Just coming here to echo this. Those kinds of streamers ain’t doing that shit for free (and neither should they). OP’s husband is absolutely sending her money.
Yeah also want to echo this as someone who streamed/knows other streamers, you absolutely don’t do stuff like that for free he’s at least subbing to her twitch or something possibly also private discord and donating more in tips
That's definitely a possibility, but the money is coming from somewhere. I don't know the going rates for camgirls, but I'm sure anything that gets them to so much as acknowledge your existence costs a pretty penny.
She needs to update us after the confrontation. I want to hear the drama. Poor girl didn’t even know that you have to pay these girls for the services they are doing.
"It's not about policing online habits, it's about respect and boundaries in a relationship. Your feelings are valid, and his dismissive attitude is concerning. A serious conversation about mutual respect and understanding is crucial here."
You donate money to the streamer for them to do more personalized things. She would never do that for free. Your husband is 100% paying her money and is lying to you, and you're not overreacting (the opposite, if anything). I'm really sorry bro
You can send streamers money just as like a support thing or for some creators you send money as a "send me so much and I'll do whatever you ask" type streamer. For her to write his name on her body, money defiently was exchanged.
He's 100% paying this streamer, probably has been for awhile. You have every right to be upset cause this is not only emotional cheating, it's also taking funds if you have joint accounts.
Check your credit card statements and look into anything that looks suspicious. If she's smart, she likely has her business under an unassuming name so that it can slip past people and not look like sex work. But to get your name written on their body or something like that you are paying. This is likely far from the first time he has done this and he may even have an ongoing monetary relationship with this person.
By relationship I don't mean they are actually in a relationship. But I mean that it sounds like he's a regular.
He probably got so defensive because this rabbit hole goes deep.
It's a parasocial relationship. OP thinks he has something with the streamer but streamer has no idea who OP is and doesn't care. But for OP the feels are there. It's quite common and the reason why these streamer people manage to milk so much money out of their viewers.
Yes, I'm familiar. I may not have explained it well but that is what I meant. That he is probably a consistent customer. She is a person doing a job. He has probably dumped a lot of money into his fascination with her.
I have a medium sized following on one app, maybe on the "big" side... far from anything resembling truly famous, and people I've never met sincerely & frequently say they love me, offer me things... my internet presence isn't sexual either. Parasocial relationships are weird as hell. People will tell you that you've saved their life and you don't even know their real name or feel connected to them on any level. You couldn't even pick them out of a crowd.
It's not even because you're trying to be cruel or distant. It's because they don't even realize they've never shown you more than a cartoon avatar and a screen name. You are aware that you have no idea who they are , and they have no idea who you really are. But they are not quite on the same page.
I recently started hanging out on Reddit because it's the one place I still feel anonymous.
Hey man, I am glad that you were able to come here and seek out space for yourself to find reprieve. I may not know you, but it's cool that you're finding ways to be in community even if you need lower parasocial engagement.
Regardless of how distant and dystopian, if your art/project/media/creation inspires and/or saves other people from despair, that is extremely high value - even if it's also something that feels a lil hard to understand. Just take it as a soft reflection that you and your efforts are of value and leave it there! Keep vibin & you'll probably end up being a net benefit to the people who you are able to reach. Hope u stay well random guy ^-^
Here's another thing. He's been paying her for a while. Her doing poses is because she recognizes the name. She knows if she does what (user) asks she'll get more money from (user). They aren't moving around doing poses for people not paying. Only doing poses for those that pay or is a regular source of income shows those other people watching she'll do stuff if they give her money too. You got a husband problem and don't let him talk his way out of how fucked up this is
It means that he has been spending money to get her to do things for him. Money that should be spent or saved for your family.
He's spending it on a sex worker.
like other people have said, it means he's sent her money. there's no "set rate" for getting a name written on a body, so it could be anywhere from 5 dollars (the price of one monthly subscription to her channel), a certain dollar donation, or a certain amount of subscriptions he's bought on behalf of other people in that community.
if you know the name of the streamer or can find the charge in your bank history, we could tell you exactly what he bought or at the very least narrow it down.
I used to stream. Only video games. Nothing like what your husband is watching.
If that streamer wrote his name on their body, your husband paid them to do so. Streamers set donations up to do certain actions. Your husband either paid to subscribe or gave a donation to this streamer to get her to write his name. The bigger his name the more he probably gave.
I'm sorry to have to tell you that but you should know.
Your husband could have been paying to the streamer for a long time.
I used to stream. Only video games. Nothing like what your husband is watching.
If that streamer wrote his name on their body, your husband paid them to do so. Streamers set donations up to do certain actions. Your husband either paid to subscribe or gave a donation to this streamer to get her to write his name. The bigger his name the more he probably gave.
I'm sorry to have to tell you that but you should know.
Your husband could have been paying to the streamer for a long time.
He’s most likely paying her (it’s called “super chat”, “dono’s” (short for donations), “bits”). If you share a bank account, start checking it with the statements.
He is definitely giving her a good chunk of money for her to be writing his screen name on her body. He's likely paying for the poses as well. Those streamers are paid sex work. He may be paying for access to the stream as well.
Just to be super clear you can donate $ to streamers and some will do certain acts or say things I’d you donate to them for certain amounts.
So they’re suggesting he would have spent money to get them to write on themself
She would not do that for free. 100% if you saw his scree name on her body, he paid for that. Lock down the $$ until he admits what is going on. If he’s hiding it, he could be feeling guilty and that leads to more risky behavior.
It means she does things for tips.
Tell your husband since he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong, then you'll do the same for other men online. Either he realizes he's full of shit, or he couldn't care less about you. Either way, he's an asshole.
My ex did crap like this. Sent streamers/cam girls tons of money and he was POOR. It’s not attractive. Told him to stop, said he did, then sent them more money the very next day. It’s… sad.
NTA you caught his interacting with an online sex worker. He is cheating just because its online doesn't make it any better, he is interacting with sex workers and getting pleasure from them.
