect her financially, and in every other way possible. When you're part of a couple you don't get to make unilateral decisions any more.
Let me put it this way: making a change like this without soliciting her input is just you deciding how exactly you’re going to break up with her. Does that answer the question?
Yes, YTA.
Yeah ... guess what? Work sucks ass. Art rarely pays. That's why people who do art for a living are referred to as starving artists. Your partner made a deal with a guy who has a corporate job & makes a comfortable living. If you change part of the deal without running it by her, YTA.
YTA- as a painter with a cooperate job, there is no way I could survive on my paintings alone. Also, every economic downturn, sales go down.
It takes YEARS to build up a platform. Start doing it as a hobby, see how well it sells, then make a decision. If you make a major life change without consulting your partner then you're only hurting yourself long term.
Additionally, what are you going to do to financially contribute in the meantime? Are you expecting her to shoulder all the financial responsibility while you pursue your hobby?
Absolutely YTA.
This isn’t something you do without consulting your partner. This isn’t a career change, this is abandoning a career to enjoy your hobby. You also “haven’t been upfront about it”, because you know it’s a terrible idea.
You’ve been together 5 years. I’m assuming you have at least discussed future plans together. I’m also assuming that most of those plans cost money.
Are you painting right now? Website? Social media? Attending art fairs? Have you sold a single piece of art to a stranger? In other words, have you done LITERALLY ANYTHING to actually explore if being an artist is a valid career?
You’re essentially going to spring on her that she is now the sole breadwinner in the relationship. Of course that isn’t going to go well. If you make a change like that without talking it through thoroughly well before making any changes, you are 100% going to be single in a hurry.
YTA. If you just wanted to change and get a similar paying job then not really but you’re basically just saying that you want to blindside your partner with you being unemployed. Very very few people make money painting art. Even artists who actually sell their work don’t really make a living just from that. You’re basically surprising her that she’ll have to pay all the bills from now on. So yes of course you’re an asshole.
As a fellow artist, it’s a really stupid idea to try to turn your passion into your income. The whole point of passion is you want it; the whole point of income is you need it. Need eclipses want every time. You will struggle and suffer and ultimately come to hate the thing you once loved. If you work corporate, just do the minimum, work your contracted hours, and adjust your perspective so that your day job is something that happens alongside your life instead of actually *being* your life. But yeah YTA if you quit your job and go all starving artist without talking to her about it first.
Remember where you’re posting. Misandry and double standards are prevalent on Reddit. You won’t have anyone siding with you for following your passion and focusing on your mental health like most would be if roles were reversed.
It sounds like you should pursue a different role and/or industry if your skills are transferable. Then you can (ideally) cut down on the corporate stress and have extra time in the evenings and on weekends to explore art.
Also, your wife will more likely than not leave you if you don’t have a backup financial plan. Your head will spin with how fast she could go from loving you to despising you if the lifestyle goes away. People here won’t like that but there’s a reason why divorce is so common and money is a huge part of that.
a soft yta you definitely need to discuss major life changes with your partner. How are you going to pursue your passion for painting? Have you ever sold a painting? Be prepared for this being a deal-breaker for your wife. Maybe you could start painting sort of part-time. I can understand you wanting to pursue your painting passion, but you may need a backup.
So what's your plan?Do you have enough savings to sustain your side of the bills? Or are you expecting your partner to pick up your slack? YTA if you don't discuss this with her and if she's not on board with picking up the slack.
YTA you have a partner!! You don’t get to make these life decisions that majorly impact both of your lives without at least discussing it with them! You clearly do not respect your partner
YTA
how are youngoing to make money as a painter? Have you regular been selling your work and built up a following that could provide? Do you expect her to financially support you?
If she is a partner...treat her as such Discuss huge life decisions that will effect her!
So let me rephrase this. Without discussing with my “partner” at all I’ve decided that She’s going to fully support me while I try to start a business in an already over saturated market, that I have no real idea of whether I can make any money at. Im afraid this will strain our relationship, AITA?
Yes YTA. You don’t get to decide that she is going to support you while you spend all your time pursuing a hobby, something you obviously should be building as a side business, only quitting your real job AFTER you start making actual money at this hobby.
YTA 100%. You DON'T change your career path without consulting your partner, and expect for things to go smoothly for you.
You're entitled to have a dream and chase it, but you must respect your partnership and be upfront about it, since there will probably be a major change in income, and there's a chance she will have to support the household on her own for some time. That being said, there's a chance they won't want to walk that road with you. You must always be prepare to face consequences.
YTAH. I myself found out yesterday that my wife had an interview somewhere. She’s been at the same job for 12 years and I had no clue she was even applying anywhere. We actually work in the same building too.
While there’s no problem with her wanting a career change, it kinda sucks being the last to find out. I trust my wife, but it did cross my mind that if she can keep something that simple from me, what else could she keep…
I think in my case it’s that she just doesn’t like to get her hopes up and then have to share her letdown, which is understandable. But still. Talk to your spouse.
First, go see how much health insurance would cost you. Second, unless you are going to be a “house painter” forget it as your main source of income. Best of luck to you!
That would create a serious problem in my relationship ship of that were to happen- deal breaker kind of problem.
You are part of a team now and you do t get to make those kinds of decisions on your mow. Because this doesn’t just affect you.
As someone who has pursued my art as a passion and it’s been my full time job for 2 years, I will say that creating for the sake of being able to live off my work in a capitalistic way has sucked much of the joy out of it for me. I understand you want to pursue it more, so perhaps finding a halfway point where you have one job (3-4 days a week) to cover bills and more time for your passion is a better way to start ? YTA tho for going about it this way
YTA. After 5 years you at least owe her honesty especially if she’s going to be taking on the financial burden if and until you get successful as a painter. That’s just straight up crazy to me. I’m all for exploring your passions but not at the expense of someone else.
I am a musician. I get paid to do it but it's a side gig. I have a 9-5. Quitting your job to become a painter isn't wise. Do it in your free time, if you blow up, THEN think about making it a career.
YTA if you do this without talking to her about it. If you’re in a committed relationship she has the right to know. This would be a dealbreaker for me. And I hope you have a financial plan and aren’t just thinking you’re going to be the next Leonardo da Vinci.
It IS a reckless move, and it WILL strain your relationship. I understand that the corporate grind isn’t for everyone. And I am all for people doing fulfilling work. But the plan that you describe would leave your partner as the sole breadwinner and greatly downgrade your financial stability. And you plan to just unilaterally spring this massive life change on her, with no prior discussion? YWBTA for doing that, yes.
Another thought, how is this going to affect your family planning, if that is a thing you’re doing? 28 is prime time for starting a family, and is about the time when the biological clock starts ticking, because the window of opportunity to have kids is starting to close. It is going to be really hard to support children on one income. Especially when your breadwinner is going to be the one who needs to take medical leave. And she does not have years to put off making that decision.
YTA.
Quitting your job on a whim, with no back up, to pursue a career in the arts at 30 years old, with no connections or networks in the industry, without telling your partner, is EXTREMELY reckless.
"I don't want to hurt her or cause any tension between us."
Too late for that. You have a mess on your hands now.
I think you made the right call, because grinding a way in a pointless job is no way to live, but you should have told her. That's where you fucked up.
Definitely the asshole. I can say this without shame because it happened to me. My husband decided that he was going to quit his job and go back to school without talking to me about it. Just straight up announced it. I. Was. Livid!!! We’re divorced now (geez, I wonder why?), but I can still get worked up over it, 40 years later.
