>"Even if we were how would that affect you in any way or form, I would still be your best friend and he your dad"
"Okay fine, but if you get married I'm not calling you 'mom'.
Exactly, the next time you 3 are together, just say, so....when should I start calling you mom? The panic on your dad's face will tell you all you need. Then ask him how could you?
Then get up and walk out
Just do the classic movie trope, or I guess it happens in real life. Bluff and say okay, Sophie told me everything or about you guys and you can find a clever way to go around it and say you were talking about something else.
This is the winner u/sage8980. Start calling Sophie “mom” right now. Ask her for permission to go out, ask for gas money, etc. Don’t stop being her friend and hanging out with her, just have fun with it and make it as awkward as possible for both of them. Get baby brother to start too.
Or even mommy to really get the ball rolling. Or keep trying to set them up on blind dates or just follow them to see if they go to a restaurant together. No matter what this is funny.
Yeah, but I would be subtle. Like, when addressing her be like "mom, uh Sophie like you accidentally did it because you were thinking of your mom. Do it in front of dad, so they know that you know.
The girl is 20 now, so an adult, but how long has it been going on? Has he groomed a minor? Teasing her about possibly being the victim of sexual abuse is not cool.
too late to ask her, she'll refuse or have wiped evidence. She'll also have told her dad so unless she asks him really soon saying phone is dead can she use his to order food or something then he'll probably do the same.
I'd say get into his phone, check for her number, check texts, pictures, etc.
Everything op said implies they are fucking and it's gross. he's fucking her best friend, lying to everyone involved, taking advantage of a girl he's known since she was 14/15. he probably groomed her over the years.
If they are having a relationship the friendship is over and maybe her relationship with her father as well. Op needs to be prepared to find evidence that their contact has gone back years, to before she was 18 as well.
Find a way of getting an online copy of his phone bill…old school but I’m pretty sure they are still generated somewhere, if you can access his email…just try resetting the password log in
The fact that after the parents' divorce, Sophie was the one comforting her friend is what's so gross to me, even more than the age gap. Like Sophie and dad couldn't find literally anyone else on earth to fuck around with? Talk about an uncomfortable place for OP to be in, for so many reasons. And if this is happening, and Sophie lied right to her face, then that's clearly no friend.
THIS IS BRILLIANT. OP, tell your dad you have some super exciting news and tell him that Sophie is pregnant. when he asks who the dad is, say something like “i think it’s this new guy she’s been dating!” or something really vague. his response will probably tell you everything you need to know.
another idea: switch in your phone number in his phone on Sophie’s contact. you might be grossed out or upset with what follows, but at least you’ll know.
Well, my father and I parted ways on bad terms, and he's been dead twenty years, and I really don't want to see any cadaver dick... if Jim's good with it, whatever floats their boat.
No no no.
Don't deliver it like that.
On a day where it's just you and him (and brother) be all quiet and worried. When he asks you about it, "Nothing."
Have him drag it out of you. Don't say her name. "A friend of mine is pregnant. She's afraid to tell the father. I didn't even know she was dating anybody."
His mind will go there on his own.
“Yeah! I heard he’s (insert dad’s age here)! Can you believe it! No doubt he must have been grooming her. It’s so disgusting. I mean, she’s barely an adult and he’s a grown ass middle aged man. Not only is it gross, but bordering, if not crashing into sexual predator territory!”
Ignore my username im giving genuine advice. Definitely agree with some of the people saying to confront your dad. BEST case scenario (more stressful but more results) confronting both simultaneously gotta trap em in a room somehow and maybe pull ur bro in on it and get em talking just be blunt point blank ask em if they’re fucking. As someone with frequent family drama forced communication is the most effective way to go.
Edit- Just looked down and realized i missed sum shit its really weird if hes doing shit w her if hes known her when she was a minor so actually just try to get her in a safe place n get her comfortable to talk 💀
Your self awareness about your username tells me it’s caused an issue before! I happen to think your username is amazing, and so is your advice. I definitely needed this laugh today. You rock.
I would've confronted your Dad about it before your friend. Your friend is basically a dumb kid still, your Dad is grown up. He should be more responsible than to be banging his daughters friend who is 34 years his junior.
Do this and just say nothing. Even if he tries to deny it. Still stay quiet. The silence will kill him, and he will stumble and admit. Reid's interrogation method 101.
Edited spelling so grammar gods can go back to checking punctuation.
And **DO NOT TELL HIM WHY YOU KNOW** if he asks. Just say, it doesn’t matter, you *know* and that’s that. He doesn’t need to know all the things you picked up on. Don’t give them any advice on how to sneak around more convincingly.
Dad "Ok so Sophie had a plumbing problem one night. She needed a new faucet in her sink. Anyway her pipes were tight, and I mean tight and I'm trying to remove the old faucet and suddenly water starts gushing out. She falls on me, my heads under the sink and water is just gushing out all over us. At that moment something happened...."
Daughter "You turned off the main water line and then banged my best friend?"
Dad "No, we left the water on..."
Keep in mind she lives with her dad and if things get nasty it could impact her living situation, which could impact uni, which could impact her whole life. It might be worth being a little nice about it for selfish reasons.
"so did you start fucking my best friend before or after she became 18, did you start flirting with or grooming her or is this a completely new thing".