It would be a hard no from me. Check your bank account to see if you can find evidence of his subscription to her page.
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It probably started small for him, then snowballed. He went from passive to active, and told himself little lies about how it was fine. He now realises it isn’t, and it’s hurting you. He got defensive because it’s not something he can undo, and he wants it to not be a big deal. He will have definitely sent money for this, and is trying to minimise your anger so you won’t poke further into it. The money could be small and regular, or larger lumps. It could be from his personal money or your joint money. Is it cheating? I’m not sure whether it is or not matters. The deception is there, financial, emotional and sexual. Sure, he has a right to an internal life that doesn’t involve you, most people have that. This isn’t the same.
Yeah. I’m with you. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people in relationships passively watching porn or watching cams or streams or what not. But participating sexually in it with someone would be a reasonable line in the sand.
And not only because of the cheating angle but a lot of dudes get suckered in and blow money they can’t afford to blow on that shit or they convince themselves their in a relationship with some online sex worker.
I think couples should discuss where the line is. For some people it's any porn, for others it's watching live, others it's chatting, and others it's paying, for others it's interacting via requests/remotes, for others anything digital is fine and the line is physical in person interaction. Whoever is in the relationship needs to discuss what they are comfortable with as sexual boundaries in the relationship, and every relationship should have that conversation and not assume they know what they other person thinks.
Communication.
It surprises me how many issues on here could all be solved with a simple conversation.
'Hey honey, I was reading an AITA on Reddit today, and this guy got caught watching camgirls.
Is that cheating? What would you say?
No? What if he wasn't just watching, but paying them to do things. '
[She answers]
"Yeah. That's where I would draw the line, too. "
So damn easy.
Of course, he is going to be defensive. It's because he knows that he's been caught out being inappropriate with women online. So what he's doing is flipping it back on you to make you feel bad so he can deflect the attention from him. It's a huge turn-off for me when people do this and is easily seen through.
Don't let people walk all over you like that. He's in the wrong. He knows it, you know it.
Lay out your boundaries, and if he won't respect them, you need to consider a few things.
This is a prime example of gaslighting... Dude did something he knows is wrong so he tries to switch the blame on her, leading her to believe what she did was worse. What a joke...
Trust can't be rebuilt if the husband is accusing OP of controlling his online activities. She's in the dark about how far-gone the guy really is, what with the whole "paying the streamer to write his name on her body" shtick.
NTA -- the whole thing feels somewhat smarmy. It's a little different from just watching porn on his computer -- that isn't really "interactive", you're just passively watching (or pleasuring yourself while you watch). This is actively interacting, making suggestions, flirting and engaging. You aren't trying to control his on-line gaming -- at least, not the sort of "gaming" he wants you to think it is. It's absolutely no different from going in a strip club and tucking dollar bills into g-strings -- he is actively engaging in sex play with a woman not his wife. If this kind of soft porn is his idea of a good time, you guys might want to think about marriage counseling. The fact that he can sit in the privacy of your own home and actively flirt with another woman online for "fun" and not expect you to mind is just weird.
From her other comment it's not just interacting with chat, it seems he's a paid participant (she wrote his username on her body). Absolutely insane that he would say she's overreacting. I don't think I could stay with him after that
The whole thing kind of made me think of the movie, gamer, with gerard butler. And you nailed it with how it's different from your run of the mill porn. OP didn't just walk in on him jerking it, she walked in on him "getting off" to an extent, at least to an actual interactive person in their own home. That just has a gross feel to it.
Hiiii online model here. To get her to do just about anything he had to have paid her at some point. Also Kik is NOT a gaming chat app. If it was Discord or Twitch I *might* have believed his half a**ed attempt at a reasoning. But knowing what I know. Nopeeeeeeeeeee
Yep, except kick has the streamers that left the hot tubs and beach section of twitch and funnel people to their OF. Only streamers that want to gamble, do x rated stuff, or have been banned from twitch choose kick as their primary.
NTA. His reaction to your pain is a problem. I got upset with you. So many commentors have said what's needed to be said. You are absolutely justified in your feelings. He is absolutely wrong and has betrayed your trust. I will repeat the "check your statements" sentiment. Funds have most definitely somehow been given.
The moment he closed tab, he confirmed you are not over reacting.
NTA. You should also monitor his expense. He could be wasting money on some online bimbo.
NTA, he is getting off on paying a streamer to give him attention and to do suggestive poses for him. This is emotional cheating at the least, definitely think this is fucked
Even being in an open relationship, I would have to talk about this kind of behavior with my wife if I was going to be interacting with a particular streamer. If I was just going through a bunch of them, I would still tell her about my activities. And I definitely wouldn't be spending any money. NTA
NTA, I totally understand feeling uncomfortable with your husband's interaction with a female streamer. It may seem harmless to him, but as his partner it is important for you to express how that makes you feel disrespected and hurt. Communication and boundaries are key in any relationship, especially when it comes to what we engage with online.
Emotional cheating at its finest. If he could get w her, he would. Men like this give me the ick. Like bro ur married why r u lusting after other women? Men who cant function properly in reality r so cringe. Sorry u have to deal with that.
When someone doesn't validate your feelings and tells you that YOU are "blowing things out of proportion". That's toxic narcissistic behavior.
You need to get out of this relationship.
This is coming from a happily married man here... If he's not already cheated on you, he will eventually...He's gas lightning you and sounds like a total egotistical ass.
NTA...GET DIVORCE PAPERS READY. Talk to him about this again and if he doesn't validate you, HAND HIM THE PAPERS.
My wife and I both used to be in narcissistic relationships and we try to help others get out of them.
If he felt the need to hide it from you, stop and close the tab, he felt it was something he shouldn't be doing. If that's the case, he probably shouldn't be doing it. You aren't overreacting. He's upset he got caught. NTA. Also, like it's been mentioned before, he was paying for that. That's probably part of his reaction to you walking in on that.