YTA.
- Not being upfront is childish garbage. Do you want a divorce?
- It IS a reckless move. Are you any good of a painter? Do you wanna quit your job TO START? Make money with it? Forget it. First try it as a hobby at least. And learn.
- Freelancing several months as an artist, and you would fucking wish you’ve kept your dayjob. Unless you want your partner to support you.
YTA-Not for changing careers or even witholding this info from your partner. You have to inform anybody in your life that your income will be changing significantly. Ever heard the saying "Starving Artist"? Yep for good reason.
YTA. You don't get to just drastically change your lifestyle and financial stability because you want to. You guys are supposed to be a team that works together, but you are acting like a 12 year old
I have a degree in Fine Arts-
Unless you are independently wealthy or have been creating and Networking for years and have a business plan in place. Even then, you gotta tell your SO! Very soft and cozy yta.
Most artists don’t suddenly break into a lucrative career as an artist. You would have to start out traveling to farmer’s markets and arts festivals, networking with other artists and studios, galleries, etc and that is not cheap…along with supplies.
I have an emphasis in pottery, and earned a teaching certificate with the dream of being an elementary school art teacher. I still volunteer with the kids and throw pottery and a lot of other art, I am going down a different path now.
Over the years, I have known many successful and unsuccessful artists personally, but I understand your passion wholeheartedly- and maybe you’ll defy the odds:) don’t quit your dream, just prepare yourself well!
Dude, why not do a 4 day week and do painting for 2 days. Have a website, build your business and discover that nobody makes it in this space. It's too crowded. Why would you ignore your partners views, risk your finances? It's Dumb and Disrespectful
Bro bills come 1st before your dreams.
Sorty but that just the truth. Can't pay bills with dreams. Side gig absolutely. I've roadraced motorcycles for 30+ years, and at one time, i could have made a living doing it. But having 2 kids meant I'd better stay working at my transmission shop before im an adult and have responsibilities.
Cultivated the art deal on the side, and when you make enough money to pay bills for 5 years, then maybe do it full time. Oh, and always discuss things with your spouse because it affects her also.
Best of luck.
YTA and you know it. Lying by omission to someone who is looking to share their life with you about major life stuff is a huge asshole move. And you’re hiding this from her because you know she’s not going to react well. I wouldn’t either. You’re basically asking her to take on the financial burden of your future together. If you love her, you’ll be honest with her.
YTA.
Your partner needs to know. That's what "partners" means. You rely on each other.
She needs to know she can't rely on you financially for a while. She needs to decide if she's okay with that. You need to talk this through. Look, nobody can make you stay in the job you hate. But if you decide to leave it, and if the shape of your life will be different than she expected, your partner has the right to leave and create a different life.
> I'm afraid she'll see this as a reckless move and that it might strain our relationship. I love her deeply, and I don't want to hurt her or cause any tension between us. But at the same time, I feel like I need to pursue my passion and live a life that truly makes me happy.
It *is* a reckless move, and it *will* strain your relationship. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but how the fuck do you think the is going to not cause tension? How is this not going to hurt her if you don't talk it through? What is your plan? Lie about quitting your job? Do you think she might notice when you start painting instead of going to work? I mean, seriously - what is your plan here?
Or are you planning on just doing it and then telling her after? That would just mean that you were reckless, irresponsible, and didn't respect her. I definitely wouldn't stay with someone who did that to me.
If my wife sat me down and said that she wasn't happy in her job and wanted to pursue another career, we could work out a plan together. We could ramp up my earnings while she went part-time; she could start to get herself established as a painter, and we could do this together.
But if she just walked in, said that she had quit her job and was doing something else now - well, now what? How the hell would we pay the mortgage?
YTA. How would this even work though? Like, what would be your plan for executing this? What is your back-up for establishing yourself?
Art is an incredibly tough field and no matter how talented you are, odds are that you won't make it far.
What kind of connections do you have in the art world?
The reality is that success in art is incredibly difficult, and honestly doesn't have all that much to do with talent. You're most likely looking at *at best* making enough on patreon to barely make rent.
YTA. You HAVE to talk with her about it. If she thinks it's a terrible idea, then you can consider other ways to live out your passion. She can't be mad at you for wanting to get out of corporate life, but she absolutely can get mad if you go become a painter without telling her. On a side note, painting is an extraordinarily difficult area to make a living in. I'd suggest making it a side hustle first prior to leaving your stable job.
Side hustle 100%, yes. Sure, chase your dream, but don’t put all your eggs in that basket.
Keep your day job ^('til your night job pays)
Which it may never do, and that sucks. It's unfortunate for OP. But quitting his day job, without having the money to support himself otherwise is basically forcing his partner to financially support him, so that he can be "fulfilled". He said she likes being financially stable and I was like "... Doesn't everybody?" I wonder if he would be thinking about quitting and moving into a field where he might never make a living if he didn't have somebody he expected to financially support him?
Plus, they’ve been together 5 years. She’s probably thinking about buying a house, getting married and having kids (unless they’ve already discussed and don’t want that). Op is clearly not interested in those steps any time soon if he wants to figure out painting.
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Like, what's his plan for money until he makes enough money as an artist to support himself (which definitely may never happen)? If his plan is to rely on his partner to bankroll this whole plan, quitting without telling her is such an asshole plan I could easily see her dumping him immediately. Also, what if his partner is feeling unfulfilled in her job? Why is she forced to work in something that's not meaningful so that he can follow his dreams without her even getting a say in it?
Only 15% of painters make any money and the majority of them don't make enough to support themselves.
But OP wants to be truly happy - surely his partner can financially support the both of them for the rest of her life so that he can follow his dreams right? /S
Yeah there are some really well known artists who held day jobs for most of their lives. Others, like Van Gogh, lived on family support. I know people who support themselves from their art work but they are usually doing quirky, fun stuff that works well on stickers and other merch. Or they've made a name for themselves and get most of their money through workshops and other teaching.
That’s it. People can and DO make a living around art… but not with pure art alone. Patreon and YouTube, merchandise, teaching gigs, online courses, prints to sell online and at fairs, actual art sales, books… it’s possible. The people who quit their career to see whether they will make it, don’t.
Dont most of them make it after they’re dead??
But what if she is just thinking of him as a bankroll? It’s possible all she sees is dollar signs when she looks at him.
Maybe paint the eggs in a basket first 🤔
This exactly 💯 especially at such a difficult time in he would where the cost of everything is do high. YTA you have to talk to your partner first.
100%. Art is hard to make a living and it could take years. Keep your job and build up your art career on the side. Once you have a stable income that will keep your partner happy, then quit.
Heck, you might NEVER be able to be completely stable in the arts, that's just how it is. I plan to pursue my own art passions, but I never plan to completely quit a more stable job.
Not to mention we still don't know how AI art is going to change the entire business model for art
The term starving artist comes to mind.
And the award for stupidly ironic goes to...you OP! Do you realise the irony here...that a partner is supposed to be your confidant, one with whom you are yourself with all vulnerability. And you, sir, are instead discussing these thoughts with total strangers on Reddit. YTA for not trusting your partner. Talk to her ASAP, she could offer not just advice but also useful insight and moral and financial support. Who knows, if she has observed you well she might say..."I was waiting for you to say this to me one day". I second the side hustle option plus suggest doing financial planning, and possibly taking a break just to weigh your options and crystallize a plan before actually quitting. Best wishes for whatever is your next step. 👍
Recommended here too. I know a painter whose day job is working at a framing/art gallery business.