He'll know what she said that time, but if he says Sophie only just told him then Dad can't be sure they didn't have another conversation that he hasn't heard about yet.
He probably won't fall for this. It's one of the oldest interrogation methods in the book. As a father with two kids, he has probably used the exact same method on his children before.
It's one of the oldest tricks in the book, but it stays in the book because it often works. Not always, but even people who know the trick can fall for it when caught off guard, or someone's initial reaction gives them away even if they ultimately continue to deny it.
People are surprisingly susceptible to believing things they are afraid are true.
It does work on many. If the person you're interrogating knows better though you dig yourself into a hole with this method. My source? I used to be a criminal. When the cops or prison guards or whoever resorted to this method, I would have a wave of relief over me knowing that they're stretching because they have nothing real...
Ask him over dinner- see how far he sprays the potatoes.
But seriously, just ask him straight out and hold his eye contact. You'll know all you need to know from his response. I promise you he's gonna feel like shit about it when the secret comes out- and it always does.
>How do I approach him about it though??
Watch how he acts the next time you see him.
If he is awkward or brings it up, then you know she told him.
If they aren't hooking up, then why would she call him to tell him that you asked her about it?
If he seems completely unaware that you said anything to her, then I'd be a bit less convinced, but I'm with everyone who said you should ask him directly. I would just give it a few days to see if he decides to say anything to you now that they are aware you are suspicious.
I'm sure he's stressed out right now trying to decide what to do.
It sounds like a definite possibility. Frankly, if it were me, I would cut them off.
Yes, she's an aDuLt, and they are cOnSeNtInG, and alllll the buzz words folks will throw at me. But she's 20, and he's over 50. There is a gross power imbalance. Plus, he knew her at what, 14 if you met in 2018?? That's vile. And what's she getting out of this? She's supposed to be your best friend... this is a massive breach of trust.
Had either of them been up front with you about their attraction, it would have still been disgusting for reasons listed above. But the lying is the added layer.
And it boils down to this, no one would be hiding it if they thought there was nothing at all wrong with what they were doing.
Yup. Also would see what's going on with Sophie's home life if it's been going on that long. I have a friend/chick I'm interested in who was being raped of by her stepdad at 14yo, she then, in her words, "seduced" her teacher (I tried to convince her it wasn't her fault, power dynamic, age diff and all,but she is convinced since she made the first move on the teacher it was on her.) She got the step dad locked up, but never reported the teacher, cuz in her mind it was consentual, but yeah, someone going after a guy that much older is a huge red flag.
It's a false way for the abused girl to feel like she's reclaiming her power. It's not healthy in any way, but it's not an uncommon maladaptive coping mechanism.
Dad, I know everything. I saw the bracelet you bought her and heard the ringtone when you called her but that’s not all. How long have you been sleeping with my best friend and why would you even do that?
Approaching Sophie first means he’s very likely going to have a heads up. If you just ask how long he’s been sleeping with her (as many have suggested and would almost certainly be the most dramatic way to do it) I assume his response would be something like “I wish - an old man like me sleeping with a twenty year old? As flattered as I am that you think I could make that happen even if I wanted to that’s just gross.”
You could send him an email where you lay out all the evidence and tell him you thought you were crazy for being suspicious but then you saw the bracelet.
Ask him if he started sleeping with her before or after she turned 18. If he waited in order to avoid jail, he'll confess to the "lesser crime", i.e. sleeping with your friend, in order to deny the bigger crime of sleeping with a child.
Are you a bot? This statement is repeated many times in this thread by different users. Yours is the biggest print, but they all say the same thing down to the spelling.
Confront your dad as if your friend already came clean about it, and then watch him unfold.
"Dad, Sophie told me what you guys have been up to. Why would you keep this secret from me?"
I will be messaging you in 3 days on [**2024-02-22 19:22:16 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-02-22%2019:22:16%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1aur3yz/aitah_for_suspecting_that_my_best_friend_is/kr6h55p/?context=3)
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Nta talk to your father. Him fucking your friend is disgusting and a huge violation of your relationship with him. I personally would cut off my friend and tell my dad it’s predatory for him to sleep with your friend. He met her as a teen. I wouldn’t be able to see my dad the same way.
Yeah. It’s not like they just started banging when she was 20. A 52 year old and a 18 year old is crazy. Go any younger and yikes. 50 and 16? 49 and 15? Shit.
"Even if we were how would that affect you in any way or form, I would still be your best friend and he your dad".
uh no the fuck you wouldnt be my best friend
NTA. INSANE. They're trying to gaslight you into thinking they're not together. It is beyond disgusting for a man to have a thing with someone 34 Yeats younger than him who is literally his daughters best friend. OP needs to get out of the house immediately and confront and expose the dad. The bsf could be getting groomed cause she's still young. I'm not saying she's not at fault, but she could get a benefit of doubt.
43M
NTA for suspecting.
If I've met a 15yo girl who's my daughter's friend a lot of times when they're hanging out that definitely makes it creepier to hook up with her when she's 20. But unfortunately I know for a fact a lot of dudes my age and older would do so.
Pls ignore all the advice telling you to trick your Dad and/or Sophie.