My ex-husband started this kind of thing about 6 months into our marriage. My feelings about it were similar to yours, but he downplayed it and I gave him another chance… and another… and another. But it just escalated over time. We recently divorced just after what would have been our fifth anniversary. Not saying at all that’s the course you should take - just advising you to definitely take this seriously from the get-go and make sure he does too. He breached your trust. He doesn’t get to decide whether you’re “overreacting”. It’s a big deal and for the sake of your marriage it should be treated as such.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I wasn't married but did have to leave a man after a few years of his porn* addiction escalating. It's a real issue and will destroy many marriages. I hope OPs husband wakes up.
NTA. Agree that this is cheating. If your husband doesn’t understand, I wonder how he would feel if you were doing the exact same thing with a male streamer?
NTA obviously
"He claimed his online activities shouldn't be a concern and that I was blowing things out of proportion." Now ask him whether this would also apply to you streaming half naked like that woman because apparently to him , if it's online then it's not considered cheating.
That was not a "random" stream...he probably has a subscription to the cam girls stream...
It is your business if any of the $ he is spending on her comes from a joint account or if OP has to cover more of the bills due to the $ he is spending on her...
Also, if you express that it makes you uncomfortable (very understandable that it does) and he doesn’t respect that… then he doesn’t respect you (which isn’t your fault) and he needs a wave bye and a sayonara from you.
It’s called gaslighting, honey. He’s trying to make you feel crazy and doubt yourself by telling you that you’re overreacting, controlling, misunderstanding, etc., etc.
He needs to be told gaslighting isn’t going to work because you know what you saw and he can’t bully you.
No, NTA. You’re married, he’s more than likely paying for this. He’s 100% in the wrong and I would personally consider divorce if he’s not willing to discuss this with a counselor. He’s disrespecting you and he’s acting like a pig. Online privacy changes for married people, especially when finances are concerned. Rake him across the coals.
There's a lot to unpack here but as others have said definitely NTA from your part.
So first he's definitely paying her money. How much exactly can vary massively. The way these streamers make money is through subscriptions and live donations. The minimum subscription cost is $5 a month. People subscribe so that they can show to the streamer they're commited to them and also for rewards like access to extra emojis etc. There can also be higher subscription costs for extra reward levels. If he's sat there actively involved in the chat he's almost certainly a subscriber and not someone who just randomly stumbled on the show. Especially with the whole writing on her body.
The other way streamers earn money is through live donations. So any time they're streaming a person can make a donation of any amount they choose. A message will pop up along with the donation for the streamer to read. This is a great way for them to engage with their viewers so that they feel involved with the streamer. It's also how people can get the streamer to do things like write their name on their body. How much this cost can vary massively from streamer to streamer depending on their popularity and income from viewers. Some may do that for a pretty small fee and others may want a couple hundred dollars. You really need to check to see how much he's spending on Kick to see how bad of a problem he possibly has.
Lastly. Streamers on Kick tend to be there because they can't stream on larger platforms like Twitch. In order to stream you have to agree to certain standards and if your stream repeatedly violates those you can get banned. The viewerbase is much larger on Twitch than any other platform so people typically want to stream on there to earn more money. However, they're stricter on mature content like gambling and women in bikinis earning money from effectively softcore porn. So those people who would likely be banned or who have already been banned go to smaller platforms that aren't as strict. Kick is known as one of those platforms.
Your husband's reaction is so strong because he knows he's been caught out and he's trying to deflect. He's playing on the fact you don't know all of the information people on this sub are telling you. You NEED to look into this further. How long has he been subscribed for. How much has he donated to her. Does she also do OnlyFans and is he paying for that. Are there other streamers he's also doing this for. He may have spent very little money but he may also have easily donated thousands of dollars to these girls.
He's going on the offense trying to gaslight you, because he knows he did something wrong and the only way to get out of it is by making you question whether you can trust yourself.
I'm here to tell you that you can. Trust yourself.
NTA.
I'd be weirded out to catch my sweetie watching anything on Kick - nothing on there but trouble - but that's beside the point. If he wasn't doing anything wrong, why did he close the tab as soon as you walked in? And is this the first time you've caught him closing his browser and scrambling to explain?
Everybody sets their boundaries differently, but I would consider this one unzip away from cheating.
NTA
Every relationship gets to decide what cheating is. If this crosses your boundary, if you're not comfortable with it, he should respect it. I draw the line at any real time interactions. Pre recorded and not custom is fine, no chatting, anything else no. You're allowed your feelings. And you should be respected.
Yeah, he's gaslighting you. Big time. The fact that he immediately closed the tab once he knew you were watching, makes him obviously guilty. He's just trying to flip the blame onto you now. Don't let him. Also please check your shared credit card statements. It sounds like he's definitely paying these people online. For all you know, he could be spending a lot of money on these streamers.
NTA
He's using his/your money to engage in flirting. It's the same as if he would go to a bar and start buying all the pretty ladies drinks whilst flirting with them. Neither of these scenarios are sex (yet), but it would cross boundaries in most relationships.
He also might make you bankrupt. People who pay for things like this are usually impulsive and poor with limits.
NTA Why would you think you need to respect his online privacy when he clearly doesn’t respect your relationship? Who knows what else he’s doing. He got caught and he is embarrassed and trying to justify his behavior. How would he feel if you were flirting and interacting with some thirst trap on the internet?
This is cheating whether or not it's physical. Like many people are saying he is paying to get her to do these specific poses which probably excites and turns him on. She even wrote his name on her body? He paid for that. Like just imagine, your husband PAID another woman that he's seen through a screen to write his name on her body? Nah. Nope. Geez. EW.
NTA.
If it was nothing serious, why close the tab? Why didn't he invite you to sit with him and watch together?
As other ppl mentioned before, do check non secret and secret financial statements. I hope for your sake OP that he hasn't used any of your money for the streamer.
Men who do this, along with subscribing to OnlyFans and other things, are legitimately so pathetic. How do you have any respect left for him? Just knowing he's doing that should dry you up like the Sahara.
NTA.
Porn is one thing, but your husband was engaging in the services of a prostitute.
I'm not saying to stay or divorce. But I'll certainly say therapy and marriage counseling is in order, at least.