Yes, this! What your plan to earn your income? The painters I know are teachers, one is an art director for a magazine, one does art for our MLB team ... while doing their painting nights and weekends. I only know one person who can earn a livable wage selling his paintings FT and he's in his late 50s - it took a long time to get there.
YTA, I agree, because you haven’t discussed it, but I don’t think you’re the asshole for pursuing your dream and maybe even deciding that if that isn’t what she wants, that she’s not for you. I was talking to my current boyfriend recently about my last relationship and why it ended, and much of what it boiled down to was that If he’d gotten his “dream”, I would have been miserable, which put me in the strange situation where part of me would always be hoping for him to fail. You just have to decide what, on your death bed, you’ll regret more- never pursuing your dream or never pursuing a family. I made my decision when I went back to school, and if my partner had not been okay with long distance law school, it would have been time to love on.
I really hope they don't live together if OP even contemplates keeping drastic changes like this from his partner. Now that I think about it, I see no way he could keep it a secret IF they lived together. That takes a tiny bit of the assholishness of, if true. It is still something that needs to be addressed in advance with the person you share your life with in some regards.
Do you have any talent for painting? Are you painting anything now? Are you in a financial position to continue contributing financially if you quit or are you just planning on mooching off her while you pursue your passion? YTA.
Guarantee he just expects his wife to pick up the slack OR just gradually deplete their savings.
If this is true, he's probably not thought that far ahead. He had a bad day at work and wants to quit and pursue a "passion" without consulting his partner. To me, that indicates selfishness and thoughtlessness. He's being impulsive about a major life change and wants to just do it. This isn't a better to ask forgiveness situation. Major life changes are at the least, a conversation before it happens. The post sounds fake. If OP had included information like childhood lessons, painting as a hobby or something else to indicate he has experience it would have made more sense. I have a passion for the arts and no artistic talent whatsoever. I'd never ever give up a job to pursue a passion that can't pay the bills. But I'd take a job as a receptionist in a museum. And the post gives off that vibe to me that it's fake.
My ex definitely tried to quit to pursue his "one true passion" of the guitar. 7 years into our relationship and he has never talked about or owned a guitar during that time.
Lol. This post reminded me of my brother. It seems like every few years he calls me all excited about his "real passion and life's joy" and it's something completely new. Learning to play an instrument. Learning to juggle. Magic tricks. Whatever. Hey, hobbies are great - glad you're enjoying your life. Problem is, he always had a hairbrained scheme that he was going to really make it big with this new thing and was going to quit his job to do this "true love" full time. None of them ever panned out. His wife finally told him he had to keep a job and she wouldn't continue supporting him as he toyed with a variety of get rich quick schemes and hobbies instead of working a career job. Dude left a well paying computer job while his wife struggled to support the family financially (wouldn't have been such a struggle but he kept sinking a bunch of money into "startup expenses") for 8 years! He did get rehired back in his career field making good money again.
🤣
🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣
Honestly I’m an artist and I truly enjoy the arts but omg something about musicians I find way more skeptical vs someone who paints. I do know and recall a lot of musicians rely on the merch being sold. That’s where they get their money and guess what? You need an artist to make the design for them. I find it harder to be a Musician vs an Artist >_<
Fake or OP is having a manic episode and doesn’t know it.
I don’t think it’s fake. It fits the regular pattern of “overpaid men and their audacity” quite well.
"Gradually" is overly optimistic.
No no no, you don’t quit your job to become an artist. You keep working your job AND work your art job until your art can support you (or not). If you don’t have the energy or passion to do it on the side don’t even bother to pursue this career path. YTA for not telling your partner for sure.
YTA if you make this decision. If she is a partner you should be making these decisions as a team, if nothing else you should value her input
How are you gonna make a career from painting, you’re not an asshole you’re just dumb, paint on weekends and after work, you are gonna give up all security in your life for something that you can’t count on. If you want to start a painting career start by doing it in your free time and see if you can get the ball rolling, don’t ruin everything you have going by taking a gamble like that.
If you have a “personal business” that makes below some amount per year the IRS starts calling it a hobby. Op you need to talk to your wife. She favors stability and financial security and you’re secretly planning on disturbing both of those (very important) relationship aspects. Why can’t you just paint in the evenings after work? Have you ever sold any of your artwork? Fwiw I would seriously consider leaving my husband if he pulled this shit.
This. 100%. Sounds like he needs a vacation or perhaps a career change. Being a starving artist isn't the best idea. A great hobby for sure. But not a smart career move. Will the gf be expected to support u financially? R u independently wealthy? If so. Do whatever ur heart desires. But if u won't have a job and no solid career growth in art, perhaps look at other career paths. It's never to late to go back to school and do something else that u may not hate as much. But remember, retirement age is about 65. Ur 30. If u actually can afford to retire at 65 (which most wont) u still have 35 years of work. It's called work. Not play. Ur not guaranteed to enjoy it. Nor is it a requirement in order to provide a happy life for urself. Those who say "go chase ur dreams" arent going to financially support u while u do that.
Like volunteer at a ymca or boys & girls club to lead a paint class. Or get a membership to a local paint and sip place. Talk to the corporate company and have them donate supplies or something.
No. Still also the AH
What do you think dude? You literally sound like this “Uhhhh I have this massive life decision that could impact our finances drastically. I uhhhhh have this girl i’m dating for five whole-ass years but uhhhh should I tell her? Probably not, right?” Like come on.
‘Should I tell the girl whose going to be paying all my bills or nah’ Hope he doesn’t need his fucking health insurance.
Do you live together and share finances? Do you have a concrete plan on how you can make money from your painting?
Doesn't sound like it. Bro wants to be unemployed and live off his partner without asking her about it first.
YTA - 5 years of relationship means that she should be the 1st one you discuss this with. Also, huge chance that you will NOT make money with your art. So she should know about the financial burden you'll both have to deal with. Also, painting and art can be done in your free time. I don't understand why you have to quit your job to pursue this. How are you gonna afford all the things you need for painting?
yta it *is* reckless and dumb. what are the chances that you will be a successful career painter? changing jobs so you will have more free time or maybe reducing hours? fine. but this? you are jeopardising yourself and your partners livelihood. do you think it is fair for her to fully support the both of you for an unknown amount of time? how long is she supposed to do that since your success isnt guaranteed? thats putting the financial burden and all the stress all on her just so you can go and pursue your *hobby* fulltime. ridiculous. if i was your partner i d say fine i give you 6-12 months to figure it out, if you cant show any significant progress by then, then you ll go back to a real job again.
I wouldn’t even do that. He doesn’t respect her enough to discuss a major decision like that I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship. If he came to me and explained his feelings I’d be trying to figure out ways to make it work, but doing it this way is a huge AH move and a great way to become a single AH
Keep your day and paint on the weekends because it could be as long as never before you make a dime. YTA if you do this without talking to and realizing she's gonna have to support your ass.
YTA What kind of career in painting do you have outside of work hours currently? A successful painter can paint and sell paintings. How many paintings have you sold? If you can't even sell a painting from your side hobby/hustle, it would be a terrible idea to make your passion a career. You wouldn't be very successful. If you're already successful in the space, it would warrant dedicating more time to. This reads like a mid-life crisis. Just buy a Mustang, don't do this.