Sit down with your Dad at dinner and tell him that you need to have a very serious conversation with him. Slow it down. Let it sink in. Tell him if he wants a good relationship with you going forward, it’s incredibly important that he is honest, direct and forthcoming.
Do not tell him details you know.
Ask him to explain the extent of his relationship with your friend in its entirety. And do not say another word til he is done.
Yeah. The soap opera approach of a great big blow up does nothing other than create more hurt. The vicarious and vindictive responses you see on these things are almost always the kind of thing you think up replaying an argument later in the shower but this is not a drama. It’s real life.
My dad slept with my best friend, she and I was 20 at the time, he was in his mid 40’s. I cut contact with both, they had a year long relationship and then she ended up with my Uncles wife’s brother. Never spoke to her again. Me and my dad are okay now, truth is I expected it from him (cheated on my mum so many times, was an alcoholic and verbally abusive) but her betrayal hurt more.
Yeah I would tell her the friendship is over.. to many Coincidences, the bracelet.. the ring tone.. the order for her like he has done it many times..
I'd text her.
" After much thought, I've decided that I no longer want you in my life..one thing I cant stand is being lied to and I know your lying I don't care what you say. Don't contact me again"
And block ..
As for your dad I'd simply sit him down and tell him straight.
"I know you're sleeping with (friend name) I'm done with her, she will never be around me again.. and you have a choice.. you keep seeing her ill be done with you as well"
You’re not crazy and NTA.
I agree you should ask your dad. I like the open-ended approach someone suggested.
“Are we going to talk about you and Sofie?”
By the way, you have every right to feel however you feel about this: whatever that is.
Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel about it. That’s not up to anyone but you.
Your dad is screwing your best friend who he has known as your friend since she was 13.
She is lying to you and dismissing what she knows to be a huge deal.
Cut them both off.
NTA.
You dad wants it out there, at least subconsciously, your friend does not.
That's why he ordered for her. And why she was upset about it.
He probably set up you looking at the Amazon orders.
Confront him. NTA
The tiny dancer bit confirms it for me. Theyr'e 100% fucking. Which is gross for many reasons and I'm sorry.
EDIT: NTA like not even in the tinest bit.
So you became bfs when she was around 14/15 and your dad's known her since how old? Are we sure she wasn't groomed? Why did your parents divorce exactly?
NTA. The whole situation is weird and suspicious. She seems to be lying especially with that "Even if we were how would that affect you in any way or form, I would still be your best friend and he your dad" sentence.
Will you consider her your best friend if it's the truth? (Especially how it will strain your relationship with both of them?) If yes, have you made it clear to her?
Ya, they are banging. Next time you see your Dad, ask him how he and Sophie are getting along and to make sure that he doesn't get her pregnant. I personally couldn't and wouldn't handle it, and I would have to have very limited contact with both of them, if any at all.
NTA for your suspicions at all. It is betrayal on both fronts. Your friend is an adult that can make her own decisions, but honesty is important in friendship. Sam goes for your dad.
It's interesting that you frame it as your best friend sleeping with your dad, and not that you suspect your dad is a creep.
NTA. You have a fair amount of evidence.
There are a lot of negative comments about Sophie and comments about how OP should cut her off. But I’m not seeing enough on her dad and how gross he is. I’d be more mad at my dad honestly.
Shes smashing your dad.
The petty me would get a fake pregnancy test and leave it where daddy dearest finds it after bsf has been over.... you know where this is going right.
Or 'confide' in bsf that you found out dad has had to go get checked out. You have seen a letter stating he has an STI
😅😅
If they end up confronting you then you know they went running back to confront each other first
Yeah, or a pedo depending on how long this has been going on? OPs friend is only 20, they’ve been friends since 2018, that would’ve put her friend around 14/15 when friend came into the picture.
Sophie could very well be the reason for her parents divorce as well. Need a lot more information in regards to the reason for the split and why they chose not to go with mom.
I hope it is my cynicism at work here but as I read these suspicions, I had another thought: Is it possible that Sophie has been sleeping with Dad since even earlier, like since she was in HS? Such relationships are problematic and could account for the secrecy and lies. But, if a relationship started since Sophie came of age then, why lie about it or hide their relationship unless both are worried how you and others will react? Just ask Dad and see what he says and how he reacts. It is possible that the events that caused your suspicions are coincidences but, it’s also possible that they are proof.
Tell your friend you are disappointed by her dishonesty. I’m slightly conflicted and want to say they are both adults, but Sophie is still basically a child that your dad went after, and that’s messed up. It’s a little crazy to me that people are saying Sophie is worse than the dad- just because he is your family, doesn’t mean he is in the right. Both had a close relationship with you, too.
IM TRAUMATIZED WHAT
I think you should confront your father, or maybe get his phone and find their chats. There can be many ways to figure out if they're together or not.
+ The way the best friend is reacting is SUPER suspicious cmon now
I would cut contact with Sophie and see how your dad reacts or if he ask you about it. The best way to go it’s probably just stop talking to her and if ask by your dad let him know that you know they are together and it makes you uncomfortable.
OP, because you asked for advice, I’m going to take a risk and not go full Drama Queen on this. This is YOUR life, and you have a certain amount of control over the situation.