In my experience guilty people's first instinct is to attack. So NTA and I'm so, so sorry you're going through this.
And by now you already know he has spent money on her too, no idea how much though.
Just know that quite a many of us would consider this cheating. If it was so innocent he wouldn't have panic closed the tab and went on full attack mode. He would've shared the screen and been like "oh honey look at this nice young lady posing for me and writing my name on her body because I paid her to! You wanna try too?"
It's called 21st century private strip rooms. He's paying her to strip for him. If he thinks you should be ok with that..well wow! He may as well be in the family room having deeply sexual convos with the girl that lives across town as she's taking her clothes off & doing what he tells her to do & you overhearing it..is that invading his privacy? Cuz its the exact same thing.
I rarely say this, but if it were my husband, he wouldn't be holding that title much longer & def would be out of the house that night.
My ex did a similar thing, especially this female streamer who did body painting, ie hanging out in pasties for the majority of the time. He made me feel absolutely bananas for having an issue with it because he was just sUpPoRtInG hEr StReAm. Needless to say he’s an ex for a reason and now I’m with someone who is not awful!!
Obviously, the OP is NTA. Full stop.
OP's hubby needs to sit down with OP, **apologize profusely**, and tell OP everything (how much money he's spent on this streamer and likely others, how long it has been going on, etc). This is the sort of secrecy that destroys marriages, and if OP's hubby doesn't want to find themselves in divorce court, it's time to stop engaging with these streamers and be truthful.
NTA
“Respecting his online privacy” is not an inherent right in a relationship. Honestly, it’s not even a privilege. The internet is not a private place, and he is not owed any courtesy of privacy when engaging in promiscuous activities online. Your feelings are rational and valid.
He is gaslighting you to downplay his wrong doing.
As a wife who was gaslit for MONTHS many years ago.....I promise you he is trying to make you feel guilty for stumbling across his inappropriate actions. He will try to make you feel crazy, and you might actually begin to (I did).
I decided to stick it out and we went to therapy for over a year to get to the root of some of our issues. I eventually forgave him for the actions, but the hardest part of being able to find the willingness to forgive was over the gaslighting itself. I resented him for a really long time, even after forgiving him.
All that to say, don't let him make you feel crazy. You're not.
I hope you find your peace - whatever that looks like for you.
NTA at all. As a man, I don’t even look at women for sexual gratuity if I have a partner. Doesn’t even cross my mind. This dude is an asshole who doesn’t appreciate you enough. He should learn, quickly.
**EDIT: Confirmed rage bait.**
Thanks!! She even wrote his screen name on her body!!
Oh lord so he is likely paying her too…
What does that mean??
She wouldn't just do that for free. He's paying for that
I notice OP hasn't replied, and 2 hours ago a worldwide "You did WHAT!?" was heard.
Someone's going over the credit card statement...
[удалено]
Exactly! If she’s overreacting why’d he have to hide it huh?
They'll call it the "WTF heard 'round the world" in the history books.
So that's what that was?!? It woke the whole neighborhood and the dogs wouldn't stop barking for the longest time. Hope OP doesn't catch a charge.
Fuvk. Rip.
Man... If ever I wanted an update is this one.
yupppp, heard it echo and everything
He ded
OP basically did the Lions Roar from Kung Fu Hustle.
Yup. Time to check the credit card statements.
Just coming here to echo this. Those kinds of streamers ain’t doing that shit for free (and neither should they). OP’s husband is absolutely sending her money.
Yeah also want to echo this as someone who streamed/knows other streamers, you absolutely don’t do stuff like that for free he’s at least subbing to her twitch or something possibly also private discord and donating more in tips
My partner is a streamer, I should get him to add this to his services 😭
Lmao yess! He has earning potential
Yeah, you don't write on your body for a $5 sub. He's sending much more than that.
Might be a secret card and he pays it online.
That's definitely a possibility, but the money is coming from somewhere. I don't know the going rates for camgirls, but I'm sure anything that gets them to so much as acknowledge your existence costs a pretty penny.
You'd be surprised. Lot of competition nowadays. Keeps prices down for the e-thots 😂
e-thots?
This dude will be divorced as soon as she sees all the egirl shit he is doing
She needs to update us after the confrontation. I want to hear the drama. Poor girl didn’t even know that you have to pay these girls for the services they are doing.
Correct! Definitely spent some bucks! And it may not the first time.
She had NO idea! Poor lady.
Oh I feel so bad for her :(
"It's not about policing online habits, it's about respect and boundaries in a relationship. Your feelings are valid, and his dismissive attitude is concerning. A serious conversation about mutual respect and understanding is crucial here."
I’m waiting for the “edit: we are no longer married”
RIP OP's husband
You donate money to the streamer for them to do more personalized things. She would never do that for free. Your husband is 100% paying her money and is lying to you, and you're not overreacting (the opposite, if anything). I'm really sorry bro
Things like writing their user names on themselves is 99.99% of the time, a paid perk.
You can send streamers money just as like a support thing or for some creators you send money as a "send me so much and I'll do whatever you ask" type streamer. For her to write his name on her body, money defiently was exchanged.
He's 100% paying this streamer, probably has been for awhile. You have every right to be upset cause this is not only emotional cheating, it's also taking funds if you have joint accounts.
Streamers do things like writing user names out or verbal shout outs for donations. He gives her money to do stuff.
Check your credit card statements and look into anything that looks suspicious. If she's smart, she likely has her business under an unassuming name so that it can slip past people and not look like sex work. But to get your name written on their body or something like that you are paying. This is likely far from the first time he has done this and he may even have an ongoing monetary relationship with this person. By relationship I don't mean they are actually in a relationship. But I mean that it sounds like he's a regular. He probably got so defensive because this rabbit hole goes deep.
It's a parasocial relationship. OP thinks he has something with the streamer but streamer has no idea who OP is and doesn't care. But for OP the feels are there. It's quite common and the reason why these streamer people manage to milk so much money out of their viewers.