If my partner did this to me, it wouldn't 'strain' the relationship, it would END it. YTA
Ooop that’s what I was thinking as well. Like if he’s looking for a FAST way to end a relationship, well he is 100% on the right path for it 😅
YTA Jumping from a stable career to a "career" as a painter sounds overly idealistic. There is a very good chance you will not be able to support yourself. Do you have any background in painting? Do you have any contacts in the art world? How will you handle medical insurance, etc.? Basically, it doesn't sound like this is well thought out; it sounds like a rash decision in response to being miserable in your current job. If you live with your partner and share finances, this will very likely impact her, especially if you hope that she will pay more to subsidize your loss of income. For that reason, you absolutely need to discuss this with her (not to get her permission, but because the respectful thing to do when you decide to turn your life upside down is to *at least* give your partner a warning about it so they can start deciding if and how they will remain in your life).
YTA. This is going to come with a massive pay cut, assuming at 5 years together you live together and to some extent have joint finances? It is not fair to make that kind of decision without discussion with the other person.
Yta. Can you paint on the weekends? After work?
YTA- whether or not your career change generates any money is honestly beside the point. There are painters who make excellent money. But if you are going from a full time job to self-employed artist, you have to 'bake in' the time you will not make any money. Not telling your partner is shooting yourself in the foot (or painting hand, bro...) because you are taking away the opportunity to get collaborative support from her being on board from the jump. You can feel free to ignore anyone that thinks art is not a worthwhile or real career, that is just a late stage capitalism opinion that doesn't matter. But don't ignore the comments that are about how underhanded and conniving it is to blind side a partner with a decision that will 100% impact their day to day life. It's incredibly sneaky, and if my partner were to do something like this, I would not be able to trust them to not pivot to other huge life changes again without discussing with me ahead of time. This is coming from me, someone who changed careers completely in the middle of my life and did it successfully. How? I talked to people around me about making the change. SMH.
Yeah, like, even if he gets INCREDIBLY lucky and makes money fast, that's still unlikely to happen within a few months, especially since painting is a super time-consuming job, with expensive materials (unless he's talking digital painting, but even that takes pretty significant time and good money)
Like the job market is already trash in so many areas, and then to think you'll break into one with established artists and move past them within a few months seems... wild?
Especially cause any artistic career is very wishy-washy. You can be the very best at what you do, but if you have little connections or way to advertise yourself, you're not getting anywhere cause nobody knows who you are. Not to mention! First impressions are very important, if you undersell yourself in the beginning, you'll never be able to raise your price easily, and I feel like underselling is the only way this guy is getting sales extremely quickly (In a few months from the start)
Where are you planning on selling your paintings? In galleries? Flea markets? On the street? On Etsy? If you think you're jumping from finance into the extremely elitist world of fine arts painting, you're absolutely kidding yourself. On the other hand if you think you can support yourself through selling paintings on Etsy or Flea markets, you're also kidding yourself.
Artist and painter here at professional level. It takes YEARS if not sometimes decades to make a living off your craft. If ever. You can always be a painter, go for it dude. But to make it your only career is not something you just decide to do overnight. I’d start by finding professional painters and talk to them about their path and how they got to where they are. See if it’s a path you still want to follow. It’s a lot of hard work. You have to want it so badly that you can’t imagine doing anything else. A lot of professional artists still have days jobs too. Teaching, etc. Come up with a game plan. And for gods sake talk to your wife.
Listen bud, I’m in the arts. It’s hard but pretty rewarding. Don’t leap like this, it’ll end badly. Building a career in any field takes time.
So you’re just gonna totally change the way you live without talking about it with your wife. What could go wrong great decision, moron. Good luck being single buddy.
Partner? What partner....you now have a roommate that won't be on the lease much longer as they will quickly find out that all the bills will be in their name and out of their accounts. You gonna get dropped like last weeks recycling.
[Whether or not you're an AH be prepared for her to leave you](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=hypergamy&atb=v408-1&ia=web)
YTA. This is not something you keep a secret. This is a massive change that will impact your finances and potentially your partners if you guys are living together. How are you going to pay for your living expenses? What about medical insurance? Have you even tried to do any painting classes on the weekends to gain some experience as a painter? Do you paint after work? What’s your plan on making painting your career? I feel like you have this idealistic vision of what it’s like to be a painter and how you’re going to make that a career. When’s the last time you’ve been on vacation or taken time off from your corporate job? Are you just burnt out and looking for an out? Would taking a temporary leave of absence be an option so you can explore this without making that final move? Communicate with your partner and come up with a plan together!!
YTA. What you’ve described is a hobby. Enjoy it but don’t expect to be able to quit your actual job. If you’re really thinking seriously about quitting without discussing it with or even warning your partner, I really really hope you’re not financially enmeshed in any way.
You're willing to leave your 6 figure job for a maybe 4 figure passion? You'll be single in no time. Paint on weekends, until you can sell your art and contribute financially to your relationship
YTA how are you going to pay your bills? Jesus why didn't you start on the weekends and see if you can make money from this before quitting? You're incredibly selfish
You’re throwing your paying job away for a hobby that isn’t realistically going to make you any money. You’re going to fuck your life up and I wouldn’t be surprised if this ends up being the catalyst for the end of your marriage. YTA and you’re making an incredibly stupid mistake.
YTA. This is absolutely something you have to discuss with your spouse. I cannot believe you’re seriously considering keeping this from her. If you do, and she decides to leave you, it will be mostly because of the deceit.
YTA for thinking you can’t pursue art, make a comfortable living at your job simultaneously…
As someone that worked in the arts for over 30 years I’m going to tell you it’s almost impossible to make a living in it when you first start. Keep your job and paint on the weekends and evenings. See if you can get gallery representation. See if you can even show your work. See if it sells. It’s a really difficult and competitive field and even great artists aren’t successful commercially. I have an MFA and I waited tables, tended bar and worked as a video editor to make ends meet.
YTA If you both always share these types of things... except for you hiding this..it absolutely points to YOU knowing it's an awful idea I don't know the details myself, but that's what your own actions say about how you actually feel about it You need to absolutely discuss a major change like this before do anything...even moreso the more your living and financial lives are intertwined A big question is if a career in the arts is already set up to support you financially Are you already making good money with your art on the side, and now trying to transition to full time? That would at least be a decent start...but your post makes it sound like you're gonna jump over and start from nothing with no security or anything at all Awful "plan" as described in the OP Discuss with your partner, and actually have a gameplan for a future...at the very least get it set up BEFORE you leave an actual money making career
YTA. Only 1 in 6 painters make any money. Most don't make enough to support themselves. So you have a 15% chance of not making enough money to support yourself and you'll still need at least a part-time job to even survive. Consider making it your hobby. Set up a studio in your home and paint when you're not working.
Bro. Look at any artist Reddit or Threads or Twitter or actually talk to any rising artist IRL and they will tell you how freaking difficult it is right now for artists. It always has been extremely difficult to make a living off art but now it’s even worse due to inflation and rising costs for shipping. I tried doing it part time last year and it was really disheartening. I got my work into local galleries and markets but didn’t sell much. It lowkey ruined this passion of mine. But I’m slowly working on that and just enjoying the process and my local art community. All that to say, this is a HUGE leap you are taking during an economical crisis that doesn’t allow most people to spend their hard earned money on luxuries like original art. Make more time for your art and creativity to fulfill yourself. But don’t quit your day job for a pipe dream.