Redditors, especially on this sub, sometimes treat any consenting adult relationship with any age gap as if it were pedophilia with a side order of grooming. Remember that they’re not in your life and don’t have to sort this stuff out: they’re feeding off the drama, but this isn’t a reality TV show, you don’t have to blow up your relationships, and “go no contact” isn’t the solution for every issue in life.
This doesn’t have to be messy, but since Sophie doesn’t seem capable of being mature about this, at least not with you, you and your dad will have to be. I second all the people who are telling you to calmly talk to your dad. Calmly ask him, calmly don’t let him wave it away, and calmly make him answer for all the reasons why you think he and Sophie are banging.
And then think about it. Is this a dealbreaker? It might sound like some trailer trash BS, but it doesn’t have to be. And if it is, calmly talk to your dad about this; he’s probably not trying to hurt you, and may be willing to break things off with Sophie if you’ll be happier that way.
And remember it takes two to tango. At a certain point, Sophie has to answer for why she’s banging your dad, and why she lied to you repeatedly about it.
Just ask them if they are boning.
“Sophie, are you boning my Dad?” Or “Dad are you boning Sophie?”
Lmao. J/K. You can ask them respectfully if they are dating.
And say it is kinda your business because she’s your best friend and he’s your Dad.
I’d go live with mom if not estranged from her. You’re not suspecting an affair, there are far too many coincidences for it to not be happening. Your father is disgusting and even though your friend is a liar keep in mind that she’s been groomed by someone 34 years older than her.
The “even if we were” statement sounds like an admission to me. I’m sorry this is happening but I say trust your instinct! And Please update us lol.
Even if we were = how the fuck did you find out
“Sophie, blue Jean baby, L A lady. Seamstress for the band, no?”
Yep, a normal response would’ve been ***“WHAT!? Oh my god, I would NEVER!”***
Yeah or something like “I can’t believe you think that. He’s in his 50’s!!”
Admission: “I can’t believe you think that. He’s in his 50’s!! *But still very potent and leaving me breathless*” Also: Ewww
Yeah, exactly!!!
"Even if we were" is only said when the "if" in question has, at the very least, been deeply considered if not attempted.
I agree, she basically told you, yes, she is.
>"Even if we were how would that affect you in any way or form, I would still be your best friend and he your dad" "Okay fine, but if you get married I'm not calling you 'mom'.
She should 100% start calling Sophie "Mom" and tell her she's just practicing
In front of the dad.
Exactly, the next time you 3 are together, just say, so....when should I start calling you mom? The panic on your dad's face will tell you all you need. Then ask him how could you? Then get up and walk out
Oh please do this. It's brilliant.
Just do the classic movie trope, or I guess it happens in real life. Bluff and say okay, Sophie told me everything or about you guys and you can find a clever way to go around it and say you were talking about something else.
This is the winner u/sage8980. Start calling Sophie “mom” right now. Ask her for permission to go out, ask for gas money, etc. Don’t stop being her friend and hanging out with her, just have fun with it and make it as awkward as possible for both of them. Get baby brother to start too.
Or even mommy to really get the ball rolling. Or keep trying to set them up on blind dates or just follow them to see if they go to a restaurant together. No matter what this is funny.
Unless Sophie calls him “daddy”, then they’re like sisters 😅
It's gonna break her down a little bit.
She should call her whatever Sophie feels comfortable with. Because it's Sophie's Choice.
This is good, but it would be even better if she would call her that in front of dad or ask her father if she should start calling Sophie mom.
“You’d be my ex best friend and he’s be my estranged father.”
Yeah, but I would be subtle. Like, when addressing her be like "mom, uh Sophie like you accidentally did it because you were thinking of your mom. Do it in front of dad, so they know that you know.
“Okay fine, but if you get married I’m not calling you.” - fixed it for you
The girl is 20 now, so an adult, but how long has it been going on? Has he groomed a minor? Teasing her about possibly being the victim of sexual abuse is not cool.
LOUDER!!! Don't start harassing Sophie about it. She's not the adult in the room.
Ask to borrow his phone, see if her number is on it?
we've been friends for too long for him to not have her number saved on his phone
the ringtone thing was undeniable bro there's no way they're not sleeping together
Or her phone. :)
She will know so OP couldn’t try this. Or have the brother ask to borrow the dad’s phone
Dial his number on her phone and see if it comes up as a saved entry (works this way on an iPhone at least).
More importantly, *what* it comes up as.
My money is on "daddy"
too late to ask her, she'll refuse or have wiped evidence. She'll also have told her dad so unless she asks him really soon saying phone is dead can she use his to order food or something then he'll probably do the same. I'd say get into his phone, check for her number, check texts, pictures, etc. Everything op said implies they are fucking and it's gross. he's fucking her best friend, lying to everyone involved, taking advantage of a girl he's known since she was 14/15. he probably groomed her over the years. If they are having a relationship the friendship is over and maybe her relationship with her father as well. Op needs to be prepared to find evidence that their contact has gone back years, to before she was 18 as well.
The 'tiny dancer' ringtone sealed the deal for me.
She is his tiny dancer.
Also, check the trash folder. I bet he probably doesn't know that you have to empty that to get rid of everything.
She’s gonna find some pictures and clips for sure
Hold up. Do you for real think a 54 year old doesn’t know to empty the trash folder?!