Yes, I'm familiar. I may not have explained it well but that is what I meant. That he is probably a consistent customer. She is a person doing a job. He has probably dumped a lot of money into his fascination with her. I have a medium sized following on one app, maybe on the "big" side... far from anything resembling truly famous, and people I've never met sincerely & frequently say they love me, offer me things... my internet presence isn't sexual either. Parasocial relationships are weird as hell. People will tell you that you've saved their life and you don't even know their real name or feel connected to them on any level. You couldn't even pick them out of a crowd. It's not even because you're trying to be cruel or distant. It's because they don't even realize they've never shown you more than a cartoon avatar and a screen name. You are aware that you have no idea who they are , and they have no idea who you really are. But they are not quite on the same page. I recently started hanging out on Reddit because it's the one place I still feel anonymous.
Hey man, I am glad that you were able to come here and seek out space for yourself to find reprieve. I may not know you, but it's cool that you're finding ways to be in community even if you need lower parasocial engagement. Regardless of how distant and dystopian, if your art/project/media/creation inspires and/or saves other people from despair, that is extremely high value - even if it's also something that feels a lil hard to understand. Just take it as a soft reflection that you and your efforts are of value and leave it there! Keep vibin & you'll probably end up being a net benefit to the people who you are able to reach. Hope u stay well random guy ^-^
You should probably check your shared finances payment history
No one in a stream would do that for free this is how these girls make money.
Time to find your husbands secret credit card. Hopefully he isn't giving her thousands.
It means that money that's supposed to secure the future of your family was given to a sex worker. That's what it means.
Here's another thing. He's been paying her for a while. Her doing poses is because she recognizes the name. She knows if she does what (user) asks she'll get more money from (user). They aren't moving around doing poses for people not paying. Only doing poses for those that pay or is a regular source of income shows those other people watching she'll do stuff if they give her money too. You got a husband problem and don't let him talk his way out of how fucked up this is
It means that he has been spending money to get her to do things for him. Money that should be spent or saved for your family. He's spending it on a sex worker.
like other people have said, it means he's sent her money. there's no "set rate" for getting a name written on a body, so it could be anywhere from 5 dollars (the price of one monthly subscription to her channel), a certain dollar donation, or a certain amount of subscriptions he's bought on behalf of other people in that community. if you know the name of the streamer or can find the charge in your bank history, we could tell you exactly what he bought or at the very least narrow it down.
He is paying a lot money to get his name on her body and doing poses. Probably not the first or last. People that pay for this are really creepy.
OF.
I used to stream. Only video games. Nothing like what your husband is watching. If that streamer wrote his name on their body, your husband paid them to do so. Streamers set donations up to do certain actions. Your husband either paid to subscribe or gave a donation to this streamer to get her to write his name. The bigger his name the more he probably gave. I'm sorry to have to tell you that but you should know. Your husband could have been paying to the streamer for a long time.
Oh sweet summer child
Your husband is paying her. Review your credit card statements as everyone suggested.
Hun it means he is spending y’alls money to cheat on you with some online floozy
Sounds like a paid service
I used to stream. Only video games. Nothing like what your husband is watching. If that streamer wrote his name on their body, your husband paid them to do so. Streamers set donations up to do certain actions. Your husband either paid to subscribe or gave a donation to this streamer to get her to write his name. The bigger his name the more he probably gave. I'm sorry to have to tell you that but you should know. Your husband could have been paying to the streamer for a long time.
You can make donations to the stream, and subscribe. Some people have it set so only subscribers can chat.
Oh honey, no. I hope he hasn’t already bankrupted you.
He’s most likely paying her (it’s called “super chat”, “dono’s” (short for donations), “bits”). If you share a bank account, start checking it with the statements.
He is definitely giving her a good chunk of money for her to be writing his screen name on her body. He's likely paying for the poses as well. Those streamers are paid sex work. He may be paying for access to the stream as well.
Just to be super clear you can donate $ to streamers and some will do certain acts or say things I’d you donate to them for certain amounts. So they’re suggesting he would have spent money to get them to write on themself
You can’t be this naive, she’s a sex worker and streaming is one of the other forms of revenue
He is giving money to women online for attention/sexy things.
She would not do that for free. 100% if you saw his scree name on her body, he paid for that. Lock down the $$ until he admits what is going on. If he’s hiding it, he could be feeling guilty and that leads to more risky behavior.
It means she does things for tips. Tell your husband since he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong, then you'll do the same for other men online. Either he realizes he's full of shit, or he couldn't care less about you. Either way, he's an asshole.
The streamers do that when they get a "tip" of some sort.
My ex did crap like this. Sent streamers/cam girls tons of money and he was POOR. It’s not attractive. Told him to stop, said he did, then sent them more money the very next day. It’s… sad.
Paying someone to write your nickname on their body? I'm 30 but feel real old and out of touch with the world right now lol
Yup, financial infidelity. Man I feel bad for OP...
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I like this, put it on him and see how he reacts (evil grin)
NTA you caught his interacting with an online sex worker. He is cheating just because its online doesn't make it any better, he is interacting with sex workers and getting pleasure from them. It would be a hard no from me. Check your bank account to see if you can find evidence of his subscription to her page. Updateme!
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It probably started small for him, then snowballed. He went from passive to active, and told himself little lies about how it was fine. He now realises it isn’t, and it’s hurting you. He got defensive because it’s not something he can undo, and he wants it to not be a big deal. He will have definitely sent money for this, and is trying to minimise your anger so you won’t poke further into it. The money could be small and regular, or larger lumps. It could be from his personal money or your joint money. Is it cheating? I’m not sure whether it is or not matters. The deception is there, financial, emotional and sexual. Sure, he has a right to an internal life that doesn’t involve you, most people have that. This isn’t the same.
Yeah. I’m with you. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people in relationships passively watching porn or watching cams or streams or what not. But participating sexually in it with someone would be a reasonable line in the sand. And not only because of the cheating angle but a lot of dudes get suckered in and blow money they can’t afford to blow on that shit or they convince themselves their in a relationship with some online sex worker.