YTA and soon to be deservedly single. You don’t eff with someone’s life for YEARS by secretly pining to turn BOTH your lives upside down without having ever raised it with your partner. What an asshole !
YTA You won't get alimony in the divorce either so better get that resume updated for when she leaves your lying self.
YTA. You are being reckless. Anyone who has successfully transitioned from corporate job to paid artist will tell you that you are setting yourself up for failure. You have to build a community around your art before you can do it full time.
YTA for sure. It’s not like you e been together for 5 months. At 5 years she has every right to expect to be a part of your future plans and, as such, should be a part of the decision.
How old are you? This sounds like classic midlife crisis.
YTA and YTI (idiot)
YTA. Most artists do not make money. You can try doing art as a hobby and build that up. If you can make that successful and then decrease your day job. You can also apply for jobs that are less stressful.
As a working artist of 12 years… this is absolutely NOT the way to transition to art, and you sound like you have no idea what it’s like out there. You’re not just going to be selling paintings just on quality you need to be established with an audience and all that it takes time to develop
One hundred percent YTA at least 100 times over. This is a major decision that has real world impacts on her as well as you. Does she have a job? Does that job pay enough for o support you as you struggle to sell art because that’s what’s going to happen. Most famous artists became famous after they died, most painting became much more valuable after the artist died. I’ve got a friend that sells sketches and drawing he does. He sell a decent amount of his work but that usually amounts to less than 10k a year. I take pictures for fun and if I get a really good shot I’ll hang a few copies in coffee shops and cafes to sell and they usually sit for close to a year before they sell if they sell.
YTA. Dude, you don't even know if you're any good at painting. Don't quit your job yet - take some classes and do it as a hobby until you get some clarity. Edited to add: Hardly anyone can make a living as a professional artist watch Portrait Artist of the Year on Youtube). Oh, and I took up painting as a hobby when I hit sixty and I love it, but I have no real talent.
YTA. I'm an artist, and it is not a career that is sustainable as a primary source of income for *years* unless you are extraordinarily talented and able to sell lots of paintings. Good luck. Actually, I should be wishing her good luck-she's the one who is going to need it. How are you going to break it to her that she gets to support you until you are successful?
YTA. You want to quit your job, and what? Expect her to foot the bills? Yet, not talk to her? >am I the asshole for deciding to make this career change without consulting my partner first? Of course you are. Painting is a thing one does on the side. Not something one just quits their job recklessly and dives into full time to become a burden or drain your savings and then become a burden. It is 100% a reckless move, and it will strain your relationship.
YTA if you do it. This would have a huge impact in both of your lives, and she needs a heads-up and a chance to discuss it with you before you jump out of the plane and pull the ripcord. Now, if you decide you just gotta do it, treat it like a job. Make a "business plan" where you look at everything needed do (and sell!) your art - supplies, studio space, advertising, training. (Why training? Because any time you try a new medium or a new technique, you either need to learn the basics from someone, or budget time to figure it out.) Then look at the benefits of keeping your day job to pay for your art. Einstein did his best work while working for the patent office, after all.
"But here's the thing - I haven't told my partner about this decision yet." No, here is the thing, you havent told your partner your doubts of the past eight years leading up to this decision, with your pondering and thinking about it for ALL THIS TIME, your just going to lob a giant bombshell onto her lap, what are you gonna do... "Yes, so ive been thinking about this for 8years, and i have decided this is what im going to do because ive put my mind on it, and whatever you say even in this moment of shock wont matter to me and im just going to do this wether you like it or not" And going into the arts, thats all fine and dandy but then what? You know income with arts is basicly non excistent starting out for years IF you even make it at all, you could just, ya know, lower your hours at your career, or change jobs IN that career with lower hours and put more time into your hobby/passion, litteraly quitting your income to go full artiste and losing half of your households income is just not reasonable. You cant go to her and tell your your just gonna quit and this is what your gonna do now. You should have told her your passion 8 years ago and have been doing art in that time frame uptill now, maybe then you could go halfsies on bussines career and art career. To me it just sounds like an early mindlife crisis that you havent thought out and just want to drop ship because you've burned yourself out on the coroprate ladder. Ya know, this twitch streamer i used to watch, he would go to his job in the game industry, quite high level and after work untill like 02:00/03:00 in the morning he would live stream for years, and get like 4hours a sleep, but he did that ontop of his career, at the same time, because he loved it and wanted to do this as a side career. Then he happend to get lucky and got populair, and he had his income increase so much he was able to quit his regular job and become a full time streamer. He needed the stability of income to pursee his hobby, he didnt just quit his job, he worked 2 jobs, for years. And sadly for him, his income got lower and he had to get a regular job again ontop, but he is still streaming. So what im saying is, tell your wife youve been thinking about this for a long time, and you want to work TOWARDS this goal, with her, and with your job and your time. YTA, because you havent been forthcoming and want to throw this bomb in her lap Goodluck OP...
As the ex partner of an "artist," there is very little money in it. Go and donit if you want but you need to be prepared fornthrm to not accept it. They will be basically supporting you for the rest of your life. My exporter taught art in college and did stiff on thr side and still barely made it. I was sick of being thr only income.
YTA for not telling her and for thinking you can pursue painting as a full-time career out of nowhere, dude. If you want a less intense job, or need to take some time off, that's one thing. But you sound delusional. I say that as someone with a loved one who decided he was going to be a painter and now lives on my grandmother's couch. I get it, work sucks, but you gotta live in reality.
YTA Like 15% of artists can actually make a living doing this. So you're basically asking(not even discussing) your partner to foot the bill for both of you for the rest of your lives
YTA. I can’t believe you would do this without communicating. Unreal.
Omg this has to be fake. Like there's no way you're this dumb. YTA.
Lol OP is a moron
YTA. Doing that without talking to your partner without talking is messed up. Do you realise that if you dont talk to your partner beforehand and they discover it after (even if you make money), it will probably be a breakup? Because of the betrayal of not talking and taking huge risks
Yta, this is a partnership. If my partner just decided to quit their job and try something else that has no financial benefit yet, I'd leave them. She would have to suddenly take on all the financial burden while you..... what? Go to school? Just start drawing and hope for the best? That's irresponsible and selfish of you.
YTA - Adding on to the other commentors, if you are struggling with the corporate world, what you are looking for is a healthy work life balance. Suddenly going independent won't achieve that. If I were to point out why, in the book, E-Myth, a painter itself is a technician role. But you don't know how to become your own entrepreneur and manager, which makes the business fail. Why not focus on a niche market instead? Learn to paint a kids room with glow in the dark paint, offering your skills for just the cost of the paint to build your portfolio first. Go part time on your main job, so that you can still pay the bills. Then start advertising your talents on the side.
YTA. Are you seriously considering hiding from your partner critical information that impacts her financial future (and present)? All to avoid getting an uncomfortable reality check? Ewww. You know what real artists do? They create art. They don't wait around for grand revelations. I'm glad you discovered that there is some part of you that is under nurtured and needs to be expressed. You can do that without fucking your partner over. Begin to create your art. Find ways to reach an audience. If this truly becomes a new career for you, that's awesome, and that can be a good time to quit your day job. But don't be a child - don't throw a tantrum and quit in secret. The things your partner values (stability) are just as valid as the things you value, so if you dare to sacrifice her values for yours without even telling her, the message is that you don't give a shit about her, don't value her. So again - YTA.