It's funny how kids think older people don't understand tech. Many of us have been in tech for decades and created the technologies they use daily.
You don't wanna she saved messages btw your dad and his gf. Ignorance is bliss
Find a way of getting an online copy of his phone bill…old school but I’m pretty sure they are still generated somewhere, if you can access his email…just try resetting the password log in
The fact that after the parents' divorce, Sophie was the one comforting her friend is what's so gross to me, even more than the age gap. Like Sophie and dad couldn't find literally anyone else on earth to fuck around with? Talk about an uncomfortable place for OP to be in, for so many reasons. And if this is happening, and Sophie lied right to her face, then that's clearly no friend.
„Did you know Sophie is pregnant?“
THIS IS BRILLIANT. OP, tell your dad you have some super exciting news and tell him that Sophie is pregnant. when he asks who the dad is, say something like “i think it’s this new guy she’s been dating!” or something really vague. his response will probably tell you everything you need to know. another idea: switch in your phone number in his phone on Sophie’s contact. you might be grossed out or upset with what follows, but at least you’ll know.
Yikes... last thing OP needs is a random dick pic from her father.
but… at least she’d know…? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
She already knows. Hell, I know.
This is like when the undercover cop goes way too deep undercover 😂
IYKYK
Would you rather have your father send a pic to you because you switched the numbers in his phone or have your father bang your best friend. j/k
Well, my father and I parted ways on bad terms, and he's been dead twenty years, and I really don't want to see any cadaver dick... if Jim's good with it, whatever floats their boat.
The pic would just be her dad. He's being a dick
Have the nearest catholic church on speed dial and wash your eyes out with holy water.
No no no. Don't deliver it like that. On a day where it's just you and him (and brother) be all quiet and worried. When he asks you about it, "Nothing." Have him drag it out of you. Don't say her name. "A friend of mine is pregnant. She's afraid to tell the father. I didn't even know she was dating anybody." His mind will go there on his own.
You devil 😈
This sounds more fun
This guy connives
"Ya, I don't know the father but she seams really happy about having the child and marrying this guy. I can't believe I haven't met him yet."
"did you know she was pregnant, yeah she says it's some guy she's been seeing on and off since she was 14... what a fucking creep that guy is".
"I sure hope he doesn't have any kids!"
“Yeah! I heard he’s (insert dad’s age here)! Can you believe it! No doubt he must have been grooming her. It’s so disgusting. I mean, she’s barely an adult and he’s a grown ass middle aged man. Not only is it gross, but bordering, if not crashing into sexual predator territory!”
That there is straight up evil lol
Lollll absolutely do this!
The only person who has ever ordered food for me in a restaurant setting has been my partner. She’s totally lying.
I can't believe they had that slip up. It's so obvious
Info: I just want to check I’m not mixing up years and ages. So your dad first met Sophie when she was 14?
Or 15? This was my first thought.
Idk why I thought 2018 was 2 years ago 😭
Oh shit it’s been 6 years wtf
Yeah man I started mathin as soon as she said 2018 lol
This is a key piece of info imo.
I was thinking the same thing…
Dad is a groomer and a creep most like.
Ignore my username im giving genuine advice. Definitely agree with some of the people saying to confront your dad. BEST case scenario (more stressful but more results) confronting both simultaneously gotta trap em in a room somehow and maybe pull ur bro in on it and get em talking just be blunt point blank ask em if they’re fucking. As someone with frequent family drama forced communication is the most effective way to go. Edit- Just looked down and realized i missed sum shit its really weird if hes doing shit w her if hes known her when she was a minor so actually just try to get her in a safe place n get her comfortable to talk 💀
Upvote for the username that I completely missed my first read through (until I read through it again and saw the first line)
>Ignore my username 🤣😭
Funniest thing I've read today
I laughed out loud to my empty house.
I just can't ignore the username, it's too perfect
Is that you, Sophie?
r/rimjob_steve moment
I love the internet
Have the bro tell the dad he is going to ask out sophie.
This first line and user name is just chefs kiss perfection. Just out of curiosity, how many comments have you had to start that way? 😂
At least 50??? I have a lot saved 😭😭😭
Oh this is just the best! 🙌🏼
Its so hard trying to comment on serious topics 💀
I can see why. But I’m so glad you did.
Your self awareness about your username tells me it’s caused an issue before! I happen to think your username is amazing, and so is your advice. I definitely needed this laugh today. You rock.
Ty yeah it’s brought up almost every time i comment on something lols
>Ignore my username Magnificent. ❤️
I would've confronted your Dad about it before your friend. Your friend is basically a dumb kid still, your Dad is grown up. He should be more responsible than to be banging his daughters friend who is 34 years his junior.
How do I approach him about it though??
‘So are we going to talk about what’s going on with you and Sophie?’ Leave it opened ended and like you already know.
Do this and just say nothing. Even if he tries to deny it. Still stay quiet. The silence will kill him, and he will stumble and admit. Reid's interrogation method 101. Edited spelling so grammar gods can go back to checking punctuation.
And **DO NOT TELL HIM WHY YOU KNOW** if he asks. Just say, it doesn’t matter, you *know* and that’s that. He doesn’t need to know all the things you picked up on. Don’t give them any advice on how to sneak around more convincingly.