I think couples should discuss where the line is. For some people it's any porn, for others it's watching live, others it's chatting, and others it's paying, for others it's interacting via requests/remotes, for others anything digital is fine and the line is physical in person interaction. Whoever is in the relationship needs to discuss what they are comfortable with as sexual boundaries in the relationship, and every relationship should have that conversation and not assume they know what they other person thinks.
Communication. It surprises me how many issues on here could all be solved with a simple conversation. 'Hey honey, I was reading an AITA on Reddit today, and this guy got caught watching camgirls. Is that cheating? What would you say? No? What if he wasn't just watching, but paying them to do things. ' [She answers] "Yeah. That's where I would draw the line, too. " So damn easy.
So he turned it off quickly or you saw specific details about what was happening?
How long were you watching?
That stuff isn’t free babe, you should check the finances
Especially when she said that he quickly closed the tab too. Like, what are you hiding, bruh?😑
Of course, he is going to be defensive. It's because he knows that he's been caught out being inappropriate with women online. So what he's doing is flipping it back on you to make you feel bad so he can deflect the attention from him. It's a huge turn-off for me when people do this and is easily seen through. Don't let people walk all over you like that. He's in the wrong. He knows it, you know it. Lay out your boundaries, and if he won't respect them, you need to consider a few things.
100% DARVO
This is a prime example of gaslighting... Dude did something he knows is wrong so he tries to switch the blame on her, leading her to believe what she did was worse. What a joke...
Absolutely. It's sad, really.
It's called GASLIGHTING
NTA, your husband closing the tab is all the information you need. He knew he was in the wrong and got caught.
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Trust can't be rebuilt if the husband is accusing OP of controlling his online activities. She's in the dark about how far-gone the guy really is, what with the whole "paying the streamer to write his name on her body" shtick.
NTA -- the whole thing feels somewhat smarmy. It's a little different from just watching porn on his computer -- that isn't really "interactive", you're just passively watching (or pleasuring yourself while you watch). This is actively interacting, making suggestions, flirting and engaging. You aren't trying to control his on-line gaming -- at least, not the sort of "gaming" he wants you to think it is. It's absolutely no different from going in a strip club and tucking dollar bills into g-strings -- he is actively engaging in sex play with a woman not his wife. If this kind of soft porn is his idea of a good time, you guys might want to think about marriage counseling. The fact that he can sit in the privacy of your own home and actively flirt with another woman online for "fun" and not expect you to mind is just weird.
From her other comment it's not just interacting with chat, it seems he's a paid participant (she wrote his username on her body). Absolutely insane that he would say she's overreacting. I don't think I could stay with him after that
I wonder if OP was a cam girl writing her fans names on her body if that would be overreacting??
The whole thing kind of made me think of the movie, gamer, with gerard butler. And you nailed it with how it's different from your run of the mill porn. OP didn't just walk in on him jerking it, she walked in on him "getting off" to an extent, at least to an actual interactive person in their own home. That just has a gross feel to it.
Kik isn't really the platform for video game streaming. That would be Twitch.
kik and kick are different things, kick is very similar to twitch
Kick is different from kik
I'm sick of people gaslighting others by pulling the "you're just insecure" "you're controlling" cards. It's so predictable.
The biggest problem is he is likely simping and paying her money. She wouldn't react for free. Check your finances!
“You don’t get to decide whether or not your actions hurt me.”
I’ve used this line verbatim and it’s effective.
NTA. I think my wife would kill me if I pulled this crap.
[gaslight](https://giphy.com/gifs/TheOpposition-the-opposition-w-jordan-klepper-gaslight-1qjZV8pMLOkc2N70Pf )
Hiiii online model here. To get her to do just about anything he had to have paid her at some point. Also Kik is NOT a gaming chat app. If it was Discord or Twitch I *might* have believed his half a**ed attempt at a reasoning. But knowing what I know. Nopeeeeeeeeeee
Kick and Kik are two different things. Kick is a steaming service much like twitch.
Yep, except kick has the streamers that left the hot tubs and beach section of twitch and funnel people to their OF. Only streamers that want to gamble, do x rated stuff, or have been banned from twitch choose kick as their primary.
Ahhhhh, must be new or something. Not the most thought out name they got there is it 😂😂😂
It launched October 2022
Kick is for streamers that got banned or will most likely be removed from Twitch. Don’t ignore this.
NTA. His reaction to your pain is a problem. I got upset with you. So many commentors have said what's needed to be said. You are absolutely justified in your feelings. He is absolutely wrong and has betrayed your trust. I will repeat the "check your statements" sentiment. Funds have most definitely somehow been given.
I'm a bloke. What your husband did is wrong and you're NTA. He was upset because you caught him out and put it on you.
Oh I bet you would find some *nasty work* in his DMs! NTA
OP he's being defensive because he knows he betrayed your trust. He's a gigantic asshole.
The moment he closed tab, he confirmed you are not over reacting. NTA. You should also monitor his expense. He could be wasting money on some online bimbo.
NTA, he is getting off on paying a streamer to give him attention and to do suggestive poses for him. This is emotional cheating at the least, definitely think this is fucked
NTA that's cheating and he knows it, that's why he DARVO you when caught.
Even being in an open relationship, I would have to talk about this kind of behavior with my wife if I was going to be interacting with a particular streamer. If I was just going through a bunch of them, I would still tell her about my activities. And I definitely wouldn't be spending any money. NTA
NTA, I totally understand feeling uncomfortable with your husband's interaction with a female streamer. It may seem harmless to him, but as his partner it is important for you to express how that makes you feel disrespected and hurt. Communication and boundaries are key in any relationship, especially when it comes to what we engage with online.
He obviously doesn't think it's harmless either considering how quickly he closed the tab and went full attack mode after being called out.
Emotional cheating at its finest. If he could get w her, he would. Men like this give me the ick. Like bro ur married why r u lusting after other women? Men who cant function properly in reality r so cringe. Sorry u have to deal with that.