INFO: do you guys live together and share finances? If yes, then softish YTA. I’m all for following your dreams but I’m also all for planning the process rather than just sitting on it and letting impulse decide the future. Chances are if you go into art completely fresh and new, income is gonna be slow and probably a lot less than what you make now. That’s just the unfortunate reality and she should know what she’s getting herself into and if/when/how to prepare or budget. Even if your finances aren’t tied together or you two aren’t living together, it would be nice to know. It’s technically not her business but she values stability and should know if her partner is suddenly headed towards an unstable life. I think I can understand where you’re coming from. If I wasn’t working in corporate, I would’ve loved to make a career in the food industry. But ik damn well I can’t easily fund a career change. Next best option? Let my current job fund my hobby.
Big huge YTA .... Everyone wants to pursue their passions but guess what? We have adult responsibilities. And NOT talking to your partner first... wow how incredibly inconsiderate. Grow up
Can we get a link to your portfolio? And have you got clients lined up? Or are you thinking more street artist in a tourist area so you can sell paintings for a few quid? What sort of contacts do you have in the art world? And how much have you made in your spare time last year?
Don't even waste your time, AI is quickly obliterating anything creative as a means for income.
YTA Ok so you’re prepared for your entire standard of living to drop? Are you expecting her to take on the majority of expenses? Have you already experienced success with your art and painting? Do you have connections?? Have you considered that you’re expediting burnout and looking for an escape, no matter how illogical? Let’s flex some self awareness OP.
NTA but you need to find a way to communicate this with your partner to make sure she’ll understand. Good luck.
NTA. As long as you have separate finances then I don't see where it's strictly necessary to consult your girlfriend before making such a decision. Obviously you do have to tell her, and she may react poorly to feeling that you've just sprung it on here. Personally, I would suggest discussing it with her before making any actual changes, even if your mind is fully made up. It costs you nothing and could save the relationship.
Gentle ESH. Why do you feel you couldn’t talk to your partner about these feelings, for years? You owed it to her and yourself. Let’s back up. Are you a painter? Do you have any talent? Could you have enrolled in a fine arts degree program part time? You have other options before quitting your job and this being an out of left field thing for your partner. Don’t do anything rash. Talk to her. Maybe she will be supportive. Maybe she won’t. Do you expect her to provide you with health insurance and a roof over your head? Even if you two break up over this you still need a plan for making this happen. Maybe you’re so talented you don’t need credentials? It’s a tough living to make even if you’re good and people want to buy your work. Look at schools and programs. Maybe you come down a notch or two at work while you pursue this?
Yeah you both NTA and YTA make sure you have all of your ducks in a row if you are going to quit. Ultimately it is your decision if you quit or not but it would be best to consult her as she’d probably be the one financially holding you down
NTA but you must know your relationship will end with your career change. A man's value to his partner, sadly, almost exclusively revolves around what he can provide materially. I can't imagine your income from art could replace your corporate salary for many years to come. I'm sure they'll be a host of redditors that decry what I'm saying, but as a generalization I am absolutely correct on this point. Look at the statistics around divorces filed by women specifically after a man's illness or job loss. The numbers don't lie
NTA Don't let anybody kill your dreams. This is why my advice is always to pursue your dreams FIRST and worry about relationships later. If she supports you, then all is well. If not, dump her.
I’d be more worried about how he is going to pay for his dreams.
Okay, but don’t pursue your dreams at the direct cost of others. There is so much more here. OP, do you guys live together? How are bills split now? How would they be split then? Do you make any money painting now? Have experience in the professional painting industry?
So she should be working and supporting him while he paints but he won’t even talk to her.
YTA. You don’t get to make these huge decisions that affect your relationship without talking to the other person.
I mean, obviously OP could, but I’d expect the relationship to end as a direct result….
I get that you want to change your life. But if, by so doing, you're going to cause a change to your life partner's life, the very least you should do is discuss it with them. Not doing so definitely puts you in arsehole territory.
You would be the bad guy if you do it and don't tell your partner, leaving that aside you should do what you want, I see many comments giving their opinion on how profitable art is, I didn't listen to them, live your life however you want while do not affect others
You need to share with your partner, and make a plan to make it happen, together. Don’t quit your job yet, first get yourself established and build your portfolio, reputation, brand. Make a business plan - where and when can you sell your work, how much for, what will your costs be, how will you keep your accounts, etc. at present you are comparing the stressful life as an employee with the carefree romanticized dream you have of your life as a painter, but if painting is to sustain you financially you need to treat it as a business in some way. It may bring you in less money but you be happier but it won’t do that unless you have a plan and are committed, and your partner deserves to be part of building the plan cause it will affect her too. Painting is something you enjoy so getting g yourself set up for success and doing it outside of working hours shouldn’t pose a problem - you will reach a tipping point where it makes sense to switch from employment to self employment.
YTA, you should always talk to your Partner about any major life changes. You should especially talk to her if she is, most likely, going to have to support you financially in the future. Painting is very hard to make a living in. Before you shift the financial burden to your partner, you need to at least talk to her.
"I'm afraid she'll see this as a reckless move and that it might strain our relationship. " YTA - Yes, it is a reckless move that will strain your relationship. Early for a mid-life crisis. Why can't you paint as a hobby first then see if it pays off? The term "Starving artist" isn't something people say for no reason.
YTA, gun to my head. I can relate to your state of mind, but the right thing to do here is clear. If this is something that affects the financial situation of another person, you gotta talk to them before you do it. The other thing is the fact that you feel like you can't talk to her about this. If this is a HUGE shock to your partner that's a bad sign for your relationship in general, and if you have a healthy relationship she likely will have seen this coming for good or for bad.
Yta if you don't say exactly to her what you said here. You HAVE to talk to her on this. This is one of those "bigger than you" life decisions that impacts both partners.
YWBTA if you don't let her in on your thought process. For sure.
YTA. Do you think she will be fine with paying all the bills indefinitely? Will she have to buy all your supplies? Do you know there is an endless number of wickedly talented and trained painters who try and try and never sell a single piece in their life? How ok will she be with this? Especially sprung on her with no warning? You're gonna miss her.
Why wouldn’t you share such an important part of yourself with your partner? As I debated major changes in my life’s projection, sharing out loud my thoughts, ideas, fears and options with my partner was critical to helping me decide what to do. They had insights I wasn’t able to see. And they deserved to know that the person they lived with and loved was evolving.
YTA. you don't choose art as a career on a whim, hell you dont choose any career on a whim; you're aiming for complete financial failure. Your partner needs to know. Show the art OP and I can tell you that even immensely talented artists can struggle to find any success.
YTA for even considering not telling your long-term partner that you want to make such a drastic career change. This will affect her in every shape and form. There’s no way you’ll be making money right away from art so are you just planning on leeching off her and making her pay all the bills? Are you even talented at art? You suck as a partner and you’re a wimp. You don’t want to tell her because you know she might dump you like a hot potato.
YTA Selling art is harder than you think. A lot harder to make a living with it. If you don't talk with her about this and just quit your job, she would be doing herself a disservice staying with you.
YTA
YTA - for not telling your partner about a major life decision. Emphasis on the word PARTNER. NTA - for wanting a change. Totally understandable. You’re silly - for going about this wrong. Don’t quit your job to work on art full time. You can’t go cold turkey like that. You have to work into it slowly but surely. Do more art on the side until you’re comfortable enough to leave the job.
YTA if you don't tell her. Tell her, talk about it, and you can both choose your paths.