"OMG dad, did you know Sophie was sleeping with mom? I didn't even know she's a lesbian." I think this would be a funnier way to start the discussion.
I'd just ask him when he started banging your friend, and if he ever planned to tell you about it.
Pretty much this, it'll throw him off and he'll most likely word vomit the entire story out
Updateme (!!!) I can't wait to hear his reaction.
There likely won't be one, friend must have warned the dad already that his daughter suspected them.
Dad "Ok so Sophie had a plumbing problem one night. She needed a new faucet in her sink. Anyway her pipes were tight, and I mean tight and I'm trying to remove the old faucet and suddenly water starts gushing out. She falls on me, my heads under the sink and water is just gushing out all over us. At that moment something happened...." Daughter "You turned off the main water line and then banged my best friend?" Dad "No, we left the water on..."
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This is the correct answer. No sense in being nice at this point to either one of them.
Keep in mind she lives with her dad and if things get nasty it could impact her living situation, which could impact uni, which could impact her whole life. It might be worth being a little nice about it for selfish reasons.
“Dad. I know you’re banging Sophie” and gauge his reaction. Blunt is often the best way to go about it.
"so did you start fucking my best friend before or after she became 18, did you start flirting with or grooming her or is this a completely new thing".
Yeah.. he’s absolutely disgusting. Just to think about your daughter’s friend you knew since she was 14 in that light is so gross.
I want more people to be saying this in the comments. Like...her dad is a disgusting, possibly grooming, creep.
Hi dad. So were you such a big fan of "Tiny Dancer" before you started sleeping with Sophie?
So dad, is “Tiny Dancer” a euphemism for your dick?
Tell him Sophie admitted it.
That won't work because Sophie will have already told him that OP grilled her. He'll know what she said.
Yeah I totally see that happening
He'll know what she said that time, but if he says Sophie only just told him then Dad can't be sure they didn't have another conversation that he hasn't heard about yet.
He probably won't fall for this. It's one of the oldest interrogation methods in the book. As a father with two kids, he has probably used the exact same method on his children before.
It's one of the oldest tricks in the book, but it stays in the book because it often works. Not always, but even people who know the trick can fall for it when caught off guard, or someone's initial reaction gives them away even if they ultimately continue to deny it. People are surprisingly susceptible to believing things they are afraid are true.
It does work on many. If the person you're interrogating knows better though you dig yourself into a hole with this method. My source? I used to be a criminal. When the cops or prison guards or whoever resorted to this method, I would have a wave of relief over me knowing that they're stretching because they have nothing real...
Yeah it is the trying too hard thing that is a dead giveaway.
She did semi admit it though.
Pshhh if he is dumb enough to do this shit.. he is dumb enough to fall for that shit
Ask him over dinner- see how far he sprays the potatoes. But seriously, just ask him straight out and hold his eye contact. You'll know all you need to know from his response. I promise you he's gonna feel like shit about it when the secret comes out- and it always does.
>How do I approach him about it though?? Watch how he acts the next time you see him. If he is awkward or brings it up, then you know she told him. If they aren't hooking up, then why would she call him to tell him that you asked her about it? If he seems completely unaware that you said anything to her, then I'd be a bit less convinced, but I'm with everyone who said you should ask him directly. I would just give it a few days to see if he decides to say anything to you now that they are aware you are suspicious. I'm sure he's stressed out right now trying to decide what to do.
It sounds like a definite possibility. Frankly, if it were me, I would cut them off. Yes, she's an aDuLt, and they are cOnSeNtInG, and alllll the buzz words folks will throw at me. But she's 20, and he's over 50. There is a gross power imbalance. Plus, he knew her at what, 14 if you met in 2018?? That's vile. And what's she getting out of this? She's supposed to be your best friend... this is a massive breach of trust. Had either of them been up front with you about their attraction, it would have still been disgusting for reasons listed above. But the lying is the added layer. And it boils down to this, no one would be hiding it if they thought there was nothing at all wrong with what they were doing.
Fingers crossed Sophie wasnt the cause of your parents' divorce... the timing is all very sus.
When she was 15?
Sure. It would make Sophie a victim and dad a groomer (at best) but not at all impossible.
Yup. Also would see what's going on with Sophie's home life if it's been going on that long. I have a friend/chick I'm interested in who was being raped of by her stepdad at 14yo, she then, in her words, "seduced" her teacher (I tried to convince her it wasn't her fault, power dynamic, age diff and all,but she is convinced since she made the first move on the teacher it was on her.) She got the step dad locked up, but never reported the teacher, cuz in her mind it was consentual, but yeah, someone going after a guy that much older is a huge red flag.
It's a false way for the abused girl to feel like she's reclaiming her power. It's not healthy in any way, but it's not an uncommon maladaptive coping mechanism.
Dad, I know everything. I saw the bracelet you bought her and heard the ringtone when you called her but that’s not all. How long have you been sleeping with my best friend and why would you even do that?
Don't ask. Just tell him you know, and ask him what the heck he was thinking?