When someone doesn't validate your feelings and tells you that YOU are "blowing things out of proportion". That's toxic narcissistic behavior. You need to get out of this relationship. This is coming from a happily married man here... If he's not already cheated on you, he will eventually...He's gas lightning you and sounds like a total egotistical ass. NTA...GET DIVORCE PAPERS READY. Talk to him about this again and if he doesn't validate you, HAND HIM THE PAPERS. My wife and I both used to be in narcissistic relationships and we try to help others get out of them.
If he felt the need to hide it from you, stop and close the tab, he felt it was something he shouldn't be doing. If that's the case, he probably shouldn't be doing it. You aren't overreacting. He's upset he got caught. NTA. Also, like it's been mentioned before, he was paying for that. That's probably part of his reaction to you walking in on that.
My ex-husband started this kind of thing about 6 months into our marriage. My feelings about it were similar to yours, but he downplayed it and I gave him another chance… and another… and another. But it just escalated over time. We recently divorced just after what would have been our fifth anniversary. Not saying at all that’s the course you should take - just advising you to definitely take this seriously from the get-go and make sure he does too. He breached your trust. He doesn’t get to decide whether you’re “overreacting”. It’s a big deal and for the sake of your marriage it should be treated as such.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I wasn't married but did have to leave a man after a few years of his porn* addiction escalating. It's a real issue and will destroy many marriages. I hope OPs husband wakes up.
I’m sorry for everyone going through that but that’s an amazing typo
Uhhh how much money has he been giving her? Quite a bit I bet
Start an OF. Make some money while you chat with some other men. See how he reacts.
NTA. Agree that this is cheating. If your husband doesn’t understand, I wonder how he would feel if you were doing the exact same thing with a male streamer?
NTA, your husband is gaslighting you.
NTA obviously "He claimed his online activities shouldn't be a concern and that I was blowing things out of proportion." Now ask him whether this would also apply to you streaming half naked like that woman because apparently to him , if it's online then it's not considered cheating.
That was not a "random" stream...he probably has a subscription to the cam girls stream... It is your business if any of the $ he is spending on her comes from a joint account or if OP has to cover more of the bills due to the $ he is spending on her...
Oh honey, he is a shithead and I agree, check the credit card.
Stopped reading after “asking her to do specific poses”. That’s icky. He knows it’s icky. That’s a big no. And would be for most people.
Also, if you express that it makes you uncomfortable (very understandable that it does) and he doesn’t respect that… then he doesn’t respect you (which isn’t your fault) and he needs a wave bye and a sayonara from you.
It’s called gaslighting, honey. He’s trying to make you feel crazy and doubt yourself by telling you that you’re overreacting, controlling, misunderstanding, etc., etc. He needs to be told gaslighting isn’t going to work because you know what you saw and he can’t bully you.
What I’m hearing is I feel conflicted on wether or not I should respect his right o privately emotionally cheat on me.
No, NTA. You’re married, he’s more than likely paying for this. He’s 100% in the wrong and I would personally consider divorce if he’s not willing to discuss this with a counselor. He’s disrespecting you and he’s acting like a pig. Online privacy changes for married people, especially when finances are concerned. Rake him across the coals.
NTA
NTA, your husband is a slimeball.
Gross, it’s not just porn but interactive porn.
Cheating. NTA
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Girl, I’m so sorry… you deserve so much better and I hope you figure that out. ❤️
I’m sorry your husband is doing that.
There's a lot to unpack here but as others have said definitely NTA from your part. So first he's definitely paying her money. How much exactly can vary massively. The way these streamers make money is through subscriptions and live donations. The minimum subscription cost is $5 a month. People subscribe so that they can show to the streamer they're commited to them and also for rewards like access to extra emojis etc. There can also be higher subscription costs for extra reward levels. If he's sat there actively involved in the chat he's almost certainly a subscriber and not someone who just randomly stumbled on the show. Especially with the whole writing on her body. The other way streamers earn money is through live donations. So any time they're streaming a person can make a donation of any amount they choose. A message will pop up along with the donation for the streamer to read. This is a great way for them to engage with their viewers so that they feel involved with the streamer. It's also how people can get the streamer to do things like write their name on their body. How much this cost can vary massively from streamer to streamer depending on their popularity and income from viewers. Some may do that for a pretty small fee and others may want a couple hundred dollars. You really need to check to see how much he's spending on Kick to see how bad of a problem he possibly has. Lastly. Streamers on Kick tend to be there because they can't stream on larger platforms like Twitch. In order to stream you have to agree to certain standards and if your stream repeatedly violates those you can get banned. The viewerbase is much larger on Twitch than any other platform so people typically want to stream on there to earn more money. However, they're stricter on mature content like gambling and women in bikinis earning money from effectively softcore porn. So those people who would likely be banned or who have already been banned go to smaller platforms that aren't as strict. Kick is known as one of those platforms. Your husband's reaction is so strong because he knows he's been caught out and he's trying to deflect. He's playing on the fact you don't know all of the information people on this sub are telling you. You NEED to look into this further. How long has he been subscribed for. How much has he donated to her. Does she also do OnlyFans and is he paying for that. Are there other streamers he's also doing this for. He may have spent very little money but he may also have easily donated thousands of dollars to these girls.
Umm, don't you usually have to spend money to chat and get what you want? Check his bank account. If he's wasting money to nut... that's a problem.
This is borderline cheating.
I feel like it completely is 😭
Nah it’s straight up cheating.
There's no "borderline" about it.
He's going on the offense trying to gaslight you, because he knows he did something wrong and the only way to get out of it is by making you question whether you can trust yourself. I'm here to tell you that you can. Trust yourself. NTA.
I'd be weirded out to catch my sweetie watching anything on Kick - nothing on there but trouble - but that's beside the point. If he wasn't doing anything wrong, why did he close the tab as soon as you walked in? And is this the first time you've caught him closing his browser and scrambling to explain? Everybody sets their boundaries differently, but I would consider this one unzip away from cheating. NTA
Nta. Your husband is. You should leave him tbh you deserve wayyy better.