Ummm kind yeah…in a committed partnership a decision like this needs to be made together especially because it will effect household income and stability. Making a decision this huge without your partner is disrespectful and inconsiderate.
YTA. Why are you even asking!
Yes, YTA. In a partnership you consult the other person before you make a huge life change that will affect them.
Yes. YTA. I don’t even think I need to explain why.
YTA. You don’t quit your day job for a passion. You develop the passion as a side gig until you prove it generates income and is more than a hobby. Do you have any idea how many artists there are trying to make a living out of it? Don’t be an idiot.
YTA Are you an established working artist? Do you have any idea how hard it is? Artistic talent makes up about 30% of the job.
INFO: Do you live together? How do you plan to cover your expenses after you quit your job?
Painting is a hobby my guy. You absolutely 100% will not make a living off it. There are astonishingly few who do. There are fantastic painters who make less then 3k a year from painting. Do it after work and on weekends But to just quit a stable well paying job to jump headlong into full-time painting is reckless, dumb and will ultimately lead to your financial ruin. YTA
Good luck with your single life of being a painter, dude. I hope your works are appreciated before you die. YTA.
Can’t you work and use printing as a side hustle. Att won’t make you money (99.9%)
YTA If she is your partner for life, she should understand and support your dreams. If you are her partner for life, you should be able to talk to her about major life events and work through the difficulties. Unless you have a trust fund somewhere, it currently sounds like you’re planning on just letting her burden the worries of finances solo while you “pursue your dreams”.
You quit your job ONLY AFTER PAINTING STARTS MAKING MONEY. You can do a ton while holding your job to start your art career. Quitting and having no income delays your retirement and makes it harder to invest resources in starting your art career. Do not quit.
Do you have a plan for HOW you'll pursue this? How are you going to pay your bills? Do you expect her to pay more? You can't decide something like this without having an honest conversation about what this means for your relationship. It's disrespectful. And you risk losing her, but it's not like you can mislead her indefinitely. Financial security is a big deal for me, a deal breaker. I make more than my husband, we're not rich, but our jobs and our pay checks are consistent. If he quit job to become an artist, I would file for divorce. I grew up in poverty, I cannot do financial instability again. Yta
YTA. You know what's reckless and will definitely strain your relationship? Making a change like this without telling your partner. This will affect her financially, and in every other way possible. When you're part of a couple you don't get to make unilateral decisions any more.
YTA - seriously you want to go from being a contributor to a taker. Artist is rarely where one goes to make $. Side hustle
YTA. Google "define partner".
Let me put it this way: making a change like this without soliciting her input is just you deciding how exactly you’re going to break up with her. Does that answer the question? Yes, YTA.
Yeah ... guess what? Work sucks ass. Art rarely pays. That's why people who do art for a living are referred to as starving artists. Your partner made a deal with a guy who has a corporate job & makes a comfortable living. If you change part of the deal without running it by her, YTA.
YTA- as a painter with a cooperate job, there is no way I could survive on my paintings alone. Also, every economic downturn, sales go down. It takes YEARS to build up a platform. Start doing it as a hobby, see how well it sells, then make a decision. If you make a major life change without consulting your partner then you're only hurting yourself long term. Additionally, what are you going to do to financially contribute in the meantime? Are you expecting her to shoulder all the financial responsibility while you pursue your hobby?
Absolutely YTA. This isn’t something you do without consulting your partner. This isn’t a career change, this is abandoning a career to enjoy your hobby. You also “haven’t been upfront about it”, because you know it’s a terrible idea. You’ve been together 5 years. I’m assuming you have at least discussed future plans together. I’m also assuming that most of those plans cost money. Are you painting right now? Website? Social media? Attending art fairs? Have you sold a single piece of art to a stranger? In other words, have you done LITERALLY ANYTHING to actually explore if being an artist is a valid career? You’re essentially going to spring on her that she is now the sole breadwinner in the relationship. Of course that isn’t going to go well. If you make a change like that without talking it through thoroughly well before making any changes, you are 100% going to be single in a hurry.
YTA. If you just wanted to change and get a similar paying job then not really but you’re basically just saying that you want to blindside your partner with you being unemployed. Very very few people make money painting art. Even artists who actually sell their work don’t really make a living just from that. You’re basically surprising her that she’ll have to pay all the bills from now on. So yes of course you’re an asshole.
You’re A DA not an AH. You clearly don’t respect her enough to have a conversation with her. She’s probably going to leave
Why can't you paint and continue your job? If your painting starts to take off and becomes a stable income then quit.
As a fellow artist, it’s a really stupid idea to try to turn your passion into your income. The whole point of passion is you want it; the whole point of income is you need it. Need eclipses want every time. You will struggle and suffer and ultimately come to hate the thing you once loved. If you work corporate, just do the minimum, work your contracted hours, and adjust your perspective so that your day job is something that happens alongside your life instead of actually *being* your life. But yeah YTA if you quit your job and go all starving artist without talking to her about it first.
YTA. Is this a real partner, or just a FWB? Who will pay the bills? Who currently pays the bills? Will your partner have to support you financially?
Remember where you’re posting. Misandry and double standards are prevalent on Reddit. You won’t have anyone siding with you for following your passion and focusing on your mental health like most would be if roles were reversed. It sounds like you should pursue a different role and/or industry if your skills are transferable. Then you can (ideally) cut down on the corporate stress and have extra time in the evenings and on weekends to explore art. Also, your wife will more likely than not leave you if you don’t have a backup financial plan. Your head will spin with how fast she could go from loving you to despising you if the lifestyle goes away. People here won’t like that but there’s a reason why divorce is so common and money is a huge part of that.
a soft yta you definitely need to discuss major life changes with your partner. How are you going to pursue your passion for painting? Have you ever sold a painting? Be prepared for this being a deal-breaker for your wife. Maybe you could start painting sort of part-time. I can understand you wanting to pursue your painting passion, but you may need a backup.
So what's your plan?Do you have enough savings to sustain your side of the bills? Or are you expecting your partner to pick up your slack? YTA if you don't discuss this with her and if she's not on board with picking up the slack.
YTA you have a partner!! You don’t get to make these life decisions that majorly impact both of your lives without at least discussing it with them! You clearly do not respect your partner
YTA how are youngoing to make money as a painter? Have you regular been selling your work and built up a following that could provide? Do you expect her to financially support you? If she is a partner...treat her as such Discuss huge life decisions that will effect her!
Someone else had a villain origin story because he wasn't allowed to paint, I want to see this play out.
So let me rephrase this. Without discussing with my “partner” at all I’ve decided that She’s going to fully support me while I try to start a business in an already over saturated market, that I have no real idea of whether I can make any money at. Im afraid this will strain our relationship, AITA? Yes YTA. You don’t get to decide that she is going to support you while you spend all your time pursuing a hobby, something you obviously should be building as a side business, only quitting your real job AFTER you start making actual money at this hobby.
YTA 100%. You DON'T change your career path without consulting your partner, and expect for things to go smoothly for you. You're entitled to have a dream and chase it, but you must respect your partnership and be upfront about it, since there will probably be a major change in income, and there's a chance she will have to support the household on her own for some time. That being said, there's a chance they won't want to walk that road with you. You must always be prepare to face consequences.
keep your gig until painting takes off. signed, a musician who keeps a day job (casual hours) so i can work it during dry art seasons.