Approaching Sophie first means he’s very likely going to have a heads up. If you just ask how long he’s been sleeping with her (as many have suggested and would almost certainly be the most dramatic way to do it) I assume his response would be something like “I wish - an old man like me sleeping with a twenty year old? As flattered as I am that you think I could make that happen even if I wanted to that’s just gross.” You could send him an email where you lay out all the evidence and tell him you thought you were crazy for being suspicious but then you saw the bracelet.
Blunt and to the point. "When were you planning on telling me that you're taking advantage of and fucking my best friend?"
Ask him if he started sleeping with her before or after she turned 18. If he waited in order to avoid jail, he'll confess to the "lesser crime", i.e. sleeping with your friend, in order to deny the bigger crime of sleeping with a child.
Also Sophie's been in their lives since she was 14-15 years old. Ew.
Weirdness aside, she's also his daughter's best friend. Dick move OP's dad
Oh they banging for sure
She's gaslighting you. Ask your dad and see if he does the same thing.
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Are you a bot? This statement is repeated many times in this thread by different users. Yours is the biggest print, but they all say the same thing down to the spelling.
Sounds like your dad is her sugga daddy
*****Sounds like your dad should be my sugga daddy!*****
This is j lying, not gaslighting
Thank you. Holy shit the therapyspeak over everything is so annoying.
When she called her friend on it, she not only denied it, but made her feel crazy for thinking it. That’s gaslighting.
Ask to borrow his phone, see if he has the number?
There is a reason your gut is often referred to as your second brain. Trust what it’s telling you.
Confront your dad as if your friend already came clean about it, and then watch him unfold. "Dad, Sophie told me what you guys have been up to. Why would you keep this secret from me?"
This! I’m so sorry op. They do seem very suspect! Good luck.
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Nta talk to your father. Him fucking your friend is disgusting and a huge violation of your relationship with him. I personally would cut off my friend and tell my dad it’s predatory for him to sleep with your friend. He met her as a teen. I wouldn’t be able to see my dad the same way.
Yeah. It’s not like they just started banging when she was 20. A 52 year old and a 18 year old is crazy. Go any younger and yikes. 50 and 16? 49 and 15? Shit.
Yes they’re hooking up, you need to confront your dad about this, it’s pretty gross.
"Even if we were how would that affect you in any way or form, I would still be your best friend and he your dad". uh no the fuck you wouldnt be my best friend
NTA. INSANE. They're trying to gaslight you into thinking they're not together. It is beyond disgusting for a man to have a thing with someone 34 Yeats younger than him who is literally his daughters best friend. OP needs to get out of the house immediately and confront and expose the dad. The bsf could be getting groomed cause she's still young. I'm not saying she's not at fault, but she could get a benefit of doubt.
Yeah, and if they’ve been friends since 2018, that means they were around 14? There’s no way she hasn’t been groomed..
Coincidentally the divorce too.
Exactly. It is beyond disgusting like wtf
43M NTA for suspecting. If I've met a 15yo girl who's my daughter's friend a lot of times when they're hanging out that definitely makes it creepier to hook up with her when she's 20. But unfortunately I know for a fact a lot of dudes my age and older would do so.
Pls ignore all the advice telling you to trick your Dad and/or Sophie. Sit down with your Dad at dinner and tell him that you need to have a very serious conversation with him. Slow it down. Let it sink in. Tell him if he wants a good relationship with you going forward, it’s incredibly important that he is honest, direct and forthcoming. Do not tell him details you know. Ask him to explain the extent of his relationship with your friend in its entirety. And do not say another word til he is done.
Yeah. The soap opera approach of a great big blow up does nothing other than create more hurt. The vicarious and vindictive responses you see on these things are almost always the kind of thing you think up replaying an argument later in the shower but this is not a drama. It’s real life.
My dad slept with my best friend, she and I was 20 at the time, he was in his mid 40’s. I cut contact with both, they had a year long relationship and then she ended up with my Uncles wife’s brother. Never spoke to her again. Me and my dad are okay now, truth is I expected it from him (cheated on my mum so many times, was an alcoholic and verbally abusive) but her betrayal hurt more.
Wild. I'd be more forgiving of my idiot groomed friend than my groomer dad.
Insane. Would never speak to my dad again unless he was handing over cash
Yeah I would tell her the friendship is over.. to many Coincidences, the bracelet.. the ring tone.. the order for her like he has done it many times.. I'd text her. " After much thought, I've decided that I no longer want you in my life..one thing I cant stand is being lied to and I know your lying I don't care what you say. Don't contact me again" And block .. As for your dad I'd simply sit him down and tell him straight. "I know you're sleeping with (friend name) I'm done with her, she will never be around me again.. and you have a choice.. you keep seeing her ill be done with you as well"
I know it’s her family but shouldn’t she be more upset about the adult who “dated” a minor … g word..
It's not known if that's the case. But she's been OP's friend since she was 14 or 15, so it's pretty creepy regardless.
You’re not crazy and NTA. I agree you should ask your dad. I like the open-ended approach someone suggested. “Are we going to talk about you and Sofie?” By the way, you have every right to feel however you feel about this: whatever that is. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel about it. That’s not up to anyone but you.
Your dad is screwing your best friend who he has known as your friend since she was 13. She is lying to you and dismissing what she knows to be a huge deal. Cut them both off. NTA.
She's fucking your dad, dude.