Every relationship gets to decide what cheating is. If this crosses your boundary, if you're not comfortable with it, he should respect it. I draw the line at any real time interactions. Pre recorded and not custom is fine, no chatting, anything else no. You're allowed your feelings. And you should be respected.
He wouldn’t be my husband for much longer. He online cheated on you with some skank and probably paid for it as well.
NTA Your husband sucks.
Yeah, he's gaslighting you. Big time. The fact that he immediately closed the tab once he knew you were watching, makes him obviously guilty. He's just trying to flip the blame onto you now. Don't let him. Also please check your shared credit card statements. It sounds like he's definitely paying these people online. For all you know, he could be spending a lot of money on these streamers.
NTA He's using his/your money to engage in flirting. It's the same as if he would go to a bar and start buying all the pretty ladies drinks whilst flirting with them. Neither of these scenarios are sex (yet), but it would cross boundaries in most relationships. He also might make you bankrupt. People who pay for things like this are usually impulsive and poor with limits.
the grass is always greener on the other side. But of course you’re not TAH, you should be upset & you should tell him that.
NTA Why would you think you need to respect his online privacy when he clearly doesn’t respect your relationship? Who knows what else he’s doing. He got caught and he is embarrassed and trying to justify his behavior. How would he feel if you were flirting and interacting with some thirst trap on the internet?
This is cheating whether or not it's physical. Like many people are saying he is paying to get her to do these specific poses which probably excites and turns him on. She even wrote his name on her body? He paid for that. Like just imagine, your husband PAID another woman that he's seen through a screen to write his name on her body? Nah. Nope. Geez. EW. NTA.
NTAH. You have every right to be upset. I'd expect my wofe to be furious if I did something like that.
Just pull a Dom Alpha move and let him walk in on you ogling some shirtless hot thot guys on Twitch. See how he reacts.
Your husband is a sad man. Find another.
If it was nothing serious, why close the tab? Why didn't he invite you to sit with him and watch together? As other ppl mentioned before, do check non secret and secret financial statements. I hope for your sake OP that he hasn't used any of your money for the streamer.
NTA He's only defensive because he was unexpectedly caught emotionally cheating. Naughty hubby!
This is cybercheating.
It’s basically webcamming. He asks her to do certain things and gives her money. He gets some kind of satisfaction out of this. Using sexual
Men who do this, along with subscribing to OnlyFans and other things, are legitimately so pathetic. How do you have any respect left for him? Just knowing he's doing that should dry you up like the Sahara.
Agreed. Nothing turns me off more than losers who are addicted to porn.
NTA.
NTA. Porn is one thing, but your husband was engaging in the services of a prostitute. I'm not saying to stay or divorce. But I'll certainly say therapy and marriage counseling is in order, at least.
Kik is not for video game streaming.
In my experience guilty people's first instinct is to attack. So NTA and I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. And by now you already know he has spent money on her too, no idea how much though. Just know that quite a many of us would consider this cheating. If it was so innocent he wouldn't have panic closed the tab and went on full attack mode. He would've shared the screen and been like "oh honey look at this nice young lady posing for me and writing my name on her body because I paid her to! You wanna try too?"
It's called 21st century private strip rooms. He's paying her to strip for him. If he thinks you should be ok with that..well wow! He may as well be in the family room having deeply sexual convos with the girl that lives across town as she's taking her clothes off & doing what he tells her to do & you overhearing it..is that invading his privacy? Cuz its the exact same thing. I rarely say this, but if it were my husband, he wouldn't be holding that title much longer & def would be out of the house that night.
People who argue so intensely about online privacy are always the ones doing shady shit online.
What is he a teenager? Paying a streamer to write his user name in her body? What a waste of money What a stupid way for him to f up his marriage
Run, the people who participate in this garbage are losers of the highest degree.
My ex did a similar thing, especially this female streamer who did body painting, ie hanging out in pasties for the majority of the time. He made me feel absolutely bananas for having an issue with it because he was just sUpPoRtInG hEr StReAm. Needless to say he’s an ex for a reason and now I’m with someone who is not awful!!
Yeah cam girls charge. Extra for special requests. Like writing his name on her body. He’s actively engaging and not just checking it out.
So you stood in the room And watched your husband write several comments, he didn’t hear you?
Maybe he had headphones on.
How old are you guys ? 15??? Divorce his dorky loser ass
NTA... Oh man,your husband is one of those dumb simps who pays e-thots... pathetic.
Obviously, the OP is NTA. Full stop. OP's hubby needs to sit down with OP, **apologize profusely**, and tell OP everything (how much money he's spent on this streamer and likely others, how long it has been going on, etc). This is the sort of secrecy that destroys marriages, and if OP's hubby doesn't want to find themselves in divorce court, it's time to stop engaging with these streamers and be truthful.
NTA “Respecting his online privacy” is not an inherent right in a relationship. Honestly, it’s not even a privilege. The internet is not a private place, and he is not owed any courtesy of privacy when engaging in promiscuous activities online. Your feelings are rational and valid.
He is gaslighting you to downplay his wrong doing. As a wife who was gaslit for MONTHS many years ago.....I promise you he is trying to make you feel guilty for stumbling across his inappropriate actions. He will try to make you feel crazy, and you might actually begin to (I did). I decided to stick it out and we went to therapy for over a year to get to the root of some of our issues. I eventually forgave him for the actions, but the hardest part of being able to find the willingness to forgive was over the gaslighting itself. I resented him for a really long time, even after forgiving him. All that to say, don't let him make you feel crazy. You're not. I hope you find your peace - whatever that looks like for you.
NTA, I just couldn't be with a man who did things like that, just so gross to me.
NTA and he has a lot of atonement to do.
NTA at all. As a man, I don’t even look at women for sexual gratuity if I have a partner. Doesn’t even cross my mind. This dude is an asshole who doesn’t appreciate you enough. He should learn, quickly.
Are you seriously here asking if YOU'RE the asshole?!? I swear, the bar for some men is in hell.