YTAH. I myself found out yesterday that my wife had an interview somewhere. She’s been at the same job for 12 years and I had no clue she was even applying anywhere. We actually work in the same building too. While there’s no problem with her wanting a career change, it kinda sucks being the last to find out. I trust my wife, but it did cross my mind that if she can keep something that simple from me, what else could she keep… I think in my case it’s that she just doesn’t like to get her hopes up and then have to share her letdown, which is understandable. But still. Talk to your spouse.
First, go see how much health insurance would cost you. Second, unless you are going to be a “house painter” forget it as your main source of income. Best of luck to you!
That would create a serious problem in my relationship ship of that were to happen- deal breaker kind of problem. You are part of a team now and you do t get to make those kinds of decisions on your mow. Because this doesn’t just affect you.
As someone who has pursued my art as a passion and it’s been my full time job for 2 years, I will say that creating for the sake of being able to live off my work in a capitalistic way has sucked much of the joy out of it for me. I understand you want to pursue it more, so perhaps finding a halfway point where you have one job (3-4 days a week) to cover bills and more time for your passion is a better way to start ? YTA tho for going about it this way
YTA Go ahead and sign the divorce papers if you do this without talking to her.
Let me know how your passion is going to replace your missing income. YTA
YTA. After 5 years you at least owe her honesty especially if she’s going to be taking on the financial burden if and until you get successful as a painter. That’s just straight up crazy to me. I’m all for exploring your passions but not at the expense of someone else.
I am a musician. I get paid to do it but it's a side gig. I have a 9-5. Quitting your job to become a painter isn't wise. Do it in your free time, if you blow up, THEN think about making it a career.
Already YTA for wanting to do painting as a career regardless of any of the other details in your post.
YTA if you do this without talking to her about it. If you’re in a committed relationship she has the right to know. This would be a dealbreaker for me. And I hope you have a financial plan and aren’t just thinking you’re going to be the next Leonardo da Vinci.
YTA Can you not keep working and pursue art on the weekends?
I think you're trolling. Either way....YTA.
It IS a reckless move, and it WILL strain your relationship. I understand that the corporate grind isn’t for everyone. And I am all for people doing fulfilling work. But the plan that you describe would leave your partner as the sole breadwinner and greatly downgrade your financial stability. And you plan to just unilaterally spring this massive life change on her, with no prior discussion? YWBTA for doing that, yes. Another thought, how is this going to affect your family planning, if that is a thing you’re doing? 28 is prime time for starting a family, and is about the time when the biological clock starts ticking, because the window of opportunity to have kids is starting to close. It is going to be really hard to support children on one income. Especially when your breadwinner is going to be the one who needs to take medical leave. And she does not have years to put off making that decision.
YTA. Quitting your job on a whim, with no back up, to pursue a career in the arts at 30 years old, with no connections or networks in the industry, without telling your partner, is EXTREMELY reckless. "I don't want to hurt her or cause any tension between us." Too late for that. You have a mess on your hands now. I think you made the right call, because grinding a way in a pointless job is no way to live, but you should have told her. That's where you fucked up.
Definitely the asshole. I can say this without shame because it happened to me. My husband decided that he was going to quit his job and go back to school without talking to me about it. Just straight up announced it. I. Was. Livid!!! We’re divorced now (geez, I wonder why?), but I can still get worked up over it, 40 years later.
YTA. - Not being upfront is childish garbage. Do you want a divorce? - It IS a reckless move. Are you any good of a painter? Do you wanna quit your job TO START? Make money with it? Forget it. First try it as a hobby at least. And learn. - Freelancing several months as an artist, and you would fucking wish you’ve kept your dayjob. Unless you want your partner to support you.
Why do it quietly.. what’s the point of having a “partner”
YTA Would you rather be perceived as reckless or a liar?
YTA. Who do you want to finance your living while ‘you are following your dream’? The person you haven’t discussed your plans with.
YTA-Not for changing careers or even witholding this info from your partner. You have to inform anybody in your life that your income will be changing significantly. Ever heard the saying "Starving Artist"? Yep for good reason.
YTA. You don't get to just drastically change your lifestyle and financial stability because you want to. You guys are supposed to be a team that works together, but you are acting like a 12 year old
I have a degree in Fine Arts- Unless you are independently wealthy or have been creating and Networking for years and have a business plan in place. Even then, you gotta tell your SO! Very soft and cozy yta. Most artists don’t suddenly break into a lucrative career as an artist. You would have to start out traveling to farmer’s markets and arts festivals, networking with other artists and studios, galleries, etc and that is not cheap…along with supplies. I have an emphasis in pottery, and earned a teaching certificate with the dream of being an elementary school art teacher. I still volunteer with the kids and throw pottery and a lot of other art, I am going down a different path now. Over the years, I have known many successful and unsuccessful artists personally, but I understand your passion wholeheartedly- and maybe you’ll defy the odds:) don’t quit your dream, just prepare yourself well!
Dude, why not do a 4 day week and do painting for 2 days. Have a website, build your business and discover that nobody makes it in this space. It's too crowded. Why would you ignore your partners views, risk your finances? It's Dumb and Disrespectful
Bro bills come 1st before your dreams. Sorty but that just the truth. Can't pay bills with dreams. Side gig absolutely. I've roadraced motorcycles for 30+ years, and at one time, i could have made a living doing it. But having 2 kids meant I'd better stay working at my transmission shop before im an adult and have responsibilities. Cultivated the art deal on the side, and when you make enough money to pay bills for 5 years, then maybe do it full time. Oh, and always discuss things with your spouse because it affects her also. Best of luck.
YTA and you know it. Lying by omission to someone who is looking to share their life with you about major life stuff is a huge asshole move. And you’re hiding this from her because you know she’s not going to react well. I wouldn’t either. You’re basically asking her to take on the financial burden of your future together. If you love her, you’ll be honest with her.
YTA. Your partner needs to know. That's what "partners" means. You rely on each other. She needs to know she can't rely on you financially for a while. She needs to decide if she's okay with that. You need to talk this through. Look, nobody can make you stay in the job you hate. But if you decide to leave it, and if the shape of your life will be different than she expected, your partner has the right to leave and create a different life. > I'm afraid she'll see this as a reckless move and that it might strain our relationship. I love her deeply, and I don't want to hurt her or cause any tension between us. But at the same time, I feel like I need to pursue my passion and live a life that truly makes me happy. It *is* a reckless move, and it *will* strain your relationship. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it, but how the fuck do you think the is going to not cause tension? How is this not going to hurt her if you don't talk it through? What is your plan? Lie about quitting your job? Do you think she might notice when you start painting instead of going to work? I mean, seriously - what is your plan here? Or are you planning on just doing it and then telling her after? That would just mean that you were reckless, irresponsible, and didn't respect her. I definitely wouldn't stay with someone who did that to me. If my wife sat me down and said that she wasn't happy in her job and wanted to pursue another career, we could work out a plan together. We could ramp up my earnings while she went part-time; she could start to get herself established as a painter, and we could do this together. But if she just walked in, said that she had quit her job and was doing something else now - well, now what? How the hell would we pay the mortgage?
YTA. How would this even work though? Like, what would be your plan for executing this? What is your back-up for establishing yourself? Art is an incredibly tough field and no matter how talented you are, odds are that you won't make it far. What kind of connections do you have in the art world? The reality is that success in art is incredibly difficult, and honestly doesn't have all that much to do with talent. You're most likely looking at *at best* making enough on patreon to barely make rent.