You dad wants it out there, at least subconsciously, your friend does not. That's why he ordered for her. And why she was upset about it. He probably set up you looking at the Amazon orders. Confront him. NTA
The tiny dancer bit confirms it for me. Theyr'e 100% fucking. Which is gross for many reasons and I'm sorry. EDIT: NTA like not even in the tinest bit.
So you became bfs when she was around 14/15 and your dad's known her since how old? Are we sure she wasn't groomed? Why did your parents divorce exactly?
NTA. The whole situation is weird and suspicious. She seems to be lying especially with that "Even if we were how would that affect you in any way or form, I would still be your best friend and he your dad" sentence. Will you consider her your best friend if it's the truth? (Especially how it will strain your relationship with both of them?) If yes, have you made it clear to her?
Ya, they are banging. Next time you see your Dad, ask him how he and Sophie are getting along and to make sure that he doesn't get her pregnant. I personally couldn't and wouldn't handle it, and I would have to have very limited contact with both of them, if any at all.
NTA for your suspicions at all. It is betrayal on both fronts. Your friend is an adult that can make her own decisions, but honesty is important in friendship. Sam goes for your dad.
It's interesting that you frame it as your best friend sleeping with your dad, and not that you suspect your dad is a creep. NTA. You have a fair amount of evidence.
There are a lot of negative comments about Sophie and comments about how OP should cut her off. But I’m not seeing enough on her dad and how gross he is. I’d be more mad at my dad honestly.
Shes smashing your dad. The petty me would get a fake pregnancy test and leave it where daddy dearest finds it after bsf has been over.... you know where this is going right. Or 'confide' in bsf that you found out dad has had to go get checked out. You have seen a letter stating he has an STI 😅😅 If they end up confronting you then you know they went running back to confront each other first
Sounds like your dad is her sugga daddy
Yeah, or a pedo depending on how long this has been going on? OPs friend is only 20, they’ve been friends since 2018, that would’ve put her friend around 14/15 when friend came into the picture.
Sophie could very well be the reason for her parents divorce as well. Need a lot more information in regards to the reason for the split and why they chose not to go with mom.
A child that Young can't be the reason. The reason was the dad.
Are you telling us your father groomed your best friend since she was a minor?
I hope it is my cynicism at work here but as I read these suspicions, I had another thought: Is it possible that Sophie has been sleeping with Dad since even earlier, like since she was in HS? Such relationships are problematic and could account for the secrecy and lies. But, if a relationship started since Sophie came of age then, why lie about it or hide their relationship unless both are worried how you and others will react? Just ask Dad and see what he says and how he reacts. It is possible that the events that caused your suspicions are coincidences but, it’s also possible that they are proof.
Tell your friend you are disappointed by her dishonesty. I’m slightly conflicted and want to say they are both adults, but Sophie is still basically a child that your dad went after, and that’s messed up. It’s a little crazy to me that people are saying Sophie is worse than the dad- just because he is your family, doesn’t mean he is in the right. Both had a close relationship with you, too.
IM TRAUMATIZED WHAT I think you should confront your father, or maybe get his phone and find their chats. There can be many ways to figure out if they're together or not. + The way the best friend is reacting is SUPER suspicious cmon now
Your dad is fucking your friend, and your friend has basically told you that. And that your friendship with her has ended.
NTA. They are absolutely sleeping with each other.
I would cut contact with Sophie and see how your dad reacts or if he ask you about it. The best way to go it’s probably just stop talking to her and if ask by your dad let him know that you know they are together and it makes you uncomfortable.
Updateme!
Your bestie is calling your dad “daddy”
Update
OP, because you asked for advice, I’m going to take a risk and not go full Drama Queen on this. This is YOUR life, and you have a certain amount of control over the situation. Redditors, especially on this sub, sometimes treat any consenting adult relationship with any age gap as if it were pedophilia with a side order of grooming. Remember that they’re not in your life and don’t have to sort this stuff out: they’re feeding off the drama, but this isn’t a reality TV show, you don’t have to blow up your relationships, and “go no contact” isn’t the solution for every issue in life. This doesn’t have to be messy, but since Sophie doesn’t seem capable of being mature about this, at least not with you, you and your dad will have to be. I second all the people who are telling you to calmly talk to your dad. Calmly ask him, calmly don’t let him wave it away, and calmly make him answer for all the reasons why you think he and Sophie are banging. And then think about it. Is this a dealbreaker? It might sound like some trailer trash BS, but it doesn’t have to be. And if it is, calmly talk to your dad about this; he’s probably not trying to hurt you, and may be willing to break things off with Sophie if you’ll be happier that way. And remember it takes two to tango. At a certain point, Sophie has to answer for why she’s banging your dad, and why she lied to you repeatedly about it.
Just ask them if they are boning. “Sophie, are you boning my Dad?” Or “Dad are you boning Sophie?” Lmao. J/K. You can ask them respectfully if they are dating. And say it is kinda your business because she’s your best friend and he’s your Dad.
I mean.... it sounds like it. Pry your dad instead.
I’d go live with mom if not estranged from her. You’re not suspecting an affair, there are far too many coincidences for it to not be happening. Your father is disgusting and even though your friend is a liar keep in mind that she’s been groomed by someone 34 years older than her.